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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24754969">A New Flock to Herd</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BioticPlatypus/pseuds/BioticPlatypus'>BioticPlatypus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Dragon Age Effect Vol 1 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crossover, Dom/sub Play, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Minor Anders/Male Hawke (Dragon Age), Minor Dorian Pavus/Male Trevelyan, Modern Character in Thedas, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Alternating, Shepard Twins (Mass Effect), Slow Burn, Smut, Spoilers, Strangers to Lovers, Weird Plot Shit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:47:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>402,721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24754969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BioticPlatypus/pseuds/BioticPlatypus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All those times Shepard made fun of Javik for calling her universe primitive, she was about to find out just how crucial a role she would play for the primitives of Thedas.</p><p>Follow Livia Shepard as she falls from the citadel conduit to the conclave. </p><p>To find all the tales of Knights, Kingdoms and Magic were real... </p><p>and they had been waiting for her.</p><p>------</p><p>* chapters contains NSFW if you're here for the smut!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cullen Rutherford/Female Shepard (Mass Effect), Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Dragon Age Effect Vol 1 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>147</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Twins of Mindoir</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m sorry, she didn’t make it," the nameless doctor said. He didn’t bother to learn their names, having been shoved out the room as soon as his wife had gone into labour. </p><p>Dan Shepard’s world has just ended. </p><p>He stopped pacing, sitting heavily in the padded chair in the hospital waiting room. </p><p>How often he had been sat in a hospital with Hannah, outside of research or in the room with her. Watching her being poked, prodded, samples taken. Nothing prevailed any information, her illness went undefined. Only that with each passing year, she became weaker. A losing battle with an unknown, unseen enemy. </p><p>The doctor droned on about her mystery illness. How they did all they could. Hannah had been sick ever since he met her, ever since she fell out of the sky to him. Ten mind boggling years he had shared with her, too short he thought. Too short.</p><p>His mind drifted back to when he first met her. </p><p>
  <em> Dan looked out over the mountains of Eden Prime, there had been discoveries of Prothean technology on the planet, the Alliance was currently building a colony here to cover their findings. Many protested the making of a colony so far from Human space but the Alliance was nothing if not tenacious. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shepard, head in the game. Something’s happening,” a soldier called. Anderson was his name, a fresh lieutenant. A strange mix of stick-in-the-mud and a wild card. They were both of similar ages and had a similar ethos, they got along well. He’d go so far to call him his best-friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dan turned to see the tall black and grey spire powering up. He raced over, Omnitool in hand powering up to scan the readings. He could see it was emitting energy but his Omnitool couldn’t read what energy it was. What had activated it or how it was creating a green circle not one meter in-front of itself. Like a... tear in reality... </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shepard answers!?” the captain called guns trained on the green rift appearing. It looked like a worm hole, Dan couldn’t tear his eyes from it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The 'spire', as it had been dubbed, had been dormant before this, he had seen a memory shard activated before but that small scrap of metal was not like this. He was quickly becoming the top Prothean scientist within all of humanity and he had no answers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know, Sir! It’s not reading anything I can scan! It’s something new!” He shouted. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Captain dished out orders to form a circle around the rift, guns trained on it. Anderson covered his front, the Lieutenant's armoured body shielding the scientist. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before he got another word out, something fell from the rift. As soon as they had fallen, the rift closed. The spire powering down. Anderson looked at the Captain, he nodded for him to approach. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dan's curiosity got the better of him. He moved forward from behind Anderson, the alliance officer's gun trained on the figure. Anderson nodded to Shepard to roll the body over. They were wearing a cloak, cloth and leather clothing was slightly torn. Their clothes looked practically medieval. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As he rolled them over, he was met with the pale face of a black-haired woman, her eyes flickered open the red brown of her iris. Blood flowing down her face from where she had hit the ground, leaving behind a smudged pool. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dan pulled the medigel from Anderson’s hand and gently rubbing it on her head. A medic finally reached them from a nearby shuttle, running to one side. All guns were still trained on her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Keep her awake,” the medic shouted as she scanned her injuries, taking out the necessary supplies. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What’s your name?” Dan asked, the woman looked around warily at the guns and soldiers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s alright- hey look at me,” Dan said in a hushed tone slowly, so she could understand his accent, her red eyes met his light blue. “My name is Dan, I'm not going to hurt you,” he smiled, brushing the hair out of her bloody cut. </em>
</p><p><em>“Hannah,” she whispered with a cracked voice, “my name is Hannah.” </em> </p><p>His brain finally reconnected with his vocal cords, “What- what about the twins?”</p><p>He should have told her to abort them, to focus on her health, that they could try again and that the world wasn’t ending because some cells in her body were being removed. She had always said there would be a tomorrow. </p><p>She was stubborn, she wanted a child, she didn’t want to wait anymore. He always was useless at denying her. </p><p>“They’re strong, we think the male is biotic from his first scan. Gun to my head his abilities will manifest, he weighed heavier so the odds taper in his favour. But anything’s possible," she recounted. "The girl’s weight was under what we expected and we’d like to keep them longer to examine her health. Would you like to see them at least?" The Doctor inquired gently as she knelt in-front of the sitting man. </p><p>“I…I don’t know…” he replied as he sighed and let his head fall into his hands. “They killed my wife…how can I even look at something that killed her?”</p><p>She sat on the bench next to him with a loud sigh, letting the bustle of other doctors’s and patients alike pass them. Distant noises of a child being birthed to a likely healthy mother broke the silence. The alcoholic sanitising smell of those passing drifted to their noses. </p><p>“I can’t imagine how hard this is on you, but they didn’t kill her. The illness did, and if you loved her as much as you did. Then you can love these babies’ half as much at least,” the Doctor now rubbing Dan’s back with small circles.</p><p>Dan realised she was right, shame flew through his gut when he realised what he had just said about his new twins. They were his and more importantly hers. The scientist in him told him to get up, to be methodical about the events that occurred earlier. </p><p>“I’d like to see them,” he whispered as his hands fell from his now tear stained face. </p><p>They both walked slowly towards the room that once held his wife, her body now gone and being prepared for donation to science, as was her wish. He grimaced at the thought. He would never see her red brown eyes again, her jet black hair. Her soft posh accent that he took the piss out of so often. Never hear her stories of where she was from, her world. Never get to grow old with her, to see if their children would grow up to be like her. </p><p>He slowly walked to the two plastic, clear cots that held his last remaining ties to Hannah. He avoided the bed that held his wife. One child wrapped in blue, one small baby wrapped in pink. Both with small black tufts on their heads. </p><p>He closed his eyes and wept, begging for his wife to help him, guide him. He wasn’t a man of faith by any means, science ruined that for him. At that moment, the sun broke through the clouds and shone on the three innocent lives. In that moment, bathed in the bright warmth of Earth’s sun he swore that he would be protect these innocents better than he could protect her at any cost.</p><p>***</p><p>“Dr Shepard we have a job for you. One that might just convince you to finally leave Earth.” Admiral Thorns said with a smirk adorning his face. </p><p>“I’d have to think it over Admiral Thorns, allow me 24 hours," Dan spoke into his Omnitool, the meeting had lasted well over two hours with the Admiral covering every aspect of the new mission. </p><p>“You have it, Thorns out,” Came the reply. </p><p>The twins, John and Livia were three years old now and eligible for space travel. He’d run out of excuses to keep them in his home city in Scotland, much to the chagrin of his parents. As grandparents went, they were his support unit in raising the babes. While John was a healthy wee boy, Livia’s health was up and down. The stubborn girl always prevailed from a bad hit, clearly she had more of Hannah in her than he first thought. Inheriting her strange illness. </p><p>Still the prognosis was not good, likely a few more years and that would be it. The solemn thought entered his head. It’s partly the reason she had a lavish name compared to his boy John, his family had always had simple names, strong and simple. The girl’s health was far from strong and far from simple. The name suited. </p><p>It felt wrong leaving earth, leaving his wife’s resting place. But he couldn’t shake the opportunity to be in charge of a new Prothean ruin site. The Protheans were his favourite race purely for the mystery, the physiology, the chance to discover more about them gave him a feeling he hadn’t felt since Hannah announced her pregnancy. </p><p>Not only was it a site but it was his to do as he saw fit. He was a husband, and a father but he was a scientist first and Hannah had always supported him in his scientific pursuits. He dialled the Admiral.</p><p>“I’ll do it, on one condition,” Dan said to the small screen on his arm. </p><p>“Name it,” Thorns replied without pause. </p><p>“I want the best tutoring, the best healthcare and the best security for my children,” Dan spat at the alliance officer. </p><p>“Done,” the Admiral nodded, “You have a week to pack, transport will be arranged and your team will be waiting for you.” </p><p>“Good. Where am I going?” Dan replied,</p><p>“Mindoir, I heard it’s cold, rainy and full of strange creatures. So, it’ll be just like home.” Thorns laughed his way through speaking, “Remember you’re a miner not a scientist. We need absolute discretion here. No need to tip anyone off,” he said becoming slightly more serious. </p><p>Dan couldn’t help but return the laugh. “Understood, see you there.”</p><p>***</p><p>The warning came too late, he thought as he sprinted through the complex. Batarians came to the colony for slaves and toys, he couldn’t let them get their hands on the Prothean spire too. The biggest one they’d found since Mars.</p><p>He ignored the handful of officers and researchers running around him, trying to grab him, move him and get to their families. They weren’t trained for this he thought bitterly, they should have had better protection, not ten soldiers and a sprinkle of incompetent defences. <em>Bastards</em> he thought, <em>I had warned them it wasn't safe enough!</em>. </p><p>He sprinted as he left the mine opening, legs burning from acid in his overworked muscles. His now thirteen year old children were out there and he would not leave them for anything. </p><p>“Father, what’s happening?” Livia spoke as he dragged them both by an arm each back to the mine’s opening from their house. He thanked any god that was listening that his cabin was closest to the main entrance. </p><p>“Via, bad people have come and we need to hide ok? We’re going to hide in here until it’s over ok?” Dan lied breathlessly as the two ran ahead, their youthful bodies fuelled by pure fear. Even his wee lass was keeping up with her older brother.</p><p>“TAKE COVER!!” A voice called as explosives rang out. </p><p>The three were thrown to the entrance by soldiers waiting outside covering their six.</p><p>“Dan, get inside and we’ll cover you, we’ll hold them off as long as we can,” Captain Peters shouted as he shot from his cover dragging John to his feet.</p><p>“Peters, I need to save the research. I need time. How many are left?” Dan shouted as he hacked the door controls.</p><p>Peters face said more than words could, “If they’re out there their dead, get in there and save what you can. We’ll seal it from out here. You know what you need to do Dan.” His morbid sentence weighing heavily in the air. </p><p>Dan looked over the man with sadness. This man was a father like him, his sons had left weeks before to join the alliance. “God speed, Peters” he said as the blast shield closed.</p><p>“And to you,” Peters replied just before the doors closed, shooting the controls to seal them in. </p><p>Dan raced his children to the safest place in the complex underground, the main chamber where they’d found the spire. The reason for this entire colony. His hands danced across the controls that circled the jutting pieces of metal that made the spire. It ran miles underground but they had managed access from the top. Alarms screamed as the VI announced the perimeter had been breached, alerting all alliance officers to arm up and for researchers to sponge the system. </p><p>“Father what do we do?” The small boy screamed as he clutched the alliance pistol in his much to weak arms.</p><p>“We upload as much as we can and we take as many four-eyed freaks as we can out,” Dan shouted back as he reloaded the rifle in his hands. </p><p>Livia heard neither man or boy as she approached the middle of the spire. It sang softly to her, a comforting hum in the air. She couldn’t stop walking towards it, it called to her, whispered to her, there was no resisting running her hands over one of the shorter spikes in the centre of the jutting spikes surrounding the room. Glowing softly, black metal bathed in green lines that made up symbols and letters. </p><p>Dan watched as his daughter approached the spire, only women seemed to activate it. No man could get it to show them what it held. The women who did activate it died or went mad, not before babbling about voices, animals and prey. He knew what he had to do to save his work.</p><p>Explosions rang out around them, “Livia baby, I’m going to ask you to do something for me ok?” Dan said, knowing their time was short. He couldn’t let his conscious get in the way of research. Science first, ethics later he thought... if they survived. </p><p>“I want you to stand in the middle and put your hand on the short spire ok?” Dan said, guiding his daughter to the middle placing her small left hand on the spire flat with her fingers spread. </p><p>“Father...” she cried, “I’m scared…” her knees shaking as she held into the much too high spikes in the middle for a young woman. She placed her right hand on top of her left in a vain attempt to keep it still. </p><p>A nearly blast caught their attention. “There’s no time just hold on ok? I promise we’ll be okay wee one,” Dan replied. </p><p>John's face was one of pure fear as he stepped next to his father, gun trained on the door, biotics swirling around his hands from anger and fear. While his biotic ability was strong, he had only had his biotic trainer for two years, Dan’s request for one had been fast tracked. His thought drifted to how little biotics he saw as they ran to the complex, how the trainer was most likely dead.  </p><p>The spire powered up as she held on for dear life, a sharp knife spike cutting her left hand as it inserted itself across her palm, damn near breaking the skin on the back of her hand. Dan activated the spire and Livia felt like fire was running through her veins. Images danced in her head of thousands of worlds, thousands of times, it was just how her father described the Prothean race. </p><p>A single voice called to her, spoke to her. It persuaded her. It calmed her. It excited her. Like she was being hunted by Goddess. The voice found something in her, flowing in her blood, in her brain. Attaching itself to her. Livia accepted, she wanted to save her colony, her world, her family, she wanted to kill all the four-eyed monsters. The voice seemed pleased with her response. A feeling that didn't belong to her... but she <em>felt</em> it. </p><p>John watched in veiled horror as his sister screamed without breath for what felt like hours, in reality it could not have been more than a few minutes. The barrier he was keeping on the doors fell as he ran to her as green light bathed her skin and she fell to the floor. </p><p>“Livvy? Livvy? Wake up come on,” John pleaded as he took her limp form into his lap, sweaty hands gently slapping his sisters pale cheeks. “You promised!” He screamed, turning on his frozen father, “You promised she’d be ok!!” He spat. </p><p>Dan said nothing and turned as he covered the doors to the spire, the metal creaking and splintering as Batarian's broke through and lit up the room in bullets. </p><p>Dan took as many out as he could before getting hit repeatedly in the chest and stomach, his body fell with a thud on the ground. </p><p>As his last limb fell flat, Livia’s rose, her body bathed in green biotic light as she screamed and threw a ball of energy at the group of batarians covering near the door. </p><p>John watched in slow motion as the first line of batarians became nothing more than dust piles on the floor, the batarians nearest to the back nothing more than charred skeletons. </p><p>Livia grabbed John and ran to the bleeding man, “Father I did it, she helped me do it…I did it,” John eyed his sister with fear and pride as he took in her new appearance. </p><p>Her eyes had changed, instead of the light blue that matched his, they now had an outline of green against the white of her eyes, a sea of green that bled to blue near her iris, the colours seemed to swim together. The mismatch enraptured him, a stark reminder that his twin was now changed in some way... </p><p>“Run……both of you," their father wheezed, "take the panel off that wall and run. It’ll take you to the surface," Dan choked out, leaning against the wall. He . </p><p>“No… we can’t leave you, we can’t-” Livia cried as her green biotics covered her clenched fists.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll be going to your mother. You were the key. My baby blue, you were always the key. So much like her,” he said with a smile trailing a hand down his daughters face, leaving blood in its wake. So proud of his now mismatched eyed daughter and her courage, the courage that did not come from him. But his late wife. </p><p>“It’s about time I joined her, I’ll be going to that magical place I told you about,” he said with a smile, blood trickled out his fingers on his stomach. Slowly slumping down the wall on which he had been leaning. </p><p>“Now, kill anyone in your way do you understand,” Dan said shoving them to the door replacing his hands on his bleeding stomach wound. “GO NOW, THE ALLIANCE WILL BE HERE BUT YOU NEED TO RUN!” He shouted uncaring if he scared his twins, he needed them to run, to live. </p><p>“I don’t feel so good,” John breathed as his nose bled, his biotics sparking around his form. His body unable to stand straight, never mind rip a panel off. She grabbed his hand, dragging his flagging body and tore the panel off the wall. Surprised at her own strength, a strength that did not belong to her. A force that was given to her from the metal spires behind her.  </p><p>Shoving her brother in the small hole first, she cast one last look at her father, he smiled as he shut the blast door. They climbed through the tunnels, barely big enough to fit her brother never mind an adult. Coming up the other side they took off in a run with John’s arm around her shoulder and his arm around her waist. They had to semi crawl at pasts but made it to the surface in good time. She felt stronger than she had ever felt, usually she would not be able to get out of bed when she was really sick. </p><p>She ran to where she would always run when she was scared, her and John’s treehouse in the forest. They watched at the bottom of the tree as the mine that once housed their fathers research imploded, leaving behind a burning hole which seemed to run miles underground, a deep pit. Taking out any persons inside. They both sank to the floor in silent tears mourning the loss of their remaining parent. Their home. </p><p>As promised, they hid. Cowering in the treehouse their father had made for them high in the trees, hidden. Hours passed, the silence braking as john whimpered in his sleep, dry blood now covering his nose. Livia cried in fear, the Prothean voices hadn’t sang to her in hours, the only indication that it was still there was her bleeding left palm wrapped in a cloth ripped from her sleeve.  </p><p>The silence broke with the roar of ships landing in the distant fields near to the farms. She could barely keep her eyes open as she clutched the damaged pistol to her body. She prayed they wouldn’t find them, that she could hide here forever and their father would find them. The predator picked that moment to show her more of what she could achieve, it sang her to sleep in her mind as she drifted into the darkness.</p><p>***</p><p>Voices danced across the wind woke her with a start. John was awake with a hand over her mouth and one finger over his own. Indicating to be silent. She nodded at his order as he removed his hand, pointing to the ladder. She placed her feet carefully, avoiding the panels that creaked, and avoiding the wrappers of energy bars John had no doubt hoovered up. </p><p>They crept out of the house and down into the fields as the tall grass covering their knees. Darkness bathed across the fields, the only light emanating from ships landing near the crater that once housed the complex and the fires that were yet to dwindle. </p><p>Movement of the grass ahead of them stopped them in their tracks, John gently pushed his sister behind him as he pointed the pistol ahead of him. As the figure crept forward, John readied himself to shoot. The body crept into Johns sights as he pulled the trigger, the bullet bounced off the man’s shields. Cursing, John shot again only or the pistol to jam. </p><p>“It’s alright son, it’s alright were alliance," the man said gently kneeling as he held is hands up in front of him. Two other men emerged from the darkness also holstered their weapons. </p><p>“Johnny, Johnny they’re here to save us. Like Father said!” Livia said as she placed her hands on the pistol, gently lowering it to the floor. </p><p>“You’re too late,” her brother whispered, dropping the pistol to the floor. </p><p>“Hackett, come in. I have survivors, two children at my location," the man said. He gently took off his helmet to reveal a dark-skinned man underneath. </p><p>“My name is Lieutenant-Commander Anderson, Captain Hackett is in-charge and we’re here to help ok?” as he finished speaking four more men jogged from the darkness. </p><p>Hackett stood beside Anderson and took a knee so they were both at similar heights to the children stood before them. Hackett took in the scene before him. Two children covered in dirt and blood, one boy with a bloody nose and light blue eyes, messy black hair adorning his head contrasting to his pale skin. Tears threating to shed as his hands were clenched in blue biotics. </p><p>His eyes shifted to the girl beside him, still standing slightly behind his left shoulder. Similar height if a bit shorter, again with long black hair contrasting to her pale skin. Her eyes drifted to his, he smiled as he took in her form. </p><p>Shoulders back and fists clenched ready for attack. In the light of his armour he could make out the green glowing in her iris like shards of emeralds in exotic water. They were clearly related, looking like a clone of each other in every way except her eyes. </p><p>“What are your names?” Anderson inquired gently as he reached for her injured hand.</p><p>“I’m Livia and this is my brother John, we’re…Dan Shepard is our father... was our farther,” she said letting the man rub a tingly gel into her hand. Anderson looked at the children with a new light. Hannah he thought, they were Hannah’s twins. </p><p>“I knew your Mother. I know your dad too, he’s a good friend,” Anderson said gently wrapping her hand again, the gel wasn’t enough to seal the long deep gash but would at least take some pain away. </p><p>“They’re DEAD, DAD IS DEAD AND IT’S YOUR FAULT, WE COULD HAVE SAVED HIM,” the young lad shouted, shoving his sister to the ground harshly with his biotics. </p><p>She landed with a thud in the dirt, Anderson shot a hand out to stop the soldier with him from a dancing, “What? Johnny he said to get you and run, I tried to… I begged him…he told me to save you…there was so much blood,” she sobbed as she scrambled to her feet.</p><p>“WE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING,” John shouted as he threw a biotic ball at her. </p><p>She hit the ground after spinning through the air, hitting the dirt. Hard. The voices sang, they whispered of rage and anger. To show her dominance, to react to him and protect herself, to not be scared, to let go, to let it all out. She wasn't weak anymore. To show these male creatures how powerful she was. How she could make them feel scared, not her. </p><p>So, she let go once she had found her feet. Livia screamed as she let her powers envelop her skin, green light bathed over her skin and shoved Anderson, John and Hackett to the floor, the men on their feet behind the three were thrown to the ground. She let the darkness overcome her vision as the green faded from her skin.</p><p>When John opened his eyes his sister was limp on the ground, he ran and knelt in the dirt as he held her close to his body. His words swam through his head as he begged her to wake up. He didn’t mean them, of course he didn’t he just said them, he didn’t know why. He looked at the faces of Hackett and Anderson in front of him, the grass surrounding them flat on the dirt, forming a gentle circle around them. </p><p>“Please, please help her," John begged, “I didn’t mean this, I don’t want to lose her, please!" He cried, fresh blood ran from his nose as he tried to use his biotics to lift her into his arms. The muscles straining. </p><p>Anderson gently lifted the girl in his arms as John walked along-side him to the waiting shuttle, allowing the man to cradle his sister in his arms. In that moment, carrying the girl and speaking calming words to the small boy he felt fiercely protective. He led them to the shuttle, gently placing Livia on the shuttle floor with John kneeling beside her cradling her head in his lap, and removing his torn and tatty jumper to cover her. </p><p>In that moment he decided he would adopt his old friends children and teach them how to always feel safe and protect each other. He whispered his request to Hackett in the pilot seat, the man turned and smiled as Anderson knelt beside the boy and spoke to him softly. The boy in turn cried and hugged the man, hands tightly arranged around his back. </p><p>He then switched to watching the girl as Dr Chakwas used her Omnitool to scan her body, green biotics were something he had never seen, Admiral Thorns had filled him in on the real situation with the Prothean beacon, he couldn’t help but wonder if Dan had used his daughter as part of his research. The thought made him  </p><p>Livia's eyes drifted open. "Why- why m- why did it have to be me," she whispered to Anderson, her voice muffled and slurred. He wasn't sure if she knew she was speaking. His eyes gazed over her as John cried in his arms.</p><p>"Great men and women are born in fire. It is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame," Anderson said softly to the girl. Hoping his words brought some solace to the new unknown that was her life. </p><p>Fresh tears left her eyes as his words swam in her head. She allowed the darkness to claim her once more, as flames and songs drifted in her dreams. Once they were healed, Anderson and Hackett would make arrangements for adoption and settling them in at Grissom Academy, run by Anderson's new partner Kaylee. Anderson was one of few people who knew the true nature of how Hannah had come to this world. </p><p>She had helped Dan’s work and influenced him, she was as much a friend to Anderson as Dan was. He would pay them back in kind, by keeping the last remaining lives of the Shepard family safe. </p><p>One day Anderson would tell them of how their mother came to this world, the things she used to tell him and Dan. A world of magic, elves and demons. He would made sure they knew their extraordinary heritage, even if they would never believe it. It would make a nice bedtime story.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. From Citadel to Conclave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Re-writing this kids.</p><p>For yours and my own enjoyment &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her lungs burnt as what remained of Hammer ran towards the beam in London. This was it, she thought, all her years of training. Of perfecting the experiences given to her from the Prothean spire. Ending the reapers, the smell of charred flesh and the sound of collapsing buildings did nothing but fuel her anger. </p><p>The reaper roared as it threw a Mako into the sky using its red beam, she sprinted and activated her powers to slide under it. John and Garrus jumped out the way but were hit as it exploded. </p><p>Not them she thought, they had people to return to, loved ones they would die for. She couldn’t let anyone else die for her. She couldn’t face Miranda and Tali if she survived and told them she had made it when their partners had fallen and she did nothing. She would never do nothing.</p><p>She sprinted back as the three took cover behind another vehicle. John was covered in blood, small cuts littered one side of his face. Garrus didn’t look too good either, clutching his leg, part of his arm armour gone.</p><p>“Normandy, Joker come in!” She shouted as she looked over the remainder of team Hammer. “We need immediate pick up, repeat we need immediate evac!” </p><p>“I hear you Shep, gotta make this quick!” Joker shouted over the comm. </p><p>John shifted and cursed as Garrus helped him to his feet “Livvy no, we started this on Eden Prime, we’re gonna finish it together,” he groaned as Garrus took his arm over his shoulder and guided him to the Normandy. </p><p>John’s face was littered with small cuts, the front of his armour bleeding red between the gaps. Garrus didn’t look any better, favouring one leg, his blue blood running down one shoulder.</p><p>“I’m not arguing with you, there’s no time!” She said taking a step back on the uphill platform as the soldiers took up guard beside them taking out any reapers they could. </p><p>“Commander, please,” he whispered, he could faintly hear Garrus crying with his subharmonics, he cursed his cybernetic hearing as the noise broke his heart. Garrus adjusted his arm on John’s waist to keep him upright struggling himself to keep his balance. </p><p>“This is where I put my foot down Captain, I’m not scared," she said. And meant it. “I’m going to put an end to this once and for all,” she did not allowed tears to run down her cheeks, knowing her brother felt helpless as she was about to be sent to her death. She would not cry. They had a job to do. They knew this might be a possibility. But to be here, separating now. Was breaking her in two. </p><p>“I relieve the Normany’s command to you John, she’s solely yours now, take care of her. Garrus it’s been an honour, I'm afraid the kill shot will be mine.” She said cupping his mandible in her hand. </p><p>“Shep...give them hell.” Garrus choked out as he gently coaxed John back. </p><p>“I will give them more than that,” her duel tones voice speaking as she flared her biotics and started walking backwards. </p><p>“Livvy,” John whispered, “I…I’ll see you tomorrow, hey?” John joked, his tears threatening to shed. Hers were long forgotten down the side of her jaw. </p><p>She let her gaze drift to the reaper as Johns quiet laugh reached her ears. If looks could kill, that reaper would have succumbed to the earth. Her eyes snapped back to her brother, she smiled sadly. </p><p>She took two steps back, activating her helmet to cover her face and features. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she nodded to him walking backwards off the ramp. Her smile didn’t reach her teary eyes.</p><p>
  <em> Her bedroom had been converted into a hospital room in their cabin at the shore of Lake Amell on Mindoir, the metal door would slide open revealing a sheet of glass. A necessary precaution when her illness was at its worse. To protect her father and John, any other doctor or visitor. Too many unknowns, her father said it was the same illness that took her mother. A curse she inherited from her mother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John sat on the other side of the glass, it was the day after their tenth birthday both eating the left over cake late in the evening. Their father was still at work, as he was the previous night. Regularly working into the night. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Livia leant on the glass gazing out into the parts of the lake she could see through the opened doors in the distance. The moon shifting over the opened doors and reflecting off the water.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’ll get better Livvy, you always do,” John said cheerfully, she shifted her gaze to her brother’s bright blue eyes. The same ones she saw in the mirror. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah,” was all she replied, picking idly at her cake slice. She always had got better, but then she always got worse. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John let out a yawn, shaking his head lightly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go to bed Johnny,” she said cheerfully, faking a smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll see you tomorrow, yes?” he said kissing the glass where her forehead rested. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll see you tomorrow...” she repeated back, giving him a wave as he disappeared off into the cabin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a habit of theirs, when things got bad, or her health was at its worse. Then it morphed into a daily habit, they would always say ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ before deploying or before a mission. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And they both knew it was never guaranteed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That one day it would be a lie. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And only one of them would be around to find out when. </em>
</p><p>“Get them out of here Joker, GO!” She shouted as the green light enveloped her body once more and she sprinted to the beam, John didn't tear his eyes away until the ramp had closed.<br/>
John and Garrus limped in to the elevator, as Garrus cried as best turians could. He knew his best friend wasn’t coming back, he knew this was it.</p><p>They would all die or she would. The thought haunted him as the Normandy took off to orbit and he escorted his other best friend to the medbay. John sat on the cot as Chakwas removed his armour to assess his wounds as Garrus slid to the floor against a nearby wall. John allowed himself to feel, Chakwas had cared for them since puberty, she was the closest they had to a mother. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” he said, his head falling on Chakwas shoulder. Shutting his eyelids made them burn, tears, sweat and blood mixing in the sensitive orbs on his face. </p><p>“It is not over yet, do not be sorry, we knew the risks and we knew that this might happen. I am so proud of you both.” She said taking his head in both her hands, the cold of her palms seeped into his heated cheeks. Stinging slightly on the shallow cuts of his face.</p><p>He wished Livia could hear those words. “Right now Captain, we need you, we are not mourning yet.” </p><p>Tomorrow he thought, tomorrow he would see her. And he would never mourn.</p><p>***</p><p>“Hell of a view,” Anderson choked. </p><p>“Best seats in the house, Dad,” she replied, watching her home-world burn at the hands of machines. “You know you were right, back on Eden Prime,” she groaned. “This mission just got a lot more complicated,” she laughed.</p><p>Anderson chuckled at her, “Seems so long ago. So many year’s since we just sat down.”<br/>
Both leaning on the back of a console, legs stretched out. Blood draining from their wounds, armour pieces scattered on their body. </p><p>“Last time we sat like this, was when you told us stories. Remember? All those stories you used to tell us. Sat in your lap, the ones of Mages and Dwarfs. Knights in shining armour,” she replied, smiling at the memory while ships beams fired ahead. </p><p>“They were never just stories.” He groaned, shifting himself, “I’m so proud of you Child, I have always been so proud of you,” he whispered as his head bowed to his chest. </p><p>They were losing. Dying. But she found it in herself for one last request, closing her eyes heavily, “Dad, tell me one more story?” she asked. </p><p>He didn’t answer. </p><p>Her gaze drifted to her now silent adoptive father. “Dad?” She questioned, “David come on,” she shoved him with her shoulder, it was no use, he didn’t shift. </p><p>Tears left her eyes as she allowed herself to mourn the death of her second Dad. “Mother of earth, I greet you.” She whispered to the air. Her own breathing becoming lighter and fewer. Her head began bowing…</p><p>“Shepard!” Hackett’s voice called, “Commander Shepard the crucible isn’t firing…Shepard!”</p><p>She groaned as she crawled to the controls, leaving a trail of blood behind her. She reached for the console, “I can’t- I can’t see,” her breath carried across the console, condensation flew on the metal before she fell on her front. Eyes drifting shut.</p><p>***</p><p>“Why are you here?” a child’s voice asked. </p><p>Shepard groaned from the floor, finding the energy to rise to her feet. </p><p>“Who are you?” Shepard asked, “Where am I?”</p><p>“I am the Catalyst, the citadel is my home,” the child replied, a small body she could see through made of blue light. The face was blurred within swirling ethereal lights, like a storm cloud.</p><p>The conversation continued; the child explained how the Leviathan of Dis created the Reapers in their image. The solution to the galaxies oldest problem, how to stop synthetics from taking over organics. They were part of the problem, all part of the problem. Organics would always make synthetics. </p><p>“Without a future, we have no hope,” Shepard gasped, watching the fighting overhead. </p><p>“You do not need hope. As the first organic to stand here, you are proof of that. And it proves my solution won’t work.” The child replied, its synthetic voice said evenly.</p><p>“You must choose,” the child said, “the solution must be chosen and that depends on you.”</p><p>Fuck the reapers was her first thought, fuck the illusive man was her second. They needed to be destroyed. Information could be salvaged; the people could rebuild and rise again.<br/>
Her thoughts went to John, his body was 50% reaper tech as was many soldiers who had prosthetic limbs they would most likely be the first to die. EDI drifted in her mind, she was basically a daughter to her, a friend who was innocent and deadly... she would die...Joker would lose his heart. </p><p>Legion, his death would mean nothing. He would have gone to his people for her to destroy them. Surely the Quarians could salvage them, Tali could rebuild what was lost, the optimistic thought spurred her on. Would the Quarians be affected? Would their ships fall from orbit? No. All the ships would fall if she hesitated. </p><p>She had to destroy them, she had to kill the reapers at the risk of killing more or the reapers would kill everyone. If she was going to die so be it, the afterlife couldn’t be worse than this she laughed. She would take them with her to hell. </p><p>She was ready. The older Shepard grew the more she couldn’t tell where she ended and the Prothean DNA inside her began. It seemed pleased. She smiled sadly as the new embodiment of the predator would die, she couldn’t pass her memories into a shard like Javik could. The hundreds of thousand-year hunt would end with her and with the killing of the ultimate prey. </p><p>She walked to the vent; the red glow taunted her, dared her to strike. She raised her pistol and fired. Letting her powers envelop her skin protecting her from the blast, it swam around her in a sea of green growing stronger the more shots she let loose from the trigger.<br/>
She was ready to rest, to die. </p><p>The solution was chosen by the Shepard.</p><p>The events were set in motion. </p><p>As the last bullet left her pistol the vent broke, the red light became a red force and the red force sent her flying backwards in the air into the waiting arms of a green rift. </p><p>And the Shepard was taken.</p><p>***</p><p>Maxwell Trevelyan was not a very faithful man. But he prayed to the Maker as he lifted himself upright and took in his surroundings. He really hoped this wasn’t the afterlife. Green smoke poured around him, his breath stung his lungs. Was this…the Fade?</p><p>A sharp pain and bright glow emanated in his hand, he grabbed his left wrist, looking where the pain had begun. He was met with the cold stare of a green glow from his hand.<br/>
What the fuck was in his hand… </p><p>A green tear above him caught his attention as a bright golden light of a woman shone above him, he wandered towards it. Head swimming in the fog. </p><p>He got to the bottom of the steep hill, screeches and natters echoed behind him. He went for his sword and was met with nothing but air. Panic began setting in as giant spiders rounded the corner of the distant rocky landscape.</p><p>He took off in a run, breathing heavily under his armour. He reached up, trying to grasp the hand that waited for him. A green light shifted and lit up above him as a thud of something hitting the floor echoed around the pit he was climbing out of. </p><p>“She has arrived,” a deep growling voice bellowed around and bounced off the floating platforms. “She will serve him as Andraste served the Maker,” the voice growled, “kill the intruder and bring me the woman and the sacrifice.” </p><p>Max’s sweat ran cold as pulled himself over the edge. A woman was lying on the ground, black curled hair fanning around her face as she tried to look around. She caught sight of him, getting on all fours with great effort crawling towards him and grabbing his forearms to pull him over the edge. </p><p>An elderly woman appeared at his side, helping him up. The Divine, he got to his feet and bent down to pick the bloody woman up, her armour made her heavier than she looked. It was tight fitted, and barely there. He could see more red skin than armour. </p><p>“Go! Go!” The woman shouted, pushing them to the rift away from the spiders that were climbing over the edge. </p><p>Max tightened his grip on the woman and ran to the rift.</p><p>“Ugh...fuck,” she groaned as the man took an arm to her waist and shoved her to the green tear, she could just make out ruins through the green fog. </p><p>“Help her, we can't-” she groaned again as fresh blood ran out her stomach, “We can’t leave her!” Shepard shouted weakly at the man as he left her to grab the elderly woman. </p><p>Max turned to grab the Divine, but it was useless. Something had her gripped so tightly that Max’s feet were starting to lose their grip. </p><p>“Go....” The Divine whispered to Max as a demon ripped the elderly woman from his hands. She vanished into the smoke, the spiders continued their advance, their claws nearing the two’s feet. </p><p>Max grabbed the bleeding woman and shoved them through the rift. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard landed on hard rock and rolled away from the other body that left the rift. The man next to her fell on his face, his hand glowing in a green mark, her breath coming in short pants as she strained her neck to looked to the sky. </p><p>Was she back on Earth? The surrounding area was rubble, stone and mountains surrounded them. By some miracle had she landed in a remote area of Earth? What were the red crystals that jutted out the earth? They almost had an aura of cracking energy around them. The sky, no reapers in the sky. No shuttles or ships.</p><p>She had never seen a sky like this, the green crystal in the air hovered as the green tear flowed through the blue of the daylight sky. She tried to get onto her hands and knees but her body wouldn’t comply she fell heavily on her side facing the now unconscious man next to her, who was he? </p><p>She saw a sword pointed at her in her peripheral vision and felt an arm rotate her on her back, her vision swam. </p><p>“Sir, we have survivors!” A voice called. </p><p>Commander Rutherford ran from the steps and took in the surrounding, the man was breathing and looked in fairly good shape but the woman was slowly forming a pool underneath her. He tried to lift her but she swatted his hands clumsily. </p><p>The rift behind them spurted into life, a fiery beast immerged, roaring from the ground. Cullen drew his sword standing next to the woman. Before he could call to advance a green figure ran past him. He squinted in the light… </p><p>The woman, she was covered in green light knelt ahead of him on one knee. The green glow turned to gold slowly, she let out a scream throwing her hands forward and then apart, tearing the demon into pieces in-front of them. She stood turning to face the soldiers, still covered in the golden green embers of the light her dark hair fanning around her. Her eyes glowed with golden green light. She looked almost ethereal…</p><p>“Andraste” a soldier whispered… no sooner had the word been uttered out his mouth the light faded and she collapsed in a heap. Cullen took that moment to run to her side, looking for any more indication she was going to glow. </p><p>“I’m not going to hurt you.” His soft voice said, she calmed and allowed him to lift her from either trust in him or exhaustion. Standard, he spoke galactic standard at least.</p><p>“Grab the man, I’ll take her” a deep voice called as she her weight was lifted into someone’s arms. “Alert the healers, she’s losing too much blood” Cullen ordered the men with a practiced calm in his voice. </p><p>He ran to the nearest horse and set off for the healing tent of Haven.</p><p>Her eyes drifted as she took in the man who held her as the view behind her whipped past, the wind in his hair and the feathers around him. He looked like a lion, a lion in the form of a Knight in shining armour. </p><p>Like the stories her father and Anderson would tell her. </p><p>“She was taken, I’m sorry” she whispered to the blonde man. The last thing she saw was a pair of honey eyes meeting hers as a strange song sang her to sleep. </p><p>He watched as the woman went limp in his arms, her face was covered in dirt, blood and other dark substances Cullen couldn’t make out. She was wearing strange armour and clutched what he thought was a weapon in her hands, he couldn’t be sure. He had never seen anything like this before. He hoped that some of the blood on her body wasn’t hers, she needed to be questioned if she survived. </p><p>What did she mean by 'she'? Who was 'she' and why was she taken? And why would this woman be sorry? The injured woman needed to reveal the truth of what happened at the conclave. He couldn’t take a woman’s dying words as testimony but he believed the sincerity of the voice. </p><p>Maker she had torn a demon apart with nothing more than… he didn’t sense any magic… Andraste’s guidance? </p><p>Cullen jumped off the horse and took her into the nearby tent placing her on the cot with the healers. He watched as they attempted to strip her amour, strange latches were fused together, a hissing of air as they broke apart. Revealing what remained of tight black clothes underneath. He was ushered out as they removed her clothing layer, the amount of skin he saw that was dyed red concerned him. </p><p>As he ran a hand through his hair a noise forced him to look up. His soldiers had followed behind him on a horse, the man thrown over the back unconscious. His injuries were conveniently much better than hers except a glowing hand that when lit would swirl with green light and send the man further into pain. </p><p>He wondered if he had hurt her, if he was the reason that she was almost dead in the tent. Or if she was his accomplice, he grimaced at the thought. He didn’t have long to brood as a runner sprinted to him. </p><p>“Sir, we need you at the Conclave entrance more demons approaching Sir.” a runner said quickly as he saluted across his chest. </p><p>“I’ll be right there. Tell the men to continue their patrols and do not go to near to the centre” Cullen spoke as the runner drifted from view. </p><p>He didn’t know how much longer they could last with the Demons pouring out but they could hold until they had answer, he grabbed the reins of the horse once more and galloped off. </p><p>***</p><p>Max’s neck felt tight, a throbbing pain from his left hand was bringing him from the Fade into the world. He tried to move his arms but was bound, a long metal slice rested on his hands with his wrists trapped in both sides. </p><p>He opened his left palm, the green glow stung him and sent a jolt through his body, he felt as though he was being struck by lightning. The four guards surrounding him stepped back, the swords pointed at him retreating. </p><p>SLAM</p><p>The door ahead of him swing open and protested under its hinges, a woman entered, full armour and sword at hand. When she reached him he could see her dark short cut hair, two old scars on her cheek. A cloaked woman appeared behind her, no visible weapons. All the soldiers sheathed their swords at their arrival.</p><p><em> Where the fuck am I? </em>. He thought</p><p>The armoured woman walked around him in a circle until she reached the green glowing hand, she leant into his ear. “Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now” she growled. </p><p>She continued walking around him slowly, “The conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead except-“ she spat. The emotion in her voice was thick, the words smacked him like a cold breeze. </p><p>“Everyone? No… not not… my brother is he? Are you sure?” Maxwell asked, looking between the two women. The dark haired one looked unphased but the hooded one looked curious. Interested in his answers. </p><p>His younger brother was attending the conclave, as Second-Enchanter of his circle before it fell. His younger brother had sway over the younger Mages. Dylan couldn’t be… surely not him. </p><p>“Everyone. Except you and your accomplice” The short haired woman growled pointing to her left with her arms stretched out. His eyes strained in the darkness of the dungeon but he could make out a pale person on a bed seemingly unmoving.  </p><p>“What do you mean everyone’s dead? And who is my accomplice?” Maxwell asked, the panic in his voice making his words tumble out. He was still straining to see the persons face, she had feminine features from what he could see but he could be wrong. </p><p>The black-haired woman grabbed his wrist not answering her questions, “Explain this” she growled. Nevarra, she had a Nevarran accent. </p><p>His head snapped back to his hand as his wrist lit up in green energy, covering his fingers and down to his wrist. </p><p>“I can’t” he said, was this magic? Being a warrior himself he had never been touched with magic. Magic quite frankly, scared the shit out of him. </p><p>Both of the women walked behind him, it took much concentration to keep his head facing forward.</p><p>“What do you mean you can’t?” the Nevarran woman shouted, her voice echoing off the rooms walls. </p><p>He was beginning to panic, “I don’t know what that is or how it got there!?” </p><p>He was grabbed harshly, his shoulders shaken by the short haired warrior. “You’re lying” she shouted. </p><p>The hooded woman grabbed her, pulling her off him shoving her towards the door. “We need him Cassandra!” she shouted, before turning to face Max once more. </p><p>“I can’t believe it… all those people… my brother… dead” he whispered, bowing his head. No Dylan was clever, the cleverest of all three of his brothers. He would have made a spell, cast something, found a way. </p><p>The hooded woman addressed him, standing over him in the cell light, “Do you remember what happened, how this began?” she asked, her accent was different. Lighter. Orlais maybe.<br/>
Maxwell’s head span, throbbed. He tried to remember the events of the conclave. </p><p>“I was… I was at the conclave, representing Ostwick for the Free Marches. I was part of the convey sent. I remember running… there were things chasing me… and then a woman?” he finished looking up from his daze on the floor to meet hooded eyes.</p><p>“A woman?” the hooded woman repeated. </p><p>“She reached out for me…passed me something… handed me something… or someone… an N7… something to do with the letter N and the number 7 and then…” Maxwell gasped for air, his head aching. </p><p>Cassandra, the warrior woman’s name, grabbed the hooded woman’s arm. Pushing her to the door, their demeanour had changed. Something he had said changed their opinions. </p><p>“Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take him to the rift” Cassandra said, she rushed to him, unbuckling the metal bar on his wrists. Replacing them with a small flimsy rope, tied loosely at his wrists. </p><p>“What did happen” he asked her, her brown eyes glanced into his before grabbing him to his feet. He swayed for a moment, his knees aching from kneeling for so long. </p><p>She bowed her head for a moment, before looking at her left. At the body in the cell, “It would be easier to show you”</p><p>***</p><p>Max sighed as he walked from the chantry from a war meeting leaving his advisors in the room, he needed a very strong drink. Three days he had been unconscious for, three days since he was chained up being called a prisoner to then being the Herald of Andraste. Unknown to her, the woman in the cells was being spoken of as Andraste’s vessel. The soldier’s reports who were at the Breach when they fell through had spread through the camp.<br/>
If he was perfectly honest with himself, he could barely keep up with past events. Moments of clarity danced in his mind; </p><p>
  <em> They say you and the N7 woman stepped out of the Fade, behind you both was a golden woman. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It seems you hold the key to our salvation </em>
</p><p><em>At least Bianca’s excited </em> </p><p>Maxwell sighed he was sure Bianca was the only one excited when they stormed the breach with the soldiers. They’d recovered the bodies of the scouts in the mountains, they never stood a chance on their own. </p><p>Some easy trip this has been. His father had made him go to represent the Trevelyan household. And now he was cursed with magic, his father would have him sent to the nearest Templar for that. Solas had mentioned that he had no magic in him, or the woman that had fallen from the Fade with him but that the mark was derived of magic.</p><p>At least the Seeker didn’t want to kill him anymore, that was a start. The Nightingale probably wanted to kill him, but he’d never be sure. The Ambassador and the Commander were nice enough to him, even if the Commander was angry with the amount of people that had fallen to get him to the Rift. So, the chances of him being skewered by a sword or a quill were minimal.</p><p>His thoughts drifted to the woman in the cell. She had been there in the three days that Max was unconscious for, when his innocent had been ‘proved’. It was still a mystery who she was but he remembered her in the fade, he told the others that he didn’t think she was to blame, why would a golden woman hand her to him if she was evil?</p><p>The soldiers had also seen her at work tearing a demon apart with nothing but her bare hands, the tale of Andraste using a vessel to protect her Herald had spread. Leliana naturally helping the rumours along. </p><p>Would anyone dare to argue now he was a Herald of a bride to a Maker he barely believed in? He made his way through the village, nodding to Varric. </p><p>“Herald” Varric’s gruff voice called, the dwarf had a smirk on his face as he poured himself a heavy glass of whiskey. </p><p>“Not you too” Maxwell groaned, sitting heavily on the log, emptying his cup into his mouth and downing the contents.</p><p>Varric’s gruff laughter, “Tough meeting?” he asked. </p><p>Max grunted in response, his father would hit him for such ill manners. “We’re going to see the woman in the cells again. Solas thinks she’s close to waking up, Cassandra hopes she holds answers but…” he finished with a sigh. </p><p>“You’re not sure if you wanna know the truth” Varric finished nodding.</p><p>“Something like that” Max groaned, pressing the heel of his palm into his forehead.</p><p>“Herald!” Cassandra shouted from the ledge above them, she gestured with her hand to come quickly. </p><p>“Good luck Marcher” Varric called, winking at Max’s shock of his nickname. </p><p>“Marcher, really” he groaned, shaking his head as he walked from the small fire to the stairs back to the Chantry. </p><p>Max hoped that wouldn’t catch on, Varric had tried several nicknames for him. All appalling, marcher was by far the worst. </p><p>Most people from the south didn’t like Free Marcher nobles, the nobles here thought them too quaint and the commoners thought them just as snotty as theirs. If not worse. The fact he was a Trevelyan noble made things much, much worse. The Trevelyan name was either associated with the best horses you could get or of ruthless Banns. His mother died giving birth to his younger brother, Max himself was only one at the time and his brother six so the only parent he had ever known was the Bann. </p><p>His father was not a nice man by any means and this fact was common knowledge. A ruthless man who had no boundaries when he wanted something, he had never forgiven his younger brother for the death of his mother. When his magic manifested it was every more reason to strengthen his connection with the Chantry and denounce magic. </p><p>The Bann barely had anything to do with his children, even more so once his eldest son had been groomed into taking over the family name. His eldest brother was rumoured to be good friends with Duke Gaspard now as he had trained with him in Orlais years before, he had learned from Josie, securing him as an attractive heir with connections. His elder brother was rumoured to be in the Templars now, something that he wouldn’t be surprised about.</p><p>His other option to join the Templars was quickly turned down in bitterness for his younger brother’s situation. He was sent to the circle in Ostwick at fourteen. Dylan being a mage and then being sent away was the worst day of his life, they were best friends and only separated by a year. They had been arguing over something stupid when Dylan set fire to Maxwell’s room. </p><p>Max couldn’t join an order that ripped children from their families. His life was very lonely he had gone, he was never close with his elder brother. Too like his father. Max wondered if his fear of magic was inherited from his father too.</p><p>He reached the door that led to the cells in the Chantry, Cassandra, Leliana and Solas were waiting. Speaking in low tones to each other. </p><p>“Let’s get this over with” Max sighed, desperately wanting to go back to Varric and his whiskey. </p><p>Maxwell chose to ignore Cassandra’s disapproving stare. Max sighed as he knew what to expect, it was the same sight that had greeted him for ten days. The woman would be covered in less bandages each time he visited but still wounded and unconscious, most likely in one of Cullen’s or his shirts sleeping soundly. He hoped Solas was right and that she would be waking soon.</p><p>He wanted answers from her, he wanted answers about her armour and strange contraption she held as she was recovered. He wanted to know what she remembered and if she knew what the green light was that flickered on his left hand. </p><p>As the door opened, he and the group descended down the stairs rounding the cells to the left. Max stood frozen, the bed in the middle of the cell was empty, Max could barely make out a shadow in the corner, a figure in the corner.</p><p>“Hello” </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard groaned; her head was swimming in fog. If this is what death felt like then it could hurry up and take her. If her brain was comprehending anything she would have likened it to a sedative. So not dead then, she thought. </p><p>Her senses were slowly coming back to her, she sat up clutching her stomach, glassy eyes turning over the room… no whites of hospital. No machine’s beeping. No doctors or nurses. Her eyes focused on stones piled on each other to form walls, a real fur blanket on her lower limbs. </p><p>What?</p><p>She pulled it aside to reveal brown cloth and leather trousers, her cream shirt a form of cotton? Too large to be for her, maybe belonged to a man. She shifted her legs to swing them over the side of the bed, her head swayed as she did. Losing balance and landing heavily on her hands and knees on the stone ground. </p><p>“Fuck me” she groaned. Her ribs burned, definitely broken or cracked. A fire spread through her radiating pain round her back. Her head felt like it was full of cotton wool. </p><p>She stayed there for a few seconds breathing heavily and letting the fog in her mind clear. Shepard tried to stand, one foot at a time. Leaning heavily on the bed. She had bandages on her thigh, around her ribs, one around her shoulder. Other muscles protested the movement, her left elbow protested when she straightened her arm, maybe had been dislocated in the past. </p><p>Shepard stood facing the stone wall, her… cot? Bed? Was in the centre of the room. A bucket and table in the corner, both made of wood with metal bindings. Wood? Why on earth were they made of wood? She wandered to it, sliding her fingers over the surface, real honest wood, unvarnished. </p><p>She heard footsteps approaching, a group of people. She stayed close to the corner in the shadows. Two heavy, two light. She stayed still, listening as they approached. That’s when she felt eyes on her. </p><p>“Hello” a voice called, his soft tone bounced off the stone around her. </p><p>Shepard turned, the torch fire swam into her… cell… she was in a cell. There were two other cells identical to this one around the room. Seemingly empty.  Her gaze wandered over the metal bars and the metal door. Four people stood on the other side their eyes squinting into the darkness. The light of the torches ended by the bed, she was fairly well hidden here against the wall. </p><p>“Can you understand me?” the man asked again. He was fairly tall, maybe similar to her. Closer to six feet. His brown hair slightly red in the torch light, a strong jaw and nose. He moved to the cell door, reaching for a key to open it.</p><p>“Not yet” A woman called from next to him, her accent different. Sharper. Her hair black and cut close to her scalp. </p><p>Shepard stayed silent. </p><p>“Solas, are you sure she’s alright?” The first man asked stopping his motion of turning the key in the cell door, prompting another shorter figure to come closer to the bars from the back. </p><p>He was bald, his blue eyes scanning right into her. He must have had better sight then the others, able to see her in the darkness. His eyes immediately found hers. He turned to the first man and nodded with a small smile, as he did Shepard saw his ears. Sharp tips… like an elf from a fairy-tale. </p><p>“You’re an Elf?” Shepard whispered out of wonder from the darkness. </p><p>“Yes, I am Solas” he nodded politely. </p><p>“He tended to your wounds for the most part, healing you” Maxwell added. </p><p>“What sedative did you give me” Shepard asked, “It felt… strange” she whispered.<br/>
“It was a spell, magic” he replied, his eyes never leaving hers. </p><p>“You have my thanks for saving my life but I would like a proper answer” Shepard said annoyed. </p><p>If they had put something in her she wanted to know what the fuck it was. Being surrounded by stone and metal. They surely had medigel, not magic... right?</p><p>Solas raised an eyebrow at her, “Most are not used to such magic, but we do not mean you harm” his voice called, soft with another different accent. Almost slightly welsh. </p><p>“Then why am I locked in here?” Shepard replied, staying in the dark. Examining the shadowed faces in-front of her.</p><p>The first man looked almost relieved to hear her voice, “My name is Maxwell Trevelyan, and yours?” ignoring her question. He stood in-front of the cell door, peering in between the bars.</p><p>She stayed silent for a few heartbeats. Evaluating the situation before her. </p><p>“You don’t know?” she replied, moving forward to the shadows edge, but not into the light.<br/>
The hooded woman and the short-haired woman shared a look. Confusion maybe. If she was in a cell, they either were scared of her or wanted her contained. </p><p>She was still injured so she couldn’t have been out for too long. Maybe she had fallen to Earth, they got her out some rubble. Reverted to simple weapons and buildings because she had apparently killed any reaper technology. </p><p>“That’s why I asked” Maxwell replied, a small smirk on his face. Shepard let a small laugh out, smart ass. </p><p>“What planet is this” Shepard asked staying on the edge of being seen and staying dark. Information, she needed information.</p><p>The surprise radiated off their faces, all struggling to answer. Instead giving one another strange looks, the Elf…Solas…simply continued to stare into her.</p><p>“Alright…” Shepard said once they didn’t answer, “The date, what is the date?”</p><p>“The year?” Maxwell replied confused, “The year is 9:41” </p><p>Shepard’s stomach dropped, her blood felt like it had rushed from her heart and was trying to escape her body. Her head wavered.</p><p>“What?” she whispered walking forward into the torch light. </p><p>“What year do you think this is?” Max asked, eyes now searching her face revealed to him in the light. </p><p>“2186” she replied, “It’s 2186” she said her eyes falling down, what had happened for her to be in a different year. Every planet went by galactic standard time. </p><p>“Preposterous” the dark-haired woman shouted, causing Shepard to narrow her eyes on the person.</p><p>“Maybe not Cassandra, her armour, the weapon. Her powers. They are unlike anything we have seen. You cannot deny the possibility” the hooded woman said, eyeing Shepard from head to toe. </p><p>“Do you remember what happened, how you arrived here?” this Cassandra, said. Turning her full attention to Shepard. </p><p>Shepard stepped forward, eyeing the group. She was stood at the bars, looking at them each in turn. Her gaze drifted back to Max, her green-blue eyes meeting his grey.</p><p>“I was on the citadel, me and Anderson were the only ones that made it to the beam… the illusive man tried to stop us to kill us. He wanted to control the reapers, he shot David… he killed himself and then… David…my dad he… he died…” she sighed tears threatening to shed.</p><p>She took a breath.</p><p>“There was a child, an AI asked me to make a choice. I chose to end the war, to kill the Reapers. I shot the vent that would activate the conduit, killing the reapers to stop them and then…” she lifted her hand to her head to rub her temple. </p><p>“An explosion, a massive wave of energy hit me, I remember falling hitting the ground and…then…a woman? There was a woman she was helping me up and… you… you were there, we ran…then I remember hitting the ground, a green crystal in the sky, rubble, red stone was everywhere and a blonde man? I think he carried me maybe?” she replied dropping her hand and staring at Maxwell. </p><p>“Then I woke up in a cell being interrogated by you lot” she scowled, turning away and sitting on the bed. Irritated that in-between shooting the vent and falling to the ground with Max there was a hazy fog like she wasn't allowed to remember. </p><p>“It matches your story, Herald. I do not think she is to blame, though I do have questions” the hooded woman said, her crisp voice echoing in the silence. </p><p>“It is still very little to go on” Cassandra said, her arms crossed over her. </p><p>“And it does not explain how she doesn’t know about elf’s or magic… and the year 2186” Maxwell said slowly, like it didn’t fit in his mouth. “Fuck” he roared, pacing the room. </p><p>“I thought you would have answers about the Fade, how we got here but you can’t remember anything either. And apparently your memory is worse than mine, you think you’re in 2186 or even better that Andraste has chosen you to walk this ground” he laughed, his voice cracking.</p><p>Shepard got off the bed and stormed to the bars, “And you don’t know what proper armour or a pistol is. You barely can comprehend the simple things of where I am from and you didn’t ask what a Reaper was so you either don’t know or the word means nothing to you. So do not talk to me like I am the one that is insane here.” she growled, her biotics flaring at the end of her sentence. </p><p>When she flared, his mark did the same. His left hand glowed with light. </p><p>“That… what was that” he said eyeing her pointing his hand towards her. </p><p>“Would you even believe me if I told you” she didn’t elaborate, if they were even aware of blue biotics they would know hers was at least a variation. His however didn’t feel like the crackling energy of biotics that hung to one who wielded it. It felt different, new. </p><p>“Look, I can show you I’m telling the truth, but it will require me to touch you” Shepard sighed, this interrogation was getting nowhere if she was going to get answers then she needed his experience. </p><p>Max moved to the door putting the key to open it before Cassandra stopped him, “What do you think you’re doing” she spat at the man. </p><p>“I need to know more” Max said trying to put the key in again.</p><p>“You can’t possibly trust her” Cassandra replied, her eyes flicking between Max and Shepard.<br/>
“Cassandra, please” the hooded woman pleaded, “Herald enter”</p><p>Max stopped trying to turn the key, sighing deeply. He seemed to be mulling it over in his head.</p><p>“Shepard” she said quietly. Leaning heavily on her arms. </p><p>“What?” Max asked through the bars. </p><p>“My name. I’m Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy. I will not hurt you unless you try to hurt me first. I just want to know what is going on here” she said keeping Cassandra’s eyes speaking slowly, hoping her truth conveyed on her words. </p><p>Max opened the door slowly, stepping through with Cassandra in tow, sword drawn. It had semi-worked she supposed. Solas and Leliana stayed on the outside of her cell, waiting. </p><p>Watching.</p><p>Shepard stood from her bed causing the sword in Shepard’s hands to flinch towards her throat, Shepard narrowed her eyes at the woman but didn’t move again. </p><p>“As a Seeker, I will evaluate this” Cassandra said, waiting for Max’s nod before turning to Shepard.</p><p>Shepard raised her eyebrow at the group, what kind of structure was in place here. Or what a seeker was. Maxwell seemed to lead the group but was massively advised by the others, they seemed competent but waited on his word? </p><p>Shepard reached her hand out, time to find out, gently pressing two fingers to Cassandra’s forehead. Shepard exhaled and let the images flow. </p><p>
  <em> Her powers. Mindoir. Grissom Academy. Her training. The N7. The Skyllian Blitz. Saren. The Citadel. The Council. The Illusive Man. John. Anderson. The Collector Base. Her Crew. Aratoht. Destroying the Relay. The Brig. The Reaper War. Leviathan of Dis. The end of the War.<br/>
Shepard in turn took Cassandra as she was, as she is, as she would be. Her memories and experience all in one. Images filtered over her mind, crypts of bodies, dragons, her brother, the Divine, the seekers. Some of it made little sense without context but she was learning something. A Seeker of Truth, interesting. </em>
</p><p>Shepard opened her eyes in time to see Cassandra waver and her back hit the bars behind her.<br/>
“Cassandra! Are you alright?” Leliana moved quickly to her side in the cell, pointing a knife at Shepard. “Cassandra!” She repeated. </p><p>“Maker...it’s true.” Cassandra said, holding her head, eyes wide as she stared at Shepard in disbelief and shock. Her arm reached out to lower Leliana’s blade and sheathing her own.</p><p>“She’s telling the truth.” Cassandra continued her eyes now meeting those of the individuals around the room. “The things you’ve seen. Maker have mercy on you.” </p><p>“Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.” Cassandra moved to place her hands upon Shepard’s shoulders, blessing her with the words of the Chant of Light. </p><p>“Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just.” Shepard replied, finishing the portion of the chant her shoulders tense under the warrior’s hands. </p><p>All eyebrows around the room opened with shock, she felt the confusion around the room. </p><p>“How do you know the chant?” Cassandra asked, dropping her hands down off Shepard’s shoulder. </p><p>“What I did was an exchange, I gave you all my memories while reading some of your own I only took what I thought was necessary to understand your world. I did not pry into your life. Usually I would ask your consent but you were ready to take my head” Shepard smiled breathing heavily out her nose.</p><p>Cassandra smiled warmly, “I do not think you are to blame for what happened. I misjudged you.” Cassandra replied, she extended her hand to shake Shepard’s own. Shepard took it and shook firmly, grateful for the olive branch she was being given, baby steps she thought. </p><p>Leaping, green, Prothean fuelled baby steps. </p><p>“So… may I?” Maxwell asked, she could see him clearer now, his brown eyes were like dark oak wood. Speckles of black in them. </p><p>Shepard nodded and did the same to him, showing him everything. He was young, later twenties and had never seen a real battle. She regretted showing him her experiences. Her hand fell away, the panic radiated off him. </p><p>“Maker… how can we both be right” Maxwell whispered as Shepard’s hand dropped. “How can we both not remember what happened?”</p><p>“To be frank, I honestly believe I’m in a coma and you are all figments of my imagination and you will all disappear when I wake up” Shepard offered, her breath leaving her lungs. </p><p>“I’m sorry” Maxwell said, reaching his hand out for Shepard’s shoulder. When she flinched he dropped it. His eyes seemed to wander before he grabbed Cassandra’s and Leliana’s arms dragged them out and locked the cell. </p><p>“Are you fucking with me?” Shepard said going towards the cell door. Was Max serious? “You can’t keep me in here” she warned.</p><p>“I’m sorry but I- that, must be magic. It… it must be” he said before walking away, Cassandra could be heard shouting the Herald’s name and title. Leliana and Solas followed wordlessly. </p><p>The wooden door shut her in silence. </p><p>So they were calling her Andraste’s vessel. That was one bit of information she got from Max’s mind. He was apparently Andraste’s Herald and he left her in the fucking cell.</p><p>Shepard watched them leave speechless, feet stuck on the floor. Cassandra had taken the experience like a champ, her mind strong willed. No doubt from her seeker training. Maxwell however was young naive, arrogant to the truth and apparently, terrified of magic. </p><p>***</p><p>She didn’t know how long she was sat on her bed with her head in her hands when a noise broke her brooding. </p><p>The wooden door to the cells creaked open once more, Shepard stayed still, made her breathing lighter. </p><p>A woman had returned with a bundle in her hands, clothes and boots, some bandages. There was something peeking out between the clothes, a bit of paper maybe?</p><p>She turned and smiled lightly, she was elven, her short dark hair brushed to either side and ending at her neck. Her armour was chainmail and robes, it looked heavy but she carried herself with grace. The deep dark greys with silver, the sleeves rolled up. One looked like it had been stained with blood recently. </p><p>“It’s a beautiful night” Shepard blinked back at her, tilting her head in confusion.</p><p>“I wouldn’t know” Shepard replied evenly. </p><p>The elven woman smiled, laughing gently at her joke. “I will see you at the gates Shepard, use your cloak” She nodded to her before leaving once more. </p><p>Shepard narrowed her eyes at the now closed door. Was she… helping her? Was this a test? Were they letting her out? How did she know her name?</p><p>Shepard got up from her bed, moving towards the cell door. She tested it once, locked. No bother, she knelt at the ground on one knee. Flaring her biotics on her arms to keep the green light as small as possible. She didn’t need to alert the guards that she was making a break for it, and grunted as she bent the metal outwards, creaking under her fingers. Enough for her to crawl through. </p><p>The stone was freezing under her forearms as she crawled out of the cell, her ribs protesting. As she pushed her legs through. Staying low to the ground she crouched past the wooden door keeping her feet light. </p><p>She listened for a moment before redressing in these new clothes. Leather trousers and sturdy knee-high boots. No shirt, she could re-wear this one. She had been given a tight bra and jumper. With great effort she dressed, using the same shirt she had been in. The other clothes fit well, really well. They accommodated her muscles but sat exactly where she liked on her shoulders and hips...</p><p>Within the clothes was a parchment of paper, folded clumsily. Shepard stared at the wooden door, she could feel senes the elf's heart beat on the other side, keeping watch? </p><p>Shepard looked at the fold of the paper, it was folded into something... it was Origami, she unflattened it and flicked the edges up and down, it was an Origami airplane. Styled in the shape so the back wings were wide leading to a narrow tip. Like the Normany's shape. </p><p>No one here could know what a starship or airplane was... who was this from... Shepard unfolded the paper quickly. The handwriting was familiar but messy. Like it was written quickly in some form of pencil or charcoal. </p><p>
  <em> Trust her and the Hawke.</em>
</p><p><em>Protect the carriage as the Vessel of Andraste, sword and shield. </em> </p><p>Underneath the writing was a small symbol, a dog? It looked like it had been traced, the charcoal of the pencil rubbed against something to trace its image. </p><p>Shepard quickly folded the note and placed it in her pocket. Leaving the old cloth pants screwed up in the corner under the table. </p><p>She had no armour, no weapons but she did have her Prothean senses and biotics… wait…</p><p>Shepard lifted her left arm, her omnitool came to life. Still implanted under her skin. FUCK YES. She thought, it didn’t have any connection to a comm buoy but it did have life and energy and that was all she needed for her Infiltrator abilities. </p><p>Activating her tactical cloak as the Elf suggested she disappeared to the door, lightly putting her hand on the Elf's shoulder to let her know she was there before the Elf took off in a fast walk, Shepard hot on her heels. </p><p>***</p><p>Max paced the war room. It was extremely late in the evening, he had sent a runner to fetch the Commander and the Ambassador who were thankfully awake as Cullen entered the war room door. Solas was uncharacteristically in the room also.</p><p>Max didn’t lose a step pacing over and over the small dark room. He undid his overcoat throwing it on the table before undoing his shirt and wafting it. </p><p>Hot he felt hot, sweating. </p><p>Her memories replayed over and over, strange creatures, strange weapons that fired hot bullets. </p><p>Hot sweat under metal armour that was fitted to skin. </p><p>Hot breath on the inside of a helmet as she walked through the stars. </p><p>“There is no magic on her or being wielded by her” Solas said, trying once more to reach him.<br/>
“How can it be real. Those… those things… those impossible things” he said catching his breath before pacing once more. </p><p>He needed to walk, to run. </p><p>The initial feeling of always needing to run was in her head, it had. Taken him over.<br/>
“What happened?” The ambassador asked sweetly, addressing Cassandra. </p><p>“The woman in the cells was awake as Solas predicted, her healing rate was far higher than a human’s. He theorised-“</p><p>“That she wasn’t fully human, she is something else too” Max gasped, “Something not of this world” he said pacing, his shirt sticking to the sweat of his back. </p><p>“Yes, her name is Commander Shepard however. Not ‘she’” Solas began, ever diligent to be polite. </p><p>“Though I do not know the word for it, her physiology is altered, nerves different, her body different. It took some study to understand it when healing her, I have never come across it before.” he smiled politely. </p><p>“That is besides the point, but yes she…Shepard is… Prothean.. I think is the word. In her memories. She shared with me and the Herald her experiences, impossible things of her world… she is from the date 2186” Cassandra finished. </p><p>“Impossible” The Ambassador gasped. </p><p>“Remarkable” The commander replied, both speaking over each other. </p><p>“It can’t be true, it is magic or she’s a demon or something- those things, those memories-“ Max began.</p><p>“Are just that” Cassandra interrupted, halting Max’s pacing by standing in-front of him. </p><p>“Could she truly be sent by Andraste?” The Ambassador innocently added, her faith was strong but she never outwardly made such comments.</p><p>“They are her memories, her real memories. And as you saw, she could not remember anything before she fell through the Fade but before that everything is there, if she was sent by Andraste who is to know” Cassandra finished.</p><p>Leliana spoke clearly, lighting another candle in the darkened room, “Stranger things have happened” she said cheerfully. </p><p>“Herald are you sure you are feeling alright?” Cullen asked, his sword hand resting on the table. </p><p>No was the answer on Max’s lips. </p><p>Maxwell would never admit it but he looked up to Cullen and was also intimidated by the man. Caught between liking his strong will and the aura of a Commander and despising the fact he was a Templar, one who tore children away from families. Max wondered if Dylan had survived the conclave, would he be afraid of his magic. </p><p>“Maker…” he sighed turning to the table and leaning heavily on it with both hands. </p><p>“She is impossible” he said, how could he not believe such things when they were memories, he knew the emotions that were attached to each of them. The friends she had made, the love she had for them. The fear of war. That couldn’t be faked. Could it?</p><p>“And she is here, named by the people as Andraste’s vessel no less, and I believe she can aid us” Cassandra suggested. </p><p>“Wait,” Leliana spoke, “She spoke of an explosion before she arrived here, that was her last memory before arriving through the Fade. There could be a connection between the conclave explosion and the one in her memories? If the explosion here tore the veil maybe hers did too” she theorised. </p><p>“It is possible” Solas said lightly, “I will try and investigate” </p><p>“I can see it, the red energy surrounding... metal. I don’t know what it means or what it is” Max sighed shaking his head, what in the Makers name had he stepped in by being at this Conclave.</p><p>“Tell me now” Max started, his voice gruff, “Do you think she is a Mage, or a spirit or a demon or… is she flesh and blood. A humanoid from a year unknown… chosen to be a vessel” he said turning his head to Cassandra. </p><p>“We both know it is not the former, and I have faith it is the latter” Cassandra said softly.</p><p>Solas spoke again, “I would take haste Herald, her arrival here has set in motion events by forces, we do not yet understand. You may be the key to our salvation, but she has a role in this even I do not yet understand” he said cryptically. </p><p>“And that means?” Cullen grumbled. </p><p>Solas was unperturbed by Cullen’s harshness, “Her name is whispered in the Fade, it has been since she was pulled here. The spirits have taken a great interest in her, for what reason I cannot say” </p><p>“Whatever we were before, we are the Inquisition now” Cassandra said, repeating the words to Maxwell she had when he first was named as Herald. “You would do well not to leave her in the cells”</p><p>“Especially if she is as dangerous as Solas is saying” Cullen added, eyeing the mage warily.</p><p>“And if we are to continue the vision that Andraste is using her form, we need her to join us. It will give us credibility” Leliana added, ever one to spin a lie into a weapon. </p><p>“Alright… I will speak with her… if you would join me. If she is to play a part, let’s make sure she’s on our team” Max said scanning the faces of the room.</p><p>***</p><p>Maxwell once more made his way to the cells, the group in tow, excluding Solas. He had mentioned something about a journey in the Fade, that he would try to see what else he could learn of Shepard. </p><p>Maxwell nodded to the soldier to open the wooden door here he expected to see the, quite frankly very attractive woman’s face sleeping soundly or pacing the cell. Instead was an empty room, with two lower bars caved outwards. </p><p>Panic set in as he ran to the cell door, opening it with a torch to confirm she was, absolutely, not in the room. Cullen alerted the guard, shoving him into the room.</p><p>“WHERE HAS SHE GONE?” Maxwell shouted in the soldier’s face as his own slowly reddened from anger. He tried to ignore Josephine’s gasp at his burning words.</p><p>“I...I don’t know Sir! I’ve been here for hours Sir!” the soldier said quickly.</p><p>“Get a search party ready, now!” Cullen ordered the man, the soldier quickly ran out the room following a very loud ‘yes sir’. Leliana disappeared with the soldier with a nod to Cullen.  </p><p>“It seems she did not appreciate you locking her back up” Cassandra said, kneeling at the metal bars. </p><p>“Maker… how did she do that” Maxwell said eyeing the bars, testing them. They didn’t budge under his hands. </p><p>Light footsteps approached the door. </p><p>“What’s going on Trev?” Varric said striding towards the noise. </p><p>“She’s gone. Shepard’s gone, I need to find her and I am going to kill that guard, in that order!” Max said with his hands on his head, searching the room for signs of who or what had taken her. </p><p>“Well she’s not been gone long, the bed is still warm” Varric said as he touched the sheets that housed his Fade companion. </p><p>“FUCK” Max said shouted running to the main gates with Varric and Cullen in tow.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Escape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shepard wordlessly followed the Elf, out of the large building. She walked with purpose, taking a selected route round the back of some cabins to the main gates. No one seemed to pay her any mind but she kept her head low, letting the Elf walk through unchecked as the others did. A village, based around the large building they had come from. Wood and raw fires, soldiers in armour and farm animals surrounded them.</p><p>Shepard kept her hand on the Elf’s forearm, letting her be led as fast as her injuries would allow. She was led to the main gates when heavy footsteps caught her attention, Shepard turned to see a very angry Maxwell with a group of people pouring out the large building doors.</p><p>“Quickly now,” the Elf said, picking up the pace and leading Shepard to the right of the gates, away from a stable and a green pulsing light in the distance. It looked like the Northern Lights of Earth. Her cloak timed out, her body revealed under the moonlight.</p><p>Shepard’s eyes stayed on it as she was pulled up the hill, when she had tripped over the second time, she turned her head back to where the Elf was leading her. They continued walking quickly up a dirt hill to two waiting horses, one already had a man sat on one a staff attached to his back. The Elf quickly jumped on the other.</p><p>“Here, get on quickly Shep,” a gruff voice told her, a different accent to the Elf, posh.</p><p>The voices in the distance were getting louder. Orders given, soldiers shouting. Shepard complied, taking the hand and jumping into the horse using the stirrup the man had slipped his foot out of. He grabbed the back of her jumper and placed her in front of him. His strong arms wrapping around her to grab the reins.</p><p>He whipped the reins and the horse took off in a sprint, the Elf behind them. Shepard grabbed onto the reins for something to keep her steady. One of his arms left the reins to hold her midriff as the galloped on.</p><p>The woods flew by, wind whipping through her hair. The trees became thicker before they stopped, the two horses sprinting downhill to a shore, they waited for a few moments. Allowing the horses to catch their breath.</p><p>The lake ahead was frozen in a sheet of ice, it wasn’t so large but it spanned on more than her eyes could see either side. Voice behind them became louder.</p><p>“Shit Fiona what do we do, they can’t see our faces” the man called, no louder than a growl. His hot breath on her neck.</p><p>“We need to get further into Ferelden, we don’t have much time left!” the Elf answered, she sounded slightly panicked too.</p><p>“Ideas?” he called, turning his face to her.</p><p>“Go over the lake I can crack the ice behind us!” Shepard said, turning her head to face him. They broke her out, she could at least help her kidnappers from her... kidnappers. It wasn't a perfect plan...</p><p>“THERE!” A voice echoed down the hill behind them, followed by the unmistakable sound of metal clanging together, horses hooves striking on dirt.</p><p>“Alright Shepard, light em up but don’t kill them!” He called, before setting their horses into a sprint. Why would he care about their deaths?</p><p>They flew across the lake, halfway across when the following soldiers had reached the ice. Shepard twisted on the horse, so she was facing the man. Her legs over his thighs. She didn’t have time to study him as she prepared herself, slipping her hands over his shoulders. Her chest pressed to his.</p><p>She lit her biotics, throwing a biotic ball into the air before slamming it down on the ice. It ruptured and cracked behind them. She flared brighter letting the ball fall into the water lengthening the ball out stretching her arms to the side before rising her arms taking the water with it to spread the ice.</p><p>A wave was formed under the water, she lifted the energy up into the air, raising the wave above the ice and pushing it towards the soldiers, ten feet into the air. With one last throw of her hands, she pushed crashing it and taking the ice on the other side with it. The voices retreated; the torch light became smaller as the group retreated to the shore. The ice now ruptured so they couldn’t follow unless they swam.</p><p>She breathed heavily, slouching into the man. Her head falling on his shoulder her arms slipped down his hanging at her sides, his arm wrapped around her back.</p><p>“Rest Shepard, it’s alright,” he called into her ear, the horses now trotting happily on the dirt into the forest.</p><p>“I don’t-” she breathed heavily, struggling to get the words out her vision blurring.</p><p>“I’m a friend Shepard, it’s alright. We’re taking you to where you need to be,” he replied, his words soft in her ear. His arm wrapped around her back to keep her from falling off the horse.</p><p>“I don’t know you,” she replied, her eyes drifting to the Elf behind them… Fiona was her name. She smiled at the two, her eyes drifting around Shepard’s face, taking in her hair, eyes, face. Shepard noticed that Fiona was looking at her sadly. With pity.</p><p>“Not yet no. I’m Hawke.” Hawke, like in the letter. Not yet?</p><p>“What does that even mean?” She asked, her head resting on his shoulder.</p><p>“A mutual friend told me to tell you…” his voice trailed off as he whispered into her ear. Two words. Two tiny words that meant the difference between these strangers and trustworthy companions.</p><p>Baby Blue.</p><p>
  <em> My baby blue you were always the key. So much like her… </em>
</p><p>She looked back at him, wide eyed at who would possibly know those two words. Only one person alive. John… he couldn’t be… could he? This coma was getting more elaborate by the second…</p><p>“How…how do you…” she started, bringing her head back to look at the man.</p><p>He had a long scar across his left cheek, it looked fairly new, his beard covered parts of it, above and below. His nose was pointed and strong, his hair black and cropped over his forehead. His eyes, were a brown-red, like the colour of dried blood.</p><p>He shushed her from any more talk, “A mutual friend, I can’t say anymore. Now rest, we’ve got you,” he said letting her head fall heavy on his shoulder once more.</p><p>His words had affected her more than she thought. She felt like she was a child again.</p><p>“I’m scared,” she whispered to him. If he knew that name, she could trust him. His arm tightened around her, rubbing slowly on her back. Her eyes fell heavy as little tears fell, her mind would have been reeling with questions if it wasn’t tumbling into the darkness.</p><p>***</p><p>The carriage rocked by gently over the King’s road in Redcliffe. The two horses pulling slowly with two guards stationed next to the driver. Inside the three men could be heard in muffled voices.</p><p>“Well that was a bloody waste of time...” the King said petulantly to his personal guard and the Arl Teagan, his Uncle and only real close relative.</p><p>“Your highness, the possibility of an Alliance with the Free Marches was worth the dinner, no matter how little cheese was served.” His uncle’s humorous response came.</p><p>Alastair grinned and rolled his eyes, “There can never be enough cheese. But what I am getting at is the ‘grand game’ and why ‘Bann Trevelyan’ would hold such a lavish dinner to then bicker with me over a treaty for Ostwick when he’s the one needing our protection for his land,” using his hands to use quotation marks.</p><p>“You know Prince Sebastian is getting irate, word is he’s preparing to march on Kirkwall. The Bann is scared Sir he might not stop there,” his guard piped up, sword on his lap. Simon was a tall and burly man, took up most of the bench on the side facing Alastair.</p><p>“Not to mention all his male heirs are here in Ferelden, youngest is a Mage. Probably an apostate or dead by now, the eldest is a Templar in Orlais and the middle was at the Conclave. Poor sod probably doesn’t even know if he’s alive,” Teagan sighed.</p><p>Alastair crossed his arms over his chest, “Yes well, Kirkwall is in dire need of better rule than the Bann, regardless of an heir. We didn’t even get to an agreement, not that I’m complaining about getting out the palace,” he sighed.</p><p>He had been talking with his advisors for most of the sunlight of the days since the Conclave’s explosion little more than ten days ago. The Bann’s arrival and purchase of one of the southern mansions was not unwelcome but rather surprising.</p><p>Mage and Templar fighting was prominent in the crossroad of Ferelden, far enough from the Palace for no real danger to himself but the addition of rifts and demons was close enough for concern. Not to mention the turmoil and deaths of his people. His heart broke a little at the thought he wasn’t doing enough.</p><p>“Stop that!” Teagan said sternly.</p><p>“What-”</p><p>“Brooding,” he replied, earning a sigh from Alastair. “We’re doing all we can. There are whispers of a new Inquisition rising that-“</p><p>“Ah yes another thing to argue with my court about, thank YOU for the reminder,” Alastair sighed, leaning his head back, looking at the royal symbol of Ferelden on the ceiling. The symbol followed him, the golden Mabari mid-flight against red silk. There was on like it on the carriage and on his sword.</p><p>His people weren’t too happy with a ‘heretical movement’ rising in Haven, right in Ferelden. Apparently Orlais had the same opinion but much louder. Alastair had been advised not to comment to provoke an attack or visit for the foreseeable future. He’d given safe passage to the Mages here to levitate the fighting with the rogue Templars.</p><p>Most of the Mages didn’t want to fight they just wanted to live, under the guide of Fiona she could be able to keep it that way. A shake of the carriage shook Alastair’s head off the seat, he lifted it to engage in the present conversation.</p><p>“… say two people fell from the rift, a man with the ability to seal rifts with his hand and a woman with the power of Andraste herself. She walks in her image with her Herald, it may prevail to be more than just rumours,” Simon added, slightly misty eyes over the chance of their Maker’s bride being reborn.</p><p>Teagan saw Alastair’s disbelieving glare.</p><p>“Have faith my boy,” the Arl said, patting Alastair’s knee. Alastair smiled at the fondness his Uncle showed him but did nothing to make him believe in two people falling from the Fade by the Maker’s bride.</p><p>“They said the woman had eyes like the Breach,” Simon whispered, like it was blasphemy.</p><p>“You sound like you’re quite taken with her,” Alastair winked, making his guard straighten his back and blush.</p><p>“No- no your Majesty, Maker I didn’t mean to speak about Andraste in such a manner,” he choked out, Simon was ever faithful and it was the only thing he was able to be teased about.</p><p>The Arl and Alastair’s laugh was quashed by the sound of one of the horses neighing loudly and the carriage veering to one side before stopping with a jolt.</p><p>Voices shouting made Alastair reach for the door, sword in the other hand. The door was jammed shut, he pulled the curtain and was met with the sight of a tree, shit. His guard followed suit, kicking the adjacent door open and leading his King and Arl out the door of the carriage, weapons in hand.</p><p>They jumped out the carriage to see the horses slashed and dead on the ground, the driver’s body on the floor. Dead or alive, Alastair didn’t know. He grabbed a sword and shield for himself and his uncle before turning to see his guards fighting.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>Demons.</p><p>Lots of Demons.</p><p>The fighting continued, the shrieks of the contaminated spirits and the clashing of metal on bone. His guards were tiring, the demons had kept coming, no matter how much they retreated up the dirt track. They had sent a guard to the nearest outpost for aid, if he made it Alastair didn’t know.</p><p>His blood thrummed with the adrenaline that accompanied a battle, his Grey Warden and Templar training not forgotten in his muscles. Though his guards, mainly Simon, were taking the brunt of the battle and Teagan didn’t look so good, his Uncle sporting a gash on his side.</p><p>“They keep coming!” Simon called, hilting his sword into terror demon’s head on the ground for good measure it was dead. It disappeared into dark smoke on the ground, returning to the fade.</p><p>Alastair breathed heavily, slicing a demon in the stomach before being thrown to the ground by a hit on his shield, it flew from his grasp and knocked him to the ground.</p><p>He got to his feet quick enough to slice the demon from the ground with his sword in both hands.</p><p>“Andraste preserve us!” Alastair shouted.</p><p>The demon shrieked and fell, opening up the view of the road once more, just in time to hear a loud crash on the roof of the carriage in front of them in the distance and a green flowing light around a figure of a woman on the roof, outlining her as a silhouette against the night.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Shepard stirred, the sounds of a slow drip echoed around her, the wind in the distance. Footsteps became louder, heavy, a man’s maybe. She turned to look at the steps, the sunlight shined behind a woman’s silhouette, another figure stood at the entrance where the sunlight was pouring in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard felt a warmth against her skin, pulsing around her and the darkness called once more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This time it came with a nightmare.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Illusive man was stood in the forest, her forest, the fog to her knees, autumn leaves on the ground, gently rolling around him. The bare trees scattered her view. She walked to him, slowly, carefully, silently.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His back was to her, and he was holding a pistol. His clothes looked as new as they did before the reaper war, a lit cigarette in his left hand. The ash falling gently.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His pistol arm moved and he pulled the trigger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The shot echoed around her, she clamped her hands on her ears and scrunched her eyes shut at the noise. It was unnaturally loud, it made her ears ring, the blood rushing through them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard opened her eyes after a few moments. Shaking her head in a vain attempt to reduce the ringing, the Illusive man stepped to one side, looking at her so she could see what he had done. David lay motionless on the ground, a bullet wound to the back of his head. Shot execution style.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Too slow Shepard” he smirked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She ran to him, but was stopped before she could touch him, someone was controlling her. Stopping her. The illusive man took a puff of smoke and blew it in her face. She tried to gasp, to shout to cry to do anything. Her body didn’t comply.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You left them, they will all die” he laughed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He clenched his hand and pain radiated through her ribs down to her toes, her fists were the only thing she could control, clenching them tightly. A scream ripped from her throat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Was that her scream? She opened her eyes and saw Maxwell in the distance, he looked so pale he was grey. Stumbling towards them, groaning like he was being poisoned. He looked like he was struggling against something, pale hands around his waist.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked up to catch her eye. Reaching his hand out and he shouted once more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“SHEPARD”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She opened her mouth to reply-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I will know him” The Illusive man growled, going for another puff of his cigarette.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Piss off asshole” she growled, she managed to break free, grabbing his collar with one hand and punching him in the face. She felt the bone crunch under her fist as red liquid exploded outwards.</em>
</p><p>The picture fell away, melting like wax. She saw Hawke clutching his nose, Shepard’s hand was in the front of his armour, her fist still in the air.</p><p>He was knelt next to her by the fire, looking at her with a mix of shock and anger. His red-brown eyes wide. She immediately let go of him and scrambled backwards.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, I –“</p><p>“Shepard you cannot tell anyone of this, not even us.” Fiona shouted over the sound of wind, it was like a roar, rushing and twisting.</p><p>“What?” Shepard shouted back, crawling to her knees. Before she could say anything more a dark green swirling darkness was growing behind them, like a wormhole in the Sci-Fi films she would see on shore leave.</p><p>“You must keep silent until we look like this, remember how we look” Fiona shouted before grabbing Hawke to his feet.</p><p>“And Shepard, thank you for saving my son” she said, Hawke looked at her in shock before they fell into the dark tear in reality.</p><p>Shepard shielded her eyes, and then the noise and light were gone. Shepard was alone in the cave. The fire gently crackling along with the dripping behind her. Who had she saved? Who was her son?</p><p>This was a fucking trip. She was tripping. She had eaten or been given drugs.</p><p>Surely.</p><p>Her knees protested the hard surface only covered with a thin sheet, on the side of her was a fur blanket of some kind. The only clothes on her were the bandages around her shoulder and ribs and her underwear.</p><p>Tensing her muscles and releasing them rising to her feet to assess the soreness. They had healed her more, her body felt stronger and now they were gone. Whoever they were to her, they had done a lot for her.</p><p>She looked around the cave, a simple set up. The horses were gone, or not in sight. There was nothing in the cave but a fire near her pile of clothes, she moved to dress, carefully putting on each bit of clothing careful not to knock the injuries on her body. It was dark outside, possibly late evening. No sunrise or sunset in sight.</p><p>She reached into her pocket for the paper. Reading it once more, studying the symbol.</p><p>Okay… so those two people had helped her escape because they had a mutual friend with her that knew one of her oldest secrets…they had disappeared and now she had a carriage to protect?</p><p>Fate was a strange mistress but one who left her enough clues.</p><p>Shepard moved carefully to the cave entrance, looking over the scenery. She was high up in the hills, not many trees in front of her but plenty of boulders to cover the winding entrance. The trees below were thick enough she could climb through, in the distance she could see a dirt track. Partially lit by lanterns.</p><p>If she was looking for a carriage, it would need a road wide enough to wheel on, flat surface.</p><p>That way then…?</p><p>She carefully made her down the rock face, using her hands as a purchase on the taller rocks towards the thick trees below. She was hyper aware she had only her clothes and boots on her skin. No food or weapons. She chose her steps carefully, avoiding getting to near to any fallen tree branches or piles of leaves.</p><p>She reached the dirt track, fairly well kept. For a no technology land with magic… Left or Right…</p><p>Right.</p><p>***</p><p>“Anything?” Max asked as he paced the Ambassador’s office. The well-lit room was currently housing said Ambassador at her desk, the paper notes in neat piles according to a category Max didn’t know.</p><p>They had searched for much of the night, having to waste time finding a route around the river that Shepard had broken into pieces. There were, as Leliana said, no injuries reported. Not even a scratch on one hoof or arm. Cullen was currently assessing the soldiers they had, making sure there was as search party ready when the Herald demanded it.</p><p>The problem was, their soldiers would be intercepted by Mages or Templars or worse. They had no camps set up outside of Haven. No place for information to be relayed safely. If Shepard was out there, she was in the Makers hands now.</p><p>“There have been no reports” Josephine sighed from the back of her desk. Leliana at her side with folded arms behind her back.</p><p>“My scouts have not managed anything further but are currently scouting across the flatlands of Ferelden. If there is something to find, they will report it” Leliana replied in a clipped voice, her mouth forming a thin line.</p><p>“How did this happen, she couldn’t have just run into the night in nothing more than a shirt” Max growled. The soldiers had reported two horses sprinting across the ice. Possibly three people, Shepard included, but the reports were hazy at best. The only concrete evidence that she had left her pants and something or someone had bent the metal.</p><p>He felt hot embarrassment that this was his fault. Claws gnawing at his neck. A deep voice spoke to him that he wondered if it was his. His emotions had been all over the place lately. If he had just let her out would she be here. If he had just trusted her, would she be here. Or would they all be dead like in her memories, running through rooms shooting, saving. Commanding.</p><p>“It happened because she didn’t want to stay in a cell, I do not support her leaving but we have to entertain the possibility she was abducted” Cassandra added unhelpfully, leaning against a distant wall with her arms crossed. Her accent thick in the air.</p><p>“Cullen is currently evaluating our guards and patrol structure…” Cassandra trailed off, Cullen had taken personal offence that this had happened. His rage flowed off him when he had left the cells.</p><p>She herself had voiced very loudly her dissatisfaction of the situation, storming out the chantry with the soldiers to the soldiers a few hours ago as Max cursed his way to Leliana’s tent.</p><p>“The situation in the Hinterlands is dire, if she has made it that far she will be seeking medical help, if her captors are indeed captors. More the reason to speak with Mother Giselle” Leliana said, moving to hand Max a mini-map of the area they had scouted.</p><p>“We must move forward Herald, Orlais grows tired of the lack of answers and lack of movement” Josephine replied, before turning and gesturing to the door.</p><p>“A few hours rest first, it’s been a long night. We’ll leave after midday. Please make sure Varric and Solas are ready to leave then” Max sighed rubbing his fingers across his forehead. The fatigue of his emotions settling into his bones.</p><p>“I suggest focusing on securing camps and helping those in the area, we need allies. And with allies, comes information. Perhaps someone has seen Shepard pass through” Leliana suggested before nodding and leaving the room.</p><p>The claws in his back dug in, accompanied by the embarrassment and guilt seeped into his waist, flowing round his body. He broke out in a sweat. Giving thanks to Josephine as a quick way to escape the enclosed space.</p><p>Max wandered into out the Chantry, the cold morning air made him waver. He couldn’t face any more people today, their insistence that he was attached to the vessel of Andraste, that he could talk to the bride of the Maker and save them. He wandered out of the gates of Haven.</p><p>Cullen was doing the morning drills with the soldiers. Putting them through their paces with loud and angry orders. Max tried not to gaze at the man, wondering how he could be standing upright watching soldiers train looking for mistakes on barely any sleep.</p><p>He was careful not to draw attention to himself as he wandered to a good vantage point to see the Breach. For now, there had been few reports of demons. The temporary closure had kept the sky calm.</p><p>“With each step you take in my Hall. Marvel at perfection, for it is fleeting. You have brought Sin to Heaven and doom upon the world” he muttered, gazing at the Breach.</p><p>How had he and Shepard walked into the Fade, survived and brought with them demons. Was this truly all their fault he wondered before turning on his heel and retreating to his cabin. He could try and sleep on his horse, maybe Cassandra would pity him, but he should try now, just in case the Seeker was still in her bad mood.</p><p>
  <em>The dreams came again. Trapped. He felt like he was being examined. Watched. His every move, every twitch watched. He was dreaming, for sure. But he always thought the Fade was shaped by the individual, Max had never seen a forest like this. Ostwick forests were never this… dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The trees grey, packed together so he couldn’t see the sky. The fog up to his knees as he padded round the forest searching for what had brought him here. The smell of burning was getting stronger, it hinted at him. The sound of distant mumbles of words he didn’t understand echoed on the breeze.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A noise got his attention, he turned and ran in that direction. Leaning heavily on a hill, the air felt toxic, there was no smell. There never was in the Fade but he imagined it smelt like charred flesh and death. He watched as a man in a suit was smoking, standing to one side beside Shepard. A man’s body was on the ground dead, bleeding out into the floor. Shepard looked in pain, her shoulders stuck. Tears in her eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Max felt claws digging at his side trying to drag him back, it tore a scream from his lips. They released for a moment, he opened his eyes to see Shepard staring at him, her mouth shocked and open.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“SHEPARD” he shouted, reaching his hand out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The suited man said something to her, she grabbed his collar and hit him.</em>
</p><p>Max breathed greedily when he shot up out of bed. His shirt sticking to his body, legs tangled in the sheets. The sun was high in the sky, bathing his cabin in light.</p><p>“Herald?” a voice called from the door.</p><p>“Ye-Yes come in” he said turning his legs over the bed, planting them on the cold wood below.</p><p>Solas entered carefully, silently as his bare feet would allow. “I heard a shout, are you well, Herald? Is it the mark?” He asked, staying by the door in his armour, staff attached to his back.</p><p>“My apologies, it was nothing. I’ll be with you shortly” he smiled moving to his wardrobe not looking at the Elf. He heard rather than saw the door shut.</p><p>Max dressed quickly. His Dragon Armour weighing heavily on his shoulders and back. ‘To look imposing’ Leliana had said with a small smile when he was gifted this. He grabbed his sword and shield, making his way to the stables. They weren’t Trevelyan horses, but they would do for now.</p><p>They began their journey to the Hinterlands, they had ridden quickly for the most part. But slowed when the rocks became looser and the trees became thicker. Making their way to the first camp outside of Haven. Leliana had informed him that her best scout, Harding, had the situation under control. Solas rode steadily next to him. His company grounded Max. For a Mage.</p><p>“I believe in Human terms, you are currently brooding” Solas said, smirking ahead of him not turning to face Max’s opened mouth. Shocked at Solas’s attempt at a joke.</p><p>“I’m just tired” he said with a smile.</p><p>“Herald, I am not one of your disciples. You need not hide behind lies, I know of the Mark but I do not know of you. It may help you to share your mind with another” came the calm reply.</p><p>Max sighed, his eyes heavy. Burning when he blinked. Solas was right, Max would be arrogant to think that he could know more about what was residing in his hand than the man that kept it from killing him AND showed him how to use it.</p><p>“I- I was dreaming in the Fade, it felt different but… I don’t think it was my dream” Max said straightening his back.</p><p>Do not let them doubt you. Do not give them more reason to doubt you. Said the voice in his head. He quashed that particular voice that was dangerously close to his fathers.</p><p>Solas hummed, now facing Max, “Are you certain?”</p><p>Max returned his gaze, “I was in a forest, one I’ve never seen before. I felt like I was being watched… then I just had this feeling I needed to run in a certain direction so I did. And Shepard was there…”</p><p>Max gazed off into the distance recalling the memory.</p><p>“There were others there but I don’t think they saw me. I felt… claws in me… dragging me away from her but when I shouted her, she saw me and then I woke up. But her eyes, she looked and felt so real…What do you think?”</p><p>Max woke from his gaze when Solas didn’t answer.</p><p>“It is not unusual to have dreams of others. It may be a side effect of your shared memory experience, you have experienced her memories and dreams. Your mind may be processing them…it is too early to tell but I shall keep watch in the Fade when you sleep regardless” Solas nodded with a polite bow.</p><p>Max gave a short thank you. Magic scared him, but when it was in conjunction with Solas. He felt better. Safer than when he was with any other Mage. His knowledge of the make may have influenced it but he felt better knowing that he had a Fade companion. The camp came into view, the midday sun began its descent.</p><p>To work, as Cullen would say.</p><p>***</p><p>Shepard started walking, keeping to the darkness in the winding trees next to the road. The lanterns were becoming more frequent, maybe getting closet to civilisation. Another hour of walking and doubt was creeping in, a nagging feeling in her gut. Shepard put her hand back into her pocket, sliding gently over the note.</p><p>She wanted to use her senses, to get the experience from the paper of who wrote it, who held the pencil but something told her not to. The innate Human curiosity for knowledge was being stopped by something. She stopped for a moment, leaning against the tree trunk behind her, staring up at the stars.</p><p>She wondered what constellations were up there, if there were star-ships in orbit. Unknown to the primitives down here, if she could think hard enough, they’d hear her and come get her. Scan for her and pick up her Omnitool. A screech got her attention, inhumane screech-</p><p>“They keep coming!”</p><p>A voice echoed down the dirt track. She took off in a sprint, the clashing of metal and screams were getting louder. She activated her biotics to speed up her running. She came across a carriage, the two horses were motionless on the ground, blood pooling below them.</p><p>A foot was poking out the back of the carriage, she walked around it and gently rolled the man, two fingers went to his throat.</p><p>No pulse.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>She sighed and sank on her heels, clenching her eyes shut. She crossed his arms over his chest and shut his eyes. Shepard looked up and was met with the sight of a dog printed on the side of the carriage.</p><p>She scrabbled to her pocket for the note, opening it up and scanning it. The same dog, it was this carriage.</p><p>“Andraste preserve us” she heard a man shout.</p><p>Shepard used her biotics to jump on the top of the carriage to get a better view down the hill. There were four men fighting demons, clumsily slashing their swords. One man had just killed a demon, slicing it before it faded into dust. He was staring at her, not looking at the demon slowly advancing behind him.</p><p>Shit. She took off running to them, her biotics moving her so fast she could barely breathe.</p><p>Andraste… the Vessel of Andraste, sword and shield. Right.</p><p>She ran into him shoving him to the ground, the demon that had advanced on him was now throwing its claws at her. She used her biotics to make a shield in her hand covering her and the ginger man on the ground. She blocked the demon’s attack and sending shocks down its body. She used her other hand to make a sword and sliced its neck, the guttural scream echoed around before it died.</p><p>“Maker” the man on the floor gasped.</p><p>She let the energy dissipate but kept her flaring, helping the older man next to her to his feet and handing him to the younger man who had scrambled up, grabbing his own sword in the hand that wasn’t wrapped around the older male.</p><p>“Take him and run” she ordered her multi toned voice echoing over the demons screeches, staring into his brown wide eyes.</p><p>She spun around standing next to the bulk of a soldier wielding a two-handed sword which could have easily been the same size as Shepard. The demons were closing in. Red and green spirits mixed with large elongated green creatures, their screams sounded like… no… their screams sounded like Banshees. Her blood boiled. How could they sound the same? These weren’t Asari reapers they were just demons… weren’t they?</p><p>“RUN” she shouted, her multi toned voice making an appearance once more.</p><p>Focusing her biotics to make a physical object was difficult, a biotic ball was simple. A sword and shield took more concentration but it was what the note demanded of her. She stood first of the group stabbing and slashing clumsily.</p><p>They were still advancing, more demons emerging from the woods. Too many. Every one she killed another would form. She felt the crackle of energy lessening in the air but not vanishing, possibly where they were coming from. She was too exhausted to focus on it.</p><p>They were being overrun, the four men behind her hadn’t made it far, keeping the demons off her flank, refusing to run. The older man was on his knees breathing heavily, she could smell the blood running from his side. The sweat from the other men was heavy in the air. How long had they been fighting? They hadn’t made it far up the dirt track, a shimmer of green light was on the ground, a demon in the woods to her right in the woods tried to cross it and groaned, it tried again and died.</p><p>A boundary maybe? The soldiers and civilians behind her still needed more time to get past the green dancing light on the ground, one last push.</p><p>Shepard flared brightly, building energy around her body. Every fibre, every nerve building the storm. The long-limbed demon was advancing towards her, she grounded her feet in the dirt, still building energy. The demon raised its arm to swipe her, long claws in the air.</p><p>She let out a scream holding the shield in her left hand she brought the sword and slammed into it causing a rounded shockwave emanating from her that sent the creatures flying, dispersing into nothing as they screeched into black smoke. The tree’s surrounding the road cracked and fell, opening up the road’s sides. The lanterns hanging from lights fell broken on the ground, the oil spilt into the dirt.</p><p>Shepard wavered the breath leaving her body. Fuck that hurt. Her muscles cramped, her back strained as she looked up into the stars, ahead of her was the first peek of sunlight over snow-topped mountains. It took all of her strength to stay on her feet. Unable to lock her knees, she turned her back to the rising sun wobbling as she went.</p><p>She turned and walked a few unsteady paces to the men the sunlight seeping over the mountains around her casting a shadow on the ground as she walked. One misplaced step on the ground was all it took as jolt went through her to her ribs, her biotics to ceased on her skin. It was also the only thing holding her upright.</p><p>Her knees collided with the ground, groaning as she hit the dirt, the sun bore over her head, hitting the two soldiers stood in-front of the civilians. The beams bouncing off their armour. She grasped at her side, the demon had clawed her waist catching her sore ribs, her jumper lay in tatters against her skin. She looked up at the men, sounds of bashing on the ground increased. A dark sea building behind them, men on horses? Maybe just tree’s falling Shepard didn’t know.</p><p>Her vision was blurring she hadn’t had enough energy to pull off a stunt like that, her eyes drifted to her stomach, the hot red blood seeping through her fingers. The ground tilted towards her. Her shoulder collided with the ground her hand fell on the ground as she slowly rolled on her back. All her injuries making themselves known with a vengeance.</p><p>A ginger blonde man came into view blurry and foggy, tilting her head up while cold armoured hands went under her, she was being lifted by another person, groaning as her trunk was tilted, disturbing her bleeding wound. Her head was rested gently onto a cold metal plate.</p><p>She gazed at the man who was barking orders, he had a strong jaw, sharp nose, fair skin. His eyes were like honey, like the other man who had gazed into her when she had arrived here. Her hand went out and touched his face, his attention was guided back to her. His cheeks flushed in the morning sun, her hand dropped, leaving a small bit of blood on his cheek.</p><p>“I-” she whispered, trying her hardest to keep her eyes open. “I don’t know-“</p><p>She tried to ask them who they were. Why they would need protecting, why they were important. She tried to tell them to leave her, so she could die and wake up from this coma. Her trials now complete. The words didn’t come.</p><p>His hands went to her face, brushing her hair away to her ears, warm and calm.</p><p>“Eyes like the breach” he whispered, looking up at the man who was holding her with shock. The mountain of a man whose arms were in gazed into her, as she went limp.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>She was on something soft, cushioned against her back sat upright. Her feet were bare, her clothes warm and tight, one foot rested on the ground, the other was curled on the soft cushioning. Something jolted her to consciousness. Her head fell off her hand, falling forward.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey Livvy” a voice called. A 16-year old John was crouched in-front of her. He had grown outwards and upwards in the three years they had been at Grissom Academy, his black hair cropped but wild.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked so youthful, no scars of the war, no frown lines. His ice blue eyes wide and hopeful.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“John” she gasped, grabbing him into a hug. Wrapping her hands around his shoulders. Squeezing his adolescent body to her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah it’s me John, you feeling alright? You look like you’re worlds away” he said casually his usual smirk on his face, pushing her back at her shoulders to stare at her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard scanned the room; she was in the space station’s library. The big glass window stared out into the stars. A book on her lap was open, the data pad pausing on the page. Standing to look around, John stood to move with her as she span and gazed upon the metal tables. Lamps and holo-pads decorated the walls. Info screens were dotted around the tables and walls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Worlds away… this wasn’t her world anymore.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think so, I thought I was in…” she answered, unsure of her own mind. I thought I was in a magical land called Thedas. As Max’s memories had called it, Thedas. Her thoughts of Max were stopped by a loud and ear-piercing noise. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“SHEPARD” she covered her hands with her ears, the voice bounded off the walls, loud enough for her head to spin. It sounded like a mix between a screech and a voice… Max? Was that Max’s voice?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sounds ceased, she removed her hands and looked around, waiting for a sign that she was in fact, not under attack. John had vanished.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The whooshing of a door opening made her turn. A tall dark-skinned man entered in his dress blues, hat under his elbow. Strong and tall.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anderson.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Dad” Shepard gasped rounding the couch seat running and crushing him with her arms. He felt solid under her hands, broad and strong. Warm. She gripped his uniform under her hands like it was a lifeline.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“They were never just stories child” he said with a smile, his hand rubbing her back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” She looked up into his dark brown eyes, his calloused hand coming up to cup her cheek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In a blink he was gone, the warmth of his body gone. The slight scratch of his dress blues under her hand. Gone. The only sound was the air unit on the wall, she always set it colder when she was alone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard wandered to the window, staring out into the stars.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why was she dreaming of the Grissom library? Where was the stone rubble and the horses, the Knights in shining armour?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You are strange” a boy’s voice called.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She gazed to her left, a small boy stood next to her. His clothes patches of brown cloth. His white blonde hair covering his face. Of what of his face she could see from her taller height. His side profile revealed to her as he gazed at the stars and the distant sun. She opened her mouth to speak but it was flooded with a liquid of strange taste.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She coughed and spluttered the red liquid. It was thinner than blood, it ran gently down the window. It tasted like wood, like tree sap. Sweet and earthy. It flooded her mouth once more, she gasped and swallowed, drowning in the water. She sank to her knees, gasping at her throat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can help them. They can help you. They need you. Vessel-” The boy said crouching by her side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not a vessel, I’m just a soldier” she gasped, between mouthfuls of liquid. Picking her head up to stare into the boy’s eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You haven’t been just a soldier for a long time. Saviour. Predator. Hunter. Hero. Murderer. Commander… Shepard. It’s can be another title to you but to them it’s hope, hope then and hope now. Without a future, we have no hope. You are their future” he smiled, his eyes never blinked once.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She frowned at him; he was using her words against her. The liquid had ceased, she could breathe once more. She stared into the boy’s eyes, her frown deepening. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by his words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“An old song in your blood, the oldest song. Waiting to cast. Waiting to be found over the other voices. Dormant. Listen” he said putting a finger to his mouth to indicate to be silent.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She complied, her ears straining. Someone was humming, a soft tune that made her stomach fill with warmth. Made her eyes drift, her mind reel. She felt warm, surrounded by it. She recognised the song, but she couldn’t sing it. Like she knew what the next note would be but if she had to voice it, it would be wrong. Like her voice had been stripped away but she didn’t mind it. She felt safe surrounded by the song.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The walls faded away. Taking the boy with it. Leaving her in the stars, stood on an invisible floor. Surrounded by the great expanse of nothingness. The stars started going out, one by one. Leaving her with darkness.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>A bright light shone over her eyes making her flinch, groaning as her hand blocked her eyes. She blinked heavily, her eyelids peeling the glue of sleep away.</p><p>The room came into focus, it wasn’t a cell this time. Quite the opposite, there were tall windows with a loveseat, soft curtains and ornate furniture. She was in the middle of a four-poster bed. An empty chair next to her facing her, cups and bowls on the bedside table. So, someone had been watching her?</p><p>She pulled the sheet aside and planted her feet on the stone, her hand pressing on her ribs in a pathetic attempt to quash the pain that emanated there.</p><p>The demon’s claws…</p><p>The men…</p><p>Who had she saved? And why did she need to save them…</p><p>The woman’s son?</p><p>Shepard stood and steadied herself on the wooden post, her senses coming back to her. God she was starving. She looked down and found she was in fact very naked. Well this wouldn’t go down well…</p><p>She limped to the wardrobe in the room, finding mostly acceptable clothes. The sun beaming through the windows into the darkened wooded furniture. Underwear, no shoes but a… dress… surely this is a joke. Shepard hadn’t worn a dress since they had gone to a casino to kill John’s clone. And this dress was nothing like the little leather one.</p><p>A light blue in colour, exposing her shoulders and the tops of her chest. The sleeves hung low on her shoulders. The sleeves baggy on her arms, the mesh ending past her wrist. She kept pulling the material down over her waist, it was tight but stretchy against her breasts and ribs but flowed downwards over her backside and hips.</p><p>She left her hair in their gentle curls down her back, someone had bathed her. Her hair smelling of elderflower. So, they were nice captors? Compared to Maxwell this was like being royalty. She carefully padded to the door, her bare feet silent on the cold stone beneath.</p><p>She reached for the door, opening it slightly to reveal a guard on the other-side, facing her door. He caught her eye and stiffened…shit. She continued opening it and smiled hoping to disarm the now quaking soldier. She quickly took him in head to toe, on his chest was the symbol of the dog. The one from the note.</p><p>“My Lady” he said bowing to her, “I-I” he stuttered meeting her eyes. He looked young, broad and tall but young.</p><p>She peered down the hall both ways, paintings and pots on the walls and on pedestals. The other side led to some form of balcony, the sun beaming through the closed doors covered by a thin silk sheet. Fancy curtain.</p><p>“Where am I” she said stepping into the hall, her dress flowed around her legs. <em> It wouldn’t be so bad to fight in this </em> she thought.</p><p>“I should get the King, My Lady, he was insistent to be notified if you woke” he said. He only made it two steps when he turned, “I should get you a chaperone” he said, nodding as if to remind himself, taking her to the balcony. Leaving her with the soldier posted there, slightly older than the other soldier but immediately stiffened at her presence.</p><p>She smiled and took nodded to the man, he didn’t say anything to her but watched her. If she wanted to, she could throw him over the side… a chaperone, as if she wasn’t a battle-hardened soldier but just a woman.</p><p>Shepard didn’t know if she minded it. He had one hand on his sword as she padded to the balcony, letting the sun bathe on her skin. The smell of distant salt on the air from the sea.</p><p>Alastair hummed at his desk. Drumming his fingers on the wood under his bare hand. His shoulder felt tight, he rolled it gently attempting to ease the pain from the fighting. The soldier they sent sprinting to the watchtower had returned with a convoy in tow. The small battalion had sprinted to them, watching the woman fall to her knees with the sun behind her. Framing her. She looked like a vision.</p><p>Whispers of the woman who fell from the Fade were prominent among his soldiers. Speaking of her beauty, her powers. How she had saved the King. Alastair wasn’t sure if she was responsible for the Conclave or if Andraste had delivered her there. But if word was spreading, it would reach the Inquisition soon. And this made his advisors very nervous, they were attempting to keep it under wraps for now.</p><p>They had spent one day at the outpost healing her until she was able to travel to the Palace. Sedating her the entire way. She had, undoubtably saved his, Simon’s and his uncles life. Without her… he would be buried by now. Tegan himself was tending to a superficial wound on his arm and ribs.</p><p>He sighed from the papers at his desk and attempted to make his way to his study door, no longer wanting to read the reports rolling in of his Kingdom of rifts and Mages and demons. What had Aedan Cousland been drinking when he made him King, when he saw the bastard again, he’d kill him. Well that meant facing Morrigan’s wrath so maybe not. Maybe just bruise him.</p><p>His Mabari sniffed the air beside him, tilting his head and making a low keening noise. The big light brown beast was his companion in the Palace, too clever for its own good and disliked a large number of people here too. Not dissimilar to Alastair.</p><p>“What’s got you riled up?” Alastair asked, raising an eyebrow at the hound.</p><p>The Mabari stretched and went to the door barking, Alastair followed before he had a chance to reach for the metal handle it flew open. Simon on the other-side with a younger soldier out of breath.</p><p>“She’s awake Sir!” he gasped out.</p><p>They took off in a jog, grabbing Teagan on the way. The younger soldier pointed to the balcony door, the sun was lowering in the sky. Alastair rounded the door, Mabari at his side growling lightly.</p><p>Her hair flowed in the wind, the long black tresses sliding off her back into the air. The soldier at the wall stiffened and saluted, the sound of his armoured fist hitting his chest made her turn. She caught his eye and smiled, taking one step towards him. Maker… she was beautiful, her eyes danced with green and blue, wide and round. Her cheek bones pronounced, sharp nose.</p><p>Any other movements were stopped by Rocco walking towards her growling.</p><p>***</p><p>The dog was fucking huge and growling.</p><p>Shepard stayed still, shoulders down. Hands in sight of the animal. She recognised the ginger man but not the other men. But her main focus was not getting mauled.</p><p>The dog was prowling towards her, sniffing the air. She sank to one knee, still keeping her hands in sight, staring into the dog’s eyes. Its teeth bared to her. She challenged it, unblinking. Unmoving.</p><p>Alastair stiffened, his Mabari had never been so aggressive to another, not outwardly. Simon had his hand on his sword ready.</p><p>It neared her, sniffing her gently. Its nose went to her ribs, smelling the wound. It then went to her neck sniffing her ear, Shepard couldn’t help the smile and laugh that escaped her. The dog sniffed her face before licking the whole side of it with its sand paper tongue, she grabbed its head taking his face away from her laughing at the kiss.</p><p>Whatever the dog had smelt it was good enough, it lay down in front of her, rolling onto its back looking expectantly.</p><p>“You want belly rubs in exchange for that kiss?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. Alastair could not comprehend what it meant that his Mabari was showing his stomach to a stranger after licking her face. He exchanged a shocked look with Teagan who was also wearing a small smile.</p><p>The dog barked happily. So, she gave in, stroking its brown stomach with her hand. She had always wanted a dog as a child, this one was just a big baby.</p><p>“He’s sweet, what’s his name?” she said looking up and catching the gaped open mouth of the ginger man before he snapped it shut.</p><p>“Uh- Rocco, his name is Rocco” his voice was curt and deep.</p><p>“Hmm, back home, we have a patron saint of dogs, his name was Rocco” she smiled, moving to stand off her knee. Her wound protested she groaned her hands flying to her ribs, an armoured hand came into view for her to take. She stared at it for a moment before taking it.</p><p>“Oh- thank you, Human mountain” she said smiling, breathing heavily, allowing the mountain man to lift her. She looked up at him, dark brown hair and beard, dark blue eyes framed with thick eyebrows.</p><p>“Not at all My Lady” he nodded and stepped back, keeping a respectable distance. Her laugh made him falter, the smile on his face was quite a sweet one from her joke.</p><p>“I’m not a Lady…I mean I am biologically yes I am a woman” she said gesturing to her breasts before catching the blush on the man’s face… so that was inappropriate “uh but not a lady lady” she said laughing, staring at the two men.</p><p>The ginger man joined in her laughter, the older man chuckled and stepped forward. So not too inappropriate.</p><p>“We owe you our lives” he said in a small bow, “May I know your name?” he asked.</p><p>“Oh right- I’m Commander Shepard and who ar-” she smiled reaching out her hand for him to shake.</p><p>He took it and shook happily, “Forgive me for asking but… are you the woman who fell from the Breach?” he asked, releasing her hand.</p><p>She studied them for a moment, the younger man was looking at her with curiosity. The young soldier outside the door was stiff, ridged. The one who had sent for the King.</p><p>“Yes” she said bringing her eyes back to the older man. “I believe I’m being called the Vessel of Andraste but please, just call me Shepard. Are you the King?” she said tilting her head.</p><p>“My la- Shepard” the younger man said correcting himself mid-sentence. “I am curious to know how you don’t know who the King is but you came out of nowhere and saved us from Demons with the use of no Magic?” he said patting the dog’s head gently who was panting happily by his side. He was being cautious, they all were. Keeping their information close to them.</p><p>“When I fell from the Fade, I was unconscious. I woke up a day or two ago and I was taken from the Inquisition and I remember this symbol” she pointed to the crest on the soldiers armour. “And I was told to protect the carriage, I don’t know the King or any of you but I do know that I was too late-” she gulped remembering the man’s body.</p><p>“The man, the horses. I’m sorry” she finished.</p><p>The younger man sighed, looking downwards. “Yes, it was regrettable, but it was not your fault, without your assistance. We’d be dead” he said catching her eye. The intensity of his brown eyes was strong, the small scar on his cheek catching in the sunlight.</p><p>“You fell from the Fade” the soldier whispered, “With the Herald?”</p><p>“Yes, apparently we both fell together and there was a golden woman behind us, though neither of us can remember what truly happened” she shrugged. She hadn’t got much more information from Max’s or Cassandra’s memories.</p><p>A noise made them look to the door, a woman walked through with a tray of food on a cart. It was covered in metal but she could smell the fumes of a roast. Her eyes were cast down but flicked up at Shepard. She gasped, her hand moving to her chest, dropping the bottle of red liquid in her hands. Shepard lit her biotics to catch it, gently resting it on the cart.</p><p>“The Vessel of Andraste” She whispered almost in a daze, dropping to one knee and bowing her head.</p><p>“Oh please – don’t do that” she said moving to help her. Shepard had only made a step or two before the woman had scrambled up to her feet backing away from her.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to offend you My Lady, I- I just can’t… you’re the Vessel” she said lifting her head, staring into Shepard’s eyes.</p><p>“You haven’t offended me, I’m just a person” she said trying to unfrighten the woman who was backing away towards the door.</p><p>“I am not worthy” she whispered, bowing before rushing to the doors.</p><p>Shepard stepped forward, no words came out her mouth. Air rushed from her lungs. She walked backwards until her backside hit the stone railing of the side of the balcony, leaning heavily against it.</p><p>“Are you alright?” the ginger man asked.</p><p>“She was scared of me…” Shepard said lifting her head up.</p><p>“I’m used to people staring, whispering. Even accusing me of things or telling me my favourite sex position” that particular one was from Conrad, the strange little creature. She laughed humourlessly.</p><p>“But she was terrified” She met the eyes of the other men, before dropping her head.</p><p>Shepard squeezed her eyes shut, remembering all the times people had asked her for guidance. Thinking she spoke to a higher power in the war. That she could bless them. Or save them. In a way she supposed she did. It was the same here, always a title. Never the woman.</p><p>“Are you… the chosen by Andraste?” the soldier asked.</p><p>“Truthfully, I don’t know” she answered, running a hand through her hair. “I do know that the title will probably mean I will make few friends” a small sad smile going to her face.</p><p>“What makes you say that?” The elder man asked.</p><p>“A title like that…” she laughed bringing her hands to her nose pinching it. “I will be judged before they know me, and that’s why I don’t care for the title. It’s easy to let the power of admiration taint you… I don’t want that, I don’t want to become that and to the ones who think I’m a heretic, well they’ll try kill me” she said releasing her hand and looking at the men.</p><p>They were interrupted by a woman coming to the doors to examine Teagan’s wounds, he bowed and thanked her again before leaving the balcony. Leaving the three behind.</p><p>“Sorry… It’s been an interesting few days” she groaned, oversharing with her captors wasn’t the first thing she wanted to do. And now she had don’t it twice. She blamed it on all the sedatives.</p><p>“No… I understand” the ginger man said moving forward.</p><p>“So… can I know who you are now or do I have to wait for the King?” she said huffing a laugh.</p><p>The ginger man spoke before anyone else, “Ah the King couldn’t make it, but he sent me in his place” he smiled dashing his eyes at the guard. “My name is Alastair” he said with a polite bow.</p><p>“That was my Uncle, Teagan and that is Simon my personal guard” Simon bowed at his introduction. Shepard missed the questioning glare Simon had sent Alastair.</p><p>“It’s lovely to meet you, Alastair and you, human mountain” she said, nodding to them and sending Simon a wink.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” he asked gesturing to the tray.</p><p>“Um yes actually, I’d love something” she said moving towards him.</p><p>“No please let me” he said placing the tray on the stone table on the balcony. He moved everything for her and began dishing out food onto her plate.</p><p>“There’s only two plates?” she said gesturing to the three of them.</p><p>“I wouldn’t want to impose, I am on duty” the guard said, bowing and taking a position by the wall.</p><p>“Oh well, take something to snack on at least I can hear your stomach rumbling from here” she smirked, standing to pass him two vines of grapes.</p><p>“Ah thank you” he said looking at Alastair for conformation that it was alright he was taking their food.</p><p>She returned to her seat, having it pulled out slightly by Alastair. He had a small smile on his face and took the seat opposite her.</p><p>“So, you don’t know what the King looks like?” Alastair asked, raising an eyebrow. Taking food for himself.</p><p>“Um, no. I’m not from around here. I assume he’s kingly?” she shrugged that got a chuckle from Alastair, “Long cape, older, maybe a crown, lots of guards? If there isn’t any of those then… I could pass him and not know, he wouldn’t take my head for not bowing, would he?” she asked, smirking at her joke.</p><p>Alastair barked a laugh, “No I don’t believe so” he grinned.</p><p>“Good” she said tucking into the food. It tasted so good, so real. Far from the nutrient paste she was used to on the Normandy. Rupert’s surprise was a far cry from this.</p><p>“Do you remember who you were before the Fade? Where you’re from, your accent sounds slightly Starkhaven” he smiled.</p><p>“Starkhaven?... I’ve never been” she shrugged, “I know all my life before I came here… you wouldn’t believe me if I told you” not wanting to be locked up as a lunatic again like Max had done. She tucked into more of her food.</p><p>“Try me” he said smiling, leaning back in his chair confidently.</p><p>She looked at his smirk for a moment, he was actually very handsome. Strong arms and broad shoulders and chest. His brown fur carapace sitting heavily on his shoulders, increasing the bulk. He looked so confident, calm. She couldn’t resist unnerving him.</p><p>“I am from the future in two thousand years-time. Either this world or maybe this galaxy, I am a Commander in a galactic Army that covers many worlds, I am partly not Human and I have been brought here for reasons I don’t know and no” she said simply letting her words glide across the table.</p><p>His mouth was hanging open. Shepard felt a surge of a smirk adorning her face before worry set in, “This isn’t Magic” she said flaring “Is just harnessing energy” she smiled eating more of her food.</p><p>“Right...” Alastair began looking around the view for a moment, “Well I did ask for it” he smirked. He had taken it rather well.</p><p>Dinner continued for hours, Alastair probed Shepard with questions about her past and her powers. She answered as best she could explaining technology in simple terms or avoiding answering with short words. Shepard in return learnt of the King and Ferelden, the land and layout. The surrounding area’s and their affiliations.</p><p>Simon also chipped in when he could about the monarch. Simon was very positive, recalling the things the King had done for the land but Alastair was critical. On more than once occasion Shepard had Rocco’s big head in her lap, she sneaked him a scrap or two when Alastair wasn’t looking. The smile from Simon told her she had been caught.</p><p>“Now you’ve eaten I recommend this, my lady- Shepard” he said offering her the bottle.</p><p>“What is it?” she asked, popping the cork and sniffing it, she quickly recoiled and covered her nose. It smelt like dirt and intense sugar.</p><p>“Healing potion” he nodded, “We tried to get some down you while you were unconscious but you… coughed most of it back onto the bed” with that he returned to his post.</p><p>“Oh, right” so in her dream she was living in the real world too, the red liquid from her dream. “Remind me to apologise to whoever had to clear that up”</p><p>Shepard sipped a bit of the potion before coughing loudly, sticking her tongue out. Alastair laughed at her, shaking his head, “It’s better just to down it. Trust me” he said smiling.</p><p>“Cheers” she said raising the bottle before downing the contents. She took a good few gulps of water afterwards to clear the taste from her mouth before speaking.</p><p>“So, how long have you worked for the King? Or are you a relative?” Shepard said studying him. Holding the warm tea cup in her fingers. Alastair was doing the same, picking at the left overs.</p><p>“I suppose you could say I’m his assistant” Alastair began, “I’ve known him for a very long time” he smiled. His face was polite, voice even. The emotionless mask in place.</p><p>“It seems like Simon likes him a lot,” she gestured over her shoulder, “but you’re very… negative?” Shepard replied, eyeing his face for discomfort.</p><p>“The King does his best but… he wasn’t raised in this life. I suppose… since I have served, I know he has massive flaws” Alastair said sadly, taking a sip from his cup. Eyes cast over the view beside them. The thick green tree’s leading to a shore in the distance. Beyond nothing but blue ocean.</p><p>He hadn’t realised he had spoken so badly of himself to her. He couldn’t resist pretending to be a nobody to her, after what she had said about titles. How calm she was, joking and laughing with him… he wanted to be just a person too.</p><p>“Don’t we all?” Shepard added, her hand resting on Rocco’s head. The dog purred happily under her attention; his yellow eyes shut. Content.</p><p>Alastair’s eyes flicked from hers to the Mabari head and back. “I don’t know, I haven’t found any of yours yet” his voice dropping an octave.</p><p>“Nor I, yours” Shepard replied huskily, raising an eyebrow and keeping his gaze.</p><p>Alastair found it refreshing this woman was keeping his gaze, not fluttering her eyelashes or looking away like other women would. He could see Simon in the corner of his eye grinning and casting his head downwards.</p><p>Alastair grinned back at Shepard, “You know, the tales said Andraste had a Mabari once” he winked. Grinning again at Shepard rolling her eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alastair is one of my FAVOURITE DA characters. </p><p>Hands up for a spin off of a Alastair/ Shep romance ???</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. On Ice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Hinterlands was a mess. If Shepard had escaped her captors or ran with them, the chances of them being alive were… slim. Unless the Apostates or Templars were involved. They had already attacked the Inquisition on sight regardless of Solas’s or Cassandra’s tempts to settle the attackers. Clearing the two camps was nasty work but made the King’s road safer. </p><p>They had sealed the rift in the in the cultists outpost and asked them to help the refugees. A few words with them yielded no sightings of Shepard. Where the Maker had she got to, HOW had she made it past the fighting here?</p><p>Max sighed on his cot that he shared with Solas. Cassandra and Varric opting for their own. Between them and the other enemies, it was probably for the best. They wanted to reach Mother Giselle with a full company, not dragging a dead dwarf or seeker, personally Max would bet on the seeker. </p><p>How was he supposed to help this? The conclave was a chance for the rebellion to come to a safe conclusion. Not for the Divine dead, or himself and Shepard to be named new heretics. Not dead bodies left to rot in the woods because they hated the other for oppressing them or leaving the Chantry. </p><p>They had burned any they came across. Templars and Mages alike, they deserved that much.</p><p>Staring up at the dark green tent roof Max almost felt serene. For a Marcher he was never really a camper as such, nobility meant he could stay in Inns or mansions. He almost longed for the simple life again, studying under his father. Learning of stock and ties, connections and etiquette. Almost yearned for it. His father had instilled in him that Magic was to serve man and was dangerous to everyone even the Mage that wielded it. </p><p>From what he’d seen it was true. </p><p>But it was true of the Templars. Lyrium had the ability to make Templar’s powerful weapons, stamina and strength increased. But empathy and mercy decreased, the ability to comprehend others emotions was… lessened. His elder brother was evidence of that. He had served in the Circle of Ostwick at a time before transferring to Kirkwall after Dylan had arrived at Ostwick. The Order thought William would be lenient on Dylan due to their blood bond. </p><p>Max didn’t know if his elder brother had survived Kirkwall when Anders exploded the circle, but he had heard of William’s run ins with his charges. He highly doubted William would attend such an event. He was a Templar through and through, Mages were beneath him. Beneath everyone. </p><p>His stomach churned. Max didn’t think Mages were beneath him, or anyone. But they scared the fuck out of him. The Bann’s ruthless teachings had two different effects on the boys. Still… every single dead body they came across. Max couldn’t help but check if it was them… just in-case. </p><p>“I believe the Human expression is, coin for your thoughts?” Solas said across the tent. Book in hand. </p><p>Max was warming to Solas, his magic was wild but beautiful. Like natural horses in the fields, couldn’t be tamed but majestic to watch. </p><p>“Penny, but yes… I-“ he sighed, “I was just thinking about my family, my brothers specifically” he replied still staring up into the green abyss above him. </p><p>“Ah I see, I am an only child myself I have not had the pleasure” he remarked, always politely. Always. “Are you close?”</p><p>“No. My elder is a Templar, I don’t much like speaking with him, last I heard he was in Kirkwall. My younger a Mage, apostate now I suppose so I never know where he is otherwise I…” would he reach out? Beg for forgiveness for not stopping him being taken? </p><p>“I would try speaking with him. He could have been at the conclave,” Max gulped the tears back. “I always protected him. Silly really there’s only a year between us. I was always caught between them, they never got on. I was always the buffer between their arguments.” He huffed a laugh. </p><p>“Ah, I see. A difficult situation” Solas said, eyebrow quirking up. </p><p>“You can’t choose your family” Max remarked, before rolling over. His back to Solas. Hoping he got the hint that he wasn’t in the mood to speak. </p><p>Sleep found him quickly. </p><p>
  <em> “Maker…” Max whispered to the darkness. He was walking on an invisible floor, surrounded by blackness and small dots of light. Like walking in the night sky. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Claws dug into him again, like his previous dream. Edging into his waist. Under his clothes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Will this help me know you?” a voice whispered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Max looked up from the invisible claws, and peered into a window surrounded by metal, he could faintly make out a person inside. Floating in the expanse of the night sky. He trudged his way to the glass, the claws on his side dragged his skin. He tried banging on it but it did nothing to rouse her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard was asleep on a couch her head resting in one hand, the furniture was different than any he’d seen, sharp lines and white and black leather. The books, metal. It was from her memories, of her world. She looked young. Her hair tied up in a bobble on her head, messy curls dancing round her head. She looked shorter, less muscle. He only realised then how small she was, she must be a teenager here. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Watch” the voice growled, a man stood beside him. Similar age to Shepard in the memory or dream… whatever this was. He had black hair, messy on his head. Bright blue eyes and a wicked smile. He wandered through the glass and shook Shepard awake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard bolted up-right, her eyes wide. Her and the man were exchanging words, they were muffled by the glass but he could faintly make out the conversation. She looked shocked to see him, happy but confused. She was staring out into the window, never catching his eye.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They neared the window, their voices becoming clearer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah it’s me John, you feeling alright? You look like you are worlds away” the boy said, watching her reaction. John, her twin, the blue glowing man in her head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think so… I thought I was in…” she started, whispers of Thedas and magic, Ferelden and King’s spoke in Shepard’s voice without her mouth moving. Max’s name was among the whispers. She was thinking of them, she was awake? Conscious?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Will this help me know you?” a voice growled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Max panicked; he had heard those words before. The familiar claws in his side. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“SHEPARD” Max shouted banging on the glass, she reacted as did the demon, it roared loudly from aggravation before disappearing. She reacted, closing her hands over her ears pinching her eyes closed. Searching wildly for the location of the noise. </em>
</p><p>When her hands fell Max shot up out of his cot. The Fade releasing him from his dream. He searched the tent, and caught the eyes of a worried Solas. No chance he didn’t see Max shoot out of bed? Did the Elf ever sleep? Max fell heavily back onto his bed, wiping his calmly hands down his face.</p><p>“Any chance you didn’t see that?” Max asked, turning his head to the elf, resting his hands on his bare chest. </p><p>The Elf simply quirked an eyebrow up in response. </p><p>Max huffed a laugh, “Right, course not” he ran his hands into his eyes, rubbing them furiously. </p><p>“You were shouting her name, Shepard” Solas replied, crossing his legs on his bed, sat up drinking his tea. Solas always did get up first. </p><p>Max described the dream to Solas, the Elf seemed calm about it but there was an underlying curiosity that Max couldn’t help but be unnerved by. If Solas was curious, something was going on. </p><p>“Then I shouted her name and the boy or whatever he was growled and then I woke up” Max finished, the sweat on his back dry, his toes curling into the sheet. </p><p>“Do you think she was consciously there?” Solas enquired, his tea cup resting on the floor. </p><p>“It sounds crazy but… I do. I think she’s still out there, that she’s ok or at least able to dream” he said turning his head to Solas. “Why do I keep dreaming of her?” </p><p>“It is interesting… I admit. I haven’t heard of such things in a long time. I have some theories, but they warrant further study. This voice attempting to contact you concerns me however, I will place extra wards around the camps we may make for your comfort” Solas nodded. </p><p>“What if she’s in trouble?” Max whispered, “What if she’s stuck in the Fade or or…”</p><p>“I find it difficult to believe either of you could hold such a connection in the Fade, being non-Mages. Herald, you know Shepard better than the rest of us. You have experienced her life. Do you think she is in trouble?” Solas offered as a counter. </p><p>“She’s probably causing it” Max said smiling, thinking of how often trouble revolved around her, followed her. Finding herself in the middle of it. </p><p>It was strange, having bits of her in his head. Seeing things through her eyes. It was like… a book. Reading a book and creating your own version of it. The green forests were the green that you knew, the shining armour was shining to your preference. He could taste the air of her memories and felt the weight of her armour when he focused hard enough on one piece of the memories. </p><p>But he still felt like he didn’t know the woman. Not truly. Could you know a character from just a picture book? Could he really know her just from the flicking images he had seen? Could he truly know she wasn't  to blame for the Conclave...</p><p>And he didn’t know what was to come, how he would seal the Breach without her. He had the mark, but she had something he would only get with time. She had experience of the utterly bizarre, and she almost always prevailed. </p><p>Maxwell could use a symbol like that.  </p><p>“I am not alone. Even as I stumble on the path with my eyes closed. Yet I see. The Light is here.” Max whispered into the stillness of the morning listening to the morning routines of the other soldiers outside the camp. </p><p>***</p><p>A knock woke Shepard from her slumber. </p><p>She hadn’t dreamt of Maxwell last night barely sleeping maybe helped avoid the screams of him. She didn’t felt like she had dreamed at all, instead using her time to read about the land, anything she could find on Andraste too. She scrambled up searching for the pistol she kept under her pillow. Finding nothing her panic reduced as she remembered where she was, Ferelden. Magic land, right. In a chamber in the palace. No Normandy, no EDI to alert her. No Joker to tell her he could hear her snoring from the cockpit. </p><p>After a lengthy talk with Alastair and Simon she was examined once more for her injuries and was given an abundance of clothes and boots for herself to wear. She was grateful of the kindness but felt she was using those of religious beliefs to take from them… who would deny the Vessel of Andraste. Well, maybe the ones who thought she was a lying zealot and demanded her head.</p><p>The knock came again. </p><p>Shepard rose, currently she was in a night gown. Crystal white with lace, thin straps and mid-thigh. It was actually the silkiest thing she had ever slept in. She rose and opened the door.</p><p>“Morning” Shepard smiled, watching Alastair rake her with his eyes from head to toe before turning bright red. She leant one hand on the door, the other resting at her side. </p><p>“Uh- Maker, I apologise, I didn’t know you were um” he said gesturing to her. </p><p>She looked between him and Simon, who was decisively not looking at her, finding something very interesting to look at on the floor and put two and two together. </p><p>“Oh, ohhh. This is considered sexy is it?” she said looking down. She only had her arms and legs out, nothing compared to the dancers at Flux or Omega. </p><p>“Uh- yes- No. I mean not that you aren’t- but I-“ </p><p>Shepard took pity on him, “Should I get dressed?” she offered. </p><p>Alastair cleared his throat and kept his eyes strictly on hers. “Yes please” he replied, huffing a laugh. </p><p>Shepard closed the door laughing and went to the wardrobe. Picking out a tight deep green button up with a tight bralette underneath, dark brown leather trousers and boots to match. She found a dark green ribbon she assumed was for her hair. Trying it up in a ponytail would do for now. </p><p>She had no need of bandages anymore, except on her demon clawed stomach. Just in-case they re-opened, it was unlikely. The healing potions and her natural Prothean given healing speed. Her ribs were sore but nothing she couldn’t handle, her knees and elbow felt better. Sparring was out of the question but she could fight if needed. She couldn’t believe she didn’t have any head wounds, especially after chucking her helmet off in the conduit. </p><p>Newly dressed, Shepard opened the door to find the two men. Less red than a few moments ago. </p><p>“Better?” Shepard asked gesturing to her clothes. </p><p>“If by that you mean you won’t make everyone around you blush like a Chantry sister, then yes” Alastair’s amused response came. </p><p>“Great, so…” Shepard asked the two men. Alastair leading them to the balcony. </p><p>“Now I was hoping to interest you in breakfast, and maybe a ride?” Alastair said reaching out for Shepard’s chair. She sat happily and waited for him to be seated before tucking in. </p><p>“A ride?” she replied sweetly. </p><p>“Yes, it’s a nice day and I have-“ he looked up, “Why are you looking at my like that? Oh I didn’t mean-“ and Alastair went red once more. </p><p>Shepard couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “You know, it’s so easy to make you guys blush” she replied helping herself to the pastries. </p><p>“You’re a bad person” he replied laughing, shaking his head. “So, Vessel of Andraste, what are your plans?”</p><p>Shepard faltered for a moment her laughter gone, “I’m not sure… I had hints I suppose of what to do but, I don’t know now. I’m just here- I thought this was all an elaborate dream and when I saved the carriage I’d wake up from whatever fever dream this is” she replied gazing into the view. </p><p>“Well I am very grateful for your imagination of handsome damsels in distress” Alastair joked, he waited for her laugh to reach his ears. It never came. He watched as she leant on one hand looking out over the land into the sea. </p><p>He watched her sad side profile for a moment, her unblemished face and dancing eyes. If she was the Vessel of the Maker’s bride. He had great taste. </p><p>“Shepard?” </p><p>“Hmm” she said turning back, “Sorry… just a bit lost in thought” she replied evenly before tucking in to more breakfast. What was she going to do? No purpose. The Breach still remained. She was still dreaming of Maxwell shouting her name… what if he was in trouble?</p><p>“I was wondering if you wanted to ride, a horse that is. We could visit the Chantry maybe Andraste will have a hint for you?” Alastair said sweetly, tilting his head to her. </p><p>“Does she usually speak to people?” Shepard laughed.</p><p>Alastair grunted a laugh, “Not usually, but it’s worth a shot, no?” </p><p>***</p><p>They took it slow with the horses. Alastair had told her the basics, never straying too far from her. She had fallen off twice before getting used to the stretch of her thighs on the mares back, trying to get used to the commands with her legs and reins. She was grateful she had never had to ride one into battle, she would always favour a shuttle. </p><p>The roads were built as well as they could be in this period. Stone bricks instead of dirt as they approached what she assumed was the Chantry. It was fairly close to the palace, she noticed how people bowed to them or saluted. Or simply pointed and whispered. At her or the other two men, she didn’t know. </p><p>The Chantry looked imposing, rather than comforting. At least for Shepard. The burden of her title, the burden of people’s belief in her. </p><p>That a future biotic could be the chosen one of a God bride they lived by.</p><p>It reminded her of the building that she had escaped from back when Maxwell had stormed out with a group in tow. The old Chapels of Earth, she wasn’t religious herself. Maybe the old Greek Gods, that was mostly her fathers doing.</p><p>No sooner had they arrived when a runner recalled Alastair back to the palace with a note that there was information he needed to read immediately. He, naturally, apologised and said he would be sending Simon back as soon as he made it back to the palace grounds for their protection. It wasn’t far.</p><p>Shepard agreed and nodded watching the practised riders head back to the palace. Once gone from view she turned to the large wooden doors, slightly ajar with a sun symbol. The Chantry had high walls, stone and cold with burning fire torches on every pillar. Her steps echoed around the hall. Chantry sisters were grouped or praying solo on the benches, talking quietly among themselves or helping a lost soul. </p><p>Shepard gazed at the statue, nearing the centre of the room, behind Andraste was stained glass windows with different depictions on what Shepard could only assume were illustrations of her adventures and tales. </p><p>Shepard manoeuvred behind the statue that was reaching her hands out to the sky, palms upwards, head tilted up. In some she was blonde, others dark haired, others red headed. Some she was in white robes praying with symbols around her. Others she was clad in armour with a sword or holding a stature or figurine. The windows were massive, leading all the way to the top of the room, starting at the floor. Letting in leaps of natural light that felt hot against her skin. Heating the dry stone air around her.</p><p>One that claimed Shepard’s eye was the dark-haired Andraste on a triangle. Silver armour on her body. One hand raised to the sky, reaching for what looked like a crack in the sky, a red tear like a doorway on the inside the tear was different scene entirely. It was too high up to see exactly what but it was dark green. The other hand was on her stomach, resting gently, no sword by her side. Unarmed reaching into the fade?</p><p>The sun shone brighter past a cloud hitting her eyes hard, instead of going blind, she settled for looking at the other eight that demanded her attention, side stepping out the sun.</p><p>The last one in the line was Andraste in full armour and a helmet, her sword smashing the ground, the ground was ice blue. Cracking around her sword, behind her looked a creature or demon of some kind. The edges of the glass had darker blue spikes around her mixed with people’s side profiles, smaller but there. Like they were praying, watching, looking down for something. </p><p>Shepard stared into the sun, letting the colours drift over her face in a trance. </p><p>“Beautiful aren’t they”</p><p>Shepard turned to see a dark-skinned man staring at her, he looked young but his eyes betrayed the battle he had seen, the darkest brown she’d ever seen. Beautiful. She then noticed the sword and fire symbol armour that sat on his chest. Templar.</p><p>“Yes, they are” she said smiling at him.</p><p>“Forgive me, a young boy told me to come and speak to you but... I can’t quite remember his name. I’m Barris” he said bowing to her. </p><p>“Shepard” she nodding back to him. “I don’t think I know a young boy but, can I ask…” she said looking round for the young lad before turning. “This one, is she stabbing ice?” Shepard asked, pointing back to the mosaic piece. </p><p>“Yes, I believe so. The demon behind her was trying to take the form of her loved ones to tempt her, imposing them. See the left side, that’s her human family. Bowing at her sacrifice. The other side are her followers, praying for her survival.” He said calmly. </p><p>“But why ice?” Shepard asked, turning back to the man, the coloured light bouncing off his face. </p><p>“Demons can’t swim or are afraid of water. As there is no water in the Fade, not since the Maker made the world” he said as if it was common knowledge.  </p><p>“Apologies, my studies on the Fade and Andraste are severely lacking” she laughed, looking back at the mosaics. </p><p>“Forgive me, I shouldn’t be talking to anyone but… you just seemed… Anyway, it’s never too late to-” he trailed off trying to find a word. </p><p>“change?” she offered.</p><p>“Change sounds a bit harsh” he huffed a laugh, “Maybe, learn” he said, resting his hands behind his back. </p><p>“Can I ask you why you believe in her?” Shepard replied, turning to him fully. </p><p>“I suppose… it’s to strive to emulate her. She stood when others would kneel. She was tortured while others wined and dined. She was ready to die for her people, she was ready to live for them. All of them, creatures and magic alike. Victory is reserved for those willing to pay its price and she did just that" he sighed "It’s what the order should stand f-” </p><p>“The Order stands for a greater cause. We are above the Chantry”</p><p>Shepard’s eyes were drawn to another Templar approaching in the distance taking long angry strides. The gasps of sisters could be heard over his clanging armour, he looked vaguely familiar. Deep brown eyes sat around fair skin; auburn hair cropped to an appropriate length, no childish locks bouncing off his forehead or swept back. A ski slope nose and thin cupid lips. His expression was one of curiosity towards her mixed with rage. </p><p>“And that would be?” Shepard asked, resting her hands by her sides. </p><p>She immediately felt her blood rushing to her muscles, her senses telling her to ready for a fight. This man wasn’t as relaxed as Barris. He was tense, angry. </p><p>“I should have known I would find you here Barris. We are leaving Knight-Recruit, leave your whore and-” the man said crossing his arms over his chest. </p><p>“And leave without answering my question?” Shepard said with a smirk, ignoring his whore comment. She lifted an eyebrow at him, goading him. Taunting him. </p><p>“We are purging the Mages. We are doing what the Chantry is too weak to do. With flaming swords we will be Heralded and rewarded with whores like you when we are done” he growled uncrossing his arms and poking his finger into her chest. </p><p>Something about him was raw. Tainted. It rolled off his sweat, his eyes looked redder then normal, maybe bloodshot. She focused on his heartbeat for a moment as he spoke, it was racing?</p><p>“I hear you already have a Herald come to save you all from the Breach” she retorted, crossing her arms loosely over her chest and outing a foot back. To the untrained eye she was relaxed, what she was really doing is readying her body should she need to punch this man full force with her trunk. </p><p>“Maxwell Trevelyan is a heretic. He is a child. He has no power to solve the threat, even his blessed Vessel left him.” he growled. She couldn’t deny that last bit stung her. </p><p>“Maybe she’s just taken a holiday?” she joked, waiting for the rage to spill over. </p><p>“You fucking bi-“ he said raising his hand to strike her. There's the rage. </p><p>He didn’t get the rest of the sentence out before she punched him in the throat with all her might. The man stumbled back and reached for his sword, gasping for breath. Shepard readied her stance to disarm him or dodge. Barris didn’t move or go for his sword, shocked at the events. </p><p>“STAND DOWN TEMPLAR” came the booming voice of Simon as he strode up behind her sword in hand ready. </p><p>“You would do well to remember you are on the King’s land, and this woman is under his personal protection” that got the sisters whispering “This is a place of worship. You will sheath your sword and leave. Now.” Simon growled. </p><p>He was actually very intimidating and had no business moving as fast as he did, considering his size. His hand moving her so he stood as a barrier between her and the sword still in the man’s hand. She could see his jaw was tensing periodically. His looming form stood casting a slight shadow.</p><p>“Knight-Recruit we march to Orlais. Get your things and meet me outside” the man choked out, sheathing his sword and stalking off. </p><p>“I’m sorry” Barris bowed before leaving himself. His stance much straighter than before. </p><p>“Well that was interesting” Simon said in his normal calm voice, putting his sword back onto his side. “Are you alright?” he asked, looking for injuries. </p><p>“I’m fine Simon” she nodded to him, smiling as best she could through the guilt ripping through her chest. </p><p><em> Even his blessed Vessel has left him </em> </p><p>“I’m sorry I took so long I-“</p><p>Shepard looked up at his deep dark blue eyes, “Simon, don’t be sorry. I was fine, actually having a history lesson about Andraste before that man came and started calling me a whore” she laughed. </p><p>Simon’s eyes twitched for a moment, “Then he defiantly deserved more than one punch” he said growling over her head at the Chantry doors. He took a breath and calmed himself, his angry dark blues returning to her. </p><p>“Would you like to stay for a while longer?” he said calmer, looking down at her. “I can teach you more if you would like?” he offered. </p><p>“I’d like that” she smiled up at the bearded man. </p><p>***</p><p>Alastair groaned at his desk, speaking out a prayer of curse words that even made Rocco tilt his head. The reports coming in from Ferelden were not good. Tempars had been spotted moving to Orlais, a large group for what purpose was unknown only that they were led by the Lord Seeker of all people. </p><p>Even worse was the Mages in Redcliffe were making life hard for Teagan, he had set off, travelling back at midday to reach Redcliffe to speak with Fiona and attempt to quash things. </p><p>He tried to converse with Shepard when he could, taking meals with her, the reports keeping him from seeing her to actually do things. Simon had kept her busy with horse riding lessons and Chantry lessons, he hadn’t really seen him either. The midday sun beginning to burn into his study.</p><p>A loud knock came to the door, “Enter” came the reply. </p><p>Shepard stepped through, opening the door for herself. “Hey Al” she said happily. Her hair was now loose, some falling into her face, the ponytail hanging low on her back. </p><p>“Shepard, fun day?” he said putting down the report, letting the paper slide across his desk. </p><p>“Today I fell off the horses AGAIN and Andraste didn’t take mercy on me but it was better than yesterday. I forgot to tell you but, I got called a whore. Punched a man in his throat and then Simon taught me about Andraste and she didn’t speak to me at all” she said plopping herself on the couch in his study, Rocco naturally bounded over to her to join her. </p><p>Alastair sat back for a moment, “You what?! Why didn’t you tell me?” he gasped. </p><p>“You had a lot on your plate Alistair but yeah some arsehole Templar called me a whore because I was talking to another recruit, don’t worry I’ve been called worse things” she said shrugging. Seemingly unbothered by the encounter.</p><p>“So, you punched him and he didn’t retaliate?” Alastair had not known rude Templar’s to have such restraint. </p><p>“Oh, he had drawn his sword but Simon came just in time, I was fine.” she smiled, looking at Rocco purring under her attention. Her legs were folded beneath her, the dog was stretched out head on her lap. </p><p>“Remind me to give him a raise after I finish these bloody reports” he grumbled. </p><p>“That bad?” she said rising to move to his desk, resting herself on the corner. Rocco gently whimpered that she’d left but stayed on the couch. </p><p>“It’s… it’s gruesome stuff” he sighed, passing her the paper that held the latest on the rifts and demons pouring into his lands. She read it quickly, before setting it down and rounding the desk.</p><p>Shepard read through the report, flicking the pages over at the drawings that accompanied them. The writing was cursive, flicking at parts, as if written quickly to attain every detail. Using her senses for a moment she felt the pain and sadness of the wrote as they accounted the deaths. The torn down buildings and people’s dismembered bodies. </p><p>Guilt began to eat away at her at an alarming rate.</p><p>Was this how Kaidan felt when he stayed with the Alliance and avoided joining their company for the Collectors?</p><p>Shepard let the paper drop into her lap gently staring off into the book shelf behind Alastair. It’s not like they held Ferelden’s secrets, she could read them without him compromising the Kingdom she didn’t know he had. </p><p>“Does the King know what he’s going to do, have you spoke to him?” she asked, tearing her eyes from the books to him. </p><p>“I truthfully don’t know Shepard” he gulped, “I- I’ve always been fighting wars never, never doing this… sitting here delegating” he said dropping his head in his hands. </p><p>He felt rather than heard her move, a solid arm around his shoulders, as she knelt by his chair. Gently turning his head to her neck. He in turn wrapped his arms around her torso, feeling her strange pulse and warm body. She knew how this felt, to get reports likes this in her cabin, not able to do anything. The entire 2nd Fleet was sacrificed getting her off Earth for heaven’s sake.</p><p>“The Inquisition, they’re helping aren’t they” she said staring into his warm browns. </p><p>“Yes, they’re currently in the Hinterlands from the reports, I believe helping the refugees there” he said picking up another parchment for her. </p><p>She read it over in record time. </p><p><em> Nearby soldiers accounted that they were begging for mercy from Andraste. Our troops had to put down Mages and rogue Templars alike, they attacked on sight </em> </p><p><em> Those identified have been burned and personal affects that were not burned or destroyed distributed to refugees </em> </p><p><em> Children have been sent to appropriate housing according to age, ranging from babes to coming of age (16) </em> </p><p>
  <em> The Herald could be seen speaking with Chantry Sisters, the number of rifts in the region has decreased </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Inquisition camps have been established in the Hinterlands </em>
</p><p>“Come on, take a break” she said moving to lift his arm from his chair. She didn’t know if she wanted to leave the room for her or for him. She chose the latter. </p><p>“Shepard really I-“</p><p>“Alastair get your fucking arse out that chair” she growled. </p><p>“Yes Ma’am” he said, the first smile of the day creeping on his face. </p><p>She had regularly throughout that day taken him from his chair and made him eat or drink. Do something. This was the longest they’d actually spoken for. He relished the company.</p><p>They ventured out with Rocco and Simon through the gardens for a few hours, Alastair would occasionally huff or grumble. It would be quickly stopped by one of Shepard’s Commander looks, or an elbow in his side. Simon kept a respectable distance back from them. Rocco simply trotted round, occasionally bringing Shepard a stick for her to throw. </p><p>“You look tired” Shepard said smiling, her height meant she was a similar to him, just a breath shorter. He looked at her, dark circles under her eyes indicated she was struggling too. The fire though, the fire in her dancing green-blue eyes was still burning. </p><p>“You wound me” he said back laughing. </p><p>“I’d like to” she said nudging him. </p><p>“Hey witty one liners are my thing!” he retorted, sitting on the ledge of a fountain groaning as he went, “Truthfully, you’re right, I haven’t slept much. The reports are… well ghastly” </p><p>“You need to keep a level head Alastair that means taking a break; without you the King and this land will be left without a good man in a position of power” she said gripping his shoulder with her hand. </p><p>He avoided her eyes, dropped his fingers into the cool water, the view of the coins rippled as he washed his hands through. The gently trickle of the fountain top dripping into the water.</p><p>“How are you keeping?” he asked, turning to the woman in-front of him. </p><p>“I- I keep dreaming of Maxwell” she admitted, “Every night I’ve heard him shout for me, he’s always got these claws in his sides dragging him back from me… last night was well it is making me believe he might actually be in trouble. I think-” she said looking into the water. <em> I think a demon might be consuming him </em> It felt silly saying it but, in this world, it was possible. </p><p>She didn’t go into detail about the dream, letting the memories haunt her for a moment. </p><p>“There’s something else, isn’t there” he said, his wet hand going to her face to turn it towards him. </p><p>“Alastair you’ve read the reports. Those people begged for Andraste, begged for mercy. Maxwell is out there doing something, helping and- I keep thinking if I was there would those people be alive?” she asked, gazing into his deep browns. His frown deepening. </p><p>He opened his mouth twice, no words managed to break out. He couldn’t be sure either. She stood without another word, dodging past Simon back into the palace and sped walked to her room, Alastair was hot on her heels. </p><p><em> Even his blessed Vessel left him </em> </p><p>“Where are you going?” he asked. </p><p>“To Haven, to the Inquisition” she said moving to get her cloak and hair ties when she arrived at her room.</p><p>“He put you back in a cell, there is nothing stopping him from doing so again” Simon said from the back of the group, speaking up for the first time since they had arrived back into Alastair’s study.</p><p>“We cannot march on the Inquisition if he chooses that, I- the King cannot fight two wars” Alastair agreed.</p><p>She sighed and turned, “Alastair, Simon… I am… unbelievably grateful for the King’s hospitality, giving me food clothes. You two for company, but those peopled begged Andraste to save them and she never did. I wasn’t there to help them as they burned, there were children there… while I was here. Learning about Andraste eating food and doing nothing” she said sitting heavily on the bed guilt eating her from the inside. How many deaths had been caused because she hesitated, was too busy prancing around the Castle? </p><p>This was everything she denounced during the war. </p><p>People in a position to help not doing so. </p><p>“Shepard there are people out there calling for your head? You cannot ignore the threat to you. That Templar almost took your head for one punch!” Alastair roared, his hand gesturing to the world outside the window. </p><p>“And I cannot ignore the threat to this world! I cannot ignore my duty, I swore an oath when I joined the Alliance and I will be dammed it I break it now. For fuck sake I could be the reason for the explosion and not know! I can help Maxwell stop this!” she shouted back. </p><p>“I can’t make you stay can I” he said kneeling at her feet. She smiled sadly, shaking her head. </p><p>“I have to do something, especially if Maxwell is in trouble” she said cupping his cheek, “Even if… they put me in a cell. I can help more than I can here but if he is in trouble. I can’t let the only apparent thing that can close rifts die and let's face it when word gets out I'm here can you honestly say that people won't try to storm the palace to get to me?” she finished, moving to stand. Her decision made. </p><p>“Well you aren’t going without proper armour. I can’t- I will not send you out there without protection” He said standing in his original position, unmoving. The distance between them was negatable, as was the tension. </p><p>“I can-“</p><p>“Handle yourself? Yes. I know, but if you are going back to the Inquisition which by the way I do not fully trust. You are going fully armoured or not at all and that is final.” He said, his voice dripping with authority, his frown making his ginger eyebrows deepen.  </p><p>“Yes Sir” she replied with a smirk, her attempt to alleviate Alastair's sadness over the conversation was... negligible. </p><p>“Come on, Vessel of Andraste.” He said drawing out the last word, “Let’s get you fitted then” Alastair said gesturing to the door. </p><p>***</p><p>“His fever is getting worse, I am unable to find the cause but I can tell you he is well within the Fade’s grasp. I dare say that this may be possession.” Solas said taking his hand of the Herald’s wrist, putting it back on the bed. His pulse was increased, beating round his blood like a storm. His left hand fizzled occasionally with green light. </p><p>“It is a good thing you returned when you did but we do not have the training in the Templars to deal with possession.” Cullen nodded said, hands on his hips. Surveying the situation, his mind going over the damage Maxwell could do. </p><p>He didn’t mention that he as a Templar would not be able to fight such things, not without Lyrium. </p><p>“From what I can see it’s similar to when he fell from the Fade. What other symptoms did he present?” Adan said, going over his notes from the make shift table in the Herald’s cabin. Pots and potions littered the desk. Two Templars outside as he requested. </p><p>Varric chuckled from his corner in the room, “Marcher’s been having crazy mood wings on the way back here, at one point I thought he’d lost it” </p><p>“He has been… difficult” Solas confirmed, wetting a towel and placing it on Maxwell’s face. </p><p>“Difficult? He tried to run away, TWICE!” Cassandra roared across the room, her usual pristine black armour coated in dry mud.</p><p>“Shepard… don’t…” Maxwell groaned in his sleep, his eyes fluttered open for a moment. It didn't go unnoticed by Solas, leaning over him. Cullen internally cringed at the plead. Was Shepard… torturing him? Was he begging to be saved?</p><p>
  <em> Maxwell was trapped. Surrounded in the cells the echo of footsteps, the sharp pain in his left hand. Cassandra, or what had taken Cassandra’s form was pacing around. This had been going on for what felt like days, the Fade sinking deeper and deeper into his skin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is this shape useful? Will it let me know you?” the woman circled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I see through you demon” Max choked back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I see through you demon” it replied back, a mix of his own voice, Cassandra’s and the thunder of its own. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tried to move but was bound, the metal on his wrists forbid him to move them. He was on his knees, the stone floor draining his heat. His energy. He felt like he was on fire, the cold sweat dripping down his back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The demon was clawing into his side, every person was Envy every noise was his design. Maxwell felt himself slipping away…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Tell me what you feel” Cullen’s demonic form growled, “Tell me what you see” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>An armoured hand holding his marked left made his heavy eyelids open. Shepard was there kneeling with him, holding his left hand with her left. She was fully armoured, her helmet face piece up, revealing her eyes and her mouth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It won’t work demon, I will not give you anything” Max spat at the knelt form.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m coming Max, hold on. I’m just over the river just hold on” she repeated, her face fading. Becoming more transparent. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shepard, is that… is that you?” Maxwell asked, she felt warm, her voice even. Her eyes were so lively. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bodies that were burned into knelt skeletons were growing from the cells. Their mouths breathing fire. Screams begging for Andraste. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Maxwell Trevelyan I will get to you” she promised, her eyes darting into his as she faded from his view, the coldness of her iron clad hand gone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shepard… don’t…go” he begged, tears pooling from his eyes. His body flamed at her abandoned touch. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Being you will be so interesting” the demon growled. </em>
</p><p>“It is possible it is Breach related or even to do with Shepard, possibly a shared connection. We still do not have the answers of the magic in the Herald or what demon may be possessing him” Leliana asked, stepping out the shadows, Varric tensed but didn’t jump. </p><p>“I do not know. With your permission I shall go to the Fade and search for answers” Solas replied, putting the cloth back in the basin. </p><p>“Do so carefully Solas, if Shepard is involved, she may be causing this” Cassandra growled. </p><p>“I do not agree, but I will try” he nodded. </p><p>“Maker preserve him” Cullen growled before turning away himself. Not wanting to watch the poor man any longer. </p><p>***</p><p>Earlier that evening…</p><p>Shepard admired herself in the mirror. </p><p>Her armour was heavy, but manageable. The silver metal pieces sat much like her original armour would, hugging her skin, making a lot more noise as she moved. Her helmet was currently being fetched by Simon, leaving only Alastair and her in the room. The torches around the room crackled and popped in the silence. </p><p>“You’re angry with me” Shepard stated, turning to watch Alastair over the stand of swords and shields. His eyes left the glinting metal to reach hers. </p><p>He sighed before rounding the weapons, closing the distance. “No” he said, checking her armour for what seemed like the fourth time. His hands going to her buckles and pieces. Tightening some, playing with the pieces to make sure they fit her muscles.</p><p>“But out of this palace, I can’t adequately protect you. If you die, well I don’t think Andraste would be too happy with me and well I'll miss your company” he smirked, it didn’t reach his eyes. </p><p>“Al-“</p><p>“Just promise me you’ll be careful” he said returning his hands to his own body, the distance between them barely more than a breath. Her silence filled the room. “Lie if you have to” he said sadly, his amber eyes darting to each of hers.</p><p>How many times had she walked away from a friend for a mission? How many times had she been shown kindness and have the other beg for her to come back? How many times had she never seen those faces again?</p><p>“I’ll try” she said, her armoured hand moving to his cheek, “Thank you, for everything” and with that she moved her mouth to kiss his cheek. The slight stubble on his face scratching her. His breath caught in his throat when she placed her lips on his skin.</p><p>She backed her face away from him, lips removed from his cheek. He turned his head and claimed hers. His hands grasping her head to hold her to him as he placed his lips against her, eyes going wide before closing.</p><p>She stiffened for a moment. She expected the feeling of feeling another’s experience, his memories pouring into her before she could block them. But it didn’t happen. Clearly her practising of shutting off her powers had worked. She decided to melt into the kiss. </p><p>Her arm went to his back crushing her to him, their breath mixing within their mouths, exchanging silent desperation. She opened her mouth, demanding entrance to his, she groaned into his mouth. He opened willingly, tongues dancing. Her hand had moved to his hair while his stayed on her neck. He broke off from her, resting his forehead on hers, catching their breath. </p><p>“Shepard, I- there’s probably something I should-“</p><p>His words were cut off by Simon’s heavy footsteps, they broke apart to a respectable distance when he entered. Both smiling sadly. </p><p>“Here we are” he said, handing her a helmet, the metal went around the back of her head and covered her cheek bones, the top was a pulldown mask that would only leave her eyes exposed. </p><p>“Thank you, Simon” she said, putting it on and hugging him tightly. His rigid set back told her that he wasn't wholey happy with this, but he relented anyway.</p><p>“May the Maker keep you safe Shepard” he said wrapping his arms around her shoulders. </p><p>For the first time since coming to this time or world. She felt like she had people she could trust, rely on. And now she was leaving them for an unknown. Little did she know, Alastair felt the same. </p><p>Letting go of the man they made their way to the stables, Alastair gifting her a horse to ride on. The one she had been learning to ride on, Simon gave her a leg up. Avoiding the packs of clothes and food they had also given her. Only travelling light, if she rode quickly, she’d reach Haven within a day or so. </p><p>“Al, I still haven’t found any of those flaws” Shepard said upon the horse, they were on the steps at the stables that connected to the main gate. </p><p>“When you’re done saving the world, come back and we’ll find some for you to complain about” he smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. </p><p>“It’s a date” she winked watching his smile turn into a grin, before sliding her helmet closed and kicking the horse into a steady gallop. </p><p>The dread in her stomach weighing her down to the saddle. She missed the sag of the shoulders of the men behind her. The gentle whimper of a Mabari never reached her ears as she galloped into the night. </p><p>Shepard kept a strong pace, stopping every so often for Zeus, as she had named him. God of the Clouds seemed fitting for a white stallion. The stars circled past her as she reached Redcliffe, reaching for her map and using the signs she was nearing Haven. She didn’t stop to eat herself, snacking on the ride and racing away if she heard movement in the woods. Smart or paranoid, she didn’t know.</p><p>Only that if Maxwell was in trouble, she needed to help. </p><p>And if he wasn’t, then she could use that energy to help others. </p><p>No more people begging for Andraste, no more children burning in their homes. Or riding over dead bodies in the woods in the Hinterlands. </p><p><em> Even his blessed Vessel has left him </em> </p><p>Nearing the opposite side of the River she let herself find a cave, Alastair had kindly given her map of the specific area near Haven and where the good ‘hidey points are’ as he put it. She settled herself and Zeus into the cave’s corner, making sure the horse had plenty of apples and carrots to snack on. A quick nap before riding across the river she told herself. </p><p>
  <em> She wandered to the shore of Lake Amell from their cabin, her bare feet leaving hot marks on the metal jetty before disappearing. The boats were still on the water, the only ripples were made from an occasional breeze on the water. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard inhaled deeply, expecting to smell the salt and fuel. Only for there to be nothing. No smell. No taste to the air, the Fade then.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I see why you come here. It is important to you, peaceful.” a voice said behind her, she turned on the dock to see an Elf striding towards her. Barefoot and bald… Solas?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How are you… well this is the first time I’ve dreamt of you. No offence Solas” Shepard smiled, the Elf nodding to her as he joined her on the end of the peer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Such strange surroundings” he said marvelling at the cabin and the colony beyond. In the distance were the towers to keep the atmosphere stable. “I have never seen such things in my journeys in the Fade” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Wait, are you… dreaming… in my dream?” Shepard asked, reaching out to touch him, solid mass beneath his cloth arm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes. I would usually not have intruded but this time it is urgent. The Herald is in dire need of your assistance” Solas said, unfolding his hands from behind his back and looking at her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s true, he is in trouble… I- I’m trying to get to Haven. I’m not far, what’s happened?” she exclaimed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He gave her a strange look, shock maybe. “When you two exited the Fade I do not believe you exited alone. Something has latched himself onto him, is feeding off of him for days and we are not sure we can exorcise this demon with the lack of Templar’s we have. If we do try it may provoke the demon into killing him, or turning him into an abomination”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But how can I help?!” Shepard shouted, her mind started to panic. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The spirits I might usually consult have been driven away by the breach, but we must act quickly. I have been trying to reach you for some time now. You have not slept” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, I’ve been trying to get back and now it might be too late, but… I don’t know how to fight demons?! I’m just one woman” Shepard said pacing on the metal deck. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You are more. You, a mortal, have walked through the Fade, physically! There are repercussions to this as the Herald is now experiencing. Fate has given you to us. You have broken the rules of nature, you will break more before this is through. Think Shepard.” he said calmly, reassuring her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard cast her mind back. Thinking of what she had learned about the Fade. The Chantry and Ferelden. About Andraste, the mosaics were bright in her mind like she was just looking at them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em><em> Even his blessed Vessel has left him </em> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard cursed at her interrupting thought and flared brightly, Solas didn’t move. The boats on the dock floated and caught on the ropes holding them to the jetty. The ripples of her energy danced across the water, floating away from her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She uncurled her fists and stared into the water. Her reflection did not stare back but instead a blonde-haired boy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Demons can’t swim” he smiled, “Envy wants to learn, feed. He wants to be you. To be him. Helpless. Hurting. Yearning. You can help.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” she shouted, she heard Solas’s footsteps padding to her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can swim” he smiled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She groaned as the scene changed, her body felt like it was being exposed to harsh winds and boiling currents. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The cells. She was in the cells. She saw Maxwell groaning in the centre, tied up and sweating. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“MAX” she shouted, he didn’t answer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked like he was dying. She fell to his side on her knees, she tried to touch him but went straight through him like she was a ghost. His mark crackled and lit up, maybe she needed to touch the right spot? Her left hand went into his, gaining his attention. He looked straight into her eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It won’t work Demon, I will give you nothing” he growled at her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was true… he was being possessed. Taken. Used. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m coming Max, hold on. I’m just over the river just hold on” she said in a rushed voice, holding his hand tighter.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The river… the ice…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something changed in his expression. Like he had found a drop of water in the sand. “Shepard, is that… is that you?” Maxwell asked, he looked awful. Pale skin like snow, his mouth loose breaths ragged. The image started to fade</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Maxwell Trevelyan I will get to you” she promised, her eyes darting into his as he and the cells faded into the water. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Who are you?” she asked the boy under the water. “I’ve seen you before haven’t I…” she said kneeling to get closer. Her hand reached into the water to touch him but was met with nothing. When she pulled her hand out, he was gone. Vanished with the ripples. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The water changed, the surface freezing over emanating from her, the breeze of Lake Amell back onto her skin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shepard, we must hurry” Solas said urgently.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Solas I have an idea. But it will be very dangerous and probably get us both thrown back into a cell” she said over her shoulder at the bald man. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Envy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His knees felt numb. </p><p>His skin burnt.</p><p>His lungs could barely take in breath. </p><p>The light from the torches in the cells never went out, relentlessly burning the fuel into the air. Envy wasn’t currently trying to take the faces of his people but he could feel his presence the burning words in his mind “I am Envy and I will know you”.</p><p>Maxwell could feel himself locked inside his own head. Maker he felt so small, he hadn’t been this cowardly since his father had locked him in the wine cellar for disobeying his tutor about the Chantry. Why Envy had chosen the cell’s and beginning of his Herald legacy to torture him, he didn’t know. </p><p>He curled himself tighter, remembering the Chant. Hoping the Maker or Andraste would grant him mercy. </p><p>
  <em> I have heard the sound. A song in the stillness, the echo of your voice. Calling creation to wake from its slumber. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>How can we know you? In the turning of the seasons, in life and death, in the empty space where our hearts hunger for a forgotten face? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You have walked beside me, down the paths where a thousand arrows sought my flash. You have stood with me when all others have forsaken me- </em>
</p><p>“Herald” </p><p>No no no no he was back. </p><p>He held himself tighter, trying to ignore the next face that Envy had stolen. Trying instead to block it out and focus on the Chant.</p><p>“Herald!” </p><p>A cool wash fell over him like he was being healed, rejuvenated. This didn’t feel like the soul sucking torture. He uncurled slightly and lifted his head off the stone floor to see pale bare-feet. His eyes travelled up the form to see the bald Elf frowning over him.</p><p>“S-Solas?” </p><p>“Herald, there is a chance to break free from this but you must be ready to move” the elf said, his fingertips were like cooling ice on his arms. Heaving him onto his backside, legs splayed. </p><p>“Wha-“</p><p>“I can break this bond but I will not be able to hold it long, you must be ready to move with me in reality” the elf’s blue eyes bore into him. </p><p>He squeezed his eyes shut, “I can’t” his body was shook by Solas. </p><p>“Herald you have the mark. Wield it. It is more than a tool; it is a part of you and a part of the Fade. Listen to it, channel it” Solas replied fiercely. </p><p>“O-ok” he groaned. The first light of hope igniting in him.</p><p>“We must move quickly and you must trust us” Solas replied, moving Maxwell into a standing position leaning heavily on the Elf’s body. The blood rushing down to his lower limbs made his head spin. It took him a moment to actually feel the cold under his feet. </p><p>“Us?” he replied.</p><p>Solas ignored his reply. “Reach for the waking world. Open a way for you. And only you, this is your soul. Your body” Solas encircled Maxwell’s left wrist. </p><p>He imagined Haven, the snow the cold. He imagined the taste of stew and the smell of the ale he had a likening for. He imagined his armour and sword on his skin. He imagined the bird chirping and the ice cracking in the sun. </p><p>His hand lit up with energy and the cells faded as Envy screeched in frustration.  </p><p>***</p><p>She felt like she had been dreaming for hours in Mindoir with Solas and the boy. </p><p>But if she had a gun to her head and told to guess, she could have said no longer than half an hour. She didn’t have time to wait, to pause, to stop. She should have been here days ago. </p><p>She could have stopped this. </p><p>Solas told her of Maxwell’s recent symptoms in record time. He had been fighting a demon in his head while helping refugees while she pranced around on a horse with Alastair and Simon.  </p><p>And for what?</p><p>Because she thought she was in a coma? A fever dream? A story?</p><p>Because she was tired of being a soldier? </p><p>Denying the very essence that made her, her?</p><p>He could die because of her stubbornness to accept this new situation. Of all the things that have happened to her and her crew, this wasn’t the strangest…</p><p>Shepard could barely suck in breath as the wind whipped past her hair, past her lungs with how fast the horse was sprinting across the dirt path leading down to the river, occasionally weaving out of the way of a tree or rock to cutting off from the path for the most direct route. She’d be lying if she was in control, Zeus doing most of the weaving for her without instruction. </p><p>The shield on her back lifted and hit her back with every strafe, the sword on her hip clanged against her ankle. The armour hanging heavily on her skin, the buckles keeping it tight against her. The only place the wind hitting was her eyes and where her neck was uncovered by the helmet and her chest plate. The former, watering in the cold wind air, the latter felt like it was burning like hot water onto her skin. </p><p>This was a shit plan…</p><p>Worse than a shit plan… it was entirely reliant on her limited knowledge on demons, an elf’s intentions and the ability to not get shot with a bullet well arrow by any of Max’s soldiers. Or falling off a horse. </p><p>Mercifully, the tree’s thinned out, peeking ice began to creep in her vision. Keeping the speed, she reached the ice, the wind now flowing freely, unbroken from the trees. It picked up the loose snow from the frozen waterfall in the distance, making a wall of gentle fog. Occasionally the wind would drop showing Shepard the other side. </p><p>In the distance she could make out… animals? People?</p><p>Moving figures. </p><p>“Unhand him Apostate!” </p><p>Shit. </p><p>Shepard spurred the horse into action and set across the mile lake, into the misty wind. </p><p>Shepard sprinted across the ice on Zeus, removing her feet from the stirrups and shuffling back towards the back end of the horse careful of its powerful back legs. Her hands were off the reins, instead using the saddle as a form of steadying connection to the stallion as it rode forward. </p><p>She vaguely felt a presence behind her, piercing eyes into her back. Shit was she followed here? If she could just turn and see-</p><p>Any motion was stopped when she saw the stand-off in-front of her. Four figures were advancing on Solas as he came into view. He was on the ice backing up holding the Herald as they walked backwards, Solas’s hands making a barrier to stop them advancing. Cassandra was one of them, sword drawn. A blonde man that looked vaguely familiar also with a sword drawn, a… dwarf? </p><p>With a crossbow? And another man in inquisition armour, his ginger hair shone in the moonlight. His chin and face tattoos stuck out against his pale face. </p><p>All of their eyes widened when they saw her, or rather saw the horse sprinting towards them. </p><p>She leaped off the horse, sending it barrelling it into them, forcing them to jump out the way, some landing on their stomach. The dwarf flipped out the way landing nimbly on his feet. </p><p>“Shepard quickly!” Solas said trying to hold Maxwell’s arms back so he couldn’t struggle away. Shoving him to his knees facing her to hold him easier. The four stopped at the sight of her, she was keenly aware of the crossbow on her.  She put her hands up as a surrender, turning towards the kneeling man and the Elf struggling to keep him still behind him.</p><p>His eyes. It was his eyes that stopped her, his grey eyes were wild. His face was contorted in a snarl. His skin was pale, so pale. His skin looked as grey as his eyes. Sickly. Even his auburn hair looked ashen. </p><p>“You’re too late, you left him. You left him all alone and now he’s mine” the growling voice of Maxwell said grinning. The mixture of Envy and Max’s voice combined and changed so it was either just one of them or both. </p><p>“Shepard…” Solas warned, his arms struggling to hold Maxwell’s.</p><p>“Is that it?” She goaded Envy. “You manage to take one young lad and you expect us to be impressed?” she asked laughing.</p><p><em> Please let this work </em> she begged the universe. </p><p>“But he is the Herald, he is important. I have touched so much of him. But he is selfish with his glory” Envy growled, “He’s still fighting” Maxwell’s voice said. </p><p><em> Good. </em> </p><p>“Don’t you want more? Why be one person, when you could be thousands. All these memories all these experiences…” she said, watching the emotions flicker across Max’s face. Footsteps to her right indicated more soldiers were joining them at the shore. </p><p><em> Envy wants to learn, feed. He wants to be you. </em> </p><p>She took her dagger from her back, small like a letter opener. She dragged it across the skin exposed on her shoulder, gritting her teeth as it sliced through her trap, where her chest plate met her helmet and threw it across to him. She would be dammed if she removed any armour for this. </p><p>“Have a taste” she spat. </p><p>The knife clattered across to him, the metal clanging as it went. Leaving a hot trail of red blood droplets against the light blue and white of the ice. He grasped the knife in both hands, the ice on his knees cooling the leather against his burning skin. </p><p>Maxwell’s tongue went flat against the blade end, cleaning one side of the blood before turning it and doing the same to the other side. His tongue licked his fingertips clean like a beast starved of food. He drank the richness of her strength, of her heritage and experience. The whisper of power, the sweet song in her blood. He would need more of her soul to determine her form.</p><p>He gruff voice the mixture of demon and Maxwell echoed around to the shore line, “The progeny… it’s true. You hold so much. I need to know you” Shepard readied herself. </p><p>The Envy demon burst out of Maxwell leaving him gagging and coughing, stretching its limbs. Its back legs were impossibly long, bending at an unnatural angle so its torso was bent forwards towards her with two pairs of smaller arms. One pair was on the ice the other was fingered with claws, clenching and un-clenching. Its body was a fleshy pink, it had no eyes but one large mouth, the top of its head was just red cracks on where eyes should lie. </p><p>“SOLAS GO” she shouted gesturing with her arm, taking her sword and shield out.</p><p>Solas sprinted into action, dragging Maxwell to the shore his eyes confused and bleary, his feet barely keeping up with the agile Elf. Struggling to keep himself up. The four on the shore began to sprint to her aid but were stopped by a barrier that was erected as soon as Maxwell and Solas were with them. </p><p>Envy. </p><p>He had cut them off from her. </p><p>He launched himself at her, she countered with a bash of her shield, buckling under its weight as its other arm went to swipe at her. She channelled her biotics into the shield forcing it back. </p><p>“You cannot defeat me” he growled, “I have taken countless human’s Commander Shepard, you will be no different” </p><p>She sliced its arm with her sword. Throwing her weight into a roll to try and get behind it to swipe at another leg. Another sharp cut and she dodged away, retreating when she could searching for openings. Shit he was fast. </p><p>“You know nothing of humanity and that will be your downfall” she retorted, readying her shield. </p><p>She was losing energy. She darted and swiped for him again, he hit her with another swipe, sending her rolling again, this time not by her own accord. </p><p>She wasn’t fast enough. Not in this amour. </p><p>She scrambled to her feet and dodged again, managing a measly cut on its leg before it grabbed her and threw her against the barrier a few meters above the ground, her back hit it and she fell to the ice with a thud. She groaned, her back and ribs protesting as she got on all fours. </p><p>She jumped to her feet searching for her weapons. They had slid behind the barrier. Fucking asshole. She wasn’t strong enough. Not with her injuries. </p><p>She used her biotics to combat him, sending a shockwave even Jack would be pleased with through the ice. She tried throwing balls of energy, some hitting. Some missing but hitting the ice. Cracking it slightly. She wouldn’t win this conventionally. </p><p>Envy managed to grab her holding her in his arms laughing at her, she kicked her legs out to smack its face using her biotics to make it a fair smack before he squeezed her tighter trapping her in his hands. He took one of his arms running along the slice in the side of her neck and tasting it. </p><p>“What are you” he growled, “Let me know you”</p><p>He sucked his finger as he slammed her into the ice. Once and again before throwing her and circling her like a predator circling its prey.</p><p>It was working. </p><p><em> Be the Vessel on the ice </em> </p><p>Shepard breathed heavily on the ground on her stomach, her limbs flayed around her, her head tossed to one side. She craned her eyes open; she could see the worried and scared faces of the group massing at the shore. Some were knelt at the barrier with swords in hand? Chanting or saying something.</p><p>“This war has brought us pain suffering and loss.” Shepard’s heart skipped a beat. The faces on the shore were shocked, panicked. She could see Maxwell leaning heavily on Solas, banging on the barrier shouting her name. </p><p>That was… her voice…coming from the demon. The thundering mix of her voice and Envy’s. </p><p>“It’s also brought us together as soldiers, allies, friends. This bond that ties us together is something the Reapers will never understand.” Her own voice growled, mixed with Envy’s. </p><p>Her eyes went wide as she recognised the speech. </p><p>Her speech on Earth she had uttered not two weeks ago. The last time she had spoken to her crew, her omnitool connecting to the entire war fleet. Her voice would have been uttered through the speakers of every ship, every omnitool. On all available channels. Her words of hope. </p><p>He was beginning to take her. </p><p>“It’s more powerful than any weapon, stronger than any ship. It can’t be taken or destroyed. The next few hours will decide the fate of everyone in the galaxy” Shepard stared at the demon, her sword and shield lost behind the barrier. </p><p>He reached for her grasping her in his clutches and slammed her into the ice again. </p><p>She felt cracking, her bones or ice she didn’t know. She lay heavily on her side as the tears began to fall, she could feel the fingers in her mind.</p><p>“Every mother, every son, every unborn child. They’re trusting you, depending on you to win them your future. A future free from the Reapers!” He prowled around her, its long legs turning him quickly. Out of her reach.</p><p>Her voice continued from its form, “Take heart, look around you, you are not in this fight alone. We face our enemy together, and together we will defeat them…” The beast laughed as she rolled and lay on her stomach, coughing up blood into her helmet, it slid off her chin onto her chest-plate forming a small pool on the blue ground. </p><p>Envy’s voice began cracking around her once more, “Tell me Shepard, in your mind. How did it feel to lose everything? Did it hurt to breathe? Did you cry so much you could barely see? TELL ME”</p><p>He slammed her once more across the ice, it cracked again, creaking under her weight. As she slid across the ice, armour causing tiny scratches. Just a little more she thought, just a little more. The shore was behind her, the demon looming over her. </p><p>Shepard squeezed the tears out her eyes, trailing down her hot cheeks. Alone in the treehouse waiting for the Batarians to find her. Listening to Ash on the comm as the bomb went off. The memories of Mordin’s death as John had to carry her kicking and screaming from the tower. Catching Legion’s battered body as he sacrificed himself for his people after finding individuality. Holding Thane’s hand as he slipped from the world, his head lolling to one side. </p><p>No. He was trying to get into her head, make her feel weak. </p><p>“Did it hurt so much you thought it was the end? How many have died in your name? How many shake in fear when your name is spoken? TELL ME” he said slamming her back into the ice once more. It took another step back, he was playing with her, keeping her alive for as long as possible. </p><p>“The Shepard without her flock. You stand alone and you will die alone, the scared little girl in the cold plagued by her nightmares. In the darkness all alone, no one is coming to save you, once we are done there will be no one left to save”</p><p>“SHEPARD GET UP” she heard Maxwell shout.</p><p>Shepard groaned trying once more to get up, her legs slipped twice before she managed one leg. Looking up at Envy’s form, even with its hanging mouth it open it was smiling. “I will take everything from you”</p><p>Shepard began to laugh on the ice it made the demon flinch, spitting the blood from her mouth into her helmet, “Don’t you see” she screamed, “I have lost everything. There is NOTHING that you could take from me except my life…” Her voice was horse, screaming at the demon. She just wanted to rest. </p><p>“The one thing I can do that you can’t, I can die with purpose. I pity you” she spat more blood. “Your entire existence is a JOKE.” she roared.</p><p>The creature moved slowly, on its spot. Not advancing but not retreating. The ice around them had little lines on in a circle of where she had been slammed. Her knees slid funding purchase; her neck craned to look at the demon. </p><p>She flared her biotics, the light shining across the ice highlighting the cracks. Her multitoned voice echoed across the ice. </p><p>“Even now you are nothing to me. The monster from under my bed. And if the monster from my childhood can return to plague me then rest assured” she groaned getting to her knees. </p><p><em> Demons can’t swim, or are scared of water </em> </p><p>“So” she got one foot planted. </p><p>“Will” the next planted, a hand on the ground pushing herself upright, she flared her biotics. The green light enveloping her skin.</p><p>“Yours” </p><p>She focused a ball around her fist and slammed into the ice, cracking it around them. Shattering the silence. Shattering the ground. Holding her fist to the ground pouring her biotics into the ice and water beneath as the cracks spread towards the demon, it skittered back, screeching as the water touched its leg. </p><p>“SHEPARD!”</p><p>She looked down at her feet trying to retain her balance as the water flowed and churned around her, the cracks were spreading back towards her. She looked up at Envy’s retreating form before turning and started sprinting… well hobbling. </p><p>The barrier Envy had cast had vanished, the group had retreated to the shore weapons drawn. She started running as the waves under the ice crashed underneath her, making the cracks form larger and bigger around her. Separating the chunks floating on the choppy water. </p><p>Sending shards big enough to sprint on uphill, she crawled up them and jumped to the next, nearing the shore. She couldn’t see or hear Envy but with the barrier gone she hoped it wasn’t following her, she jumped off the last ice shard and landed heavily on the ground rolling with a thud. </p><p>A strong arm grabbed her and pulled her to feet, half carrying her to solid ground as the water roared behind her. The sounds of ice crashing and water smacking it roared behind her.</p><p>She leant heavily against the body her head hitting metal with a clang, her hand coming up to rest on the opposite shoulder she was leaning on, the smell of Elderflower reaching her, catching her breath between her screaming body. Finally, able to stand on her own accord she looked up into honey brown eyes and blonde hair. His own eyes looking into hers with… wonder? She didn’t have time to examine it before Maxwell said her name. </p><p>Lying on the dirt, Solas next to him tending to his wounds. Cassandra and Leliana were by his side also. Soldiers and others were around the shore, staring at her. Some were making a defensive circle around them swords pointed outwards for any threats, not at her.</p><p>She left the blonde man and went to his side, her armour pressing against her growing bruises from her many smacks on the ice. The man followed suit and stood behind her while she fell to her knees in-front of him groaning under the ground’s vibrations up her bones, Maxwell was lying back in a cloth shirt and pants on the dirt, propped up on one elbow sweating but alive. </p><p>He tried sitting up but was stopped by the armoured hand of Cassandra.</p><p>“You came back” he said desirously, a small smile gracing his face. “I dreamt of you, I shouted and shouted, I-” </p><p>“I heard you” she interrupted the taste of iron in her mouth made her gulp, “I heard you Maxwell” she whispered again, cupping his face in her hand, letting him accept the contact of her on him before brushing his hair back off his forehead. His eyes drifted under her attention.</p><p>
  <em> Even his blessed Vessel left him </em>
</p><p>“I’m so sorry” she whispered to him as his breaths became even and deep. His elbow slid in the dirt as he passed out. </p><p>“Is he- is he okay?” Shepard asked Solas in a hushed voice. </p><p>“He is. Exhausted but there are no residual effects of the possession, it worked” Solas smiled, running the blue light of his hands down Max’s head and chest. </p><p>“How did you know that would work?” Cassandra asked her, she couldn’t read Shepard’s expression from under her helmet but Shepard smiled anyway. </p><p>“I didn’t” she replied, her breath was hot against her helmet. She wavered slightly in the cold wind, the sweat under her back cold against her skin.</p><p>Cassandra considered her for a moment before nodding with approval, indicating some soldiers to lift the Herald. </p><p>They made their way steadily back to Haven, leaving a patrol of Templars patrolling the gates to make sure Envy didn’t return. Shepard’s stomach ate away with uncertainty, Maxwell was drifting in and out of consciousness as he was carried back to Haven. Someone was carrying her sword and shield for her, not trusting her with metal weapons… as if she needed them. </p><p>The blood on her iron armour from her wound had ran down the inside of her body, her helmet stank of blood. Her bones ached. The blonde man, she noticed, kept near her as her steps became shorter and slower. A few drifted into a wooden cabin to the left of the main gates, shoved in the corner with two others. </p><p>She waited outside unsure what to do with herself, several guards around her eyeing her wearily, they never held her gaze, always tensing if she moved. The Dwarf on the other hand, was staring. He was sat by a fire in the distance staring at her, not bothering to hide it. Minutes past and the arguing in the cabin increased. </p><p>“You saw what she did, she protected the Herald. Without her he would be dead” Cassandra’s muffled voice said. </p><p>“She is still an unknown, we need more information” a sing-song voice said.</p><p>“I can tell you there is no Magic within her, she is no more a Mage than the Seeker” Solas’s voice added. </p><p>“We cannot leave her in a cell, I will not allow it” a man said. </p><p>“Can we be sure Haven is safe? There have already been two attempts on the Herald’s life” another woman’s voice added, higher pitched. A different accent.</p><p>She sighed again, dragging her eyes away from the stars, to meet the Dwarf still staring at her she walked over to the Dwarf, nearing the fire. Soldiers all looked at each-other as she passed and shrugged. Probably wondering if they should stop her. </p><p>She moved to a log, sitting heavily on the ground to the side of the Dwarf with her legs stretched out in-front of her, not waiting for permission. </p><p>“Varric Tethras” he nodded with a smile. </p><p>“Shepard” she said back, “thank you for not shooting me with your crossbow” she replied hoping her voice didn’t betray her exhaustion. If he replied she didn’t hear it.</p><p>She ached all over, her helmet still on with all her armour intact. The flames licked up the logs placed on it, the heat seeped up her front, she sighed heavily under the contact, keeping her left arm close to her body possibly dislocated or fracuted. She leant her head back against the pile of wood she was leaning on and stared at the stars for a few moments.</p><p>She hadn’t realised her eyes were closed until someone cleared their throat, she was under the attention of the brown eyes.</p><p>“Did you lose something over here?” she asked Varric.  </p><p>His grumbling laughter washed over her making her smirk, he poked the fire for a moment before returning his eyes to her. </p><p>“I’m trying to figure out your story” he said shrugging. “You can tell a lot from a person by what they do and don’t” he gestured to her armour, “want you to see”</p><p>She lifted her helmet flap up and turned the cheek guards away, revealing her face. “Figure away” she gestured to her face. Staring at him, his eyes widened. </p><p>“Jeeze you need a healer” he said jumping off to the cabin in the distance. She narrowed her eyes at the Dwarf’s retreating form, for short legs he could really shift. Did she need a healer? She couldn’t really feel anything.</p><p>She undid her arm and chest armour peeling it from her skin. Using her right arm to then peel her back armour away. Her left was useless to undo the straps so she shrugged her right arm armour off. She groaned as her ribs protested, throwing the metal into a pile leaving her in her white undershirt and bra. Her helmet joined the pile most of her hair had fallen out her ponytail, she leant back against the wood. She was finally free of the heavy burden of the metal. If they were going to kill her, they’d have done it by now.</p><p>She felt the bruises burning their way around her now, the tell-tale signs of cracked ribs and the iron taste still in her mouth. Her breathing becoming deeper under the attention from the fire, the cold no longer keeping her attention. Her eyes drifted closed as she fought consciousness as her chin fell to her chest.</p><p>“Maker’s breath” a man’s voice said crouching in-front of her lifting her head, she opened her eyes and looked down at her once white shirt was covered in blood from her neck which was still pumping down. </p><p>“Why did you not send for someone sooner?” Cassandra’s voice shouted, crouching by Shepard on the other side of the blonde man. </p><p>“She had armour on Seeker, you lot were the ones who left her out here!” Varric’s panicked voice said.</p><p>“I- I thought I was just sweaty” Shepard laughed, her eyes drifting. The blurry form of blonde hair picked her up once more. Murmurs of more conversation floated around her as she fought for consciousness.</p><p>She groaned as hands touched her, folding her into something hard and cold, her eyes drifted open as she looked at the blonde man, “We have to stop meeting like this” she joked gazing into the honey eyes as the scene behind him shifted and changed. He was taking her somewhere.</p><p>Through her blurry eyes she could see his smile, a very attractive smile. His laughter resonated through his chest and into her ears, she grinned through the pain of his steps as he took her into a warmer setting. His arms gentle as she was laid down on something soft. </p><p>Elderflower. </p><p>It smelt like Elderflower.  </p><p>***<br/>Waking from the fade always felt different than waking from a dream back home. Like being pulled out of water, the more water fell around you the more you were aware of it. </p><p>Elderflower. </p><p>She inhaled deeply before exhaling. </p><p>“Shepard?” a man’s voice whispered.</p><p>She peeled her eyes open, blinking heavily as her eyes came into focus. Her left arm was in a sling on her chest she tested tensing her muscles, clenching and unclenching her fist. Her right hand was being held by another’s, she followed the line of sight and was met with Maxwell on a chair, leaning forward his grey-blue eyes searching her face. </p><p>“Max” she smiled, her left cheek protesting as she did. “Are you ok?” she asked, her brain becoming less fuzzy. </p><p>“Should I be asking you that?” he replied, still holding her hand. Like she would disappear if he let go. </p><p>“I got there first”</p><p>“I’m ok. I- I, it was horrible Shepard. I shouted and shouted for you” he clenched his eyes, his hand leaving hers to rub down his face. She used her now free right hand to sit herself up, ignoring the throbbing pain on her trunk. </p><p>“Max, I know it’s crazy but I heard you. In my dreams, every night just once. Shouting for me. It’s- it’s part of the reason I came back”</p><p>Her words fell on deaf ears. She wrapped her arm around him resting in his hair to bring his head to her shoulder. His own arm went around her back holding him to her, his hand fisted in her shirt. She didn’t say anything as he breathed himself back to a calmer state. She used this time to look around the cabin, basic, simple wood. A desk, chair, fire place. No decoration per say but an armour stand and a shield lay against the far wall under a window. </p><p>“At-least I’m not in a cell this time” she mumbled; Maxwell’s breathless laughter drifted over her shoulder as he peeled away. </p><p>“That was an awful joke Shepard” he said, wiping the stray tears that left his eyes. The emotions on his face hardened for a moment, “I’m so sorry Shepard, if- if I had let you out maybe…”</p><p>“Maxwell, it’s gone ok… you aren’t being taken anymore and well, I forgive you for putting me back in the cell. I know you were scared of what I showed you” she offered, tilting her head. </p><p>“How did you know I was scared?” </p><p>“Because I had to live through those memories, any sane person would be. I was, at the time, some of those times” she smiled. </p><p>“Listen… there’s going to be a meeting later, would you join us and explain what’s happened- I don’t want you to go again” he admitted, his glassy blue eyes bore into her. He was scared.</p><p>“I suspect there are a few unhappy people with me being here” she said laughing, “But I’ll stay, if you’ll let me”</p><p>“Y-yes of course, would you like- ah a walk around Haven? Solas said you’re ok to move around, some food maybe!” he said quickly, his voice was light, youthful. Well spoken. Scattered.</p><p>“I’d like that”</p><p>Maxwell left and returned quickly with a selection of clothes that might fit her. The brown boots and leather trousers were perfect, the bralette was snug but comfortable against her bruised body. Putting the shirt on caused her to grit her teeth and groan a few times prompting Maxwell to ask her if she was alright through the shut wooden door. </p><p>Finally dressed, leaving her hair down she looked herself over. There was no mirror in the cabin, someone had washed her however, her hair smelt of Elderflower and something else. The waves loose around her back and over her shoulders. </p><p>She opened the door to Maxwell standing waiting, when his eyes flicked back up to hers, he gave her a warm grin. He offered his arm before removing it, seemingly remembering who he was with. Her light chuckle was drowned out by the crowd gathering around them. They walked through the crowd to the large building.</p><p>“That’s her” </p><p>“She saved the Herald, look at her!”</p><p>“They say she cracked the ice with her bare hand!”</p><p>The two kept walking to the large doors before realising they were being massed around, Maxwell kept his hand on the middle of her back as he spoke about the cabin’s and who they belonged to. Skirting around the apothecary cabin and past Solas. Shepard gave him an enthusiastic wave to which he chuckled slightly and slipped back from the crowd. </p><p>“That’s the Vessel of Andraste, with her Herald” </p><p>“Don’t they make a handsome couple!” </p><p>Shepard couldn’t help the choked laugh that fell from her as they passed through the gates. </p><p>“Maker’s Breath tell me you didn’t hear what I just did” Maxwell said turning to her at the steps outside Haven. Shepard laughed in response, her knuckles coming to cover her mouth. </p><p>“Herald, mind if I steal you from your companion?” a ginger moustached bald man asked at the bottom of the steps. Raking in Shepard from head to toe, his eyes landed on her face.</p><p>“Shepard, I’ll be one minute” Maxwell said holding up a finger, joining the man. </p><p>She gazed around her surroundings grateful for the lack of people watching her, next to her was a smithy. Real honest iron being bashed with hammers and dunked in cold water. </p><p>Shepard hadn’t had the time to admire the view, last time she had been here was being dragged by an Elf as she watched the sky. Shepard felt eyes on her, a burning gaze. She scanned the soldiers bashing shields and swords, there stood a tall blonde man staring back at her.</p><p>***</p><p>Cullen sighed as he watched the recruits finish up their training. Sleep had eluded him throughout the night, giving up his cabin for her to rest and sleep in. He himself had taken a cot to his office tent, but every time he slept, he dreamed of the events of last night…</p><p>
  <em> “Commander!” Cassandra shouted, her tone made him reach for his sword and shield, opening his cabin with his foot standing ready. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Solas has taken the Herald, for what purpose I do not know. The Templars and Rylen are getting prepared to make haste to follow we must move quickly if we are to keep up” <br/>Racing down to the shore with the group. Warning Solas as he held the Herald on the ice. The white horse and woman speeding to them. Watching Envy steal her voice and slam her into the ice. </em>
</p><p><em>Listening to her scream and shout back at the Demon with the ferocity of Andraste herself, watching her land unmoving on the ice before he grabbed her and held her in his arms, her eyes were full of tears and fire when he gazed into them through her helmet </em> </p><p>Their arguing over the woman had continued in the Herald’s cabin after he had been seen to and put to sleep. Leliana was naturally cautious, he himself was concerned she was a Mage. More Mages, more risk of possession he thought bitterly, Solas had confirmed this to be otherwise but he had his doubts. Cassandra had come to Shepard’s defence every time, she had ‘experienced’ her memories so naturally knew more. Josie simply looked panicked. The only thing that had stopped their arguing was stopped by Varric’s strong foot kicking the door open.</p><p>
  <em> “Hey Chuckles, the lady needs a healer, quickly” Varric said interrupting them talking quickly. Solas had jumped into action, brushing past the group to follow Varric. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they approached the fire he couldn’t help the exclamation that left him. Her face, her body was covered in blood and his gut clenched at the thought that she wasn’t important enough to get help. As they were busy arguing, the woman who had saved their Herald was bleeding out under her armour.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her face and hair were covered in blood, once again shielding him from seeing her, her undershirt again covered from her wound on her trap.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His gut had immediately unclenched when she had made a joke to him about meeting her in his arms covered in her own red fluid. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed in Haven, his own eyes flicking between the ground as he walked and those eyes, half-lidded emerald and blue.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eyes like the breach, his soldiers had said. He agreed with the notion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her powers were impossible. Facing Envy like she had an Army beside her. Sacrificing herself for the Herald, she was impossible. But she had saved the Herald when all other options had failed. </em>
</p><p>The sound of clashing metal brought him back to the present, the Herald had made a slight impact with his work reaching the ears of nearby villages, with word of the Inquisition spreading and men and women were making the trip to Haven to become part of said Inquisition. They were greener than he would like but he certainly wasn’t going to turn down more bodies for an army. </p><p>As though he had heard his thoughts. The Herald stepped out of the main gates the colour back on his tanned skin, with a tall, dark haired woman at his side. </p><p>She matched his height and broad shoulders, she looked like a noble holding her head high and her posture straight but her clothes said otherwise. They looked simple and warm, tight dark brown leather trousers with knee high boots to match with a simple grey button up shirt. Loose tucked in at her waist, the top of it undone and swaying in the wind. Her left arm was in a white sling, held close to her side. </p><p>The Herald said something that made her laugh, the noise drifted to where he was stood over the sound of bashing shields and swords. Harrit joined them and took the Herald to the smithy, the Herald held one finger to the woman probably indicating that he would just be a moment. </p><p>The woman simply kept a small smiled and took in her surroundings, her eyes falling to his. Cullen felt hot under her gaze, embarrassed he’d been caught staring at her. </p><p>He quickly returned his focus to the soldiers, barking an order that the training had ended and they had earnt themselves a midday meal and hot shower. The men groaned and smiled, putting their weapons away and filling out towards the gates. </p><p>The woman was filtering through the soldiers walking with purpose, never turning her shoulders to slip through. Making them weave around her, catching some of their eyes as they followed her through the crowd. Some even had the gall to turn and walk backwards, keeping their eyes on the woman and clearly oogling her tight leather trousers. He made a mental note to discuss respect with the recruits in the morning. </p><p>“Hello” she said simple coming to stand in front of him. Her voice holding a hint of an accent which remined him of Prince Sebastian of Starkhaven, though not as strong. </p><p>“Greetings my Lady, I’m afraid I have some reports to finish regarding the training you saw earlier. If you’ll excuse me.” He didn't feel sorry for the lie, he had no intention of entertaining a noble woman, no matter how attractive she was. He barely looked her in the eyes before turning to walk away. </p><p>“Oh no this won’t take long. I just wanted to say thank you” She said smiling. Her posture almost reminded her of a soldier at rest. </p><p>“What would you be thanking me for my lady?” he replied, curiosity making him stay in his spot, placing his own hands on the pommel of his sword that hung at his hip. He took the time to examine her face, a long bruise ran along her forehead, round her eyes and down her left cheekbone down to her jaw, when she tucked her hair behind her ear, he moved his gaze back to her eyes. Trying very hard not to wonder how far that bruise ran into her shirt. </p><p>The sun bounced of the snow and into them, her pupils small revealing more of the ice blue she held. The waving green around the black of the iris brushed the blue like waves, was it… was it actually moving? </p><p>“For carrying me to the healers… twice” she laughed, “I was told that it was you. I vaguely remember your face but I mostly remember your hair. Please take that as a compliment, I can’t remember much of what happened but you clearly made an impression.” She laughed gesturing to the blonde brushed curls at his head. </p><p>Realisation dawned on him as he remembered the bloody woman that almost died as he ran from the conclave and the woman from last night. “That was you? Forgive me I didn’t recognise you without…uh” <em> without all the blood </em> </p><p>He said hands relaxing at his sides as he studied the woman’s face, she looked different with no blood coating her face, her paler skin unblemished. The black, soft curls framing her face and drifting down to rest at past her chest. </p><p>“That’s alright, I can cover myself in some blood and dirt if it would jog your memory for next time?” she replied, smiling at the blonde blushing man. </p><p>Cullen laughed at the remark, a smile reaching his face. His gloved hand reached to rub the back of his neck. He gazed at her as their laughter died. Her eyes were drawing him in. They were a strange sea of light blue and emerald green, his curiosity demanded to know if the bright green was in fact moving around in her iris, he stepped forward "I ah-" She made no move to step back. </p><p>“So you’re Commander Cullen Rutherford, yes?” she said breaking the silence and the blatant gaze he had on her. “I’m Commander Shepard, but usually strong knights in shining armour that save my life usually just call me Shepard” she joked, reaching her right hand out for him to shake. </p><p>He wasn’t used to women complementing him so brazenly or being so straight forward in introductions like this but her rank suited her and made sense, the fact she had her hand outreached sideways for a handshake and not flat for him to kiss. He took the hand and shook it firmly. </p><p>“Shepard it is, I usually find strange women covered in blood dying in my arms usually call me Cullen in private company, I am pleased you survived. I am actually surprised you’re standing after the events of last night” he said. Her laughter made him smile, she returned the grin as Maxwell joined them. </p><p>“My apologies for the delay Shepard, so you’ve finally met the Commander. Good” Max said looking between the two, “Shepard we’re moving your armour to the war room for you to look over and Commander, Shepard will be joining us to explain well…everything. Solas too in a moment if you’re available”</p><p>“Of course. It’s good to see you up, Herald. I look forward to learning more about you, Shepard” Cullen smiled at Shepard, replying to Max without looking at him. </p><p>“So... shall we grab something to eat?” Maxwell said looking at Shepard. </p><p>“I’d love something, thanks” she said, releasing Cullen’s hand. He didn’t realise they were still touching until the warmth of her hand had been removed. He cleared his throat and returned the hands to his pommel. </p><p>“Would you like to join us?” she said eyes meeting Cullen’s once more. He felt pinned under her gaze, her voice was almost commanding him than asking.</p><p>“Oh, thank you but I will meet you in the War Room” Cullen replied as politely as he could trying not to stumble over his words. </p><p>“We’ll be there shortly” Maxwell, nodded back, gesturing Shepard to the gates. She followed happily and as she walked, Cullen couldn’t help his wandering eyes fall to her hips as he saw why the soldiers had watched her form so eagerly. Dragging his eyes away from her he strode to his office tent, checking his appearance over he realise something. </p><p>He had laughed more times in her presence than he had in the entirety of the months him being in Haven.</p><p>***</p><p>Maxwell and Shepard made their way to Chantry via the Tavern, the gentle melody of the woman singing with a. guitar was stuck in her head. Beautiful basic notes, so far removed from the bass music of the clubs back home. Honest, pure. </p><p>Maxwell was graciously holding the basket of pastries they had procured; Shepard could see his hands trembling. Giving him the basket to hold to do something with his hands. </p><p>They passed the large wooden doors, a soldier closing it for them as they passed sisters in robes. “Nervous?” he asked her still looking forward at the door they were heading to at the end of the high walled hall. </p><p>“As you know this isn’t my first war meeting… or interrogation for that matter but here, this whole thing happening. It has us in the middle of it and we don’t even know why” she said turning to face him, gesturing to the breach behind the stone walls. </p><p>“I know, it’s- well-“</p><p>Voices floated from the closed door making the two turn their head. “You must have gone mad Seeker; you cannot allow that Abomination to walk freely”</p><p>“She is not a Mage Chancellor Roderick, Solas confirmed it” </p><p>“An Apostate, you cannot accept his word? Knight-Commander surely you must see reason”</p><p>Maxwell groaned and gasped Shepard’s left elbow slightly, leaning her into him so he could lower his voice from the two guards outside the wooden door </p><p>“Shepard I should warn you, you’re about to meet someone and, as best possible try not to punch him in the face” Maxwell sighed, opening the door for to let her enter.  </p><p>Shepard stepped through; Cassandra had her back to them turned to a man in Chantry robes leaning heavily on the table. Leliana stood on the other side facing them, next to Cullen who had his hand on the ridge of his nose and a dark olive skinned woman in a purple and gold ruffled shirt and flared trousers, tapering at the calves. Solas standing to her side, his face emotionless but his blue eyes were lit with fire.</p><p>All human but Solas. After meeting a real life Prothean, it was fairly manageable to meet a Dwarf and Elf without freaking out. She had met the creators of the Reapers after all. The table between the group was covered in two halves of a map with pins shoved in select places. Different symbols repeating, one a fist with spikes, another was a raven, its wings spread wide mid-flight. The last was a book, like it was frozen open mid page turn. </p><p>As soon as she took a place at the table the elderly man stormed over to her, “Seeker as Grandmaster of the Chantry I hereby order you to take this criminal back to the cells” he shouted in her face.</p><p>Cassandra crossed her arms over her chest, the leather stretching against her back “I will not, she is not a threat to anyone here-“</p><p>“Yet” He interrupted, he spluttered for a moment “Have you gone completely mad? The Herald failed in sealing the Breach. It is still in the sky, and now she is back to pretend to-“</p><p>“to help” Shepard interrupted.</p><p>“I am talking” he raged in her face, stepping up to her. </p><p>“And I am not listening” she said equally raising her voice squaring up to the man, he was shorter than her so towering over him was easy, </p><p>“I have had a very trying few days Grandmaster” she spat the name as if it were a curse word, “and you are staring into a deep dark pit” she spat on the t making him flinch “of trouble if you do not let me assist you because, news flash your world has a big hole in it where demons are pouring out and I hear that can be very bad for you. So if you want your little head staying on its shoulders you will exit this room within five seconds because I’m starting to get very sick of being accused of killing innocents”</p><p>“But- but I should be here to-“</p><p>“You are more useful out there making sure the people and soldiers are calm and faithful, listening to the message of hope that the Chantry provides or am I unclear of your role here?” She stared into his pale face, knowing she had won. Fear then reminder, that’s how she manoeuvred Udina.</p><p>He left without another word Maxwell turning to let the storm of a man pass, walking down the hall quickly, Shepard flared her biotics in her right hand to knock his hat off his head before the door shut. </p><p>“That was childish” Maxwell laughed, bringing his hand to stifle his laughter as he shut the door. She could faintly hear the others chuckling along, Cullen’s deep laughter echoed around the loudest.</p><p>“He’s lucky he still has his head on his shoulders. God what an asshole” Shepard sighed bringing her right hand to her forehead. </p><p>A gasp from behind her told her that was inappropriate. </p><p>“Well done Shepard, logic flees in the face of fear” Cassandra nodded, her usual grimace changed to the edges of her lips upturned. </p><p>“Don’t thank me yet, I’m sure he has more colourful words for you Seeker” Shepard laughed turning to face the table. </p><p>“Well Shepard, may I introduce Josephine Montilyet, our chief diplomat” Maxwell gestured to the woman at her side. </p><p>Shepard turned to acknowledge her, but her smile was wiped when the woman gasped looking at her face. </p><p>“What, have I got crumbs on my face-“ she said moving her right hand to wipe at her mouth.</p><p>“No, I’m sorry. Forgive me” The woman almost looked embarrassed.</p><p>“There’s nothing to forgive but what were you looking at” Shepard smiled looking confused. </p><p>“Of course, I don’t have any mirrors in my cabin” Cullen added, his hand moving to his neck, looking sheepish.</p><p>“Here” Josephine smiled passing Shepard a handheld mirror. Shepard offered a thanks before looking into it. </p><p>For the first time in a long time, Shepard really studied herself, tilting and turning the mirror to look at the purple and blue bruise that rang along her forehead down to her jaw. Her skin had slightly caught the sun slightly, the whisper of freckles on her nose and unbruised cheek. She smiled at the notion. </p><p>“I have freckles” she whispered at herself, her finger lifting to touch them slightly. </p><p>Maxwell’s voice brought her back into the room, “You have a giant bruise running across half your face and you’re more interested in… freckles?” </p><p>Shepard’s breathless laughter fogged the mirror slightly, “I- I’ve never been planet side long enough to get them, it’s… it’s so strange. I didn’t even know my skin did that in the sun” she lowered the mirror looking at the faces remembering she was in-fact in the company of others. </p><p>“But ah- as for the bruise, well. There’s no point having a pretty corpse” she shrugged. Holding the mirror in both hands at her waist she felt the 3D pattern on the reverse of the mirror. She flipped it over revealing a dark-haired woman with large red lips, the necklace on her neck was blue with a white pendant. </p><p>“Pocahontas” Shepard whispered, trailing her fingers down the hair. </p><p>“You know the tale?” Josephine’s cheerful voice washed over her. </p><p>“My world has changed, and so have I. I have learned to choose and I have learned to say goodbye. Like two eagles soar as one upon the river of the wind with the promise of forever, we will take the past and learn how to begin” Shepard said quoting one of the many tales she had read as a child. </p><p>“Beautiful” Solas said, she turned her head and smiled offering the mirror back to Josephine with a smile. </p><p>“Wait, how do you know about the tale?” Shepard said to Josephine. </p><p>“It’s a popular book in all book stores, I doubt there is a child in Anvita that hasn’t read it” she said tilting her head. </p><p>Shepard frowned, “But it shouldn’t have happened yet…” </p><p>“What do you mean shouldn’t have happened?” Maxwell asked from behind her. </p><p>“Pocahontas was a real woman, well young native American who lived in the 1600’s… and if this is 941… it shouldn’t have happened yet. You shouldn’t know about it” Shepard whispered to herself frowning. </p><p>“Uh… we can come to that later… shall I carry on with the introductions?” Maxwell asked as her side. Shepard shook herself awake, passing the mirror back to Josephine with a thanks. Her puzzled face quickly vanishing into a more polite one. </p><p>“Please” Shepard gestured, still frowning.</p><p>“You’ve met Commander Cullen of course, Leader of the Inquisition’s Forces”</p><p>“Such as they are, most don’t know which end to hold a sword” he smirked, “I hope to assess your skills in the near future, after your fight with Envy I'm sure you will be a force to behold” his honey eyes were almost yellow. Captivating. </p><p>“I look forward to putting you on your ass, Commander” she grinned back. Cullen found himself smiling back, before catching Maxwell’s eyes and hardening. </p><p>“Leliana is the left hand of the Divine. Spymaster for the Inquisition” Maxwell gestured to the hooded woman who was eyeing Shepard with suspicion. </p><p>“Ah so you’re the one who’s been sending people to watch me, you’ve trained them well” Shepard smirked back. </p><p>“If you noticed, not well enough” she retorted, the emotion of annoyance flickered across her face so quickly Shepard thought she might have imagined it.</p><p>“I have better hearing than a human, almost didn’t catch the one on the Tavern” Shepard nodded. </p><p>“I had no idea Shepard… you’re not angry?” Maxwell enquired. </p><p>“I’d do exactly the same, I was trained as an Infiltrator after all. I would be a hypocrite if I was angry and I would see you as naive if you let an unknown have full run of the town” Shepard shrugged, “But I won’t make it easy Sister Nightingale” Shepard winked. </p><p>She had had EDI keep tabs on almost everyone on the ship without them knowing, her eyes and ears. Leliana’s eyes watched her mouth move from under her hood, her hands behind her back. Her lips quirked up at the side but beside that there was no movement or speech.</p><p>“Oh… good. Well this of course is Cassandra, Seeker of Truth and right hand of the Divine” Maxwell gestured to Cassandra. Shepard reached her good hand out to shake the Seekers hand.</p><p>“You mentioned the Divine, what is that?” Shepard asked, trying to flick through the memories of Maxwell and Cassandra. It was like finding a needle in a haystack. </p><p>Cassandra took a steeling breath before moving to one side, grabbing a parchment of rolled canvas handing it to Shepard, “Not what, but who. She was the most holy of the Chantry, the conclave-“ she gulped, “was hers”</p><p>"Oh, the green light... the rubble that was the conclave then" Shepard looked from the aching soldier to the parchment, unrolling it with a flick of her right hand and holding the bottom in her left. The woman on the parchment was elderly, white hair peeking from the chantry hat she wore. The brush work was beautiful, her iris’s were so blue they were almost white. </p><p>“I’m sorry, this hasn’t made my memory any clearer, if she was there… I don’t remember. She looks kind” Shepard passed the parchment back to Cassandra. </p><p>“How can you tell?” The voice from under the hood said. </p><p>“Her eyes, they have small wrinkles around the edges but the ones around her mouth are prominent on the upper region. Indicating she smiled more than she frowned. Was she, at the conclave when it exploded?” Shepard asked. </p><p>Cassandra nodded. </p><p>“I’m sorry for your loss” </p><p>“It is not my loss alone” Cassandra rolled the parchment back up sliding it into a holder before placing it on the table so carefully as if it had glass inside. Silence washed over the room like a thick blanket until Maxwell cleared his throat.</p><p>“There is another matter” Maxwell spoke, “How did you… escape” </p><p>Shepard thought for a moment.</p><p>
  <em> You must keep silent until we look like this </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Somniari</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Minor mentions of non-con abuse.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The room was warmer than needed, the torch light burned more heat than light in Shepard’s opinion. She ran a hand through her hair. </p><p>The best lie was spun from a partial truth.</p><p>“Honestly, I don’t really know. When you left me in the cell” she narrowed her eyes at Maxwell who avoided her gaze, “I broke myself out. I bent the bars and crawled through I admit but then someone gave me clothes and told me to follow them so I did. I thought you’d sent someone to get me” she looked at Max’s face who was frowning deeply. </p><p>Keep it vague. Play on your injuries.</p><p>“She knew my name and then when I came around… I was on a horse, a man was holding me. They needed to stop the soldiers, so I cracked the ice to stop them and then I woke up in a cave. Whoever they were they had disappeared so I started walking around. There wasn’t snow, it was mostly green. Lots of trees and a single dirt road with lanterns” </p><p>She decided to leave out the descriptions of them and what the elf woman had said to her. The note she had burned in the palace was the only evidence, Alastair and Simon had seen it of course but they didn’t recognise the penmanship nor the folds.  </p><p>“You aided them in your escape and then they just vanished” Leliana’s voice cut into her, undertones of disbelief but not hostility. </p><p>“They were going to kill your soldiers, they had staff’s so I’m guessing they were mages and could do so very easily. You’re welcome by the way, I’m assuming there were no injuries” Shepard retorted. “And yeah, I awoke in a cave alone” Shepard shut her eyes for a moment, recalling her the days since.</p><p>“I came across a carriage. The horses were dead with the driver and there was fighting ahead to I protected them from the demons, there were too many. I got hurt killing them all and then they took me to the palace” </p><p>“The palace?” Cullen interrupted flicking glances between an equally shocked Josephine and Leliana. </p><p>Shepard took a few steps back to lean against the wall, so she could see all of their faces. “They nursed me back to health, apparently I saved the King’s assistant or advisor or something.” Vague keep it vague.</p><p>“He let me stay, I’m assuming me being the Vessel of Andraste certainly didn’t hurt matters” </p><p>“King Theirin is very generous to those who are loyal to him” Leliana smiled, almost… fondly.</p><p>So the King was nice, why would Alastair dislike him so? </p><p>“I never met him in person but… I saw reports of the rifts. The demons and the things you were doing to help them.” Shepard looked around the room at them all, “… well all that time I was having dreams. Strange dreams of particular memories and every night I heard you” She looked at Maxwell. </p><p>“I heard you shouting for me and, one time I saw you and I just couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong so” she gestured to the room. “So, I was fitted with armour and weapons, even a horse” Shepard’s mind went to the kiss for a moment, Alastair’s breath on her lips before he captured them.</p><p>“I- I came back and when I was on my way, I was visited by Solas who confirmed that you needed help and the rest is history” she shrugged. Waiting for the response. </p><p>“You have no description of who took you?” Leliana asked, frowning underneath her hood. </p><p>“I think one was an Elf maybe? They both had a staff on their backs if that helps?” Shepard shrugged, hoping not to give too much or too little away. “I didn’t really see their faces, being injured and kept in a cell in a medieval land where Elf’s and Magic exists kind of took my focus. Forgive me for not getting their chest size” </p><p>Cullen’s rough chuckle resonated through him before he cleared his throat and shifted. She decided she quite liked the rumbling sound. </p><p>“If Mages are involved they might mean to try abduct you again” Cassandra added, nodding to Cullen.  </p><p>“You came back, because you thought I was in trouble?” Maxwell asked, his eyes wide and innocent. </p><p>“Yes. The reports I read of you, helping people. The refugees to then have you screaming in my head… I had to make sure that you were safe. And well I had to do something to help with the Breach, even if it meant being kept in that cell” Shepard smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear. </p><p>“That is honourable of you” Cassandra nodded from the back. </p><p>“It would have been honourable to be there to save those people’s lives… there were children among the dead” Shepard frowned.</p><p>“It is not good for the soul to dwell” Solas’s hand came to her shoulder. “As for the dreams, I believe I know why you were able to contact each other. Herald, with the mark you have a connection to the Fade. It allows for concentration like no other. But Shepard… you are a Somniari” he nodded. </p><p>“What? How is that possible if she is not a Mage?” Cullen said leaning over the table, hands planted on the desk. </p><p>“Can we back up, what’s a Somniari?” Shepard asked, clenching and unclenching her left hand. </p><p>“You are a dreamer” Solas smiled, genuine curiosity coming from his voice. </p><p>“Isn’t everyone?” Shepard frowned looking at their faces.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Cullen asked, lifting his large frame upright, placing both hands on the pommel of his sword. </p><p>“Where I’m from. Everyone dreams, every species. We don’t have a Fade or Veil but we dream in our own minds. If only for a few seconds or moments every night. Most of the time people can’t remember their dreams but they can be recorded by electric waves. Usually beta…” the confused faces around the room stopped her. “Uh basically brain waves, like thoughts” she simplified. </p><p>“You misunderstand. A dreamer here is a powerful individual who can control the Fade, manipulate it. With you being Prothean this may allow you the power to control and manipulate the Fade without the magical connection that is necessary. To enter other’s dreams at will and bring them to you also. When one dreams in the Fade they dream singularly but a dreamer can explore, learn. They are also very rare” Solas explained.</p><p>“So, because I was thinking about Maxwell, I was what… bringing him into my dreams?” Shepard frowned. </p><p>“I believe that was the Herald’s doing. With the mark I believe he was reaching out to you and you invited him in. The Fade prays upon souls that are connected” Solas smiled. </p><p>Shepard stared at Maxwell whose mouth was hanging open, catching her eye he shrugged. “So, what we’re soul mates?” his voice cracking at the end of the sentence.</p><p>Shepard’s sharp laugh left her before she could stop it, “No offence Maxwell, you’re not my type” </p><p>“Oh no Shepard, you prefer blondes don’t you” he winked, trying to unnerve her. Her eyes went wide for a moment, flicking to Cullen who had slightly pinker cheeks than before. His yellow brown eyes bore into her. </p><p>“Stay out of my memories Max” she growled, trying to avoid the blonde warriors gaze.</p><p>“Or do you prefer them a little older, silver foxes for insta-” he winked. </p><p>She laughed before pointing her right hand to his neck “Final warning you little pervert“</p><p>Maxwell blushed, “I’m not the pervert here! You’re the one that-“</p><p>“Children” Cassandra shouted, “May we continue?” her lips quirking up betrayed her </p><p>Solas’s small smile betrayed his stoic demeanour, “Not soul mates but you share a connection. I believe this to have emanated from the Conclave, without your memories. We cannot be sure but it is a fairly reasonable explanation”</p><p>“So… how does it work exactly?” Shepard asked Solas. No one needed to see her nightmares. No one needed to see her dreams. Her private moments. </p><p>“I will teach you, primarily a dreamer can enter the Fade at will. I suspect you may only do this when you succum to exhaustion or sleep but from what I have seen, you will be successful. And we will investigate your mark further Herald. I believe you will both be proficient given the discussion we already had in the Fade. However, I must warn you that the spirits are interested in you, I have heard your name whispered in the dark. A few spirits have come to me with questions”</p><p>All of the blood rushed from her face, pooling at her gut. “The- the spirits are… asking about me? Why?” </p><p>“You are new! You are different, special” Solas smiled, as if it explained everything. “You have broken our understanding of magic and nature by simply existing. Your presence here, how you got here remains a mystery. The spirits are watching”</p><p>Panic started to set in. She thought Envy would be an isolated case, not something she would have to deal with every time she shut her eyes. </p><p>“I- I’m not… I’m just a soldier. The only thing that makes me special is…”</p><p>
  <em> I’m just a soldier.</em>
</p><p><em>You haven’t been a just a soldier for a long time </em> </p><p>The boy.</p><p>“Solas… spirits can they, do they look like people?” she asked tearing her gaze away from the floor to his blue eyes. </p><p>“They may present themselves as so, wisps or full body apparitions. Some have one face, others many. Do you believe you have been in contact with one?” Solas asked, his eyes searching hers. </p><p>“I- I think so” She frowned staring at the map. “I’ve seen a boy, he came to me in a dream. The dream you visited me in, he was there. He was the one who helped me save you.” She turned to Maxwell, “I don’t really remember what he looks like, I think he sent someone to me in a Chantry” Shepard’s memory felt numb in every setting where she had seen him. Like she could focus on the whole picture but there was a fog over where he stood. </p><p>“Did this spirit offer you any deals?” Solas asked.</p><p>“No… he just spoke to me. In riddles, he was… kind? He felt… he just felt kind” Shepard replied in a daze.</p><p>“Then it was indeed a spirit and not a demon, demons will make a deal, an exchange. Spirits wish to simply learn, to watch. The easiest way to deter a demon is simply not to agree to the deal. As for your spirit, we can try to contact him in the Fade, if you so wish” Solas added. Well, that eased her clenched gut and also made her want to be violently sick. </p><p>Reapers and indoctrination were mildly easy to come to terms with. Science she understood. </p><p>Sprits and religion? Not so much.</p><p>“You? In a Chantry?” Maxwell replied, leaning his right shoulder on the wall next to her. </p><p>Shepard looked down sheepishly, she was never faithful. Not really. It was nice to believe, a fun past time in dark hours but she never truly believed. Never was in service to a higher power, only in service to higher command. </p><p>Shepard’s laughter took her ribs and face by force, groaning slightly she tried to speak, “Don’t make me laugh, my face is barely holding together as it is” she took a steadying breath. Maxwell mumbled a laughter filled apology. </p><p>“I was trying to learn about Andraste, I thought if I went there, she might speak to me with me being her Vessel and all. She must have been busy or something” she whispered scoffing at her own childishness, looking down at her scarred palm. “It was actually where I found out that Demons are scared of water” she said looking up at Maxwell, he had a ghost of a smile on his face. </p><p>“Then in a way, she did speak to you” Leliana added. Shepard thought for a moment before tipping her head in an acknowledgement. </p><p>“I can’t believe you were in a Chantry, trying to learn more about the faith. Did you make nice with the Chantry Sisters?” Maxwell replied, trying to make light of the stillness of the room. </p><p>“I actually was talking with a Templar when-“  </p><p>“Templar? Seriously? I thought they had left the Chantry?” Maxwell said turning to Cassandra. </p><p>Flows of murmured conversation flowed around her, talks of Templar’s and their movements. She stared at Maxwell’s profile, his face and jaw as he spoke. The hair brushed back from his forehead in a large quiff. The man from the Chantry… his ski slope nose.</p><p>“Do you have a brother?” Shepard asked, interrupting the current conversation on Templar movements. </p><p>Maxwell turned to face her like she had grown a second head, “Y-yes I have two. Which-“</p><p>“Is he a Templar?” </p><p>“William” Maxwell growled the name with clenched fists, “He was the Templar you spoke with?” </p><p>Shepard explained how Barris was sent over to her and spoke with her before the brown-haired Templar, William, came over and began shouting ranting and raving. “And so, I punched him in the throat and he was about to run me through with his sword when one of the King’s guards stopped him. They said they were marching to Orlais if that helps” </p><p>“I would have paid to see you punch him” Maxwell growled leaning heavily on the table, gazing at Orlais. </p><p>“Max, if you do see each other be on your guard. He knows about you and the mark. I’d go so far to say he’d try and hurt you on sight” she was sympathetic to Maxwell. </p><p>“William Trevelyan, of course” Cullen groaned, his hand coming to his forehead, “He had recently joined the Gallows circle in Kirkwall before the Rebellion started. I concur with Shepard, he was… very outspoken about Mages, heavily supported the right of annulment. Even had a few run ins with his Templar brothers” Cullen’s snarl reminded her of a wolf or a lion. His eyes hot, his nose curling back.</p><p>“He’s always been a power-hungry psychopath. Even as a child. He’s sick and does not deserve mercy” Max growled. “Thank you for the heads-up Shepard”</p><p>Shepard wondered what William had done exactly that prompted Maxwell’s uncharacteristic rage. Polar opposite to Maxwell who was nervous, bordering on shy. Sheepish jokes and small smirks like he was testing the waters knowing it contained a shark. </p><p>“I see none of him in you Maxwell. You can’t choose your family” Shepard sighed, learning her upper body heavily on the wall. </p><p>The cold stone seeping through her shirt and the back of her head as she gazed at the ceiling. Images of her Father filtered through her mind, taking her blood. Taking muscle samples. The older she got the more she understood it was barely love she got from him, but pity. She was a reminder of his life with her mother, how he had lost her mother and was going to lose her. Better not to form an attachment. </p><p>Maxwell turned to face her, understanding she meant her father. “No. No you can’t” Shepard smiled sadly back at him. She could see Cassandra’s eyes were also mournful. </p><p>“Does the human expression: Blood is thicker than water not apply?” Solas enquired, one sleek eyebrow lifting.</p><p>“You can drown in either” Shepard replied staring at the ceiling not bothering to explain herself, ignoring the looks she was receiving. </p><p>The meeting continued. Shepard felt her nerves going away as each hour passed. Maxwell asked her questions and filled her in on what they had done so far, teaching her of the Mage rebellion. The circles and them falling. Anders and the Champion in Kirkwall where it all began, Cullen’s recruitment along with Varric’s involvement. The Templar’s leaving the Chantry’s rule, some had joined the Inquisition. Solas’s appearance in the village and his knowledge of the Fade. The meeting had gone on for hours. The torches beginning to burn lower and lower. </p><p>“Is there anything else to add?” Maxwell groaned, running a hand through his hair. The gentle murmur of no’s echoed around the room. “Then let’s all get some sleep, we can continue this tomorrow. It’s been, very heavy…”</p><p>Shepard moved off the wall groaning as she went, catching the eye of Cullen. He offered her a small smile, his eyes searching her face. She reciprocated it, watching as his smile grew, her eyes drifted to his scar, it tugged as his lips quirked up. She licked her lips daydreaming about it, only being brought back into the room when Maxwell touched her arm. </p><p>Gods she was tired. Lusting after a Knight in Shining armour no less.</p><p>“There is one more thing” Shepard addressed Maxwell, tearing her eyes off the blonde armoured man. Get a hold of yourself Shepard. </p><p>“Of course, anything”</p><p>“You need to come up with a plan, in case I get… possessed by a demon or spirit. Specifically, you need to kill me if that happens” she finished looking around the room Cullen avoided her gaze, scrunching his eyes and breathing heavily. </p><p>“Shepard…”</p><p>“No Maxwell listen. If I get taken, you need to stop me. By any means necessary” she raised her voice, betraying the urgency. “If my powers were used by someone with a vengeance, I could destroy Haven in a leisurely afternoon. You and Cassandra know full well what I can do. You need to at least make a plan… okay?” </p><p>His wide eyes betrayed him, he thought over it for a moment. Dropping his head, “O-okay”</p><p>“It will be done Shepard” Cassandra added from the back. Her usual glare softened. </p><p>“The way you fought Envy, I do believe this will be a plan we do not need to carry out” Solas smiled, offering a lightness in the dim room. </p><p>“Good” Shepard nodded.</p><p>“Where- where can I find you after this?” he asked, realising he sounded like a desperate lost puppy. </p><p>“I’ll be in the hospital- the ah healer’s tent” she corrected herself. “I have a degree in Human and Xeno Biology, I noticed your tent was full from our walk. I can give advice from what I know of modern medicine, things you consider fatal are nothing in my world” she smiled. Trying not to boast to much about the capable care she had in the future. </p><p>Shepard patted him on the shoulder, giving all in the room a nod before turning to leave. Her hand met the cold metal handle turning it slightly when-</p><p>“Shepard”</p><p>She turned to face Maxwell, leaving the door slightly ajar. </p><p>“What Envy said-“</p><p>“Max-“ she sighed closing her eyes.</p><p>
  <em> The Shepard without her flock </em>
</p><p>“No” his loud voice stopped any more words from her mouth, “What he said, you- you aren’t alone here. I need you to know that” his grey eyes flickered between hers as an awkward silence descended. The torches crackled.</p><p>“I know” she smiled, opening the door once more. </p><p>The door shut with a heavy thud, the breath Maxwell didn’t know he was holding left his mouth. </p><p>“She doesn’t” Cassandra said, almost mournfully to no one in particular.</p><p>***</p><p>Cullen’s mood had taken a free fall when they were discussing Shepard’s possible murder. Even Cassandra was grimacing, Josie had even left at one point not willing to take part in killing ‘a well read and noble woman’. They had discussed for an hour before agreeing that there was a good plan in place. One that everyone could agree on at least. </p><p>It was too close to a culling of a Mage, too close to what Knight-Lieutenant William has asked of the Templars. If Anders had a radical twin brother in the Templars, William would be an adequate choice. The fact she would give her life willingly didn’t make it any easier. </p><p>Cassandra had vouched for Shepard’s powers, having her memories. But she was right, they all had seen her smash the ice, sending the water underneath roaring around her. They had a duty to everyone, everyone’s safety. </p><p>When he thought of her, he couldn’t get the taste of curiosity off his tongue. </p><p>They left the war room as a group, quiet and sombre. Cullen accompanied the Herald to the healer’s tent, slow steps in the snow. Slowing even more when the Herald held the flap open for him. They listened to Shepard speak over the gentle breathing of the wounded, the occasional flicker of fire. Watching her, be her. </p><p>“…for malaria or ague it’s not contagious as such. It’s a sickness in the blood from an insect bite, it causes the blood vessels to…”</p><p>“She’s incredible” Maxwell whispered to Cullen. </p><p>“Indeed” he grunted a reply as he watched the woman. </p><p>She was tending to a soldier, perched on the side of his bed with her side to his view. The soldier was shirtless and sweating, on a bed whose wide eyes were watching her with a mix of shock and adoration. Cullen wasn’t sure if he was fully all there. She had Mother Giselle on the other side of the bed, standing over her watching with the other chantry sisters taking notes on parchments.</p><p>“… the symptoms usually manifest one to two weeks once bitten. I assume you were somewhere hot when you got bit, the insects don’t like the cold. Easy remedies include cinnamon it has anti-inflammatory properties…”</p><p>Shepard continued to speak going over the soldier’s illness. Her long hair tucked behind her ears. She chose her words carefully, rephrasing if someone didn’t understand. Cullen wasn’t sure how long him and the Herald had been listening for… he could listen to her for hours. Her voice was light. Strong. Somewhere between Ferelden and Starkhaven, every word chosen with purose.</p><p>Mother Giselle caught sight of them and tapped Shepard lightly to gain her attention. When she turned to look Cullen once again felt hot under her gaze. He had seen her admiring his scar in the war room, and would by lying if he didn’t want to lick her lips himself-</p><p>Maker. </p><p>He quickly pushed those thoughts aside. </p><p>Shepard made her way over to them, her gait slow and steady. Her left arm still in a sling close to her chest. </p><p>“Cinnamon?” Maxwell laughed.</p><p>“Strange I know, but without proper pharmaceutical drugs it’s the best I can do for now. I’ll need to read up on medicines and remedies” she replied shrugging. </p><p>“It’s better than the classic Ferelden cure” Cullen added, his lips upturning.</p><p>“Which is?” her green eyes upon him again, looking up at him. </p><p>“Pickled eggs” he smirked, realising how to her. This must sound so silly. </p><p>“Pickled eggs, for fuck sake” she said quietly under her breath, her laughter and wince told him he was accurate in his theory. He couldn’t help but feel like making her laugh was an achievement. </p><p>“Shepard I’m glad you’re making yourself at home. I thank you for what you’re doing” Maxwell said gently, crossing his arms over his chest. </p><p>“Just helping in anyway I can” she smiled brushing off the praise, “You have similar or the same diseases to what I learnt in my studies so I can… advise? It’s difficult without the equipment we have back home but your Sisters are very resourceful” The bruise on her face changed and morphed as her features flickered. </p><p>“We are grateful for your knowledge. You will prevent a great many discomforts; the soldiers are agreeing with your company” Mother Giselle bowed. </p><p>“You’re too kind” Shepard blushed slightly, shifting in her spot. Blushed? What had been said to her to make <em> her </em> blush. Was she not use to compliments? Cullen felt a surge of emotion rolling from his gut.</p><p>“If there are any ill-mannered comments towards you my Lady, please let me know they will be dealt with. I will not have you disrespected” Cullen’s voice rang out causing some of the sisters to turn and giggle. “Not-not that you can’t handle yourself of course I just mean-“</p><p>Shepard’s eyes widened slightly; lips parted in a small smirk. “You’ll be the first to know” Shepard’s eyes twinkled; those green outer edges enraptured him. Green waves on blue sand. He felt warmth in his gut that she would trust him to come to him first. </p><p>“How gracious of you, Commander” Maxwell’s sing song voice added, grinning.</p><p>Cullen cleared his throat and shifted, his eyes flicking from the floor to Shepard. Her small smile made his embarrassment worth it.</p><p>“Shepard there’s a cabin available for you to stay in, I thought, you’d prefer it to the cells” Maxwell’s half sloped smile made him look younger than he was. It reminded her of how youthful she was when her and John had activated the beacon on Eden Prime. They were only twenty-five at the time. </p><p>“And here I thought I’d be stripped and chained up” </p><p>Cullen’s sharp intake of breath was mercifully masked by Maxwell’s laughter. </p><p>“The night is still young” Maxwell replied offering his arm to her. </p><p>Shepard laughed and shook her head as they walked from the medical tent, ignoring the Herald’s arm. Cullen followed behind trying not to imagine Shepard stripped and chained as his headache grew. </p><p>“Here we are” Maxwell said opening the cabin opposite to his, the Herald’s cabin. “There will be a guard outside at all times. I’ll see you in the morning Shepard, we can talk more then. Yes? You’ll still be here?”</p><p>“Maxwell, I’m not going anywhere” she replied reassuringly, the smile at the edges of her mouth revealed to him a dimple he hadn’t seen before. </p><p>“Until tomorrow then, Commander” Maxwell bowed to Cullen, every bit the noble, “Commander” Maxwell nodded to Shepard before turning to his own cabin. </p><p>“Whose cabin did I sleep in last night?” Shepard asked, turning to Cullen. The candle light coming from the cabins around them flooded the snow, but it was the moonlight that really lit up her hair, it was so dark he could swear he saw blue in there. </p><p>“I ah- carried you to mine, My Lady. I slept in my office while Solas tended to you. This cabin was being used for storage but we cleared it for you during the meeting” something dawned in her eyes. </p><p>“Elderflower and cedarwood, of course” </p><p>“How did yo-“</p><p>“When you carried me, both times I smelt Elderflower. When I woke up, I smelt it again. It’s nice, I like it. It smelt like home” her eyes drifted to the stars for a moment before returning to his slightly glassier than before “Thank you for giving me your cabin Cullen, sorry if I got my blood on you”</p><p>He realised he very much liked the way her mouth moved when she said his name. Maker, he was no better than his soldiers. Undone in her presence. </p><p>“Uh- yes. Anything for your safety. If you find yourself in need my door is always open” he smiled, her lips parted as she grinned, “I mean- in need of assistance not desire. But if you do desire to see me I-“ he stopped speaking and groaned realising what he was saying. She could practically be a noble! University studies, strong attractive. He blushed, placing his hand on his neck shutting his eyes hoping when he opened them she was gone. </p><p>A small hand on his arm made him open his eyes. “Thank you Cullen, <em> when </em> I desire to see you. I’ll seek you out immediately” she laughed.</p><p>Was she… flirting with him?</p><p>His grin betrayed him. “Ah yes. Good, then I bid you good night, My Lady” he bowed. Something changed between them, the connection cooling. </p><p>“Cullen don’t bow to me you fool, I’m a soldier nothing more. Well even less here” she laughed it felt forced, sad, shoving him lightly before opening the door to her cabin. He didn’t miss her glassy eyes.</p><p>She wasn’t just a soldier, she wasn’t just another body in the Inquisition. He had seen and heard the whispers around Haven. The wide eyes when she had past the sisters or soldiers. The good she was already doing for the injured. </p><p>“Shepard wait” he reached out to grab her hand. Realising what he had done he quickly let go, “I ah- you truly aren’t alone here. What you did for the Herald, coming back. Standing up to a Demon for Maker’s sake, helping our injured” He took a breath averting his eyes before falling back onto hers. She was standing patiently, waiting for him to continue unshed tears rimming on the edge of her dark lashes. </p><p>He flickered between the two, he lowered his voice “I cannot fathom what you are going through, what you have endured. But if you want someone to speak to, another soldier I mean no- I mean if you want to speak to a friend. Do not hesitate to find me” he finished, the wind whipping at his feet. </p><p>Maker he was like a schoolboy. </p><p>“Are we friends?” Shepard asked, her left thumb was tracing something on her palm. </p><p>“I’d like to be” he replied, standing tall under her gaze. Both hands resting on the pommel of his sword by his hip. </p><p>“Because I’m the Vessel of Andraste?” she said bitterly.</p><p>“Because I don’t want you to feel alone, because if I was in your position, I’d very much like a friend” he replied. Cullen knew what it was like to Command. </p><p>How it felt to be alienated because of rank. </p><p>Now she was alienated because she had no one.</p><p>His past in Kirkwall made some of the more seasoned soldiers avoid him or purposely seek him out. They had all heard her speech from Envy, how he twisted his words to hurt her. She herself had admitted she had lost everything. He knew what that felt like, all too well. </p><p>“Then I’d like that too” she replied. His face lit up. She stepped forward to him but stopped when footsteps to Cullen’s right.</p><p>“Commander, ser. My lady, I’ll be on the first watch” he saluted and nodding to Shepard before taking a position by the door. </p><p>“Knight-Commander Rylen, I’m glad you were sent” his second in command and most loyal. “Shepard you’re in good hands” he reassured her.</p><p>“Goodnight, Cullen” she smiled, he was surprised to see the tears in her eyes gone. Even more surprised when he found those tears hanging onto her jaw. His stomach dropped; his eyes traced the wet line from her jaw to her eyes.</p><p>She shut the door gently, he barely heard the latch close. He did however, hear the choked sob behind the door. </p><p>The sound that all men feared. The sound of a broken-hearted woman. </p><p>“I’ll see you tomorrow, Shepard” Cullen whispered at the door. Nodding once more to Rylen whose grimace told him he’d heard her too. He patted the man on the shoulder before turning to his own cabin, walking to the nightmares that waited for him.</p><p>***</p><p>She cursed the sob that left her. </p><p>It was stupid but he had said the words that belonged to her and John.<br/>
I’ll see you tomorrow, Shepard. </p><p>A stupid reason to cry. </p><p>But it wasn’t…</p><p>She hated the tears that shed from her eyes. </p><p>She could hear her trainers telling her to suck it up. Her commanding officer’s barking orders. Even she could only take so much. The numbness from the war was loosening and increasing at the same time. Knowing she had ended it and not knowing how the galaxy was plagued her. How could she process every decision she made when she didn’t know the outcome? </p><p>She leant heavily against the door, more sobs burning their way out of her throat. They had been kind to her, offering her shelter from the cold. They still had more to discuss but Shepard couldn’t deny how lost she felt. Envy’s words burned into her. </p><p>This place was just as dangerous as her own world. </p><p>Even in dreams she wasn’t safe, in the Fade, she should say. Demons would try and come for her, spirits would try and know her. Learn from her. Take her knowledge for whatever purpose they wanted. </p><p>Without thinking her mind went to the yellow brown eyes that had just spoken to her. The gentleness behind them, the worry but no fear. Just kindness, maybe he had seen too much battle too. Maybe he too was a broken soldier wanting to move on…</p><p>She opened her eyes at her new cabin, as bare and basic as Cullen’s had been. She wondered why he had no personal items, or if he didn’t keep any. The bed was tucked under a window, a desk opposite the unlit fireplace. Another table next to a wardrobe. All wood, no metal. No sliding doors. No hum of engines. Just the cold. </p><p>Shepard sighed and went to undress when a knock stopped her. She went to the door curious who would be knocking at this hour, and allowed past the guard. Quickly scrubbing her eyes she opened the door.</p><p>The golden-haired Commander was shifting on the other side. “It occurred to me” his face softened when he saw hers, she probably looked like shit, “something to sleep in” he said gently offering her a thick white shirt. Similar to the one she had on.</p><p>Shepard took the shirt from his hand, her bare skin sliding over his own. His gloves and usual red coat gone. “Thank you” she smiled, bringing it to her chest and inhaling deeply through her nose. Allowing herself the small indulgence of his smell. To him it must have looked like she was just sighing, her senses were heightened, she could smell the shirt from where it was clutched to her stomach. She looked up at the armoured man still standing in her doorway.</p><p>Cullen looked like he was going to say something before shutting his jaw with an audible snap, nodding slightly and walking away. She watched him enter his cabin before shutting the door. </p><p>Shepard took her arm out her sling testing her shoulder, not so bad she would need it on for the night. She undressed quickly, staying in her grey shirt. Holding Cullen’s new white one to her nose. She curled up under the moonlight, getting in the middle of the bed under the sheet and furs so she could stare up at the stars. She had rarely ever seen the stars from planet side unless she was on a mission, the view reminded her of Mindoir. </p><p>Her gut clenched when she thought of home, would she be able to return? Would there be anything to return to? She pictured her friends faces and wondered if they were alive, she wondered if they thought she was alive. </p><p>With her body being here there would be nothing to recover from the citadel, that coming with the chance that there were people alive to recover her. Had they recovered David? Did they manage to save him? Did the Normandy escape? Was all technology now broken… would EDI still be alive?</p><p>Alliance protocol was MIA for nine months and then the missing soldier would be announced as KIA. After everything her and her twin had gone through, she hoped that they knew she was alive. Somehow John would feel her presence.</p><p>She activated her omnitool and tried to connect a call to John. She didn’t expect it to work but when she heard the familiar beep indicating that there was no connection available, her heart broke.</p><p>She allowed herself to cry again, full blown sobs she was sure the soldier… Rylen?... could hear and drifted off as the smell from the shirt seeped into her nostrils. It smelt comforting like metal, sandlewood maybe cedarwood… the fresh smell was more potent than the cabin but always ending in Elderflower. Her mind left her body and dreamed in the Fade, her last thought asking the darkness why it had to be her. </p><p>***</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard lay curled on the CIC. Her finger brushed the hologram of the Galaxy Map, feeling the hum of electricity through her fingers. Through the planets, she could just about reach the sol system from her position. She wondered what Joker would say if she had actually done this in the past. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Probably something along the lines of, “If you’re going to brood on my ship, at least do it in the cockpit with me and bottle of something strong”.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The beeping of terminals and Alliance officer’s steps Shepard sighed heavily before getting up, stretching her back as she went. The Fade was so strange. She hadn’t encountered any more spirits or demons as of yet but she was having the most vivid dreams. Every detail like a scene in a movie. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard looked around before moving to step down, her foot fell through the air and landed at an awkward angel, her hands shot out to grab the railing that was to far away. She tumbled down the ramp on the floor looking at why she had fallen… the ramp… not steps… the SR1. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The heavy steps of Liara in full armour ran past her, her white armour. Helmet in hand as an explosion wrecked through the ship.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Executing evasive manoeuvres!” Joker’s voice cried. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No… not this day…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Everyone to the escape pods!” John ordered through the ship’s speakers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No please no not this not this day. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard covered her ears, trying desperately to wake up. No matter how hard she covered her ears she could hear John’s voice ordering her to get Joker out, she could feel the heaviness of Joker and her amour on her skin as she carried him into the escape pod. She could hear the exact explosion noise that sent John flying into space after pushing the button to send her and Joker into space as he grasped for air. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No please wake up wake up wake up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She sobbed, crying out while her ship was destroyed around her. She was still in her grey shirt. No armour or weapon. It was the only thing stopping her from believing she was actually back there. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A cold hand rested on her shoulder, Shepard whirled round to see Solas standing behind her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“S-s-solas?” she muttered out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Odhea, Shepard” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“W-what?” she sniffed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Breathe. You shape the Fade Shepard, you are the Somniari” Solas crouched by her, gently moving her hair from her neck pushing it behind her. He put his hand on the back of her head almost like one would do to a child. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Think of the love not the loss” his calm voice washed over her like warm water. But the hair on the back of her neck stayed up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard felt the ground shifting under her. Something was tickling her hands, rough and soft. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She opened her eyes and saw grass, real green grass. Looking up from the greenery, she saw water in the distance, Lake Amell. Mindoir. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you” she breathed, looking to her side as Solas. Still crouched and holding her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The credit is yours, Da’len” he smiled back. He stood, offering her a hand. She took it happily moving to stand, her baggy shirt hitting the tops of her thighs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Solas… will you stay with me- for a little bit?” pleading with his blue eyes, not trusting herself to be alone in the Fade. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of-course” he nodded, she kept hold of his hand and wandered to the shore letting the wind brush through her shirt around her body. They sat for a while, under the stars, the twin moons in the sky. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She told Solas of the lore behind them, that the planet had evolved so she could support life. Animals and humans, when they arrived. But that the planet was still lonely because the sun kept getting brighter and brighter as he grew. Her only companion was the sun and he was too bright for her to love. So, the sun gave her two moon children, they were birthed from the planet. The twins would circle the planet as her children, with the sun watching over them and once every three years, they would align. The sun, the two moons and the planet, joining in a line to form a bond. The moons would block the sun from the planet and she could be with her love once more, bathed in darkness. She explained the concept of a solar eclipse. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“My father used to say that we were the moons, me and John. And when we missed our mother, he would say. Even the moons can see their mother. You can see her in you, when you look in the mirror.” She smiled for a moment, Solas was a good listener. The only thing that made her sure he was there was his body in her peripheral vision. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His voice broke the silence, “Da’len, I am aware you lied to the others when you were explaining your disappearance from Haven. I watched you escape with the elven woman and the shemlen”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I had to lie” The wind flowed through the lake, blowing through their clothes, bringing the water to their toes. It was slightly warm, summer on Mindoir made the nights warm. Burned the lake so that it was like a cooled bath even at night. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you feel that is the case? Would the truth not be preferable to the people protecting you? Or is it you who seeks to protect them?” his voice was still calm, no hint of malice. More curiosity than anger. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Solas, I wanted to tell them but I was instructed not to. It sounds crazy but, they knew me. I think they were from… the future. My future, sent back to get me to the road where I protected the Royal men from the demons” his head snapped to her, searching for deceit. “She said I couldn’t tell anyone but… someone ought to know. In-case this goes sideways, I haven’t even seen them around Haven. I am not keeping anything else from them, I swear. I- I don’t like lying but if it means people are safe, I will do it without blinking” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I see. If time magic is real…” he hummed for a moment, “remarkable if it has been achieved, dangerous if this is true” he finished. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you going to tell them?” she gazed back onto the lake, the twin moons separate in the sky. Their glow casting on the water. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No. I simply wanted to understand, if time magic is involved. It is best we do not involve others” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard lifted her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Here she didn’t feel her injuries. “What did you call me before? Da’len?” she asked, looking over at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“In my people, it means little one. It seemed appropriate at the time” he replied, not taking his eyes off the moons.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Can I ask you to teach me more?” His eyes turned to face her, studying her for a moment. Searching for something, she held his gaze. “I simply want to understand” she said to him, repeating his own words. She was fascinated by Elves, not just Solas. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He nodded after a moment, before getting up offering his hand. “Let us walk” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And so, the Shepard and the Wolf walked around the land, through the forest and the farms blind to the other’s true nature. Hiding behind names that made their past untouchable, hid the darkness in their blood and hearts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Wolf, all knowing, all keeping, began giving his secrets away to the Shepard moving out the shadows. His teeth becoming less sharp.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Shepard, ever careful, ever protective let her guard down to the Wolf. Lowering her shield. Her crook becoming more brittle. </em>
</p><p><em>The only thing that stood between them and battle, was time. </em> </p><p>***</p><p>“She cried herself to sleep, it was… Maker forgive me, I just wanted to hold the poor lass” Rylen whispered across the wooden table in the Tavern, his head bowed. The morning had barely broke. Cullen sighed into his breakfast, holding his coffee in his hand for something to do. </p><p>“Kid’s going through it, that’s for sure. Hell if I was sent back two-thousand years in the past I’d be upset too” Varric added from his chair, writing notes in his journal. His voice equally hushed over the barely there noise of the Tavern, with it being early there was barely anyone in for Breakfast.</p><p>Cullen’s brain went back to when she opened the door, her red rimmed eyes, wet face. The smile she had when he gave her his shirt,</p><p>“What do you know about her Varric, what’s your take?” Cullen asked the Dwarf, he watched the man tap his ink onto the page for a moment. Varric was arguably one of the best judges of character in Haven, if not anyone he had met. They had the chance to get to know each other on the week voyage from Kirkwall. </p><p>They had briefed Varric, along with Rylen on her true story. The true nature of her being here. Mother Giselle was also made aware, to an extent. To everyone else she was just the woman who fell from the Fade, a human woman made in the image of Andraste. </p><p>“Well-“</p><p>“Good morning”</p><p>“Shepard!” Cullen went to stand, inadvertently knocking the table with his knees knocking over the mugs and bowls there. His hands with Rylen’s shot out to catch them but were covered in green light, Shepard set them down gently, the green light covering her arm fading away.</p><p>She looked refreshed, slight dark circles under her eyes. But they were bright. Not the woman who was crying the night before. Her bruise looked better already, the edges forming a yellow glaze.</p><p>“Sorry Cullen, I didn’t mean to startle you” she laughed, “Big bad Commander can be snuck up on, good to know” she said taking a seat, Cullen lowered himself back into his chair. Once more taking his coffee in between his hands, ignoring the other two men’s laughter. </p><p>“She’s got you there Curly!” Varric laughed, closing his journal. </p><p>“Enjoy it while you can Shepard, it won’t happen again” Cullen retorted, narrowing his eyes at her smirk. </p><p>“I do love a challenge…” she looked at his hair for a moment, “Why Curly?” she returned her eyes to Varric</p><p>“Uh- I-“</p><p>“You’ll find out” Rylen winked. Cullen’s embarrassment was saved by the interruption. He felt his cheeks getting warmer, giving daggers to Rylen’s smirk.</p><p>“It’s a nickname. Varric is our resident story teller-“</p><p>“Storyteller, prisoner, dashing rogue and occasionally, unwelcome tag-along. At your service” he winked, voice deep across the table. </p><p>Shepard’s laughter was stopped by a presence to her left. “Can I get you anything?” a voice asked, Shepard looked to the woman. Flissa. </p><p>“Oh yes please, can I get coffee and some food? I’m not sure what you have but anything would be nice” Shepard said politely, her hair flicking over her shoulder as she turned to address Flissa.  </p><p>“Here,” Flissa passed her a scroll, flicked writing across the paper. Shepard brushed her fingers across the edges, her finger tracing the writing. </p><p>“Real paper” she whispered, “I’ve never felt real paper before” she looked like a child, marvelling at something magic. Cullen realised he knew nothing of her world, not really. She stilled for a moment, realising they were watching her. “Is this your handwriting?” she asked the woman looking up. </p><p>Flissa nodded. </p><p>“It’s beautiful” Shepard replied, “Really I’ve never seen actual handwriting before-“ Shepard’s stomach rumbled loudly. </p><p>“I’ll bring you over a breakfast platter” Flissa winked, “Before you eat yourself” she gestured to her stomach. Shepard laughed, placing the menu on the table. Flissa reached for it, her sleeve rolling up slightly. </p><p>Cullen noticed Shepard’s gaze was caught on something. Her demeanour shifted, he felt it in the air like a crack of lightning, she looked up to Flissa’s face, her hair covering her face slightly. She smiled at them bowing slightly before returning behind the bar. </p><p>Shepard was still quiet. Her fist was on the table clenching tightly. Cullen could see her jaw tightening and loosening, she looked like she was mulling something over. </p><p>“Everything ok over there?” Varric asked, breaking Shepard’s frown. She looked at the men with a mask on. Emotionless. </p><p>“Excuse me” she said, darting out her chair as best her injuries would allow, long strides taking her to the bar. </p><p>Cullen watched her go. She was in her dark brown leather pants and boots again. Both tight against her skin, the muscles rippled as she walked. His eyes drifted up from her behind to the shirt tucked into her waist, her hips swaying. Her unusual fashion choice was endearing, no robes or cloaks. So simple, it reminded him of Ferelden, they would dress for necessity. Her dark hair tumbling down to her waist, broad shoulders framing the dark curls. White. She was wearing his white shirt.</p><p>Something in his gut warmed his whole body. Something primal.</p><p>“Careful Curly” Varric’s voice broke his transfixion on Shepard. </p><p>“What?” looking between the two smirking men.</p><p>“You were smiling Commander. It’s slightly unnerving” Rylen joked. </p><p>“Shut up the pair of you” he growled into his coffee, only half-serious. He liked Varric and Rylen’s company. Not that he’d admit it out loud, but he enjoyed their company. They knew of his past and his present and stood by him. It made things easy.  </p><p>He couldn’t help but return his eyes to Shepard.</p><p>Shepard reached the bar without wincing at her ribs. “Flissa” Shepard said, making the woman look up from behind her wooden bar top. </p><p>“Is something wrong?” She asked innocently, her smile didn’t reach her eyes. </p><p>“I think, I should be asking you that” Shepard’s right hand reached over to her arm, slowly to not startle her. </p><p>Shepard suspected what had happened. She had to make sure. </p><p>Gently rolling up her baggy sleeve, Flissa made no indication of moving, stilling her movements of drying the mug she was holding. Clutching the rag so tightly in one hand Shepard thought her nails might go through it. </p><p>Bruises. Fresh bruises.</p><p>Four purple and black bruises in a line around her arm. </p><p>Shepard looked back up to the woman. Who wasn’t meeting her gaze, her lower lip trembling. She rounded the bar, moving her from the wood and placing herself in-between Flissa and anyone who might see her.  </p><p>“It’s nothing” Flissa smiled, straightening her back. Looking at Shepard’s shoulder.</p><p>Shepard’s hand reached for her scarf, pulling it down slightly. More bruises. </p><p>“Flissa… was this consensual?” </p><p>She didn’t answer for a few heartbeats, Shepard could smell the fear radiating off her. Flissa’s bob shook when her head signified no. Shepard waited, mulling her options in her head. </p><p>“He- he, it only happened once and I- I don’t want to cause any trouble. It’s not important” she said her hands clutching at the cloth. </p><p>“Flissa. Everyone here is just as important as the next and once is more than enough. This once should not have happened” Shepard watched Flissa crumble under her words, shoulders hunched over.</p><p>“He didn’t- <em> it </em> didn’t happen, I managed to hit him and- and run but… Oh Maker. I- I don’t know…I’m not even sure what he looked like it happened so quickly” she breathed heavily, her right hand going to her forehead. She was crumbling.</p><p>“Flissa, do you have someone close to you here. Someone you trust implicitly” Shepard asked, returning her hand along the woman’s arm. Keeping her touch light. </p><p>“Y-yes, Leliana” she whispered. </p><p>The Spymaster… perfect.</p><p>“Good I want you to her and tell her about this. You do not have to tell me everything but I do need you to tell someone you trust. This will not happen again, to anyone here. Shepard rubbed her upper arm in what she hoped was a comfort. “We are worth more than this treatment, no?” Shepard promised, Flissa looked up at her then, tears brimming. She quietly nodded.</p><p>“I will hang around the Tavern today, and I will walk you back to the Village this evening. No arguments- I won’t make it suspicious. You have nothing to worry about. Go and tell her now, take some time” </p><p>Flissa searched Shepard’s face, “Okay… okay I will” she breathed out, she wiped her eyes and took a breath before replacing the smile on her face. It broke Shepard’s heart and also made her incredibly proud. </p><p>She quickly made up a platter for Shepard, “Can’t have you starving to death can we” Flissa joked. </p><p>Something David had always told her: If they can’t find their strength, be their strength. </p><p>This woman was harder than she looked. Flissa put a small sign on the bar indicating she was away for the moment before walking out the Tavern. </p><p>Shepard returned, her usual smile on her face, carrying the tray full of bread, meats and fruits. She took a seat with a groan, her left-hand flattening to her ribs under her sling. She waved off the concerned men, “I’m fine honestly” she took a sip of her coffee and groaned. “Real coffee” she sighed happily to herself. </p><p>“Is there such a thing as fake coffee?” Rylen asked. </p><p>“Where I’m from, yes and it is absolutely vile. Gets the job done I guess but not nearly as pleasurably” she drawled, taking another happy sip of coffee. </p><p>“Everything alright with Flissa?” Varric asked suspiciously. </p><p>“Of course, she’s is just feeling a bit ill at the moment. It’s being taken care of” Shepard replied, buttering her bread with her knife.</p><p>“Is that why you almost had your fist through the table?” Varric replied baiting her, Shepard raised her eyes slowly, not stopping her movements of her knife. Cleaning it on the bit of bread she hadn’t buttered yet. </p><p>“Figuring me out still?” Shepard raised an eyebrow at him, Varric had a small grin on his face. He was a story teller and she was a mystery to him. “Good luck” she winked before heartily eating her breakfast.</p><p>The conversation continued, Rylen told her about Starkhaven, how it was warmer than here, the mountains and fields. How her accent was reminiscent of someone from there. They slipped into an easy rhythm. It was strange, being surrounded by Knight’s and Dwarves, in a wooden hut no less. But it felt right, normal? It felt earthy, hearty. </p><p>Strange that it felt normal, no mission to attend to. No quick meals in-between flying across the galaxy chasing leads. Shepard thought about the last time something was calm for her, she felt the Fade grasping at her sides, slipping back into the cool liquid smoke. There it was… the song… the melody that-</p><p>“Shepard?” </p><p>“Hmm” She shook herself awake a leather gloved hand seeping warmth into her right upper arm, looking around at the table, all eyes were on her. “I’m sorry what” Cullen removed his arm, the warmth once there retreated. </p><p>Flissa repeated herself from next to her, “I said do you want more coffee, but it seems like I have my answer” she said cheerfully, happier than she was before. Her eyes less red. </p><p>“Oh yes please, I ah, yes and the breakfast was delicious, Flissa” she smiled, passing her the plates and her mug. She didn’t miss the downbeat of Rylen’s eyes, before flicking to Cullen’s. She did however miss the sympathetic look that Cullen was currently giving her. </p><p>She twisted back from giving Flissa her pots, the action made her catch her breath through the stinging feeling in her ribs she as Flissa walked away. The gloved hand returned to her upper arm, Cullen watched her face relax after a moment, nodding she was alright.</p><p>“I’ve figured something out” Varric said triumphantly, scrawling notes in his journal again. </p><p>“If it’s that I’m a walking talking bruise, your skills of deduction have been greatly exaugurated” Shepard replied with a smirk, sitting straighter to look at his notes, he slapped his book shut as Flissa returned with her coffee. Shepard offered her a thank you before grasping it in her right hand and bringing it to her lips. Real coffee she smiled, inhaling the aroma of real burnt beans. </p><p>“You play the piano” </p><p>Her eyes flew open, she lowered her mug, the shock overriding her enjoyment of the coffee, “How the fu-”</p><p>“When you went daydreaming you drummed your fingers on the table, to the untrained eye it looks random. But I have a feeling you do nothing randomly, the beats and pauses were purposeful” Varric explained pointing to her right hand. </p><p>Shepard grinned. He was very good. She hadn’t even realised she was doing it. Usually she didn’t daydream, never had the time. Daydreaming here, as Solas had said the night before in the Fade, was like dozing especially for a dreamer. Thoughts and feelings heightened, being able to slip into it was easy for her. </p><p>“You got me. I admit I didn’t know you had piano’s here, and yes, I used to play… a very long time ago” Back when I wasn’t the Alliance’s errand woman, “Points for you Varric” Shepard smiled, watching Varric soak her words the shit eating grin across his face. </p><p>“You know we have one in the Chantry if you wanted to give us a concert” Rylen leant forward in his chair, turning his gaze on her. </p><p>“Oh. I’m not very good, I think you’d prefer demon screams to my playing” she laughed, blushing slightly under their gaze. Why was she blushing… she cursed her heating face. </p><p>She hadn’t played if someone asked, if they even knew she was a pianist. She had barely played in-front of her friends. Only in the quiet moments when she was distracted. Or when Liara played with her on the citadel. It was one of her free moments away from being Commander Shepard. </p><p>To just be Livia… whoever that was. </p><p>Varric began scrawling in his notebook again, looking up at the table for a moment, his quill going to his mouth before nodding and writing once more. </p><p>“What are you writing?” Shepard asked, craning her neck. </p><p>“I’m writing a story; you’ve given me inspiration. The woman who fell from the future, finding her way through the old lands. What waits on the horizon, magic, battle, love?” Varric drew out the last word and winked. </p><p>Shepard laughed, “I highly doubt that last one, but if you finish the tale. I’d love to read it. Make sure its smutty” she winked back. </p><p>She lifted her eyes from her mug to Cullen who was watching her with rapt attention. She stared back into his honey eyes raising one eyebrow waiting for him to say something instead of just staring at her- what she didn’t realise is was Cullen was thinking how could one not fall in love with fearless, kind mystery wrapped up in a beautiful packaging. </p><p>A door swinging open got her attention, they all turned to see Maxwell scanning the room before falling on them, his shoulders relaxing.</p><p>“Shepard!” Maxwell strutted to the table “I-I-“</p><p>“Maxwell, is everything alright?” she asked, moving to stand. Cullen and Rylen were already stood, hands on swords. </p><p>“Yes yes fine” he said gesturing to the two men standing at attention like there was a threat “I-, I thought. When I knocked on your cabin and it was empty I thought-“ he looked at the others, his tanned skin turning pinker. </p><p>He thought she was gone.</p><p>“I told you Maxwell, I will stay until you send me away” she said reassuringly, patting his arm with her good hand. </p><p>“Sorry, I ah- I’m having a hard time believing your real. Reason tells me you can’t be real and all of this is me hallucinating” Maxwell laughed, Rylen and Cullen joined in nodding enthusiastically. </p><p>She immediately recognised the use of humour to cover the emotions spilling from him. It was one she employed herself when she was embarrassed. </p><p>“Oh Maxwell, you never want to listen to reason” she replied grinning.</p><p>“Well next time leave a note or something, I was about to send the horses out.” He drawled, “In any case, since my breathing has returned to its normal rate, shall we head to the war room? We have much to talk about” </p><p>***</p><p>“Shepard a word” Leliana called from the doors of the war room. Uncharacteristically waiting outside rather than in, Shepard nodded as they stepped to one side. Maxwell shrugged at Cullen’s questioning gaze, both men entered the war room quickly. Out of earshot of the other sisters in the Chantry. </p><p>“I will be honest. I do not trust you yet, nor do I have enough information on you to appease my curiosity, but your actions thus far have served you well” the spymaster began.</p><p>“Noted” Shepard replied, trying to keep her best commander mask in place. It was easy for her. </p><p>“But I do want to thank you, Flissa is a dear friend and she has told me of the events that occurred. She has also informed me you will be spending your day there with her. I will have agents trail you to the village and back for your safety. I swear to you we will root out him out, this will not happen again. This is not the Inquisition we are forming” </p><p>Shepard watched the fire light in the Spymasters eyes, “Leliana what happened is not your fault. A bad man can hide in armour belonging to a good cause, we will remove this evil”</p><p>Leliana merely nodded, before gesturing to the door. Shepard opened it with ease as the meeting began. </p><p>“All good?” Maxwell asked as the two women filtered in. </p><p>Shepard nodded for him to begin. </p><p>“Firstly if I may” the Ambassador began “we will require you to make a dossier on you, name, age, titles and backgrounds of your military service. As Cassandra and the Herald already know it will be mostly for our benefit” Josie gestured to the three advisors. </p><p>“And anything you remember on the events of the conclave, as a statement” Cassandra added. </p><p>“Done, I will explain everything on there to the best of my ability. Anything else?” Shepard asked, ever one to get to the point. A habit of military. </p><p>Maxwell cleared his throat, lifting his chin from where he was staring at Haven on the map “Well… next would be a case of what capacity you wish to serve the Inquisition. I personally would like to take you out into the field one your injuries have healed and we have assessed your abilities, but I would like, very much, if you would decide what you wish to do” he finished, his voice light, airy. </p><p>He was giving her a choice. </p><p>She was used to orders… choices came within missions. </p><p>She mulled it over for a moment. Staring at the map. </p><p>How much fighting did she have left in her?</p><p>The truth was she had enjoyed healing the soldiers in the short time she was given with them; she had enjoyed prancing round the palace with Simon and Alastair. </p><p>She had enjoyed being nobody. </p><p>She enjoyed healing instead of hurting.</p><p>Could she deny the soldier inside her, the one moulded from the clay of the Alliance?</p><p>She began drumming her right hand on the table.</p><p>“Shepard?” Cullen prompted, she looked up at him, his kind eyes. Head tilted slightly, posture tall and straight. Ever the soldier. </p><p>“I don’t know if-“ her words were stopped by a very familiar line of red behind Cullen's shoulder. </p><p>She rounded the table and stood face to face with a blood red N7 logo adorned on her broken and battered armour.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. N7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mentions of alcohol and family death. </p><p>Stay safe!</p><p>xox</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Where...Where’s the rest of it?” she asked turning to face Max who was still stood on the other side of the table. He shifted awkwardly. </p><p>“That is all that was left on you. You were in very bad shape when we fell from the rift. We saved as much as we could but… that is it in its entirety” He replied. The others exchanged sad looks, before returning to face her with sympathy… confusion… pity?</p><p>Shepard turned her back to her armour feeling more breathless than before. Eyes roving over the damage. Her helmet was nowhere to be seen, she remembered removing it when before she had faced the illusive man. Once the glass of the eyes had smashed it wouldn't do much for protection, it was most likely still on the citadel. The only thing left of her, she wondered if anyone had recovered it. </p><p>She had been here now for just shy of a month, eight left until MIA… according to her omnitool calendar and the calendar used here.  </p><p>The right arm was almost complete including her glove, the red stripe leading down the armour from the chest plate that was cropped at the waist. The back panel was almost all complete the bottom of which was jagged and would cover her shoulder blades and the right side of her lumbar. Both shoulders were complete too. The left arm was almost completely gone, the shoulder plate would end just shy of halfway on her upper arm. </p><p>The legs were the worst, boots completely broken apart, some pieces resting on the floor not attached to the shoes. The shins and thighs were also in bits, the pieces that were there being held together by what she assumed was some form of glue for presenting purposes, one punch and they would probably shatter. There was a lot of pieces missing on the legs which probably explained the bruises Solas had tended to. </p><p>Her left hand lifted to trace the N7 logo. As closed her eyes and let her head hit the armour with a dull thud which echoed around the silent room, she let her head rest on cowl of the chest plate, her breath condensation on the metal.</p><p> She sighed heavily again thinking of how this armour had saved her life, the lives of those around her, how much action it has seen the stories it could tell and more importantly, how it was one of the only things left to prove she was even from another world. </p><p>How could she be a healer when this is what she caused… destruction… it’s what she was made for. Her mind went back to the consorts words…</p><p><em> Your amour fits as though you were born to wear it… behind your eyes is a fire burned in a sea of loss… it will be your gain </em> </p><p>“Shepard, are you ok?” Max moved to stand next to her on her left side, one hand on her shoulder. The rest of the group were watching as Shepard’s right hand side profile revealed itself as she lifted her head, still staring at the N7 logo. The black of her armour reflecting the various candle lights that were dotted around the room. </p><p>“No” Feeling the stinging tears once again returning, “Such a stupid thing to be sad over” she laughed humourlessly.  </p><p>The events of the last few months had rendered her numb, the reaper war, all the choices they had to make to save as many as they could while killing as many as they could take out. She hoped that she had saved more than she had lost but the reality would most likely not favour that. </p><p>What she would never have expected is to be transported to a strange world with fantasy species, mages, knights in shining armour and a man with a green hand that would glow occasionally. If someone had told her that this is what would happen, she would have asked them to seek professional help. </p><p>“This means a lot to you.” The Seeker spoke, her voice heavily accented. </p><p>Shepard laughed humourlessly, “What gave it away” she smiled sadly, her hand right hand gently thumbing the chest plate where the edge would normally taper off to the stomach plate it now hung lonely. Separated from the start of the thigh piece. </p><p>The silence was only broken by the breathing of the persons in the room and Shepard’s occasional sigh. “Thank you for trying to save what’s left. I don’t mean to undermine what you tried to do but most of it isn’t salvageable. Well maybe the right arm, chest and back maybe will be ok- the legs are hopeless” She lifted her head to meet Max’s. </p><p>“Is there anything we can do? Smelt it maybe? Re-shape it?” Maxwell said with a small smiled, his eyes hopeful. She wondered what his real intentions were for wanting the amour fixed. She hoped they were pure. </p><p>“No. It can’t be melted by basic fire or a hammer. I don’t think you will have any facilities to rebuild it here. Maybe magic but… it’s not made of any metal you’ll find in this earth” Shepard replied trying to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat. The N7 in her told her to suck it up as the logo on the chest stared offensively at her. </p><p>When her armour would be damaged in a fight before it hadn’t bothered her as much as it did now. Knowing that she would be able to swap a piece out, or use a mass effect field to iron out any creases or dents. On the Normandy the facilities there had taken away the sadness of losing a piece. </p><p>She didn’t have that option now. There was no armoury where she could pick her size and colour. There was no Cortez to talk her through the specifications and weight, chattering with excitement </p><p>if there was something new or if he had modified a piece. No Vega to make lewd comments about how well she filled the armour, backing away saying ‘Sorry Lola’ as she would shoot him a glare. No John to offer to throw her around with his biotics to ‘break it in’, as any big brother with ridiculously strong biotic power would offer to their sister. </p><p>“It’s... seeing it like this is...” Shepard sighed and walked to a nearby table to lean on it. The others in the room unmoving. Having the armour to her left and the group in front of her. </p><p>Maxwell still kept his position at her side. “During the war, it was my second skin. I even fell asleep in it” She laughed staring at the floor, remembering the times when her and John would succumb to exhaustion on more than once occasion in the Mako. No crew member brave enough to wake them. </p><p>She thought of John, standing proud in his armour. The best biotic ever seen from Jump Zero. First class honours. He would fight. He always fought, even if he was wrong.</p><p>“I will be whatever the Inquisition needs. I’ll gladly go in the field with you, I’ll be a healer if you do not take me on missions. I’ll be a damn monster if you need me to be, you say jump I’ll say how high. I’ll help in any way I can” Shepard said addressing Maxwell. </p><p>“Why” Leliana asked.</p><p>“Excuse me?” Shepard retorted, taken back by her curtness. </p><p>“Why help us? What do you stand to gain?” She asked calculating Shepard.</p><p>“Absolutely nothing. I have nothing to lose too right, so that makes me dangerous to you” Shepard smirked, she felt the burning rage building. </p><p>“I am merely trying to ascertain your motivations for joining the Inquisition, we are after all, a heretical movement. With you and the Herald as the largest targets” Leliana added, gesturing to the pair. </p><p>“I couldn’t care less about your fucking book club” she growled back, she didn’t wholly mean it but she wanted to hurt them like she felt hurt.</p><p>“This isn’t a joke Shepard” Cassandra stated slowly from behind the war table.</p><p>A joke? </p><p>How could they understand how she feels, what she thinks? Rage built in her, burning her blood.</p><p>“Oh believe me, this is the biggest farce I have ever been a part of. I have been sent back two thousand years into a fucking medieval land with magic and elves which in my time is nothing but a fairy tale told to children, possibly even a parallel world. I have sailed the stars, I have claimed worlds, I have found species fifty-thousand years old, I have spoken to the apex race of time space so if your Maker is real then he has a sick sense of humour for bringing me here after saving the galaxy. And the best part? I don’t know if it even worked, I don’t know if my people are still dying in the stars, I don’t know if my friends are dead, if my Dad died where he fell, if any of the galaxy is still standing. As for my goals as you put it. I care about those innocents out there; the soldiers dying in those tents, I swore an oath to save any and all lives that needed protecting. No matter the species. That does not stop now I am here. As a Spectre I swore an oath to uphold galactic peace and if there is a threat I am sent” she flared brighter, her voice becoming multitoned </p><p>“Maybe that’s why I’m here to solve all your fucking problems because apparently I am not done fighting impossible wars, because apparently this fucked up past parallel universe needs a saviour too. MAYBE IT’S JUST BAD FUCKING TIMING” she roared her biotics flaring, the flames on the torches burned brighter, the markers on the table rattling. </p><p>“Shep” Maxwell put his hand on her shoulder, coaxing her to take a step back.</p><p>She took a deep breath, remembering herself. She let her powers fade to nothing, her normal voice returning. She didn’t speak for a few heartbeats.</p><p>“You did not deserve that. That was uncalled for, I believe in the work you’re doing. The Inquisition are the only people remembering the real threat and far be it for me to oppose that, regardless of how I got here” she finished, trying to calm the storm that raged inside her. She pushed the words out her mouth, unsure if she really meant them.</p><p>As Solas had said, the Fade was exasperating her emotions, her soul was getting used to the Fade as much as the Fade was getting used to her. </p><p>“No apology necessary. You are enduring much, it is quite like your hunt for Saren no? No one believed your warnings of the reapers. They called you mad, even tried to kill you. But you prevailed, banded together species across the known worlds and defeated the danger. This is what we hope to achieve.” Cassandra leant across the table, pushing the markers back into their slots. </p><p>“The good old days” she laughed still clenching her fists, “We were so young when it began… I was twenty-five when I was put in command. Trying to fight the good fight with a bunch of people crazy enough to help me” </p><p>All so young, they were all so young, barely adults and they were saving the galaxy. Even then. </p><p>“Not unlike you” Shepard stared at Maxwell, untested against real battle. Dropped in the middle of this entire mess. </p><p>“Then I am very glad, you are crazy enough to help me” he whispered back, “I do believe in the Maker Shepard and quite frankly I believe in some way I am Andraste’s Herald… I don’t know why yet, maybe I never will… But I believe you were brought here for a reason, and I know you don’t believe in such things but… well…your experiences you showed me. I don’t remember it all but I do remember one thing for certain” he shifted, his hand coming through his hair. He took a breath as he grounded himself.</p><p>“It had to be you… someone else might have gotten it wrong”</p><p>If anyone else said anything, she didn’t hear it over the blood roaring in her ears. The blood rushed from her face, she trying very hard not to cry. Maxwell watched the emotions take over her face, and he knew he had said the right thing. </p><p>
  <em> It had to be you, someone else might have gotten it wrong </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps. </em>
</p><p>“Mordin” she sighed, closing her eyes trying to stop the tears burning behind her eyes. He was the perfect mix of scientist and soldier.</p><p>“Shepard, these memories… how do they work exactly?” Maxwell asked.</p><p>“Well… hmm” she pondered for a moment. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to distract her from her emotions and give her something else to think about or he was actually curious, </p><p>“Well, you experienced everything I did, emotions, thoughts, what I saw, heard, smelt. It’s overwhelming and can take a few days to actually process, but I would liken it to reading a book. How much would you remember in a year from reading it? Would you remember certain quotes, would you remember the whole plot- all the side characters? Or would you simply remember the feeling you had when reading it? It is down to the individual… if you remember Mordin… you have taken some good from it” she smiled. </p><p>“What was he?” Maxwell asked, trying to calm the emotional Shepard. </p><p>“His species is called Salarian, they were the brains of my galaxy. Short life spans so they spoke very quickly, he… he was a very dear friend. He died undoing a mistake he made, he saved a race from extinction. I can’t think of a more morally certain man” she sighed, “He had a great singing voice too” </p><p>“Will you… teach me more, about your galaxy? I’d like to get to know you better since you’ll be one of my advisors…”</p><p>“What?” she repeated back. She looked to the others; they did not seem shocked by this revelation. Josephine was smiling brightly, Leliana and Cassandra nodded, Cullen was simply giving her a smile, his eyes never leaving hers. </p><p>“I want you in here. With us. You have more war experience than us all put together, you specialise in missions that no one else can complete and quite frankly, the things you have seen are beyond my comprehension. I need a voice like that, I need Commander Shepard. Help us fix this before it’s too late” he finished his speech. </p><p><em> Commander Shepard, calling you any less would be an insult to everything we stand for </em> </p><p>Dr Chakwas was right… Did she really have a choice not to be the saviour everyone thought she was? </p><p>“Then… I, Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy am at your service. Herald of Andraste” she smirked, offering her right hand to him. </p><p>“Thank you, Commander Shepard” Maxwell said, putting his hand out for her to shake. “I- I’d like to get the chance to know you better, properly. Since we’ll be working closely and I’m supposed to be your Herald” he winked.</p><p>Shepard laughed, “What a pair we make” His bouncy attitude made her realise how young he was, how naive, she wondered if he would be the same after this. She liked to think she was the same after Saren and Sovereign.</p><p>“I spoke with Solas briefly this morning, Envy is long gone. Unsure if it’s in the Fade or in Thedas but it’s not near Haven. He has also already begun to search for answers in the Fade about the conclave, hopefully we can turn up some answers and see what brought you here… maybe we can reverse it?” he said cheerfully. </p><p>Shepard sighed; she had already been here three weeks. She wondered how much rubble they’d shifted on the citadel. Would it still be in orbit around earth?</p><p>“Fingers crossed” she replied, her gut churning. </p><p>“Before you write your dossier, I was hoping you could tell the others regarding your… linage. So, we may all be on the same page, and we can do the same for yourself” Cassandra added, crossing her arms across her chest. </p><p>“Of-course…” it was strange explaining herself… where she was from everyone knew everything about her. Once look, one word and they knew. </p><p>“Well… I am survived by my twin brother and adoptive Dad. My mother died during childbirth and my father died when I was thirteen” Shepard said, sighing in-between sentences. Cullen felt a pang of guilt. It felt wrong asking her these questions, revealing her history. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I understand, my mother died of the same thing. Taken too soon” Maxwell replied awkwardly. Shepard smiled up at him, an understanding look. She was slowly understanding Max more. Shepard nodded at his statement offering no words.  </p><p>“You’re a twin, that’s remarkable, were you first or second?” The Ambassador said, her quill softly scratching the paper in her hand. </p><p>“Is it remarkable? And um second, my brother is five minutes older than me. Something he never lets me forget.” She replied. </p><p>“Amazing! I’ve never met a twin! What’s it like?” Josephine asked, gleaming with excitement. </p><p>“What’s it-...is it a big thing? Don’t you have twins here?” Shepard asked, looking at the faces around the table. </p><p>“The Fade does not usually allow twins to be birthed. They are very rare indeed, often thought to have descended from the same original family, the Champion of Kirkwall had siblings that were twins, one of them unfortunately died during the fifth Blight” Leliana said, no hint of sadness in her tone. Her voice was calculated, even. </p><p>“Oh. Well...” She tried to find a way to explain being a twin, she had never been asked. It was her normal. “Well, we’re close, I mean we’re family, and we went through a lot together as children. We...in my world there’s an old story saying that twins share a soul. We both came from the same cell in the womb, the exact same DNA. We would sometimes have this thing where we would know what the other was thinking by just looking at each other or we would say the same thing at the same time. We used to get in a lot of trouble.” </p><p>“There are other things I can’t explain, we didn’t see each other for years, our deployments never matching our leave. I was in a meeting and my shoulder ached so much I cried out, my Captain at the time called the Doctors it was so bad, which was weird because I was on leave getting a promotion, no action just a few politicians talking my ear off. I found out later that day that John had been shot in the same shoulder.” She laughed again at how strange that situation was. </p><p>He had got it on Torfan, the mental wounds were worse than the physical. As if they needed any more reason to hate Batarians.</p><p>“Call it what you will but it’s like a connection you can’t really explain without feeling it.” She finished. Realising she had rambled on about her brother. </p><p>“So… was one of your parents… non-human?” Josephine asked, her voice light.</p><p>“No, my parents were both human. We were born on the Human home planet, Earth but we grew up with my father in a colony called Mindoir. A race called the Batarians came, they attacked a short time after my thirteenth birthday. They raped the colonists, killed them and took the strong or pretty ones as slaves.” Cullen watched as she grimaced, Maker bless her indeed he thought. </p><p>“They thought we were just miners or farmers, but it was a front. My father was a Doctor of science, he was in-charge of the facility and in the mine was a Prothean spire, a relic that was over 50,000 years old, that’s why the Alliance really built a colony there. The spire housed the memories of an embodiment. The Prothean’s were an ancient race, came long before humans or any other race. They were wiped out by the Reapers, a sentient race who culled the galaxy to stop species from getting too advanced that they would be wiped out by machines. The war I ended when I was sent here” she flexed her right hand as if her pistol was still clutched in it. </p><p>“Their social structure was built on each individual being the embodiment of something, like vengeance, when one life ended their memories were passed to a shard or spire, for the next embodiment to learn from, evolve from. The bigger the structure, the more memories it held. My Father studied it, no person could hold the memories, they went mad or died. He didn’t care for the deaths, he just wanted results. He was very determined” </p><p>Shepard sighed again the memory bitter in her mind, “I was very sick as a child, due to my mother’s own health. I shouldn’t have made it past ten years old but ah...when the Batarians came, my father grabbed me and my brother and held us in his research centre, the soldiers died trying to give him time to upload the data. To him, that was more important than people’s lives. The Batarian’s had no idea there was a Prothean relic there but they quickly found out and they came for the data. My Father had to remove the data and send it somewhere else so they would never get their hands on it. He knew I was going to die soon, my health was failing. He gave it one last shot to upload the memories into a human. I made an attractive test subject, if it didn’t work I would die but if I survived, then his work would be saved. Lucky for him it worked. I absorbed the memories, more than that my DNA was evolving, the spire contained memories of thousands of Protheans. I don't know why it worked with me” she gulped and thought for a moment, </p><p>“My Father died protecting us, he was shot by a group of Batarians, I turned them to dust. He made me and my brother run and hide and then he blew up the facility with the other batarian troops coming for us, giving us a chance to run. We hid until more Alliance soldiers came, and we were found by Admiral David Anderson he was a Lieutenant-Commander at the time. He adopted us shortly after. He didn’t care I was different. Me and my brother were the only two that made it out the colony, there were hundreds of people living there.” She smiled, lifting her hand and letting the biotics flow around her hand. </p><p>She gave pause for questions, none came.</p><p>“It isn’t magic, it’s physiology, it’s in my DNA. I harness the energy in the air, in fire or water, I can harness energy from anything. My senses are heightened, my reflexes faster and I’m stronger than a normal human. To me it is as natural as breathing. I learnt how to use my powers overtime. I would describe it like, seeing how to swing a sword from someone else’s eyes or like if someone sang to you how to hold the handle, how to position your feet. You can see how to do it but you would need to practise to perfect it yourself. So, with practise I learnt how to use them, I unlocked more and more and well. Here I am.” </p><p>“So that’s why your eyes are… like that?” Maxwell gestured to her face, she held his gaze as he studied them. </p><p>“Yes. Once upon a time my eyes were all blue, the more I use my powers… the greener they become. I don’t know what it will mean when there is no blue left…”</p><p>Shepard looked at the shocked faces of Leliana, Cullen and Josephine. Max and Cassandra had seen it in her memories. Max realised how calm she was speaking about it, rather than how she felt about it. She was good at keeping herself calm. In the memories she felt like she was a monster, how she hated her father for doing this to her. The conflicting feelings of loving her powers and hating them.</p><p>“Any other questions?” Shepard asked, attempting to change the subject. </p><p>“The Alliance is your Army as you said to the Herald but you mentioned the Spectres?” Leliana asked. </p><p>“Spectres are part of the council’s team. We are not trained, but chosen. It means Special Tactics and Reconnaissance. We are forged in the fire of service and battle. There are fewer than 100 of us, we are the best of the best of every species. We get the missions that no one else can handle, and we handle them with any means necessary. We are above all law, all rank” Shepard said, remembering the words of the Council when she and John had been made the first Human spectres. How proud David was of his children. </p><p>“What does N7 mean? On your armour.” Cullen asked, ever the soldier. </p><p>“It’s the highest rank one can attain from the Alliance’s special forces, the human army. There is N-ranks 1-7. You have to be selected for it, its gruelling it takes years to complete. Some die or drop out. Only a few make it to 7. Not to toot my own horn or anything.” Shepard replied. Cullen looked at her in a new light. </p><p>How bizarre this was, she doubted without her memories she had given to the Seeker and Maxwell that they would even believe her. </p><p>“It is very impressive Shepard, what is your fighting style?” Cullen asked. </p><p>“Well, I’m what is called an Infiltrator, I use stealth and silence to get to my enemy. I usually use long range weapons or close quarter combat. Like the pistol I had when I came here, I use that or a longer version more powerful version of it called a sniper” </p><p>Cullen inspected the weapon, he couldn’t make sense of it, it felt light. The black metal leading to another piece of metal that was attached onto it, screwed on maybe? He inspected it further, holding it in his hand, a small piece of metal shifted in his hands making a clicking noise. </p><p>“You’re a natural” Shepard laughed, watching the man quickly pick up how to hold the weapon. Cullen chuckled in response, “So this is how your people fight, with this?” </p><p>“Yes, we don’t use swords and shields. Well sometimes knifes or daggers if we need to as a last resort but yes mostly these, there are different versions.” Shepard said, realising what a foreign concept this was to them. </p><p>Not having to battle someone with a shield and shove a sword through <br/>their armour, she could pull a trigger and wait for the bullets to hit. </p><p>“It doesn’t have any ammunition so, I guess swords it is.” She tried to stow her sadness that she wouldn’t be able to use the pistol, even though it was here with her. Maybe it would make a nice paper weight. </p><p>“It reminds me of Bianca.” Cassandra said, eyeing the weapon with curiosity. Shepard racked her memory of Bianca, she would have to ask around for what or who it was. </p><p>“We should start training you as a Rogue and go from there as to your weapon. Either a bow or daggers. I can see for myself if you are as stealthy as you suggest. Though combat should be handled by more than me, I’m afraid I cannot oversee the task entirely.” Leliana said in a confident challenge. </p><p>“As soon as Solas says you are able we’ll get you some training. Cullen is this something you could do until we find a specific teacher? Train Shepard with the soldiers for combat?” Max said, smiling at Shepard. </p><p>“I’d be happy to. After seeing you with Envy, I have no doubt you will be proficient. Not that I will go easy on you” Cullen smiled, his lips stretching to reveal teeth. Cullen couldn’t deny he was excited to see if Shepard was as good as she said, bearing in mind she had held her own with a. sword and shield, he was optimistic. </p><p>To have an experienced soldier in the ranks. Absolutely nothing to do with the fact she was probably the most interesting woman he had ever met or that she was undeniably beautiful, nothing indeed. </p><p>“My my Commander, this is the most I’ve ever seen you smile. Excited to sink your teeth into the new recruit?” Leliana said earning a giggle from Josephine, Cullen’s only answer was a light blush up his neck, he cleared his throat several times thinking about sinking his teeth into Shepard. Shepard’s laugh made it worth it. </p><p>Cullen passed the pistol to Shepard the familiar weight of the cold black metal washed over her skin. </p><p>“Who knows about this, about me, my armour and my pistol. The full truth.” she said, turning the pistol over in her hands. It was broken, unusable even with ammo she guessed. </p><p>“Those in this room presently, Varric and Solas have been informed. Knight-Captain Rylen, who you met last night and Mother Giselle are also aware.” Cassandra spoke. </p><p>“Good. This is a pistol, it fires bullets. Like small metal arrows at a quick pace, all I have to do is pull this trigger. That is the type of weapon we use in my world. This cannot get out” she pointed looks at them, “If this fell into the wrong hands, if someone found out how to replicate it. The damage it could to here… even if it is broken…” she wrapped it back up, placing it on the table beside her. </p><p>“Like Varric’s crossbow” Maxwell sighed knowing the damage that would do at a fair distance. Varric had warned the others that Bianca was a one of a kind, and that if everyone had one, that battle would be bloody and more frequent, much like Shepard’s world.</p><p>“Exactly like that, even more deadly… I suppose it will make a nice paper weight” she replied, handing it back to Cullen. He didn’t miss her sad eyes and downturned mouth, the way her shoulders sagged and her sad gaze held his. </p><p>“There is one more thing that cannot leave this room” Shepard sighed, best to come clean. She eased her arm out of her sling, letting it drop onto her body like a sash. She activated her omnitool, “Another thing from my time or world, or galaxy take your pick”</p><p>“You still have your omnitool” Maxwell gasped, “I remember this, they’re amazing”</p><p>“What is that?” Cullen asked, eyes flicking from the orange light on her left arm. </p><p>“This is an Omnitool, it’s used for communication mostly or to access information, I can send a message to someone and they receive it instantly or I can search something on here and get everything regarding it at a touch… not here as there is nothing to connect it to… I’ve already tried…” Leliana eyed it like a cat gazing at a canary, </p><p>“I can have it scan someone for injuries it will tell me their medical situation, I can use it for battle. Everyone has one back home, there are different types. Mine is specialised for my Infiltrator class. I use stealth, quick attacks…Like so”</p><p>She activated her cloak, rendering her unseen. Their reaction made her giggle. Like children exposed to a new trick.</p><p>“Maker’s breath” Cullen gasped, searching for her with his eyes. </p><p>“Remarkable, is she still there?” Josie clutched her pad to her chest. </p><p>“I’m still here” she smiled, it was actually sort of fun showing them this. She deactivated it, “it’s just camouflage” she shrugged. </p><p>“This will be useful, no trace of smoke or magic” Leliana nodded, ever the tactician. “We should evaluate it’s time limits in your training” </p><p>“Oh and this” her favourite bit of her omnitool, her blade. She activated it and let it slide from her arm. The collective gasps around the table were enjoyable to say the least. “It uses energy, no magic”</p><p>“Seeing it in person is… well…” Maxwell laughed, “just make sure it doesn’t go off in the Tavern” he laughed, backing away a step. </p><p>“This cannot be allowed to be seen. It will be hard to explain” Cassandra spoke warily, now beside Leliana to get a better look at it. </p><p>“I will use it in battle, I can make fire from this too. That’s almost like magic. It can’t be stolen as such, it’s implanted under my skin it reacts to my thoughts, my muscle movements but, I think it’s best not to go around doing a show and tell to everyone, yes?” </p><p>“Yes” Maxwell laughed, “I think you’re the strangest person I’ve ever met” </p><p>“Fuck you Maxwell” she groaned putting her arm back in her sling. </p><p>“We must work on your etiquette” Josie sighed into her wooden board, hiding her face. </p><p>Cullen’s headache was being overridden with muddled thoughts over what he was hearing. Shepard was currently extracting showing Maxwell the smaller points on her omnitool. The smile on Shepard’s face was small and sad, her eyes were still holding Max’s brimming unshed tears reflecting in the candle light. </p><p>Shepard laughed, tucking her hair behind her ears. Cullen’s eyes followed the movement, he found it fairly sweet, like she was self-conscious. A strange thought, he quickly reminded himself that she was a soldier from another world instead of a young woman who was catching his eye yet again. </p><p>He averted his gaze back to the map as the two made their way around to the war table in their usual positions, a side glance at Leliana and Cassandra made him blush. The two were grinning at him, he sent them a scowl which did nothing for their smiles. </p><p>“I’ll leave you to prepare and what not, I have a lot of catching up to do on your world. And a dossier to make, if you need me I’ll be set up in the Tavern” Shepard nodded at Leliana. </p><p>“I’ll have a summary made for you” Maxwell nodded, “Shepard we’ll have necessities and your packs from your mount delivered to your cabin, a lot of it was damaged or dirty, but ah… what would you like to do with your armour?”</p><p>She cast one last look over Cullen’s shoulder before meeting his gaze, “Just get rid of it” she cast her eyes down as she excited the room, taking Cullen’s curiosity with her. </p><p>He couldn’t help but be in awe of her sense of duty, her resilience in the face of everything that was happening. Her relapse in emotion told him that she needed a friend more than she had indicated the night before.</p><p>Maxwell turned to Cassandra, “So, go on. I’m ready. Shout at me for offering her a deal without consulting you Seeker” Cassandra laughed and smiled, a rare sight for all in the room. </p><p>“No, while I do not appreciate being thrown into a lie like you just did. I support the action. Her skills, as we both know, will be invaluable to our cause.” Her smile faltered, “I am however, going to ask you just how we are going to help her get back to her home.” </p><p>“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Max said, brushing off the question. “I’m sure Solas is the best person to begin research into the matter anyway, but the Breach is our main concern as you have so diligently pointed out before” He finished. </p><p>Cullen frowned at the statement, wondering who he could be wanting to reappear, he was sure Leliana would be thinking the same. Leliana had made it her personal mission to find out anything about the Herald’s life before the conclave. </p><p>“She is remarkably strong” Cassandra said, her voice dripping with awe. </p><p>“She is scared, I will keep an eye on her” Leliana said, eyes meeting Maxwell’s. </p><p>Cullen hummed in agreement, still looking at the wooden door. </p><p>“I’ll check on her later, I think she needs sometime alone.” Max replies, “Maker knows I would, Ambassador would you please make sure Shepard has clothing and any necessities she requires to make her stay as comfortable as possible” He said quietly. </p><p>“At once” She replied, scratching at her paper. </p><p>“If that’s everything…” Maxwell spoke again, he turned to leave before quickly turning on his feet. </p><p>“We shall meet again tomorrow to discuss Orlais and Shepard’s new title” Cassandra stated, more of a warning than a suggestion. </p><p>“Alright…Oh Commander, would you mind doing something with her armour. I’d appreciate it.” Max spoke again, leaving the room. </p><p>The rest followed, Josephine gently closing the door behind her, giving Cullen a small wave. </p><p>Cullen turned and leant his legs against the table, he stared at the armour and crossed his arms. Shepard was taking this all very well, too well. Then again, so was the Herald, making snarky jokes and barely there comments. She was scared as Leliana said but she hid it well. Cullen knew all too well the demand and demons that came with Command.</p><p>He was scared, not that he would admit it lightly. When Cullen was plagued with his nightmares, he tried to remind himself of the things that connected him, made him safe. It was one of the reasons he was always in his armour. His second skin. He had argued at first when Cassandra recommended he get his new armour made, something that made him stand out as the officer in command. Now more than ever he was grateful for it. </p><p>His hand went to the coin in his pocket, he brushed his thumb over the edge, it was worn, the imprint barely visible. It was his connection to a time before he was a Templar. His eyes caught the bundle on the edge of the table, her pistol. A time before she was here, broken and charred. His eyes lifted to the armour as her words danced through his head. </p><p>
  <em> This means a lot to you. <br/>What gave it away.<br/>During the war, it was my second skin. I even fell asleep in it.<br/>It’s the highest rank one can attain from the Alliance Navy, the human army. You have to be selected for it, its gruelling it takes years to complete.<br/>...not trained, but chosen. We are forged in the fire of service and battle. Only a few make it to 7.</em>
</p><p><em>...Just get rid of it. </em> </p><p>Cullen began lifting the pieces of the stand and placing them gently the nearby box. She was out of her depth, she was thrown here from her world, her strange world with strange weapons and armour with nothing that she could use except her abilities. She had none of her resources, but she had kept her fight. </p><p><em>...Just get rid of it. </em> </p><p>She was willing to help, a woman fallen from a different time, she wanted to integrate herself as a Thedas version of Shepard, make herself comfortable, even requested that they not use her rank. Maxwell’s part of the bargain was flimsy and Shepard knew this but she agreed anyway. She was a good person, a good soldier clearly and she had told them she would protect all species including the ones of Thedas. </p><p><em> ...Just get rid of it. </em> </p><p>He lifted the final piece in the box, the N7 on the chest piece stared at him, Cullen stared back like it held all the answers, he gently placed the pistol on top. He closed the lid of the box as a knock on the door broke his brooding. </p><p>“Yes?” Cullen said. </p><p>Harritt, gingerly entered the room keeping the door open and not entering the threshold, the Blacksmith cleared his throat before speaking. </p><p>“Ah, Commander, the Herald caught me and said you’d be getting rid of the Commanders armour... uh the other Commander that is. Damn shame, never seen anything like it. Wondered if you needed a hand.” </p><p><em> ...most of it isn’t salvageable...maybe the right arm, chest and back... </em>  </p><p>“Actually Harritt,” Cullen said, smiling as he looked at the man. “There is something you could help me with.” </p><p>Harritt raised an eyebrow, “Lead on, Commander.” Her voice filtered through his mind.</p><p>Everyone deserves a chance. </p><p>***</p><p>“Mind if I join you?” </p><p>Shepard looked up from her table to see Varric on the other side. The bustle of the Tavern was low. Mostly people using it as desks or chattering across holding a mug of liquid. The sun was still hanging over the sky, barely touching midday. </p><p>“Varric, hey, I hear your books are stuff of legend” Shepard grinned, moving some books to make space for him. </p><p>“There’s power in stories. That’s all history is: The best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine” he shrugged placing two journals on the table with his quill and ink. </p><p>They settled into a calm silence, the bustle of lunch being served around them to the soldiers entering increased the ambient noise. She came to enjoy the sound of his scrawling notes and occasionally looking at Shepard, she kept reading the books on medicine. On the different species of Thedas and their physiology, the history of the species. Maybe she could draw conclusions, get a better idea of what planet this actually was. She already had a base of knowledge thanks to Cassandra and Maxwell, adding context was going fairly well so far. </p><p>She was aware of the soldiers hushed conversation; they were not as subtle as they thought. She felt eyes on her, trying to keep her concentration on the book and not on who was watching her. If it wasn’t for wanting to keep Flissa safe, she’d have gone somewhere more private.</p><p>“So” Varric broke the silence, Shepard looked up at the Dwarf’s warm brown eyes lowering her medical book, “now the Seeker and her gaggle are out of shot… are you holding up alright? I mean, going from prisoner, to escapee literally the most wanted woman in Thedas to joining the armies of the faithful as Andraste’s Vessel herself. Most people would have spread that over longer than a few days”</p><p>She set her book down, looking at the scar on her left hand. “I can barely keep up” she sighed. “I’m trying to treat this like another mission, it helps. I’ve seen things that… things that no one else could dream of” she lifted her eyes to Varric’s holding his intense gaze. Her brow furrowed as Varric simply nodded and took in what she was saying.</p><p>“I honestly thought I’d die ending the war back home, that I’d have done enough to earn rest… now it seems I’m thrown into a new mess…I guess I just want the truth, a reason… a sign. Something” she hadn’t realised she had closed her eyes until a large warm hand touched her right hand on the table. </p><p>“For days we’ve been staring at the Breach, watching demons and Maker knows what crawling out of it. Bad for morale would be an understatement, when you and Marcher fell out… covered in blood and demon bits, and then tore one apart in-front of the soldiers?” he laughed, “Well, let’s just say the people here look up to you, for these lot” he gestured to the soldiers eating happily in their armour, “You’re their sign”</p><p>She didn’t tear her eyes from his gaze.</p><p>“It’ll be ok kid” his gruff voice lowered to the same pitch as hers. She didn’t miss the pet name, she quite liked it. “Listen, heroes are everywhere. I’ve seen that. But a hole in the sky? That’s beyond heroes, we’re going to need a miracle. Maybe you and Marcher are it”</p><p>“Marcher?” she tilted her head. </p><p>“Oh the Herald. He’s Marcher” Varric clarified, “Don’t worry you’ll get a nickname soon” he winked. </p><p>Shepard laughed at that, a true laugh resonating out her stomach. “I hope so, I’m starting to think you were trying to be rude” she offered as a half-hearted joke. </p><p>She considered him for a moment, his hair half up in a pony tail, the ends of his non tied hair ending at the back of his neck. He was older than her, that was for sure. The way he spoke and carried himself told her that but… in his face, his eyes. He didn’t even flinch when she had rambled on her speech, though Dwarves couldn’t dream, as she had found out, he had seen nightmares. </p><p>“What about you Varric, why are you here?” she asked the ginger Dwarf. </p><p>“I was born and bred in Kirkwall, that’s where I met Curly, he was Knight-Commander there, under Meredith’s command” Shepard winced, she had been informed of Meredith’s madness. How Cullen had eventually stepped up to her, joining the Champion’s side before joining the Inquisition all together with Rylen and a few other Templars.</p><p>“All the shit that went down there, I was taken by the Seeker to explain to the Divine, me and the Seeker became great friends during the trip” he drawled raising a laugh from Shepard. “She wanted me to spill the beans on Hawke-“</p><p>“Hawke? Hawke is the Champion of Kirkwall?” she blurted out, finally making the connection between the man who had healed her and she had punched in the face…</p><p>“Yeah, why you know something?” Varric asked, his calculating eyes focusing on her every facial expression. </p><p>“No” she said quickly, “No, I just hadn’t realised they were the same person. I’ve heard a lot about them both, out of curiosity, does he have a scar on his right cheek?” she looked up from her book.</p><p>“Well that’s a very particular question, no he doesn’t” he was looking at her like he was spying on her soul.</p><p>Not yet, she thought to herself. She wondered when she was going to meet him, considering he had been healing her he knew what she was. How to help her…</p><p>She tried steering the conversation again, “So you were saying about Hawke…”</p><p>He waited a moment, narrowing his eyes a touch, “Yeah Hawke and Blondie, uh Anders, but, I can’t say for certain where they are. Hell, Hawke is the closest thing I have to a best friend and Blondie…well that kids got demons… literally. Then the conclave happened and the sky broke into two” he sighed. </p><p>“But you stayed” she replied with a twinkle in her eye, knowing underneath the gruff exterior was possibly a very good man.</p><p>He laughed half-heartedly, resting his forearms on the table, the ink of the quill dropping casually on the corner of the book. “I like to think I’m as selfish and irresponsible as the next guy. Thousands of people died on that mountain, I was almost one of them and now there’s a hole in the sky. I can’t just walk away from that, like you couldn’t. We couldn’t just leave it to sort itself out, we’re not that kind of people.”</p><p>“Brave or stupid, I wonder” she drawled back, returning to her book.</p><p>She lowered her book slightly, eyes roving over the soldiers looking for any with a mark on their face. She caught a few of their eyes and tried to smile disarmingly, some of them blushed or smiled back, others quickly looked away. </p><p>“You know they’ve been staring at you since you got in here” Varric said not looking up from his journal. Some of the soldiers filtered out and more came in, she roved her eyes over the new comers. Again, no marks. </p><p>“I can imagine a woman covered in bruises with books surrounding her is a strange sight here, especially considering most of the soldiers are male” she added, how cliché. </p><p>“That’s not all they’re looking at” another gruff laugh, “Trust me” he continued writing in what was known as ‘common tongue’ the native language of Ferelden. </p><p>Shepard sighed in response and tried to lift her book higher in her right hand to block their view. The bundle of new soldier’s whispers caught her attention…</p><p>“There she is”</p><p>“Are you sure? She looks different?”</p><p>“I’m sure, she was covered in blood and stuff from the Fade but I’m sure, it’s her eyes!”</p><p>“Samuels said when she fell through the fade she ripped a demon apart with her bare hands!” </p><p>“She could rip me apart with her bare hands if she wanted”</p><p>Shepard laughed into her book, trying to quash the fact she could very well hear the men’s whispers. </p><p>“Did you learn from your book that Dwarves have better hearing than humans?” Varric laughed, as she lowered her book to scowl at him. </p><p>“You know, you have that Commander <em> I’ll kill you with my mind </em> stare perfected. Even Curly would quake in his boots” Varric winked, unperturbed by her wrath. </p><p>She couldn’t help but crack a smile through her mask. “I’ll have to test that theory soon”</p><p>The next few hours were relatively uneventful, the soldiers filtered out for their evening training. Solas had coaxed her away for an hour for some healing, she had to admit she felt better than she had before. Her shoulder no longer bothered her; her bruises were diminishing, but they ran deep. Solas was still wary of how much magic her body could take. </p><p>Varric continued to sit with Shepard. Occasionally explaining something to her that she didn’t understand or asking her questions about her service or history. She had tried a few times to write with a quill and ink, very unsuccessfully, it was barely legible. She sighed and put the paper on top of the building pile, she could use it to start a fire later…</p><p>Varric seemed unperturbed by her using of his paper and ink, giving her pointers or stifling laughter when the quill spilled from her fingers. Eventually she wrote two full pages of notes on her service record, her key missions with dates they happened. A codex of sorts with a small sketch of the galaxy map, basic armour and planets.</p><p>At the top was simply Commander L. Shepard and her date of birth. Nothing more. It would have to do. It would do. </p><p>“Shepard?” </p><p>She looked up to see Flissa with her cloak and travel bag on, “Are you ready?” she asked, her fingers twitching around her bag. She hadn’t even realised it was almost the dinner shift, another man filling in for Flissa behind the bar as the cook’s prepared the meals. </p><p>“Absolutely, Varric do you mind taking these to Cassandra for me?” He nodded while studying the two with an eyebrow raised. She knew full well he would read her service record, he was a rogue after all. </p><p>Shepard put on her sling and gestured to the door, listening to the tell-tale footsteps of Leliana’s agent…two she counted two heartbeats in the forest beside the dirt track as they walked through the main gates of Haven. </p><p>Shepard’s and Flissa’s footsteps cracked the frosty dirt beneath their shoes as the village came into view in the distance. The main torches overhead being lit as the evening descended. </p><p>“You’ve spent time as a soldier, haven’t you?” Flissa broke the silence first, her voice gentle, calm. </p><p>“Am I that obvious?” She retorted, laughing, turning her head to the woman. </p><p>Her laughter was like a song, “I’ve been serving soldiers for sometime. You checked the room before moving, you chose your seat so you could see all the exits, your eyes would flick up when someone moved or entered, hyperaware” she looked back at her, holding her cloak further into her body. </p><p>“Good eye Flissa” Shepard retorted, bar keepers were better eyes and ears than anyone. </p><p>“You’re a bit different though…”</p><p>“How so?” Shepard retorted, holding the torch flame in her right hand to warm Flissa more. Shepard had no cloak, the cold slightly biting at her collarbones, she ran hotter than most humans but she would by lying if she wasn’t getting a bit chilly even if the sun was peeking over the tree’s above them still. </p><p>Flissa slowed her pace, looking at Shepard. “I’ve seen more soldiers than I have nugs. But when you enter the room, it’s like people are drawn to you. The air around you is so strange, like you know things that no one else does” </p><p>Shepard thought about her response, keeping her eyes forward, they were entering the village, Shepard followed Flissa’s lead. “Is that a good or bad thing?”</p><p>Flissa hummed as she stopped at one of the wooden huts, “I think good, you’ve certainly been kind to me when you didn’t have to” she shrugged. “Thank you for escorting me Shepard” This certainly took an unexpected turn Shepard thought. </p><p>Shepard smiled back, “Anytime Flissa, let me know if you need anything else” she turned to leave when Flissa entered her cabin, closing the door behind her. She could see one of the scouts setting up a position on the roof of a nearby cabin, Shepard nodded at the scout and began walking back through the village.</p><p>She had only made it a few steps when a creaked door opened, “Shepard…” she turned to see Flissa at the door, </p><p>“Why is it you ask people to call you by your family name and not your given one?” </p><p>Shepard pondered. The quick answer was she was used to it. At Grissom Academy, they had brought them up like soldiers, adepts, engineers. They had always used their last names like they were in the Alliance. And when they joined, it was natural to be called it. Eventually it became normal for her to be called it, her friends had called her it, John had on occasion. </p><p>The longer answer was that she was a symbol, a beacon. The name Shepard became lore, it was something that everyone shared. Everyone knew Shepard.</p><p>The name given by her father was just a distant memory. It belonged to a sick little girl who only dreamed of the stars. Never sailed in them. Livia was lost on Mindoir, Shepard hadn’t found her again. </p><p>The truth was… she liked being Shepard she was used to the pain that accompanied the title… being Livia was terrifying, the vulnerability that she couldn’t face. </p><p>“Good evening, Flissa” Shepard spoke softly, leaving her question unanswered in the air. Turning from the woman she began walking back through the dirt track forgetting her tail. </p><p>Her mind flying with thoughts as she made her way back to Haven. She passed the gates and continued to where the soldier’s tents were set up just as Maxwell burst from Haven’s main gates, his long strides taking him past the icy lake as his head was bowed staring straight at the ground. </p><p>***</p><p>Maxwell looked over the pages that Varric had delivered. He had read through them several times as had the others, him and Cassandra had tried to answer any questions the others had. Solas and Varric were also in attendance of the meeting, Mother Giselle was tending to the sick in the village. </p><p>Both of his hands were pressed to the war table, he was looking at the pages as if they held all the answers. His eyes seemed to disassociate from what he was actually seeing, the pieces on the war table stabbed in where problems had arisen seemed taller. The words on the paper looked like they were sliding towards him. How could he solve all these problems? Panic was well and truly setting in.</p><p>“Wanna share with the group Marcher?” Varric said from his perch on the table in the corner. Fiddling with Bianca.</p><p>He hadn’t admitted it to anyone, but he was having a faith crisis. How could Andraste be real. How could the Maker be real if there was nothing of her world. How could he preside over the events that happen in Shepard’s time? All this fighting, death, pain, and for what? The world couldn’t end now if all the things in Shepard’s memories were real? </p><p>A world with no Fade or Veil… no-where for spirits to journey to the Golden City. </p><p>How could he ask Shepard to play this role if she didn’t believe? </p><p><em> I couldn’t care less about your fucking book club </em> </p><p>He could feel the sweat on his temples, the heat burning from his heart. “I think- I need some air, excuse me” he quickly turned from the table. </p><p>He ignored the Seeker’s irritated voice as she called his name. Keeping his quick he stared at the ground, ignoring anyone who looked his way. His feet stopped when snow became rock. Using his un-gloved hands he found purchases in the rocks and climbed until he was on the highest peak of the rocks overlooking Haven and the breach. </p><p>Maxwell wasn’t sure how long he had been sat staring at the breach, he was about to return when his intense stare at the breach was broke by a bottle being hung in-front of him over his head. Frowning he grasped the bottle and turned to look at who had bothered to find him. </p><p>Shepard. </p><p>She didn’t say anything as she sat beside him looking at the breach. The transparent green waves floated in the sky, small bolts occasionally flickered from the centre. Like shooting stars. </p><p>She uncorked her bottle and took a heavy gulp, coughing slightly as she blinked and looked at the bottle as if it bit her. </p><p>Maxwell couldn’t contain his laughter.  She glared at him with a smile, “Go on then pretty boy, let’s see you try” </p><p>Not one to back down from a challenge, Maxwell took out the cork and took a heavy swig, realising it was whiskey and not wine he quickly started coughing, holding his chest. </p><p>Shepard’s laughter echoed around back to Haven, not bothering to stifle it as Maxwell half choked back to normal breathing. Her laugh subsided as she took another swig, this time without coughing but groaning while her eyes twitched.</p><p>“Show off” he groaned, looking at her. As soon as their eyes met they started laughing again, laughing together at their terrible inability to drink without spluttering. And Maxwell felt a little lighter than he had before. He was grateful that she was just there, not asking him anything. Just letting him be.</p><p>The more sips they took the less they coughed, letting the silence wash over them as the discarded torch at their feet lay on the stones. Occasionally cracking as the flames licked at the sky. He could see Shepard’s bottle was half empty, his maybe a third by the time he found his words. </p><p>“Do I want to know where you got these from?” he asked taking a sip. </p><p>“Are you saying you want to be an accessory to my crime?” she winked back, grinning. Maxwell tried and failed to hide his reaction, grinning like a fool.  </p><p>It reminded him of the time that him and his brothers had taken a bottle of ale each from the cellar at 13 years old. Thinking they were men enough to drink the offending brew. </p><p>“I didn’t think you liked drinking?” Maxwell asked the air, looking at his bottle. </p><p>He heard rather than saw Shepard shrug, “My friend in basic once said the problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. I occasionally like to catch up” she answered, bringing the bottle back to her lips with a hint of a smile. </p><p>“I’ll drink to that” Maxwell sighed, letting the warmth begin in his chest and travel to his gut. </p><p>The frost of the incoming evening forgotten, he had disposed of his glove at this point, favouring the cold press of the whiskey bottle against his hand. He was sure his arse was numb but the whiskey going into his body told him not to care. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” </p><p>Shepard turned to look at him through the corner of his eye, he wasn’t brave enough to look at her. </p><p>“What drives you… what… if you don’t believe in the Maker or in a higher power, how do you do it. Run off into all those battles, risking your life for others?” </p><p>A loud breath left her lungs, condensation rising in the air, “If believing in your Maker gives you strength hang onto it. In times like this, you need to cling onto whatever faith or strength you find, because it is in very short supply. That’s why people look to you and your glowstick hand. Because they want to believe, faith is not faith unless untested” he chuckled slightly, looking at the offending Magic wound in his hand.</p><p>“Well now you sound like Sister Nightingale” he rolled his eyes, “but you haven’t actually answered my question” he said softly staring at his hand. </p><p>“I suppose I have faith in the way that I am open to the unknown, maybe my faith is in the unknown rather than the Maker” her eyes fell to him and he felt pinned. He felt almost guilty.  </p><p>Maxwell finally felt like he knew Shepard. Her short answer gave him more than any of the Chants ever had. His forehead relaxed as his face softened. More questions brewed in his mind, the whiskey numbing his decorum. </p><p>“Are you scared of death if there isnt anything beyond it?” he asked without thinking. Blinking as soon as the words left his mouth.</p><p>“I suppose a more accurate description would be I am scared of dying without due cause” she replied taking a large sip of whiskey, “It’s one of the things my childhood taught me. When I was sick, I wanted to die. I couldn’t wait to, I welcomed it quite frankly” she whispered the end of the sentence, like she was admitting a secret. </p><p>Maxwell grimaced at Shepard’s side profile as she stared at the sky, “But when I got this” she lifted her hand, showing him the scar along her palm, “I was made into a monster, a half-breed. And I used it to protect my family, my brother.” <em> Mindoir </em> “Then I used it to protect my soldiers, my friends” <em> Elysium, Novaria, Earth, Tuchanka, Thessia, Eden Prime </em> </p><p>“and suddenly people were calling me a hero, thanking their gods I was there for them, they were thanking me for saving them as if I was sent. I realised fairly quickly that if I didn’t be a monster who killed bad people, well… there are worse things than death, as for what lies beyond, I suppose that isn’t for the living to ever know” <em> The Collector pods, Reaper Husks, Indoctrinated </em> the words bounced in Maxwell’s mind. </p><p>Like his mark, even if he didn’t know how he got it. He could close the rifts, the breach. He could save people. Even if they didn’t want to be saved by him. “So, you think you were given it for a reason?”</p><p>“In a way… I do and I believe you were. It had to be us… someone else might have gotten it wrong” she said nudging him with her elbow. Repeating Mordin’s words back to him. </p><p>“Does it bother you?” she gestured to his hand. Her bottle now much lighter than before. </p><p>“Only when I laugh” he smirked, looking at her reaction out of his eye, she grinned back at him, shaking her head. “I want to believe I’m chosen but… why would the Maker’s bride choose me?”</p><p>“Why not you?” she countered. </p><p>He wanted to blame the whiskey in his body, but really he just wanted someone tell someone without being judged, Shepard made an attractive target. “I-I I’m just not ready, I’m a man who likes other men, I’ve sinned in my land’s eyes. I have next to no leadership experience or battle experience, the first man I killed was with Cassandra in the hinterlands… I’m twenty-five and I have blood on my hands, I can still see the awareness draining from his eyes with my sword in his belly. He looked as young as me, just an apostate caught in the war” he sighed, closing his eyes in defeat. </p><p>“There’s lots of ways to help people Max, sometimes heal them. Sometimes killing bad people. Sometimes they won’t give you a choice” she answered, putting her left hand on his right, resting on his thigh. </p><p>“Does it get easier?”</p><p>“To kill? When you can rationalise it, it’s easier but… I don’t think it should be easy to kill another soul. I think it’s a good thing you feel bad, because that makes you a good person, but don’t let it eat you up”</p><p>He sighed, letting her words sink in. Nor the apostates or Templar’s gave them a choice, they had to protect the refugees. They continued to drink, trying to find answers in the bottom of their bottles. </p><p>“You’re not bothered by my sexuality?” he looked up, his eyes bleary, the sudden movement made his head spin. </p><p>“Maxwell most people here aren’t, where I’m from that stuff doesn’t matter, you’ve seen my memories. I’ve been with men and woman, hell I’ve been with aliens. It doesn’t define you, but it does make you, you. Isnt it your chants that say that all the Maker’s children are made in his image. Just so?” her eyebrows lifted, her eyes were the brightest thing for miles around. </p><p>Relief flooded in him quicker than the alcohol had, everything she had said made him feel better, more real. </p><p>“Thank you, Shepard” he lifted his bottle to her, she raised hers. </p><p>"Anytime Max" Connecting with a clink. </p><p>He rested his head on her shoulder, his drunken inhibitions making him bolder. After a moment she rested her head on his when another question popped into his mind.</p><p>“So, where’s the spikey one’s home-world, the one you slept with?” he asked with a smirk.</p><p>She pointed to the stars, in the middle of the belt of colours and constellations. “Go up, then left for about oooh twenty million light years. Then there is Palaven” she said causally. </p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“I don’t have a fucking clue” </p><p>And once more their laughter filled the air around Haven as they fuelled their conversation with more Whiskey.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Shepard's Delight</h2></a>
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  <em> “What is taking him so long” Cassandra growled, it had been half an hour of waiting. She decided to go and find him with the group from the meeting in tow. She stormed past Haven’s guards at the gates when they heard it. </em>
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  <em>Laughter. </em>
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  <em>“Are they… drinking?” Cullen asked from the back, his voice cracking slightly through rage or surprise, Cassandra didn’t know. </em>
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  <em>Cassandra took a step before Varric grabbed her wrist. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Come on Seeker, listen. Those two have been in hell since they got here and-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And this hell needs to be planned upon and stopped not” she threw her hand forward, “Not drunk away like two bandits, they are the Herald and Vessel of Andraste!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ve never heard him laugh before” Josephine said, so quietly that Cassandra had to turn to confirm she had said something. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“None of us have” Leliana added, “It is pleasant to hear, no?” She gave Cassandra the classic, you know I’m right look. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Let them have this Seeker, Shepard has been here for a few days and she’s already making Marcher loosen up a little. It will do them some good, you can shout at them tomorrow” Varric argued. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Show off” Cassandra heard Maxwell say. His voice echoing to the shore from their high perch on the rock. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>More laughter washed down the rock face to them. Genuine belly laughter. </em>
</p><p><em>“Ugh” Cassandra relented and walked away. </em> </p><p>***</p><p>She wasn’t sure if the banging was in her head or on her door. </p><p>“Shepard wake up” a voice barked. </p><p>She took a minute to recognise that it wasn’t a drill sergeant shouting at her, no… it wasn’t EDI or Joker through an intercom. She felt the fur at her feet. Haven. Two-thousand years… right, well one thousand two-hundred and forty five if she was being exact but… that was more of a mouthful. </p><p>“No” she shouted back, her head banging from the whiskey from the night before. She had finished her bottle and finished off the last quarter of Maxwell’s when he started dozing off on the rock. </p><p>The door opened and the curtains were thrown open over her head. Shepard hissed at the light held the sheets over her head and curled into them. </p><p>“Come on Lass up ya get” Rylen laughed, poking her with something. </p><p>“No” she growled. The poking continued. </p><p>She opened her eyes and glared at the Knight-Commander stood next to an angry Cullen with his arms crossed over his chest. Rylen was currently poking her with a long staff. </p><p>“Why are you poking me with a stick?” her voice was more hoarse than usual. </p><p>“Is that a trick question?” he retorted, continuing to poke her. Rylen looked amused by the situation, Cullen’s glare had not broken once. </p><p>She surged forward off the bed grabbing the staff from his hands and snapping it in two on her bare thigh. The sudden movement made her stomach roll, she went to her knees dropping the two bits of wood and began emptying the contents of her innards into a bucket, happy that she had tied her hair in a bun to sleep in.</p><p>“Fuck me” she groaned before being sick again, holding onto the sides of the bucket for grip.</p><p>Someone’s laughter followed them into the room beside her, she scowled to her right to see Varric had joined them instead of scowling he was laughing. </p><p>“Don’t say that too loud or you’ll have a line forming out your cabin” Varric joked, “don’t look at me like that, not that you haven’t got great legs but I like my women shorter and stouter”</p><p>“Thanks… Varric” she managed out between mouthfuls of sick. </p><p>The waves in her head stopped for a moment, she stood to her full height as if she was in full armour, keenly aware she was only in undergarments and one of Cullen’s shirts she glared at the men, crossing her arms over her chest. </p><p>“Well, what do you want” she shouted, daring them to comment.</p><p>She enjoyed the blush on Cullen’s and Rylen’s faces, Rylen was warily looking at Cullen, while Cullen was glaring back at her. </p><p>A damn broke in Cullen as he stepped forward, “What were you thinking last night getting drunk, do you have any idea how serious our situation is!?” Cullen roared moving forward, shouting at her as if she was a soldier under his command. </p><p>A quiet, careful “Curly” came from Varric, Rylen now wide eyes at the two Commanders standing glaring at each other. </p><p>“Get out of my face Cullen” she growled back, “If I have to raise my voice at you, I <em> will </em> be suddenly and violently sick on you and your stupid mane” she punctuated by brushing her hand through the feathers and brushing them in all directions. </p><p>His lips were in a thin line, his eyes narrowed pupils wide. His fists were clenched by his sides. He was handsome even like this, a true lion stalking its prey, the scar on his lip just adding to the allure. She mirrored his stance inches away from his face, looking up at him with an equal glare of her own but her lips were strung in a grin she couldn’t help. </p><p>“War Room. Now” he growled before storming out the cabin past Varric and Rylen, who were struggling to contain their surprise.</p><p>“Good luck Shepard” Rylen saluted before leaving, Varric simply laughed and mumbled something about a Commander’s glare before leaving giving the door a harder slam closed than it needed to be. </p><p>Washing and dressing in her black boots and leather trousers, she buttoned up her blood red shirt still baggy on her but she was able to tie if off around her waist. She felt better knowing it was an almost match to the N7 red. Leaving the first few buttons undone and rolling up the sleeves to her elbows.  Nothing too revealing but enough so she could get a breeze into her collar bones. </p><p>She pinched her hair into a pony tail, setting high on her head. A few rogue curls framed her face, the bruise on her face was little more than a small yellow tinge on her face. She then set about the bags under her eyes, she couldn’t help but laugh at the products Josephine had given her, so different to the ones back home. After a few attempts she managed her eyeliner, compete with mascara and the flicks in her inner eye making her already large eyes sleeker. </p><p>She knew this war meeting would be more of a scolding. She wanted them to know that she was Commander Shepard and she had done a good thing for a lad who was struggling with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The Breach wasn’t getting any bigger while she let Maxwell be himself for a night.</p><p>As she stepped foot out her cabin Maxwell was doing the same, flinching when the door shut too hard behind him making a loud noise. His face lit up when he saw her, immediately coming to her his pale face was punctuated by his dull grey eyes. But he looked less tense then Shepard had ever seen him. </p><p>“I’m guessing you got a wake-up call too” he said more than asked as they rounded to the steps up to Haven’s Chantry. </p><p>“Complete with an angry Commander and Knight-Commander with a stick” </p><p>“Ugh mine was the Seeker and Ambassador, seems like they teamed up” he sighed, slowing his pace as they reached the grand hall of the Chantry hall. She patted his back as a comforting gesture as they entered the war room. </p><p>She looked them all in the eye, enjoying the glare from Cassandra. Leliana and Josephine looked almost humoured, still they looked tense. Cullen’s glare was accompanied with a swoop up and down her form. His jaw occasionally clenching and relaxing. </p><p>“Now you two have joined us, let’s get to business yes?” Leliana gestured across the table. </p><p>“Solas believes a second attempt with enough power may seal the Breach for good, the same level of power that opened the Breach in the first place. That won’t be easy to come by” Cassandra began.  </p><p>“What harm could there be in powering something we barely understand?” Maxwell said, Cullen was visibly shocked by the joke. </p><p>“Hold on to that sense of humour” Cassandra retorted. </p><p>“You’ll regret saying that” Shepard smirked from her side of the table. This was the Maxwell she was getting used to, one with the quick jokes. He was actually very witty.</p><p>Josephine sighed from her side of the table, “The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition and you two specifically” she gestured with her quill. </p><p>“That was quick” Maxwell half laughed.  </p><p>“That is not the entirety of it; some are calling you the Herald of Andraste and you” she gestured to Shepard, “her Vessel. This scares the Chantry, even as they do not know the true nature of your… arrival here nor have they truly seen your face” the Ambassador had a quick look back at her notes. “The remaining clerics have declared it blasphemy and we heretics for harbouring you- we theorise this is Chancellor Roderick’s doing”</p><p>She took a breath, a smile gracing her lips “However, I believe having the Herald address the clerics is not a terrible idea-“</p><p>Cullen rounded on Josephine, his hands grasping the sword on his hip, “You can’t be serious?” </p><p>“Well not in this state he can’t” Shepard joked gesturing to the man currently leaning heavily on the table looking incredibly pale. </p><p>“Get lost Shepard”</p><p>“Too late for that really isn’t it” she replied smirking.</p><p>“How are you even still standing you had so much more whiskey than me-“ he groaned holding his hand to his head “I need a healing potion” he groaned again moving to the door. </p><p>As soon as the door shut Cassandra was on Shepard like a bad smell, her fists bunching in her clothing. Shepard didn’t bother reacting to the woman. “What do you think you are doing” she growled. </p><p>Shepard leaned forward, her nose almost touching Cassandra’s, she had about an inch or two on the woman. “I think I’m the only <em> advisor </em> treating Maxwell like a human being, quite funny when I’m the least human around the table” she didn’t lower her voice to a whisper. She said it loud and proud. </p><p>Cassandra shoved Shepard and released her shirt, her fists balling at her sides, “This is ridiculous, I thought you would be honourable about thi-“</p><p>“Honour? What honour is there in using that man like a tool, what honour is there in never calling him by his name? Have any of you actually asked him his opinion, his story besides not being responsible for the conclave? Do any of you actually know anything about him?” she looked around the room, glaring at all the advisors.</p><p>“Have any of you actually bothered to ask him if he’s okay? Because I can tell you for free, he isn’t. He’s struggling and if you want him to be your Herald you need to wake up and stop treating him like a weapon or like a child, because he is literally your only chance at stopping this. He is a twenty-five-year-old who has never seen battle or even seen this side of Thedas, he needs guidance not orders!”</p><p>Shepard could feel the familiar release returning, her anger with the Alliance, with all the militaries of the Galaxy because they used her. She was the tip of the spear, it’s what she had to be. She had become it and now she could process it. </p><p>Cassandra tried opening her mouth to speak, Shepard beat her to it. </p><p>“Do you remember your first kill Cassandra” Shepard asked the woman, she didn’t give any indication of an affirmation so Shepard continued.</p><p>“Don’t bother answering because I know you do; I can recall mine like it was yesterday. It was the first time I used my powers, I turned 9 grown men into ash. I turned them into nothing, I remember feeling so powerful, a little girl protecting herself with her bare hands” Shepard flexed her fingers. </p><p>Tilting her head, she could see Cassandra’s brow creasing, “Do you know what Maxwell remembers from his first kill? The light leaving the man’s eyes, he was probably younger than Maxwell… an apostate caught in the war and wasn’t willing to back down in the Hinterlands and then he remembers you dragging him to Mother Giselle to speak to her” </p><p>Realisation dawned on Cassandra, “You mean-“</p><p>“His first kill was by your side and you didn’t even know” she looked around the room, “None of you knew because you didn’t bother to ask him. So, think about everything he has gone through and imagine that for yourself” </p><p>“You should all be ashamed of yourselves” Shepard finished, returning to her position as she heard footsteps approaching the door. </p><p>Josephine avoided her eyes, looking forlorn into her ink pot. Cullen was rubbing the back of his neck, staring at Ferelden on the map. Leliana gave Shepard a smile and uncharacteristic small bow. </p><p>The door opened revealing a peakier Maxwell than before, his usual brown boots and brown pants on, a deep green shirt with a brown waist coat over the top holding two healing potions. </p><p>“For you” he held one out to her, a smile on his face. </p><p>“Thank you kindly” she nodded, undoing the cork so she could down the potion, she only got half way before she gagged and held her hand over her mouth. </p><p>“How can you down whiskey but struggle with this?” he asked, gesturing to his empty bottle, shaking it like a trophy. </p><p>Shepard, getting her gag reflex under control, “Because it tastes like pure sugar and dirt” she said, shivering and shaking her head. She continued drinking, putting both their bottles on the table to the corner. </p><p>Maxwell gestured to continue, his chin high. His stance tall. Shepard was quickly becoming protective of him, she damn near felt proud. </p><p>Leliana stepped forward, “We cannot ignore the danger to either of them if they go to Orlais”</p><p>Josephine smiled, looking at Maxwell, “Let’s ask them” </p><p>“I’m more concerned this won’t solve any problems” he shrugged. </p><p>Cullen sighed, his voice slightly hoarse, “I agree. It just lends credence to the idea that we should care what the Chantry says”</p><p>Cassandra stepped forward, “I will go with him. Mother Giselle said she could provide names? Use them. What choice do we have? Right now we cannot approach anyone else for help with the Breach” Her demeanour changed, as she took control. “Use what influence we have to call the clerics together. Once they are ready, we will see this through” </p><p>“Then what are we waiting for” Maxwell sighed, placing his hands behind his back. For the most part the advisors seemed happy with Maxwell’s willingness.</p><p>“There is another matter” Cassandra turned and looked at Shepard, “We wish to… speak to you about your new title. I know you are not a woman of faith but if you would be willing to entertain-“</p><p>Shepard felt goose-bumps up her arm, she held her hand up for her to stop talking, she could hear shouting, a mass of footsteps at the door, she whirled her head around to the wooden door moving quickly, “Something’s happening” </p><p>She flung the door open and saw said mass of people, she started sprinting.</p><p>“Your kind killed the most holy!”</p><p>“Lies, your kind let her die!”</p><p>“Shut your mouth mage-“</p><p>The man was drawing his sword while the other man was powering up a spell. Shepard used her biotics to flash herself forward, placing herself at the top of the steps and placing the two men in stasis. She waited for moment before calmly moving forward her body covered in green light before plucked the staff and sword from their hands, holding one in either. </p><p>“ENOUGH” she roared at the two sides advancing. “Lay down your weapons all of you” she roared spinning her head to each side. They hesitated for a moment before the tell-tale sounds of wood hitting rocks and metal clashing down began. </p><p>Cullen was hot on her heels behind them, “What is the meaning of this?” he roared behind her, she stepped out between the men who were still in stasis, turning to face the Chantry doors where the other advisors and Maxwell were stood. </p><p>Cullen nodded to Shepard to let them out, she released them immediately. </p><p>“Knight-Captain!” the Templar gasped, the Mage was staring at Shepard in shock. </p><p>“That is not my title, we are not Templar’s any longer. We are all part of the Inquisition” Cullen snarled at the two men, staying in the centre. His snarl almost made Shepard flinch, almost. </p><p>Chancellor Roderick immerged from the crowd, waltzing into the centre beside Shepard, “And what does that mean exactly? I’m curious Commander, as to how your Inquisition, its Herald and Vessel” he gestured towards Shepard “will restore order as you have promised?” he spun as he spoke, trying to rouse the crowd. </p><p>“Of-course you are, back already” Cullen spat back. </p><p>She could see it in the eyes of those watching her, they knew who she was now, there was no hiding it. And she knew who she was expected to be.</p><p>“Now her hand is raised, a sword to pierce the sun. With iron shield she defends the faithful. Let chaos be undone. Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just” Shepard said, her voice carrying across Haven. The crowd went silent.</p><p>She turned to the Chancellor. </p><p>“Tell me. Do you consider yourself a peacekeeper or do you consider yourself wicked?” she didn’t let him answer as she took to circling the two main men and Cullen, “I am disgusted by this display” Shepard continued pacing, most dropped their eyes as she passed. “The Inquisition stands for peace, to undo this chaos” she pointed at the Breach with the staff in her hand.</p><p>“I have arrived your shield, the Herald your sword at my side but if you do not wish to join this just cause. If you wish this chaos to continue. You are free to leave, I have no use of little boys and their toys” she punctuated her point by shoving the Templar with his sword and turning to shove the Mage with his staff.</p><p>“For there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker’s light” she finished, looking up at the advisors and the Herald on the step. Cassandra nodded, her lips upturning. Her eyes drifted to Cullen who wore the same small smile. </p><p>He quickly became more serious, “Back to your duties, all of you!” he roared, the Chancellor huffed away with the crowd as Mother Giselle joined the two Commanders. The advisors and Max made their way down the steps. Shepard felt her personality seeping back once more, like swapping a mask. </p><p>“How did you know this was happening?” Cassandra said, her expression unusually softened. </p><p>“I told you, better hearing than humans. I could hear their footfalls, faintly smell the fear” she shrugged, “It’s just natural to me” </p><p>“You spoke well, you are certainly a Shepard. Herding the faithful” Mother Giselle spoke, her accent thicker than Leliana’s. She held her hands over her stomach, her shoulders relaxed. </p><p>Shepard shrugged, “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to raise my voice reciting old words to get my point across, it’s the first time I’ve done it hungover” she grinned. “And I wasn’t even sick once” she sighed, trying to stop them all looking at her like she was a guiding light. She earned a chuckle from them at least.</p><p>“Are you of Andrastian faith Commander Shepard?” Mother Giselle asked her. The others seemed to wait, watching her for her answer. </p><p>She thought for a moment, “Does it matter?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>“It is merely a question, the answer to which will not offend us” she gestured to the others. They were all looking at her expectantly, faces more relaxed than when Cassandra was literally holding her by her clothes. </p><p>She pondered for a moment, looking at the Breach where she had arrived here. “I don’t need the promise of heaven to see the merit in good deeds” she said plainly. </p><p>“That is noble of you, but does not answer the question, Commander” Mother Giselle said calmly, her expression never changing. </p><p>She thought of John. He said he didn’t remember anything about being dead. Just the darkness closing in as his body felt weightless… then waking up in a facility to Miranda’s voice. </p><p>“I am open to the unknown, but I do not worship it Mother Giselle” she bowed, as Maxwell had said is respectful to the Chantry sisters, before turning and walking straight into something. </p><p>She looked down to see an elven child at her feet looking at her with wide grey eyes, holding flowers. Shepard took to one knee to put her eye level with the little girl. </p><p>“Ir abelas da’len, are you alright?” she said to the girl who was still unblinking. Shepard looked for injuries, there seemed to be none.</p><p>“You speak Dalish?” she beamed clutching the flowers in both hands. </p><p>“I little bit, I’m trying to learn” Shepard smiled.</p><p>The little girl was practically beaming up at Shepard, “Why would a shemlen want to learn it?” she asked tilting her head. </p><p>“Why not?” Shepard retorted, raising an eyebrow. The girl was probably eight years old, it was harder to tell with elves. Her hair was dark, a deep chestnut brown in a little pony tail on the back of her head. Her skin closer to a human’s pink than the classic elf grey. Her ears looked less pointed than Solas’s too. </p><p>Her answer seemed to be good enough for her. “This is for you, I made it” she whispered innocently, holding the flower crown to her. </p><p>Shepard bowed her head for her to place it on her head, one hand coming to pull her ponytail through the back so it rested around her head.</p><p>“It’s wonderful. Ma serannas da’len, how do I look?” Shepard said, the grin on the girl’s face somehow got even bigger “You look even prettier!” </p><p>A voice of a Chantry sister beckoned her over, the little girl gave Shepard a wave before she running off to the other children and waiting Chantry sisters in the distance. </p><p>Shepard got to her feet again with her new flower crown around her head smiling. She touched it with her hand, gently stroking one of the petals. </p><p>“Well, that was unexpected” Maxwell drawled from behind her. </p><p>Shepard turned still with her stupid grin, “She thinks I’m pretty” she all but cooed. The wonder in her eyes told Cullen that she rarely got compliments of the like. It stirred something in him.</p><p>Beautiful in-fact, Cullen thought, realising as everyone turned to look at him he had in-fact voiced this opinion. Josie gasped, Leliana and Cassandra did not look surprised while Maxwell and Shepard were in shock, the latter having a shy smile on her face. </p><p>His face heated up, “I-um I simply mean-“</p><p>“Nice hat Shepard” Rylen said from behind her, having joined the group. Cullen was relieved his second in command had bad timing, Shepard was thinking thoughts along the lines of: that little bastard.</p><p>She turned on him seeing Varric smirking at her too from his side, “Rylen just the man I was looking for” she said darkly pointing a finger into his chest his eyes went slightly wide at her tone as she stepped to him putting his hands up in a surrender. </p><p>“One, it’s a flower crown and two, if you wake me up by poking me with a stick again so help me, I will shove it so far up your-” </p><p>Her mouth was covered by Maxwell, “Okay! Shepard let’s go… over here” Maxwell said grabbing her arm and taking her away from the ginger Commander, she was walking backwards glaring at him, bringing to fingers to her eyes before pointing them at him. </p><p>“She’s joking right?” he turned to Cullen, “right?” he turned to Varric. Both of whom were shaking their heads laughing. </p><p>“He’s too busy thinking about how beautiful Shepard is” Josie giggled, causing Varric to ask immediately what happened. </p><p>***</p><p>Breakfast was a quick and quiet affair, with a large mug of coffee from Flissa, she had seen the crowd piling at the Chantry and had warned Shepard that the Templar that went for the mage was a trouble maker. The same Templar that Flissa thinks had attacked her, she was under constant protection of one of Leliana’s scouts so Shepard could investigate in her own time. Maxwell left the Tavern with Cassandra, Solas and Varric. </p><p>Heading to Orlais to see for themselves what the Chantry were specifically saying about the Inquisition, and to show them they weren’t a treat. Maxwell said he was heading for the Storm Coast. Someone named Crem had come with a message about an Iron Bull before heading to Orlais. Shepard wished him good luck, he’d need it, and as much as she wanted to join, she would be of little use. She was still injured, could barely ride a horse and had no proper weapons training. Not to mention armour she could barely move in.</p><p>Shepard excited the Tavern after reading more of this world, intent on becoming a better fighter in their ways. The sound clashing of swords and shield and occasional grunts washed over the area. To the left there was a sparring ring set up where the soldiers were leaning how to disarm an opponent at a disadvantage, wearing less amour, more hand to hand combat. </p><p>There were even training dummies set up, some soldiers were practising swinging a sword at a more basic level or with a new weapon judging by their awkward stances. Others were drenched in sweat, increasing endurance with precise and quick attacks. </p><p>Her eyes quickly found Commander Rutherford in the mist, standing proud with his mane. A Templar at his side, not the one she was after. She strode quietly to their side.</p><p>Cullen’s focus was wavering. All he could think about was the sight of Shepard in his shirt, the one side drooping off her shoulder, the legs that peaked out of the bottom. The way she held her ground, smiling at him. He could see she enjoyed it too, her pupils dilating giving her away. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her smirk away in his pent-up rage. How her small smile creeped on her when he said she was beautiful, did she not know?</p><p>A soldier being thrown to the ground caught his attention.</p><p>“You there! There’s a shield in your hand. Block with it. If this man were your enemy, you’d be dead!” Cullen roared above the clashing of metal. He turned slightly to address the Templar. </p><p>“Lieutenant do not hold back. The recruits must prepare for a real fight not a practise one” </p><p>“Yes Commander” the man saluted before turning away. </p><p>Cullen noticed some of the recruits were gawking at him, having stopped practising. Others were occasionally casting looks his way. He narrowed his eyes at them, before noticing they were looking at something behind him. </p><p>Turning to look he saw Shepard stood just in his blind spot to his side, he tensed his muscles to avoid jumping, Maker the woman moved like the wind. </p><p>“Commander” she said evenly with a smile, her posture was ridged but not tense, disarming in-fact. “Your recruits seem distracted” she pointed out. </p><p>Cullen turned his eyes back to the recruits trying to ignore the sight of her around his soldiers with the flower crown still on her head, as the metal clashing died down. “I did not order you to stop. Start again!” he shouted. </p><p>Keeping his eye on them, some of them were hitting harder than before, moving faster… they were trying to show off…Remembering the woman at his side he tried to offer some form of conversation. </p><p>“We’ve received a number of recruits, locals from Haven’s village and some pilgrims” he began, keeping an eye on them, “None made, quite the entrance you did” he looked back at her. </p><p>Half of her lips upturned in a half smirk, “At least I got everyone’s attention”</p><p>She was extending a great vine to him with a joke, “That you did, and are still keeping it” he joked. She smiled back, her eyes returning to the soldiers. </p><p>Pride is as much a curse as it is a gift, his father would tell him.</p><p>“I-“ he swallowed said pride, “I wanted to apologise, for this morning. I was not in the best of conditions” after a night of no sleep and bad reports, not to mention retching into a bucket before he had watched her repeat, he was not good company. “You were the target for my ire and you did not deserve it My Lady, you were right this morning in the meeting also we have treated the Heral- Lord Trevelyan unfairly. Please forgive me, I as the others, do seek to make amends” he rubbed the back of his neck. </p><p>“Apology accepted Cullen, thank you.” </p><p>He whirled his head around to her, he didn’t think it would be that easy. “I ah-“</p><p>“Like you said, we’re friends. Friends forgive each other. In saying that I wanted to say sorry for calling your mane stupid. I don’t think that, it suits you. Makes you look like a noble lion” </p><p>“A noble lion…” he repeated back laughing, “I ah- my helmet is actually made to look like a lion’s head…” he said sheepishly, why was he embarrassed? A small voice told him because from her drawings in her dossier, helmets in her time were less for show. </p><p>She shrugged grinning, “It suits you, <em> Curly </em>. It occurs to me that I don’t actually know much about you though” her eyes returned to him and yet again he felt pinned. </p><p>He grabbed her moving her out of the way of a soldier losing his footing, placing his hand on her back he gestured to walk forward, out of the way of any sharp objects. That’s what he told himself the reason for the hand on her back was.</p><p>“I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall myself, as you know…I saw the damage the uprising caused. Cassandra sought a solution, when she offered me the position here, I left to join her cause”</p><p>“Commander” </p><p>“Report” they both said outreaching their hands. The messenger stopped, before Shepard retracted her hand, looking slightly embarrassed. “Old habits” she laughed, returning her hands behind her back. He quirked his eyebrow as he took the report, reading over the latest from Seeker Cassandra. They had acquired the Chargers who were heading to Haven and found evidence of Grey Warden activity in the Hinterlands.</p><p>He handed to her when he had read it, she looked surprised but took it anyway reading quickly before passing it back. “Well, now it seems we face something far worse” he passed the report back to the messenger with a nod. </p><p>He copied her stance, looking at the Breach. It was strange standing by her, she was half a head shorter than he, standing taller than most women. It was more… her aura. Her capability to accept the strange, the unknown. Her ability to stand in a group of soldiers with flowers in her hair, and still look all the bit of a Commanding officer. Indulging children and distracting soldiers. </p><p>“Mages and Templars at war, the Chantry denouncing us, big hole in the sky, women from the future falling out of it. Sure, things could be better, I suppose they could be worse” she joked, not tearing her eyes away. </p><p>“Well, not all of those things have turned out to be bad” he said in a lowered voice, she didn’t look at him but her smile gave her away. “The Chantry have lost control of both Templars and Mages. Now they argue over a new Divine while the Breach remains. The Inquisition can act where the Chantry cannot. Our followers would be a part of that. There’s so much we can-“</p><p>“Forgive me” he said breathlessly, realising his thoughts were running away from him, “I doubt you came here for a lecture” </p><p>“No but if you have one prepared, I’d love to hear it” she was smiling <em> at </em> him now, her lips pulling away from her teeth. The dimple showing on one side. She was teasing him… surely. </p><p>The chuckle escaped him as he avoided her gaze, “Another time perhaps” when he returned his eyes to her she was simply still smiling, the corners of her eyes crinkling. The dark black frame of her eyeliner made her look like a wild animal in the mountains.</p><p>Maker help him, “I ah” he cleared his throat “-there’s still a lot of work ahead” he rubbed the back of his neck. Trying to cover his reaction to her.</p><p>“Commander, Ser Rylen has reports requiring your attention” a runner came through the crowd. </p><p>“As I was saying” he nodded, a distraction that’s what he needs. He made it two steps before she spoke,</p><p>“Cullen?” Shepard asked, turning all the way to face him. “Did you mean it, do you really think I’m beautiful?” she narrowed her eyes, her head tilting like she was watching him for lies. </p><p>“I do, My Lady. With or without a flower crown” </p><p>The small shy smile was back, but her eyes were wider. She nodded and turned, not before he caught the pink on her ears. For once he entered his office with a grin.</p><p>***</p><p>In the tent parchments of paper adorned the desk with ink and candles. An Inquisition shield rested against a vacant armour stand. Rylen was finishing his report on their supply lines and other decisions they needed to make on the state of the Army, the sun starting its descent from the midday position. </p><p>They settled into a silent calm, both handing reports to one and another, occasionally making notes. Cullen in his tent facing the recruits with the tent flaps open, Rylen opposite him, his back to the open flap with his chair angled towards the side. </p><p>“She’s still out there you know, she’s very dedicated…” </p><p>Cullen looked up to Rylen pointing at a distance figure, he could see flashes of a red shirt in-between recruits bashing shields and swords. Shepard had been watching the recruits and other officers for hours, learning their forms and taking advice from them. </p><p>“She’s learning ways to hurt you” Cullen retorted going back to his report, watching Rylen swivel his head turn to Cullen so fast he thought he might have clicked something out of place. </p><p>It must have dawned on the man that he was joking, “Maker man don’t say that, she scares the living-“</p><p>“Who scares you?” </p><p>Rylen all but jumped out his chair going for a weapon, “Maker’s balls Shepard, stop doing that” he breathed heavily. </p><p>Her laughter was immediate, “My apologies Rylen. I see why you’re Cullen’s second in command, you both leap like little rabbits, is that something the Chantry teaches?” she smirked, wandering over to his shield, running her fingers over the top edge. Cullen found the sight strangely erotic as the image of her in his shirt returned and he instead focused on the humour of his second being scared to his feet. </p><p>“Very funny lass” Rylen settled back in his chair heavily, leaning his elbows on his knees.</p><p>“I haven’t been called lass since my grandparents were around” she smiled fondly turning, “They had accents similar and stronger to yours, took a while to actually understand them as a child” she laughed, looking down with crossed arms. </p><p>He had noticed she would do this, reveal little bits of herself before realising what she had done. Solas had warned them that she wasn’t used to the fade yet and that it might tend to happen, along with mood swings and daydreams. He found it endearing, learning these little things about the mystery woman.</p><p>Her eyes went wide for a moment, “I ah- did have a reason for coming here, besides making sure Rylen’s heart is still healthy” Cullen glanced at the ginger man grinning shaking his head, “What can I do for you Shepard” Cullen asked, leaning back in his chair giving her his full attention. </p><p>“I want to train with the soldiers tomorrow, in all areas” She stated plainly leaning back against a bookshelf on one shoulder. Cullen could see Rylen, watching him from his peripheral vision. </p><p>Cullen sighed he knew this was coming, “Shepard you are still injured, I would be more comfortable when Solas returns or the healers all agree you are able to. I understand your desire to-“</p><p>“Come on Cullen” Shepard shouted throwing her arms up. “I can do more than just treat people and shout the chant. Just let me train, I promise to be careful and quite frankly you could use more women in the training groups! I can’t go into the field if I don’t know how to fight like you lot do” </p><p>He rose from his chair, “I will not let you get hurt” he growled back. “We have green recruits arriving tomorrow along with trained swordsmen and I will not let you train with either of them. End of conversation” </p><p>He would not let anyone hurt her, not the woman with flowers in her hair that healed the sick, that made the Herald laugh, made him laugh. That moved like the wind against the shore, silent with a sharp tang. The one who recited the chant with the fire of a mage and the devotion of a templar. The one who did good things simply because it was right. </p><p>Her nostrils were flaring, her fists clenched, she opened her mouth to reply-</p><p>“Shepard, are you in here?” Flissa’s voice came from the tent flap. Rylen rose to stand and bowed to her as she came further in. </p><p>“Flissa, are you heading back now?” Shepard asked, staring at Cullen with her eyes narrowed. </p><p>“Yes- is, is everything alright?” Flissa asked looking between the two Commanders. </p><p>Shepard unclenched her fists, relaxing her face. “Of-course, let me grab a torch and we can go”  </p><p>“Shepard-“ She was out of sight before he could say anymore. Flissa was hot on her heels, giving them a small bow before running after the Commander.</p><p>Cullen leant heavily on the desk, Maker she was infuriating. How could she not see he was doing this <em> for </em> her. He closed his eyes as a headache began in-between his temples, forming a hot line from each in his head. </p><p>“Cullen” his shoulder shook slightly, rousing him to look at Rylen, “I think-“</p><p>“Your argument is noted Rylen”</p><p>***</p><p>To give him his credit, Cullen did try to knock on Shepard’s cabin in the morning. She had stayed as quiet as possible inside, being in full Inquisition armour, she wasn’t sure if he had come to apologise or to berate her. </p><p>Once his footsteps retreated, she activated her cloak, making sure in the mirror that it did in-face camouflage her entire body. She snuck out the door avoiding making too much noise. The armour was a mix of metal and cloth against her skin. </p><p>She avoided putting makeup on, and made sure to wear her tightest bra to push her breasts down, not that they were bigger than just over most men’s handfuls. The metal plate over the top did most of the job hiding her form. Not that she wanted to conceal her gender but most of the recruits were male, it would be easier for her to blend in. </p><p>If she couldn’t train openly, she would do so in secret. That would show him. </p><p>The evening before Flissa actually aided Shepard in her plan, managed to sneak her some food for the morning and grab her a helmet. Shepard had no doubt that Leliana’s scouts were onto her. She just hoped Leliana hadn’t told Cullen or Rylen. </p><p>The recruits were stood waiting for orders as Rylen and Cullen handed out weapons, she knelt behind one of the tents in the back and deactivated her cloak, before slowly rising and joining the back. She kept her eyes down, they would recognise her in an instant if they could see through the small slit in her helmet that showed her eyes. Her hair was in a braid tucked into her helmet. </p><p>Rylen handed her a sword and shield before Cullen began to speak, “Good Morning recruits, today we’ll be starting with sword and shield and two-handed sword work. Specifically the warrior classification before moving on to hand-to-hand combat-“ he continued talking on about the days to come.</p><p>Shepard grinned under her helmet; oh this would be fun…</p><p>She estimated about two hours of sword work had passed, she had managed to disarm or floor several recruits, managing to get hit a few times when Cullen or Rylen were watching so she would seem greener than she was. When the patrolled round she would lower the tone of her grunts, cast her eyes down or pretend to struggle with her shield as a way of avoiding contact with them. </p><p>She was so focused on her opponent, a very broad man with a two-handed sword he lunged at her, she quickly side stepped and hit him with her shield, using his imbalance to disarm him and hit him to the ground again, he fell back with a thud as she pointed her sword to his neck breathing heavily. </p><p>“Very good Recruit, using your speed over his strength” came the deep curt voice of Cullen behind her. That voice was just like silk. </p><p>She dropped her eyes as he came around. That’s right Cullen, can’t train with them my arse… “Thank you, uh Sir” she said, forgetting to deepen her voice all the way through or change her accent.  </p><p>He stopped for a moment, almost turning all the way around before Leliana intercepted him, her eyes immediately went to Shepard’s giving her a wink from under her hood before moving away. Yep, she knew. But she hadn’t told them… interesting move Spymaster…</p><p>“Well done, go and shower down and we will continue this tomorrow” Cullen shouted, whatever Leliana had said had served as a distraction. As soon as she was out of sight she cloaked, washing and changing before heading to the healer’s tent to help out. </p><p>Mother Giselle had quickly cornered her, aiding her in an alibi that she would be helping her with the sick in the village as to cover her disappearance from Haven. </p><p>The next day came, and so did recruit Shepard. This time it was hand to hand combat. The sky was a dusky pink and red, a Shepard’s warning indeed. </p><p>She followed the recruits, watching Rylen and Cullen demonstrate their forms. Cullen was actually very good, he had the bulk of strength from his arms but an athletic streamlined streak to him. She wondered if he was all muscle under that metal and leather ensemble- nope. Don’t even go there. </p><p>The recruits began filing in, only two allowed in at a time for Cullen and Rylen to evaluate them. They were a mix of green recruits from farms or villages in Ferelden and soldiers or guards from Orlais and the Free-Marches. Some Templar’s among them from the Hinterlands too. They were split into groups of equal measure from their display with weapons. </p><p>Now it was her turn, she stepped into the ring. She didn’t adopt a fighting stand but stood with her hands low, one-foot back. The man lunged for her as soon as Rylen and Cullen gave the go ahead. She dodged his punch grabbing his arm with both hands and placing it on his back, kicking his knees in and holding his wrist to the point of breaking. Easy.</p><p>“I yield” the man groaned after trying to grab her, she dodged his arm easily. </p><p>Stepping back, she waited for orders. This became a theme; she had taken down damn near every man. The sweat was rolling off her, her muscles started to burn and it felt like she was on top of the world, literally. </p><p>In her enjoyment of taking them down she had forgotten the two men watching her. She stepped back from her opponent she had just taken down, a tall man but slender, quick like her. She stood, waiting for orders, she spied Rylen whisper something to Cullen. Even with her hearing she couldn’t make it out. </p><p>Rylen stepped into the ring, taking a stance. Shit. Well alright then Shepard thought. </p><p>He was good. </p><p>They continued almost like a dance when she noticed the biggest man she had ever seen at the front of the ring, with others behind him in dark leather. He had… horns? She took a hit from Rylen in her distraction straight to the bruise on her ribs, fuck…</p><p>Rylen charged, going for her waist, she dodged him using the ring fence as a purchase to kick off of and jump on his back. She wrapped her legs around his waist, using her weight to topple him. They ended up on the floor, Rylen on his back with Shepard’s legs wrapped around his back folding over his stomach. Rylen’s arms in her hands over his head in a lock. </p><p>“I yield” Rylen groaned she immediately let go, heaving heavy breaths on the floor. Her ribs burned, she stayed splayed on the floor. Applauds rang out as the blood rushed around Shepard’s ears, her breaths burning. </p><p>“Recruit?” Cullen came over her, Rylen kneeling next to her. She got up holding her ribs, trying to wave them off. Her hands were on her thighs, she made the mistake of opening her eyes, watching the realisation dawn on the men. </p><p>“Shepard?!” Cullen growled going for her helmet. She allowed him to pull it off her, her braid falling out of the back, most of her hair had quite frankly come out of it.</p><p>“Hey Cullen, fancy meeting you here” she retorted wiping the back of her hand against her nose. Rylen looked amused and damn near impressed, Cullen did not.</p><p>“Recruits, get some food, you have a two-hour rest I expect you back here no later” Cullen shouted, still holding her helmet. The group dispersed in whispers and murmurs. </p><p>“You’re Shepard?” a deep voice called behind her, she turned from the seething Commander to see the large man in-front of her. She walked or rather groaned her way out the ring to speak to him putting some distance between her and the man doing breathing exercises in the ring still. </p><p>She began removing her armour, finally stood in nothing but leather trousers, boots and a white linen shirt which was soaked through. She held her hand out to shake his, his hand dwarfed hers, basically grasping her forearm. </p><p>“Heard a lot about you from your Herald, never seen someone take down a man like that, where did you train?” he gestured his thumb to the now empty ring. Rylen was stood next to her, looking more concerned than embarrassed. Cullen was no-where to be seen. </p><p>“I ah- I’m not from around here” she smiled, nodding to Crem. “Good to see you Krem” </p><p>“Likewise” he nodded to her, his eyes flicked to something behind her. </p><p>The Qunari eyed her from head to toe, as she took her braid out, throwing her hair over her head and back again. Before his eyes went to something behind her too, she turned to see Cullen storming up to her.</p><p>“Healer’s tent. Now.” He growled between gritted teeth, grabbing her arm. He made to turn and take her away, before she ungripped his arm. “Shepard you have done enough” he warned.</p><p>“Done enough?! I beat everyone, even Rylen” she gestured to the man piling up her armour. “What more proof do you need that I can train with them?” she spat back, his eyes whipped to her as he stepped forward. </p><p>“Shepard, I gave you an order” he growled back</p><p>They were toe to toe now. Staring at each other, “And may I remind you I am not under your fucking command here. If I was, we are of the same rank anyway! Why do you keep underestimating me Cullen? I can begin training I had to resort to this because you wouldn’t let me otherwise! Because what, I’m different, you were scared I would hurt someone? Because a woman?” she roared.</p><p>“Because I didn’t want <em> you </em> to get hurt!” he roared back, right in her face, “Because you are too important to me- to the Inquisition, your place here is not just a soldier” he sighed, his anger dissipating. His head dropped for a moment, they were still a breath away from each other. If she leaned forward even slightly she would be able to kiss the top of his bowed head. </p><p>It was nothing to do with her being female or too dangerous, or anything she had thought… he just didn’t want to see her injured. Because she was important to him… and the others. He was looking out for her, even if it was misplaced, the sentiment wasn’t lost on her.</p><p>“Cullen… I’m- I’m sorry” she said letting her shoulders relax. “I thought-“</p><p>“Just, just please go to the healer’s tent” he whispered before walking to his office. </p><p>She stayed still, listening to the sound of his retreating footsteps, staring at the empty space he occupied. </p><p>She had become important to them. Now it would be even harder to leave. </p><p>“Hey lass, just give him time” Rylen patted her arm, going to stow the armour. </p><p>She gave him a nod before casting one look back at the Chargers, Crem have her a small thumbs up. She sighed, beginning her slow walk to the healer’s tent. As she hobbled through the threshold, she was met by an elven woman who immediately took her to a cot. </p><p>“Ah you must be Andraste’s vessel, yes? Solas has trained me in your physiology, I am able to attend to you until his return” the elven woman said helping Shepard peel away her shirt. </p><p>“Thank you” she answered, lying back on the bed, the woman began pouring magic through her ribs. “Oh that feels good” Shepard sighed. “I’m so sorry, I don’t even know your name”</p><p>“Maria” she said with a smile. </p><p>“Maria, thank you, please call me Shepard” she said lying back, staring at the ceiling. “Maria, this is a weird question, but is there such a magic spell that can stop plants from wilting?” she tilted her head to look at the woman.</p><p>“There is, it is an ice spell, it does make them fragile however. Why do you ask?” she said keeping her eyes on her ribs. </p><p>“I ah- a little elven girl gave me a flower crown. I’d quite like to keep it for as long as possible, it looked like she put a lot of work into it, it was beautiful really” she replied looking at the tent’s roof. </p><p>A gasp made Shepard look up, “That would my daughter, Erin” Maria sighed, smiling at Shepard. “She kept saying how you spoke elven to her and wore the crown all day” she smiled. “I think you have an admirer, thank you for indulging her. There aren’t many who would”  </p><p>Shepard frowned, Maria moved her glowing hands up to Shepard’s shoulder, “Why wouldn’t they? Because she’s an elf?” she asked. </p><p>“Because she’s half elven, half human” Maria sighed her brow furrowing. That’s why she looked different, “It’s frowned upon by both species. She will face much hardship; she has done here and I thank you for being so kind to her” the glow ceased as Shepard sat up taking Maria’s hands. Maria sat on the cot next to the one she was on. Shepard’s back to the opening, gesturing Shepard to sit up as she lifted her left arm to test her stretch ability. </p><p>“Maria, I- I know better than anyone what it’s like to be shunned for… being different. If anyone does anything to you or your daughter, I want you to report it directly to me. It will be taken care of” she said ducking her head so Maria would look at her in the eye.  </p><p>“Do you mean this?” she said looking up her dark eyes were large, cheek bones pronounced. She was beautiful. </p><p>“I have lived, a very long life. I have never met anyone who wasn’t important, so yes. I mean it” Shepard replied, looking at the woman hoping her voice matcher her emotion. Maria let Shepard’s arm fall back into her lap.</p><p>Her brown hair matched Erin’s but her eyes were a dark blue. A blue someone would find in the deepest trenches of the ocean. </p><p>“Thank you, Shepard. I hope I never have to but we both know better don’t we” she said sadly, putting her hand on Shepard’s cheek. “You fight with such fire, but armour does not cover the eyes. How can a woman so young have eyes so old, I wonder? If you are in need of a friend Shepard, you will find one in me. ” </p><p>“It seems all I do is disappoint my friends” she sighed.</p><p>The hand on her cheek went back to her hands, “Now, that is not true” she berated Shepard. </p><p>The magic was still wearing on Shepard, the tingles of the aesthetic pouring through her “You should have seen the way he looked at me, Cullen was so disappointed. Anger, I know what to do with anger, but disappointment hurts so much more” she bowed her head. </p><p>“How about some hot coco and you tell me what happened” she said, stroking her thumbs over her knuckles. This was the closest to a motherly gesture Shepard had ever gotten.</p><p>“O-okay” </p><p>***</p><p>Rylen had convinced Cullen to go to the Healer’s tent. And that’s when he heard her. Talking about how she was ridiculed for being a ‘half-breed’, that’s what people used to call her when she was a child. How she didn’t know how to combat someone’s disappointment, his specific disappointment. How she was sad she misjudged him and felt guilty. </p><p>He listened for longer than was polite. </p><p>He decided against seeing her after her admission, instead hiding in his tent office as the Lyrium withdraws took hold of him. Doing what he always did when he was confused, he worked. </p><p>Shepard had gone to see Cullen, she really had. Maria and her had talked for hours, Shepard had gone and washed and changed her clothes but… she couldn’t seem to go in. She sighed and turned around, just give him time Rylen had said. </p><p>The stars quite out yet, the sun still setting over Haven. Shepard felt lighter, she could tell Maria was a good mother, the way she had cared for Shepard showed that. </p><p><em> how would you know? </em> a bitter voice asked Shepard</p><p>She wandered over to the jetty, content to wait until the Commander had finished his duties, listening to the distant howls of the wolves. The occasional snorts of a very large and horned beast that didn’t seem to interested in her. She placed the torch in the snow. Extinguishing the flame so she could see the stars better. Her legs dangled off the edge lying back to watch the stars hoping their glow would comfort her. </p><p>He tried to settle himself at his desk to continue on the reports, he really did. The lines kept blurring, the ink couldn’t keep his attention. Sighing heavily he exited his tent, content to get a meal, maybe he could find the woman on his mind and appolog-</p><p>His thoughts were cut short by a body on the far jetty. He took out his sword, it was unmoving, smoke was rising from a torch that was cast aside behind them. The sun to the right of him was setting, barely letting its light between the tree peaks. </p><p>He rounded the frozen lake carefully, his vision slightly blurry from his withdrawals. As much as he would hate to admit it, it was hard. Basic things like shaving, reading, holding a sword. Things that should come natural to a Commander. </p><p>He edged on the jetty taking each step carefully-</p><p>The body suddenly moved going up on their elbows, head tilted back. Black hair flowing onto the wood. </p><p>“Cullen!” she gasped out, surprised at his presence. </p><p>“Shepard Maker’s breath” he exclaimed, running his left hand down his face. </p><p>“Was your plan to stab me and toss my dead body to the wolves?” She asked looking at his sword from upside down, her head tilting her voice was quiet, slightly hoarse.</p><p>He quickly sheathed his sword. “I thought you <em> were </em> a dead body” he retorted. Watching her head tilt upwards to her chest, her back to him as she laughed. It echoed slightly along the frozen lake. He couldn’t have stopped the grin across his face even if he tried. </p><p>“S-sorry it’s a little funny” she turned over her shoulder. “Wanna sit?” she said gesturing to the wood next to her.</p><p><em> I don’t need the promise of heaven to see the merit in good deeds </em> </p><p>The answer on his tongue was that he didn’t want to disturb her, that he’d be bad company. That he was barely keeping his hands from shaking. But his body said yes. </p><p>He moved carefully on the frosted over wood, lowering himself with little grace. “Star gazing again?” he asked, turning to her. Avoiding the matter at hand. He hope she was as nervous as she was. </p><p>“It reminds me of home” she answered. “I would watch them as a little girl, one day, I’d say to myself, I’m going to go up there. I suppose my stubbornness of wanting to see them up close kept me from dying” she said to the stars still looking up. “It’s strange, you’d think I’d get tired of the sight but… it’s the greatest mystery. The greatest tease of life, it just keeps going.” His eyes drifted to the stars for a moment, searching the sky before returning to her side profile. </p><p>“On and on and on, you know, light travels into your eyes. It takes a time for it to reach you. Some of these stars we’re seeing right now are technically in the past…” the breath was leaving her lungs around her lips was damn near intoxicating. He loved listening to her voice, the strange things she would say. He didn’t dare interrupt. </p><p>“Sorry, I doubt you came here for a lesson” she laughed, tilting her chin down. She must have thought he wasn’t listening. </p><p>“No- no Maker, don’t apologise, I- if you have one prepared, I’d love to hear it” he said smiling, she turned to him, her lips upturned in a small smile. Repeating the same thing she had said to him days ago. </p><p>His breath caught in his throat, her eyes perfectly matched the breach behind her, the green backdrop framed her head like a halo. The message wasn’t lost on him. He returned his gaze to her eyes, they were red again, the bags under her eyes more pronounced. </p><p>“Cullen?” she waved her hand in-front of him, taking him out of his daydream.  </p><p>“You’ve been crying” he blurted out, more as a statement than a question. She immediately turned her head, letting her hair fall into her face. He almost regretted saying it… almost. </p><p>“One of the healers was kind to me, I suppose for the first time I wondered what it would be like to have a mother… the little girl who gave me the flower crown is her daughter and… I guess I was just a bit overwhelmed. The Fade is ah- how did Solas phrase it, exasperating my thoughts and feelings?” she admitted. </p><p>It made him think of his own mother, how often he would neglect to write, how much he wanted to say to her now. How much he would never get to say to her now the blight had claimed her. </p><p>He wordlessly handed her his white handkerchief from his pocket, his leather gloves felt her fingers slide over his as she took it to dab her eyes. Holding it between her two hands, her sling off her shoulder. He watched her thumb rub over the red stitching in the corner. </p><p>“What does the S stand for?” she asked, keeping her hair as a barrier between them. </p><p>“I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours, L. Shepard” Cullen said, a sad half smile adorning his face. His eyes kept hers. Bastard she thought, he was referring to her name. </p><p>Shepard merely laughed in response. </p><p>She wiped her tears and nose with the handkerchief. Cullen shifted beside her. She felt his warmth on her arm, through his armour and leather ensemble, there was barely any distance between their bodies. He said nothing as they watched the sun retreat behind the tree’s casting a shadow over them. </p><p>“Pink sky at night, Shepard’s delight. Or so I’m told.” Cullen said, nudging her lightly in the arm. She laughed in response, grateful that he had broken the silence. She shivered slightly as the wood absorbed her body heat, she was still in just a shirt and leather trousers. </p><p>Her skin was paler than usual, goose-bumps along her neck. He took off his cloak and pushed it over her shoulders, his hands spreading the material out carefully, rousing her from whatever day dream she was in. </p><p>“Thank you” she said, looking into his eyes, she looked surprised at the gesture, plump pink lips speaking over the mountain of fur around her head. She grasped the edges and held it closer to her body, despite the metal plate he wore the cloak was burning with heat. </p><p>In his indulgence of her, of others indulgence of her. He realised he hadn’t actually tole her much about himself. Part of him wondered if he was remotely interesting to her, especially after their heated argument earlier. </p><p>Cullen took a breath and began to speak. “I grew up on a farm and I had three other siblings so it would be very loud, as you can imagine. I would go to a lake to clear my head. I know what it is like to want to just breathe, to just look up and wonder. When I was in the Templars there wasn’t much time for such things, not many windows in the circle. We were taught to channel rather than relax” </p><p>“Three siblings and farm animals, loud indeed. Mindoir was farmland too, lots of noises” He looked back at her in surprise, even in the future or in her world they had farm land, it made her uncomfortably normal to him. </p><p>“So, tell me how does one channel devotion? Something tells me it’s dull.” Shepard replied, it was nice to have someone similar to her. That didn’t ask if she was ok or needed anything, to just treat her like a person. </p><p>“My Lady, I assure you watching a candle burn the wax away while reciting the same chant over and over is not dull, my mind never wandered at all” He replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Shepard laughed loudly at the man, she liked how sarcasm could translate to every world. His hands gripped the wood beneath him, as a cathartic release for his ache to hold her. </p><p>She turned to look at him, he stayed watching the stars as she searched for something on his face. Her gaze drifted downwards and he looked at his smile, the scar on his lip stretching. She looked back up to his eyes, she realised she’d been caught staring at his lips as he watched out the corner. She quickly cleared her throat and looked away, still smiling. She missed the small blush that was forming on Cullen’s cheeks. </p><p>Cullen spoke again after a few minutes. “See the smallest peak, on the left? Above it is Draconis. The star just above the peak is the tail. See it?” </p><p>Shepard hummed in agreement as he described the constellation and that it symbolised a dragon, the lore behind the cluster of stars. He was really quite knowledgeable. </p><p>She wondered if this was his spot that he came to breathe, to get away from being Commander Rutherford. Cullen showed her more constellations, describing the history behind them of what he knew. The sun had long set, the stars gently rolling over the sky. </p><p>“Thank you.” She interrupted his current speech of one of the constellations. </p><p>“For what?” He asked, turning to face her.</p><p>“For being kind” She answered in a whisper. </p><p>“That’s what friends are for” he replied, lifting himself up which was more difficult than expected having sat down for so long. He held a gloved hand out to her, Shepard smiled as she took it and he lifted her easily. They stood face to face, the moon casting a white glow on their faces. </p><p>“Shepard-“ </p><p>“Cullen” </p><p>They both grinned, “Ladies first” he said softly. </p><p>“I- I misjudged your intentions for not letting me train and I’m sorry I disappointed you” she said keeping his gaze. Her eyes barely blinking. </p><p>“I’m sorry for keeping you away but I really did just want you safe, I- you were the most impressive fighter out there. I was angry but not- not disappointed. I quite frankly find it hard to believe you could make me feel such an emotion” he said in a damn whisper. Her eyes never once left his. He wasn’t sure if he was grateful or embarrassed. </p><p>“So, friends?” she said tilting her head, her lips were so close. He could just lean down, tilt his head the other direction and plant his lips- <em> friends </em></p><p>“Ah- yes friends” he nodded, feeling his cheeks heat up. </p><p>Shepard’s stomach rumbled loudly over whatever else he was about to say. He chuckled lightly, “Could I tempt you to some dinner?” he asked looking down at her, the sight of her in his cloak was bringing back those strange rolls of warmth in his gut.</p><p>They walked leisurely back to Haven’s gates most of the soldiers were patrolling or in their tents, Shepard gently rubbing the handkerchief in her hands. As Cullen walked by her side, occasionally looking at her face before returning his eyes to the path before him. </p><p>“You went to the lake to escape the farm smell too didn’t you.” She said as they reached the main gates. </p><p>“How did you know?” Cullen asked his head yanking up to meet her smile, Shepard merely laughed in response. </p><p>“Because farms fucking stink Cullen.” She replied, barking a laugh from him, she joined in and continued to chuckle as he gently placed a hand on her back to guide her to the tavern. </p><p>Interesting, Leliana thought as she watched the two from her ledge in Haven. She eyes the two curiously as they walked to the tavern. She had not known Cullen to laugh so carefree. He was a very serious man. </p><p>“Report” she said to the scout waiting in her office tent, the one she had sent to keep watch on Shepard.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Petty Arguments</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shepard breathed her way out of the Fade, it’s cold wash releasing her into the waking world. Solas had been with her again. Teaching her Dalish as they walked around Tuchanka in the old ruins. It was nice to see him in the Fade, she wished she could talk to Maxwell too. A strange way of communicating. </p><p>She brushed something tickling her face, it simply bounced back. She groaned sitting up seeing Cullen’s cloak on her, the feathers bunched up. She couldn’t help the stupid grin on her face. He made her feel so human, so normal, actually asking about her childhood, someone who would stand up to her bullshit and argue like she was an equal. </p><p>Her smile was wiped from her face when she thought about leaving this world.</p><p>She would miss it? The simplicity, the spirits and magic, the wonder… but she would be returning to her time. Her world… wasn’t that a good thing? <em> Stop. </em> she thought. This inner monologue would do no use until she knew she <em> could </em> actually get home. </p><p>The sun hadn’t risen over the mountains yet but something had woke her, Cullen’s grey tunic was the only thing she had on, she pretended still to be in deep sleep, Cullen’s cloak was now bunched at the edge of her bed, her limbs wrapped around it like a person. Her hair was still wet from bathing so late the evening before, letting it air dry in the night. </p><p>The person drew closer, she shifted reaching for the dagger under her pillow, closer… closer… she threw the cloak over the body, standing quickly and taking the person down, she’d had to scrap him, still waking from the Fade. Managing to slice his arm with the blade, using his momentary gasp and grabbing the wound as a say to take him down, something heavy clattered on the floor, probably a weapon.</p><p>A man from the feel of it, tall, hard muscles. She had heard of two attempts on the Herald’s life, now it seemed to her turn. </p><p>She quickly wrapped the cloak over the man’s head and arms, holding the knife to his throat, as she straddled his hips to keep his legs down.</p><p>“Identify yourself” she growled. </p><p>***</p><p>Nightmares woke Cullen fairly early.</p><p>His head ached, but a pleasant ache. He could remember his cheeks hurting from smiling, his voice slightly cracking from laughing. He couldn’t remember a more pleasant evening he had had in a very long time. </p><p>He wanted to make sure she knew how much he appreciated it, dressing quickly in his leathers and shirt, he walked to her cabin. He had a thought of leaving the box outside her door, but he didn’t want any of the soldiers to move it or look… he could just… leave it inside… they were friends? She was far removed from any modesty or rules he might usually abide by. And it meant he could get his cloak.</p><p>The patrolling guard was by the stairs, occasionally looking around at noise or doing a sweep. Cullen opened Shepard’s door as quietly as he could, holding the box his eyes adjusting to the lack of light. </p><p>There she was, sleeping softly facing him, one leg peeking out the blanket on-top of his cloak. Shit. She had wrapped herself around his cloak, her face in it, burying her nose in the feathers… it was actually… cute? Was she cute? Her face had no wrinkles, no bruises. Just a light peppering of freckles.</p><p>He should go… <em> leave the box and go </em> . The voice in his head said. </p><p>He went to place the box down when something attacked him, he tried to voice her to stop or to tell her it was him but before he knew it she had slashed his arm. He groaned, dropping the box as something was wrapped around his arms and over his head. His back against the cold wood.</p><p>Was that his cloak? Cold metal pressed against this throat.</p><p>“Identify yourself” she growled at him, Maker… her voice was so dark. </p><p>“It- it’s me… Cullen” he groaned, the breath finally returning to his lungs after being winded on the wooden floor. </p><p>The weight was suddenly removed, the cloak thrown off above his arms. Her eyes were wide, lips parted. Her weight on his crotch, her hands now resting on his chest. </p><p>“Cullen! What the-” she got off him, he almost mourned the contact on his crotch. She pulled him up by his arms, he groaned flinching when it pulled on the skin of his bicep. He could barely find his voice, he knew she was good at hand to hand combat but that was… impressive… Maker what could he say <em> sorry for watching you sleep? </em></p><p>“Shit – I got you, stay here I’ll be right back” she stepped to the side, activating her cloak and exiting her cabin. He picked up his cloak from the floor, putting it over a chair. Then reaching for the box, its contents luckily still in place, leaning heavily on the desk, he kept pressure on the slice.</p><p>Shepard rematerialized in-front of him, setting some bandages and other pieces on the desk. “Off” she said gesturing to his shirt, she continued unpacking the bits she had collected. </p><p>Leave, he should leave, right now right. “Really it’s nothing- I-“</p><p>The look she gave him made him relinquish whatever control he thought he had over the situation, she busied herself lighting a few candles while he peeled away his shirt, the sleeve of which stained with red. </p><p>He should leave, he wanted the floor to swallow him up… Maker how could he be so stupid of course she thought he was an assassin, of course she would wake. She was special forces, a soldier. They were all light sleepers…</p><p>“Cullen?”</p><p>He blinked his thoughts away heavily, as a pair of legs came into view. His eyes trailed upwards; she was in nothing but one of his shirts, stopping at her upper thighs. He continued to her face, a frown between her brows. Eyes gone of any remnants of sleep. </p><p>¬She gestured to the hand holding the blood in his wound, he removed it, adding it to the desk he was leaning on. She gestured for him to sit upon it, moving his arm carefully to her waist, he tried to keep his touch light, avoiding the desire to run his thumb along the divot of her waist. </p><p>He watched her as she worked, occasionally her tongue would poke out or wet her lips. Her eyes narrowed when she would put the needle through the skin where she had numbed it. <em> Say something! </em> </p><p>“You’re very good at this” he whispered, her eyes caught his. Dark lashes around the green orbs, this close he could see the light specs of green within the sea of dark, her pupils dilated beyond the blue that lingered in the centre of her eye.</p><p>“Thank you, you’re a model patient” she laughed, returning to her work. </p><p>“Where did you learn how to do this, don’t you have… more modern methods?” he enquired, looking at her hands on his bicep. They were small, dainty almost. Not nearly as calloused as his or another warriors would be. </p><p>She thought for a moment, “It’s true, we have medi-gel and omnitools but, I learnt from books, or datapads as we call them.” Another stitch, threading through his arm, “I wanted to be a doctor when I was young, I spent so much time around them I was fascinated. I learnt how to heal, stitch and what not, I think they indulged me to keep me occupied to be honest and I’ve had some practise here of course”</p><p>Like him and the Templar’s he thought, a young boy wanting to be a Knight. She grabbed a cloth, dabbing it on his wound, soaking up the bits of blood pooling from the half of the cut that wasn’t sewn. </p><p>“The first time I actually sewed something alive up, it was a moose” she mused. </p><p>“Moose?” he frowned, not understanding the term.</p><p>She looked up at him, laughing slightly. “They’re like, big horses. With antlers, I was reacting well to the new drugs and me and my brother went skiing with our guard-“</p><p>She had a guard? He frowned, “Ski..ing?” he asked, the word strange in his mouth. </p><p>She held the cloth on his arm, moving his hand back up to her waist where it had fallen on her hip, “Keep it elevated for me, use my waist as a hold” she pressed her hand to his, making him hold onto her body. He allowed himself the satisfaction of curling his fingers around her body as she stood between his legs. He could feel her body heat against his leg, the occasional smell of fresh linen coming off her. </p><p>“It’s where you strap two ski’s like planks of wood to your feet and go to the top of a mountain and then slide your way down, it’s really fun” she smiled at Cullen’s horrified face. “Well, the moose’s lived up there and a baby one had cut its leg. I cried and cried begging the guard to let me help it, when he tried to pull me away so I punched him in his crotch and ran to it. As he ah- recovered I had stitched the wound, we never went anywhere without medical supplies. The mother moose wouldn’t let him near me while I did it… I think she understood?” </p><p>“How old were you?” he asked, his voice cracking with his laughter-</p><p>“Nine” </p><p>Their laughter resonated around the cabin, picturing a small black-haired girl. Stubborn, snotty crying over an animal. Her desire to heal it, help it. Punching a man in his crotch to help it. He didn’t realise he was stroking his thumb in small circles on her waist until he saw the movement, he didn’t stop.</p><p>“I was in a lot of trouble when we got to the bottom of the mountain” she said, returning to the stitches on his arm. Her face softened, almost looking sad when she finished sewing him. Her hands reached for the bandages, dipping them in Elfroot lotion before placing it on his cut, wrapping the excess around his arm to keep it secure. </p><p>“Thank you, for telling me”</p><p>“Thank you for listening, I don’t have many good… memories of my childhood but it’s been a long time since I’ve wanted to talk about them” she admitted, taking the bloody cloth and needle to one side. </p><p>He stayed on the desk, admiring her work, fighting the urge to tense his muscles under her gaze, he wasn’t a young lad trying to impress a woman… he would not… he did. He gripped the front of the desk, widening his back. He watched her gaze on him, clearing his throat her eyes snapped to his. He enjoyed her oogling, something flashed across her face before she spoke</p><p>“So, Cullen, what made you come into my cabin- trying to keep my skills sharp?” she asked, tilting her head, she crossed her arms over her chest below her breasts. </p><p>He immediately went red, his hand flew behind his neck to rub it but stopped short when it pulled his stitches, he winced. His other hand going to the wound. </p><p>“Stop trying to undo my hard work!” she berated him, standing once again between his legs, her hand lowered his from his neck, cool hands roving around the bandage checking for blood.</p><p>“I ah- I brought you something and I was going to try and retrieve my cloak” she was smirking at his blushes, Maker this woman, “but when I came in you were wrapped around it in the bed” his trick worked, her cheeks blushed slightly. He felt his chest tighten at the sight. </p><p>“Shut up” she smacked his good arm, “It… it just smelt nice ok, stupid lion” she murmured under her breath. It was his turn to smirk at her. </p><p>“Well my lady, that is good news because…” he reached for the box behind him, bringing it to her waiting hands. As she opened the lid the smell hit her, she looked from him to the box, her mouth slightly open. </p><p>“Elderflower and cedarwood…” she whispered, picking up the soap and bringing it to her nose, “It smells so good” she all but moaned. </p><p>“It ah- it is the one I use, it’s popular in Ferelden. It reminds me of home” he said, letting his hand twitch on the desk rather than rub his neck. She thought he smelt good; did she want to moan like that when she was near him? </p><p>“I’m glad this isn’t your way of telling me I smell bad” she winked, his chuckle escaped him with a grin, he shook his head, enjoying her smile. The crinkle of her eyes, the dimple making an appearance. </p><p>She set the soap aside, reaching for the other thing in the box. She was delicate as she lifted it out, handing him the box as she ran her fingers over the cover. </p><p>She dug her fingers around it… a book? </p><p>She set the box closed and under her elbow as she studied the book, it was a deep blue almost black. The edges curling the pages browned and frayed from use. Well-loved and well worn, she turned it to read the title.</p><p> <em> A Study of Thedosian Astronomy </em> </p><p>A constellation book…she ran her fingers over the top, her cheeks heating up. No one had ever gotten her anything like this… nothing beyond gun parts and armour pieces. This was so… personal. </p><p>His voice was wavering, she wasn’t saying anything, staring at the book with wide eyes. “It’s mine, I just ah- I thought that you might want to learn more, maybe find out what planet this is, or simply just learn and-“</p><p>He was cut off by her putting the box and book on the bed and hugging him tightly to her, bodies pressed together. Her arms wrapped around his neck; her face was… her lips were on his cheek. Peppering a few kisses there as she clutched herself to him, Andraste preserve him she had kissed his skin and his blood was boiling. </p><p>“No one’s ever got me something like this… something so special thank you thank you thank you thank you” Shepard whispered into his neck, he wrapped his arms around her relief flooding him. One in her soft curled hair, the other against her back. He was only too aware of her breasts pushed against his chest, only one of his shirts acting as a barrier between their top halves. </p><p>He couldn’t help but laugh. Her kisses had bolstered him, he lowered his voice, “You’re very welcome” he whispered in her ear. He felt her shiver before she pulled slightly from him, looking into his eyes, hers had small tears there. Glassy. </p><p>Maker’s breath he felt intoxicated. He looked down to her lips and back up. One hand wiped away a stay tear that escaped, on her cheek. Her lips were parted in a smile, big bright eyes watching him expectantly. Did she want him to… he used the hand on her cheek to angle her head up, his own face tilting down, his nose brushing hers as her eyes closed-</p><p>KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK</p><p>Shepard jumped back, Cullen immediately straightening his back willing the blood to leave his cheeks. He cleared his throat, almost going to rub his neck before remembering his injured arm. Someone must have seen the candle light coming from her cabin. </p><p>“Hey Shep when you’re out and about come get some breakfast” Varric shouted outside the door, “Me and Chuckles have some reports from Marcher you’ll wanna read”</p><p>“Thank you Varric, I’ll meet you in the Tavern in a moment” she shouted back, waiting for his footsteps to retreat. </p><p>Leave… leave now… his mind said to him as his lower body was heating up. </p><p>“I should ah- I should go, my lady” Cullen moved quickly, his heart was pounding in his chest, the cold did nothing for the heat burning through his chest.</p><p>Maker’s mercy what would they think if they saw him, leaving her cabin shirtless and flustered. Half of him didn’t care, the darker half wanted someone to see, to learn that he was looking after her, that he had received her kisses. Her attention. The other half thought to protect her, to keep her image.</p><p>He armoured up, going to reach for his cloak remembering it was currently in the cabin of the woman who was gaining his affection…shit. How could he face her without blushing now…</p><p>Then again…</p><p>She hadn’t moved back when he leant down, he found himself grinning at his reflection in his shield as he combed his hair into an appropriate condition. Making a mental note to get a mirror installed in his cabin if she kept him grinning.</p><p>He went about his routine, grabbing some breakfast and waking the recruits. Joining in the morning workout as per usual. </p><p>Cullen did not miss the strange looks that his soldiers were giving him.</p><p>He was attending the morning training as usual, with Rylen at his side. Talking through the recruit’s forms and stamina. He had been sure he had seen Leliana smirking at him when she passed him earlier but he couldn’t be sure <em> what </em> she was smirking at. </p><p>“So… did you misplace it or-“</p><p>“Rylen, for the last time. Shut. Up” Cullen growled, glaring at his second. He had asked a few times where his mantle was, even going so far as to ask Cullen if he was of sane mind. </p><p>“Your behaviour seems suspicious Ser” his tone increasing in pitch.</p><p>Cullen turned to glare once more, “Are you saying I am hiding something?” </p><p>“Merely implying it Ser” he smirked back, Cullen grinned back shaking his head. Returning his focus to the recruits. A few moments later he spoke once more, “For the record, Cullen, it has nothing to do with Shepard then?”</p><p>Cullen’s head whirled to his second, had he seen him leave, was there rumours already… “What did-“</p><p>“Good Morning Gentlemen” Shepard’s voice behind him said, Iron Bull was next to her, his arms folded. “You ah- left this, I’ve stitched your shirt too, it’s currently being washed” she smiled, her nose and cheeks painted pink from the cold. </p><p>“Cleaned of what” Bull smirked beside her; her eyes narrowed as she looked up at him. </p><p>“Blood” she replied, his grin caught her off guard, “Kinky” he nudged her before wandering off. She rolled her eyes but her grin was still plastered on her face. </p><p>Cullen could feel his ears heating up, spreading across his cheeks, “Thank you, Shepard” he bowed, taking his cloak from her grasp, putting it around his shoulders. </p><p>“I should be thanking you Cullen” she grinned, “it was nice and toasty” she smiled, his cheeks started to colour. “So… I was wondering, if I can’t train yet… I’d like to help with the troops, if Varric tries to interrogate me about his new book one more time I might have to kill him an bury him in the woods. Please please pleaseeeee” she drawled. </p><p>“I’d like that” Cullen smiled, to be honest he was drowning in paperwork and he’d by lying if he didn’t want her around. He spun to Rylen, his emotions flicking from shock to a small smirk, his second always did have a keen eye.</p><p> “Rylen, please see to the sparring ring. Their form was sloppy, do not go easy on them.” He tried to say evenly. </p><p>Rylen shook himself, removing the smirk, “Yes Sir, I’ll see to it at once. I hope to see you there soon Shepard, if you’re up for it” He saluted them both and left the tent. </p><p>“I have some reports to attend to that have come in over breakfast. I have some reports on our progress and the recruits you may find interesting to get you started.” Cullen said, looking at Shepard, gesturing to his office tent. They walked leisurely, ignoring the shoves and points of the soldiers gesturing to them. </p><p>It forced her to pay attention to the man’s voice and not his exterior. And certainly not the near kiss that had happened not an hour ago.</p><p>“Oh and this, it’s a book on fighting styles. A good starting place as any, I’m sure you’ll be familiar with some of the concepts.” He continued, passing her the book before retreating behind the desk. </p><p>“Cullen, when I was watching the soldiers the other day, they seemed, out of sorts why is that? It cant just be the Andraste thing…” Shepard asked, letting the reports and book on her lap rest. </p><p>He looked up with a small blush, “Well, you are Andraste’s Vessel. Many of them truly believe you have incredible powers, intelligence beyond our comprehension and ah...your looks are considered very...ah...” he stuttered through the sentence, her face was one of confusion. Surely, she knew she was attractive? Was she toying with him? </p><p>He tried again, “You are very attractive and they aren’t used to seeing a woman like yourself in the training area, never mind getting involved” He finished not meeting her eyes as his courage faltered. </p><p>“Oh, I see. Well, thank you. It seems I’m not the only very attractive commander around here.” She said with a smile her hands shuffling the reports and book in her hands to gather them. </p><p>His eyes risked a glance up to see her small smile, he felt one reach his face as he looked back to his reports. </p><p>Shepard placed the book on the desk as she went through the paper reports on troop movements around Ferelden, where their recruits had come from and the bolstering numbers they were getting. Most of them had little experience with war or fighting, but some had tournament experience or were hunters from clans or farms. Not all bad.</p><p>The more trusted soldiers of the Inquisition were securing camps around the area’s, the furthest was the Storm Coast. Apparently, he was securing the coast from bandits after fighting for a leadership role… even more random alliances. </p><p>He was apparently returning to Haven currently, after a strange exchange in Val Royeaux with Cassandra, Vivienne and Sera. Shepard read the last update and placed the reports down. Stretching her back she groaned feeling the muscles stretch between her sore ribs, she opened her eyes to see Cullen watching her. He gave her a strange look before clearing his throat and picking up his next report. </p><p>She returned the strange look as she now could see more of his blonde curls than his face. She reached for the book on fighting. Flicking through the pages on old drawings and descriptions of foot positions, distance from the opponent and equipment. The book looked old, older than the others that were on the shelf. There were small markings on the page edges, notes and scribbles. Some stains on some pages. She couldn’t help but smile, whoever’s this was they had studied it a lot. Another one of Cullen’s books he had kept? </p><p>“Finished the reports already? Or have I bored you?” Cullen asked, staring at her with a lopsided grin. </p><p>Shepard looked up with a laugh, “I finished them; it sounds like we are expanding the Inquisitions reach north. The recruits are a bit green but if they are dedicated, we can train them and find them their perfect roles. I’m interested to maybe get the Chargers involved, maybe some of them could help the training too or at least put on a good show for the soldiers. We could have some hidden gems in the recruits, some good tacticians or trap experts. Maybe blast experts and-” </p><p>Cullen couldn’t help but grin, she was a fast reader and had absorbed lots of information. She was practised at reading reports and coming up with ideas, no doubt from her time in Command. He stared at her as she continued to reel ideas off. </p><p><em> We... </em> </p><p>She had said we. </p><p>“Cullen? Earth to Cullen?” Shepard said waving her hand in-front of his face. </p><p>“What- Forgive me.” Cullen said, his hand going to his neck, before wincing half way, dropping his arm to the desk once more.  </p><p>“Stop pulling the stitches!” She warned, pointing her finger at him. He sent his most apologetic smile her way. “However, you missed some award-winning ideas though. I’m not repeating them without a prize.” She smiled, flicking the pages of the book. Baiting him to ask her what they were. </p><p>Cullen laughed and shifted in his chair, “Of that I have no doubt, what would it cost me to get you to tell me your ‘award-winning ideas’.” He said using air quotes, leaning back and tilting his head. </p><p>“Spar with me.” She said simply, resting the book in her lap. </p><p>He chuckled and shook his head. “When I have evaluated your skills for myself and I know you don’t have giant bruises covering your skin. Yes.” </p><p>“You pervert. What did you see while creeping around my cabin this morning?” she asked, smirking at his widened eyes.</p><p>His eyes snapped to hers, a heated blush reaching up his neck and fluttering on his cheeks. “What?! No?! I...I would never. I didn’t see anything, I read the report on your injuries and-“ </p><p>“Cullen! Cullen, I’m joking.” She lifted her hands as a surrender. “I was just joking around. I know you are too much of a gentleman for that.” </p><p>To reply he simply narrowed his eyes and returned to his report. He heard her breathy chuckle as she mumbled an apology, still laughing at the man. </p><p>They stayed like that for another two hours, her reading through the book, occasionally standing and using a candle holder as a weapon mimicking the stances. He would offer advice or chuckle at her when she wounded her imaginary opponent, he found it comfortable working with her in his space. He thought it would bother him more.</p><p>It must have been because she understood what it was like leading an army, he told himself. Or the fact that she was very easy to get along with, at least for him. Part way into the third hour he finished the reports that had come in from the ravens. He looked up to Shepard still dutifully reading through the pages, one finger was running along the page as she read the words. The other was resting on the arm of the chair, a small ball of energy from her biotics was dancing around her hand. Her eyes would occasionally flash green, only the iris’s though, the rest stayed white, her pupil lost in the light. </p><p>He cleared his throat as he stood and rounded the desk to lean against it, she looked up at him and then looked at her hand before removing the biotic ball. <br/>“Sorry, did that make you uncomfortable? I do it sometimes when-” She asked, her eyes never leaving his, attempting to judge his emotions from his face. </p><p>“No” He cut her off. He smiled and crossed his arms, “No, I trust you. I am more curious than anything, it looks… effortless. Is it… how does it-” </p><p>She shut the book and placed it on the desk, still sitting in the chair. “Open your hands out, take off your gloves too.” </p><p>He raised an eyebrow but didn’t protest to her request. Part of him was getting ready to flinch or move, part of him was terrified of the feeling of magic around him again. Once he had complied, she materialised back a small ball and placed it into his hands. </p><p>“It...it feels so light but dense? It tingles...like little lightning strikes.” He said, looking at Shepard, her iris’ were glowing green, her smile was a new one. Like she was nervous about his reaction. Whatever she was it was unlike anything of Thedas, he had nothing to compare to her powers. It felt nothing like magic… he saw nothing of his fears of magic in her… he hoped he never would.</p><p>“Are you up for some light training?” Cullen asked putting emphasis on ‘light’, holding the ball in one hand and playing with it in one finger with another. </p><p>“I thought you’d never ask!” Shepard jumped from her chair letting her biotics dissipate and started walking towards the tent opening, Cullen fast on her heels shaking his head. </p><p>*** </p><p>They both exited the tent and made their way through the soldiers, occasionally they would stop and salute Cullen or grab another soldier and stare at Shepard. She wondered just how much of her they knew, if they had heard about her throwing a soldier at the gates or if they knew she was the one who fell from the Fade. Or if they were simply commenting on her having publicly returned his cloak, that particular whisper made Cullen scowl and blush at the same time. The recruit did not last long in his sight. </p><p>Their gaze and whispers didn’t make her feel uncomfortable, you don’t become the Saviour of the Galaxy without crowds of people looking and pointing. They reached the fenced circle Cullen placed a hand on her lower back to guide her to a better view. She watched as the soldier was circling Rylen as Rylen ran a commentary of what to do and what not to do. </p><p>Rylen quickly took down the recruit, in a practised motion. The man looked sad before Rylen helped him up and whispered something in his ear, even Shepard couldn’t quite make the words out but it made the other man smile. </p><p>The recruit shook Rylen’s hand before he walked out the ring to a sister of the Chantry who had a water barrel set up beside the fence. Rylen caught the sight of the pair and walked up to Shepard and Cullen with a smile, wiping the sweat off his face with a cloth. </p><p>“Commander Cullen, Shepard, glad you came. The boys were thinking you’d never show.” Rylen said cheerfully. “So, can I interest you in a rematch, Shepard?” he offered her his hand like he would to a noble lady and stepped back with a grin. </p><p>“Hell Yes!” Shepard said before putting her left hand on the fence and jumping over it in a controlled motion, completely ignoring the hand offered to her. She heard Cullen’s laugh follow her as she took a position up in the ring. </p><p>The two circled each other for a few moments before Rylen took a swing, Shepard dodged it easily spinning around and kicking the man in his back sending him hurtling forward. Rylen steadied himself before grinning. This continued, him throwing punches and her dodging the punches or countering them with light jabs. Shepard felt good. This was part of her normal, sparring on the Normandy. She could hardly contain the smile on her face. </p><p>“Come on Shepard is that all you got? Dance moves?” Rylan said cheekily, gaining a gasp and some laughs from the crowd. </p><p>Shepard continued to circle him, realising that their short spar had gained some attention. She could see Cullen’s mantle in her peripheral. “You asked for it Rylen.” She replied. </p><p>Rylen lunged at her, Shepard grabbed the offending arm and swept his legs out from under him. Still holding the arm she twisted him onto his front, throwing him down and pinned him to the ground, straddling his hips. He struggled for a moment before tapping the ground. Applauds rang out, she looked up to see men around the ring smiling and clapping their hands, Cullen was one of them he wasn’t smiling until she sent him one, only then did he grin back. </p><p>She held her hand out to Rylen, he took it happily to help him get up. “I did indeed ask for it. You're quick Shepard.” He bowed to her, before gesturing to the barrel for a drink. She heard Cullen bark an order for the crowd to get back to their training, a series of disappointed groans followed but they all went back to training. </p><p>Shepard followed Rylen and the pair exited the ring to the barrel. She thanked the Sister before taking several gulps. A hand on her back made her turn, <br/>“Shepard that was very impressive, Rylen is one of our best it was nice to see him get taken down for a change and you didn’t hurt yourself” Cullen’s grin was one of the biggest she’d seen on his face.</p><p>“Thank you, Ser. You should be pleased Shepard, we don’t get compliments that easily from Cullen.” Rylan said, nudging Shepard with his elbow winking.</p><p>“Thank you, Cullen. If that got the crowd excited imagine their reaction when I take down The Commander of the Inquisition” Shepard said, finishing the last of her water with a wink. </p><p>“In your dreams Shepard.” Cullen narrowed his eyes laughing. </p><p>“Speaking of, I’m going to see if Solas is free for some Fade lessons. You don’t mind if I skip out for a bit do you?” Shepard asked, she felt tired already. She wanted to learn something before accidentally napping in between fights. </p><p>Cullen gave her a reassuring smile, “Of course you can, when you’re finished come find me. I’ll be in my office, I’ll just have to leave pinning you down to some other time.” </p><p>Rylen choked on his water, fisting his chest to get some air back in his lungs as the Chantry sister giggled behind the barrel. Shepard’s mouth opened with a smile as she stared at him, she watched the emotions flick across his face as he realised what he just said to her. </p><p>Cullen blushed as his eyes went wide. “I didn’t...I didn’t mean it like- Makers breath.” His hand went to his neck. </p><p>Shepard laughed and shoved him lightly, “Don’t worry Cullen. Besides if anyone’s doing the pinning, it’s me.” She walked off to the gates smiling at the man’s blushes, a soft ‘Makers breath’ reached her ears.</p><p>***</p><p>Another week of training, healing, Fade lessons and spending time with the people of Haven, Shepard was beginning to get complacent. Almost every night her and Cullen had star gazed, even if it was cut short by his headaches. She looked forward to her walks with Flissa, making Cullen blush and trying not to look at his lips every-time he spoke, learning about Thedas history, chatting with Bull, making Varric teach her card games. She liked working in the hospit- healers tent. </p><p>She liked learning the soldier’s names, speaking with them over trivial things, comforting the young ones. She felt like she had a purpose… not just surviving. The big green hole in the sky was her reminder of everything she had lost coming here.</p><p>After some lunch with Solas she went back to Rylen to learn duel wield, sword and shield and firing with a bow. They practised for several hours more, Shepard was most prevalent with the duel wield, pretty useless if the sword and shield if she was honest with herself. She was quick and stealthy, the perfect match for a new Rogue with daggers.</p><p>She had trained with knifes in N4 so it was easy to pick it up again, that mission had left her with mild hypothermia from ice caves and her hands frozen around two daggers. She still remembered David’s face when he read the mission report, angry at his daughter’s risk but proud of the soldier. </p><p>Shepard and Rylen took a small break while they drank some water and Rylen dished out some orders to the soldiers in the crowd before they started sparring again. </p><p>She had just taken Rylen down again with the two daggers before she went to give him a hand up, he shook his head letting himself sit on the ground beaming up at her. </p><p>She put her hands on her knees bent over breathing heavily. They’d been practising for a while, her ribs protested slightly but she was enjoying herself too much to give into pain. </p><p>“You are a natural Shepard” Rylen breathed heavily from his position from the floor. </p><p>“That she is.” A voice came from behind her. </p><p>Shepard turned to see Max and Cullen walking up to them, “Maxwell! hey, how was the trip?” She walked to the sparring ring fence to meet them. She flicked the hair that had fallen from her braid out her face, blowing it gently. </p><p>Max grunted, “I swear to the Maker, I have never been so happy to see the Breach. Those two could not stop bickering, I thought Cassandra was actually going to kill them and I wasn’t bloody far behind” He gestured his eyes to the three women dismounting their horses with a comical amount of space between them. </p><p>“You’re forming quite the crew, you should get them together, get everyone to meet each other. You included Commander” Shepard suggested, pouring some water on her face to cool herself down. </p><p>“I’m not sure I can take another drinking match with you Shepard” Maxwell groaned; he did look tired. Dark circles under his eyes, his stubble thicker. </p><p>“Only Ferelden honey ale, nothing awful I promise” she winked. </p><p>“Not a bad idea, I’d invite Rylen but…” Cullen said a large grin adorning his face, she noticed his eyes watched a droplet on her jaw before snapping back to hers, “He looks half dead.” Cullen craned his head to stare at the Knight-Captain who was now just lying on the floor simply groaned in response. </p><p>“Shepard, please check he is in fact breathing and then join us in the Chantry, will you?” Max asked, mouth perking up in amusement at the man on the floor. </p><p>“Sure thing, I’ll be two minutes.” She replied, before returning to Rylen and giving him a small nudge with her boot. It only roused another groan from the man. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard made her way through Haven long legs taking long strides. She had learnt when she became Commander that officers don’t run unless it is life or death. They stride with purpose. Waving to Varric as she passed, him sending her a toothy grin. She was stopped outside the Chantry by mother Giselle. </p><p>“It is good to see you, Commander. How are you feeling?” her voice calm. </p><p>“Mother Giselle, I’m well thank you. How are you? I haven’t seen you much” Shepard replied smiling. Mother Giselle made Shepard feel a strange feeling in her chest. Something along the lines of grief, maybe fear. Like this woman was watching over the boiling pot of emotions in Shepard’s soul. </p><p>She smiled back, her eyes closing she always looked so serene, “I have been tending to the Village, there is a sickness spreading through. Not fatal but consistent. I was wondering if you could take a look at the symptoms?” </p><p>“Of-course Mother Giselle. I will make sure I get to the bottom of this” Shepard bowed politely, “How are the other injured in Haven?” </p><p>“It is kind of you to think of them.” Mother Giselle smiled, “For now you were our worst injured. The others will be back on their feet in time, some we can only make comfortable. There were many wounded from the explosion and the demons from the rifts and breach. We lost many. I believe Adan requires notes from the cabin outside Haven. It would be useful to gather more elfroot and a royal elfroot but I have already passed my concerns to the Herald.” </p><p>Shepard’s eyes narrowed briefly. There was still so much to do. </p><p>Shepard looked back to Mother Giselle, “I’ll make sure these needs are met. If you think of anything else that needs attention in the meantime please send a runner, no matter what the task” Mother Giselle watched Shepard for a moment before bowing and saying thank you. Shepard continued to the group, uncharacteristically they were all stood in the Chantry hall not the war room. </p><p>“-a shame the Templars have abandoned their senses as well as the capital” Cullen growled, his posture was tense, arms crossed at Maxwell. </p><p>“We had to do something” Maxwell began, “And now we have an opportunity” he gestured to the war room, giving Shepard a curt nod.  </p><p>“Yes and we have the opening we need to approach the Templars and the Mages” Josie added, trailing at the back. </p><p>Cassandra sighed, “Do we? Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember” she frowned. </p><p>“Funny, I thought William hadn’t changed” Maxwell growled, his leathered covered fists clenching at his side. </p><p>“You saw him?” Shepard asked, turning her head to the man next to her. </p><p>“Yes and he was… less than polite about the Inquisition. And you, I might add. I’ll save your ears in hearing what he said” </p><p>“I can imagine” she growled. </p><p>“The reports have been very odd…” Leliana puzzled. </p><p>“The Herald could simply meet the Mages instead, Fiona did offer an invitation after all” Josie added tentatively, her fingers fidgeting behind her back. </p><p>Fiona? The Fiona? The Elf that had rescued her? Or rather, taken her… was this leading up to her meeting Fiona and Hawke, for the <em> first </em> time? Would she need to convince Maxwell to get the Mages… was this how they meet? A million questions were swirling around her were stopped by Cullen’s rage.</p><p>Cullen span around, reaching his arm out to point at Maxwell, “We must look into it. I’m certain everyone in the order will support the Lord Seeker. You honestly think the mage rebellion is more unified? It could be ten times worse?!”</p><p>“Or you could stop bickering and make a decision” Maxwell rolled his eyes, leaning back on one leg folding his arms over one and another. She posed like that. Shepard was even more proud, he was standing up for himself. </p><p>The back and forth continued over mages and templars after they had reached the war room. The change of location did nothing to discount the opinions in the room. The tail end was that the Inquisition needed more influence, more recruits, more agents. </p><p>“So, it will be dangerous… I’ve been in danger since I stepped out the Fade” Maxwell groaned, his hand ran through his hair, still in his battle armour from travelling. </p><p>“Stepped is a strong word” Shepard mused from her position from the table, Maxwell shot her a scowl complete with a small smirk, “Too soon?” she tilted her head. </p><p>The others continued working around the table, paring off as Cullen and Josie spoke about possible routes for the Templars. Cassandra and Leliana whispering gently to each other. </p><p>“Opinions?” Maxwell asked her from his hunched position on the table.</p><p>“Regroup here, pull together what you know and find out what you can about both sides. The inner circle needs to get to know each other formally. Drinks, card games. Hell, a sparring session for what good it will do” she shrugged. “It will help, people will be more forthcoming with information if they trust you. And for my very sensitive noses sake. Please get a bath or a shower.” she said simply. </p><p>“Is it that bad?” he mused, going for the front of his armour for a sniff. </p><p>“For a human? No. For me? My eyes are actually starting to water” she rolled her eyes, enjoying the small laugh of Cullen and Josie, hearing her comment. </p><p>“Alright, alright, message received” he put his hands up in surrender, stretching his back. “What did Mother Giselle want? You looked very… concerned” </p><p>“A sickness going through the village, sounds like a virus not a plague. I’ll get to the bottom of it” Shepard shrugged, the symptoms were no-where near fatal. </p><p>“So… what is it?” Maxwell asked, “Why the look” he said raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“I am… a little nervous around Mother Giselle, that’s all” Shepard shrugged, trying to play it off. “It’ll pass”</p><p>Cassandra scoffed, “You? Scared of a holy mother?” her attention gone from her conversation with Leliana now focusing on Shepard.  </p><p>Now all attention was on Shepard.</p><p>“Not… not scared as such-“</p><p>“Then what?” Maxwell enquired, genuinely curious on what could make Shepard shiver. </p><p>“She… she never raises her voice. She makes me nervous I suppose” Shepard answered. Arms crossing over her chest so she wouldn’t fidget. “It doesn’t matter anyway” They didn’t need to know that a woman who controls her emotions scared Shepard… that was too personal. Even calling her ‘Mother’ Giselle made her stomach roll. </p><p>They continued back and forth, going over missions and correspondence that needed to be attended to. All advisors giving their opinions on matters, Cullen’s response to one of the problems with Sera’s idea was simply, “No”. Her particular request had all sort of drawing and scribbles on it that made Shepard laugh at least.  </p><p>It turned sour once more.</p><p>“Enough power poured into the mark”</p><p>“Could destroy us all!” Cullen shouted back, no doubt the guards at the door could hear this. </p><p>“Fiona has invited us, a clear invitation. The Lord Seeker denounced us, publicly” </p><p>“The Mages are desperate; they may not be controlled”</p><p>“Who are we to control them? We are not the circle”</p><p>“Exactly why we are not equipped for housing countless Mages without proper guard from the Templars”</p><p>Shepard and Maxwell simply listened, as stone faces as the carvings of Andraste around the room. Maxwell sighed, his head falling back on his shoulders as he waited them out. Shepard had taken to sitting on the far desk in the room, playing with her omnitool. </p><p>“Have you thought more on who to move forward to?” Cassandra asked Maxwell, her arms stiff across her chest. Now addressing Maxwell. </p><p>“I do not see the harm in going to Redcliffe and speaking with her, and we can investigate the Warden on the way, while gaining more allies. I’ve heard of a cult in the area that worships the Breach. That gives you time to search for a means to approach the Templars, if there is any”</p><p>Cullen huffed, a childish reaction but one that was warranted. What if this was the Alliance, Shepard would be reacting the same way…He had left the order but it would always be important to him. </p><p>“Well, as you said there are Templar’s that wouldn’t follow the Lord Seeker. You can reach out to them while travelling to the Hinterlands. A well-placed note can do better than you going all that way only to be chewed up and spat out” Shepard offered. </p><p>Maxwell hummed, Cullen nodded, a small smile of a thank you for her words. </p><p>“There was that man” Cassandra began, “He stepped up to the Lord Seeker before Templar Trevelyan intervened- I believe he called him Barris? Could we get a message to him, encourage him to come to us?” </p><p>Shepard looked between the two, “Barris? Show me” She said to Maxwell, placing her hand on his forehead. She took the memory; she didn’t flinch hearing William’s harsh words. She felt Maxwell’s anger. Barris… the same templar. Questioning the order…</p><p>“It’s him, the same one from the Chantry I spoke to” she confirmed, removing her hand from his head. Maxwell rubbed the spot where her fingers had touched. </p><p>“I will never get used to that” he groaned blinking heavily. </p><p>“What do you suggest?” Leliana asked, her eyes glinting under her hood, the glint she got when she had an idea or a plan. </p><p>“We get him a message. Something short, simple, something that wouldn’t mean anything to someone else. Tell them they’re welcome to join us. I appreciate we aren’t the order but, we already have Cullen and Rylen, and other high-ranking Templar officers, that gives us some credibility” She pondered for a moment, before Josie’s pad, “May I?” she asked. </p><p>Cullen watched as this woman bloomed in his heart again, thanking the Maker for someone who was so far removed from this war that she wasn’t against either side. Welcoming, easy. Maker I am in trouble. </p><p>Once handed Shepard dipped the quill in the ink. Holding it steady to the best of her ability before drawing a version of Andraste on the ice, her sword smashing into the cracks. Below was one sentence. The sentence he had said to her. </p><p><em> It’s not too late to <s> change </s> learn </em> </p><p>
  <em> Shepard </em>
</p><p>“Send this” she ripped off the paper, tearing off the inquisition logo at the bottom and blowing the ink to dry it. “He’ll understand” she nodded. Hopefully, Shepard thought. </p><p>“At once” Leliana nodded, rolling the parchment up into a small holder for a Raven. </p><p>“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Maxwell said in a lowered voice. His fear of Magic was strong, but his fear of Templar’s was getting stronger. Both needed to be reduced if he was to be the figure head of this organisation. </p><p>“Change has to happen, it has happened. What happened in Kirkwall was inevitable, something like it anyhow” Her mind flashed with images of the Alpha Relay being destroyed. </p><p>“You can’t honestly be defending what Anders did? What the Champion was unwittingly involved in?” Cullen roared across the table, his hands layed flat. </p><p>“Not defending, but I understand why he did it. I really do” she finished, her voice steadier than her heartbeat. “Change won’t happen smoothly, there needs to be a bridge over the rough water or people will drown. That is us, we are the bridge. We already have Mages and Templars working together. We simply need to use the past and not repeat it. No Mages being watched 24/7 and no Templar’s being abused by or abusing their Lyrium leash” She replied. Thinking of the Geth and Quarians. </p><p>How close they’d been to destruction. This was the same, just the players were different. The field was smaller. </p><p>“Yes?” Shepard looked around the room at the advisors. </p><p>They nodded; Josie even curtsied. </p><p>“Good. Now please go and wash because if you raise your arms one more time I am going to pass out in a very unladylike fashion” Shepard said holding her nose, Maxwell shoved her playfully before leaving the room with a nod from Cassandra. </p><p>The door closing behind him, she released her nose. </p><p>“Shepard…” Cassandra began, Shepard watched her expectantly. Lifting an eyebrow when no more words came from her. </p><p>“I realise we are… difficult as a council. But we do appreciate your words and guidance. My only concern is, we do not know still how to get you home nor how you got here. I do not want to lead you into a false sense of hope” she finished. </p><p>The room sobered. The air cooling. Josie sent Cullen a worried look. </p><p>“I know” she replied. Her face pulling into a shadow of a smile, “Cassandra, I know the chances of me going home are non-existent. I’ve come to terms with that, I’m helping because its right. I am needed here, and I will continue to do my best” she shrugged, her breathy laugh falling flat. </p><p>“Even so, I thank the Maker you were brought to us, accident or no” Cassandra replied, her face still soft. It was a rare look on Cassandra. </p><p>“Astra inclinant, sed non obligant” she replied staring into the map. Their silence made her lift her head. “It roughly translates to, the stars incline us, they do not bind us. Whatever purpose I was brought here for, accident or no, I choose this. I am in control” she finished. Feeling a bolster of energy.</p><p>“Inform the Herald, we will be leaving the day after tomorrow for the Hinterlands, we will investigate the area for any evidence of Grey Wardens. I recommend Vivenne, Iron Bull and myself” Cassandra said nodding to the group. </p><p>“Shit I’ll need to get Bull to spar me tonight then.” Shepard said to no one in particular, turning for the door, she only managed to open it slightly before Cullen was upon her. </p><p>“What?” Cullen said, quickly moving round the table to face Shepard, Casandra and Leliana shared a look of humour. He slammed his hand on the door to shut it closed. “Shepard you have been training all day, I won’t allow you to do anymore. Solas said light exercise and I don’t think being thrown around by a Qunari counts as light.” </p><p>Shepard lifted an eyebrow at Cullen, “Commander, I have been training all day and look not a scratch on me, I can handle myself.” She said, squaring up to him at the end of the sentence, he was a fair bit taller than her. </p><p>Cullen placed one hand between his eyebrows and the other holding said arm up by the elbow, “Shepard, I know you want to be back in the field and you have made good progress but I have to put my foot down on this. I am saying this as your friend not a Commander.” </p><p>“Okay,” Cullen heard Shepard say, he looked down at her, he didn’t expect it to be this easy. “But as my friend there is one condition...” she continued.</p><p>“Yes?” Cullen replied suspiciously. </p><p>“You’ll have to catch me first.” And with that she swung the door open and bolted from the room sprinting and laughing from the Chantry. She heard Cullen shout her name but she kept going, running past Leliana’s tent and launching herself from the ledge right over Varric narrowly missing the fire there. </p><p>She used her biotics to slow her fall and rolled to her feet, back to a sprint towards the main gates. She rounded the corner seeing the Qunari stood with Krem. </p><p>“Hey Bull want to spar? Me too!” She grabbed one of his fingers with her whole hand and tugged him towards the spar ring. His only response was his loud laughter. </p><p>“You in a hurry Shepard?” Iron Bull said, as he took a fighting stance. He took a swing at her, she dodged it easily and jabbed him in the stomach before dancing away. </p><p>“Yes, before Cullen catches me and drags me to the healer’s tent.” She replied. <br/>He swung again, she dodged again jumping to kick him in the chest. </p><p>He caught her leg easily before smirking at her, he wrapped his hand around her shin and stretched his arm out, it left her hanging upside down, her shirt gently rolled to reveal her abs and scars, she left her hands flailing almost touching the ground. She hung still for a moment before trying to kick Bull with her other leg, unsuccessfully, as she caught sight of a very angry Commander striding up to her with Leliana, Cassandra and Varric in tow. All looking more amused than the Commander. </p><p>“Uh oh. Cullen, hey look who I found, Bull you are right the mountains look so much more mountainous upside down” Shepard rambled, a quite frankly, poor attempt to cover their sparring match, and how quickly Bull had rendered her immobile. </p><p>She could use her Prothean biotics but that would be cheating. Varric barked a laugh, “I knew you’d be trouble Siren. I just knew it.” </p><p>“Sorry Shep, as soon as you said healers I knew I couldn’t fight you. Don’t want to break any friendly bodies in a spar, especially your body.” Bull said twisting his arm to rotate Shepard his eyes going to her ass covered in black leather. </p><p>Bull grabbed her waist and tilted her the right way around to put her feet on the floor. Her head swam for a second before Bull gently pushed her out the ring to the group, “Maybe next time Shep.” He called as he walked back to Krem. </p><p>“What did you call me? Siren?” Shepard asked Varric leaning on the fence for support. Cullen stood with his arms crossed, seething at Shepard. Leliana and Cassandra simply looked amused. </p><p>“Yeah Siren, in old lore it’s a mythical woman who calls to lost men and takes their hearts with her song. From what I’m hearing some of the soldiers are rather taken with you.” Varric laughed. </p><p>Shepard rolled her eyes. “Great. After my spar with Rylen I think they may be scared rather than being enamoured with me.” She laughed, “I like the nickname. Now I truly feel part of the Inquisition Varric thanks, do I get it in writing too?” She winked at him. Cassandra made a disgusted noise as Max laughed. </p><p>“Oh totally, this is going in the book” he said taking out a parchment, “Her soul was like fire, drawing in the coldest of heart” he said to no one. “Think of it, old lover left and she finds her true love in the past? Nobles in Antiva might pay handsomely for it.” He winked, his eyes went to Cullen for a brief second as Cullen shifted and stared at Shepard waiting for her answer. </p><p>Shepard laughed, “No juicy love triangles here Varric. To answer your question, no. No special someone waiting for me back home, orphans lot, just friends and my brother and dad” Shepard felt her heart tighten at the admission, not that she didn’t have options but she just didn’t feel like she wanted to give herself to someone. Her true self. Livia Shepard, not Commander Shepard. She noticed that Cullen looked less angry at her than he had a few moments ago, she sent him a cheeky smile. </p><p>“Alright Cullen, a deal is a deal. I will go to Solas.” She sighed pushing off the fence, she took a step and winced, her hand going to her ribs. Damn maybe she had overdone it today. “Is there any chance you would believe me if I was the picture of health?” She asked, looking up at Cullen who was now very mad at her again. </p><p>“Not a chance. Now we are going to the healers tent together so I know you won’t run and do something stupid. Again.” Cullen said dragging her away from the fence, a hand on her back to guide her towards the gate. Shepard had a feeling that the hand was there so if she was going to bolt he could grab her arm. But she liked the hand’s presence there, it was becoming a habit with him. She had noticed that he didn’t touch anyone else like this. It was probably because she was injured. </p><p>“Sure, that’s the only reason.” Varric drawled, Cassandra just made a disgusted noise. </p><p>*** </p><p>As promised Shepard was the model patient with Solas, she was not allowed to do any light exercise for the next few days. Cullen had ratter her out, bastard. She agreed for one day that she would do no training. Cullen kindly walked her to the Tavern, he didn’t join her however. He simply said he had something to attend to and walked off to his office tent. Shepard frowned at his short explanation, he seemed to be angry too. </p><p>Varric was at his usual table with some of the soldiers. Telling a story of one of his many adventures. Shepard stepped in the room alone feeling slightly out of place, the feeling disappeared as Varric caught sight of her and waved her over. She was grateful for his friendship, she sort of missed him when he was with Max on a mission. </p><p>“Siren, come take a seat. You hungry? I’ll get you some grub.” Varric said, before finishing off his current tale and wandering off to grab her dinner and an ale. She happily took a seat next to one of the soldiers who smiled at her widely before being shoved by one of the other recruits. She simply <br/>laughed in good gesture and conversed with them. </p><p>She listened to Varric’s tale as she tucked into her food, some form of meat with veg and sauce, it was pretty much like a roast. Varric had every one of the soldier’s attentions as he told them the tale, one of a Dragon and a mine. How Hawke had to drag Merrill away from taking dragon skin because he had set the place to blow and hadn’t realised the elf was still messing around with the corpses. He finished the story, rousing some applauds and some questions. The soldiers filtered out the tavern, heading back to their tents to refreshed before the next day’s training. </p><p>“Thank you for dinner Varric. Can I ask you something?” Shepard asked, the few soldiers around the tavern were talking in hushed tones. The gently voice of Flissa singing a song reached their ears. </p><p>“Sure.” he replied before taking a sip of his ale. </p><p>“Cullen… he mentioned you two knew each other in Kirkwall. I was wondering if he has something affecting his health…“ Shepard asked, remembering how deep his frown was and how he had walked away with clenched fists. She’d noticed him rubbing his neck or forehead, the slight shake in his hands. The sweat that would appear on his forehead at random intervals.</p><p>Varric sighed, placing his mug. “Ah well. Curly is struggling with something but it’s not my place to tell you what’s going on, I don’t know the whole truth myself. I knew him back in Kirkwall. He’s changed a lot since then, for the better and is trying to be more, but he’s still a man with some bad memories. Not unlike yourself hmm Siren. You know the shit that comes with service.” </p><p>“I do indeed.” She stared at her reflection in her ale, frowning at the person staring back at her. </p><p>“But hey nothing a pretty face and a shoulder to cry on can’t fix.” Varric said breaking her gaze, she shoved him across the table before returning to her ale. </p><p>“Shut up Varric…” if he was sick, maybe he needed a doctor? Or a friend.. “I wonder if he’s eaten.” She went to stand, clearing the table of its pots. </p><p>Flissa gave her a good helpful of food on a plate and a bottle of something Shepard could only assume was alcohol. She’d leave that here…</p><p>Varric shook his head at Shepard retreating form as he finished his own ale and moved out the tavern to get a good nights sleep. This would make for an interesting sequel to swords and shields… what would he call it… Sirens and Soldiers… yeah that sounded good.</p><p>*** </p><p>Cullen’s headache had gone from nugs dancing round his head to a Qunari bashing his head with a maul. He groaned in his chair as the words of the report in-front of him danced on the page. He threw the paper down on the table as he took his hand to his brow, smoothing the skin there trying to pull himself together. </p><p>His hands were shaking and he felt hungry clawing at his stomach. He was the Commander; he was in control. He tried once more to take a deep breath and pick up the report, he had made it two lines down when a presence at the end of his tent cleared their throat. </p><p>He grumbled at the interruption; it was probably one of Leliana’s scouts. They had the worst timing he was sure she did it on purpose, he could never hear them coming either. “Just put it on the desk, I’ll get to it when I can.” He knew he sounded rough and harsh. </p><p>The form came closer as he stood and turned to fake getting a book from his shelf. The movement was only to stop the scout getting a good look at him, he didn’t need them to see him like this. He was most likely pale and he could feel the beads of sweat on his temples. He heard a clatter of something heavy being put on the desk, the sound made him turn just in time to see Shepard’s retreating form striding to the tents entrance. </p><p>Before he could call her she was gone, clothes and hair disappearing into the darkness of the night. He felt a pang of guilt. He looked at the tray, lifting the lid to see she had in-fact brought him dinner. He smiled as he took the plate, she had thought of him. Even after the way he had brushed her off. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard was dressed and out before the sun rose. Maxwell had already left, earlier than expected with Iron Bull, Vivienne and Cassandra.</p><p>Her thoughts went to Cullen as she stepped out her cabin, her eyes drifting to his cabin. He was so angry the last night, not even looking at her when she had put the tray down. She had noticed through her senses that his aura burned brighter of the blue song that she had seen days before. They must be connected she thought, was it an illness maybe? An addiction? She didn’t mind his rage, she made a good target, but he looked in pain. The amateur healer in her couldn’t help but notice. </p><p>She shook her head as she continued to talk to the main gates, the soldiers were the same that had been stood there since she brought Cullen dinner in his office. They must be hungry, she quickly dived into the tavern to grab something for them. When she arrived at the gates they looked tired but sent her a smile anyway. </p><p>“A fine morning for a walk my lady.” One of them said, the other just simply stared at her. </p><p>“It is isn’t it, here I brought you some food. You must be hungry.” She smiled, they both looked at each-other in surprise before taking the pastries wrapped in paper from her. They both exclaimed a thank you before digging in. </p><p>“Let’s keep this from our Commander hmm?” She winked, they both nodded enthusiastically with crumbs round their mouth. “Can I ask you if there is a cabin nearby?” she asked. </p><p>The ginger guard to her left finished his mouthful and studied her for a moment before answering, “Yes my lady, one to the right of the lake, I’d take care we’ve had reports of wolves in the woods. Unsure of how brave they’ll be. Would you like a chaperone?” </p><p>“Please, just call me Shepard. And thank you but I will be fine on my own, I’ll take a weapon with me.” She smiled and thanked the men before retrieving two daggers from the smithy, the ones she had practised with. They were sharp enough; besides she had her biotics. </p><p>She placed the daggers on her back and began walking to the cabin giving the guards a small wave. The cabin looked like it had seen a bit of battle, sword marks on the outside and some charred wood on the edges. She could kick the door down but that would probably alert the guards, not to mention the door needing fixing. Lock picking it was, she would need practise anyway. </p><p>After a good few minutes the lock shifted and the door swung open. She retrieved the notes with ease, there was one paper on Elfroot and more on more experimental methods of healing, perfect!  </p><p>She spent the next parts of the morning collecting elfroot, her small satchel brimming with the seeds and plants. She didn’t know how much would be needed so she decided to go overboard. </p><p>She had just picked the next root when she felt eyes on her back, she craned her head to try and get a look at the direction of the gaze. Whatever if was it was quiet, nimble, she had to concentrate to hear the steps of the animal. She kept walking to more elfroot, one was by a thick tree. She walked over to it and picked it, she felt the gaze break perfect. She ran up the tree and climbed up a branch or too and waited. She saw a figure at the bottom looking around. It was a scout, a hood covering their head. Did they send a chaperone after all? Or were they spying on her. </p><p>She jumped down from the tree behind the scout, grabbing the knife from the scouts back and shoving them roughly against the tree with the blade at their throat. </p><p>“Identify yourself.” She growled, the scouts eyes wide.</p><p>The scout stuttered out, “I- I am part of the Inquisition my lady. I was-” </p><p>“Following me.” Shepard interrupted, “Why.” She growled, the knife still pressing on the scout’s neck. </p><p>“Sister Nightingale wanted to test your skills. My Lady, she said you knew I meant no disrespect.” The scout stuttered. </p><p>A test? For her or the scouts? This wasn’t the usual scout trailing her…</p><p>“Go on, report back. If you get bored come watch me pull some roots again. I’m sure its riveting stuff.” Shepard said, laughing and waving her arm back to Haven. The scout simply smiled and laughed quietly before saluting and running back into the forest. </p><p>Shepard went back to picking elfroot, it was coming sparse now. She reached the other side of the lake, her eyes reaching a bridge in the distance. She was curious so she walked across the lake, towards Haven but heading to the right, heading to the bridge. There were no guards here. Shepard pushed the wooden door open more slightly to step onto the bridge, bodies. There were bodies wrapped in white cloth everywhere, some lining up next to each-other. Others were piled up on wagons. These were the bodies Mother Giselle had spoken about, the ones who didn’t make it. </p><p>*** </p><p>Cullen woke and dressed with the sunrise, Shepard hadn’t answered the knock at her cabin he had tried a few times gently calling her name but no answer came. He didn’t blame her, he must have offended her more than he thought last night. His gut tightened. How many times had they exploded at one another to then apologise again. </p><p>“Anything to report?” He asked the man. </p><p>“Nothing of note Sir, the only foot flow we’ve had is Shepard. She went for a walk this morning to the cabin Sir, came back after a while with bundles of elfroot, she didn’t look too happy though. But apart from that, nothing Sir.” The man replied, curt and short. </p><p>At least she wasn’t ignoring his knocks at the door, she wasn’t even there. He ignored the part where she wasn’t happy. It was probably his fault. </p><p>“She walked in the forest alone? Did one of you not accompany her?” he shouted, how could she be so stupid. How could his soldiers be so stupid. </p><p>“We asked Sir, she said no. She took some daggers with her Sir!” the other man said, attempting to calm the angry Commander. </p><p>“That will not do. Until she is fully healed if she goes for a walk have someone with her, even if you have to follow her.” Cullen moved forward to one of the men shoving his hand into his armour, “Do you underst- Lieutenant, why are there crumbs on your uniform?” Cullen said removing his hand, wiping off the crumbs from his leather gloves. </p><p>The two looked at each-other before giving in to the Commanders stern stare. The other guard spoke up, “Uh Shepard brought us pastries Sir, she thought we’d be hungry Sir.” </p><p>Cullen couldn’t help but smile, his anger forgotten replaced by a warm feeling in his chest and vague annoyance that she had wandered off alone. “Of-course she did. Very well carry on gentlemen.” </p><p>He walked away rubbing his neck missing the smirks and shoves the two guards gave each-other, shocked that their Commander didn’t shout at them and was smiling. When he reached his tent he was surprised to see no new reports waiting for him. A rare sight, he decided to use the time to go see the injured soldiers instead before the recruits would be training. </p><p>He approached the healer’s tent and entered hearing a soft laugh reach his ears. As his eyes adjusted to the lower light he saw more empty beds than full, good. His eyes fell on the back of a female form wearing all black her black hair tied in a braid, Shepard. He smiled at her back, when she was around he felt calmer. </p><p>Shepard was talking to one of the injured, gently cleaning his arm which had a deep gash on it, the man was grinning ear to ear talking to her. He could see the glint in his eyes as he watched her work. Speaking softly to her, about what he couldn’t hear. </p><p>“Commander. Good Morning, can we aid you?” Mother Giselle asked, he hadn’t even noticed her, his eyes falling straight to Shepard’s back as soon as he had entered. </p><p>“No thank you, I was just coming to see how our men were fairing.” He smiled at her, his eyes leaving hers once more to fall on Shepard. “It seems I was beaten to it.” </p><p>“Yes, Shepard has been here for an hour or so, she kindly collected supplies for us and has been learning more about our methods. With the notes from the cabin and Adan’s guidance she . She is a rare woman. No?” Mother Giselle smiled, still looking at Cullen, she was searching for something in his facial expression. </p><p>“She is something isn’t she.” He replied forgetting who he was talking to, gazing at Shepard very unprofessionally, Shepard herself had just finished bandaging the soldiers arm. She turned and met his eyes, she sent him a smile which he returned he kept her gaze until someone touched his arm. </p><p>“Commander?” Mother Giselle prompted. </p><p>Cullen returned his eyes to Mother Giselle, he hadn’t been listening to a word she had said “Forgive me Mother. I wasn’t...I was-“ </p><p>“Distracted?” She offered, returning her arm to her body, giving him a knowing look and smile. </p><p>He blushed under the woman’s gaze, “I wasn’t...She’s just - she’s just very- Shepard! Good Morning, how are you?” he rushed out as Shepard joined the two, ignoring the smile on Mother Giselle’s face. </p><p>“I’m good thank you Cullen, just making myself useful.” She shrugged. “Mother Giselle was helping me learn about the herbs here, they have so many uses. It’s amazing, potions, lotion, infusing it with- aaaand, I’m sure you know all these things.” She laughed moving to place the bandages in a basket of other bandaged to be burned. </p><p>“No no, I’d love to hear about it. Over breakfast maybe? That is if you haven’t dished out all the pastries to my troops?” he offered cheekily, he could apologise for his behaviour when they were alone. </p><p>She abruptly turned to face him, “They looked hungry, the poor men had been there all night! And anyway, how did you find out? One of Leliana’s scouts was following me again. Did he tell you?” her face now a mix of anger and amusement. </p><p>“Well the guard had it all over his uniform Shepard and no, I had no idea a Scout were following you. Though I am glad, walking out into the forest alone? Are you stupid, there are many dangers and can I remind you, you are still injured” He replied, with the same anger stepping towards her to enlarge his form and assert his dominance. She of course didn’t back down, he’d be disappointed if she did. </p><p>“I am well aware of my injuries. I don’t need a babysitter Cullen.” She seethed, narrowing her eyes at the man stepping forward, craning her chin up to square up to him. </p><p>“And I am aware you are not a child. I am concerned for your safety. So please stop trying to send me to an early grave.” He returned attempting to bring some humour into their argument he already needed to apologise for last night he didn’t need to add to it, they stared at each-other for a few moments more before Shepard sighed and smiled, her stomach growled loudly. </p><p>“Perhaps you two should discuss this in private, yes?” Mother Giselle said behind Cullen. “Thank you for your aid Commander Shepard.” She then bowed to the two. </p><p>“Anytime, please let me know if any conditions worsen” Shepard replied, going to the wash bowl to clean her hands. </p><p>Cullen exited the tent away from Mother Giselle’s gaze. He waited for her outside the tent, gently taking her a few steps before stopping. He would say what he needed to. He needed to get it off his chest. </p><p>“Listen Shepard, I wanted to thank you for bringing me dinner last night. Forgive me for being rude, I wasn’t...in the best of conditions. But I don’t apologise for caring about your safety, regardless of how many grey hairs it will give me.” He offered coyly, rubbing his neck with the back of his hand. </p><p>“It’s alright Cullen. I suppose I should be more careful, I rather like your blonde hair.” She took a breath and shifted before meeting his gaze once more “I am here for you too, if you want to talk about anything, you know that right?” She smiled, placing an arm on his leather armour.  </p><p>He faltered for a moment before speaking “Thank you Shepard. I’ll have to get used to your kindness and I honestly had no idea Leliana had you followed though she does have eyes and ears everywhere.” He laughed, both of them still stood outside the tavern. </p><p>“Cullen, seriously I am a soldier I know what it’s like to want to forget bad memories.” He went to speak but she removed her hand off his arm and placed a hand on his mouth, “But if there is anything else going on, don’t force yourself through unnecessary pain ok? Promise?” She said, the distance between them had closed. </p><p>He clasped her hand and kissed the backs of her fingers, still holding onto it as he lowered his hand. “I promise.” He whispered, looking at her eyes. They were so clear in. the sun that was bouncing off the snow. Her pupils small, the colour in her eyes dancing before him, it almost looked like the green in her eyes was swaying, mixing, moving. </p><p>She was always honest with him, maybe he could tell her about his fight with Lyrium, he trusted her. Would she think less of him? His eyes flicked from her eyes to her smile, “I ah...about me leaving the Templars, there is something I should tell yo-“ </p><p>“Shepard, I heard you disarmed my scout and held them at knife point. I underestimated you. Well done. Though your lock picking is in need of work, we will work on this.” Leliana said, walking to the pair. He let go of her hand and replaced them to his pommel. </p><p>“You what?” Cullen said, turning to face Shepard. His admission forgotten in his mind. Shepard simply shrugged and opened the door to the tavern, inviting the two in for food.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Near Miss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few days had passed since Maxwell had set off for the Hinterlands, with Cassandra, Sera and Iron Bull in tow. A brave combination. Shepard had almost healed completely but her ribs were yet to finally stop giving her trouble, training all day every day probably wasn’t helping but she HAD to get in the field, she felt suffocated by Haven, wanting to explore and move around. Being stationary was never very good for her. </p><p>It reminded her too much of her childhood, before the spire had set her free and chained her to an unknown fate…</p><p>Leliana had also taught her in the ways of stealth in their world, it was actually pretty fun. Lock picking was her favourite new skill so far. She was sure it was also a way for Leliana to learn more about Shepard. There was no point trying to hide anything from her. As Iron Bull said, better from them to hear it from your own mouth. </p><p>Mother Giselle and her had also taken the time to check the bodies on the bridge. Creating a system of tags that symbolised if they were male or female. Their species and a description of them, just in-case their bodies were claimed by next of kin. It was morbid work but it was the least they deserved. </p><p>If she wasn’t with Leliana, Shepard was spending time with the troops training them or with Cullen, he was struggling with something but had yet to tell her what it was. She was enjoying his company though, a bit more than she should. </p><p>Any of those thoughts she quickly dismissed. She spoke to him more of her world, of space travel and different planets. The reapers and how they worked, she thought he didn’t quite understand but he took it all in stride. </p><p>Cullen passed her some honey for her tea across his desk without her having to ask, he knew she liked it sweet. She murmured a thank you as she took it from his hands. She liked this, having lunch with Cullen every day in his office, her way of making sure he was eating something in the day and getting updates from him. She hoped he enjoyed it too, he hadn’t said otherwise. </p><p>She had learnt things about him too, the fact he left at thirteen to join the Templars after begging the Knight-Commander at the Chantry, where he grew up and more about his siblings. His mother had died in the fifth blight but his father was still alive living with his elder sister Mia. He was like a knight in shining armour. He was forthcoming about Kirkwall but very short about the Ferelden circle, she didn’t push the subject, he would tell her of his Templar training and other posts. </p><p>“So, Templars, do they take vows? I swear to watch mages in the name of the Maker, that sort of thing.” she asked, stirring in the honey. Once happy the honey had dissolved, she rested the spoon back on the tray. </p><p>“Well there’s a vigil first, your life is about to change. You’re supposed to be at peace, I was 18 when I took my vows. That’s when you’re given your first draught of Lyrium and its power.” He looked down at the memory, smiling faintly but he was frowning too, there was something there he was bothered by. “Our lives belong to the Maker. Templars do not seek wealth or power, they simply serve, most Templar’s have forgotten that now” He continued. </p><p>“A life of service and sacrifice. It’s like the Alliance in a way. Do you have rules on what you can and can’t do, like having shoulder length hair or regulations on Fraternization?” She asked taking a sip of her tea. </p><p>“Fraternization?” he repeated back to her.</p><p>“Yeah you know physical temptations?” Shepard said, she watched as the man choked on the sip of tea he was half way through taking. </p><p>“Physical?” he cleared his throat, “Why would you- ah It’s not expected. Templars can marry- although there are rules around it. The Order must give their permission. Some may choose to take vows on such things but it’s not um- it’s not required.” She couldn’t help but giggle as he stuttered through the sentence, marriage, as if that was a requirement for sex where she was from.</p><p>“Have you?” Shepard asked, watching the blush creep up his neck. </p><p>“Me? I uh I-... No, I have taken no such vows...Maker’s breath can we speak of something else?” he finished avoiding looking at her finding something very interesting to stare at on his desk. </p><p>Shepard laughed, “Cullen it’s so easy to make you blush.” While stretching her legs out to rest her feet on his desk. “What do you want to speak about.” She asked. </p><p>“You are less formal with delicate subjects than others Shepard, as you well know.” He sighed, she’d told him about her world and how some subjects were very normal to talk about, like sex and drugs, the time she had told him about strip clubs he had gone bright red for several minutes. </p><p>“Wait, if you have to have your hair shoulder length, how is yours so long?” he said eyes snapping to her wavy hair that was down over her breast. She hadn’t bothered to braid or tie it after her run, leaving the air to dry it. </p><p>“I always had it long before enlisting at 18 and then cut it to regulation length when I was in the Alliance. I suppose it was when I was in the brig 6 months, it grew out then. I didn’t have to abide by the Alliance rules. When the war started, we had bigger things to worry about than my hair, I suppose there are perks to being the saviour of the galaxy.” She laughed humourlessly, her hand gently playing with the ends that reached past her chest. </p><p>She liked her hair long, she didn’t want to cut it off if she went back. If... She had thought if and not when, that was weird. She quickly smiled up at Cullen who was studying her with his gaze. </p><p>“You were in the brig for 6 months? For what?” He asked frowning at her. <br/>It was something she was still not used to. Back home everyone knew everything about her, even things she didn’t know about herself. Here she was no one, all her secrets and decisions were in her head, or on her skin in the form of white marks. </p><p>Her smile faltered; his gaze followed her mouth. How do you tell someone that you had killed over 300,000 civilians? Well to give yourself 6 months to prepare for even more dying. She took her feet off the desk and started to play with her mug. Sitting herself straighter. </p><p>“I...I had to do something that stopped the Reapers arrival it delayed their initial attack for 6 months, they attacked when me and John, my twin, were in the brig...but before that they were about to attack and I...had to” she closed her eyes and gulped. “I...I had no choice but to-“ </p><p>Cullen had moved during her rambling and was now on one knee in-front of her. “Shepard, it’s alright, you don’t have to force it. Whatever it was, I’m sure you had your reasons. From what you’ve told me of the reapers, they were ruthless.” </p><p>She stared at him for a moment, he believed in her. He trusted her. “You have no idea what I’ve done. What I had to do.” She whispered, her voice choking at parts. </p><p>He placed his hands on-top of hers, that were holding the mug for dear life. Her eyes dropped to the mug. “Maybe not, but I know you. You are a good person. All the good you have done here is proof of that, we all have our demons in our past.” His eyes darkened, “But I trust in my heart that you would have done everything you could have. I don’t need an explanation to tell me you did the right thing.” He smiled at her, she loosened her grip on the mug. His hands were warm underneath his leather gloves.</p><p>“Cullen...” She said shaking her head, without meeting his eyes. She wondered if his speech was one he told himself. If he knew, would he be saying this, she thought. Would agree with her imprisonment? Would he agree with the murder of multiple planets? She felt a gloved hand on her face, tilting it up to meet her eyes. </p><p>“Shepard, I mean it, ok?” his hand was under her chin, this thumb stroking her jaw lightly. </p><p>She smiled at him, she wanted to believe him. She wanted so desperately to be forgiven for what she had done. She felt the hot sting of tears in her eyes, she knew he saw them, “Promise?” she asked, tilting her head. </p><p>“Promise.” He replied, his eyes were so warm. She didn’t want to look away from him. </p><p>A throat cleared itself at the entrance of the tent. “Excuse me for interrupting Commander.” a rough voice said. </p><p>“Yes?” Cullen said harshly, he moved to stand. She tried to ignore the fact that they were just caught in a less than professional embrace and Cullen was probably embarrassed. </p><p>Shepard moved to stand to face the man, placing her mug on the desk, he was slightly taller than her but shorter than Cullen, a strong build with black hair and a big black beard. His eyes were light blue, her gaze went to his armour, on his chest was a metal symbol of the Grey Wardens. </p><p>“Excuse me, my lady. Commander Rutherford, I was told I could find you here and report in, I am Warden Blackwall.” He walked to Cullen to shake his hand. Shepard leaned against the desk and crossed her arms, watching the exchange. </p><p>“Ah Warden, I look forward to seeing you in action, the recruits will be very excited to have a skilled swordsman to look up to.” Cullen replied, he had a small smile. His voice polite and strong. “May I introduce Shepard of the Inquisition, Vessel of Andraste” he said, gesturing to her. </p><p><em> Of the Inquisition... </em> </p><p>She watched as the Blackwall looked her from head to toe, “You’re Shepard?” She nodded in response, “Forgive me my lady, the Herald described how you arrived here, I did not expect you to be so imposing or so beautiful” He bowed politely. </p><p>She laughed and stuck her hand out for him to shake, “Thank you Blackwall. It’s a pleasure to meet a Grey Warden, as I understand you lot are heroes.” His face flickered for a moment before he chuckled. </p><p>“I am one of many my lady” He said, instead of letting her hand go, he brought it to his lips and kissed it. </p><p>No one had done that to her yet bar Cullen. She didn’t know what it meant. “Uh...Please just call me Shepard.” She said, taking her hand back from his and nodding politely. She looked at Cullen who had a frown on his face, his posture was firm and rigid. She felt tense, what had just happened. Was Blackwall being polite or had he just come onto her? Did she mind?</p><p>“Blackwall, please tell us of your skills so we may find you suitable duties to perform when not with the Herald.” Shepard heard Cullen say, breaking the silence that was thick in the air. </p><p>After a short and awkward conversation, Blackwall was put near the horses helping Master Dennet, he would also help the hunters collect food if required. Cullen also requested that he show some recruits a true Warrior’s form later in the day. </p><p>Cullen returned to his desk having new reports to read. After two attempts at conversation with Cullen, Shepard decided to leave him to his strange mood, taking their pots back to the Tavern. He wasn’t up for conversation. She thanked Flissa for the food and walked out the tavern. Usually she would train, but Solas still had her on a strict light exercise regime, and she had already been caught on her morning run. </p><p>Once leaving the tavern she noticed a group of children near the fire, she frowned at how sad they looked. There were no adults around them, no sisters either. Why were they on their own. Some of them ranged in age but most looked quite young. She wandered over and sat on Varrics usual log, someone had to watch them, they were all sat round an open fire, that was just asking for trouble. </p><p>One of the elder children was telling a ghost story, some looked scared whereas others looked like they were bored. Where was Varric when you needed him. The child was reaching the apex of the story and made the others jump when he shouted “BOO!”. Shepard couldn’t help but laugh as Erin bumped into her leg sending wet dirt flying onto her boots. </p><p>“I’m sorry lady Shepard. I didn’t mean to.” She mumbled as she got up to stand in-front of Shepard, she couldn’t have been more than six. She had barely seen Erin recently.  </p><p>“Hey, don’t be sorry. Boots are supposed to get muddy, aren’t they?” She said, laughing at the small child. She kept her voice soft. </p><p>“Yes, my lady.” Erin said, looking up at her. Her big grey eyes wide and glassy. </p><p>“Here,” Shepard said grabbing some dirt in her hand. She gently threw it onto the girl’s shoes. “Now we’re even.” Shepard watched as the girl looked up in shock. She giggled as she picked some dirt and put a muddy handprint on Shepard’s leather trousers. </p><p>“Oh, they look much better now.” Shepard joked, the girl blushed and giggled. The other children were watching the exchange, wide eyed and some laughing.</p><p>“My friends call me Shepard.” She said leaning her forearms on her hands, waving to the others. </p><p>“Shepard, like someone who herds sheep?” A young boy asked, fidgeting with his jumper. </p><p>Shepard laughed, that was pretty much her job description for the last few years, “Yeah exactly like that.” </p><p>“Lady Shepard, do you know any fun stories? We’re bored.” Erin asked, she noticed that many of the children were now staring expectantly at her. Erin had wormed her way into her lap now.</p><p>“Alright, I guess I do.” Shepard replied, she racked her brain of stories that were...appropriate for this audience. She remembered one that David would tell her and John when they were younger. The story of a Scarecrow that needed a brain, a Tinman who needed a heart and a Cowardly Lion who needed courage. </p><p>*** </p><p>He wasn’t surprised when Shepard hadn’t returned from cleaning his pots, she was probably helping someone with some problem they had, she had made herself a bit of a problem solver around Haven. He was grateful for the isolation; he couldn’t ignore the jealousy he felt when Blackwall had so forwardly kissed her hand or did he greet all women like that? He felt slightly guilty at giving Shepard the cold shoulder but his headache was making itself known and he didn’t want her around to see the aftermath. </p><p>Blackwall must have found her attractive, who didn’t, she had the looks of a noble, was tall and strong and had eyes that could enchant a man from 10 miles away. And that was even before getting to know her soul. He grumbled at the thought, why was he jealous, she wasn’t his. </p><p>The sky had darkened, the sun setting shades of pink through his tent. He decided to find Solas for some pain relief, his headache making itself known. Solas and Cassandra were the only two aware of his condition. Well probably Leliana too. </p><p>He wandered through the gates and meandered up the stairs, he froze as he saw what was in-front of him, a crowd of people were around the fire. More than usual, he walked to the right near the tavern and caught the sight of Varric stood with Solas, watching something in the middle of the crowd. Solas caught sight of him and waved him over. </p><p>Cullen frowned but followed as he stood shoulder to shoulder to Solas, Varric stood infront of them leaning on the corner of the tavern’s wall. He turned to look at what they were looking at to see Shepard with the elven brown-haired girl on her lap and several at her feet of her sat watching her. Hanging off every word. He couldn’t help but grin. She was even enchanting children. He listened along to the story she was telling. </p><p>“And then Dorothy, threw the water bucked over the Witch...” Shepard said quickly, letting the gasps and whispers of the children die down. </p><p>“The Witch melted into a puddle, nothing left but a tall black hat and some robes left. Dorothy grabbed her ruby shoes and sprinted to the Cowardly Lion to release him. He ran fast to collect the pieces of the Tinman and the Scarecrow. Roaring at anyone who tried to get near his friends. The four ran back to the Wizard, demanding he put the Tinman and Scarecrow back together. But they found out the Wizard was but a man hiding behind a green curtain...” the children’s gasps made him chuckle as she continued. </p><p>“The common man filled the Scarecrow’s head with hay and needles, to give him a brain. He filled the Tinman’s chest with silk and screws to give him a heart. And he gave the Lion a drink of water, enchanted to give him courage...” </p><p>Once Shepard had finished the story the moon was rising, all the children clapped and squealed as Dorothy and Toto got back to their farm. She laughed and looked up, he saw her eyes go wide looking at the crowd she had formed, applauding her. She looked at them, her eyes settling on Cullen, giving him a small wave and smile. One girl whispered something in her ear that <br/>made her smile and laugh, Shepard nodded her head and whispered something back. Whatever she had said made the girl squeal and smile before running to one of the Sisters. </p><p>The sisters took that point to send the children to bed. Shepard lifted herself off the log and walked to him, Solas and Varric. </p><p>“Shepard first you steal my log and now you’re stealing my role as story teller, are you going to steal my good looks next?” Varric laughed. </p><p>Shepard blushed, “Sorry Varric, I was just trying to keep the children occupied I didn’t realise I had got an audience.” She laughed sheepishly. </p><p>He couldn’t help his grin, “Where did you learn that story?” Cullen asked. <br/>She looked at him and smiled before answering, “It was an old story from Earth, my home planet. David would tell it to me and John when he was home from deployment.” </p><p>“He must have cared a great deal for you.” Solas said respectfully. </p><p>“He does...did...I’m not sure if he’s alive.” Shepard’s eyes darkened, her smile now gone. She stared at the floor as her arms wrapped around her. “Excuse me.” She said about to retreat to her cabin, she hadn’t made a step before the brown haired elven girl was back at her feet. </p><p>“Erin, you should be going to bed.” Shepard said taking a knee in-front of the blonde girl. </p><p>“Will you read to us again? It was really fun and- are you ok Lady Shepard?” she asked the girl fidgeting with her jumper. </p><p>Shepard smiled, Cullen could still see the tears in her eyes. “Yes Da’len, I just miss my Dad, he used to tell that story to me when I was little.” Cullen looked at Varric who shared the same grimace. </p><p>The blonde girl frowned, “I don’t know my Father, Mother said he was scary. When I’m scared, does that make me a coward, like the Lion?” She said plainly. Cullen fidgeted by the confession; children had no filter. The question made him uncomfortable. He watched as Shepard smiled. </p><p>“Well,” Shepard began, wiping off the mud from the girl’s knees who just giggled in response. “In the end, the Lion had his courage all along, it doesn’t make you a coward at all little one. Scared can be good, scared will keep you fast” Shepard said, taking the girls hands into her own. </p><p>The girl seemed to like that answer, hugging Shepard tightly before running to the Chantry. Shepard stood on two feet and smiled watching the girl reach the doors before turning her back to the chantry now facing the three. </p><p>“That was kind of you Shepard. These children have been through much.” Solas said, his hands folded behind his back. </p><p>“I was her, once upon a time ” She offered as a reply, she didn’t bother saying goodbye when she walked away. </p><p>Cullen opened his mouth but nothing came out, he didn’t know what to say, he watched Shepard’s back as she walked down the steps and turned to her cabin. He was rutted in place, wanting to go after her and wanting to run. He settled for letting a sigh out as she disappeared and turning around to face the men. </p><p>Varric let out laugh, “Seems we have a cowardly lion of our own” he said looking up at Cullen. “And what is that supposed to mean, Dwarf?” Cullen said crossing his arms.</p><p>“You haven’t told her how you feel have you Curly?” Varric said simply. <br/>Cullen dropped his arms, looking at Varric with wide eyes.</p><p>“What- I don’t- Well sure I like her- but I-“ Cullen wasn’t convincing himself never mind Varric who was looking at him with one eyebrow raised. Cullen gave up speaking and sighed looking at the floor. </p><p>“Exactly Curly, find your courage, drink some water.” Varric winked before walking to his tent. </p><p>Cullen groaned and began massaging his temple with one hand. Solas knew what was happening and suggested he follow for some poultice. Cullen agreed and followed Solas to his cabin to collect some pain killers, as he walked back to his cabin he entered, took the potion before staring at himself in the mirror he had installed since Shepard had arrived. </p><p>He ran a hand through his hair, breaking some of the product and letting the curls fall on his forehead. She was a beacon, a woman who would threaten an army while holding a child’s hand. She was worth more than a recovering Templar. Cowardly Lion indeed. </p><p>*** </p><p>A few more days past, notes from Redcliffe were putting the advisors on edge and the feeling was spreading around Haven, Shepard would tell stories to the children in the evening. Even took them tree climbing once or twice, that had ended up with Shepard running from tree to tree catching children as they jumped or fell from the trees. She happily reported no injuries however. Except her ribs. She decided that maybe she should bring some soldiers with her next time. She hadn’t seen much of Cullen, he was busy with the new recruits and she was training the newbies in hand-to- hand combat. And teaching others self-defence. </p><p>She decided to spend most of her time reading about Thedas and all the things in between watching the soldiers train. And maybe watching Cullen. Maxwell was doing all he could in the Hinterlands to restore balance, having gained Horses on the way back from meeting a Magister who was in control of the Castle? </p><p>It was after midday when Shepard excited her cabin having had an... intense lesson in the Fade, she had been reading over the dossiers of all the soldiers coming in and the inner circle. She left in her usual attire of all black with her hair in a braid, she had taken to wearing a belt complete with potions and a lock pick, the weight of something on her right side made her more comfortable where her pistol should be. She greeted the guards at the gates and watched the recruits train for a moment Cullen and Rylen were walking round them. Shouting orders and making notes. </p><p>A noise to her left made her turn. Blackwall was tending to the horses, one in particular was neighing loudly, Blackwall quickly calmed the horse and began brushing it again. Shepard wandered over, leaning on the wooded fence that separated the horse and Blackwall to the rest of the dirt road. </p><p>“Hey Bla-“ Shepard didn’t get to finish her sentence as Blackwall jumped turned and pointed a sword at her. She quickly raised her hands and stepped back. </p><p>Blackwall studied her for a moment before placing his sword down. “Shepard, forgive my manners, I am used to bandits sneaking up on me, not a lady, especially a lady such as yourself.” </p><p>“No harm done” Shepard laughed, “you’re oddly charming for a Grey Warden found wandering the forest.” She studied him for a moment, he was just in leather trousers and a white linen shirt. He was quite well built, a strong trunk and chest, strong arms too. </p><p>Blackwall had gone back to brushing the horse’s back leg, its head facing the wall of Haven “I always thought myself more odd than charming, but I accept a compliment from a lady. When there’s no blight some of us tend to travel alone, getting conscripts. They are in short supply.” </p><p>“Which, compliments or recruits?” She asked, he chuckled in response not answering her question, she continued. “Yeah, back home we had posters of soldiers telling us to join the Alliance. I was unfortunately featured on one or two. We even offered young juveniles to join us instead of jail.” She said, watching as his expression changed. </p><p>“You use it as a punishment?” He said, the brush being placed on a nearby table and offering her his full attention, crossing his arms over his chest. Him now leaning against the wooden box to her left. </p><p>“No not at all, we give them a chance to better their lives. Whatever their crimes, show them there is a better way. One’s past doesn’t have to define them. Some of the most noble soldiers I know were once criminals.” She smiled, shrugging. That’s how she had met Jane, her friend in basic who ran with gangs on Earth. She’d saved her ass on Elysium, she wondered if Jane survived the reaper war. Her Red would survive somehow.</p><p>He studied her for a moment, his expression was calculating. He waited a moment before speaking, “So you fell through the Fade but where are you from Shepard?” </p><p>“Very far away” Not bothering to describe her world to Blackwall, he knew she fell from the Fade to the Conclave, or how she even got into the Fade in the first place. That was enough. </p><p>He chuckled at her response and began braiding the horse’s mane, very poorly. “For the love of- Blackwall, that’s just horrible work, here let me show you.” She jumped the fence and walked up to the him. The horse stomped its back legs and she jumped back. </p><p>“Scared of horses?” he asked, putting his hand on the horse’s neck, placing himself between her and the animal. Both of them now stood near to the brick wall and the horse’s neck. Her back was to the guards at the gate and Bull’s tent. </p><p>“I just, I’ve just never been around them.” She said, looking at the horse’s face. Those legs could do some damage if she was stomped on. She looked back at Blackwall who had a smile on his face. </p><p>“So, you don’t know how to ride one?” he asked.</p><p>She shook her head, “Where I’m from we don’t use horses.” She offered as a simple reply.</p><p>“I can teach you. In return for your kind braiding services.” He smiled, still in-between her and the animal. He had been edging closer to her during the exchange. She could feel his body heat on her arm.</p><p>“You have a very reluctant deal.” She said, she would need to learn how to ride if she was to go in the field. “I’ll grab the brush.” She said walking behind the horse towards the smithy. </p><p>“Wait-“ Blackwall quickly grabbed her and pushed her to the ground, a soft grunt leaving him as the horse kicked him, hitting his side where Shepard had been stood a moment ago. She was shoved into the fence landing onto it with a harsh thud, Blackwall landed on the ground beside her. </p><p>“Shepard!” a voice shouted. She looked to her side to see Cullen was jogging to her with Rylen and a soldier in tow. Blackwall rolled and groaned as he stood up. Sheard jumped to her feet putting an arm round his waist and leading him to the box at the fence he was leaning on before. </p><p>“Shepard are you alright”, Cullen asked looking over her for injuries. Rylen stood in shock as one of the soldiers was tending to the horse, turning it round to face the group, it’s angry back legs towards the wall. </p><p>“I’m fine, Blackwall got hit. I didn’t know, I really didn’t know that horse hated me so much.” She said, looking at him for damage as he leant on the box. </p><p>“It is alright, I have had much worse. Rule one, do not walk behind a horse that isn’t yours” he laughed, then clutching his side when the pain hit. </p><p>Shepard noticed and moved his hand, she began lifting his shift. He grabbed both of her hands to stop the motion. She ripped them from his hands and pointed to him with one finger. </p><p>“You will let me look at your injury or I will give you something to complain about.” She growled pushing his chest slightly, going back for the bottom of his shirt, she lifted it off to reveal a red mark of a horse shoe on his stomach and a well-built set of abs. She quickly refocused and knelt in- front of him. </p><p>“Rather forward of you” Blackwall chuckled as she placed her fingers on the bruise. She noticed that the soldier and Rylen laughed at the joke but Cullen was simple frowning. </p><p>“Watch your mouth” Cullen growled out, his eyes narrowing at Blackwall. Who stared at the man in return. </p><p>Shepard was momentarily stunned by Cullen’s response, she herself had found it quite funny but it had offended him. Why? She took a small healing potion on her belt and placing it on a nearby cloth, she pressed it to his growing bruise while handing him the rest of it to drink. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” she said standing up and putting a hand on his shoulder, she stepped back after a moment, “Maybe we should postpone the riding lesson?” she offered as a joke. </p><p>“Another time, it would be my pleasure.” He said, bowing to her slightly, then groaned at the movement. She lightly slapped him on the arm at his formality. </p><p>“After seeing some of our boys in action aye? Rodgers will handle the horse.” Rylen said nudging the man to leave the fence and walk to his tent to get some fresh clothes. </p><p>She watched them go. The horse stomped again and neighed making Shepard jump right into Cullen. He placed his hands on her waist and spun her so his back was to the horse. Effectively using him as a shield if the horse buckled again. </p><p>“You really are scared of horses aren’t you.” He said looking down at her, his frown was now gone, his hands still on her waist. She had placed her hands on his chest plate when he spun her, they had never been this close before. She couldn’t deny she liked it, his hands on her waist, his grip increasing on her. </p><p>“Well don’t go spreading it around” she whispered hitting his chest plate with her hand. His crooked grin made her face heat up. “Even if I was, which I am not admitting I am, I have knights in shining armour to protect me” she raised an eyebrow at him laughing. He joined her chuckle. </p><p>“Yes...well...” he began his voice was deep, a grumble of his usual soft tone. It sent a shiver down her, she breathed heavily, he must have felt it, his hands tightened on her waist, he stepped forward closing the gap. She tilted her chin up, and licked her lips, his eyes followed the motion. Was he going to- </p><p>“Sir!” A voice said form nowhere, making the two jump and break apart. </p><p>“Yes?” Cullen asked the soldier running towards him, placing his hands on his pommel. He glanced at Shepard who was tucking her hair behind her ears, a soft pink on her cheeks. Interesting, he thought, she was blushing? Shepard rarely ever blushed. </p><p>“Sister Nightingale and the Ambassador request both of you in the war room Sir.” The runner said, saluting and disappearing. </p><p>Cullen cleared his throat and looked at Shepard, “Well,” he coughed again, “Shall we my lady?” he said opening the fence gate for her. </p><p>“Yep-yep sure let’s go” she said giving him a wide smile blushing still. Cullen couldn’t help but grin. He had finally made her blush. He didn’t know if it was his feelings for her or the fact that Blackwall had made a pass at her that initiated his reaction. Either way it was a reaction that he was very scared to follow through with. </p><p>When they had reached the war room, Leliana was leaning over a report. Josie next to her scratching softly at her parchment with her quill. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Left, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The red castle is filled with northern rats. Our arrival was a surprise to all. Our feet are firmly planted on the ground now however. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>One ‘good’ rat is following a trail of breadcrumbs back home, I hope it doesn’t catch a cold. Other visitors are not far behind, have lady A prepare accommodation that could only be described as magical.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Three days of bickering between the Iron Maiden and the horned man, I cannot wait to be home myself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The green hand will pay dearly for this selection.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Prepare the barn for more visitors, two legged and four. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look forward to seeing the sunset.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-	Right</em>
</p><p><em></em> </p><p>“They will be home in three days at sundown, I believe they have acquired the horse master as well as the horses and this confirms our reports of a Magister in control of Redcliff castle. It seems they have brought a Tevinter home too, as a prisoner or a companion I cannot say. I am surprised to learn that our presence was not expected… Josie, can you prepare accommodation for Mages who are travelling back with the Herald?” Leliana explained, passing the note to Shepard to read with her powers. </p><p>Shepard let the others take the lead as they went through the possibility of how Tevinter was in the south and in control of a castle? She simple listened to their thoughts and concerns. Nothing was decided until the Herald and team returned. They filtered out the room leaving Shepard and Cullen behind. He sighed at the table, leaning heavily onto it. </p><p>“Do you have a problem with Blackwall?” she asked. </p><p>The question took him by surprise, his head flicked up to meet her gaze, she was leaning on the table next to him, her hip against it and her arms crossed. <br/>“Wha-“ he cleared his throat and tried again, “What makes you say that?” he was sure he was blushing. </p><p>“What you said to him. To watch his mouth.” She repeated. </p><p>“I simply didn’t like him speaking to you in that manner, you deserve better than that.” He offered as a reply, a small smile was on her face but she looked relived? Proud? </p><p>“You frown at him a lot.” she said, smiling, her gaze following his as he stopped leaning and stood to his full height. </p><p>“Varric says I often have a serious expression on my face and that it is bad for my health.” he said, placing his hands on his pommel tilting his head towards her. </p><p>“Well, I rarely see you frown when we’re together?” she said, looking at him. </p><p>“Well ah- that is because I- ah enjoy your company more than others.” He offered, smiling and rubbing the back of his neck. He waited for her reaction. </p><p>“Me too.” She said, tilting her body towards his, still leaning on the table. Looking up at him, her eyes were drawing him in, he stepped forward into her space. He could stare at them forever. Her words processed in his brain. </p><p>“You do? Good- I mean that’s good, we ah-enjoy each-others company.” he cleared his throat, “May I request your good company for a riding lesson? I assure you I am well equipped to teach you.” he said cheekily. </p><p>Her smile left her face as she groaned, “Please don’t make me go near that crazy four-legged beast again.” She let her head drop onto his chest plate. <br/>His hands went to her arms to push her off him and towards the door. She pushed back against him, laughter took him over when she resisted. Unwilling to go to the stables. “I assure you my lady, you have my word I shall protect you from the crazy four-legged beast.” He said. </p><p>She opened the door and they stepped through, “Thank you my Knight.”</p><p>Her reply made him chuckle as they walked to the stables. My Knight she said. </p><p>They arrived back at Haven after an uneventful ride, long enough for Shepard to get to grips with the basics but long enough for Cullen to have stopped laughing at her. They stopped in-front of the stables. Cullen hopped off Zeus with ease handing his horse to the stable hand that was assisting Master Dennet with a thanks, he was happy to have a new mount that was completely his. Despite having a vague idea of its name from Shepard’s experience. He turned to see Shepard still on the horse looking down and around at the ground. </p><p>“Listen here horse, if you move while I’m getting off, I will turn you into a stew.” Shepard said before apprehensively letting go of the reins. </p><p>He laughed again, how she thought threatening a horse was going to aid her, he would never know. He walked beside her horse, his back to the stables waiting for her with one hand stretched out as she slipped her leg out of one stirrup and shifted so she was sat sideway on the horse. </p><p>A voice shouting a greeting from up the hill them made the horse reel, Shepard squealed and fell forward, Cullen stepped to catch her losing balance slightly as he took her weight. She had wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his waist as she clung to him. He could feel her breath on his neck. His hands were on her thighs, dangerously close to her backside. </p><p>“Go ahead Lady-bits!” a voice called, the two of them turned to look at Sera and the others on their horses coming down the track. Grins plastered on all their faces. </p><p>Cullen turned to face Shepard again, she simply gave him a smile accompanied with a blush, he returned it and set her on her feet. Shepard simply stood against the fence, tucking her hair behind her ears as the others dismounted and passed their horses to the waiting help. </p><p>Max approached Cullen and Shepard, “War room. Now. We need to talk.”</p><p> *** </p><p>Once Max had described what happened, the war room was full of more questions than answers. </p><p>Max dutifully listened as they spoke of the events of Haven, what he had missed, what he needed to attend to. They kept droning on and on. Max’s patience had worn thin. He was tired, was it not enough traipsing across Ferelden, trying to fix every little problem. He just wanted to rest, to seal the breach and return to nobility, it was easy but this was rewarding… fun. He wanted to help these people, the feeling of helping another was rewarding. </p><p>The internal conflict was exhausting. </p><p>Near to the end of the meeting they went through everything Max had missed while he was away. He seemed to listen but was very short and clipped with his answers. </p><p>“Max?“ Shepard said, placing an hand on Max’s arm, he hadn’t realised he was scrunching his eyes closed. </p><p>“I’m fine” Max said quickly. </p><p>“You’re lying.” Shepard said simply, he turned to face her seething that she would out him in-front of his council. </p><p>He squared up to her, how could she know anything of him. So she had seen some of his memories. She would know what to do, she was so high and mighty. She didn’t even blink as he ranged in her face. “You haven’t even been out in the field. You have no idea what it is like. How would you know what I feel” </p><p>Shepard didn’t even blink, he didn’t feel guilty, he wanted her to burn to hurt to feel like he did. “Because I used to tell that lie.” She said, he blinked as she stared at him. </p><p>“It is always a lie. These people here Max they need help. People need help and fate has made sure you are the one to deliver that help. But you don’t have to do it alone.” She said simply, her hands resting at her sides. He wanted her to be angry. Why wasn’t she angry. </p><p>“People always need help, everyone needs something. A ring here a fucking letter here, why can’t people solve their own fucking problems for a change. Why do I have to do everything for everyone in Thedas. Why do I have to be this saint all the time? I didn’t ask for this!” He said, his head burned with anger, his muscles stiffening. </p><p>He continued, his father’s words came to mind, “It’s always magic no matter what the issue it always comes back to magic or demons or templars. Little people with little problems are irrelevant” He faintly heard Josephine gasp at his words.</p><p>“You were in the right place at the right time. You have a good heart, do not let your fear of Magic override that, or your past for that matter. You are not your father. Everyone matters to someone Lord Trevelyan.” She spat. </p><p>His hand shot out before he had realised. He had slapped her across the face. He felt himself being pulled back by Cassandra as Cullen stepped behind Shepard. What had he done, that was something his father would do. He felt sick. </p><p>“Shepard, forgive me I-“ </p><p>Her cold laughter stopped his words, she turned to face him, he had cut her cheek and her lip with his family ring that was on his hand, “Your father would be so proud.” She said quickly, she shoved past them and slammed the door closed so hard he was sure it splintered. </p><p>He didn’t get long to ponder as a fist shot out and hit him square in the nose. Pain erupted from his head, recoiling him backwards. His hands went to his nose, and came off covered in blood. In his panic he saw Cullen stood in-front of him, towering over him. </p><p>“Cullen!” Josephine said, dropping her leaning board and grabbing him. It was to no avail, Cullen was unmovable. </p><p>“IF YOU EVER LAY YOUR HANDS ON HER AG-“ Cullen roared, </p><p>“Cullen, calm down. This will not help.” Cassandra interrupted. </p><p>His hand reaching out for Max once more, he had never seen him so angry. His eyes were dark, his jaw clenched. Whatever he was going to say was stopped by Cassandra pushing him back. His eyes burned with anger. Max felt small under his gaze. </p><p>Cullen was still burning his gaze at Max who was wiping his nose. “She is the only person who could understand what you are going through, truly. You let her down” Cullen spat before leaving the room himself. </p><p>Max sighed as the door shut once more. Letting himself fall against the table. “Fuck...” he sighed dropping his hands down, letting the iron taste seep into his mouth and down his face. </p><p>“He is right, you know.” Cassandra started, “All the memories we were given. Herald we understand you are under tremendous stress and we have asked much of you. We will never understand how you are feeling. But I believe she can. You would do well to apologise, we need to keep moving forward… not back” She finished, passing him a cloth for his nose. </p><p>She was right of course. In his anger and stupidity her memories came flooding back to him how she had helped the little people. Getting a body released for a proper burial. Saving the green colonists instead of killing them. Setting slaves free. Convincing her brother to open grunts tank. So many little people. So many kind gestures. And from what he saw they loved her for it. He wanted to be like her, he was being envious instead of diligent.</p><p>“A report. On Shepard’s actions over her time here. It is an interesting read.” Leliana said, moving from the shadows to pass him a piece of paper. He met her eyes, emotionless. Turning to Josephine who was still in shock over the meeting and then to Cassandra who had her signature frown. </p><p>He said nothing as he took the paper and left the war room. Not caring if anyone saw his bloody nose. He deserved it; he was glad Cullen hurt him. He deserved the pain. Solas caught sight of him and wordlessly escorted him to his cabin. Max said nothing. Caught between keeping up appearances and letting his face burn with blood. </p><p>Solas was still silent. He was sat in a wooden chair as Solas worked his magic on his nose, Solas would occasionally stop and pick something off the desk, a cloth or potion. Max wasn’t paying attention. Unmoving in his guilt. The only noise he made was his quiet breaths. He was there for close to an hour before Solas spoke. </p><p>“May I enquire as to how you attained this injury? You did not have it when you arrived and it seems you are deep in thought.” Solas asked. </p><p>Max stayed still in his chair. Holding the paper on Shepard. Looking down he could see the blood that had dried on his armour. The red burned against the metal. Some droplets had even made their way onto the paper. </p><p>“Cullen punched me in the face.” Max said simply. </p><p>Solas abruptly turned from his desk and stared at Max “May I ask why? It is not like Cullen to be violent outside of the battlefield.” </p><p>“I-I hit Shepard.” Max said, clenching his eyes shut, the movement made his nose hurt again, he couldn’t meet the man’s gaze. Even after Solas’ healing it was still tender. “I deserved it, I didn’t expect Cullen to be the one to hit me. Maybe Cassandra. Maker, he must have been wanting to do that for a while.” </p><p>Cullen cared little for nobility. He said simply, shrugging and staring at the paper, the end of his sentence tapering off into a whisper. Letting his admission wash over him, the waves of guilt came from his gut and spread. </p><p>“I see.” Solas began, throwing the cloths into the fire to burn. “Though I do not agree.” Solas said, cleaning his hands in a nearby basin. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Max said, staring at Solas as he smiled and looked into the fire. </p><p>“I do not think Commander Cullen dislikes you. It is the most basic human reaction to lash out, when one’s loved ones are threatened.” Solas replied, still smiling at the fire. </p><p>“What?” Max said, staring at Solas over the cabin. </p><p>“It is not for me to discuss, it is matters of the heart.” Solas replied, offering Max some water. Max thanked him and took a sip, Solas started speaking once more “I will not enquire as to why you hit her. Though I do not condone the action, I do think you should explore why or what she said or did that elicit such a reaction from you. It is not in your nature to be violent either, Herald.” <br/>Solas smiled as he opened the cabin door and left. Max moved sitting heavily on the bed. </p><p>It didn’t take him long to know why he had hit her. His father had seeped back into his life, notes and whispers of the Trevelyan man in Ferelden had put Maxwell on edge, he found himself looking for the man in the shadows. He felt like a boy again. </p><p>He had been compared to his father many times in his life, he was the spitting image of him. It made him feel sick when he looked in the mirror, how he wanted his sons to be like him. How could he say sorry to a woman he barely knew, he knew Commander Shepard from her memories. But he wanted to apologise to the woman. The woman he had hit. He looked at the paper in his hands once more. It wasn’t just a report, it was a list of people that knew her better than he did. It was a start. </p><p>*** </p><p>She walked off into the sunset, her biotics flaring occasionally. She walked quickly and briskly to the cliff she had sat at before when she needed space. She had wanted to hit Max, to burn him, to launch him into next week. Her human side quickly told her that it was not the way, that he had needed to release and that she was an attractive target. How many times had she lashed out on someone that was undeserving of her rage. </p><p>She needed to prove her point to him that people mattered, that he couldn’t continue ignoring people’s problems because they wouldn’t go away. Not quickly at least. She felt apprehensive for when she went out in the field with him. Usually it was her calling the shots, her companions would agree with her actions or express their opinion. She didn’t know how she would feel taking orders from someone who’s heart wasn’t in the right place. </p><p>The last time was probably when John recruited her to the Normandy, her and Chakwas had taken emergency leave so they technically didn’t do anything wrong. Following a human terrorist group maybe was teetering on the side of bad but it was for a good reason. </p><p>She felt embarrassed, guilty. Sad. She needed release too, she let her biotics flare as she lashed out on a tree. One punch was all it took to snap the thick trunk for it to snap and fall. Relief. She felt relief, the sweet feeling of letting go appeased her anger. The sound of it hitting the earth below sent birds flocking from the nearly trees. </p><p>She let a breath leave her as the pain from her hand ripped to her elbow. She had split her knuckles, the blood pouring from her hand. Maybe a broken knuckle or two. The night sky stared at her as she stood watching the tree, as if it would move. After a few minutes she sat heavily on the now fallen tree, she cradled her wounded hand in her left, letting the blood pour from it. </p><p>“Did the tree look at you funny?” Cullen said from behind her. She couldn’t help the smile that flicked over her face. </p><p>She with a laugh, his own chuckle warmed her as he knelt in-front of her, stripping off his leather gloves forgetting them in the snow beside him before taking her damaged hand into his. </p><p>He sighed as he looked over the damage, his eyes flicked to hers, and then to the cut on her cheek, his bare hand tilted her head to the left so he could look at the cut. It wasn’t strange having his skin on hers, but it did make her nervous. Gentle touches of calloused hands. He tucked the stray hairs behind her ears moving it from the blood, his nose was flaring as he tried to keep his temper in check.</p><p>She kept watching him out the corner of her eye, his face was sad, his eyes burned, she looked down and saw his gloves discarded on the floor. The usual brown had red stains on the top glove. </p><p>“Cullen why is there blood on your glove?” She said turning her head back to him, his mouth opened a few times and no words came out. He looked down at her and began to smile. “Cullen?” she prompted again, he started to chuckle, she looked at him with a smile but was completely and utterly confused. </p><p>“I ah- may have punched the Herald” He still had a stupid smile on his face. </p><p>Her left hand came up to mouth as she tried to stifle the laugh that was bubbling up. He had punched the Herald? Because he hit her? They were both laughing stupidly at each-other as they realised the seriousness of the situation. </p><p>“Oh Cullen, I think Andraste may have something to say about you hitting her Herald.” She said, still fighting and losing the bubbles of laughter in her stomach. </p><p>“Of that my lady, I am sure. I have a few words for her about her choice of Herald, though she did get somethings right.” He said, a blush rising to his cheeks. </p><p>Shepard stared at the man, “Oh yeah, and what would that be?” she asked, a stupid grin plastered on her face. </p><p>“She brought you to me- us, the Inquisition.” He said, his eyes searching hers, for what she didn’t know. </p><p>Shepard had heard the slip up, she chucked as Cullen blushed. Her left hand went to his face, resting on his cheek. She planted a kiss on his right cheek, letting her lips linger for a moment before pulling back. He squeezed her hands and she flinched. The pain radiating from her hand. </p><p>“We should, ah get you to a healer.” Cullen said, clearing his throat and standing, collecting his gloves on the way. </p><p>She shook her head with a smile as she stood and began walking with Cullen back to Haven, “We’re becoming regulars.” She joked, earning a breathy chuckle from Cullen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Namesake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ara me myathash = I am honoured</p><p>Falon = Friend</p><p>Shemlen = Quickchild (Humans)</p><p>Na melana sahlin. Mala suledin nadas = Your time has come, you must endure.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After some tea with Cullen and healing by Maria with a strong dressing down by her that punching things was for barbarians, Shepard was relatively calm enough for the meeting the next day. She wasn’t sure she liked or knew how to handle her new feelings for Cullen, she knew they couldn’t go any further unless she knew there was no possibility of her getting home. </p><p>Was it fair for her to indulge? </p><p>Was it even real?</p><p>Would it just be a one-time thing to him, could she handle that is it was? She was good at one times, or a deal… what did she even feel for him?</p><p>After leaving her cabin she could already feel the new mages that Maxwell had brought from Redcliffe practising their magic outside haven, the occasional fire ball or lightning strike could be seen from above the walls. There was another smell underneath the smell of ozone, something with a sweet song. Gentle, tantalising, like it was being whispered on the wind.  </p><p>Shaking herself from her daydream she made her way to the War Room. Part of her wanted to speak to Max before-hand. Part of her wanted to make him squirm. Knowing Cullen would be there made her feel better, a smirk crossed her face thinking of him punching Maxwell. </p><p>She quickened her pace hearing the Chantry bells indicating it was passing nine in the Morning. She kept her ‘officer’s’ pace until she got to the room hearing loud voices, she mentally readied herself for a long one if they were already at it. </p><p>Shepard flung the door open ready to intervene when her feet skidded out from under her, she crashed into a firm chest as strong arms came around her the momentum of her crashing into him made them spin, a body was pressed to hers holding her to his (?) chest as a hand banged on the table next to her head. </p><p>When the room stopped spinning, she turned and looked at how close her head was to smashing the table top. The other hand of the man was on her back crushing her to his body, his knee bent so their bodies pressed together, her legs bent underneath her so she could take some of her weight. She looked back at the man, </p><p>“Good catch” she breathed out. The arm loosened around her so she could pull back and look at him. A strong jaw adorned with a dark brown beard, large grey eyes with a strong pointed nose in-between. He was actually really quite attractive. She realised he was studying her as much as she. </p><p>“H-hello” he said breathlessly. His accent soft and well spoken. She could smell the mint on his warm breath. </p><p>“Hi” she smiled, her hands squeezing his shoulders for emphasis, “you can ah let me up now”</p><p>“Of-course, forgive me my lady” he brought her to her feet and stood to his full height. Smiling and taking a step back from her. She noticed then there were others in the room apart from the usual few advisors. </p><p>“You’re apologising for saving my head from being cracked open?” she teased, her back positioned to the wall next to the door.</p><p>He chuckled for a moment after dissecting her tone, “I guess I am” he grinned. </p><p>“Well in that case apology accepted” she grinned, “what did I even slip on?” she asked turning around him to see some ice on the floor. </p><p>“Ah that was my doing, I got a little carried away arguing with your Herald” he said casting Maxwell a small glare using the last word as a curse before using magic to remove the ice from the floor. </p><p>Maxwell in turn rolled his eyes stepping forward, one of them swollen. A slight bruise around his lower lashes, “May I introduce Dylan, my little brother” Shepard cast her eyes back to the scoffing man, he was taller than Maxwell, his jaw and nose slightly different but the eyes and hair were similar. </p><p>“That is to say, Dylan Trevelyan, Senior Enchanter previously of the Ostwick Circle, Ice and Storm Mage, my lady” he said bowing to Shepard. “Forgive my elder brother’s manners, it seems his new title has gone to his head” he growled back at Maxwell. </p><p>“Senior Enchanter, you’re only twenty-four?!” Maxwell spat back. </p><p>“When most of your superiors get murdered by Templars it leaves promotions to be made Maxxy, something you would know nothing about considering you never got ripped away by Templars, oh no you got to play the little Lord” the man growled back. </p><p>“Not this again” Cassandra sighed from the side. </p><p>Shepard stepped between the bickering brothers, “Well it’s lovely to meet you, it’s a better meeting than I had with your other brother” she smiled reaching her hand out for him to shake. </p><p>Grey eyes turned back on her sympathetically, “Oh you’ve met William, I apologise on his behalf. Dare I ask what happened?” </p><p>“He called me a whore and I punched him in the throat, nothing major” she smirked with a shrug. </p><p>His laughter took her by surprise, it sounded so much like Maxwell’s. “Oh, my lady, I am sorry I missed it. May I know the name of someone so brave to hit a Templar?” </p><p>“I’m Shepard-“</p><p>His eyes went wide, “Shepard? The Vessel of Andraste? The woman who fell from the fade. I’ve heard so much about you- it’s lovely to meet you, may I say that the rumours of your beauty of you no justice in person” he said lowering his voice. The disgusted noise could have come from Cassandra or Maxwell, it was anyone’s guess. </p><p>She smiled as she nodded, “Thank you Enchanter Trevelyan, that is too kind” her cheeks getting a bit hot, she had never really had people she was beautiful back home. Fit? Sexy? Maybe by drunken men but not beautiful. The only other one was Cullen. </p><p>“Just Dylan, please I insist” he smiled back, grinning down at her. She had heard some circles were a hot bed for getting with one and another, his flirty attitude was nothing like Maxwell's reserved stance. </p><p>Thankfully Maxwell had had enough of his little brother’s flirtations, “Shepard, these are a few of the Senior Mage volunteers from Redcliffe, they will be coordinating the others we have acquired” Maxwell gestured behind her next to Josie stood an older woman, black hair in a long wavy form slightly greying at her temples and behind her ears. Her face betrayed her age, not as old as her age suggested, slightly smaller than Shepard with deep wide brown-red eyes. Next to her was another man, balding with grey hair wrinkles betraying his age. “Senior Enchanters Victoria Smith and Russel Garcia”</p><p>“It’s lovely to meet you, I’m Shepard. I look forward to getting to know you and your associates” she smiled, reaching her hand out to shake the elderly man’s who took it eagerly and then the woman’s who didn’t take it but stared at her. Shepard started to lower her hand when it was grasped by the woman, </p><p>“Forgive me” she said breathlessly. She looked shocked, slightly paler than before, her eyes were roving round Shepard’s face. “I never thought I’d meet you” she smiled, her accent was reminiscent of a Ferelden with a Kirkwall twang. </p><p>“No harm done. I’m sure the rumours going around are exaggerated, unless they say how I heroically saved the Herald, in which case they’re true” Shepard replied with a wink, her arms going into parade rest. Hearing Dylan’s chuckle. </p><p>“Are you a soldier?” the older woman asked. </p><p>Shepard tilted her head at the woman for a moment, Zaeed once said that Alliance soldiers stuck out like sore thumbs. “I am yes, or I was rather. My title is Commander technically. Please just call me Shepard, Cullen is the rightful Commander here” gesturing to the blonde man across the table, she replied hoping that would be enough. She didn’t want to get into her history with these new people. </p><p>“Do you not go by your first name?” Victoria asked, almost… was she sad? </p><p>Shepard was frowning now, “Not for a long time, it comes with service and… I guess I’m just used to it” and with that she stepped to face the room again as Maxwell stopped all the few titbits of conversation around the room. </p><p>Cullen was watching her with narrowed eyes, once she had caught him however, they flicked to the map. His hand resting on his sword. Leliana was watching the elderly woman with interest, her eyes sizing her up. Her usual fringe pushed from her eyes. </p><p>Was something wrong here?</p><p>The meeting continued with little arguing from Maxwell and Dylan, the tension thick in the air however. It was clear Cullen was uncomfortable with something. Whether it was the Mage’s presence or something else was anyone’s guess. Leliana was also on edge, something that never boded well for anyone. </p><p>“Just don’t treat us as prisoners and we’ll get along famously” Dylan said crossing his arms over his chest. </p><p>“I wholly concur” another man said entering the room, his skin was dark. Dark blue grey eyes rounded by eyeliner and his face adorned with a styled moustache. “Dorian Pavus of House Qarinus, previously of Minrathous. How do you do” he said bowing to the room. </p><p>Shepard nodded back as Dorian and Maxwell struck up conversation, Maxwell had a small blush on his cheeks as Dorian grasped his upper arm. Interesting she grinned. Maxwell hesitantly introduced the advisors around the table finally landing on Shepard.</p><p>“And this is Shepard”</p><p>Shepard turned to greet the Mage, “My you are something, your eyes are quite glorious, do you have elven heritage? Did the breach cause the discolouration?” he asked, Shepard was yet to read the mission report. </p><p>What?</p><p>“Um- no? Not at all… I don’t think, and no my eyes have been like this for a long time” she smiled, she knew her eyes were larger than a humans but that was mostly due to her Prothean DNA, then again… John had large eyes too? Did he? She tried to picture him in her mind. </p><p>“Well it is lovely to make your acquaintance. The Herald here was <em> very </em> forthcoming about you” his emphasis on very made her think Max had been saying more than he should. </p><p>“I dread to think” she said over Dorians shoulder with a glare, Maxwell mouthed a sorry. </p><p>“In any case” Dorian began, “I’m sure there will be time to get to know each other yes, I’m quite interested in your… oh what was that wonderful word…”</p><p>“Biotics” she offered deadpan.</p><p>“Yes that, Biotics” he tested the word. </p><p>“Shall we get on?” Cassandra asked annoyed. It seemed the tevinter Mage was not welcome by the Seeker. She was thankful for her interruption, no more people needed to know she was not from here. Especially any new mages who could not be fully trusted. Yet. </p><p>The meeting continued as the mages were set up with quarters and the breach possession situation was discussed. To say the room was tense was to say dragon’s breath was quite hot. </p><p>Shepard was reading over the report on the list of Mages who had arrived, names and circles they were from. Their talents and ages. It was always good to know who was on your team. With most of the circles documents burned with the rebellion it was hard to advocate them if they were imposters or not, still it was at least educational. </p><p>Next to Victoria Smith’s name was Circle of Kirkwall, Circle of Minrathous. Tevinter? It was unusual for mages to have more than one Circle never mind one in the north? Maybe it was different decades ago, that Mages could move and be educated elsewhere? She held no Circle after that.</p><p>She was vaguely aware of someone asking her something, “Yes I’ll meet you in the Medbay” she answered without taking her eyes from the page. </p><p>“Shepard?”</p><p>She lifted her eyes at the confused faces of the Mages, Dorian had a small smirk with an eyebrow raised and the ridged set face of Maxwell, “Yes I’ll meet you later” she repeated with a smile. </p><p>“Medbay?” Victoria smiled questioningly. Shepard stumbled for a moment, she was so in depth into her thoughts she had slipped into her past language. “Oh I meant healers tent, a medbay is what we call it back home” she explained. </p><p>It seemed to be enough for the Mages. Who left with a nod, Dylan winked at her before leaving and Dorian gave a bow with a flourish. She laughed to herself shaking her head while continuing reading, she might like those two fellows. </p><p>The other advisors followed, Shepard handing the paper back to Leliana as she passed. </p><p>Maxwell huffed against the door when it was closed. “Andraste preserve me” he said turning his head to Shepard.</p><p>“if she answers let me know” she winked. His laugh was short and with no hint of any humour. His eyes darting from her to the floor.</p><p>His grey eyes lowered to the floor a smile broke out on his face. “There you go again, acting like everything's fine” he said taking her hand between his two, she frowned at him questioningly he was looking at her right hand in his, looking for injuries? Had someone ratted her out.</p><p>He looked up at her face, his eye going to where her cut and split in her lip should have been before darting between her two eyes. “I need to apologise; Maker knows I’ve been praying for guidance on how to adequately say sorry to you” he began. </p><p>“I- I’m trying to be a better man, a better Herald. But I let you down and” he had tears begin to form in his eyes. “When we got drunk, on the rock in the valley. I prayed for the Maker to send me a sign and then you appeared, bottle in hand ready. You didn’t ask me how I was, or what I was doing. You just, you were just there and-” he smiled. “And I promise you I will do better for you. I will be the Herald that they want and the friend you deserve” he finished, breathing heavily. </p><p>“You’re forgiven Maxwell” </p><p>Forgiveness was easy for her… but trust… faith? That would take time. </p><p>His head shot up from where it had landed on his chest. </p><p>“We’re ok” she said her hand going to the back of his head to rest on her shoulder, she ignored the wetness that was forming on her shirt from his face. His hands were placed loosely on her hips. She didn’t say anymore as she let him get a hold of himself. </p><p>“I will prove it to you” he said in a gruff voice before pulling back, his eyes red now but his face still his normal tanned colouring. “I do have- well it was a thank you present but… I guess now it’s more of a I’m sorry gift” he grimaced. </p><p>She puzzled for a moment, “What would you be thanking me for?”</p><p>He lifted his head and rolled his eyes, “I know you said something to the others. Cassandra actually said my name when we were travelling. And asked me how I was doing!” he said loudly. </p><p>She scoffed a laugh thinking how Cassandra would have gone about that. “I can’t imagine“</p><p>“I know” he laughed along, “It was awkward” he confirmed. Their laughter subsided. “But I know it was you… and I wanted to get you something so I called in a very old favour and well… it’s here”</p><p>“Okay…” she waited for him to produce some armour or a box of some kind.</p><p>He simply grinned and grabbed her hand tugging her out the door in a jog. They passed the other advisors who sent them and each other questioning looks, some of the sisters started whispering about their holding hands. He continued pulling her until they were at the gates, the other advisors, Solas and Varric joining them bewildered by the scene. There was already loud talking from the gates indicating a crowd. </p><p>“Ok trust me” he said, using his hands to cover her eyes and guiding her down the steps, she couldn’t sense anything out the ordinary, too many heartbeats. Too many smells. </p><p>Maxwell told her to keep her eyes closed while he positioned her in a certain spot. “Ready?” he asked her, she grinned and nodded. “Open”</p><p>She blinked heavily a few times to adjust to the bright light bouncing off the surrounding snow, she was positioned next to the stables, the surrounding area was filled with onlookers on her… gift. </p><p>It was a mount. </p><p>With antlers. </p><p>Her eyes went wide at the beast. It stood so it’s head would easily stand over hers, the white fur met red at the chest and legs, like it had run through a river of blood. The red stripe continued up its snout and morphed into its antlers creating a brownish red at the tips. The eyes shone a heavy black as it stared at her and she at it. </p><p>“A moose” she whispered, her eyebrows lifting high.</p><p>“It’s called a Hart” Solas said at her side, “This particular one is a Royal Sixteen breed, very sacred to the Dalish people” She looked to the elf with a grin, taking in everyone else’s expressions of shock. Cullen had a grin, a rather telling sign. </p><p>Shepard took one step forward and bent at the hips in a bow, keeping her eyes trained on the beast. “Ara me myathash” she said loudly. She kept the low bow until the beast stepped forward, she saw Cullen reach for his sword as did Rylen and Cassandra. The Hart stepped to her and bent one leg, bowing its head to her, its impressive antlers sprouting like two hands. </p><p>She lifted at the same time it did. </p><p>“Very good Shepard” Solas nodded in approval. </p><p>“Well, do you like him?” Maxwell asked gesturing to the Hart. Shepard reached her hand out to stroke up its snout, it tilted its head so her hand was near its antler, she scratched there and it let out a purr. </p><p>She turned to Max and threw herself at him, hugging him tightly, “I love him thank you” his arms wrapped around her as he laughed squeezing her before she was pushed back by the Hart’s head tucking over her shoulder and pulling her back to its chest. She landed on the ground under his head with a grunt. </p><p>“It seems you have a protector Falon” Solas laughed, his face going to a rare grin as he stroked the Hart’s head. </p><p>She got to her feet turning to the Hart, “Shemlen” she pointed at Maxwell and the others, “Shemlen falon, umm” she thought of more words but the Hart seemed satisfied with a gust of air from its snout.</p><p>The Herald took a tentative step towards her, his eyes trained on the mount, “A little bird told me you have a- ah aversion to Horses so I sought a solution. I have some elven friends in the Free Marches who breed the Harts” Max grinned at her glare. </p><p>Her gaze went immediately to Cullen who was stood with the other advisors and gathers who had come to look at the Hart. “A little bird hmm” she shot him a glare to which he shrugged and winked, his smile told her everything she needed to know. </p><p>He had remembered her moose story, he wanted to make her happy… safe. </p><p>The Hart nipped her thigh bringing her back to the present. </p><p>“OW YOU little fucker” she rubbed the area. </p><p>Solas sent her a healing wave with his hand, “That is, most unusual” he said his brow furrowed. </p><p>Shepard reached into her pocket and produced a handful of sugar cubes, “Here” she said to the Hart, its red tongue poked out and she dropped a cube onto its mouth. The crunching was masked under its purr as it nuzzled her. </p><p>Shepard popped one into her mouth grinning at the Hart’s affections. She lifted her gaze to the group that had formed, their emotions varied from confused to amused. </p><p>“Oh I’m sorry, want one?” she offered her hand full of sugar cubes to the advisors wearing bemused expressions. Josie laughed and sampled one, the others simply laughed or masked a grin behind their hands. </p><p>“Siren, why is your pocket full of sugar cubes?” Varric asked with his arms crossed.</p><p>Shepard grinned putting another into her mouth before stowing the rest, “I have a faster metabolism than others, I need a lot of calories to keep my girlish figure you know” she saw some eyes drop up and down her length at the sentence. </p><p>“What you gonna call it Boss?” Iron Bull said over the group, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know if you wanted to ride something with horns all you had to do was ask” he winked to which she rolled her eyes.</p><p>“It’s bad luck to ride a mount or sail a ship with no name Lass” Rylen helpfully added, a tradition that was true of starships in her time. </p><p>Shepard thought while looking at the mount drumming her fingers on her lips with the other arm cradled her arm… Normandy was too obvious. She certainly couldn’t ride something that was called one of her old companion’s names. Even Garrus… though she technically had ridden him. </p><p>“Mako” Cassandra said crossing her arms, “Though, Maker help you if you ride the mount like you handled that… thing” she gestured with her arms. </p><p>Shepard barked a laugh, “I was a good driver!” she tried to argue her case, Cassandra’s face told her she did not believe her. </p><p>“Mako” Shepard repeated. The Hart lifted its head at the word, Shepard remembered that Mako in elven meant <em> You </em>. It seemed fitting, that Shepard could call the word and the mount would know exactly who she was referring to. That he would arrive at her call. Only for her. </p><p>“It’s perfect” she said going to rub the snout once more earning her another purr. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard entered the tent to see Cullen, as a good Commander he first got down to business. He informed her that the Herald had taken an emergency trip to the Hinterlands to remove bandits that had been threatening the Mages in Redcliffe, for a strong alliance they needed to be taken care of. It would give them some credit with the King too to have cleared out the outpost there. </p><p>Shepard was desperate to go but her armour was simply not ready nor did Maxwell want to take her for such a ‘trivial’ mission when her presence was needed with the injured and the soldiers. </p><p>It didn’t make her any less bitter. </p><p>“So, what has you bouncing in your chair?” Shepard asked, putting her plate on the desk with the other bits of lunch left. Cullen had been in a sober mood all morning and night since he received word but currently he was grinning and could not stop looking at the tent flap behind her. </p><p>“Ah yes, well we’re getting a shipment of Mabari and a master too.” Cullen said, his face had the widest grin she’d ever seen. </p><p>“Oh the giant dogs! The symbol of Ferelden, right?” She replied, rising in her chair to round the desk to look over Cullen’s shoulder at the paper. </p><p>Cullen was practically vibrating with excitement looking over the report, “They are more than giant dogs Shepard. They are an excellent judge of character. They are strong, and loyal. Excellent fighters. When a Mabari bonds to someone that’s it. The connection is unbreakable. The Hero of Ferelden had one many years ago, I believe he fathered pups. The King of course has a pack of them.” He laughed, showing Shepard the second page of the paper, which had a drawing of one with labels of this particular breed, dark coats with light eyes. </p><p>Her mind wandered to Rocco and Alastair, she wondered if his Mabari was part of the pack. He continued as Shepard saw the paper. “I’ve always wanted one, for the farm. My mother always said no, with four children she probably didn’t want to care for another.” </p><p>“Maybe this is your chance. Aw they are so cute!!” she exclaimed taking the paper from his hands to look at the beast. </p><p>“Cute... Shepard these are war dogs, they are not supposed to be cute.” Cullen said rolling his eyes at the cooing noises Shepard was now making at the paper. As she took the paper and returned to her chair. </p><p>“Alright, alright. But imagine a baby Mabari looking at you, biting at your mantle, no one could resist.” she teased, “Even the big bad Commander Rutherford.” She purred, watching him narrow his eyes at her, she knew he loved his mantle, wore it every day without fail. </p><p>He simply rolled his eyes as a form of response. “A baby Mabari is called a pup Shepard. Anyway, they are in the next village, they should be here in an hour or so but will be sending word before they leave.” </p><p>*** </p><p>The next hour came and went, and the next. That’s when they became concerned. Shepard had trained with the recruits picking out potential scouts for Leliana, some of the smaller recruits were perfect for scouting, and Cullen was impressed with one or two that had wielded a two-handed sword with the fury of Cassandra. </p><p>The two were stood by the ring, watching Rylen talk through some basic take downs to the new healers, in-case they were caught in the battlefield. Shepard was pleased that Cullen had taken her suggestion on that, she was a few other women from the village in attendance. Good. Mother Giselle and Senior Enchanter Victoria was also watching standing by Shepard’s side, studying and showing silent support for the self-defence. </p><p>“They should be here by now” She whispered to Cullen, keeping her eyes on Rylen and the woman he was training. </p><p>“We’ve had no word, I have sent some men to the village to check but so far, their route is clear. I can’t think of a reason they would divert” He whispered back, leaning into her slightly. </p><p>Whatever she was going to say was stopped by a smell on the wind, an all too familiar smell. Human blood. Shepard’s hands went to her nose. Cullen sent her a strange look. </p><p>“Someone’s injured,” she said spinning around the training grounds to find the wounded person. Weaving in and out of the soldiers training, stepping around the tents and back to the ring. She finished her search and found herself stood in the dirt track near the gates waiting for the smell to reach her on the wind again. </p><p>“Shep, everything good?” Iron Bull called, she nodded absentmindedly. </p><p>Knowing the Qunari would be watching her with his calculating gaze.<br/>
“Shepard, there’s no injured accounted for. Are you sure?” Cullen asked, walking towards her with Mother Giselle and Victoria in tow. </p><p>“How can you tell?” Enchanter Victoria asked, her voice soft. </p><p>“I can smell it, I can smell the blood.” Shepard said, still turning to every direction and sniffing. “There’s a lot of it.” She said flaring her biotics in her eyes to heighten her senses. </p><p>“I shall check the healer’s tent.” Mother Giselle said calmly as she walked off to the gates. </p><p>Shepard smelt the blood on the wind again, she didn’t bother alerting Cullen or Victoria as she bolted, running off past the stables and the smithy up the dirt track. It felt good to let her senses lead her, allow the embodiment to guide her. </p><p>She ran for another ten minutes up the winding dirt track hill, the smell was getting stronger. She took a breath before turning the corner looking before upon the scene. There were two horses and a large wagon behind. In the front was the driver, a middle-aged man who was holding an Elven woman’s hand, she was screaming, the smell was coming from her. </p><p>“Please! Please can you help!” he shouted catching sight of Shepard. She sprinted to the carriage and hopped into the front compartment with them, striding over the bench next to the woman. </p><p>“Take the reins, carry on down the track to Haven. Where is she injured?” Shepard asked. The man whipped the reins and the horses took off back to Haven. </p><p>“She isn’t injured shes-“ </p><p>“Oh shit- ah congratulations!” </p><p>Shepard said as she took the blankets off the woman to reveal she was in-fact not injured but very, very pregnant. The smell of blood almost made Shepard gag. The horses galloped down the track knocking them slightly as the wooden wheels went over the rocks and potholes. </p><p>“Thank- ” The woman laughed before a contraction took her words from her and she screamed again. </p><p>“Hold my hand I’ve got you-AH” Shepard closed her lips as to not threaten the woman. If Shepard’s hand wasn’t broken from the tree, it was certainly being crushed by the woman’s strength. She wondered if every woman had this strength when giving birth or if this was an Elven thing. </p><p>They arrived at Haven, stopping just shy of the hut that Harrit and Blackwall shared, the man jumped down from the carriage with Shepard to help the woman get down. With an arm around both of them Shepard guided round the back of the wagon and guided them into the hut. With her being a small elf, it was fairly easy to lift her and carry her, she practically weighed nothing. </p><p>“Shepard what’s going-oh” Cullen said, rounding the horses and looking at the three, blinking like he had never seen a pregnant woman before. </p><p>“Cullen, I need hot water and towels. As many as you can find, lots of Elfroot too” Shepard ordered, Cullen was still unmoving staring wide eyes at the Elven woman. </p><p>“THAT’S AN ORDER COMMANDER.” Shepard shouted at Cullen. His eyes snapped to hers as he sprinted to the healer’s tent. Victoria opened the door to the hut for them and began taking off her over robes and rolling her sleeves up.</p><p>She guided them to the corner near the fire and laid down a rug for her to lie on. Lying her down the woman was puffing short breaths, Shepard watched the man kneel beside her holding her hand and brushing the hair out her face.<br/>
Shepard began stripping off her top black shirt, she was wearing a tight white long-sleeved undershirt underneath. She was already sweating from her run, this birth would just make her sweat more. She put the shirt beside her and rolled her sleeves slightly. </p><p>Cullen stepped through the door closing it behind them, Cullen kneeled on the other side of the woman as the Enchanter knelt behind the woman’s head, both of them waiting for orders. Wetting a cloth and dabbing it on her forehead, passing it to the middle-aged man before moving to mix up some Elfroot and water. </p><p>“Orders?” Cullen asked, panic in his voice. </p><p>“Ok how long between contractions” Shepard asked, racking her brain of any medical knowledge she had of child birth. </p><p>“A few minutes, they’re coming faster” the man said, not taking his eyes off the woman. Shepard gathered cloth and towels around her and underneath her, soaking up the blood and water. </p><p>“Cullen blanket” Shepard pointed over the woman, Cullen grabbed a blanket and gently placed it over her stomach, the air was cold, the fire was nothing more than embers. </p><p>“Victoria, a fire if you will” she ordered, the green light around her hands ceased momentarily as she threw a fireball into the ready place with wood. </p><p>“Ok, not long left. Are you the father?” Shepard asked, the man nodded. </p><p>“Yes, yes I’m Samuel and this is my wife Ellana, the contractions started while we were travelling here” the man said, looking between his wife and Shepard. </p><p>“I’m so tired Samuel,” the woman groaned, fresh sweat covering her face. </p><p>“Ok Ellana, I’m Shepard. We’re going to do this together ok?” She said looking at the woman, it didn’t elicit a response from her but a groan as another contraction took her, “Okay?” she said, the Elf nodded. </p><p>Ellana nodded as she took a gasp, Victoria gently lifted water into her mouth.<br/>
Shepard looked between her legs lifting her skirt to her knees; she was dilated about ten centimetres, give or take, she remembered from Grissom Academy biology lessons that it was the largest a woman could dilate before childbirth. From her time here she had learnt that biologically, Elves were very similar to Humans. Shepard quickly took a reading with her omnitool, vitals were good, if a little high. Now or never. </p><p>She was close, but she had lost a lot of blood. She could see Victoria use magic around her as a barrier, gently healing her. This baby needed to come or this woman was going to die. </p><p>“Ok Ellana, you’re as dilated as you’re going to get. On the next contraction you are going to push. This is it, your wee one is coming. I need you to be very strong for me.” Shepard said to the woman who merely nodded. A few moments later her body began to tense. </p><p>“Cullen, Samuel, when the next contraction comes aid her in sitting up, keep the weight off her so Ellana can push, understood?” Shepard said, both men nodded. </p><p>“Oh Creators-“ she said, groaning as she pushed, Cullen and Samuel on both sides holding her hands while pushing her slightly forward to aid her. </p><p>After a few seconds Ellana fell back breathing heavily. “I- I can’t” She leant heavily against the mage who looked at Shepard with concern. Ellana was crying, gently praying in a language she couldn’t quite understand. Her translator was managing a few words here and there. </p><p>“Ellana fucking listen to me. Na melana sahlin. Mala suledin nadas. Do not let the Creators down” Shepard growled, it seemed to make the woman’s eyes go wide at her swearing in the same sentence as mentioning her gods. </p><p>Ellana cried out as she pushed, seconds felt like minutes. </p><p>Shepard could only watch tensed as the head of the baby slid out into her hands, the breath she didn’t know she was holding left her lungs as the boy cried in her arms. </p><p>Shepard looked at the new life in her hands, realising she had never seen a new-born baby or any baby. She cradled the life in her hands holding it to her as it cried. The blood and bits soaking into her t-shirt, staining her arms, her chest and stomach. She didn’t take her eyes off the boy as she cradled it into her. He was small, human looking from the ears. The child’s arms were gripping onto Shepard’s shirt and releasing. </p><p>“You did it. Ellana, you did it. You have a son.” She said looking from the small life to the woman who was smiling happily. “You did it.” Shepard whispered. </p><p>Victoria moved to cut the cord, tending to the bloody mass between Ellana’s legs with gently healing magic. Shepard grabbed discarded her shirt and wrapped the baby in it, not caring if Josie shouted at her. Shepard moved to kneel beside Cullen giving the mage space to work and handed the crying baby to Ellana. Samuels face could only be described as one of pure joy and possibly fear. </p><p>“Maker, I love you” Samuel said kissing his wife and then the forehead of his new-born. </p><p>“I love you too” Ellana whispered, her eyes flowing with tears. “Thank you, thank you” She said looking at Shepard. Their clear adoration was beautiful, it didn’t escape Shepard’s notice that Victoria and Cullen were smiling at it too. </p><p>“Is this a good time to tell you this is my first child birth?” Shepard said, laughing gently. Cullen joined her and held her hand, looking at her and the baby with an expression she had never seen. After a few minutes of gentle breathing and soft cries from the boy, Cullen spoke. </p><p>“Thought of any names?” Cullen asked, still holding Shepard’s hand. She realised he had discarded his gloves, his calloused tanned hand almost dwarfing hers. </p><p>The mother shook her head, “We didn’t know the gender until today, it’s an Elven tradition” her hands drifted on her son’s forehead. “What are your names?” Ellana asked, rocking the baby to sleep. The tips of ears peeking up over the shirt the baby was wrapped in. </p><p>“Cullen... Cullen Stanton” He said, looking at Shepard with a small smirk. The S on his handkerchief that was still in Shepard’s cabin, it stood for Stanton, she let out a giggle at the old- fashioned name. </p><p>Shepard smirked and let out a quiet ‘Stanton’ as she laughed, Cullen in response shoved her lightly with his shoulder. Victoria continued healing with a small smile on her face, she occasionally would drop her eyes and look at their joined hands or look at the baby. </p><p>“And you, Shepard?” Ellana asked, hopeful grey eyes turning her way. </p><p>“I ah- it’s” Shepard looked at the women for a moment, her eyes flicking to the baby to Samuel who was brushing the forehead of his new-born. Her eyes went to Cullen who was gazing at her, waiting for her to admit her strange secret. Her stomach was doing backflips. </p><p>“It’s Livia, my name is Livia” She said, Cullen’s mouth opened with a smile. Looking at her with those warm honey eyes, she melted. His arm resting on her back. </p><p>“I suppose the male equivalent would be Oliver” She smiled at Ellana. </p><p>“Oliver Stanton, it’s beautiful” she said, taking one of her hands to cup her husband’s cheek to bring him in for a kiss. Shepard and Cullen had a namesake. </p><p>“Yes, it is” Cullen replied, staring at Shepard, breaking her gaze from Ellana to look back at him. </p><p>“You’re the only ones who know my name. It’s a bit of a secret. Though, I’m honoured.” Shepard said, whispering her confession as Cullen’s arm went from being stationary to slowly rubbing up and down. </p><p>“Yes- Yes of course. Thank you for finding us Shepard.” Ellana replied after that moment Mother Giselle walked in in tow with two sisters. </p><p>“Shepard we just got word, we will ensure Ellana is well cared for.” Giselle said, looking at the group. </p><p>“We’ll take our leave” Cullen said helping Shepard to her feet and exiting the hut. Shepard couldn’t contain the smile she had on her face, bits of her hair that had escaped her braid from her sprint were flying back from the wind. </p><p>She looked to see a small group stood outside the hut, Varric, Iron Bull, Krem and Blackwall at the front, small conversations happening between them. Before she could get a word out the door behind them swung open. She turned quickly at the noise. </p><p>“Sir Cullen, you are the Commander, No? Please Sir, can you tend to the Mabari for tonight, I can’t- I don’t want to leave my wife.” Samuel begged Cullen from the open door, “I have notes in the wagon but I couldn’t help but hear your accent Sir. Ferelden.” </p><p>“You have my word Samuel, I will make sure they are protected.” He said, using his other arm to salute the man. </p><p>“Maker watch over you, we are lucky men” Samuel said, looking between the two and smiling at their closeness before closing the door. </p><p>Shepard felt her eyes widen as she turned to face the group again, he thought they were together. Cullen followed, with a lopsided smile on his face and pink cheeks.</p><p>“Hell Siren, what happened to you?” Varric said gesturing to her white shirt that was clinging to her skin, it was covered in blood and water. </p><p>“Child birth. Apparently.” she replied, picking off her sticking shirt from her abdomen. The water making it slightly see through at parts. The wind was carrying the cold snow off the ground and was biting into the soaked parts of her t-shirt. A shiver cut through her. </p><p>“She- you- Maker you were amazing” Cullen said, facing her. She was stood close enough to him to feel his warmth. She laughed and shook her head, still hugging her arms around her middle to fight the cold. Shepard shrugged. </p><p>“No do not play this off, you tracked them, you took control, gave orders, helped a woman find her faith in her gods and then proceeded to swear at her” Cullen laughed, a gloved hand lifted her head up and tucked some stray hairs behind her ear. “You were incredible Li- Shepard” he said the end of his sentence was little more than a breathy sigh, gentle wrinkles forming on his forehead as he struggled to find words. </p><p>Shepard stared at him, “Thank you, Cullen” she replied. Taken back by his admission, he was proud of her. His hand was yet to leave her neck, gently cupping the muscle there. They were gazing at each-other smiling like idiots as they bonded over the strange encounter they had experienced. </p><p>Shepard gently shivered as Cullen took his mantle off, wrapping it around her before he fiddled with the front, to secure it around her, bringing her close to his warmth as the group in-front of them were having quiet conversations. </p><p>“Hamish” Blackwall said. </p><p>Cullen’s arm tightened on her waist as Shepard wrapped her arms around her midsection to keep in her warmth. The group turning to face Blackwall with confusion. </p><p>“Come again?” Shepard asked, looking at Blackwall. Cullen equally confused at her side, his arm still behind her. </p><p>“Hamish, if you two were thinking of baby names, I quite like Hamish” he said, a smirk covering his face as he crossed his arms over his chest. </p><p>Shock covered Shepard’s face as the others of the group laughed, heat rising in her cheeks. She risked a look at Cullen who was rubbing his neck with his other arm. Blushing himself, his eyes met her and she quickly looked away. </p><p>“Grey Warden and Comedian, whatever next Blackwall” Shepard said trying to recover her shock. Narrowing her eyes at the smirking man who looked very pleased with himself. The group still gently laughing at them. </p><p>“So uh- Mabari?” Cullen asked turning to face Shepard, offering her a way to escape the men in- front of her that were currently discussing what a Rutherford-Shepard baby would look like. </p><p>“Yes please” she stuttered out, quickly walking to the back of the wagon.</p><p>*** </p><p>Iron Bull and Blackwall had helped make a tent with spare sheets and tent poles for the Mabari mercifully making no more baby jokes. The mother of the pups was apprehensive but once she sniffed Shepard and Cullen she relaxed, letting them pass on the wagon and gently lift the pups one by one into the tent, twelve in total. Possibly from two litters. </p><p>They were mostly asleep as the sunset rolled in. The pups were a few months old Cullen has said judging by their size. Some bigger than others. They had made a small pen for them, complete with hay, water and some kibble. The mother was lay down in the corner letting Shepard stoke her head and neck gently as she leaned back on a box reading over the Mabari notes. </p><p>Cullen studied her for a moment, before placing the last supply box onto the ground. She was still in her white blood-soaked shirt and his mantle, unbothered to change when they were handling animals. When she was reading something, studying it. She always made a small ball of her biotics in her hand. It didn’t seem to bother the mother Mabari that was now on her side next to Shepard. She seemed to let herself fall into whatever she was reading, taking it in. Not missing a word, or sketch or note. </p><p>She finished the notes and placed them on the box behind her, she let out a yawn and blinked heavily, refocusing on Cullen. He walked to her offering her a hand, she took it and stood next to him. Neither one saying anything as not to disturb the animals. Looking at the pups sleeping. </p><p>He looked at the sleeping furry animals, the different colours of their fur, their markings that some had from their mother. His eyes went to the mother who was now sleeping happily, letting out a breathy bark every now and then. They were such wonderful creatures. </p><p>In the corner of his eye he could see Shepard looking at him, her hair framing her face which was almost all out of her braid. He focussed on her, turning to give her his full attention. She was grinning at him. He sent her a questioning look that only made her nudge him with her shoulder. </p><p>“Admit it” she whispered, her shoulders lightly rotating like a child would holding in excitement. </p><p>He sighed heavily. “Yes fine, they are very cute” He whispered back, rolling his eyes. </p><p>He would deny this later if anyone asked.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Things were never simple around Haven but he liked it. </p><p>Shepard had helped move Ellana to the Chantry, near to the sisters if she or Oliver needed anything. She was probably still there with them, with her namesake. She hadn’t returned to his office. </p><p>Cullen shook his head at the thought and smiled remembering how Shepard had ordered him about, taking control of the situation, how she had comforted Ellana. He could now see why she was well loved. How she had risen in rank. He couldn’t deny the warmth that spread through him knowing her name. Her best kept secret, and she had shared it with him. </p><p>Though he still didn’t know why it was so closely guarded.</p><p>He was still in awe of her senses, being able to tell someone was bleeding without being near them, a panic shot through him at what else she might be able to pick up from someone. It was a frank reminder that though she appeared so, she was not fully human. But it didn’t bother him. It was just… her.</p><p>After an hour a runner shot into his tent that the Herald had sent word from the Hinterlands made Cullen finally leave his desk and head for the war room. He never made it, Varric was stood outside of a cabin waiting for Cullen to pass. </p><p>Varric said nothing as his face was pale, his eyebrows drawn low on his forehead.</p><p>“You better have a look Curly” Was all the Dwarf said as he entered the Cabin. </p><p>“It happened when the Elf woman, Ellana, was giving birth, they used the commotion from that to do...well to do this” Cullen had no idea what it was that had happened, but he was sure it was bad by Varric's gravely tone. </p><p>Inside was a mess, broken furniture everywhere. Shepard, Leliana, Cassandra and two healers were inside with a woman on the bed unconscious. He recognised one as Senior Enchanter Victoria. The tension was thick in the air. It looked like a fight had happened in the small room. </p><p>“They took the child” Leliana said simply, the healers attended to the mother’s head wound. She was still unconscious. “Two men dressed in Inquisition armour, they were very good, trained for days with the soldiers right under our noses. We had already suspected them of… attacks. But one was a professional. Who they were sent by we’re evaluating now. Shepard couldn't get anything from the room. They left little trace of who they were but the child must be important for this trouble. My scouts have gotten word of a group camping out near the west but they cannot discern if they are connected” </p><p>“That child has a name” Shepard growled, she was stood in the corner holding a sword, one that the mother must have had stashed in the room. Cullen theorised she must have tried to get information from it or was holding it as a way to channel her anger. Cullen turned his attention to the room and Leliana. </p><p>Keeping Shepard in his line of sight. </p><p>He had never heard her voice so dark.</p><p>It made for a strong contrast to the woman who had cooed over puppies.</p><p>Leliana gestured around the cabin, chairs smashed. Pots and ink strewn on the floor “A patrol found the mother beside the Chantry, she was bleeding from a head wound but no other injuries. One of the men was apprehended disposing of the mother, he slit his throat before we could question him. We do have one in the cells currently but he’s reluctant to give up information” Leliana looked at Cullen. </p><p>“Do you think this has a connection to your traitor?” Cullen asked, looking for the cold dead stare of the Spymaster under her hood. </p><p>“It is possible, his disappearance is convenient” came the reply. </p><p>He nodded in agreement, “We’ll begin-“ </p><p>“I will get him to talk” Shepard said, breathing heavily from the corner of the room speaking up over Leliana’s assessment of the situation. </p><p>Shepard had stepped away from the corner of the room and was stood near the door, clutching the sword so hard it must have been cutting her, staring at the woman on the bed. Her white shirt with blood still on almost matching her skin colour. </p><p>Leliana opened her mouth to talk-</p><p>“On any other day I might be merciful” Shepard was quickly losing control of her temper. “It makes things very, very simple” Shepard replied, holding the sword the metal creaking under her hands. Cullen stepped towards her. </p><p>“How so?” Leliana bravely asked. </p><p>“Because now, it is personal.” Shepard replied, snapping the sword in two and dropping it on the floor and marching out the cabin. Cullen was brushed past like nothing more than air. </p><p>The sword was picked up by Victoria, looking at it. Shepard had indented the metal, she passed it to Leliana who could make out her fingers where they had curled round the metal. With wide eyes she showed it to Cullen, he looked around the room at the shocked faces of those around the room. </p><p>Cullen took a piece of the sword, there was bits of blood from her fingers but less than he expected for someone who had crushed a sword under their hands. She was flaring beneath her palms the entire time. Using the weapon to channel her anger. </p><p>Cullen quickly left the cabin after her, with some of the inner circle in tow. He vaguely heard the Herald shout for Blackwall, Varric and Iron Bull to follow them. Whatever Shepard was going to do, it was going to be dangerous. To her or to others, Cullen wasn’t sure who he was more worried for. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard slammed open the door to the cells, she hadn’t been back here since she escaped. </p><p>The torches burnt bright, with two guards stationed in the room. All of the cells had hay in the corners, the smell of stagnant air was stifling. She strode to the back cell compartment right up to the iron bars where the man was hunched on a bed roll. No obvious injuries. </p><p>“Where are you taking her”</p><p>She could hear the footsteps of others behind her on the stairs descending to the cells. </p><p>“I aint got nothing to say to you” </p><p>“Wrong answer” she growled.</p><p>She strode forward and grasped the cell door, throwing a blast to the hinges sent it flying into the cell. Wrapping her hands around his throat she slammed him into the bars taking his most recent memories…</p><p>Flashing images went into her mind; maps, plans, information, Trevelyan. The name Trevelyan. </p><p>She released her grip, the only sound was his clothes rustling their way down the bars as he sank to the floor unconscious. Her feet took her out the cell and back to the door. Choosing to ignore the shouting for her to stop, explain or calm down. She had a sole focus. </p><p>She had a mission. </p><p>*** </p><p>“MAKO”</p><p>Shepard shouted from the gates, the mount jumped the fence running to her, no saddle or armour or weapon. She didn’t need them. She would tear this man limb from limb, she used her senses to track any scent she could. An offending smell drifted off up the dirt track past the soldier’s tents. </p><p>It was a man, human. He was sweating, alcohol in his blood stream that was evaporating from his sweat filled the air mixing with the faint smell of urine that was probably from Erin. As she was leaving the gates she saw Cullen and others shouting. She ignored them. She was faster, better and now she was on a hunt. She would get her prey. </p><p>She galloped on the horse, flaring occasionally in time with her heart. Her hair was now completely out her braid, the tie gone. Forgotten in the wind. Her blood was rushing through her veins, the hormones pumping from a hunt, she let the memories of her past lives guide her. Channelling them. Whispering guidance as the smell became stronger. She jumped off Mako as she approached a field out of a wood clearing, leaving him on the track as she entered a denser part of the woods. </p><p>It didn’t take long, she could faintly hear the hooves of horses, most likely Inquisition. With the smell of the man and the gentle cries of a girl. She found a camp. Serval men patrolling were easily taken down, using her cloak she prowled around the trees and tents. Avoiding the rocky ground nearer to the cliff edge Shepard took a dagger from one of them using it to slit their throats one by one. Their gurgling blood staining her clothes as she gently placed them on the floor to not alert any others.</p><p>Satisfaction rose with every kill. </p><p>Every spurt of hot liquid on her hands. </p><p>One man left with Erin tied up by a fire, crying. Whimpering. The sounds coming from her sounded like she was close to passing out.</p><p>She walked with purpose to them, she flares and threw a biotic ball at the tent behind the man a warning of the pain she would cause. Toying with her prey. </p><p>The bits crumbling into the shore to be chewed up by the waves. The waves crushing the bits into its depths. The sound of feet behind her was growing closer. </p><p>The man scrambled to his feet grabbing a bow, he shot an arrow at Shepard. She was covered in a green glow, her arm waving the arrow away and sending it to a nearby tree, another came and she deflected. She continued this taking a step each time. </p><p>The man swore and grabbed a knife to run at her, his eyes went wide and started searching around her back. Inquisition soldiers flanked Shepard, circling round the man. Shepard cursed internally, if they hadn’t turned up she could have easily killed the man and rescued Erin. Plan B. </p><p>There was barely ten meters between him and the members of the inner circle, she recognised the footsteps of Cullen. The light steps of Varric and the clobbers of Blackwall. The heavy bangs that could only be Iron Bull. Once he knew he was stuck with his back to the choppy water he grabbed Erin, narrowly missing a biotic ball sent his way by Shepard, blowing the fire off the edge, spreading embers across the rocky edge. It was a warning shot, she couldn’t risk another without hitting her. </p><p>He now had her by the hair stood in-front of him, walking back to the edge. Holding the knife to her neck, Erin in turn was crying trying to struggle against the ropes around her body, struggling to keep her weight up. </p><p>“Now that’s far enough” He growled, the wind lapping at his back. Erin wouldn’t last long in the glacier winds. Elven blood or no.  </p><p>“Let her go” Shepard growled in return, her biotics calming. </p><p>“No can do, sweetheart. This little bitch is very important. I’m returning her to her rightful owner” He spat back, his eyes running over the soldiers behind Shepard. “Besides, I let her go and you kill me. S’not a fair deal” He had the audacity to smirk at Shepard, let him believe he’s won. Let him believe he’s safe. </p><p>She heard the string of an arrow being pulled back, Shepard gently put her hand out, lowering it gently to call for a disarm. She tried to flick through scenarios. Her past life memories of hostage situations. </p><p>“Good girl, so are you going to kill me or are me and the little one going to get on with business?” he said smirking, looking Shepard up and down. </p><p>“Why her” </p><p>“I don’t ask questions I just get paid” </p><p>Liar.</p><p>He knew. Images flashed over her of him giving the orders to the man in the cells. His smirk. His plan. His mission.</p><p>His fault.</p><p>“I will give you one chance for mercy” She said across the wind, clutching the dagger in her hand feeling the hot trickle of blood washing down her hand from her clothes. </p><p>She was faintly aware of her whole body covered in blood, in her hair, across her face. </p><p>She could see out the corner of her eye that Bull was nodding to her. Reassurance? </p><p>“So what will it be sweet thing, you gonna kill me?” the gruff voice came from the grey bearded man.</p><p>“I’m not going to kill you” his eyes narrowed at her “I am going to burn the heart, out of you. You have lost your chance for mercy” She smiled sweetly. </p><p>The man in turn gripped Erin’s hair tighter, the girl letting out a squeal and took another step back to the edge. </p><p>“Shepard...” Varric said, warning her of the scene. No use of a nickname… never boded well in Varric’s language. </p><p>“Erin, you’re going to be fine.” Shepard said to girl, half concious. She let her hands fall to her sides, her biotics release. She moved her right foot back, shoving it into the rocks, sliding her heel. </p><p>“It’s not nice to lie to kids.” The man smirked weakly, his heart rate was increasing. He was scared, nervous. She smelt his fear. She yielded and began to kneel slowly, her right leg slightly bent. She dropped the knife to the ground.</p><p>“Lady Shepard...” a weak voice said, Erin was crying. Shepard barely heard it from the girl’s mouth. </p><p>“Erin, remember when we went climbing trees, when you fell...” Shepard said, not taking her eyes off the man. Her hands going to the floor. </p><p>The brown hair wafted in the wind as she nodded and spoke sadly, “you caught me”. The girl was still confused. Sheard wondered how much of this she was actually absorbing.  </p><p>Shepard smiled and nodded, flaring her biotics brightly, her duel toned voice calling out around the forest. “I will always catch you Monkey” </p><p>“If I’m not making it out, neither is she.” With that the man stabbed himself in the stomach twice and threw Erin into the choppy depths. He barely had chance to let her go before Shepard had taken off. </p><p>It happened in slow motion. Shepard sprinting towards the edge, using her biotics to lunge her off, grabbing Erin by the ropes around her front with one of her own feet left on the edge. Shepard used her momentum to spin and throw the small body into the nearest body, trying to aim for Iron Bull.<br/>
If there were people shouting her name, she didn’t hear it over the wind in her ears.<br/>
Shepard saw the dark waves crashing below her. Her limbs flailed in the wind as she fell, tumbling to the waves below, Shepard made a barrier at the last second bracing herself for the smack of the water.<br/>
Pain radiated down the side of her back as she hit and submerged into the water. The cold biting at her skin as she came aware of the dark cold around her, realisation set in, she was underwater. The quiet darkness was almost serene, her mind coming back to her she realised she was losing time. She kicked her legs in one smooth motion to get to the surface, or what she hoped was the surface. There was barely any light to guide her but her flaring.</p><p>She broke the surface with a breath, gasping greedily, wiping her hair off her face, searching for the shore. She turned to see a white horse of a wave crash into her sending her hurtling underwater again. She scrambled to the surface again, taking a breath and throwing her hands forward to catch the water and push it behind her. She was good at front crawl maybe not in full cloth and leather clothes.</p><p>The waves did not help, the current was wild, but was aiding her to the rocky shore. It was the smack of a small ice berg into her back that stopped her motion hitting the tender skin from her fall into the water, the wave took her under again. The cold setting in, making it harder to breathe but making it burn. She kept going, feeling rocks under her hand cutting them, the shore. Another wave smacked against her back sending her crashing onto the pebbles. </p><p>Crawling away from the large angry waves. She crawled on her hands and knees, water in her ears. Her head banging with the lack of oxygen, water burning in her lungs. She was alive. It worked, again. She coughed up the water remnants in her throat, attempting to stand. She had barely got to her knees when her back protested, the cold wind air biting at the forming bruise. She fell back onto her front, letting herself breathe, the water from the waves lapping at her shins. </p><p>Her control was wavering. </p><p>The tempest inside battling for power. </p><p>She lifted her head in time to see the familiar figures of Blackwall, Iron Bull and Cullen running towards her. She smiled and let her head fall again. Pebbles shifted near her as Cullen slid to his knees to let her lean her shoulder against his chest. His gloves hand went to her face to brush the hair off her face. </p><p>“On a scale of one to ten, how mad are you.” She breathed, coughing at the end of her sentence, gazing at the men. </p><p>“Ten.” Cullen replied, surveying her for injuries. His response just made her laugh as she leant into him, her chest meeting his. Her cold forehead met his neck, he was so warm. She thought. She felt his pulse through his skin, it was racing. Faintly smelling the soap they now shared. </p><p>“And you get a ten in the wet t-shirt competition Shepard.” Iron Bull called next to her, eyeing her black bra through her white shirt that was stuck to her skin, see through. She laughed loudly and gripped one hand on Cullen’s shoulder and one on Blackwall’s. </p><p>They made their way up a steep hill, Iron Bull going behind Shepard and the two men in case one slipped. His bulky form acting as a barrier. Nearer to the top Shepard was able to walk by herself, the two men however made no move to from her. The group rounded the corner, they saw Erin, now untied and being tended to by Victoria, wrapping her in blankets and handing her some water. </p><p>There was Varric and Leliana stood over the dying form of the man. His eyes went wide when he saw Shepard. He didn’t have long left, Shepard walked up to the man standing over him. </p><p>“He won’t give anything up. Can you try to get something?” Leliana asked carefully, not quite meeting her eyes. </p><p>“Get her back to Haven” Shepard replied. Waiting until Cullen had called for the soldiers to move the girl until she moved a muscle. </p><p>Shepard went to one knee, flaring her biotics again, wrapping her right hand around the man’s neck. “I will enjoy this” She said, duel toned voices growling. </p><p>She lifted her hand and dragged him to the edge, his arms were hitting her right one as he struggled to get away from her. Holding him over the edge. Flaring her biotics to hold her in place. Her left hand in a fist by her side as she spread her legs shoulder width as a stable stance. She smiled one last time as she took his recent memories, reading him. </p><p>In exchange, Shepard gave him her worst memories. The ones where she had seen horrors beyond description. The beacon on Virmire, watching the colonists turn to husks. Gazing upon the Human Reaper. The feel of the swarm around her skin. The first time she had seen a Brute on Menae. Walking through the conduit around the bodies. She heard his screams over the memories, the sweet sound of a disgusting man in pain. The feel of his pulse weakening under her hand. </p><p>The memories faded as the life was draining from the man’s life. She turned and threw him by the neck into a nearby tree, the satisfying sound of his spins shattering pleased the memories in her body. Shepard let out a ragged breath as her biotics died down. </p><p>“Maker...”</p><p>“Kaffas”</p><p>“Saarebas, Basalit-an”</p><p> “Well Shit” </p><p>Shepard didn’t move as she breathed her rage away. Letting the words and shock of those surrounding her dwindle. If her body was shivering, she couldn’t tell under the rage that was coursing through her veins. The things this man was going to do to Erin. Her da’len. It made her want to heal the man bring him back and kill him over again, slower. </p><p>Her eyes didn’t leave the dead body. As Cullen came to her side, “Did you get anything?” he asked. </p><p>“Yes, but I’m not saying it in-front of her.” Shepard said, her eyes moving to a small blond figure behind a tree. Walking slowly to Shepard. </p><p>“Monkey, I told you to go.” Shepard said, gently falling to one knee. Erin’s back was now to the dead man, Rylen gestured for the soldiers to move the body out of sight. </p><p>The figures of the inner circle and the soldiers were spread out, securing the area but listening to the exchange. Cullen was at Shepard’s side, Rylen was slowly inching towards her. </p><p>“I heard screaming...I ran to make sure you were okay” The girl said, clutching a grey blanket around her form, some of her brown hair was gently brushing over the edge of the blanket. </p><p>“You wanted to make sure I was ok?” Shepard asked, resting her arms over her knee as Erin inched towards her. When Shepard moved, Erin flinched. She was scared. </p><p>“Are you scared of this” Shepard asked, letting her biotics flare, “Of me?” Shepard asked. </p><p>Erin shook her head, stepping in Shepard’s warmth. “No Lady Shepard, you make the bad men go away” She sniffed and wiped her eyes as she spoke again, “I was really scared, I tried to get away but I was a coward. You wouldn’t have been scared...” Erin whispered, tightening the blanket around her. </p><p>Shepard sighed as relief filled her body. She shook her head, “Monkey, let me tell you a secret. I still get scared sometimes. Scared will keep you fast remember?” she nodded “And when you get scared and you still do something brave, it’s even more impressive” Shepard saw the eyes of many people on her, watching the exchange. Victoria was stood close, her hands folded on her stomach.</p><p>Erin looked up with her big grey eyes, tears shining down them as she stepped forward to Shepard, “Really?” she said. </p><p>“Yes, I am so proud of you child” Shepard said, repeating the last words she had heard David say to her. </p><p>Erin smiled as she hugged Shepard tightly, her little arms coming to wrap around her neck, Shepard’s arms wrapped around the girls. She let her biotics cover them. The emotion of protecting this child and knowing her Dad had tried to protect her overtook Shepard.</p><p>The tempest in her faltered and released, she accidentally projected the memory of her final moments in-front of her into the minds of those stood close. David’s words washed over her, her own green tinged voice calling to her father in the memory before her. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Cold, the only warmth coming from the blood flowing on her body.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Muted explosions as ships battled in space. The planet burning below. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It feels like years since we’ve just sat down</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hell of a view</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Best seats in the house Dad</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m so proud of you child</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dad? David come on</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard, Commander Shepard do you read me.</em>
</p><p><em>Hackett. I- This is Shepard, I can’t find- I don’t know- </em> </p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut to stop projecting. The green figures disappeared as the memory Shepard was crawling to the controls of the conduit landing on her stomach as her breath left her lungs, the pool of blood forming under her once again. They had all seen it. She felt their connection. Victoria, Cullen, Rylen, Varric, Bull.</p><p>Regret filled her once more. </p><p>“Can we go home now?” The little voice whispered, her voice quiet and sleepy. Breaking Shepard’s panic. </p><p>Shepard stood with the near dead weight to her chest, holding her on her hip one arm under her the other wrapped around her. Letting the small child fall asleep to her chest, her head tucked into her neck. </p><p>A soldier walked up to her holding his arms out for the child. </p><p>“If you touch this child, I will murder you where you stand.” Her duel toned voice warned, her eyes filling with green light. That was enough warning for the soldier to quickly step away, practically falling over his feet in a retreat. The deep soft chuckle of someone reaching her ears, probably from Iron Bull. </p><p>Cullen bravely stepped next to her, wrapping her in his mantle for the second time that evening, brushing the material near to Shepard’s neck before tying it around Erin. It smelt like him. Like home. </p><p>“Let’s go home.” Shepard said to the sleeping form, not breaking eye contact from Cullen. He said nothing but smiled at her, his fingers lifted reaching for her before dropping, stepping to her side he unsheathed his sword and stayed as a barrier between the child and the outside world. A lion protecting the cub.</p><p>Shepard started the walk back to Haven, gently humming a lullaby that David would sing to her when she was scared. Cullen by her side, not moving a metre from her. Victoria on the other side, occasionally sending a healing barrier over the two. </p><p>When they had made it back to Haven Shepard’s back was protesting the weight of the child. One of the healers ran to meet her at the gate. Shepard handed her over to him and Mother Giselle to take her to the healers waiting in the now tidy cabin of her and her mother. </p><p>Shepard watched them go, still feeling the phantom weight of the girl in her arms. A chill went through her, she gripped the mantle and brought it to her face. A hand went behind her back made her groan. </p><p>“Shepard, we should take a look at you.” Victoria smiled. </p><p>“Debrief first” she breathed more of a breath than words, walking to her cabin motioning Cullen and Leliana to follow. </p><p>Shepard opened the door, sitting near the unlit fire with a huff, her back hit the back of the chair and she stifled a groan, flaring her nostrils to huff out air. Opening her eyes she watched as the mage kneel next to her lighting the fire once more for her. Shepard peeled off the cloak, now soaked with snow and water. </p><p>“You should let me look at that back” Victoria said using her arm to pull Shepard up, “Gentlemen if you’ll wait-“</p><p>“It’s fine” Shepard said turning her back to them and began peeling the wet shirt from her skin, “Where I’m from more doctors have seen me naked than men” she joked, releasing a breath when her arms fell and the shirt hit the ground. Her bra made for a large coverage anyway. </p><p>She didn’t miss the intake of breath from the group. </p><p>“That bad?” she asked supporting her hand to steady herself on the desk. </p><p>“This scar… it’s like lightning. Where-” Victoria said drifting her hand over the edge. </p><p>Oh.</p><p>They weren’t looking at fresh wounds. </p><p>The scar in question was like a lightning strike. The white skin branching out from the bottom of her left scapular to half way up, the lines dancing across her skin stopping at her shoulder.</p><p>“I got it on a planet called Elysium. We held the colony in defence when it was attacked, salvers came for the people. We weren’t even on duty, just finished a tour. I was half drunk when the attack broke out” She faintly heard Varric laugh. </p><p>“I held them off while my unit got everyone to a safe distance but well, the slavers didn’t take kindly to me not telling them to politely leave. One managed to sneak up behind me, electric bullets mixed with rain… produced this. It’s nothing really, better men and women died that day.” she said shaking her head. Focusing on the healing of the hands behind her on her adjacent side. </p><p>“You’ve seen a lot of battle then?” Victoria asked moving her hands in repetitive motions on her shoulder down to her hip. </p><p>Shepard laughed in her closed pursed lips, “Find me an officer who hasn’t” A gentle pat and the offered baggy shirt told her that she was healed as best as  for now. </p><p>“Thank you” she sighed, letting the flames lick at her side returning to her chair. Watching as the blurry forms of Cullen, Rylen, Leliana and Varric move closer into her cabin having set back to give them privacy. </p><p>“A pleasure Commander” The woman said, from this close she could see the red outline of her eyes against the black of her iris. Her hands were covered in the blue light that accompanied healing magic. </p><p>“Just Shepard, please” She huffed a laugh, “My rank means nothing here” She said closing her eyes heavily. </p><p>“Now I do not think that is true” she smiled, when she opened her eyes. </p><p>Shepard let out a laugh, “Cullen” she flicked her gaze to the knelt man at her chair. “The child, Erin. She’s” her mouth felt like cotton wool, “she...” her eyes felt heavy. </p><p>She could barely keep them open. Her breath becoming heavier. The warmth of the fire was lulling her to sleep or was it the strange glow coming from the woman’s hands? She felt something lulling her to sleep, something unnatural. </p><p>She could hear voices around her but they felt heavy, low sounds. The words melted around her.</p><p>Something warm was under her chin to life her face. It didn’t rouse her. She was leaning forward, her head met warm skin, a steady pulse under her head. </p><p>“We can watch the stars again” a small boy’s voice came. </p><p>Shepard tried to open her eyes to find the source but they were so heavy. The last thing she felt was an arm wrapping around her back, something under her knees. The weight of the chair on her bruise was weakening. She let herself fall into the darkness, surrounding her by the masculine scent of Cullen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. In Hushed Whispers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Elements of non-consensual sex. Skip Shep going into the cabin to avoid!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Fuck off” She said to the poking hands of someone prodding her back, waking her from her sleep. Her back was tender but nothing was broke or torn. She was lay on her stomach with her arms under her pillow. </p><p>“Well aren’t you a delight in the morning” the posh voice of Dorian floated over her, Shepard opened one eye to see the head of the man at her eyes level. He was crouched by her bed healing her back. </p><p>“Should I be concerned that I wake up to men in my cabin poking me more often than not?” she said, earning a chuckle from the man as he lifted the sheet back up to her shoulder. </p><p>“Well aren’t you the lucky one, I could use a few more men in my mornings.” He winked. Ah fair enough, she laughed and tried to lift herself. Her back felt stiff but not as bad as she thought it could be. </p><p>“When did you get back?” Shepard said, stretching her arms groaning as her back muscles shifted under her skin.</p><p>“Yesterday, about midday” he confirmed, she sent him a confused stare. “Oh, my dear we had you sedated for a day to heal your back. Lots of concerned voices thought it was best” He said, wiping his hands of the ointment he had been applying onto her back. </p><p>She hoped it was that and not that they wanted her… docile.  </p><p>“Nauseating isn’t it” she laughed, leaning on one elbow. A whole day? He laughed at that, a hearty light laugh. </p><p>“Oh, I gagged twice! Now up you get, it’s just reached sunrise but I want you up and about. The blonde Templar is pacing outside. Take it easy today, the sedation spell will take a little out of you” She could quickly grow to like this Dorian, she offered a thanks and stood holding the sheet to her chest letting it droop around her back. </p><p>Shepard sat up with a groan, that sleep spell had really done her in like waking up from a sedative on the Normandy. Though she didn’t feel in pain much. </p><p>Regardless, she walked to her mirror, turning sideways and brushing her hair over her shoulder to see the damage. At that moment, her cabin door swung open and Cullen stepped through. </p><p>“Oh-sorry Dorian said I could come in- he ah didn’t mention-“ Cullen stuttered wavering on the threshold of her cabin door. One hand placed in-front of his eyes, it was almost comical. </p><p>“Cullen it’s alright just come in” she said rolling her eyes, for someone who was a Commander of an army he wasn’t half modest. The Templar order had strict rules on nudity and around Thedas. Very different from home. </p><p>She spun to greet him, “Found any grey hairs yet?” she said, offering a joke. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped as his eyes went behind Shepard, drifting over her shoulder. He was looking at her back in the mirror. </p><p>His eyes gazed on the bruise that span down her shoulder, round her waist and ended just shy of her hip. A reminder. She was not invincible. She was not a god. </p><p>His eyes met hers once more before the gaze drifted down her bruise once more, she flicked her hair back to cover it. Offering him a smile, he didn’t return it. </p><p>“I’m fine honestly, it’s just a bruise. I’m fighting fit Commander” She said, offering once more a chance for conversation. </p><p>He walked to her, keeping his eyes on hers. She had a sudden fight or flight feeling like she was a rabbit caught in a lion’s grasp. He stopped a breath to her right, in front of her. He moved her hair with a gloved hand, brushing the back of her neck. His eyes went to her back once more in the mirror. </p><p>Shepard watched his face closely as the emotions flickered across his face. He looked paler than usual, sunken bags under his eyes. Slightly red around the edges. </p><p>“You look tired” Shepard whispered, one of her hands left the sheets to place her finger tips on his stubble. Golden eyes returned to hers, if he was a mage she would have said his eyes burned. He said nothing as he turned on his heel and left. Shepard didn’t know what to think of the encounter. </p><p>He could be so shy with his words but so confident with his movements. She couldn’t read his emotions when he watched her back, the Commander mask truly in place. Shepard dressed carefully and changed into her usual attire, braiding her hair slowly. She stepped out into the cold. </p><p>“Shepard,” a runner saluted “Your presence is requested in Lady Maria’s cabin” Shepard nodded as she quickly left for the cabin. </p><p>Shepard knocked on the door before entering. Maria was awake looking slightly tired. Shepard wondered how much sleep she had managed, her forehead wound closed and small bruises left on her arms from her struggle. </p><p>Maxwell, Cullen, Leliana, Solas, Enchanter Victoria and Mother Giselle were all in the cabin also. </p><p>“Shepard” Maxwell seemed to sigh, coming to embrace her. “I heard about what happened, you sure you’re alright?” grey eyes searched hers.</p><p>“I’m good Maxxy” he rolled his eye at the nickname but took her humour in food faith, stepping back once more with a squeeze of her upper arm. </p><p>Spread out around the cabin, keeping a respectable distance from one another. Shepard walked to Leliana, whispering into her ear. Leliana nodded and left without a word. </p><p>“Maria” Shepard walked slowly to her, kneeling at her feet. Would she be scared, would she call her a demon and send her-</p><p>“Shepard, thank you. The Herald told me what you did. I do not know if you believe in such things but I am sure you are worthy of Andruils blessing” She said, her blue eyes filling with tears. Shepard placed her hand over the one placed on her cheek </p><p>“Andruil?” came the enquiring voice of Maxwell behind her.</p><p>The name stirred something in Shepard. Images flashed of old Protheans, so quick she could barely process it. Solas was watching her avidly. She blinked the memories away feeling her eyes return to normal instead of filled with light.</p><p>“She took the gathering storm, trapped its fury in golden limbs and strung it with the screams of the south wind” Victoria quoted, “I studied elven history in the Circle” she smiled. “She is the goddess of the Hunt I believe” she nodded, casting her blue hands over Maria’s shoulder. </p><p>She tried to reach the memories again but they weren’t there… like she wasn’t allowed to touch them. </p><p>“I- I” the words didn’t seem to come. Her mind preoccupied with her minds reaction to her old name.  </p><p>She returned her gaze to the elven woman “I am honoured you think so. It is not a compliment I receive lightly.” She bowed her head, noticing Mother Giselle’s smile. Shepard hoped she was being respectful.</p><p>“Erin hasn’t shut up about how you… glow” she teased, tucking a hair behind her ear. “She says you tell the best stories.” Maria laughed; her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Her form was slouched forward, her hair brushing the tips of her shoulders. </p><p>“If this is about that rude poem, I swear I didn’t teach her it” Shepard joked, holding her hands in surrender. Maria returned the laugh shaking her head. The soft laughter of the others joined, all relived that they could reach a small part.</p><p>“Regardless, you are welcome in our family. You have done more for us than I could wish for” Maria’s small hand reached for Shepard’s.</p><p>“Thank you Maria. But I rather think that the rightful person should know they have a little sister. It’s time, don’t you think?” Shepard said cradling the trembling hand. </p><p>“How could you possibly know” Maria whispered, her blue eyes looking up in wide eyed horror. </p><p>“The men that took your daughter, I read their memories. I saw the circumstances that led to this event. He suffered before he died” Shepard said, the woman gasped and put her hand over her mouth. Gently letting the tears fall from her eyes, she ushered a word that sounded like ‘good’. As she turned to the Enchanter for support. The woman wordlessly sat on the bed and wrapped an arm around her.</p><p>“Would it be easier if I explained your situation?” Shepard asked in a quiet tone, trying to console the young mother. </p><p>The woman nodded, letting her hands fall into her lap. The Enchanter was sat on the bed beside the crying woman speaking in hushed tones. </p><p>“Where is Erin?” Shepard asked, moving to lean on the desk next to the door, placing her in the centre of the semi-circle of advisors. </p><p>“She is with Rylen, getting some breakfast. They should be back any moment.” Cullen said meeting Shepard’s gaze with no hint of emotion, like he hadn't stroked her bare neck moments earlier. </p><p>The group didn’t have to wait long before they came back. Rylen ushered the girl in, saluting to the group before taking up a guard outside the door. </p><p>“Lady Shepard!” Erin shouted running to hug her legs tightly, Shepard smiled and let her hand fall on her head brushing the brown hair. “You’re ok!” She asked, looking up from where her arms were wrapped around Shepard’s legs. </p><p>“I’m always ok, Monkey. Just needed a little nap” Shepard said gently picking her up and putting her on the desk, “Nice breakfast?” Shepard asked, brushing the crumbs from the girl’s lap. </p><p>“Yes, Rylen let me have two fruit pastries!” She said happily, Shepard repeated back ‘two!’ in a whisper. “Can I see you glow again?” Erin whispered. </p><p>Shepard laughed, letting her biotics flare around her, her eyes fill with light. “I’ll show you something else too, hold my hand” her duel toned voice said. </p><p>She gave Erin her memory of when she watched The Wizard of Oz, the vid was old but her, John and David had watched, not moving once from the screen. It had quickly become one of Erin’s favourite stories apparently. </p><p>“The paintings, they move! They talk! It's The Wizard of Oz!” Erin said, a smile flicking across her face. Smiling at the girls face who was in awe of Shepard’s world. </p><p>“That is how we tell stories where I am from. Go to sleep, you will have good dreams I promise” She smiled, still letting the picture roll into Erin’s mind, Erin’s eyes became heavy. She gently fell into Shepard who picked her up placing her on the bed beside her mother. Who stroked her hair gently, keeping a hand on her child.</p><p>“How is this helping?” Max asked. </p><p>“It wasn’t supposed to be helpful, it was to be kind.” Shepard said, turning to face the group. Leliana stepped in, handing Shepard a parchment of paper, nodding a thanks to the Nightingale. </p><p>“Erin was taken because she is an heir. A very specific heir to a large fortune. She is also a loose end” Shepard began, “Lady Maria, was a first to the Lavallen clan in the Free Marches. The very same clan you saved in your youth” Shepard looked at Maxwell’s face. It was pale, white.</p><p>“How did you-“ he stopped talking knowing the answer already. “The Dalish were always free to come on our lands, they were kind. Respectful. We traded with them a lot. A nearby bandit camp attacked them and we came to their aid. I was seventeen at the time” Maxwell explained. </p><p>Shepard continued, “You were eighteen and your father was there too with your army.” Max’s gaze was questioning. “How old is Erin” Shepard turned to Maria who didn’t look up. Instead stared at the floor. </p><p>Shepard sighed, and answered for her. Maria was silent. “Erin is eight, Maxwell, she is exactly eight years old. About the same time you rescued the clan” his face was still confused. “I’m guessing your father asked for no compensation for his aid?” Maxwell nodded. </p><p>“I’m afraid that isn’t the case” She could see the cogs turning in his mind. </p><p>Shepard sighed at the parchment and looked at the faces in the room, this next bit was where it got messy, the memories of the man swam in her mind. “Lord Treveylan asked for… company… as thanks for his timely aid. He tricked you, used you and discarded you. All because of this.” Shepard finished as delicately as she could unravelling the parchment. </p><p>Maria had stopped crying, but was still clasping the Enchanters hand tightly. Shepard passed the parchment to Max. A painting of his late mother.<br/>
“I don’t understand.” Maxwell said. Looking at the paper. “What does my mother have to do with this?” he whispered. </p><p>“You were so young when she was taken from you, I wouldn’t recognise my mother if she walked past me either. Look at the paper Max, and look at her.” Shepard said gesturing to the paper, Maxwell frowned as he looked at the paper and back to the woman who lifted her head to look at the Herald. His eyes kept flicking. </p><p>Though they were different species, the likeness was there. In the features and hair, the dark blue eyes. </p><p>Shepard’s heart broke as the realisation dawned on Maxwell, Shepard enlightened the rest of the group. “He had his way with her. Not caring of the consequences because he is a wealthy noble man, who would believe her word over his.” Shepard turned towards Maria, speaking in a lighter tone. </p><p>“And the clan agreed to this?” Maxwell roared. “It’s, it’s-“</p><p>“They didn’t agree. It happened anyway” Maria’s whisper came, fresh tears spilled over her eyes. Maxwell looked like he was going to drop, his skin sickly grey. </p><p>“I didn’t… I didn’t know. I’m so” he swallowed, “I-“</p><p>“Would you like me to continue?” Shepard asked Maria who nodded. Shepard touched her arm lightly, green light filling her eyes as she took the rest of the story from her memories. Once done, she let her hand fall and returned to the desk letting the memories die down, quieting. </p><p>“When the pregnancy was announced, the clan shunned her. From there Maria found Anders in Kirkwall who helped her through the pregnancy, you stayed with him helping him and the Champion in the clinic.” Shepard took her eyes off the woman and returned them to the others. “When she heard of the conclave, she came here but she was thankfully too late. The explosion happened and she sought refuge in Haven as a healer. Never revealing the truth, even when you knew who the Herald’s father was. You continued to heal, never asking for more.” Shepard finished, the strength of this woman was extraordinary. </p><p>She must have only been twenty-two when she was used. A child, raising a child in a world that hates Mages. She knew Anders only from stories, but seeing the gentle man in memories, helping any and all. She would kiss him if she ever met him. And when she would meet the Champion, she would kiss him too.</p><p>“I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how.” Maria’s head was low, staring at her hands. </p><p>“No.” Max said loudly, “You have nothing, nothing to be sorry for. Lord Trevelyan is disgusting and will be held accountable for his actions” Max said darkly. Barely able to stop scrunching the parchment up in his hands.</p><p>He crossed the room and knelt in front of her. “I swear to the Maker, I will protect you and... and my sister. You are family” He hesitantly took her hands, giving her time to move if she wished. “Could you give us some time please and send for Dylan” Maxwell requested, turning his head slightly to address the group. Shepard patted his shoulder before leaving. Mother Giselle staying by his side. </p><p>The door closed with a small click. The memories of Lord Trevelyan speaking to the men and explaining his problem made her sick. He wanted the child alive to evaluate if she was a Mage, since his sons had ‘failed him’ to magic. One Templar, one Mage and one with the mark of magic. Then he would decide her fate. To Shepard’s knowledge Erin had shown no magical talent but she was only young. </p><p>Shepard leaned against the door heavily, her hand lifting to rub her eyes. The soft footsteps of the group walking away from her, attending their duties. She wished she had duties to attend to that could take her mind off the heart wrenching situation she had just been in the middle of. </p><p>“Shepard?” a voice called, she looked up to see Victoria stood a few paces from her.</p><p>“Yes Enchanter, what can I do for you” she said, forcing a smile. </p><p>“Do you always expect someone needs help when they approach you?” She said tilting her head. </p><p>“Usually” she answered, forcing her smile. </p><p>“Would you like to go for a walk? Talk to someone about… everything?” she asked producing a wrapped up pastry from her satchel. Shepard reached out for it smiling, it was an incredibly nice gesture that someone noticed she hadn’t eaten yet. </p><p>“I would like that”</p><p>***</p><p>“Something on your mind?” Victoria asked, filling her tea once more. They were perched on the jetty overlooking the frozen lake. The clashing of metal and occasional shout of an order was all that was heard. </p><p>Shepard looked at the woman sat partially across, partially next to her.  </p><p>“There was a time when a moment like this, wouldn’t have ever crossed my mind. And now it’s the new normal. Just, reminded of the strange days we used to have on the Normandy. What my crew would think of this.” Shepard sighed, placing both hands on her mug. </p><p>“Normandy?” Victoria asked taking a sip. </p><p>Shepard blinked, “Oh- it’s the name of the ship I command, used to command” she explained. “I named my Hart after a smaller vessel within that ship, it’s used for space to ground transport. They are called Mako’s”</p><p>Victoria seemed to humm and nod for a moment, taking in the information. “Tell me about your world, where did you grow up?”</p><p>Shepard leaned herself back on the wooden pole, one leg dangling off the side while the other was bent to her chest. </p><p>“Let’s see, I was born on Earth, in a country called Scotland. The human home planet and then we moved to a planet called Mindoir with I was a toddler. We stayed there until… until the attack. Which is where I got this” she showed Victoria her palm and flared. </p><p>“Attack?” she questioned, letting her finger run across the white mark on her hand, inspecting the wound. </p><p>“A race called the Batarians. Slavers, mostly. They killed or took people. My brother and I were the only ones who made it out alive. My father died giving us a way to escape, after doing this to me. He was a scientist.” </p><p>Victoria’s head shot up, “Your father died when you were thirteen? I’m so sorry, you and your brother, so young” her frown was deep, her voice cracking from emotion. The wrinkles around her eyes told Shepard there was a time she smiled more than frowned. </p><p>“It’s alright” Shepard said going for another sandwich, “It was a long time ago. The Alliance, the human army, they saved us. Anderson, he adopted us, he knew my father well and my mother when she was alive. He took us to an academy called Grissom. They specialised in education and training for… people who are different. I enlisted at eighteen with my twin, much to my Dad’s dismay” Victoria chuckled, never breaking eye contact, “Then I got a degree in Human and Xeno Biology and climbed the ranks” Shepard shrugged. </p><p>“You and your brother are close then?” she asked shifting her legs to cross them. </p><p>“Oh yes” she laughed, “He is the bane of my existence sometimes but we keep each other grounded. The trouble we used to get into” Shepard looked at her hands, wondering if John was doing this. Sat with someone telling them about her. </p><p>“You miss him” Victoria said tilting her head. “Tell me about the trouble you used to get into” </p><p>Shepard grinned retelling stories of how John once broke her out of hospital after her N6 and they got drunk on the roof. Passed out and woke both handcuffed back in her room by David and Hackett. They were both laughing loudly at the end of it, Victoria shaking her head and putting her hand on the back of her mouth. She herself told Shepard of the mischief that her and her sister used to get up to when they were young. </p><p>“I want to ask you something” As their laughter subsided. </p><p>“Shoot” Shepard replied, her cheeks hurting from laughing.</p><p>“You’ve always had something to die for. But you mentioned no handsome warrior waiting for you back home.” She teased. </p><p>Shepard shrugged, “Most of my relationships were just physical. When I first got my… abilities I couldn’t touch anything without experiencing what it or they had. I wore gloves for many years. I couldn’t touch anyone, when I could control my powers well, I just wasn’t used to relying on someone like that, with being in the military most civilians don’t want a partner who is away for months at a time. I think it would be rare to find someone that can see past this, and just see. Well, me.” she said flaring her hand and looking at it. </p><p>“The Commander doesn’t seem to mind” Victoria teased.</p><p>Shepard stared at her wide eyed, “We’re not… I mean Cull- the Commander is a friend” she confirmed. </p><p>Friends. The word felt bitter.</p><p>“mm-hmm” the mage replied, watching Shepard try to regain her composure. “Child, friends don’t worry as much as he did when I put you to sleep. He was dragged out the cabin to rest” Shepard rolled her eyes with a grin, oh Cullen. “And why is it he is constantly looking over here instead of looking at his troops?” </p><p>Shepard looked in the direction of the blonde Commander for him to immediately look away, his hand came to his neck and rubbed it while he purposely toured the soldiers. </p><p>The women giggled as Shepard shook her head, groaning as she shifted her back. “I- it wouldn’t be fair to ask for more, it would end in tears if I was to romance him just to leave”</p><p>“Wouldn’t be fair on him, or you?” her brown eyes pierced through Shepard. “You speak of duty and sacrifice but, do you have you got something or someone to live for?” </p><p>Shepard was startled by the statement, staring at the mage’s brown eyes with shock. How true it was. She was ready to die in the name of service, in the name of the galaxy. </p><p>“I- I never really thought about it.” She joked, letting the breathy laugh leave her body as she stared at the frozen lake. “My life was always for someone else’s protection. I guess I’m used to that. The consistency of duty, not starting something because I might not be there to finish it.” She shrugged. </p><p>“Food for thought” Victoria winked. Shepard smiled back sadly. </p><p>They continued to talk until Master Samuel found her, practically dragging her off the Jetty to the Mabari tent. After two hours of deciding and tending to the pups, Shepard decided to pay Cullen a visit, going to give him some exciting news of her own. </p><p>*** </p><p>Cullen’s withdrawal had only gotten worse when the mage had put Shepard to sleep, watching Shepard wield her power with bravery before falling into him once more. It made him itch for the powers of Lyrium. </p><p>How risky she was with her own life for others made him rage, and she didn’t blink an eye. Ready to die for a child, as if her own life meant nothing. His mind kept replaying her body fall from the cliff, to running down the muddy hill to reach the shore. How ready he was to sprint into the water to get her. To find she was on the pebbles, smiling at her accomplishment. </p><p>If he was her commanding officer he would have taken her head. </p><p>His heart had broke when he watched her final moments with her Father in his mind, ending a war while your father dies. It still felt heavy as he read the reports on his desk. His mind wandering back to her mismatched eyes, she had called Haven home. It had made him puff with pride when she had only let him near her and the child. Allowing her to be protected by him. He tried not to dwell on it. </p><p>The emotional turmoil had weakened him. </p><p>But seeing Shepard’s bruise on her back was just another reminder that he had failed to protect her. They had let these men train with them, fight with them. </p><p>Shepard wouldn’t have gotten hurt if he had checked the recruits more thoroughly, her injuries were his fault. He told himself that she wasn’t his to protect did nothing for the guilt that swam in his chest replacing the pride. He sighed, letting the report in his hands drop. </p><p>Nothing was ever simple in Haven.</p><p>“Cullen?” Shepard asked tentatively, entering his office holding a tray with both arms. He could see from the contents that it was only a dinner for one. He tried to gulp down the disappointment. </p><p>“Shepard” he replied shaken from his memories, smiling like the strange interaction this morning hadn’t happened. He was grateful she hadn’t asked. “Thank you” he said noticing her tray. </p><p>“Before you say anything, I have something for you” She grinned, placing the tray on the desk. Rounding it to grab his arm, pulling him from the chair. </p><p>“Shepard I really should-“ </p><p>“Come on, come on” She said, putting her full weight on dragging him out the tent. </p><p>He gave up trying to fight her. He was glad she hadn’t asked about the strange interaction this morning. How could he explain that he was painfully worried about her, more than a friend or colleague?</p><p>Attempting to ignore the looks of bemused soldiers as the Commander of the Inquisition was being dragged by his arm by a woman half his weight. Word of her actions had spread through the ranks, gossip always did travel through the barracks faster than a sewing circle. She led him to the Mabari tent, opening the tent flap for him to enter. He walked into the warmth, smiling at the pups bouncing around the pen. </p><p>“Commander” Samuel reached his hand out to shake. </p><p>“Master Samuel, how are the Mabari? And your family?” He asked, smiling and returning the shake before placing both his hands on his pommel. </p><p>Shepard was to his right bending over the fence of the pen to stroke the Mother Mabari on her neck. The beast stretching back to lick at Shepard’s chin as she cooed at the dog. He shook his head smiling, returning his attention to Samuel. </p><p>“Excellent in both cases Sir, and I wanted to personally thank you again for your aid. Shepard let me in on a secret and I wanted to give you something” Samuel began, smiling at Shepard who had joined the two. Her grin was wide, her hands folded in-front of her. </p><p>“You are welcome, uh what is it?” Cullen frowned, wondering what Shepard had revealed to him. “Pick one.” Samuel gestured to the pen. </p><p>Cullen’s hands dropped, surely he had misheard the man. Shepard nudged him forward to the pen, Cullen carefully stepped over into the pen. Turning slightly to face Samuel, “Are you sure?” Cullen asked checking he had for certain understood the words that Samuel had said. </p><p>Samuel nodded with a grin, looking over at Shepard who was attempting to stifle her own grin with her hand. </p><p>Cullen knelt down, allowing the pups to sniff and run around him. A gentle tug at his side made him lift his arm and look to his side. A smaller female Mabari was tugging at his mantle all dark grey morphing into black when the fur reached the paws, looking at him with piercing blue eyes. The same blue as parts of Shepard’s eyes. He remembered Shepard’s words from the day before. </p><p>
  <em> A baby Mabari looking at you, biting at your mantle, no one could resist. Not even the big bad Commander Rutherford </em>
</p><p>He smiled when he picked the pup up, holding the female pup to his chest. It gently tried to nip at the feathers of his mantle before licking Cullen’s nose. Wriggly little thing. Cullen gently laughed, turning to stand and face the two. Holding the pup in one hand. </p><p>His head tipped up to meet Shepard’s gaze, she was gently biting at her thumb barely containing the grin there. She had told him he had always wanted a Mabari. How could he not harbour feelings for her when she cared so much about people. Guilt hit him again. </p><p>“Thought of any names?” Samuel said to him, repeating Cullen’s words to him and his wife about their son. Breaking him from his thoughts of Shepard. </p><p>Cullen chuckled as he stepped over the pen. Putting the pup down to run to Shepard’s feet, she giggled as she picked the pup up, letting it nibble at the end of her braided hair. The chubby pup’s paws dangling over her arm as it lay flat on her forearm, content under her attention. He pondered as he watched her. She had affected him at almost every turn since she had arrived. He valued her friendship greatly. </p><p>He valued her greatly. </p><p>“Oz” Cullen said, rousing a shocked look from Shepard. “I’ll name her, Oz.”<br/>
He watched as Shepard’s tongue flicked on the side of her cheek, laughing shaking her head. He had heard the story she told the children a few times, filtering into the audience more than a few times. </p><p>One of the children’s favourites was the Wizard of Oz. </p><p>It was now one of his favourites too. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard had finished lunch with Cullen, much to his insistence she join him before letting the pup he had chosen go back to the pack for now. He wouldn’t be able to be with Cullen on his own for a few more weeks when he had outgrown his mother but would regularly visit to see if the Mabari imprinted. Shepard had no doubt it would. </p><p>She liked it when Cullen smiled, she was happy she was able to give him something his inner child could have but something useful enough that the Commander would be satisfied. </p><p>She made her way with her tray back to the tavern, entering and thanking Flissa before leaving, she seemed happier, no attacks. The soldiers had taken to escorting her to the village. Shepard made a mental note to ask her about the dark haired one she usually saw her with. She exited the side door to seek the healers and evaluate their supplies but was caught by a runner asking for her presence with the War Council. </p><p>“Forgive me for getting to business but as for this meeting. There is a dire situation in Redcliffe, a Tevinter magister residing in Redcliffe, he currently ‘owns’ the mages there. This cannot be allowed to continue. Furthermore, Fiona had no idea we were coming, no one did. Something is wrong, the whole area feels cursed.” Maxwell began.</p><p>The King had yet to remedy the situation, if he was aware at all. Josephine was tense, arguing that the Inquisition could be seen to undermine the King’s authority. Leliana was quick to retort that he would not see it as such. There seemed no way in, Cullen was getting irate calling the whole things nonsense and to go and get the Templars. Shepard was concerned for his anger, it was bubbling. </p><p>“It’s an obvious trap, he mentions you by name” Josie broke the current argument. </p><p>“Isn’t that kind of him, what else does Alexius say of me?” Maxwell joked, he was tense. Shepard knew he was deflecting his fear with humour. They were more alike than she would admit. </p><p>Leliana spoke, “He is so complimentary, we are sure he wants to kill you.” </p><p>“Not this again” Josie sighed, slightly turning from the group to gather herself. </p><p>“Redcliffe castle is one of the most defensible in all of Ferelden, it has repelled thousands of assaults. If you go in there you’ll die, and we’ll lose our only way of sealing the breach.” Cullen’s voice was harsh. Bitter. Unlike the Cullen she had grown to know, Shepard put on her best Commander mask to hide her frown. </p><p>She had to tell herself he was just being practical. It was his job to protect. Frankly everyone was on edge after the kidnapping, never-mind the hole in the sky. </p><p>“And if we do not even try to beat Alexius, we lose the Mages and leave a hostile foreign power on our doorstep.” Leliana argued. </p><p>This went on, the back and forth arguing over Templars and Mages. It seemed they were split 2-2. With Max as the deciding vote. </p><p>“Shepard. Opinion?” Max asked, Shepard straightened her back, hands behind her back at parade rest. </p><p>“You won’t like it” she laughed. “Max you are no Mage, you need power to fuel the mark. Templars weakening the breach gives you no extra power to use your mark. If your energy isn’t enough, it won’t be sealed. AND YES,” she spoke loudly over Cullen who was opening his mouth to retort something. Glaring at her.</p><p>“The Mages are dangerous, the possibility of possession and such, but they seem to have no order. No ranks or rules. You can bring that order to them, make them believe in themselves and they are safe, important even, within this Army. And that removes the danger of pissing off the Mages going for the Templars, which we have already contacted” She was gesturing with her hands.</p><p>“Fear can become desperation and that becomes dangerous. Besides, if the Templar’s are half as honourable as Cullen and Rylen then some of them may even understand your decision or be pleased that they’re secure. Like those precious little prisons you call Circles, which by the way I do not support” she smiled at Cullen, hoping to break his tense shoulders with her words. It worked, marginally. </p><p>“We have had no word from the Templars” Leliana added.</p><p>“Yet” Shepard said, “We can’t give up on them” she frowned, it had to work. </p><p>“Thank you Shepard” Max said, running his hand through his hair. </p><p>“You didn’t think I rallied the Galaxy on my charms alone, did you?” Shepard joked. </p><p>Max recoiled slightly, “No, no I meant no offence Shepard, I know you-.” </p><p>“Max, I was joking. It was mainly my charms” she said, laughing, stopping the man from rambling. He was clearly still feeling embarrassed from the days prior. Not wanting to overstep Shepard’s boundaries again. </p><p>He smiled and cleared his throat. “Right then. Leliana please find and contact Sir Barris again, as quietly as you can. We’re need to formulate a plan to get the Mages and give Redcliffe back to the Arl.” Max finished. </p><p>“There is a way, an escape route for the family in the castle, I used it with Warden Cousland when the castle was last under siege. It is too narrow for our troops but we could send agents through” Leliana said. </p><p>“Too risky, those agents would be discovered well before they reach the Magister” Cullen’s voice was softer, Shepard hoped it was the suggestion to contact some Templars that had swayed him. </p><p>“So, we need a distraction” Leliana said, looking at Max. </p><p>“Yes,” Cullen began, his hands moving as he spoke. “Focus their attention on Trevelyan while we take out the Tevinters. It’s risky but it could work.” </p><p>“Fortunately, you’ll have help” the voice of Dorian said as he entered the room, uncaring as the door slapped the wall. </p><p>Shepard tried and failed to hide her laugh as the scout trembled under the Commander’s gaze. Dorian turned to her, “My dear, looking lovelier by the hour” He said, winking. </p><p>“Master Pavus” she retorted, crossing her arms, smirking back at Dorian. </p><p>Cullen glared at the man, before nodding to the scout to leave. Closing the door behind him. </p><p>Dorian smirked under Cullen’s gaze, “Your spies will never get past Alexius’ magic, without my help. So, if you’re going for him. I’m coming along.” He finished, he said mainly to Maxwell. </p><p>“The plan puts you in the most danger. We can’t order you to do this.” Cullen said, addressing Max. </p><p>“This needs to be done.” He said reaching for a small deck of cards. They looked like tarot cards, each with a painting of one of the inner circle with their name and class.</p><p>Max spread them out, “Dorian, Cassandra, Varric and... Shepard” He smiled, looking at her. </p><p>Shepard’s arms fell from their crossed position, she moved to look at the card that was pushed forward from the table. She picked it up to examine it. At the bottom said Shepard. No abilities or class. Just simply Shepard, the Vessel of Andraste. </p><p>The painting was of her, stood on a cliff with a sunset behind her, Shepard’s delight. Her body half turned to face the viewer of the card, her eyes painted with green light like smoke pouring out, her hair was blown in the wind, revealing the side profile of her face. The top half of her was turned enough to reveal the N7 of her armour, the red stripe of her arm stretched down holding a staff. On one side was a dagger, on the other was a Shepard’s staff. </p><p>“It’s about time, don’t you think?” Max said, the nervousness in his voice echoing around the room. </p><p>“Finally!” she said smiling at him tracing her fingers over the card. “I suppose I could paint the N7 on my new armour” she huffed a laugh, frowning putting the card down. She regretted getting rid of her armour, emotions got the better of her mind. It was something that silently had chewed her up over the days. </p><p>“About that” Shepard frowned at him “Go see Harritt” Max nodded to the group, not offering any more than that. </p><p>Shepard handed him the card and all but fast walked out the room to the smithy with slight apprehension what armour she would be wearing. She was finally going in the field. Finally. And for an important mission too. She kept her pace until she was at the gates of Haven, turning quickly to greet Harritt and Blackwall. Before she got a word out Harritt spoke. </p><p>“Ah Commander, I have something for you.” Harritt said cheerfully, escorting her to the armoury. She expected a rogues armour similar to Sera or Varric. Not what was stood in-front of her. </p><p>Any words died on her lips when he pulled the sheet off an armour stand. All black leather pants, dark thick riding boots on the lower half with metal tipped boots and shins dyed black. Thicker leather panels on the sides of the thighs where her quads would be. The top half was thin chainmail over the stomach, also dyed black. The chest bore her N7 crest. Her original armour stared at her. The chest piece ended just above her waist. The right arm complete with the glove. The left arm was just a shoulder piece, leading to chainmail down to the wrist. The left hand had black metal amour with sharp tipped nails but was bare on the palm. </p><p>Her original armour mixed with the best protection for a deadly assassin. It looked strange, but beautiful. She turned the stand to reveal the pack panel was also smoothed down at the edge. The original jagged cut now smooth, it would protect her right side, where as the left was dark chainmail again. </p><p>“I- I thought it was disposed of” she said, looking at the two men. </p><p>“And waste this armour. Not on my watch, can’t take credit though. It was your Commander that told us to do this. Wanted the best protection for you, he was very clear about that. The leather is enchanted too, the chainmail is the strongest we could make for a rogue. To be honest this is closer to medium armour than light, but will be better than the Ferelden heavy you fought in.” Harrit said, his posture one of pride for his handiwork. </p><p>
  <em> Your Commander </em>
</p><p>Shepard smiled as she started to take the pieces off, holding them as a bundle in her arms and sprinting back to the cabin, shouting a thank you to the two as she ran. Blackwall’s hearty laugh following her as she skidded on the ice.  </p><p>She hurried and put the pieces on. It felt strange but good. Strong. Hers. She grinned at herself in the mirror. Tying her hair in a pony-tail at the crown of her head and fixing her slightly askew makeup she readied herself to face the group again. Her black armour contrasted to her skin. The red emblem of the N7 and her arm was polished, blood red. </p><p>Any scratches or dents had been removed and fixed. The scar on her palm stared at her, before she clenched her hand and walked to the chantry. A bigger bounce in her step than she had before, feeling every bit the Commander she was. </p><p>She strutted through the Chantry and opened the door to the war room without knocking. Taking her place at the table, her armour was as strong as her smile. </p><p>“Commander Shepard, reporting for duty.” She grinned. </p><p>The advisors were visibly pleased by the armour, all giving nods of approval. Cullen raking his eyes up and down her. </p><p>“Then let’s get planning” Max replied, nodding to her. </p><p>*** </p><p>They had been planning the attack for hours, selecting the troops and agents carefully, making sure everyone knew the risks and importance of this mission. </p><p>Her grin when she had stepped in the room made his heart beat funny. He had caused that grin, the more possessive part of him said. </p><p>Shepard’s smile hadn’t shifted throughout the planning. He felt proud knowing her happiness was caused by his action to save her armour. He had caught her eyes more than once, she must have known he was staring at her more often than not in the meeting. Each time she sent him a gentle smile. </p><p>Cullen had just finished stacking his armour on his stand, standing in just his leather breeches and boots when the knock came at his door. </p><p>He opened the door to reveal Shepard on the other side, now in her usual leather black ensemble. Her smile still in place, her eyes raked down his chest to his hips and back up, he didn’t shift. </p><p>Though he’d be lying if he didn’t tense his muscles under her gaze, he knew he was fairly built, if gossip was to be believed he was fairly handsome too. But the heat in her eyes did nothing but make him feel even more pride. </p><p>Maker I’m acting like a teenager, he thought. </p><p>“I- is this a bad time?” she asked, meeting his eyes a blush heating her cheeks. Cullen would not let that reaction go unnoticed. </p><p>“Come in Shepard,” he said moving out the door frame for her to enter, she stood awkwardly at his desk. “I thought you were used to nudity, any reason you’re blushing?” He asked, flexing his arms and crossing them over his chest. </p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him, “I am not blushing.” She said. “and anyway, I came here to say thank you for saving my armour. You- you don’t know how much it means to me that you did that for me.” she ended in a whisper. The humour of before lost in her words. </p><p>He moved to stand in-front of her. “I do Shepard, I-it would make me feel more at ease knowing you have adequate protection with you when you’re out in the field.” He said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Are you sure you’re ok to go, your back...” </p><p>“Thank you, kind knight for worrying about me, but I’ll be fine” she offered, placing her hand on- top of his. Giving him a half smile that showed her dimple, her nervous smile. </p><p>Cullen sighed, “Just promise me you’ll be careful...” He asked her. </p><p>She ignored his request “Cullen in my cabin this morning, what went through your mind” she asked, ignoring his request, her gaze pinning him to the ground. He waited several moments before answering. </p><p>He was wondering when this would come up. He thought she would shout at him for putting his hands on her neck moving her hand to reveal her neck. The bruise on her back and the ease she felt with him so close to her in a state of undress sent his mind reeling. He needed to escape the situation. </p><p>“Your back was a frank reminder that you are still human, that you get hurt. I failed to protect you- the inquisition. You must blame me for what occurred. And, I was irritated at you for throwing your life around and at myself for allowing those men to accomplish this. What good am I as the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces if I can’t even protect my own people.” He said, never once blinking. </p><p>“What happened is not your fault Cullen. Is that why you left, guilt?” she asked. He nodded in response. </p><p>He felt rather than saw her movement to hug him, her hands wrapping around his neck, her face in his neck. Stood on her tiptoes. He wrapped his bare arms around her waist, crushing her to him mindful of her back. Listening for any discomfort. She felt right in his arms, she felt small. He had a fierce rush to protect her.</p><p>She smelled sweet and musky, her breath on his neck. Another reminder that she was but a woman. He couldn’t help his racing heart, hoping she couldn’t feel it. After a few beats her grip released, he followed suit. She returned her feet flat on the ground. </p><p>“What was that for?” he asked, his hands resting on her hips. </p><p>“For worrying about me, for treating me like a person. For saving my armour. For getting me a mount that I wasn’t scared of. Take your pick.” She said, her head tilting to the side. Her bare hands were on his chest, he could feel the rough scar of her left hand through his muscle. </p><p>“And I promise, Commander” she said, moving into a strange position, her hand raised to her head. He sent her a questioning gaze, “It’s how we salute back home” she said laughing. He shook his head at her. </p><p>Their laughter died down. He wanted to hold her again. To bathe in the natural glow that was Shepard’s aura. She felt… right. </p><p>“I should go...” she said, moving to the door. A wave of confidence washed over him or maybe regret for letting her leave his arms, “wait” he heard his voice say, grabbing her hand. </p><p>She stood at the closed door, facing him. He cleared his throat before moving his face to hers, placing a small kiss on her cheek as she had done for him days earlier, “For luck, for tomorrow Livia” he said clearing his throat. Nervous for her reaction, realising how inappropriate this was. </p><p>The blush that was on her cheeks before paled in comparison to the one that was now bright red on her cheeks. </p><p>“Call me, Liv,” she whispered, squeezing his hand gently and with that she was gone, returning to her cabin, turning to catch him staring once more before closing her door. She was smiling with red cheeks. He had made her blush. </p><p><em>Liv...</em> It suited her. Short, sharp. Lovely. He reclined on his bed with both hands behind his neck, triumphant that he had made Liv blush. He fell asleep thinking of the achievement and not the fact that she was walking headfirst into danger. </p><p>*** </p><p>The morning came quick. Shepard dressed in her armour, locking it into place before braiding her hair tightly, putting on her usual small amount of makeup. Darkening her lashes, putting a small flick of eyeliner above the corners of her eye. She grabbed her belt with her potions and lock pick before heading to the stables. </p><p>She tried to focus on the mission parameters from the day before but her mind kept going back to Cullen’s bare chest, his heartbeat under her body when she hugged him, how he had kissed her cheek. It was the first time he, had kissed her. </p><p>Whatever this was it was going too far. </p><p>Her conversation with Victoria was just giving her false hope.</p><p>So why did she enjoy it so much?</p><p>Not being on a pedestal, but being a person.</p><p>She couldn’t lead him on if she was going to leave back to her world. Not that there had been any evidence that she was able to. She ignored the small voice in her head that told her she was using that as an excuse to avoid him. </p><p>She wasn’t proud enough to admit she was nervous but she was desperate to get in the field. To be useful. She left the gates and turned to see Cassandra, Maxwell and Dorian waiting. With a handful of soldiers. Max caught sight of her and smiled, waving her over. </p><p>“Duel wield daggers, silverite and bloodstone. It’ll pack a punch.” Max said handing her two beautifully made daggers. She grinned as she placed them on her back in the holders. </p><p>Where her sniper would usually reside, she thought with a sad heart. </p><p>They made good distance, Max and Shepard riding side by side at the back of the group. The scenery was as Shepard had expected, natural beauty. Countryside, occasionally asking Maxwell questions about the land. It reminded her of earth, without the touch of technology. It was strange riding on Mako, her thighs unaccustomed to the stretching across his back. The rest seemed like well-versed riders, even Varric, who frankly looked ridiculous on his horse. </p><p>She showed him more of her omnitool. She was grateful for his company. She had even managed to make him laugh a few times. His nerves would do nothing but jeopardise the mission if Alexius knew what they were planning. </p><p>The main group and the soldiers split off before Redcliffe, Dorian joining the soldiers. Not wanting to alert anyone near to the city, a good trap makes people curious not scared. They rode all the way, after a quick stop for some food. They ate and made it to Redcliffe castle before nightfall. </p><p>The four made their way to Castle and were greeted by a man in strange armour Shepard could only assume was the Tevinter standard. There was a blonde man who tried to argue the group stay outside, Max was quick to put that to rest and they all entered the lion’s den. </p><p>“They’re know something’s going on” Shepard whispered to him. </p><p>He nodded but made no other comment as they were announced to the Magsiter. Alexius rose from his seat as he addressed the group. </p><p>“My friend, it is so good to see you again.” Alexius said, addressing Max. His eyes shifted to Shepard, specifically to her chest adorning the N7. “And I see you brought your...associates. A pleasure” he finished. His eyes trained on Shepard. </p><p>His gaze more often than not drifted to Shepard. She wondered if the others had picked up on it. The conversation continued. Max had requested Fiona stay with them to discuss the dealings. Max continued to stall the conversation, keeping Alexius talking. Shepard could feel the footsteps of the soldiers nearing. </p><p>Alexius was getting irate. </p><p>“You’re nothing but a mistake.” Alexius spat.</p><p>“If you know so much about this mark, enlighten me” Max retorted. His voice strong, echoing around the room. </p><p>“It belongs to your betters.” Alexius spat, his gaze returning to Shepard. She sent him a frown, tensing. “You wouldn’t even begin to understand.” he finished. </p><p>“Father listen to yourself!” Felix pleaded, “Do you know what you sound like?” </p><p>Dorian moved from the shadows, “He sounds exactly like the villainous cliché everyone expects us to be” </p><p>“Dorian, I gave you a chance to be a part of this, you turned me down. The Elder One has power you would not believe. He will raise the Imperium from its own ashes” Alexius’s hard voice echoed around the hall.</p><p>Max stepped forward, Shepard followed staying close by. “So that’s who you serve this Elder One, is he a mage?” Max asked. </p><p>“Soon he will be a god. He will make the world bow to Mages once more. With the blood of Andraste and the soul of the old gods by his side. We will rule.” Alexius said. </p><p>Fiona shouted from her spot, her back straightened. “You can’t involve my people in this!” </p><p>“Alexius this is what we said we never wanted to happen!” Dorian shouted, the noise of arrows and knifes slitting throats being drowned out by his voice. </p><p>“Stop it father! Let the Southern Mages fight the breach and let’s go home” Felix begged. </p><p>“There is a way to save you Felix, the Elder One promised, if I undo the mistake at the temple and return her. He will let my son live.” Alexius said. </p><p>“Return who?” Max asked, his hands balled into fists. “Return her” Alexius said, pointing at Shepard. </p><p>His words sent a chill down Shepard’s spine. The Elder One wanted her. She looked at Max, who’s gaze was fixed on Alexius. She could feel the worry emanating from Varric and Casandra as they shot each other glances . </p><p>“Father I am going to die, you need to accept that” Felix begged. Alexius moved forward ignoring his son’s pleas, “Cease them Venatori!” his voice echoed around the hall and was met with silence.</p><p>A few more groans of his men dying as the Inquisitions soldiers took them out in one swift action. “Your men are dead Alexius. Surrender and you may be shown mercy” Shepard ordered. </p><p>Alexius raged, “You are a mistake you should have never have existed. She should never have met you” he raged. Holding an amulet in his hands, energising it with magic. </p><p>“NO” Dorian roared, hitting the amulet with his staff. It sent the pendant into the air. Shepard jumped to cover Max as Dorian covered them in a barrier. </p><p>She landed in water on-top of Max she rolled off to survey the room. It filled her mouth and made her gasp. Shepard looked around the room and saw red crystals growing out of the ground. Dorian hit the ground after her. </p><p>Two guards ran into the cell in Venatori armour at the noise, Shepard quickly grabbed her daggers and made short work of them. They hit the ground dead before one of them had even drawn their sword. </p><p>“Interesting. The Rift Alexius created must have moved us to the nearest source of Arcane energy” Dorian said, crouching to examine Shepard’s handiwork. </p><p>Max was stood over Dorian, looking over the bodies also “The last thing I remember we were in the castle hall?” </p><p>Dorian hummed for a moment, “Of course, it’s not simple where. It’s when! Alexius used the amulet as a focus it moved us through time!” </p><p>“Mages can do that? How far did we go? Forward or back? And what did he mean by wanting me? Why would he want me? Is this magic what brought me here in the first place?” Shepard said, keeping an eye on the open cell door leading to the hallway. </p><p>“Those are excellent questions; we’ll have to find out.” Dorian replied. </p><p>“I hope you have an idea” Shepard said, covering their advance as they trudged through the Red Lyrium infested walls. </p><p>“I have some, like lovely little jewels”</p><p>Despite the surroundings, Shepard managed a smile. </p><p>The three moved cautiously through the castle, creeping silently. Reading any information, they could on their whereabouts. Max had warned Shepard not to touch the red Lyrium that was growing from the walls. They crept up flights of stairs, the tension that was flowing off their bodies was making Shepard panic. They came across a man in a cell, chanting softly. Before a noise made them turn to the corner. </p><p>There in a cell was Enchanter Fiona, red Lyrium growing out her body, crushing her against a wall. Her life was draining, they barely got any information out of her except that they had travelled one year into the future. She begged them to stop this from happening, she warned that no one challenges the Elder One and lives. </p><p>The conversation was morbid, this future could not be allowed to happen. She told them that some of the Inquisition was here, most notably those who accompanied them into the castle. Max softly said a chant to Fiona before the three moved, racing to get to the others. </p><p>As they ran Shepard wondered how handy time magic would have been with the Reapers. How much they could have prepared, saved- no. Stop. Focus. </p><p>They found Cassandra and Varric, slightly mad and injured but alive. Their eyes glowed red. Their voices distorted but they were eager to get revenge. Shepard felt sick. That this is what would happen if they failed. The red Lyrium was everywhere, its sad sickly song was gnawing at Shepard’s ears. She could only imagine how Dorian felt, being a mage exposed to the stuff.</p><p>They climbed stairs again, the sound of Leliana’s voice reaching them. As they opened the door Leliana took the opportunity to strike at her opponent, Maxwell and Shepard took one wrist each to remove the shackles from. </p><p>“We need him too” Leliana, groaned gesturing to the back cell inbetween two pillars. Maxwell gestured for Shepard to go and see while he tended to Leliana </p><p>Shepard approached and unlocked it, seeing a body hunched over. As she approached a hand shot out and grabbed her, thrown back into the wall she adjusted to the light. </p><p>“Cullen” she gasped. </p><p>His hair had lost its styling, the curls fell on his forehead. His stubble now a beard, a touch darker than his golden curls that looked more grey and ashen. His eyes were wide, he looked every bit the lion. Some of his muscle mass had reduced, his eyes bloodshot new scars on his arms and hands. His armour barely more than the leathers he wore, his cloak in tatters in the corner.</p><p>“-via? No-” he backed away, “No this is another trick, you will not tempt me with her demon” he produced a sharp bit of metal ready to fight her.</p><p>Leliana moved swiftly grabbing his arm “Cullen it really is her” she gestured to the others out the cell. Maxwell gave a greeting while Dorian waved. </p><p>“Impossible” he gasped looking up and down her armour, “You died, the- the reports, but you armour looks…”</p><p>Dorian stepped forward offering some armour for the Commander, “No, we were sent here from the past. The amulet Alexius used displaced us, we never died” he shrugged. </p><p>Cullen returned his attention to Shepard, dropping the chest plate and grabbing her, one hand went to her hair while the other around her back. “Maker, I pray-“ he cleared his throat and let her back if only slightly, “I prayed to see you again” he ran a shaky hand down her face. </p><p>There were tears in his eyes. </p><p>She had never seen him cry. It was enough for herself to feel the pinpricks of tears begin in her own. </p><p>“Not that this isn’t terribly romantic, but we need to get on” Dorian interrupted, handing Cullen a chest plate. </p><p>“Of-course” Cullen stepped back lifting the plate with a groan, “Here” she said, going to him and beginning to help him strap on his armour. He watched her like a wounded animal, occasionally reaching out to hold her with his hand. She wondered if he was making sure she was real. Each time she would send him a small smile. </p><p>As she worked Leliana explained they were testing on them, red Lyrium didn’t seem to affect them as much, nor the blight. They wanted to know how and they wanted information. The room was filled with metal equipment, blood and other stains on the walls and floor. She could only imagine that Josephine hadn’t lasted as long as the other war touched advisors. </p><p>“I-“ he began as she was attaching his shoulder armour. The others were sifting through the room for potions and weapons. She could barely stand to look at him. Haggard. </p><p>“I lied to you” he whispered, she frowned at him. “The book” he sighed trying to find the words. “Remember when we used to stargaze?” </p><p>“Cullen, for me that was two days ago” she frowned, continuing down his arm. Strapping the metal to his body. </p><p>He smiled, “I know every constellation in that book. Memorised every one. I told you I had forgotten them so you would read to me… I- I just, it was an excuse to spend time with you” he ran the back of his fingers down her cheek. “I just wanted to hear your voice, your accent gets stronger when you get excited, I loved to make you laugh. Watch as you leant new things, you have the most beautiful smile when you figure something out”</p><p>“Cullen” she whispered as his words hit her. She opened her mouth to say something-</p><p>“We have to move” Maxwell interrupted, “Ready?” he looked at her, as soon as he saw her, he softened. She nodded, taking her daggers out as Maxwell handed Cullen a sword with a nod. </p><p>The breach was everywhere, it was spread across the sky. She could see the strain Max was under, his energy was depleting from sealing the rifts. Every so often Dorian would send her a worried look. </p><p>“Aren’t you going to tell us what happened?” Dorian asked, shooting a look at the archer. </p><p>Leliana frowned, “No”</p><p>“But-“</p><p>“You are talking to fill silence, there is nothing you want to know” even for Leliana, her voice was cold and bitter. Dorian dropped the subject. </p><p>She kept near Maxwell, acting as a shadow, never letting any demon to close to him. Cullen and Cassandra fought like they were never caged, Varric darting and reloading with the speed that rivalled the old Varric. When they reached Alexius he was still. Standing by his throne with his had bowed, Felix on his knees looking as haunted as Leliana. </p><p>“Look at what you’ve done! All this suffering and for what” Max roared, his mark spluttering like a heartbeat.  </p><p>“For my country, for my son. It means nothing now.” He replied. “I knew you would appear again, that I hadn’t destroyed you. My final failure.” </p><p>Dorian asked “Was it worth it? Everything you did?” </p><p>“It doesn’t matter. I wait for the end” Alexius said not even bothering to look at them from the throne. </p><p>Shepard’s rage was building, her biotics flared momentarily. Making Alexius turn to face them. How dare this man be responsible for so much and wait for death. </p><p>“He never forgave me for making you vanish. How well you could have served him in the Golden City” Alexius sighed finally turning looking at Shepard. </p><p>“I will serve you the punishment you deserve” Shepard growled through gritted teeth flaring her energy. </p><p>“The past cannot be undone.” He said. His voice sad and calm. “The Elder One comes for us all.” </p><p>Leliana slit Felix’s throat at Maxwell’s insistence, her patience gone from the conversation. Dorian shouted when his body hit the floor but he reined in his emotions. After Maxwell had asked for the amulet once more before Alexius had turned angry, and began chanting magic. He had finally snapped. They readied themselves for a fight. Shepard allowed her biotics to run rampant, throwing demons and slamming them. </p><p>When he was weak, Shepard grabbed Alexius with her biotics and forced the air from his lungs, the energy from his blood. She reaved him of life. He dropped to the ground, unmoving with the amulet in his hands. As his body dropped they all breathed a collective breath, their faces shocked, or relieved at what she had done. </p><p>Dorian grabbed the amulet. “He wanted to die didn’t he. All these lies he told himself” shaking his head holding the metal.</p><p>“We can reason with our Alexius. We can still turn this around.” Shepard replied, watching Dorian turn the amulet in his hands. </p><p>Dorian nodded, “Give me an hour to work this out-</p><p>“An hour? That’s impossible!” Leliana cried.</p><p>Cullen added, “You must go now!“ </p><p>The roar and shaking of the castle made the group realise they were now not alone. Cullen stepped to her, “Shepard… Liv” he added in a lowered voice. </p><p>“The moment spent with you, were my fondest memories. I hid in them, they were a safe place that the Venatori couldn’t touch, they couldn’t recreate you so easily” he took her hand, “Thank you” he whispered. Moving forward to place a soft kiss on her cheek. “Just give me- give him one chance, just one. That’s all I need” he whispered in her ear letting his forehead rest on the side of hers before moving away. </p><p>Cassandra looked like she was going to cry, Varric whispered a soft ‘shit’ as he reloaded Bianca before leaving the room vowing to guard them against the demons. Max's soft voice following them out. The fighting started as Dorian worked. </p><p>Their dead bodies were nowhere to be seen as demons and Venatori piled into the room minutes later.  </p><p>Cullen roared with his sword and shield, Leliana began shooting arrows, speaking the Chant of Light to the onslaught of enemies that entered the room. </p><p>“You move we die, understand!” Dorian shouted as Maxwell tried to move to help, Shepard had to hold Maxwell back as Dorian worked. </p><p>They watched as Cullen was thrown into a pillar, wiping blood from his mouth he was jumped by four guards, holding him as a another ran their blade across his throat slowly. Shepard couldn’t look away as the pool of blood began forming. She was selfishly grateful that his head lolled away from them. </p><p>Next was Leliana, impaled by a demon to protect them, her bow dropping from her limp hand before the three jumping into the rift Dorian had created. </p><p>The three landed with a thud, Shepard was on her feet instantly. Flaring towards the Magister with barely controlled rage. She grabbed his arm, throwing him to his knees and held a dagger to his throat.</p><p>"You'll have to do better than that" Dorian smirked under veiled anger. </p><p>After Alexius surrendered and Felix consoled his father over his impending death that would come. The boy was braver than his father, ten-fold. </p><p>“Shepard” Maxwell began, “Please escort the Magister to be processed for travel back to Haven. You need not be gentle.” </p><p>“With pleasure” she growled. Pulling the man up by the back of his robes and out a side door with a few Inquisition soldiers in tow. </p><p>She had reached the doors of the wagon, throwing the Magister in just in time to see a group of guards marching towards the Castle doors. She could barely see whoever was in the middle of the group of metal men, but she assumed that he was important as she gave orders to the Templar soldiers around the cage. </p><p>***</p><p>Dorian’s words jinxed the mission, “Well I’m glad that’s over-“ his words were drowned out by marching soldiers “or not” he finished. </p><p>“Grand-Enchanter imagine my surprise to learn you’d given Redcliffe Castle over to Tevinter” The man said once the guards had taken positions around the room.</p><p>“King Alister I-“</p><p>Shit the King, Maxwell thought. One of the Heroes of the Fifth Blight, was stood arguing with the leader of the rebel mages. </p><p>“Especially because I am pretty sure Redcliffe belongs to Arl Teagan” he finished. </p><p>“Your Majesty, we never intended-“ </p><p>Never meet your heroes, he thought bitterly. Maxwell was close to losing his temper over this man. He wasn’t letting her speak. His royal highness was getting angrier. Even frightening a powerful Mage. This royal man who was given his rightful power by Fergus Cousland, how highly Leliana had spoken of him. </p><p>In his place, would you react differently? Max thought.</p><p>“I know what you intended” he sighed Maxwell noted he really did look mournful, he had travelled with apostates. They were responsible for Ferelden still standing, “I wanted to help you. But you’ve made it impossible.” He shook his head. “You and your followers are no longer welcome in Ferelden.” He said shutting his eyes. </p><p>“But we have hundreds, babes and families. Where are we to go.” She panicked. </p><p>This is it, Max thought. </p><p>Maxwell moved forward the other side of Fiona, “I should point out we came here for Mages to close the breach” he said, attempting to diffuse the situation. Offering a bow to the King.</p><p>“And the terms of this arrangement?” Fiona asked, her ears twitching. </p><p>Dorian moved forward, “Better than what Alexius gave you. The Inquisition is better yes?” he asked, his voice hopeful. Strange that Dorian would care about southern Mages.</p><p>Cassandra spoke from the back of the room, “I suggest conscripting them. They have proven what they will do given too much freedom” </p><p>Varric sighed, “Shit Marcher, we need to give them a chance” disagreeing with Cassandra. </p><p>“It seems we have little choice but to agree to whatever you offer” Fiona sighed her head bowed, accepting her fate. </p><p>“We would be honoured to fight by our side as free allies of the Inquisition. We will protect your families and little ones” Maxwell said, “They will still be on Ferelden soil however your Majesty, in Haven.” </p><p>“It’s good enough. One way or another, you are leaving my kingdom. I wanted to help you Fiona, I really did. I wish you luck Herald, I wonder is Shep-” </p><p>“Sir” a soldier came forward and whispered something in his ear. </p><p>Alastair sighed nodding, “Look after her” the King said to him. </p><p>Maxwell blinked, did he mean Shepard? The King gave them both a mournful look once more before turning and leaving.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Haven Falls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ride back to Haven was a quiet affair, Mako doing most of the work. When they would stop for camp or food he would nudge her or lick her hand. Neither party member said much. Cassandra tried a few times to get Maxwell and Shepard to talk about the dark future but he wouldn’t share, and Shepard would offer little. </p><p>Every time the Seeker asked, Shepard’s mind went back to the burned image of the haggard Cullen. His golden eyes as he kissed her cheek, knowing he was going to die for her. </p><p>He had died for her. For them.</p><p>Shepard busied her time speaking with the agents and troops, praising them for their work. Getting reports from them or giving them orders. The attempt to ease the tension was minimal. </p><p>“Max, time to put on a brave face” Shepard whispered riding next to him as they reached the dirt track leading to Haven. He nodded and sat up straighter, putting the mask on for the waiting bodies. </p><p>They rode in handing their mounts off to the waiting members. Cassandra, Max and Shepard continued to the war room. With Varric going straight for the Tavern and Dorian hanging back from the three. </p><p>Max opened the door to the Chantry and stepped through, holding it open for Shepard and Cassandra. They hadn’t bothered to change out their armour from the ride. Cassandra’s armour had barely a scratch. While hers and Maxwell’s was dirty, bloody and broken in places. </p><p>“It is not a matter of debate, there will be Abominations among the Mages and we must be prepared.” Cullen’s bitter voice rang out around the room. </p><p>“If we rescind the offer of an Alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear incompetent at best, tyrannical at worst.” Josephine argued, her tone indicated this argument had been going on for some time.</p><p>They caught sight of the three walking through. </p><p>Cullen’s angry face turned to Max, “What were you think-“ his voice stopped when Shepard threw herself at him tightly. Wrapping her arms around his neck. She felt his arms go to her waist. He was here. Alive. His pulse steady under her head. </p><p>“You’re ok” she whispered into him “You’re alive, you’re ok” she said to herself in a hushed voice, giving him one last squeeze before letting go. She looked at his face, confusion would be an understatement. </p><p>She returned to her feet and stood to face the group. Max’s look gave her sympathy, when Leliana joined the group Max hugged her, shocking everyone in the group. </p><p>“Please don’t stab me” he said, earning a chuckle from Shepard. He let her go, facing the group. Leliana now shared Cullen’s shocked expression.</p><p>“I understand your concerns. If the Mages cannot handle freedom, place rules and a curfew. What of the Templars?” Max asked Leliana. </p><p>“The raven was received. They should be here within the day. Ser Barris reported in himself and a handful of others. It was vague but I am confident they will appear, it seemed our first message was intercepted however I am unsure if anyone managed to understand what Shepard meant” Leliana replied smiling happily at the report. </p><p>“While it is commendable, a few Templars cannot oversee all the Mages. You were there Seeker why didn’t you intervene! With the veil torn the treat of possession is greater than ever.” Cullen shouted, still irritated. </p><p>“While I may not completely agree with the decision, I support it. The sole point of the Herald’s mission was to gain the Mages aid and that was accomplished.” Cassandra replied, her tune had changed over the journey. </p><p>“The voice of pragmatism speaks, and here I was enjoying the circular arguments and public displays of affection” Dorian’s voice rang out, smirking at where Shepard was stood in Cullen’s shadow.</p><p>“Closing the Breach is all that matters” Cassandra replied. </p><p>“We should look into the things you saw in this dark future, the assassination of Empress Celene, a demon army?” Leliana said, having pried some information from Cassandra. </p><p>Shepard’s breath left her lungs. Dorian moved to her side, placing a hand on her back. She felt Cullen stiffen at her side. </p><p>“Sounds like something a Tevinter cult might do. Orlais falls, the Imperium rises. Chaos for everyone.” Dorian chimed, sending some healing magic into her through her amour.</p><p>“One battle at a time” Cullen groaned. “It’s going to take time to organise the troops and the Mages recruits.” Rubbing his hand on his forehead.</p><p>“That gives us time to investigate the amulet. See how exactly it works.” Max said, catching Shepard’s eye with a small smile. </p><p>“Time Magic is unheard of. Take caution, we do not know enough” Cassandra said. </p><p>“We can discuss it later.” Shepard said, using her best Commander voice. “I would like Enchanter Victoria to look at it, if she was in the same Circle she may know more about it. For now, the plan for the Breach is our main concern” she nodded to Dorian. </p><p>“And I’d hoped to sit out this. Maybe take a walk, have a nap” Maxwell retorted.</p><p>“No rest for the wicked” Cullen replied, with a small smirk. </p><p>“I’ll skip the war council. Though I would like to see this Breach up close if you don’t mind. In the mean time I’ll have a look at this amulet and have a chat with the Enchanter” Dorian chimed, patting Shepard once more.</p><p>“So, you’re staying” Shepard said cheerfully. She liked Dorian, his humour was closer to those back home. Nothing was off limits. </p><p>“Didn’t I mention? The south is so rustic and charming. I adore it to little pieces, besides if I left you and the Herald here with all these southerners it would be quite horrid. Us northerners have to stick together” Dorian said, facing Shepard. </p><p>“No one else I’d rather be stuck with, past or present” Shepard joked. </p><p>“A fine choice my dear, but let’s not get stuck anywhere anytime soon” he winked. </p><p>“Speak for yourself” she replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Crossing her hands over her chest. </p><p>“Let’s go to the war room.” Max sobered up the jaunty humour, “We need to... discuss what happened” his voice cracked slightly at the end. </p><p>He said, giving Shepard a grave look. She nodded and moved to his side accepting arm he wrapped around her back. Walking slowly to the war room. With the other advisors following. </p><p>*** </p><p>When they entered the room the silence was awkward. Max tried a few times to explain the dark future each time losing his nerve. Eventually he turned to Shepard, the dark circles under his eyes speaking volumes. </p><p>“This is ridiculous, time magic is not distinguishable from visons. The evidence is based of Tevinter magic hardly trustworthy or indistinguishable from blood magic” Cullen spat, his hands landing flat on the table. </p><p>They had been at this for an hour trying to convince the advisors they had actually experienced the future. Cullen was apparently the last one to accept. </p><p>“I can prove it” Shepard said quietly. She had been trying to hold back but it seemed it was her only option. </p><p>Maxwell tried to reason with her “Shepard you don’t have to-“</p><p>“I do” she said moving round the table to stand next to Cullen, she thought for a moment. What words she could use, what she could say or do. </p><p>She put one hand on his shoulder to steady herself on her tiptoes, he grasped her hip to keep her steady and whispered what he had said into her ear, about how he knew everything in the book. How he loved to watch her figure things out, her voice wavered at parts. She felt the shudder that ran through him from her breath in his ear.  </p><p>The others watched as his eyes went wide, she dropped back onto her heels once she had revealed his secret to her. </p><p>“Do you believe me now?” she asked, still not stepping away. </p><p>A flush rushed over his cheeks, “I-I forgive me” he said, “Yes I believe you” he nodded. Only then did Shepard resume her position on the other side of the table. Cullen was rubbing the back of his neck staring at the floor. </p><p>Maxwell turned to Shepard “Do you mind...showing them? Maybe not...maybe not the...” </p><p>“I will show them the necessary parts” Shepard replied, knowing Max was talking about their deaths and Cullen’s mantle. “If you do not want to see any more, imagine a door and close it. I won’t force this upon you.” Shepard said, glowing with green energy, filling the room, her biotics touching each individual. Letting the images flow to the minds of the others in the room. </p><p>Return who? Return her! </p><p>No. It is you who will die. </p><p>We missed an entire year. </p><p>The Elder one comes for us all. </p><p>All this and for what!</p><p>It doesn’t matter. I wait for the end. </p><p>How well you could have served him. </p><p>When the memories had ceased. The room was once again silent. </p><p>“That...that was” Josephine began, her clipboard shaking gently. Shepard felt immediately guilty for showing the ambassador, she was a civilian after all. But she had to be made aware. </p><p>“So, this Elder One is the one that brought you here? To serve him and the one who wanted the Anchor?” Leliana asked. </p><p>“It seems so. To serve him like Andraste served the Maker? I don’t understand though.” Shepard replied. </p><p>“Andraste was a warrior goddess, she was the Maker’s bride. She marched on the ground protecting the innocent and smiting the evil. She was the Goddess of Victory and War. She is also associated with fertility and love.” Leliana replied. </p><p>“Remind you of anyone?” Max said, smiling at Shepard. She could faintly see Cullen’s smile in the corner of her eye. </p><p>“But- but how. How was he able to pluck me from my world and send me here? If he wanted a warrior he could have picked <em> anyone </em>. How could he have so much power to take me thousands of years back, when Dorian almost passed out moving us one year! Why me? All the warriors in the galaxy in my time. In yours? I...I’m I am just a soldier. And now I’m his fucking future goddess bride? There has to be more to it!” Shepard argued, her mind was reeling. </p><p>“Shepard, if there is anything I am sure of. You are not plain. You’re special.” Max said. He smiled, placing an arm on her shoulder. </p><p>“You cannot afford to think my life is worth any more than any person in this land-“ </p><p>“Shepard...you really don’t believe it do you? Your abilities are special yes but your soul, your morals are what gives you importance. That is what this Elder One didn’t take into account.” Max said, words wiser than his age. </p><p>“If this Elder One want’s me to serve him it will be over my dead fucking body do you understand me,” she said shoving a gloved hand into her chest. She didn’t dare look at anyone else but Max. She could see Cullen’s frown in the corner of her eye. </p><p>“It won’t come to that Shepard and I think you are wrong, you are not expendable.” Max sighed, Shepard wondered if he was trying to convince her or himself. </p><p>Before anyone else could speak the door flew open, Dorian once again stepped through. “Thought you were skipping the war council” Max said, turning to the door. </p><p>“Yes yes well I have been known to change my mind once in a blue moon.” Dorian said, “Shepard my dear, I do believe we have an idea to get you home.” He said gesturing to Victoria.</p><p>“Explain.” Cullen spoke, his voice dark and clipped. </p><p>“This amulet, with time. I can use it to channel magic to possibly create a rift to your time. I’d need some things from you, any precious metal or something that holds a strong bond to yourself. We’d need some of your blood too… I cannot promise anything and it would have to be done before sealing the Breach, with the veil thin it is possible using the power of several mages.” She finished, she didn’t look happy with the assessment. </p><p>Shepard’s world had just been turned upside down.</p><p>“I have… I have my dog-tags” she said going for the chain around her neck, “I’ve had these for ten years, we use them to identify soldiers if they fall in battle. They’re made from a composition that is unique to the Alliance” offering them to Victoria, dropping them into her open palm.</p><p>“We can’t promise anything my dear” Dorian sighed placing his hand on her upper arm. “But we’ll get started, I thought you’d be happier” his chipper voice rang. </p><p>The room was looking at her, she could feel their eyes on her. </p><p>“Yes- yes of-course I’m happy, thank you” she tried her best to keep her voice even, letting the office tone ring. </p><p>“Cullen please begin preparations on the troops. Josephine please contact the Arl of Redcliffe, make sure all is well there. Leliana, see if we can’t send some scouts to meet the Templars. Meeting adjourned” Max nodded, his shoulders low. </p><p>***</p><p>Cullen sat on the peer waiting for her. He hadn’t voiced or made a plan he simply waited to see if she would show, just assumed. It was near midnight now and nothing yet. He hadn’t seen her all evening due to her being with the Tevinter mage all evening. </p><p>How could he be so stupid, of course she was just being friendly. He cursed the future him for being so childish putting that onto her, telling her such intimate things.</p><p>Footsteps of patrols or animals got his hopes up each time… she wasn’t coming. </p><p>He sighed book in hand, pushing himself off the pole to retreat back to his cabin. </p><p>“Hi”</p><p>His head shot up from his feet. At the end was Shepard, tray in hand with Elfroot tea for his headaches and his favourite meal. The steam from the items was being blown as a gust hit them. </p><p>“H-hi” he grinned, “I didn’t think you were coming” he whispered.</p><p>Her smile brightened the area more than a torch ever could, “Couldn’t keep me away if you tried, I um- made you this, I didn’t see you at dinner so” she whispered back. </p><p>“You made me pie?” he asked walking forward to lift the metal lid off the pot, the smell drifted to him and he couldn’t tell if his stomach roared or his heart did. </p><p>“If it’s shit, just remember I put blood, sweat and tears into it before crushing my ego” she joked, her eyes crinkling at the edges as she did her head tilt, he noticed she did that when she was letting her guard down. </p><p>“I wouldn’t dare, my lady” he said, gesturing to the end of the peer. </p><p>He wondered how he could be so stupid to think she would let him down. </p><p>*** </p><p>Two days had passed. Two lonely anxiety filled days. </p><p>With Shepard and Dorian working on the amulet. So far with no success, Dorian could simply not create a rift. He could barely touch her world, though he said he felt it. He felt dark energy, the same biotics would use. They were getting there. </p><p>Victoria was more knowledgeable than she had first let on, taking Dorian’s teachings in stride and moulding the dog tags to the amulet. If Shepard didn’t know any better, she would have said Victoria was holding back. Fortunately, she did know better. Keeping a strong eye on the mage.</p><p>She avoided contact with anyone, she would miss them too much. Varric, Erin, Sera, Max… Cullen, all of them in their own way. They had become her small family away from her home. A rag tag bunch. </p><p>Shepard avoided Cullen as best possible. If she was to leave she couldn’t lead him on anymore than she already had. That’s what she told herself. She was terrified to admit that she might return his feelings. When he had only fallen for the lie. </p><p>Her lie. </p><p>She was stupid to star gaze with him. She was telling herself that was the last time so she had made it special. She yearned for those moments now. </p><p>Every time she saw him across the yard or in the village her stomach tightened, he would smile or try to walk her way, she would always vanish. It was better, he would see that he was better without her. </p><p>A runner had informed her, her presence was requested in the War Room. She dressed, put her makeup on and left. Her stomach sank when she realised she could be in a confined space with them all, her heart ached with how she had treated them but it was for the best. </p><p>She now realised why there was frat regs in place for soldiers. </p><p>Shepard felt the tension in the Chantry, emanating from the War Room. She entered having not knocked first, the noise from the room died. When she entered. Suspicious. </p><p>“Even without my senses, any idiot could tell you were talking about me. Come on out with it.” She joked, trying to ease the tension. Cullen looked tight, his face pale set in a frown. </p><p>“Shepard, our plan is ready. The Breach is ready to be sealed but...” Max trailed off. </p><p>“But the amulet isn’t ready to be used, because we haven’t tested it to its full potential. Right.” She sighed, a sad smile as she stared at the table. Accepting her fate. Her heart broke, she squeezed her eye shut. She didn’t see the worried looks shared around the room of the others.  </p><p>Max shifted, “I- I’m sorry but-“ </p><p>“Ruthless Calculus” she interrupted, her eyes still shut thinking of Garrus. His tattoo’s, his stance. Committing her friend to her memory. </p><p>“The grey man, the Turian. He said that to you.” Cassandra said, raising an eyebrow, remembering the gift of Shepard’s memories. </p><p>“His name is Garrus. It means that; ten people over here die, so that twenty people over there can live. I think it’s an appropriate.” Shepard replied, looking at those around the room. Leliana nodded at the statement, a smile under her hood. </p><p>She had been kinder since Maxwell had convinced her to spare the traitor, instead trying to find a different path. Shepard didn’t necessarily agree, but she admired his innocence if nothing else. </p><p>“It’s alright. We always knew the chance of me getting home was small. I will not be responsible for more deaths. One life is not worth those of others and besides, it might work, we’ll have to see. Dorian’s confident but, Dorian is always confident” Shepard finished, sighing. Her smirk didn’t cover her sadness. </p><p>“Shepard, I can’t tell you how sorry I am but we need to seal it. If it doesn’t work… Maker. If it does work, I’ll miss you. We all will.” Max said again, his voice trembling. </p><p>She pushed off the table to face him, “I was never very good at goodbyes so, let’s skip that bit. I’ll go check in with Dorian and see where we’re at” she said, hoping her smile would cover the sadness in her voice. </p><p>“Shepard, this is what you want, at least. Right?” Max asked to her retreating form. </p><p>Shepard his question unanswered, as she slipped through the door. </p><p>“Maker watch over her” Cullen heard Max sigh as he leant over the table. </p><p>“She could be a liability Herald” Leliana said, ever the strategist. </p><p>Cullen felt anger at her words but knew there was some truth to them. </p><p>He hadn’t spoke to Shepard since they had shared dinner under the stars, he knew she was avoiding him. And he had learnt that no one else had seen her but Dorian and Victoria, who refused at all turns to give away her whereabouts to others. </p><p>What he didn’t know was why. </p><p>“Shepard has just been told that the amulet might not work, worst case she is trapped here and best case she gets sent back to her war torn lands. She is going to be upset Leliana, have some compassion.” Cullen growled. Leliana in turn simply raised an eyebrow at him. </p><p>He knew he had just given himself away to the Spymaster, if she didn’t already know. </p><p>“Leliana, please have Ser Barris and the other Templars ready to march with the Mages. Cullen if you would prepare the troops. Cassandra, if you would armour up and join myself. I think Solas and Varric would be good team to accompany Shepard to the breach the other inner circle I will leave to the Commander and Spymaster to place where appropriate” Max nodded, not looking at any of them but staring at the table as they filtered out the room. </p><p>“Maker forgive me” Max said to the now empty room. For the first time in years, he decided at his earliest convivence he would kneel at the statue of Andraste and pray for forgiveness. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard was suited and ready with the troops. She had visited and talked to everyone apologising for her absence, all except Cullen. She had feigned that her and Dorian were working on something for the Breach. If they didn’t believe it, they didn’t show it. </p><p>Solas had talked to Shepard the entire way, comforting her about the Elder One. How the magic might work, what she may experience. She was grateful for his company. Solas was gentle and had his own demons but he was always kind to Shepard. </p><p>She was walking with the away team, ahead of the mages. Right to the centre of the ruins. This was the first time her being here. The stone walls were ruins around them, balconies made from what should have been hallways. Max’s hand was glowing occasionally, it’s power pulsing with that of the crystal in the centre. </p><p>“This is where we fell?” Shepard asked, turning to face the Herald. The sun glinted off his armour. </p><p>“Yes, ever seen anything like it before?” He asked. </p><p>“Never, it’s- it’s sort of beautiful” Shepard replied, staring up at the green crystal. That comment earned a curious glance from Solas. </p><p>“Hell of a view” Maxwell said smiling at her.</p><p>“Best seats in the house” she replied. It was the same thing her and Anderson had said to each other. </p><p>She felt him before she heard him, his gait and heavy steps on the ground. </p><p>“Shepard” Cullen’s voice cracked, she turned and smiled up at him. “Good luck” he whispered, he didn’t smile. He barely moved. Just looked at her. Really looked at her. She couldn’t find her words. </p><p>Max remembered. “Are you ready” he asked gesturing to the green light. </p><p>“No” she said putting the amulet around her neck, “No I’m not” Shepard smiled at him, they walked to the breach, her hairs on her neck raising. Each step seemed harder as it took her away from the main group. </p><p>She kept reminding herself of her duty to her home. It didn’t seem enough to get her legs moving.</p><p>“Mages, focus past the Herald, let his will draw from you.” Solas shouted. </p><p>Max was walking up to the Breach, when he got near it, the green energy spilled out around the area, like the Northern lights. He looked like he was walking through soup. His steps low, struggling against the energy. His left hand lifted, glowing as his eyes strained against the light. Shepard heard the sound of grunts and staff’s hitting the ground as the Mages kneeled. </p><p>Max threw his hand to the sky, a yellow green beam directed straight at the Crystal. </p><p>Shepard felt the energy building as she was in-cased in green light, stood under the crystal, her biotics flared as her hair began to lift, she heard more than saw Maxwell groaning under the strain, a bright yellow and green light shone out blowing them all to the ground behind the two. </p><p>Then the demons came. </p><p>The Templars and soldiers began fighting, the inner circle jumping down from the sides to help. Shepard was stuck in the rift, her view changing and morphing as her body felt weightless. </p><p>
  <em> She heard voices, loud but muffled. Like they were underwater.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Flashes of strange figures and orange lights. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The water of the Fade moved around her as energy crackled off her armour. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She tried to focus through the fog. </em>
</p><p><em>“Livvy?” </em> </p><p>She couldn’t focus on anything, once she saw the Pride demons. </p><p>“Maxwell watch your six!” she shouted, he went to one knee his other arm bracing against the tide of light. “Max!” the others were too busy fighting the other demons, her eyes darting to all the inner circle. There were too many. </p><p>He was going to die, the dark future would unfold. </p><p>She had to lose, so they could win.</p><p>“Shit shit shit fucking stupid boy shit” she reached for the chain on her neck, grunting through clenched teeth as she lifted it off. </p><p>As the last metal link lifted off her head she was released, the blurry visions gone, if they were ever real, she rolled forward and created a barrier around them, kneeling at his back protecting him from the two pride demons now bashing and roaring at the bubbled barrier she erected.</p><p>Maxwell let out one final lash of his arm as a wave of energy sent the demons grasping at the ground before dissipating and sent everyone off their feet.</p><p>The groans and moans rang out around them as the soldiers got to their feet. </p><p>The energy dissipated around them, Cassandra ran to the two shouting for them. Shepard caught her eye, realising the danger had passed she let her biotic field fall. She went to her knees to check on Max who was kneeling clutching his left hand. </p><p>He stood up on his own accord, looking up at the Breach and smiled. A laughter leaving his lungs as Cassandra slapped him on the back in congratulations. The noise of the troops and mages roaring with celebration echoed around the ruins, Shepard looked around the edges at them, her eyes landed on Cullen, shaking hands with Rylen with a grin. As if he felt her gaze, he turned to her. She couldn’t read his expression from this distance. </p><p>Maxwell turned to her surprised, as if just noticing her, “Shepard I- I’m so-”</p><p>“Well done Max” she said, clapping him on the arm. “You did it” she whispered, genuinely amazed that this young man had saved his world.</p><p>“Shepard I… I’m glad you’re staying” </p><p>“I think... I think I am too” she replied. She couldn’t decipher how she felt. He gulped before pulling her into his arms their armour clashing together.</p><p>She was grateful that Max’s good humour was still intact and that she was being offered a place officially, in the Inquisition. Before he did anything, Max whispering in her ear “I’ll take care of you I promise” and that was enough for Shepard. </p><p>It would have to be. </p><p>*** </p><p>“Curly, any reason you’re brooding and not celebrating with Siren?” Varric asked him, he was alone in the courtyard outside the Chantry, watching the stock for the festivities be organised as the others made their final reports. </p><p>“I do not brood” he argued, catching the look in the Dwarfs eyes his shoulders sank. Cullen sighed, “She has been avoiding me for two days Varric, I’m the last person she would want to talk to. I just-” he faltered trying to explain why he was watching Haven for her. He was being a coward. </p><p>“Curly listen, Sparkles told me that the Amulet was working, supposedly. Siren said she thought she heard a voice, see the colour of the uniforms of her people unless it was a trick of the fade the Vint actually did it” Cullen’s muscles tensed, his stomach churning at Varric’s words “She chose to save Marcher and stay here. She chose to safe us so that future they saw wouldn’t happen, she did it for us. And you’re telling me you don’t want to see her.” </p><p>“She...she did? It was working and… she sacrificed herself… for us” Cullen said slowly, as if to confirm he had actually heard the words. Varric nodded. “But, why would she avoid us, avoid me when-“</p><p>"If I was going to leave, I would avoid the ones I care about. Better for them to hate you and move on then to wonder what could have been. It was probably hard for her too you know." Varric replied bringing clarity to Cullen’s headache filled mind. </p><p>Words failed Cullen because the Dwarf was right. He would do the same. He was no good at goodbyes, he wasn’t very good at relationships either if he was honest. </p><p>“Go find her Curly, Maker knows what she sees in you but she trusts you. She’s going to need a shoulder to cry on. Besides, it’s not like she’s going anywhere any time soon, it might be nice to have a friend.” Varric said nudging the man. </p><p>“Do you know where she is?” Cullen asked, “I’ve knocked on her cabin but-“</p><p>“She’s in the Chantry, listen for the Siren’s call” Varric winked before moving his way back to the Tavern.</p><p>He left Cullen in place wondering what the Siren’s call was. </p><p>***</p><p>She wasn’t sure how long she had been sat there but her body was going numb. Still head to toe in her armour. The Chantry was thankfully empty as people prepared for the incoming celebrations. She was sat on the velvet topped bench at the piano after a brief teary-eyed conversation with Dorian over the failed attempts of getting her home.</p><p>He expected her to be angry, she wasn’t remotely near that emotion, somewhere in her had accepted her fate weeks ago. She was glad, relieved even that the possibility could be ruled out. </p><p>Everyone she had passed had thanked her, knelt at her feet. Blessed her or hugged her. </p><p>Still she felt empty. </p><p>Shepard never did like unknowns. </p><p>Or goodbyes. </p><p>Scouts had tried to find the amulet, but so far and excavated nothing. It seems it was either lost in the fade, or had returned without her. Victoria tried to console Shepard that she might be able to recreate it, Shepard told her to explore the idea but that it would no longer be necessary. Victoria even offered her a place with the Mages should they form a new circle. </p><p>Maybe time magic was best left as a fanciful idea in a dusty book. Victoria was inclined to agree, Dorian disagreed but understood the dangers of it all. </p><p>But still, to be here for eternity. The remainder of her life, it was... it would have to be her new normal. </p><p>Still, she wished they would know she was alive. Some way to send them a message she was ok, they would never know. Believing that she was dead, her body obliterated, only her helmet left on the conduit. Even if they had the amulet, they had no magic to power it. </p><p>She couldn’t get the images and sounds out her head, she could have sworn she heard John. Every time she tried to reply the memory it wouldn’t feel right, Dorian had said it was most likely an echo of the Fade but they would never know. </p><p>John would bury an empty coffin. Payback for her burying his, she thought.</p><p> It made her laugh knowing that he would think the same. They always could make each other laugh in the darkest of moments. She wondered what he would say at her funeral. Would Jack swear and curse, throw something at Miranda. Would Tali cry while Garrus consoled her. Would Grunt destroy something while Wrex laughed? Would Zaeed drink illegal whiskey with her Dad? Would they put a statue of her in the Citadel?</p><p>Would the galaxy curse her name?</p><p>Would there be a day she wakes up and regret saving them? </p><p>She would die on this planet, her future self would fly overhead in a ship and never know…</p><p>Her fingers danced across the keys as they had been doing for a while. Her foot pressing on the pedals to echo the sounds hoping to drown out her thoughts. </p><p>As the prayer doors opened, she activated her cloak and stopped playing, waiting for the person to come in and pray so she could go back to her brooding once they had left. </p><p>She would have no such luck. </p><p>Cullen’s silhouette entered, she could tell his gait and cloak anywhere, scanning the room for something. He kept walking to the statue of Andraste looking up at it before bowing his head, she easily forgot that he was actually devout until she saw these moments. </p><p>He said a small prayer under his breath before turning to the piano stool. Shepard had to stop the reaction she had to him ‘seeing’ her. </p><p>“You play beautifully, I had a feeling you were lying when you told us you weren’t any good, it seems Varric owes me coin” he said to the empty stool with a crooked grin. “May I join you?” the gravelly voice of Cullen asked. Her heart started to race; she didn’t reply but started playing again. </p><p>He prowled over taking her playing as a yes, striding the bench facing her with one leg either side of the bench. </p><p>“You’ve been avoiding me” He said, his sadness broke her heart or was it confusion. Her fingers faltered over the keys, before returning to the steady rhythm. She finished the piece slowly, his eyes watched the keys as if he could see her fingers moving. </p><p>When the final note ended, she let her cloak time out. Keeping her eyes on the black and white keys.</p><p>“There you are” he whispered, she dared to look at him. Of everything about Cullen. His kindness frightened her. </p><p>She waited for her breathing to even out, “Yes I was. I just thought it would be easier if I was to go, it seems that I’ll be staying for a while. I’m so sorry Cullen, I understand if you’re angry and-” she replied, returning her gaze to her lap.</p><p>“Easier for you or me” he replied, “Both” she replied, that made him relax a little more.</p><p>“I understand, I’m not angry but... I understand” He replied, moving his hand to play with the piano keys. </p><p>“No. I don’t think you do.” She sighed, turning to face him, mirroring his straddle over the bench. His honey eyes did nothing for her racing heart, resting his hands in his lap. “Cullen it’s me that should be sorry” </p><p>“What would you be sorry for?” he asked, the lines in his forehead creasing. </p><p>She stood and began to pace. “I led you on, I let you believe the lie. You fell for my lie” she said shaking her head, his smile vanished. </p><p>“Shepard-“ </p><p>“Your feelings... they’re not real” she said with a slouch of her back.</p><p>He grabbed her arms and held her in place. “Shepard... Livia... I care for you, more than- more than a friend it’s true but do not tell me they are not real or a lie” he growled, his honey eyes searching hers. His nostrils flared with anger at her words. </p><p>“Cullen I am the Embodiment of the Predator. Everything about me draws you in, my looks, my voice even my smell. I lure you into a false sense of security so you are weakened. I can’t help it. I’ve tried to control it and I let it happen because I-I like you, I really like you and I’m sorry. You don’t want me, you want Commander Shepard. When you see everything I am, you won’t want Livia. She isn’t good for you” she whispered, they were close enough she could feel his breath on her face. If she looked into his honey eyes she would fall, she instead kept her eyes on where his chest plate met his neck.</p><p>“Via... your powers are not the only thing about you. I care for the woman who has far too much honey in her tea, the woman who reads to the children almost every time they ask because she can’t help but want to make them smile. The woman who speaks with all the soldiers and learns all their names just so they feel valued. The woman who risked imprisonment and her life countless times for strangers, who saved our lives sacrificing her chance to get home.” She looked at him at that, someone had told him.</p><p>“The woman who brings me tea and food so I eat, makes Rylen jump just because it’s funny, even making me admit baby Mabari are cute. You cannot tell me that your abilities are involved in those events. They are just… you” he laughed, tears were falling down her face. </p><p>“You said baby Mabari... not pups” she whispered, laughing gently. Her hands were moving up his chest plate gripping his mantle. </p><p>“I did, didn’t I” he replied his voice low and gravelly, smiling at her with his maddening lips, the scar increasing his attractiveness. </p><p>His own hands had moved, one on her hip slowly making its way around her back the other tipping her face to his. He lowered his face to hers, the tip of his nose brushing hers. Her heart was racing, she wanted this. </p><p><em> Just give me one chance </em> </p><p>“May I kiss you?” he whispered into her lips. His gloved thumb stroking the evidence of tears away. Ever the gentleman.</p><p>“You don’t need to ask Cullen” she replied inching forward.</p><p>His lips met hers, his arm tightening around her as her own hands gripped his hair. His warmth washed over her, she allowed it, relaxing into his body. </p><p>Enjoying the sensation of another. His lips moved against hers, the hand on her face moving to behind her neck, his bare fingers intertwining into her un-braided hair. She followed suit, reaching her tongue to touch his lip. </p><p>He complied and groaned, opening his mouth to deepen the kiss, their tongues brushing against each other as he crushed her to his armour. Her own hormones were racing, the growing warmth in between her legs. She liked how confident he was in his actions, holding her like she would disappear. She wished he was out of his armour, her out of hers. She wanted to feel his body, she settled for running her hands through his blonde curls while the other was grabbing his thigh.</p><p>They stayed like that for a few minutes, tongues dominating each other, until the need for oxygen overrode the need for lust. They broke apart, his nose brushing hers before he pulled his face back, staring into her. </p><p>“Liv, I know it’s selfish but I’m glad you stayed. The stars would have shone dimly, without you under them.” he said, his hand brushing her cheek, removing the evidence of tears from her face. </p><p>“Smooth talker” she playfully hit his chest with her armoured hand. “I mean it” she heard him say, she looked up at him and found nothing but adoration in his yellow eyes. </p><p>“We have time to watch them now” she spoke into her lips, leaning forward once more to capture them. She liked this, this new confidence that Cullen had found. </p><p>“We have time” he confirmed, letting her forehead fall to the steady pulse in his neck. </p><p>***</p><p>He held the door open for her out of the small prayer room that led to the main hall of the Chantry. Shepard wiped her eyes once more before looking up at the crowd massed there. </p><p>“What’s this?” She asked, the advisors were stood to one side, all of the inner circle. Victoria and Mother Giselle too. All stood facing the prayer room door, she wondered for a moment if they could tell her that she had her tongue in the Commander’s mouth.</p><p>She felt Cullen at her side, a quick glance told her he was just as confused. </p><p>“We-“ Maxwell tried to speak, “<em> I </em> am sorry Shep” as soon as the words left his mouth his shoulders sagged. </p><p>“You ok Sheppy” came Sera’s unusually sad voice. Her affectionate nickname betrayed her seriousness, usually she was only referred to as Ladybits. Which Sera on more than one drunken evening in the Tavern had requested to ‘lick’.</p><p>Vivienne chimed in, “Of course she isn’t, exposed to the stupidity of time magic. False hope does the soul no good” with a swish of her hand. </p><p>“Who is to say it wasn’t real, she did an admirable thing, don’t take it away from her” Blackwall argued to the Enchanter. </p><p>Dorian sent Vivienne a glare but said nothing. Fidgeting with his moustache instead. </p><p>“It was my choice” she smiled, “I made my decision, we both saw the future if you failed and I” she sighed, “What kind of person would I be if I left you all to that fate” she looked at them all, “I couldn’t- I just couldn’t. It is my duty to protect.” </p><p>Maxwell didn’t look convinced. </p><p>“Max look at me” he complied with a steeled breath, “If you want my forgiveness you have it but you don’t need it. There isn’t anything to forgive” he returned her smile with a nod after a heartbeat, it was strained but there. </p><p>“Shep-“</p><p>“Lady Shepard!” a little bundle ran to her with flowers in her hair. “Mama said you were leaving?” her head tilted to the side as her nose scrunched up. She could have sworn she heard Varric say ‘Shit’. </p><p>She took to one knee in-front of her, gulping down the lump in her throat, “No Monkey. I’m-“ the truth hit her bitterly, “I’ll be staying for a while” she picked up a flower from her hair that had fallen and tucked it behind her ear. </p><p>She felt a nudge on her shoulder through her armour, she looked over her shoulder at Cullen who gave her a small smile, squeezing her shoulder once more. Silent support. </p><p>“Then we can still climb trees and you can tell stories and I can braid your hair!” Erin cheerfully yapped away. Shepard laughed tapping her on the nose, “I would love nothing more da’len” </p><p>Erin bounced on the spot and hugged Shepard tightly before pulling back abruptly. “Oh a lady gave me this for you” she held out a slightly crumpled parchment. </p><p>“Did she now” looking at the seal, it was blank, no coat of arms or personalised image. </p><p>“Proposals already?” Blackwall called, the others started laughing while Shepard rolled her eyes. </p><p>Erin sent her a frown, “What does he mean Lady Shepard?” the little girl said bouncing on her feet. </p><p>Something which sounded like a strangled laugh came from behind her, “I’ll ah- tell you later, much later, in a few years” she added in a whisper. “Go on away with you and do not repeat that poem to your mother again” she said with a pointed finger, getting to her feet.</p><p>The girl ran away giggling, “And stay off the fresh snow it’ll be slippy!” she shouted after her as the little elf ran from the Chantry doors. Shaking her head she opened the parchment, taking out the paper. Her heart stopped. </p><p>No.</p><p>No it…</p><p>How?</p><p>“Shepard?”</p><p>“Did you do this?” she gestured to the paper at Maxwell, “This is- this is sick. This is just… sick” she scrunched the paper in her fist as she gestured to him. </p><p>The others exchanged worried looks. </p><p>Maxwell approached with his hands as a surrender, “Shepard, I have no idea what that is. What does it say?” Cullen handed him the letter as he picked up the envelope. </p><p>She believed him. But if it wasn’t him, or Cassandra then, “It- it says happy birthday” she voiced to the hall. </p><p>“Birthday?” Varric chimed from the back. </p><p>“You would call it a nameday, we call them birthdays” she sighed, rubbing her forehead with her thumb and forefinger. </p><p>Maxwell turned to her, “It’s your birthday? Why didn’t you say anything?” he choked out. </p><p>“We were busy” she shrugged, rubbing her neck with her glove hand, as soon as she caught herself doing it she dropped it back to her side. Cullen was literally rubbing off on her. </p><p>“You should have said something, it is cause for celebration!” Josephine sighed, she looked down right broken hearted. </p><p>“I haven’t even technically been born yet” she sighed, trying to stop the pout coming from the ambassador. Some of the others in the inner circle looked confused, she forgot that some of them didn’t know her… true… story. </p><p>“Shepard, this- this says your name… your full name” Cullen spoke up offering her the parchment. She peered over at it. </p><p><em> Livia. E. Shepard. </em> </p><p>In beautiful cursive writing. </p><p>“I didn’t know you have a middle name?” he frowned at her confused expression.</p><p>“I don’t” she replied equally as confused. Cullen frowned back, but relaxed a measure. “But someone seems to think I do”</p><p>Leliana stepped forward, “I will have this analysed Shepard, it seems there is someone in Thedas that seems to know you quite well, interesting, no?” folding the papers together and slipping away. Neither put off or questioning the paper. She did love a mystery.  </p><p>“Does anything normal ever happen to us?” Blackwall chimed in once more. </p><p>“Who cares, we need to get the name-day girl drunk!” Bull roared, with a ‘whoop’ from Sera and a disapproving look from Solas, he did have a small smile. </p><p>Despite the current events she managed a chuckle, “We can celebrate tonight and tomorrow we’ll investigate ok. I won’t leave this unsolved” Maxwell promised, “Time to get out of this armour huh” he gestured to her chest plate.</p><p>“No” He sent her a frown. “No, just-“</p><p>She thought about Fiona and Hawke, the latter she hadn’t met yet… it wasn’t done. Whatever this was. </p><p>“This isn’t over. Trust me, whatever this is it isn’t finished. It was too easy. Just… just promise me you’ll stay in your armour. For tonight promise me, all of you. Something, doesn’t feel right” she looked around. Some shrugged while others nodded. </p><p>“Okay thank you” she sighed. War really had marked her, “So, about those drinks?” she tried to remedy the awkwardness of her outburst. </p><p>“Now we’re talkin!” Bull roared, moving forward to throw Shepard over his shoulder with a grunt, holding her with one hand on her back.</p><p>Varric laughed heartedly, “Come on Shep, how old we talking, thirty-three, thirty-four?”</p><p>She gasped trying to look at him from behind Bull’s back her braid falling over her shoulder, “I’m twenty-nine! How very dare you Varric, don’t you know it’s rude to guess a ladies age”</p><p>“You aren’t a Lady, Siren” Varric retorted. </p><p>Bull began the walk to the Chantry doors, with Shepard holding her head up with one hand listening to all the things Sera was going to make her do when drunk. Varric scratching at a parchment while Blackwall was laughing loudly. Dorian next to him nudging him in the ribs. Even Cassandra was following along with a grin.</p><p>“I believe she will be well cared for” Solas commented to the advisors and left with a bow. </p><p>Cullen risked a glance at the others, most of them were grinning at the sight before them, Maxwell and Victoria had a sadness to her, guilt most likely for her and Dorian’s failed attempt. When he caught Leliana’s eyes they darted to the prayer doors before returning to his with a wink. </p><p>He left the Chantry wondering how the Spymaster really did know everything, and that’s when a rogue curl bounced onto his forehead. </p><p>***</p><p>The evening was wearing on, dancing, drinking and a drunk happy name-day song from the inner circle that left Shepard covering her ears laughing. </p><p>Maxwell joined her on the parch next to the Spymasters tent, overlooking the dancing, Sera spinning round another elven woman, Blackwall, Cullen and Rylen sharing what looked to be jokes with other soliders. The Chargers happily carrying barrels around sharing with anyone and everyone brave enough to drink the sewage. </p><p>A glass bottle was pressed into her hands, she looked down and back up before uncorking it. “Honey whiskey” he said, taking a sip before coughing loudly enough for Shepard to take pity and slap him on the back. </p><p>She took a sip herself before looking at the bottle “It’s the same one we shared… watching the breach” Maxwell said over her inner thoughts of why it tasted so familiar. </p><p> “I thought you could use a break from whatever Bull has been fermenting in those barrels which I haven’t ever seen before, I don’t want to know where he was hiding them” he drawled, earning an enthusiastic nod from the Commander. </p><p>They watched the dancing for a while, Cassandra having joined them with a small speech about how this was a victory, and how they had earned it. </p><p>“You’ve given me so much Shepard, really” breaking the silence that had drifted over them. “But there comes a time, Commander” she looked at him then with a raised eyebrow. He put his bottle on the floor, taking hers and following suit. </p><p>“There comes a time when every Lady, must learn to dance” he said grabbing her arm to pull her to where the others were dancing. </p><p>She grabbed onto Cassandra in her tipsy haze, “Seeker come on save me!” she said wrapping her arms around her waist. </p><p>“Not a chance” she drawled, crossing her arms over her chest after extracting Shepard from her body. </p><p>Her laughter fell when she heard it. Looking over at the gates.</p><p>Thuds. </p><p>A sickly song. </p><p>Her biotics flared, she stared over the mountains breaking from Maxwell’s grasp. </p><p>Enemies were coming. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Max said, moving to stand infront of her eyesight. </p><p>“Something’s coming, I can feel something coming. We need to warn the others” she shouted dragging him to the gates with the Seeker in tow.</p><p>They had just made it inside the gates when a scout reached Cullen, “Sir a massive force over the mountains, under no banner but they’re not friendly” </p><p>“Go and get the inner circle” Max said to Shepard, she was still head to toe in her amour. She nodded and sprinted to the Tavern. </p><p>“Forces approaching to arms!” Cullen shouted, the perimeter bells ringing out.</p><p>They were all there, in full armour weapons ready by the time she had dragged the Chargers to the gates.</p><p>She strode to the front of the group and caught Maxwell’s eye.</p><p>They all knew she was right. </p><p>It was too easy. </p><p>“Shepard’s suspicion is confirmed. It’s a massive force, the bulk over the mountain” Cullen voiced. </p><p>“Under what banner?” Josie asked. </p><p>“None” Cullen replied. </p><p>“None?” Josie said, her face shocked. </p><p>“Shepard can you sense anything?” Max asked. </p><p>She flared putting her fingertips to the floor, her eyes filling with biotics. “Men, men filled with red Lyrium. An Army-.” She groaned as her hands went to her head. </p><p>“They’re full of red Lyrium, the song is so loud. It’s so loud” Cullen was at her side holding her, Blackwall on the other. Both shouting her to stop. </p><p>She groaned again, her head shot up. “It’s you” she said, gripping her head. </p><p>Shepard ran to the gates, she stopped flaring and was lifting the wood off the bolts. </p><p>Max ran to her side “Shepard wait we don’t-“ </p><p>“I can’t come in unless you open” a boy’s voice called. </p><p>“I know that voice!” Shepard shouted at the Herald, flinging open the wooden gates only to be met by a Templar. </p><p>She grabbed her daggers and raced forward, only to have the brute stabbed from behind, revealing a blonde boy behind him. Maxwell and Cullen were behind her, weapons drawn. </p><p>“Cole! It’s you, I remember you” Shepard shouted, moving forward to the boy. This was impossible. A spirit was infront of her. As real as anything.</p><p>Only to be held back by Cullen, his hand on her arm moving her behind them. She was caught between liking the protection and being annoyed by being man handled. </p><p>“Hello again Shepard, it’s nice to meet you outside of you. Me I mean, you’re always in you.” he smiled, it quickly fell when his eyes went to Max “I came to warn you. People are coming to hurt you, you probably already know...” </p><p>The boy looked like a farm hand, clothes sewn together with thread and bits. Patchwork along his legs. </p><p>“What is this. What’s going on!” Max demanded, Shepard stepped forward next to Max. “The Templars come to kill you-“ Cole said. </p><p>“Templars?!” Cullen shouted moving forward, making Cole jump and move back. Shepard moved to his side putting an arm in front of Cole in-case he reached for his own dagger again. </p><p>“Is this the order’s response to our talks with the Mages, attacking blindly?” Cullen roared. </p><p>“You have some blue Templars. The red Templar’s went to the Elder One. You know him? He knows you, you took his Mages. You took his progeny.” Cole looked at Shepard. “There...” Cole pointed to a ridge in the distance. </p><p>Shepard gazed upon two men in Templar armour, smirking down at them. One dark haired, the other had auburn hair, cropped. Black smoke surrounding their backs as a massive skeleton man emerged from the darkness. He was at least ten-foot-tall, towering over the human men. </p><p>“I know that man, Samson, but this Elder One...” Cullen trailed. “That’s William” Max gasped, staring at his elder brother in fear. </p><p>Cole grabbed Shepard’s hand. “He’s very angry...” the boy looked petrified. She wasn’t totally sure how spirits worked, but he looked like he wanted to run. </p><p>“Cullen give me a plan anything!” Max begged over the sound of clashing metal as the Army got closer. </p><p>“Haven is no fortress, if we are to stand a chance we must control the battle. Get out there and hit that force.” He took a step towards the gates addressing the group. “Inquisition, you, you have sanction to engage them. That is Samson he will not make it easy on you. Inquisition with the Herald, for your lives, for all of us” he roared lifting his sword up to the sky. </p><p>“Bull, Dorian, Shepard, Cole with me” Max said nodding to the group. “The rest of you protect the civilians, follow Cullen’s orders.” </p><p>Shepard nodded, grabbing her daggers once more, turning to look at Cullen as he ran to the gates with troops. He looked back and gave her a swift nod. The only reassurance she would get for now. </p><p>They fought through the Templars, cutting them down until the trebuchet was ready. They were clear for now, they sprinted to the other trebuchet that wasn’t firing. Shepard activated her tactical cloak to turn the wheel as the others fought off the Templars. </p><p>A giant mutated man jumped over the wall of Haven, deformed with the crystals and roaring. It was a monster, throwing its overgrown fist to the ground causing spikes of red Lyrium to grow from the earth. It took time but they defeated the giant, it’s body shattering upon impact with the ground. </p><p>The trebuchet fired into the mountain side, they cheered as they took out a large bulk of the soldiers charging down the mountain. Bull slapping Max on his back with a face splitting grin.</p><p>Their cheers were cut short by the roar of a beast flying overhead, it launched a fire ball at them. Breaking the trebuchet into pieces and sending them hurtling to the ground. They sprinted to the gates, some of the troops with them not making it. </p><p>A group of red Templars jumped from the dirt track sprinting towards them intent on cutting them off, Shepard flared sending a hot stream of biotics towards them. Their armour melted where they stood. Nothing but charred flesh in an attack formation. </p><p>“Move it, move it!” Cullen shouted at them, closing the cates behind them.<br/>Shepard’s breaths were coming in short pants, Cullen checked on her before addressing Max. </p><p>“We need everyone back to the Chantry, it’s the only building that might hold against that...that beast!” he shouted. “At this point, just make them work for it.” He said, running to aid some troops with moving supplies to the Chantry. </p><p>“You heard the man, form up!” Shepard shouted, drawing her daggers. Max looked frightened. His hesitation would get them killed. </p><p>“Shepard we’ll hold them off, you get people to the Chantry” Max shouted, coming out of his daze. Shepard nodded, running building to building escorting those stuck to the Chantry. Using her tactical cloak to skirt round any Templars. </p><p>She met up with Max at the doors after rescuing most of Haven’s townspeople, even Threnn who was not Shepard’s favourite person. Roderick was stood by the gates, “Move” he gasped, his voice straining against the fire roaring in Haven “Keep going, the Chantry is your shelter!” The group sprinted past the doors, Roderick fell into Cole’s arms. </p><p>“He tried to stop a Templar, the blade went deep. He’s going to die.” Cole announced. </p><p>The rest of the group were tending to the others in the Chantry, healing where they could or replenishing their supplies. Shepard grabbed the other side of Roderick, helping him to the chair looking over his wound. It was not good. </p><p>“What a charming boy” Roderick groaned, Shepard couldn’t fault the humour of the man even if he was an arsehole. </p><p>“Herald, our position is not good.” Cullen said running from the other side of the room. “That dragon stole back any time you may have gained us” he finished. </p><p>Cole spoke up, “I’ve seen an archdemon, I was in the Fade but it looked like that” he said softly, as if it wasn’t attacking the roof. </p><p>Cullen frowned, his arms moving to extenuate his point. “I don’t care what it looks like! It’s cut a path for that Army! They’ll kill everyone in Haven!” </p><p>“The Elder One doesn’t care about the village. He only wants the Herald and the Shepard. Stolen, taken, hidden.” Cole said his eyes flicking around the room.  </p><p>Shepard moved from her position to stand next to Max. Them, he wanted them. She kept her eyes on Cole. It was confirmed by his statement. The Elder One took her from her world.</p><p>“If you know why he wants us just say it” Max shouted, gone was the tipsy good natured noble.</p><p>“I don’t. He’s too loud. It hurts to hear him. He wants to kill you but not her. He wants to take her. He’ll crush everyone that matters. Kill them anyway. I don’t like him” Cole said dropping his head. </p><p>“You don’t like-” Cullen roared shaking his head, “The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We can cause one last slide, if we turn the trebuchets on the mountain above us.” </p><p>The others of the inner circle had slowly filtered towards them, listening in on the conversation. All looked worried, tired and had blood stains on their armour, some parts disfigured. She’d have laughed at Sera’s hair if the situation was different.</p><p>“We’re overrun, to hit the enemy we’d bury Haven” Max replied, his voice wavering. </p><p>“We’re dying but we can decide how, many don’t get that choice.” Cullen sighed in a lowered voice, his eyes drifting to Shepard’s. She returned the sad frown, realisation dawning on them that this it. </p><p>Another suicide mission.</p><p>“Yes that” Cole interrupted from the chair, “Chancellor Roderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies” Cole said, his ice glazed eyes barely visible below his hat. </p><p>“There is a path. The people can escape, Andraste must have shown me so I can tell you” he gasped out, getting out of his chair. Shepard moved to his side to stabilise him. </p><p>“What are you talking about?” Max asked. </p><p>“It was then when I walked the path. I did not mean to, it was overgrown. Now with so many dead from the Conclave. To be the only one who remembers... if this simple memory can save us. This can be more than mere accident. You could be more” he said. </p><p>“What about it, Cullen? Will it work?” Max said turning to face Cullen. From Shepard’s position she could see both their faces. The emotions filtering through their faces. </p><p>“Possibly, if he shows us the path. But what of your escape?” Cullen asked, Max did not respond. “Perhaps you will surprise it... find a way?” Cullen offered as a piece of hope. </p><p>“Herald there are no tactics to make this survivable.” He sighed. </p><p>“Yes, there is. Me.” Shepard said moving to Max, “I’m going with you.” She said. Max didn’t argue. He had seen the devastation she had caused by her powers, he knew what she could do. He knew he needed her, and that he would be responsible if she died. </p><p>“What? Shepard, the Elder One wants to take you...you...you can’t” Cullen began, his leather glove wrapping around her armoured arm. </p><p>“If I go. You won’t be safe. None of you.” She gestured to the room. “You stand a better chance with me out there, you know this is the right call Cullen.” she sighed, moving to stand in-front of him. She could see the bowing heads of the inner circle behind Cullen. </p><p>“Go, get them out of here. They need you Commander.” she whispered, letting her hand fall from his cheek, he gently whispered her name. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him to stop any more arguments coming from his mouth. With Cullen’s large mass, she doubted many people saw this.</p><p>She was never good at goodbyes. </p><p>“I’ll see you tomorrow” Cole said from the chair in the corner, Shepard’s head whipped to him, seeing the small smile on his face. Something passed between them, she nodded and continued her strides to the door. </p><p>Cullen was rooted in place still until Cassandra placed a hand on his shoulder. Breaking whatever thoughts were in his head. </p><p>“Inquisition follow Roderick through the Chantry, move!” he ordered, finally finding his voice once Varric had shoved him slightly. </p><p>“Herald” Roderick groaned, “If you were meant for this. I pray for you” Shepard smiled at the inner circle, their faces drawn. Some frowning. Dorian looked heart broken.  </p><p>Max stopped at the main gate adjusting his shield on his arm, turning to face Shepard. She looked up at him, sharing a look. She unsheathed her daggers, </p><p>“Let’s give them hell” he sighed, holding his sword and shield tightly. Shoulders rolled back. </p><p>“We will give them more than that” she said, clenching her daggers, flaring her biotics letting her duel toned voice ring around the Chantry as they stepped out into the cold.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Skyhold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s loaded!” Max shouted as he turned the final spin on the dial, they had killed countless red templars. </p><p>The red crystals dotting the ground after the giant had burst from Shepard’s biotics. He could tell she was flagging, taking the brunt of the attacks while he turned the trebuchet. He kept an eye on her when she was digging through the chest of potions, he saw her down something before turning to him to say something. </p><p>The dragon roared above them breaking their concentration, burning it’s flame right where Max was stood, exploding the nearby barrels. It sent him and Shepard flying off their feet.</p><p>Max looked up to see the Elder One marching to him. His inhumanly long arms and claws hanging by his side, his chest and waist simply bone as grey flesh hung off the bones. The dragon landed and ran behind Max. Pinning him between the two. He still couldn’t see Shepard, there was fire burning around him making it harder and harder to breathe. </p><p>“Enough” the Elder One roared, “Pretender you toy with forces beyond your ken. No more.” He growled. </p><p>“What are you? Why are you doing this?” Max shouted at the creature, his voice cracking at the end. </p><p>“Mortals beg for the truth they cannot have. It is beyond what you are. What I was. Know me. Know what you have pretended to be. Exalt the Elder One, the will that is Corypheus.” He growled again. “You will kneel” </p><p>Max was terrified. But he would not yield. “You’re forcing this fight for no reason!” He would not fall. </p><p>“You will resist, you will always resist. It matters not.” Corypheus said, his voice echoing round the mountains. “I am here for the Anchor. The process of removing it begins now.” </p><p>Max felt the energy draining from him, his left hand reaching out. The mark flaring as if it was ripping from his shoulder down his veins. “It is your fault false Herald, you interrupted a ritual years in the planning. Instead of dying you stole its purpose. You only stole a shred of its purpose. I do not know how you survived, but what marks you as touched. I crafted to assault the very heavens. To claim the old god soul” another spurt of energy left him as his skin burned around his arm, the muscles straining under the tug. </p><p>“And you used the Anchor to undo my work. The Gall.” He finished, the draining energy bringing Max to his knees. </p><p>Pain radiated around him, he felt rather than saw the dragon circling him. </p><p>Where was Shepard? Had he killed her? His vision was swimming, from his view on his knees he could only see the Elder One but he could feel the breath of the dragon. The ground vibrating with each step.</p><p>“What is this thing meant to do?” Max shouted. </p><p>“It is meant to bring certainty where there is none.” He roared, in two steps he was at the Herald, grabbing his arm and lifting him in the air. </p><p>It was all Max could do but hang as he stared up at the creature, cradling an orb in one hand.</p><p>“I breached the fade in the name of the old Gods. Nothing but whispers left. I was confused for a thousand years but no more. I have gathered the will to return, to correct this blighted world. Beg that I succeed. For I have seen the throne of the Gods and it was empty” Max was not devout but he liked to believe there was something. </p><p>Corypheus' words scared him. </p><p>Corypheus threw Max into the Trebuchet, roaring as the mark disconnected from the orb, he felt his ribs protect against the wood. He begged Andraste to help him, to send her will to help him. He felt drained of life, the Anchor burning into his skin. </p><p>He barely got to his knees when a woman fell to the ground, her fist and knee colliding with the earth sending the foes stumbling back. She stood slowly, glowing green, so bright golden pulses came from her mixing in the green. Max couldn't star directly at her it was so bright. It almost looked like she was on fire.</p><p>She was ethereal. </p><p>“Yield” A multi-toned voice rang out as she stood. He looked up to see a golden green glow of a woman in-front of him, it swam around her. Max gasped and grabbed the nearest weapon, a sword to defend himself. </p><p>Wait for the signal, he just needed to wait for the signal.</p><p>“You shall be mine to command, I breach the heavens for the old gods. You will not go against me. I am a god.” Corypheus roared. </p><p>“You are a false god” The woman’s voice rang, echoing up the mountains. She moved forward to stand against him. Max saw the faint flaming arrow fired in the distance. They were safe, the people of Haven. </p><p>“You cannot hurt me. You do not possess the strength. I am your salvation. You are my progeny” The Elder One roared. </p><p>“YOU ARE TINY” the woman’s voice called, every time she spoke more voices seemed to speak from her. “You are dust. Insignificant in the worlds design. You were born nothing and you will die less than that. Your blood will be testimony.” </p><p>He recognised the voice now. It was Shepard. Her voice was being drowned out by more voices joining her words. Shepard with a thousand voices cried out shot a beam of energy from her body like it was coming straight from her chest.</p><p>The beam of green golden light crashing against Corypheus causing him to cry out. His dragon moved, roaring at the golden woman and throwing its claw against her, a normal body would have been thrown into the night. But Shepard barely moved. It clawed her and sent her stumbling backwards, how she hadn’t been thrown from the ground Max didn’t know. </p><p>The roar of the dragon, the thunder of energy rolling from Shepard’s body Maxwell couldn’t hear anything, only feel the bite of the cold. </p><p>A small orange light was shot from the mountain.</p><p>This was it. </p><p>Max saw the window of opportunity and launched the trebuchet. Shepard’s glow went bright once more, the green golden glow surrounding the rock that was hurtling towards the mountain and sped it up. Crashing it into the snow and causing it to have a bigger area of effect, cracks spread from the impact with a sickly green golden glow, then there was nothing but the roar of the snow began to fall. </p><p>The dragon hit her again, sending her tumbling back next to Max. Max grabbed Shepard’s arm and ran from the avalanche. </p><p>His last thought was how he was sure she was sent by Andraste as they fell into the ground. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard groaned against the hard floor, it was cold and her body ached. Here was a dull ringing in her ears, her vision swilling around. She was bloody thirsty and to be honest, would even take some of Bull’s swill right now. She turned to see max next to her, she pushed him trying to rouse him. Where the fuck were they?</p><p>Underground? </p><p>The path that Roderick had mentioned?</p><p>“Max, Max get up” she groaned out. She couldn’t hear her own voice, grabbing his shoulder armour and shaking him. He was barely conscious. She went to stand, the dragon had clawed her thigh. The gash ran from the middle of her quad to just above her hip and was not shallow. The blood had already started to flow. “MAX!” She shook him again, now finally hearing her voice. </p><p>She hopped on her good leg for a moment, crying out as quietly as she could, placing her other leg down testing how much weight she could put on it. She felt something trickle on her face, she had another gash on her face, she ran her left hand on her face. At least her blood was warm.</p><p>The dragon had caught her face too, or a rock, or wood. Something bad. She grabbed Max and put her hand around his waist. Dragging him to the tunnel. She hoped she was going the right way. </p><p>His mark flared, causing him to groan as his mind came back to him. </p><p>“Shepard... Shepard!” he said, going to steady her. They were both in bad shape. “That was... Maker, you are Andraste’s vessel I am sure” Max groaned as they limped. </p><p>“I might believe it from her Herald” she joked, her voice jagged and throat dry.<br/>
His mark flared again, opening a rift above demons in-front of them. Eating them up in a matter of seconds, when it vanished it caused ice to fall behind them and caused ice to smash ahead leading to another way out. Into a blizzard. </p><p>“Max, holy shit! Whatever that was keep it handy” she groaned, laughing breathlessly. </p><p>He laughed, equally as exhausted. He wasn’t bleeding but he was losing energy fast. “It feels different” he mumble led cradling his arm like it was broken. “It feels like-“ his head bowed like he was going to pass out. </p><p>“Come on. We need to get out of here, I need you to stay with me Max.” she said both of them hanging onto the other. </p><p>She gritted her teeth as they entered the shin deep snow, the wind biting at her exposed skin. Any chance of hearing anyone over the blizzard would be shit hard even for her. </p><p>They walked through the snow, shivering and burning at the same time. Shepard could feel the blood soaking into her leather pants. The cold taking away the burn from the Dragon’s claw. Max’s responses to her were becoming less and less, his feet dragging in the snow. </p><p>“So… tired…just need to- to”</p><p>“Don’t you fucking dare, get moving soldier!” she shouted, not really believing that he had heard her. </p><p>She was getting angry at him. Forcing him to carry on, to stop giving up. His mumbled words were getting fewer and further apart. They had reached a fire pit, it was cold and extinguished but it gave her hope they were going the right way. Her pounding head could barely keep her body in check. </p><p>“You are not leaving me here in this fucking blizzard alone” she growled at him. Again falling on deaf ears as she dragged him through the snow.</p><p>She was grateful for being special forces in times like this. She more than once had to hike to an extraction point bleeding heavily, she was used to the burn. She was a twenty-nine-year-old woman who was half another species with decades of experience. </p><p>She could last, she would make it. Especially with what she had done when she was separated from Max. </p><p>This twenty-five-year-old man, who had grown up in nobility, barely seen battle. Thrown into this situation much less equipped than her, with an ‘Anchor’ on his arm using his energy to make rifts through reality would not. </p><p>He would not last. </p><p>Shepard’s eyes were growing heavy. Breaths coming in pants. They had just passed a fire that had embers that gave her a glimpse of hope. The wind carried the howls of wolfs in the distance. She tried to focus on what was ahead of her, trying to navigate the storm in the moonlight. </p><p>“Max come on stay with me, please stay with me.” she pleaded. </p><p>He didn’t respond, he hadn’t for a while. Minutes, hours. All sense of time was difficult as the moon shone down on her. </p><p>“Andraste if you are real, we could use a miracle right about now”</p><p>She had his arms over her shoulders, his weight on her back. She let herself cry thinking of how close they must be. Her leg burned, her body unable to comply with her request to keep going. She had lost too much blood, leaving a trail for the wolfs to follow. Their howls a reminder that they were currently prey. </p><p>She staggered and stopped. </p><p>That was her first mistake. </p><p>Her second was letting herself fall to her knees. </p><p>Her third was dropping the dead weight of her Herald into the snow. </p><p>Her vision began closing in on her, as her breath left her lungs, she surrendered hitting the ground.</p><p>It felt cold and hard. </p><p>And it smelled like Elderflower. </p><p>*** </p><p>He had kissed her. </p><p>He had managed to kiss her. </p><p>And she had kissed him back. </p><p>And now he was watching her go toe to toe with a Dragon.</p><p>The voice of many call around them, standing up to the would be god. Several members of the group prayed and cheered to Andraste for saving their Herald, for coming when they called. Their faith restored in their Maker and his decisions. </p><p>They heard everything.</p><p>All Cullen could do was bow his head when the avalanche started, his curls falling onto his head from the snow that had melted there, the shaking vibrations under his feet. Swallowing Haven, the Herald and Shepard with it. </p><p>The tears fell on their own. He felt a hand on his shoulder, it was Dorian. The tears falling down his face too, he turned and looked at the others, all of his Templar training could not remove the emotion he felt looking at them. </p><p>Some members of the inner circle crying. Some praying, others not looking at the destruction. He wiped his face when he caught Rylen’s eye, and began dishing orders out, they needed to move. He would not mourn her yet. He ignored the sad glances of people to him as he ordered the soldiers. He was not the only one who had lost a friend, they... <em>he</em> had to keep them pressing forward. </p><p>He could not think about the woman who he had just admitted his affection for.</p><p>The emerald touched ocean eyes that haunted him. </p><p>It was his fault. </p><p>He was the Commander, he was responsible for everyone’s safety... he had failed. </p><p>They had set up a third camp hours from Haven, leaving behind fires for the two heroes to follow. Cullen had not taken his eyes off the hill in-front of him. He was waiting for them, he would wait for hours, days in the snow for them. For her. Blackwall, Dorian, Cassandra and Varric were stood next to him. All waiting. All silent. His ears crained for any shouts or voices, it was too cold and blistering to send scouts. They had lost too many already. So waiting was his only option.  </p><p>“She burns in the cold,” a boy said as he appeared before the group seemingly out of nowhere, his back to them facing the hill. “Can’t hear them, can’t see them. Why would they be looking. No one’s looking!”</p><p>“Who... Do you mean Shepard? Is the Herald with her?” Cullen shouted grabbing his shoulder turning him a half circle. He had seen this boy before, he... trusted him...</p><p>“She’s covered in red water, holding him. She can’t let him down. She can’t let them down. The panic in her heart is hard to breathe through. She’s getting nearer but quieter. The blue liquid poisoned her. She’s dying,” he said staring up the hill. </p><p>The last two words were enough for Cullen’s blood to burn any snow around him. “WHERE IS SHE!!” Cullen shouted, grabbing the boy with both hands shaking him.</p><p>The pale boy pointed up the hill, Cullen didn’t wait for other direction and took off in a sprint. Lyrium starved muscles moved with more efficiency than he thought possible, though the pain in his joints told him his age was gaining on him. The snow nearing the top reached over his boots, the group fought to run through the snow. As he reached the summit he turned the corner to see Shepard fall to her knees, dropping a limp Max into the snow. </p><p>“It’s her!” Cullen shouted, running to her. He caught her before she landed in the snow, her face falling into his chest plate. He ripped a glove off, pressing two fingers searching for a pulse. Her breaths were short and slow, her pulse was slowing. That strange beat she had. There was still time. </p><p>“Maker look,” Cassandra pointed at her thigh, grabbing a cloth from her pack to press on the wound and as Cullen turned her to carry her, Cassandra helping turn her gently. She was covered in blood from the waist down, the black of her chainmail glistening with red. Cullen held her to his chest, carrying her against him as he began to rise from the snow. </p><p>Cullen wondered then if that was the reason her army had chosen red to accompany the N7 title.</p><p>“Look at the tracks, Siren was dragging him. She’s made of tougher stuff than iron.” Varric said, the shock of the scene getting to him. Trying to get a healing potion off his belt to pour over the wounds.</p><p>“Grab him, Cassandra alert the healers!” Cullen shouted as Bull picked up Max, his limp form looked so small against Bull’s chest. </p><p>They ran back to the camp, Cullen begging her to stay with him. Her head lolling against his chest. Her skin was so pale he could barely make out the freckles that dotted her cheeks, they too were lost on her skin. Her lips had lost all colour, snowflakes not melting on her skin but resting, most notably in her ink hair. </p><p>He shouted orders to clear and move as he ran through camp, Rylen at his side in a moment pushing and shoving. Grabbing the healers. Cullen put her on the bed of a waiting healer bed, they began removing her armour, revealing the deep gash on her thigh and hip. He was dragged out the tent before he could see any more injuries on her pale body. </p><p>After three attempts to get in, he got the message to stay out. So, he paced, Cassandra was in there with her and the healers. One of which was Enchanter Victoria. A runner came to him with a report of Max’s injuries, he had broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, small cuts and was exhausted but nothing life threatening. Except the mark of course, to which Solas was tending to. </p><p>Shepard however was currently bleeding out on a cot. Gash on her face, extreme bleeding from her trunk, her lips blue and skin as white as... well... snow. </p><p><em>"She’s dying,"</em> Cole’s words had been burned into his mind. </p><p>Cullen felt anger raging through his veins, fuelling his focus better than caffeine or sleep ever could. Shepard was bleeding in a healer’s tent again when the Herald was fine. It was just like when they fell through the rift. Except now he had fallen for her. She wasn’t just a woman; she was a woman who had a grip on his heart. Whether she knew it or not.</p><p>He kept pacing until Cassandra grabbed him in, pulling him into the tent. Leaving Rylen to continue executing the orders he had given his second. </p><p>Shepard was lay on her back the gash on her forehead was now closed. The angry red line started just above her eyebrow, near her eyebrow arch and cut through it, her eye was fine but the gash started again when it cut into her cheek. Not as deep as he first suspected, head wounds always did bleed worse than they looked. She was paler than usual her soft black curls fanning around her head, meeting the blankets and furs piled on her.</p><p>“She’s lost too much blood and she’s stopped shivering; she can’t warm herself. Prothean’s are cold blooded, we need body heat.” Victoria explained bluntly, there was too much panic in the room to ask how she knew about her heritage.</p><p>“What about magic?” Cullen shouted. </p><p>“Good idea Templar, would you like her rare or well-done?” Dorian shouted, using his magic to light a nearby metal bowl of wood. Cullen gritted his teeth at the remark, allowing Dorian his outburst.  </p><p>“Body heat Commander! That is our only chance to save her do you understand me soldier” Victoria shouted, pointing at his chest with a bloody hand. Her eyes almost looked more red when she was shouting. <em>"Never take chances with a female fire Mage, Cullen. They're the powerful ones, will have you in ashes before you get a chance to speak. Better to put them down first."</em> The voice of an old Templar at Kinloch had said this to him. It was the eyes that gave away a Mage's affinity for magic. </p><p>The powerful ones anyway, their magic seeped into every bit of their body. </p><p>Fire magic was rarer, the most difficult element to control. He himself had come across so few Fire Mages that Victoria made him a little uncomfortable.</p><p>His internal battle over modesty was pale in comparison for his need to protect her. She would understand, he hoped. “Then you’ve got it,” he said as he began to remove his armour. </p><p>“Commander...” Cassandra began, whatever she was going to say was lost under his roaring voice. </p><p>“I am not letting anyone else do this. I am the largest muscle mass you have apart from Bull who is currently on patrol and I radiate heat in my current condition. I will not lose her over fucking modesty," he shouted, as he threw his shirt over his head. Leaving it in a pile with his armour, leaving Cassandra gob smacked over her Commander cursing and shouting her out. </p><p>“Small clothes left on please, Seeker get her other side and lift her back. We’ll lean her against the Commander,” Victoria commanded when Cullen had shed most of his clothes, uncaring if anyone was watching.</p><p>He slipped in behind her. She was naked under the blankets, he tried to ignore the skin of the woman he adored. He arranged himself so that he was leant against a crate with a cushion or two, sat up and she was lay in between his legs on his chest. Maker she really was freezing. The right side of her face was cold against his chest, he moved her hair so it wasn’t caught underneath her. He arranged the blankets so there was one on top of her and then his arms wrapped around her with more blankets on-top. </p><p>This continued for close to an hour, Dorian sat by the bed using magic to heal or warm her. Cassandra helping Victoria with healing potions or aliments and the Enchanter giving orders or using magic to heal her wounds. Shepard began shivering, occasionally her breath would catch like she was going to speak.</p><p>“Good, she’s shivering. We’ve done all we can for now, thank you for your help, we’ll have to keep shifts in rotation, the stupid girl has Lyrium in her system somehow, I think it’s making this worse," the Mage sighed, sitting heavily on the stool by the bed, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand, he noticed then how hard the Enchanter had been working. The hum of magic in the air making his body yearn for Lyrium, it could be the Lyrium in Shepard’s blood covering the Mages and bandages. </p><p>Cassandra gave her a hand help her up after a few deep breaths on her stool, “You need rest Enchanter, as do you Pavus,” the Seeker said, Cullen looked at Dorian, he looked pale, the bags under his eyes darker than usual. His eyes red, his moustache and hair mussed. </p><p>“Commander send for me if you require anything, no matter how trivial,” he said before leaving on shaky legs.</p><p>“I’ll be right outside. Rylen has the second shift.” Cassandra said patting his shoulder with her gloved hand. She stood at the tent flap turning as if she was going to say something, but left without a word. </p><p>As they departed Cullen was left alone with Shepard, shivering against his chest. He held her as tight as he dared without hurting her.</p><p>
  <em> Maker please don’t take her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ll be a better man. I will atone for my sins.</em>
</p><p><em>Please let me keep her. Give me more time. Please. </em> </p><p>He gently kissed her forehead, before continuing to pray to the canticles and chants he had learned over his years. Letting his heat soak into her, silently wondering if the Maker had planned his Lyrium withdrawals in time for her to soak up his heat.</p><p>*** </p><p>After a few hours Varric found a pale boy and a small girl standing outside of the healers tent speaking with Rylen, the same tent had held Shepard. Curious he walked up to them both. He realised that the girl was holding a small Mabari that was whining, wiggling in her arms. </p><p>The girl looked at him as he approached, he recognised her as the Herald’s half-sister. They had the same grey eyes, “Ser Varric, Oz won’t settle. Can I take him in? Rylen said-” she begged. </p><p>Varric sighed looking at the Templar who was pleading with his eyes, “Let me do it kid, go see if your Mother needs anything ok?” Whatever was in that tent, a young girl didn't need to see it. </p><p>“Mama isn’t back yet,” she said innocently. He saw Rylen sigh and close his eyes, darting them away.</p><p>“Well, shit” Varric grumbled under his breath.</p><p>“I’ll take you” The boy said, his voice was soft. Varric didn’t feel like he should stop him, he only felt at ease. Erin took his hand, he in turn clasped hers tugging her in the direction of the tent for the Chantry Sisters. “I’m Cole, I like climbing tree’s too” he heard his voice tail off. </p><p>The Mabari whined in his arms scrambling to get into the tent. This must be Cullen’s pup. Loyal thing even this small, it must have already imprinted on him he mused. </p><p>“Thank you Varric” Rylen groaned, taking his seat on a stool once more, holding his head in his hands. Varric patted him on the shoulder, making a mental note to get the man something hot to drink. If possible, alcoholic. </p><p>Varric’s taught smile softened when he entered. He committed the view for memory, it would make the most noble person swoon. And it would absolutely be going in his book. </p><p>Cullen and Shepard were asleep, her on his chest her face turned into his chest, the white bandage broken by bits of her curled black hair flowing down it like ink. The small fires around them bathing them in red light. </p><p>Cullen’s own head resting on hers, his hair curled on his forehead. His lips almost resting on her forehead, his arms wrapped around her holding a blanket to her chest covering her modesty and warmth, Varric could see the edges of Shepard’s lightning scares overlapping her upper shoulder. Cullen’s own exposed arms and chest showing his golden hair and occasional white scar.</p><p>His hands were clasped like if he relaxed, she would disappear. </p><p>Varric wondered how cruel the Maker could be to do this to them, they had found each other and they had almost lost each other in the same evening. </p><p>This story would not be kind to heroes and lovers. </p><p>Varric moved forward, placing the pup on the bed in-between their legs, she eagerly padded up to Shepard’s stomach. The movement roused Cullen who grabbed his sword with one hand and held it to the intruder with bleary eyes. Blinking heavily as his curls bounced on his forehead from the movement. </p><p>“Just me Curly, your pup wouldn’t stop crying” he whispered to the man, his honey eyes barely open. </p><p>“Varric,” he half croaked, half sighed, recognising he was not a threat, his voice was rough as he looked. “Thank you,” Cullen said and put the sword down off the bed again in its original position. </p><p>Reaching his hand out to stroke Oz’s head gently, the pup’s head tilting into the movement, her ears bouncing, still folded with her puppy youth. The grey pup sniffed the blankets above Shepard’s thigh and whimpered. Lying down in-between her legs and resting her head on Shepard’s good thigh. </p><p>“She’ll be ok, Oz,” Cullen whispered, “She has to be." The pup whimpered again and nuzzled Shepard’s leg, occasionally lifting her head up to look at her master. </p><p>Varric watched as Cullen closed his eyes, squeezing them shut like he was in pain. “She will be Curly, she has Andraste on her side. Hey,” he said trying to help the broken-hearted man. </p><p>“No,” a voice spoke up. The negative made both men frown. “Not on her side. In her name but not in her soul. That’s hers. Theirs.” The young boy from before, that had warned them, helped find Shepard said sitting on the stool on the other side of the bed. </p><p>“What?” Cullen asked sleepily, Cole maybe... Connor? Con- no... Cole’s words clearing his head of sleep. </p><p>Cole nodded, “She burns. So many names. Called so many things. A hunter, always a Shepard. They’re the same. She chases the monsters away. Why does she think she’s a monster? She helps people. Monsters don’t help people.” Cole asked frowning, what looked like frowning, Varric could barely see the boy’s face under his hat and white hair.</p><p>Varric sighed, shaking his head. It wasn’t right having her secrets spread like this, even if they were close to her. </p><p>“You… were the boy, when she was having a nightmare? The… spirit?” Cullen asked, holding her protectively, his eyes darting to the sword. </p><p>“Yes. She was very loud. We watched the stars together. I’ve never seen them so close. She commanded them. They moved for her. She was their guiding light, the tip of their spear, now she’s ours. She-” Cole stopped talking tilting his head looking at Shepard. </p><p>Shepard groaned shifting slightly against Cullen’s chest, before nuzzling into his neck with her forehead, shivering once more. He rearranged the blankets to cover her up to her neck, before wrapping around her once more. Grateful for the movement that meant she wasn’t moving towards the Maker’s grasp. </p><p>“Is she... is she dreaming?” Cullen asked. </p><p>“Yes.” Cole replied, offering nothing more. </p><p>“So, she’s ok? She’s happy? She’s not in pain?” he asked, his voice more hopeful than before. He didn’t bother to ask how Cole was reading her. Just grateful for the information. </p><p>“She’s confused. Dreaming of the stars, order, metal, blue. No more blue men.  She’s scared. What will he think? What will they think? She doesn’t want you to go. She doesn’t know what to do if not fight,” he said, staring at Shepard. </p><p>Cullen tightened his arms around her, “I’m not going anywhere Liv. I promise,” he whispered into her head. Varric committed the nickname to memory. </p><p>“She’s worried we’ll be scared because we’ve seen her power?” Varric asked Cole, the boy nodded. “Jeeze Siren, you’re not a monster,” Varric sighed, looking at Shepard, she looked so young against Cullen's chest. Her face relaxed, her skin like snow against Cullen’s Ferelden tanned chest. </p><p>“She isn’t. She’s different. Her head is different. Her head is nice when she’s her. Cool breeze on a warm day, balm for my being. Face dotted like night sky, the stars are dimmer without her under them. Lips as soft as silk when I kiss her. I like her too.” Cole said smiling. </p><p>Cullen felt his cheeks heat up. He glanced at Varric, “I knew before you did, Curly,” he winked. Despite his embarrassment he managed a crooked grin. </p><p>“I don't like it when she's quiet,” Cole whispered, almost mournfully.  </p><p>“Come on Kid, let’s go see if anyone else needs to hear any riddles,” he glanced at Cullen, Cole touched Cullen’s head before they left. His eyes becoming heavy before his head fell on Shepard’s. </p><p>“What did you do?” Varric asked Cole, his eyes darting from the Cole’s hand to Cullen’s sleeping form. </p><p>“I gave him nice dreams. Like she did for the girl, he’ll be safer there. No mages or templars, just the lake.” Cole said happily as if it was the most normal thing in the world. </p><p>Varric shook his head as they got up. This Cole would be trouble, bad or good he couldn't decide. Varric turned back once more to look at Cullen, his arms tensed around Shepard. </p><p>The muscles in his arms wrapping around her small form, the Mabari pup stretched out in the middle of them, breathing heavily. Shepard would be well protected, by her two Ferelden guard dogs. </p><p>***</p><p>Max groaned as consciousness awoke him, making him very aware of his bruised body. Voices of the advisors arguing drifted to his ears, he shut his eyes once more. Focusing on breathing, the burn of his ribs as his lungs protested. He sighed and sat up as gently as he could. His eyes focussing on the group ahead of him, slowly the group of eight became four as his vision adjusted. </p><p>“What would you have me tell them? This isn’t what we asked them to do!” Cullen shouted, he sounded like his temper was moments away from igniting. </p><p>“We cannot simply ignore this. We must find a way!” Cassandra chimed in, equally as angry. “And who put you in charge? We need a consensus or we have nothing” he replied. </p><p>At least Max could see the advisors had made it, where ever here was. All stood strong and arguing. Some things never changed. </p><p>“Please we must see reason!” Josie’s soft voice said, trying to calm them. </p><p>“Enough this is getting us nowhere!” Cassandra shouted.</p><p>“Well, we’re agreed on that!” Cullen shouted back with equal venom. </p><p>He stormed off to a nearby tent. Pacing outside of it, occasionally putting his hand on his nose or rubbing his face. Leliana sat on the ground in a fatal position, making her body as small as possible. Josie on a bench nearby, her hands rubbing her thighs for warmth or reaching out for the fire. Cassandra was leaning heavily over a table, looking at something, busying herself. </p><p>“Shh you need rest,” Mother Giselle spoke softly. </p><p>“They’ve been at it for hours, their voices can be heard in the bloody Fade,” Max sighed, leaning on his elbow. </p><p>“They have that luxury thanks to you, and thanks to Shepard,” Giselle replied. </p><p>“Shepard, is she,” he couldn’t quite say the word dead. Nor could he remember getting here “...is she here?” Max asked, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. </p><p>Mother Giselle smiled and pointed behind him, Shepard lay on a cot beside his. She was dressed in a white shirt from what he could see, facing away from him with two braziers either side of her. </p><p>The blankets on her covered her to her waist, her arms resting on-top. She had a gash on her face, the red angry line she had got from the dragon or from her fall. She was paler than usual, her black hair fell on the pillow and off the cot. Her face looked peaceful, her plump lips together, breathing from her nose. </p><p>He tried to imagine her expression when she faced the Elder One, did she scowl? Did she smirk. Was she at peace, as she was now? He tried to imagine the golden green glow around her. Placing her in the scene. All he could see was a beautiful woman, who was now scarred protecting him. </p><p>Another reminder that he had failed her. </p><p>“How did we get here?” he asked, looking around, “Where even is here? How are Shepard’s injuries?” he rattled off the questions to the calm Mother who simply waited for him to take a breath. </p><p>“She is recovering. She lost much blood, but she is a strong warrior she will prevail. We are somewhere in the Frostback mountains, you lost consciousness during yours and Shepard’s hike. She dragged you as far as the Maker allowed her to before she too collapsed. Luckily the Commander and a few others were there, the Maker’s fine timing as the camp is saying. Quite heroic” Giselle spoke softly. </p><p>Max squeezed his eyes shut, trying to clamp on the tears forming there. Turning to face Mother Giselle as she spoke softly to him, mentioning how the enemy had not followed and they had time. A luxury that was now turning to doubt. She spoke to Max of what they had endured. His heated voice would not help. </p><p>“Can we truly know the heavens are not with us?” Mother Giselle said softly.</p><p>“It was not Andraste, the golden woman it was Shepard,” he sighed, “They’re believing a lie, I am no Herald and she is not Andraste. This mark was an accident. Her being here is an accident. And now we’re both stuck.” his head dropped causing a tremor to go through his back. </p><p>“Shepard was pulled here by forces beyond our understanding. She is beyond our understanding, your mark may be beyond our understanding but we both know that fate does not make such accidents.” Mother Giselle smiled. </p><p>“Did you hear what she said? What the Elder One said?” He whispered, his dark grey eyes meeting hers. </p><p>“We heard the echo up the mountain. If even a shred of what the false god says is true. It is even more reason Andraste would choose to send someone to rise against him. To send you. To send Shepard,” she replied. </p><p>“I want to believe Andraste is with me, but I have seen Shepard’s world through her eyes. If any of that is true, what Corypheus said of the Golden Throne could be true. That it is empty. That we are truly alone.” Max said, groaning as he stood walking to the entrance of the tent. </p><p>“It is not for the living to see. There are some things that are set in stone. Hidden in song and shared in the whispers on the wind. Some things are not accidents, the worst winter can yield the warmest summer.” Mother Giselle said cryptically. Max gave her a confused look before moving once more, determined to be involved in the next steps of their Inquisition. An Inquisition he finally felt a part of. For better or worse... he was involved.</p><p>He faltered at the tent’s entrance. Stood waiting for courage to find him, for words to come. He fidgeted wondering what Shepard would say, racking her memories in his head of the speech’s she had made to her crew. At the end of battles and before the start of new adventures. What would she do?!</p><p>
  <em>Shadows fall and hope has fled.<br/>
Steel your heart, the dawn will come.<br/>
The night is long, and the path is dark.<br/>
Look to the sky, for one day soon. The dawn will come. </em>
</p><p>Mother Giselle’s voice was sweet over the fire, it rang out around him. Max stayed silent. His eyes turning to look at Shepard’s sleeping form, before turning back when Leliana’s voice chimed in. </p><p>
  <em>The Shepard’s lost and her home is far.<br/>
Keep to the stars, the dawn will come.<br/>
The night is long, and the path is dark.<br/>
Look to the sky for one day soon, the dawn will come. </em>
</p><p>People began filtering to the noise, standing and kneeling before him. He didn’t know if they were kneeling for him or for Shepard. Singing the chant to him. </p><p>He could hear Cullen’s baritone voice over others. His heart broke for him, remembering Shepard’s kiss. Remembering his words to her in the dark future. The Elder One would tear them apart, tear everyone apart if he didn’t stop him. </p><p><em>Bare your blade and raise it high.<br/>
Stand your ground, the dawn will come.<br/>
The night is long and the path is dark.<br/>
Look to the sky, for one day soon, the dawn will come.</em> </p><p>Max thought of Shepard. Was she the Shepard in the song? The old song. The Chant of light. Sung in every Chantry. That couldn’t be an accident? Maybe this was meant to happen, he was meant to happen. She was meant to. Was he going insane and making connections were there was none? </p><p>Had been decided for them. </p><p>His felt something stirring in him. A feeling like he was lost at sea, but it was not wholly unpleasant. </p><p>“Faith is stronger by facing doubt. Untested it is nothing," she said, walking away to the crowd that was gently talking amongst themselves. </p><p>Max turned from the crowd to sit by Shepard, he was quickly cut off by Solas stepping into his view, “A word?” he asked. Max cast one more look at Shepard, seeing Roderick on another cot unmoving. He thought he saw a boy crouched next to him before he blinked, seeing no one at all. </p><p>Max followed Solas to the edge of camp, carefully. They stood by the fire Solas had just created. </p><p>“A wise woman, worth heeding. Her kind understand the moments that unify a cause. Or fracture it. The orb Corypheus carried, it is Elven” Solas said, Max said nothing, trying to keep his face neutral.</p><p>“Corypheus used the orb to open the Breach, unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the Conclave. It could be responsible for Shepard’s arrival also. I do not yet know how.” He continued, the frown lines getting deeper on his bald forehead. </p><p>“I do not know how Corypheus survived...nor am I certain how people will react when they learn of the orb’s origin,” he trailed off. </p><p>Max nodded, “Alright, what is it exactly and how do you know about it?” </p><p>Solas stared into the mountains before replying, “They were foci, used to channel ancient magic. I have seen such things in the fade, old memories of older magic. Corypheus may think it Tevinter, his empire’s magic was built on the bones of my people. Knowing or not he risks our alliance. I cannot allow it.” Solas spat, his shoulders visibly tensing.</p><p>“This whole mess is confusing. I can see how elves might be an easy target.” Solas seemed to relax at that, “Regardless we need to move these people. We’ll keep the orb as quiet as we can, and if we find any other relics like it,” Max sighed, turning to face the camp. </p><p>“History would agree. But there are steps we can take to prevent such a distraction, there is a place. I have seen it in the fade.” Solas nodded, earning a questioning gaze from Max. </p><p>They moved back to camp, to discuss this new plan. This new Inquisition. They gathered the advisors, the absence of Shepard was felt keenly. Max more than once looked to his side, expecting her to be standing there. Her side profile, eyes darting, occasionally smiling or lifting her hand to her mouth deep in thought. </p><p>They began preparing that night, packing up the camp getting those ready for moving. Most of the Mounts had been rescued, along with a dozen wagons. Shepard was loaded onto a wagon, still unresponsive. Cole was never far from her, if he even saw him at all. </p><p>They began walking North, Max at the front. He turned to watch the other follow. They helped each other, all pitching in. Cullen never strayed too far from the wagon holding Shepard’s unconscious body the very image of a Commander. The others of the inner circle kept strategic points around the mass of people. </p><p>
  <em>The tip of the spear.</em>
</p><p>Shepard’s voice filtered in his mind. He smiled knowing her memories were still there even when she wasn’t awake, she was with him. Solas’s voice from the preparation meeting rang in his head, what they were searching for. </p><p>"By attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus had changed it. Changed you. Scout to the North, be their guide. There is a place that waits for a force to hold it. There is a place for the Inquisition to build... grow..." </p><p>Solas walked by him, both of them hiking up a rock face. Revealing a castle in the mountains, standing tall. Hidden in plain sight. Max clapped Solas on the back before moving forward, shocked at the discovery. </p><p>Skyhold. </p><p>*** </p><p>Inquisitor. </p><p>They had made him their leader and he had a fancy sword to prove it. He had no memory of how he had got the mark. No idea how he had met Shepard but they wanted him as their leader. He had sworn to uphold the values of the faith, still unknowing where his faith was. </p><p>In front of the whole Inquisition, how could he say no. </p><p>People poured in the gates, they were setting up the Tavern, the Herald’s rest. He smirked at the name. Some barracks for the soldiers and began moving rubble from there. At the gates a temporary medical area was set up. Tents for the wounded. One of them housing Shepard. </p><p>They believed that he was the Herald of Andraste and that Shepard had sent by her, a piece of her power. That Shepard was woman walking the land in her image, channelling her power through this human woman. Rumours had only increased of the pair, spreading far and wide to even the Avvar in the mountains. And the Tevinter imperium. Max made a mental note to ask Bull what the Qun thought of it all, since he was feeding them reports. </p><p>People had occasionally left flowers or candles outside the small tent that held Shepard, praying and thanking their warrior goddess for saving them and their Herald. Few were wary of what they saw, most using it as evidence their Maker had chosen to send a warrior in their time of need. </p><p>Max had yet to have individual conversations with the inner circle, first being dragged to the main hall by Cullen, Leliana and Josephine. He had put the Inquisition sword on his belt, helping Cullen push the main wooden doors open with his good shoulder. Broken furniture, chandeliers on the floor, in the distance a broken throne. It was a mess but it had promise. </p><p>“So, this is where it begins” Cullen said, his gruff voice echoed around the previously undisturbed hall. </p><p>“It began in the courtyard, this is where we turn that promise into action” Leliana replied, her voice held fire within each word. </p><p>“But what do we do? We know nothing about this Corypheus expect that he wanted your mark?” Josie added shakily. </p><p>He had his back to the three, facing the throne. Max’s mark stirred under his palm. It felt more attached to him, more imbedded into him. “And that he wanted Shepard. That’s confirmed at least, Maker he wanted this mark and her as his fucking paramour” Max added, clenching his fists. This situation was messier than they had originally thought. </p><p>The glow gently pulsed like it did when the was near a rift or a powerful Mage was nearby. Sometimes when Shepard was- </p><p>“Over my dead body I believe were my exact words” </p><p>Max turned as did the advisors, there stood at the other end of the hall. Shepard. In a baggy white shirt, dark leather pants and barefoot. The white shirt was Cullen’s and revealed her shoulder. Her dark hair, thick and curly around her head trailing down past her chest. She was wearing her usual smirk on her face. </p><p>“Shepard...” Cullen whispered, his own arms drop to his sides, his hands clenching and unclenching. </p><p>“What’s wrong guys, you look like you’ve seen a ghost” she smirked again, walking slowly towards them, she was limping on her right leg. </p><p>Here she was. </p><p>Commander Shepard.</p><p>Marching around Thedas.</p><p>Avatar of Andraste indeed. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard couldn’t help but smirk at their faces. They were staring at her like she was a ghost. She would be lying if she wasn’t scared they’d be scared of her. The reaction of the people she had passed when she got out her tent was not the case. </p><p>Soldiers had saluted her when they saw her, some dropped to their knees as she passed, people whispering and bowing to her. There had been flowers and candles outside her tent but no others. She was lucidly aware of things as she slept, her senses had returned to her once her body had been repaired to a degree. </p><p>She had heard singing, a collective singing as one. The occasional voice of Cole speaking to her, a whining of a Mabari. Varric’s gruff voice reaching her and Dorian’s tuneful accent. Cullen’s deep well-spoken voice had drifted over her more than once, soft words, almost like he was pleading. She had heard his voice shout, rousing a cheer from others. </p><p>Naming an Inquisitor. Max. That was the Fade had lost it’s grip on her. When she heard the thundering roar of the Inquisition cheering for their leader.</p><p>She wandered up the stairs after having a strange interaction with Varric who had asked her where her guard Mabari were, he kindly walked her up the stairs where the others were. He looked happy to see her awake, telling her that she had given them a scare with her wounds. He waited outside the doors when she entered, keeping anyone else from following her. </p><p>Now she was stood in front of the advisors and Max. Cullen turned faster than the others his honey eyes piercing her with his gaze but she tried to keep it semi-professional. Not knowing if he felt the same after seeing her power. Game face it was. </p><p>“You know, this reminds me of my twenty-first birthday, I woke up on a different planet to the one I had originally been on. Hell of a night, there were less castles and dragons if the stories were to be believed” she teased looking around the room. </p><p>“Shepard, you saved my life, you dragged me through the mountains, I- I-” Max said, still in shock over seeing the woman. A sword hung by his side much like Cullen. </p><p>She hardened for a moment, stopping just a step from him. “You’re ok then? All of you?” her eyes strayed to the others, taking in their tired eyes. </p><p>“We’re all ok, a few cracked ribs and bruised backsides but we’re ok” Max confirmed stepping to her with flushed cheeks, </p><p>“Good” she said, looking into his crinkling grey eyes, he stepped to her, wrapping his arms around her gently, she followed the motion, wrapping hers around him feeling his pulse beneath her palms. He smelt like fire smoke and sage. Earthy tones pulling her to sleep.</p><p>“Shep?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Not falling asleep on me are you?” </p><p>She blinked heavily realising most of her weight was leaning on him, gently pulling back, her eyes refocused on him and the surroundings. “Sorry- think I’m still hanging on in the Fade” she joked, rubbing he eyes hoping to clear them. </p><p>He held her shoulders, “It’s alright, you’ve been out for a week, bound to be a bit fuzzy”</p><p>Her eyes went wide, “A week?” her eyes darted to the others who nodded in conformation. Going by the stubble on Maxwell and Cullen’s cheeks, she could believe it. </p><p>“The Enchanters said you had Lyrium in your body, that it was affecting you. Maker what were you thinking? Where did you even get Lyrium?” Max growled, frowning at her. Dropping his hands from her into fists. </p><p>“I drank it” she admitted, looking down for a heartbeat before meeting Maxwell’s shocked eyes. Cullen also looked angry, if not wary. </p><p>“When you were waiting for the signal, I stashed some in my pocket with a few healing potions. When Corypheus blew up the barrels, I got sent flying off, woke up hearing him berate you, and well... I felt the energy from the Anchor and him. I felt his power and I needed to match him so you know” she shrugged.</p><p>“Are you fucking stupid” Maxwell shouted, earning a gasp and step back from Josie. </p><p>Shepard narrowed her eyes, “I did what I had to do”</p><p>“It could have killed you, you know what Lyrium is- to you? Maker Shepard how could you be so fucking selfish“</p><p>Shepard flared, “Selfish?” her eyes flashed, “I did it to save your fucking life, and I’d do it again, this is bigger than us Max” she roared, gesturing as her arms flailed. </p><p>“No more Lyrium Shepard, please” he begged, “I don’t want to be the reason you- if you ever-“ he began choking up. </p><p>“What is Lyrium to you?” Leliana asked, over Maxwell’s shoulder. Shepard, dropped her eyes again. </p><p>“Lyrium is… in the future we call it Element Eezo.” Leliana nodded, understanding the implications from her dossier she had written. It almost felt like a lifetime ago. </p><p>“When the bottle smashed on my hand, I felt it. The hum, it’s different when it’s so concentrated in liquid form but it is definitely similar. When exposed to an electrical current it radiates dark energy, which is what biotics use. It enhances our potential if we’re exposed but… when ingested it, well it is incredibly toxic”</p><p>No one said anything, just stared at her. </p><p>“It tastes like crap as well if anyone’s interested” she said attempting a smile. </p><p>“Never again. Promise me Shepard, if- if you go that far again who knows what Corypheus could do with you, if he could-” Max huffed, his jaw clenching and unclenching in time with his rising chest. </p><p>She knew what he wanted to say, if he could control her. </p><p>She nodded. “Alright” She didn’t believe it herself, she knew she’d do it again in a heartbeat if required. But he didn’t need to know that, he needed to hear it. “So, I haven’t looked in a mirror yet- how bad is it?” she asked gesturing to her face.</p><p>Cullen moved to brush her hair out her face, “Not bad at all, my lady” he smiled, removing his hand but not moving from her side. She didn’t miss the tremor in his hands as he touched her. She laughed in response. Maybe he did feel the same. </p><p>“It is good to see you awake Shepard, you had us worried for a moment” Leliana smiled. Josie hummed in agreement.</p><p>“I’ll have to work on my dramatic skills… I have questions, why are we in a castle? Why are people dropping to their knees and why did Varric ask me where my guard Mabari’s were?” she asked, her brow creasing. Her voice dripping with humour. </p><p>“Well, this is Skyhold, Solas knew of it from the Fade, it is where we shall build anew.” Josie said before tutting over Shepard’s lack of footwear. </p><p>“The people believe you were sent by Andraste, to save us and her Herald. Some are calling you the Avatar of Andraste. They believe you walk the land in her image even more. We have not told them otherwise, it seems it has aided the masses faith.” Leliana added. </p><p>Great, more people thinking she was a god or sent by a higher power to save them. Shepard sighed loudly, bringing her hand to pinch her nose. </p><p>“Not wanting to ascend to godhood Shepard?” Max said with humour. </p><p>“’Avatar of Andraste’ not my worst title but it’s definitively top three” she said, lowering her hand from her face and using air quotes. </p><p>“Right after Saviour of the Galaxy?” Max asked. </p><p>“And under that yeah, but above the Woman of the Enkindlers” she rolled her eyes, “and what of my apparent guard Mabari?” she asked, “Don’t tell me Samuel put the pups around me” she laughed at the image of the small pups tripping over the tent pegs as they barked at everything that moved. </p><p>Cullen shifted awkwardly at her side. The other’s eyes went to him, smiles adorning their faces on how their fearless and strict Commander would explain. He cleared his throat, “Myself and Oz, we ah- watched over you while you recovered.” He explained, his cheeks colouring.</p><p>Regardless of his slightly tanned Ferelden skin, he was still pale enough that his blushes were the most obvious thing about him. </p><p>“What he means to say is he didn’t leave your side unless pried away by an urgent matter.” Leliana teased. He had watched over her, that’s why she heard his voice so often, he had stayed. </p><p>“Thank you, kind Knight.” Shepard said, earning a nod and smile from Cullen.<br/>
He was slowly turning red, the tips of his ears giving himself away. Earning a laugh from Shepard. The tightening of her stomach muscles shifted her cut on her hip. She groaned, “Ok, no laughing. Laughing is bad”</p><p>Cullen was there to aid her in standing, his eyes brimming with concern. A few stray curls had fallen to his forehead, without whatever he clearly put in his hair it was fighting. She stood straight, stretching out her cramping abs. Breathing deeply. Cullen was yet to remove his arm from hers. Her own hands were clutched at her stomach, she forced herself to remove them. </p><p>Smiling through the pain to appease the worried expressions on the other’s faces, why did it burn? </p><p>“What happened to Corypheus?” Shepard asked, trying to steer the conversation away from her injuries. She couldn’t bare the looks Cullen was giving her.</p><p>“We think he flew off with his dragon, he’s not found us yet” Max replied, “He said he wanted to enter the Black City, that this would make him a god.” </p><p>“He is willing to tear this world apart to reach the next, it won’t matter if he is wrong” Leliana replied. </p><p>“What if he isn’t wrong, and he finds some other way into the fade?” Cullen asked, he had removed his hand from Shepard’s arm but was stood close. Closer to any of the others. It spoke volumes to him.</p><p>“Then he gains the power he seeks and unleashes catastrophe on us all” Leliana replied. </p><p>“Could his dragon really be an Archdemon, what does that even mean?” Shepard asked. </p><p>“It would mean the beginning of another blight but we have had no evidence of such so far” Leliana explained. </p><p>“We’ve seen no darkspawn then Corypheus himself” Josie added, “Perhaps it’s not an archdemon at all but something different?” balancing her pad on her hip.</p><p>“Whatever it is, it’s dangerous. Commanding such a creature gives him an advantage we can’t ignore” Cullen added with a cut of his hand through the air.  </p><p>“Someone out there must know something about Corypheus” Max said, ever hopeful. </p><p>Cullen grumbled beside her, “Unless they saw him on the field, most will not even believe he exists” </p><p>“We do have one advantage, we know what Corypheus intends to do next” Leliana said, “In the strange future, Empress Celene had been assassinated, as well as the Royalty in Ferelden and Starkhaven” </p><p>Josie gasped, “Imagine the chaos their deaths would cause, with Celene’s army alone-“</p><p>“An Army he will bolster with a massive force of Demons or so the future tells us” Cullen interrupted, his voice bitter. </p><p>“He could conquer the south of Thedas god or no god. His influence would only spread to the other Kingdoms. We must warn Prince Vael and King Therein” Josie said, clutching her wooden tablet harder. </p><p>“We have an advantage of our own” Max said, “Shepard, when you were...fighting him did you feel anything?” Max enquired, crossing his arms, the grey of his shirt stretching with the movement. </p><p>“It felt familiar, something in his blood felt familiar like he had heritage, like he had ancestors? Like any of you would have. Like a person would have, I didn’t expect that from, whatever he was he was once human, I’m sure of that.” Shepard said, frowning at the memory. </p><p>“So what, he has family? Others like him?” Cullen asked, brow raising. </p><p>“No, I wouldn’t say that. He was once human, that may give us a lead on how he became whatever he was though…” Shepard said trailing off, when no one filled the silence she continued. </p><p>“It was like his body was there and elsewhere too. Like a part of him was hidden away... it was confusing, I can’t explain it better than that. It’s not like I was in the driver’s seat at the time.” Shepard said, explaining as best she could, her left hand moved to her right arm trying to give herself some comfort. </p><p>“I’d feel better if we knew what we were dealing with, I’ll follow up on any leads we have regarding him” Leliana’s voice betrayed her exhaustion. </p><p>“I know someone who could help with that” Varric’s voice called. He must have been listening by the doors while keeping the others out. </p><p>The group turned to face Varric as he wandered to them. Max moved to the front of the group, Shepard turned carefully on her feet, feeling Cullen’s hand on her lower back steadying her. His hand slowly venturing to her hip, hidden from the others, like he just needed to touch her. </p><p>“Everyone acting all inspirational jogged my memory so I- I sent a message to an old friend. He’s crossed paths with Corypheus before and may know more. He can help” Varric finished, ending his walk to stand in front of Max. </p><p>“I’m always looking for new allies, introduce me” Max said. </p><p>Varric looked around the room, as if for more people listening in. “Parading around might cause a fuss. It’s better to meet privately on the battlements. Trust me, it’s complicated.” He sighed, shaking his head. </p><p>Leliana and Josie shared a concerned look, Shepard looked at Cullen for answers, he simply shrugged from behind her shoulder. </p><p>“Well then... we’re stand ready to move on both these concerns” Josephine chimed. </p><p>“On your order... Inquisitor” Cullen added, his hand moving from Shepard’s back, onto his sword.</p><p>“I know one thing, if Varric who I thinks he has. Cassandra is going to kill him.” Leliana said cheerfully. </p><p>“Thoughts?” Maxwell turned to Shepard, “It’s been too long since you’ve talked my ear off” half his mouth tugged upwards. </p><p>She huffed a laugh. “First things first, check the infrastructure. Have scouts map the whole of Skyhold. No stone unturned. We’ll need to contact our allies too, make sure they know of our new base of operations. We need to assess our troops... see how many we lost” her voice trailing off wondering how much of an Army they had left. </p><p>“Understood. Shepard, do you mind joining me to meet Varric’s mysterious friend?” he asked. </p><p>“I’m with you” she said, facing him with Cullen next to her. </p><p>“Absolutely not” Dorian shouted from the end of the hall, storming up to her with Victoria by his side, equally as annoyed. </p><p>“Here we go” Shepard sighed. </p><p>“Imagine my surprise when the woman who nearly died in the Commander’s arms is missing from her tent. What were you thinking moving about, you will undo all my hard work!” Dorian shouted looking at her for injuries. </p><p>“Oh, so it’s about your vanity? If I died you could just magic me back, easy!” she said, turning to the man. </p><p>“It does not work like that and you know it! I would be very bored with these Southerners if you died Shepard. I am not willing to entertain the thought, besides if you died in a tent with the evil Tevinter mage my head would be next and I am far to pretty to die!” Dorian said, his voice becoming unusually emotional. </p><p>The Enchanter looked equally as annoyed, “You will have Shepard returned to you when I am sure she is able to return to her duties, the Lyrium gave your body a damn shock. I’m not happy about you being out of bed never mind entertaining guests.” Victoria said to Max, who simply nodded in agreement. </p><p>“Traitor” Shepard narrowed her eyes at Max, who gave her a shrug. </p><p>“Shepard, get moving. If you got out the tent you can bloody well get yourself back there.” Victoria said pointing to the door. </p><p>“Here I thought I didn’t have to take orders anymore” Shepard protested, while Dorian’s arm went around her. Her right arm going around his neck. </p><p>Victoria’s glare only deepened. “Well you are bloody well getting them child, so get moving soldier or I will sedate you again” she ordered with a point of her finger. </p><p>In response Shepard stuck her tongue out at the elder mage earning a light slap on the back of the head. </p><p>“Shepard”</p><p>She turned with Dorian’s help to look at Maxwell, “Happy Birthday?” he asked tentatively. </p><p>“It wasn’t the worst I’ve ever had” she mused.</p><p>***</p><p>After an extensive once over of her injuries and a very big talking to by Dorian, she was given her usual black leather pants and boots, her shirt however was still Cullen’s. Easier to wear the bandages on her hip, she left the shirt over one shoulder and rolled up the sleeves to look slightly more presentable. The wound on her leg was shallow and became deeper on her stomach, wearing pants was uncomfortable but not as bad as it could be. </p><p>She and Max were warned that Shepard was only to do a bit of walking and no work in any capacity. Her body temperature was higher than it should be, it was something they’d keep an eye on after meeting this mystery friend. </p><p>Shepard was lacing up her boots with Dorian’s aid when Max entered. “Ready?” he asked. </p><p>Dorian had said there was still a little Lyrium in her system; making her hands shake slightly, she could feel it in her limbs.  </p><p>She nodded, looking round for a hair tie, huffing when there was not one in sight. Hair down it was. They walked from the healing tents past the tavern, taking it slower once they reached the stairs for the battlements. Stairs and hip injuries did not mix well. </p><p>They walked along the battlements, for once allowing Maxwell to take her arm in his. Shepard stopped to take in the view of their surroundings. Her hair flowing through the cold wind that flowed through her shirt while Max pointed out the route they had taken, it took the heat from her body. It was refreshing. Soldiers patrolled behind them, saluting the pair as they went past. </p><p>One even voiced how good it was to see her back on her feet, she was quick to agree. </p><p>When they reached the top Varric was waiting. Looking over at Skyhold silently and on his own, there was a box nearby a bottle of alcohol, if it was his or a soldier who was celebrating, it was anyone’s guess. </p><p>“Siren, looking better already” Varric smiled, turning to face the two. </p><p>“Varric, you look like shit” she winked, going to hug the man. His laughter made her feel ten times better than she did. “But if this is so secret, why did you let me join?” she asked. </p><p>“It’s what you said in the hall, you have as much experience with Corypheus as us, besides he wants to meet you too” he said shrugging, as if it was plain to understand. </p><p>They went back to silence, Shepard moved from the stairs to smell the alcohol and check there wasn’t anyone listening on the other side of the battlements. Shepard looked over the wall at the broken stairs. </p><p>“Inquisitor, meet Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall” Varric said.</p><p><em> Hawke </em> </p><p>The Hawke that had saved her. Taken her from Haven. </p><p>“Though, I don’t much use that title much anymore” his gruff voice announced.<br/>
Shepard moved from her place from the corner, walking towards the man. He was just how she remembered him.</p><p>“Hawke, the Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste. And this is Commander Shepard” Varric finished, gesturing towards her. </p><p>Hawke turned to face her. He was just how she remembered; he had a sharp nose, his skin surprisingly unblemished. His beard framed his jaw but was lighter on the cheeks. Almost the same length as his hair, the black spiked cut resting on his forehead. </p><p>His staff resting on his back, he was a mage. </p><p>And he did not have his scar, nor was there any recognition in his eyes of her. </p><p>In all the accounts of Kirkwall, there had been little mention of Hawkes fighting method. Then again, the official accounts had been written by those who would want to control the positive light Mages are seen in. It reminded her of how people first treated Biotics, how most Turian’s still treated biotics in their people. </p><p>She moved to shake his hand, reaching out to clasp his leathered and armoured glove. He looked her up and down before taking it, bowing slightly. </p><p>“Commander” he said before releasing her hand. </p><p>“Please, just call me Shepard” She smiled, he was flicking between her eyes, before they landed on her fresh scar. It wasn’t deep or thick but it would be red for a few months. </p><p>“Figured he might have some friendly advice about Corypheus. You and I did fight him after all” Varric walked away giving the three some space after his revelation. </p><p>“From what I hear, you’ve already dropped half a mountain on the bastard and got Andraste to help you. I’m sure anything I can tell you pales in comparison.” Hawke said, leaning heavily over the battlements. Max was stood to his right-side arms crossed. Shepard went to other side of Hawke, stood at parade rest. </p><p>“Not quite Andraste, but our version anyhow” Max said. </p><p>“Shut up Max” Shepard sighed, shaking her head. The movement made her head spin, she herself the battlements to stop herself from sliding. </p><p>“Ah so you must be the Avatar of Andraste then, I thought you’d be taller. Made of marble maybe” Hawke joked. </p><p>“And here I thought you’d have wings, Hawke. How disappointing” she joked back, keeping her eyes on the view but darting them to see his smirk. </p><p>“So then, what can I tell you?” Hawke asked, moving to stand facing Max, leaning on the battlements. Shepard followed suit, leaving a respectable gap between them. Listening to the interaction. </p><p>“Varric say’s you’ve fought him before?” Max asked becoming more serious.<br/>
Hawke crossed his arms over his chest under the cowl of his armour. </p><p>“Fought and killed. They Grey Wardens were holding him, using my father’s blood in a ritual but he somehow used his connections to the darkspawn to influence them, even in his prison.” </p><p>Varric took a large swill from the bottle before joining the three. “He got into their heads. Messed with their minds and turned them against each other and everyone else” he tapered off, a shudder running through him. </p><p>“If the wardens have disappeared, they could have fallen under his control again, I saw it first hand with Anders. It almost took my brother too, he said he could hear the voices, like someone was in the next room talking about you” Hawke sighed, shaking his head like it would remove the memory. </p><p>“So this Elder One has the Venatori, The Red Templars and now possibly the Wardens as well? Wonderful” Max said, uncrossing his arms. Running one through his chestnut brown locks.</p><p>They continued, Hawke told them of the red Lyrium the templars in Kirkwall were using, how his friend Stroud had gone silent but said he would be in a smugglers cave in Crestwood in a few weeks’ time. Hawke continued to speak about how his father’s blood was used in a ritual to bind the Elder One to the prison but he still affected the Wardens minds and sent them after Hawke. And that Hawke was sure that he was dead on the ground when they had left. </p><p>“Wait, if all Wardens are affected that means Blackwall, and the Grey Wardens left in Ferelden” Shepard spoke up, earning worried looks from the men. </p><p>“We need to find out more before we can approach the King, we can check on Blackwall after this however. I’ll get Leliana to send word, best if there is a delicate touch involved.” Max said nodding to Shepard. </p><p>“I would recommend that. My brother is a Warden, I had him taken as far from Orlais as possible. Is there anything else you wish to discuss” Hawke asked. </p><p>“Anders, what was he like?” Shepard asked slightly in a daze, speaking up for the first time in the best part of an hour. </p><p>Shepard personally had heard mixed stories on Anders, from the Templar recruits and Mage rebels. He was in Hawkes team, he would have a different view point. </p><p>“Complicated, not like the Minstrels make it out to be. He isn’t just a monster or a hero, maybe he’s both. He was trying to change the world, he knew it couldn’t happen peacefully. I didn’t agree with what he did but, I can’t deny that there was any other solution that would have a lower death toll” Hawke said. The accounts said Prince Vael, formally brother, wanted Ander’s head. </p><p>“Why do you ask?” </p><p>“Curiosity, where is he now?” Shepard replied, shrugging and offering no other answer. She wasn’t ready to admit to anyone how alike her and Anders were, if anything she wanted to meet him. A man with a spirit in his mind, it was something she could relate to, sort of. Having power that no one else understood.  </p><p>“I’m never really happy leaving him on his own. But I won’t tell you his location, just that Corypheus has affected his mind before. I can’t risk it happening again.” Hawke asked narrowing his eyes, there was something there. His body flowed with more than fear for his friend. </p><p>“What” Hawke growled, when Shepard didn’t respond. </p><p>“If you know first-hand how Wardens are affected, I’d appreciate you telling us, if we can see the symptoms its more information to give to the King and to watch out for in our own ranks.” Shepard said evenly. Her head was starting to spin lightly. </p><p>“Here, a letter on the symptoms. The one’s we know of anyway.” Hawke said, producing a parchment from his pack. </p><p>“Anything else you can tell me Shep?” Max asked handing it to her. </p><p>Shepard let her eyes glow, her senses filling her. “Only that whoever wrote this was scared, very scared. It is a very real threat. I’d recommend sending this to Leliana to pass on as soon as possible.” </p><p>“You remind me of him, in a way” Hawke said, staring into Shepard’s now human iris. </p><p>“We have more in common than you know” Shepard tilted her head, “You care for him.” Shepard smiled, handing the parchment back to Max. </p><p>Hawke eyed her with curiosity, “Usually people have a different reaction to finding out I am involved with a famous madman. But not you. Why?” He said crossing his arms. </p><p>“There are two sides to every story, and I have only heard one. If people judged me on what they knew, I’d be in the cells. I was once, twice… actually it could be more in the region of four of five” She mused her eyes trailing off as she thought about the amount of times she had been handcuffed, maybe not technically arrested or in a C-Sec or station per say.</p><p>She leant heavily on the battlements. Using her senses had made her head lighter than she’d admit, the cold air was bracing on her sweating body. </p><p>“You are very strange” Hawke replied, chuckling at Shepard. </p><p>“I get that a lot” Shepard laughed, the sensation made her groan and clutch her stomach again, the forward motion affected her head even more. She felt like she was burning. </p><p>“Are you injured?” Hawke asked moving towards her, noticing how her shirt was becoming damper. </p><p>“I tried to pet the Elder One’s dragon, it didn’t like it” she replied, allowing Hawke to lift her shirt to look at her hip. Her own hands went to steady her against the wall. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing, wiping the sweat from her forehead with her rolled sleeve. </p><p>She had begun to bleed through the bandages on her hip, the red mark making itself known. She hadn’t eaten since she had celebrated at Haven and had lost a lot of blood. She breathed heavily against the wall. Hawke kneeled at her feet on one knee, peeling away the bandages to take a look. </p><p>“Siren, you feeling ok? You look... paler than usual” Varric chimed, staring at her worriedly. Her only answer was a groan. </p><p>“Siren?” Hawke enquired, his hands still hovering over her wound with green light, moving it around her torso.</p><p>“Stick around and you’ll see it first-hand” Varric replied, chuckling as best he could. </p><p>“Shepard?” Cullen’s voice called, jogging to her side from one of the tower doors a few of his senior officers in tow. </p><p>“Speaking of” Varric smirked. </p><p>“Knight-Commander?” Hawke said standing up in surprise and turning to face Cullen. </p><p>“Champion.” Cullen replied growling slightly, turning his attention to the pale, sweating woman leaning against a sheer drop. </p><p>His arm went around her waist to aid her to move to a safer position near the planks of wood resting against the corner of the tower. He placed her down gently, asking her if she was alright. </p><p>“I think something... is poisoning me” Shepard groaned, sweat began forming on her brow and the back of her neck. She knew it was more than blood loss, something was attacking her from the inside. </p><p>She could make out the blurry forms of the men watching her with concern. Their words were muffled in her ears, she struggled to form words with her mouth. She felt warm hands cup her face, the blonde of Cullen’s hair in her view. Next to the kneeling form of Hawke, his black hair giving him away in the blurriness of the scene. </p><p>Shepard gently lifted her hand to touch Hawkes face, her eyes lit with biotics as she showed him the memory of the Dragon slicing her, thinking that whatever this was must be from that injury. She hoped he could use it to help her, because the darkness was calling and she was reluctantly answering. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard groaned as her mouth filled with a vile tasting liquid, she tried to sit up spluttering the warm potion down her chin. She shoved whoever was near her pushing the potion down her throat and tried to move. But hands were pushing her down. She pushed her biotics gently making the offenders stumble as she looked around the room, she rose off the couch she was on and surveyed the spinning room from her knees as she coughed up the remnants of her stomach. </p><p>She saw the bucket next to the couch she was on she grabbed it and proceeded to vomit, violently. The more she threw up, the more her senses came back to her. It was an office of some sort, desk and book cases in the distance, she was on a couch in the corner. </p><p>She sat heavily on the ground, leaning back against the seat of the couch. She stretched her legs beside her. Letting her biotic field fall, she was in Skyhold, she was safe. </p><p>“Shepard?” </p><p>She turned in her haze to see Cullen, Victoria, Hawke, Fiona and Max all stood watching her. “Hi” was all she made out before grabbing the bucket and emptying her guts once more. </p><p>“Commander, how do you feel?” Fiona asked moving to kneel on the ground next to Shepard. Her hands covering herself in green energy as she passed it over her head and down to her hip. </p><p>“Like the day after shore leave” she groaned, leaning her head on her hand wiping the sweat from there, closing her eyes. </p><p>“That is not comforting” Cullen said, moving to her side. Dabbing a wet cloth on her forehead. She opened her eyes and smiled at the movement.</p><p>“At least you didn’t throw up your good sense of humour” Max offered from the other side of the room. </p><p>Hawke moved to her other side, him and Cullen helped her sit back on the couch while Fiona used her healing to check her over. “Enchanter can you confirm please” Victoria moved to check her over again. </p><p>“She is clear” The elder woman replied after a moment, nodding and stepping back to a respectable distance. </p><p>“Clear of what?” Shepard asked, looking between the two. When they didn’t answer, Hawke cleared his throat. </p><p>“You were tainted by something from the dragon. I don’t know how but your body fought it and well, you filled the bucket more than once. From what I could see it looked like Red Lyrium poisoning, could have been the taint. To be honest your body was rejecting it before I could get there to figure it out, I heard you dashed some ordinary Lyrium before your fight, could well have been that” Hawke replied, placing a hand on her shoulder, his face was frowning like he wasn’t pleased with the assessment. </p><p>“That explains why it wasn’t healing” Shepard replied groaning, lifting her shirt to look at the wound. It had sealed and was now healing better than before, at her usual pace. She let the shirt drop and leaned her forearms against her thighs. Stretching the twinges in her back. </p><p>She felt better already, not sweating and her head wasn’t swimming anymore. Progress, whatever it was, it was gone. She sighed, letting a small smile grace her face. </p><p>“How did you survive?” Hawke asked, crossing his arms over his chest. </p><p>“Listen, I have had a very tough few days. Can the difficult questions wait until I can taste something other than my own sick?” she said, brow furring. </p><p>“No.” Hawke spat at her. Cullen moved to stand in front of him, acting as a barrier between them. </p><p>“It can wait. Stand down.” Cullen said through gritted teeth.</p><p>“You can’t order me Templar” Hawke replied, equally as aggressively. </p><p>“Gentleman...” Maxwell interrupted, stepping between the two men and pushing them both apart with his hands. Victoria watched leaning on a desk, he almost looked amused by the display. </p><p>“Fine Hawke, have it your way. It will probably be because I am not human, not fully, we don’t have the taint where I’m from but my genealogy means I am immune to plenty of diseases or can at least fight them better than you” Shepard replied narrowing her eyes at the man, earning a confused look from Fiona as her head shot up from her position at Shepard’s hip. </p><p>“That is the only theory I have but it isn’t some secret I’m withholding on purpose” Shepard said, shrugging. </p><p>“I see.” Hawke replied, his eyes looking at her, probably to find any indication of her other heritage on her features. “And that is how you did the...” Hawke gestured to her giving him her memory. </p><p>“Yes.” She replied. </p><p>“You’re not a Mage?” he asked </p><p>“No” She replied. </p><p>“Are you capable of more than one-word answers?” Hawke asked, semi irritated. </p><p>“Sometimes” she smirked, earning a small chuckle from him even if it was clipped. </p><p>“Shepard, with your approval we may be able to investigate what exactly makes you invulnerable, it may save future lives.” Victoria said, nodding to Fiona. </p><p>She thought for a moment, being so tired she was struggling to control her senses. She could smell different emotional states radiating off them, different auras burned around them. She rubbed her hands across her face. Cure, this wasn’t a cure. It was a curse. Sure it had helped her plenty but a curse was still a curse. </p><p>If they misused this it would cause countless deaths.</p><p>“I’ll make sure they don’t” Cole’s voice drifted over her, he appeared next to the mage, no one else reacted to him. He was only showing himself to her. His words gave her confidence, having someone on the inside watching over would be very useful. </p><p>“Everything goes through me. I choose every person involved in the studies and if one scrap goes missing. I will burn it to the ground” she said holding Max’s gaze. </p><p>“You have my word Shepard, we will conduct this in Undercroft, there’s a space there where you can work, we’ll do this the right way” Max replied, knowing how much this meant to her. He had seen the countless deaths caused by the women Dr Shepard had used. </p><p>She nodded back, smiling at how easy it was to communicate with him. He had her memories, so he knew what it meant to her. And what would happen if her powers were given to others. It was like having John around, this worlds version of John anyway. </p><p>“Now if we’ve put the measuring tapes away” Maxwell gave a pointed look to Hawke and Cullen, “We can get you sorted” She took the hand that Maxwell offered her to stand up, finding her own two feet. Victoria and Fiona accompanied her to Solas’s quarters, leaving the three men to the room. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard was reading in her quarters, using her omnitool to update the events that had occurred in the hours passed. Fiona and Solas agreed to take a small sample of blood for now and they could take other samples later. </p><p>She had spent a few hours resting in the tower listening to Solas talk about the journey to Skyhold until runners alerted her that her new quarters were available. Two days it had taken them to get here, it would have taken less time if they hadn’t had the whole of the Inquisition on their backs.</p><p>There was another tower attached to the main hall. Two rooms had been set up there, one for the Inquisitor at the very top and one underneath for her. With guards on the battlements below and outside, they would be safer housed together. </p><p>She had two balconies covered in pained glass windows, high ceiling and a very large space, a desk had been set up in the corner with book shelves and she had a large four poster bed, that Maxwell had recommended as if was ‘simply the best from the Free Marches’. Complete with a couch and a fireplace, with two small rooms next to her bed that would be used as a supply closet and another for a washroom. </p><p>The engineers were already working on a plumbing system throughout Skyhold, instead of lumbering baths everywhere. This kept Harritt busy at least making the pipes. </p><p>The thick wooden door she had led to a staircase in the tower, up one flight was Max’s quarters and down one flight would lead to the great hall. She hoped they had looked at the structural integrity of the tower but beggars couldn’t be choosers. They had given her more than she deserved. </p><p>Apparently saving the Inquisitors life had made her popular enough to have anything she wanted. She had no doubt however, that Maxwell was getting the same treatment.  </p><p>How they had managed all this in a few hours Shepard would never know. There was still cobwebs to clean and rubble in the corners but it was more than she expected. She sat heavily in her desk chair, waiting for her Omnitool to finish the readings on her body calculating the damage and scar tissue, anything else she would need to know. </p><p>She pressed a call to John, hearing the familiar tone of the Omnitool trying to connect before the stagnant tone of a beep came to tell her it could not be connected. She sighed closing her omnitool as another noise came to her. </p><p>KNOCK KNOCK. </p><p>Shepard lifted her head from her desk, “Come in” Shepard called. </p><p>When the door didn’t open her brow furrowed, she got up and walked to the door confused. Shepard opened the door to see Cullen on the other side holding a tray trying to open the door, his frown had softened when his gaze looked on hers. Before she said anything a small bundle of fur was running at her feet, barking happily. </p><p>“Cullen, come in” She said smiling, opening the door further to allow him entry. He had a small shy smile on his face, his usual stubble gone, his hair neatly combed back in his usual quiff. Had he… groomed before seeing her?</p><p>He entered walking to the desk placing the tray on the desk, “I ah- thought you might be hungry” he said sheepishly. </p><p>“Starving, thank you” she laughed, “Hello sweet girl, thank you for watching over me” picking up Oz in her arms letting her lick at her nose before going for her ear. Oz’s ears hadn’t perked up yet, still in their folded position bouncing with every movement. The patch of white hair on her chest had grown, separating the sleek grey that covered the rest of her. </p><p>The sensation made her giggle and put her back down earning a small whimper from her before she ran to her bed, jumping up onto it. Lounging happily. She watched Oz roll around on it laughing that this would be a ‘war dog’. She turned from the pampered dog to face Cullen who was staring at her, hands placed on the pommel of his sword. </p><p>“and thank you for watching over me, I got the full story from Enchanter Victoria, it seems you downplayed your role Commander” she said, earning a nervous twitch from him. His hand went to his neck rubbing it there looking away. </p><p>“I ah- didn’t know if you would be angry with me for what I did, I couldn’t- I didn’t want-“ he sighed, “What I mean to say is, I was very worried about you and I am glad you’re alright. I hope I wasn’t too ah- inappropriate.” he said removing his hands looking into her eyes once more. </p><p>“Cullen, I’m not angry. You helped save my life, if anything I was worried what you would think of me... after well you know… the Lyrium” she replied moving to stand in front of the fire, she stared into the flames tracing the red flicks as they waved to her. </p><p>“It was, something.” He nodded, staring at her back, “I thought you were incredible however” he whispered, moving from his position to stand at the side of her. “I can report that I have found some grey hairs, please do not fight a dragon again by yourself and please, for me, don’t take Lyrium” he said, he still looked tense worried. </p><p>His words bore into her, as a Templar he knew the risks. Though there seemed to be something behind his words, and how he didn’t smell like Lyrium. Not like Rylen or Barris did. “I won’t… I wouldn’t want to ruin that blonde hair hmm” she replied looking up at him.</p><p>“Have you felt any- ah- negative effects?” he asked, his eyes darting between hers as she turned to face him. </p><p>“I don’t think so, I had a headache earlier, after your shouting match with Hawke” she watched him shift on the spot, a grin adopting his face, “But apart from that, nothing. Biotics can usually filter it out pretty well, I think the worst of it was when I was out to be honest” she shrugged. His eyes darted downwards, his lips moved almost as if he was saying a prayer under his breath. </p><p>He stepped forward, closing the gap, at some point he tugged off his gloves, leaving them in his belt as his bare hand gently touched her lower back, turning her gently to face him. </p><p>His eyes left hers to trace the scar on her eyebrow, his hand moved to push her hair behind her ear. “So, how does it really look” she asked turning her body to face him.</p><p>“Beautiful, though I may be biased” he breathed. Letting his hand fall and grip hers. She held back from rolling her eyes. </p><p>“Cullen, that kiss...what you said- did you mean it?” </p><p>He nodded, bringing his other hand to rest on her cheek. “Every word, Liv” he replied. </p><p>She believed him. </p><p>Shepard let her right-hand stroke past his neck, wrapping in his hair as she tugged his lips down to hers. His hand left hers to wrap around her waist gently pushing her body onto his, not crushing. Her other hand went to rest on his armour. He opened his lips against hers slanting his head, softly coaxing her to follow suit, his tongue touched- </p><p>Barking broke their faces as they turned to look at Oz on the bed. Staring at them wagging her tail, very cheerful at her interruption. </p><p>“Bad dog” Cullen grumbled under his breath. Shepard laughed letting her head rest on the chest plate of his armour. Cullen chuckled with her, kissing the top of her head. </p><p>“I imagine you have questions” she whispered looking up at Cullen. </p><p>“I do but if you’d-“ </p><p>“No, I want to answer them” she smiled, “over dinner perhaps?” pointing to the tray. </p><p>“It would be my pleasure, my lady” Cullen said bowing, earning a light shove for his over the top display. </p><p>Shepard grabbed the pillows off the couch placing them in front of the fire for them to sit on. She didn’t miss how Cullen watched her when she winced pulling at the stitches. They sat and began helping themselves to the stew and tea he had brought. Oz joined them as soon as they sat, whining for some scraps. </p><p>That was when she decided she had finished her dinner, holding her tea in both hands leaning against Cullen’s now unarmoured body in between his legs, as Oz was stretched out on her back, absorbing the fire’s warmth on her grey belly. Shepard occasionally reached out and rubbed the Mabari’s belly earning her a sigh from the pup. </p><p>Shepard had naturally given in to the blue puppy dog eyes, Cullen grumbling that she would become too pampered. </p><p>It was strange but normal. The company, forged on countless meals with each other, sparring and evaluating soldiers or tactics. She felt him stiffen when she mentioned the walk from Haven, asking to be filled in on the journey.</p><p>“Cullen if you don’t want to discuss it I-“</p><p>“What happened in Haven, I will not allow it to happen again. You almost” he shut his eyes, his breath leaving his lungs in a gust past her ear, “We almost lost you, you don’t know how close it was. You have my word I will make sure Skyhold is safe. That you are safe”  </p><p>Cullen reached out and grasped her hand, bringing it to his mouth to kiss, before speaking. </p><p>“When you spoke back at Haven, it sounded like there was multiple voices speaking” Cullen said his voice muttering into her ear, his arms drawing around her holding his own mug, drawing Shepard’s attention away from the sleeping pup. </p><p>“When I... let go, the combined power and experience of all those who had this power before me speak through me. I command them but I draw upon them” She answered. </p><p>“Do they, live in you?” Cullen asked, she noticed the tremor in his hands. </p><p>“No, not as a spirit or an entity. But as memories yes, they are not living as such. Or as far as I am aware of.” She replied, placing her tea in her lap. “The Predator was one of the first embodiments of the Prothean race, I have hundreds of thousands of years of experience in me, countless lifetimes of memories. Like if you had all the memories of your ancestors, your father, and your grandfather and so on” </p><p>He hummed as he understood what that meant, “Does it hurt, when you... change?” he asked, his arms tightening around her slightly.  </p><p>“No” she answered, taking the last dregs of her tea, “It’s like using a tool, a weapon. You can only use it for as long as you have the energy to wield it. I suppose it hurts when you push yourself, I suppose” she answered, turning to face him. </p><p>“I think I understand” he said laughing, “Can I feel it again? Are you well enough to?” he asked. </p><p>“Sure” she replied, flaring gently over her skin reaching her left arm out to him. </p><p>He took off his glove and let his hand hover over her hand, down her forearm. </p><p>“It tingles still, I never asked, why is it green?” he laughed, his finger-tips danced under her arm to her hand and entwined his fingers there. </p><p>“I’m not sure, all Prothean biotics were. Possibly whatever caused the mutated gene, a lot of their culture has been lost” she shrugged, looking at his hands, thick tanned fingers. Occasional white scar or callous on them. “Does it scare you?” she asked, staring at the fire. </p><p>“Does it scare you?” he repeated back. </p><p>“Sometimes... when I let go, when I call upon the power. I don’t know if I trust myself, it isn’t often I go that far. It’s... it can be daunting to come down again. It felt different this time, like one life was trying to push forward, it was… strange” she said, gulping. </p><p>“I trust you and it doesn’t scare me, <em> you </em> do not scare me. Whatever I fear of Magic, I see none of that in you” he whispered, the fire reflecting in his golden eyes as she turned slightly to look at him. </p><p>“Is there anyone else like you back home?” he asked hesitantly, not knowing how far to go talking about her home. Her home she now had no way to get back to. </p><p>“No not as such. There is a full Prothean who survived in a stasis pod, his name is Javik. He’s the embodiment of Vengeance, he was a good friend. Once he stopped being an asshole. But people have biotics, it’s blue because of the element that causes the mutation of the body, or it causes illnesses and death.”</p><p>“Like magic, it can be passed down hereditary or caused by exposure to the element. We have different classes in Humans for what implant they have, L2’s are mutated from the womb for example, unstable but very strong” she smiled at his cheek pressing against hers. It had been a long time since she had enjoyed such… innocent touches.</p><p>“You sound like very advanced people” he replied, his voice grumbling through her cheek, gently letting his thumb stroke her palm. </p><p>“I suppose we were. I took it for granted really. It was just normal” she said, staring out of the balcony into the mountains. Thinking of how she would never see technology again, never use a replicator or see a mass effect field with her own two eyes. </p><p>“Even when you were young?” he asked, moving his own hand to stroke his pup. </p><p>“Do you want to see?” she asked, he opened his mouth but no words came out. “I won’t see your memories, I will simply recreate one of mine, if- if you want” she whispered. </p><p>He nodded, she took his hand and stood up carefully. He followed suit facing her, watching her every move. </p><p>“Wait” her stomach dropped that he had changed his mind. </p><p>She watched as he moved to the tray, lifting a lid off something and reaching to the fire, before turning to her. </p><p>In his hand was a small cake, with one candle on the top. “I had the cook make this for you- ah- In Ferelden and the Free Marches, we have a tradition where you blow it out and make a wish” he said blushing. </p><p>“What about Orlais?” she asked. </p><p>“Probably a candle in ham that tastes of despair” he rolled his eyes, she giggled. Stroking her hand on his cheek while the other took the cake. </p><p>She moved forward, tilted her head up to his capturing his lips, flaring her biotics once they had met. Using the intimate method to drag him into her memory. She lowered her lips from his still holding one of his hands. </p><p>She opened her eyes very aware that her iris’s would be filled with light and watched Cullen as his eyes left hers to look at their surroundings. He looked strange in his partial armour against the modern scene. She had made the memory of her home on Mindoir, they were stood on the metal balcony that overlooked the lake a few meters from her house connecting to the jetty that spread into the water. </p><p>She inhaled deeply smelling the fresh slightly salty air. The drifting smell of fuel from the boats that had recently been refuelled, their family one sat floating. Tied to the jetty. The soft sound of a shuttle flew past, leaving a blue trail in the sky for a few moments. </p><p>“This is- it’s...Maker” Cullen said, looking around, “It’s incredible” he said looking back to her. “This is where you grew up?” he asked. </p><p>“Until I was thirteen yes, this planet is called Mindoir. After this I lived on a space station, I didn’t put my feet on solid ground for many years” She said, looking over the balcony at the water. </p><p>Bittersweet, she thought. </p><p>A gilded cage is still a cage. </p><p>“The stars are so clear, there’s two moons” he said looking up at the twin moons circling the sky, reflecting their bright light off the water. He looked from the sky to her, before flicking to the cake. </p><p>She cradled the cupcake in one hand, shutting her eyes and blowing it out to make a wish, </p><p>“Thank you” she whispered, taking a bite of the sugary delight. </p><p>“Oh that’s good” she moaned, holding the cake to him to take a bite, he gave her a one sided grin that made her heart flutter before taking a bite himself. They stood under the stars as they shared the treat. </p><p>“Do you want to learn about the stars?” she asked, looking up at him. His hand went to her mouth, wiping a bit of the icing off her lips before claiming them once more.</p><p>Retreating his head once more, he smiled and nodded, tightening his bare hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. And there they stood, it was her turn to describe the constellations to him as he stared at the night sky of her first home. The home she would only be able to reach in dreams. </p><p>Cole watched from behind them, studying their relationship. It was strange, new. Inevitable. They were both scared, unsure but happy, not wanting to step back but nervous to step forward. </p><p>Him the confounding night, the reliable dark. The background which watches, commands and holds.</p><p>Her the bright burning lights. Powerful and enchanting, split into so many parts and held together only by the dark. </p><p>Cole decided it was something he wanted to learn about.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. The New Normal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shepard woke to a breeze running across her face, she hadn’t managed much between Fiona, Solas and Victoria’s tests and her injuries, which thanks to the Lyrium were healing slower as her body battled the last remaining bits. </p><p>Who knew healing magic was exhausting for the participant to? They had taken to sedating her when healing her so she wouldn’t run off and hurt herself or anyone else, something Shepard had reluctantly agreed with.</p><p>Considering her current injuries, she was grateful for being sedated, she always did make an awful patient. </p><p>When she was awake and not being prodded, she was using her biotics to clear rubble and broken items from the rooms surrounding Skyhold.</p><p>She could clear what ten men could in half the time. No matter how often Cullen would grumble at her, she would deny doing it to a point he had to escort her away after catching her in the act, with a large hand on her back or hip.</p><p>She had taken to helping without glowing bright green, lifting rubble, or boxes by hand to try and hide from the Commander’s eagle-eyed gaze. The soldiers had gently let her know they were under orders to make sure she didn’t partake in labour. Glaring them away had only worked twice before Rylen intervened. </p><p>It had Cullen’s and Maxwell’s names all over it.</p><p>Exploring was all fun and games, she had found a particular spot past the cells that held a waterfall and one cell that was broken where she could climb out to a secluded patch against the walls. She had no doubt that Leliana’s people had watched her try to find said hiding spot, they were getting better at sneaking round her. </p><p>It had kept the first hurdles of people away too wanting to see who Andraste had used to wield her power. Luckily, they now resided in a town being built near to the bottom of the valley, with other soldiers and townsfolk. The inner circle and selected others staying in Skyhold, ranging from nobles to loyal soldiers. </p><p>She dozed for a while remembering the week before, he had to call Oz a few times to come to his side when he was at the door, Oz sitting at Shepard’s feet whimpering. Through the closed door she had heard him faintly tell Oz that he didn’t want to leave either but that she needed rest, to which the pup simply barked back. Whether in understanding or in defiance she didn’t know. But she couldn’t help but grin. </p><p>Those two Fereldens would be trouble. </p><p>She hadn’t seen him in a few days. The bustle of the soldiers keeping him busy, at least he had graduated from the desk in the courtyard to his office, Max had yet to leave Skyhold also. His ribs were done healing, he would be setting off soon however. </p><p>The Inquisitors work never done. </p><p>A knock at the very same door brought her to the present, she shifted and put on some cloth trousers to answer, not wishing to scare another messenger like she had Jim, the man had pounced on the door shouting bloody murder. Apparently answering the door in nothing but a towel was inappropriate and had sent men away scampering and blushing without giving her the message. </p><p>Two scouts were on the other side carrying a trunk into her room, they placed it by her bed saluted and left without a word. </p><p>Curiosity won. She knelt at the chest opening it gently, inside were beauty products, clothes, toiletries and even satin night dresses. She smiled to herself, Josie, this was her doing. The trunk was full of items to the brim. </p><p>She took her usual black attire out. Dressing in the tight black leather pants, carefully pulling them over the bandage on her thigh. Tying her black boots on her shins she took the white top off and searched for a black tight bra. She placed it on and searched for the next item. She rooted through the black shirts for the thinnest. </p><p>One shirt took her attention, the familiar red on the arm. She unfolded it and opened it out, it was a black button up with one long red stripe down the arm. A mimic of her N7 armour. Josie, she thought, this had Josie written all over it. </p><p>She reached for a hair tie and attempted to braid her hair in the washroom mirror, her wound wouldn’t allow such movement. She settled for a ponytail on the back of her skull. Shepard stood for a moment studying her face, she had caught the sun since being here, faint freckles on her nose. Her new scar had missed her eye, the red line sharp but away from doing any damage. It could be worse, the healers had really done an incredible job. </p><p>Vanity now satisfied, she put on her mascara and used the dark liner to put her cat eye flick on. She felt more like her than she had in a while. One last look at her eyes made her stop. The blue in her eyes had retreated once more, being overtaken by the green and gold shards emanating from the dark black outline of her iris. </p><p>There was a time when the green was only an outline.</p><p>She didn’t know what it meant medically other than since she was a child, every time she used her powers her eyes became greener, with flecks of yellow. It could mean her time left or it could mean she was losing her humanity. </p><p>Slowly becoming more Prothean instead. </p><p>The worst unknown she had to face every day in the mirror. She left her sombre thoughts in her room when she shut the door. </p><p>Shepard descended to the main hall, spotting Varric in the distance. He waved her over. She was in the chair, noticing Hawke sat there too with his hood up back to the growing groups in the room. </p><p>“Good morning” she said, pulling out one of the chairs with her back to the fire.</p><p>“Near afternoon now Siren, have a late night did you?” Varric asked, smirking handing her a cup and pouring her some tea. </p><p>“I was simply sleeping off my injuries and being prodded by the healers thank you, and no not too late” she said rolling her eyes. </p><p>“See I heard that Curly was sneaking out your quarters a few days ago” Varric replied, leaning forward to further annoy her. </p><p>“Using the door is not sneaking, and he brought me dinner and a birthday cake. No juicy gossip or sweaty stories” she laughed taking a sip and turning her nose up at the bitterness. </p><p>Hawke noticed and pushed the honey closer to her. She thanked him and began pouring the honey into her mug. “Anders like’s it sweet too” he muttered from under his hood. </p><p>“You must miss him” she said, stirring in the honey looking at Hawkes brown-red eyes under his hood. Something about Hawke was familiar to her. He reminded her of John, she wondered if they would look alike if she could see under his beard.</p><p>“Very much so” he whispered back, “So you and Rutherford?” he asked, eyebrow raised. Hawke had managed not to call Cullen, Knight-Captain or Knight-Commander as slurs but hadn’t managed his name yet. </p><p>She simply smiled in response to his question and nodded with a shrug. She didn’t know what to reply. They hadn’t labelled it, no decelerations other than they cared for each other. She had barely seen him in days, his obsession with the troops making Skyhold and the accompanying village safe making it hard to catch him. </p><p>“He seems different to the man I knew, keep up the good work. And don’t tell him I said that” he grumbled with a roll of his eyes, as if the thought of the compliment was disgusting. </p><p>Shepard laughed, “I assure you it’s his own doing” she replied. </p><p>“Maybe” that made her head look up from her tea, “But the way he moved around you when you were sick. That was something much more than the Templar I knew. Like you would disappear if he took his eyes off you, believe me, I know that feeling” he said, searching her eyes, while Hawke was trustworthy, he hadn’t been told her story, yet. If he didn’t figure it out for himself before that.</p><p>She couldn’t hide the grin, “Tell me more about Kirkwall” she said. He blinked a few times before relenting, leaning her head on one hand. </p><p>He described a few of their jollier missions for a while, Varric writing letters to only their Maker knows who while Shepard enjoyed Hawkes company. </p><p>***</p><p>Max had caught her after a while, when more nobles had poured in visiting the Inquisition. He led her through the great hall, it was still yet to have a new throne put there. They circled the hall and had small conversation with some nobles that had arrived wanting to see the new holy power for themselves. </p><p>Max had held her arm with his throughout the entirety of the time they had spent with the nobles, every time she had tried to unhook her arm, he held her tighter, occasionally putting his hand on hers where it resided on his arm.</p><p>Hooked with one and another, pressing her to his side. It garnered a few pointed looks from the Orlesians behind their masks, she couldn’t make out their whispers but she caught their names. </p><p>After a polite update to the nobles they beelined for a door opposite to their quarters. The steep spiral staircase was leading them downwards, it wasn’t wide enough for two people to walk side by side, Max finally unhooked his arm from hers. She took this opportunity to ask Max about the display. </p><p>“Max what the hell was what about?” She said forcing him to turn to face her, a few steps below her. </p><p>He didn’t speak straight away, he chewed his lip for a moment before speaking “Not here” he whispered, turning once more to continue down the steps. </p><p>Shepard frowned at his retreating back, but followed diligently keeping an eye on the steps below. The corner opened up to a small foyer with one wooden door ahead. Max opened it and held it for her. </p><p>“Welcome to Undercroft, weapons and science research” he said, smiling. He was uncomfortable but putting on his best Inquisitor mask, something that he was fairly good at considering his lineage. </p><p>Inside was a chest, behind was a large open rocky room, almost calved into the mountain. Full of tables and equipment some of which Shepard didn’t recognise from Haven. Behind was two waterfalls, natural lighting shone in through the hole around the icicles that were forming on the very outside with a small stone fence on the ground. </p><p>“Inquisitor, Shepard” Harritt said, placing a hammer down and coming to greet them. </p><p>“Harritt, how are you” Shepard asked, walking to shake the man’s hand. </p><p>“Better than I was in Haven, we have better supplies and machines here. Thanks to you, I had time to grab your old armour and bring it here, along with my equipment” he said nodding to a box that held the jagged leg pieces of her original armour. </p><p>“The rest of it, is it still okay?” she asked turning from the box. </p><p>Harritt nodded to a stand past the weapon modification set up, a few stands were against the rocky wall near a potion stand. Removing some sheets off them, one held her N7 pieces on, no worse for wear. </p><p>“Whatever that’s made from, I’d build a house from it” Harritt said, moving to stand next to her, “We’ll have a new set built for you in time for you setting out with the Inquisitor, I’m thinking less chainmail more working parts this time.” </p><p>“I agree, I thought about Everite or Silverite. I’d prefer crafting something closer to medium armour but with a focus on melee defence. If you need anything to get started let me know, we’ll sort it” she replied nodding to Harritt who hummed in response. </p><p>“Hello there!” a soft voice called from behind them stopping any more notes about her new armour. “Well don’t just stand there, let’s figure out what you need” she added. </p><p>“You’re the magical advisor?” Max asked, making Shepard and Harritt watch the dwarf’s descent down the stairs to them. </p><p>“Oh you’re him! The Inquisitor!” she replied, “I’m Dagna, Arcanist Dagna. It’s an Honour, your worship.” </p><p>“Is that it? The hand-Anchor mark? It’s pretty” she said cheerfully, “The breach was too in a ‘destroy everything’ sort of way” she laughed. </p><p>“Shepard said similar when we saw it up close” Max smirked.</p><p>The Dwarf turned her wide eyes to her, looking at every limb every hair. “Shepard, you’re Shepard. I heard about you on my way here, the soldiers told me so much!” She said, earning a small strangled laugh from Harritt. </p><p>“I dread to think” she drawled, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Dagna” she nodded politely. </p><p>“I welcome you to the Inquisition, I look forward to working with you” Max replied. </p><p>She took a breath, ringing her hands together fidgeting. “Me too! I’ve heard some impossible things. I love impossible things. Those are the best to make, well possible!” </p><p>“I’ve looked at Harritt’s devices, the precision is fantastic but typical. Mundane. Old thinking-“ </p><p>“It’s what now?” Harritt said looking up from the weapon he was working on, it was Shepard’s turn to laugh at him. </p><p>“No disrespect meant to the classical trades! But you need a new perspective. I’ve made adjustments. You can craft just about anything, almost safely!” she said cheerfully, she was very excited about this. </p><p>“How did a dwarf get into magical teachings?” Shepard asked the chipper dwarf. </p><p>Her face immediately beamed, “The Hero of Ferelden helped me! It meant I can never go back to Orzimmar but it was worth it, I got to work alongside real mages and templars. I got to help get the circle back together, I met the Commander there! Only briefly before he was sent for re-education”</p><p>The Ferelden Circle, she had read about this. Only he and a handful of others survived. But there was never any personal mention of re-education? </p><p>“I’m glad you found your calling Dagna, it looks good on you” Shepard said, trying not to think about what re-education meant. It did not sound good, at least to her. It could be nothing.</p><p>“It was scary, like the first time I saw the sky, I thought it was going fall straight into me! And the sun, so bright, and the first time I-“</p><p>Maxwell interrupted, “I look forward to seeing your work, made safely” Max repeated back, “I do not mean to be rude but Shepard and I have a meeting to attend, may we speak more later?” he enquired, she noticed his voice was softer when speaking with non-nobles. </p><p>“Sure, busy, lots of things to do. I’ll get the last of my gear set up and see what I can do” she said her short legs running off to the chests that had been carted in by soldiers. </p><p>Shepard followed Max to the War Room, having never actually been inside it. She had only been as far as Josie’s office. They continued down the corridor leading to the room, Shepard noticed the wall was still broken the natural sunlight shining into the hall. They had yet to utter a word to each other. </p><p>They continued walking, Max holding the door open for Shepard. Inside was three large posts, each with a symbol on the top representing one of the advisors. The advisors in question were stood on the other side of the table to Shepard and Max talking idly. </p><p>“Josie, thank you for the chest. It was wonderful. Everything was wonderful.” Shepard said over the table. </p><p>“I am glad you approve. I realised you did not have much and now you’re staying here... well we need to all look our best and it is my pleasure, if there is anything you would like please let me know.” she nodded back modestly, regarding Shepard’s currently clothing. </p><p>“Did you look at the chest in its entirety?” Leliana asked, eyebrow quirking up. </p><p>“No not all, why... what have you done” Shepard said narrowing her eyes in amusement. </p><p>“You’ll thank me later, Shepard. Consider it a <em>birth </em> day gift.” was all Leliana replied as she put her hands behind her back. </p><p>Shepard smiled as best she could, staying here. As if it was a holiday or a deployment. This was her home now. At least Leliana had surprises for her, even if she did hate them. </p><p>“I have more than I could ask for but now my curiosity is peaked” she said smiling, she risked a look at Cullen who was resting his hands on his pommel. He recoiled slightly when she looked at him, like he was startled out of a daydream but gave her a small smile. </p><p>They discussed new movements and reaches of the Inquisitions power. Max was heading out in the night to reach the Fallow Mire to rescue soldiers that had gone missing. Rylen included. She could see Cullen was tenser than usual, him and his second were very close. Brothers in arms.</p><p>Leliana, Cullen and Josie all had personal missions to oversee. Their markers placed onto the map. He had asked that they focus on Skyhold and continue building. Shepard felt like a lose part in all of this, when not able to go into the field she would assist Cullen but even than it was at a limited capacity. </p><p>“This was the ransom paper that came from the Storm Coast with the one that the Avvar had personally sent to me, can you get anything from it?” Max asked. </p><p>Shepard took the papers, grateful to be of use in these meeting. If included at all. She lit her senses and waited for the information to roll in. </p><p>“There’s a faint smell of, disease maybe? The hands this paper has touched aren’t all infected… faint smell of the sea” images drifted of arguments, structure of command ignored “You may find allies there, it seems not all agree with the fight between you and this Hand of Korth” she said handing the papers back, </p><p>“Take some reading material on their culture if you have any, might come in handy to learn their customs, best way to get our boys back” she finished. </p><p>“Shepard you are full of good ideas. Thank you” Max said grinning, rolling the papers once more and handing them to Leliana. </p><p>“Don’t thank me until it works” she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. </p><p>“Don’t worry about Rylen, he’ll be fine. I heard a rumour that Starkhaven lads are built out of steel” Maxwell said patting her shoulder. </p><p>“I bet he’s tried reasoning with the Avvar’s but they probably can’t understand a word he says” she tried to joke, it earned a small chuckle from them all, Cullen relaxed a measure. </p><p>His lip quirking up, they had spoken on when Rylen had first been sent to Kirkwall to aid Cullen in rebuilding. Rylen had said that Cullen had asked him to slow down and speak clearer on multiple occasions, Cullen would later deny this with a blush.</p><p>“Speaking of good ideas...” Leliana began, “I couldn’t help notice that you have a particular skill set that we can use in the Inquisition. A role that is yet to be filled, we have been discussing it and think it will be best suited to you.” </p><p>“Go on” Shepard said, leaning against the table her interest increasing, she looked at the faces of the advisors. Max was as confused as her. </p><p>“We could train you as a Harlequin. It would be easily done and would mean we can hide you in plain sight without people asking too many questions and would bring credibility to our Orlesian allies that we have such a role filled. Some believe you don’t exist, in some situations it would be wise to keep it that way, thus we can hide you” Leliana replied, Josie nodding in approval. </p><p>“I’ve read about them. Spies and assassins no? Just my cup of tea” Shepard replied grinning, “What other skills would I need?” </p><p>“Well, you already have Rogue skills and infiltration tactics. The rest would include history and language lessons, making sure you are adept at climbing and running over obstacles at speed” Leliana replied. </p><p>“Well my translator can handle the listening, I would need some lessons on speaking but I can speak a few earth languages pretty well. I’ll get to running around and climbing Skyhold once I’m cleared, I doubt that will be hard” she shrugged, learning Orleasian would be similar to Earth’s French at-least. </p><p>“Je peux évaluer votre orlésien par moi-même” Josie said, quirking an eyebrow. <em> I can evaluate your Orlesian for myself </em> </p><p>Shepard grinned as her translator worked its ‘magic’. “I could not ask for a better teacher, je peux difficilement attendre” <em> I can hardly wait </em> she said. Maxwell and Cullen looked like she had just grown a second head. </p><p>“Shepard you flatter me. Now there is just a case of etiquette and dancing” Josie replied scratching at her tablet, crossing something off maybe?</p><p>Shepard’s back straightened, “Ah- dancing” she laughed, rubbing her neck. “I ah- have a reputation back home for being a terrible dancer” </p><p>“Come now Shepard, it can’t be that bad” Max said laughing from beside her. </p><p>“Listen, I am not joking. I can’t dance. I have no experience, we don’t do balls or whatever you call it here, we don’t slow dance in the Military. And the dancing I can do I assure you, is not appropriate here” she said quickly, waving her hand dismissively. </p><p>“You are not the only one who will need dancing lessons” Josie added, turning to Cullen, who had blushed slightly at Shepard’s statement. </p><p>“Templar’s do not typically attend balls. I am sure I will not be needed” he said grimly. </p><p>“As Commander of the forces, you most definitely will be. This is not for debate.” Leliana said cheerfully, enjoying Cullen’s discomfort. </p><p>“If I have to, so do you” Shepard said pointing her finger at Cullen. </p><p>“I assure you my lady, you will regret deciding this” Cullen grumbled from under his hand which was now pinching the bridge of his nose. </p><p>“Come on Cullen, it might be fun!” Shepard said cheerfully, which only earned a glower from under his hands. </p><p>“It is a useful skill to have Commander” Leliana teased. </p><p>“In what area?” He growled, peering at her from under his hand. </p><p>“In the area of romance” She replied, baiting the man.</p><p>Cullen shifted but only a slight blush adorned his cheeks, “Very well, I can see I am outnumbered” he sighed, avoiding eye contact with Leliana and Shepard. </p><p>“Good, if that is all I suggest myself and Shepard return to Dagna, I believe she would be able to assist in looking for a Warden cure. I want you to evaluate her if she can be trusted with your samples.” Max said turning to Shepard. </p><p>“I will and I wanted to thank you. You have all shown me so much kindness now that this is my new home. You don’t know how much it means to me” Shepard said, her hands going behind her back so they couldn’t see them fidget. </p><p>“It is the least we can do” Josephine said, her soft accent flicking with her words. </p><p>“Shepard, you have helped other for the majority of your life. Let us take care of you for a little while hmm?” Max said, “it’s not like you aren’t helping us at every turn. The others can confirm that.” he smiled softly. </p><p>Shepard shrugged in response, not knowing what to say. It wasn’t often she was rendered speechless but when things got emotional, there she was out of her depth. </p><p>Confirm. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Max asked noticing a shift in Shepard’s demeanour. </p><p>“Something that the Grand-Enchanter said, when she looked me over for the blight or whatever it was. She asked Victoria, to confirm. Why would a powerful Mage need a second opinion?” Shepard said, remembering Fiona’s face when she had looked her over. Frowning and surprised. She was more than shocked. She looked around the room at the other’s faces. They seemed unaffected. </p><p>“Well to check obviously?” Max said, frowning at her. </p><p>“No, I’ve done my research on her. She is one of THE most powerful healers in the Magi, damn near as good as Anders. She knows her stuff, especially about the blight. She was once in the Wardens. And she went from being a Warden to being an Enchanter” Shepard said using her hands to iterate her point. </p><p>"She was what?!" Cullen said, leaning on the war table. </p><p>Shepard continued, “It’s not common knowledge, but it’s there. The one thing I couldn’t find is HOW she went from Warden to Enchanter because last time I checked, that doesn’t happen. When you have the blight you don’t typically accumulate other titles” </p><p>“I think she’s seen it before, when she found out I wasn’t completely human the emotions coming off her were more than curiosity” Shepard replied, turning to face Max. </p><p>“How can you tell someone’s emotional state?” Leliana asked, eyebrow raised from her hood. </p><p>“There’s a physiological response that accompanies some emotions. If someone’s lying they typically sweat more or if someone scared I can smell the adrenaline. No when Fiona is taking my samples, she’s more than curious, and it makes her uncomfortable” Shepard said pointing to improve her point. </p><p>She continued, “A few days ago, she asked me if I had Elven heritage and when I replied no she was very confused. I explained that it was a different race and I didn’t think about it more at the time, being drugged up and all” </p><p>“So, what she asked you if you were an Elf?” Max asked. </p><p>“Why specially Elf. Why only Elf – unless she knows something about Elves and the blight or red lyrium that she isn’t saying. Such as an Elf being cured of the blight and leaving the Wardens and becoming, I don’t know... a Grand-Enchanter?” Shepard finished, letting her assessment dawn on those around the table. </p><p>“You think she was cured of the blight?” Cullen asked, his voice dripping with confusion. </p><p>“It’s hard to say, for some reason I don’t smell the blight. Well, I don’t smell it on Blackwall but I have smelt it on others... maybe it’s different on different people, the time someone has been a warden maybe effects it. I haven't been around enough Wardens to trust my senses” Shepard replied, eyebrows lifting. </p><p>“What” she said looking at the faces of those around the room when they didn’t speak again. </p><p>“You shall make an excellent Harlequin” Josie said, smiling at Shepard’s rambling of her assessment. </p><p>“It is circumstantial at best but I do agree this needs to be investigated” Leliana added.</p><p>“Well, something to keep you busy then” Max added, smirking at Shepard.</p><p>*** </p><p>After a long conversation with Dagna over her medical and magical experience, Shepard’s new armour was being built. And Dagna was going to overlook the samples that had been taken and frozen days previously. Shepard had to admit, she was… enthusiastic to say the least. </p><p>That left Shepard able to roam free for the evening, not having to be poked or prodded. She decided it was time to talk to Fiona about her past, better now than later. She circled up the tower stairs reaching a small library, Dorian missing from his usual post. There at a table was Fiona, reading over some reports. </p><p>“May I join you, Grand-Enchanter?” Shepard announced at the foot of the table. </p><p>It was strange seeing her, sitting with her. Knowing she had taken her from Haven… but not yet?</p><p>“Shepard, please. I wanted to thank you, for all you have done for the Mages, you are a welcome sight. Victoria has been busy aiding those in the village but sends her best.” Fiona said gesturing to the seat across from her. </p><p>She made a mental note to go to the village to see her. “You are welcome. I enjoy spending time with them, Magic is fascinating to me” Shepard asked, wanting to elicit more of her emotions. Learn of her. </p><p>“I had some questions about the blight and the taint” Shepard said, tucking her chair in and lowering her voice. Accepting for now the topic was off limits. </p><p>“I shall answer best I can” Fiona replied, putting the papers down and folding her hands in one and another. </p><p>“How were you cured?” she asked quickly, hoping to throw her off.</p><p>Fiona’s mouth formed a long thin line. “How did you know?” she asked.</p><p>“I had a suspicion but now you’ve confirmed it” Shepard said, crossing her legs.<br/>
“It is apparently something we now have in common” she smiled hoping to make her less uncomfortable. This wasn’t an interrogation. </p><p>“I have been a Grey Warden yes, Grand-Enchanter, Leader of a Rebellion and now I am none of those things, strange where fate takes you” Fiona replied, settling into her chair. </p><p>“You can say that again. I was once a Commander in a Navy that spanned multiple galaxies and a Spectre to the most powerful races in the universe. Now I’m an Avatar apparently” Shepard laughed; she was pleasantly surprised that Fiona had been honest with her. </p><p>“Unusual circumstances seem to be attracted to us.” She smiled, “Long ago I was stripped of what made me a Warden. They tried to re-initiate me but nothing worked. Nor could they figure out how it happened. So, I was sent to the Circle of Magi. The first ever to be kicked out of the Wardens. It is not a fact that many are aware of.” </p><p>Shepard laughed breathlessly, “Quite the achievement, do you have a nice plaque in the Grey Warden headquarters?” Shepard joked. </p><p>“I am sure they struck any record of me, I am surprised you knew I was once one. Given that you are not from around here, but I suppose rumours do spread, no matter the truth behind them.” She replied. </p><p>“You almost seem happy about it?” Shepard asked, staring into Fiona’s large grey eyes. </p><p>“When I was first conscripted it was an honour. Towards the end, my brothers and sisters felt that I had cheated death. I was glad to leave. It made me unique in the Magi, I had so much more opportunity to help my fellow Mages” she said, her voice filtering with pride and sadness. </p><p>Shepard hummed in agreement, “To command that kind of loyalty is not something that can be taught. You have my respect, Grand-Enchanter” </p><p>Fiona smiled at that, bowing her head for a moment “And now I can help my fellow Wardens, if we can figure out how you were cured. We could find a way to release those wishing to leave or those who did not wish for that life in the first place” Fiona sighed, her eyes closing. </p><p>“You sound like you’re speaking about someone you know?” Shepard said, listening to her senses. </p><p>“Yes. Some choose to become a Warden because they have no other choice, or because they wanted to prove themselves and once that choice is made. No others can be taken.” she sighed not elaborating further, she still resonated with sadness, someone close to her. </p><p>“Grand-Enchanter, forgive the interruption but Ambassador Montilyet has requested Commander Shepard’s presence in her office, Commander Rutherford is also waiting” a runner said, standing awkwardly at the end of the table. </p><p>“Thank you, tell her I will be right there” she sighed, groaning into her hands when the runner had disappeared. </p><p>“You don’t sound pleased?” Fiona said, quirking her eyebrow at Shepard. </p><p>“I have a feeling that the Ambassador is trying to trick me into my first dancing lesson” Shepard’s muffled voice said into her hands. </p><p>Fiona laughed, one of her hands going to cover her mouth, “Well I wish you good luck Commander. If you wish to talk more, I shall be here” </p><p>“Trust me Fiona, if it is dancing lessons. I won’t be able to get up the stairs with all my broken toes” Shepard said moving to stand making the Enchanter laugh more. </p><p>Shepard bowed before leaving, “Thank you for your time, this conversation will stay at this table.” </p><p>“I appreciate that Commander and if you are in need of a healer, please do send a runner. Functioning toes are certainly required for a good dance.” Fiona nodded, smiling at the woman. </p><p>“I will be sure to pass along that advice to Cullen” Shepard said before leaving. </p><p>Shepard stepped into Josephine’s office in time to run straight into Cullen who was leaving. “Trying to escape, Commander?” She asked to the man, who was now taking a step back from running over her. </p><p>Cullen sighed, “I am not escaping, I am leaving” he growled at Shepard, causing her to frown. “I have plenty of duties to attend to” he said to her before moving to go for the door, all but ploughing around her. </p><p>Josephine rose from her seat, “Commander we need-“</p><p>“What we need Ambassador, is a good solid guard structure to protect Skyhold.” He growled back </p><p>“Cullen, we are safe. You can take a few hours off to-” Shepard said, moving to stand next to him at the door. </p><p>“This is a distraction nothing more” he replied, through gritted teeth. He looked pale, the rim around his eyes red. He looked awful quite frankly. </p><p>“Cullen...” Shepard pleaded.</p><p>“Find someone else” he growled before storming off and slamming the door closed. </p><p>Shepard frowned at his retreating back, he smelt of adrenaline and... Lyrium? He had the air of panic around him. This wasn’t the shy but strong Commander she knew and was falling for. Something was wrong, or was it? Was this how he handled the trauma of Haven? </p><p>“What was that about, surely not just dancing?” Shepard asked Josie, moving to her desk. </p><p>Josie sighed, “Do not take what he said to heart. The Commander took what happened at Haven as his personal fault.” She sat in her chair once more, shifting some papers. </p><p>“And how are you adjusting?” Shepard asked. </p><p>“It was a frightful experience but I am grateful for our new surroundings, some adjustments and it will be like home” Josie replied from behind her desk, her eyes flicked to the empty vase, “Now I have the evening free I think I will retire, would you care for some supper?” she asked, ever the host. </p><p>“No thank you Josie, enjoy” Shepard smiled, it was fake, and the ambassador probably knew that. Her Bard training would see through Shepard’s soldier façade. </p><p>“He dropped this off” Josie gestured to the rolled parchment on her desk “we just managed to make a list of the deceased. I’ve made a copy for you, I- I’m sorry” she sighed.</p><p>“I am too, Josie” Shepard took the list of missing or dead before Josie smiled, leaving with a small gloved pat on her shoulder. </p><p>Shepard moved to stand in front of the fire, letting the list burn into her pocket, thinking about his words. Did he think it was her fault too? She was the one who aided the stone thrown at the cliff side. She had tripled the damage done, is that why he was mad at her? </p><p>The questions were poisoning her mind. </p><p>She left the office after minute of watching the fire dwindle, regardless of the meetings turn of events and wandered to find another task to perform. Her feet took her to the stables, Maxwell had already set out with Cassandra, Varric and Dorian. </p><p>Leaving even more unknowns left behind with her. She hadn’t managed to talk to him about his display in the main hall. </p><p>She wandered to the stables, crossing her arms over her front as she gazed upon the mounts. Most of them had been saved from Haven with the pups, Mako included. Mako preened when she approached, nuzzling her hand and occasionally reaching his tongue out. His eyes darted to a satchel nearby and to her. Shepard walked toward the bag slowly, inspecting its contents. Carrots. </p><p>She huffed a laugh, “You hungry?” she asked, who simply breathed at her. </p><p>She reached into the bag, making Mako un-stretch his neck but keeping his head and antlers over the wooden wall. Shepard placed the carrot in her hand, reaching it to Mako for him to chomp. “Don’t tell anyone ok?” she whispered.</p><p>“It’ll be our secret” a voice announced from behind her. She tensed her muscles to avoid jumping, turning to face the man. </p><p>“Blackwall, isn’t it rude to sneak up on a lady?” she said turning to see the amused man leaning against a post with his arms crossed, he was shirtless wearing boots and his leather trousers. </p><p>She had probably woken him with her chatter to Mako.</p><p>“You’ve said yourself you are no lady” he replied in his gravelly voice, a smirk reaching his face when her eyes drifted down his chest and arms. </p><p>“Touché” she laughed, turning to feed the rest of the carrot to her mount, ignoring the muscled man behind her. </p><p>“Any reason you’re spending time with mounts you don't like?” he asked, moving next to her, leaning on the stall. Both of the under the canopy of the stable roof. </p><p>“Just...” she stopped talking, letting her shoulders drop, “It’s nothing, just clearing my head” she smiled before turning to leave. She had barely made it two steps when he grabbed her hand. </p><p>She tensed so she wouldn’t react to the sudden grab.</p><p>“Shepard, believe me I know when someone is lying to themselves. If you need to talk, I will listen. No matter how bad you think it is” his gravelly voice told her, his blue eyes piercing into her. Stepping into her personal space. </p><p>Shepard stared into his blue orbs, “Thank you” she whispered, before he took her hand to his mouth kissing it gently. Holding her gaze. </p><p>“I should, go” She kept her mask on until she retreated to the other side of Skyhold and found her way to the waterfall hidden behind the cells. </p><p>She didn’t feel completely comfortable with letting her guard down around Blackwall, even if he was a perfect gentleman. She wasn’t sure how much the inner circle truly knew about her here, she had let some things slip. Easing them in but they would find out eventually. </p><p>She wandered to the left of the waterfall, sitting herself cross-legged on the floor. She was an hour into her meditation, the ball of glowing light between her hands doing nothing for her state of mind. She thought about reading the list when the door opened. Hawke stepped through sighing and leaning heavily on the fence. </p><p>She cleared her throat, his eyes fixed on her. “Maker...” he jumped back, hitting the door with his shoulder, “I thought I was the only one here” he said, dropping his hood pretending he didn’t just get the life scared out of him. </p><p>“It’s a nice place to just breathe isn’t it” she replied, still sitting on the ground.<br/>
He moved to sit next to her, crossing his legs. He was out of his armour only wearing a light cloth combo. He leaned heavily against the stone behind him. </p><p>“Can’t sleep either?” Hawke said turning to face her. </p><p>She shook her head, “I haven’t tried yet, I have a feeling when I do dream there will be some familiar faces waiting for me. I’m not quite ready to see them” she whispered watching the white water fall from the stone.  </p><p>“I know the feeling” he replied, his forehead wrinkling into a frown. </p><p>She felt comfortable with Hawke, that familiar feeling flickering into her mind once more. </p><p>It was more than a soldier who had seen battle. It was something different, something she felt with John. A connection that washed over the air they filled. </p><p>“Can I ask who?” she whispered. He took a moment before answering, a bitter part of Shepard thought he may be reliving the deaths. </p><p>“My sister died when we were escaping to Kirkwall, she was a Mage but she died at the hands of an Ogre. My mother, she was murdered by a blood Mage in Kirkwall.” He leaned further back on the wall and stretched his legs out. </p><p>“Sometimes I see my father but I can barely remember his face to be honest, maybe that’s for the better, and Anders, that bastard makes me worry, if it wasn’t for being a mage and being able to connect to Justice I’d be going bloody mad” he replied, staring into the water. “I never asked, do you have any family?” </p><p>“I have a twin actually” Hawkes head turned to spin at that, “I know I know, where I’m from they’re rare but it happens. My mother, Hannah, died giving birth to us. I don’t remember her face either, sometimes I think I see her but I don’t know if my brain is just making it up. My brother is safe and sound, I hope, and far away” she trailed off, hoping he wouldn’t ask.  </p><p>He watched her gaze off into the stars where the rock met black sky, "My siblings were twins, they were the only twins I'd heard of, nice to meet another" he laughed, his voice low and gruff. “And your father? You didn’t mention him” he enquired, now facing her. </p><p>“Died when I was thirteen, he died doing this to me” she flared, “it was part of his research but he died protecting us in the end, me and my brother. It’s hard to be angry at a man who saved your life but chained you to another” she sighed. More silence followed, she could hear his breathing from how close they were sat together, even and deep. </p><p>“I had an aunt called Hannah you know” he mused, Shepard had to blink away her trance into the water.</p><p>“Small world” she laughed. “What happened to her?” </p><p>“We don’t know, she was a powerful Mage but escaped her circle, not wanting to be imprisoned for how she was born. We last heard of her she was heading to Tevinter but that was when my mother was young. I never met her myself. My mother assumed she died but I don’t think she ever really gave up hoping, there was barely a year between her and Hannah. Gamlen, my uncle, always said she was mad to have gone there but he was the youngest after three girls, he was always a bit resentful. My other Aunt always agreed with my mother, until she died.” </p><p>“I’m sorry” Shepard whispered, it seemed only Hannah and Gamlen were left alive now. </p><p>“It’s alright, Aunt Amelia died when the Howe’s betrayed the Cousland’s. Her sons, Fergus and Aedan survived. The latter obviously being-“</p><p>“The Hero of Ferelden” they said at the same time.</p><p>“That’s my cousin” he smirked, “Haven’t heard from Aedan in years, neither has Fergus. He stayed around for a few months to sort some Grey Warden mess in Amaranthine but after that, poof, him and Morrigan, his mage lover, vanished into thin air. He was the one who saved Anders, you know, conscripted him, saved him from the Templars” Hawke murmured, his had a smile on his face. “I wish I could thank him, for setting the man I love on his path to me”</p><p>Shepard looked at his side profile for a moment, “If it means anything, I think your family would be proud of what you’re doing” </p><p>“Right back at you” he replied, “And it does mean something. I never speak of them really. Not to strangers but... I don’t know something about you seems familiar. Normal” His brow furrowed, Shepard blinked heavily back at him, he felt it too?</p><p>His blood red eyes widened as the silence went on, she looked away back to the waterfall, “I doubt anything about us or our families, is normal. Maybe us crazies are bound to find each other” she said to the night air, he rewarded her with a chuckle. </p><p>They sat in silence for a few moments, before Hawke began speaking one more, “So you were just sat here in the dark like a gargoyle?” it was her turn to reward him with a hearty laugh. </p><p>“Yeah pretty much, I was trying to mediate. A technique to regulate my powers, its relaxing or so my friend used to say” she said, showing him how she created a ball of energy in her hands. Just how Samara had taught her. </p><p>He copied her hand positions and began flowing his magic between his hands. The fire he had created was dancing between his palms. </p><p>“Magic will never not be incredible to me” she whispered to him her hand gently moving to run over the heat. </p><p>“As is your...um...”</p><p>“Biotics” she replied.</p><p>“Biotics” he said slowly testing the word in his mouth, “right” </p><p>“What do you think of when you cast Magic?” she asked. </p><p>“At first it was incantations, but once you know them it’s second nature. It depends on the element, with fire I have to focus a bit more I think of heat, life, when I’m angry I manage it easier. I’m more natural with the cold, it’s what makes me a better Spirit Healer- I learned that from Anders” He said letting small snowflakes dance on his fingertips. “What about you?” he asked. </p><p>“It changes depending what I want to achieve, sometimes it’s small, like lightning other times I want to cause pure chaos.” she shrugged. </p><p>They sat there for a while longer speaking some more before settling into comfortable silence, the moon rolling over into the gaping hole in the wall. This was the most active Shepard had been in days, she couldn’t deny she felt exhausted. Emotionally.</p><p>“Do you ever wonder if our surnames will be all that’s left of us, in the end?” he whispered to her, so quietly she barely heard it over the thundering noise of the water crashing into the rockface. </p><p>“Because flesh and blood aren’t good enough. Normal people need more, their faith to be rewarded, they need a Champion” she answered. Looking over at him, his glistening red-brown eyes, </p><p>“They need a Saviour, a Hero, an Inquisitor. We aren’t allowed to be anyone else” he smiled nodding along, knowing that they were all bound.  </p><p>“You’re older than your years, Shep” Hawke replied his lip tugging at the side. </p><p>She had to laugh. Having memories that spanned hundreds of thousands of years back, she was wiser than her measly twenty-nine years, “You have no idea” she whispered. </p><p>She closed her eyes leaning her head on Hawke’s shoulder. He took a shuddering breath, resting his own head on hers. She felt comfortable around him, he knew burden. They stayed there for another few heartbeats before both agreeing that they would in fact fall asleep there if they sat for any longer. </p><p>*** </p><p>Cullen had immediately regretted how he spoke to the Ambassador and more so, Shepard the moment he was in his office. The withdrawal was getting worse, he was struggling to cope. He simply could not get away fast enough when it hit, he would rather hurt her feelings then hurt her. He knew he would have to tell her eventually, but risking her disappointment was something that killed him more than Lyrium. </p><p>He didn’t know what was worse, if she avoided him or if she stayed and saw. </p><p>After attempting to do paper work for many hours with no avail he thought it best to seek out Solas. Even Oz seemed please Cullen was leaving, the pup following him with her ice blue gaze but not moving to follow. </p><p>He made his way onto the battlements as the bridge connecting him and Solas was still under construction, walking past the Tavern that was almost finished being set up too. A door opened in the distance, Cullen felt the tingle of magic as hooded man walked through the door holding it open for Shepard. </p><p>At first he thought the bearded man to be Blackwall but after Shepard pulled the hood down he recognised it as Hawke. </p><p>Hawke shut the door behind him with his foot, before running his hand down Shepard’s arm and saying something to her. He felt the stab of jealousy even through his headache. </p><p>Since when were the Champion and her such good friends, did she know what Cullen did in Kirkwall. What he failed to do? Had Hawke told her? Were Hawke and Anders still lovers or was he moving on?</p><p>She smiled with half her lips before her attention focused on him. Cullen’s armour reflected in the moonlight giving him away. He continued walking towards the pair, now caught. </p><p>“Knight- uh, Rutherford” Hawke nodded.</p><p>“Hawke, Shepard” Cullen voiced, attempting a small smile. Pushing down the guilt he felt. </p><p>“Hawke, I will see you in Undercroft tomorrow. Good night gentlemen” Shepard smiled before moving away to the main hall. He watched her retreating swaying hips up the stairs.</p><p>“That was... frosty” Hawke said, raising an eyebrow between the two. </p><p>“What have you done now Rutherford, your Lyrium withdrawal getting the better of you?” Hawke said plainly. “And don’t deny it I can sense it; you don’t stink of Lyrium like most Templar’s do” </p><p>Cullen sighed, “I was very rude to her earlier. I’ve been meaning to apologise to her but...” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. </p><p>“Yes, you should” that caused him to meet Hawkes eyes, “But perhaps you should take care of your pain first. Rutherford, I get it but how you’re doing it is stupid, she’ll understand. But you can’t keep going like this” Hawke replied uncharacteristically softly. </p><p>“I can handle it” Cullen growled. “How is she” Cullen asked, trying to steer the conversation away from him. </p><p>“I honestly don’t know, but I’m inclined to keep an eye on her until I leave. I don’t know how she’s kept it all together to tell you the truth. Maker knows how I wouldn’t” he whispered frowning; his gaze wandered. </p><p>Cullen hummed I agreement, making him feel even more guilty, his problems seemed so small compared to hers. </p><p>“Don’t let your pride come before something that will help you” Hawke spoke, bringing Cullen out his thoughts. </p><p>“I ah- don’t know what you mean” Cullen tripped over his words, his eyes snapping back to Hawkes. </p><p>“I know you care for her. She cares for you too, she said as much this morning. I’m almost actually happy for you, you’re actually a much more tolerable Commander than you were a Templar, even if you still are a dick” he replied, </p><p>“So are you going to stand there or are you going to go get some help?” </p><p>“She said that?” he whispered black to the black-haired man. Shocked that Hawke would give him any kind of compliment. </p><p>“Yes. She’s rare Rutherford and for some reason she likes you, so don’t fuck it up” Hawke growled pointing a finger into his chest plate, “And get something for your pain I can feel it from here” he finished before moving to his own quarters. </p><p>He was always amazed how powerful Mages could sense someone else’s pain, they made the best healers. </p><p>Cullen stayed still for a moment, shocked about how Hawke had spoken to him. Politer than he had days previously but his words held malice. He moved carefully through the hall, grateful for the lateness of the hour. No nobles in sight, he slipped into Solas’s quarters, the Elf awake and already moving to the cabinet that held the relief that Cullen sought. </p><p>*** </p><p>Shepard was awake hours before sunrise, the voices of the dead wouldn't leave her be even in Thedas. Two hours sleep from her Omnitool data. Shepard moved to dress from the chest by her bed. At the bottom was a wooden box, Shepard carefully opened it to find a strange collection of contents. </p><p>A map of the surrounding area, sugar bars and what looked like a rune. Holding it in her hand it didn’t seem to do anything, frowning Shepard flared, the rune activated and began to vibrate. </p><p>Sex toy. This was a sex toy. Leliana you evil genius Shepard thought. This box was from her. She laughed shaking her head. Taking the map and sugar bars, Shepard moved to dress. The cheery mood was short lived when she felt a crinkle of paper in her pocket. </p><p>The list. </p><p>She muttered a curse as she read over it, some names she didn’t recognise of possible villagers. Some soldiers she had known, a few Templars and Mages. </p><p>One name stuck out. </p><p>Maria Lavallan. </p><p>Shit…</p><p>Shit shit shit shit shit.</p><p>Taking a thick pull-over jumper, hooded cloak and leather gloves with her before leaving. She wandered around Skyhold, gentle snowflakes falling from the sky. </p><p>Her meditation had done nothing for her emotional state, she felt like she was being choked. She needed a release larger than would be appropriate for Skyhold. Unless the inhabitants liked having their walls plunge down the mountains. She quickly went to the gates activating her omnitool, already open for the morning guard and wandered across the bridge. </p><p>Reaching the other side of the bridge she pulled out the map Leliana had gifted her, up to the left was a lake, secluded by thick forest and rocks. Perfect. Shepard began the hike up the hill, the snow was fresh having fallen through the night but her quick movements stopped her from falling over on the ice underneath. Mostly. </p><p>Her breath coming to soft pants she reached the opening, a tarn with thick birch trees surrounding the edges, it wasn’t as cold as she expected here. The thick trees on the cliff above stopping the overflowing snow, the lake was mostly unfrozen.</p><p>Its light blue shimmering waters stared at her, it was so clear she could see the rocks underneath the surface. Elfroot and other white flowers that smelt like orchids grew in the dirt under the tree’s coverings. It was beautiful. </p><p>Shepard needed a safe place to release, she had found it. She tested the water with her hand, taking off her glove and dipping it in. It wasn’t as cold as she expected, chilled but not freezing. She theorised there must be hot springs nearby, feeding in somewhere. The same ones Harritt was using for Skyhold’s bath house and showers. </p><p>She began stripping down to her black sports bra and underwear, leaving her clothes on the shore side. Her bare feet left the pile and stepped onto the rocky shore side. She felt eyes on her, but she didn’t feel threatened. </p><p>She walked slowly in a daze, the chilled water touching her shins as she kept going. </p><p>Maria dead. Fifty-seven people, they had lost. Her world lost. Haven lost. </p><p>This is meditative, the cold battling her warmth. She could release and only the water would know. She could let the cold numb her burning sadness. It reached her shoulders as her feet left the rocks underneath. </p><p>She pushed her legs out and floated on her back, staring up at the sunrise peeking over the mountains, her tears fell down her temples. She sighed, it wasn’t enough to calm her. She turned onto her front, skimming her arms to keep her afloat. The cold water occasionally entering her mouth.</p><p>She dunked her head under, swimming downwards towards the darker parts of the water. Her hair fanning out around her, she pulsed her biotics, letting her emotions take them. Her hands forming a ball in-between her hands, allowing the power to overload. </p><p>Closing her eyes to stop the burn, she screamed under the water, the air leaving her lungs. The muffled sound carrying around the waves as her biotics pulsed outwards the ball releasing around her into a frenzy of energy.</p><p>Relief. </p><p>She floated for a moment. Enjoying the afterglow of adrenaline. Her body floated, the burning in her lungs was a far cry from the weight in her mind. Her eyes widened when she saw a figure above her, blurred like they were peering into the water. </p><p>She kicked her legs, the muscles burning from lack of oxygen. Her head broke the water, her lips gasping for the air her body craved. </p><p>Brushing her hair over her head, looking around for the culprit, she saw no one. Not a single soul around her. She didn’t bother using her senses, she was burnt out. </p><p>A warmth settled on the back of her head, heating her jet hair. Turning slightly, she tread the water the warmth washed over her face and collar bones, staring into the orange burnt sky over the mountains in the distance the shore to her left. The ripples that she had created lapped at the shore, the waves crashing on the rocks to her right. </p><p>She could see her breath dance cross the water, occasionally fogging the sunrise view ahead. The sun hit her like beacon as it broke the lowest peak of the mountains, washing her in warmth. </p><p>These moments were the ones that brought her sanity. </p><p>The small moments in war that no one would ever know about. The ones where she lost control on purpose. She felt fried, her senses overwhelmed with information. </p><p>Being able to feel nothing. </p><p>The water numbed her of any coherent thought, but her breath and the sunrise. </p><p>The soft snow flakes fell on her head occasionally, reminding her of the present. One would occasionally land on her cheek or nose, reminding her where she was. </p><p>What she was.</p><p>She began leisurely swimming to the shore, diving under the water an stretching her body out. Kicking with her entire body like a mermaid, once she could see the stone underneath, she stood her feet touched the rocks she walked lazily to the embankment. </p><p>Her feet striding in the water to reach the shore, she kept watching the floor stumbling occasionally. The gentle wind reminding her she needed to dress quickly to warn off the cold.</p><p>She had just finished putting her cloak on, buckling it around her neck before she started on her boots. The last lace tied she looked up to see a boy not one foot in front of her. </p><p>“Fuck” she shouted hands going for a defensive position, “Cole, what are-” Shepard said, putting her hands on her hips, trying to regulate her breathing. </p><p>“You remembered me?” he tilted his head, holding her satchel out to her. She nodded. </p><p>“Of-course I did?” she said confused back to him, why would she not? “Were you following me?” </p><p>“Yes. I don’t know how long, time is strange here in the Fade it’s slower. I watched while you slept, stayed near if you needed me. Skyhold is loud, you wanted to be alone. But you didn’t. It was confusing. I’m sorry about her death, she died fighting. Protecting.” he tilted his head, blue eyes piercing her. </p><p>Maria. She had died making sure her little girl made it out. </p><p>“Thank you, Cole. Emotions are confusing, unfortunately” she said back putting her small satchel around her. </p><p>“They’re loud, fast. You helped the metal lady. You helped her understand. The Inquisitor said I could stay but you can help me belong.” His voice chattered. </p><p>The metal lady. EDI. She helped her belong. </p><p>Shepard grimaced and squeezed her eyes shut for a minute before opening and exhaling, “Sure Cole. I’d love to help” she said. </p><p>“She likes the white ones and they’re waiting for you” he smiled, before starting back down the track. </p><p>Shepard blinked a few times before moving to follow, white ones? Shepard looked around. Flowers, the white flowers around the shore. Josie always had flowers in her office at Haven, maybe she would like these. Shepard picked a good handful of the nicer ones before following Cole. </p><p>Now who was waiting for her? </p><p>***</p><p>The two made a strange pair, but made their way back to Haven without difficulty, slow steps down the snow track. He had made conversation to begin with, if it could be called that. </p><p>“Roderick was sorry when he died.” Was the first thing he had said that made sense. It was nice to hear. </p><p>Riddles from the inner thoughts of people’s minds could hardly be conversation, Shepard couldn’t help but enjoy having someone who could challenge her mind. They were walking across the bridge when he spoke again, his voice carrying over the wind. </p><p>“He is quiet, behind the noise. The little bottle makes him shake, but he tests the chains. He feels stronger when she’s near, can’t hurt her. Not worthy of her. Can’t stay away. Balm for my being.” he whispered as they wandered to the threshold of the gates, merchants had risen and were setting up their wares in the distance. </p><p>“Who? And what’s the little bottle?” Shepard asked, curiosity overcoming the need to upkeep people’s privacy. </p><p>“The Lion. He prowls when he can’t find you. Paces. He worries.” Cole points to Cullen’s tower. </p><p>Shepard’s heart dropped, the little bottle? Drugs? Drink? “And who is <em> she </em>?” </p><p>Shepard asked her heart rate beating a little faster at the thought Cullen could be romancing more than her. They continued walking through Skyhold, past the medical tents. </p><p>“The woman gifted from the stars” Cole replied before vanishing. </p><p>Well, that made it clear, but what was he hiding from her? </p><p>Every interaction with Cole was strange, she found herself working hard to remember him. Wanting to remember him. </p><p>She continued up the stairs circling up the main hall with her hood still up, resisting the urge to look at Cullen’s tower, flowers in hand. She made her way through the main hall to Josie’s room, avoiding the first few nobles that had filtered in the room. The rubble had been moved, wooden towers were set up to repair the stones higher up on the walls, fire pits but still no throne. </p><p>Shepard turned the handle, opening the office that Josie had taken over. </p><p>Cullen and Leliana were already there awake and discussing something when Shepard entered the room. Cullen immediately relaxed when he saw her, </p><p><em> He worries </em> </p><p>“Shepard, there you are” Leliana said as a greeting, turning from the desk to greet her. </p><p>“Good morning” She voiced to the group, tightening her hand around the flowers as a reflex when Cullen’s eyes settled on her. His face was tight, sullen, but he managed a smile, until his eyes fixed on the flowers. </p><p>“Do you have an admirer?” Josie asked from behind her desk, gesturing to the flowers. </p><p>“Oh, no actually... they’re for you” Shepard said holding them out for her to take. She felt slightly silly doing this, she had only ever given gifts of armour or mods. No member of the Normandy was sentimental enough for flowers. With recycled oxygen, it was a pollen risk. </p><p>Josie’s face lit up, she took the flowers and brought them to her nose. “They’re wonderful, what are they for?” she beamed, holding them like a bouquet. </p><p>“They’re not for anything, I just thought you’d like them. You always have flowers on your desk” Shepard replied, taking down her hood and bringing her partially wet hair out of her cloak. It wouldn’t do to out Josie’s fears of Haven in-front of the others. </p><p>“Thank you, oh they smell beautiful” Josie said again before moving to a book shelf and grabbing a vase, she began arranging them on her desk. Her smile was worth it. </p><p>“Were you looking for me?” Shepard asked removing her gloves putting them over the back of a chair, before her cloak. </p><p>“Yes, I had gone to your quarters but you weren’t there” she raised an eyebrow. </p><p>“Oh, I went for a walk with Cole outside Skyhold, it was... strange but nice. Thank you for the maps” moving towards the fire to warm her. </p><p>“Cole?” Cullen roared, his hand tightening on the pommel of his sword. </p><p>“I was alone, walking around and he joined me. It was nice.” She replied in her best Commander voice, devoid of emotion. Curt and short. Cullen’s grim expression told her that he didn’t agree. </p><p>The wooden door opening so fast it bashed the wall and shut again got Shepard’s attention to Hawke. “Shepard” Hawke move to her, cloak on to avoid onlookers, she noticed a few snowflakes on his head and shoulders. </p><p>“Hawke, ready for Undercroft?” She smiled.</p><p>He ignored her question, “What were you thinking” he seethed, crossing his arms, his red brown eyes boring into her. </p><p>His tone made Shepard’s smile vanish “You’ll have to be more specific” Shepard said crossing her arms. </p><p>“Going on a walk with that thing? Going for a swim in the frozen lake and oh yes not telling anyone?” He roared, standing her personal space. </p><p>His iris’s looked redder when he was angry, his cheeks slightly flushed from the cold walk he had apparently joined her on. His pale skin rivalled hers. A little voice told her he looked like John when he was angry. </p><p>“You went swimming in this weather?” Cullen gasped, she chose to ignore him.</p><p>“I didn’t realise I had to ask permission, or that you were watching me <em> stalker </em>. As I kindly told the Commander, that thing has a name and he wants to learn, to help. He isn’t a threat” she spat back. </p><p>“We’ll go back to what happened in the lake later but currently I mean Cole. You have no idea what you’re dealing with, spirits are not to be meddled with. They are not so far different from demon’s and certainly shouldn’t this side of the veil” he replied, voice low and gravely. </p><p>“I am not meddling with anything, he asked for help understanding people and I agreed. He isn’t a demon, he’s the Spirit of Compassion for fuck sake he is literally the epitome of kindness” Shepard threw her arms in the air. These men were starting to piss her off. Even if they did have some truth behind their words. </p><p>“He was. Before he is whatever he is now. That thing is a spirit parading around in a boy’s body, it is unnatural, we have no idea what he is capable of or how corrupted he is” he stepped further to her,</p><p>“How can you say that? He saved my life, Maxwell’s life twice over now” she shouted back</p><p>“The Inquisitor is stupid to keep him here and you even more so for entertaining him” Hawke roared, his hands balling by his side.</p><p>“Maybe we should-“ Josie tried to speak. Ever the diplomat. </p><p>“Like Anders. What you don’t like this spirit because you can’t fuck this one?” she said arms flailing around.  </p><p>He looked like he had been slapped, he stepped forward, his hands covered in fire. </p><p>His nearness meant she had to tilt her head up to keep glaring into his eyes, she filled hers in biotics as her hands imitated his fire with her own green energy. She heard a blade unsheathe, no doubt the Spymaster. </p><p>The two stood nose-to-nose for several moments, as best they could with him having a few inches on her. </p><p>“They fight with the same blood. It’s hard to see from the outside” Cole’s voice called from the fire. He was stood facing them, hands wringing in-front of him, he looked nervous. </p><p>“Stay out of my head” Hawke growled, still keeping his eyes on Shepard. His hands very much still covered in fire. </p><p>She positioned herself so her back was to Cole, putting herself between Hawke’s rage and him. </p><p>“He can’t help it, stop being so fucking stubborn” Shepard growled back in her multitoned voice. </p><p>“It’s a family trait” </p><p>They all were silenced, “Cole?” Shepard frowned, tilting her head over her should slightly, still keeping her eyes on the fire covered man. She heard his footsteps, light coming to her side.</p><p>“He watched from above, Hawks not trained to stay where it’s safe. It’s sacred. He only wants you safe” Cole added, smiling at Shepard.</p><p>“While you’re not wrong, stay out of my head” Hawke growled, the fire had gone from his hands at least. </p><p>“She runs, always running. One more voice added to the pile. Breath choking on the smoke, hiding in the wooden house. He died so his flock could escape, that’s what Shepard’s do. The blue men made it safe for you. So you made it safe for everyone, saved from the three headed dog and the loud grey monsters that shouted your name“</p><p>“Cole sto-” Shepard whispered, her hands clenching so hard her nails were digging in, turning slightly to face the boy. </p><p>“Loud, it’s so loud. You’re like the stars. Noisy. So many, so fast. Fleeting. Like a spear. The tip of the spear doesn’t stay sharp forever.” He began pacing mumbling about things that only she would understand.  </p><p>“Do you know what he’s on about?” Hawke asked her. </p><p>“Yes” she frowned. </p><p>“Should we get a healer or Solas?” Josie asked, she had sidestepped behind Cullen during her and Hawke’s argument. </p><p>“No need” she replied. </p><p>She felt sorry for him, this Cole. Like her, she wasn’t able to turn her powers off at the start, experiencing everything she touched. He continued pacing as Leliana and Cullen exchanged hushed words on the best course of action. </p><p>“It all seemed so harmless” that got her attention. “The square root of nine-hundred and six point one equals-“</p><p>“Thirty point one” she replied, </p><p>She felt the others gaze on her as she touched his shoulder on his turn to pace back towards the fire. He stopped a step away from her and tilted his head. </p><p>“It equals thirty point one Cole” she said again, pulling apart his hands from twitching within themselves, before brushing away the hair from his eyes so she could look at him. </p><p>“He counted the days you lengthened his life by. Took him from the Overlord. You made it quiet, but made the three headed Dog angry. Can I ask a question?” Cole smiled, tilting his head. </p><p>Shepard sighed rubbing her eyes, “Of course you can” trying to forget the images of the poor boy David strapped up to the machine with the Geth. </p><p>“They are angry and it hurts you. But you don’t change. Why?” </p><p>Shepard lowered her hand and thought for a moment, pondering her actions. “Because I believe it’s the right thing to do”</p><p>“They wanted to kill you too” he said, eyebrows lifting. </p><p>Shepard nodded, “They were scared, because they didn’t understand what I was. Enough people call you a monster, you start acting like one. I don’t want that to happen to you”</p><p>“It made you sad”</p><p>“Until someone showed me that I wasn’t something to be feared” Shepard rolled her shoulders before speaking. </p><p>“He was proud of you, at the end” Cole said cheerfully. </p><p>Shepard let a quiet laugh out as Cole took her left hand. His index finger traced her scar, he felt cold but brought calm to her. “Dad’s are always proud of their daughters, they get biased like that” Cole smiled at her, small pale pink lips. </p><p>“He used to say; you have to serve what is best in you-“</p><p>“not which is base” Hawke finished the quote. Frowning at Shepard, he almost looked shocked… Shepard looked back at Hawke frowning. </p><p>“Thank you” Cole said before disappearing in the blink of an eye. </p><p>Shepard sighed and moved to the fire to warm her hands. The advisors had different emotions on their faces, Hawke was still frowning. Someone tapped her shoulder, she turned to see Cole once more holding a something out to her. </p><p>“Is this… tea?” she asked taking the mug from his offered hands. </p><p>“I made it like the metal lady did. I hope you like it, you miss your daughter. It’s louder now you know Maria is dead” he vanished once more. Shepard may as well have been sucker punched by his words.  </p><p>“Daughter?” Hawke asked, Shepard turned her back on them, looking into the fire. </p><p>“Her name is EDI… was EDI” Shepard said to the fireplace. “I had a son too” </p><p>“I didn’t know- I- don’t know what to say” Hawke grumbled. She had failed to mention EDI or Grunt to Hawke during their last heart-to-heart.</p><p>“You don’t need to say anything, she’s gone. They all are” the only noise from the room was the fire. </p><p>Leliana tried speaking, “Were they-”</p><p>“They were different” she replied watching the log in the fire crumble under the heat. “Adopted. He was tank born, bred to be a fighting machine. He tried to kill me when I first woke him up. He chose me to be his Battle-mother, stood there covered in dirt and blood and guts, the first time he had ever said please. That’s what they call them, the Krogan people, battle-mothers” </p><p>She took a deep breath. “EDI, it stands for Enhanced Defence Intelligence. She was created not born, she also tried to kill me when we first met…”</p><p>“I’m sensing a theme” Hawke muttered. </p><p>She turned viciously, “They were terrified. Because people like you made them scared of themselves" Hawke's eyes widened.</p><p>“Shepard I- I can’t say how sor-“</p><p>“You gave Anders a chance, Garrett” Shepard said cutting him off, </p><p>“Why won’t you give him one?” she finished, Hawke opened his mouth to reply, no words came out. He gritted his teeth and tensed his jaw. </p><p>Facing the advisors once more, Leliana was wearing mask, no emotion on her face. Cullen looked just as shocked as Josephine. </p><p>“If you need me I'll be making a cure, one that might even save your precious Anders” she announced as she left the room making sure to hit Hawkes shoulder with hers.</p><p>She heard the shouting continue behind the closed door. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard headed down to Undercroft, something to do to take her mind off the morning. She wanted to find the cure for the Wardens, she couldn’t liken it to anything in her world. Well maybe the Geth using reaper code, and look where that got them. Genocide by her hand. </p><p>What the Elder One was doing to them was similar to the indoctrination of the Reapers. It made her sick. </p><p>She spiralled down the rock stairs, her right-hand trailing behind her as her fingertips traced the wall, as if trying to trace its secrets. She reached the door, opening it to the cave opening. </p><p>“Shepard! Hi.” Dagna said cheerfully over the sound of the crashing waterfalls behind her. </p><p>“Please tell me you have something” Shepard asked, moving to a table on the right. She needed good news. There was something that looked like a giant microscope, different magnifying glasses on a stand that spun as the holder would select their desired measurement. </p><p>“So, here is your blood yes.” She showed her a pipette with dark red liquid in.</p><p>“Here is some blood from an undead, Warden and a Templar. And well these are the results. Every time, no matter the amount of blood, if I reduce the blood the reaction just takes longer, like fish in a lake eating alge, the more fish the quicker it-” Dagna said moving to show Shepard three test tubes with different coloured blood in each. </p><p>“I get the idea” she shook her head, hands on her hips. </p><p>The Templar blood looked pretty similar to a Humans with tiny blue speckles in, she guessed from Lyrium. The undead was dark brown and the taint was a red with brown streaks, flowing on its own accord. Without the magnifying glass they would look as human as any other, the acceptation being the undead of course. </p><p>She watched in silence as a drop of her blood was pinched into each tube. Dagna grabbed a magnifying glass and held it above each. Her blood spread through the liquid, turning it a human red. Prothean’s had a similar blood colour to humans, sharing some genetic traits. </p><p>“So this is good right? My blood, it’s an antidote?” Shepard asked as all three turned red. </p><p>“Watch” Dagna spoke again, nor moving the magnifying glass. </p><p>Shepard turned her attention to the tubes once more. Her blood begun attacking the healthy cells, changing it and ultimately dying the liquids, so only the darker red of her Prothean heritage was left. The Templar blood changed first, the biotic potential in her blood eating away at what was tiny specs of Eezo. The glass of the undead specimen started to crack. </p><p>“So... if this was in a person?” Shepard asked, not sure of her assessment. </p><p>“Your blood attacks the taint and Lyrium like a foreign body, but doesn’t stop there. It starts changing what is human too, and if it can’t handle it... crack” She gestured to the tube. “They’d die. Eaten from the inside out or make them like you. I don’t know how you’re still standing.” Dagna said, lowering the magnifying glass. </p><p>Shepard sighed, so this is what was happening to her. The main change had happened when she was young but it hadn’t stopped there. Slowly. Her eyes were a statement of that. Her body becoming less human. Would she notice? </p><p>“What if we could control the blood, like a catalyst. Once it’s done its job the catalyst releases and removes the blood? Or relocates it so the body can excrete it?” Shepard asked, her understanding of chemistry was crude at best but biology was one of her favourite studies. Even her degree. </p><p>Dagna hummed, “Smart! But how. Let me think, maybe magic? Maybe...” she trailed off walking from box to box, grabbing a book and muttering. Shepard laughed and shook her head, leaving the Dwarf to her ramblings. </p><p>Activating her cloak she snuck through Skyhold, touring the garden and stepping into a small room. </p><p>The soldiers had spoken of the small Chantry they had set up for now, offering a small comfort to the devout. A statue of Andraste was at the windows, the coloured light from the stained glass hitting the floor. </p><p>The room was full of rubble still, the chandelier on the floor – metal dented. Wooden piles rotting sat around the room. Even the windows had dirt on. The only thing that wasn’t dirty was the candles at the statue’s feet, some notes and paper. Considering Max was devout, this place was still in ruin. </p><p>She made a mental note to clear the Chantry and procure supplies. </p><p>Shepard moved forward to the statue, wondering how she was like this religious figure. The woman was holding her hands on her stomach, thumbs together at the tip, hands spread forming a triangle around her navel. She was looking up at the sky, her hair flowing down her back. </p><p>“Do you have any answers?” Shepard asked the statue. </p><p>It simple stared up, unmoving. This was ridiculous. She would never understand Leliana’s faith in this. Feeling slightly embarrassed that she had talked to a statue that was standing tall into the light. </p><p>Behind the stone woman the light broke through some of the broken stained glass, illuminating the room in coloured light. Yet she felt no closer to God, or the Maker or any higher power. </p><p>Shepard made her way back to her quarters nodding to the guard stood outside the door when three runners left looking sweaty and red faced. She quirked an eyebrow at them but was only met with a salute and a ‘Your Worship’. </p><p>As she entered, she realised why, a grand piano was now in the corner with a red bow on the top, complete with a crisp note. </p><p><em> Sirens have a still more fatal weapon than their song, namely their silence – Varric </em> </p><p>Underneath was a different handwriting, more of a scrawl, that read.</p><p><em> They like it when you play </em> </p><p>Despite the morning, she smiled. She had no lessons, no duties. She was free to do as she wished. She entered her room, deciding enough was enough and she should really clean the place up. </p><p>After an hour of intense cleaning and reorganising she now had her quarters like she wanted. She surveyed her room from her door, her desk had been moved to the right, facing the room. The book cases behind. The piano was now in the corner between the two balconies, the bed remained unchanged. Though had considerably less cobwebs surrounding it. </p><p>She had removed her long sleeve shirt now just in her white undershirt. She looked around the room, nodding at the organisation. All the books were organised by shelf, her desk clean and all her clothes away. Her gift from Leliana was hidden away in her bedside table. </p><p>She had been given some popular Orlesian tunes to learn by Josie in her lesson earlier, she couldn’t read music very well but Josie had kindly written examples of each note and what the symbols meant. </p><p>Another hour passed of Shepard leaning the notes, they were basic chords. One’s that sounded similar to Sera’s song. She opened the doors to the balconies letting the Frostback air into her room and begun to play her own song. The tune danced across the air, flowing out the doors. </p><p>Unknown to her it reached the gardens and the battlements. The echo perfect from the Piano’s position in her room, carried on the wind, for all who were around Skyhold to hear.</p><p>Her feet clamped and released on the pedals, echoing the notes around the room, her left hand aggressively pushed on the chords in a practised motion. Her right hand flickered on the higher notes, dancing on the white and black surface. Her body swayed both hands now reaching for the higher notes, slowing and letting the echo leave before pressing again. </p><p>She slowed her pace, drifting the song into submission. </p><p>Knock, Knock, Knock.</p><p>What now… “Come in” Shepard called from behind the piano. </p><p>The door opened and a bundle of grey fur sprinted towards her. Shepard grinned moving towards Oz, she picked him up with a grunt, she was bigger than a baby Krogan. Growing quickly, she wiggled on her lap and licked at her face, happily barking away. </p><p>“You’re getting big, Oz!” she said cheerfully before putting her down for the bundle to run to her bed, remembering who came with the Mabari. </p><p>“She was mithering to see you” Cullen said awkwardly from the door in full armour, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, the other on the pommel of his sword. </p><p>“Was she now?” Shepard said jutting a hip and crossing her arms. </p><p>“Come in Cullen” she rolled her eyes at the awkward man filling her door frame. She turned and walked to the balcony, leaning over it letting the cold wind brush through her undershirt. </p><p>She heard his footsteps after the door had shut, he settled beside her. His eyes seemed to struggle to meet hers. She would be lying if her heart wasn’t in her mouth. </p><p>“I have something I need to say” he voiced, his boots moving him to face her, the distant mountains could be seen over his shoulder, her back to the towers. </p><p>“I am very sorry for what I said to you, it dawns on me that you thought that I meant you as a distraction and I-“ he sighed, his honey eyes boring into hers. </p><p>“I did not mean that, I enjoy your company, a lot and well- Oz isn’t the only one who wanted to see you” His eyes lit up when she gave him a breathy chuckle, a small smile on his lips. He really did have puppy eyes at times. </p><p>“You seemed very agitated, was it the pain?” she replied, an eyebrow lifting at him, straightening her back and stepping forward. Barely a foot between them. </p><p>Her left hand was on the balcony, resting on the cold stone, “Because Commander, you promised me” she said tilting her head up. </p><p>His pupils were small in the light of the surrounding mountains but were growing as she neared, the brown gold of his eyes contrasting with the white. </p><p>“I did” he tilted his head down, “Templars... when you join the order you take Lyrium” she nodded remembering him describe the joining. “Well, it grants us our abilities. But it controls us as well. Those cut off suffer, some go mad. Others die. We have secured a reliable source for the Templars and Mages here but...” </p><p>She waited for him to continue, not wanting to interrupt the truthfulness of the man before her. “I no longer take it” he finished. </p><p>“When?” she replied, staring up at his pale complexion. The cogs started turning, the headaches, the tension in his neck. The abrupt departures from the War Council or from their stargazing, the tremor in his hands.</p><p>“When I joined the Inquisition, it’s been months now.”</p><p>“Months? The time we spent together, you were suffering. Cullen-“</p><p>“I wanted to tell you, I tried to once or twice but, I was a cowardly lion” he gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing. </p><p>His face scrunched up, nose wrinkling, “I will not be bound to the order. Or that life any longer. Not after Kirkwall. But I will not put the inquisition at risk, whatever the suffering I accept it. Cassandra has agreed to watch over me, if my ability to lead is compromised I will be relieved of Command.” She realised the words of what he was saying. The loyalty of this man that he would step down before putting this Inquisition at risk. </p><p>Her hand moved to his cheek, he felt hot under her palm, “Are you in pain?” her expression softened. </p><p>“I can endure it” was the grim reply, one of his gloved hands rested on hers on his cheek. </p><p>“That’s not what I asked” she whispered he didn’t reply, “I respect what you’re doing but what does this have to do with the other day?” she asked, her thumb moving across his cheek. He moved into the touch.</p><p>“The withdrawal can make me become irritable among other things, I would not ask you to be around this but our- relationship is developing and I needed you to know so if you don’t want to continue I understand” his mouth formed a thin line, she felt the adrenaline reek off him into her nose. </p><p>“You think that will scare me off?” she said laughing, her hand moving to lightly brush her thumb on the corner of his mouth. </p><p>“I suppose you have faced worse things than an ex-Templar addict” he grumbled, his hands moving to her hips. Her heart broke, he thought he was just an addict. He had such low self-esteem for such a good man. </p><p>“I have faced worse things, than a brave man wanting to break free of his chains” she smiled, remembering Cole’s words. If she made it easier, better, she could help this shy man. </p><p>She felt his shoulders relax at her words, “Thank you, for understanding. It’s more than I deserv-“ his words were cut off by her lips meeting his. </p><p>His hands tightened on her hips drawing her body closer. His eyes fluttered shut as her hands wound behind his neck, one hand curling into his hair. Her breasts pushed against his armour, the cold seeping in her shirt.</p><p>Tongues slid against each other, one of his hands left her hip, sliding into her hair. She relaxed from her tiptoes back to her feet, her lips left his. </p><p>“I’m proud of you, for doing this. I want to be there for you, like you are for me, I can handle your bad moods you know, you aren’t half as scary to me as you are to your troops, little lion” she whispered into his lips, they curled into a grin. Pecking her once more before he shifted back to look at her. </p><p>“You are fearless, as much as I hate it. I won’t apologise for berating you about Cole, I just want you to be careful.” he sighed against her mouth when she rolled her eyes. </p><p>“Will you tell me more, about your- adopted children? I- if you want, that is. I can't promise I'll understand all the words but I'm here” his unsure hazel eyes flicking to each of hers. </p><p>“I’d like that” she returned his grin, the relief pouring off him that he didn’t overstep. He held her close, burying his face in her neck. He felt at peace in her arms, like his body could soak up her strength. </p><p>“You played beautifully, by the way. I heard it from the door” he heard himself say. </p><p><em> Because that wasn’t a creepy thing to say Rutherford well done. He thought. </em> </p><p>“You were listening?” she grinned up at him, when he nodded and blushed slightly, her hands playing with his neck and the back of his hair. </p><p>He hummed an affirmative, “Is there anything you can’t do?” he asked, his hand moving to trace her scar on her temple with his thumb. </p><p>“Dance,” was her quick amusing response “If only I knew a strong and handsome man to lead me through the steps” she sighed her hands ruffling through the feathers of his mantle, eyes flicking from his lips to his honey eyes. </p><p>He grinned and rolled his eyes realising what she was getting at, “Well, my lady. I may know a man who can help with that, however, he will take no responsibility for any injuries you may attain” </p><p>She laughed again, pretending everything was ok with the world. Pretending she didn't miss her strange adoptive family. </p><p>His arms wound their way around her back once more and spun her as if they were dancing, holding her against him as she giggled. To Cullen it was one of the sweetest sounds he’d ever heard, piano included. </p><p>He may enjoy dancing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Sit in Judgement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few more days had passed when the horn announced the Inquisitor’s arrival back. Shepard had all but healed with Solas’s help. Within a few more days of training she’d be back in the field, her focus had been on bows recently with the help of a very eager Sera, something she couldn’t deny was becoming an obsession. </p><p>Lessons in etiquette, music, language and spying were all fun and games but nothing compared to being in the field. </p><p>In Thedas or otherwise. </p><p>Shepard walked with Leliana down from the tower to the war room, they had been discussing the cleaning of Haven, mostly moving rubble and finding resources. Finding bodies for burning. </p><p>Josie and Cullen were there already, waiting on the Inquisitor. Hawke had managed to find her in the days previously and apologise for his behaviour, but like Cullen was adamant that she would need to be careful. He spoke of his fears with Anders and possession, she still wanted him to give Cole a chance. </p><p>The irony of having two big bad men protect her from both sides of the Mage -Templar war wasn’t lost on Shepard. </p><p>“Miss me?” Max announced walking into the room his armour still dusty from his journey, his arm in a sling standing next to a very large man. </p><p>“Good to see you Max, I’d forgotten what you looked like” Shepard smiled, turning to face Max, when she was met with a torso of a very large human. “uh- Hello” Shepard said, looking up at the hulk of a man. </p><p>“This is Amund, or Skywatcher. He has joined the Inquisition. Your advice helped, Shepard. Amund you are welcome to join Iron Bull in the yard until we find a fitting position for you, please let me know if you require anything” Max said smiling at the giant. </p><p>“You have the look of the Lady Lowlander” he spoke, his voice very deep and roaring. </p><p>“Who is The Lady?” Shepard asked, lifting an eyebrow at the mass. </p><p>“The Lady of the Skies. You’re the one, she looks kindly on you. I don’t expect Lowlanders to know of our gods” he said back, with no real animosity to his words. </p><p>“I’d like to learn, if you would be willing to teach me” she replied, eyeing his paint and fur around his face. </p><p>He nodded, before turning to walk away, axe over one shoulder. Shepard stared at his retreating form, that axe must weigh her and Maxwell combined. </p><p>Max shut the door to the War Room, turning to face Shepard, “What do you think?” </p><p>“He’s honest, honourable from the sounds of him and built like a brick shit house.” She replied. “What did he mean about the Lady of the Skies?” Shepard asked. </p><p>“Their version of Andraste, they sacrifice to her and do her will. They look for her in nature and stuff” Max shrugged, clearly he had been reading up on them. “I bring back good news, the soldiers are all okay. They’ll be travelling back to us tomorrow-“ </p><p>The door opened once more, with a ginger tattooed man coming through the threshold complete with a healing black eye and bruised jaw complete with a grin. </p><p>“Rylen!” Shepard exclaimed, he ignored her out reached hand going for a hug. She forgot how muscled Rylen actually was now she was held in his Starkhaven arms. </p><p> He grinned as he held her slipping into his mother tongue, “Ionndrainn mi lass?” <em> Miss me lass? </em> </p><p>“Chan eil brrachd na tha mi ag innodrainn cac air mo bhrog” <em> No more than I miss shit on my shoe </em> she replied, Rylen let a loud laugh out before wincing going to his jaw, </p><p>“Sorry” she replied moving away so Cullen could embrace him.</p><p>She was grateful for the Starkhaven dialect being so similar of that of her Scottish Gaelic roots. Back home she would only hear it with John or Engineer Donnelley, even then the latter only knew the bad words. </p><p>“You bastard, you know how much paperwork you’ve left me with” Cullen moved in to also give a hearty hug with a slap on Rylen’s back. </p><p>“Aye you caught me, you’re a sight for sore eyes Cullen” the man grinned. Slapping Cullen on the arm one more. “The rest of the soldiers were in worse shape, they’re all accounted for though. Should be two days no more” he reported.  </p><p>Shepard internally relaxed that the soldiers and Rylen were ok, she missed that bastard. From the relaxation of Cullen’s hands, he thought the same. </p><p>“Well done, Inquisitor. This is good news you have returned Knight-Captain” Josie gleamed. </p><p>“Maybe now the Commander will lessen his complaints over the recruits” Leliana smiled, turning to the blonde man. </p><p>Cullen sighed, “It will be good to have seasoned men and women back, I must admit running drills is half as entertaining without the Knight-Captain” His second laughed cheerfully at that. </p><p>“I could help train them, why didn’t you say something?” Shepard frowned, her and Cullen had shared meals together almost everyday and not once had he mentioned struggling. </p><p>“You were injured, I did not want you around barely trained men wielding weapons, we have had this argument” Cullen growled with the same intensity as they did in Haven.</p><p>“So, you were trying to protect me?” Shepard asked, teasing him. She couldn’t resist teasing him when they were with others, when he was being Commander Rutherford. </p><p>He blushed slightly, “It is not unreasonable for me to not want to see you hurt, especially by one of our own” he replied, voice lowering. Something passed between them.</p><p>“I see nothing has changed” Rylen smirked between the two, “It’s good to see you up and about you know” Shepard realised she hadn’t seen the man since Haven.</p><p>“I have noticed that the soldiers have been asking for Shepard’s whereabouts more frequently than not, they will be eager to see you back and not just from your balcony” Leliana replied, teasing them with small titbits of conversation. Shepard had no doubt that she knew about them.  </p><p>“My balcony... what have they seen?” Shepard said quickly, remembering her and Cullen’s moment there. Leliana smirked at her, making no move to answer. </p><p>“I don’t even want to know, just remember to draw your curtains Shep” Max held his good arm up. “Let’s go through the reports, Knight-Captain, you are welcome to join us” Shepard risked a look at Cullen who was blushing but had a triumphant look in his eyes as he moved around the table with his second.</p><p>He was also wearing a smirk. He was proud of the face they had seen them, was he dominant like that? She certainly hoped that was the case. She could see Rylen’s calculating gaze resting on her or Cullen over the course of the meeting. </p><p>Reports filed and discussed, Shepard would begin re-training with the soldiers and try to train with the Mages too. Fiona would oversee such and evaluate Shepard’s health. Max was also out injured for a few days before they would set off to Crestwood. Rylen excused himself to have his own injuries attend to.</p><p>Max stretched his shoulder out his sling for a moment before replacing it, “So how goes the cure?” Shepard lifted her head at the expectant faces of the others, she let her head fall and shook it. </p><p>Max blinked for a moment taking in Shepard’s posture, “Not good news?” he asked, frowning down at her. </p><p>Shepard straightened her back, going for a report to hand it to Max. “My blood kills everything. Lyrium, undead, taint, human cells... everything. It can’t determine what should and shouldn’t be there, it just see’s everything as inadequate” she said, “We’re trying Max but it’s not looking good,<br/>
if it goes inside another it will kill them or worse...”</p><p>“Worse?” Leliana enquired.</p><p>“Turn them mad, if they survive the change. That’s what happened to the women before me anyway and even they didn’t last long, they um- they killed themselves or were killed” she answered back.</p><p>“What does that mean for you?” Cullen asked, griping his sword in one hand. </p><p>“It means... I’m not sure to be honest, but this isn’t about me anymore. If I’ve survived this long, I can survive long enough to cure the Wardens and defeat the elder One – I am still standing and I can serve” Shepard replied, straitening her back. </p><p>“What about after?” Max asked.</p><p>“We’ll see when we get there, Inquisitor”</p><p> *** </p><p>Cullen’s headache was back again, the words on the paper merging. The penmanship from his hand was messy, he would have to start again. He crumpled up the paper and threw it off the desk. When it didn’t hit the floor he became suspicious. </p><p>He looked up to see Shepard stood not one foot from his desk in-front of him wearing a shit eating grin. </p><p>“Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed, jumping out his chair and reaching for his sword. Cullen listened to Shepard laugh as she placed the down the tray she was holding. </p><p>“Hi” </p><p>“That is not funny” he growled, walking round the desk to greet her, he gently leaned down to kiss her cheek. He loved that he could just do that now, kiss her like he wanted. The smile he gave her made him melt, any annoyance at her sly attempt to make him jump gone. </p><p>“You know if I was an assassin, you’d be dead right?” Shepard replied, her hand going to his arm. </p><p>“What did you bring me?” he asked ignoring her question, going for the tray lifting the lid. A roast, he realised how hungry he was and just how much he had been involved in his work to not hear someone enter. </p><p>He moved a spare chair for her to sit in, offering it to her like they would back in Haven. They shared the meal happily, speaking of the soldiers and the drills being performed. Cullen was selfishly grateful for Rylen’s return so he could take some of the work load. </p><p>Cullen leaned back in his chair, his throbbing headache pulsing. He felt cool hands on his temple, Cullen opened his eyes. Shepard had moved from her seat and was sat on the corner of his desk. Massaging his temples. </p><p>He removed his hands from his face and watched her work. He had been watching her for any sign she was sick or struggling from Lyrium.</p><p>She moved his plate, setting it aside so she could sit in-front of him, her legs rested either side of his chair, she leaned forward with her hands to massage his temples, down to his neck. She pulsed her biotics on her finger tips to reach into the muscles. </p><p>He would be lying if his tongue wasn’t caught in his teeth, gently biting to stop his thoughts drifting somewhere inappropriate as they usually drifted too. </p><p>He hadn’t realised his eyes had drifted close under her attention until she tapped on his armour, the clang ringing around his office. “Off” she said laughing. </p><p>He grumbled at her but removed his chest plate as instructed, leaning down to rest it against his desk. He then took off his shoulder armour and mantle. Leaving them in a pile. He finally leant back in his chair, in his leather breeches and white cloth shirt. </p><p>Her hands drifted down to his neck and went under his shirt to his traps, massaging them with her cool fingers. He stiffened under touch when her hands were moving to his chest. </p><p>“Sorry, are you uncomfortable?” he heard her say, reaching her hands back to herself. Still sat on the desk with her legs either side of his chair. </p><p>“Not uncomfortable, nervous maybe” he chuckled back at her, his hands resting on her leathered knees. </p><p>“Me? Making Commander Rutherford nervous?” she asked, her own hands running down his forearms. Leaning forward so her hands could run to his upper arms, squeezing the muscle there. </p><p>“I am nervous I am not deserving of such attention from a beautiful woman such as yourself, never mind that said woman was gifted from Andraste” he smirked, leaning forward to capture her lips not after watching her eye roll. </p><p>His headache now gone under her attention, or rather his attention was focused elsewhere. One need replaced for another. </p><p>His eyes shut as his nose brushed hers, her lips formed in a smile. He met her soft flesh and stood, pushing her onto the desk as he stood in between her legs. Exploring her mouth with vigour, one of her arms wrapped round his neck the other was gripped on his arm. He would never tire of kissing her.</p><p>Cullen’s own hands were exploring her thigh, stroking and gripping her backside, pulling her to the edge of the desk. The other was bracing their weight on the desk. He pulled her closer to him with one hand, her core meeting his, he groaned in her mouth at the contact. </p><p>Cullen’s mind filled with lust, need for this woman. He was running on instinct, her core grinding on his. He was rock hard, his cock pointing towards his hip as she ground against it, the friction was making him ready to lose his mind. He kept his pace, grinding into her, the heat from her core licking his through their clothes.</p><p>His mouth left hers, kissing the soft expanse of her neck, nipping and biting his way down, each scrape left with a searing kiss from his lips, she tasted divine. He wanted to mark her, show the other men that grasped for her attention that she was spoken for, he saw the way the nobles watched her. The way the soldiers watched her. A deep feeling was building in his crotch, the need to claim her. </p><p> </p><p>Her moans and gasps filled his office as he descended on her neck, he tried to hide back a grin feeling her racing pulse through his lips. She tilted her head to give him better access, her hand slipped between them to grab his hardened length, he groaned and bit her neck as she stroked him through his leather trousers.</p><p>One of his hands left her thigh to grasp at her breast, circling her nipple with his thumb through her shirt. “Cullen” she sighed, arching her back. </p><p>“Sir?” </p><p>They broke apart and froze, he looked at her for a moment, flushed cheeks, red neck under his attention. Her eyes were wide, the only colour of her eyes visible was the emerald green glow, the blue eaten up by black. He committed her to memory. </p><p>“Commander?” a knock came again, Cullen moved to answer realising they were in a less than private place. He hadn’t taken one step before being stopped by Shepard. </p><p>“Maybe I should get it” she said eyes flicking down to his crotch, an amused smile on her face. He was sure she purposely ran the back of her hand across the length of his crotch. </p><p>He cleared his throat when she moved to answer, seating himself back down. A few shaky breaths later and thinking of the least arousing things he could think of while tensing his legs to get the blood back where it belonged, he had softened slightly. </p><p>Watching Shepard’s behind and swaying hips as she walked to the door did nothing but ruin his efforts to get himself under control. She walked back to him after accepting the report, reading as she walked. </p><p>“There’s still Mage and Templar incidents?” she asked looking up, her frown looked forlorn. </p><p>He hadn’t spoken to her of these incidents, mostly it was the occasional scrap, complaint. Nothing like he had witnessed in Kirkwall or Lake Calenhad. His lust was gone at the sadness in her voice, her words bringing him back to reality. The blood in his crotch returning to his other organs. </p><p>Cullen sighed in his chair, reaching for the report to put it on the desk. He then reached for her, she frowned for a moment before letting him settle him back in his lap. This time across, her back leaning on the arm rest and her legs stretched over him. One of his arms went around her waist, bringing her close to his chest, gently stroking her hip through her shirt. </p><p>Once she was settled, he reached for the report again, reading over it, letting his arm rest on her lap. Mages were apparently refusing against Fiona’s wishes to train the soldiers, some Templar’s were refusing the same but they weren’t outright attacking each other. Yet.</p><p>He saw her staring out the corner of his eye, waiting until he had read the whole report to give her his attention. </p><p>“What?” he asked turning his head to face her, lips quirking up.</p><p>“This is nice” she replied, her hand going to his cheek, her soft hand stroking down his stubble, “I just- I like this” she finished, her voice sounded soft. Her face looked unsure, Cullen would dare say she looked, timid?  </p><p>“I agree” he sighed, realising how much he preferred her in his lap to across his desk, the thought of the desk brought back his heated desire,</p><p>“ah- well- before did I go too far? If I do you just need tell me and I’ll stop” he cleared his throat, he wasn’t sure if he was saying it for his own sake or for her. </p><p>“Cullen, incase you couldn’t tell, I really liked that” she whispered, “We can go slow, it’s not like I’m going anywhere” trailing off and staring at the dummies with knives in. </p><p>“and for that my lady I am grateful” he said tilting her head back to his, looking into her eyes, taking in her beautiful features, reaching for her lips once more, he wanted to rid her of her sad thoughts over her lost home. </p><p>He wanted to make her laugh again, or extract other sounds from her. She hummed happily as his lips trailed down her jaw.</p><p>The door swung open, “Commander have you seen Shep-“ </p><p>They both turned to look at Max and Rylen who had entered the middle door, looking at the two with wide eyes. “I ah- was looking for Shepard, if you have a minute” he coughed, not sure where to look. Rylen was grinning like a mad man, back in his inquisition armour. </p><p>“Well you found me” she extracted herself from Cullen’s lap. He felt his cheeks warming that they had been caught, thankfully Shepard had no such reservations. </p><p>Her hand went under his chin to force his head up, her lips descended on his for longer than would be considered a parting kiss. She leant up and biting her lip, searching for approval that it was okay she had just claimed the Commander in-front of the Inquisitor and Knight-Captain. </p><p>He grinned back, his eyes travelling from her lips to her sparkling eyes. He hadn’t forgotten that Max had been escorting her around Skyhold at every turn, showing her off to the nobles. He had heard the rumours of their suspected romance. He looked back at Max whose mouth was slightly agape. </p><p>His expression became more serious, “Of course Inquisitor” he replied rising from his chair. </p><p>Max simple nodded back at the man before Rylen shut the door behind them, turning and striding to the desk, planting his hands on the wood. </p><p>“I knew it!” he exclaimed, “Tell me everything man!”</p><p>Cullen would happily comply with his second’s order.  </p><p>*** </p><p>“So what did you want me for?” Shepard asked, having been escorted to Max’s quarters, they stood together on the balcony looking at the stars. </p><p>“About the nobles, well-“ Max sighed, leaning his forearms on the ledge. Shepard waited a few moments before realising Maxwell was having a conversation with himself in his head. </p><p>“Max, it’s alright, take your time ok, you don’t have to force it” Shepard said, putting her hand on his back. </p><p>“My father... male children are often used as heirs to increase influence, trying to marry the highest female with a title. I was the spare heir until my elder went to join the Templars”</p><p>He inhaled sharply remembering his father behind his desk in his study. Barely into puberty and he was going to be the future Bann. </p><p>“So it fell to me, it was part of the reason I was sent to the conclave... it wasn’t just because I was to be a representative for the Free Marches. I was also to be married. To a woman, she passed in the conclave explosion, a noble from Orlais.” His side profile shone in the moonlight, his brown hair going auburn. </p><p>“The thing is, I don’t want to marry for power. Or marry a woman, if you catch my drift. Male relationships are seen as” he fished for the word, </p><p>“fleeting experiences but are accepted for commoners, but for two noble men to marry is frowned upon because a true heir can’t be produced” he finished, turning slowly to face her. </p><p>She saw it. In his eyes. The guilt he felt for not wanting a woman. Misplaced guilt that she imagined was ingrained into him from a young age. </p><p>“I think I understand, though the notion that someone can only be noble or lead because of their blood is bullshit” she replied, earning a grunt from Maxwell. </p><p>“The reason I was parading you around the other day is because, well, I needed to be seen close to a woman. The nobles have heard rumours of my past and well, I think it could damage the Inquisition” he sighed, turning back to the mountains. </p><p>“Do you think that? Or is that someone else’s opinion?” Shepard asked. </p><p>“Someone else’s” he replied immediately, “I don’t want to hide anymore, Shepard and I’m sorry for using you like that, it’s just convenient for me to cover myself if I do want any… dalliances. I’m sorry, I panicked and I don’t want to be in an arranged marriage and you were just the best option to keep them at bay. Most of Orlais thinks we’re an item anyway” he squeezed his eyes shut his head dropping. </p><p>Shepard reached out and grabbed his hand, “I think most nobility are backwards so you don’t have to make your case with me. Just let me know next time hmm?”</p><p>He looked at her for a moment, “What you think I should be myself? Tell them that I won’t marry a woman or for connections? Do you know the outcry that could cause?” his head spun to her, his hair bouncing off his forehead.</p><p>“I think when someone chooses to be themselves, that it is a very good thing” Shepard smiled, </p><p>“Maxwell you are the Inquisitor and arguably as influential as the Orlais Empress or the King of Ferelden. You can say no” she tapped his chest when his eyes dropped. </p><p>“Hey”</p><p>He looked up, tears shining.</p><p>“There isn’t anything wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with wanting a family with someone you love” </p><p>Max stood straight, managing a wry smile. </p><p>“You’re the first person I told here, I want you to know Shep, you’re quickly becoming like a sister to me, and I meant it when I said I’d be there for you. What’s mine is yours” he finished shyly. As if overstepping. </p><p>“And you are my annoying little brother, Maxxy” she winked, laughing when he made a disgusted noise that would rival Cassandra. </p><p>“I wonder what my father would say if he could see me now” Max laughed, it was still laced with sadness. </p><p>“Have you heard from him?” she inquired. </p><p>“Nothing from him yet, I'm surprised actually. He's very devout, with me being Andraste's Herald I thought he would jump on the chance to boast about it. Josie sent a letter to Ostwick, it should have arrived by now but… nothing back” Shepard could tell though he was past needing his father’s approval. But it still hurt.  </p><p>His hands clenched on the railing. </p><p>“And William, Maker he was stood next to the Elder One, at his bloody right hand side I- I’m not sure he can be saved or if he deserves it… but the thought of meeting him on the battle field… haunts me” he relaxed his grip from the stone balcony, taking a deep breath, </p><p>“At least Dylan’s helping in the village, he’s happy there being free among the mages, Victoria has taken Erin in when she’s not with the sisters” he sighed, </p><p>“I can’t believe Maria” his voice choked up. “I’m going to adopt her, Erin I mean, officially, since she’s family. Josie is writing the contracts now but, I’d like you to be a guardian, should something happen to me or Dylan” he turned to gauge her expression. </p><p>Shepard nodded, “Of course I will, you’ll have your hands full with her you know” </p><p>“I’ll have to re-learn how to climb trees” he grinned, tilting his head up to look at the stars. They stayed like that for a moment, before moving to the bench on his balcony, sat side by side. </p><p>“So” he dragged out the word, “that was, quite a cosy embrace with the Commander?” he said turning to face her with a grin. </p><p>“It’s...he’s...I think I’m falling...fast” Shepard laughed, risking a look at him. “I’ve never really had a relationship like this. In war I focused on the mission, no time for anything else but there’s always a war. A fight”</p><p>She stared at Draconis in the night sky. The first Constellation that Cullen had pointed out. “I think he I worth fighting for. I like it, having someone, you know?” </p><p>“I’m happy for you Shep, Maker knows you deserve someone. I’ll make sure to let Cullen know that I’m not perusing you” Max replied, nudging her with his shoulder earning a grin. “Oh, tomorrow I’ll be choosing a throne and... well judging the prisoners, Maker what gives me the right” he said looking back at the mountains. </p><p>“The mark, the fancy sword above your fireplace” she grinned, at his sigh. “I’ve never really judged anyone like this, but if you need me, I’ll be at your side”</p><p>“Can’t imagine you anywhere else”</p><p>***</p><p>“Can I just have a stool and be done with it?” Max grumbled, Josie simply turned and gave him a scowl. He glared back with equal mirth. Not quite arisen from his slumber. </p><p>Maxwell was never more dangerous as he was first thing in the morning. The cold breeze of Undercroft was doing nothing to wake the sleepy Inquisitor. </p><p>“How about, a neutral throne. Not Ferelden or Orlesian, we are on the border after all, maybe a Chantry one?” Shepard offered, leaning on the stone balcony. </p><p>“I don’t know how that would go down with the Mages and Templars. Dylan would have a fit” Max replied. </p><p>Shepard flicked through the parchments, stopping on the Owl. The picture was beautifully drawn but it was something more. </p><p>What was it about this Owl that made her pause?</p><p>“Shep?”</p><p>She looked up at Maxwell staring at her from his stool, giving her a puzzling look.  </p><p>“Okay...what about this one...the sun owl, ‘Legacy Ferelden Throne’ no obvious links to Ferelden but it shows wisdom, that’s what the Owl represents right. The sun reflects the chantry in a minor capacity? We can have it made from marble to emulate some Orlais items yes?” Shepard replied, showing him the paper. </p><p>“It’s the least controversial, that’ll do” Max sighed, reaching for his coffee mug to find it was empty giving it a glare as if it would refill. </p><p>“Come on let’s get some food while Josie sorts the throne” Shepard said, moving Max towards the door. Shepard looked over her shoulder to see Josie mouthing a thank you to her. </p><p>Breakfast went too quickly for Shepard, the throne had been transported in a matter of hours and was set up by the window. Two guards were present and ready to oversee the prisoners. Max was just finished dressing in his attire for the judgement when Sheard knocked on his door, she could see him still struggling with his shoulder. She grabbed his sling so he could put it on after the court.  </p><p>“I won’t leave your side” she said with a smile, his own smile was small and clipped, he took a breath and descended the stairs, Shepard in tow now cloaked to the naked eye. </p><p>Shepard kept her distance from anyone but Max, staying in his shadow as he walked up to the throne. </p><p>“Impressive, No? Meant to show influence and the burden that accompanies it” Josephine said softly. </p><p>“Will we be taking heads right here in the hall? Imagine the stains” Max smirked when he heard Shepard’s laugh over his shoulder. </p><p>Max watched Josie narrow her eyes behind her at the sound before shaking herself, “Goodness No! You are a beacon of law, Inquisitor, as others retreat from responsibility. But this needn’t be bloody. Our allies expect this and support it. You are bound. Justice has many tools, execution may seem merciful” Josie offered as a counter, hoping to console him. </p><p>“Let’s begin” Max said rolling his shoulders back, moving to sit in the throne, Shepard followed suit, placing her hand gently on his arm so he knew she was there. He didn’t look her way but whispered a thank you. </p><p>The inner circle had gathered to oversee the proceedings most of them hanging above on the balcony. The nobles had gathered at the sides of the hall too. A few soldiers stationed at key areas of the hall were stood like statues.<br/>
Leliana and Cullen were stood near the war room entrance, listening dutifully to Josephine’s curt voice announcing the first prisoner. </p><p>“This was a surprise. After you returned from the bogs, we discovered this man attacking the building with... with a goat” Josie said, reading from her paper.<br/>
Shepard struggled to hold in her choked laugh, Max gently nudged her with his elbow to stop her. His own mouth rising in laughter that was struggling to get out. He could hear the laughs of others through out the crowd.</p><p>“Chief Movran the Under. He feels slighted by the killing of the Avvar tribesmen, who repeatedly attacked you first. What should we do with him?” </p><p>“Has he really committed a crime?” Shepard whispered.</p><p>“You answered the death of your clan...with a goat? Forgive me but, is this a message of some kind?” Max inquired to the kneeling man. </p><p>He was keeping eye contact with Max, the hood and horns on his face increasing his build. His mouth formed a laugh as he stepped forward, “A courtroom? Unnecessary. You killed my idiot son and I answered as is my custom by smacking your holdings with a goat’s blood” the deep voice replied. </p><p>Max waited for Josie to turn to him, she shrugged in response. </p><p>“No foul. He meant to murder Tevinters, but got feisty with your lot. A redheaded mother guarantees a brat!” Shepard heard a roaring laugh in the back most likely from Bull, “Do as you’ve earned, my clan yields. My remaining boys have brains still in their heads” he said followed by a bellowing laughter. </p><p>Max moved his hand to his mouth to ponder before whispering Shepard’s name. “Maybe it’s better to exile them. The nobles will be pleased to see them go, it’s better than killing them like cattle, that might provoke more Avvar not to mention Skywatcher” she answered. </p><p>“I banish you and your clan – with as many weapons as you can carry to Tevinter” Max replied, leaning his head on one hand. </p><p>The bellowed laughter of Movran followed, “My idiot boy got us something after all!” The guards took the man out, releasing him once they had got to the other side of the hall. </p><p>Whispers broke out as the next prisoner was brought. “You recall Alexius of Tevinter. Ferelden, specifically King Therein, has given him to us as acknowledgement of your aid. The formal charges are apostasy, attempted enslavement, and attempted assassination on your life, no less.” </p><p>Two guards brought Alexius in, he looked pale, his hood down to reveal the buzz cut underneath. His head was bowed, staring at the floor. “As a mage he could have fought, he’s given up” Shepard whispered, “Relax Max, this is your show” </p><p>Max hummed, “Remind me, what’s the precedent for nearly ripping apart time at the seams?” he folded his hands in his lap, moving one leg over the other, taking Shepard’s advice. </p><p>“I couldn’t save my son. Do you really think my fate matters to me?” Alexius growled, lifting his head to meet the Inquisitor’s eyes. </p><p>“Will you offer nothing more in your defence?” Josie asked from the side, removing her quill from her page. </p><p>“You’ve won nothing. The people you saved, the acclaim you’ve gathered – you’ll all lose it in the storm to come. The storm she will make, you have no idea who she is. Render your judgement” Alexius growled. </p><p>Shepard grew cold at his words, this man was in league with the Elder One, he knew something. </p><p>“His death gains us revenge for the Mages, but his knowledge will gain us an advantage if a trick like this is used again, he’s too valuable to kill” Shepard whispered. </p><p>“You promised to help the Mages. You will uphold that promise. Your magic was theoretically, impossible. Your sentence is to serve, under guard, as a researcher of all things magical for the Inquisition” Max pointed, </p><p>“And I will try to do what your previous employer could not. Your son will be attended to, he will be protected by the Inquisition and examined by our healers. His life should not be forfeit for your crimes” he added, gaining gasps from some of the crowd. He caught Dorian’s eyes at the side of the hall, his smile made this monster worth it. He tried to ignore the urge to smile back at the deviously handsome man. </p><p>“Very well” Alexius growled, the two guards lifting him to his feet. </p><p>Maxwell got off his throne striding towards Alexius, “Make no mistake Alexius, I considered making you tranquil” more gasps from the crowd. </p><p>Shepard stared hard into Maxwell’s back, he had… considered this. </p><p>“You are fortunate that the angel on my shoulder has more mercy, do not waste this or the brand WILL be waiting” he nodded to the guards to take him away. </p><p>Max returned to his seat, his fists clenched by his side. She gently put her hand over his fist, coaxing him to relax. He kept his mouth over his hand as he spoke as if he was running his finger over his lips, “thoughts?” </p><p>Shepard patted his arm, “Did you mean it?” she whispered as the inner circle and nobles filtered out. He nodded, “Then let’s hope he makes good on his word otherwise you’ll have another Mage rebellion on your hands”</p><p>Max stood, nodding to Cullen and Leliana to enter Josie’s office behind them. Once the door was closed behind Shepard, she decloaked. Offering him his sling to put on. </p><p>“Thank you” he breathed, leaning against the door looking at Shepard, she could feel his racing heart through his palm that was pressed to her upper arm. “How did I do?” he said a bit too breathless.</p><p>“I’m glad we’re in your hands” Shepard replied tying the top of his sling over his shoulder. “What do you think Alexius meant, about the storm to come?” She asked, looking to the advisors.</p><p>“It’s possible he was attempting to get a rise from the crowd” Leliana summarised. “I thank you for having mercy Inquisitor, the Mages would not look kindly on Tranquillity as a punishment”</p><p>Maxwell nodded, breathing in heavily through his nose, moving to the war room. Shepard and Cullen fell in step behind the others. </p><p>“I had wondered where you were” Cullen replied, a smirk on his face.</p><p>“I’m never far from the action” Shepard replied, managing a grin.  </p><p>***</p><p>“Is that a bruise on your jaw?” she asked Maxwell as he mounted up on the stallion. She was already on Mako, waiting patiently in Skyhold’s courtyard. </p><p>Maxwell huffed, setting a slow trot beside her, </p><p>“I broke up a screaming match between Varric and Cassandra, she threw a punch and I stood in the way- Leliana was right, I think she was going to kill Varric due to his secrets about Hawke. I’m pretty sure they’re going to give each other a wide berth for a while” He replied, his hand going to his jaw, testing it side to side. </p><p>Shepard laughed loudly, “You took a right hook from the Seeker, and didn’t pass out? I’m impressed” she chuckled, she still heard his grumbles over the hooves of their mounts pounding on the stone path.</p><p>“I’m fairly certain I have all my teeth still” he joked, earning another chuckle from her. </p><p>“You seem more comfortable with riding” Maxwell noticed from his mount, the horse looked new, they had acquired a number of new mounts from nobles wishing to ally with the new holy force. </p><p>Shepard scratched Mako between the antlers earning a purr, “Only with Mako, he’s very forgiving and does most of the work” she replied. Mako really did all the work, her riding was probably the worst of all the inner circle. Bull included. </p><p>The two were taking a leisurely pace down to the village after the war council, preparations were being made for a memorial to be made in Haven as the rubble was being cleared by soldiers. All of whom had volunteered, Shepard had requested to go also but was quickly shot down by all the advisors. </p><p>“I haven’t seen that mount before” she hummed, looking over at Maxwell’s black mount, it had light grey socks and ears, but the mane was as sleek as the fur. </p><p>“It’s from the Trevelyan stock” he said patting the shoulder, “Our coat of arms is a horse, we breed the best in the Free Marches. It’s how my ancestors made their fortune. He arrived this morning while we were in court, Josie said it was from Ostwick but… it wasn’t from my father but one of his advisors. Ser Alby, with good wishes. Apparently, my father isn’t there and hasn’t been for some weeks so he’s been left to run the estate.” </p><p>Shepard frowned back, “Maybe that’s why he hasn’t replied to your letter?” she offered. She would have to get used to this, the inconvenience of messages taking weeks to arrive, not being instantaneous. </p><p>“I don’t know why he would travel? He’s not young or in good health, it’s a big risk to travel anywhere for him. It’s part of the reason I was sent to the Conclave, being the heir. And look how that turned out” he let out a humourless laugh. </p><p>He risked a look over to her and rolled his eyes at her glare, “Yes yes alright, it’s not all bad” he shook his head. She conceded and relaxed her glare. </p><p>“Leliana will find something Max, she already has agents out in the field. If he’s as sick as you say he can’t be on the move” Shepard offered as reassurance, he didn’t respond. </p><p>She had found nothing from the letter, everything about it was generalised and none of her people saw Erin being handed the letter. The only noise was the trotting of their mounts down the track to the village down below. </p><p>They were greeted by soldiers and civilians alike, all waving or bowing. They trotted through smiling, waving, stopping when they reached the stables, they dismounted, properly greeting people. </p><p>The village had wards and watch towers, pipes for fresh water and bath houses. Mages and Templars were working together for the most part, all the buildings were made of stone and wood, sturdy with streets and markets. </p><p>It was amazing what people could achieve in such a short time; Shepard’s mind wandered to her home. She wondered how much rubble they had moved, how they would shift the Reaper bodies, how much had they rebuilt now the war had been over for almost seven months. </p><p>Almost seven months she had been here. </p><p>In two more she would be pronounced killed in action, if time moved as it did back home. </p><p>She would be one of the fallen. </p><p>She was never going back. </p><p>“Shepard?” </p><p>She looked from where her gaze had landed on the statue of Andraste on the top of the small Chantry they had built for those who wished to worship, marry or hold funerals. </p><p>“You coming?” he was giving her a quizzical look. Gesturing to the castle style building further on. </p><p>The Mages had designed it themselves with the aid of the Templars who had a tower for themselves attached. Not together but close enough they could rely on each other. </p><p>They made their way up the stairs leading to the two towers, simple in design carved into the mountainside. Dwarves were dangerously quick with their ability to create and build, but both had stained glass on the outside, no bars or wires on the windows. Balconies and flower beds, gardens around the outside with benches and trees. It reminded Shepard of the old Universities of Earth.</p><p>No more prisons for either side, but a home. </p><p>Maxwell pointed out the village’s new spots such as the Tavern, Inn, housing and other hidden gems from their higher viewpoint before they turned and entered the tower complex, one of Leliana’s people guided them to the new offices.</p><p>“Enter”</p><p>As soon as the door opened to the office, Dylan’s smile grew. “Maxxy, about time!” he stood and embraced him with a strong slap to his back, it seemed the two had at least stopped arguing since Haven. She was glad their relationship was on the mend. </p><p>“And my lady, you are a vision” he said bowing to her, she returned the gesture, </p><p>“Dylan, it’s good to see you, staying out of trouble?” she asked. He only winked and flashed her a dangerous grin back before moving around his desk. </p><p>“I won’t lie, there’s been… tension between us and the Templars but for the most part everyone is happy they have somewhere to learn and be safe. Ser Barris is a fine man to lead the Templars here, we’ve been working well. Fiona’s been down a few times to aid us-“</p><p>Another knock came to the door. </p><p>“Enter” Dylan called once more. </p><p>Erin entered first, in a thick green cloak over her shoulders, her face lit up when she saw who she was visiting. She quickly ran to Shepard who picked her up, spinning her around in a hug settling her on her hip. “I missed you Monkey!” </p><p>“Lady Shepard! Lady Smith said you were hurt and I couldn’t see you” she beamed, giving her another squeeze before wiggling to hug Maxwell with the same enthusiasm, before she began babbling away to him about everything she had helped with in the village while he slipped out the room with her on his hip to find some refreshments for them. </p><p>This meeting would not be a nice one. </p><p>Victoria stepped into the room, offering Shepard a handshake and a hand on her arm, “Shepard, it is good to see you, I was… well you had us all worried for a while, I was meaning to come and see you but there is much to do here and-” </p><p>“Don’t worry” she cut off the Mages guilty ramblings, “we all have many duties, I was meaning to come to the village myself. It’s good to see you. You’ve both” she gestured to Dylan behind the desk, “made amazing progress with the tower, do you have a name in mind?”</p><p>“Not yet, we were hoping you’d have something” he shrugged, throwing his quill onto the desk, leaning his hands behind his head. Dylan was no nonsense, something she had always admired in John, he had a glib mouth that would say what was on his mind. </p><p>Shepard took a perch on the couch in the corner, she hummed for a moment. “How about, the Inquisition Academy of Magi and if not the Inquisition then the Ferelden Academy of Magi. No circle, just an academy” </p><p>She watched the two think it over for a few moments. “I like it” Dylan said, writing it down. </p><p>Shepard turned to the Enchanter on the seat next to her, “I agree, no more circle, but an academy, a place of learning for any who wish to join, Mage or no. Not a prison. It’s wonderful” </p><p>Maxwell came in carrying a tray with Erin in tow. The room sobered when they had eaten. </p><p>Shepard gave her seat on the couch to Erin, ignoring Dylan’s offer for her to sit in his lap, instead leaning on the desk while Maxwell took to one knee infront of her. </p><p>“Erin, you know how we’re family now? And as a big brother, I have to always tell you the truth” he began, she nodded eagerly.</p><p>“Well, we have some news, about your Mama. She- she’s not coming back from Haven. She’s gone to the Maker’s side, she died in the attack Erin, do you understand?” </p><p>Shepard watched the emotions roll over the little girl’s face. Watching those big grey eyes fill with tears. </p><p>“No- no mama always comes back” she shook her head, “She always” her words choked. Her glassy eyes turned to Shepard, she pushed off the desk to kneel next to Max. </p><p>“Erin” Putting her hand on her hair, stroking slowly. </p><p>Like her father had done when she was told her mother would never be coming back from the gods. When she was old enough to ask the question why she didn’t have a mother like the other children did. </p><p>Erin continued crying, shaking her head. “Ir abelas da’len, but she isn’t coming bac-“</p><p>“I WANT MAMA” she screamed, bringing her knees to her chest, “I WANT HER, I WANT MAMA” </p><p>Maxwell tried to console the shaking girl but was met with a force as he and Shepard were shoved back enough for Erin to dart from the room. </p><p>Papers on the desk were ruffled and Dylan was launched off his chair. Shepard was quick on her feet looking around the room, leaves were falling from the ceiling. </p><p>Slow, small autumn leaves. </p><p>She had cast a spell. </p><p>Shepard skidded on the floor to try and run after her.</p><p>“Shit” she heard Dylan shout from the office. </p><p>Say what you want about kids. </p><p>They can run. </p><p>Shepard struggled to keep up with her through the crowd of the towers, weaving in and out of Mages and Templars alike before stopping in the main hall. All eyes were on her, some of the closer coming forward to ask her what was going on. She could have gone to a number of doors, the two largest ones leading to the Village.</p><p>Come on think, think, think. </p><p>Victoria and Dylan caught up with her, “Maxwell’s going to the Templar guards to see if they’ve seen her. Maker, the shock of her mother was enough to bring her magic into fruition, we had a feeling she might be but- fuck” Dylan raked a hand through his hair. </p><p>Shepard’s mind kept reeling, “Is that common?” In her world, biotics were mostly kids getting curious, being able to make a barrier, or breaking something as they reached out. Or they would just flare.</p><p>“Oh yeah, it’s common. I caused a lightning storm in the barn because William had lost my horse in the fields, best mare I ever had” he laughed breathlessly, while looking around for signs of where she had gone. </p><p>“Where the fuck has she gone” Shepard growled as the three searched the tower from top to bottom, Maxwell was patrolling with the guard on his mount. Making faster time than walking. </p><p>It had been several hours since she had run, even as an apparent mage, she wouldn’t last too long if she had run into the mountains. Shepard sat heavily on a bench in the academy’s hall, Dylan had gone to summon the other enchanters and templars to make a combined effort to find her. </p><p>The risk of a child abomination would be heightened now it had been hours. </p><p>Victoria joined her, both catching their breath from the disappearance. “If it was you, where would you run to?” Shepard asked. </p><p>“In our house we used to have servant tunnels, and a wine cellar that led to the garden, it looked over the ocean” she said, “I used to run there, I liked the sea breeze, the smell of the water” she said looking off into the distance, “There was always something about water” she said, looking back to Shepard. </p><p>“What about you?” she asked in return, “There must have been somewhere?”</p><p>“In the academy, me and John used to sneak anywhere we could really” Victoria grinned at that, “When we were kids, my father had built us a treehouse in the woods, we used to run there but-“</p><p>“But what?” Victoria asked, using her sleeve to wipe the sweat from her brow. </p><p>“Where is safer for a Monkey, than in a tree” Shepard said as if it explained everything, she got up and sprinted to the gardens. </p><p>There was a small garden in between the two towers where they attached to the mountain, almost like an alcove with a glass roof overhead. It reminded Shepard of greenhouses on earth, reminiscent of the garden at Grissom, sanctuaries for wild plants. In the centre was a giant tree, with branches that spread over far and wide. Thick leaves, with rick dark green colouring. The smaller branches had small white and pink flowers on, breaking the dark colouring. </p><p>“Shepard, there wasn’t any flowers on that tree this morning. Her mana, she’s cast them, I can feel it” Victoria whispered from the alcove door. Shepard lit her biotics, using her senses to reach out, she heard it. Little cries and a racing heart. Erin.</p><p>“I’ll try talk to her, do you mind sending a message to Max and telling him to call of the search” Shepard asked, Victoria nodded before grabbing her arm. </p><p>“Shepard, be careful. She has magic now, and she might use it against you, even by accident, just” she hesitated for a moment, “Just tread carefully” </p><p>Shepard nodded and waited a moment before the Enchanter left. She walked slowly to the tree, she felt eyes on her, probably Templars stationed at the doors. </p><p>“Hey Monkey, is there room for two up there?” she said to the tree. </p><p>No reply came. </p><p>Shepard sighed, looking at the best way to climb up. She didn’t want to spook her by using her biotics to jump up. Torn between invading her space and leaving her. </p><p>“Erin, you don’t have to talk or listen, but-“ Shepard sighed, one hand went to her hip and the other went to her head. </p><p>“I miss her too” she said to the tree, “I’ve never had a mother but your mama was the closest I came to. So please know da’len, I will miss her so much. And” </p><p>Where was she going with this…</p><p>“and you’re my little Monkey so I’m going to sit here and wait because it sucks losing someone, so when you’re ready, I’m here” she said going to the trunk, sitting herself in the bark crossing her arms, she saw movement in the three arch doors ahead, probably senior Templar’s and Mages. </p><p>Shepard waited</p><p>And waited. </p><p>And waited.</p><p>Movement in the tree roused her from her perch, her neck protesting when she lifted her head off her forearms over her knees. Erin was climbing around, “Lady Shepard?” a small voice came. </p><p>“Hi” she said looking up at Erin on a branch above her sitting and swinging her legs. Erin wasn’t looking at her, but would stare at the branches. She was a little pale, tears still on her face. </p><p>Shepard stayed where she was but created a slide with her biotics, it earned a small smile when Erin slid down to the ground, taking a step or two towards her. </p><p>“Are you mad?” she asked with her head down, looking at her boots digging in the dirt. </p><p>“No, of course I’m not, no one is mad at you” Shepard replied, stretching her legs out, “Maxwell being thrown on his arse is actually one of my favourite things to watch” earning her another small smile from the elf. </p><p>“You said a bad word” she whispered back, edging closer to Shepard. </p><p>“I won’t tell if you won’t” Shepard replied earning a smile, “Come here little one” she opened her arm to the elf, Erin ran to her arms. Shepard positioned them under the tree, with Erin across her lap curled into her chest. </p><p>She didn’t say anything as Erin cried into her, occasionally babbling about how much she missed her. The more she cried the more snowflakes began to fall from the glass above, and weirdly the occasional leaf. She had heard the Dalish were more prone to nature magics. Shepard held her, gently humming a song as she quietened down. </p><p>“Why her? Why mama?” she said, her words echoed around the hall. </p><p>Shepard sighed, resting her head on the girls. “When you pick a flower from a field, which ones do you pick?” </p><p>Erin lifted her head, frowning at the question, “The prettiest ones” </p><p>Shepard nodded, “Exactly, Falon’Din choses the best of us to go with him to the Beyond. She protected people, fought for them. She was one of the best flowers he could have picked, she isn’t gone da’len. Just in the next room” </p><p>Erin nodded, tucking herself under Shepard’s chin once more. Her tears kept falling but didn’t sob. They stayed there for a few more moments before Erin’s stomach gurgled loudly. “How about we sneak into the kitchen and get some cakes?”</p><p>Erin nodded enthusiastically, holding Shepard’s hand as they got up. Walking through the snow, when Erin gasped and hid behind Shepard’s leg. Shepard’s head jerked up to look at the alcove to the hall. </p><p>Templar’s came through, one she knew as Ser Barris who gave her a disarming smile and the other was nameless to her. She spied Maxwell and Cullen coming through also, surveying the damage they expected most likely. A few Mages filtered through.</p><p>“Templars, they’re going to be mad” Erin whispered behind her. She could feel her shaking like a leaf behind her. </p><p>Growing up in Kirkwall, in Anders clinic of all places, she probably was told of the Templars there and how Maria had to be careful. Now she was a Mage, their fears were hers.</p><p>“The Templar’s here aren’t scary da’len, watch” Shepard reached down and picked up some snow with her hand making a ball. </p><p>She watched Cullen spy her suspiciously at the last second before she reared back and threw a snowball right into his head. He recoiled for a moment, the other men and women laughing at their Commander pelted with a snowball. He ran a leathered hand down his face with a glare and a smirk.</p><p>Those yellow eyes looked predatory, and she was more than happy to be his prey. </p><p>Erin gasped behind her as the blonde ex-templar grabbed some snow of his own and threw it back, narrowly missing Shepard as she ducked going to her knee, creating a new snowball with her. </p><p>Erin laughed as they began throwing snowballs. Some other Mages and Templar’s joined in until there was no more snow left that Erin had made. All of them red faced and breathing heavier from laughter. </p><p>She caught Cullen’s eye as he shared a joke with Dylan, he gave her a calm look, a soft look. The same one he had given her when she was in his lap before nodding and moving to talk to Barris. </p><p>“See Monkey? This is a good place and your brothers will make sure it stays that way, I will too.” She looked down at the girl, brushing the bits of snow out her hair. </p><p>“And Ser Cullen?” Erin asked, her ears twitching. </p><p>“And Ser Cullen” she nodded, picking the little one up as she swayed. Remembering she had probably exhausted her mana. </p><p>“Ser Cullen keeps looking at you, I think he likes you” she said as they passed through the hall, whispering loud enough for said ex-Templar to hear as they walked past his eyes pinning her with a blush on his cheeks.</p><p>“I think I like him” she winked, making Erin giggle. </p><p>Shepard missed the blush deepen on his face as Ser Barris’s eyes widened at the revelation. </p><p>***</p><p>Skyhold was relatively settled now after the revelation of the Inquisitor’s half sister becoming a Mage. Most of the keep was now built back up, each individual with their own quarters. Shepard couldn’t help but make the rounds, as she would on her ship. </p><p>As she rounded the corner, Dorian shut the leather book he was reading, “Ah my dear, look at you, good to have you back from playing mother hen to little lost Mages” he gracefully rose to his feet and offered her a kiss on each cheek. </p><p>“Dorian, recovered from your time as healer?” She said sitting in the plush chair he offered, his face turned into a snarl. </p><p>“I will not be attending the village anytime soon to give tuition, how Victoria is so adept at it I shall never know. She was like a woman possessed when you were found” He replied, moving to acquire some books they had discussed earlier. </p><p>“I’ve been going through the tomes sent from Miniathous but it’s long work to trace a family tree, even harder to do backwards. There seems no end, but I’ll get there, if you believe Corypheus has a real name, a human name. I shall find it” he nodded. </p><p>“Thank you, Dorian” she nodded, leaning on her elbows, he chuckled. “Don’t thank me, your Inquisitor got these books for me to research. Very insistent, that man” </p><p>“He isn’t my Inquisitor Dorian” she rolled her eyes, “Don’t believe everything you hear” he turned, leaning a shoulder on one bookshelf. There were constant rumours of the Inquisitors romance, most notably was her but extended to Josie, Cassandra, Dorian and even the Iron Bull. </p><p>He grinned, brushing his moustache with one hand, “Hmm” he eyed her from head to toe, “So, am I to assume that-“</p><p>“You are more his type?” She offered. Dorian nodded, “Yes” she replied, enjoying the slightly wider eyes Dorian now supported. “I can hear your heart beating faster Dorian, don’t try and hide your reaction” she winked. </p><p>He shook his head, returning to his books, “You evil woman, a man can only take so much teasing you know” she grinned at his back, “Speaking of-“ he threw a book to her, she caught it in both hands, turning it over. </p><p>“Here, you’ll love this one, terribly common in the Circles in the north and Free Marches” he said leaning his back on the shelf. </p><p>Shepard looked at the cover, a Templar was leaning over a Mage on a balcony, like he was dipping her on a dance floor. </p><p><em> The Warrior’s Son and The Demoness’ Daughter </em> </p><p>She looked up to a triumphant looking Dorian. </p><p>He rolled his eyes, “Oh come now, anyone a brain between their ears see’s the way the Commander follows you with his puppy eyes” he winked, “Or the way you swoon when he’s near”</p><p>She feigned ignorance, “I do not swoon” she went to throw the book back at him before he told her that it was full of smut. She immediately started flicking through the pages, earning a laugh from the Mage. </p><p>“So, I am correct that you have a thing for strapping young Templars?” he said before a runner informed him more tomes were on their way from the orders of the Inquisitor. He mouthed a ‘shut up’ at her triumphant grin.  </p><p>She aided him putting the books in appropriate piles, “I will find out all your dirty little secrets, you know” he said. </p><p>“Maybe, in the meantime I have lots to discuss with the Inquisitor” she grinned raising her eyebrows, enjoying the mumbled, ‘devil woman’ as she walked away with a spring in her step, smutty book in hand. </p><p>After a fairly short greeting with Blackwall and Bull who were conversing in the Tavern about weapons and swapping battle stories, she shot upstairs to Sera. </p><p>“Ladybits!” Sera jumped Shepard hugging her tightly, “Got bored of all these prats, missed ya” she took the book from her flipping through the pages, </p><p>“Blegh rubbish stuff, need a proper teacher then send Cully to me, I’ll make sure he knows how to eat your peach” Shepard rolled her eyes, wondering how many people suspected their relationship. </p><p>Shepard couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her, “Never change Sera, how are you doing?” She asked lounging on the couch in her quarters. </p><p>The small room of the Tavern had been made into what was essentially, a safe room full of paintings and trinkets. There seemed to be an alarming amount added since she was last here, Shepard didn’t ask where Sera had managed to get them. </p><p>“Andraste what did I step in” she mumbled from her curled position. </p><p>Shepard took a seat on the opposite bench built into the corner, “If she answers let me know” trying to ease the elf’s worries. She should have known better. </p><p>“You’re supposed to speak for her aint you? Coryph-shit is going down, whatever he is. Thought this would be an easy gig yeah, not demons and magic, glad you and Inky aren’t magic weirdos” </p><p>Shepard reclined on her back, settling in for another of Sera’s magical rants “But I wanna ask, that glowy shit, spill” a finger got pointed into her face as Sera planted her feet on either side of the couch stood over her. Shepard reclined her arms behind her head.</p><p>“Sera… it’s not magic. It’s harnessing energy, where I’m from it’s as common as magic” she tried to explain, Sera crossed her arms looking unimpressed. </p><p>“See I’ve been all over yeah and never seen some shit like that, it sounded like you were possessed” Shepard realised then that Sera’s heart was beating wildly. She was scared. </p><p>“Sera, I wasn’t possessed, it’s just energy I promise. No magic. No danger to you or me okay?” it was a small lie, but it was a necessary one. </p><p>“Fine, don’t wanna explain I get it, keep your stupid secrets” she replied hopping off and began playing with her arrows. “Good chat yeah” she said with a slap on Shepard’s ass with the book as she got up. </p><p>That was as good as Shepard was going to get from the Elf, understanding that she needed time. The spank was enough encouragement that they would be okay. </p><p>It was getting harder to hide her real truth from the inner circle, soldiers and others could be told it was like the Anchor, something from the Fade. But the inner circle had cunning eyes. Calculating personalities. She would need to get the truth out into the open soon. She didn’t like lying.</p><p>She had made it back to the ground floor, before a runner had found her. </p><p>“Shepard, the knife- the elf apostate wishes to speak to you at your earliest convenience” he bowed, straightening up he was met with a glare. </p><p>The scout had settled for elf apostate, over knife ear. As if either were acceptable.</p><p>Her blood boiled. </p><p>She took one step forward, “You will use the names that people wish to be called, you will not use slang terms or spiteful labels and if I so much as hear that you or any persons under the Inquisition is using such names, punishment will be swift and severe, am I clear?” she growled. </p><p>The scout had paled considerable under their hood. “Y-yes your worship, forgive me” </p><p>“Dismissed” </p><p>The scout had not moved faster after bowing to her. Their footfalls were the only sound in the Tavern. After a heartbeat or two, Maryden began plucking at the strings again, as whispered conversations began. </p><p>She was more than used to ripping into someone under her command for a cruel name, racism here was just as bad as it was back home, or used to be. She had no doubt that her outburst would be subject to rumours within the day. </p><p>She exited the Tavern swiftly to the armoury with clenched fists leaving behind the whispers of the occupants. It would not do to see Solas in such anger. </p><p>The two Blacksmiths greeted her warmly, suggesting new materials for daggers that she could have, considering her daggers were somewhere in the rubble of Haven. She listened dutifully, until they both continued their bashing of hammers onto steel swords.</p><p>Her feet didn’t take her to the daggers. </p><p>But the Bows. </p><p>They varied in design, mostly basic long and short bows. She had sampled most of them in her training, smooth wood and taught strings, resting on their sides. Each carved to perfection for the scouts and soldiers who would wield them. </p><p>She was good but always felt like Daggers were a smarter choice in her mind, having already partly trained with them in her special forces mission. </p><p>Something had shifted, changed. Now her mind was screaming to hold it, wield it. She reached out her left hand and picked it the darker grey wooden one.</p><p>She vaguely wondered if this was part of the Ironbark shipment that was delivered from the elves in the Free Marches as a show of good faith. </p><p>Her fingers touched it as if it would burn her, as soon as her fingers were wrapped around it, she felt a shiver run up her from her finger tips to her spine. </p><p>
  <em> “Falon?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shaken from her daydream, she saw Solas entering the garden, the doors closing behind him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Solas” she felt surprised to see him, but she couldn’t work out why, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What did you need me for?” she said rising from the bench, Grissom Academy always did have the nicest garden, almost like a real forest they would find on Earth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I hope I am not disturbing you” he said, moving to join her, “Would you join me for a walk?” he gestured to the path. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of course, and not disturbing me at all, I enjoy your company” Shepard replied, falling into step with the long-legged elf. It was now that she noticed he was actually really tall, especially for an elf, standing just a breath taller than herself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She must have voiced this by the chuckle and smirk that left the blue-eyed elf,<br/>
“Word reached me of your talk with the runner, he came back to apologise. I thank you for coming to my defence, it was most kind” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She hummed in agreement, taking in the different greens and colours from the flowers and branches. “You deserve respect” she said as a matter of fact.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His light footfalls came to a stop, ceasing the crunching sound. “Do I?” he asked curiously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes” she caught his eye as they slowed their pace, “Because you are worthy, you stayed to aid us even when your own life was at risk. You have proven yourself; I will not have your deeds go overlooked simply because the shape of your ears or the gods you worship” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He hummed, before nodding his head. Pleased with her answer, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I searched the Fade for answers about you, when we first met. I could not find anything that would grant me a path to see, what or who you were. Cassandra threatened to have me executed for duplicity” he smirked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard thought about Cassandra’s threats to most of the Inquisition, “Cassandra is like that with everyone” he chuckled back at that, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes indeed” they continued, walking around the flower bushes. He broke the silence once more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You were never going to wake up, how could you? Physically brought through the Fade, with fatal wounds and a physiology the likes of which I have never seen. I was frustrated, frightened even. Any spirits I might consult were driven away by the breach. I was ready to flee” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard allowed him to stop for a moment and feel the Flame Lily, he felt the flower between his fingers, “You’ve never told me any of this before” she frowned at his truthfulness, “where would you go?” she asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Far away” he replied cryptically, turning to her placing his hands behind his back, “I would have researched and tried to seal the Breach before the effects affected the world. It wasn’t a perfect plan”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A noble one” she offered back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His stormy eyes pinned her, “You think too highly of me” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She raised an eyebrow, “I think highly of anyone willing to do something that others are not, at the risk of their own life” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He gestured to the path one more. They took up a leisurely pace, the occasional statue or harmless relic poked out of the trees and flowers, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I tried one last attempt to seal it. I had made my decision to flee and then, Lord Trevelyan came. With a Mark on his hand and no memories. And then you woke up. Claiming to be from the future, wielding power like no other. But you both did not come alone. He had sealed it with a gesture but he was still mortal, still at risk of possession” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nodded at the memory, remembering what happened next. “I watched you flee Haven, those people knew of you, your name. Secrets even, I chose to keep it to myself to see how events would unfold. The Herald then succumbed; he was destined to fall it seemed. There was no hope once more and you were gone.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Solas gazed upon the view stopping at the pond filled with fish ranging in size and colour, “One night, when searching the Fade a spirit found me, he spoke of a woman who wanted to help. She was confused, displaced… lost. He decided to try and help you, guide you. I tried once more to reach you, guided by one of the spirits that were curious about you” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His gaze travelled around her face before pinning her eyes, “and there you were in a home of metal and electricity, you stood by a lake in your memories. Surrounded by a forest, nature and I felt the whole world change” his eyes darted to hers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The whole world change?” her lips quirked up, she had never pegged Solas for a romantic. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He regarded her for a moment, “You are teasing me, it is merely a figure of speech” he replied, slightly more flustered than before. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked around, while she dipped her hand in the pond, trailing her fingers across the top causing ripples. “I am curious, Shepard. Why did you design the garden in such a way, in your youth?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard turned her back from the pond to look back at the garden, it was true she had been involved in the design when she had turned seventeen, being one of the older students at the time in the Academy. After the last one was burned down by two of the students with ‘happy explosives’, they had commissioned a new one, complete with sprinklers with anti-explosive sprays. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not sure” she answered. She had never been asked. He asked her to think about it and answer once more. He raised an eyebrow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It just made sense” she frowned, squinting her eyes at the view. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There were three large trees that were the centre pieces of the garden. Each had one study trunk, leading to winding branches fanning out. Their branches occasionally intertwined with one and another having been placed in a triangle formation a good few meters away from each other.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why three?” Solas asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I… I don’t know? It just came to me, it just made sense for there to be three trees, it felt… right” she shrugged, looking closer at the scene the more she realised something was wrong, the deep oak greens were becoming a sicklier green. There was no smell of disinfectant and fresh air that came with the memories of this place. She looked over at Solas, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“This isn’t real” she stated realising she was in the Fade, so caught up in the memory that she hadn’t noticed the smells weren’t there and that the elven man beside her had nothing to do with this memory. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That is a matter of debate” he replied with a smile. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard frowned at Solas, “Why am I in the Fade? I was… I was in Skyhold, wasn’t I? The armoury and then…”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Vir Tanadhal” he said calmly in Elven. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The recognised those words… how did she- they echoed around the room as it began to spin, her head felt heavy, her limbs weak, like all her energy and blood was being sucked to her mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The words made sense. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The rules she made for them to follow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The People’s rules.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Solas put his arm around her waist to steady her holding her to him, she gazed sleepily at him her hands clutching at his shoulders, his eyes were covered in light blue light, black smoke rising from them. She noticed that she didn’t feel shocked or scared. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It made sense. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His voice was darker, deeper, a resounding growl behind the light welsh accent, “I am sorry but you cannot remember this” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His voice echoed around once more, like it was swirling between her ears before entering. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She fought consciousness, blinking heavily at her friend. He placed one arm behind her head and gently lowered her to the ground when she couldn’t hold herself upright, only removing his hands when she was comfortable. She blurrily saw him brush hair off her face, trailing his fingertips down her cheek. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I merely needed to know it was you bleeding through. I approve, she is most suitable companion” he whispered, as a light filled hand pressed to her forehead. She fought the blinding light, fought to remember. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A cold wash rinsed her head, like a wet cloth on her forehead. Wiping away her memory.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It will make sense in time, asa’ma’lin, just not yet.” he whispered to the bleary eyes woman under his gaze, he couldn’t help but keep them there for a moment while she dozed listening to him gently hum a melody of the People. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Asa’ma’lin?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her blood is my blood?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wasn’t that the elven word for sister? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The world went dark. </em>
</p><p><em></em> </p><p>He watched her stir on the ground, bathing his hands in the green glow of healing magic that came so easily to him.</p><p>“Shepard? Falon can you hear me?” </p><p>He heard a groan as her eyelids fluttered, she nodded, scrunching her eyes before opening them, her throat moving as she gulped. Solas eyed one bow, the Ironbark. Just out of her grasp. Elven wood on her skin, made in a familiar image. </p><p>He put a hand on her back nodding to the Blacksmith apprentice to help her on her feet, he guided her to a nearby chair. Watching her take in the scene with a frown, the table strewn on its side on the floor, the bows and arrows scattered around them.</p><p>“Why am I on the floor?” she asked him, as they walked to the chair. </p><p>“You fainted” he replied simply. </p><p>“I’m sorry Finn” she looked around him to address the one of the Blacksmiths, “I’ll clean that up“ </p><p>He liked this about her, her she was apologising for passing out. Ever respectful. </p><p>“No fret, just make sure you’re alright ey, we’ll get this sorted Your Worship” Finn replied, waving her off as he righted the table. Solas knelt by her chair, he almost felt guilty at her slump in the chair, frowning as she tried to remember why she was on the floor. </p><p>“How do you feel?” Solas asked, channelling his healing energy over her. </p><p>“Fine” she replied with a frown, “I feel fine” she looked up at him. He knew she would be, there was nothing to heal. “I sort of feel like I did when I fell from the Fade but… I feel fine?”</p><p>When she fell? It had begun then. </p><p>“Do you remember what happened?” Solas asked, moving his hands to the back of her head checking for scrapes. </p><p>“I came in here to put in a requisition for some weapons before coming to see you, then I was looking at the bows… I picked one up and then” she searched her memory frowning, there was blackness, nothing but black, “then I woke up on the floor” she shrugged. </p><p>He believed her. </p><p>“How long was I out?” she asked, Solas knelt once more, watching her eyes. She was looking at the scene, the sunlight in the windows working out the passage of time. </p><p>“A few minutes, one of the Spymaster’s people sought me quickly” he answered, “It is not far” he mused, his eyes twinkled with amusement. She huffed a laugh, rolling her eyes. </p><p>“You do not seem to be suffering from anything I can sense, perhaps simply rest and food would be wise” Solas said as a matter of fact. She nodded, her hands twitching on her legs where they rested. </p><p>“Thank you for defending me from the messenger, word reached me” he said, his eyes crinkling at the edges from his smile. </p><p>She looked at him then, he felt his heart increase. </p><p>Those emerald eyes that were so clearly from his past. It felt like she could look straight into him. His hands came up to her face, cold fingertips pressed across her cheeks, he tilted her head back and forth. </p><p>There it was. </p><p>His answer. </p><p>Why she was becoming more aware. </p><p>“Your eyes are greener” he said as a statement, “but I think you are already aware of this” he she couldn’t decipher his gaze. She nodded back at him, flicking her eyes over to the bows and arrows now all put back. </p><p>“I don’t know what it means” she whispered back low enough that Leliana’s scout wouldn’t hear. He felt pride that she confided in him; she wouldn’t know why. She may never, but enough was bleeding through that she trusted him. </p><p>As she had done once before. </p><p>A long time ago. </p><p>He was grateful for the interruption by Finn, “Hey, if you wanted a bow made, just ask next time, no need to swoon over our hard work to get our attention” he winked, patting her shoulder. </p><p>That earned him a laugh from her and a small smile from Solas, “You know Finn, I think I’d like a bow” she replied. </p><p>“I may know where to procure one” he said softly up at her, “The elven people make beautiful bows” her smile was so genuine. Such excitement someone would offer her this. </p><p>He still had it, the weapon she had used to protect him from Anaris when he challenged her. </p><p>The last time he had seen her breathing, until now. He had to return it, when the time was right. </p><p>For now, she could stay like this, stay Shepard. </p><p>What’s that beautiful human expression?</p><p>Ignorance is bliss. </p><p>***</p><p>His door opened without a knock, only Shepard was brave enough to do that. Even the Inquisitor knocked, he didn’t wait for an answer but he at least knocked. He was hopeful it was Shepard but was met with the strutting form of Dorian, swaggering towards him looking around his office. </p><p>“Ah Commander- no no don’t get up” he joked at the slouched position he had adopted once he was disappointed at the visitor. </p><p>“What can I do for you Master Pavus?” he asked, rising to stand. Properly addressing the man. Cullen knew he was a tall man, but he enjoyed towering over others. </p><p>The two had come to an uneasy understanding, at least on his half, since Haven. It had been Dorian at Cullen’s side during the retreat from the avalanche, at Shepard’s side while she recovered. He had poured himself into saving her. He at least respected the man for that and for being her friend. </p><p>He picked up a book, reading the title and setting it back down. “You can call me Dorian, you know. Though I’m sure you don’t want to dirty yourself being friends with Tevinter Mage, I came to see how you were doing with the Lyrium, specifically” </p><p>He sighed, was there not one Mage who didn’t know? “Mage’s have sensitive noses to the stuff, you don’t quite smell like it” Dorian added tapping the desk with his fingers, “If you don’t look for it you don’t tend to notice it, that and I have never seen you shoot up, not once when we were hiking through the mountains” </p><p>Cullen grimaced, his hand going to his left elbow where the scars were, small white circles where the needle slipped into his skin giving him the power. </p><p>“I ah- I am well, at current. Thank you- and I have been meaning to say” he looked at the man, offering his arm. “Thank you, for saving her. Without you there I-“</p><p>Dorian shook his hand, clasping the other around it, “Let’s not entertain the thought” he had a small frown. Lips cast downwards, “I care for her” Cullen immediately gave himself away. “Ah Commander not like that, she is a dear friend. I do not wish to step on your toes, hmm?”</p><p>Cullen immediately blushed, “I ah- we are… close” the last word came out as more of a cough than a word. </p><p>“Ah Commander, the spymaster was correct, you are too easy to read even without witnessing you two kissing, dancing on the balcony- shall I go on?” he smirked at the golden glare coming from the Commander, “How about some practise… do you play chess?” </p><p>He couldn’t deny it, it was pleasant in the gardens. Shepard had requested that Maxwell turn it into a nursery for plants. The Chantry had also been cleared, a small prayer room for those here. A well in the centre with small statues dotted around the area, of gods or fabled heroes. </p><p>They even had a statue of Barkspawn, the Hero of Ferelden’s hound that had passed away before he disappeared. He thought of Oz, she was a direct descendant of the Dog. Samuel had bred the dog with Cousland’s permission for Ferelden. His thoughts then drifted to Shepard. </p><p>“-and then I thought we could make Shepard go naked with the Inquisitor giving her a piggy-back”</p><p>His heard whirled back to the present, “What?!”, looking at the Mage over the board. The pair were sat under the canopy, with the wooden chess set between them, a glass of wine on each side for them to share. Much at Dorian’s insistence. </p><p>Dorian smirked, “Nothing nothing, just watching you reminisce about something, care to share?” he asked, watching Cullen stare at the board, hands hung loosely as his elbows rested on the arms of the chair. </p><p>“If you must know- I- I was thinking about our first kiss” he allowed himself to share, he had actually enjoyed the Mage’s company. </p><p>“Do share” Dorian muttered over his glass, watching the Commander move a piece with a grin, talking about how she had held him. Kissed him like she wanted to steal his breath. </p><p>“Am I to assume you’ve taken her off the pedestal then?” he asked moving a piece, to take his Knight. How fitting. </p><p>Cullen frowned at the board and then at him, “What do-“</p><p>“Come now. She is being heralded as this age’s Andraste. Naturally she takes it in stride, like she’s used to hero worship with her strange little past but we both know she’s just a woman.” Dorian said with conviction, “She deserves to be treated as a person, Cullen, not a god” </p><p>Cullen moved his piece to put Dorian in check. Dorian moved his Queen to take his King. He looked at the piece in his hands. “Amusing really, the King is the most important piece on the board, but the Queen is the most powerful. Without her, the King is vulnerable. But a Queen cannot rule alone forever” </p><p>“What are you trying to say?” Cullen leant back, allowing Dorian his continued conversation. He did not care for ‘The Game’ that nobles played, preferred straight forward reports. </p><p>Dorian set aside the King, adding to his collection of stolen pieces. “What I am saying Cullen, is that if you don’t take that woman and ravish her as she deserves then someone will come and do it for you. And I know for a fact she is very taken with you but she won’t wait forever” </p><p>“Could you really take it if someone came along and made her feel human?” he asked. </p><p>He hated the internal victory he had in his gut, selfish. He was broken and she was a missing piece he didn’t know he needed. A woman who accepted him for all his parts. Somewhere along the chess game it became more of an interrogation, Dorian seeping into his mind bringing what he already knew to his mind’s forefront. </p><p>It was simple, she was a woman. He was a man. And he wanted her, she wanted him. He was lucky, so lucky to have this. Even luckier because it was her. His woman from the stars. It wasn’t without its complications, but it was worth it. </p><p>“There we are, that’s better. Now, make your move so I can send you crying to your woman” gesturing to the soft expression adopted on the Commander’s face. He immediately rolled his eyes. </p><p>Cullen was so into the match he hadn’t noticed said woman entering the garden, walking with Solas. He didn’t know what to make of the Elf, by the way he looked at her when no one was looking he would have guessed he was vying for her affection, but there seemed to be just friendship between the two. Dorian would keep his eye on it regardless. </p><p>“Gloat all you like, I have this one” he said, far more growled than he would have liked. </p><p>Dorian barked a laugh, crossing one leg over the other. The wind whistled between the trees around them, “Are you sassing me? Commander, I didn’t know you had it in you! Is that something you’ve taken from her sinful mouth?” he cheered, enjoying the blush across the officer’s cheeks.  </p><p>She had spotted them. Solas watched her walk towards them, his eyes were almost mournful, if Dorian didn’t know better. The Elf sent him a nod, with a blank expression before making his own way back to where he usually resided. Dorian sent her a wink as she approached. </p><p>“Why do I even-“ Cullen began, Dorian waited to see how long it would take for Cullen to notice her advance. She had just stepped onto the stone under the canopy when his head span to her. </p><p>“Liv!” he gasped, going to get out of his seat. Dorian blinked heavily at her name, he didn’t even know it until this moment. </p><p>“Leaving, are you? Does this mean I win?” he goaded, taking in the shocked look from ‘Liv’. Not Shepard. It suited her really. </p><p>Cullen sat down slowly, glaring at his chess partner. </p><p>“Are you two playing nice?” she smirked, leaning one shoulder on the pillar. </p><p>He grinned, “I’m always nice, my dear” wagging his eyebrows at Cullen. “Now Commander, you need to come to terms with my inevitable victory, you’ll feel much better and then Shepard can console you with her wicked ways” he reached for his mage, taking his King from the red-faced Commander. </p><p>Dorian enjoyed ‘Liv’s’ giggle, shaking her head, even more so enjoyed Cullen’s sly glances at the woman while his head was pointed towards the board. </p><p>Cullen smirked at the mage, “Really” he drawled, moving his pawn to Checkmate, “Because I just won. And I feel fine” he leant back, stretching his arms out in front of him. </p><p>Dorian sat up immediately, staring at the board looking at his loss. Checkmate. </p><p>“Don’t get smug, they’ll be no living with you” Dorian rose from his seat gracefully, moving to kiss Shepard on the cheek. </p><p>She smiled back at him, “The Inquisitor is in the library looking for you, maybe he can console you from your unfortunate loss” her eyes had that little glint in them when she was being cheeky. </p><p>He glared at her, “You’re lucky I like you, you witch” he muttered walking away from the pair. </p><p>He enjoyed the laughter he heard from the pair, looking back at Cullen’s smile. It was a good look on him, happiness. He wandered back to the library, thinking over her name. Why she didn’t use it he didn’t know, it was a beautiful name. Suited her. </p><p>He did wonder if her full name was Livia and why she had an esteemed Tevinter name. </p><p>The same name of the deceased wife of Alexius. </p><p>***</p><p>“I should return to my duties as well… unless you’d care for a game?” he gestured to the board. </p><p>She nodded “Prepare the board Commander”, settling into the seat as Cullen set up the board, it was strange. Different from the Chess she knew. Three shaded board, more shaped like checkers. </p><p>“Do you know how to play?” he asked, following her frown to the board. </p><p>She hummed, “We have chess, in my time but- it’s a little different” Cullen’s eyebrows rose, chess in the future? A simple game of strategy popular in the future with metal mounts and flying without wings. </p><p>“Here” he gestured to the board, and began to explain the pieces, lifting each one to explain its role on the board and where it could move to, how many hexagons it could move. </p><p>King, Queen, Mage, Knight, Tower and Jester. </p><p>“Is that alright?” he asked, “I did ah” he rubbed the back of his neck, “ramble on a bit” he said sheepishly, hoping he hadn’t bored her. </p><p>She laughed, that seemed to relax him, “Yes, really similar actually but- Mage’s are Bishops, Towers are Rooks and Jesters are Pawns” she smiled, “Our boards are square too” </p><p>“Ladies first” he gestured to the board, reclining with that damn smirk on his face. Damn him he looked handsome, the sun shining just enough to catch his golden hair, his stubble framing his face, his smirk tugging at his scar. </p><p>“See something you like?” he asked, the way he had asked returned her to the board, his eyebrow lifting. </p><p>She glared at him, leaning forward to move a ‘Jester’ forward on the board. </p><p>“You have been spending too much time with Dorian” she replied, undoing two buttons of her shirt, pretending to fan herself as if she were warm. His eyes followed the revealed skin, stopping where her cleavage was just visible in the middle. </p><p>“You play dirty” he muttered, pouring her a fresh wine before pouring himself another portion.</p><p>“You haven’t seen anything yet” she said, dipping her finger into the wine and sucking on it, enjoying the burst of flavour with a moan. </p><p>Dorian was pompous but he had very good taste in wine. She opened her eyes to see Cullen’s lips parted, his chest rising and falling while his fingers twitched where they rested off the chair’s arm rests. His eyes focused on her mouth. </p><p>He shook himself from whatever fantasy he was in, “Dorian’s right you are a wicked woman” he muttered, moving a piece trying to calm himself. </p><p>A few more pieces moved, Shepard taking her time with the new rules of the board. Examining the pieces. “Where did you learn to play?” he asked her, “You take great care”</p><p>She didn’t look up but smiled, “My father taught me, it’s one of a few things we did together really, apart from him being one of my Doctors” she smiled, remembering her first chess set he had gifted her. “He said Chess was good for the brain, always finding a way, a strategy a loophole. Like a Prothean artefact, each game is different, you just need the right approach, learn from your opponent” </p><p>She moved her Mage, taking his Jester. A good move, he had no pieces nearby to counter. </p><p>“What was your illness, does it still ah- affect you?” he enquired, wondering if he had overstepped when her hand clenched around her glass. </p><p>She shook her head, “Not since I- changed with my Prothean side. He never figured it out, I inherited it from my mother, it’s what she died of apparently after giving birth to us. Sometimes would be unconscious for months at a time and other times I was normal” she shrugged, </p><p>“My mind was all there, but my body, was very weak. My father thought it might be contagious at first so, for a few years I was kept to my room. After a few years though, I could leave my room and explore, with a guard of course” He likened it to having a Templar, someone watching over you constantly. Albeit for her health rather than her being a danger. </p><p>“I- the first time I went outside I was five. I’ll never forget the first time I felt the sun, the real sun on my skin, it was so much warmer than I thought it would be, like- like a wave of pure heat” her eyes glazed over. </p><p>“I’m sorry” by the look in his eyes, she knew he meant it. “For a child to- I’m so sorry” he shook his head. She didn’t speak of her biological father much; he certainly didn’t want to taint her day with her thoughts. She thankfully spoke;</p><p>“What about you?” another piece moved, “Who taught Commander Rutherford how to win a war on a board” she grinned at his shaking head. </p><p>“As a child I played this with my sister, actually. She’s about four years older, naturally she would get this stuck up grin whenever she won-“ he laughed, “which was all the time” </p><p>“My brother and I practised for weeks. The look on her face when I finally won…” he moved his piece after a moment, reminiscing on the memory of his elder sisters shocked expression. </p><p>“You have three siblings, right?” she asked, remembering how he told her about them in passing under the stars. He grew up on a farm in Ferelden. She listened, leaning a leg over her arm rest, thus opening her legs in a lounging position. </p><p>“Indeed, my sister is thirty-five, then there’s me at thirty-one” he chose to ignore her ‘old bastard’ comment she sent his way,</p><p>“my younger brother Branson he’s twenty-five and then Mia she’ll be twenty by now. Maker…” he blinked heavily, “She was only two when I left for the Templars” he looked almost mournful. Her questioning gaze made him frown, “Forgive me- I was just thinking of how long it’s been since I’ve seen them” </p><p>“A while?” she enquired, watching his gaze fall as he leaned forward. </p><p>He shifted in his chair, “Between serving the templars and the inquisition. I haven’t seen them in years, I wonder if they still play. If Mia and Branson taught Rosie when she was old enough” he pondered, </p><p>“Ah, it’s my turn” he moved his piece without hesitation. He saw through her strategy. Damn him. </p><p>She listened to him, talk about his siblings. The mischief they got up to, she didn’t miss the sadness in his voice when he mentioned his mother but for the most part indulged her in the stories. She continued her teasing, naturally. </p><p>“This may be the longest we’ve gone without interruption, or discussing Inquisition related matters. To be honest, it’s been a” he pondered, “wonderful distraction” he enjoyed her grin. The slight bite of her lip. </p><p>“We should do this more often, spending time like this… in public” </p><p>His head shot up, “I would like that” he grinned, he knew rumours would get worse but he didn’t care. He wanted to hold her hand, kiss her in full view. The fact she was offering this, even slowly, made his heart race. </p><p>“Me too” she sighed, her small smile. His hands brushed over hers, his leathered ones stroking over her finger tips until she laced her hand in his. </p><p>He lowered his voice, “You said that” it was rare to see her stumble over her words. He enjoyed the blush on her cheeks, making her look even more wonderful. </p><p>“We should- finish our game right? My turn?” he squeezed her fingers before reaching for a piece to move. </p><p>They continued, small gestures of flicked eyes to lips, hands brushing, more wine shared between them. He should have slowed down, and stopped her from having more but he couldn’t care. </p><p>He let himself stay in the moment, remembering Dorian’s words. She’s just a woman indeed, one that deserved so much more than he could give. But he would be damned if he didn’t try. </p><p>“I believe the game is mine” he reclined smugly in his chair, one foot over one knee.</p><p>She went rigid in her chair, sitting up and leaning over the board, “Wait what?”</p><p>He barked a laugh out, causing some of the others in the courtyard to turn and stare, “Dorian cheats at this as well” his arms crossed over his chest, enjoying her evil glare. Those green eyes could glare at him forever if it meant it would accompany her smirk. </p><p>He leant forward, and captured her hand, lowering his voice, “Though, I enjoy your cheating, much much more” he murmured eyes flicking to her cleavage before kissing her knuckles, flicking his tongue around one of them. </p><p>“Evil man”</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Griffons of Crestwood*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>xxxtra long chapter for ya!</p><p>wink wink</p><p>NSFW ahead!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sir, we can report two successful harrowings from the Academy, both promising young men of eighteen” Ser Dent offered, good Cullen sighed from behind his desk. </p><p>Harrowings were one of the main things that Mages and Templars agreed that they needed to keep, it helped both sides be comforted that the Mage could handle the magic they were gifted with. </p><p>Serval of the senior Mages and Templars had made trip to Skyhold from the village as per the fortnight meetings they agreed to. Shepard usually sat in as an unbiased party but was caught up with something with Dagna that made Cullen half expect a loud boom to interrupt said meeting. </p><p>Since her fainting for no reason in the armoury he was keen to keep her close by. </p><p>Maker were the Mages making fire in here or was it him? He felt the flush of hot blood rush through his veins. </p><p>“Excellent, make sure every container of Lyrium is inspected twice by different officers at random before it is supplied to anyone. Rylen if you can coordinate this, I would be grateful” Cullen ordered, trying to keep his hands steady as he placed the orders on the edge of the desk. </p><p>Rylen saluted, the bash of his metal hand on his chest plate made Cullen wince, when did every noise become deafening? </p><p>The sword on the Templar’s chest plate stared at him offensively when Ser Dent nodded, “Yes Commander” the Templar moved forward to retrieve the orders from his desk, Cullen could smell the Lyrium on his breath when he reached over, they must have just taken their dosage for the day. It sang to him. </p><p>He quickly took a step back towards the window wishing for a breeze to take away his heated body, he saw Dylan narrow his eyes at him at the motion but didn’t say anything. Damn those Trevelyan’s and their calculating brains. Maxwell was no different, though his eyes were noble honed, Dylan’s were honed for Magi. </p><p>The meeting continued, discussing the chances of new recruits being ordained, how they would even attempt this and attempting to avoid what happened at Therinfal Redoubt. </p><p>Standard soldiers were posted in the Academy with the Templars to oversee the two towers, Cullen made sure some of those people were Leliana’s. The sun began to set over Skyhold, when the meeting had finally come to a conclusion.</p><p>“Very good, dismissed gentlemen. Enjoy your evenings” he nodded at their salutes, turning his back to them as they left. </p><p>As the door shut, he leant heavily on the windowsill, throwing his gloves somewhere in the direction of his desk before running his hands through his hair to his neck, rubbing his fingers on the tension there. </p><p>“Commander?”</p><p>He spun round a little quick, catching himself on the back of his chair he had pushed back before the meeting had begun, </p><p>“Enchanter Dylan, forgive me I did not mean to be rude. Is there something I can help you with?” he asked. Dylan said nothing but stared at him, his grey eyes were very much like Maxwell’s, piercing into him. </p><p>He could feel the spell being conjured before its completion, he reached out, offering Cullen a small ice block, </p><p>“It’s good for tension of muscles, I’m no healer but I think you’re suffering and I know what from” Dylan smiled sadly, “I won’t pry” he held his hands up in surrender once Cullen had taken the block. </p><p>“Am I so obvious?” he sighed, thinking of the number of people who now knew what he was doing. </p><p>“Only to those who know what to look for” the younger Mage shrugged, </p><p>“When we ran from the Circle, we got caught in a snowstorm. Being the ice Mage of the group, I ventured out to get wood, food, whatever. Anyway, I got caught by a Templar, purely by chance, literally stumbled into each other and she wasn’t fond of Mages. She tied me up, smote me a good few times for good measure.” Cullen grimaced, by all accounts being smote by a Templar was painful, very painful. </p><p>“She had come from the Circle too and intended to drag me back there for punishment but without Lyrium” Dylan grimaced, “Let’s just say I know what can happen if one isn’t as strong willed as you” Cullen looked at the man, bringing the block off his neck. </p><p>“Why are you telling me this?” Cullen asked, swapping the block into his other hand. He didn’t want to know what could happen to him, being all too aware of the stories that used to circle the barracks. </p><p>Dylan sighed, “The Ostwick circle wasn’t a bad place honestly, we lived in peace, Mages weren’t scared and Templars weren’t mean, but it turned bad when the rebellion hit us. I blamed Mages for a long time, and then I was turned to think that it was all Templar’s fault. To be honest I just wanted someone to blame, I had a comfortable life. All the Mages did, at least in Ostwick” he sighed once more, moving to lean on the bookcase Cullen had in his office. </p><p>Cullen knew what he meant, Ferelden, Kirkwall, even Starkhaven wasn’t without Mage abuse. </p><p>“Max has helped me through that, seeing that sitting back doing nothing is worse” his voice was firm. It made Cullen proud that being so young he was learning quickly in his new position. </p><p>“I want you to succeed, because I hate the Chantry for doing this to Mages, but I hate what they did to the Templar’s too. They don’t tell you anything about Lyrium or that it warps you. It isn’t fair on either of us.” </p><p>Cullen’s eyes widened for a moment, realising that it was the general feeling from his reports from the Academy. The Chantry’s hand in the Circle’s was a major falling point for both sides. </p><p>But if not there, then where was his faith?</p><p>Did he hate the Chantry?</p><p>“And maybe because you are sort of tolerable as a human being but if you tell anyone that I’ll deny it” he added with a sigh and a flippant gesture of his hand.</p><p>Despite his inner turmoil, he managed a choked laugh, “Thank you Dylan, I hope this can be kept between us” Cullen asked, Dylan nodded, moving to the door. </p><p>“Oh and Cullen” he looked up at the man “You’re a lucky bastard, all the Academy thinks so” he winked, before shutting the door lightly behind him. Leaving him with the smell of stagnant Lyrium in his sensitive nose. </p><p>His shaky hand reached for the draw, opening it slowly his eyes traced the familiar lines of his Lyrium box, with the burned in picture of Andraste. This box had been with him since the start. He reached in the draw to pick it up, expecting his fingers to draw around the edge easily when they met a barrier. </p><p>Cullen slipped his fingers into the draw and brought out the trinket. He had forgotten that this was even in there. </p><p>A black shard. </p><p>From her armour. </p><p>He ran his fingers over the edge, feeling the strange light texture against his index. He smiled remembering who it belonged to. </p><p>She had his faith.</p><p>He shut the draw with a clatter and moved as quickly as his armour would allow under the stars, across the bridge to Solas’ room and through the main hall. He hadn’t thought of anything till he got to her door, what would he say? </p><p>She wouldn’t mind… right? He could hardly bunk with the soldiers. Or at the Inn in the village without rousing suspicion. </p><p>The guards on the outside of the royal tower gave him a strange look as he passed but allowed him through. He had no energy to worry about their thoughts as he took the stairs two at a time. His body moved to knock on her door without him thinking of any excuse. </p><p>“Hang on!” he heard her call, he shifted trying to form words before she opened the door, in nothing but a silk dress and gown over the top. Her hair in semi-wet curls around her face. She looked beautiful. </p><p>“Cullen, hey” she smiled moving from the door to let him in, putting her brush down on her vanity. </p><p>He followed in like he was a lost soldier in the desert and she was his oasis. His Siren. </p><p>“Are you ok?” noticing he hadn’t spoken back, but had moved to the centre of the room, his hand pulsed around the pommel of his sword. He was momentarily distracted by her features, pure. She was so pure to him. </p><p>“I- I was wondering...” he sighed, bringing his hand up to his head. Maker what was he doing. He could barely form a thought.</p><p>He heard her bare feet padding to him, “Cullen, whatever it is it’s ok, you can ask” Shepard said moving to stand by his side. This close he had to look down at her, it was harder to remember she was shorter than him when she was shouting orders or leading. </p><p>“I know this isn’t... proper but I had a meeting with the senior Templars and Mages, the smell… the Lyrium in my quarters, it’s” <em> intoxicating </em> “I don’t trust myself to not... take it” he gulped, the sweat now beginning at the centre of his back at the thought. </p><p>“Stay here then” She said, brushing her fingers in the side of his hair lovingly, he felt his head tilting into the contact. His selfish brain thanked her for offering.</p><p>Relief flooded through him, she was always so easy to be with, “Shepard... Liv, if that’s alright with you? I-” he asked, searching her eyes, her darkened eyelashes framed her green flowing eyes. </p><p>“Of-course it is, you’re always welcome here. Let’s get you out that armour, hungry?” she asked going for the straps of his chest plate. He shook his head. </p><p>The more armour was removed the more the need for her grew, the deep heat in his stomach spreading. His eyes following her waist, fairing to her hips and ass in the silk as she bent over the bottom of the silk that rested on her thighs rose, tightening around the globes so much he could almost make out the divot in the middle, leading to her core. </p><p>His eyes took the sight in greedily, as if it were the last time he was to see her. The silk was on her body like water, the deep blue surrounding the pale skin that was just so Starkhaven of her. He felt his body stir, breathing a bit heavier, he was half hard by the sight, the need. </p><p>“There you are” she whispered bringing him out of his trance, now he was just in his basics, pecking him lightly on the lips. </p><p>Being out of his armour was freeing, and not just physically.</p><p>To not be the Commander with her, to just be Cullen. To be hers. </p><p>She went for the bottom of his shirt, now just in his leather trousers and boots. He grabbed her hands to stop her, if she took more off she’d see his… predicament, “I’m sorry“ he heard her say, </p><p>“No, no I just, I know we agreed to go slow, I’m not sure I can resist” he told her, more as a warning than a statement. If she touched him, he would snap. She nodded, going to her washroom and turning on the shower for him.  </p><p>She came back from the room to find him still stood there, “Go on, take all the time you need, relax Cullen” she smiled, she was alarmingly disarming when she smiled. Like he could tell her his darkest secret and she would continue smiling. </p><p>“Sure you’re not hungry or thirsty?”</p><p><em> Maker yes </em> </p><p>“Ah no thank you” He shook his head and shifted through the room after pecking her on the cheek, trailing his fingers down her neck, only undressing once he was in the room he retreated into the hot water.</p><p>The moment it hit his chest he groaned, throwing his hands to wall to stop him swaying. His head was spinning, the withdrawals made his skin sensitive to the water pressure beating down on his scars, the scars from Uldred. Small claw marks from his torture, one burn, another dots from pierced talons. They were white now, over a decade ago when he had received them. </p><p>The memories were flicking back, he could smell the blood, the smell of ozone that accompanied magic, feel the fresh burns on his skin being inflicted on him. </p><p>He grabbed the hand that touched his arm, throwing them into the wall pressing a forearm to their throat, it took him a minute to realise WHO was currently under his arm. </p><p>***</p><p>Cullen had entered the wash room, she could feel him quaking as she removed his armour. Watching her like he had done in the dark future, she kept her movements slow, purposeful. Setting his armour on the stand to give him space to breathe with every piece removed. </p><p>She didn’t know fully, how Lyrium worked for Templars, they kept their secrets close in their records, much like the Grey Wardens. But she would find out, if this was his battle she would be by his side. </p><p>Human’s drinking Lyrium without becoming biotics and surviving the possibility of cancer? Immediate death? Drinking the stuff for fuck sake, she thought. She had to find out what it was that made them invulnerable, a gene passed down maybe? Since it grew underground maybe they already had it in them, in the water supply or-</p><p>She heard a slam and a groan from the shower room almost as quickly as he had entered the spray, “Cullen?” </p><p>No answer. </p><p>She knocked on the door again, “Cullen are you okay?” No answer again, he wasn’t moving under the spray, the noise constant, he wasn’t moving. </p><p>“I’m coming in” she slowly opened the door. </p><p>The sight of his bare back in the steamy room was mouth-watering, his Ferelden sun kissed skin ventured all the way down, his shoulders broad and sculpted. </p><p>He was tense, the muscles of his back chiselled, leading to slim hips and taught legs and an arse that the gods would be jealous of. A few white thin scars were spread over his body, ranging in size. Her lechering was cut short by an almost choked breath left him. </p><p>She reached out hesitantly, “Cull-“ an arm grabbed her, throwing her into and past the spray so her back was to the wall. </p><p>The stone smacked her back and head, a grunt of pain leaving her lips. His hand grabbed her two and held them to her stomach while the other of his forearms pressed against her throat. The water sprayed on his back as her silk gown clung to her and the wall.</p><p>He had a snarl on his face that could scare an alpha lion with his curls mused from the spray. His pupils were constricted, tiny. Unnatural. His browns flicked between hers as she stayed still, made no move to fight back, he made no move to further cut her air flow. </p><p>She realised he was having flashbacks, she had seen it enough with soldiers in the Alliance, more than once had someone been restrained in the medbay until they calmed.</p><p>His pupils widened, realisation on who it was caught in his grasp, he removed his forearm and grabbed her once more, he held her to his chest, “Maker I’m so- I’m so sorry, are you alright, did I hurt you?” he sounded so defeated, scared. </p><p>She hushed him gently and rested her hands on his shoulders, slipping one behind his head pulling his forehead to rest on her shoulder. His hands were on her waist, clutching the silk, digging into her skin. She felt the hard planes of his torso against the contours of her body.</p><p>“Cullen it’s alright, you’re safe, I’m here” she whispered, he didn’t respond but clutched her tighter. The spray of the water was dashing on her back and his head soaking her silk gown but it didn’t matter. </p><p>It wasn’t just a soldier in her arms, a broken soldier who needed comfort, it was Cullen. </p><p>She realised she didn’t know how to comfort someone you were… romantically involved with. </p><p>She kept running her fingers through his hair, light touches. Humming a tune, after a few moments he began to relax. “It was the Circle, Uldred- I thought I was back there“ he said breathlessly, his voice cracking. He stopped talking realising how much he was giving away, he didn’t- couldn’t tell her yet.</p><p>“You aren’t there anymore. This is real” she ran her hand down his head and across his shoulders. “You’re here, you’re safe” nuzzling her head into his neck. </p><p>She felt him relax, “I’m sorry I got your gown wet” he muttered into her neck, planting a kiss on her pulse point. </p><p>Her hands returned to intertwine behind his neck, his own pressed her into his body as they embraced. Hugging under the water.</p><p>“All is forgiven, though if you wanted me to take it off you could have just asked” she grinned when she felt him nip her neck. </p><p>“Have mercy on me woman” he said between kisses, getting braver and braver with his advances as she sighed and moaned for him. She could feel the affect she was having on him, his persistent hardness pressing into her hip and stomach. She laughed into him, massaging his shoulders with her fingers like she had done in his office.</p><p>He lifted his head, admiring her wide eyes before leaning down to press his forehead on hers, “Thank you” he whispered, nuzzling his nose on hers before claiming her lips. She was holding back, he could tell in her kiss, worried to go too far, that he was vulnerable. </p><p>“Do you… want to take it off?” he asked gazing down on her. He looked adorable, curled hair flopping on his forehead, eyes wide, skin flushed. His slight stubble framing his wonderful cheekbones. </p><p>“Do you want me to?” She asked, her eyes began dilating, her neck slightly redder having lavished it with his lips. Her silk clinging to her form. He couldn’t deny it anymore. He needed her. </p><p>“Yes” he whispered. </p><p>He need her more than Lyrium, his impossible woman. </p><p>He truly was a lucky bastard.</p><p>She spun them so his back was to the water, her hands moved to his shoulders, sliding down his chest through his short curled hair, before peeling off her robe letting it hit the floor on the ground. Cullen’s eyes raked down her dark blue night dress, two thin straps held her form, barely keeping her breasts in, tapering at the waist and ending mid-thigh. </p><p>“Is there anything else, you wish me to take off” she said reaching out one hand onto his stubbled face, she searched his face, the tightening of his jaw and the dilated pupils reminded her just how powerful of an affect she had on him. </p><p>He moved to her, hands sliding around her back, his mouth descended on hers. One hand fisted in her hair while the other slid down to her backside, lifting the silk to grab the soft flesh there. Her groan made his cock twitch, her hands pulling on his waist to grind against him. </p><p>“Am I dreaming?” he said pulling back from her face, before kissing her hard once more.</p><p>She pulled away for breath, “If you are, don’t wake up, are you sure you want this Cullen” she whispered back, one of her hands leaving his waist to stroke his cheek. </p><p>“My lady, I have thought about doing this with you... for a very long time” he whispered back before kissing her deeply, slamming one hand on the lever to shut off the water and walking her out the room towards the bed, the Frostback air making them shiver. Her soft laugh was muffled by his lips. </p><p>He suddenly pulled back, “Have you, I mean ever-“ he questioned, he hadn’t thought that she may be a virgin, it wouldn’t bother him either way but he had to know his self-control was slipping. </p><p>“I’ve done this before” she said, “Have you?” she asked. </p><p>He gulped and nodded his head, now very nervous that he was inadequate for her attention, her home viewed sex as release, natural. Here it was frowned upon out of the married bed, at least for those in the Chantry. </p><p>He had been brought up with the values it was a sin out of the married bed. </p><p>As a red-blooded male of-course he had given in. He had done this with women a few times before but never repeated with the same one, never truly out of love. </p><p>Only need, the Templar order frowned upon such things, one time with another stressed recruit after he had turned eighteen, the day before he was sent to Ferelden’s circle. The other two had been women who worked in the Blooming Rose. Once when he arrived and once when Kirkwall was being rebuilt. </p><p>This was different, this was desire. This was… <em> love? </em> </p><p>He felt something for her. Something that scared him. He wanted to please her, give her bliss, give her everything. Worship her. </p><p>She turned them so his back was to the bed, “Let me have you” she whispered.</p><p>Shepard couldn’t deny the lust she had flowing through her. She wanted this, badly, any inexperience he thought he had didn’t bother her in the slightest. From his kisses he had done this before, knowing the spots on a woman’s neck that would turn her to mush. </p><p>He trailed hot open-mouthed kisses on her neck and shoulder, his soft lips and scratching stubble were turning the tables on her. </p><p>She simply wanted to bring this man to his knees, to extract sounds from him that only she would hear. His body was toned, every muscle broad and bulging. Burning hot.  </p><p>He was the perfect warrior, every scar, the curled dark blonde hair on his chest and legs. His shoulders bulging arms rippled. The patch on his V line leading to a thick generous cock, the head bulging tilting upwards towards his abs.</p><p>Her cool hands on his skin travelled up his arms and down his chest, he felt like he was on fire. She let one of her hands grip his length, gently pulling the foreskin away revealing the swollen head, one thumb and four finger tips traced it, memorised it, teasing him with light and slow strokes, he groaned into her mouth. </p><p>He felt her grin, licking a deft tongue up his scar, pushing her hands into his chest to seat him on the bed, he leant back on his elbows. Watching her with rapt attention. </p><p>“Maker-“</p><p>She grinned as she fell to her knees, her hands ghosted up his thighs, spreading his thighs. She dipped her head, her tongue flattened under his cock from sac to tip, trailing the wet organ around his to his tip. He let a long groan out as his one hand went to her hair, she licked him for a few moments before cupping his balls in her hand, he groaned again. </p><p>His ass clenched as her mouth went to his tip, sucking the bead of liquid that had leaked from the top. She wanted to hear more noises from him, her mouth slowly descended on him, inch by inch, her wet lips and mouth lubricating him. </p><p>Her hand went for the base of his bulging cock, keeping him there as she worked. He was thicker than she was used to, her jaw stretching wider when he slipped into her throat, she couldn’t take him all the way in at first, going deeper with every thrust. The saliva from her mouth making it easier for her lips to cover him as she hollowed her cheeks. He was well built in every sense of the word. </p><p>“Maker, your wicked mouth” he groaned out, she looked up at him, his head thrown back, mouth open panting under her attention. </p><p>She continued, his hips occasionally thrusting, his moans filling the room. She left him, breathless as she looked up at her lover’s face. He was breathing heavily now, cheeks flushed with her work, gazing down at her like she was the most treasured thing in the world. This woman. </p><p>Worshipped by Thedas. </p><p>Now she was worshipping him. </p><p><em> Him </em> </p><p>“S-stop, wait” Maker she was on her knees and had damn near sucked him to completion within minutes. </p><p>He put his hands on her waist and lifted her to stand, enjoying the feel of her toned stomach underneath. His hands were giant on her, splaying across her back so easily. Her dress fell to her feet when he slid his calloused hands cross her collar bones, taking the thin blue straps away from her body. </p><p>Her body had scars on, but in no way made her less beautiful. Divine. </p><p>She had a strange circle scar on her arm, something that resembled almost like an arrow. His finger traced her scar she got from the dragon, the light pink flesh healed and pale against her skin. Her fingers were on his curls, raking through his hair he tipped his head up,</p><p>“You are so beautiful” he kissed her stomach, the gentle muscle there. “So beautiful” he whispered again, kissing between her breasts enjoying the rise and fall of her mounds as she sucked in breath. </p><p>He reached forward and took her light brown nipple into his mouth. The other hand reaching on her thigh, stroking up until her met his target. </p><p>Strong pale thighs meeting in the middle was her trimmed mound, he had never had a woman who shaved there. He didn’t really know it was a thing for women at least, he knew men that trimmed for hygiene, him being one of them. Curly hair could get messy fast without attention. </p><p>His other hand palmed her cheek, squeezing and rummaging before grabbing her thigh fingers indenting into the flesh, pulling her towards him. </p><p>She straddled Cullen’s lap hands flying to his shoulders to steady herself, the wetness between her thighs dripping around her lips, their mouths met demanding, sucking her tongue into his mouth. His fingers took a long swipe down her slit, wetness coating his calloused fingers, she moaned against his mouth, something that sounded like a yes. </p><p>He did it again, his cock twitching on her leg. One more swipe down her clit before he entered her, one finger curling inside of her. He revelled in the feeling of her soft mound, being able to see everything he was doing to her. She was tight, his finger searching her heat. Sliding in and out of her grinding his palm on her clit. </p><p>“Oh Cullen yes” she moaned, it had been a long time for her since she had the attention of another. Her lips crashed on his again, “More please- please” she moaned against his mouth. </p><p>“As my lady commands” He groaned, put two fingers inside of her, pumping them with vigour as his teeth scraped down her neck. Her fingers dug painfully into his shoulders, the motion made him painfully hard. His cock demanding to be inside her molten heat. </p><p>One of her hands left his body to rub her clit, his mouth kissed her nipples, chest, neck anything he could reach as he brought moans from deep within her. Each louder than the last. He knew he was being a little rough but she seemed to enjoy it, another part of him didn’t care, he wanted to mark her, her moans making his tip seep with pre-cum. </p><p>“Cullen I’m-“ she groaned, her head thrown back as wet liquid slid down his fingers, collecting in his palm. </p><p>Her thighs trembled when clenched around his fingers, her hand stopping the motion on her clit. She opened her eyes and stared deeply into his, her eyes were near black. His inner beast was joyous that he had her like this, wet, dripping, flushed for him. </p><p>He brought his two fingers to his mouth, sucked them without breaking eye contact, enjoying her flushed gasp. “Delicious, I knew you would be” Her mouth fell open at his words, her pupils widening even more. </p><p>His grin became feral. He stood abruptly, grabbing her thighs wrapping her legs around his waist he crashed onto her mouth spinning them and placing her on the bed beneath him, covering her with his body. It made him feel so powerful at their size difference, while she was tall, athletic even, she was still a woman. Writhing under his warrior body. </p><p>The sheets were sticking to her back from their shower, the breeze entering from the balcony did nothing for their heated bodies. Her hair fanned around her as he pulled back, cupping her cheek in his hand, the other braced on his forearm next to her chest. Her breath was coming in soft pants like his own. </p><p>“Please Cullen, please” she whispered, oh how he would enjoy to listen to her beg for him all night. </p><p>He gripped himself at the base of his cock in one hand, guiding himself into her. His tip met her searing heat, he let his hips do the rest as he forced himself into her tight cunt. </p><p>His eyes closed, mouth slightly agape, he held himself there. Groaning when she clenched around him, “Temptress” he whispered allowing her to pull him into another searing kiss. </p><p>Rising onto his knees as his arms took his weight off her at either side. Pushing into her deeper, her moan as he bottomed out. She was hot, soaked around him, he suddenly realised he never wanted to leave her. </p><p>Her hands found his face, bringing him down to her lips once more. He dropped onto his forearms and searched her mouth with his tongue, her hips wiggled on his. He groaned into her mouth when he lifted his hips to slam back into her. </p><p>He set a punishing pace, trapping her beneath him, he looked into her eyes, her mouth gasping open and moaning as he took her. Her hands gripped his back, legs hips anything she could dig her nails into, rake her nails down. He loved it, the stinging feeling of her losing control. </p><p>“Oh Cullen- yes yes” she gasped out periodically as her leg wrapped around his back, he held her thigh there as he plunged into her, driving faster and faster. </p><p>He couldn’t decide on watching his cock plunge into her or watching the emotions flick across her face. Her hand dipped between them once more, rubbing at her clit occasionally rubbing on his shaft as she chased release with him. The other dug into his back. </p><p>“Andraste preserve me” he groaned as she tightened around him. He was sure she was going to be the death of him, “So tight, so- fuck” he moaned out between thrusts, the tight feeling in his balls growing. Not before her, he thought. </p><p>He went to her neck, biting where her neck met her shoulder and licking the mark there. Claiming her in a beastly way, she groaned and moaned around him. Her soft thighs, around him, soft breasts on his chest. </p><p>The filthy sound of their meeting flesh and noises from their lips filled the room, his sack slapping her with every thrust. The smell of their joining reaching his nose, the heavy scent of sex and sweat. </p><p>Her back was arching into him, nipples pressing against his chest, he held a hand under her back to keep her there. The angle forced him to rub against her clit, sending her over the edge, he could barely thrust with her strong legs wrapped around him. </p><p>He wouldn’t want to remove himself anyway. </p><p>She shuddered around him, crying out as her walls tightened around him, milking him of his seed. He gave into her tight muscles, </p><p>“Yes yes... come for me, take it“ was all he manged when he shot into her, clenching his ass tightly as his balls tightened, forcing himself as far as he could into her. He came with a loud long groan to rival the volume of her own moans.</p><p>Allowing himself a few more thrusts, to milk himself of all of his seed, he needed to fill her. The euphoria of releasing in her heat drowned him, he couldn’t stop his grin as he kissed her neck breathing into her sweat covered skin. He felt his impressive amount sliding around his still hard cock, almost apologising at how much he had emptied into her as it gently leaked around him. </p><p>Lifting his head, he found his new favourite memory: her sweaty, flushed below him. Smiling happily from his attention, his mouth, his seed. </p><p><em> His </em> </p><p>Her lips claimed his again, slowly, lazily. Her walls tightened on him once more and he groaned at the contact, his sensitive flesh still inside her. </p><p>Doubt creeped in as time went on. “Maker, I- that was-“ He was stopped by her rolling them and straddling him, her lips claiming his in a short kiss. He gripped her hips out of reflex, holding her down on his half hard cock. </p><p>“Wonderful” she said grinning, her words filled him with relief. He grinned underneath her kisses on his cheek and jaw, his heavy breaths turned to a groan when she tightened on his sensitive flesh. </p><p>“But…” she elongated the words.</p><p>“But?” he repeated back, running his fingers down her spine making her arch into him. He silently revelled in the skin on skin contact, being able to hold her like this. </p><p>“But, you have soaked my bed, and made us filthy all over again” she whispered into his lips. </p><p>He chuckled at her before lifting them, not missing the squeak she made as he planted his feet to the ground, sitting up with her. Her legs clamped around his waist, he walked her to her shower realising something. </p><p>He didn’t feel like he had to beg for forgiveness. </p><p>He only felt like he should thank the Maker for putting this woman in his path. To devote himself to her. He showed her against the shower wall while washing her, how devoted he truly was. </p><p>***</p><p>“How long?” </p><p>“Hmm?” he answered sleepily, her head resting on his chest, the sheet pulled up to his navel and around the back of her hips. His own hand played with her lower back , enjoying mapping the long lines of her back. </p><p>Her leg slid over his, wrapping around one of his own, </p><p>“How long have you wanted to do that? Curly” her hand was tracing patterns on his chest, running through the curly blonde chest hair, occasionally running over a nipple that sent him shivering.</p><p>He chuckled, knowing the answer was very inappropriate. “Haven. I hardly realised I felt desire until I saw you wrapped around my cloak, I thought you were beautiful from the start however, it was terribly distracting” he teased, she didn’t answer but slapped him lightly on the chest.<br/>
“What about you?” </p><p>He closed his eyes at her giggle, relishing the sound that only escaped her in his presence. Enjoying the whispered words, “Would you think less of me if I said the first war meeting? I couldn’t stop thinking about how attractive you were, so powerful and handsome” her head turned to look up at him, </p><p>“Like a Knight in shining armour” she peeked up at him, her grin growing when she saw his amused expression. No one had ever likened him to a Knight, per say. She saw him as a hero in a fable, a man of power. And he loved that she saw him that way. </p><p>He grinned to himself, knowing her heated looks or sly touches were her way of trying to get to him. That he wasn’t alone in his longing. She settled on his chest once more, the only noise the crackling wood in the fire. </p><p>“Liv, can I ask you something?”</p><p>He was only met with a soft snore, breath across his chest. He decided not to wake her, knowing it could wait. </p><p>“Goodnight, my love” he whispered to her sleeping form. </p><p>If he couldn’t say it when she was awake, he could certainly practise to her unconscious form. </p><p>*** </p><p>The warmth at her back was retreating, replaced with a cold breeze, stirring her from the Fade. She protested, sliding her hand on the warm male arm that was around her waist, she hummed as she felt lips on her shoulder, </p><p>“Shhh, go back to sleep” came the deep rumble, her favourite Ferelden rumble. </p><p>She sighed happily, enjoying the attention of his fingertips on her spine after he had untangled himself from her grip, the hot opened mouth kisses on her shoulder and neck, “M’not tired” she slurred. </p><p>His rough chuckle followed. </p><p>She loved that sound, “Sleep, my love” he whispered, nuzzling her neck. She wasn’t too sure if this was a dream or not, following the advice of the deep voice she rolled onto her stomach, cuddling the pillow that held the scent of Cedarwood and the warmth of a fire. </p><p>“Love?” she mumbled sleepily as the bed moved and the sheet was pulled up to her shoulder, before sleep claimed her once more as something warm pressed against her forehead. </p><p>Rousing once more she rolled over and reached her arm out, but was met with nothing more than air, it couldn’t have been that long since Cullen had left. </p><p>She sat up scanning the room, realising she was all alone, the only indication Cullen was even there the night before was his scent on the pillow she was clutched to and her robe hanging on a chair by the fire, which had also been tended to.  </p><p>She frowned and rose, remembering how his careful tender movements had washed her body, caring for her. Kissing the bite mark on her neck and taking her slowly against the shower wall before they cleaned each other slowly, it was the most intimate thing she had ever done. </p><p>As she lay in the sheets, soreness between her legs, she realised the ghosts of her past left her alone last night, no nightmares. She slept solidly. </p><p>She dressed in a new and dry robe before she opened the doors to her balconies, letting in the Frostback air. Cullen must have closed it before they slept, making sure she was warm and protected. </p><p>She turned form the cold air, noticing a crisp white note on her deep oak piano. </p><p>
  <em> Maker knows I did not want to leave you, but my presence was required elsewhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Come find me later, my Liv.</em>
</p><p><em>CSR </em> </p><p>Shepard beamed at the note, holding it to her chest. Fuck, she was really falling for this man, how could she not? She stowed the note in her private box among her draws, letting her heart flutter. So unaccustomed to the strange beating she had. </p><p>Soft notes reached her ears, gentle and slow. She spun to locate the noise and saw Cole at her piano, repeating the slow few notes, singular, echoing. </p><p>“He makes you happy” he said looking at the keys. Shepard smiled, moving to the piano’s edge watching him play. </p><p>“He does” she confirmed. </p><p>“I like it when you’re happy, and when you’re you” </p><p>She raised an eyebrow back, “When am I not me?” she laughed, confused at the riddle. </p><p>He stopped playing blinking back up at her, “When you glow” she frowned at that, </p><p>“But he makes you glow. Are there different types of glowing?” he tilted his head, the motion made him look like a puppy. </p><p>She nodded, moving to the stool to sit next to him, patting the stool for him to sit not stand. He never made sound when he moved, silent, like he wasn’t really there. </p><p>She gently played four notes, and then played them in a different order. </p><p>“They’re the same notes, but played in a different order they produce a different sound. Sometimes words mean different things to when said in different ways… like… see and sea. So, yes I suppose there are different types of glowing” she replied. Hoping it explained what he needed. </p><p>His eyes seemed to light up, “I understand. Thank you” </p><p>She nodded back, moving to her washroom to dress. When she had done he was still there, she listened to him play Liara’s song gently as she tied her hair up and laced her boots. </p><p>Liara was one of her only friends that knew she played, they had spent a lot of time together when John died. Sisters from different races. She had helped her discover more of her Prothean heritage than the academy professors ever could. </p><p>She reminisced on those times while Cole played. From his riddles, he could feel the memories of her past lives. But hers was the loudest, ‘when she was her’. She was quite frankly amazed by this boy. </p><p>She wondered if it hurt to listen to her. </p><p>“It doesn’t” he replied, finally stopping playing and looking at her. She moved the hair from his eyes lovingly, staring into his baby blue’s. “They want you in the big room” he said, pointing to the door. </p><p>She nodded, getting up with one last look in the mirror. He followed her to the war room, smiling and chattering happily about anyone he could hear. Shepard liked hearing Cole literally chirp in her ear. </p><p>They walked the long corridor, with no guards here she stretched in the sun for a moment, feeling the events of last night on her skin and in her body. </p><p>She stopped preening and went for the door; her good mood would be short lived as she faced the room full of the inner circle. </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em><br/>
“And no longer was it formless, ever-changing,<br/>
But held fast, immutable,<br/>
With Words for heaven and for earth, sea and sky,<br/>
At last did the Maker,<br/>
From the living world<br/>
Make men. Immutable, as the substance of the earth,<br/>
With souls made of dream and idea, hope and fear,<br/>
Endless possibilities.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maxwell’s knee had well and truly gone numb as he knelt by the alter of Andraste, the room had been cleared, by whom was anyone’s guess. There were now wooden pews, torches burning in the wall holders. Incense burning gently in the corners. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Candles were procured in a wooden crate, parchment and ink for those wishing to confess when no Sister or Brother was available. Even the marble statue looked like it had been cleaned. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And then the Maker sealed the gates<br/>
Of the Golden City<br/>
And there, He dwelled, waiting<br/>
To see the wonders<br/>
His children would create”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you well, Inquisitor?” Mother Giselle asked from beside him, he was so into his prayer he hadn’t notice her walk in. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He rose from his knee, head still bowed, “I feel troubled, Mother” he frowned, blinking at the bottom of the statue and its candles. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You have much on your shoulders, your soul is burdened with matters no one man should contain” she nodded, watching him with a gentle smile. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sighed, “Mother Giselle, the chant says that the Maker judges us for our lies and those who are deceivers of others” she nodded, “But- if the lie serves a purpose, to protect others, is it such a terrible thing?” he finally turned his gaze on her, watching her reaction. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Lies can fester, they can evolve and poison wounds that the truth may close. There is one Truth, Inquisitor, and it is the Maker’s will that when one hears the truth, they are in their right to react to the truth as if it is a gift or a wound, but in the absence of lies, the poison, wounds can heal” she explained. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But wounds can scar” he frowned, his hand unconsciously going to his collar bone where he had received his first scar, it traced down his chest in a diagonal motion to his sternum. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had challenged his father, his father had chosen to settle the argument with a duel, the coward. Maxwell had only been thirteen at the time, a brash impressionable boy. After that day Max had sobered, remembering the weeks of pain that the wound caused, wishing not to experience his father’s unjust wrath again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He could never think of doing such a thing to a child, one who asked questions over honour.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Scars are reminders, trophies to some, but they fade and are as much a part of us as our souls. The Maker would not will us to hold such things on our skin if he did not wish it” she replied. He thought on her words staring off into the stained glass behind Andraste. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Are you thinking on your own lies, or someone else’s” she enquired.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He ran a hand through his hair, now staring up at Andraste, “The inner circle have been asking questions about Shepard. Their suspicions have been mounting since we sealed the Breach, now she’s…” he wanted to say stuck, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Now she is- staying for the foreseeable future, they’ve noticed she isn’t like us… they deserve to know the truth but it is not my truth to tell and- and I think Shepard is tired of lying too but I don’t want to force her into a corner” </em>
</p><p><em>“Then perhaps neither of you should hide any longer, it is time for you both to step into the light, no matter how blinding” </em> </p><p>***</p><p>“So this is where the party is” Shepard joked, stepping further into the room, “Okay, tough crowd” she muttered to the silent room. </p><p>“You can tell me what’s going on any time now you know?” She asked Maxwell, he still had her back to him, leaning on the table. </p><p>Most of the companions were confused, or silent. </p><p>“It’s time to step into the light Shep, we need to tell them the truth” Maxwell turned slowly, he looked pained. She remembered that he was fairly Andrastian, the Chant says liars and deceivers were sinners. She agreed with the sentiment to a degree. </p><p>She had been expecting this.</p><p>“Ah” she sighed. She took a look at those around the room, some were eying her suspiciously, others, like Varric and Dorian, were giving her nods and smiles. Even Solas had a rare smile on his face. </p><p>“Well, I guess I should introduce myself” Shepard shrugged. She cleared her throat, she slipped easily into her Commander role, being the centre of attention. Like she was giving a report. </p><p>“I am Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy, I am the first Human Spectre and N7 graduate” she saluted before standing at parade rest. “I was born in the year twenty-one-fifty-seven and I am very much from the future, not sure if it’s this planet or this galaxy’s future but, one of them. It was twenty-one-eighty-six last I checked and then it was nine-hundred and forty-one” </p><p>Sera immediately started laughing, </p><p>“You hit your head this morning Sheppy?” she cackled. </p><p>“Navy?” Blackwall grunted, “What ship?” not a strange question from a Grey Warden, who most of all would be travelling in such a manner. </p><p>“I’m telling you the truth and no I don’t have any head injuries” she gestured with her hands, looking at each of them, </p><p>“Star-ship, not a sea-ship” the faces of the others were in disbelief or confusion, save for those who already knew. She looked at Maxwell for help, he only shrugged back, </p><p>“Oh fuck it you know what” she lit up her omnitool, showing them evidence that she was different. </p><p>“Welcome back, Commander Shepard” her VI omnitool called. A few remarks were thrown at the strange orange light on her arm. </p><p>“Shepard-Commander, service number 5923-AC-2826, recall” She commanded. </p><p>The Omnitool began recounting her dossier. Explaining her service record and achievements. A brief dossier like she had given the advisors. </p><p>“Off” Shepard called, </p><p>“Logging you out” the Omnitool replied before shutting off.  </p><p>“What’s a spectre boss?” Bull asked, his impressive arms crossed over his chest. </p><p>“We’re peace keepers, above all rank and law. A job needs doing, we are sent. Unbiased and impartial. We are the best of every species, there’s never more than one-hundred,” she explained, he nodded back. “Probably less now” </p><p>She pressed her fingers on her Omnitool, casting a hologram of the Normandy, she saw a few people take a hesitant step back,</p><p>“This is my ship, or was I suppose, the Normandy SR2” she shrugged. “I was brought here when I ended the war between the Reapers and every other species in the Galaxy. And apparently the Elder One is responsible for bringing me here. We don’t know how, yet” she said with conviction. </p><p>She continued explaining, offering a hologram when appropriate. The Reapers, the war, her home. She didn’t let anyone interrupt, just continued explaining to the best of her ability. She recounting until she had nothing left to say. </p><p>“Any more questions?” </p><p>“My dear are you quite sure? No Mages, No elves?” Vivienne asked, Shepard resisted the urge to roll her eyes, as if she couldn’t remember her own home which she had lived in for twenty-eight years. </p><p>“No Mages, or Fade or Veil. They don’t exist” she shrugged, “We have biotics as I explained” Vivienne seemed put off by her statement, as if she was lying. Or offended. </p><p>She didn’t dislike Vivienne but Shepard certainly wouldn’t seek her out. “Elves and Dwarves, Dragon’s and Knights in shining armour, they’re just fairy tales, stories in books told to children. They’re not even in Human history, or that is accounted for” <em> History is written by the victors </em> she thought bitterly. </p><p>“Why do you sound Starkhaven? I’ve always wondered” Dorian brushed his moustache. She could almost laugh at Dorian’s simple question. </p><p>They had been at this for a while now, Shepard felt very much like a performing monkey in a circus. “My father was Scottish, a country on the Human home planet. I was born there so I suppose I picked up his accent, we move to the colony when I was young. Most people on my colony were English or American. We were the only ones originally born from Earth actually. Their accents sound like Ferelden and Kirkwall-ish I suppose” This line continued.</p><p>“So, this could be Earth? Can’t you tell by the stars?” Dorian added. </p><p>She nodded, “Truthfully I don’t know enough about the constellations there. I was three when I moved from Earth, Dorian, I was a bit busy doing baby things then mapping the night bloody sky”  </p><p>A few murmured laughs, he nodded, brushing his moustache. “Then I grew up on a space station with lots of different nationalities in an Academy for children who were… different” </p><p>“You grew up… in the stars, those bright twinkling things yeah” Sera asked slowly, pointing into the sky. </p><p>She grinned, knowing how weird this was for them. </p><p>“Yes on man-made station, this is the longest I’ve spent with my feet on solid ground in… almost twenty years” she glazed over for a moment, thinking of the ramifications of this. </p><p>“As we speak there are probably ships flying overhead from different species” it hit her then, that they could come here, see her, she could understand them, reason with them. But they never would venture to this, where ever this planet was, to converse with them. </p><p>“Could the other species you speak of come here?” Solas enquired gently, as if the question would offend her.</p><p>She shook her head, turning to face him, “No. The council would never let them come here, the planet was too underdeveloped. You have barely explored this world never mind the stars. There are most likely markers on navigation maps that this planet is a no-fly zone” she explained, she had a narrow miss with one of those before. </p><p>“No chance of contact plus they wouldn’t believe me, a human with cybernetics, translator, an omnitool, biotics? They’re just as likely to kill me as to listen” she sighed with her hands on her hips. Her old CO’s voice told her to stand tall, get her chin up. </p><p>“A voice trying to break through, a very old voice. You’re louder, but quieter when you glow. A voice with authority, commanding different faces, hands with different amounts of fingers, some delicate some fists. Your name was on everyone’s lips” everyone turned to look at Cole. His hands fidgeting with his hat in his hands. </p><p>“You were never scared of the dark, it meant no one could see you. You could thrive in the dark, infiltrate. Then everyone saw you, everyone needed you, they needed to be herded, taken somewhere safe. You glowed for them” </p><p>He had a far-off look, like he was looking past her, through her, </p><p>“The only hope, the tip of the spear. You’ve flown so far, further than anyone, broke the cycle, breached the darkness. The Lady of Fortune” Solas raised an eyebrow at Cole at the end of the sentence. </p><p>Shepard could feel her heartrate climbing, she gulped as if it could push the memories down. </p><p>“Lips struggling to use the language that your soul sings. The weight of all on you, the hopes you carry, fears you fight. You were theirs, now you are ours. It must be very hard. I hope I help” he finished. </p><p>Shepard felt more than saw the others shift, a muttered curse and the crossing of arms. Uncomfortable at the notion that she was under tremendous pressure. </p><p>“You help, Cole” she replied watching him duck his head and fidget. </p><p>Sera swore loudly, “When Inky sealed the bright thing, you almost got home, I thought it was weird” she looked uncharacteristically sad, “You stayed… for us”</p><p>“Maker”</p><p>“Kaffas”</p><p>“Will you never be able to return?” Hawke grunted from behind Varric, his easy attitude made him a hit with the inner circle. </p><p>She shook her head, “I- no. It looks like I won’t. I am well and truly trapped here, I’ll- I’ll never go back or forward I suppose” she couldn’t bare to look at anyone. </p><p>“You were a blue soldier, turning green but you chose red. Now he knows the lie, he won’t see you tomorrow” <em> John </em> “But you both know, it hurts” he said.</p><p><em> He won’t see you tomorrow </em> </p><p>“It always hurts at first Cole. I’ll get quieter one day. Besides, if anyone can survive the impossible, it’s my crew. I trained them after all” Shepard replied, looking into Cole’s eyes. He nodded, tilting his head down. She couldn’t help but remember all the other times she had hurt by losing someone, the images of her dreams flashing in her mind. </p><p>“It always had a soul, the question is the answer”</p><p>“I am Legion, for we are many” she replied slowly.</p><p>“There was a hole” he blinked. </p><p>“There was a hole” She nodded back, remembering why he had chosen John’s armour to cover the hole. </p><p><em> Metal hitting earth. I he had said I.</em> </p><p>“She was a Chief of Gunnerys. She wanted to be brave”</p><p>“Ashley, she was brave. I ordered her to die and she did it with a smile on her face” </p><p> <em> Orange, the bomb was orange when it exploded, like a tiny sun. Consuming her friend. </em> </p><p>“He called you Siha, the warrior-angel. You gave him a good end”</p><p>“Thane. He was an assassin and he used his last breath to pray his god to forgive me. He died protecting me” she lowered her head. </p><p> <em> The smell of disinfectant as his heart monitor stopped beeping. Kolyat’s warm hand in hers. Slipping away looking into the view, not dying on the battle field. </em></p><p>“He was the very model of a scientist Salarian”</p><p>“Mordin”</p><p> <em> John’s arms around her unyielding until the spire exploded, the cure glittered like snow falling gently. Falling to her knees for her friend, for the Krogan. Wrex’s heavy hand on her shoulder </em> </p><p>“He hated aliens for decades, you changed his mind. He was proud to serve wit-“</p><p>“Cole” she shouted, he was startled out of his trance, “Please stop- please” she whispered, the stinging behind her eyes. In her mind she relived their deaths.</p><p>“I’m sorry, the curse” Cole dropped his head, Varric nudged him with a muttered, ‘it’s ok kid’. </p><p>“The curse?” Maxwell asked, pushing off the war table he had been leaning on.   </p><p>She kept her head low, “Something my friend used to say… Prothean’s have perfect memories you see. They can remember everything in perfect detail…” she flexed her scarred hand, bathed in green light. </p><p>“I can remember everything… every- every peel of laughter, every smile, every bead of sweat, every blood stain, every-time someone has died because of me like it was yesterday” </p><p>Her voice became husky, fighting back tears. Curse this Fade. “The little things that up a memory they fade with humans, a loved one becomes a smell on a flower… a sea breeze reminds you of your childhood… you forget… but I- I don’t. And that’s the curse, when I think of a memory it is in frightening detail. The curse of the Old Race”</p><p>Grey eyes bore into green. </p><p>“It doesn’t sound like a curse to me, being able to remember it all, surely there are good memories as well?” Maxwell said softly.</p><p>She shook her head, “Would you want to remember colour your home-world sky, if it meant seeing everyone die again?” he almost flinched at the question. Her glassy eyes pinning him. </p><p>She smiled sadly, “Your silence is my answer” </p><p>The silence continued. </p><p>“Any other questions? Any more proof you require?” she sighed, rubbing her hand across her face. </p><p>A warm hand patter her back, “My sword arm is still yours; I will fight beside you and I am glad to know the warriors of the future are honourable” Blackwall said, before bowing and stepping back. She looked at him with wide eyes.</p><p>Sera moved behind her and slapped her arse, before squeezing her “Still think you hit your head yeah but I like you, great arses in the future” </p><p>Cassandra moved past outreaching her hand for Shepard to shake with a nod, Dorian kissed her cheek whispering a gentle, “Well done”. </p><p>Vivienne offered a small nod, more of a nod to end a conversation than an affirmative. Victoria and Dylan gave her a smile, the latter with a thumbs up. She grinned back. </p><p>Hawke wordlessly moved from the back, clasping his arms around her lifting her off her feet into a bone crunching hug. He set her down after a moment, giving her a nod before moving back to Varric. </p><p>“The Commander’s a lucky man testing those future positions, hey do you glow when you two go at it?” Bull winked, or rather blinked. She shook her head laughing, of course Bull knew about her and Cullen. Did nothing get past him?</p><p>Varric chuckled and shook his head, “This is going in the book Siren” he winked.</p><p>Shepard looked over to the advisors, </p><p>“Whatever we were before, we are the Inquisition now” Maxwell added, thus ending the stream of acceptance that had flowed from them all. </p><p>If she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine the Normandy crew, with their quirks and mannerisms. They had eventually accepted one another, accepted her. When she opened them however, she was still here. </p><p>They all smiled or nodded. Some confirmation she had done well, Cullen’s hazel gaze was soft. Warm. He was always so warm.</p><p>Cole appeared once more, “Caught in the Lion’s grasp, teeth on her neck, hands on her-“</p><p>“Okay Cole. Out of my head now” Shepard laughed, covering his mouth with her hand. Most of the others were either laughing or trying not to laugh. Bull was outright cheering. </p><p>“It wasn’t your head” he said slightly muffled under her hands. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard faced the door as it slid shut. Letting the breath leave her lungs. The invisible weight on her shoulders gone. “Well, that couldn’t have gone better, a little warning wouldn’t have gone amiss Max” Shepard said turning around and taking her place at the table. </p><p>At least the meeting had ended on a high note. </p><p>Maxwell had a grin on his face. Instead of his usual frown when she yelled at him. </p><p>“What” she narrowed her eyes on him. </p><p>“Oh nothing, nothing” he grinned, “Only, if you do get caught in the <em> Lion’s </em> grasp again, make sure you close your balcony doors, I am above you after all” he crossed his arms looking very pleased with himself. </p><p>Shepard looked at Cullen who was blushing but wore a triumphant smirk.</p><p>“Right” she cleared her throat, she made eyes with Leliana. “What?”</p><p>“You are glowing, quite shameless” she chirped from her side of the table. “I suppose it was inevitable from the start, all those evenings under the stars, the only woman I know that could make the Commander laugh outright. Good at following orders, both athletic builds-“</p><p>“Maker” Cullen coughed, “Can we please move on?” he was rubbing his neck now, the flush on his cheeks very evident. </p><p>“Oh, stargazing this is how it started, how romantic! I must tell Varric!” Josie sighed, looking at the two with an unbashful smile. </p><p>Shepard rolled her eyes as best she could feigning indifference but the truth was it is terribly romantic, how Cullen used to bring her treats. Give her his cloak, making sure she was warm, comfortable. </p><p>She cast a look to him, he was studying a report that Rylen had made for him but he had a smile on his face. Josie and Leliana were exchanging looks and smiles. </p><p>Shepard couldn’t feel a little more at home, the teasing. The jokes, it was just like she was used to. She caught Maxwell’s eye, “To work?” she asked. </p><p>“To work” he nodded. </p><p>“Hawke’s setting off to Crestwood now, apparently the Grey Wardens have been spotted around the area. We’ve been requested to aid a rift there anyway so our presence shouldn’t arouse suspicion” Cullen reported with his Commander aura well and truly burning. </p><p>“I suggest a team with two rogues and a mage to take with you, keep it light and we’ll get to our Warden” he finished, offering Maxwell a marker to place onto the Ferelden village. </p><p>Max nodded, “Reports of undead I’ll take Dorian, he can combat the magic there. Varric would kill me if I didn’t take him and I suppose I should listen to the soldiers and take you out of Skyhold” he smirked, looking at Shepard. </p><p>“And what have the soldiers been saying, exactly” she crossed her arms jutting her hip out. </p><p>“That you have been prowling around Skyhold looking for tasks and that they are terrified of telling you that you can’t help” he laughed at her wide eyes at the revelation. </p><p>“I do not prowl! I am not a bloody damsel either, I know you told them to not let me help with the grunt work” she growled back, turning back to the map. Her eyes darted up at Cullen when she heard his rough chuckle. He didn’t try to hide his wink. </p><p>“You’re a figure head, and a Lady at that. You should not have to do these things, that is what the soldiers are for” Maxwell added, even Leliana nodded in agreement, though found the whole thing amusing. </p><p>“I am a fucking soldier” she growled back, “And you can stow the sexist remarks thank you, or my foot will find its way up your-“</p><p>Max shook his head, “Well my Lady” he elongated the words in a teasing fashion. “Since you want to get your hands dirty so much, I formally invite you to accompany me to the depths of Ferelden to a rainy village, filled with undead, dragons and Hawke’s <em> friends </em>“ Maxwell said, gesturing to the cards on the table. </p><p>“Dragons!” she exclaimed, the only one she had seen up close was the Elder One’s but from her discussions with Cassandra, there were many types. Some of them were different elements, colours and patterns. </p><p>“No” Cullen cut in, “Under no circumstances are you to engage the Dragon” he growled. Josephine brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh while Leliana giggled out loud. </p><p>“But-“</p><p>“No Shepard, Maker, Inquisitor please do not let her near that blasted thing” he pleaded, the turn of his neck revealed a mark he hadn’t been able to hide. </p><p>The purple flesh brought back memories, resting both hands on the table, somehow making his broad shoulders look even more square. Images of the night before rose into her mind the rounded muscles of his shoulders, his traps and back holding himself above her as his cock slid-</p><p>“I’ll do my best, but if there really any stopping her once she has an idea in her head?” Maxwell asked the man, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>Cullen ran a hand through his hair, grasping his sword hilt with the other, “No there really isn’t” he sighed, still managing a cheeky smile.</p><p>“I am stood right here”</p><p>***</p><p>“Shep! I have things for you, two things amazing things” Dagna cheered when Shepard entered Undercroft. Their searching for a cure was slow, with no promising results unless the patient wanted a quick death…</p><p>“And what amazing things might those be?” she replied, reaching the desk in the centre of the room. </p><p>“Can’t lie Your Worship, this is our best work yet” Harritt beamed proudly. </p><p>Dagna spun wielding two daggers, the handle and blade were matte black, the hand guard blood red with one long stripe down each of them which Shepard assumed was Volcanic Aurum. Shepard reached and took them from Dagna. </p><p>“Light weight and sturdy, that’ll pack a punch through any armour or dragon scales!” She said cheerfully, “The best part, that metal is what was left of your armour legs! And this-“</p><p>She pulled a sheet off a stand, there stood more pieces of her black armour, melted and reshaped into panels she could wear on her thighs and shins. It almost reminded her of her original armour. A far cry from her N7 armour but she would be damned if she wouldn’t wear it. </p><p>Shepard’s head shot up, “How?!” she shouted, looking at the daggers again, the matte black metal matched the armour’s arm.</p><p>“Magic of course! The Commander and the Inquisitor were very clear about wanting the best protection for you, enchanted with magic defence. This stuff can take a hit” Dagna grinned, bouncing around the armour stand taking the pieces off for Shepard to get ready. </p><p>Shepard dressed quickly in her black leathers and boots, attaching the pieces to her body with help from the Dwarf. Finishing the look by sliding the daggers on her back. </p><p>She reached for the Dwarf “Dagna I could kiss you” she said cheerfully, before turning and running to Cullen’s office to say thank you. </p><p>The sun hadn’t fully risen yet, she could see Dennet preparing the horses for the trip, Shepard quickened her steps not bothering to knock. </p><p>As expected, Cullen was sat hunched over his desk, looking up at however was brave or stupid enough to come into his office unannounced. </p><p>“So, I have you to thank for this lovely new set” she said sauntering to his desk, she made sure to give him a spin before heading round the dark oak wood. His eyes roamed up and down her form with a lazy grin. </p><p>She was about to grip his chin, being mindful of the talons that had been added to the armoured gloves, to kiss him when she saw Oz in his lap, snoozing happily. </p><p>“Oh my Commander, you are going soft on this ‘war dog’” she said using air quotes. </p><p>He hummed, stroking Oz’s head, “I think she knew I was in pain and wanted to help, though she’s getting a bit big for my lap” he laughed again before wincing. </p><p>It would be too much for her to hope that he was wincing from something other than Lyrium, “Cullen are you alright?” she said taking a knee at his side, almost level with Oz. </p><p>“Just a headache” he answered quickly before reaching for her face, leaning down to place a kiss on her lips, the strong calloused hand keeping her there on her jaw. </p><p>He pulled back after a much to short kiss. Guilt rolled in her gut, was this why he left? In pain? Had she-</p><p>“Last night, you don’t regret it do you? Has it made your symptoms worse?” she asked gently, her brow furrowed. </p><p>His eyes widened, “Maker of course not” he ran his hands down her cheek, he shifted Oz onto the desk, her paws stretched as she got accustomed to the new wooden bed she was on. </p><p>He stood tugging her upright, taking both of her cheeks in his hands, holding her gaze. </p><p>“Last night was so special to me” he didn’t blink, held her gaze until her shy smile showed. </p><p>“It wasn’t how I expected it happening. I had thought to court you, woo you before I was allowed to touch you” he sighed, nuzzling her neck, moving his hands to wind behind her back holding her to him as best their armour would allow. </p><p>He felt her sigh into his arms, “I don’t want you to think less of me, I am-“ <em> serious about you </em> “I care for you deeply and I hope you know this isn’t a one-time thing for me” </p><p>She moved back slightly, his stomach dropped thinking she would tell him it was, that it was fun but that was it. She was thinking that he was an idiot.</p><p>She kissed him again, slanting her mouth over his, “I care about you too, it’s not a one-time thing Cullen, I want this- with you” she said far too huskily for him to resist claiming her mouth again. </p><p>“It was all I could think about during the meeting” he whispered huskily, drawing her closer to him, kissing her hard, her hands sought his hair through her gloved hand bringing him to the present, </p><p>“Me too” she replied, one finger gently circling the bruise on his neck.</p><p>He sighed softly, “Go see to your mount. Or I will keep you here. I fear I may incur the Inquisitor’s wrath if I do” </p><p>She hummed with narrowed eyes, as she spoke between kisses leading to his ear, “You know I am the Avatar of Andraste, I could get my Herald to not hang you for keeping me here, all to yourself” her lips brushed his lobe as she spoke, “to do whatever you wanted” </p><p>Breathing suddenly became very difficult as his blood poured south, “What I want is you back in one lovely” kissed her again” lovely piece” he growled into her mouth. </p><p>“Is that an order Commander?” she asked cheekily, enjoying the mischievous Commander stood before her. </p><p>His laughter against her neck made her shiver, “I wish it were that easy. But as one of your advisors, I strongly suggest it” </p><p>More noises were forming from the battlements, more patrols and soldiers. Time to leave. </p><p>“Thank you for my weapons and armour, I’ll be sure to put them to good use” she walked backwards to the battlements door, blowing him a kiss as she left, enjoying the sight of his tight breeches and rumpled hair on his tall form leaning on the desk.  </p><p>“No Dragon!” he shouted after her, making Oz jump awake scattering the paper from his desk, she giggled and spun out the door, leaving him behind. </p><p>As soon as she was out she thought about how pale he looked, the heat of his body was almost like a fever, she thought of Cole. </p><p>Right on que he appeared. </p><p>“Cole, do you mind keeping an eye on Cullen while I’m gone? Make sure he eats and gets pain relief ok, I’ll pay you back for this I promise” she said taking one of her hands in his. </p><p>“I want to help, his pain is loud. He’s worried, the chains are tight today. He’ll miss you” he nodded before disappearing once more. Cole’s sentence did nothing but worry her more. Though she enjoyed the latter part. </p><p>Shepard continued down the battlement stairs, her armour making no noise as she descended down. She offered a good morning to Varric, nodding to him as he passed her a pack of supplies. She took it happily and jumped when her horse sniffed her hair </p><p>“Still scared then Siren, here I thought it was just a rumour” Varric laughed.</p><p>“Fuck off Varric” she replied, stroking Mako’s nose. His loud laughter made her grin. </p><p>He held his hands up in surrender, “Hey I think it’s endearing, humanises you. Readers love that, something to relate to” </p><p>Max and Dorian joined them soon after- stopping her in shoving the Dwarf of his horse, “Good Morning” she offered the two jumping on her Hart. </p><p>“Is it?” Max grumbled, voice thick with sleep a deep scowl on his face, still not an early bird. </p><p>“You’re rather chipper this morning Shepard, you aren’t hiding any naughty little secrets from us, are you?” Dorian chimed, climbing onto the horse next to hers. Dorian looked like he always did, the charming Mage.</p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about” she replied, feigning ignorance. Following the Inquisitor and Varric out the gates on her horse. </p><p>“I can see the marks on your neck, not to mention whispers of a disturbance in the tower” Dorian whispered to her and winked, </p><p>“Have you been seducing guards for secrets?”</p><p>“Perish the thought” he drawled with a wink, </p><p>“Here, I believe you need to drink this. Not that I’m against seeing tiny Templar’s running around glowing green unless you intend to make a litter here in Skyhold. You’re both rather good looking, I’m sure he would enjoy the addition to the forces as much as the practice” he grinned as the vial was snatched from his hand, thus shutting up him up as they trotted across the bridge. </p><p>She had her implant that would ward off any unwanted children but it couldn’t hurt. She hadn’t actually thought to check if it was still intact. She recoiled once she had drunk it, looking at him with wide eyes. </p><p>“Witherstalk dearest, not poison” he chimed enjoying the image of the Divine woman drinking what was essentially contraceptive. What would Orlais make of this, he smirked. </p><p>“I suppose I could pretend that didn’t happen and the others don’t need to know about it? Cullen is terribly private” she asked him.</p><p>“Oh my dear, when I tell Varric I’ll have won a nice sum thanks to you and your Templar’s raging hormones” he smirked and kept his head forward as her head whirled to him. </p><p>“Didn’t you know? We’ve had a bet for some time” he mused, looking at his nails.</p><p>“You bastards, you could have told me? I could have swayed the bet for a cut!” she growled, he turned to see her green eyes narrowed, a feral grin. </p><p>“See my dear, this is why you’re my favourite. Now tell me, is Templar stamina everything you’d hoped?” riding next to her on his Tevinter steed.  </p><p>*** </p><p>Crestwood was everything Max had warned, wet, miserable and full of undead, yet Scout Harding still seemed cheerful. These people needed help. </p><p>Scout Harding was particularly amused when Max’s jaw had dropped at the sight of the rift under the water. </p><p>“Don’t fancy a swim do you Shep?” Max said turning to face her from the beach.</p><p>“And get sucked into the Fade again? No thank you” she said skimming a stone along the water. </p><p>“Does that mean water is pouring into the Fade right now?” Varric asked the group stood with his arms crossed on a nearby rock. </p><p>“I’m not wanting to find out thank you” Dorian chimed, pulling his cloak further over his head. “Kaffas, I know why your Commander wears so much fur” </p><p>She couldnt help but grin at the <em> your </em> he had used. </p><p>They continued to the town, when entering the village they had come across several Wardens helping protect the townsfolk, not all bad then Shepard thought. The villagers themselves were putting up a good fight. </p><p>Max was the last one out of the Mayor’s cabin, motioning them to continue walking up the path to speak to a Sister. Not before encouraging a young Elf girl, Jana, to join the Inquisition, they all agreed that it was better than the Wardens right now. </p><p>Getting to a clearing they made a fire to eat before clearing the bandits. </p><p>“Thoughts?” Max asked the group sat round the fire Dorian had made under a small rock face. </p><p>“Ferelden’s they live like barbarians, don’t they?” Dorian said, stretching his legs out leaning almost royally on a rock, popping fruit into his mouth. Shepard shoved an elbow into him for his useful comments. </p><p>He sighed, “The Wardens didn’t strike me as excellent actors. They’ve not found our Warden friend or Hawke yet”</p><p>“The Mayor is lying to us or he’s shit scared, the moment we stepped in he started to sweat and his pulse was racing” Shepard added, finishing off her stew and bread. </p><p>Varric grumbled from his perch looking at the lake below. “I’ve never known Darkspawn to destroy controls, are they really that smart?” he said to the view. </p><p>“Let’s find out” Max said, brushing away the last few crumbs of their meal.</p><p> *** </p><p>The mission was grim work first claiming the keep for the Inquisition and getting rid of the bandits at Caer Bronach had taken little work with Shepard slitting most of their throats, getting up close with her incinerate or tactical cloak while Varric gave cover fire for Dorian’s wide spread magical attacks and Maxwell’s brute force.  </p><p>Old Crestwood filled with spirits, demons and undead was another story. Shepard could feel the energy accompanying the spirits. Hear the voices asking where they were, why the water was so cold, why they were trapped. </p><p>“Spirits can’t resist, you know” Dorian mumbled, coming to stand beside her as Maxwell marked the final body pile on his map. </p><p>“Resist what?” she asked, looking at his slightly wet skin from the rain. It was only Maxwell in the company that wore a helmet. Even then it was on his belt for the most part. </p><p>“They reach out, want to see what our reality is like and then get trapped or changed, their purpose corrupted. You seem close with our resident spirit, do you think Cole is-“ </p><p>“Trapped I would say, but by accident or on purpose. Even he doesn’t know, he can’t remember what he was before” she frowned, “He says it hurts” she looked over at sympathetic blue eyes, </p><p>Max managed to ‘talked’ to a spirit that was trapped, and slayed the rage demon, a win-win really. Even left the Inquisitor a gift for obeying her commands. </p><p>Varric asked if Cullen got rewarded for following her command’s. He earnt himself a glare from Shepard, Dorian used his tongue and hand to gesture to what Cullen may be rewarded with.</p><p>The rift was another battle entirely, wave after wave of demons coming for them. It was the biggest one they had faced, taking most of Max’s energy to close it not to mention the small rifts he was making to swallow up the demons. Every time he had just grit his teeth and carried on, she admired the determination in him quite frankly. The way he spurred on would put some Alliance officers to shame. </p><p>The ride back to Crestwood was sweet, the towns folk singing the Inquisitors praises, all coming out to see the sky, now untainted with rain. Clear and blue, much to Dorian’s pleasure. </p><p>“Max... I can't sense him” Shepard said arriving at the door, opening it with a shove of her shoulder. No need for lock picking if no one was inside. </p><p>Max reached for a letter, “Maker, it says he was the one that flooded the town” he said looking at the others. </p><p>“They had the blight, he was trying to save the rest” continuing reading. “How could someone do this?! He’s a murderer” Max roared, searching the cabin for more evidence of where he might have gone. </p><p>“Ruthless Calculus Max, he did it to save the people who weren’t infected. It was half of them or it was all of them” Shepard said from her position against the desk. </p><p>“Their blood is on his hands” Max roared. </p><p>“And these people are here today, because he saved them” Shepard countered, Varric and Dorian were silent from their positions. Both knowing that these kinds of decisions had to be made in desperate times. </p><p>“He’s a m-“</p><p>“Murderer” she finished for him. His back straightened. “Believe me Maxwell, he knows it. He's a coward for running yes but it doesn't mean what he did was... wrong” He was still frowning but nodded. Letting go of it for now. </p><p>He knew what she wanted to say. She knew it felt the guilt because she did. </p><p>A commotion from outside made any more arguments futile as Shepard headed for the door, creaking it open slightly to observe the group now massing at the notice board in the distance. </p><p>“Can you hear anything?” Max asked from behind the door, watching Shepard’s reaction. </p><p>“Wardens, they’re leaving the village – looks like a demonstration, maybe a poster of someone, I’d wager they’re using the sudden calm to ask about our Warden” Shepard whispered to Max. </p><p>“We need to move to the meeting point. Now” Max growled, moving to a nearby window on the other side of the cabin, lifting it open for the others to climb out. </p><p>“Sneaking out a window, I’ve done this a few times in my youth” Dorian chimed, winking at Max. </p><p>“Of course you have” he grumbled out, he followed Dorian’s arse out the window as his Mage’s coat parted. “Andraste preserve me” </p><p>They continued on foot for a few miles before calling their horses from camp, not wanting to alert any Wardens that may be watching. Max set a fast pace, running past wolves and Venatori, out manoeuvring them to reach the distant caves. They set up a small camp, leaving the mounts there and moved on foot once more to the cave. Hawke’s form came closer into view. </p><p>“Nice job with the rift, I just got here myself. Had a nice rest at your new fortress. My contact and his companion should be at the back of the cave” Hawke complimented, before gesturing them to enter. </p><p>“The Wardens are getting close we need to move this party elsewhere, I don’t want to fight them” Max grumbled, picking up some deep mushroom as he went. Shepard theorised that he didn’t have the energy to fight them, never mind hold conversation. </p><p>Hawke agreed, following Max into the tunnel. “They might be good men and women, but they’ve been given bad orders” his distain was obvious in his tone. She was thankful in that moment that the Champion of Kirkwall was someone who valued life. </p><p>The rest of the group made their way to the camp to rest as the Inquisitor and Shepard stepped through, Max looking around at the makeshift set up while Shepard cloaked and stayed in Max’s shadow. </p><p>While his back was turned, the Warden exited his cover and raised his sword and pointed it at the Inquisitor’s throat as he turned to face the man. He was especially quiet for a Warden in all that armour and once more he smelt of the taint as Alastair had, and how Blackwall and Fiona did not. </p><p>Shepard stepped in front of him and put a small knife to his throat, watching Stroud’s confused eyes as he looked for the holder of the weapon. Max raised his hands as Shepard spoke, </p><p>“I wouldn’t do that if I were you” she whispered still undetected to his eyes. </p><p>“It’s just us. I brought the Inquisitor” Hawke said stepping into the cave’s light. </p><p>“My name is Stroud, and I am at your service, Inquisitor” Stroud said, lowering his sword. Shepard decloaked and removed her own blade from his throat. </p><p>“You have the most interesting manners Shepard” Hawke complimented, raising an eyebrow at her. She shrugged in response, sheathing her short blade. </p><p>Stroud was eyeing Shepard every so often as he listened to Maxwell, “So, I hear the Wardens have troubles of their own?” Max asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I wonder though do those troubles have anything with Corypheus” </p><p>“I fear it so, when my friend Hawke slew Corypheus, Weisshaupt was happy to put the matter to rest. But an Archdemon can survive wounds that seem fatal and I heard Corypheus might possess the same power.” Stroud wandered over to his desk, gesturing the others to follow suit. </p><p>“No matter what Mages are vulnerable, especially Mage Wardens” </p><p>A man said appearing from the back of the cave, slightly bleary eyed. He must have been asleep, resting from his Travels. “Forgive my manners we’re not used to visitors, I’m Andrew, Grey Warden Mage” he bowed, eyeing Shepard and Maxwell from head to toe. Giving Hawke a broad smile. </p><p>He was tall, athletically inclined, a lithe build, his Grey Warden mage coat had feathers on the shoulders. A strange addition Shepard mused for a moment, with a wooden dark staff on his back, cropped dirty-blonde hair sat with short stubble upon a square jaw and thin nose. His eyes reminded her of Cullen, gold and bright. </p><p>“Good to meet another Warden, you are welcome in the Inquisition” Maxwell bowed back at the man, </p><p>Shepard nodded, “The more the merrier” she smiled politely, earning a half smile from the man. </p><p>They positioned themselves round the table, lit by large candles. Andrew smelt of the taint too, but in a smaller capacity, it was overridden by the smell of ozone musk that clung to a Mage. Like rain on hot stone. Shepard reined in her senses, trying not to intake all the scents from the cave. It was not a… clean cave. </p><p>Interested in Stroud’s assessment of Corypheus. They listened as Stroud began telling them of the calling, that all Warden’s heard it when their life was near ending. </p><p>Though even as a Senior-Warden, Stroud only heard his name mentioned a number of times with no real writings on the archdemon. Andrew was spotty on the subject or so it seemed, offering shrugs and nods when appropriate. Or he was holding back. He was surprisingly hard to read. </p><p>Shepard sighed, no closer to finding out anything about this enemy, one that could rip people from their worlds via an elven object and command a dragon. But they had more allies. </p><p>“Warden-Commander Clarel spoke of a blood magic ritual to prevent future blight, to end them all. When I protested the plan of madness, my own comrades turned on me, I was lucky Andrew was there. He protested with me, we were exiled by Clarel, naming us traitors to our kin. Without his aid I would surely be imprisoned” Stroud nodded to the man, the lines between his brow not wavering, </p><p>“Grey Wardens are gathering here on the Western Approach, it’s an ancient Tevinter ritual tower. We must investigate quickly to stop whatever madness will ensue” Stroud said, moving to pack his items from the desk, papers pinned on the stone walls were torn down and rolled.</p><p>“Every Warden in Orlais... so Blackwall as well?” Max said frowning, Shepard hadn’t recalled Blackwall ever mentioning this. </p><p>“It lurks like a wolf in the shadows around a campfire” Stroud said rolling up more parchments, his black handlebar moustache accentuating his frown. </p><p>“We’re too young to be hearing it, or at least I am” Andrew added, he seemed the cheerier companion of the two. Possibly due to his youth compared to Stroud, who sent the man a glare. </p><p>Stroud passed the parchments to Shepard, placing them in a small satchel she had on her side before the group collected what they could and made their way to the cave entrance.</p><p>“Wait” Shepard put her armoured right hand over Maxwell’s chest, stopping him walking, “Stay here” the rest followed suit, stopping in their tracks. </p><p>“Understood” Maxwell ordered, holding the other men crouched in the darkness of the cave’s opening. She activating her cloak and disappearing into the dark.</p><p>They waited a few moments more, weapons unsheathed, Andrew and Hawke casting barriers over the men in front. </p><p>“I thought you were in charge?” Andrew muttered from the back. </p><p>Maxwell huffed a laugh, mindful of being quiet. “The sheep does not question the Shepard” he turned to face Andrew, “Even if it is the elder sheep” Andrew’s eyebrows raised upwards, casting a look to Hawke’s smirk. </p><p>A body was thrown off the top of the cave, landing with a sickening thud, unmoving in the darkness. Before Stroud could advance to check the body, Shepard followed, landing using her biotics to slow her fall over the body, rolling it over. </p><p>“Venatori scout” she explained turning to Max, “A lone one but they’ll notice when he doesn’t report in. We need to move” </p><p>“How <em> does </em> she do that?” Andrew whispered from the back, watching the Inquisitors reaction. </p><p>His lips quirked up, “With Shepard, one question leads to ten more. I’ve learnt to just accept it“ he couldn’t help enjoy her eyeroll as she watched filtered through the Venatori scout’s pockets. </p><p>“I thought I felt my ears burning” She remarked. She grabbed the legs of the body dragging it back into the entrance concealing it behind a larger rock deposit before joining the men, slowly making their way to the camp nearby.</p><p>Hawke hung back with Andrew while Stroud conversed with Maxwell. Shepard strayed slightly from the group, feeling eyes on her the entire way.</p><p>The taint followed both of the Wardens. There was a crackle to Andrew, an ozone smell that made her hair stand on end in her armour. It was late evening when they made it to the camp, Dorian and Varric already resting in their tents. </p><p>“I’ll take the first watch” Shepard offered, rising from her log after they had all shared stew. Max nodded, thanking her as she passed him, she patted him on the back, he had sealed almost all the rifts in the area on the way, he wouldn’t be any use on patrol tonight. </p><p>“I’ll join you” Andrew offered, rising from his log next to Hawke, “I’ve rested enough, it’s only fair” he smiled, his eyes crinkled around the edges betraying his age. </p><p>Hawke and Stroud nodded, she noticed Hawke’s eyes following Andrew as he picked up his staff. The black feathers on the shoulders of his chainmail coat fluffing through the wind, but said nothing as she made her way to the front of camp, relieving the soldier stationed there.</p><p>The pair set up on the rock wall side by side, Shepard had borrowed one of the Inquisition long bows just in case. Keeping it rested next to her with her arrow pouch. She felt better for having it near. </p><p>There would be Inquisition soldiers patrolling camp anyway but she wanted to be ready as the first line of defence. </p><p>“So, Shepard is it?” Andrew broke the silence; his voice was light and calm. His accent was totally Ferelden.</p><p>She nodded, “It is. Andrew is it?” </p><p>“Sometimes” he winked, “Other times its apostate, bastard, or on a really nice day: Andrew” Shepard laughed quietly. “No first name?” he asked, looking out into the moonlit fields. </p><p>“I have one” she replied, “Though if told you, I’d have to kill you” she tried to hide her smirk when he chuckled. Easy quips seemed to be preferable to Andrew, an easy alliance of humour where information could be concealed. </p><p>“The blessed Avatar of Andraste has a sense of humour, that’s a good sign I think?” he mused, cracking his knuckles and stretching his back. “Come to save us all with wit sharper than her daggers” </p><p>Her lips quirked up, “So it seems, lucky for you” she nudged him. </p><p>He hummed for a moment, “I’m curious” he began, leaning on his staff. “In the cave, you remained unseen and then heard a man’s heartbeat through stone. You move like you should be a warrior, the armour of a warrior yet you are light on your feet. That armour is unlike any I’ve ever seen” he lifted an eyebrow at her. </p><p>“Magic” she winked, wiggling her fingers. “Wait that means something here, um Technology” she wiggled her fingers once more to a bemused Andrew. </p><p>They watched in silence, as movement made them both react. In the distance a herd of Druffalo made their way past, slow loud thuds through the earth. They relaxed after, both eyeing each other. </p><p>How had he heard the steps? Did Mages have better hearing than non-Mages? By his shocked expression directed at her, he must have been thinking along the same lines. </p><p>They settled back into an uneasy watch, every so often she would see him looking at her. She decided to ignore him. </p><p>“What do you think of Clarel, and the whole Mage situation?” he asked, nudging the ground under his boot. </p><p>“I think she’s a fucking idiot for thinking this blood ritual is the answer” she muttered, he choked on his water canteen, little droplets bouncing back onto his face,</p><p>“Such language from a supposed demigod” he said wiping his face with his sleeve.  </p><p>She rolled hers which only made him grin more, “Mages?” she let a gust of air out, “are scared, some want peace others want blood. And I don’t think I can really blame either opinion” she briefly looked down at her bow, making sure it was upright and within reach.</p><p>“Being locked up for the whole of your life and for what? Being born a certain way?” she took a deep breath, reigning in her anger as she raised her voice. It wouldn’t be good to alert any nearby enemies with her pro-Mage rant. </p><p>He hummed in response, letting her speak.</p><p>“What Anders did. The chaos that happened in Kirkwall afterwards. They call it the Mage Rebellion, but the Templar’s rebelled too. They’re just as fucking bad. The Mages were ready for it, needed it. He lit the flame” </p><p>Hawke said that Anders had tried to get people out of the Circle, sneak them through Darktown but by the time he had saved double digits the Templar’s were cracking down. </p><p>When Meredith and Orsino had finally cracked and gone at each other. There wasn’t any time to warn them. It was then or never. It was a few people dying or every Mage dying. Then the risk of an exalted march into Kirkwall.</p><p>“He lit the flame?” Andrew asked, repeating it back. </p><p>She took a look back at the tents, resting on Maxwell’s, “It’s something my Dad once said; Great men and women are forged in fire, it’s the privilege of lesser men to light the flame. Whatever the cost” she turned back ignoring his gaze. </p><p>“He wanted to change the world for Mages and he did. He saved countless people from the Gallows, he gave them new lives. He healed in Darktown, he helped Hawke and his companions… he saved my friend during child birth, gave her a job, a home. That isn’t the work of a monster, just a man. I think sometimes, people forget what a normal person is capable of, when backed into a corner. And Mages? They were in the smallest corner there is.”</p><p>He looked perplexed by her answer but relaxed his shoulders. Frowning at the ground at the revelation. It made her think what she would be remembered for. Saving the Galaxy or reducing it to ash. </p><p>“What was her name? The woman who he gave a job to?” he muttered. </p><p>“Maria” Shepard smiled, “She was called Maria, she died in Haven. Her daughter survived, she’s in our care. Troublesome little thing”</p><p>She heard him sigh, “I’m sorry” his voice thick. She looked up at him, his eyes were genuinely sad, unshed tears in his golden orbs as he looked over the approach.</p><p>There is was again. The crackle in the air. The shift. </p><p>“Thank you. She was a dear friend, her daughter, she’s safe, her magic manifested not long ago. In the Ferelden Academy of Magi she will be cared for, they all will. But not locked up. Not a Circle. You should visit” she said, </p><p>Scanning the fields ahead her eyes drawn to the Druffalo at the water’s edge in the distance. If the animals were calm, it meant no humans were around, “I think the Mages would love to meet a Grey Warden, and we have Ander’s manifesto in the library if you wanted a read? You seem interested in him.” </p><p>“You do?” he said shocked, “I wouldn’t believe the Chantry would allow such a thing?” </p><p>She stretched her back, and knees. “We aren’t the Chantry. Besides he has some good points. A lot actually” </p><p>“You’ve read it?” he asked surprised, his head spinning back to her.</p><p>She grinned remembering the thick binding of paper he had poured his soul into. It took a few nights and repeated chapters for her to fully understand, </p><p>“Oh yes. I never thought I’d meet him so I read it, for curiosity but I suppose to try and get a read on the man too, and I made sure it was copied and put into the Academy, not everyone agreed but it seems if you fall from the Fade and glare hard enough people give in” she said cheekily. </p><p>He laughed at that facing the view once more, relaxing against the wall happy with her answers. Their shift continued without interruption. </p><p>“Why?” </p><p>She raised an eyebrow at him, </p><p>He clarified, “Why read it, I mean?” </p><p>“Because me and him have a lot in common, we have both lit a flame. And it cost us dearly” she answered shrugging, the jolt up her back reminded her that she had been slammed into a stone wall by the Bandit leader at Caer Bronach. </p><p>She stretched her back once more, touching the ground with her finger tips.<br/>
He put his hand on her back, sending healing magic through her armour. The shock of Magic made her whip round and grab his hand, flaring her biotics in the process. He caught her other hand which was going for his chest.</p><p>The two stood in dead lock. His eyes blue, cracks appearing on his skin, his hands bathed in light. </p><p>Her flaring around her body, her iris’s bathed in her green glow.</p><p> “You feel… different” he said, his voice deep, different. He frowned, snatching his hands away. “Your energy…”</p><p>“Like I said” she let go of her hold on her biotics, cooling down so it was only in her eyes and voice “Me and you have a lot in common… <em> Anders </em>”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Justice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Descriptors of choking (not the fun kind)!!</p><p>Thank you for your patience - been back at work but now we're all locked in again so expect more chapters ;)</p><p>Stay safe &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Having saved most of the mounts from Haven, the Inquisition managed to procure more Ferelden horses from the surrounding villages in exchange for soldiers and protection. </p><p>The hooves pounded on the dirt track; Maxwell had shown Dorian something that had made him angry. Very angry. As she overhead this morning in her tent.</p><p><em> I know my son? </em> was shouted from the fire outside her tent entrance. </p><p>She had seen Dorian in many moods, angry was not one of them. He had barely said two words to the group before Maxwell announced they were travelling to Redcliffe for ‘personal reasons’. </p><p>“You knew didn’t you” </p><p>Varric looked up from his mount, at an expectant Shepard. </p><p>“Huh?” he retorted, their mounts trotted on. </p><p>The warrior Inquisitor and mage were leading the group, with the Wardens and Hawke in the centre, her and Varric staying at the rear. </p><p>“Blondie” she said smiling. Not wanting to out Anders name if there were nearby bandits or mages passing, “You knew he was with Hawke” </p><p>“He’s my best friend, you’re damn right I did” He said aggressively, before remembering who he was talking to. </p><p>She heard him sigh, “I warned him that getting involved with a possessed Mage was dangerous but… he’s happy. I wasn’t about to take away the one thing that made him smile after all the shit in Kirkwall. Hawke grounds Blondie, seems like Justice hasn’t driven him crazy… yet” She peered over at him to find Varric smiling, he was fiercely loyal to the pair, to all his friends really. </p><p>“Love doesn’t have mercy” she said, gazing at the pair who were in deep conversation. Their laughter drifted back to her on the wind. </p><p>“Careful Siren” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>He laughed at her outright, “You’re getting dangerously close to becoming a romantic” he winked, “Mind if I steal that quote, it’s perfect for tragic love stories” </p><p>“It’s all yours Varric, and I can’t say if I’m a romantic, I’m afraid I’ve not much experienced it” </p><p>Varric smirked, “Oh please, of course you are! Ruffles let me in on how you and Curly got close, star gazing, cuddling under his cloak. Knew Curly would be a romantic fella, it’s the blushes” he elongated the last word as she scowled at him. </p><p>It only made him grin more. </p><p>They continued on, arriving at a camp just outside Redcliffe to rest before the meeting the next day. The five in front had dismounted just in time to hear the tail end of Varric’s insistent line of questioning. </p><p>“So, did he get on one knee, did jump you? Na, Curly wouldn’t do the jumping, too much of a gentlem-“</p><p>“He pinned me to a wall” her smirk turned into outrageous laughter when he spat out his water from his canteen all over his mount. The horse let out an annoyed huff. </p><p>Sure, it wasn’t the whole truth, but it was close enough to it. </p><p>“What are you two talking about?” Anders turned with wide eyes. Even Stroud had a small shocked face. </p><p>“Rutherford pinned you to a wall and lived? I’m almost impressed by the man” Hawke smirked,</p><p>Anders’s jaw dropped, “Rutherford? As in-“</p><p>“As in Curly, former Knight-Commander. That’s Siren’s fella” Varric smirked, getting off his horse. </p><p>“He isn’t <em> my </em> ‘fella’, he’s his own man” she argued, taking Mako by the reigns to the trough waiting with water. He followed her eagerly, gumming her shoulder when she let the reins off. She nuzzled him back for a second before walking back. </p><p>Hawke scoffed a laugh once more, sitting at the fire on a log, “He’s yours Shep, believe me. Man would follow you like a lost Mabari straight into the Fade” </p><p>“That’s ah- I wouldn’t have placed you with <em> him </em>. I mean he’s a Templar” Anders sneered slightly, taking a place on the log next to Hawke. </p><p>“He isn’t a Templar anymore Warden” she glared at him slightly, wondering how many times Cullen had to make this remark to people. </p><p>He was the one who let Hawke and Anders run in Kirkwall, though it was an in-house secret. Anders could at least show a little gratitude, regardless how he felt personally about Templar’s in general.  </p><p>“Speaking of Curly, wanna write him a letter?” Varric gestured to his pack, full of paper and ink. </p><p>She frowned at him taking a seat on the grass by the fire, </p><p>“I’m sure Trev is handling the mission reports to the advisors” </p><p>She had been advised against calling Maxwell by his given name in camps or holds, but calling him the Inquisitor just seemed to impersonal. He seemed to enjoy the shortening of his surname. </p><p>“Oh Shep” Hawke shook his head, Anders seemed to enjoy her answer too. Laughing quietly to himself. </p><p>“Siren, I don’t mean a mission report, I mean a letter. You know, something saucy or write him a romantic poem maybe?” Varric suggested. </p><p>She paused taking off her armour, leaving her in her armoured legs as her chest plate and arm armour lay infront of her. </p><p>“Do I… need to do that? I mean, I should right- what do I say?” she asked with wide eyes. </p><p>“Have you never been courted, your worship?” Stroud asked from his log, the man was currently chopping up an apple with a knife, practised thumbs resting on the cull blade as it cut through the fruit. </p><p>She shook her head. </p><p>“Oh my dear, you are more clueless than I thought” </p><p>Dorian emerged from a tent with Max in tow, both sitting either side of her on small logs. </p><p>“I’m not… clueless” she said petulantly, putting her armour in piles to assess any damage or cleaning that was needed. </p><p>Dorian hummed, “You get this little smile you know, when no one is looking” he smirked as she turned to glare at him, “Well when you <em> think </em> no one is looking” </p><p>She rolled her eyes and continued using her armour as a distraction. </p><p>Maxwell nudged her, “Nothing to be embarrassed about Shep, it’s nice to see you happy. Just well, you know, be safe and um-” </p><p>“And here I thought travelling with a group of men would get me away from merciless romantic teasing” she said, letting herself flop onto her back into the grass in defeat. Dorian chuckled, from what seemed like the first time in hours. </p><p>“Come on Siren, one little letter how you miss his curls or his co-“</p><p>She sat up in one motion, picked up her shoulder pauldron and launched it at the Dwarf over the fire, hitting his chest with a thud. The laughter surrounded the camp, causing patrolling soldiers to turn and peer at the tired company. </p><p>“Company! I was going to say company!” The Dwarf wheezed.</p><p>***</p><p><em> Maker I miss her </em> </p><p>She had been gone over two weeks from Skyhold and Cullen felt the absence keenly, Maxwell had dragged them off to the Hinterlands to aid closing more rifts and raising the morale of the soldiers stationed there. Though he didn’t believe that was the full story. </p><p>Cullen held back on this and agreed with the idea of the soldiers working with the Inquisitor and Avatar, of course, but he selfishly wanted his morale improved. By her. It was worse than when she had left Haven. Now they were… intimate… </p><p>It was harder for him to pretend he didn’t miss her. </p><p>Harder for him to pretend she didn’t haunt his dreams. </p><p>His steps felt heavy and cumbersome as he wound himself up the rotunda steps, Oz making short work of them ahead. Occasionally she would stop and check on his progress, he made it to the raven’s top without seeing anyone. </p><p>If he did, he didn’t notice them. Hoping they had simply taken his cold shoulder as it was, just simply deep in thought. </p><p>“Commander” </p><p>Cullen looked up from his boots as he entered through the archway, Oz was sniffing the bottom of a Raven’s cage, both animals watching each other with interest. </p><p>“Sister Nightingale, good morning” he smiled, walking to her table, taking a seat as she gestured for him to sit on the adjacent side. </p><p>It was still strange, sitting alone with her, she had been with Cousland when he was rescued from the Tower. She was harder now, less naive to the horrors of the world. Sometimes he thought he saw her through the cracks, a wide eyed Bard, but he was most likely kidding himself. </p><p>He had to pause his thoughts to focus on the now and not the past.</p><p>He tapped his leg twice calling Oz to leave the bird alone before she earnt a nip on the nose from the Raven’s beak, if he was correct the one in the cage was Baron Plucky, Leliana’s personal bird who did NOT like anyone but the Spymaster. As recruit Jim had found out, leaving him with a fresh set of scars on his fingers. </p><p>Oz padded over to him grown into her larger paws a little more, she had upwards in Shepard’s absence. When he was stood, she could reach his mid-thigh with her head, damn near fully grown, her ears now spiked up, well… one of them. </p><p>“I have word, it was delayed as Caer Bronach was under re-construction” she slid a single envelope to him, unopened with a seal he didn’t recognise, seven curved canes spread like a fan. Shepard’s canes? He raised an eyebrow at her, only met with a smirk. </p><p>He used the letter opener, sliding the knife across the envelope bringing out the parchment, her handwriting was as he expected. No nonsense, no flicks or curved letterings. Simple, slightly slanted, all letters connecting together- Josephine’s influence no doubt.   </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>My Knight, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We are returning with the Grey Wardens, yes plural, Leliana has given me this seal to close my handwritten letters with. I’m still getting used to writing… personal letters and if Varric makes another comment about it he will be murdered with this quill. </em>
</p><p>Despite his surroundings he chuckled, imagining the glare on her beautiful features. The narrowed eyes surrounded by her black makeup making her look wild. His mind flicked back to seeing those green eyes eaten up by the blackness of desire. He shifted in his seat and continued reading. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>You will be pleased to know that I will be returning to you in one piece and despite my pleading, the Inquisitor did not let me earn the title of Dragon Tamer and dragged us away from it. Her? Him? I’m not sure. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I would notice if it was a Him wouldn’t I? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Can you ask Cassandra for confirmation if Dragon’s have similar anatomy of a usual male mammal? </em>
</p><p><em>There’s one here in the Hinterlands which breathes fire but is apparently female, a whole nest of Dragon’s ripe for the taming! I’d name one after Josie of course, her ability to send the nobles running is legendary. </em> </p><p>He shook his head grinning, of course she would ask that, and he certainly wasn’t going to ask the Seeker that!</p><p><em> I find myself </em> </p><p>There was a drop of ink on the pace, like she had rested her quill on the paper, thinking of how best to phrase her sentence. </p><p><em> I find myself missing you, I’m excited to return to Skyhold, mainly to see you, little lion. It’s new for me, to be returning to someone when I come back from the field. I hope </em> another droplet of collected ink. </p><p>
  <em> I hope you feel the same. Trev has us in the Hinterlands to wrap up some business there with Dorian, I’m unsure when I’ll be back home. It seems personal, so we can’t delay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Regardless, I hope you are well and have been taking care of yourself as you deserve. There will be consequences if not,<br/><s> <br/>Comman </s></em>
</p><p>
  <em><s>L. Shepard. <br/></s> <br/>Liv</em>
</p><p>
  <em>P.S.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Give Oz a kiss from me. </em>
</p><p><em>I’ll know if you’ve done it or not. </em> </p><p> </p><p>He looked down at the Mabari, she returned the gaze, sniffing at the air she placed her paws on his chair, sniffing more eagerly at the letter. She whined once she recognised the remnants of Shepard’s scent. Cullen stroked her head for a moment before folding the letter</p><p>“I can’t decide which Ferelden born misses her more” Leliana commented from her side of the table, leaning on it with her forearms, her hands clasped. </p><p>Cullen shifted in his seat, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s an update from the field” He tried to reply evenly. </p><p>Inside his heart was racing, he had no word from her but this- it was insanely sweet how innocent the letter was. He could almost see her chewing her lip as she wrote it. </p><p>“Oh, do all field updates have you grinning and laughing out loud?” she asked, tilting her head. </p><p>He heated up; he shouldn’t have read it here. Too many eyes and ears. He narrowed his eyes, putting the letter back into the envelope. </p><p>“It was an amusing field report” he muttered, not meeting her eyes as he stood, tucking his chair back in. He hated how much he gave away to the Spymaster, but, he supposed that was her profession. </p><p>“Do all updates from the field talk about how much she misses you?” </p><p>His head shot up, “It was sealed, how did you-“</p><p>“You just confirmed it” she smirked once more. Cullen rolled his eyes before running a hand down his face, he stepped into the Spymaster’s traps so easily. </p><p>“Commander… Cullen, it is refreshing, to see you able to share yourself”</p><p>He knew what she meant. No longer was he the bitter shut down man of his past. The one Leliana had saved from the Circle, the one she had met in Kirkwall. But he was still shocked by the words. </p><p>“I ah- thank you. I… am, happy I mean, with everything that is going on she’s… she’s”</p><p>“The soul tends to go back to who feels like home” she offered; Cullen nodded, closing his opened mouth. </p><p>When she had fallen asleep on his chest, that is how he felt. Home. Like she belonged there, her head right over his heart. The smell of Ferelden soap bathing them with the light hint of smoke from the fire. Her skin under his fingertips, occasionally puckering when he hit a sensitive spot. Her warmth lulling him to a dreamless sleep. </p><p>The breath knocked from his lungs at her simple words. </p><p>Leliana gave him a knowing smile, “It is how I explained Cousland’s love for Morrigan, when he was lost. It was innocent, at the time. Regardless of my personal feelings of her, she was his home. As Shepard is yours and you hers” She thought for a moment, her calculating gaze darting to the side before returning to him, </p><p>“Enjoy it, Cullen. While it lasts. And practise not blushing when another mentions it” she slid another parchment over, reports of gossip from the main hall. </p><p>“Maker’s breath” he folded the parchment sloppily when he was met with reports of groaning from the tower, and his name, as well as hers from the soldiers positioned in the Royal tower for protection. He was sure by the head on his cheeks he was bright red. But inside he felt victory.  </p><p>“Practise Commander” she rose from the desk and sauntered over to her birds. He finally understood what Dorian was getting at over chess.  </p><p>He took that as a que to leave. </p><p>He had run into several guards and servants during his walk to his tower after that night, that wonderful night with Shepard, it wasn’t uncommon for Cullen to be awake before sunrise but the guard at the door, unless he was asleep stood up, knew exactly where he came from. </p><p>He was sure that was where the rumour had started, but it was circulating the main hall of nobles and among the barracks. Dylan had basically confirmed they knew at the Academy too.</p><p>And if anyone had heard his name being moaned by her across the battlements… he couldn’t even be embarrassed when he felt himself harden. He loved the way she said his name, her funny accent, her husky voice. </p><p>His seniors were waiting for him when he entered his office, he had noted several of his seniors smirking at him when he had dished out orders and accepted reports. Most notably was Rylen, who could barely contain his grin throughout. </p><p>“Minor injuries Sir, all accounted for and we’ve managed to salvage a few chests worth of kit and personal effects from the rubble in Haven” the man reported, probably five- or six-years Cullen’s junior. “The last fragments arrived today” </p><p>Cullen had ventured out previously with Rylen to check on progress, helping the soldiers for a day or two before returning. It was better than sitting here pining like a Mabari that had lost their owner. </p><p>“Very good, let the soldiers know from Haven know they’ve earnt leave. It would be good to celebrate, but keep it behind closed doors yes? We have nobles from Orlais and the Ambassador will have my head if their stay is in any way disrupted” he said, adding the letters to the pile for Leliana to analyse. Enjoying the snickers of his officers at his joke. </p><p>He thought about Shepard again, how they failed to close the balcony doors. If he knew how loud she would be under his attention he… no… he wouldn’t have closed them. Let them hear how they called for each other, how their passion sang. </p><p>He heard a laugh turn into a cough, looked up to see several others trying to stifle their smiles, </p><p>“Is something funny?” he asked harshly, standing straight behind his desk, one hand on his sword handle. </p><p>“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you Sir” Lieutenant Danna asked, Shepard had scouted her, told him to promote this woman, she was brave, calculating, had a bit of a mouth but Shepard had seen something in her. </p><p>He narrowed his gaze on her, he would have applauded her body language, her back immediately straightening but not stepping back, if he didn’t feel like he had been slighted. </p><p>“Excuse me?” he gritted out. </p><p>Her eyes widened at his tone, other man shifted and retreated slightly, Rylen still had a fucking grin, Cullen made a mental note to wipe him of it the next time they sparred. </p><p>“It’s just- you get this look Sir, when you think about her- we- we heard rumours that you and Shepard were-“</p><p>“That him and Shepard were what?” </p><p>They all turned to see Shepard strutting through from the Battlements door they had left open, she had dust on her armour, curls falling from her head where she had adopted a high pony tail, as she called it. She looked beautiful, all legs and freckles, bright green eyes. Wrapped up in jet black armour, like she had walked from the void herself.</p><p>“Your Worship” the soldiers saluted, Rylen included, making space for her beside Cullen, behind the desk. </p><p>“Welcome home, Your Worship, glad to be back?” Cullen added, gazing upon her like she was Andraste herself, he could smell the Elderflower she was so close to him. </p><p>“Thank you, Commander” she gazed up at him, “it certainly is good to be home” she exaugurated the words looking him up and down. His smirked back at her, temptress. </p><p>Her pupils were widening, flicking to his lips before returning her gaze the soldiers, he noticed a few were staring with wide eyes. This was their first encounter with the chosen woman. She turned back to them and set them with a neutral face, she really didn’t know how terrifying she really was. </p><p>“Uh- I just- we heard rumours Your Worship, but I shouldn’t repeat them” Danna dropped her eyes. </p><p>Shepard crossed her arms under her breasts, her chest plate was so strangely moulded to her figure, he could be lying if his gaze didn’t drop once or twice to them. He controlled his gaze back to his officers instead of being a common lecher. </p><p>“Is there any reason we shouldn’t hear them?” Shepard said calmly, Danna’s eyes widened. </p><p>“They speak of, um, yourself and the Commander that you um- that you are-“ Danna looked up with pleading eyes. Her skin was too dark to see but he guessed she was blushing.  </p><p>Shepard laughed shaking her head gesturing with her hand to stop the woman’s ramblings, “You can stop there. Lieutenant, if you hear anything more please report it to the Spymaster, as your orders, yes? And if you hear anything particularly juicy, please seek me out, I’d love to hear” she winked. </p><p>“Yes, Your Worship” she nodded, trying to stifle a smile at Shepard being so familiar with her. He knew she had a soft spot for Danna, being one of two women in his senior officers.  </p><p>“Thank you for your time, execute these orders immediately. I expect reports when the tasks are complete” Cullen announced, “Dismissed” he nodded, enjoying the blushes and the speed his officers escaped. </p><p>Rylen slapped Shepard’s back as a farewell, not before giving Cullen a wink and another shit eating grin. Oh yes, his second was in for it. </p><p>She turned to him, her small shy smile. Only reserved for him. “Hi” she said quietly. </p><p>He was glad he took his gloves off before hand, being able to run the backs of his fingers down her soft cheek, drinking her in with his eyes. She had gotten a few more freckles with her time in the sun. A slight tan forming on her usual pale completion. </p><p>He wondered briefly why she never wore a helmet, she had one commissioned with her armour set but never wore it. Instead letting the weather brush on her skin. His theory that was she enjoyed it, having spent little time ‘planet side’ something he still found difficult to process.  </p><p>“Hello, My Lady” he replied, while admiring her. </p><p>Her eyes flicked down, slightly chewing on the inside of her lip, like she was nervous, he frowned at the motion, wondering what could cause her to be so hesitant. He quickly got his answer, </p><p>“So- I was wondering I didn’t get a reply to my letter mmmf-”</p><p>He pulled her to him roughly, metal banging on metal, lips banging on lips. Allowing her to relax into the kiss before he demanded more with his mouth, her hands gripped his cloak tightly, pouring his love into her. </p><p>She gave as good as she got, ending with her panting into his mouth and him bringing her bottom lip between his teeth, enough so he could open his eyes and look into hers. </p><p>He released it, kissing her once more. Both of them breathing hard. “Forgive me, My Lady, your letter was delayed. I only received it today but I must say, I much prefer yourself in my arms, then a parchment in my hand” She grinned up at him, </p><p>“I see, I thought maybe you’d changed your mind or-“</p><p>Another searing kiss shut her up. </p><p>“Shut up Liv, and let me show you how I feel” he said, releasing her tongue. </p><p>Breathing hard once more, she replied. “Yes Sir” </p><p>“Oh I could get used to that” he growled, going for one more kiss but was halted by the door swinging open and Oz trotting through. Her speed increasing when she saw who was home. </p><p>“Look how big you’ve got!” Shepard called across the room. </p><p>All but jumping between them Shepard knelt to suffer the wrath of wet Mabari kisses. Her giggles made his heart leap, Oz’s whole butt was wiggling her tail was beating so quickly. Her woof’s and growls replied to Shepard as she asked questions about her absence. As if having a real conversation with the hound. </p><p>She was knelt on the floor, his Mabari in-between her legs, sat down they were almost at head height with each other. Indulging the Mabari in cuddles and kisses. </p><p><em> Maker I’ve got it bad </em> </p><p>The intrusive thought brought him back, “And did Cullen give you a kiss?” The Mabari ratted him out and whimpered. Shepard gasped dramatically, </p><p>“He didn’t? Why Oz you poor thing” Shepard stood hands on her hips glaring at him, pointing at the dog. </p><p>He rolled his eyes, but obeyed, tapping his chest plate Oz rose on her hind legs, planting her paws on his chest. He leant down to kiss the dog on the top of her head, if anyone saw this he would be teased mercilessly. </p><p>“Happy now?” he asked as Oz jumped down, wagging her short tail, bounding to one of her bones in the corner of the room by her bed. </p><p>“I am, little lion, you’re so good at following orders” she said with a smirk, using his title as a torment. Oh, that smirk. That wouldn’t do. </p><p>He had no idea what was coming over him, this confidence he was oozing with her. The teasing and mischievous Cullen he was becoming. It almost reminded him of his time as a Templar recruit, with the current King and the other young men.  </p><p>He prowled towards her, enjoying how her eyes widened and she backed away, enjoying their game. He grinned viciously, pinning her to the book case with two hands beside her head. He felt her hands go to his waist where his chest plate ended, pulling him in. She had allowed herself to be caught but the illusion of power was making him harden. </p><p>He lowered his lips to her ear, “You’re at the Lion’s mercy now little Shepard” he ran his tongue along the shell of her ear. Her giggle turned into a moan. </p><p>Her lips grasped his, slanting against his, pulling him in. He would give her his soul if it meant she never stopped kissing him. The office was filled with their gasps, wet lips and groans. One of her hands palming his crotch making him rut his hips, sweet, sweet friction. </p><p>“Command- oh Maker” </p><p>They broke apart and saw Scout Jim fumbling at the door with wide eyes.</p><p>“Well? Spit it out Jim!” Cullen ordered, still pinning Shepard to the book case. </p><p>“War Room Sir- uh-“ still looking between the two before sprinting off to Solas’s painting room. He moved so quick he tripped while running, managing to catch himself on the door to the rotunda. </p><p>“That won’t help the rumours. The Avatar of Andraste caught in the clutches of the Lion of Ferelden” she laughed. </p><p>He turned back shutting his eyes counting to ten, he heard the giggle once more. “I meant the Commander of the Inquisition, of course” she teased. </p><p>He grinned easily, as he always did with her teasing “You wouldn’t believe how quickly gossip spreads through the barracks” he sighed, </p><p>“Does it bother you?”</p><p>“I would rather my-“ he stumbled, “OUR private affairs stay that way” he kissed her lightly for good measure. “But, if there were nothing for people to talk about, I would regret it more” </p><p>He was a private man, but his soldiers had been respectful when in ear shot. Some were giving him knowing grins, or even stopping to stare at him when he crossed through the training yards and seemed elated over the news their Commander might be involved with the fabled woman from the Fade. </p><p>Some nobles had gushed something along the lines of “the allure of Command” and were transfixed on the idea, others had muttered how he was a Ferelden barbarian who had no chance. </p><p>Either way, he often pretended to be deaf when moving through the main hall. </p><p>“You’re going soft, Commander” she teased, “What will the soldiers say” her fingers dancing across his waist where his chest plate ended. </p><p>His eyes darkened, moving forward slightly to force her head up, “I will be happy to show you how <em> demanding </em> I can be, Your Worship” </p><p>The sexually phrased threat only made her grin more, her lips along his cheek to his ear. </p><p>“I will happily be at your mercy” her husky voice told him before nipped his ear. He groaned audibly, squeezing his eyes shut as his imagination flickered with all the things he could do to her. </p><p>“Come on” she said cheerfully, ducking under his arm. Waiting for him at the door.</p><p>“Right” he drawled pushing away from the bookcase, “Because I am in the right frame of mind to be addressing the war council” he gestured to the bulge in his breeches with heated cheeks. </p><p>That earnt him another giggle. </p><p>***</p><p>They managed to get separated on their walk to the war room, Maxwell and Shepard were speaking with Solas in private about a delivery from Scout Harding. He had only been with her for a few minutes before she was stolen away, he had a fear that it was going to be the norm. </p><p>He needed to woo her; show her it wasn’t just physical. He hadn’t meant it to go so far in his office, innocent touch on her cheek turned into him pinning her on his book shelf. </p><p>He reprimanded himself in his head, was it just physical for her? Was he just a passing fancy? </p><p>No… she cared for him; she had told him she did. </p><p>“Cullen you will wear a path through the stone” Josephine rolled her eyes at the man, walking a six-step pattern before turning on his heel and repeating. </p><p>He grumbled, “What in the Maker’s name is taking them so long” the sooner this was through the sooner he could ask her to dinner. Spend time with her, speak to her. Flowers, would he need flowers, or something personal. A gift of some kind-</p><p>Leliana smirked under her hood, “Commander I am sure you are eager to reunite with your lady but patience is a virtue”</p><p>He abruptly turned on his foot, did she hear his thoughts? Did he mutter out loud? “What?! That’s not- I’m not-“</p><p>The door finally opened, Maxwell and Shepard striding through still in their travelling armour striding through looking… well… they both looked exhausted. She still looked lovelier than ever. To him. </p><p>He took his position at the table, able to relax now she was back in his sight “Inquisitor, Shepard. We were-“</p><p>“Eagerly awaiting your presence” her eyes slid over to Cullen, the Commander was glaring back at her. “Some of us, more than others” </p><p>“I wasn’t-” Cullen protested; Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. He backpedalled immediately; Maker don’t tell the woman you didn’t miss her! </p><p>“I mean- I was” He said to Shepard, holding his hands up in a surrender gesture, Maxwell was struggling to hold in his laughter, Cullen realised he was then outing himself as the longing lover, </p><p>“W-we have work to do” he grumbled, setting his eyes on the maps while his face went red. Why did he have to blush like a chantry sister in the blooming rose. </p><p>“Of course” Leliana replied, winking at Shepard. </p><p>“Thanks Commander, I missed you too” Maxwell teased, good naturedly. </p><p>Shepard shook her head at the teasing but inside was grateful for the comradery that had built up. Being able to tease one another, having the stable ability to do so while a looming threat looks over is an important thing in war. Or so she thought. </p><p>“We need to discuss some sensitive information- we made contact with Hawke and the Grey Wardens, they’ll be joining us in a moment after they arrive, we put some distance between us and them so the crowds wouldn’t get in on the action.” He took a breath, looking up at them sliding a marker over to the left side of the map. </p><p>“Warden-Commander Clarel has taken the Orlais Wardens to somewhere in the Western Approach, in order to partake in a blood ritual. Apparently, she has it in her head that they will make one last stand to end all future blights with the use of a demon Army, the mages bind the demons to the non-magical Wardens after their blood sacrifice. Our Wardens protested this and escaped, after being exiled” </p><p>“As in my report, all Wardens are hearing their calling so naturally, they’re shit scared” the use of the curse told Shepard that Maxwell was tired, he never slipped up like that. Even with friends he rarely cursed. </p><p>“Maker’s breath” Cullen exclaimed, shooting looks at Leliana and Josephine. They looked equally as perturbed by this. At least they had answers about their demon army from the future. </p><p>“It explains our demon army” Leliana added, “This confirms the assassination of Celene also by proxy” </p><p>“My scouts have confirmed Warden movement, there is a substantial outpost there. If we remove the force there, we can attain a foothold. Scout Harding will leave at once to secure a camp” Leliana nodded. </p><p>Josephine hummed, “We have some new allies in Orlais. Thanks to your efforts in Val Royeaux after the Templar’s marched. We can request aid or weapons to be shipped at a moment’s notice, some are eager to see the area stabilised. Empress Celene is arguably not doing enough to protect the area. This may gain us the favour we need to get close to the Empress” she mused, “So far any messages have been intercepted”</p><p>“Excellent, please send scouts at once. Hawke and the Wardens can set off once we have more information” Maxwell nodded, “To the second item. We found more Elven artefacts in Redcliffe”</p><p>“It must have something to do with Corypheus, more Elven artefacts and Venatori. Have you been able to determine what they are?“ Cullen asked the two, his hands betraying his nervousness by grabbing his sword. Venatori were renowned blood mages, something that affected Cullen to no end. </p><p>“Many things from that time it was robbed by the Tevinter Imperium and hidden or used to build their empire if history is to be believed” Shepard gestured to the box, “These artefacts might have some more answers, we left Harding in charge of collection and transporting them, her reports were… strange” </p><p>At that Solas strode through, behind the soldiers carrying said chest with the artefacts.  </p><p>“Speak of the Devil and he appears” Shepard smirked, Solas rose one brow. Blinking at her. </p><p>“Old human saying” she gestured with her hand, “well future human saying I guess” </p><p>“I shall remember it” Solas smiled, “I am afraid I know little of the artefacts here. Only that they have magical properties and like many things, have been disturbed by the Breach”</p><p>“Let’s see what Harding’s got for us” Max gestured to the chest. The soldiers saluted and left, Solas moved to the chest to open it. As soon as it was unlatched a fraction whispers poured out. </p><p><em> Him! Her! Them! </em> </p><p>Shepard spun around looking for the source, Maxwell frowned at her, “Did you hear that too?” he asked, she nodded. Solas shut the chest, taking a healing spell to both of them. </p><p>“I feel nothing wrong abnormal, apart from in need of dire rest and healing of your injuries” he said, sending a full healing barrier around them. </p><p>Cullen’s eyes roved Shepard for injuries, nothing he could see. Then again; she was covered head to toe in armour. </p><p>“There was a noise, like a resonating pitch?” Leliana mused, </p><p>Josie nodded “I heard it too, like a high-pitched harp!” Cullen scoffed at the idiom, nobility. Still, she wasn’t wrong, there was a strange noise emanating from the chest though he couldn’t liken it to any musical instrument. </p><p>Solas began opening the chest again, revealing it all the way before the whispers started. </p><p><em> Him. The mark. </em> </p><p>“You heard-“</p><p>“That was-“</p><p>Shepard and Max stared at each other, “Did anyone else hear that? The words?” he asked the group, exchanging confused looks. They shook their heads after a moment. </p><p>“I heard whispers, but no defined words” Solas mused, narrowing his eyes at each of them. It was possible it was a person’s sensitivity to the Fade.  </p><p><em> The Green Man! Marked Man! </em> </p><p>Maxwell’s eyes were pinned in the chest, “What the fu-“</p><p>“I feel strong magic around these Shards, more so in the presence of you two than I did before. It may be the Mark” Solas interjected.</p><p>Maxwell moved over the chest, examining the Shards. They were rectangle shaped, with jagged edges. Blue crystals surrounded by an ethereal light. She could hear the resonating pitch they had described, but it was laced with whispers and chatting. At points it only sounded like a stream, water lashing at rocks.  </p><p>“Reckon you could get anything?” he asked Shepard, staring at the chest. </p><p>“I can give it a go” she reached in to pick up a shard with a flared hand. She almost felt a breeze on her hand, a force pushing her palm back. </p><p><em> It hurts! Stop! Stop! </em> </p><p>Shepard’s eyes went wide, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” she stopped trying to take it’s experience, getting a hold on her biotics. </p><p>“I was hurting them, they’re… they are conscious” she frowned, looking at the group. Max neared the shard, running his marked hand over the edge, </p><p>“What is happening here?” Maxwell asked,</p><p>“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry” she addressed the shard. </p><p><em> Different. Not the Red Men. Green Man. Golden Lady </em> </p><p>“What are they talking about? Us? Green man, that’s your mark right and golden lady? Is that me? Why gold?” Shepard asked Maxwell.</p><p>“I have no idea” he shrugged, “The Red Men? Templars maybe? Venatori?”</p><p><em> Bad men bad men bad men </em> </p><p>“Seems we have our answer” he frowned at the chest. “Commander, please have Alexius brought in here, Dorian too” </p><p>They didn’t have to wait long. </p><p>The two strode through the room, Alexius looked better than he did in Redcliffe. No more bags under his eyes, his hair grown out than his buzz cut revealing a short matter of grey and black hair. </p><p>Dorian looked as groomed as ever, he didn’t outwardly smile or grin, but the twinkle in his eye betrayed his happiness at (she assumed) Maxwell’s return. </p><p>Stroud, Hawke, Varric and Anders entered too, most likely summoned for the meeting as soon as they arrived. She had no doubt Leliana knew who Anders was in a heartbeat, she wasn’t a Spymaster for nothing. Probably more curious than threatened. </p><p>Cullen gave Anders a once over but with his beard and short hair, a new scar on his forehead, he didn’t look like he used to. It had been almost two years since he last laid eyes on the Mage. She could see it, the same way he looked at a scout report, or the troops. His calculating gaze figuring out the puzzle. </p><p>The Wardens, and entourage took to a corner. Allowing the meeting to go ahead. </p><p>“There she is. I can see why your armour is tinted red” Alexius sneered. </p><p><em> Bad man </em> </p><p>“Watch your tongue Alexius, she is the only reason you aren’t Tranquil right now” Maxwell spat, the elder Mage’s eyes widened a moment but that was the only indication he had heard what he said. </p><p>“What do you know about these Alexius” she gestured to the shard, glowing in her hand. </p><p>He stood tall despite his lack of control; head held high. It wasn’t easy to forget that he was nobility but he was one of the highest-ranking Magisters in the Imperium. He was good at deceit; his family tree was founded on it. </p><p>“It is a magical shard” he said slowly, as if talking to a child. </p><p>“Continue” </p><p>“I know what you are” he sneered going off topic, “What you’ve done” he semi spat. She couldn’t be sure what he was referring to. </p><p>She stepped forward prowling to his face, “Then you should be very afraid” she whispered, quiet enough for no one else to hear. </p><p>When she pulled back he was still stubbornly silent. </p><p>She narrowed her eyes, “I see, it seems I will have to take it from you if you aren’t willing to cooperate” she smiled sweetly. Advancing on him with her right-hand flaring, her left holding the shard. </p><p><em> No! Bad man! Stop! </em> </p><p>She stopped her advancement, “Why are you protecting him?” she asked the shard. </p><p><em> Not him, you! Will hurt the Golden Lady, too many secrets. Too many </em> </p><p>“You’re talking to them” Alexius gasped, “You have the ability to speak with the wisps” now he was scared. That made her more nervous than his distain. </p><p>She rounded on him grabbing the front of his robes and tugging her aggressively towards her, he reacted and went to hit her before he was frozen in stasis. </p><p><em> Orders. Him. Him! </em> </p><p>They sounded terrified. Wisps were barely spirit, could manage little words or gestures but they were conversing, weren’t they?</p><p>“Listen to me very carefully” she stated clearly, his eyes were flicking around, the only part of himself that could move. Her fist still in his robes, she let go of him after a good glare. </p><p>“You are what we call, in stasis. It’s a difficult skill to learn” she said circling him. She moved back and paced to his face once more. She was sure she heard a choked laugh come from the Wardens in the room. </p><p>“See when you get better at Stasis, you can isolate body parts. Right now I’ve got a cage around your lungs. A man of your build, age, health, I’d say hmm… two minutes thirty until you run out of oxygen, after that brain damage becomes permanent” she smiled.</p><p><em> He took us. Useful. We were useful. </em> </p><p>“So, unless you wish to die slowly, with me watching over your sorry flesh sack, I suggest you start talking” she spoke the words as if she was reciting a poem, soft and subtle. </p><p>Max stepped towards her “Shepard this isn’t-“</p><p>“I assure you, this is well within my comfort zone. Your argument is acknowledged” </p><p>She was met with silence. </p><p>“One minute fifty now. Can you feel your fingers burning yet?” she smiled. </p><p>More silence, his eyes were twitching, tears began forming. </p><p>“Shepard…” Max warned.</p><p>“One minute thirty, your viscera are enlarging as we speak”</p><p>Silence. </p><p>“One minute twenty-”</p><p>“Alright” he wheezed. </p><p>She stopped flaring and released him, allowing him to fall to the floor. He took gasping breaths, “The Shards lead to somewhere in the Western Approach, there’s treasure there that the Elder One wants but, but no one can hear the shards like you can or the Inquisitor” he used the word as if it was a curse. </p><p>Maxwell strode over to the heavily breathing man, squatting next to him. “And what of the skulls, Alexius. They are human” </p><p>“Tranquil” </p><p>The Tranquil… in Cassandra’s report of the Hinterlands she noticed a reduction of them. People assumed they died, not being able to protect themselves from the fighting, many circles abandoned them. </p><p><em> Grey. The world. It’s grey </em> </p><p>“The whispers… they’re of the Tranquil… they’re attached to these shards” Shepard said, holding the shard in two hands gently. </p><p>“Maker” Anders muttered under his breath. Hawke gently took one of his hands in his out of view. </p><p><em> Golden Lady </em> </p><p>“I’m here” she whispered back. </p><p><em> Let us go. Set us free. </em> </p><p>“Did they just ask to be… set free?” Max gasped rising to his feet, “They’re sentient, they’re not just wisps” his gaze went back to Alexius, “They’re souls” he seethed. </p><p>“Kaffas, Alexius how many lives have you ruined in the name of our Homeland! This is… this is monstrous” Dorian roared.</p><p>“He demanded it, the Elder One needed the Oculara to see the Shards, they lead to a treasure”</p><p><em> Green man. Golden lady. Use the skull </em> </p><p>“Shep- they want you to use the skull” Max said, holding the shard. “I- I think we should listen. Dorian if you could accompany Alexius back and gather a report about this, I would be grateful and please remind the Magister of our arrangement” </p><p>Dorian nodded, his frown evident through his calm demeanour. There was a reason Maxwell was asking Dorian, a friend to get close to Alexius and to clear his name of any of this. The scary Tevinter mage in Skyhold wasn’t without its rumours. </p><p>She nodded, moving to the chest to retrieve the skull. “I ah- I’ve never done this on remains” she hesitated, picking up the white bone, it was missing the mandibles and lower set of teeth. It was light. Too light in her hands. The cold weight on her fingers, one piece of a shard in the eye hole. </p><p>This was a person once. </p><p>This could have been Solas or Dorian. </p><p>This could have been Erin. </p><p>“We’re right here” Maxwell nodded, “I’m here” he added in a lowered voice, holding his hand out.  </p><p>She wordlessly passed him her knife that she had in her belt on her lower back. Just incase she lashed out at anyone. Her and Max had gotten into a good routine of this. He stood close enough that if she needed he would knock the skull from her hands. </p><p>“Ok, here we go”</p><p>She powered up her abilities to reach into the skull and take its experience, her power swirling around her, taking in the last moments. </p><p>The Skull was on their knees. She was on her knees, the brand coming to her, it’s heat on her forehead the world becoming grey. She could feel the woman’s fear, her own fear, becoming Tranquil. Her connection to the Fade being cut off, the brand was almost on her head, so close-</p><p>Blue light filled the room. </p><p>Accompanied by shouts and grunts of pain, and it was coming for her. Shepard dropped the skull just intime for Anders to wrap his hands around her throat. </p><p>“Anders” she croaked, it only made the hands around her neck tighten, while he walked her back towards the wall. </p><p>Shoving her against it. Behind him was a barrier, with the others behind it- Hawke was attempting to shout through the barrier. Maxwell trying to use his mark, Cullen was shouting orders at the guard. </p><p>The figures began to blur after that. </p><p>“Anders stop” she croaked. His name was a moot point after he had just exposed himself, flaring her biotics to shove him off. </p><p>“ <b> What are you? </b> “ he said viciously. </p><p>She didn’t even understand why he was attacking her in the first place. Not that she had ever met Justice. </p><p>Any attempt at a throw or barrier was quashed by his own offensive magic. It was so unlike fighting any Mage, raw and pulsing. Like he was bringing the Fade with him. </p><p>The blue created more cracks across his skin, even with the light in his eyes she could tell her was glaring at her. The hands tightened again, lifting her against the wall her legs tried to find a purchase. </p><p>She was running out of time, more importantly air. </p><p>If she couldn’t fight Justice, she could try and reach Anders. She lit her biotics and placed a hand on his cheek, fighting against Justice to reach Anders. It was unlike anything she had ever felt. </p><p>Her energy wrapping curling round Justice, the tendrils connecting them curling, wrapping, intertwining. Understanding each other, learning from each other. </p><p>She found a crack. A missing link. A memory Justice couldn’t touch because Anders could barely touch it. </p><p>But she could. </p><p>Another grunt of effort and she was in, slotted like a piece of the puzzle. </p><p>
  <em> Warmth, she felt warmth. Sand in boots a little too big but she said he’d grow into them. A strange language, Germanic undertones but she understood. He understood. But still managed to trip in the boots, scraping his knee. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sand wasn’t as pronounced here, not in the town. You could still see the red hills rolling inbetween the buildings of the outskirts of the buildings. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She called him pup, because his hair was the colour of the breed of Mabari they had there. Blonde. Sandy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her hair was the same. Little eyes looked up at her, a hand across his hair. He missed his father, but he loved spending time with his mother. She would say he is always with us even when he’s out with the Green Men. The best marksmen of their town. Hunting. Gaining. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t know. Didn’t know he would see his father that evening, didn’t know that his mother would touch him for the last time while trying to pry him from the Templars. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Didn’t know that healing his graze on his knee with his bare hands made him a demon in his village’s eyes. Didn’t know that his father, would choose the Chantry rules over his boy, because he was marked with the Maker’s wrath. </em>
</p><p>“<b> What did you do, what are you?! </b> ” Justice roared. </p><p>“Pup that’s what she called you, because of the Mabari” she choked out, the tears were running down her face at the emotion behind the memory, “She was pretty”</p><p>Her vision was closing in, her hands on his hands trying in vain to get them to budge. </p><p>His eyes widened, the blue widening with it, “She was a sculptor” she whispered. “You would ask which was her favourite- “ her throat was aching under the pressure, words were so hard. </p><p>“And-“ she gritted her teeth, “And she would say-“</p><p>“<b> You pup, you’re </b> my best work” he said slowly, more of Anders voice than Justice. </p><p>The hands dropped, she went along with it dropping to the ground unceremoniously. Anders was now not blue, stammering and crying while she took greedy breathes of air lying partially on her side as her vision swam. Using her hands to hold her upper body up only worked for a fraction of a second before they buckled. </p><p>Her exhales were more coughs than breaths. She leaned down to cough, spit and blood following, trailing down her lips. Taking in breath was harder, burning its way down. Shepard’s vision kept swimming, her ears were popped, noise was muffled and slow. </p><p>Maxwell ran to Shepard, on both knees. Holding her shoulders, she could hear his soft voice shouting orders at the Templar’s and guards at the door. Josie was at Shepard’s side too, using her handkerchief to wipe away the blood and tears, crying herself. She fell face first into Maxwell’s chest. </p><p>Her vision swam back in to see Cullen hitting Anders, his hands bloodied by the blood pouring out of Ander’s nose, his fist smashing into his face once more before Leliana managed to pry the Commander off his assault of the Mage. Cullen’s mouth moving with several more guards prying the Commander back. </p><p>The darkness came and went. Each time a little clearer. </p><p>Her head was on something, she lay on her side, Solas was by her, healing her throat, her head. A soft accent floated over her. Max, she was in Max’s lap. She could smell his pine cologne and dust, easing her burning throat. </p><p>Anders was being pushed out the room by two guards, more guards were holding Hawke back from following. Varric at his side, trying to reason with him. She saw his mouth moving but couldn’t tell what he was saying. </p><p>Cullen was being held against the wall by Leliana, one hand on his chest as he took greedy breaths. Rylen was there, by his side, murmuring something, his eyes flicking to hers every now and then. </p><p>She clenched her eyes shut, focusing on breathing to get her senses under control. </p><p>“Falon?” Solas enquired, tilting her head up. “Can you hear me?” </p><p>She tried speaking, nothing but a rasp came out, “Y-yes” she managed with another coughing fit.</p><p>Hands were pushing her into a sitting position, Max on one knee next to her an arm around her back clutching her to his chest, </p><p>“Here Shep drink this, it’ll help” he pressed a bottle to her lips. Holding the bottle pouring it down her throat, she recognised it as a healing potion and stamina mix. The effects began immediately. </p><p>“Wh- whe- is-“ another coughing fit, </p><p>Solas pressed more healing magic into her throat, “Do not try and talk, your vocal cords have been crushed they will take time to heal.” he sighed, looking at the black and blue hand marks coming through. </p><p>She nodded wordlessly. </p><p>Maxwell rose to his feet, tugging her up with him. He tipped her chin up looking at the bruises. She had never seen him so angry, so dark. A storm brewing. He chest was heaving with the breaths coming from his nose, nostrils flaring. </p><p>“Inquisitor, this is unacceptable” Leliana ordered, taking her place with Cullen at the table. </p><p>He nodded, letting Shepard stand on her own to take his place at the table, not without stroking Josie’s arm asking her if she was able to partake in this. She nodded eagerly, dabbing her eyes with a spare handkerchief. Solas stayed by Shepard’s side, washing her over with healing magic. </p><p>Hawke shoved the guard as he passed to take his position outside of the door, “It wasn’t his fault-“</p><p>“It was exactly his fault! You knowingly brought a possessed Mage right into Skyhold! He attacks Shepard and threatens the security of this hold” Maxwell shouted back, slamming his fist into the table. </p><p>Hawke glowered back, nostrils flaring. </p><p>“It -wasn-“ another coughing fit overcame her. </p><p>Cullen immediately went for his sword, clenching it tightly in his right hand while his left was clenching and unclenching periodically. Maxwell’s back was tensed while Hawke grimaced. </p><p>“Shepard, go with Solas. I need you to leave” </p><p>Her head whirled to Maxwell’s back, eyes wide. She stormed up to him, span him and frowned, the best way to express her confusion. </p><p>“I cannot be unbiased with you standing here as a victim of his hands, you also kept this from me. You knew who he was, didn’t you?” he explained, still staring into the map and not her. </p><p>Hawke’s back straightened, fire on his hands, “You can’t kill him! It’s my fault he’s here, I just wanted him to help with the cure and receive it. He never wanted this life! If you’re going to punish anyone punish-”</p><p>“IT WAS HIS HANDS ON HER FUCKING NECK” Cullen roared, it was so unheard of for him to swear, never mind shout out of the training ring. “You swore to me Hawke, you swore he would not hurt another”</p><p>“He was trying to help her!” Hawke shouted, </p><p>“He hasn- He isn’t a monster; he just wants to heal. That’s why he was back with the Wardens, we travelled around healing the refugees, trying to help in Ferelden before Stroud found us. This was Justice, he was-”</p><p>Maxwell turned, “He is an abomination Hawke” cutting off Hawkes pleading. His voice dark and low. He almost looked like he was going to launch himself at the Mage, even if unarmed. </p><p>Shepard stepped between the table and Hawke. Shaking her head at the Mage, with a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. Hoping reassuringly. </p><p>Shepard then shook her head at Maxwell, and mouthed the word ‘stop’. </p><p>“You know what Inquisitor. Without him your brother would still be locked in the Circle, brainwashed to thinking it’s ok. And your other brother would still be raping Mages left right and centre in Kirkwall. With your Knight-Commander watching it happen” he gestured to the Commander, who immediately dropped his gaze.</p><p>She took a step, ignoring the hand on her shoulder that Solas had placed there, shaking it off as she walked. She snatched Josie’s pad off the table, flicking the top off the ink bottle and began writing. </p><p><em> He isn’t a monster </em> She turned the pad to him, watching his eyes skim across her writing. </p><p>“Shepard” he begged; she was unsure what he was asking of her. </p><p>More writing, <em> He is a good man, it was a mistake </em> </p><p>His hands on his hips, shaking his head looking at her writing. He began to pace, “He killed over a thousand people in the Chantry. He started a war, how is that the mark of a good man?”</p><p><em> To save thousands more, he wanted to save his people </em> The thousands was underlined a few times. </p><p>“How can you stand here and tell me he doesn’t belong in the cells?” his voice cracked as he spoke. </p><p>“I should not have let this happen” Cullen added darkly. </p><p>She spared him a glance, his golden eyes weren’t warm, he spared her neck a glance and grimaced. His hands balling into fists, grimacing when his bloody fist clenched. Most likely broken bones coming from the bloody leather.  </p><p>She scratched down on the paper again, <em> He’s a healer! He saved Maria and countless more </em> </p><p>“LOOK AT YOUR NECK!” he gestured to her throat with his marked hand. </p><p><em> He needs investigating not killing </em> </p><p>He rounded on her, his large form looming at her. He had become broader since this all began, his form larger. “What would you have me do? How could he possibly prove himself to me?” </p><p><em> Ask him the number </em> </p><p>“What?” </p><p><em> He has saved more than he has killed, ask him the number </em> she wrote slowly, turning the pad round. </p><p>He read it over and sighed, closing his eyes dropping his chin to his chest,<br/>“I’m sorry but it’s like you said, sometimes people are saved other times the bad people are killed“ his hand came up to gently grab the board and lower it. </p><p>She allowed the pad to lower under his grip, while she stared at him. Ignoring the others staring across the room. Varric kept his eyes on his friend, while Solas was watching Shepard closely. </p><p>She turned it back and wrote away. This time handing him the pad before walking to Hawke, gently tugging him to the door, he resisted at first asking where they were going. </p><p>“Shepard what is this?”</p><p>She didn’t answer but turned around, Leliana and Cullen were stood by Max’s sides reading her half of the conversation from their argument. She could see the cog’s turning in his brain, racking the memories he had experienced. </p><p>On the paper was written; </p><p><em> 304,942 </em> </p><p>“What is this” he whispered again, horrified. </p><p>Cole appeared for her, just as she thought of him. </p><p>“I can help” he smiled, “It was too loud before” he walked to her side, looking into her eyes as she tried to convey what she wanted to say.  </p><p>“She killed them” he blinked, “three hundred four thousand, nine hundred and forty-two civilians. To save millions more. Tears in her helmet, activating the Project. Had to save, had to run. It told her she was fumbling in the dark, it told you to prepare for the arrival. You faced the music, you beat them carrying the dead with you” </p><p>Silence fell on the room, the Frostback wind hitting the windows. </p><p>“Murderer. Saviour. The words didn’t mean the same thing. Contradicting. The choices of war, the choices he’ll have to make, so young, so innocent. He won’t be him when this is done” Cole said sadly, “She isn’t the her she used to be”</p><p>The room was stagnant. </p><p>“The glass around her room, back to a smaller field. A smaller Shepard. Locked away. Couldn’t feel the sun, couldn’t touch anyone- if he is there. She is there. You think you deserve it. Facing the music” </p><p>Shepard nodded. Cullen wanted to shake her, scream at her for what she was doing. </p><p>
  <em> I was five when I felt the sun </em>
</p><p><em> I had to do something that stopped the Reapers arrival, it delayed their initial attack for six months. I had no choice but to- </em> </p><p>He had stopped her there, watching her visibly get upset in his old office tent in Haven. This is what she was trying to tell him. </p><p>This is what she did to get there. Killed all those people to save more. He had to make a similar decision in Kirkwall, evacuating more densely populated areas letting the other areas fall when the Quinari hit. Leadership demanded that you make decisions of life or death. Decisions no soul should have the power to make. </p><p>She turned on the spot and walked out the door, ignoring Maxwell’s attempted to shout her back. </p><p>When she had reached Josie’s office Hawke caught up with her, “Thank you” he sighed, “You don’t know what it means to me” </p><p>
  <em> “You’ll have to go to Earth and face the music, both of you. I can’t stop it… but I will make them fight for it”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hackett. A soldier to the core, even if his time on the front lines was over a long time ago. A man who trusted her to make the right call, a man who used to make calls as important as this in the First Contact War. </em>
</p><p><em>“I don’t need to see your report to know you did the right thing” </em> </p><p>“I do” she mouthed, he nodded, and held the door opened for her to the main hall, disappearing before his eyes. </p><p>***</p><p>The Inquisitor had been pacing for some time after Shepard had left with Hawke in tow. Varric had told him he would keep an eye on them both and make sure they wouldn’t do anything stupid. </p><p>“Inquisitor, if I may?” Solas asked. </p><p>“Chuckles I don’t know if now’s the time” Varric muttered, keeping an eye on Cole. </p><p>“Go ahead Solas, your input is most welcome” he said, surprisingly politely considering the burning rage he had inside him, was it rage? Or was it guilt, possibly fear. </p><p>His feet echoed on the stone floor. </p><p>“Thank you but I fear you will not like what I have to say” that made Maxwell stop, turn slowly to face the elf who had adopted Shepard’s position at the table. </p><p>“Anders did not start the Mage rebellion, the tinder was placed during a vote among the Circles to detach from the Chantry. The Mages wished to stand singular as the White Spire in Val Royeaux, more than a few Templar’s agreed and the vote was swayed to move from Chantry ruling. A handful of Templars killed every Mage in the room and returned to their circles claiming blood magic and abominations”</p><p>“An interesting story, it would certainly account for the disappearances no? Where did you learn of this, Solas” Leliana asked, catching Josie’s eye and her shocked expression, she did not know of this either. </p><p>“The Fade” he answered simply, “The tinder was placed there, Anders lit the flame but he is not responsible for what was burnt”  </p><p>“Maker” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, Leliana shuddered visibly shocked. The Spymaster had always suspected something was wrong there but with no evidence the Divine could not do anything. </p><p>“I believe Anders wished to remove the skull from Shepard’s hands, Mages are more sensitive to her abilities. With Justice I believe he saw her power as a threat” </p><p>Solas continued, “The healer has the bloodiest hands. You cannot treat a wound without knowing how deep it goes. You cannot heal pain by hiding it. You must accept. Accept the blood to make things better” </p><p>Maxwell blinked slowly, “You’re telling me, I should let him roam around after what he did just because he wasn’t really to blame?” </p><p>“Yes” came the short reply, “If we were all judged on our past, I believe many of the people here would be asked to leave, Shepard included. Myself included” he said cryptically. </p><p>Cole tugged on Max’s sleeve, “They get the job done, whatever the cost. She carries them, he carries them. It’s heavy but they’re strong, you are too. Modest and bold, temper and deeds”</p><p>Max shook his head, pacing once more. “This is bigger than a deed, bigger than the Inquisition, I can’t decide his fate. What gives us the right? How can we trust him?” </p><p>Cullen thought about what he had said to Shepard that day, <em> I trust in my heart you would have done everything you could have </em>  </p><p>He meant it, he still did. </p><p>But he wasn’t sure he could extend the same courtesy to Anders. </p><p>“I’m afraid it is bigger than us. This arrived this morning” Josie said sliding a parchment to Max. He didn’t miss the tremor in her hands, she shouldn’t have to deal with this. She wasn’t battle minded like the rest of them. Then again, a year ago he wasn’t. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Lord Inquisitor Trevelyan, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The worst of the mage rebellion is now past. However, the mage that started it all. Who destroyed the Chantry in Kirkwall and murdered Grand Cleric Elthina and dozens of faithful is still at large. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Though he may no longer be in the city, it is still home to many of his known associates. I thus resolved to invade Kirkwall to locate Anders. We have, however, met resistance. The city opposes me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They forget I do this for the good of Kirkwall and the Free Marches. If I am to understand correctly, you are now Bann to the Ostwick reign. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I ask that you on behalf of Ostwick and the Free Marches, you aid me in controlling Kirkwall before more innocents are harmed. </em>
</p><p><em>Prince Vael of Starkhaven </em> </p><p> </p><p>The Prince was one of Hawke’s companions, as a chantry Brother. His surrogate mother was killed that day, he had sworn to be her protector. And he failed. </p><p>“What does he mean I’m the Bann? The Bann is my father?” gesturing to the paper, adorned with the seal of the Royals of Starkhaven. </p><p>He had met Sebastian a few times as young adult, before the man was sent away to the Chantry. He didn’t know much about the man now but Max knew he was intelligent. Surely, he would not make such a mistake?</p><p>“These… these also came” she said pushing a further letter to him. He tore into it with vigour.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Inquisitor Trevelyan, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>First things first: an apology. I offered the rebel mages safe harbour in Ferelden only to have them drive my Uncle out of his town, so I’ll admit I wasn’t in the best of moods when I first met you. I just wanted everyone out of Redcliffe, and didn’t care who was responsible for what. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now I wish I had done otherwise. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Isn’t that always the way?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The cultists… Venatori, I think they’re called? We have them in the royal palace, or so I’m told. Like rats -but with magic and nasty sneers. I don’t know what they’re up to, but I need to find them and drive them out. Since the Inquisition knows about them, I’m hoping you’ll help. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something something grateful something something. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wait… did you just write that? You scribes do this on purpose, don’t you?</em>
</p><p><em>King Theirin of Ferelden </em> </p><p> </p><p>It was almost humorous; would the circumstances be different. He managed a huff of laughter. A second letter with the royal Mabari seal of Ferelden, he tore into it hoping to find answers.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Lord Inquisitor Maxwell Glenn Trevelyan, </em>
</p><p><em>It is my displeasure I must inform you that on the second week of Bloomingtide, your father; the Bann of Ostwick, Lord Albert Bennett Trevelyan did return to the Maker’s side. </em> </p><p>The week Erin’s magic had manifested. It was almost poetic. </p><p>
  <em>He passed with Sister Clementine of the Ferelden Chantry at his side as witness in his Southern Ferelden estate. His deeds are enclosed, naming you his sole rightful heir, as the new Bann of Ostwick. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ser Alby has been informed and will continue running the estate until he hears from you, as we imagine you are busy running the Inquisition as heralds of the faithful. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Our attempts to inform your kin have come short, thus, we leave this news in yours and the Maker’s hands and stand ready to assist with any arrangements you may request. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Again, His Majesty and Ferelden expresses their condolences. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>May Andraste guide you, Inquisitor.</em>
</p><p><em>Mother Antonetta of the Ferelden Royal Chantry. </em> </p><p> </p><p>He let the letter fall from his hands. </p><p>And it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. </p><p>His knees wobbled, as he caught himself on the table hands flat. He tried to remember how to breathe, he could feel the emotion building, is this how Mage’s feel when they feel raw power, he thought before the damn broke.  </p><p>Josie grasped the letters, a soft, ‘oh Maker’ as she read the third letter addressed to him. Leliana went to her side to read them over before passing them to Cullen. </p><p>Josie began, “Inquisitor I’m so sorr-“</p><p>His head whirled round cutting off Josie as she back tracked around the table, Leliana standing almost protectively infront of her. </p><p>He got to his feet grabbing the nearest thing and hurtling it to the wall, letting out a shout. Breathing heavily, he went to grab another item to throw or hit or something- he wasn’t really thinking clearly enough. Leliana caught his wrist. </p><p>Her eyes bore into him from under her hood, “Maxwell calm-“</p><p>“CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN?” he wrenched his grip from the Spymaster. </p><p>Leliana shot a look to Solas before returning to Maxwell. Varric had tugged Cole away, muttering he couldn’t help right now. </p><p>He paced once more, “THAT MAN DESERVED PRISON. He raped, murdered, did awful things to good people and he fucking escaped punishment? He died in a big house with lots of money while the people he hurt, died heroes in the dirt. What kind of justice is that?” his voice cracked many times due to rage or pure emotion. He felt wild. </p><p>Wild anger he could never express in his youth without punishment. </p><p>“Or should I be calm that the fucking Prince wants a man’s head who is in this castle? No you’re right I should be calm that the King needs my help yet again, and that my best fucking friend just got strangled by a spirit and WANTS ME TO SAVE HIM. Or should I be calm that the fucking MAN WHO GAVE ME THIS” he ripped the top of his shirt open showing them the scar, “IS DEAD AND I DIDN’T GET THE SATISFACTION OF KILLING HIM MYSELF”</p><p>“You have no idea what he did to us” Maxwell added darkly, breathing like he had run a lap of Skyhold. Sweat cold on his temples, his heartbeat racing in his ears. </p><p>Solas was silent. Josie was darting her eyes to the others in the room, holding the letters in both hands. Cullen had a dark expression, silently agreeing with him, rubbing the bandages on his hand. Leliana was watching him like a bird of prey, and he was her rabbit. </p><p>He couldn’t believe it. He was going to put his father to trial, have the pleasure of killing the bastard himself if he could. Having Dylan at his side. A united front, the two strongest Trevelyan’s against the sick man, getting revenge for Maria. And it was all taken away. </p><p>He realised then. </p><p>Even if he had killed him, it wouldn’t have changed a thing. That’s exactly why Anders had changed, it wasn’t Justice it was Vengeance. This hatred was a poison that he could now be free of. </p><p>He was in a position of power and he wanted to abuse it on his father. </p><p>He wanted bloody, sick vengeance on his father and it was taken away from him. </p><p>He was angry he couldn’t make him suffer. </p><p>He was no better than the Mage in the cells, and he had certainly helped less people. Was this the type of leader he was becoming? His emotions numbed. Thoughts became stronger. </p><p>“Maker I’m the leader of Ostwick” it hit him like a frozen shard through his chest. </p><p>Bann of Ostwick, Herald of Andraste, Inquisitor. </p><p>He didn’t understand why his breath was coming in short pants, why his lungs were bound with rope unable to take in breath. Why the room started to close in on him or why he couldn’t focus on any particular noise. </p><p>“I can’t- I need” he was shaking his head, on his knees. Cold fingertips pressed to his forehead. </p><p>He remembered a flurry of motion, he briefly wondered if Alexius had messed with time again. </p><p>***</p><p>He blinked out of the Fade, heavy breaths on his lungs, groaning and moving his neck slowly after the first twinge told him he had been sleeping in a less than acceptable position for his back. </p><p>“Dorian?” Maxwell looked around the small alcove which he was sat, he was in the library, </p><p>“Ah welcome back” the Mage smirked, he would have stared at his lips for longer if he wasn’t confused by his surroundings. He looked behind him out the window, the stars over-head. It was, it was afternoon when they got back to Skyhold. </p><p>“It’s dark? Outside?” Dorian sent him a raised eyebrow, Maxwell pointed to the window to confirm his point. </p><p>Dorian moved to perch on a stool by his side, “Yes that happens as time passes” he mused, patting Maxwell’s arm. “You were brought here to me after your meeting. Though you weren’t injured, simply overwhelmed- Cole was kind enough to escort you here, thought I could help” </p><p>“I heard them talking, down there” Dorian pointed towards the balcony. “He’s a hero in Tevinter, Anders I mean, a man who put his fingers up to the Chantry, set every southern mage free all while bonded to a spirit” he beamed, “Very impressive” </p><p>Max dropped his eyes, shifting in his seat slightly embarrassed that Cole knew <em> why </em> Cole would bring him here. The Tevinter </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” </p><p>Max looked up into expectant eyes, “I- I don’t know” he admitted. He had never had someone to confide in, not personally, before Shepard. </p><p>The mage sighed, “Well Inquisitor, from the top and don’t leave anything out. Between us two handsome gentlemen we’ll be able to figure something out”</p><p>“You think I’m handsome?” </p><p>“Of course you’d focus on that” The Tevinter hummed, handing him a bottle of wine. “Not that I’m against talking about feelings and what not but- I think we both need this” </p><p>Maxwell drank greedy gulps. It had been a trying week, learning Dorian’s father tried to use blood magic to turn him obedient, to make him marry a woman and continue the Pavus legacy. Gone wrong he would be a husk of himself. The emotion in Dorian’s voice when he shouted across the Inn brought a tear to his eye. </p><p>Max knew. He knew how it felt to go up against the man who hated what you were. To have your only parent turn his back or do something heinous, just because of the way you were born. </p><p>“How are you doing, about your father, about what happened?” Max asked, handing the bottle to Dorian, rolling his eyes when he wiped the rim. </p><p>“I’m not diseased” Max drawled, watching the glass disappear onto Dorian’s lips. Blinking himself away from the sight. </p><p>“Never know with you Marchers” he winked. The Mage sobered, becoming more serious as his brow furrowed, “He cares for me, in his way. He won’t ever change” he replied, looking out the window, “I can’t forgive him for what he did, I won’t” </p><p>“It’s not selfish to want to spend your entire life screaming on the inside” Maxwell sighed, letting the chair wrap around him, stretching his legs out either side of Dorians. </p><p>“Something we have in common” he tipped the bottle up as if saying cheers. Despite the day he managed a crooked grin.</p><p>Max dropped his eyes for a moment, “Maybe one day you can talk, eye-to-eye?” He was wishing for Dorian what he could now never have with his father, no closure. </p><p>“You’re very optimistic” he smirked, “It’s a charming trait” Dorian kept his gaze on Max, looking for something in his face. “Maker knows what you must think of me now, after that whole display” </p><p>“It was certainly a spectacle” </p><p>Dorian’s laugh made his chest do something funny, “Oh, so pleased I amused you”</p><p>“It’s why I keep you around” he couldn’t resist flirting, taking his mind off other things, losing himself in the company. </p><p>He laughed again, the wine loosening his mood, “Just the one? My wounded pride – now before we drink ourselves into a stupor. I think you owe me some answers hmm?” </p><p>“He’s dead”</p><p>Dorian recoiled, before he had a chance to say anything Max continued, “My father died two weeks ago, I got the letter today a-and I feel- I- I feel” he searched for the words, looking at the carpet Dorian had imported, </p><p>“I imagined putting him on trial, how it would feel. I imagined lowering the axe onto his neck and taking his head but- but other times I-“</p><p>“You imagined him accepting you, being able to talk to him. Have a happy relationship with him” </p><p>Max span his head to the dusky skinned mage, “Yes” he frowned, “But I knew it would never happen and now- now none of it will happen. It’s just over- it’s over” he breathed heavily, </p><p>“I can’t say I’m sorry to see him go, after what we talked about- well. You know, Mother Giselle once said to me blood is thicker than water, and I should reach out- bloody clucking hen” </p><p>“Shepard once said, you can drown in either- blood or water”</p><p>“That woman is certainly marked by her past, as we all are. But we’re talking about you” Max smiled, enjoying that someone wanted to talk about him. Saw past his attempt to use her as a diversion. </p><p>“How do I- get past this?” he whispered. His gaze wandering the books around them, “How do I let go of this, something I’ve wanted for years. I won’t ever get closure”</p><p>At some point they had leant forward, Dorian’s elbows resting on his knees holding the bottle in his hands, “I won’t lie, it’s not my area of expertise. But we’ll look for answers in the bottom of here. After that, we’ll keep looking. You have me at your disposal, Inquisitor” </p><p>Max moved forward, sliding his fingers over Dorian’s on the bottle, “Call me Max. I would- like it if you were to call me Max” </p><p>Dorian leant forward, his black lined eyes switching between his. “That’s very friendly of you, Max, it will fuel the circulating rumours about us, the assumption is you and I are… intimate” his fingers twitched with his, little touches and strokes. </p><p>Max chuckled, that was true. Including his suspected romance with; Shepard, Cassandra, Josie, and even Cullen- that one had the man blushing to no end. Stammering over the paper while Shepard’s laugh caught in her throat at his reaction. </p><p>“That’s not the worst assumption they could have” he murmured, letting the alcohol bolster him. “Is it?” he looked up hopefully. </p><p>“I don’t know, is it?” Dorian answered playfully, tilting his head. </p><p>“Do you often answer a question with a question?”</p><p>“Would you like me to answer in some other fashion?” Dorian asked, leaning forward, Max couldn’t move, couldn’t back away. </p><p>“If you’re capable” he grinned, tilting his head so their noses brushed, eyes closing. </p><p>Then there were lips, Dorian’s lips on his. His facial hair soft on his skin, he smelt musky, the product in his hair like coconut and earth. Hint of sweetness. He opened his mouth to the prying tongue, letting one hand leave the bottle to slide into his silky hair. Both slightly breathless when Dorian pulled back, grinning. </p><p>“The nonsense you speak” Dorian whispered; Max chuckled back. </p><p>“You know” he drawled, “This makes the rumours somewhat true?” </p><p>“Well we better move this somewhere private before Mother Giselle comes clucking back telling me I’m a bad influence” his fingers twitched on the bottle under Maxwell’s his tanned skin was nothing on Dorian’s </p><p>“The worst” he whispered back, this time he captured Dorian’s lips again.</p><p>He still didn’t have the answers, but now he didn’t have to search alone. </p><p>***</p><p>Solas intercepted Hawke and Shepard in the cells coaxing her from the stone ground for more healing. The elf had been grateful for Hawke telling her to go after she resisted, wanting to sit by Anders cell in protest. </p><p>She was sat in his chair now, head tipped up slightly as the apostate knelt at her feet, healing her neck of bruises so at least they would diminish faster. The vocal cords would need more time, and a more delicate touch to fully heal. </p><p>“There will be a time when you do not need my healing once a moon” Solas said, removing his hands from her neck. </p><p>Her grin was short lived, but worth his words. She shook her head signifying they wouldn’t go a moon without Solas’s help. </p><p>“Thank you” he said. </p><p>Shepard frowned at him, narrowing her eyes. </p><p>“For defending the Mage, Anders. And in turn defending Justice. The Chantry sees spirits and demons as black and white however nature is, and always has been, grey” she nodded, understanding that lines blur, grey is the space that humans wish to not exist by merely not acknowledging it. </p><p>“A spirit is a purpose; a demon is that purpose perverted” he continued. “Mankind has itself to blame for the existence of demons, war and death makes the Veil weak” </p><p>He rose, moving around the desk to a small box underneath. Emerging up again he opened it, delicately finding something in the depths while he spoke. </p><p>“Nothing is ever said of the world of spirits, what we might be doing to them. Every war has unintended victims, too many go unnoticed. You ensure they do not, to the best of your ability. I am-” he searched for the word, “I am grateful you think of them” </p><p>He brought out a small journal, with a pencil. Handing it to her for her to write, she took it gratefully, scratching down.</p><p><em> Thank you </em> </p><p>“You are most welcome, should you require more charcoal or paper, please see me” he smiled. </p><p>She rose from the chair, moving at its back to tuck it under.</p><p>“Shepard, I must warn you” she looked up from her chair expectantly. Solas seemed to freeze, pondering his words until they reached him. </p><p>“If he attacks you again, I will remove him from this world” </p><p>Her only reaction was her eyes widened. She had never heard Solas threaten anyone, even if someone shouted at him or was rude; he was always calm, gentle if incredibly sarcastic. </p><p>“Now, I would accompany you to the cells. It may be that he is in need of healing” Solas gestured to the door to the main hall. As if the calm elf hadn’t just threatened to kill a spirit for her. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard had glared off the prison guards on duty, sending them outside the door to wait as the three mages stood around the waterfall in the middle of the spare cells they had outside the main room. They were lucky they didn’t know the Mage, nor did they know he had attacked Shepard, simply on duty to protect. </p><p>Solas had checked Anders over, no injuries since Hawke had been allowed to stay with him, healed his facial bruises and broken nose he had attained from her ex-Templar lover. </p><p>She took a seat next to Anders on the bench, not touching him, leaving a gap big enough that she could raise her elbows without hitting him. Solas gently tugged Hawke to one side, speaking in low tones to him.</p><p><em> Matz </em> </p><p>“What?” Anders muttered, staring into the water cascading over the edge after he had read the page. </p><p>She brought the journal back to her lap writing underneath.  </p><p><em> That’s your name </em> </p><p>His head whirled to her, “I- does- does it suit me?” </p><p>She could have laughed at the response, instead she nodded enthusiastically, </p><p><em> Better than Andrew </em> she smirked at his huff of laughter. His smile lowered as the sun did, into the mountains casting an emotional and physical darkness in the room. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I really- I really am” he sagged, “It’s- It’s harder to control Justice since Corypheus-“ a large intake of breath bolstered him momentarily, “I thought- we were becoming more stable but, I guess not” </p><p>She nodded. Understanding what it was like to tame something inside you. </p><p>Like an illness with no end. </p><p>An itch that was never really satisfied. </p><p>And his itch spoke back to him. </p><p>“I was trying to- I was trying to help you. Get the skull from your hands, I could feel it hurting you. Being near you and the Inquisitor, your abilities reach into the Fade… it threatens Justice and I don’t know why. I lost control, I’m so sorry” he trailed off without finishing. </p><p><em> I don’t know what to say </em> </p><p>“Me either” </p><p>Hawke sat heavily next to Anders, noticing his despondent slouch. Wordlessly he took Ander’s hand, resting it on the blonde mages lap, thumbs caressed each other’s hands, wordlessly communicating together. The love they shared to overcome events like this was…</p><p>Whoever said love makes you weak had clearly never experienced what they shared. </p><p>She did not see weakness there. </p><p>Then again, she had never known love like theirs. </p><p>“What were you like, before you… changed?” Anders asked, Solas’s head turned to watch, leaning on the wall in the cells that had been caved in. It wasn’t structurally sound there but it certainly was good enough to stand and lean. </p><p><em> What were you like?” </em> </p><p>Anders shook his head, “I was- wild. Escaped the circle eight times before Cousland conscripted me. I didn’t have a care in the world other than freedom, didn’t care about Mage rights, death, love- nothing. I just wanted to be free, experience everything… it was Justice who made me think of the other Mages even before we were connected, how… unjust it all was”</p><p>Solas looked to her for her answer, <em> I was </em> she blinked thinking of the girl she had been. </p><p><em> It was lonely at times, I was the only one of my kind </em> </p><p>She tilted the page for Anders to read, “Like me” </p><p>She shook her head telling him ‘no’, and as she thought of him. He appeared. </p><p>“H-hello” Cole stuttered, Anders jumped, reacting to the boy who had appeared out of thin air, </p><p>“Maker, what… where did you come from?” Anders questioned, now stood ahead of the bench facing the boy, Solas instinctively moved beside the boy, if to protect or observe, she couldn’t tell.  </p><p>Cole looked at Shepard, she nodded encouraging him. Thinking about how he would be safe, she would protect him, he was fine just the way he was. She hoped he heard her. </p><p>“I’m Cole, I- I came from the Fade too. You aren’t alone, I want to help” he looked up at Anders with his big blue eyes. </p><p>It scared her, just how protective she was of him, she would kill Anders on the spot if he hurt Cole. The raging adrenaline was ready. </p><p>“Compassion” Anders said quietly, “You’re Compassion” Cole nodded happily, </p><p>“You’re a spirit but-” Anders directed his speech at Shepard, turning his head frowning, before returning to Cole, looking him up and down. As if he wasn’t really there. “This is impossible” </p><p>Cole was, hands fidgeting like he was bursting with energy or excitement. </p><p>Or fear. </p><p><em> So is Justice </em> </p><p>“And you, I suppose” he offered, having accepted the strange people surrounding him. </p><p>The odd ones out, no longer. </p><p>She looked up from her pad, golden eyes searching hers. He gave her a half smile in response to her eager nod and grin. His eyes flicked to her neck, his hands twitched, </p><p>“Why are you helping me” he asked, “After everything, why, I need- I need to know” </p><p><em> I’m a sucker for a pretty face </em> </p><p>He burst out laughing, breathy disbelief of her response. Hawke was grinning too, a soft hand on Anders back or rather Matz’s back. “I told you she was different” Hawke murmured; grateful dark brown eyes cast her way. She smiled back, attempting to wordlessly comminute to him. </p><p><em> Because I think we can help you </em> she wrote, giving him a serious answer. </p><p>The wooden door swung open, with it came Rylen and a guard. </p><p>The guard stepped forward, “I’m here to escort the Warden and the Champion to-“</p><p>“To the cells?” Hawke spat on the defensive, “Not a fucking chance Templar” </p><p>Rylen’s eyes went slightly wider. Holding his hands out in a non-threatening gesture, “No- to a room, a guest room Serah, above the gardens. The Inquisitor’s orders. He wishes for you both to be rested and comfortable, I am to inform you he requests an audience with you both tomorrow”</p><p>Requests an audience? </p><p>The wording gave him hope that he wasn’t going to take his head. </p><p>“Shepard, Commander Cullen wishes to see you in your private quarters” Rylen couldn’t hold back the grin on his face, making the guard beside him smile with his head down. </p><p>“Of-course he does” Hawke teased. </p><p>She scowled at him, gesturing to Rylen to take them away, she could detect the gratitude in Hawkes smile under the humour. Anders still looked tense, but with Hawke by his side she expected him to be consoled in time for tomorrow. </p><p>Solas gestured for her to wait a moment for them to speak, letting the group filter out, Cole had vanished, or was hidden. </p><p>“What were you like, before the phenomenon” Solas asked, Shepard moved to lean her forearms on the fencing, bending slightly letting it take her weight. </p><p>It creaked slightly, reminding her that she was still in full armour, dirty and dusty from their travel back from Redcliffe. She couldn’t imagine she smelt any good underneath it all either, her hair falling low in her braid, many curls managing to escape the twirled confines. </p><p>“Has it affected you other than physically, changed you in anyway, mind, morals… your spirit?” he asked, stood looking at the journal between her hands. </p><p><em> Would I have really noticed? </em> she wrote back. </p><p>He chuckled at that, “You make an excellent point” </p><p><em> Why do you ask? </em> </p><p>He regarded her, looking from the paper to her, down her hand, her forearm up her body to her eyes. </p><p>“You show a wisdom I have not seen since- since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the Fade” he replied, noticing him mirror her position on the balcony. Flicks of cascading water dropped at their feet, bouncing back from the torrent below. She didn’t really know what to do with that. </p><p>“You are not what I expected, I suppose I was attempting to learn of you as you once were. Human I mean, a child” he probed, not letting the subject rest. </p><p><em> My Father used to say I was fearless, I’m not sure how accurate that is </em> </p><p>She turned the page over, writing more for him, showing as she wrote. </p><p>
  <em> I used to sneak outside, I loved being outside. Hacked my window lock and escaped. There wasn’t much wildlife awake at night, and it was the only time I could run around without being spotted. But the wolves were awake, they were mostly friendly. We fed them enough they wouldn’t attack and they learned where their territory was. </em>
</p><p><em>I sat with them, and listened, I wasn’t scared because I thought if I died, I would be free, selfish really. I suppose. </em> </p><p>She froze, watching the snow in the distance, waiting for a response that never came, so she kept writing. </p><p><em> Every night I’d sneak a bit closer, a bit further into the woods. I listened to them howling into the night for hours because anything was better than silence. </em> </p><p>She felt his hand on her lower back, slight pressure between the chainmail there as a comforting gesture. </p><p>
  <em> When I got close enough to see them, they smelt me instantly and surrounded me. That’s when I felt adrenaline, the excitement of being near something so dangerous – truly I felt alive when in the most danger</em>
</p><p><em>Then they lay down. Circled around me to keep me warm, because I wasn’t a threat, I was just a child, they wanted to protect me. I learned that when you understood something, it wasn’t so scary anymore. The scary thing could even help you </em> </p><p>“I see” he smiled, “Wolves are often misunderstood. They are intelligent, practical creatures. Small-minded fools think of them as terrible beasts” </p><p>She nodded, <em> I would sneak them treats </em> she laughed at his shocked expression before wincing, a hand going to her throat. </p><p>“That is why, you are how you are, you wish to understand that which scares the average person” he more said than asked, she nodded in return. Shrugging as if it were normal, she supposed for her it was. </p><p>“Most people are predictable. You have shown a subtilty in your actions. A wisdom that goes against everything I thought true. I had thought it was from the event which you hold such perception but I see it was earlier that you gained the understanding of the world” </p><p><em> Thank you? </em> </p><p>“You are most welcome” his eyes darted from hers to the waterfall, he seemed to be thinking something over. </p><p><em> Is there something on your mind? </em> </p><p>“You are kind to ask, but I have taken up much of your evening, I believe Commander Cullen is waiting for you” His tone almost suggested he was resenting what he was saying, but he remained calm, polite and gestured to the door, opening it for her to walk through. </p><p>She nodded a thanks, walking side by side until the main hall where he bid goodbye back to his desk and paintings. </p><p>He seemed quieter than usual, reserved after their conversation. His heart beating quicker than it had previously. She frowned at his retreating back. </p><p>Solas’s company was a very curious one. He would probe her mind, search and rummage. She wasn’t sure what he was searching for in her past, but he was looking. </p><p>And he was looking carefully.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Lyrium</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: Mentions of scars on elbows from needles.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She heard him pacing when she reached the door, still thinking about Solas’ tone when he had mentioned Cullen waiting for her. Surely, he wasn’t… jealous? </p><p>No, he had never expressed any sort of sexual or personal desire, to anyone. If he had something on his mind he would say or he wouldn’t. No one could force the elf to reveal anything he didn’t want to. He was adept at evading questions.</p><p>Opening it quietly, she crept into the room, waiting for his next turn when he would face her. </p><p>“There you are” he sighed, he was out of his armour, only in a deep red linen shirt and brown breeches, his boots naturally matched. </p><p>It was almost intimate when she saw him out of his armour, to be able to admire his lightly blonde forearms, the slight chest and neck through the v neck of his shirt. </p><p>She sent him a small wave, gliding towards him with her pad and pencil in hand. Placing them on the foot of the bed as she passed, freeing her hands so she could take his bandaged one in hers. She activated her omnitool to assess the damage, bones were healed and only the healing of the skin and bruising remained. </p><p>“I wanted to kill him” </p><p>Shepard’s gut clenched at the venom in his tone but she believed him. If the roles were reversed, she would be venomous towards the culprit. She dropped his hand in favour for his cheeks, holding them up as he bowed his head to his chest. </p><p>“It scares me, sometimes” she heard, she looked up to his golden gaze waiting for him to align his thoughts. “What I feel for you, how far I would go” he said shakily. “Without, without Lyrium I can’t protect you against Mages, not- properly” She shook her head, letting her thumb glide across his tanned cheek above his stubble. </p><p>He sighed, using his good hand to cup her jaw, mirroring her actions. She sighed at the warm rough contact. “It’s true, I- I let them leave Kirkwall. I didn’t want to, at first. I used to misdirect patrols from the miracle healer in Darktown because he was doing good. The refugees needed him and then he was a murderer” </p><p>“I found them at the docks, trying to get a ship. When I got there, Hawke was crying. I knew then that he didn’t know about Ander’s plan, and I realised it wasn’t my judgement that would matter to Anders, anyone could kill him or torture him, but Hawke could- could reach him. Help him. If I had a bond that strong, I would hope someone would let me go too. It’s when I knew I had to leave the order” he admitted, finally opening his eyes. </p><p>She smiled when he did, nodding hoping he understood. One of her hands left his face to gently take his bandaged one again. Waiting for him to say what was obviously on his mind, Cullen was classically Ferelden, honest and direct. She just stood smiling, almost getting amused by the turmoil so clearly going on in his head. </p><p>“I- I um I drew you a bath, I thought- you’d like one, since you’re still in your armour” he smirked as she looked down at herself as if just remembering she was still encased in the metal. </p><p>She nodded, moving to her pad. </p><p><em> Join me? </em> </p><p>He seemed alarmed at the prospect, “I ah- I’m not sure” he was stood stock still in his place. </p><p>She frowned at his words, <em> You don’t want to? </em> </p><p>“No-“ he held his hands up finally inching towards her, “I do- it’s just it’s-“ he sighed as his next words left his brain. “I wanted to prove to you it’s not just physical to me, I’m trying to woo you” he said rubbing the tension from the back of his neck. “And I’m doing a terrible job of it” he avoided her eyes as she watched his face heat up. </p><p><em> Please stay </em> </p><p>He watched emotions flicker over her face, the last one looked strikingly like amusement, she held his hand and led him to the washroom. Her corner-tub was installed opposite the shower, the golden brass adorned on the outside with Orlesian decoration. Easily big enough for three of her to sit in it comfortably. </p><p>She opened the door and led him in, only turning when she had both feet in the door. The gasp that left her ached her throat, but the surprise overrode the pain. </p><p>He had put in oil that smelt of their Ferelden favourite. Candles were placed around the room in groups, in the absence of a window or the main light being lit, it was romantically dim. A few flower petals were around the room and in the tub, making the whole scene terribly romantic. </p><p>“Is that a good gasp?” he asked, moving his hands to her armour clasps, she nodded eagerly, “Good” she could hear the smile in his voice. </p><p>“It’s wonderful” she managed through her pain, making him look up from his position at her thigh armour in shock she had spoken. She put her hand through his hair, cupping his face as he continued taking her armour and boots off.</p><p>He removed the rest of her clothes gently, making sure to avoid any bruises. She didn’t feel shy in her nakedness with him, not anymore. He came up behind her again hands splayed on her stomach. He busied himself kissing her shoulder where her lightning scar wrapped over, this time she felt his hot skin on her back, the hardness pressing on her backside. True to his word he didn’t try anything beyond sexual, just held her, trailing his fingertips on her skin. </p><p>“Come” he said roughly, directing her to the bath with hands on her hips. He held her hand as she climbed into the hot water, sighing contently as she lowered herself in. </p><p>He followed suit, not bothering to conceal his groan as the hot water hit his skin. Once settled her beckoned her over, crooking a finger. She ended up with her back against his chest. He gently washed her hair and massaged her shoulders. Carefully avoiding her neck before she returned the favour, playing with the curls on his head. He huffed at first, but relented, damn near purring at her attention. </p><p>Even after the bath he cared for her, towelling her down in the softest towel she had ever felt. Certainly not one of the military issue towels she was used to. Happily she dressed back in her ‘borrowed’ shirt from Cullen and settled herself into the bed with him at her side.</p><p>“Where did you get the journal?” he asked softly, he was over the duvet in his trousers and socks. Much insistent on leaving when she fell asleep.  </p><p>She turned slightly, “Solas gave it to me” she managed, he wordlessly handed her a goblet of sweet-wine for her throat. She took a gulp before handing it back. </p><p>“That was… kind of him” </p><p>She turned and frowned at his tone, he was gazing off frowning himself until he caught her eye, “Forgive me, I just- the way he looks at you sometimes I-“ he sighed again, “My jealousy is unfounded, I simply cannot read the man. I dislike it”</p><p>She reached for the journal, <em> I’m with you, only you </em> she reassured him. He was bitterly grateful for the reassurance; she shouldn’t have to give it.</p><p>“I know” he smiled, moving her hair away so he could curl over her, from there he lathered her throat with feather light kisses. Her hair fell behind her, her head slightly turned towards him. </p><p>He heard her flicking the pages over looking for something. He pulled back, settling himself on his side slightly raised so he could face her and keep his hand running on her back, she showed him a page with the word, ‘Matz’ on. He read the one-sided conversation, settling again at her side. </p><p>“That’s his name” he realised, “You found it” she nodded eagerly. “You’re incredible you know” he saw her blush slightly, looking away at his praise. </p><p>He didn’t think he would ever understand how she worked, not truly, but he would give her the admiration she deserved. </p><p>He caught sight of other words on the pages, gently taking it from her he read them over. Laughing at her story in her youth, he could imagine it. A brave or stupid little Liv running through the forest, finding herself with wolves, only to have them protect her. He wondered if she felt fear as a child, or if she was born with a lion heart. </p><p>She seemed to be very good with animals, then again. She was good with everyone. </p><p>“She slept with wolves without fear, for the wolves knew a lion was among them” he said, reciting something with a glazed expression. When he came back to himself, he saw her looking at him with small frown lines on her brow. </p><p>He reached and smoothed them down, stroking around her face, tracing his fingers down her neck and across her collar bone. Half smirking at the goose bumps that his fingers left on her skin. </p><p>“A story my mother used to tell us”</p><p>“Tell me” she whispered, curling into him further. </p><p>“It’s called, the Lion of Ferelden” he began, looking into expectant blue-green eyes, hanging on his every word. </p><p>***</p><p>“Do you think Mages still need you?” </p><p>It was the first thing Maxwell had said since the trial had begun. Fire bowls illuminated the end of the halls, crackling wood echoed eerily. The lack of wooden towers or rubble carried the sound. </p><p>He was on his throne, elbows on his thighs, leaning forward and clasping his hands low. The room was emptied, no nobles or even most of the inner circle. </p><p>Dylan and Victoria were representing the Academy, Stroud and the advisors the Inquisition and Wardens. Naturally Varric was there in support of Hawke, more than Anders. Shepard was stood off to the side with Dorian and Cole, not a voice in Maxwell’s ear. Solas was off to the side, simply observing. </p><p>“I don’t understand” Anders replied frigidly, stood on the first landing to the throne. He was in his Grey Warden armour, no staff but Mages were never unarmed. </p><p>“I asked you, Warden, if you believe the Mages still need you to fight for them. That is what you believed you were doing in Kirkwall, yes?” Max accepted the Warden’s nod. “What I am asking or rather trying to work out is; are you worth protecting” he more said to himself than Anders. </p><p>“Is anyone?” Anders retorted, almost offended at the Inquisitors tone. </p><p>Their voices echoed around the room eerily at the lack of people or things to disrupt the noise. </p><p>“Yes” Max replied, “Everyone deserves a chance” he repeated what Shepard had said to him long ago, his eyes flicking over to her. </p><p>She held his gaze neutrally, hoping she didn’t look like she was pleading. He held her gaze for a few more moments before returning to the Warden. </p><p>“You were taken to the Circle; you were conscripted into the Wardens. Those were not your choices, but were forced upon you, for better or ill”</p><p>He paused, “When given free will you healed for free, saved lives, saved my little sister and her mother” Ander’s eyes widened, realising that Maria, pregnant with the Inquisitors sister. A half elven Mage. </p><p>“You saved a spirit from the Fade by offering yourself. From this you would be seen as an upstanding man, if a little eccentric” Amusement crossed Maxwell’s face for a moment, before darkening. </p><p>“And yet are responsible for the deaths of those in the Chantry in Kirkwall and the aftermath in the city. Partially responsible for the Mage rebellion, one that has shaken all of Thedas.”</p><p>Anders denied none of it. Didn’t say a word. Another pause. Shepard could hear Maxwell’s heart racing. </p><p>“The fact remains that you are an unknown, you are dangerous and you are unique. You are also a wanted man in the Free Marches, if not in all of Thedas” Maxwell’s voice dripped with authority, but remained light. It lulled you into a security, but betrayed a softness under his demeanour. </p><p>The room waited, “I do not believe I have the right to judge you, I don’t believe anyone does but the Maker” </p><p>The sun broke through the glass windows behind Maxwell, bathing the room in a soft orange glow. It was almost comical to Shepard, like a bad film, the hero bathed in glow from God. </p><p>“You can take your chances and walk out of this room; I will not peruse you. Nor will I protect you from those who wish to kill or capture you” he said simply. </p><p>“The second option, involves Anders… dying” </p><p>Hawke immediately protested, darting forward but was stopped physically by Cullen and audibly by Maxwell’s raised hand.</p><p>“You may join the Inquisition, in doing so. Anders must die. But the man you were before, the man who is underneath may be allowed to have a new start. A new chance. I believe it is Matz, yes?” </p><p>Cullen had told him, told Maxwell of her findings. Cullen had helped save Anders for a second time. </p><p>“I will have you work with our people to learn more about what you are capable of. I am not ignorant to promise answers, but I am hopeful that together we can help each other” Shepard unfolded her arms, relaxing at Maxwell’s words. </p><p>She wondered who had spoke to him, or if this was him alone deciding the Warden’s fate. </p><p>“Cole and Solas would be your main points of contact for this, being the most experienced in the Fade. And I would request you work with the Academy also; your magic abilities are extraordinary. To teach and to research, along-side Enchanter Trevelyan and Smith would be a part of your being here” he gestured to the two. </p><p>Victoria nodded, happy with the option, Dylan looked uncomfortable, either in Ander’s presence or with his elder brother being in control of such a fate. But remained neutral.</p><p>“This will be your choice but it will be on the Inquisition’s terms. I should add, that I will not allow you into the field with Hawke and Warden Stroud until you have been vetted by the before mentioned individuals. Please, give me your answer. Are you to run as the Apostate Anders, or are you to be Warden Matz, ally of the Inquisition”  </p><p>She heard Varric beside her mutter a ‘Don’t be stupid Blondie’.</p><p>“Matz” Anders replied, “I would like to be known by my name” he looked over at Shepard, she smiled back at him, nodding encouragingly. “I accept your offer, Inquisitor and I understand the terms- I’ll abide by them. I do not want to hurt anyone” </p><p>He had little choice in the matter, but the fact he had made it himself gave Shepard hope that Matz would cooperate. </p><p>It went without a hitch, Shepard thought. It was easy, as they adjourned. Everyone looked tense, but accepted the verdict. Questions would need to be answered, would he have to dye his hair, who in the Circle had met him, would a short hairdo and beard be enough? </p><p>Would he hurt more people within the Inquisition? </p><p>Could he really be trusted?</p><p>Was saving this one life going to harm more?</p><p>She had no doubt that the man on the throne was asking himself this question.<br/>
Maxwell nodded in his throne, relaxing into it, “Warden Matz, I should warn you. You have not chosen the easy path for yourself” </p><p>Matz looked at Shepard and Hawke, “The easy path is usually the wrong one, I am not doing it for you, or myself. But rather those I love” he answered. </p><p>Maxwell nodded, “It is very much the same reason I have offered you such. And I will warn you now, I will do everything to protect those I love, and if their safety is threatened and that means your death, then that is the Maker’s will. Just so we are clear” he rose after saying this, dismissing anymore discussion or ruling. He veered off to talk to his advisors. </p><p>Shepard let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, earning a look from Solas. Him and Cole began a discussion with Victoria and Dylan. Hawke moved to Anders, or now, Matz side. Relief evident as they embraced one another. </p><p>Varric moved beside her, “Well done Siren” </p><p>“I didn’t do anything” she said, her voice better but still extremely husky. The volume she could produce was hardly above a pronounced whisper. </p><p>He smirked up at her, “It’s easy to forget Marcher is just a kid really, he needs people in his ear… and I’m damn glad you’re one of them”</p><p>***</p><p>He managed to have a few hours alone to his thoughts for the first time in what felt like years. </p><p>He let the cold air lick at his skin, dampening the thoughts. Circling arguments with his head of guilt, vengeance and a little bit of a hangover if he was honest. Tevinter wine was as evil as it was made out to be. Made from the tears of slaves Dorian had joked. Breathing the Frostback air helped at least. </p><p>He felt her before he heard her, his mark, he mused. He just knew when she was near, connecting to her more and more. It didn’t flare anymore but rather he understood the connection more. Able to channel the sparks in his arm than through his eyes. </p><p>He found the same with Dorian and Solas. Able to feel their Magic before he saw them. </p><p>“Thank you” she hugged him from behind. Max relaxed into the hug, he hadn’t even heard her enter his room and come up behind him on his balcony. But he supposed that was the point in her being a rogue… infiltrator… whatever. </p><p>He wrapped his arms over hers, “I half did it for you, as him. I’ve given him this chance Shep, what he does with it… that’s his choice. Half of the inner circle disagree with my decision, our decision”</p><p>Her arms slid from his, “I know, and I know” she tugged him back into his room, guiding him to his couch before the fire. “I didn’t see you at dinner” she said, pulling the lid off a tray of food. </p><p>She was worse than a nanny sometimes, looking out for him. After him. Always thinking of him. Scones, fruits and nuts lay in-front of him, tea and wine. A mini buffet. He helped himself to it for a few moments. </p><p>He fell rather than sat on the couch after taking to the food, </p><p>“My father’s dead” he said simply. “Have a read” he gestured to his desk. </p><p>Resting his head back on the wooden Orlesian seat with a thud. It marginally hurt but he didn’t bother wincing or opening his eyes. </p><p>“I see” came the short reply. She didn’t say sorry, or ask him if he was ok. She simply took it as it was… an update. He was grateful. He didn’t want pity. </p><p>She was as quiet as she was when she entered, the only indication she was next to him was the slight decline of the couch seat. </p><p>“Prince Vael… Brother Vael? Wasn’t he friends with Hawke and Anders?” she asked, “This is what you meant by if he was worth protecting” he nodded. He listened to the crinkling of paper, the crackling of the fire. Her even breaths that indicated she was either laughing or getting angry. </p><p>“Something something grateful something something?” she laughed with the words; he couldn’t help but chuckle along. </p><p>“They definitively do it on purpose” he laughed along with her. It felt good to be silly, enjoy laughing at His Majesty. </p><p>“Your middle name is Glenn?”</p><p>“What of it” he said harsher than he meant. She didn’t react to it. </p><p>She hummed, “It’s a common Scottish name back home” she mused. </p><p>“My mother was from Starkhaven, actually. She was tied to her roots but Father refused for any of us to have a Starker first name. Their marriage was one of arrangement, but they fell in love. She would call us our middle names to annoy him. I’m told” he added the last sentence sadly. </p><p>He wished he had experienced the loving father that William had known. Not the coarse, ruthless man that he had grown up with. He finally opened his eyes, she was just finishing the letter on his father’s death, when he spied another letter in her hand. </p><p>“What’s that?” he asked softly, pointing to the parchment. </p><p>“Alexius’ account of the shards… Dorian gave it to me at dinner” she sighed. “It’s… well it confirms what we know, would you like me to read it?” </p><p>“Please” He nodded, shutting his eyes once more. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Alexius was clear with his orders. The Venatori scoured the countryside to find more of the shards, thought to be of Elven origin. Without the shards, they couldn’t find the treasure that the Elder one sought.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Without the Oculara, the shards are impossible to find, either veiled by magic or simply not there before the Orulara brings them to this world. The magic that shrouds them is thought to have been there for centuries. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Oculara are made from Tranquil, one Mage skull erected on a staff. These artefacts together cause a macabre of energy so the shards glow, or glisten. Then through the eye of the skull one can pinpoint the location exactly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alexius ordered the Venatori to kidnap the Tranquil in the area. The Skull will only work ‘properly’ if the Tranquil is in close proximity to one of the shards when the demon is forced to possess him. Even then Alexius mentioned that the fatal blow must be delivered immediately and that the time frame of said blow is crucial to its success. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He admitted to the source of the Ocularum’s creation, there is a locked room in a cellar at the docks, I imagine there are more staves and skulls than we wish to see. I suggest letting the Arl know in a show of good faith. Let the poor souls rest. </em>
</p><p><em>I am unfamiliar with this type of magic, thus I sought Enchanter Victoria’s aid, she studied Elven magic in Tevinter, she may know more on this. Her notes are on the reverse. </em> </p><p> </p><p>He heard another paper rustle before she began speaking again. Max’s face hurt with the frown he was currently holding on how someone could be so cruel to the Tranquil. They were still people, still souls. He made a mental note to write to the Arl immediately.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The magic used is most definitively blood magic. The summoning Dorian and Alexius described is barbaric but effective. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have read of an Elven temple in the Forbidden Oasis in Orlais, far west of the sand dunes. It is dubbed, the Solasan Temple. Solasan being the elven word for Pride, or Place of Pride. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Several expeditions were sent over the years but none could open the door, the magic warned away any brute force and several members were ‘turned mad’. How accurate that phrase is could be interpreted differently, please remember they are Orlesian. Drama is the national pastime. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>However, not only did they confirm its existence. They did manage eventually to create a mine. It is long since deserted if I am to understand correctly. I am unsure if the two are correlated but there has been reports from the Orlesian expeditions of Giants, Giant Spiders and more dangers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I imagine there are rifts there currently, but this I will leave to Scout Harding’s capable team. </em>
</p><p><em>If you do endeavour to go, Inquisitor, I request I also come along. I can offer insight into the Temple from my many studies over the years that may be of use to you. </em> </p><p> </p><p>She finished reading the account, wondering if Victoria should be travelling. Then again, Shepard had no idea of how old she actually was. </p><p>“I’ll request Leliana’s people to go immediately” she said softly, “You should get some rest Max, we have Ser Barris’ promotion in a few days you know, I can handle the arrangements of that and the Solasan Temple. Best us get there first than-” </p><p>She was met with a soft snore. </p><p>She gently coaxed him to a laying position on the couch, he was so tired he barely stirred as she pulled his boots off, pulling a blanket over him. “I know how it feels Max, but you aren’t alone. Remember that” she said to the sleeping warrior. </p><p>“I’ll take care of it” she turned to tend to the fire. Adding a thin log over the top of the red marked one in its place, letting the flames lick the sides. </p><p>“Thank you Livvy” he said sleepily. </p><p>She sighed, smiling to herself. She turned back to him, very much asleep on his side. </p><p>She quickly wrote him a note, placing it on the top of the parchments.<br/>
<em> Taking care of it. – Shep </em> </p><p>Lowering herself to a knelt position before him, she kissed his forehead. Brushing the bits of hair back that had fallen from his quiff. </p><p>“Sweet dreams Maxxy”</p><p>***</p><p>They were gathered in the gardens of the Academy for a ceremony. The Academy needed a Knight-Commander and only one man was fit for the title. </p><p>He had gone against the Red Templars, saved Val Colline from the Venatori. Had saved the City of Ansburg on the Inquisitor’s behalf, showing Ostwick that the Inquisition was there for them. </p><p>And went so far as to thank the Inquisitor for the opportunity to show people how Templar’s could be trusted. Won the hearts of the Guards in Ostwick including the standing Bann, Cullen had no doubt that Maxwell was even more grateful for his city still standing. </p><p>Today Barris, the second son of minimal holdings, would become a leader in title, not just heart. </p><p>Cullen should have been happy, ecstatic that this man was being promoted by his order. A shining example of what a Templar should be. </p><p>But the whole room was coated in Lyrium. </p><p>And all he could feel was sick. </p><p>He was barely managing to keep from retching, the only release from the smell was the garden’s fruity and earthy notes. He was doing his best to not fidget, using his shaky hands to hold his pommel in a dignified fashion. Shepard’s green eyes were on him, he could see her narrowing them on his form, no doubt hearing his heart racing. </p><p>His didn’t even attempt to look at her, thankful that she stood next to the Inquisitor behind him infact. </p><p>Barris entered the glass domed room and was flanked by the three Knight-Captains that were already in possession of their titles from their respective circles. A hush fell upon the room, the Templar’s and Mages gathered around them were watching eagerly and it was then he noticed, in his struggle with his eyesight, that they were mixed. </p><p>Not stood apart, or segregated, happily mixing. </p><p>This was a good thing. </p><p>So why was he making sure he had an exit in sight at all times. Expecting Uldred to walk around a corner. His heart pounding beneath his ribs. </p><p>“Knight-Templar Delrin Barris, we have gathered to review your military service to the Inquisition” Cullen began, he recited his victories, his achievements. “Most notably, was calming a village and saving a young Mage, without raising a sword” </p><p>Maxwell stepped forward, his Inquisition sword on his belt. “In thanks for your service, and your bravery in Haven. I endorse your promotion to Knight-Commander of the Ferelden Academy of Magi and the Templar Order” </p><p>His eyes went wide, “Your Worship” He blinked a few times before getting to one knee, “I- I am not worthy” </p><p>“You have shown loyalty, determination, courage and most notably Barris” Shepard said, she paused, “You have shown an intelligence in your actions led by a good heart, as all Templars should have” she said thoughtfully. Feeling her eyes on his back once more. </p><p>Shepard’s voice washed over his back, her husky voice lulling him. Varric was right, she was a Siren. </p><p>Drawing the faithful to her. She shouldn’t have faith in him. </p><p>He was failing her this very moment and she didn’t know it. Didn’t know how he craved to lick the blue liquid that sung his name. That he was biting the inside of his cheek for a taste of iron. </p><p>Barris bowed his head, “I shall honour your faith in me, Avatar of Andraste. I am grateful the Maker put you in my path” Cullen thought he was talking generally, until he remembered. </p><p>They had met by chance in a Ferelden Chantry. Without her interference, placing the doubt in his mind that the Order should be more, he would most likely be a Red Templar like the rest. Following the Order without question. She had saved his life that day. </p><p>Maxwell spoke once more, “Templars! Mages! Will you take Ser Barris as your Knight-Commander?” </p><p>Bashing of metal made Cullen wince but he enjoyed the cheer that came with it, every Templar saluted Barris. Every Mage cheered for their new leader. </p><p>“Then Knight-Commander Barris, please continue your good work. I believe a celebration is in order” Maxwell said, rousing even more cheers from the crowd as barrels and mugs were brought out. </p><p>Along with Lyrium. </p><p>Cullen took that moment to escape. Moving quickly to the door, his hands were shaking. He was trying to walk as straight as possibly to his mount. He wasn’t aware of the voice calling his name, or her hands trying to turn him. He didn’t see her watch him ride off unsteadily. </p><p>***</p><p>It was Cassandra who told her she needed to stay, be seen at the celebration. That she would follow the Commander back to Skyhold to ensure his safety and to find out what was going on. Shepard was lucky she was good at putting on a smile, her body was in the celebration but her mind was in Skyhold. </p><p>Maxwell noticed her discomfort and promptly said they had to return to the keep up the track, but that the Academy should continue to celebrate until the wee hours. </p><p>No one complained. </p><p>Not one second after she had jumped off Mako handing the reins to the stable hand, had Cole told Shepard to go to the armoury. She frowned catching Max’s eye, he gestured with his head for them to go. Once they had reached the door, they heard raised voices inside. It was him stopping her this time, listening in.  </p><p>“You asked my opinion and I have given it. Why would you expect it to change” Cassandra shouted.</p><p>“I expect you to keep your word. It’s relentless. I can’t-“ Cullen sounded hoarse, dry throat struggling to form words. </p><p>“You give yourself too little credit” Cassandra interrupted. </p><p>“If I am unable to fulfil what vows I kept then nothing good has come of this, would you rather save face than admit-“ </p><p>Shepard had heard enough, she opened the door striding into the armoury, looking at the two warriors by the fire both equally as tense. </p><p>Cullen’s shoulders fell as he saw Shepard, “Forgive me” he groaned out as he left the room. </p><p>Shepard’s gaze followed him before turning to Cassandra. Max equally as shocked at the Commander’s defeated gait. </p><p>“And people say I’m stubborn, this is ridiculous” she shouted before Cullen shut the door. “You are both aware that he is no longer taking Lyrium?” </p><p>Max nodded, “I think it’s brave” he said, “I respect his decision”</p><p>“As do I” Cassandra began, “Not that he is willing to listen. Cullen has asked that Shepard or Rylen take his post as Commander of the Inquisition.”</p><p>“What?!” Shepard roared, no he couldn’t just… leave? </p><p>“I refused, it is not necessary” Cassandra said, waving her hand. “Besides it would destroy him. He has come so far”</p><p>Shepard shifted, “Why didn’t he tell me himself that it was getting worse?” she asked. </p><p>“We had an agreement long before we arrived at Haven. As a Seeker I could evaluate the dangers, and he would not want to…” Cassandra softened, she saw it in her eyes as she took in the wide-eyed Shepard, </p><p>“…risk your disappointment. He has told me of your relationship” Cassandra smiled, a rare sight for any. </p><p>“Is there anything we can do for him? Change his mind?” Max asked, placing an arm on Shepard’s shoulder. He only now realised how smitten the two were.</p><p>Cassandra gave Shepard a soft look before turning her gaze to the fire, “If anyone could, it is Shepard. Mages have made their suffering known but Templar’s never have. They are bound to the Order mind and soul with someone always holding their Lyrium leash” she sounded almost emotional… almost. </p><p>“Cullen has a chance to break free, to prove to himself and anyone else wanting to follow that it is possible. He can do this” she finished. </p><p>“Shep go see him. He needs you more than me, I’ll debrief with the others in the war room and meet you there later, don’t rush” Max directed her to the door with a gentle hand.  </p><p>Shepard made her way out the armoury, slowing her pace when she got to the office door, entering without knocking only to duck from an incoming projectile as it smashed above her head. </p><p>“Maker’s breath I didn’t hear you enter I-“ he was breathless, shocked at her arrival. “Forgive me” he whispered again. </p><p>Shepard noticed that Oz was by his desk whimpering softly unmoving. Shepard gave her a smile and shushing gently. The whimpering stopped but Oz didn’t move, her ears low on her head. Large blue eyes watching Cullen. </p><p>“So long as you weren’t aiming for me, I’m sure the box had it coming” Shepard said, attempting humour to defuse the tension. </p><p>His head snapped up, rounding the desk to her, “I swear I didn’t know you were-“ Cullen groaned, his hand shooting out to catch himself on the desk. Shepard sprinted forward only to have him put his arm out to stop her. </p><p>He looked awful, pale cheeks drawn in, bag under his eyes. A soft sheen of sweat on his brow, his usual curls slightly dishevelled. “I never meant for this to interfere” he sighed still leaning heavily on the desk. She wasn’t sure if he meant her or the Inquisition. </p><p>“I believe you Cullen, you promised me remember?” she said softly, itching to take him into her arms. Oz had moved to step beside Shepard, slightly behind her. She was almost fully grown now, gone were the silly proportions, instead a hulking mass of muscle and sharp teeth. </p><p>Oz rarely saw the battle field, but Shepard had no doubt she would protect her or Cullen to the death if needed. </p><p>“For whatever good it does, promises mean nothing if I cannot keep them” he groaned as he stood straight, his hands still steadying himself on the desk.</p><p>“The reason I’m doing this. Why I don’t want to be this anymore, it was Ferelden’s Circle, it was taken over by Abominations, blood mages” he was breathing erratically, hands waving as he spoke, “The Templar’s, my friends were slaughtered, one by one” he took another shaky few breaths. </p><p>Cullen moved to lean by the window, the small breeze entering cooling his forehead. “I was tortured, the last one left, they tried to break my mind and I-“ he laughed humourlessly, darkly. </p><p>“How can you be the same person after that? Cousland, Leliana they saved me, and I wanted all the Mages dead. They refused. I was sent away. Still I wanted to serve, I was re-educated in Greenfell, this was the Maker’s will, they said, that I was his loyal servant and after th- they sent me to Kirkwall. I wanted to serve, to be a good Templar. But they knew, they knew I would be harder on Mages, that I hated them and that made me a perfect jailer. I trusted my Knight-Commander’s decision to promote me and for what?” he roared. </p><p>Shepard stayed silent, “The Inquisitor’s own brother did despicable things in my charge and I didn’t look into them! I knew something was wrong towards the end but… I should have trusted Hawke. An Apostate living in Hightown over men that swore to uphold the Maker’s values!“ he bowed his head before more rage took over, his hands shaking uncontrollably. His pacing was strong but she saw the little shakes in his knees. </p><p>“Kirkwall’s circle fell, Meredith invoked the rite of annulment, her fear of Mages sickened me and I was no better, I was blind to that as I was her madness as she succumbed to Red Lyrium. Hawke stood with Orsino, and he turned out to be a blood mage too. Innocent people died in the streets” </p><p>He groaned holding his head before throwing his hands out to her, “Can’t you see why I want nothing to do with that life?” he whispered, frowning deeply. </p><p>“Of course I can Cullen, I-“</p><p>“DON’T. You should be questioning what I have done. I thought this would be better” he began to pace, like a caged animal. “That I would regain some control over my life, that I could start a new one with you but these thoughts won’t leave me” he groaned, his hands running through his hair. </p><p>Shepard didn’t miss the part about her, she put her hands on her hips thinking of the best course of action if he became more volatile. </p><p>“How many lives depend on our success; I SWORE MYSELF TO THIS CAUSE. I will not give less to the Inquisition then I did the Chantry. I should be taking it!” he shouted, his movements became erratic. </p><p>His hand shot out and punched the book case, a few fell at his feet as he clenched his eyes shut. Oz growled and took a defensive posture by Shepard. </p><p>“I should be taking it” he groaned out. The pain on his face was more than she wanted to see, more than he deserved. She couldn’t shoot this problem away, couldn’t delegate or argue. This was his fight. </p><p>“This doesn’t have to be about the Inquisition, is this what you want Cullen” Shepard said moving to stand before him, ignoring the growling beast beside her. </p><p>He was hunched over so they were almost at eye level, his fist still connected to the wood of the book case. His pupils were dilated, sweat on his brow. </p><p>“No…” he sighed, the wrinkles of his scowl of flattening against his head. Letting his hand drop, Shepard took that as a sign for her to move forward, gently cradling it between hers. </p><p>“These memories have always haunted me” he said gently, “If they become worse, if I cannot endure-“</p><p>“You can” she whispered, looking up at him now at his full height, he was still sweating. Eyes red, a scowl still on his face. Oz was still at their sides, looking between them. </p><p>“Alright” he sighed, one of her hands left his to stroke his cheek.</p><p>“I’m here Cullen, you can do this” she repeated, the cold of her fingers brushing under his eye, his eyes shut. Lips parted as he panted his anger away, a serene look came onto his face.  </p><p>“Cullen?” Shepard said, cupping his cheek, his head dropped at the same time his body did. </p><p>Collapsing into Shepard his armour hitting her chest heavily forcing the air from her lungs, her arms under his armpits holding him up. He was already a hulking mass but with armour he was extremely heavy, Oz jumped out the way.</p><p>“Cullen!” she shouted, taking the weight of his body putting her arms under his, her legs were buckling as she turned and tried not to drop him to the floor. </p><p>She knelt beside him, racking her brain of the best action to take. She slapped his cheek lightly a few times trying to rouse him, “Cullen come on, Cullen can you hear me?” she shouted.</p><p>She searched frantically for a pulse, fast, it was way too fast for someone who was unconscious. His body was on fire if his neck temperature was anything to go by.</p><p>“Cole! Cole I need you!” she shouted, he appeared crouching across Cullen’s sweating body. </p><p>“Get Solas and Max. NOW!” She shouted, softly stroking Cullen’s hair. Cole disappeared immediately without a word. </p><p>No no no, not now he couldn’t go now. He promised, he wanted to get better. Oz was whimpering by her side, nuzzling Cullen’s shoulder occasionally. A door flying open made Shepard’s head shoot up, meeting the eyes of Solas, Max and Dorian. </p><p>Dorian gently guided Shepard from the floor away so Solas could have space, “Sweetheart out the way, we need to work” he whispered to her gently. Not leaving her side. </p><p>“What happened?” Max asked taking Shepard’s arm, as Victoria ran into the room, medical pack at hand. </p><p>“He was frantic, sweating. Talking about taking Lyrium again but I convinced him not to. He doesn’t want to, he agreed that he wouldn’t and then just collapsed on me” Shepard said, running her armoured hand across her head.</p><p>Max stood by her side as the three Mages worked around them. “Anything else? Anything at all?” Dorian added. </p><p>“The blue bottle tempted him. He refused. She temped him. He gave in. He feels safe when she’s near. He wants to be free of his chains, his freedom hers to take” Cole chimed, looking at Shepard. </p><p>She felt her breath hitch. He was tempted to take it to secure their future… it was… wrong. She felt as if she may have been an excuse, an enabler. </p><p>“A moment of vulnerability or safety and his body shut down, he has been requiring more pain relief in recent days. May I suggest his quarters for a treatment room” Solas said looking at the ladder. </p><p>“I agree, we can’t take him to the medical room. The soldiers can’t see this, this needs to be contained. I’ll get Rylen to fill in immediately” Max added. </p><p>“You go ahead and I’ll lift him” Shepard said flaring her biotics around Cullen, gently creating a field under him. </p><p>The three Mages climbed up quickly, Shepard following suit holding Cullen in the air. She raised her hand and guided his body to his bed, Solas began removing his armour with Dorian’s help. Victoria was unpacking supplies on the foot of the bed.</p><p>Max gently said her name from the bottom of the ladder, gesturing her to come down. </p><p>She cast one last look at the blonde man surrounded by healers before jumping down, using her biotics to slow her fall. She avoided Max’s eyes, sitting in Cullen’s chair defeatedly, holding her head in her hands. Oz placed his front paws on her knees, whimpering softly as he nudged her head. </p><p>“He’ll be ok Oz” she said stroking her head, “He has to be” she said clenching her eyes shut. </p><p>***</p><p>“H-hello” </p><p>The woman in the couch chair looked up from her book, almost shocked by the disturbance but smiled softly once she realised it had emanated from.</p><p>“Hello, how are you feeling?” she asked softly. </p><p>“Sore. Where am I?” he said sitting up, the double bed was generous. </p><p>Small slit windows in in the sides of the room, a set of draws, wardrobe, table. It seemed a bit much for a patient’s room, then again, he was rarely in the infirmary. That is where he was, wasn’t it? The more he tried to remember, the further it ran from him. </p><p>“You’re in your quarters, you’ve been running a fever. It’s normal to be a little dazed, some memory loss or confusion” she smiled, “I’m-“ she paused, “I’m Livia Shepard. You can call me Liv, if you’d like” </p><p>Her voice was like a breeze, he knew her accent somehow. The titillations her voice gave him were baseless, she was simply being kind but her voice sang to him. </p><p>Like a siren. </p><p>Siren? </p><p>The word floated in his head before evaporating. He felt a surge of annoyance that his ability to understand the world around him was floating away. </p><p>“Do you remember me, Ser Rutherford? We have spoken once before” she added. </p><p>“Forgive me… I- I’m not sure” her face fell a little, her shoulders dropping slightly, he felt slightly guilty. Why did he feel guilty?</p><p>“Please call me Cullen” he said quickly, “But I suppose you know that” he muttered. He didn’t expect her laugh, small and breathy but it made his heart beat quicker, he didn’t understand his reaction to her. </p><p>BARK BARK</p><p>“Is that… a Mabari?” he asked with a childish enthusiasm to his voice, he had always wanted one. </p><p>She snickered softly, “It is, want to meet her?” she turned her head towards the side, he nodded.</p><p>“Oz! Come!” </p><p>His body ached, but he could feel all his fingers and toes. His arms felt like lead when he tried to move them, pushing his upper body up was a chore. Soft cold hands came to his aid, helping him sit back against the headboard. He tried not to think about how good her hands felt on his hot skin, soft hands, barely calloused. </p><p>Bounding paws could be heard on the spiral staircase in the corner of the room, a large grey Mabari came trotting over, sitting infront of the woman. A female grey wagging her tail at him. </p><p>“Oz” he said softly, the Mabari woofed back at him, “A funny name” the Mabari whined back at him tilting her head.</p><p>“Oh dear you’ve offended her” she teased. </p><p>“My apologies pup” He reached his fingers out allowing the Mabari to sniff and lick his fingers, she eagerly licked them, inching forward to him before the woman gently asked her to sit again.  </p><p>“Could you tell me the year Cullen?” she asked, he took his gaze from the enamoured Mabari to her. She must be hers, protecting her closely but watching him intently. He hoped she was curious and not threatened. </p><p>He blinked a few times, “Of-course, it’s… um… it’s” he frowned at the lack of answer from his brain, “I ah- I’m not sure” he said honestly. </p><p>Her hand rested gently over his, soft and cool. Her nails trimmed, clean. “It’s alright Cullen, don’t worry” she said gently, but with what was almost authority. Like she knew it would be. </p><p>“Let’s try, how old are you?”</p><p>“I’m… thirty, I think” a hazy memory of his father’s handwriting, asking for him to visit them now he was entering his third decade. A celebration. </p><p>He had burned the letter in his sadness. Knowing he couldn’t travel across to Ferelden from Kirkwall in his state, he had just left the Templar’s his father would be… he would be disappointed, angry, miserable. </p><p>He wasn’t a Templar anymore. It was all he wanted to be when he was a boy but now, he felt relief. Why did he feel relief? </p><p>Another blank look, accompanied with a nod, she perched on the bed, splaying her fingers on his face to look at his eyes with a ‘hmmm’. </p><p>“Very close. You turned thirty-one this year” she said softly to him, “Do you know when your birthday is?” </p><p>She moved forward, looking for something, it gave him the chance to look closer at her eyes. They were stunning, really. Framed by groomed brows and long lashes. Her face was littered with gentle freckles, a scar running from her right midforehead near to her hairline across to her temple cutting through the very edge of her eyebrow, it was a pinkish thin line. Recent but not new.</p><p>She had the looks of a Lady but the intelligence of a scholar, the scar and build of a warrior. She was confounding. </p><p>“Cullen?”</p><p>“Forgive me- um- it’s the first day of August, the eight month. The tenth year of the ninth age” he replied, blushing slightly. He needed to focus on her words not her face. </p><p>He could breathe again when she leant back, “Follow my finger please Cullen” she said using her index finger she pointed upwards, moving it left and right. </p><p>“I’m going to put a candle near your eyes, I just need to see your response to light okay?” she asked softly, he had never had this type of healer, he had heard of healers from Orlais who were professors of the human form but she didn’t seem like those elderly wealthy men, she seemed to care, to want to learn. </p><p>This strange woman from Starkhaven.</p><p>He realised he was still staring at her again, waiting for his answer. There was so much warmth in her aura, he could feel her eyes looking through him, into him. Her movements seemed familiar, a comfort to the way she moved. </p><p>“How do I know you?” he asked watching the candle she was holding be rested back onto the side table, “I feel…”</p><p>She blinked back at him, a small smile, “Yes?” she tilted her head, narrowing her eyes at him, her hair followed the motion. </p><p>His hand shot out and trailed down the back of her temple, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear. “You’re lovely”</p><p>“Arfff” came from the Mabari, wagged her tail happily. </p><p>Shepard’s eyes went wide, a large shocked look, her cheeks pinkening. </p><p>“I- Maker what I meant was- um” he groaned, flopping back onto the pillows on the headboard, shutting his eyes to keep from looking at her. “I’m sorry, that was very inappropriate of me, I don’t know why I-“ </p><p>A hand gently brushed over his, “Cullen-“</p><p>“Shep you up there?!” </p><p>She was either annoyed at the interruption or him at her huff of breath, he didn’t want to know but managed to peel his eyes open. </p><p>“Yes, up here” she answered familiarly tilting her head to the ladder. </p><p>Creaking of the wooden steps indicated someone heavy was climbing, a red-haired man came over the top. Tattoos on his chin and one side of his nose. </p><p>“Cullen you’re awake” the man beamed, it seemed he knew this man well.</p><p>“I am, um…” he frowned, trying to put a name to the man. He was in silver and green armour. Built for a warrior in cold weather, a sun and sword emblem on his plate. </p><p>The man frowned, nearing the bed with long strides he came up behind Shepard, resting his hands on her shoulders. His stomach dropped, of course they were together, both from Starkhaven. </p><p>Why was his gut chewing him up? He barely knew her?</p><p>The Grey Mabari stayed where she was, turning her head upside down her to gaze at the man, he could have laughed at the sight, silly thing. The man gave her a quick scratch under the chin and a soft ‘hello lass’. </p><p>“I’m Rylen” he smiled, turning his attention to him, “Knight-Captain Rylen McCallum” he added.</p><p>“Oh” he saluted, nodding his head in respect for the Templar. “Forgive me for not recognising you I- I seem to be struggling to remember things” he frowned, slightly embarrassed at his situation. He had heard Lyrium did this to older Templars, forgetting little things, but this was… he couldn’t remember anything.</p><p>He frowned like he was thinking something over, his hands tightened on Shepard’s shoulders. “It’s alright lad. I’m just pleased to see you awake” </p><p>“I’m sorry to cut this short but, they need you in the war room” he said to the woman, looking over her head at an angle to meet her eyes. </p><p>War? What war? </p><p>She sighed, closing her eyes as if she was thinking something over. After a minute she got up, moving out of the padded chair. </p><p>“Oz, can you keep Cullen company?” She asked the Mabari, the Grey hound woofed and wagged her tail.</p><p>She was taller than he expected, athletically built, brown leather trousers that were distractingly tight. <em> Why am I acting like a common lecher? </em> </p><p>“Wait-“ he said, “Will you… come back?” What was he doing?!</p><p>She softened, standing at the end of his bed, “If you would like me to. I’ll bring dinner too, you’ll need some good food. I’ll try to find something grey and tasteless. Ferelden’s favourite dish, no?” she teased. </p><p>He chuckled, nodding and grinning. She returned the smile, shooting him one last look before turning and heading down the staircase, his eyes followed her head as she turned and her body descended from view.  </p><p>He returned his attention to the Knight-Captain. </p><p>“You fancy her” he teased. </p><p>Cullen’s eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing at the excuse died on his lips. </p><p>The ginger man laughed, “She’s not mine lad, no harm done” he stretched into his chair, running a hand through his hair. </p><p>He shifted slightly, though this man clearly knew him. Cullen didn’t know him. Without conversation to fill silence, he felt trapped. </p><p>“Do you… remember her?” he asked hesitantly. </p><p>“Liv? I- I feel calm around her, not that I don’t around you but she feels familiar, safe… but I have no idea who she is” He explained, Rylen was wide eyed. </p><p>“Her name is Liv?” Rylen said shocked. “I didn’t know- she’s never told us her first name. Only a few know it” he smiled. “She’s been here… every day with you” he said softly. </p><p>If he was of sounder mind, he would have focused on his words. Instead he chose the obvious, “How long have I been sick?” </p><p>“Four days unconscious, you woke yesterday for a bit but it was hardly what I’d count as being awake” </p><p>“It’s the Lyrium, isn’t it? It’s robbing me of my memories” he said looking at his arms, he was bare from the waist up. The injection marks on his inner arm white and scarred. </p><p>Rylen again, was wide-eyed. His breath catching, “Yes lad. You know you’re not a Templar anymore?” Cullen nodded, “The Lyrium in your bones is seeping into your blood, your reserves as I understand. It’s almost like relapsing. It’s affected you more than… well… arrg fuck” he whispered at the end. </p><p>“Shepard’s much better at the clever stuff” The Starker sighed. “Cullen, listen… a lot is going on but we will get through this” he reassured. </p><p>“I barely know what this is” he replied, “Thank you though. Knight-Captain. May I request some books to understand what is happening, the year, history?” </p><p>“Aye. I can do that, Shepard’s cleared you for some things that might jog your memory” he nodded, “I’ve most downstairs in your- in the office” he amended. He stood to move. “We have some things of yours that have been… ah… shipped here too”</p><p>“Rylen, is she… courting anyone?” he asked slowly. </p><p>“She is” he replied, Cullen’s shoulders dropped and he nodded solemnly. </p><p>“You” Rylen added before heading down the stairs and leaving him alone. </p><p>In-between the shivers and aches, Cullen felt elated. </p><p>***</p><p>“Warden Matz informs me the Darkspawn will be able to smell them. It doesn’t matter if they’re quiet or not. Tell the Blades of Hessian to go in groups and armour up, preferably both. If the Darkspawn really are coming up to the surface, we need to know and we need to know now” Shepard nodded to Rylen. He saluted and turned on his heel with the orders to the Spymaster for sending out. </p><p>The War Room was too big sometimes. </p><p>Too big for thoughts, they bounced around the room and made their way back to her. Maxwell had given the advisors permission to send any patrols or orders they wanted while he was away in the Western Approach. Having taken Hawke, Stroud, Vivienne, Sera and Blackwall. Skyhold seemed rather lonely.</p><p>She slid the armoured fist marker onto the coast, thinking of the man who should have been here to push the marker. He was all she could think of when she didn’t have a distraction. She left the room quickly in need of another task. Maybe this is why fraternization rules were in place. Why soldiers were, more often than not, single. </p><p>The waiting. </p><p>She had never had to wait for anyone. </p><p>With Rylen in command in the office, she retreated to her room. Servants had tidied it, changed the sheets but left her desk. It was neat, nothing like Cullen’s office had been. How he managed to get anything done, she had no idea. </p><p>A slow sweet song began from her finger tips once she had sat at her piano stool, she didn’t notice what she was playing. Staring off into space letting her memory take her through the noise. </p><p>It was something she missed from home, she found, being able to press a button and listen to music. Let the mind’s eye be closed to the highs and lows of songs that could light the blood on fire and send a chill through her skin. </p><p>Here it would always be live, someone with you playing an instrument. It filled the silence; she had always hated silence. Her commander in basic had eyed her for a good infiltrator from the start, ‘she’s always looking for noise, looking for something’ she’d say. </p><p>“I thought I’d find you here” Matz walked in, “I caught Knight-Captain Rylen on the way. Let’s hope the Wardens aren’t needed at the coast. Cousland only filled their ranks marginally. Hard to recruit when there’s no Archdemon” he said walking towards her. </p><p>“By all means Matz, come in” she rolled her eyes. </p><p>The two had become easy friends since he had strangled her, Cole had made good progress with the man and spirit. His role in investigating Lyrium for Cullen was something he had only shared with her recently, not wanting to repay a debt, but to help. </p><p>He smirked at her, “We both know there is several Templars just waiting to get their hands on me outside the door” he took a seat on her couch, watching the fire. </p><p>“That’s not what they’re there for, stop being childish” she retorted, shaking her head. It earnt a laugh from him at least. </p><p>“Fun sponge, with that attitude Justice might come out and try killing you again” </p><p>“How has no one killed you yet?”</p><p>“I’m charming” </p><p>She shook her head, laughing at his good-natured teasing. It was almost brotherly. Born of an understanding that bad things could be joked about, lightened. </p><p>“I was wondering if you wanted a chat, or a distraction?” he said softly, staring at her from his seat on the couch. </p><p>“And here I thought the Wardens were against mind-reading blood magic” she retorted using her fingers on the keys to go through some stretching exercises. She saw his movement in her peripheral vision.</p><p>“Hey” </p><p>She looked up from the piano up to Matz, leaning his forearms on the top. “Rutherford is one of the most stubborn men I know, he’ll get through this” </p><p>His stomach growled loudly, thus ruining the moment. “Fancy some dinner?” she asked, rising from her seat. </p><p>The two made their way to the dining hall in the Tavern flanked by Lysette and another soldier, most of the inner circle left were already there smiling and nodding as the two approached and sat. Cassandra shifted in her seat, uncomfortable with Matz, but calculated enough to keep her anger in until she had a sword and a training dummy. </p><p>His stomach growled again, “You almost have the stomach of a Biotic you know” she told him. </p><p>He smiled, “Oh I am NOT as bad as you. Or that slobbery mutt you call a Mabari” he muttered, tucking into the roast placed before him. </p><p>“A Ferelden that doesn’t like Mabari? Someone inform the King there’s a traitor in our mist” she replied, earning a hearty laugh from Varric and Bull. </p><p>“Blondie here is an awful Ferelden, remember that bloody cat you had? What was his name… Pouncy? Poncy?” Varric tapped his fingers on his face. </p><p>“Sir Pounce-a-lot” </p><p>Shepard choked on her ale, laughing properly for the first time in days along with the others at the table. Even Solas was amused. “You named a cat, that? And took it around with you? While fighting Darkspawn?” </p><p>Matz grinned, “Women used to love it when I played with that cat, like moths to a flame. Sort of like you Varric, a fluffy defenceless animal” more laughs from the inner circle. “Probably how Rutherford got you Shep, playing around with that mutt as a puppy” </p><p>The laughter subsided; glances were cast her way of how she would react to Cullen being brought up. It was sad. It almost reminded her of pity. </p><p>“It’s one of the reasons” she replied, more pity sent her way. Looks and darting eyes. She resented it. Anger bubbled in her gut, if she had energy she would try and fight it.</p><p>“I caught him once with the pup on his chest, fast asleep buried in his mantle back in Haven. Sat at his desk still working away” Cassandra said.</p><p>Josie giggled, “And the time he had to chase her across the frozen lake when she had broken out of her pen”</p><p>This went on, small anecdotes of Cullen. Each said like they were mourning, like this was a wake, like he wasn’t awake in his quarters, fighting his addiction. It was a slight against him. </p><p>She slammed her fist on the table, the fork bent in her hand, “He isn’t dead, stop talking about him like he’s dead!” she said, dropping the utensil. The table went silent, yet she preferred it to the alternative. </p><p>“Shep” Bull began, “We didn’t mean-“</p><p>“Shepard we were trying to-“</p><p>“It’s not like that-“</p><p>She didn’t want to listen anymore. Shepard stood abruptly, her chair falling over as she walked away. Her appetite lost to her churning embarrassment and anger. Making her way out the Tavern with a fresh roast and tea for Cullen, and up the stairs. </p><p>The others sat at the table in silence until Cole appeared in Shepard’s seat, having righted it. </p><p>“Powerless. She can’t help from this side. Doesn’t like things she doesn’t understand. It mocks her. She’s was sorry when she left” he said softly. </p><p>“We know Kid, we know” </p><p>***</p><p>“What are you reading?” she asked Cullen, Oz wagged her tail at her but didn’t move from her soft fluffy bed in the corner of the room. </p><p>It was strange, for her, he looked like him. Sounded like him. </p><p>If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s usually a duck. </p><p>But it wasn’t. </p><p>It wasn’t her duck. It wasn’t Cullen. </p><p>He was sat in bed, had managed to wash and change himself. A loose white shirt on his torso. Under a single sheet up to his hips. He hadn’t managed to shave, most likely not risking a blade near his face with the tremors in his hands. She was finding herself liking the beard. </p><p>“You came back” he beamed before flushing and answering her question, “I um- I was just reading some discussions from the Orlais University. It’s mostly just on the Arcane” he explained, removing the book from his lap so she could place the tray there for him. </p><p>“A roast, I couldn’t bring you ale or wine. Best to stick to water or Elfroot tea for now” she said, moving the brown leather chair closer to the bed. She eased into it with a sigh, betraying her fatigue. Oz trotted over, putting her head on Shepard’s lap, purring gently to soothe her. </p><p>“Are you well?” he asked, pausing his mouthful. It was good to see him able to eat, Cullen usually did not have big meals and rarely was seen in the dining hall. </p><p>She almost laughed at the phrasing, “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” she teased. </p><p>He grinned immediately, making him look more like <em> her </em> Cullen. </p><p>“I got there first” he said, shoving a mouthful of chicken into his mouth. </p><p>Shepard rolled her eyes, “I’m a little worn out, nothing major”. She didn’t bother explain her outburst in the Tavern earlier, nor would she tell him herself when he remembered… if he remembered. Her sentence was betrayed by her yawn, taking her body into a shiver. </p><p>“Sleep with me” he said, going for some tea.</p><p>“What?!” she sat bolt straight. </p><p>He realised the words as shock painted his face, “No no no- I meant, sleep on my bed, uh- using my bed, for a nap” he gestured to the empty space next to him not looking at her eyes. “It’s just- I’m sure you have a few patients and duties and well uh“</p><p>She wanted to. She wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him. Would he think she did this for everyone? She didn’t bother correcting him about the patients and duties she had. The truth would be too hard to explain.</p><p>“I’m not sure it would be appropriate… you’re my patient” she said evenly, hoping he couldn’t see her reservation. </p><p>“Knight-Capt- ah… Rylen said we are courting, or were. I just” he rubbed the back of his neck, something that was so entirely Cullen, “I thought maybe I could look after you too” He busied himself by moving the tray to his nightstand so he didn’t have to look at her. Even when he didn’t know who he was. He was thoughtful. </p><p>Shepard blinked back at him, watching him struggle to meet her eyes. </p><p>“We <em> are </em> courting Cullen” she watched his face light up, “This, what is happening, in no way makes me feel less for you, okay? It’s just a little complicated” <em> A lot complicated </em> she thought. </p><p>Half of his mouth quirked up, “The offer is still there, that chair looks awfully uncomfortable to sleep in” he said, rejuvenating the offer.  </p><p>He did offer… and he knew they were courting… would it be so bad? </p><p>She sighed, moving over to the other side of the bed, he went to peel back the blanket, she raised an eyebrow at him. Standing stock still. He blushed and put it back, clearing his throat and going back to his book. </p><p>She took her boots off, unlacing slowly before getting on the bed, on her side facing him. She had to admit, it was damn comfortable. Enjoying the hole in the roof so a breeze could work its way up her back. She sighed happily, worming her hand under the pillow.</p><p>She had no doubt Cullen had not fixed the roof on purpose, so she had left it open in the renovations. Only fixing the floors and making downstairs look more like an office than a backyard mancave. </p><p>Oz jumped on with her, lying on her side with her back to Shepard’s front, effectively putting a barrier between her and Cullen. </p><p>“I see you two are a package deal” he teased, patting Oz’s belly. </p><p>“You don’t mind, do you? I can get her off”</p><p>“I don’t mind one bit. Besides, I think she likes me” he smirked at the Mabari as she put a possessive paw on Cullen’s leg. </p><p>He looked over at her smiling softly, her view looked almost romantic, homely. Cullen reading in his comfortable clothes under blankets. She smiled back, stroking Oz gently. His eyes softened, almost looking like he had remembered something, he realised he was staring and immediately turned back to his book. </p><p>Disappointment hit her right in the stomach. </p><p>“What are you reading now?” she asked, he peeked at her at the corner of his eye. </p><p>One large hand covering the back of the book while his other traced the paper, she tried not to focus too much at his tanned warrior hands. She almost shivered at the thought of them on her skin, goosebumps that had nothing to do with the cold breeze. </p><p>“What is Green? By Karsten Groeke, it’s ah, it’s something” he said half laughing, “-But could it be my understanding of green differs entirely from yours? What if, perchance, you could see into my mind? You might realise that all things that I name green are actually red in your understanding” he took a breath. </p><p>“Maker I don’t know if he was drunk or somehow has a personal link to the Maker’s mind” he laughed. “Apparently the students began pelting the man with tomatoes, asking if they were red or green” </p><p>She giggled sleepily along. His voice lulling her into comfort and safety, Oz’s warmth heating her, deep even breaths. </p><p>“There’s more poetry if you’d like me to read it?” he asked her, she hummed in agreement. “You like poetry?” </p><p>She peeked an eye at him, “Some” she answered. Closing her eye again. “Read it to me?”</p><p>“Of course, it’s called: Natures Silk” came the soft reply.</p><p>“No white nor red was ever seen,<br/>
So am’rous as this lovely green.<br/>
Fond lovers, cruel as their flame,<br/>
Cut in these trees their mistress’ name;<br/>
Little, alas, they know or heed,<br/>
How far these beauties hers exceed” </p><p>“Want to hear another?” he asked, writing it down in a journal that was given to him. It was a wonderful poem. </p><p>The journal was worn and clearly loved, notes and words in his handwriting he didn’t remember writing. He couldn’t remember the name of the boy that had gifted him this, only that he was kind. </p><p>He didn’t get an answer to his question, having repeated it he was met with heavy breathing. Instead she had succumbed to the bed, sleeping soundly. </p><p>He folded the journal away, placing it on the table with his pots. It was tough work to turn himself over, each muscle burning with the exertion. He eventually found himself facing her, watching her features as if it would give him insight on his memories. </p><p>Oz’s eyes peeked open at his movement, purring when he reached out and scratched behind her ears. Only one was spiked up, the other folding flat. Indicating she wasn’t fully into adulthood yet, despite her size. She huffed when he returned his attention to his sleeping companion, but didn’t move. </p><p>Without thinking he reached for her, slipping his tanned large palm onto hers, bringing it out from under the pillow. She entwined her finger in his, sighing in her sleep. Her other hand was resting on Oz, almost cuddling the hound. </p><p>He felt a rush of happiness. Belonging. Endorphins and Dopamine singing into his blood stream. </p><p>The rush was met with the darkness seeping into his head again. </p><p>The darkness of Lyrium claiming him into unconsciousness.</p><p>The Circle was always dark, it was one thing he hated. The air stagnant. The tower without windows, the high shelves that towered above him making him feel so small, even in all his armour. </p><p>The cage was the same, a four-meter circle around him littered with his fallen Templar’s… his friends… one by one they had tortured them, their screams echoing until there was only silence. They didn’t understand the pattern until the next would be chosen to scream. </p><p>
  <b> “Little hero, you can’t save them. You can’t even save yourself” </b>
</p><p>His Templar armour was stifling, he had requested a new chest plate the week before the circle had fell. Growing in size and muscle. Greagor had complimented him on his physique, like a father would complement his son and now he didn’t even know if his Commander was alive.</p><p>
  <em> “Are you expecting someone to save you? A man like you?” </em>
</p><p>Memories flashed in his head. </p><p>“And to think, I thought we were too hard on the Mages! These blood mages, their wicked fingers seep into your mind and corrupt your thoughts. You have to end it now!” Cullen roared from his cage at Cousland. Wynne had protested, Alastair pitied him. Morrigan had hardly reacted. </p><p>He had shouted at Wynne, protested that he knew better. A nineteen-year-old Templar shouting at a Senior Enchanter. The gall. She was still so gentle with him. </p><p>“I WILL HAVE THE TRUTH FROM YOU NOW” His knee collided with Wilmod’s stomach, the recruit shaking in his armour. The anger had poisoned him. It was only Hawke that had stopped him, helped him kill the demon that possessed the recruit. Knight-Captain Cullen still thought he was in the right. </p><p>“Enough!” he roared, “I am not that man anymore” the claws were in his throat, his blood, his mind, “I. Will. Not. Give. Up” </p><p>
  <b> The Lion of Ferelden, you want to be a hero? You’re a little boy running away, always running to the lake, running from his family, running from his failures </b>
</p><p>His hands clamp down over his ears. “Make it stop. Just stop!” but the laughter and the noise seeps through. </p><p>The pain in his muscles is rivalled by only that of his mind, it burns, burns with the intensity of wild fire but the cold heat of lightning. </p><p>The sort of burn that feels cold before your skin realises. </p><p><b> He needs some motivation </b> </p><p>The pauldron beneath him was dented, buckling beneath his weight, on his side with a woman ahead of him, standing over him with a desire demon behind her like a dark shadow, a dark omen. </p><p>“Cullen” the blonde woman said reaching out, she sounded weak, hoarse, “Cullen my cub please… help me…”</p><p>His eyes widened, “Mother!” rolling onto his front he began to crawl towards her, “I- I’m trying-“ his body was iron, his bones rigid and unyielding. He shouted in frustration each time his body moved. </p><p><b> You failed your Circle. The Order. Your mother. You failed them. That’s the kind of man you are. </b> </p><p>He reached an armoured hand out to his mother, the Templar logo on his gauntlet mocking him. She wasted away. The woman who smelt like cinnamon, blonde curled hair he had inherited. Her ice blue eyes slowly turning grey. Her skin turning to grey ash, leaving a husk behind. A shallow grey embodiment of her. </p><p><b> I can make her come back. Just say yes, say yes and you’ll be reunited </b> Her laughter turned into a roar. </p><p>“Cullen” </p><p>“LEAVE ME!” He lunged at the demon once he had found his feet, shoving her to the wall with a thud, he managed to subdue her with a hand on her throat. </p><p>“Cullen stop!” </p><p>“Enough of your tricks demon” he said through clenched teeth. “With the Maker’s gaze I will send you back to the void” </p><p>“Commander this is your last warning!”</p><p>“He’s not awake! It’s a nightmare!”</p><p>“Cullen!”</p><p>“Matz do something!” </p><p>He felt a blow to his skull, falling to the floor in a heap. The demon was gone, his armour was gone, grass tickled his nose and face. The sounds of running water nearby. </p><p>Did he fall out of a window from the Tower?</p><p>No, the Tower had no windows.</p><p>“Doors in the Fade are still doors” a boy’s voice said, “We can stay here for a while. You almost sound new, laughter on an empty riverbed. Not for sailing but safer”</p><p>He tried raising his head, looking at the source of the voice, between the blades of grass and wildflowers there wasn’t much to be seen but patchwork leather. </p><p>“She wants to herd you to a new field, a happier field, let her lead you, heal you. You aren’t that man anymore”</p><p>***</p><p>Five days had passed since he had woken briefly. </p><p>Five days since she had talked with Cullen, shared dinner with him. Going to sleep and waking to find him in the middle of a nightmare. </p><p>Five days since he had held Enchanter Victoria against a wall by his forearm thinking she was a demon. Or blood mage. </p><p>Five days since they had to get Justice to hit Cullen with a mind blast forcing him back into the Fade.  </p><p>But it wasn’t her Cullen. </p><p>The tenth day of Cullen’s sickness began. </p><p>The official story was that the Commander was sick, which wasn’t far from the truth but needed to be quarantined to his quarters. For everyone’s safety. Some, including Lysette and Dylan, had figured out what was going on and had come to Shepard for updates, Rylen was good to quash any rumours from spreading. The men respected him enough to not discuss the Commander. </p><p>Solas and Adan had confirmed to them that Cullen was not fighting the last bits of Lyrium in his blood, that this would be make or break, as Shepard understood. The coma was his body attempting to protect itself, attaining Homeostasis. </p><p>They simply didn’t know enough about Lyrium withdrawals to be able to tell if he was dying or if he was fighting. Her Omnitool could only provide her with so much information on his body… but his mind… the data showed her he was dreaming at least. </p><p>They had erected a magical sound barrier- as the days went on, the dreams became nightmares and the nightmares got worse. Shepard more than once had gone up just to be sent back down as he thrashed against the strength of Dylan and Solas. </p><p>It killed her to see him so powerless and it killed her not being able to help.</p><p>And so, she poured herself into command. </p><p>The reports, training, debriefs took precedence in the day, Rylen being a shoulder to lean on during it all. She wasn’t sure if she had coped without him, emotionally, commanding was what she did. But having someone to lean on… that wasn’t so practised. </p><p>At night, she would look after Cullen, he was still radiating heat, twitching and talking in his sleep. Solas looked after him in the Fade when he was asleep, ensuring no demons look advantage of him. It was doubtful demons would prey upon him to possess him, as his body was so weak but they would certainly play. </p><p>Dorian and Victoria, even Dylan at times could be found in the loft with Cullen. She wasn’t sure if she managed to ‘sleep’ other than cat naps. She had to keep on top of this. This is how she survived, for months.  </p><p>She didn’t think she’d ever have to continue on like this. </p><p>He promised to be as quick as he could, she replied that he needed to be careful. From the reports they had sealed some rifts and made two camps allowing soldiers to scout across the landmarks in the sea of sand. </p><p>A runner interrupted Shepard’s next report indicating that she was required at the training that was meant for soldiers and Mages on the ground that once held the medical tents. The injured was now moved into the new medical room that was built off the requisitions tower. </p><p>Her and Rylen had implemented a new training regime now the soldier, Mages and Templars needed to train together and learn all fighting styles if they were to survive the Venatori. The youngers of the groups were more idealistic, something Shepard was eternally grateful for. But this meant that some followed the example set for them. </p><p>She groaned as she stood, in half armour. If she was to Command, she would do it prepared for anything, her usual black boots and leather trousers in combination with a black leather shirt and her N7 arm, chest and back armour was her new look. One of her signature black daggers at her side.</p><p>It was Leliana’s suggestion to have something on that represented command, even if most people didn’t know what N7 meant. It was intimidating enough to support respect. </p><p>She found herself looking for his cloak in the training yard, expecting him to be there watching over the recruits, winning them over. Smiling or frowning, depending on the moves in the field. Instead he was fighting his own battle. </p><p>Shepard walked quickly down the battlements to the courtyard, her hair fallen out her braid long ago, flowing in the wind beside her. She would see Rylen stood between the two groups of Mages and soldiers mixed with Templars. Both arguing over each other. </p><p>If Shepard had any patience, it died long before her arrival here. She had seen too often the chaos that was caused by dividing. Saren, Cerberus, the Geth-Quarian war, Leviathan… all those needless deaths because of senseless disagreements.  </p><p>As Josie said, the first step in negotiations is finding common ground and common ground they would find even if Shepard threw them onto it. One-by-one. </p><p>“ON THE BRIDGE NOW” Shepard roared in a venomous tone, her hand pointing to the gates. </p><p>They all blinked for a second before some began filtering out, each sending the other confused looks, it wasn’t long before Shepard and Rylen were stood on their own in the courtyard. Even he seemed wary of her. </p><p>Who would deny Andraste’s chosen. </p><p>“SINGLE FILE FACING INWARD” she ordered, both sides had taken position facing the other, Shepard felt the tension, the rage and confusion. She didn’t miss the heated looks they would send each other, looking forward into the one they hated. </p><p>“This stops now” Shepard shouted her voice carrying over the valley below, some of the faces turned to look at her. Some wide eyed, some narrowed. </p><p>“You are all bitter and blind” she began, Shepard paced down the bridge, making sure they all heard her voice. She growled and enunciated her words, letting her duel toned voice seep in. </p><p>“The world that is desired by you, talked about in the whispers around the camp fire. The discussions of the barracks. The world the Inquisition can influence. You are ruining”</p><p>“Who are you to-“ one of the Templars began, “SHUT IT” another shouted at him. His own side, interesting. It was working.</p><p>“You want a world where your son blessed with magic can marry, inherit. A world where your templar daughter can leave at any point without fear of the after effects of Lyrium. A world where Mages and Templars can fall in love without fear, to be friends with each other. For your children and your children’s children to be free.”</p><p>Shepard started walking again, looking at each side.</p><p>“That change will not happen if it does not begin. Right now. This training, this integrated training is for your benefit, so you can work together and survive against Corypheus and his allies. Because if we do not fight this, this world dies. Your children will not be around to spit on your graves”</p><p>She reached the end of the bridge facing Skyhold. </p><p>Shepard spoke across the troops, “They are not imprisoning you here, we are not the Chantry or your jailers”</p><p>“We in the Inquisition have no need of soldiers who do not question orders. For Mages that will follow blindly, and I would not ask you to. But I do ask you to not be afraid of your comrades.” She began.</p><p>“Take away your amour, your Lyrium, your magic. We are all the same. We are the Inquisition” she gestured behind her into the dirt track with lanterns that led away from Skyhold. </p><p>“How do you expect us to trust them? They imprisoned us!” a Mage shouted, others joined in and cheered.</p><p>“This is not the Circle. You are free to leave at any point” that shut them up, the realisation on their faces that they could in fact walk away, no walls or guards.</p><p>“Make your choice. Now” She finished, standing cross armed staring at the unmoving groups. She spied a few of the inner circle and patrolling guards watching from the battlements. </p><p>Victoria appeared from one of the Mage’s sides, she walked to Shepard and bowed her head, before walking back to Skyhold. Shepard was grateful for her bravery. </p><p>Barris stepped out, saluted and turned on his heel to Skyhold, a good solider, a recently promoted Knight-Captain. Another Mage stepped out of their line and saluted before walking back, another appeared from the Templars saluted before walking to Skyhold. The rest began filtering, saluting or bowing and walking back. </p><p>One by one until the bridge was empty. </p><p>Shepard started walking to the gates, heart hammering. Each group was stood waiting for orders. The mouthy Templar from before was stood seething, waiting for her to return. </p><p>He took two steps forward towards her, “This is ridiculous I wo-“ he was quickly cut off by Shepard headbutting him to the ground, denting the middle of his helmet and cutting Shepard’s forehead lightly. Blood began seeping from her forehead, her hair framing her face. </p><p>“Then. Leave.” She growled at the man on the floor, he crawled away a few paces before he found his feet, “Get him out of my sight” she ordered, the man was led away to the stables by another Templar.</p><p>“Pair up and sit the fuck down. One Mage to one soldier” she shouted, watching as they began filtering, sitting down and looking at each other again, wondering what on earth had possessed the Avatar of Andraste. </p><p>“You will all sit and stay here and learn about the other you are sat with. You will then report back to me with what you have learned. This will happen every three days until you realise that it is not one against the other. Not anymore. If you disagree, the gate behind me will be the last thing you see” Shepard shouted, now hyper aware of the blood dripping off the end of her nose. </p><p>She made no move to wipe it, one hand pointing to each of them while the other was balled in a fist. </p><p>“If I learn of any more incidents that have taken place without just cause. I will bring the wrath of the Heavens down upon you. Do I make myself clear” She growled.</p><p>Murmurs echoed around her, “AM I CLEAR INQUISITION” she shouted, her biotics flaring in warning. </p><p>A chorus of Yes Ma’am’s, Yes Commander and even a few Yes Sir’s echoed around the courtyard. </p><p>She turned to Rylen, Victoria at his side. He staring at her with what Shepard assumed was fear, </p><p>“See to it that they do not fucking move from their muddy arses” she nodded, she didn’t wait for a reply as she took off towards Cullen’s office. The blood that had seeped onto her lips filled her mouth with iron.</p><p>She wasn’t surprised when she saw Solas and Dorian waiting for her. Bull in tow behind her, most likely covering her six. She reached into her pocket and began wiping the blood off her face with Cullen’s handkerchief he had given her before moving to lean on his desk. </p><p>“Well, that was hardly diplomatic but I dare say I enjoyed it” Dorian laughed, moving her hand to heal her head. </p><p>“I’ll keep watch with Krem, make sure there are no more trouble makers” Bull nodded, before turning to the battlements door that led to the courtyard.</p><p>“Too often I have seen discontent destroy groups from within, I hope they will listen” Solas muttered, relaxing his stance. </p><p>“Me too” Shepard sighed. Looking at the handkerchief in her hands, stroking her left thumb over Cullen’s initials. She felt her skin tighten where Dorian was healing her cut. </p><p>“He’ll be okay my dear” Dorian whispered, Shepard let her head fall on his shoulder, his hand running down the back of her hair. Usually she would hate this physical contact, it proved to her that she was more vulnerable than she initially thought. </p><p>“You don’t know that” she whispered into his shoulder. Shepard wouldn’t admit she was tired but she could admit she didn’t want to wait any longer. “What if he doesn’t remember?”</p><p>“He’s getting better, his fever has broken, that’s progress. Whatever comes after we can see to” he kept brushing her hair, “How about you go get some rest, hmm? We’ll grab that charming Starkhaven Captain to sit down here” Dorian suggested gently, she had no doubt that he had been sent by the Spymaster after that little show. </p><p>Shepard pulled her head off him to look into his blue grey eyes, she sighed and nodded. Even if she was to pretend to rest, she could sit by him and get some work done. The two men letting themselves out.</p><p>Climbing up the wooden staircase was harder than she would ever admit, unsure if the groaning noise was the wood under her limbs or from her.</p><p>He was shirtless, only in cloth pants and a single sheet over him to his waist. His hand rested on the bed and the other on his chest. His head tilted to one side. Without product his hair was curled more than usual, his stubble longer than she had ever seen it. Even still, he was unbelievably handsome.  </p><p>Shepard took off her right arm armour, placing it on the stand next to his before lifting her chest and back piece over her head in one motion. She had been wearing it for days now it felt like it was still on her. The weight of Command, Rylen had joked. </p><p>Shepard moved the wooden chair closer to the bed, sitting in it and stroking Cullen’s rough cheek. He felt cooler, no sweat or red skin on his body. He looked peaceful, the occasional huff of air leaving his nose or his face scrunching up was the only indication he was uncomfortable. She kept her touch light, fingertips dancing on his temples to his cheeks. </p><p>His head turned to move into the touch before he settled once more into his deep slumber. </p><p>“I didn’t approve at first” </p><p>Shepard turned to see Cassandra on the top step, hand on the railing. She looked uncomfortable. Shepard waited patiently for her next words. </p><p>“When Cullen… I confronted Cullen about his… curiosity towards you. I didn’t approve. I even warned him against it. I thought that it would distract you from your duties and him from his.” She admitted, moving to the end of the bed. </p><p>“I’m not sure what to do with that” Shepard said honestly. Leaning back in her chair, bringing her hands to her lap. </p><p>Cassandra’s eyes found hers, “I wanted to let you know, I- I do approve. You are a good pairing and- I-“</p><p>“Cassandra” she laughed, “You don’t need to say sorry, you know. I get where you’re coming from”</p><p>“Then-“</p><p>“I would have thought the same in your position. I did think that at one stage; if it means anything, I didn’t mean to fall for him” she shook her head with a smile.</p><p>She moved closer, scraping a chair across the floor to sit next to her. </p><p>“What changed?” she asked. </p><p>“I just- I couldn’t stop these feelings. Wanting to share things with him, wanting to make him laugh or blush. When we tried to use the amulet, back in Haven, I was miserable but relieved at the same time. Then he kissed me and I knew I’d fallen for him, there was nothing I could do” </p><p>Cassandra had slightly pink cheeks and a small smile, it was rare to see the Seeker show emotion like this. She could be caught with a smile or even chuckling but blushing and smiling?</p><p>“Is it that simple?” she asked. </p><p>“Nothing simple about this” Shepard replied, Cassandra put her hand on Shepard’s shoulder and squeezed. </p><p>“I am glad the Maker put you both on this path, and I trust that the journey is not over for you both, not yet” she said. Though Shepard didn’t believe in their Maker, the words filled her with hope. Comfort maybe?</p><p>“Thank you, Cassandra” </p><p>The seeker nodded and moved to stand, replacing the chair, “You are most welcome, Shepard”</p><p>“Liv”</p><p>The Seeker stopped in her tracks, frowning at Shepard. </p><p>“My name” Shepard clarified, “About time you knew it really” Cassandra’s eye brows lifted, something akin to shock or happiness on her face. The Seeker nodded once more, before leaving her to her vigil at Cullen’s side. </p><p>She kissed him gently on the forehead, a huff of air left his lips. Her head was banging with pain from the headbutt, anger that this man who she adored was in pain through no fault of his own and that she herself was helpless to do anything. </p><p>Saviour of the Galaxy, and she couldn’t save him. </p><p>She reached for the worn book he kept by his bed, parts of the Chant, poetry of old and other scribbles of his life. She would tease him if he was awake, call him a Chantry-Boy. Ask him too tough questions to answer about his faith. Instead she read until she was drifting. </p><p><em> I have faced armies with you as my shield,<br/>
And though I bear scars beyond counting,<br/>
Nothing can break me,<br/>
Except your absence </em> </p><p>She heard heavy footsteps behind her, even breaths that could only be Rylen coming up the stairs. “Never pegged you for Andrastian” he perched on the end of the bed, facing her. </p><p>“Hardly. But he is, so I thought he might like it if I read to him…” she said, Rylen hummed in agreement. “I’ve never asked, how did you two meet?” </p><p>He sighed, “I was with the Templar’s in Starkhaven, until they all ran off to the hills barking at the moon. My Knight-Commander turned, spoke of breaking away from the Chantry and joined the Templar rebellion. A few of us stayed loyal and tried to keep the Circle running. After Kirkwall exploded, Starkhaven sent aid. As did Ostwick and the other surrounding cities” </p><p>“That’s where I met Commander Cullen, Knight-Commander at the time” he moved his gaze from his hands to the man, a light frown on his features. “Rubble fell on much of the city, a lot of people were homeless or trapped beneath buildings. But he never wavered in his duty. Helped anyone who needed it, we became friends through hardship. Something many of us here have in common” </p><p>“When the Seeker and Sister Nightingale came to Kirkwall, they offered him a job and he asked me in turn, if I would accompany him to Haven. I was glad to do anything to stop this madness”</p><p>She nodded, patting his knee, “This must be hard for you too, seeing him like this” his hand came over hers. </p><p>“Aye lass, Lyrium is a harsh mistress. But I imagine your soft touch will get him up in no time” he teased, she shoved him lightly. A small grin forming on his face. </p><p>“Why did you never leave the Chantry, like the others?” By others, they both knew she meant the Red Templars. </p><p>“Sacred duties are all well and good, but someone needs to know how to do real work. If the barracks are on fire, I’m going for water. Not standing around smiting the ash for heresy… respectfully speaking, Your Worship” he winked.  </p><p>She shook her head, “Andraste will hardly strike you down for speaking the truth Rylen, I'm glad there are still men like you left in the Order” she looked back at the book in her hands. </p><p>"Get some sleep lass, I know it's not easy..." he said softly. </p><p>“Hey can I ask you to do something for me?”</p><p>“Always” came the strong reply. </p><p>She blushed slightly as he waited for her request. “I um- will you read the Chant? I- like the sound of your voice, it reminds me of home. I- I just find it comforting” she admitted. </p><p>He took her hand softly, wrapping his fingers in hers, “Of course I will. It’s the easiest thing you’ve asked of me” she finally looked up, his breath caught in his throat at how vulnerable she looked. It wasn’t lost on him how beautiful she looked either. Dark black lashes framing her eyes, the same green that could be found in Starkhaven's forests, emeralds and olives. Cullen was a lucky, lucky man. </p><p>She settled herself in the chair when he took the book. His voice washing over her in her homeland’s accent. </p><p>He read to her until she dozed, somewhere in-between sleep and consciousness. Able to hear but not react, breathing deeply. “Good night lass” Rylen whispered, weighted lips pressing on her head before retracting. </p><p>Shepard thought she felt cool fingers touch her forehead and the mass of white- blonde hair at her side. She didn’t recall gently falling into the bed, bending over at the waist keeping Cullen’s hand in hers as her head met the bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. The Harlequin of Skyhold*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <em>She looked relaxed. That was the first thing he noticed. At first he didn't acknowledge her. Unsure how to proceed, her frown barely wrinkling her face. Large emerald eyes framed by white hair and armour he didn’t recognise. A large bow strapped to her back. Almost the length of her. </em>
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  <em>“The storm is coming, human. Whispers on the wind”</em>
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  <em>He didn’t know her; this elven woman. She didn’t make him think of a name or a thing. She simply was. A spirit? A vision? </em>
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  <em>“Who are you? Where am I?” he asked, looking around. They were in a forest, a shrine maybe, judging by the statues and surrounding stone rubble of statues that had been weathered over time. </em>
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  <em>“We don’t have much time. Not enough to explain” she said as a matter of fact. Her voice, slightly rough, an accent reminiscent of Solas’. Most Elves who had his accent came from the Dalish, though she bore no tattoos. Her face bare, porcelain skin.  </em>
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  <em>He tried approaching her, his foot kicked something he couldn’t see, reaching his hand out he was met with a similar invisible barrier. His hands splayed flat on the barrier, he attempted pushing it to no avail. </em>
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  <em>“What do you mean, what is this?” he shouted. </em>
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  <em>She tilted her head, “She shook the radiance of the stars, divided them into grains of light, then stored them in a shaft of gold” </em>
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  <em>He paused, it sounded like a chant or poem. A verse taken from a silver tongue. “What? Who? Who is she?” he asked still trying to reach the Elf. </em>
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  <em>The elven woman smiled, “The truth is much simpler but more complex than words can explain”</em>
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  <em>The surrounding area began to wilt, mould and grow deathly grey. Inching towards the Elven woman. He fought the invisible barrier with his arms and legs, kicking punching and begging to let whatever force this was be removed so he could get to her. </em>
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  <em>“You consider yourself a protector?” </em>

<em> Protector

Protector

Protect her

PROTECT HER </em> 
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  <em>He stopped his shoulder barging and looked up at the Elven woman. Frowning to convey his confusion, hands splayed on the barrier. The wind was speaking to him. </em>
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  <em>“It was all green once" </em>
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  <em>He took the time to search the view again. It was deep green, luscious and growing. Flowers and animals roaming. The sky no longer sickly green but a tempered blue, the sun setting with a pink hue. The statues stood tall, depicting a woman holding a bowl of fire. </em></p>
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"The gods, that mortal beauty chase. Still, by a tree did end their race. Withdraw into happiness. The mind, that ocean where each kind, does straight its own resemblance find. These people do other worlds exceed, far other worlds, and seas. But here in this paradise where they see their fate, man there walked without a mate”</em>
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  <em>“I- this is the Fade? Did you bring me here? I was- I was in my office...” he asked over the whispers, words whispered were carried to him on the wind. Spirits? People? The wind became harsher, blowing him back so hard he leant against it. She however, did not seem affected. </em>
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  <em>“Humans rarely do understand. The last time I met your kind, they were living in caves, throwing locks at wildlife” </em>
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  <em>Her voice was serene, crisp. </em>
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  <em>“You have not changed much since then, nor will you, not for a long time” She strode towards him, with each step she became brighter, he had to shield his eyes as she neared, feeling the heat, raw and pulsing off her. </em>
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  <em>“What?! Please I don’t understand!” </em>
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  <em>“In time, you will. For now, protect her” she stood over him, on the other side of the barrier, glowing brighter and brighter. </em>
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  <em>“Please, just tell me something! Who am I to protect?!” he tried numerous times to look up at the fiery torrent before him, each time it burned his eyes. </em>
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  <em>The wind howled louder, animals and beasts joining in. </em>
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  <em>“The daughter of the Earth. The one who leaves starlight in her wake” </em>

<em> He tried to ask who, tried to push against the wind that was blowing him to his knees. 

He managed to look up at her, the golden light blazing behind her framing her. 

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"You may be worthy, though your past is checkered. Go forth little lamb, and find your Shepard" 
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  <em>Wake</em>
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  <em>Wake</em>
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  <em>Wake</em>
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  <em>WAKE</em>
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<p><em><b> “WAKE UP” </b>  </em> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He woke with heavy breaths, feeling as if he had been running drills or swinging his sword. <em> Maker my mouth is dry. </em> </p>
<p>It was usual after heaving into a bucket when his withdrawals got the better of him. Cullen sat up gently, groaning as he did. His eyes were blurred, the room slowly coming into focus. Was this another dream? He, now, knew he had been in the Fade for a long time. </p>
<p>He just didn’t know how to leave. He had relived his worst memories, feeling the scars as if they were fresh. His body burning. Cole had appeared once or twice to help him, remove him to a new location or Solas had made a new door for him to leave. </p>
<p>He barely remembered neither man nor spirit, a dreams he had were slipping away the longer he was awake. </p>
<p>He opened his eyes fully, blinking away the sleep before realising his hand was numb. No Cole or Solas in sight, just the aching feeling of a dry throat, the breeze of the draft in his roof. </p>
<p>He looked to his side, Shepard was in a chair half bent over one side and her head was resting on the bed. His left hand moved her hair to reveal her face, red and swollen under her eyes. She’d been crying?</p>
<p>He had whispered her name once or twice before realising she was out for the count, his voice sounded cracked and dry. How long had he been asleep? The stubble on his face told him it was a few days. </p>
<p>He wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t in a dream still. </p>
<p>He scanned the room. His armour was on his stand, clean and waiting. Hers was next to his, only the chest and arm on a stand with books at the bottom. Bowls and bottles littered the side of the bed, had she been caring for him? What happened to him that he needed care? </p>
<p>Lyrium? </p>
<p>He put his weight on his legs, gingerly testing his weight on them before standing. He hadn’t lost too much muscle from the looks of things, Cullen picked up one of the bottles sniffing it gently. Healing potions, made sense. In the Fade one quick way to tell if you were in the realm of real or spirits was smell. </p>
<p>He went to Shepard’s side, kneeling in front of her as her breath left her slightly open lips. She had a fresh cut on her forehead, just above her inner eyebrow. Her face looked unblemished other than that, the dark circles under her eyes and lack of freckles on her cheeks were an indicator that she hadn’t been resting properly or getting sun. </p>
<p>Another reason she was dead to the world now, she was a light sleeper usually. Special forces always were, she had said. She must be exhausted for her to sleep so deeply.</p>
<p>He gently put his arm around her back, under her shoulders. The other went under her knees. He dragged her on the chair to his chest before standing with her in his arms. He barely made a noise as he walked around the bed to the other side where he hadn’t slept. He gently laid her down on the other side of his bed, brushing the hair from her face. </p>
<p>He perched on the bed, admiring her features for a minute. She looked younger when sleeping. Relaxed, just another woman dreaming in the Fade. He hadn’t realised he had a smile on his face until he heard voices downstairs. </p>
<p>Was that Rylen talking to Oz?</p>
<p>He deftly untied her boots, sliding them off her and removing her over-jacket before kissing her. He needed to know what was going on and why he had been in bed long enough to grow a beard this length and thickness. </p>
<p>His final question would be, why he felt better than he had in years. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Shepard yawned, stretching herself on the bed rolling onto her back. Raising her hands above her head and stretching her toes out. There was a soft breeze floating on her face, letting her last dregs of sleep fall she sat up pushing herself on the sheets with her arms and-</p>
<p>Wait. </p>
<p>Bed? Did Rylen put her to bed? </p>
<p>She searched the room, Cullen’s room. </p>
<p>And it was empty, he was nowhere to be found. His armour also missing. The stars in the sky showed it had been hours since she had fallen asleep. </p>
<p>Where was he? </p>
<p>Had he got worse? </p>
<p>Had he woken?</p>
<p>The meeting, they had a war meeting planned for Max’s return. Shepard swung her legs over the bed, quickly doing up her laces. When did she take her boots off? She grabbed her shirt buttoning it up and jumping down from the loft, Oz was missing and Cullen wasn’t in his chair. No one was.</p>
<p>Her hair still undone in the wind. She activated her cloak and ran across to Solas’s tower, noticing the away parties mounts in the stables. Blackwall tending to one of them. A grim reminder of what she needed to discuss with Max before Cullen had collapsed. </p>
<p>She sprinted through the hall, dodging the nobles and guards. Running through Josie’s office and running through the hall, she looked out at the stars, the pink of the sunset just passed. Not too late, she didn’t notice when the door opened and she ran head first into Max. </p>
<p>“OOF” Shepard groaned as she made contact with Max, his arms went to steady her. </p>
<p>“Missed me that much?” He joked, looking down at the flushed woman in his arms. </p>
<p>Whatever retort died in her mouth when she saw blonde hair over Max’s shoulder, she leaned to her right to see Cullen. Cleanly shaved, in full armour, his curls under control and an expression she couldn’t decipher. His brown eyes were wide, a soft smile on his face. Shepard’s stomach fell and her heart raced at the same time. Relief. </p>
<p>“Am I dreaming?” Shepard asked looking at the others in her room.</p>
<p>“You can smell my boots if you want conformation, warning, they’re full of sand. And I have sand where sand shouldn’t be” Max joked, Shepard removed herself from his shadow and laughed, refusing with a thanks. </p>
<p>She blinked out of her trance on Cullen. Remembering in fact she did have a job to do, “I’m sorry I’m late, did I miss anything?” she said looking around the room at the others, they all had soft expressions. </p>
<p>Josie was practically bouncing with excitement maybe hoping for a soft embrace between her and Cullen like in the novels she read. </p>
<p>“Nothing urgent, though I have heard of what you’ve been doing lately. Thank you for keeping everything going” Max smiled, catching Leliana’s eye. </p>
<p>“It wasn’t just me, Rylen and Cassandra were the backbone. But I do need to update you with something me and Leliana have been investigating” She nodded to the Spymaster, she didn’t want Cullen to feel guilty for them taking the reins of Command. She didn’t risk looking at Cullen.</p>
<p>Shepard took a breath, “Blackwall doesn’t have the taint, he’s lying about being a Warden, it was too sensitive to put in a letter”</p>
<p>“What? Are you sure?” Max said, looking between the two. His frown somehow made deeper by his tan. </p>
<p>“I have found nothing that would confirm or deny this. Nothing yet” Leliana added, frowning. Dissatisfied with her findings. </p>
<p>“Trust me it’s a hard smell to miss. The few Wardens in the palace, even the Wardens at Crestwood. They stank of the taint, Blackwall doesn’t have a trace on him. Like any of you, he is either cured of it or never had it. He’s lying to us but if he is cured, he knows how and it can help” Shepard finished quickly. </p>
<p>“Alright. We’ll investigate Shep. It actually sort of makes sense, he’s was dancing around Stroud’s question the entire trip” Max frowned, “Oh, speaking of the Grey Wardens, the King. He is on his way to Skyhold. Tomorrow, we estimate, we’d like to keep you out of sight. He may bring his Venatori problem with him, I need you to by my eyes and ears” Max replied. </p>
<p>“Oh good; I can finally thank him for his hospitality and he can thank me for saving his arse” Shepard replied, following Max to the door. She could catch up on the meeting’s contents from Cullen, if she wasn’t woken it wasn’t anything pressing. </p>
<p>She was forcing herself not to turn and watch him. Not to run into his arms and express her happiness. To try and at least look professional with curled knotted hair and her boot laces half tied. </p>
<p>“He’s going to aid us getting into the Winter Palace, Ferelden’s King supporting the Inquisition will get the Empress’ attention, we hope” Josie sighed, tapping her wooden tablet. </p>
<p>He ignored her comment, “We all need rest, yes? We’re still on Ferelden soil, the last thing we need is to disrespect the King” he replied, reaching for the door to open it for them. </p>
<p>“After I debrief Cullen and go over some reports sure, rest, lots of it” she said walking ahead. </p>
<p>She did have other reasons for wanting to debrief Cullen, such as jump into him and tell him how happy she was to see him. Max’s reply was caught in the air when a door opening in the distance was opened.</p>
<p>A soldier appearing from the end of the corridor made them stop their approach, all halted in the starlight flowing in from the wall. The same soldier that Shepard had headbutted. Just what she needed.</p>
<p>“Inquisitor, Commander Rutherford, I- I must submit myself to be removed from the Inquisition” the soldier said coming to kneel in-front of Max. </p>
<p>“Get up, and tell me why” Max said, dripping with authority looking at Shepard’s face, she kept it blank.</p>
<p>“I acted without honour, Inquisitor. I directly went against Andraste’s chosen. I am not fit for the Inquisition or to be a Templar” He said not meeting any of their eyes. </p>
<p>“Adams, isn’t it?” Shepard replied, crossing her arms. </p>
<p>“Ye-“ he cleared his throat, “Yes Your Worship” he replied looking at her. His eyes flicking at the mark on her head. </p>
<p>“Did you complete the training with Knight-Captain Rylen?” she enquired. </p>
<p>“Yes, Your Worship. I- it is the reason I submit myself for this. The Mage- the woman I spoke to her name is Jenna, she told me of her Circle. How the Templars protected her when the circle fell, they ran together. I realised that I scared her when I spoke against you, I wasn’t doing my duty as a Templar. I- I was blind, Maker she’s barely older than a child and I frightened her” he said dropping his head. </p>
<p>“Go to Rylen for a fair disciplinary action not to be expelled, on your way past go to the armoury and get a new helmet. Tell them I sent you” she replied, she could feel his honesty. He looked up from the floor with wide brown eyes. </p>
<p>“Yes- I will. Th- thank you” he said saluting, slightly bemused at the light scolding, he took a step before remembering he wasn’t dismissed and stood at parade rest. </p>
<p>Shepard took a step forward, “Remember what it took for you to remember another life’s worth.” she growled in a warning. “Dismissed” she said. </p>
<p>The man all but took off in a run. </p>
<p>She turned to face the group; the weight of the day sat on her heavily. “Not a word” she growled to Leliana; the woman was wearing her trademark smile. </p>
<p>“Did… did you headbutt him?” Max asked with an opened mouthed grin, “That’s what that is?” he laughed pointing to the closed cut on her forehead. </p>
<p>“Yes and it bloody hurt which partly explains my foul mood” Shepard growled, “Now can I get back to work?” she said gesturing to the door. </p>
<p>Max sighed, something echoed off him. Shepard was too tired to sense what it was, the three advisors walked ahead of the two. Leliana was caught with Cullen discussing the new recruits on her part. Josie listening dutifully to any gossip or blackmail she could use that they had captured. </p>
<p>“Hey” Maxwell caught her wrist. “Come here” he said softly, bringing her into a hug. Something she enjoyed about Maxwell was that he always smelt like pine, regardless of how dirty or mucky he was. </p>
<p>His arms wrapped around her, a long exhale followed by “I’m sorry” was whispered in her ear. </p>
<p>“Sorry for wh-“</p>
<p>She felt a nick on her neck. Abruptly pulling back putting her hand over the raised mark, patting her hand on the now numb area and bringing it away as if waiting to see something. </p>
<p>“What did you do?” she slurred, swaying on her feet. Maxwell pocketed something while the world started to spin. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry Shep” the four Inquisitors said, he sounded further away than he was. He reached to steady her, waiting for the potion to take effect. The figures washed and rinsed into each other. </p>
<p>“You” another heavy breath, “will be” she managed. She hoped her glare was as impressive as she wanted it too, seeing as though the spots in her vision were growing as she reluctantly surrendered to the numbing sensation. </p>
<p>“I can’t believe that worked” he said, taking her weight as Shepard sagged against him. He managed to drag her up his body, using the momentum of his legs to hike her on his shoulder. </p>
<p>“It was enough to put down a Druffalo, so I certainly would hope so” Leliana replied, having come to his side. </p>
<p>Cullen’s fists were clenched unreasonably tight by his sides, “What in the Maker’s name-“ </p>
<p>“She has not been resting properly according to my scouts. It was necessary, we need her at top performance tomorrow Cullen” Leliana said speaking over Cullen who had opened his mouth. His expression seething with a mixture of guilt.</p>
<p>“Cullen look, I have one stubborn Commander. I don’t need two.” Max said turning to face the man with genuine fear. </p>
<p>“I will take her to her quarters and she is certainly, not a lady to be thrown over a shoulder” Cullen growled, steadying his lover as the Inquisitor put her on her feet. </p>
<p>Though he could swear he heard Josie sigh happily, taking her from Max’s arms, holding her against his chest. Her hair fanned down his arm, her breaths even on his plate. Felt right. As soon as she was there, he felt better. </p>
<p><em> Let her herd you </em> </p>
<p>His temper dissipated, “You know she will kill you” Cullen said looking down at Max raising one eyebrow. </p>
<p>“She’ll have to wait in line”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The room smelt earthy, a mixture of fire smoke and Ferelden pine as the Fade released her, her muscles ached from lack of care on her part. Callused fingers were feather light across her forehead, across her cheek. Gentle caresses, around her temple, into her hair. </p>
<p>“If that isn’t Cullen take your hand off me before I break it” she mumbled, more noise than words. </p>
<p>The hand kept up its pattern, and a chuckle washed over her. No one had a deep Ferelden chuckle like that but Cullen, a smile broke out on her face. </p>
<p>She peeked an eye open, her vision filling with the image of him sat on her bed in full armour, his cloak feathered around him. Framing the chiselled face she had grown to adore. </p>
<p>“Good morning” he whispered softly, warm brown eyes crinkled at the edges. </p>
<p>“It is” she replied, opening both eyes to drink him in. His smile was like light into her eyes. </p>
<p>“You’ve been very lazy of late Commander” she teased, fiddling with his hand. Using a joke to reply. If she didn’t use humour, she was surely weep in relief having him here. Remembering her. </p>
<p>Another rumble of laughter, “I was just testing your ability to lead, Commander” </p>
<p>“Oh aye?” </p>
<p>“Yes”</p>
<p>She grinned, groaning trying to sit up in the bed. Strong hands came around her, lifting her easily against the headboard. “How did I do?” she asked, bring her arms around his neck, leaning into him, almost in his lap. </p>
<p>“Thank you” he said instead, forgiving brown eyes tracing her face, “I- I- just thank you” </p>
<p>Rylen had thought it was Shepard coming down the stairs, and started to bollock her for not resting. Before turning and realising it was in-fact the blonde half-dressed Commander asking what the hell was going on. </p>
<p>After several strange questions including; What year is it? How old are you? What was the last thing you remember? Rylen finally believed he was of sound mind. Giving Cullen a hearty hug, he had informed him firstly of what had happened to him. </p>
<p>Lyrium in his bones had seeped into his blood. A relapse. His body had put itself into a coma for its protection. The second coma was induced for others protection, he had attacked them. A truth that made him grit his teeth. </p>
<p>Secondly of the troops, their integrated sessions with the Mages and Templars. The new tower they had in Skyhold for Mage’s to practise their magic. Templar’s had a similar tower closer to the Royal tower for them to practise and be nearby just in-case. All on her order. </p>
<p>She though. She had been with him, tending to him, reading to him. He remembered bits and pieces, like a jigsaw without all of the pieces. It conveyed a depth of emotion that she hadn’t said to him. Not out loud. </p>
<p>He held her tighter to him, as the thoughts whirled through his mind. He never thought he would find someone to love him through this, to understand…</p>
<p>“Cullen?” </p>
<p>“Mmm?” he ran his nose on her neck. </p>
<p>“I can’t breathe” she wheezed. </p>
<p>He immediately let go, moving his hands to her waist instead feeling the deep breaths she took. “I- I’m sorry” he half-smiled, they were almost nose to nose. Eyes flicking between each other’s, his flicking to her lips. </p>
<p>“Rylen filled me in” he gulped, “What- what I put you through I- I am immeasurably sorry” he admitted sadly, a haunted look came over his face. </p>
<p>“I don’t care, I’m just happy to have you back” She only closed her eyes, running her hands through the back of his hair and softly on his neck. Nuzzling his nose, </p>
<p>“Did Oz really need a bigger, fluffier bed? She’s only going to ruin it” he teased, enjoying her laugh and the shake of her shoulders. </p>
<p>“She deserved it, she was a very good girl” she said, enjoying the warm feeling in her body that his laugh produced. “Do you remember what happened? Our conversations?” she asked. </p>
<p>He nodded; his eyes darkened for a moment before he nodded mutedly.</p>
<p>“Do you remember flirting with me?” she teased again. </p>
<p>“I do” he laughed, growing louder when she laughed too. Her laughter subsided, drinking him in with her eyes, almost as if it was the first time she was seeing him. </p>
<p>Relief. Sweet relief that those big brown eyes recognised her. </p>
<p>“If my flirting has not persuaded you otherwise, I would like to kiss you, my lady” he whispered, watching her eyes dilate and light up at the same time.</p>
<p>“You don’t need to ask Cullen” </p>
<p>She leant forward; her hands brushed through the fur on his mantle. Nose slid against his as her head tilted, initiating soft pressure on his lips. He repeated the motion in kind, her hands slid into his hair as their lips moved, he poured his affection into her with his tongue, hands wrapping around her back. Lighter this time, instead of encasing her in his armoured body. Their lips caressed one another, light and airy, breaths becoming more shallow and desperate. </p>
<p>Someone clearing their throat paused the passionate kiss. </p>
<p>Leliana smirked as Cullen stood quickly, as if boy caught by his mother. He cleared his throat and went to the bedside table, pouring her something that smelled like mint and pine. </p>
<p>“I could have sworn that door locks” Shepard glared, leaning back on her elbows. </p>
<p>“It does” Leliana replied, putting away her lock pick into her belt. </p>
<p>Cullen cleared his throat, “This will help clear your head” Cullen nodded, passing her the cup. </p>
<p>She frowned, what-</p>
<p>Her hand went to the welt that was still on her neck, </p>
<p>“Oh I am going to kill Max” she growled as her memories came back, she threw the sheet off, downing the rest of the hot liquid. Before she made it to the door Leliana stopped her. </p>
<p>“Before you kill our Inquisitor, we do need to dress you in more than the Commander’s shirt” Leliana smirked. Shepard looked down to see very much she was in one of Cullen’s linen shirts and nothing else. </p>
<p>“Come, Harlequin, and see what we have created for you” Josie said moving into the room. Very much not perturbed by Shepard’s near nakedness. </p>
<p>“His Majesties arrival has been delayed but he will be here tomorrow very early. We have time for last minute changes if required” she gestured to the mannequin under a sheet. She pulled back the white cloth dramatically. </p>
<p>Shepard studied it half in excitement and half in dread. </p>
<p>The outfit was made of full tight leather, a double hood system, one to keep her hair in place and the other for dramatic flair? The hands had gloves which had the finger-pads removed, probably to use her abilities if needed but had small sharp metal nails attached on each finger. The glove ending at her elbow.</p>
<p>The stitching was black between the leather pieces. The boots had a slight thick heel and came to her mid-thigh and were laced up all the way. She was dressed for the night. </p>
<p>The shirt was almost formal, a high collar with a sash over the top, to eventuate her figure and replicate the fashion that nobles wore. That military wore. Shoulders accentuated with armoured plates. The sash wrapped around her waist and ended at her hips, emphasising the size difference between her broad shoulders and her small waist.</p>
<p>No doubt a purposeful placement to lead the eyes down to her behind. Perfectly outlined by the gold. </p>
<p>All in all, it was actually very tasteful. She was actually excited to have a new outfit to add to her collection, she shed the shirt without a second thought and put on new underwear, moving efficiently to put on her new outfit. </p>
<p>Cullen brought his hand to rub the back of his neck, “I’ll um, I’ll-“ he was looking down avoiding looking at the mostly nude woman, as if he hadn’t already been in her twice and seen her in the nude multiple times. </p>
<p>“Yes, yes Commander, make yourself scarce” Leliana said with an amused grin, </p>
<p>Cullen gave Shepard one last shy smile before turning on his heel and exiting the room. She watched the blonde descend, they still needed to talk about everything. But for now, for now a kiss was enough. Enough to know they were okay. He was okay. </p>
<p>Josie helped her dress. It fit perfectly; she wasn’t sure what else she was expecting.</p>
<p>“One last thing, we need to keep you a secret from prying eyes” Josie said reaching for a box, before handing Shepard a mask. </p>
<p>Shepard turned it over in her hands, the mask was jet black with a sheen, matching the embellishment on the back of her suit. The Inquisition logo was placed on the mask’s forehead, the sword blade ending at the end of her nose. The cheeks had an exaggerated gaunt, with the lips painted red, the ends tilted up in a haunting smile. </p>
<p>The eyes had small black mesh over so no one would see her eyes if she had to use her senses. The Inquisition logo didn’t stop there, around the eyes were sunbeams heading outwards, with two swords dropping from the eyes like tears. </p>
<p>It was dominating. Haunting. Hers.</p>
<p>“It’s beautiful” Shepard breathed, running her fingers along the nose. </p>
<p>“I am glad you approve” Josie said, “Allow me” Leliana said before pulling the baggy hood down. </p>
<p>Shepard was laced up in her new Harlequin get up, she waited for Leliana to braid her hair, starting on top of her head so it would keep all of her hair in place. Shepard pulled the first tight hood up, fixing it around her jaw, waiting patiently for Leliana to tie the mask to her face. </p>
<p>“Do I- can I ask you something?” Shepard said, slightly muffled. </p>
<p>“Of course” Leliana replied, moving Shepard into the centre of her room to walk around her giving her the once over. </p>
<p>“Do I look-“ Shepard began trailing off, it was stupid to ask but she rarely got to dress up in anything that was meant to be provocative. Kasumi was quick to quash any doubts but here, soft woman were preferable to warriors. Curvy hips, not a thigh jutting with a quadricep. </p>
<p>Women were not warriors here, she would change that mindset before she was through. </p>
<p>“Shepard you look dangerously good. You have a wonderful figure; it has allured many and it will allure many more I assure you, we did not choose you for this based on your skills alone” Josephine smiled, ending her circular pace in front of Shepard’s feet. </p>
<p>The two men were in easy conversation when the women entered the room, overlooking final arrangements for the evening’s dinner arrangements.  </p>
<p>“Shepard too shy to come down?” Max joked, half out of anguish and half out of fear. </p>
<p>Shepard decloaked next to him and began advancing on him. </p>
<p>“You drugged me” she growled, behind the mask it was fairly scary to only see a smiled expression than her glare. Maxwell was moving around the table, keeping a fair distance between them. </p>
<p>“Now now Shep, we don’t have time for this” he said quickly, enjoying the playful banter they were sharing. </p>
<p>Cullen’s mouth went very dry at the sight of his Shepard covered in tight black leather, prowling around as her muscles tensed and shifted with every step, his eyes were naturally drawn to her hips and behind, it left much to the imagination, of course his imagination could picture what she looked like underneath. </p>
<p>He could probably trace every scar with fair accuracy. Maker help him she had an incredible figure, strong limbs toned and muscled. A small waist, breasts that were perfect for his hands. He realised in his lust that they were speaking, and that he was half hard in his breeches. </p>
<p>Shepard smirked beneath her mask as Max kept the table between them, “Do you really think I of all people would be put off by this?” He blinked a few times processing her words. </p>
<p>“Wait, you’re not at all bothered by being covered in leather from head to toe and being used as a sexualised dangerous distraction?” Max said, enunciating his point with his hands gesturing to her leather covered breasts.</p>
<p>“Max, I’ve gone to clubs in less leather than this” she laughed lifting her hand to clench and unclench it in-front of her. Admiring the small metal nails. </p>
<p>“Clubs?” he repeated. </p>
<p>She frowned back for a moment, before remembering where she was, “Like a Tavern, drinking and dancing only… cleaner” she explained, “Well, some are cleaner”</p>
<p>“Sir” a guard knocked, entering after a beat. He went still at the sight of Shepard, eyes widening under his helmet. “T-T-The King’s carriage is delayed, Inquisitor. They have sent word of an impromptu meeting with the Arl in Redcliffe but our other visitors have arrived” he saluted. </p>
<p>“Ah- thank you, we will be there momentarily”</p>
<p>She frowned, “Who’s visiting?” she asked after the guard had left. </p>
<p>Maxwell grinned, “Come and see” he said gesturing to the door, “Meet you in the courtyard?” he asked going to the door. </p>
<p>She smirked under her mask, activating her cloak. She waited for him to start walking and stuck her foot out, causing him to tumble to the floor landing on his hands and knees. </p>
<p>“That isn’t funny!” he shouted down the empty corridor. </p>
<p>“Neither is drugging someone!” she shouted back before slipping through the door leading to the main hall. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You are a natural” Heir commented from their perch in the rotunda. </p>
<p>Most of Leliana’s scouts were in the field of attending to matters, she had allowed them to use her space as a training ground for Shepard’s footwork and climbing drills. Naturally, she was in attendance. </p>
<p>Shepard was using her hands on the wooden balcony, walking along with her palms connected with the wood, her abdominals were straining, as were her legs at keeping her steady. Sweat was sticking to her hood, dripping down the inside of her mask. </p>
<p>“Control your breathing” Heir said, her light Dalish feet barely making a noise on the wooden slats. “Good. Now, on three I want you to transfer to your feet, jump to the beams above and draw your blade with minimum noise” </p>
<p>Shepard grunted a reply, waiting for ‘three’. </p>
<p>On the word she placed her feet down, using the bent motion to spring up with her hands, slowly, she swung, and transferred one leg then the next on top. Staying low, stretched out on the beam. </p>
<p>“Not bad but not perfect” Heir commented, “Continue your drills after some rest. I will be back in two hours; I have some business with your Red Jenny. Clean up and change, an assassin cannot be unseen if she can be smelt” she bowed her head before leaving. Barely making a sound and hugging the shadows. </p>
<p>Shepard groaned, jumping down from the beam and taking a seat at Leliana’s table, the chair creaked with her weight. She slipped her mask off and rested her face on the table, tilted towards the window for some frosty breeze to hit her. </p>
<p>“You have a gift for shadows and blades” Leliana commented from her chair, not looking up from her letter. </p>
<p>“When you put it that way, it makes it sound so elegant” she muttered, her voice slightly muffled as her jaw fought against the wood. She was nothing like elegance right now, sweaty and slumped over a table. </p>
<p>Leliana hummed, “It does, doesn’t it? Mysterious, even romantic. Pretending it is something else makes it easier” </p>
<p>Shepard muttered an agreement. </p>
<p>“As your Spymaster, I am pleased. My agents will appreciate they can look at our Harlequin and see themselves” she said passing over a canteen of water, Shepard took it with a thanks, finally leaning back in her chair to down the contents. </p>
<p>“Have I ever talked about my friend, Zevran? He was an Antivan Crow. He wasn’t always good at it. We only met because he failed to kill a mark. But he made me laugh” she said softly, her eyes were unfocused on the page. But snapped to hers when Shepard looked for a second too long. </p>
<p>“Were you two, together?”</p>
<p>She nodded, “We were, it was a more innocent time. I gave that up when I became the Divine’s left hand. Something Justina always felt was her fault, I didn’t give him up for her. He gave me passion but she gave me purpose. He understood, naturally. I hope one day we can get in touch once more, it’s what Justina would have wanted” she said, Leliana was a romantic in her youth, a trained Bard. But a realistic one. Still it was warming for Shepard to hear such a confession. </p>
<p>“Speaking of meeting again, that was a cosy embrace this morning with our Commander. I hear he has settled in well into his duties. Your skills for Commanding armies have not been exaggerated from the Inquisitor” </p>
<p>Shepard sent her a nod, “High praise, thank you. I’ll keep an eye on the Mage-Templar training too, I’d appreciate more eyes if you can spare them” </p>
<p>Leliana nodded, “Of course, I shall set aside the best candidates” </p>
<p>Movement from below had her reaching for her mask until she heard who it was, “I heard a little rumour about you” Dorian said coming up the stairs, </p>
<p>Shepard stayed in her seat, facing Leliana, “Is that so?” she said to the Mage.</p>
<p>He stroked his facial hair, “Indeed, that a masked woman clad in black leather had been spotted running about Skyhold. Naturally I had to have a look, I do rather approve. Our ambassador does have an eye for detail” he said eyeing her mask before looking at her leathered body. </p>
<p>“The skills are rather handy” she replied, winking when his eyes met hers, he laughed heartedly. “Can’t say I hate the outfit either” </p>
<p>“I’ll say! The Commander has been craning his neck trying to get a glimpse of you when you’re running around Skyhold. With the amount of killing you do, a bit of flair’s a fine thing” he passed her mask back to her. </p>
<p>“I don’t kill <em> that </em> many people” </p>
<p>“Are you joking? I’m only surprised you didn’t kill someone walking around in here” she stuck her tongue our at him making him roll his eyes. “At any rate, if you ever intend to make it an actual profession, do tell me. The Antivan Crows have nothing on the Imperium. I know people. Keep it in mind” he drawled. </p>
<p>Shepard secured her mask, “I should get a shower and change before I have to sweat my body weight down the rotunda again” she groaned, standing once more.  </p>
<p>“Don’t kill anyone without me!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>A violence he dared not to admit was inside him. Primal and hungry. His dreams had confirmed these things, that he was capable of. Capable of hurting people without guilt. Succumbing to the tainted thoughts and ultimately would consume him. The demon had reminded him of these things. </p>
<p>How coarse and hard he used to be. He treated recruits like Malificar. And Mages as less than people. He never wanted to be that man again. </p>
<p>He had almost lost his grip on reality. </p>
<p>Seen his own memories twisted, his deepest desires and worst fears replayed. Lost his memories in the waking world. If not for Solas and Cole he would surely be mad, if not for Dorian and Matz he would have been a risk to the Inquisition. If not for Victoria and Adan he would be dead. </p>
<p>If not for Shepard, he would be lost. </p>
<p>He still wasn’t totally sure if he wouldn’t succumb to his nightmares, to his withdrawals but he could see the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in almost two years. Her light. If this woman loved him or cared for him at the very least, he was surely on the right track. </p>
<p>He breathed in the Frostback air through his nose, enjoying the cold twinge in his nostrils.  </p>
<p>He smelt her, a perfume that Josie had gifted her, not harsh and overwhelming like Orlesian ones. This one was more Ferelden, musky and sweet. Cedarwood and wildflowers. Dancing on the wind to him, making the cold even sweeter. </p>
<p>“I wanted to thank you, for what you did and if there’s anything-” He let a huff of breath out and put his hand on his neck. Eyes looking everywhere but her. Semi-embarrassed she had seen him in such a state and grateful that it was HER with him. </p>
<p>“This sounded much better in my head” he finished, looking anywhere but her. </p>
<p>“So, you’re feeling better?” Shepard said brightly, she would never admit it. But she was a bona fide optimist. </p>
<p>For the first time, he didn’t have to lie. “I- yes” he replied, finally meeting her eyes, her bags were reduced and she was glowing brighter. Her hair slightly wet, she must have just bathed. </p>
<p>Her usual clothes brighter too, brown leather trousers and boots. A light blue tunic with white elbow length gloves and a white waistcoat. </p>
<p>No doubt at Josephine’s insistence. </p>
<p>“Have you had any more pain?” Shepard asked, searching his face for any dark circles, using her senses to try and see if he was lying to her. His heart was steady, if a bit fast. </p>
<p>“No, I have yet to feel any symptoms. I used to feel as if I was back there… I should not have pushed myself so far that day” he said trailing off. He was blushing slightly, Shepard theorised that him collapsing onto her may be embarrassing for him.</p>
<p>“I’m just glad you’re alright” Shepard smiled, remembering the panic she felt when he had passed out on her to now him smiling at her. A new man. </p>
<p>“I am” he replied, turning to face the view. </p>
<p>She joined his side, looking out. Her hands were twitching slightly on the battlements, the only thing that gave her away was her hands. Her index finger would twitch if she was angry. Her fingers would dance if she was deep in thought or nervous. </p>
<p>“I’ve never truly told anyone what happened to me at Ferelden’s Circle. I was… not myself after that. I was angry, that anger blinded me. I’m not proud of the man that made me. I can put some distance between that now. It’s a start” </p>
<p>“For what it’s worth, I like who you are now” she smiled, her heart betraying her.</p>
<p>He slowly turned to face her, stepping around her. Forcing her to turn her back to the mountains and keep his eye. She leant against it, facing Skyhold with her view filled with a shocked Commander. “Even after…?” </p>
<p>Even after I took you in a Lyrium fuelled haze.</p>
<p>Even after I forgot who you were. </p>
<p>Even after I attacked the people helping me. </p>
<p>Even though I can’t promise any of it won’t happen again. </p>
<p>“Cullen…” she began, “I care about you. You’ve done nothing to change that” she said, keeping eye contact with him.</p>
<p>Relief. Sweet relief in her words. “I do too, care about you I mean, and I have thought of… how I might tell you, in this kind of situation” he exhaled, his head looking downwards. Where were the words when he needed them. </p>
<p>“What’s stopping you?” she asked, tilting her head. </p>
<p>He wanted to tell her that she should go for someone else. Someone who could provide for her and that was worthy of her unique attention. Someone who couldn’t promise her he wouldn’t succumb to his addiction. </p>
<p>His selfishness overrode those thoughts when he stared into her eyes, the adoration she kept there for him. He wanted to be worthy of her unique attention. He wanted her. </p>
<p>“I’m not very good at this, but you- you make me feel something so- terrifying honestly” he took a steeling breath, “and I- I don’t want to sneak around, you aren’t something to be hidden” he added. Her grin widened. “If- I mean if you want-“</p>
<p>“I’m still here, aren’t I?” </p>
<p>His eyes flicked down to hers, standing at his full height forced her to look up at him, “So you are… it seems too much to ask, but I want to” he said stalking forward, one step and he was upon her. </p>
<p>His hands went to her hips, his breath warm on her face as he leant down with his lips. His honey eyes bore into her, the small flecks of gold visible, his nose brushed hers. Her eyes shut; his drifting closed-</p>
<p>“Commander, Ser Rylen requires you at the training yard, the troops are ready” A scout called from his tower. </p>
<p>Cullen’s head lifted back, his eyes narrowing in annoyance. Shepard blushed and dropped her head laughing softly. His hands left her hips as he turned to the interruption. </p>
<p>“WHAT!?” Cullen growled, stalking up to the man. </p>
<p>“Knight-Captain Rylen? He requests you at the training yard, Commander. For the afternoon drills?” he replied, unaware to his Commander’s anger, looking between them completely oblivious to the romantic scene he had interrupted. </p>
<p>Cullen didn’t answer but narrowed his eyes at the man, towering over him as the scout’s own eyes flickered between Shepard who was covering her mouth with her hand to stifle her laugh and Cullen who looked ready to kill him.</p>
<p>Realisation dawned on him, his eyes flicking between the stalking Commander and the laughing woman, “I’ll just- tell him you’re on your way- right” he said inching backwards to the tower. </p>
<p>Shepard leaned back on the battlements once more, she heard Cullen grumble under his breath, she sighed realising duty had to come first, “Cullen if you need to-“</p>
<p>She was cut off by him kissing her. Hard. A type of desperation she hadn’t felt from him since the night they had spent together. Breathing her in, drinking her. Her eyes went wide for a moment before closing and yielding to his demanding touch. His hands on the back of her neck holding her to him. His body was crushed on hers, shoving her into the battlements. His tongue demanded entrance and she let it, sinking into the strong arms of her lover. Her own hands went to his waist, holding him against her. </p>
<p>“I- I’m sorry. That was… um… really nice” he breathed out, his eyes searching hers. His lip curling upwards, stretching his scar. He was still unsure of himself around her, the thin line between being a gentleman and wanting to dominate her. </p>
<p>“I believe that was a kiss. But I can’t be sure it’s all a blur” She goaded, tilting her head to one side biting her bottom lip lightly. His thumb went to her lip, dragging it down slowly to release her lip from her teeth.  </p>
<p>His eyes crinkled as he laughed, “Allow me to remind you, my lady” he said tilting his head to capture her lips once more, their tongues searched each other’s mouths, she had groaned into his mouth more than once sending his blood south. This time it was slow, deep, it displayed a longing, a serene escape from the world. </p>
<p>Her arms reaching behind his neck and stretching into him. His arms were wrapped around her one on her lower back, snaking its way to her behind, his palm warming her tailbone while his fingers spread over her cheeks and the other on the back of her flowing hair, pushing her head to his. </p>
<p>Realisation dawned on her that they had kissed twice, on the battlements in-front of patrolling soldiers and in front of the courtyard. Anyone could see them if they just looked up, or down, or across really. He had meant it when he said he didn’t want to hide. </p>
<p>She smiled against his lips, he felt the change and pulled back raising one eyebrow. </p>
<p>“Is something funny my darling?” he asked, his own lips forming a smile. He felt her breath catch when he used the term of endearment. </p>
<p>“This… I like this” she said, the green and blue of her eyes eaten up by black desire. A little red blush forming under the light brown freckles. </p>
<p>“Me too” <em> my love </em> he replied, going for another kiss when another runner interrupted them, this time passing Cullen a note;</p>
<p><em> Put the lass down and get your arse here - RMcC. </em>  With a tiny very badly drawing of two people kissing, with many hearts above their heads. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>His first day back in command was not an easy one, but it was satisfying. His hands had shook, tremors in his wrists, slight aches in his shoulders and neck. His legs sore from carting around his heavy armour. Nothing compared to what he was experiencing before his body shut down. </p>
<p>He was trying to focus on the good of the day. </p>
<p>His soldiers beamed when he had joined them for training, he had conversed with them all. Asking about their lives and families. They had all expressed their well wishes and congratulated him on returning to his post. Some of them had looked relieved that he had returned, when he was walking around the men and women doing the drills; he noticed more women than before. </p>
<p>Shepard’s influence no doubt, it made him grin that she was so capable. Any doubts he had about her leading ability had long since vanished. That brought his thoughts to the whispers and pointed looks sent his way, realising that the training yard was in full view of the battlements and the soldiers had watched him kiss his lover in a passionate embrace and confirmed the rumours of their relationship. The Commander had a heart, and it was very much hers. </p>
<p>Sinking back into the tub, he dozed. Enjoying the heat against his skin. Only coming to when he heard the lower door open and shut, probably a scout delivering a report. Now, semi warm water soothing his aching muscles. </p>
<p>“Cullen?” a female voice whispered, “Are you asleep?” </p>
<p>“Hmm?” he peeked an eye open to see his love at the top of the bannister, “Hello” he replied realising the water was now very cool. He groaned slightly, sitting up and stretching his neck out. </p>
<p>“Hi there” she replied, “You didn’t take dinner in the hall, I thought I’d come check on you” she smiled, moving to his towels. Holding one out behind her as to give him some privacy, he shook his head at the notion. She was becoming more sensitised to their ways of modesty. </p>
<p>He stood and took it, drying himself off before wrapping it around his waist. He walked up behind her, holding her in his arms. The soft silk of her shirt cool against his heated chest. She hummed happily, “Have I told you I’m happy you’re better?” </p>
<p>“Only a few times” He laughed, letting her spin in his arms, “Have I told you how good I’m feeling at the moment?” he replied. She hummed, stretching to kiss him lightly. Too lightly. </p>
<p>He frowned, taking one hand off her waist and placing it under her chin, “I mean it” he whispered huskily, placing a soft kiss on her lips. The downwards motion made him groan, and not in a good way. </p>
<p>She pulled back, “What’s wrong? You’re hurting?” her hands left his neck to push him back slightly. </p>
<p>“It’s nothing, just aching from wearing my armour again. Really, I’m fine” he said going for a kiss, she stopped him with slender fingers on his mouth, his eyes opened to see amusement in her face. </p>
<p>“So it has nothing to do with sparring Rylen and Cassandra today for your troops to learn how ‘a real warrior fights’?” she smirked, he rolled his eyes. He knew he had felt eyes on him, he should have known it was her, hiding in the shadows. </p>
<p>“Yes I was watching, while very impressive, Solas told you to take it easy- AND” she said pushing her fingers harder over his mouth when he tried to speak, “I don’t want you to hurt yourself, for me, please?” she pleaded. His ego had taken a blow, which was the main reason for his little display. </p>
<p>He waited for a moment. He was almost half tempted to say no just to see her reaction. He sighed, nodding, relenting to her wishes. Her fingers were replaced with her lips, open mouthed kisses on his lips. He tightened his grip on her waist, one hand snaking up to tangle in her hair made him groan in pain again. </p>
<p>She pulled back, sighing. “Get on the bed, face down” He raised an eyebrow, wondering what she was doing, “I can make it an order” she teased. </p>
<p>“Alright…” He said hesitantly his eyes, but relented, moving over to his bed, grabbing a pillow to put under his head. He felt a weight pressing on his behind, her legs either side. She positioned his arms slightly stretched out before working on his back. </p>
<p>This time, his groan was from pleasure. </p>
<p>“Good?” she asked, he choked out a yes. She started with his traps, spreading her hands to his shoulders and upper arms. He could feel the muscles loosening, turning into a puddle beneath her. The perfect mixture of pleasure and pain.</p>
<p>“Falling asleep on me?” she asked, kneading the centre of his back. </p>
<p>“Hardly” he choked, while his cock was doing nothing but become harder under her spell, he didn’t need this. Didn’t need her to think he was a teenager who couldn’t control his arousal. </p>
<p>And yet… he could feel the heat of her soaking into his towel on his behind, her hands faltered slightly and increased the pressure when he groaned. Her thighs would tighten, twitch when he would sigh or humm. Was this arousing for her?</p>
<p>“Maker” he groaned again when she hit a sore spot in his back, her cool fingertips pressing into the muscles and stroking the knots away. “Are you sure you aren’t a mage?” he groaned. </p>
<p>“Are you implying I’m putting you under my spell” she whispered into his ear, kissing his ear. </p>
<p>He chuckled slightly, “Put. Past tense. I’m already under” he punctuated his words by buckling up with his hips making her giggle. He smiled happily, this was so domestic, so caring. His first real relationship, he could see why people did this. </p>
<p>“However, I would have never let a Mage do this to me or another Templar come to think of it” he muttered when she went back to working on his back. </p>
<p>“I feel privileged that the mighty Commander would allow me the pleasure” he shook his head at her tone and could hear her grin, “You had shared barracks, right? Not much time for brining Tavern girls into the Circle?” she teased. </p>
<p>He chuckled, “And the fact that in both Circles I lived in the middle of water. Templar's in the Circle used to be jealous of my single room back in Ferelden. I shared with a man named Bevan who requested a room change, apparently I talk in my sleep”</p>
<p>“You do”</p>
<p>“And pray tell, what would I have to do for my Lady to keep my secrets?”</p>
<p>“The price is very high. I’m sure we can come to an arrangement. Turnover, Commander” he went very still. There was no way he could hide his reaction to her under this towel, she asked him again to turnover. </p>
<p>“I um- alright” he conceded. Turning over under her in the triangle her legs created a she knelt on her knees and shins. He rested on his elbows, glancing away one he caught sight of his predicament. “I- forgive me“</p>
<p>She moved over him, claiming his lips and pressing her body on his, the contact with his sensitive flesh, even through the towel, made him groan into her mouth. </p>
<p>“That is nothing to be shy or embarrassed about Cullen, it’s completely natural and… well it’s a compliment” she winked, pulling back slightly, resting her hands next to his head. “We’re together, right?” he nodded, “It’s normal to feel desire for your partner, there is no shame or sin here” she encouraged. </p>
<p>Her words made him feel safer in his mind.</p>
<p>“I tried to stop this desire, it was improper at first, we had only just met. But I couldn’t keep my eyes off you and now I have you, in my arms” He grasped her face and pulled it down to him, kissing her with vigour. “I can hardly believe it” he whispered into her lips. </p>
<p>Cullen wasn’t used to desiring things, desiring women least of all. The Chantry and Templar’s had distilled that into him. They were not allowed trinkets or to keep items beyond those for duty. He simply was not used to this, nor he thought, would he ever be. Especially when the woman he desired, desired him in return. </p>
<p>Desire wasn’t quite right; the word was associated with demons and men who faltered with pride. </p>
<p>This was… hunger. Yearning. </p>
<p>“Then let me reassure you” she whispered, kissing down his neck, he busied himself undoing her blouse. </p>
<p>The silky shirt becoming loser and loser as he went. She eventually threw it off to one side, giving him the view of her breasts in the Orlesian bralette that Josie had gifted her. She began giving him hot kisses down his chest and abdomen, sucking in parts to leave small marks. He shuddered and sighed as she went, his hands grapping at the sheets in anticipation knowing where she was headed. </p>
<p>She slid off the bed, and began opening his towel, revealing his thick hardness. His cock lay flat on his stomach, the pulsating head waiting for her attention. </p>
<p>“Wait-“ he said grabbing the pillow, “For your knees” he blushed when she softened, her smile half amused. He never wanted to cause her pain, ache. </p>
<p>Her hand went to his cheek, pulling him to a vigorous opened mouthed kiss. “Thank you” she said, adjusting herself with the pillow beneath her. His breathing went deeper again, </p>
<p>Shepard settled one hand on Cullen’s hip, stroking the jutting bone while the other gently grasped the bridge of his cock. She watched amused as his hands grasped at the sheets, tightening with anticipation. His thighs tense, his heart beat rapid against the fingers on his cock. </p>
<p>She denied him of what he sought, making marks with her mouth and teeth down the other hip to where her left was massaging. He felt her mouth sucking down the V of his pelvis, no doubt leaving marks. Marks only they would see, they would know. </p>
<p>Tiny little secrets on his skin.<br/>
A gift from her. </p>
<p>Her mouth moved, hot breath sliding over his skin, causing raised flesh where she went. She slid her tongue up the bottom of his shaft, circling the head tasting pre-come. Cullen fought the urge to grasp her head, to push her mouth onto him. Instead subjecting himself to the blissful torture. Her tongue flicked along the slit on his head, her breath coating his cock in warmth. </p>
<p>“Maker- p-please” he begged, head pressed back against the bed. His eyes were squeezed shut, legs trembling beside her. </p>
<p>His begging worked, her mouth took him in the first few inches, her spit coating his cock in heat. He moaned her name and she took him in deeper, nose pressing to the curled thatch of hair at his pelvis, her tongue flat on his cock. </p>
<p>She hollowed her cheeks and he felt his whole-body jolt, a strained grunt releasing from him when she began sucking and moving at the same time. The hand on his hip that was massaging was now cupping his balls, fondling them.</p>
<p>She changed between firm and lose holds as her fingers moved, when she grasped them tightly, she would suck. Hard. There was a rhythm to her movements he was utterly lost in. </p>
<p>He was panting, never able to get enough breath into his lungs and when she started humming and moaning around his cock. He all but grunted a trail of profanities, the air in the room tight with energy, her spit trailing down into her hand and his balls as she pushes his cock into her throat with small thrusts. </p>
<p>Filthy noises emanating from the woman in between his thighs, her sharp intake of breaths when she barely had his cock in her mouth made him roar with the satisfaction that she was doing this to him. For him. </p>
<p>His hands were wrapped in her hair now, no longer were the sheets good enough for him to hold. He needed to feel more, have more. Hold this pleasure. He moaned shakily, as the waves of pleasure hit him, washing away any thoughts or feeling but her mouth. He moved his hands with her head, aiding her in rocking down and up, down and up, down-</p>
<p>“Oh- Liv- y-yes-“ His back bowed, cock pulsing and thickening when he came with no warning, spurting into her mouth she began sucking his release. He grunted approval clenching his teeth hard when she continued sucking his sensitive flesh, undignified noises releasing out of his mouth. </p>
<p>Through his haze he felt her hot tongue on his cock, cleaning his head where little juices ran. His thighs would occasionally twitch when she did, his body turned to a puddle. The afterglow well and truly kicking in. </p>
<p>He felt drowsiness once more, “Forgive me- I- I’m not sure I can reciprocate” he admitted, still back on the bed with his limbs splayed. </p>
<p>He heard a soft chuckle, mixed with speech, “Cullen, this was for you, your pleasure. That's all” she lay next to him, caressing his hair. “Go to sleep” she whispered, he managed to move up the bed to his pillows, minus the one that lay on the floor. She moved the sheet over him, lying at his side still shirtless. </p>
<p>He wordlessly moved into her embrace, his head using her chest as a cushion. She threaded her fingers through his hair once more, the curls bouncing in the ringlets they had been in since he had dunked his head in the bath. Removing the balm that kept them so groomed. </p>
<p>“Liv I-” he hesitated. </p>
<p>“Yes Cullen?” she asked after he paused. </p>
<p>“I- I’m glad you’re here” </p>
<p>It wasn’t what he wanted to say. </p>
<p>He wondered if she knew what he wanted to say. </p>
<p>Instead he listened to her heartbeat, and let the rhythm send him to slumber. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was rare, but today Cullen managed to feel pride. Not in his work, but in himself. Proudness was something that could quickly turn into arrogance, as his father had warned. But today, he let himself feel it. It may have occurred from the pampering he was given by his lover the night before, but he felt strong, loved. Like he could take on an Army. </p>
<p>Starting his second day, he knew everything that was going on in and outside of Skyhold, Shepard had done incredibly well, as had Rylen in his absence. Though he had no doubt on the latter’s ability to lead, he was his second for a good list of reasons. </p>
<p>Patrols, trainings and the new soldiers had evolved into something better… something more. Gone were the factions of Mages and Templars. Soldiers and Agents. They were one, an Inquisition. </p>
<p>He had witnessed Mages and Templar’s from different Circles socialising. Agents conversing with guards and Soldiers mingling with merchants. If a rare sight, it was a welcome one, and it was a good sign of change. </p>
<p>“You read the report?” He asked the Spymaster. </p>
<p>The three advisors and the Inquisitor were at the War table, early and waiting for his Majesties arrival. </p>
<p>“It was… unusual” she laughed, “Is he always so blunt?” </p>
<p>Cullen chuckled, thinking of Rylen’s note to him on the battlements the day previous. It was very much the same… colourful… language he used in his reports. “Yes, Rylen has a gift for directness” </p>
<p>The window opened by itself, a breeze blowing through before shutting again. Cullen immediately went to his sword, investigating the suspicious event. Only to have Shepard decloak in front of him, </p>
<p>“Excuse me, Commander” she purred, putting her hand on his hip. Her thumb trailed down the dark marks she had left with her mouth. There was no doubt in his mind she had done it on purpose. His eyes immediatley dropped to her lips concealed beneath her mask. Grateful for it. If he had seen those luscious pink lips he would have claimed them with the heat he was feeling in his body. </p>
<p>Cullen cleared his throat, stepping aside for her to move, “I beg your pardon, My Lady” he imagined she winked under her mask. Once she was out of his shadow he felt like he could breathe again. He sighed in relief, turning back to the table in the direction she was walking around, staring at her behind, the legs underneath even longer with her boots. </p>
<p>Leliana smirked, “Very good use of the balconies. Heir’s training is already coming into effect” Shepard curtsied in thanks.</p>
<p>“Oh Shepard, it’s cold enough in here” Josie shivered. </p>
<p>“Josie, we are in the mountains” with a raised eyebrow. The Ambassador’s outfit was hardly appropriate for the snowed landscape outside. </p>
<p>“I’m more concerned about everything scattering when there’s a draft” he half-teased, collecting two papers that had blown into the markers on the large wooden table. </p>
<p>“As if your office doesn’t already look windswept” he smirked at Shepard’s comment. He wasn’t the tidiest Commander, but he knew where everything was. </p>
<p>She leant on the table, crossing her arms over her chest made her breasts lift. Her angle meant he could see the small of her waist, the curve of her back leading to her behind. He was completely enthralled by the sight. Oh he had dreamed of her. He had dreamed of tasting her, burying his head in her things after she had given him such pleasure with her lips. He wanted to taste her. Maybe on his desk, spread before him completely bare. While he, the Commander, would be sat in his chair in full armour devouring her-  </p>
<p>“You were saying something about…” Maxwell frowned at the Commander, “Cullen?” </p>
<p>“Hmm?” He straightened his back, cheeks colouring having been caught ogling the Avatar of Andraste by her Herald. Maxwell seemed much more comfortable in his presence than in Haven, now he was openly smirking at him. Teasing him as a brother-in-arms. </p>
<p><em> Maker I hope I didn’t mutter out loud </em> </p>
<p>“I- ah- yes- Skyhold has limited space for our soldiers to train. Perhaps we could set something up over here, there is a clearing that can be utilised between us and the village” He said busying himself by unrolling the map and placing it on the table. </p>
<p>Maxwell was fighting a grin, “That seems reasonable Commander, please go ahead. Are you well?” he teased, knowing what was causing his affliction. </p>
<p>“Ah- yes- Inquisitor, I’m very well. Thank you” his blush deepened. He cleared his throat daring to look up. </p>
<p>Maxwell managed to stop his chuckled after a noise escaped him, “Are you ready for today?” he asked Shepard, she nodded. </p>
<p>“I’ll do my best. I’ve let rumours circulate in the hall of our new Harlequin as well as letting three guards spot me. I can report they’re on high alert, ready for anything. We’re ready” she replied steady. </p>
<p>A knock came to the door, “Inquisitor, the King’s carriage is on the road” he saluted before being dismissed. </p>
<p>“Well” Maxwell clapped his hands stopping where he was, “Let’s put on a show. You’re on security. Follow us and keep an eye out, I’d like you close at all times but please cloak. I don’t want to spook the guards just yet” he reminded her. </p>
<p>Shepard didn’t respond but bowed, her head down, low and deep remembering to put her leg behind her and flourish her hands as Josie showed her. </p>
<p>Part of being a Harlequin bard was to exaggerate, to be quiet with voice but loud with gesture. </p>
<p>“Excellent” Max grinned before opening the door stepping out of the war room.</p>
<p>She crept through the main hall, letting the three advisors and Maxwell stride into the courtyard. She scanned the room for threats, only finding whispering nobles and servants, excited by the royalty being in Skyhold. </p>
<p>An occasional member of the inner circle in the hall. Varric, Vivienne and Dorian were mingling, enjoying the small gathering. They were able to navigate the room with ease with their penchant for people. </p>
<p>Bull was with the chargers putting on a show in the sparring ring, hopefully using Blackwall to their advantage. The King was a Grey Warden apparently, he would give the Inquisition clout. Even if he didn’t smell like a Warden. Cassandra would be with the advisors, naturally. As the Right Hand of the Divine. </p>
<p>Sera, she hoped, would stay in the Tavern away from the ‘prigs’. She made a mental note to run to her window if she saw it open and fruit being thrown out of it. Solas and Cole had made themselves scarce, the former being with Matz in the village and the latter… well… she was sure Cole was about somewhere.  </p>
<p>Guards poured into the main hall, silver metaled men with fur around their backs, the Mabari crest on their chest; Shepard watched overhead from her perch on Vivienne’s overlook keeping her tiptoes on the balcony wall.</p>
<p>She moved with them, climbing down to land near Solas’s door. She had practiced deft landings, her cloak only dampened sound to a degree. </p>
<p>Maxwell was walking a man through to the war room, the advisors behind with guards surrounding them. One guard led the group, standing above all the rest with a head on the second tallest man, which happened to be her Commander. </p>
<p>It still made her heart flutter to see him standing tall, nodding and conversing. Scanning the area around him with one hand on his sword. She hadn’t realised how much she had missed the sight of him. </p>
<p>One of the group let out a sharp whistle, leading to a large golden Mabari woofing and running to the group. She crept along the shadows, getting a better look. </p>
<p>That Mabari was… </p>
<p>Rocco? </p>
<p>Which meant only one person could whistle him to recall.</p>
<p>Alastair.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. (ART ONLY) Character Face References</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just a cheeky break showing you how I imagine the characters looking.</p><p>This is in no way forcing you to imagine them how I do, but I thought you might like it!</p><p>Stay safe ya'll.</p><p>xox</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Commander Livia Shepard</p><p>
  
</p><p>(Scar on right side looking at picture, Shepard POV left side)</p><p> </p><p>Captain John Shepard</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Inquisitor Maxwell Treveylan </p><p>
  
</p><p>(Grey Eyes with a more victorian quiff swept back hair style)</p><p> </p><p>Champion Garrett Hawke</p><p>
  
</p><p>(Default)</p><p> </p><p>Warden Matz (Anders)</p><p>
  
</p><p>(Brown Eyes with Anders original face)</p><p>(This is actually a PC mod you can download here! I take no credit for this!)</p><p>https://www.nexusmods.com/dragonage2/mods/2517</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. The King of Liars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Keep an eye out for her won’t you Rocco? Or a nose out I suppose” Alastair whispered to his Mabari, he woofed happily, sniffing the air. Sat bolt upright ready for his hunt. </p><p>Simon shifted in his seat, his heavy armour making his discomfort audibly known. “Alastair, we have had no word of her… and since Haven… she may not be-“</p><p>“Until I know otherwise Simon, I have to believe she made it” He spoke with authority, it was rare for him to speak over his soldiers and demand the direction of conversation. Simon nodded and relented. </p><p>But he wouldn’t entertain his friend was gone. </p><p>The carriage jolted ever so slightly as the dirt track gave way to the cobbled stone of the bridge. </p><p>Annoyingly, his reports were scarce and little information was in them since the Inquisition, this holy army made on his soil, had relocated to this Skyhold fortress. Harder to spy on a place you never knew existed. </p><p>The Inquisition had made a good job of making a new village, roads – enchanted with warmth and nature magics. A good use of the Rebellion they had quashed and allied with, much to Teagan’s relief. His Uncle had been shaken when the Inquisitors letter came on the Tranquil bodies the Magisters had collected. That, on top of the coup, had made it a difficult return for the Arl. Hence his visit. </p><p>His land had secrets. Some of them she could keep. </p><p>The King and soldier had been in a solemn mood since they had passed what remained of Haven. He was unaware it had even fell until the Inquisition had sent word to the palace. He felt like a failure of a King. Not one but two armies on his land. </p><p>Haven was little more than some rubble peeking out of thick snow, the new statue erected where the Chantry once stood had been placed by the Inquisition. It was tasteful and respectful; he would have to thank Inquisitor Trevelyan for that. </p><p>Trevelyan. </p><p>He had heard that name too many times. </p><p>Between the elder brother, the Templar, who had attacked Shepard, his father who had claimed a right for protection for Ostwick and died on his soil doing so. </p><p>Then to find out a Trevelyan was Inquisitor. He would be happy to name the latter an ally at best. Though his actions spoke well of him, he couldn’t be sure of his character. Or what Trevelyan had done with Shepard. </p><p>“You know, she may have found out you’re the King” Simon mused, playing with his dagger, a nervous gesture that Simon had claimed it was him being prepared. </p><p>Alastair chuckled slightly, more of a gust of air, “Then let’s hope she’s not near anything pointy” He would rather her wrath than her corpse. </p><p>The rhythm of soldier’s armour clanking and hooves trotting ceased just before the carriage stopped. Simon opened the door first, leading out. Keeping one hand on his sword. Next was Rocco, bounding out and almost taking Simon’s knees out in the process. </p><p>He stepped out, smiling warmly at the Inquisitor who greeted him with three people behind the tanned brunette.</p><p>The darker skinned woman he did not recognise, but he did her clothes, one of a diplomat, her curtsy practised and fluid. The military man stood next to her, strong and tall. His stiff bow and armour gave him away instantly, if his posture had not. He looked Ferelden but there was something else about him that made him seem recognisable. The other woman was hooded and kept her head low. </p><p>None of them Shepard. But to his surprise, a female grey Mabari. </p><p>“Your Majesty, it is an honour to have you here. I trust your journey was swift and safe?” The Inquisitor bowed respectfully. An Ostwick voice, stormy grey eyes that he had not inherited from his father. He eyed him up before replying, a warrior for sure, strong shoulders and stiff posture. </p><p>“Inquisitor Trevelyan” he bowed back, “It was incredibly dull, if anything I’m happy to have my feet on the ground and please, call me Alastair” </p><p>“Then I must insist on you calling me Maxwell, or Trevelyan if it suits you better, my lord” the formal reply came. </p><p>“So informal, Alastair, have the Lords and Ladies at court not taught you better?” came a sing-song voice, one he hadn’t heard for ten years. </p><p>His eyes went slightly wider taking in the form under the hood, “Leliana?” he blinked, “Maker’s breath it really is you?” </p><p>“As much as I would enjoy an informal greeting, there are eyes and ears everywhere” she mused, a small smirk forming on her lips. </p><p>There was something different about her, something harder. Gone were the eyes of a Bard who looked for beauty and signs of the Maker’s will. Instead were cold eyes that searched the glint of metal in the shadows. </p><p>“Of course, may I introduce my honour guard, Captain Simon Becker” he gestured to his left. Simon bowed respectfully, even managed a small smile. “And this is Rocco, I apologies in advance for any trouble he will inevitably cause” that earned him a small laugh. </p><p>The Inquisitor bent a knee, stroking the mutt. A good sign, a noble willing to kneel in the dirt to pet an animal. “He’s a fine companion, I wouldn’t worry about the trouble. We have been blessed with two litters recently, the elder litter one of which Commander Rutherford has taken on” </p><p>“Her name, Commander?” Alastair asked, exchanging pleasantries as they climbed the stairs. </p><p>“Oz, your highness” he replied in a strong Ferelden accent. His voice seemed familiar too. An odd name for a hound, though it must have meaning, “She’s not one winter old yet” the Commander wasn’t meeting his eye, keeping them fixed on the surroundings. </p><p>The female and Rocco sniffed each other as they rounded the first flight of steps. Soldiers stopped and pointed, nobles whispered and fanned themselves. </p><p>“A strange name, but she looks a strong beast. You chose well” he replied. The two Mabari continued circling before the female gave him a tentative lick.</p><p>His male Mabari seemed almost shocked by this, Alastair had to fight to keep his composure, poor boy. Brought to shock by a woman’s kiss. Something they had in common. </p><p>He cast a glance to Rocco as he sniffed the air, he gave him a jolt of his head, and off the Mabari went, with a grey one in tow. Both running off in the direction of the large castle type building. </p><p>Alastair sighed, “Like I said, trouble” </p><p>The Inquisitor laughed good naturedly, as they continued into the main doors of the keep. </p><p>***</p><p>He didn’t recognise him. </p><p>He could see the King’s analysing gaze when it honed on him. Taking in his face, his stance, trying to place him in different scenes to one where their paths might have crossed. </p><p>His heart beating a little faster when he recalled staring at the Warden through the blue sheen of the cage, his pitiful eyes. The next time he had seen Alastair was in Kirkwall, though they hadn’t spoken. </p><p>Twelve years since they were young boys who had trained together in the Chantry before he was conscripted into the Wardens. </p><p>Ten years since he had found him in the Circle. And he could recall the exact formation that Alastair, Cousland, Leliana, Morrigan and Wynne were stood. The expressions on each of their faces. Though they had all changed, Cullen had most of all. His hair longer, more groomed. His body muscled and taller, not the athletic build he had as a lad. </p><p>Six years since they had shared a nod across the Gallows court yard. A new scar on his face, the dark circles in his eyes reduced. His Ferelden tan barely there but visible. </p><p>He wasn’t sure he wanted the Warden to recognise him. </p><p>He followed dutifully, as the King and Inquisitor exchanged pleasantries. To see Maxwell in full Lord approach was new to him. But it fit him well. The Ambassador naturally leading at the front, adding to the conversation where appropriate and Leliana listening and watching like one of her Ravens. </p><p>He felt a little out of place. His demeanour was not suited to that of ‘The Game’. He did not pick up on the shifts of tones, the subtly changed of body language. </p><p>Skyhold suddenly felt very claustrophobic. </p><p>***</p><p>He felt eyes on him.</p><p>That subconscious thought that there was a predator watching you, to be aware of your surroundings. </p><p>“Through here is Ambassador Josephine’s office and beyond is the War Room. We can talk privately there with refreshments if it pleases you, I have heard that Grey Wardens have an appetite” The Inquisitor teased, opening the door for him. </p><p>“That we do” he grinned, “I’d be grateful for something from your kitchen, since I’ve been avoiding Denrim’s- ah one moment, better get Rocco back before HE finds your kitchen” </p><p>He put his two index fingers into his mouth and let out a short whistle, earning a few looks from the bodies in the hall. After not five seconds, the golden Mabari came trotting in, answering his masters call. With Oz chasing him as if it were a game. </p><p>Alastair stepped through the threshold, grateful that no longer were there masked nobles peeking through his soldiers at him. He no longer felt the eyes on his back. </p><p>The Commander patted his side, clucking his tongue. Oz came to him immediately. Though the pats of her paws and her wagging tail told him she was eager to play once more. Alastair was pleased to find the Ferelden man with such control over his companion. </p><p>The six entered the Ambassador’s office, Simon with his hand on his sword leading with Josephine. Cullen at the rear. </p><p>“Now that we’re alone” Alastair began, “How in the Maker’s name did you write me letters and not mention once” he said pointing a finger at Leliana, “that you were with the Inquisition and the infamous Sister Nightingale!” </p><p>Leliana smirked. Ignoring his question, “It’s good to see you too, old friend. The years have been kind to you” she said hugging him tightly. “Have you heard from him?” </p><p>Him. Aedan Cousland, the Hero of Ferelden, who vanished some months after the battle with the Archdemon, after recruiting more Ferelden Wardens and wrapping up Grey Warden business around Denerim. No one had seen him.</p><p>“Nothing since the last letter, the more I read it the more it sounds like a goodbye letter. Even Howe and Oghren have no idea where he could have gone- they’re my last Warden-Commanders in Ferelden. Though I imagine it has something to do with that witch” </p><p>Leliana chuckled, “She has a name Alastair” she reprimanded him. “And I believe you may be right, though I have found no trace of either of them. Not yet” </p><p>Rocco butted his head on Alastair’s leg, and let out a bark. His wagging stubby tail beating on the wooden floor, “What is it?” he muttered to the dog. </p><p>Feet hitting the floor made them all startle, Simon turned to confront the noise to find a Harlequin who had appeared from nowhere, it seemed. She was head to toe in leather, fitted with an alluring yet, formal outfit. A strange combination for a Harlequin. </p><p>“Stay there, circus freak” Simon growled, “I’m going to search you” </p><p>The Harlequin was tall for a woman, athletic, strong shoulders and strong thighs. He could have said he was looking for weapons, but Alastair was very much eyeing her curves. There was something familiar about how she carried herself, her chin high, shoulders back. Almost military? </p><p>The Harlequin put her hands up beside her head, waiting for the large man to make his move. </p><p>Trevelyan stepped forward. “This is the Inquisition’s Harlequin, a new addition to the court. She is not a threat to you and I assure you she’s un-“ Simon pulled a knife from the back of her boot holding it up, “armed” the younger man finished almost defeatedly. His eyes giving the Harlequin a <em> we agreed on this </em> look. </p><p>“Clearly” Simon lifted an eyebrow, showing the dagger to the Inquisitor, “They always have a- wait a minute” he side-stepped, keeping the Harlequin in his vision.</p><p>“This is MY dagger?!” he turned on her, making the Harlequin step back a few paces backwards. “How did you get this?!” </p><p>The Harlequin said nothing, still keeping her hands raised. The smile on her mask still unmoving as if taunting the soldier.  </p><p>Simon turned back to Alastair, he gave a small shrug of his shoulders, unsure what he could supply to his Captain. </p><p>Simon took a big breath, “Is there anything else you have that doesn’t belong to you?” he asked tiredly. </p><p>The Harlequin didn’t move.  </p><p>“Fine. Just stay in front of us, at all times” he pointed to the door leading to the war room. She took two light steps towards him, she reached behind her making Simon tense once more. Reaching her hand around his hip and hooking something on there. He caught her wrist as she retreated. </p><p>“Is that my coin purse?” he held her wrist up and glared into her mask, “You have sticky fingers, very unbecoming of a Lady” he growled. </p><p>The Harlequin giggled back at him. Alastair, though was impressed by the display, was more enjoying his Captain’s discomfort. </p><p>Simon let go of her wrist and gave her a shove towards the door, “Move it” he growled. She bowed her head before turning and moving, her hips swaying as she walked. </p><p>“Maker I hate them” His guard muttered to himself before following. </p><p>Rocco shot forward butting his head on her thigh before trotting beside the Harlequin, Oz followed on the other side. The Mabari’s short tails wagging happily. </p><p>“Rocco seems to like her Captain” Alastair teased, earning another sigh from the man. </p><p>“Well she didn’t steal anything from him” he muttered, earning a choked laugh from the Inquisitor and a chuckle from the Commander. </p><p>“She returned it at least” Alastair smirked, trailing his eyes up the Harlequin’s legs to her behind, the golden sash at the waist and hips making the round cheeks stand out. Alastair blinked out of his lechering, shaking his head a little as they walked through a long hall with stone benches either side. </p><p>The cold breeze battling the warm sun on his skin causing a rather refreshing feeling. </p><p>Simon simply sighed, shaking his head. Leliana was smirking at him, enjoying the display. He had no doubt Leliana had a hand in the little display the Harlequin had put on. </p><p>The leather clad woman threw the large doors open, letting the Mabari go first before standing to one side to allow the others to enter. </p><p>***</p><p>Her heart was beating through her chest when he laid eyes on her. </p><p>Alastair, it was really him. Though not the King? </p><p>Did he get caught up in something and send Alastair? </p><p>She kept up the charade, annoying Simon in the process was simply a bonus. <br/>His muttered words and sighs were making her struggle to keep her composure. Rocco butting his head on her leg didn’t help matters, her urge to cuddle the dog was getting stronger by the minute. </p><p>She wanted it to be a surprise… would he even be happy to see her? </p><p>The lot made their way around the table, Simon staying close to Alastair, stance wide, arms crossed. Every so often he would cast an eye to her, making sure she was still stood in a similar position behind the Inquisitor. </p><p>She kept her face forward, unmoving in the tranquillity of her stance. Probably unnerving him as she stood as a statue. It wasn’t helping that every so often, Rocco would come and sniff her, wagging his tail. He knew who she was. Clever boy. </p><p>“If I may” Alastair gestured to the table. Maxwell nodded, “I first wanted to congratulate you and give my apologies in person, for Redcliffe and for your Father’s passing” </p><p>She saw Maxwell’s jaw tense. “I understand your anger and predicament. I do not hold it against you. As for my Father, we were related in blood not bond. I am not sorry to see him go” Maxwell replied with a hint of venom, the two men shook hands. Alastair acknowledged this with a short nod of his head. </p><p>“I understand, such is often the way with family” Alistair looked off for a moment before returning. “I do have one question for you, before we begin this meeting”</p><p>“Of course-”</p><p>“What has happened to Shepard?”</p><p>Shepard’s back straightened, she tried her best to keep her composure. An idea came over her. </p><p>She slowly reached up and took her mask off, with most of their backs to her. She watched the recognition come over Rocco, his tail beating faster. </p><p>He trotted over to her, she gently gave him the mask, pointing to Alastair. </p><p>“I… wasn’t aware you were acquainted” Maxwell answered slowly. </p><p>Alastair crossed his arms, “It doesn’t matter if we are or not, I need to know-“</p><p>Rocco nudged Alastair, “Rocco not now” he said, not breaking eye contact with the Inquisitor. Rocco growled and put his paws on the table, letting the mask drop from his mouth and clatter on the table. </p><p>Alastair finally looked down and took the mask from the table.  </p><p>“What-“</p><p>“Miss me?”</p><p>They all spun to her, no one faster than Alastair. </p><p>“Shepard!” He exclaimed, throwing the mask on the table and in two long strides she was in his arms. Being held tightly and spun around. She hugged him back, hands on his shoulders. Grinning like a fool. </p><p>He finally put her down holding her by her waist, “Maker’s breath you’re a beautiful sight” he grinned, eyes crinkling at the edges. His handsome face overcome with happiness, golden eyes darting between hers.  </p><p>Cullen’s stomach was in knots. They were more than acquainted. The King had his woman in his arms calling her beautiful. He couldn’t wipe the scowl off his face even if he tried. His eyes were watching their body language, her hands on his shoulders. His on her waist, faces grinning. A slight flush on her cheeks. </p><p>Yes… they were more than acquainted. </p><p>“I’ll take that as a yes?” she laughed, brushing her hoods down. </p><p>His smile reduced, a pinching frown in between his brows. “This is new” he said, his thumb trailing down the scar on her temple. She shivered at his hot touch. He must have felt it, his eyes snapped to hers. </p><p>“Haven” she replied, he nodded. “I’m guessing you saw” </p><p>“I did, it was hard to remember what it looked like before” he gulped, removing his hands from her body. Remembering they were in company. “You said you’d be careful” he growled, crossing his arms over his chest. </p><p>She crossed her arms, cocking a hip out. “Weeellll, you said I could lie, so really it’s your fault” she teased. </p><p>Alastair shook his head, “Of course it is” he smirked. “I’m just glad you’re- actually come to think of it. You couldn’t send one letter? One measly word to let me know you were okay?” he pointed a finger at her. </p><p>“I didn’t know HOW to write Alastair!”</p><p>“But you’re not illiterate?” he said puzzled. </p><p>“I know… we type where I’m from Al, not write! And I didn’t want anything to get back to you. It could have implicated you when we were vagrants and heretics” she gestured with her hands. </p><p>Cullen didn’t miss the use of a nickname for the King. His hand gripping his sword handle a little tighter causing a glance from Josephine. </p><p>He sighed, “I hate it when you’re right” he shook his head. </p><p>“Of course you had to be the Harlequin” Simon muttered from behind her. Though his lips betrayed his smile. “It’s good to see you Shep” he reached his hand out for a warriors hand shake. She took it happily. </p><p>“Likewise, human-mountain” that got a chuckle and a shake of his head. “Lost any pretty daggers lately?” she teased. </p><p>“Fallen off any horses lately?” he teased back, the two shared a chuckle. </p><p>Rocco jumped up at her causing her to grab his paws where they landed on her chest and combat his weight, he was smiling as best a hound could. His tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, wagging his tail. </p><p>“Hello sweet boy” she said kissing his nose. “You knew it was me, didn’t you?” he woofed a reply. “I missed you too” she fussed over him. Scratching his ears and mushing his face. </p><p>Maxwell cleared his throat, “Not to… interrupt this reunion but- you said you never met the King?” His frown deepening. Looking between her and Alastair…</p><p>She frowned back. </p><p>Letting Rocco down, he immediately went under the war table. Oz sniffed and tilted her head at the action. </p><p>“I didn’t?” she replied, equally as puzzled. </p><p>Josie and Maxwell shared a look of confusion. Leliana was smiling under her hood, eyes closed shaking her head slowly. Cullen was frowning at the King, his chest plate rising and falling with his deep breaths. </p><p>Wait…</p><p>Her gaze returned to Alastair. </p><p>He looked sheepish, his weight shifting from one foot to another. “Well… technically, I am sort of… the King” </p><p>“Wh-“</p><p>“He is only actually, the King of Ferelden” Maxwell said. His own forehead in a pinching frown. </p><p>“For how long?” she asked with a frown. Hoping that maybe he hadn’t lied repeatedly, hidden his truth. That the King had passed or stepped down or-</p><p>“Over ten years” came the quiet reply. </p><p>Her blood ran hot, “YOU WHAT?” she shouted. Simon moved before she could, grabbing her and holding her off the ground in a tight embrace. His arms trapping hers at her side. </p><p>“You lied to me!” she growled, struggling against the iron grip. “You fucking-“</p><p>Alastair’s eyes were now wide, his stance less aggressive than before. “I- I wanted to tell you- I tried even after we… ah-“ his eyes darted to the others quickly. Thinking of a way to phrase it. The kiss, she thought with a narrowed gaze, </p><p>“before you left. But well… we ran out of time” </p><p>“Oh Alastair” Leliana said softly, not surprised by the events. </p><p>She growled struggling once more. </p><p>She hated being lied to. It had no place in an alliance of a friendship. It went back to her father. His lies caused her to be fearful of making anyone like her. His lies made her what she was.</p><p>“Please just let me explain-“</p><p>“Something something grateful something something?! Really? Is that the best you could do Alastair?” she growled, thinking of how Maxwell had described his interaction with the King in his report. How angry he was, and how short. </p><p>This was the man who had made sure she was protected, taken her for strolls and kissed her?</p><p>“It wasn’t something I could write in a letter! I thought you might have-“</p><p>She growled in frustration in Simons grip, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll write you a letter as soon as I find out if there’s a hyphen in dickhead!”</p><p>Josie gasped at her language; her gold gloved hand covered her mouth. Maxwell looked almost amused, if not utterly shocked. Deciding if he should intervene. </p><p>She struggled again; she could easily get out if she wanted to using her biotics. But she supposed that was cheating… and she didn’t really want to hurt them. Much. </p><p>She began aiming her heels in-between Simon’s legs. She hit her target her heel bouncing off the armour there and he grunted, using one of his arms to trap her legs. “Stop trying to kick my- b- private area” he gritted out. </p><p>“NO” she said petulantly. Twisting so she could look at him through the corner of her eye, “You lied to me too” </p><p>His dark blue eyes widened a fraction, “I was under order’s Shep he’s my King! I couldn’t disobey him like that”</p><p>She ‘ugh’d’ in response. Returning her glare to Alastair. </p><p>Manipulated. Used. Confused. Embarrassed. These emotions flurried around in her, rushing under the skin. Ugly emotions catching the edges of her roughest parts, drudging up old memories and feelings that made her feel small. </p><p>“Was any of it real?” she asked, sagging slightly in Simon’s arms. </p><p>Alastair stepped forward, “That was the only thing I… omitted. Our… friendship was real, everything else was” he said in a lowered voice nodding to Simon to put her back down. He kept his hands on her shoulders. </p><p>Alastair took another step forward, “It… it was what you said. About titles, I- you understood, what it’s like!”</p><p><em> I will be judged before they know me, and that’s why I don’t care for the title. It’s easy to let the power of admiration taint you… I don’t want that </em> </p><p>“Anyone who has ever found out has treated me differently afterwards, the bastard King instead of Alastair… I know it must sound stupid and it’s a horrible excuse but it’s shaped my entire life” he looked like a kicked puppy. And her stupid heart flip-flopped at the sight. </p><p>He sighed deeply, “I am sorry for not telling you, I was hoping… you’d like me for who I was. It was a dumb thing to do. But I would do it again Shepard, it was… wonderful” he finished, dropping his eyes. </p><p>Simon removed his arms from her shoulders. Taking a step back. </p><p>“You… weren’t trying to manipulate me?” she asked softly, confused.</p><p>His head shot up, “No! Maker, of course not?” he frowned equally as confused. </p><p>“Oh” she replied… now unsure how to proceed. </p><p>“I- don’t expect you to forgive me but… I hope you” he rubbed the back of his neck, stretching out, “understand, I guess” </p><p>How often had someone changed their tune when they found out she was Commander Shepard. Hated her or adored her on the spot, wanting her to do something for them because they were owed. The truth was he did it because he wanted a friend. The truth was, Alastair was lonely. </p><p>“You’re an idiot” she said softly, “But I understand and- fuck sake I forgive you…” she put her hands on her hips and shook her head. She half did, but he didn’t need any more reason to tug her heart strings with his honey eyes. Sweet eyes. </p><p>He looked up slowly from the floor, eyes wide and mouth in an opened smile. “I- thank you” he said softly. “I didn’t expect-“</p><p>She moved faster than Simon could grab her, grabbing Alastair’s leather overcoat in her hands and bringing him so their noses almost touched. He looked slightly fearful, his eyes dilating. Or was he enjoying this?</p><p>“Lie to me again you ginger little toe rag there is nothing that will protect you from my wrath, got it?” </p><p>“Y-yepyepabsoluteynolying” he said quickly, flashing her a fearful smile afterwards. </p><p>Large armoured hands came on her shoulders. “Please stop making my job harder than it is” a pleading Ferelden voice came. </p><p>She put Alas- the King- down stepping away from him. </p><p>“Dickhead” she said softly, causing Alastair to give her a half smile and rub his shoulder with his adjacent hand, a nervous tic. Her head whipped to the door, </p><p>“Someone’s coming” she sidestepped to the table grabbing her mask and fitting it on her face with her hoods quickly before taking her place behind the Inquisitor. </p><p>A knock came shortly after. </p><p>“Enter”</p><p>Rylen came through, bowing respectfully to the king. His eyes darting to the Harlequin, “Inquisitor, I’ve come to report- ah-“</p><p>Maxwell chuckled, “Speak freely Knight-Captain” Rylen’s directness was something of a well-known thing in Skyhold. </p><p>“The nobles are getting impatient and bothering all of the guards in the main hall, I’d get out here before they barge down the doors” came the strongly accented reply. </p><p>Alastair chuckled, “I believe that is our que, Inquisitor” </p><p>“Indeed, Your Highness” </p><p>***</p><p>They returned to the war room. </p><p>After the King and Inquisitor had ‘done the rounds’ within the main hall, with Shepard in tow. A few nobles gushing over the Harlequin, enquiring about the King’s visit and the colour of his drapes in his castle... to this Cullen made himself scarce, leaving the capable Leliana and Josephine to watch over the conversations. </p><p>Instead he stewed in the armoury. Checking over the shields and swords for his men. Still a runner found him in his solace or brooding as Varric may have called it. His mind reeling over the day, he had been unable to ask Shepard of her… friendship with the King. Having needed to entertain the guests before a change of clothes. </p><p>His steps fell heavy as he climbed his way up to the war room. He heard her laughter just outside of the war room door, his eyes closed at the sound. His body washing in the melody that made his soul sing. He entered the room with a smile on his face. </p><p>“There you are” Shepard said brightly, gone was her Harlequin outfit, in its place her usual attire. Deep brown boots and trousers, a red button up that colour matched his cloak he thought possessively. </p><p>“Apologies for my tardiness” he said with a decline of his head. </p><p>Leliana smirked at him, “Finished staring menacingly in the armoury?” </p><p>He frowned at her, “I was- I was simply checking over the stores and Finn’s work. That is all” </p><p>“Of course” she replied, still smirking. He almost growled back at her. </p><p>“Cullen I was wanting your opinion on this” handing over a letter Maxwell waited for him to read. </p><p>
  
</p><p><em>-A freehold in Rainesfere was burned to the ground when a mage inside lost control of his abilities.<br/>-Two farms outside Redcliffe Village suffered crop loss and structural damage due to frost spells.<br/>-Five people in Redcliffe Village were injured by lightning spells cast by panicked children. </em> </p><p>Alastair sighed, “Teagan has struggled in his return to Redcliffe, that is an overview of the damage. Truthfully… I’ve tried to talk him out of this but now the Mages are with you. I think doing something for Redcliffe will show unity and humility” the King had wisdom in his words. </p><p>“Josie has recommended paying for the damages. Coin is an easy way to let the Arl repair the damages” Maxwell offered. </p><p>“I disagree, soldiers and merchants, even some Mages can go and build it themselves. We aren’t as thin on the ground, if we help, everyone should see us doing it! Let them work as one” Shepard said, at the head of the table next to Max, allowing Alastair in her usual place. </p><p>“I agree” Cullen said quickly, “It would be good practise for some of my officers to work on their leadership skills- some trust work for the new recruits who have just joined. Some are still fearful of Magic, we should show them it can be used for good” he caught Shepard’s eye. A grateful look there. </p><p>“I understand, Commander please choose your people and send them off. Josie can you send word to the Arl?” </p><p>“At once” she nodded. </p><p>Alastair sighed in relief, “Thank you- I come with word of a tournament in Calon for land to which has no living owner. I have an invitation for the Inquisition, since you are on Ferelden soil. What are your thoughts?” </p><p>Maxwell hummed, “I’m afraid I don’t much have experience in leading tournaments, only competing in them. Cullen, your thoughts?” </p><p>“We could send a champion” he offered, his lips quirked up, “It would not be wise to win, Ferelden’s hold grudges” he grinned. Alastair laughed and nodded. </p><p>“Would you be willing to compete?” Alastair asked, “You look to be a capable warrior”</p><p>“More than capable” Shepard said smirking, giving him a once over. </p><p>Cullen shifted under her heated gaze, “I’m afraid my duties are more important than one tournament. There is a high chance of assassins too. Leliana has… advised me not to attend such events myself. However, I can recommend the best woman for the position”</p><p>“Thank you, Commander” Alastair smiled, Cullen forced himself to keep eye contact with the man. His stomach still churned. “Since I am to be here for the next few days, maybe I can offer you a spar?” </p><p>A chance to hit the man flirting with my woman in a controlled ring? Absolutely. </p><p>“Of course, I would enjoy that” Cullen replied, handing the letter back over Maxwell. </p><p>Maxwell sighed, “This brings us to the last point in the meeting” Looking over at Alastair. </p><p>He nodded, “Though my Lady Shepard may have saved my life from the attempt months ago” he said with a glint in his eye, looking at Shepard. </p><p>“Venatori have managed to get into MY castle. They tried to kill me while I was dining with my Captains. A poor choice of timing for them probably desperation, since there were six trained swordsmen and women ready to pounce. We got most of them but one of them got away. How, I have no bloody idea” he growled. </p><p>“So, I had hoped you could have a look through Alastair’s memories” Max began, “Do you think it’s possible?” he pressed. </p><p>“Ah I see, now you want me to go digging through the King’s brain?” Shepard replied, crossing her arms over her chest. </p><p>Max nodded. Alastair spoke up once again, “It’s the main reason for my visit. Though we’ve kept it quiet. Venatori rats in the palace isn’t very reassuring. Rats with magic and nasty sneers” </p><p>Shepard hummed, “I can do it. Though I’m sure this will be a terrifying ordeal-“</p><p>Alastair went still, “What it doesn’t hurt does it?”</p><p>“For me” Shepard finished with a quirk of her mouth.  </p><p>“Very funny” he said sarcastically, narrowing his eyes. Though he enjoyed the teasing. She turned to him. </p><p>“Okay, this… well I’m going to have a rummage” she stated plainly walking over to him, “I’ll have to search and recreate the memory it will take time, no less than twenty minutes if you focus” She began, unbuttoning her shirt and lying it on the table. Leaving her in her white long-sleeved undershirt. Alastair frowned at her and then the shirt now on the table. </p><p>“I’ll get quite hot” she shrugged. “It won’t hurt but you may relive events if I touch a memory, just stay calm I’ll be right there with you” she smiled. “Ready?” she asked. Alastair gulped but nodded. </p><p>Shepard reached her hand out to touch his face, her eyes lighting up with biotics. “Breathe Alastair” she whispered. </p><p>He did as she asked, taking a deep breath. “Imagine a door and open it for me, give your consent” she whispered. He did just that, she stepped through. Though she couldn’t see him as such she could feel him. It was his head after all. </p><p>For her it was like waking through smoke, an endless room. Water on the ground a few centimetres deep. Sloshing with every step, ripples running away from her boots, small images of memories danced in the air as she walked. </p><p>“Maker… you’re in my head… my memories… to walk among them- do you do this often?” He asked aloud, his voice dripping with reverence. </p><p>“I don’t make it a habit” she answered, a small smile adorning her face. </p><p>She continued filtering through, “If there is anything you would like me not to see just imagine a door and close it. I won’t pry, I promise” she said aloud. </p><p>She continued filtering. There were ones of battle, a man named Duncan, the Hero of Ferelden, his coronation. Others were vaguer, memories he had been dwelling on, a grey pair of eyes staring at him as a baby, the drift of silver and blue armour. They looked familiar. The chant being sung to a child. Some doors appeared in the smoke were closed, she respected that before they too, filtered away. </p><p>The others looked at each other, they were always marvelled by Shepard’s abilities. How she carried herself. Josie was flicking between Shepard and Alastair, Cullen was gazing in Shepard’s eyes that could only be considered lovingly. Leliana was as usual, hard to read. Max turned his attention back to the two side profiles. </p><p>She continued in the smoke, walking at a leisurely pace in his memories. She was shocked to turn and see herself. Through another’s eyes. </p><p>The kiss. </p><p>She watched herself smile at Alastair, his mouth closing on hers. She quickly turned her back, and continued walking the opposite direction but was met with… fantasies, or dreams. Dreams could be as much reminiscences as memories were. Ones of him taking her in the armoury, taking her back to his room. </p><p>“Oh-“ Shepard said, “Ah Alastair there’s a door there you might- um actually several” Shepard choked.  </p><p>Alastair grinned back. </p><p>“Can you please concentrate?” she seethed; she would deny out loud that she was aroused but her cheeks must have been betraying her by the way they were burning. </p><p>Alastair grinned cheekily but thankfully concentrated once more, another ten minutes of searching she had found the memory. The guards made short work of them but some scattered, the Captains were well trained, dodging the Magic with ease. She followed them through the memory, absorbing all avenues of information. </p><p>Alastair flinched under her hand. She felt the shudder where her fingertips connected to his face, “Just a few moments more I promise” she whispered, using her other hand to steady his shoulder. </p><p>“So scared, so very very scared” he groaned, scrunching his eyes shut. </p><p>“It can’t hurt you anymore” she replied calmly.</p><p>“Alarmed then and bewildered now… how can you bare it” he replied, his hazel eyes searching her light filled ones. </p><p>“What?” she whispered, allowing her biotics to drop. </p><p>“Baby blue” he replied, his eyes flicking between hers. </p><p>Shepard’s heart stopped for a moment; her stomach fell to the floor. Her heart rate soared, a cold flush through her veins. </p><p><em> My baby blue, you were always the key </em> </p><p>She removed her hand and stepped back, hitting Max in the process. “How do you know that name” her face white as a sheet.</p><p>The other exchanged worried looks.</p><p>“I have looked into the eyes of beasts and monsters, you aren’t one of them Shepard” Alastair said, his hand reaching for her face, the backs of his fingers made their way down her cheek.</p><p>He continued, “Baby blue, that’s what he called you. So scared that you’re losing what makes you human, day by day. Less and less blue, answers you can’t reach-” </p><p>“How did you do that” she said through gritted teeth. How did he see in her mind, her memories, her fears. </p><p>Alastair looked at her with pity, “A door opened may be stepped through in either direction…I didn’t realise-“</p><p>“You had no right!” she roared across the room making Josephine jump.</p><p>He looked into her eyes, guilty for his snooping. He should be, his mouth opened a few times to saw something but no words came out. To have her ousted like this in-front of everyone, it was more than embarrassing. </p><p>A drip on her nose caught her attention, her nose had run down her mouth and was collecting on her shirt. Her sudden anger forgotten, he couldn’t have known what he was doing. The intensity of her powers.</p><p>Max moved to turn her to examine her face, “I’m fine, this always happens” she lied. She didn’t think too hard on it. </p><p>She grabbed the handkerchief that Cullen had given her out her pocket and wiped her face, dabbing at her nose clumsily with a shaking hand. </p><p>“Um- please- allow me” Alastair said taking the hanky from her, he wiped her upper lip and dabbed at her nose. He unfolded the handkerchief to get a cleaner part when he noticed the initials on it. CSR.</p><p>Cullen.</p><p>Cullen Rutherford. </p><p>Knight-Templar from the Ferelden Circle. It was him. </p><p>He looked back at Shepard who was tipping her head back to stop the blood, he quickly folded it. Cleaning the last bits of blood from her face. </p><p>“You ok Shep?” Max asked, standing at her side examining her nose. </p><p>“Yeah… yeah fine, just a bit of blood” she said tipping her head forward holding the hanky to her nostril. </p><p>Alastair shifted, “I- I really am-“</p><p>“Don’t” Shepard said she sighed heavily, “You couldn’t have known what you were doing, you don’t need to apologise- I- it’s an old memory” She said, bringing the hanky away from her face, “very old” she whispered. </p><p>“I think she would be very proud of you” Alastair replied searching her green swimming eyes. </p><p>“She?” she replied with a nasal tone, tilting her head to look at Alastair. </p><p>“I… I saw a woman, a pregnant woman- I assumed it was your mother” he said looking at her frowning. </p><p>Shepard’s eyes went wide, “What did she look like” she whispered stepping forward. </p><p>“Uh- I can’t really remember I just- had a feeling of who she was. Like a connection” he replied, “Why do you ask?” </p><p>“I never knew her” she said looking down, “Every bit of information on her was lost when my colony was attacked… I don’t even know what she looks like. My memories of her were when I was still all Human, I’ve forgotten… I don’t know what I inherited from her… my nose, my hair maybe…” Shepard finished, blinking back the stinging tears. She felt Max’s hand on her shoulder. </p><p>“It is something we share” Alastair said smiling sadly.</p><p>“I’ve never had anyone… in my head, not like that. I’m impressed you were able to” Shepard replied, dabbing her nose. Sniffing back the blood, tasting the iron in her mouth. </p><p>“Sorry what was that last bit?” Alastair joked, “I couldn’t quite hear you” he said cheekily. </p><p>“Very funny. It’s a shame you didn’t inherit Elven hearing” she laughed, his face went still, the room tense. </p><p>Shepard looked round the room, at the shocked faces of the group. Then back to Alastair his eyes were wide and mouth agape.</p><p>“You didn’t know” Shepard realised, “You have elven blood” she clarified. </p><p>“How-“ Alastair cleared his throat, “How much” he gasped. </p><p>“A lot, I’d say a parent” she replied watching the emotions flicker over his face. </p><p>“Your mother” Leliana said, “It must be her” she theorised. </p><p>“This does not leave this room” Alastair growled at the others, narrowing his eyes, “If the people found this out” he shook his head. </p><p>“It will be kept here” Josie replied. </p><p>“Of-course” Max replied</p><p>Cullen simply nodded; he didn’t trust his tongue to speak. Several emotions flicking over his mind. </p><p>“Did you… see anything else, about her?” Alastair asked, his eyes hopeful.</p><p>“Only grey eyes, there isn’t much. I’m sorry, you were very little” she replied, watching his head fall. </p><p>“I’m sorry too” he sighed, “What a pair we make” he laughed, his head tilting to one side to catch her gaze. </p><p>She laughed sadly, nodding in agreement. </p><p>“Did you see anything about the Venatori?” Max asked, his hand pressing on her upper shoulders. </p><p>“It’s as Alastair saw it, they vanished into thin air, no smoke, no cloak just zip- gone” She said frowning at the others, “I did sense magic, it felt strange, like it vibrated in the air” </p><p>“Possibly the use of a crystal” Leliana replied, “I will confirm with Dagna if she has any knowledge of such devices” she nodded. </p><p>“If you are both alright to, we should prepare in detail for the trip to Orlais and Denerim. If you require a moment, please take one” Max said, catching Josie’s eye. </p><p>“Yes- of course” Alastair said straightening his back. </p><p>“I’d appreciate the distraction” Shepard said, dabbing her nose once more to check there was no more blood before turning to the table. </p><p>The meeting continued; plans were discussed. Notes were made. Alastair was accommodating and friendly, offering to aid his services in finding the Mayor of Crestwood for trial. </p><p>Yet the air was tense. </p><p>This feeling continued, over dinner. A lavish buffet in the main hall with all the inner circle in attendance. An intimate affair only for the most trusted. No nobles or merchants. </p><p>Cullen departed quickly, leaving her without returning to her quarters as she had offered him. She thought on his behaviour all afternoon, maybe withdrawals? Bad memories of the Circle? She slept fitfully that night. Wondering why she felt apprehensive. </p><p>***</p><p>The next day she still felt it in her gut. Shepard looked up from her book, Solas had lent her Elven history books. Rare to find, even rarer to read. It would help her in her translation, she had been neglecting her practise of the language. It came strangely easily to her. </p><p>“Tell me why the King of Ferelden was eyeing you up all supper yesterday” Dorian said smugly, leaning against the shelf. Her cheeks heated up a touch as she pretended to browse the shelf. </p><p>“I have-“</p><p>“No idea what I’m talking about?” he offered, one hand on the other elbow gesturing to the air with his hand, “Come now, sing for me little bird” he pleaded. </p><p>Dorian would not let this go, and she knew better than to try and hide something from her. “Fine, buy me a drink at least” she said, closing the book with a thud at the end of her sentence. </p><p>“Done” he grabbed her hand, placing it in the crook of her elbow. The two made their way leisurely down the main hall stairs. Varric naturally joining in on the chance to day drink with Skyhold’s best gossip. </p><p>“Boss! Vint, Varric over here!” Bull raised his tankard, waving them over. Bull insisted on calling her and Maxwell, Boss. He would simply not budge in this. </p><p>Varric wandered to the bar to get them drinks, in exchange for information. Of course. They sat happily around the table, Bull stretching his legs underneath almost reaching Varric’s on the other side. </p><p>“Let me guess, you saved his life. In dramatic fashion and once you were at the palace it was up to him to show you how… grateful he was? Is Grey Warden stamina everything you’d hoped?” Dorian drawled, taking a sip of the ale bought for them, he turned his nose up but did not complain audibly. </p><p>Shepard laughed, shaking her dead. Dorian was truly one of her best friends. She had little defence for how well he read situations or how amusing he was. “We… kissed. That was and is the entirety of it” she said cutting the air with her hand. </p><p>Varric immediately went to his notepad. Dorian hummed, “Oh that was hardly worth drinking this… Kaffas what is this Ferelden piss?” he asked pushing the tankard away. </p><p>Varric laughed, “Sparkler if you want to get a good story you have to learn to sample the waters of the land”</p><p>Dorian scoffed, but went for another sip “Awful just awful”</p><p>“Sparkler?” Shepard asked sipping her ale. It wasn’t as bad as Dorian made out, it just wasn’t the sweet Tevinter wine he drunk like water. </p><p>Dorian huffed, “Because my dashing bright personality that glitters in the dark” he beamed with a smirk. </p><p>Varric laughed along with Bull, “Yeah sure, all flash and no heat” he winked. </p><p>Dorian hummed, stroking his moustache, “Oh it must be more than one kiss? No horizontal dances? No Mabari fur role play?”</p><p>Shepard grimaced, “Dorian that’s vile” she laughed, hating her reaction as it would only spur him on. </p><p>“It has to be more!” he explained, “Otherwise why was your Templar giving him hard looks over the table!”</p><p>Her hand stopped mid air, holding her tankard giving Dorian a frown, silently asking for clarification on what she had just heard.</p><p>“It’s true” Bull said, “The Commander is jealous, he’s self-conscious” he said simply, downing his own… ale? Only their Maker knew what was in that tankard. </p><p>“He… no Cullen is more secure than that” she shook her head. “It was just a kiss, a goodbye kiss when I left and returned to Haven! Alastair and I are just friends”</p><p>“Does he know that?” Bull asked, eyebrow raised. Before she could answer Skinner, one of Bull’s chargers wandered over. Whispering something in Bull’s ear before moving away. Silently, a perfect rogue. </p><p>“I wouldn’t bet on it, Boss” Bull said rising to stand, “The Commander’s going to fight him at noon” he said leisurely. </p><p>“What?!”</p><p>The bell tolled from Skyhold’s corner indicating it was in fact, now noon; cheers erupted soon after. The fight had begun. </p><p>“Oi Piss Heads!” Sera shouted from the upper floor. “Come watch the show, Varric they’re waitin’ for ya’ at the ring, sommet about coin and betting yeah hurry up I wanna put a bet on Cully-Wully” </p><p>Varric and Bull quickly made their way out the tavern door, Shepard was still stood in shock. Surely… surely he wasn’t fighting Alastair because of the kiss? Did he know? Should she have told him? It wasn’t like they were together? Did it matter who she had kissed? </p><p>Now she was wishing that she had some relationship experience to understand the emotions running through her. Her and Cullen had jumped, skipped and leaped into this relationship. She wasn’t certain if he had courted someone before, if he was expecting something from her.</p><p>“I wonder what they’re fighting over” Dorian waggled his eyebrows, taking Shepard’s hand and bringing her out the Tavern.</p><p>Once the sunlight had hit her eyes and her eyes in turn had adjusted. She saw just how widespread the news was regarding the spar. Soldiers lined the ring; nobles and some servants were there too. Exchanging whispers or coin. Even Maxwell was there, Cassandra and Simon at his sides. </p><p>She and Dorian pushed their way through to him. “Max what in fresh hell is happening here” she gritted out. </p><p>He shrugged, “I thought it was a friendly spar but… I saw Cullen before and he looked. Serious” he frowned, “Serious even for Cullen” he drawled. Dorian chuckled next to her. </p><p>She returned her eyes to the ring, both men were in tight brown trousers. White linen shirts tucked in, wooden swords and shields in hand circling each other, already breathing deeply. </p><p>“Alastair’s damn near had him on the ground twice” Max whispered. She noticed dirt on Cullen’s shirt as a testimony of this, though Alastair had dirt on his legs, most likely from rolling to dodge, “He’s really quite talented” </p><p>“Alright folks!” Varric shouted, “Let’s up the reward, winner gets a kiss from her Worship, Lady Shepard!” Varric gave her a devilish grin. She glared back. Max and Cassandra stifled a laugh while Dorian was muttering something about ‘now it was interesting’. </p><p>The cheers were deafening. </p><p>Cullen immediately straightened, looking for her in the crowd. When he caught sight of her his expression was almost guilty looking. She sent him a small wave, his mouth went to a grin before disappearing, like he couldn’t believe she was there. </p><p>“Come on boys” Rylen shouted, “Less gawking and more fighting!”</p><p>Alastair readied himself, Cullen did the same. Both man bowing to each other before launching into attacks. Wooden shields bashed together, the men grunting under the strain, feet trudging up dirt onto their boots. </p><p>The crowd cheered at the anger both men displayed, each hit had incredible force behind it. Cullen very much on the offensive. It was almost… arousing and terrifying how much of a brute Cullen could be. Snarls and grunts leaving his mouth as he attacked, raising his sword to beat down on Alastair. Who easily blocked again and again. </p><p>“They both want the prize”</p><p>Shepard’s head whipped to Cole, sat on the fence swinging his legs. Maxwell’s eyes went wide, blinking several times before looking back at the men and back at her. Dorian smirked, nudging her to return her gaze to the fighting. </p><p>Alastair was on the offensive now, having knocked Cullen’s shield from his hands. His sword quickly followed. Cullen, being a force of nature, barrelled into the King’s shield, sending him to the ground. They wrestled for a weapon, both of them using their fists and weight to overcome the other man. </p><p>Eventually her blonde Lion rolled away, grabbing a sword and jumping to his feet, pointing the sword at Alastair’s neck. </p><p>“Yield” he growled, breathing heavily through slightly opened mouth. </p><p>“First blood!” someone shouted from the crowd, pointing to Cullen’s nose. A small bit of blood was trickling from his nostril. </p><p>“But he disarmed the King at sword point?”</p><p>Arguments broke out about if first blood or being pinned was a win or loss. </p><p>“Draw?” Alastair offered from the ground. </p><p>Shepard watched the gears turning in Cullen’s head. His curls askew, clothes covered in shallow dirt. He nodded, throwing the sword away and giving Alastair a hand up. </p><p>“A draw!” Varric shouted, a few of the crowd voiced their disappointment, some went to Varric with a smile seemingly have bet on that outcome. </p><p>Shepard’s sigh of relief was short lived, “Hey Boss!” Bull shouted from across the ring. She shook his head at him, putting her hand across his throat to tell him to cut it out. </p><p>“Gotta kiss them both!” he continued, his voice carrying across Skyhold.  </p><p>Cheers erupted from the crowd. </p><p><em> Shit </em> </p><p>Maxwell nudged her into the ring with a grin, wiggling his eyebrows. He held the fence door open for her, and nudged her none too gently inside. She cleared her throat, going to Alastair first. </p><p>“Your majesty” she said with a smile, “My Lady” he replied with a grin, his eyes dilated. Standing stock still, she reached up on her tiptoes, using her hand on his shoulder to steady herself. His hot, large hand came to her hip, pecking him softly on the lips. Wait… she had aimed for his cheek? </p><p>Hadn’t she? </p><p>His skin was hot against her lips, cheeks flushed with exertion. His breath flickered across her face as she leant back, his mouth in a wide grin. </p><p>She turned and stepped to Cullen. His face was hard, she wondered briefly if his withdrawals had his body aching, “Commander” she purred. Reaching up to kiss his cheek too, again on her tiptoes, hand on his shoulder. </p><p>He exhaled heavily as her lips hit his cheek, she grinned before returning her feet to the ground. </p><p>Or so she thought. </p><p>Cullen wrapped his hand around her waist, bringing her body back to his. His other hand dropped the sword that was clutched there and went to her hair, dragging her lips to his. He kissed her like a man starved. This kiss was not like Cullen, not in public. He would have never usually acted so brazen. </p><p>His lips went against hers and demanded movement, she melted into the kiss as cheers and whistles rang around them. His tongue danced with hers, exploring her mouth before letting her go, returning her to her feet slightly dazed. </p><p>“Thank you, My Lady” he said heavily, a rare wide grin on his face. Stretching his scar. </p><p>She blinked back at him, as if he had spoken a different language. “Sure sure, no problem” she answered, wincing at how stupid she sounded. </p><p>As soon as the men stepped away to change and bathe she ran into the keep as quickly as her legs would take her. And avoided everyone during dinner, Cole was kind enough to bring her a meal. Not talking to her. Simply sitting with her, stoking the fire occasionally. </p><p>It was wrong. </p><p>To desire Alastair when Cullen was right there. Willing and wanting.</p><p>She wanted Cullen, she knew she did. </p><p>But she wanted Alastair too. </p><p>Did she want them in the same way? </p><p>Shepard mulled it over. No. She didn’t. Alastair made her blood run hot. Desire. </p><p>But Cullen made her heart sing. She felt protected. She felt like a woman. She felt… loved. </p><p>Loved. </p><p>The word sent her food churning in her stomach. </p><p>***</p><p>“Cullen?” </p><p>Shepard had tossed and turned all night. It was Cole who eventually convinced her to tell him. Or to at least speak with him. To tell him that… that she might…</p><p>She entered the office in the morning dew to not find her handsome Commander behind the desk. Hair glinting in the morning sun, but instead an elven agent of Leliana’s, one of her usual runners Javier. </p><p>“Your Worship” Javier saluted, “If you are looking for the Commander, he has taken a short break”</p><p>Her eyebrows rose, at first she was pleased, but why was he already taking a break first thing in the morning? “Good, I’m glad” she said, deciding it was a good thing. It was no secret that he worked dusk till dawn. Fitting impossible things into his schedule. </p><p>“Well…” the agent shifted on her feet, “He didn’t look very happy. If I may be so bold”</p><p>Shepard softened, putting her hand on the woman’s upper arm, “You may, always speak freely with me” she encouraged, “I’ll go find our Commander. See if I can’t temper his rage” she teased, the runner caught the meaning and gave a small laugh, “Do you mind staying here to receive messages and such?”</p><p>“Yes my Lady” she nodded. </p><p>She made her way out the tower, usually he could be found on the ramparts. Enjoying the air or talking with the men on patrol. Yet she was met with nothing but air. </p><p>Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.</p><p>She frowned, puzzled at the noise but kept wandering, passed the Tavern towards the Mage’s tower. She didn’t make it that far. There where Cassandra could be found battering the dummies. Was her Lion, in his armour ready for the day, throwing knives at the dummies. </p><p>Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.</p><p>She made her way around the ramparts, going down the staircase adjacent to the man. She saw his eyes flicker to her, but he made no move to say hello or stop his aiming practise. </p><p>“Good morning Cullen, is there no weapon you can’t use?” she asked in a flirty tone, taking a seat on the bench near the dummies. Her heart racing with the truth she wanted to share with him. </p><p>He stopped his throw, hand paused at his shoulder with the knife in hand. He seemed to be thinking something over. He made his way over to her, bending down to place his lips on the top of her braided hair, she felt his left hand hold the back of her head. He stayed there for a moment, breathing in her freshly washed hair before retreating. </p><p>“Good morning, my lady” he said, taking up his position again. “Is that a new cloak? I don’t think I’ve seen you wearing it” </p><p>Thwack. </p><p>The knife hit the target in the neck, embedded in the wood at least two inches by her estimate. </p><p>“It is. A gift from Alastair” she beamed, “Do you like it?” she said trailing her hand down her hooded hip length cloak. The shoulders had fur across the back and sides. Leaving the hood as a cloth barrier between her and the elements. It was a golden red in colour, with light golden feathers on the shoulders.</p><p>“I-I see” Cullen said stuttering before throwing the knife. This time it was embedded into the dummy’s crotch, all the way so only the handle remained. He reared back and threw the next to knives in quick succession. Getting the other two dummies in the crotch. </p><p>“Are you well? I decided to eat alone, well with Cole. Did you eat enough?” she said moving to touch him, he quickly strode to his knives, ignoring her advance. She took it as her que to sit back down and give him his space. </p><p>“I’m fine” he said back with a bitter tone. “Do you like your <em> gift? </em>” he asked. His tone was dark.</p><p>“I do, it’s lovely. I do find it a little hard to warm up in Skyhold, cold-blooded, so it’s very useful” she replied carefully. </p><p>“I’m sure it’s not all he wants to give you” Cullen muttered. </p><p>Thwack. </p><p>“Excuse me?” she replied, he froze for a moment, his eyes darting to her. Most likely shocked she had heard him. </p><p>Thwack. </p><p>“I couldn’t help notice you and him are… well acquainted. Certainly enough to kiss him” he said, breathing heavily through his nose, adjusting his stance. </p><p>“Cullen that wasn’t my fault, Bull-“</p><p>“You didn’t pull away!” he said turning to her with a scowl.  </p><p>She was eyeing him carefully, taking in all his body. Tense. He was tense, his arms ridged, legs tensed. “Alastair and I are just friends” she confirmed. “Is that a problem?” she asked, now agitated. </p><p>Thwack. </p><p>This time the knife lodged itself in the dummy’s heart. “I don’t know is it?” he asked turning to face her once more. </p><p>She got up and walked over to him, rather than shout across the courtyard. Even if it was early, Skyhold never slept. </p><p>“What is going on Cullen? Me and Alastair are friends, that’s it. We shared one kiss at the palace-” His face dropped, eyes hard and pupils small. </p><p>“It has been noticed that you and him are close, that he is vying for your affection. He is trying to woo you and is giving you things I cannot” he seethed. “Am I just your barbarian lover? As the nobles say? Am I just another man to warm your bed?”</p><p>“Cullen?” she frowned, “Of course not, why would you-” </p><p>He snarled once more speaking over her as if she had never uttered a word, “Am I just that, a passing fancy? A way to blow off steam? Sex maybe casual to you but it is not to me, not here. How many other men have you gone for before me” he said, she stepped back at his tone speechless. </p><p>How dare he use that against her. She may have had more sexual partners than average here but that in no way meant she didn’t feel something for him. </p><p>“I have work to do” was all he said before he turned on his heel towards his office. She tried to take, he resisted and put his hands on his hips. “Excuse me, Your Worship” he said, with none of his usual flirty tone. </p><p>She stood there staring at his retreating back. What… just happened here? </p><p>***</p><p>The next day brought more meetings. </p><p>Meetings he was bitterly unprepared for, having done nothing but brood over his argument with Shepard. Having slept horribly, nightmares full of memories of the Circle. Demons that he didn’t know if were real or not, offering things he desired. Torturing him for his guilt, his jealousy. </p><p>He felt utterly exhausted. Regretful. Ashamed. </p><p>He had possibly ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him, because… because what? She had been with people before him. She had only kissed Alastair. She had reassured him they were just friends…</p><p>Stood behind his desk, using the top as a way to steady himself. He awaited the leaders, Alastair and Treveylan, they were to discuss his proposal for Denerim. It had largely gone well. Cullen was to give Rylen his duties to oversee once he was back from West Orlais, having finished his scouting mission with Harding. </p><p>“So” Alastair said striding into his office, “it’s Commander now. Not Knight-Commander?”</p><p>Cullen gritted his teeth at the title, “I am no longer a Templar, Alastair. I left the order to join the Inquisition. I could not, in good consciousness stay with the Order” </p><p>“After the Ferelden’s Circle, and Kirkwall. I don’t blame you” </p><p>Cullen’s head shot up, “You remember” he broke out in a cold sweat. His hand shook slightly. </p><p>“Hard to forget…” Alastair looked him over, “You look good Cullen. Healthy, more like the lad I knew when we were boys. I thought it best to bring it up in private” he held out his arm for a warriors handshake. They clasped forearms. </p><p>Cullen averted his eyes after they released. Unsure how to proceed. Finding it difficult to meet the eyes of a man who wanted to shower his lover with gifts. </p><p>He took a steeling breath, stretching his back out, “I was- I am sorry, for what I said. About Mages and Cousland, I- I-“ he stopped and let his head fall. Concentrating instead on his breathing. </p><p>“Don’t think on it” Alastair replied, “You were there for… Maker, the things that happened to you. Believe me, none of us hold any animosity towards you. Wynne would be proud of the man you’ve become, I’m sure she’s smiling down upon us”</p><p>Cullen paused, letting the forgiveness wash over him. “Your words mean more than you know, Alastair. I have often wished to apologise. To yourself, to the Hero. To Wynne. I regret the things I said, and no longer believe them” </p><p>Alastair clapped him on the back reaching across their mounts, “They know Cullen. I’m pleased you have come so far, you are truly one of the best men Ferelden has to offer – and certainly you know your way around a sword” he added at the end, massaging his shoulder. </p><p>Cullen blinked back at him; he must have looked stupid. “I- I don’t know what to say” </p><p>Was he truly this man that everyone else saw?</p><p>Alastair smiled, “Then say nothing. I am simply giving you a compliment. You have come so far. Ferelden, Kirkwall. And now running an Army to save the world, with a beautiful woman at your side”</p><p>His head shot to the left, looking at a smug King “I uh-“</p><p>“It was your handkerchief that was in her pocket, and the way you kissed her. I put two and two together. You are courting Shepard, no? If not, you should do. There is a clear connection between the two of you” </p><p>Cullen blushed, “We…” Alastair looked over, waiting for his response “…are, she gave her consent just before Haven fell. We have only just begun to make it public” he managed a grin, thinking of her usually caused him to have a ‘lovey-dovey’ look as Sera put it. It vanished when he thought of the day previous. </p><p>“You’re a lucky man” Alastair replied, Cullen didn’t miss the slight sadness in his tone. “I don’t suppose I need to tell you to treat her well, if not there is a line of people who are willing to show you the error of your ways. Myself included, she is dear- a dear friend to me”</p><p>Cullen smiled despite the slip up, thinking on the strange company she kept… they kept. The friends she had made. Her new family. </p><p>“No. You do not need to remind me” he replied. “I- I’m glad she has a friend in you” he said honestly. </p><p>The door swung open, “Ah good morning gentlemen, I trust we have recovered from the… heated… spar?” the Inquisitor said smirking. He was wearing Shepard’s cloak, the golden red furred. </p><p>Maxwell caught his gaze, “Don’t get jealous Cullen, you’re still the feathered man of Skyhold. This was a gift, from Alastair” he nodded to the King, “Shepard got one too, has she shown you?” </p><p>He had got both of them one. </p><p>Not just her. </p><p>Oh Maker. </p><p>“She ah” he rubbed the back of his neck, “She did, it looked very nice” he said lamely. She looked lovely in anything, he thought. Or nothing. </p><p>“I’ll say, she was so excited to wear it. Practically bouncing off the walls” he added with a laugh. Cullen didn’t join in, instead he glared at the table, his gut eating him away. </p><p>The men chuckled, “Indeed” Alastair said, “Though Cullen, I can’t recommend wearing the cloak to Denerim”</p><p>Cullen frowned back, “Pardon?” he said. </p><p>Maxwell smiled, “Alastair has requested your aid personally in Denerim with our Venatori problem” he explained. </p><p>Cullen froze, “I’m afraid I will not be much use against the Mages. I no longer take Lyrium, my King” he admitted. </p><p>“I know. I saw the marks on your arms during our spar match, or lack of. When I asked Shepard she informed me, she was rather proud I must say” guilt hit Cullen’s gut again. Even when he had argued with her, she was talking him up to the King, “but I would still like your expertise and a loyal friend at my side” he finished. </p><p>How could Cullen deny his King. </p><p>“I accept. Providing Rylen will be back for our departure. Cassandra is naturally a good choice, her Templar abilities will be useful for combating the Mages, Dorian’s expertise will also be invaluable” Cullen said, sliding the two cards over the table for Alastair to read the backs of them. </p><p>“A Tevinter Mage, the rumours are true” Alastair mused with raised eyebrows. </p><p>Maxwell shifted, “Dorian has more than earned his keep. He is a good man and certainly not in the Venatori cult” he said a bit to eagerly. Alastair quirked a smile. </p><p>“I see, forgive me I did not mean offence” with a knowing glint in his eye, “I see the other rumours are true. I am happy for you Inquisitor” he winked. Maxwell blushed slightly, clearing his throat. </p><p>“Thank you, um- my other recommendation is Sera. She is utterly unpredictable, and is brilliant at brawling. And, to my discomfort, has been messing with Alchemy. Her tonics are quite unique and… some alive” </p><p>“Alive?” Alastair enquired. </p><p>Cullen sighed, “She has a bee grenade, very good at causing mass panic… as my soldiers had the misfortune at finding out” he did laugh at the memory, the bee grenade was launched from the Tavern roof into the sparring ring. After the Soldiers had seen the bee bites tended to, they found it rather funny too. </p><p>“Excellent. The lot of us will be no match for them” Alastair nodded. Hands on his hips. “I am to infer that Shepard will be going with you to investigate the shards?” Maxwell nodded in reply. </p><p>“Indeed. I need her expertise for whatever we find. Speaking of my second” Max began, “She has sent her apologies, she has business to attend to in the village-“</p><p>“Business, what business?” Cullen interrupted, causing both men to look at him with a startled expression at his outburst.</p><p>Maxwell frowned a little, “She meets with the Academy at least every two weeks, sometimes every week to discuss trainings, lessons and such. To be honest now it’s more of a social call. But they enjoy her visits so she continues to go… why?” </p><p>Cullen now felt more of a fool. He cast his eyes down at the map. “I see… I did not- I wasn’t aware of this”</p><p>“I’m shocked you weren’t. She talks about them a lot” Max uncrossed his arms. Leaning on the table slightly, “I think it reminds her of her childhood. She grew up in a similar situation to some of the children there” </p><p>Cullen once again felt guilty. He had neglected her in his own withdrawals, his own selfishness and jealousy. He didn’t know her schedule like she knew his. Unaware of her selflessness. Ignorant of her situation here. Unworthy. </p><p>The word swilled around him, like leaves at his ankles in the wind. </p><p>She saw him as a Knight in shining armour. And yet he had acted like an Ogre, no better than the mindless darkspawn. </p><p>“She’s a kind woman” Alastair agreed, “I would like a visit to the Academy, if your schedule permits” </p><p>Maxwell sighed, “I’m afraid I’m in talks with Lord Jean Badeaux for most of the afternoon regarding passage to West Orlais. We will need camps along the way to overcome the sand dunes- permission to make them is absolutely required but Shepard is already there, you could meet her. I’m sure she would love to show you around” </p><p>“That sounds wonderful, to be honest I’m curious about this Academy. If I can take evidence of its success back to Denerim I can influence the talk of the Circles” Alastair nodded with a pinching frown, clearly thinking over something in his head. </p><p>“I shall accompany you” Cullen heard himself say. It was for selfish reasons of course. “I have neglected the Academy in my schedule”</p><p>Alastair nodded, “I would appreciate that. We may get to know one another more Commander. We have barely spoken; strategy and troops are something I know a lot more about than… well anything really” he mused, tapping his finger on his chin. </p><p>Cullen forced a smile, “I would enjoy that” he bowed his head. </p><p>The two mounted up once the departure days and travel was agreed. Cullen began saddling up Zeus, “Ah I see my stallion is still kicking. I should like to gift him to you if he has not already taken to you?” Alastair said, already ontop of his Mare. </p><p>“Indeed he has. He never took to Shepard but we have a… mutual respect. He’s a good mount. Sturdy, if a bit aggressive but nothing I cannot tame” Cullen nodded, mounting the horse. He easily swung his leg over. Allowing Zeus to pound his foot, eager to get on the road. </p><p>***</p><p>“Enchanter Victoria!” Cullen called across the hall, the woman walked over with a smile.</p><p>“Commander” she replied enthusiastically. “King Alastair, it is lovely to meet you” she said to Alastair with a curtsy, one that Josie would be proud of. “Shepard has spoken highly of you. It is an honour”</p><p>Alastair bowed back, “The honour is mine. This Academy is wonderful, flowers and windows, something one would never see in a Circle. The people look happy” he said eyes darting around. “I was hoping for a tour if that is acceptable?”</p><p>Victoria beamed, “Of course! Shepard is currently changing but will be back down soon, we can take a turn in the garden until she arrives” Victoria gestured to the garden behind her through the archway. </p><p>“Changing?” Cullen enquired. </p><p>Victoria laughed before she managed to reign herself in, “One of the babes we have was sick on her, her shirt was… not salvageable” her eyes crinkled at the edges, crow’s feet humoured on her face. </p><p>Alastair and Cullen tried to keep their laughter in, “That is ah- unfortunate” the King smirked.</p><p>The image of Shepard with a babe in her hand stirred something in him, he imagined it blonde, curled wild hair, green eyes. Little hands reaching out for him with her smile beaming. What would it feel like to have something half yours, half your loved one?</p><p>Cullen realised he had been staring at blue flowers in the garden. A small wooden sign with their name. ‘Forget Me Not’ ironic that it was the same shade of blue as Lyrium. The same shade of blue as Shepard’s eyes, he plucked one and placed it in his pocket. </p><p>“This was created by our Mages, seeds planted by Templar’s and helped along by Mages. A symbol of our joint unity” He heard Victoria say, keeping an ear to the conversation. </p><p>He took off his gloves, tucking them into his belt and felt the petals. Soft. Small grooves where the pattern and its veins spread across the leaf. Allowing the King and Enchanter their privacy. </p><p>“Use lightning!” </p><p>Cullen turned to see Shepard jogging away with five children of varying ages following. Giggling and running through the flowers. </p><p>“I cast” a child said throwing her hands up, little sparks came from his fingertips. Not enough to do any damage, though two Templar’s were watching eagerly. Their stance ready but not threatening, he noted. Smiles on their faces, hands not on their swords. </p><p>Shepard clutched her heart, did a dramatic spin and landed on her back, making noises only considered to be from a fake death. Her tongue peeking out her mouth. </p><p>“We won we won!” a Ferelden girl shouted, “We defeated the mighty Dragon!” </p><p>“Now we heal her and tame her for our own!” a boy shouted. His accent reminiscent of Cassandra’s. He was surprised at that, to have travelled so far. Word of the Academy may have spread. </p><p>Shepard lay still as the children surrounded her. </p><p>“Heal!” the boy shouted. Shepard opened her eyes and sat up, shouting boo that made all the children jump and squeal. </p><p>“Now you’re our Dragon to fight and defend us!” another girl shouted. “Tell us Dragon, a poem for all Knights to hear!” they giggled.  </p><p>Shepard sat up leaning back on her hands, </p><p>“I breathe fire as hot as the sun, <br/>When a knight comes to fight, <br/>I toast him on sight, <br/>Like a hot crispy cinnamon bun”</p><p>The children giggled, sitting down around her, barely containing their excited jitters.  </p><p>“When I see a fair damsel go by, <br/>I just sigh, a fiery sigh,<br/>But my lunches aren’t very fun,<br/>For I like my damsels medium rare,<br/>And they always come out well done”</p><p>The children giggled more, a few around them laughed too. Enjoying the sight of their Avatar entertaining a gaggle of children. </p><p>“She’s very good with them” Alastair beamed, “Is this a regular occurrence?”</p><p>Victoria giggled, “Oh yes, the Mage and Dragon games are a usual sight, but they never get tired of it. To be honest, I think she enjoys it as much as the children” she winked, returning her gaze wistfully. </p><p>Cullen’s daydreams returned once more, images of her running with their children across fields. With Oz in tow, maybe more than Oz. This was what he was fighting for now. That future. Did she want the same? Mini-Shepard’s at her feet? </p><p>His Mabari took that opportunity to run over to Shepard, taking her to the ground with Rocco in tow. The children giggled and screamed, piling onto the hounds and Shepard as well, cuddling them and playing. </p><p>“Alright, alright. Let’s not kill the woman” Dylan strode over, the children and even Mabari got up, allowing Shepard to breath once more. He offered her a hand up, pulling her into his arms. </p><p>“My Lady” he dipped his head. </p><p>“Thank you for the save, Enchanter” she replied, “Here I thought I had met my end to the fearsome Knights and their Mabari companions” she grinned at the children.</p><p>“Not on my watch” he winked back, enjoying their banter. “Alas, fearsome Knights, it’s time for your studies, go on, or Grand Enchanter Fiona will have all our behinds!” he said addressing the children. </p><p>The children giggled, running off once more in the direction of the main hall. </p><p>The two walked leisurely to the group, “So… tell me, has the King or the Commander come to sweep you off your feet?” he teased in a hushed voice, she glared back at him. Both Mabari tilted their heads. </p><p>“Come on, give me something!”</p><p>She continued to glare at him until he put his hands up in a surrendering gesture. The two came to the group, Dylan bowing respectfully to the King and the King in return. </p><p>“Dylan, are you pestering our mighty Dragon?” Victoria asked. </p><p>“Just teasing her, I wanted her advice on cock fights” </p><p>“W-what?” Cullen croaked. Alastair looked equally as tense. </p><p>Dylan grinned victoriously, “Cock fights? You know, male chickens?” </p><p>His eyes narrowed. Shepard nudged him in the gut with her elbow, “Ignore him” she said through gritted teeth. Dylan grinned victoriously. </p><p>“Enchanter Dylan Trevelyan, Your Highness. I’m honoured to have you at our Academy” he finally addressing the King. </p><p>“Treveylan? Younger brother of the Inquisitor?” Alastair asked, “An honour, I have now met all Trevelyans, a royal flush” he joked. </p><p>Dylan hummed, “I apologise for my Father and eldest brother’s actions. They are in no way my kin. Traitorous snakes” he said seriously. </p><p>Alastair offered his hand out, “By being here and doing all this” he gestured with his other hand, “You show me the best of your line” Dylan took his hand and shook gratefully. </p><p>“It’s in no small part to this lovely Lady here, without her… well we’d still be under Tevinter control” Dylan said, looking at Shepard. </p><p>She shook her head, “No. My part was very small and involved stabbing things. It’s you and others like you that have made this place liveable, a good place. Safe for Mages and Templar’s alike” she said gesturing to the room.</p><p>Dylan puffed up under the praise like a peacock. “Well, when you put it that way” he drawled. “And you haven’t met all the Treveylan’s” Dylan added, “My little sister is here somewhere. No doubt trying to escape her lessons” he said staring at Shepard. </p><p>“I have it on good authority she’s becoming quite the rogue” Victoria said smirking at Shepard.</p><p>Shepard put her hands behind her back, her face blank, “Why you think I have anything to do with that is beyond me” A rustle came from behind them in the bushes. </p><p>“Lady Shepard!” a small voice rang, before a girl ploughed full force into the woman. </p><p>“Hi Monkey” Shepard smiled, holding her close, the girl wrapped her arms round her hips. “I almost didn’t hear you” Erin beamed at the compliment. </p><p>She began blabbering about her lessons in elven, Shepard responding in kind. Laughing at parts and asking questions or so he assumed from her tone. </p><p>“You speak elven?” Alastair asked, causing the small girl to turn and look at him. </p><p>Erin beamed, “Yes! I’ve been teaching her, with Ser Solas! I’m Erin, Dylan and the Inquisitor are my big brothers!” she said quickly, her grin wide on her face. </p><p>“Da’len, this is Alastair, the King of Ferelden” Shepard explained. </p><p>“Oh” she said softly, turning back to the King. “I don’t know how to curtsy” she admitted, her fingers wringing in front of her. </p><p>“That’s alright, neither do I” he said with a wink, that made Erin giggle. </p><p>She giggled once more, “Where is your Queen?” she asked innocently. Shepard tensed at the question, partly wondering the same.  </p><p>“I don’t have one little one, not yet at least” his smile was small and clipped. This was clearly something he was uncomfortable with but for the child indulged her. </p><p>“Shepard could find you one! She’s great at finding things!” Erin said looking up at her guardian. “I lost my favourite socks and she found them so quick!”</p><p>“Perhaps she could, I’m sure a lovely Lady and socks are similar indeed” Alastair looked up, affection swimming in his eyes. Cullen had to clench his fists to stop from lashing out. Maker, the power this woman had over him. </p><p>“If you’re the King, where is your crown?” she puzzled. </p><p>He huffed a breath, “I don’t like wearing it much, quite a heavy thing” </p><p>“I’ll make you one!” she said putting her hands out, before stopping, “Enchanter, may I try a spell?” she said looking at Dylan. </p><p>He smiled, waving a Templar over. “Of course Erin, thank you for asking. Go ahead” </p><p>She took a heavy breath and began casting, Cullen had never seen nature magic cast this close. Or at all really. It wasn’t common within Circles and the lore and books were reserved in the clans of elven keepers. It didn’t prickle his skin like Blood Magic did, like fire magic did. But rather, it was more of a draft against his skin. </p><p>Branches with small flowers weaved from her hands in a circle, spiralling upwards and linking together. She gasped and grinned, looking at her work. She held it out to Alastair, he bowed his head for her to place it on. </p><p>“I thank you, My Lady. I shall treasure it” he said with a grin, Erin giggled looking up at Shepard, </p><p>“He thinks I’m a lady” she whispered.</p><p>Shepard chuckled, “Well, you are, Lady Trevelyan” Erin let out a ‘oh yeahhhh’. “Now, back to class with you”</p><p>“But- but-“</p><p>“No arguments Erin. If you sneak back in without being seen, I’ll make sure there is cake with dinner. But get caught and no reward” Shepard offered crossing her arms over her chest. </p><p>Erin’s eyes went as big as saucers. She mulled it over before nodding, running away into the trees. </p><p>“Maker help us” Dylan shook his head, “You’re turning her into you”</p><p>“I wouldn’t mind a little Shepard” she answered wistfully, looking in the direction that Erin had run in. Her eyes un-glazed as she blushed at what she had said, “Um- so, what brings you here?” she asked Alastair. Avoiding looking at him. </p><p>“I was hoping for a tour, what the Inquisition has built here is no small feat. I want to bring evidence of its success back to Denerim” he said with a smile, gesturing to the room. </p><p>Shepard nodded, “The Academy would love that, a few Mages might be a bit skittish so I’ll make sure we have Templar’s on hand” she turned to him. Her eyes sharp, “And you?” she said bitterly. </p><p>He stuttered, “Um- I- I am here to escort the King” he lied. </p><p>“You’ve done your job so now you can leave” Shepard said not with anger, but her commander tone, one she used for recruits or unruly soldiers. Alastair struck up a quiet conversation with the Mages. Leaving the two to talk. </p><p>Cullen half expected this. Her wrath. It was something he loved about her. She would speak her mind. She would voice her opinion. He didn’t expect to be on the receiving end of it. </p><p>He stepped closer and lowered his voice, “Please, just- allow me a moment to-“</p><p>“No, you denied me the chance to explain myself yesterday. Therefore I am denying you the same” </p><p>And she walked away. </p><p>“Ouch” Dylan said, “Like watching someone kick a puppy” he muttered, looking between Shepard who was talking with Barris, most likely arranging the tour and him. The lost Templar. </p><p>Victoria smiled, reassuringly, “Just give her time. Let her temper cool, she’s like a fire Mage in that way” </p><p>“Or just get on your knees and beg” Dylan offered. </p><p>“This is serious” he gritted back to the Mage.</p><p>“I am being serious”</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Distance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p><p>He had stopped any attempts to speak to her. A tiny part of her liked that he was pining after her, trying to gain her forgiveness. As he should, considering how he had spoken to her the day pervious. </p><p>But her heart still ached when she saw how crestfallen he was, the dark circles under his eyes and the redness there told her he hadn’t slept, or worse that he had been riddled with nightmares. His posture and gaze was riddled with guilt. </p><p>Though his speech had stopped as Victoria led Alastair and Simon ahead, Cullen was a shadow on her. Never straying too far. Even though they were at odds, his presence made her feel comfort. </p><p>The elder Mage led them into a room where adolescent Mages were learning healing magic. The light green-blue streams of light attested to that, some were bright and bounding across any reflective surface. Others were like small candle lights at the ends of hands. Each student was in pairs, using their energy to flow into ill or failing plants, flowers and shrubs. </p><p>Victoria took Alastair around, explaining the Templar ratio in classes was based off ability but also the type of Magic. For healing, typically, they only had one or two. There was little chance of someone being injured or someone losing control, and if they did, it was only a plant in a pot that could be truly considered an injured party. </p><p>Shepard stood back with the two Mabari’s, occasionally making sure Rocco wasn’t chewing on one of the leaves that hung off the table from the leftover plants. That hound had an appetite like his owner. </p><p>Letting the Enchanter boast about their school. With an absent mind, she looked out of the window into the village marvelling at everything they had built thus far. She had never really <em> lived </em> with civilians, never seen the true power of what ordinary people could do. </p><p>Never seen what happened behind the scenes like this. In her head, they were primitive, antient. But they were thriving. Pulling their weight, individually, making houses and villages from nothing but the ground.  </p><p>Her ears twitched when she heard a student huff with frustration, then the gentle male voice of Matz telling her that it was alright, that she only need to try again. That giving up was the true failure. His words made Shepard smile, remembering all the times a gentle voice told her to keep going, to learn and learn. </p><p>She turned just in time to see Matz catch her eye, giving her a wink before moving into the next pair of teens, making sure they were on task. </p><p>“The Warden King, an honour” she heard Matz say. She tensed, she wasn’t sure if they had met in Kirkwall. She knew Hawke had met the King, had Anders? Would Alastair recognise him? </p><p>“That’s the rumour. Say…” Alastair said, “aren’t you a Warden?” </p><p>“That’s the rumour” Matz replied earning a small chuckle, the two began conversing on the tuition here. </p><p>“Huh I guess we get around” Alastair answered. </p><p>How Matz came to be a Warden and instructor, embellished in lies, there was some truth there. Her gaze returned to the horizon as she listened to Matz praise a student. </p><p>At one time she had wanted to be a tutor at Grissom Academy. Wanting to teach the next generation.  </p><p>Hackett had offered her a better deal. </p><p>To protect the next generation. </p><p>Her hand stroked Oz’s ears and the back of her head in a rhythm. It was the feel of skin, instead of fur that brought her out of her day dream. She kept her eyes on the mountains but saw in the corner of her eye, deep red and brown feathers. The glint of steel and blonde hair. </p><p>Cullen’s warm, rough leathered hand stretched over hers. When her stroking stopped, rough finger tips stretching over hers. Slowly. Hesitantly. As if he could apologise through touch, or so she hoped. When she didn’t pull away, Cullen’s thumb ran a path over her hand, his fingers wrapped around her hand, bringing it away from the hound’s head and to his lips. </p><p>He pressed a short but forceful kiss to the back of her hand. Shutting his eyes as he went, before slowly brining it away again. Cradling it as he placed it back on Oz’s head, her stubby tail wagging as she looked between her owners. </p><p>“Forgive me” he said in a deep low tone, “I could not go a moment more, without kissing you” </p><p>She hated how she couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. She should be angry at him damn it, not daring to look at him. She could see out of the corner of her eye from his grin, that he had very much seen her reaction. And was enjoying her acceptance of his kiss. He was getting more confident. </p><p>Little giggles behind them told her that his display had been caught by some of the teenagers practising magic behind their backs. She snuck a peek at Cullen whose cheeks had now turned a rosy pink, laughter bubbled up and escaped before she had a chance to squash it with her hand. </p><p>“Maker I’m even being teased by children” she heard him whisper. </p><p>Alastair spoke with the Templar’s on their view on the circles, asking some for written reports, most of them were beaming with pride to be asked such a thing from the crown. Even offered to send a few of his own from Denerim, and a few Templar’s had volunteered to come to Denerim to offer testimony of the Academy. </p><p>The rest of the tour went off without issue, as she had expected. At every opportunity Cullen touched her, or caressed her. On more than once occasion the back of his hand would touch her behind, or his hand on her lower back. It gave her a devious idea. </p><p>“Thank you, Adam” Shepard said as she took the bridles from the stable boy, he stammered through a thank you. Accepting the coins she slipped into his hand with a grin. </p><p>Alastair, Cullen and Simon had saddled up already. Waiting on the road for her. She hopped on Mako, trotting him along to meet them, the look on Alastair’s face was priceless. </p><p>“Maker what is that?” he asked, eyes as big as saucepans. </p><p>“<b> He </b>” she began, “is a Hart. His name is Mako and he’s my best boy, aren’t you little one” she preened stroking the short fur that trailed from his antlers. She stood in her stirrups, bending over to give Cullen a view of her behind, kissing the top of Mako’s head. He purred at the attention, letting out little squeaks.  </p><p>She sat back down, making sure to make a show of it. Alastair seemed lost for words as his mount and hers sniffed each other, “I’ve never seen one in the flesh, he’s bigger than I thought” </p><p>“I thought the same of Cullen” </p><p>A noise came from behind her that could only have been the Commander coughing up whatever he had swallowed from a waterskin. Serves him right. Isn’t this what he wanted, to let everyone know they were together? She enjoyed this torture. </p><p>“Yes… well” Alastair rubbed his shoulder. </p><p> She looked over her shoulder, at the red-faced Commander. “Wrong hole, darling?” she said purred. Laying on the sexual allure thick. </p><p>He eyes her with confusion, evident on his face, “I- ah- yes” he managed, red faced and fidgeting in his saddle. </p><p>Alastair looked amused, but his eyes spoke of sadness. It irritated her that she felt guilty. A few days and one kiss didn’t mean he could fall over her. She then went from guilt to annoyance. </p><p>This is why she didn’t peruse romantic entanglements. It was messy. </p><p>“Shall we” she said to no one in particular before letting Mako let out his Hart screech and galloping through the city to the dirt track leading to Skyhold. She didn’t bother waiting for the men, though the sound of hooves hitting dirt told her they weren’t too far behind. </p><p>When reaching the stables she gave the reins to Dennet with a nod before storming off into Skyhold. Intent on finding Dorian and asking what the best form of torture she could use to prolong Cullen’s punishment. </p><p>***</p><p>“So, which one of you pissed her off” Dennet said, taking the reins from Simon’s mare. Giving the men a once over. </p><p>Cullen sighed, closing his eyes while rubbing his forehead, trying to make the oncoming headache disappear. Dennet began laughing, shaking his head and muttering something about how Cullen was going to be tossed off the battlements. </p><p>Did everyone in Skyhold know he had shoved his foot in his mouth?</p><p>“Woman’s got a temper on her for sure” Blackwall chuckled, emerging from the barn, aiding the Mount Master in his task. “Got your work cut out for you Commander” </p><p>Alastair sent him a frown, “I said some very unkind things to her yesterday” Cullen admitted, shutting the fence door behind him staring at the ground, </p><p>“What in the Makers name could you have said to upset her so?” Alastair said seriously causing Blackwall and Dennet to turn and look at them. Even Simon cleared his throat, indicating they should lower the tone or move on.</p><p>“Not here” Cullen muttered, motioning his old friend to follow him. He could see Oz run off into the distance with Rocco, the sparring ring was littered with grey and brown Mabari. Samuel at the side shouting commands and guiding the soldiers. Samuel sent him a wave, one he returned before going back to shouting commands at the beast. </p><p>Once they had made it to his office, he winced at the pile of reports left for him. Anything urgent would have been transported to him at the village. </p><p>“She’s upset because of you?” Alastair began, taking a seat at Cullen’s desk, one reserved for officers or visitors. The latter of which was rare. “I have to say it seemed… tense at the village” </p><p>Cullen sat heavily, wishing he didn’t have to admit what he wished to admit. “I- I” he took a steeling breath. </p><p>And told Alastair everything. </p><p>From him trying to blow off steam with knives, to… his unkind words. He left no part out, even though the man was part of the situation it felt… good to tell someone, to tell a friend. It felt good to admit his darkest thoughts. Like he was at confession with a Chantry Sister. </p><p>“Cullen, Maker’s breath, I had no idea you felt this way” Alastair’s face echoed the regret he felt, “It’s true I adore the woman but I will never peruse her if she is happy at your side- I hope you know that we are truly just friends. There has never been anything, truly romantic between us” </p><p>The words hit him hard. He felt guilty for receiving them. </p><p>“I mean no disrespect, I simply cannot fathom why she would be interested in someone, someone like me when there is someone like you available. It boiled over and…” he said modestly, “I am a farm boy, a failed Templar, I have no title or holdings outside of the Inquisition. I fear I am not worthy of her and it… eats away at me. And it seems the nobles share this distain” </p><p>He buried his head in his hands. </p><p>“The way you both interacted so easily and… your gift I, it just made me realise I cannot provide for her in the way she should be provided for. I think… I was terrified of losing her, so I pushed her away” </p><p>He sent most of his earnings to his family. Now Mia and Branson had children, and their Father was getting too elderly to work as efficiently as he did in his youth. It was a small thing he could do for them, if he couldn’t write in words, he could convey in value. Still Mia said that his letters were too short and that his words would mean more to them then money. Still he did not waver. </p><p>“I think she is rather in control of who is and isn’t worthy of her” Alastair countered; Cullen nodded but didn’t answer. </p><p>“If you truly care for her, and wish her happiness above all else and have that in return, then you have something that is above money and wealth. You should talk to her Cullen, seriously, before this situation aggravates further. The wound wont heal unless you dress it” he leant forward lifting an eyebrow at the lack of response. </p><p>Cullen nodded, rising to stand. He could try at the least; she hadn’t been much willing to listen earlier today. But he had to try. He would keep trying. </p><p>“Commander” a runner strode through, “Your Majesty” the runner saluted. </p><p>“Report” </p><p>“The Inquisitor sends his apologies, but Ventaori have been spotted in Western Orlais. Rylen and Harding brought the reports back today and have requested his aid as soon as possible to counter the cultists in the area. Our Ambassador is handling your visit from here, and Sister Nightingale wishes to see you in the War Room” she explained. </p><p>“When do they leave?” Cullen asked quickly, rounding his desk. The runner blinked back, she looked like a raw recruit, one of Leliana’s new scouts he theorised. “I have something urgent to discuss with Shepard” he explained. </p><p>“They’re saddling up now Ser”</p><p>The two men moved quickly, Cullen leading back down to the stables. Solas and Cole were already on their mounts. Cole saying something that made Solas turn his head to him, and then to Cullen. He didn’t care, he only needed to see her. </p><p>“Your highness” the Inquisitor bowed, turning away from his pack, “I am truly sorry but we must leave-“</p><p>Alastair held his hand up to stop him. “I understand. I came to wish you good luck on your journey, I’d be interested to know what you find” he smiled. “It seems we must leave the celebrations to another time” </p><p>Maxwell chuckled, “Indeed. Victory celebrations of course. We’ll need to make a short detour to collect the Enchanter. Her knowledge of the area will be invaluable” Solas nodded, setting off ahead of the trio to inform the Mage. </p><p>They heard footsteps behind them, Shepard running across the courtyard to them. Her hair tied up tightly in a ribbon with a bow attached to her back. Not her usual twin daggers. He speculated that with Cold and his daggers, she was balancing out the team. </p><p>“Ready” she nodded to Max. She turned to Alastair, “It was good to see you Al” she hugged him tightly, arms wrapped around his waist. He returned the gesture murmuring a “be careful”. She smiled at him; Cullen watched a small blush form on Alastair’s cheeks as he stared at her for a touch too long. </p><p>Alastair then turned to Max to shake his hand, talking in low tones. </p><p>Shepard caught his eye, both of them staring awkwardly at one another. Both waiting for the other to make the first move. His brave woman would break the ice first. She almost looked guilty; little did he know that’s exactly what she felt. She felt stupid for her display trying to make him uncomfortable. </p><p>Moving towards him, “Um- be safe Cullen, I have no doubt you’ll be successful” she said softly, not her usual sturdy tone that she used with soldiers and missions. This tone was reserved for him. Big eyes looking up at him. It was the most she had said to him all day. </p><p>“Anything, for you” he replied, taking her cheek in his hand. He moved to kiss her, but she stepped back, effectively removing consent for him to touch her. He faltered, quickly removing his hand. </p><p>“Come back to me” he said softly, not stepping back from her. She craned her head to look at him, his hand itching to hold her delicate face. “Please” he whispered. He wasn’t sure if he meant in general, or from the mission. </p><p>Every time she left Skyhold, he felt useless until her return. Yes, he trained the troops, wrote reports and digested all the information of the Army. But his heart didn’t beat right until she was back in his eyesight. </p><p>“I’ll do my best” she replied, offering him a clipped smile. It hurt him to see it, she was still angry. She had every right to be, his conscious brain told him. It still hurt. </p><p>She came back to herself. Donning the hat of soldier instead of Livia. He watched it in her face and eyes. They became hardened. She turned into the stall to retrieve Mako, to his surprise, the beast didn’t so much as blink when Cullen followed, acquainted with his presence. </p><p>He offered her a hand up. She didn’t need it of course, to mount up, but it was the chivalry she enjoyed. There was that smile, the soft one, the shy one with the slight rosy cheeks he would have missed were he not looking for them. </p><p>Maybe he wasn’t so useless after all. That was something he had worked out about her, when he opened doors for her, pulled out her chair at dinner or in his office. When he was the knight in shining armour. </p><p>He watched them depart. Just before they left the courtyard Shepard’s head snapped to Cole. He briefly wondered what the boy had said, his heart dropping when they rounded the corner and out of sight. </p><p>“We should get to Leliana” Alastair said, nudging Cullen, “Won’t do any good brooding here hmm?”</p><p>“Right”</p><p>Come on Rutherford, at least pretend as though you are a composed Commander. His one regret was that he wished he had kissed her. </p><p>***</p><p>“Regret eats him. He drinks the guilt. Ran out of time to be brave. He doesn’t feel like him when you’re gone. He likes who he is with you, loves who you are”</p><p>Shepard’s head whipped to Cole. </p><p>“Loves?”</p><p>***</p><p>Leliana led Alastair out the war room, heading to the Tavern for one final meal before his departure the next day. </p><p>Cassandra and Sera had already packed, much to the latter’s annoyance, they would be leaving first thing in the morning before the sun rose. After he himself had packed, and he had taken his time. Unsure if he would need more socks than underwear. Or if he should pack extra potions. It had been too long since he was out in the field. </p><p>Ensuring Rylen was resting ready to take over his duties the next day, he went to the Tavern himself, leaving his pack as complete. </p><p>“Curly! About time” Varric called from a table behind the stairs. He nodded to the man, walking over to join the group. </p><p>Bull, Alastair, Leliana, Varric and Dorian were all there. Eating happily with a few empty tankards on the table. Alastair pushed a seat out for him. He smiled easily, enjoying the new friendship he had found with the King. After telling Alastair of his fears, he had become quick to ensure Cullen knew he was wanted. </p><p>Taking a seat and thanking Flissa curtly for the plate of food put in front of him, he promptly thanked her while Oz wormed her way under the table, both her and Rocco were tired from the day’s trainings. Happy to slouch at their owner’s feet. </p><p>“Have you seen much of Ferelden, Dorian?” Alastair asked, Leliana had largely called this dinner so Alastair could get to know the people protecting his life and in effect, his country. </p><p>“Mostly the wet and windy bits, I’m sure the Inquisitor does it for a joke. The parts I have seen are full of dog’s” he said, earning a laugh from Alastair. “You people just build things anywhere don’t you, Skyhold is proof of that!” </p><p>Alastair took another draught of his ale, “We’re a hardy bunch” </p><p>Bull chimed in, “Ferelden’s know how to build a castle, real engineering. None of this ‘we’ll get a mage to life that block’ crap Tevinter does”</p><p>“Well, pardon us” Dorian grumbled, though there was no real malice. Dorian took everything on the chin, it was rare to ever see him truly offended by anything. </p><p>“I can see why the Inquisitor enjoys your company, this banter, the back and forth. Makes me miss the blight” Alastair mused, stretching in his chair. </p><p>Leliana agreed, “It was an entertaining time, in between the darkspawn and slavers” her own cup was fairly full. Cullen wouldn’t dare guess at the contents. </p><p>Alastair began recounting stories of their adventures. Varric and Dorian were hanging off every word. Maker be damned if he wasn’t too. </p><p>“And then, Cousland smashed his shield into his legs, I jumped and hit the Ogre’s head and we were so close to flipping him we almost both lost an arm!”</p><p>The group cheered and laughed, earning a few looks from the other patrons. </p><p>“So it can be done!” Bull roared, “Now I wish Boss had taken me to look at that shard crap. Me and Shep have a bet we can flip a guy, I go high, she throws a biotic ball low and the fella will go arse over tea kettle!”</p><p>“Now there’s a turn of phrase” Dorian chimed. </p><p>Varric took his pen out, writing down the phrase, “I’d expect an ale cask before a tea kettle, frankly” </p><p>Leliana laughed, “Of course you do. I’m surprised Bull, you are willing to fight beside a woman, Qunari don’t allow women to fight?” </p><p>“Really?” Alastair chimed in, knowing nothing of the Qunari. Cullen knew little too, his time in Kirkwall he spent was mostly learning how to avoid them and unfortunately kill them. </p><p>“If a Qunari woman really wants to fight and has a gift for it, she becomes Aqun-athlok. She joins the warriors and is treated like a male. He becomes a guy, for all intents and purposes” Bull shrugged. </p><p>“But do they have a say with how they identify?” Dorian said, running his fingers on his moustache. </p><p>“Doesn’t matter. In the Qun, your role is everything. I call her Boss for a reason, she’s a fighter. A leader. Comes to her naturally, if she was in the Qun I’d want her as my Commander, wouldn’t matter what’s between her legs” he shrugged once more, lifting an impressively sized tankard to his mouth. </p><p>“Can I ask… do you think of her as a male or female?” Alastair asked. </p><p>“Depends, in or out of her armour” Bull winked, blinked… the group shared a laugh. Cullen enjoyed at how much Shepard was respected by others. And desired. She was his. He wanted her to be his. He briefly reminisced on her form. </p><p>“Do try to undress with your eye respectfully Bull” Dorian said over his goblet, “She’ll have your horns if she hears of this” </p><p>“I’m sorry, what are you two talking about” Cullen glared, coming back into the conversation. </p><p>Bull grinned wickedly, “Her naked body. Well I’m talking about it. You’re just glaring and turning red” Cullen relaxed his face, trying to not look like the jealous partner. He couldn’t control his blush however. </p><p>“You’re thinking about it too right” Bull grinned, Cullen rolled his eyes, “How many scars does she have, man I bet they’re sexy” </p><p>“They are and too many” he said sombrely. Cullen’s smile vanished; she did have scars. They didn’t bother him, not in the sense that they perturbed his longing for her. But instead showed him of her life. The hardships, the battles. The years marked on her skin. </p><p>How many more would she get before this was through?</p><p>“Come on Curly crack a smile, she’ll be fine!” Varric teased, Cullen rolled his eyes. “Kid and Chuckles won’t let her come back with any new ones”</p><p>“I’m aware and… that’s not why I am- oh never mind” he growled back, shoving the food into his mouth. He would need his strength for the trip, to protect himself, his… colleagues and his King. </p><p>Varric nudged him, “You bagged yourself a rare breed, the driver of a story, a protagonist. And a good story. Well, that’s about hurting good characters and seeing how they react. I’ve seen it. And wrote it. A thousand times. It’s just a dramatic bump in the road” </p><p>Cullen blinked back at the Dwarf. “That… actually helped. Thank you Varric” he said. Relationships weren’t smooth, to his knowledge, they were messy. Ups and downs. Effort and determination. Love. </p><p>Varric nodded back, raised his mug at him before taking a hardy gulp. </p><p>Sera stumbled into the seat next to Bull, his large hands managing to catch her and push her into the seat easily. </p><p>“Where’s Shepy and Quizzy” she slurred, “Wanna show them my new bees beeeeeeeeees buzzzzz buzzzz” she said singing to herself reaching for Dorian’s wine. </p><p>He zapped her fingers as she neared, she snatched them back pouting. </p><p>“Sorry Buttercup, they’ve gone to Orlais already” Varric informed her. The Elf stock her tongue out.</p><p>“That why Cully-Wully looks so pissy” she said reaching blindly for a tankard of ale, Bull moved it out of reach. </p><p>Cullen shifted in his seat, “Sera you better sober up before we leave tomorrow. I’ll not have you throwing up the entire way, in front of the King no less” he said with authority, ignoring the jab she made. </p><p>Alastair laughed. Brushing off his comment, “I’ve had worse believe me. Travelling with Oghren really showed me how much someone could… expel from their body and still manage to fight upright” he chuckled. Causing Leliana to begin giggling as well. It was rare to see this side of her. It made her seem younger. </p><p>Sera beamed, “See! Kingy King is a normal person Cully. Better than the other pissy nobles here” </p><p>Cullen hummed in agreement. “That we can be agreed on” he grumbled. Polishing off his dinner. Sera looked almost a forlorn look. </p><p>“Don’t listen to them Cully, your <em> hic </em> bits and <em> hic </em> Shepy’s bits have piss all to do with them <em> hic </em>” and with that, she face planted the table. Gently falling off it to the floor. Cullen sighed, dropping his head to avoid looking at the pity stares sent his way. </p><p>“That was sort of romantic” Dorian mused, peeking under the table at the unconscious rogue. </p><p>“Cullen-“</p><p>“Leliana” he interrupted forcefully putting his hand up, “I’ve heard what they’ve said and I- I’d rather not hear it again” he pleaded, feeling embarrassment heat in his body. It had been one of the tipping points during his argument with Shepard. Shouting at her because he couldn’t express his feelings any other way. Stupid, so stupid of him. </p><p>Sera was right it really did have piss all to do with those vultures. Though they would want every detail. Looking into his ale with a frown, deciding one or two wouldn’t hurt bringing it to his lips. </p><p>“I was going to say that most have found it rather romantic. The allure of Command, several of them have already decided what to wear to your wedding” she said, causing all at the table to look his way as he choked on his beverage. </p><p>“Maker’s breath” he coughed wiping his chin his mind reeling with thoughts at a speed only his stallion could achieve, “That’s um-“</p><p>“Congrats Boss!” Bull chimed from the end of the table, lifting his tankard. </p><p>Dorian grinned, “I can see it now, Mabari running through the tables, you two in a passionate and scandalous embrace while the Mages cast spells above your head” he looked up dreamily, “throw an assassination in there and you have yourself a Tevinter fete minus the dogs, slobbery things” </p><p>Oz’s head peeked out from under the table at Dorian, tilting her head with a whimper. </p><p>“You heard me” Dorian said sparing the dog a glance, sipping his wine. </p><p>Leliana returned to her drink, “Would you like me to spread rumours that there will be no wedding?” </p><p>“No!” he all but shouted, his cheeks heated up. “No- not at all” came his answer. Not yet. He thought, not when I have a chance to be with her. To gain her favour. Not when she smiled at me and told me to be safe. </p><p>“Is that to imply… you’d ask her?” Varric teased. </p><p>Cullen smiled, his first grin of the day. He didn’t answer, leaving Varric hanging on his answer before muttering something about tight lipped Fereldens. </p><p>***</p><p>They were on their second day of riding. The breeze on her skin had morphed from a cold bite to a loving warm caress, the sun high in the sky but not burning but rather gentle. She sat happily on Mako, trotting along to the camp set up by Harding in the Western Approach. </p><p>By all accounts the weather was scorching hot, the thick marsh trees and moss scented breeze would make way to baking heat, dunes of sand and… naught to see for miles.  </p><p>There was little word from Hawke and Stroud in the area, that is to say, little information. Barely any movement from Venatori or Dark Spawn reported from the scouts also. But if the Dark Spawn were there. The wardens wouldn’t be far behind, something was going on. </p><p>They knew though, they knew better than to remove their scouts and camps. </p><p>She was riding behind Maxwell and Solas, both in conversation on his journeys in the Fade. Max had become much more comfortable with Magic and the Fade, Solas was a gentle teacher. Forthright and informative. </p><p>Victoria was to her left, riding as though she had been doing so from an early age. Happily admiring the scenery, occasionally sparking up conversation. Cole was next to her, playing with a small wooden duck, insisting it was for Dorian and he was excited to give it to him. She didn’t ask why. Didn’t need to. It wasn’t for her to know. </p><p>“Crying without eyes, flying without wings” Cole said, “They make funny shapes. He used to watch them and look for shapes in the sky” </p><p>“Clouds?” Victoria asked looking up at the sky. Shepard hummed a confirmation. Victoria was clever, she thought looking up, there was one shaped like a duck. Laughing to herself, she let Cole go back to his idle playing.</p><p>“Speaking to Cole is much like speaking to a riddle master” Shepard said to Victoria. “You just needed to look between the words, the meaning. Change the dials and tune the sound” </p><p>Victoria smiled and nodded, “You have much patience for him, it is an admirable trait”</p><p>Shepard thanked her, having conversed with so many aliens, she pondered if that’s why Cole liked speaking to her. Because she understood. She wished to understand.  </p><p>Understanding people is what led her to run to the Academy after Cullen had chewed her and spat her out. </p><p>
  <em> “Ugh!” she cried, pacing back and forth in Victoria’s office, she didn’t really know how she ended up here. The older woman’s gentle coaxing and promise of sweet treats probably. </em>
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  <em>“And then, he just walked off. I couldn’t even explain myself” she threw her hands up, “He acted like a bloody hormonal teenager and just walked off!” she growled. </em>
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  <em>She kept pacing muttering under her breath, problems. She was good at problems. That’s what got her noticed by ICT and put into the N7 program. She could talk or think her way out, not just shoot. But now, here, she was coming up short. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He is so bloody ridiculous!” she shouted, throwing her hands in the air. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is he?” the mage replied. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, what?” Shepard halted in her step, swinging to face the Mage. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She softened, patting the seat next to her wordlessly. Shepard huffed, shuffling over and sitting non too gently on the plush seat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Put yourself in his shoes” she said gently, with no other instruction. “Here you have an extraordinary man, who you care for deeply. You find out he was involved with a Queen. Someone who has the things you do not. Do you feel threatened? Do you feel unconfident in yourself? Suddenly, are you not enough for this man? Is your man now going to be taken away from you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard stared at the floor beneath her leather boots. She thought on this. Her words. Her thoughts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was strange really, this new feeling of having someone to confide in. An elderly woman with worldly experience to talk to about her problems. Her personal life. Like her boots. The leather boots now felt normal, not rubber or faux leather of her slacks. Not the metal of her armour with her skin tight thermals underneath.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She could get used to this. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Focusing on the problem once more, she nodded. “What did I do wrong?” she said, looking back at the Enchanter, who was patiently sitting on the couch, leaving her to her pacing and muttering. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Victoria sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Not really. These are his fears-“ </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why didn’t he let me explain, quash these fears” her head turned to look at Victoria while her elbows dug into her knees. “Why wouldn’t he just… listen to me?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Mage put her hand on Shepard’s back rubbing gently, “I’m going to assume he was stewing on this, maybe acting possessive. A certain kiss to assert his dominance perhaps?” she pointed out. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard nodded, remembering the display Cullen had put on for all of Skyhold to see. He had done it on purpose, not that she minded it. She had rather enjoyed it, Cullen being confident enough to set her aflame. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The black-haired woman smiled knowingly, “Bitterness is like a cancer. It eats upon the host” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But anger, is like fire. Sadness on fire. It burns it all clean” she explained, “He will have clear thoughts in time, he just needs the anger to extinguish first. Trust me, men like him burn hot and fast, but are quick to realise” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard sighed, nodding. Not just accepting but enjoying the warm hand rubbing her back it was almost a domestic touch. They sat like that for a long time. Occasionally Victoria would reheat the tea. Shepard would pick at the breakfast procured for them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I was going to tell him I think I’m in love him” she said quietly to the floor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Victoria’s hand stilled, “Do you still want to tell him this?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not sure… I don’t like being unsure” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Victoria moved off the couch to a cabinet, tinkering around for something. A little bottle was thrust in her glare. A small bottle of spirits, probably whiskey, judging by the brown hue. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think you still do. However, this spat has made you realise that relationships, are not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes they’re hard. Tea is all well and good for relaxing one’s body, but sometimes… well… us ladies need a bloody strong drink” she laughed, Shepard thought back fondly on the time they had shared tea on the jetty overlooking Haven. Victoria had worked out then that Cullen and her shared feelings for one another. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “And any time you need one. You come find me” she sat on the opposite couch to her. She took it gratefully, muttering a thank you. Shepard sipped the whiskey happily, the sweet tasting burn down her throat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Victoria… your children… when did you lose them?” Shepard asked, the mini bottle swinging between her index and middle finger. Elbows on her thighs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A long time ago. They were just babes” the clipped reply came; her eyes drifted to the window in her office. “I often wonder what kind of Mother I might have been” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard passed the half full bottle back to the Enchanter; the movement made her eyes snap to the hand extended outwards. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t think you need to wonder” the enchanter lifted an eyebrow as she sipped her half. “I think, you are a wonderful mother. I’m frankly jealous of the children here that have your guidance” she admitted, looking away at the admission. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard seldom pondered what she would have been like with a motherly figure to guide her. Talk to her about boys, buy her first bra with her. Hold her as she got her period cramps and share chocolate over a Christmas film that they would both agree was terribly, but would watch again and again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Victoria looked as though her eyes were filling up, “Thank you Shepard” she said gratefully, “It means more than you know” she looked pointedly. “Speaking of babes, I’m to check over the young we have here, would you like to join me?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard shifted awkwardly, “I uh- I’m not sure that’s-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Victoria scoffed at her stuttering, “I have not steered you wrong yet, come, you’ll be doing me a favour” </em>
</p><p><em></em> </p><p>“You know” Shepard turned to Victoria, “You owe me a shirt” </p><p>The Enchanter began to laugh, her chest rising and falling with her laughter since her over coat had been shed with the hot weather, laid over her pack on her mare. </p><p>“Still thinking on that day’s events?” She teased, “Believe me Shepard, when you have children, you’ll ruin a lot more” </p><p>“Ugh” Shepard replied, not giving in to the woman’s teasing. Victoria laughed at her reaction.</p><p>“The smirk was his. Little bits of him within her. She sees the parts, wants to make it whole. But it would hurt. It makes her happy but sad” Cole mused, stroking the wooden duck’s nose. “How can you feel two things at once?” </p><p>Shepard frowned, trying to think on what Cole has said but it made little sense to her. She didn’t know who or what he was talking about. </p><p>“It’s like sweets Cole. The bonbons, the ones Josie gave you from Orlais. They first taste sweet then can taste sour, they taste of two things at once” </p><p>Cold nodded, “Emotions don’t taste like that, but I understand now. Thank you, Liv” he smiled, tapping his horses head with his hand. She blinked heavily at Cole calling her by her first name. </p><p>“You like it when he uses it” Cole said, getting out another plank of wood and began whittling it into a shape.</p><p>“Liv?” Victoria asked, “Short for Olivia?” </p><p>Shepard cleared her throat awkwardly, “Ah no- Livia. It’s an old name. It means blue in Latin” she explained. “I don’t much like going by it” </p><p>“So, who calls you Liv?” Victoria asked, Shepard kept her eyes low, mouth forming a frown. “Ah… I see. The Commander. Fear not Shepard, it will not pass my lips unless you ask it of me” Victoria said, almost sadly but respectfully. </p><p>“Thank you, Victoria. Please, don’t take it personally” Shepard muttered, “No one calls me it” </p><p>Her mind returned to the blonde man who called her it. She liked the way it sounded on his tongue. His posh English accent made it sound wonderful to her ears. She had spent too long there; she had got comfortable. A strange feeling for an orphan from space. </p><p>Willing the memory to be gone, breathing in the forest scent to distract her. Large tall trees that led to bogs, vines linking trees together like bits of information, like wires connecting the lives of the jungle together. </p><p>“The trees are fighting. But they’re very slow” Shepard hummed in agreement of Cole’s assessment. </p><p>They were on a dirt road, the forest around them trying to claw back the path but with users on the road daily corroding away the life. It was a battle they would most likely lose. </p><p>She inhaled again, expected the forest scent but instead met an iron smell, no not iron. Musty, like the smell of skin, or sweat. Sweat with fresh linen. Sweat on bodies that were moving together, in the darkest of nights and the most passionate of embraces. </p><p>Images flashed in her head of Cullen over her, sucking on her neck as the hair between his legs ground on her pearl. His hips forcing into her again and again. </p><p>Her cunt throbbed at the memory and her chest panged with longing. Two very different feelings and neither of which she had ever both felt for one person. She immerged from the daydream confused as to where this smell of… strange pheromones was coming from.</p><p>“Cole… can you smell that?” she asked the boy, gone was the wooden toy, instead he was playing with the reins of his bridle. </p><p>Big blue eyes turned to her, “The air smells like green” he said happily. </p><p>“What do you smell?” Victoria asked, her long greying hair tied in an elaborate braid down her back. </p><p>She frowned, “I’m not sure” she kept her eye on the woods, not content in the least where this smell was coming from. Max and Solas were in front, trotting at a comfortable pace, no other heartbeats she could sense around. </p><p>Not even animals? </p><p>Another waft was brought to her on the wind. She could feel her body reacting; her cheeks warming, her core tingling slightly, the ache growing. Every time she closed her eyes, she would see a blonde man with littered stubble, golden eyes like a predator. </p><p>The hallucinations made her shudder with want. She cursed her body for not complying with her brain, she wanted to be angry at Cullen not desperate for him. </p><p>They continued on for miles, the forest giving way to heat, the heat made way for sand, rocks and cliff edges. Maxwell had called for more breaks than usual, giving the mounts adequate water and rest. More than once Cole had to be lured away from the edge of said cliffs, not understanding that just because birds like to fly, did not mean that he would enjoy ‘flying’. </p><p>She was grateful that night had fallen the dessert heat would be a surprise for the next day. The lack of water nearby showed in the sky, no clouds passing over the stars and moon. Making them clear to see for the naked eye. </p><p>She wondered if Cullen would star gaze tonight. She briefly wondered if that’s why he kept the hole in his roof, how she longed to be in his arms in that bed, both watching the peeking stars that peeped back at them. </p><p>“Ugh” she said audibly. Zaeed was right. Love makes you weak. </p><p>“Not weak” Cole smiled next to her, “Just new” </p><p>“Thank you, Cole” she smiled, not really minding that he could read her thoughts. She sighed happily, reaching over to ruffle his hair. She had noticed she was doing this more, treating Cole as he wanted to be. A young man who doted on her, and she on him. </p><p>She felt more protective of him than EDI and Grunt. It could have been his pettiness, his innocence. His lack of ability to communicate effectively with those not versed in his language. Regardless, she felt responsible for him. </p><p>“You always worry about me, thank you” </p><p>Shepard grinned, keeping her eye on the horizon. “You’re-“</p><p>The smell. It wafted back again as Maxwell and Solas dismounted, gesturing to a clearing in the distance. As they neared the glowing lights of the fire pits and tents, Shepard smelt it again. </p><p>“What is that?!” she glared, looking around. Nothing seemed new or out of place. Nothing she hadn’t come across before. </p><p>Maxwell and Solas back tracked from leaving their mounts at the trough. Approaching the woman whose hands were on her hips, glare on her features.  </p><p>“Shep? Everything… alright?” Maxwell asked, looking in the direction she was looking. She ran a hand through her hair, brushing back the pieces that had fallen out her braid. </p><p>“Okay… this is… well it’s going to sound strange. But I keep smelling something that’s… ah… well it’s making me aroused but I’ve smelt it since we left Skyhold” she explained, watching Solas’s eyebrows rise with the admission. Victoria looked terribly amused by the whole thing. </p><p>“It’s… making you… aroused?” Maxwell repeated back, confirming what his brain was having trouble believing. </p><p>Shepard huffed, rolling her eyes. “Yes” she said before gesturing around, “But I don’t know where it’s coming from!”</p><p>A strangled noise behind her, she turned to see Max going red from holding his breath. Victoria’s hand over his mouth to stop the laughter, it was useless. He took a gaping breath and began laughing, bending over as he gasped for oxygen. </p><p>Victoria joined not soon after, her high-pitched giggles even making Solas enjoy the whole thing. </p><p>“Oh for-“ she glared, “Laugh it up! I’m turned on! Children the lot of you” she growled before storming to her tent. </p><p>“She- Shep come on” Max gasped; two fingers flicked up from her tent’s opening pushing them further into laughter. </p><p>***</p><p>“Oz, I’m sorry you can’t come” he said to the hound. She was currently whimpering in front of him. Effectively arguing with him over his departure. </p><p>She bowed her head, whimpering low and long. “No Oz, these are Mages. And you need more training pup, alright?”</p><p>Another heart wrenching whimper. </p><p>“I’ll be back before you know it, I promise” he said moving to give her an ear scratch. Still the hounds was in a slumped position, trying to get her way with her master. On Shepard, it might have worked he mused. </p><p>“Rylen will let you chew on as many recruits as you want” he said, that perked her up, she gave him a set of barks before running off to the ginger Captain stood by the sparring ring. </p><p>He took that has his que that he was now, allowed to leave. Having just put Sera on the horse passed out and begun their journey. Alastair, Simon and Rocco were in the carriage, riding with his soldiers, who surrounded the carriage. The four rode behind the carriage. Mostly quiet, occasionally Sera would snore, or murmur. </p><p>Dorian rode near to Sera to make sure she wouldn’t fall off, but made no promise to help her if she began throwing up. </p><p>“Cullen, how are you feeling?” Cassandra asked, “It has been some time since we have spoken in length”</p><p>He stretched his aching back, letting out a small groan. “I am… well. Most of the time. The nightmares remain, I think they always will but my hands shake less, the headaches are more of a surprise then expected – I hope I am not premature in thinking I am becoming healthier” he admitted. </p><p>The Seeker hummed, “Indeed. I concur. I told you I would watch you, and that will not change. I am pleased you have come this far”</p><p>Cullen bristled under the praise but from the Seeker, she didn’t give it without due cause, “But?”</p><p>“I only wish for you to be careful around the Venatori, if it is indeed them. What I mean to say is that they may employ, certain tactics that-“</p><p>“Blood magic” he clarified for her. </p><p>A shudder emanating from his head tingled down his spine. His hands tightened on the reigns. Cassandra spared him a sad glance, “Yes. I only wish for you to be prepared for what we may face”</p><p>Would he be able to face blood mages again? Desire demons that plagued him? </p><p>“I will endure. I will face this head on. If I am compromised, I will remove myself from the mission” Cassandra didn’t say anything, but nodded at his answer. He had no hesitation she would watch him closely. </p><p>Sera stirred groaning in her saddle, drinking a healing potion and proceeded to chew Elfroot. Now all their party was awake and listening, Cassandra began going over Venatori abilities. Making sure all were aware of the dangers, the attack plan and the layout of the castle. </p><p>Two days later, having stayed at Inn’s along the path- which Dorian was terribly grateful for considering they didn’t have to camp, they were arriving at the palace, they had timed it perfectly so they were arriving in the dead of night. </p><p>Having switched the carriage out and dispersing the soldiers at an outpost and making it seem as though they were there for peace talks. That was the official reason. </p><p>Alastair and Simon showed them to their rooms, naturally they were to share for safety. Cullen warned Dorian he would most likely have nightmares. That Mage understood, simply telling him that he would wake him with a large stick or a healing spell if he preferred. He was thankful for Dorian not asking why.</p><p>“They may have Red Lyrium” Cassandra whispered, “I just wish for you to be prepared, we have no idea how it may affect you”  </p><p>“He’s resistant, something good that came from the dark future” Dorian chimed in. Cullen felt a sigh of relief, “I have every confidence in our Commander’s abilities. I have sparred with him on many occasion” </p><p>“They may surprise you” Cassandra drawled, </p><p>“I highly doubt it. Now stripping our herald and avatar naked and flogging them on the chantry steps- that would surprise me” he grinned at Cullen’s blush. </p><p>Sera perked up at that, asking Dorian asking Dorian if he could magic that image into her head. Cassandra proceeded to shove her into the room, though her voice was muffled through the large wooden door but it sounded like a reprimand. </p><p>“I wonder what dreams you might have now Commander” Dorian teased, before entering their joint room. Cullen briefly muttered a prayer to the Maker before following his bunkmate into the room.</p><p>“Reminds me of Redcliffe castle” Dorian mused, warming his hands on the large fire place, the golden and red Mabari face on the tapestry staring over the room. The two had double beds on opposite side of the room. The floor space was incredibly large. </p><p>“If you had told me ten years ago, I would be staying in the palace, helping the new King and sleeping with a Tevinter Mage I would have called for healer’s assistance” he said, putting his travel pack on the wooden bench at the end of his bed. </p><p>“Rather forward of you Commander, are we going to sleep together?” Dorian chimed, grinning at him from the fire. </p><p>Cullen growled, “You know full well that is not- oh for- you’re enjoying this!” he said, running a hand through his hair. </p><p>Dorian chuckled, unpacking his pack onto the bedside table in an orderly fashion. “Forgive me Commander, I simply have to tease someone or I’ll go mad! It used to be our adorable Inquisitor but alas my charms have rather lost their shocking aspect, but I cannot complain with the results” </p><p>Cullen laughed out right, despite being tense, he enjoyed this back and forth. </p><p>“I’m happy for you both” he began unbuckling his armour, making sure the chest plate was in reach… just in case. His sword would be in the bed with him, he didn’t care if it was strange. Dorian could make a weapon from his fingertips. He didn’t have that ability. </p><p>“I’ve tried on occasion to make our Lady Shepard blush but alas. She is too wicked and teases back. I do so love a challenge. Tell me what <em> do </em> you whisper to her to make her blush so?” the mage asked, half taking off his armour. </p><p>Cullen was too distracted to hear his words, staring at the handkerchief in his pack. It was a spare one not the one he had gifted to his lady, he wondered if he had taken it with her. If she still had it. Or if she had destroyed it. He couldn’t blame her if she had.</p><p>“Speaking to quickly for you?” Dorian’s voice rang. </p><p>Cullen smirked, “Hardly. I was distracted”</p><p>“By my wit and charm?” the mage said to Cullen’s back. “I have an abundance of both.</p><p>“Today at least” Cullen shot back, making sure all his daggers and weapons were accounted for before he began the process of stripping his armour and resting it on the armour stand. </p><p>“Oh, you wound me” the man replied, finally moving to stock check his own pack.</p><p>Cullen rolled his eyes, continuing the process of changing until he was down to his cotton shirt and breeches. He sat on the end of the bed, removing his boots to eventually mirror Dorian’s pose, holding his helmet in his hands. “Can I ask you something?” </p><p>“Are you talking to your helmet or me?” Dorian teased, Cullen looked up with an aggravated facial expression. “Alright, we’re being serious. Go ahead” he said with the flick of his wrist. </p><p>He tried three times to voice his question before flopping back on his bed. “Maker this should not be this difficult” </p><p>He heard Dorian moving around. Most likely getting himself into bed. “You do not have to rush yourself to understand her, the main thing for her is that you want to. The same goes for her, she cannot understand what you do not explain” Dorian said without prompting from Cullen. </p><p>Cullen sat up, “Is it… that easy?”</p><p>Dorian put a mask over his eyes, stretching his arms above his head and reclining. Clearly at ease with the conversation, much more than the Commander. </p><p>“It is” the Mage replied, “As I have said. She is on a pedestal. The people have an image of her but all you need to do, is see her. Just as she is, she sees you not the Commander. Or the Templar. Your biggest mistake was letting other people define your worth and hers”</p><p>“You sound like your speaking from experience”</p><p>“Cullen, I have had Mother Giselle clucking in my ear telling me rumours that I am apparently nothing more than a dirty northern Mage whispering in the ear of the Inquisitor and ruining him” he said easily, though Cullen caught sight of the silent exhale that left his chest. </p><p>Cullen bristled, “That is ridiculous” he replied with a growl. Did people really think that lowly of the Inquisitions infrastructure that they would allow such a thing?</p><p>“It was Vivienne that came to my aid you know” he mused. </p><p>“Really?!” Cullen said, putting his helmet to one side. </p><p>“Oh believe me I was just as shocked, she informed me that an acquaintance in Tevinter had expressed his shock via letter of the disturbing rumours of our relationship”</p><p>“What came of it?” Cullen asked, feeling sorry for the Mage. And the Inquisitor. It was really none of his business, none of anyone’s business. But with them being both high profile individuals… it was only natural for gossip to immerge. </p><p>“I said to Vivienne I was sure she was only too happy to confirm the rumours” he then began to chuckle, “And the woman said she replied back to the letter telling the acquaintance that the only disturbing thing was his handwriting”</p><p>The men began to chuckle from shock. Short bursts of laughter, with shaking heads. </p><p>“She effectively ruined a friendship with a Magister and warned me not to give her reason to regret the decision. It made me realise that… well… it’s not impossible for vipers to want to see you happy. Even if they still hiss” </p><p>“I- I see” he finally moved from his perch, getting into the bed, making sure his sword was next to him. And a small dagger was behind his pillow. </p><p>“I hope you do” Dorian replied, Cullen could hear the smile in his voice. </p><p>After a few heartbeats he spoke again, “Dorian?” the mage hummed back, “Thank you” Cullen said, settling into the bed. </p><p>***</p><p>Another camp packed up with more soldiers dispersing into the Western Approach to create more camps, the group were on the move. Climbing and descending down countless sand dunes to reach the camp at the now dubbed. ‘The Forbidden Oasis’. </p><p>“Harding!” Shepard called getting off her mount, her leather boots sinking slightly in the sand. “I bring gifts” she teased, giving her a sunburn salve from her pack. </p><p>The ginger Dwarf grinned happily, her skin a mixture of tan and red. “Us freckled girls have to stick together huh? The soldiers in the other camps in the area have sent the shards here, some arrived from the King, others from Crestwood” Harding replied, Shepard nodded.  </p><p>“Harding, what have you got for us this time” Maxwell smirked, stretching his legs for a moment before following the Dwarf as she motioned them towards a bridge connecting the rocky edge of the sand dunes to the stone pillars beyond. The natural rock formation cutting into the land below. </p><p>“It’s actually quite the sight. It and the temple are further in” she pointed to the distance beyond the rocks. “As well as wildlife”</p><p>“Do they have sand worms? Giant sand worms? No?” Shepard asked, Harding shook her head. </p><p>“Know something I don’t?” Harding asked with a grin. </p><p>Shepard shrugged, “Just making sure there aren’t any Thresher Maws about. Big worms, spit acid. If there are then I’m afraid we’re dead, unless one of you has a rocket launcher”</p><p>Harding scoffed, “Shepard I don’t understand half the things you say” </p><p>She sighed, “Many people don’t”</p><p>Victoria watched the exchange from afar with Cole. He wondered why the Mage kept so much in her mind, never voicing it out loud. Cole wondered what the words would sound like in the air. Which words she would choose. </p><p>Maxwell used his spyglass to try and spot the entrance in the distance, the vantage point wasn’t the best to see into the jagged troughs. “Honestly” Harding said joining him, “I don’t like the feel of the place. No one does”</p><p>Shepard frowned, for a Dwarf not to like an area wasn’t unheard of. But for Harding to be wary of something, that set her alarm bells off. Dwarves were sensitive to Magic, more than likely from the thousands of years living near Lyrium. It was actually one of the reasons they would make excellent Templars. </p><p>“Why not?” Shepard asked, leaning against the wooden post of the hanging bridge. </p><p>Harding hummed, “Couldn’t say… it’s just a feeling”</p><p>“Interesting” Victoria muttered, looking upon the area with narrowed eyes. </p><p>“Is there anything else of note?” Shepard asked as Maxwell looked over the map, his eyes flicking towards the rock formations, getting himself acquainted with the lay of the land. </p><p>Victoria joined them, “The mining company is gone?” she asked the Dwarf. </p><p>Harding nodded, “It was as your notes summarised Enchanter, Val Firmin Mining Company moved on a while ago. Economics changed, but they left all their tunnels intact, could be they left more behind. What’s stranger, is that the miners never marked the Temple on their maps”</p><p>Victoria seemed puzzled by this, “It’s possible the workers didn’t know but the leaders did. Taking the maps with them to deny the existence of such a place. Considering a few went mad I’d wager that they didn’t want to disturb it further” she mused. </p><p>“Then we’ll tread carefully” Maxwell ordered, “Let’s replenish our supplies and head out”</p><p>The group descended carefully around and down the golden-brown rocks. Shepard was quietly grateful for the shelter from the glaring sun overhead. The air cooler down within the mining tunnels and rock canyons. There were even patches of grass growing within the sand. Sticks of Witherstalk growing happily in the shadows. </p><p>“Who are you? Why are you following me?” an Orlesian voice called, a gaunt dark-skinned woman poked her head around a corner, no weapons on her person. </p><p>“Digging and delving like dwarves. Do they hear the old song, too?” Cole said from the back, his question directed at Solas. </p><p>“We’re not?” Shepard said, nearing her with her hands up, “We mean you no harm” she could see the woman looking at the others and their weapons. Shepard took her bow off her back. Dropping them to the sand as she inched forward. </p><p>She still looked startled, backed into a dead end, using an old stone pillar as cover. Shepard could make out the shadow of an axe in her hand, not unarmed then but timid. </p><p>“Here, you must be thirsty” Shepard said, taking her waterskin off her belt. The woman didn’t move, wide eyes watching her. Shepard took a sip of it, showing her that it was water not poison. “It’s fresh, here” she threw it the remaining distance. </p><p>“Thank you” a dry voice said. “I’m just here looking for stuff to salvage. Used to work here- I know no one needs it!” she then proceeded to drain the waterskin, holding it out for Shepard to take back. Thus, allowing her to approach. </p><p>“That’s alright, we’re not here for the mining equipment. It’s yours. I’m Shepard, I’m with the Inquisition”</p><p>The woman frowned, tilting her head. “Been here a while but I’ll assume that’s important… doesn’t explain why you’re following me”</p><p>Maxwell approached slowly, “We aren’t. We just got here, you may have us confused with the camp up there” he gestured, “They were most likely just trying to make sure you were alright” he said gently. “It’s a long way to come just for some salvage” </p><p>She nodded, “Mostly I wanted into this one cave. Used to store stuff there. Damn thing wasn’t overrun by spiders then. I put my wedding rung there. Couldn’t stand the sight of the thing- but I couldn’t throw it away either” </p><p>“Why did you leave it?” Shepard asked.</p><p>The woman sighed, “It was a stupid argument, part of me knew I’d want that ring” </p><p>“We can look for it” Cole said cheerfully from the back. </p><p>Shepard nodded, the woman shrugged, not as hopeful. “We’ll leave you be” The miner walked away, axe in hand. </p><p>Victoria watched her go, “It may be the miners were more effected than we thought, even drawn back here. I recommend we be careful. If the people were affected, any animals may be too” </p><p>Max nodded, taking the lead as he marked a new place for a campsite. </p><p>“The Veil is strange here… as if it were reinforced, but for a few places where it has been warped” Solas muttered, looking around the canyon. </p><p>Victoria joined him, “I feel it- possibly the artefacts we spoke of that strengthen the Veil?” she asked. </p><p>“It is possible, Enchanter”</p><p>The group continued, clearing out the Venatori from the tunnels and exploring the routes and cut throughs. Some leading to dead ends, others leading to more spiral staircases and further tunnels below. The wood used was still in fairly good condition. No water to mould the beams and planks. </p><p>“You have remarkable knowledge for one who has lived in the circle, Senior-Enchanter” Solas said, his voice echoing down the tunnel they were currently venturing in, attempting to find a way to reach the temple doors. </p><p>“I did not live in the Circle my whole life, Solas, I… escaped… and lived beyond for a number of years” she said, not indicating a place or town. </p><p>As an apostate it was more than likely she had to move around, from her dossier Shepard knew she had lived in Tevinter in the Circle there for a number of years. She wondered how offensive this may be to Solas, so kept it to herself until the Mage wished to express it. </p><p>“I see” he replied, “Yet, you returned to the Circle? And further, joined the Rebel Mages in Redcliffe?” </p><p>Shepard was helping Maxwell search through trunks that were left at the bottom. Eavesdropping on the two Mages speaking behind. In a tunnel with an echo, she couldn’t really not. </p><p>“I do not condone the Circles. I did not return because I wanted to… after my children were taken from me. My husband too… I had nothing left. There seemed little point in resisting” she said quietly. </p><p>“I am sorry Enchanter. I did not realise. Please forgive me” Solas replied respectfully. </p><p>Shepard caught Maxwell’s eye, his grimace mirroring hers. </p><p>“It was a long time ago, Solas. All we can do is remember, and make sure no other suffer my past” </p><p>“Of-course, I respect your candour, you have a remarkably respectable attitude” </p><p>“Little cries muffled through the doors. Nameless cries. Will they be like me? Will they herd? Dying I’m dying, need to move. Need to fight. Maker watch over them” Cole said un-blinking at Victoria. </p><p>Shepard moved to rouse him out of his daydream. “Cole, I don’t think she wants you to voice this” she said gently. He nodded sadly, reaching out from his pocket. He gave Victoria something. </p><p>“I made you this. I’m sorry. It can be loud” he said, Victoria placed her hand on Cole’s shoulder. </p><p>“Wings?” Victoria asked, holding the wooden carving in her hand. It was a round circle in the centre with two delicate wings sprouting from each side. It looked otherworldly, not like a bird. More like angel wings. </p><p>“They come in pairs” he replied. </p><p>Victoria seemed to understand, “Thank you, Cole. You need not be sorry, this is beautiful” the motherly reply came. </p><p>“She is too, the wing. Takes others under. Took me under” he said cheerfully. She nodded, putting the statue in her pack before catching Maxwell’s eye. </p><p>She nodded, indicating she was ready to move on. Shepard noticed that Victoria was fairly quiet after this exchange. Shepard stayed near the woman, she didn’t need to fall to a wild hound or giant spider just because she was haunted in her memory. </p><p>They collected all the shards, Shepard taking the more dangerous routes by herself, using her biotics to climb and slow her falls as they went. They bumped into the Miner again, returning her ring from the deepest caverns. This made Cole, very happy. </p><p>Finally, they reached a rocky ledge that descended to the temple door. After closing rifts and defeating the Venatori. They were in dire need of rest. </p><p>“I’m afraid. It wants us to be afraid” Cole shook, moving himself behind Shepard. She felt hands at her back, </p><p>“I won’t let anything happen to you Cole” she said, shaking her head of the aura around them. </p><p>“I know” came the quiet reply. </p><p>“Shepard, do you feel anything?” Max asked, “Is it safe for us to rest here?” </p><p>Shepard could feel the push-pull aura that came from the door. Part of her couldn’t figure out if she wanted to move forward or move away. It was a strange paradox, one it seemed her and Cole were more sensitive to than the Mages. </p><p>Shepard nodded, “I think so. It’s… strange… like… I know the temple doors are there… but I don’t want to know” she gazed at the fires burning between the large stone door. It was ten steps up to the platform. Almost Dwarven in design, except for the circle in the middle of the door, what almost looked like flowers branching from the centre. A key hole?</p><p>“Hey” a hand grabbed her arm, bringing her back to herself. “Let’s rest first” Maxwell said, pulling her away from the stairs. In her trance she had wandered closer to the doors. Max kept his hand on her arm, seating her on an old bed roll. </p><p>Cole was fidgeting but managed to eat some food without complaint. Giving the rest close to an hour of rest, Cole never moved from Shepard’s side. She kept trying to tempt Cole to look at the view, at the animals below basking in the beautiful Oasis blue pools, being fed by the cascading waterfall emanating from above. </p><p>“In Ancient Tevinter, they called this place Vina Hadalus. It means, ‘the downy hairs upon your ass’” Victoria mused, tucking into her bread and ham. </p><p>It lightened the mood, even got a small laugh from Cole. Shepard grinned, appreciating the elder Mage’s attempt to draw their attention away from the illogical door in their view. </p><p>“Really? Who named it that?” Max asked.</p><p>“Someone who liked staring at asses I suppose” she mused, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter, “You know how magisters are” teasing him. </p><p>Max chuckled, thinking of Dorian. Yes, he very much did. Eventually Maxwell got the group up and to the doors. </p><p>“Time to set them free” he said, placing the shards to the door. It took six shards placed into the door before they began to lose their blue glow. Turning into empty crystals. </p><p><em> Thank you </em> the shards whispered as the souls released. Maxwell looked at Shepard with glassy eyes. </p><p>The door lit up in a green light spread like whispers on the wind, spreading over the stone. It split down the middle; a loud groan came as it opened to the group. Shepard felt the aura release, no longer did she feel the prickles of eyes watching her. The dragging sensation. </p><p>“There’s a transcription on the door” Victoria pointed out. </p><p>“Emma solas him var din’an. Tel garas solasan. Melana en athim las enaste” Shepard murmured, </p><p>“Arrogance became our end. Come not to a prideful place. Now let humility grant favour” Shepard translated. Looking at Solas for conformation. He nodded, a small upturn of one lip. </p><p>“The feeling at the door – it’s gone” Maxwell said, drawing out his sword as he entered the doors first. </p><p>Shepard followed; an arrow nocked in her bow. </p><p>Solas entered after Cole, the latter looking much more relaxed. Not even going for his daggers as they entered the Temple. </p><p>“An enchantment” Victoria called, running her hand across the stone door. “No wonder the miner’s felt uneasy. It’s old, very old”</p><p>Solas nodded, “Possibly a warning, or a test. Elven lore is full of such”</p><p>They reached another set of stairs, one heading up to another door ahead. Either side was stairs descending downwards. Wooden torches surrounded by black metal cages hung on the walls lighting up the stone corridors, the stone looks ancient but the fire’s burned as if new. </p><p>“Shep, you and Victoria take left. We’ll go right” Maxwell ordered. </p><p>“Acknowledged” she replied, taking the command from her leader. Shepard began walking, their footsteps echoing on the stone. </p><p>Victoria walked next to her, keeping her staff by her side. “You know. I see why so many have rallied to you. Seeing you in action here, you are quite the force of nature” </p><p>Shepard’s eyes darted to her, seeing the Mage smiling as though she had discovered something new. </p><p>“I guess it comes with the title” Shepard said softly, keeping her voice low. The corridor curved to the right, leading downwards once more. </p><p>“Commander?” Victoria asked. </p><p>“Shepard” the young soldier answered. Victoria smirked at the joke, shaking her head. </p><p>“You jest, but if you could see yourself from another’s eyes, even for a moment. I think you would understand what I mean” the thoughtful reply came, they continued on. The words touched Shepard. </p><p>As they entered the massive carved out room, footsteps could be heard to her right. Shepard nocked her bow back, holding the string by her cheek aiming at the noise. Victoria cast a barrier over the two, following the silent command to be ready. </p><p>Maxwell came around the corner, thrusting his shield up as he saw her. When no arrow came, he peeked out, “Fancy seeing you here” he said cheerfully. </p><p>She smirked back, putting her weapons away. Once again surveying the room, two massive tombs lay at opposite three giant doors. Small urns with skulls next to them. One elven artefact lay in-between, which was promptly activated by Solas. </p><p>“Maker look at this” Victoria said gesturing to the doors. </p><p>Three doors, each with the same lock as the original door. Except each had a strange aura, one was covered in branches, green leaves growing from the floor. The next was covered in ice, it hung in shards above and the third burned with heat. Fire was roaring below the door under a crisscrossed metal support. </p><p>“Let’s have a look” Maxwell said, going towards the door with nature winding up its supports. He repeated the process from the main door, it opened again, the green light leaking up to the lock at the top of the door. </p><p>“Undead” Max called as the doors opened, revealing another room within. </p><p>Shepard readied her bow, shooting the targets in the distance. One got the undead in the eye and yet it continued its advance. Dragging its sword around the stone coffin in the centre. Cole appeared behind it, using his daggers to end its sorry existence. Solas and Victoria continued their barrage of barriers and fire balls. It puzzled Shepard how the stench of burning flesh didn’t reach her, possibly another quirk of the enchanted temple. </p><p>“Clear” Shepard called, “Were they guarding this?” she gestured to the stone grave with her gloved hand. </p><p>Solas hummed, “It is possible. It would explain why the others outside were empty. Elves often bury their dead”</p><p>Maxwell moved to the coffin. “We should investigate” he said and began pushing the lid off. Expecting a body or at least a skeleton. </p><p>Light leaked out of the lid, it formed small orbs in the air before darting for Maxwell. He gasped as they hit him, hands going towards his chest looking for injuries. </p><p>“Are you ok?” Shepard asked, lighting up her omnitool to take a scan of him. He looked as confused as the others, Solas came to his side, lighting his hands up as he scanned him with magic. </p><p>“The magic was drawn to you, possibly because of your mark. I believe the effects were purely benign” he said. </p><p>Max frowned at the empty grave, “If it wasn’t a trap, what was it? I feel a bit… strange” </p><p>Shepard continued the scan, looking at the data on her arm. Digesting the information from the charts and orange light. </p><p>“It may be a reward for those who are worthy” the elf replied. </p><p>Cole peered into the empty stone and then to Max, “You are shinier, but not where everyone can see”</p><p>“It’s certainly a reward” Shepard said, “Your red blood cell count has increased since your last scan. I think it’s making you stronger?” looking at Maxwell’s eyes he looked more worried than content. </p><p>“Well… that’s something”</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Makes The Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello!!</p><p>How are we? </p><p>Apologies if I don't reply to comments, I'm having trouble with my laptop on this platform.</p><p>They are all loved and welcome xoxox</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The days of investigating began. After four days, nothing.</p><p>They hadn’t turned up a single lead, there had been no attempts on Alastair’s life. He had walked throughout the High Town Markets with Cullen and Rocco, with two guards. And no attempts, nothing remotely suspicious.</p><p>The fifth began as it always did, his thoughts drifting to Shepard. Wandering the halls to the breakfast parlour. Wondering if she was safe, if they had figured out the Temple. If she was managing to take her tea without the heaps of honey, like she had in Skyhold.</p><p>Was she thinking of him?</p><p>Breakfast in the private parlour of Alastair’s palace before he would attend to his duties or plans. It was larger than they needed, a roaring fire palace on one wall lit with the coloured light from the stain glassed windows. The high ceiling roof had two dark wooden doors, one for servants and one for guests so they didn’t have to cross each other… Cullen didn’t think he would ever get used to such a thing. Nor did he think Alastair would.</p><p>Dorian was rather animated about the whole thing, getting Ferelden’s history from Alastair over the days. Asking him to recount the story of how he rose from the bastard Warden Prince to the loved, ‘people’s King’ of Ferelden.</p><p>Cassandra would enquire about the blight and Warden-Commander Aedan Cousland. Who had been the original choice for the Inquisition, Cullen would interject with anecdotes from their Templar training and Sera would simply say filthy things that would make even Bull blush.</p><p>Servants attended them; Alastair called them by their first names when he thanked them, today he was far to animated with Dorian to even register that there was food being placed in front of him. Most were smiling and moved with effortless precision.</p><p>“Hmm” Sera looked at the door to the kitchens.</p><p>Cassandra frowned back at her, “Something wrong?”</p><p>“That man, the baker or whatever, red nose man. He’s a spy”</p><p>Alastair leaned forward, “What?!”</p><p>“How can you tell?” Simon had his hand on his sword ready, placing himself between Alastair and the servant’s door.</p><p>“He watched us. All of us, Normally servants yeah, don’t look up from their feet. Kingy King is different, nice, sure and they aren’t scared but he really looked at us all. Think he had a knife up his sleeve too, carried the stuff weird with his arms trynna conceal it”</p><p>Dorian wordlessly went for his potion belt, taking bits of food and drink from the surrounding table in front of him. He began mixing concoctions. Using pipettes to add small liquids together, each droplet was put into the food or drink. Eventually, the small pinch of tea leaves he had retrieved from the pot began to turn</p><p>“Trust me I know things… not many but things yeah” Sera said.</p><p>“Well my dear, you aren’t half as daft as you look” Dorian said, holding the glass in his hands. “This is poisoned” he said simply, “I thought they might use something from the homeland so I took the liberty” he gestured to the vials on the desk.</p><p>Alastair went very pale. “Maker I thought it would be an attack. A dagger in the night. Not infiltrating my staff” he growled, careful to keep his voice low. Cullen felt for the King.</p><p>“They’re taking risks. This poison wouldn’t kill you. Due to the taint that is, I’d wager you’ve already ingested it and they’ve come to check what’s taking so long” Dorian mused, moving around the gloopy grey liquid on his plate.</p><p>The risk of assassination was almost always there being a monarch, being a skilled swordsman that was less of a worry than other rulers. But he prided himself on knowing the people, his staff. For this to be true, it would hurt him even if a drop of poison never passed his lips.</p><p>Simon looked equally as irritated. “This will not go unpunished” he said. “You have my word Alastair”</p><p>“While honourable, we cannot rule you out, Captain” Cassandra informed him.</p><p>Alastair shot out of his seat, “What?!” he looked between his guard and Cassandra, “That’s bloody ridiculous!”</p><p>Simon’s reaction was immediate, “I understand Seeker. Let it be known now” he said in a clear, sharp tone, glaring over the table at the Seeker.</p><p>“I have nothing to do with any attempts on the King’s life. I have sworn a vow. One I will uphold, if you wish to interrogate me so be it. But I will not leave him undefended” his expression was dark. A frown on his bearded face. In that moment, Cullen did not suspect him.</p><p>The Seeker nodded, “I meant no offence. No one close to you or in this castle is ruled out Alastair. That includes the Captain” Alastair looked miffed but understood, his body language was rigid, tense.</p><p>Cassandra rose to stand, her hands planted flat on the table, “We at least have a lead. Dorian stay with Alastair at all times, do not let anything pass his lips you haven’t checked” Dorian nodded his head in agreement.</p><p>“Sera, investigate the servants, no matter how small their role. See if your friends know anything” Sera nodded, and giggled. Cullen immediately was worried for what she would do.</p><p>“Cullen, I ask you accompany me around the castle. If there is evidence of Magic, we must find it. I don’t need to tell any of you of the risks if we fail” Cassandra said.</p><p>“No, you do not” Dorian replied. His usual chipper mood departed and replaced with the memories of the dark future.</p><p>Sera giggled, before crushing a smoke pellet into her hand, making her unseen to the naked eye and slipping out the room. Cullen wondered what exactly Sera might get up to, the possibilities were endless. He was sure that whatever his imagination could conjure up, she would outdo him.</p><p>***</p><p>“Here” he said sliding over the rolled parchment, the large desk was littered with paper and maps. Cassandra, usually being far more organised than he, was pushing paper and parchments regardless of the piles or space.</p><p>She sighed, “No” gesturing to the pile, “This is another drawing of the renovations. Maker, where is Leliana when you need her” Cassandra sighed, a frown marring her forehead. Even her braid, with usually sat atop her head, was trailing down her shoulder, left to rest on her armour.</p><p>The two were camped out in the library, one room across from Alastair’s study. Both of them loathe to be too far from the King, regardless if Dorian was with him. Alastair preferred the smaller space near the library for more personal matters, when entertaining guests he would use the large room.</p><p>Apparently, a man’s study reflected his mind… he dreaded to think what others thought of his office in reflection of himself before Shepard had fixed it up. Then again, there were larger matters to attend to than removing some greenery from the corner.</p><p>Cullen planted his arms on the desk, “Whoever is here may have removed the plans, it’s what I would do. Unfortunately, it means they are clever <em>and</em> organised” he spat.</p><p>Cassandra crossed her arms, “There is something more” she said. He looked up to her looking at him expectantly.</p><p>He frowned, his mind going at the speed of his fastest horse’s gallop. The King’s life depended on them. If they failed… he cast the fears aside. Focusing on the here and now.</p><p>“Hansel and Gretel” he murmured, thinking aloud. Cassandra sent him a quizzical stare.</p><p>“The Nevarran Fable?” Cassandra said assessing Cullen’s posture,</p><p>“Yes… but what I mean is; the tactic of leaving breadcrumbs for your enemy to find” he said gesturing to the door.</p><p>“It is not beyond the realm of possibility that they wanted us to see that man” Cullen theorised. “A risky move for them. But what I cannot work out is why, other than leading us to a trap, even then, we do not have an accurate assessment of their numbers”</p><p>Cassandra stretched her legs while he spoke, trying to ease some of the tension she no doubt carried there, having been stood at this desk with him for hours.</p><p>“It is a possibility. Leave us a bread crumb, send us here… to find no plans-“</p><p>“Therefore, we have to split up and search the Castle. Leading us right to the trap- picking us off” Cullen finished for her. If he was the leader of such a thing, he might implore a similar method.</p><p>“And I sent Sera off alone” Cassandra moved quickly to the door, wrenching it open. Cullen followed quickly behind, both of their thoughts racing with the possibilities of what the Venatori might do with the Elf.</p><p>The two moved quickly through the castle, with very few visitors they were able to run without bumping in to anyone of note. The only soldiers in the castle were ones from Skyhold or Alastair’s most trusted.</p><p>As they rounded down the halls and steps to the servant’s quarters searching for their companion, they were met with sounds of raised voices arguing. Even in his muted state he felt the use of a Smite ability.</p><p>A templar nearby was using Lyrium to combat magic.</p><p>They rushed closer to the sounds down the hall, armour clinking with every step, nearing pantry cupboards used to keep the whole of the castles people fed. Everyone, from Alastair to the Knights all the way to the maids and stable master. If the Venatori were going to use poison, they would have to be precise, Cullen hoped they didn’t have enough to poison a great number of people.</p><p>Both warriors readied their swords. Cullen cursing himself for not having his shield on his back, leaving it somewhere in the library resting against a desk. His only thought to protect. Cassandra neared the door first, ordering him to take cover as she raised her shield.</p><p>He pressed his back to the wall, nodding when ready.</p><p>She reared back, and with one swift and powerful kick the door burst open the Seeker running in with her sword raised high. Cullen quickly followed, ploughing into the back of said Seeker with a grunt as the two armoured bodies collided, his hand shooting out to grab her upper arm and steady her.</p><p>“What-“</p><p>He looked up to see the room was a glaze with a fine white powder, slightly shrouding a man tied to a chair, barely conscious. A small thin sheen was over the cobbled tiles on the floor with footprints breaking the soft snow-like texture. Their blonde elven companion stood with a victorious grin on her face.</p><p>“Don’t worry, he tried it, had big bad Templar with me” Sera grinned, pointing a flour stained hand and arm to the wall where Knight-Templar Adair, one of Rylen’s men, was stood comfortably with his great-sword tip resting on the floor, the handle in both hands.</p><p>“Seeker, Commander” he saluted, “Is something wrong?” he asked in a thick Starker accent.</p><p>Cassandra sheathed her blade, putting her shield back on her back, “It seems not” he could hear the smile in her voice, secretly proud of the Red Jenny.</p><p>“What in the Maker’s name is going on here?” Cullen asked, his gaze darting between the man in the chair, who he now recognised as the kitchen spy. Sera and Adair.</p><p>Sera immediately began laughing, “This one yeah” slapping the back of the Mages head, “sneaking about the pantry, putting poison in the cheese. Smashed a pot on his head, got big Starker and tied him up. Just making friends and getting nice bits of their plans” she shrugged.</p><p>“And… the flour?” Cullen repeated, noticing that the smog had reached Adair, covering his knees and boots, evidence on his thighs of his attempts to brush it off.</p><p>“For fun?” she replied, as though the answer was as clear as day. She got another hand full, blowing it into the Mage’s face causing the man to stir slightly. “Blech, he’s passed out again” she said petulantly.</p><p>“Here” Adair passed some parchments to him, “Found them on his person, but I didn’t want to leave the Mage alone with Sera”</p><p>Cullen nodded, agreeing with his protection orders. He flicked through the writing, “Written in common and Tevinterian. We’ll need our companion to translate. Though, we have the break we have been searching for” Cassandra took the sketch drawing of the basement levels he offered out.</p><p>“Then let us make haste” she began striding out the room, determined footsteps receded backtracking their path up to the castle’s ground floor.</p><p>“Orders Ser” Adair requested, his lips slightly dry, eyes with the slightest tinge of unnatural blue. Signs of a Lyrium potion rather than injection. Having kept this mage supressed, he had needed extra. Something he would not be able to keep up without affecting him further, putting him and Sera in danger.</p><p>“Get what you can, press him to breaking point. Then dispose of him. Ensure the kill is clean and remove the body. We do not need any rats escaping to their nest”</p><p>Adair hardened, nodding once before assuming his position again. Sera sent him a mock salute, unsheathing a dagger from her belt.</p><p>***</p><p>The two made their way quickly to the office, after explaining what they had found Alastair was borderline frantic with anger. All reeling off theories and plans that may or may not happen.</p><p>“Why now” Dorian asked, “They had chance after the Breach and they had opportunity at Skyhold too. Why now are they plotting?”</p><p>Alastair sighed, “I have no idea! I was to have a Nevarran delegation arrive but with Orlais in turmoil they cannot gain safe passage” he sighed, “That is the only meeting I can think of?”</p><p>Cassandra pushed off the wall she was leaning on, “Who, exactly” she asked.</p><p>“Lord Demerik Van Markham and his betrothed, I assume a few servants and what not as well” he gestured with his hand.</p><p>Cassandra’s back straightened, “He is in line for the throne, granted, most nobility have a claim but he is second to that of the current King’s son. Who currently, is defending the border to Orlais against their civil war”</p><p>“Therefore if he dies, Demerik is the King’s second… a perfect opportunity to rid Nevarra of their monarchy too” Cullen said shocked, “They must be less out the loop then they realise. Biding their time until Demerik arrives, but he never will”</p><p>Alastair got out of his chair, penning a note, “That isn’t to say he is not in danger, Simon, have this taken to the falconry immediately, he must be warned” Simon saluted, taking the note and striding out the room without further instruction, as he stepped out. Sera stepped in.</p><p>“What now” Alastair asked, leaning over his desk on both hands. The black leather of his arms straining as he tensed.</p><p>Dorian stepped forward beside the King, “If I may, the Venatori believes that the delegation will come… we make our own trap” he said brushing his moustache.</p><p>Sera grinned, “Yeah stinky rat trap!” her enthusiasm was infectious at times.</p><p>“By all means Dorian, talk us through it” Cullen gestured.</p><p>***</p><p>“The veil is wobbly here” Sera muttered, readying her bow.</p><p>Inching towards the lower basement rooms. In the newer maps, this area was listed as uninhabited, not suitable for any living being to walk under. Now being there, Alastair realised how dark monarchy could be. Cells upon cells, chambers with ancient devices that only the darkest souls could use on another.</p><p>They crept right below where Alastair was supposed to be having dinner with the delegation that had ‘arrived’ through the guest gates. A blank carriage with soldiers in blank armour, hopefully it was enough for the Venatori to strike.</p><p>Having not passed one soul or Mage, they were either in lower numbers than they thought or were looking in the wrong place.</p><p>Sera had made sure to get the staff to talk about it and spread the rumours throughout the staff.</p><p>They would find out if it worked. Dorian had left the messenger crystals, which he had been working on for his own personal use, in the room, relaying a conversation between Alastair and Sera, her ability to put on a different accent was frankly disturbing to Cullen. But he didn’t want to jinx anything.</p><p>Dorian hummed, whispering “Perhaps a bit warbly instead?”</p><p>“I was going to say spicy” Alastair muttered from the back.</p><p>Cassandra shushed them all, reaching for the door handle. Cullen creeped to the other side of the door, readying his shield. This close to the door he could near murmurs, chants it seemed. The repetition of words in a steady rhythm, incantations.</p><p>She mouthed, ‘one… two… three-‘</p><p>They burst into the room, Cullen before Cassandra. Shield ready to absorb the brunt force of any attacks would be thrown his way.</p><p>“Kaffas!” one of the Mage’s shouted.</p><p>“The Inquisition!” another ordered, “Leave none alive!”</p><p>Spells were thrown at his shield, they bounced off helplessly as he advanced with Cassandra, seeing his opportunity he struck one of the mages, jabbing him in the stomach in quick succession.</p><p>The room stank of iron, stagnant blood in the air. Cullen was hit with a mind blast, throwing him back into the wall, chains rattled off the walls where he hit. The hit and smell dragged up memories in Cullen, the feeling of helplessness, the armour around him became tight. His friend’s screams…</p><p>No. The images swirled and morphed to reality.</p><p>They weren’t screams… they were taunts, his friends were dead but these friends.</p><p>“I’m too pretty to die!”</p><p>He shook his head free, making sure to stay ahead of Alastair at all times.</p><p>“EAT MY BEES” Sera shouted, throwing the grenade into group of the Mages, the buzzing panicked the Venatori, one dropped his staff to battle the insects. Sera unloaded arrows into him, causing him to fall backwards in a heap.</p><p>The remaining enemy backed up, dropping his staff. Cullen didn’t expect a surrender, Dorian seemed to be on this train of thought too, keeping his hands ready to cast.</p><p>“For the homeland” the Mage spat, grabbing a dagger from behind him – he quickly moved his lips in a silent incantation, slitting his throat.</p><p>Blood spattered outwards, marginally hitting the floor before it lifted, swirled.</p><p>“Demo-“ was all Cassandra managed to shout before the blood turned purple, a static blast knocked them all backwards, dazing the company. Cullen’s shoulder ached from where he fell, landing backwards and tumbling onto his stomach.</p><p>As he looked up, the pool of blood had morphed into purple feet, resting slightly off the floor, his eyes trailed upwards onto a purple female body. One he recognised from his time in the Circle.</p><p>A desire demon.</p><p>“<b>Such strange creatures, with such longing minds</b>” the demon purred. Her voice echoing unnaturally.</p><p>“UGH” Sera reacted, knocking an arrow quickly. The demon raised a hand to her, a short burst of energy releasing as Sera fell slowly to her arse. Sitting dazed with her head on her knees, looking otherwise unharmed.</p><p>Cassandra was next to get to her feet, followed by Alastair and Simon. Dorian was stood beside Cassandra warily, being aided in standing. The blast affecting him the most as the Fade bled from the demon.</p><p>“<b>You see, I am not without mercy, we do not have to fight in your world</b>” the demon gestured to the Elf.</p><p>“You are a demon. You are not welcome in this world” Cassandra retorted, readying her sword and shield.</p><p>The demon moved her gaze onto the warrior, “<b>You dream of protecting the ones you love, but you lose them all the same. Duty and desire intertwined, lining the edges of your tapestry. All that training, voiding yourself of emotion, to fall in love</b>” the purple woman hummed. Cassandra’s sword dropped slightly, swaying on her feet, dazing her.</p><p>
  <b> <b>“<b>And you, the Mage-</b>”</b> </b>
</p><p>“No thank you, I'm bored already” he spun his staff, adopting a fighting stance. The desire demon left him to his glaring, unbothered by his aggression. He was accustomed to this, he had already said in his harrowing that a desire demon tried to claim him... they had shared grapes... Cullen had never heard such a strange harrowing story. </p><p>Simon took that moment to charge at the demon, she tutted him, freezing him where he stood. Before sending him too into a daze, he could see recognition in Simon and Cassandra’s eyes, able to see the goings on but not react or move.</p><p>
  <strong> “Two failed Templars… what is it you desire, King? A Queen, a bride, a family, one that can never leave you… I can make that happen… all I ask, is you let me live, let me see this wonderful world you saved, so bravely” </strong>
</p><p>“I-“ Alastair swayed, for a moment Cullen was terrified he was going to accept. “No, not like-this” he strained to say, “Not-“</p><p><strong> “As you wish”</strong> Cullen tried to move in front of the spell but was frozen to the spot. His sword still clenched in his hand, eyes looking between her and Cullen.</p><p><strong> “The loyal Knight… what is it you want…”</strong> she drifted forward, he wanted to run her through with his sword, he wanted to step back… but couldn’t… not with the sickly-sweet song playing in his veins. <strong>"Her?"</strong></p><p>He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth as he tried calling on the Lyrium in his body to call a Smite. To his horror and semi-delight, nothing came.</p><p>
  <em> “Cullen” he opened his eyes to the soft voice he knew well, her voice. His Lady. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Shepard stood in front of him, hair down with a flower crown on her head. His grey shirt hanging to her form, tucked on top of brown breeches. One shoulder exposed, the long lines of her neck and collar bone. “Are you alright?” she asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His eyes narrowed, he looked around behind her. His home, his childhood home in Honnleath. Wooden walls and a fire place, a dining table that just fit all of them round. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Y-yes… I think so” he puzzled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She moved towards him, “I’m sorry I’m late to dinner, I was playing with Rosie” she said happily. “I’ve put her to bed” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Rosie? She was… an adult, not a babe or child. And his home, his home was destroyed in Honnleath, he scarcely remembered his family’s home in South Reach, having only visited once as he was on his way to the Ferelden Circle, the blight had barely begun then. Half the village destroyed in the night, forcing his family to move. With their mother perished, they hadn’t wished to stay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Cullen” she purred, “That means we’re alone” she teased, her hand touched his neck, stroking downwards, her hands were hot. Burning almost. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But her hands were always cool, always tucking herself against him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> This was wrong. She was wrong. He knew what he had to do but the guilt was swimming in him, the love was stopping him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You need to come up with a plan, in case I get… possessed by a demon or spirit. Specifically, you need to kill me if that happens.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Those were her words. Brave words. Words shaped like an order giving permission. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He reached for the back of her neck, she smiled so sweetly. Large and bold. No. That was wrong too, she had a shy smile for him, unused to the romantic notions he wished to give. </em>
</p><p>“Forgive me” he watched her expression turn to surprise, her eyes drained of colour - wrong eyes, purple eyes looked down at the sword now sticking into her stomach. Her features morphed into purple skin, a soft gasp escaping her as the background melted away into the dark stone walls of the Denerim lower basement.</p><p>Her demon body fell backwards limply, crashing to the floor into black ash. Disappearing into nothing.</p><p>“Cullen” Dorian crept over, “Are you-“</p><p>“Reinforcements!” Cassandra shouted with a dry voice, pointing to the corridor they had ventured through. Cullen turned on his heel, blocking the door with Cassandra’s discarded shield as spells battered it.</p><p>Sera took a position behind him, practically using him as a step ladder, firing arrows between spells with venom in her movements. Cullen noticed something.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you take their weapons? The plan was to take their weapons!” Cullen shouted, angling his shield to block the fire ball away from his face while peeking around the corner.</p><p>Sera knocked an arrow, hitting one of the Venatori in the face. “Because no breeches!” she cackled, her laughter held undertones of hatred.</p><p>Once Sera had thinned or injured the attackers, he charged forward. Opening up the door behind him for the others as he attacked the Mage that had advanced on him, ramming him to the floor, he plunged his sword into the Mage’s gut, slicing upwards as another advanced on him with her bladed staff.</p><p>“For Ferelden!” Alastair shouted, charging at one of the men, he rammed him over with impressive force, jabbing his sword into the prone form as he lay on the floor in a heap of his robes. He made quick work of the kill, not relishing the death.</p><p>Simon, true to his word, was at Alastair’s side, never staying far, keeping his shield hand on the opposite side of the King. The group moved as if they were a company, a wave of pure efficient battle power. When the last Mage fell, the heavy breaths were all that existed.</p><p>Turns and looks, stares and grins.</p><p>“Maker what a rush” Alastair said, breaking the silence. Sera grinned along, hugging Alastair from behind and telling him he was her favourite prissy.</p><p>Dorian smacked Simon on the back, complimenting him on his form. Cassandra nodded to Cullen, a smile accompanying it. Pride. He felt pride within himself.</p><p>He had done it. Faced his demons and won.</p><p>In his body, he felt simply a tingle, but no burn from the Lyrium in his blood from the magic, he felt… normal. Pride, morphed to hope. The struggle worth it.</p><p>Heavy footsteps coated in iron stopped the jovial group from continuing their celebrations. Armed guards stormed down the hall, heading straight for the King. Some began checking rooms, looking around the newly discovered halls with wide eyes and frowns at the discovery.</p><p>“Ser!”</p><p>Alastair moved to the door, “Stand down” he called, “We’ve won the day. We will allow the Inquisition to search the bodies and then we will burn them. I want every Captain in my office at sundown. We will discuss how this happened” he growled. The soldiers nodded, taking up defensive position around the hall.</p><p>“Oh, how gracious of them” Dorian pulled a parchment, it looked worn, well-travelled. “A list of agents in Ferelden. The fun never ends” he said, passing it to the Seeker. She continued unrolling it, adding</p><p>“And Mage’s they sought to recruit. Defectors from the Conclave” she added, “The Inquisitor will want to see this. These traitors need to be removed from the field, lest the Venatori get their hands on them” she frowned.</p><p>“I will leave that to you” Alastair grinned, slapping Cullen on the shoulder. “As I recall from my time as a templar, locking the door and throwing away the key was ‘plan B’, I’m glad that the Inquisition is in capable hands. Should you need assistance, you know where to find me”</p><p>Cullen’s chest filled with Alastair’s words. “Thank you, sire” came the reply. Alastair’s nose scrunched up as though he had smelt something rank. Cullen chuckled, giving him a brotherly shove as the soldiers began moving the bodies.</p><p>“Back to the old ball and chain” Alastair sighed, sheathing his sword.</p><p>Cullen raised an eyebrow, that was a term for a partner, he mused. Alastair caught his quizzical look as they moved through the dungeons. “It’s what I call my advisors. Until I get a wife, they like to act as one” he smirked.</p><p>The two ended up laughing until they couldn’t breathe, using each other for support, but he would remember it fondly. For a moment, there wasn’t any mages or templars. There wasn’t any war or breach, there was just two brothers in arms.</p><p>***</p><p>“That’s at least one door in open in every path” Maxwell beamed, having opened two doors in the fire and ice pathways, and all of the nature, he was looking as strong as ever.</p><p>Every scan Shepard did of her omnitool showed his readings getting better, stronger. His blood pressure optimum, his heart rate low and steady. Cartilage in his shoulders rejuvenated. His body was perfecting itself, achieving homeostasis.</p><p>Victoria stowed her staff, nodding in his assessment. “I wonder if the door on the upper floor is accessible. May we try before we use more shards?”</p><p>Solas stood beside the Mage, “I concur, I am… curious”</p><p>Maxwell cast a look at Shepard, she gave him a swift one nod. “Then let’s go”</p><p>Cole was already waiting at the door for them, his daggers in hand. Never a good sign. Maxwell reached into his pack for the remaining shards, offering them to the door. After the tenth was slotted in, it almost looked like the door wasn’t going to budge.</p><p>“I guess we need to open more doors” Maxwell sighed, he tried to pry the shards out the door, his shoulders and arms twisting and moving as he worked.</p><p>The paradoxical feeling happened again, twisting inside her. Like a coil running up her spine, a trickle of cool water being poured down her back. Like wood in her hips and someone had lit the fire, the smoke rising to her lungs and into her brain.</p><p>
  <em>Through the smoke images feelings and images were forming, spying, she was spying on someone. No, more than one person. But she was focused on one person. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The shadows moved in the smoke, bodies moving, thrashing, holding someone? One lone shadow being forced in the centre? She tried reaching out, saying something but her voice was meaningless, only air rushing out. The form on the ground struggled against the group, lashing out, a pair of ice eyes locked with hers. </em>
</p><p>“Shepard!”</p><p>Something was shaking her shoulders, her cheek stung as though she had been slapped, her eyes came back into focus. The glaze shattered as was her concentration of the visions. Maxwell was stood ahead of her, grey eyes darting between hers, shoulders relaxing slightly as she stared back at him, Solas was at her side, gently turning her so he could look at her.</p><p>“Are you with me?” Max asked, holding the armour of her shoulders.</p><p>She blinked hard, scrunching up her eyes slightly, thinking back on the images but only could remember grey and black smoke against a night sky.</p><p>“Yes… I- what just happened?”</p><p>Solas narrowed his gaze on her, “You walked towards the door, using your… abilities, the enchantment on the door reacted to you, I believe you interacted with the shards. Unlocked, but not opened the door” he raised a blue lit hand across her cheek.</p><p>“The Inquisitor tried several means to rouse you, did you see anything?” he asked, she could feel him healing the skin on her cheek where Max had slapped her, he most likely didn’t mean to do it so hard but in full warrior armour… well, at least he looked guilty.</p><p>“Smoke and shadows, I thought I saw people, humanoids maybe…” Solas waited patiently for her to say more, but she shook her head. “I don’t really know, it was so unclear… do you think I took the experience through the enchantment, the lock keeping me from seeing it all?”</p><p>He regarded her for a moment, “I do believe so, it is probable. Or something you were never meant to see, such carelessness”</p><p>The tone of which he said the sentence made her feel as though she was being scolded, reprimanded almost.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to see it and I don’t even know what I saw, so do not speak to me like a child” she retorted, through her peripheral vision she saw Maxwell’s eyebrows rise, wrinkling his forehead. Solas merely stepped back allowing the two to gain breathing space.</p><p>“Such was not my intention” he said quietly, “I do not recommend attempting to gain any more than our eyes can see from this temple” his calm demeanour was irritating more than reassuring.</p><p>“I see with more than eyes Solas” she said curtly, the Elf didn’t even blink at her challenging tone.</p><p>Something that bothered her. Had the Elf gotten used to her demanding tones and challenges already? Did nothing rile him?</p><p>“Max make yourself useful” she gestured to the door, both placing their shoulders either side and forcing the stone open.</p><p>Once opened, the pride demon pacing its small prisoned room snarled at them. Before she could get her bow out, Solas had cast a barrier over them all and Victoria had cast an ice wall between Maxwell and the demon. Allowing her to unload arrows into the soft flesh of its waist.</p><p>Max’s reaction was immediate, he raised his left hand, opening a green beam on top of the Demon’s head, casting a rift open slowing the beast’s strides as it stripped away the unnatural thick hide armour on its shoulders and chest.</p><p>She fell into a rhythm, arrow, nook, pull, aim, release. She began picking off the limping undead that rose from the stone. A few climbing out the tombs built into the walls.</p><p>It reminded her of her battles before, her sniper picking off the enemies. Keeping a view of her companions, shotguns and biotics. Tech and bullets. The formula was the same, but the numbers were different.</p><p>With a few more well-placed stabs from Cole, ice spells and her arrows and biotics. The Pride demon fell, not with a thud or a growl, but simply falling into nothing, like paper burning away. Returning to the Fade.</p><p>“They are not gone so long as you remember them” Cole supposed, voicing his opinion to the Elf.</p><p>Solas was frozen as though he was a statue, “I know” staff resting off the ground in his right hand. Clenched tightly. Gazing at the sole stone casket at the end of the room on what looked like a raised alter.</p><p>Other tombs were carved into the walls. Countless bodies making up the walls of the room. Sand had wormed its way in, building up in the corners of the room in piles revealing the years of motionless room had been waiting. Yet the fires still burned as if just lit.</p><p>“But you could let them go” Cole replied inching towards the Elf.</p><p>“I know that as well” the Mage replied, with no real malice. But rather acknowledging the spirit.</p><p>“You didn’t do it to be right. You did it to save them”</p><p>Shepard shared a look with Max, moving to claim her arrows from the undead bodies for something to do. Instead of gawking at the interaction happening in the centre of the chamber.</p><p>“Solas, what is Cole talking about?” he asked, cleaning his sword of the Fade ‘goop’ as she liked to call it, the round shield already back on his back.</p><p>Shepard wandered around the walls, looking at the words engraved, most of them she could understand, some were lost to her. Still she scanned them into her omnitool, for references and her codex. Victoria was very much doing the same, wandering around the room as respectfully as she could.</p><p>Though they couldn’t help but listen to the conversation, it was truly something, the way Cole and Solas interacted. It reminded her of her and John, like one mind.</p><p>Solas placed his hand on the tablet with the Elven words engraved, it looked as though the platform had been built and then the tablet placed onto it,</p><p>“A mistake. One born of pride from a younger elf who was certain he knew everything” Solas answered, his voice never cracked, never wavered.</p><p>“You were not wrong, though” Cole offered, his small voice a beacon of optimism in the dark stone temple.</p><p>“Thank you, Cole” Solas said, “I made a mistake Inquisitor, one which my sister paid for” the elf explained. Offering no more than those words, though more than she thought he would reveal.</p><p>Maxwell looked down at the floor, shutting his eyes. “I’m sorry Solas. I can only offer you my condolences”</p><p>“Thank you, Inquisitor. She has been… gone… for some time now. She is still with me, in part”</p><p>Shepard frowned at his phrasing of her death. She chalked it up to being in the Army for so long, if someone was dead. They said dead. They didn’t say passed or gone. Too much room for misinterpretation, she supposed he was being delicate.</p><p>“In memories?” Max asked, moving to stand next to the elf. Examining the wall in front of him.</p><p>Solas turned to him, “Yes, of course. I believe we have concluded our business here, unless you have any questions for your reports?” thus changing the topic of conversation.</p><p>Maxwell nodded, patting Solas on the shoulder, Shepard was shocked at the movement. Solas was not one for friends… or touching in general but he seemed calm at the action.</p><p>“What does this mean, the words” Maxwell asked, gesturing to the wall ahead. Almost a gravestone looking tablet was resting on the raised alter.</p><p>She moved over between the charred bodies. Striding to the temple, the words were shaky, not in line like the others. Some letters were deeper than others as the person had struggled to write the words. Her finger danced over the grooves.</p><p>A figure bound in chains was carved above the writing, two other figures beside it had turned their gaze away. As though regretting the middle figure being bound.</p><p>“It is well worn, I will try” Solas stood beside her, his hand a breath away from the stone as he read over the words. Translating the entire paragraph before speaking:</p><p>“Pride in our accomplishments and in our hearts. That same pride became… within him. He sought to claim… cast from favour and so was bound. Hidden from mortal eyes, death lies within” he finished, struggling to read some of the words as time had weathered them away. Fragments of sentences lost to time.</p><p>“What does it mean? Who is ‘he’?” Maxwell asked, Solas turned with a blank expression.</p><p>“I do not know, Inquisitor. Possibly the leader of the Elven people here. Possibly their enemy. There is little that I can decipher” he said gently.</p><p>“Cole? Shep?” Maxwell asked.</p><p>Cole shook his head, “It’s brighter here. Glittering. Glaring. Glinting. I can’t…” his pale face tightened. She imagined he was frowning but with his pale white hair over his fringe it was hard to tell.</p><p>“It’s a mild tremor in the Veil. Nothing to worry about. Focus on what is here, in this world” Solas prompted, his hands clasped behind his back in a calm gesture.</p><p>Cole shook his head again, his hair lolling to each side. “But… what is here?”</p><p>Solas gestured around the room with his hand, “Feel the ground, the breath in your lungs, fabric rustling against your skin”</p><p>Cole’s fingers twitched, he gently took his hat off his belt and held it in his hands. Something to comfort him. “Thank you” he breathed.</p><p>Solas smiled. “It is nothing”</p><p>Maxwell’s eyes were wide, “Cole I’m so sorry. Shepard don’t…” he grabbed her hand, not allowing her to touch the tablet and take it’s experience, “don’t use your abilities. I do not need to know. Maybe some secrets are left as just that” he said, guilt riding over his features. His eyes darted to Cole every now and then.</p><p>Shepard agreed removing her hand back to her side, “Maybe there are more temples like this one” looking back at the charred bodies in a circle.</p><p>“I’m not sure they are for us to find” he replied, frowning at the image of the chained body carved into the stone. Shepard couldn’t help but disagree. It felt like she should know.</p><p>***</p><p>On the move through Orlais, keeping their mounts in a constant gallop. They reached Ferelden in good time. Crestwood village was accommodating now the Inquisition had a presence, patrolling soldiers not undead. Cooled warmth instead of boiled heated rays. There was a cooling breeze, something Shepard entirely preferred. All but Solas and Cole had tanned in the sun.</p><p><em>Could Cole even tan?</em> She asked herself as she finished her ration of cheese and ham.</p><p>They were all sitting around the fire, Shepard leaning on a rock with Victoria on the other side of the flames, calmly reading a book, or a journal? Maxwell was sitting on a rock looking deeply into the fire, his eyes lost in a trance.</p><p>“He sometimes says the word. Tied down, under the sheet. Tastes it in his mouth, sweet release a breath away, but he doesn’t say it. A full feeling. Bright burst. With a little black cloud”</p><p>Shepard frowned at Cole. He had acted like her shadow recently, even on his mount. Currently he was sitting next to her on the ground cross legged, he said he enjoyed the small fire’s warmth, not that it was needed in the early evening but as the night came, the fire would be the only source of warmth in the area.</p><p>Cole was staring at Maxwell, who in turn was staring into the fire still, having not heard the spirit.</p><p>The word… love?</p><p>“Yes” Cole replied to her thoughts.</p><p>She finally understood, Maxwell was having an internal struggle over the same thing she had been. She ripped off a bit of the loaf and threw it at Max, it bounced off his temple onto the grass, he blinked out of his day dream. Frowning at the chunk of bread on the floor, before tracing it back to her,</p><p>“Credit for your thoughts?” she said, grinning. Victoria’s head perked up.</p><p>Maxwell laughed, muttering ‘credit’ under his breath. “It’s penny”</p><p>“Well its credit where I’m from, but that’s beside the point. Are you, alright?” she asked. He waved her off, “I’ll throw more bread at you” she ripped more of the loaf off, aiming it. He shook his head.</p><p>“If you must know, I am simply missing Dorian and… thinking about what we might do”</p><p>“Kinky”</p><p>He groaned at her word, “Stop making it all about sex Shepard, what we do in bed is wonderful yes but-“</p><p>“Not just in bed. Sometimes it’s against a wall. Once on the war table” Cole said cheerfully. Maxwell looked horrified.</p><p>Shepard choked on the bread in her mouth, causing Solas to walk over from the potions table and smack her on the back forcefully. The saliva-soaked bite launched from her throat, bouncing into the fire. She then began laughing, mixed with coughing, falling to one side onto the floor in a curled position. Victoria’s giggles could be heard over her volume.</p><p>“Maker’s breath” Max sighed, running a hand through his hair. It had grown from the short cut he used to have it in. Ending at the nape of his neck, thrown back from his face.</p><p>“If a rift opened up right now and swallowed me, I’d be fine with that” he admitted, his shoulders shaking from silent laughter.</p><p>“Provided it tied you down first, one assumed” Solas smirked, sitting on a log at the fire. Joining in with the teasing of their leader. Maxwell’s blush deepened while Shepard was gasping for breath.</p><p>She managed, to dial down her laughter for long enough that she managed, “I can’t wait to tell Cullen, his precious war table” she wheezed.</p><p>Maxwell’s face dropped, “No- n-no…” he stood going to the desk placed for requisitions, taking paper and a charcoal block out. “Name your price” he said seriously.</p><p>She giggled, finishing the last of her bread. “What do you think Solas, what could we squeeze out of our Inquisitor for making us lie to our Commander”</p><p>He hummed, crossing his ankles over each other. “We do not come cheap” was the only thing he said.</p><p>Maxwell groaned. Putting his head to his chest. Shepard laughed, “Oh Maxxy” that caused him to look up with puppy eyes, but he managed a laugh.</p><p>“She was ready to fall. Ready to tell. He hurt her because he hurt. Tasked, timed, temporary. Now he’s wandering, wishing. He wanted to hurt you, because he hurt, he didn’t know you didn’t see” Cole said looking at Shepard.</p><p>She nodded, “I know Cole, sometimes it takes time for people to be ready to forgive… like when a fire has to burn away for someone to clean the ash” she explained.</p><p>“Are you ready now?” he asked from under his hat.</p><p>She looked into the log, crumbling into the flames. Much like her walls crumbled in Cullen’s heat. Much like Victoria had described his jealousy and her anger... “Yes Cole. I think I am”</p><p>“I think the human expression is, you are in the same boat?” Solas said without looking up from the parchment he was reading, most likely upgrade to their potions. “Come Cole, let us take a walk”</p><p>Cole frowned, “Where is the boat?” he asked, as the two trailed away down the rocky hill.</p><p>Victoria bid them goodnight, going into her tent. That left only Andraste’s Avatar and her Herald at the fire. Neither speaking, neither moving. Listening to the fire crackle and the echo of Cole’s implications.</p><p>"You should tell him-"</p><p>"I think Cullen should know you-“</p><p>Both of them grinned, Maxwell moving from his rock to sit on the grassy dry dirt with her. He gently lay himself down to stargaze, putting his hands behind his head. She followed suit, resting her hands on her stomach.</p><p>“Great minds think alike” he said.</p><p>“And fools never differ” she replied.</p><p>He chuckled at that, letting out a long sigh. “So, we’re fools in love hmm?” he said, reclining his head back into the grass. Since they had closed the breach Crestwood had been quite warm in its summer months.</p><p>She watched the rolling stars above her, grass gently tickling her ear. The heat from the fire licked her boots, roving heat up her legs and to her waist. Maxwell’s even deep breaths at her side, the waterfall rushing in the distance while the occasional murmured conversation could be heard from the soldiers.</p><p>“I was angry at him, so angry. Victoria asked me how I would feel if it was the other way around. And… when I had calmed down and thought about it. I would be jealous too” she said quietly, admitting it to the night sky.</p><p>“Ahh, that was why you were making disgusted noises that would make Cassandra proud” he smirked. She laughed along, it ended faster than she wished to.</p><p>“and then I felt so guilty that I didn’t even take into account his feelings. I didn’t think that Alastair would fall so heavily after a few days… that love and sex aren’t as exclusive here as back home” the guilt felt like acid in her skin.</p><p>The jealousy felt like fire, if Cullen had another woman who he was friendly enough with to touch and embrace. If she didn’t know who she was, she couldn’t deny she’d be green-eyed. Literally.</p><p>“I- I know I’m not at fault entirely but, I know he isn’t either and… well I wish I’d got to tell him that I just needed time. I’m useless at this” she looked over to Maxwell who had been suspiciously quiet.</p><p>He was looking at her with a soft expression, “You are both idiots”</p><p>She frowned. That only made him more amused, “You just need to talk to each other. Get the fears out, it’s normal to be jealous sometimes, it’s normal to feel insecure or unsure. The way you combat that, is simply to tell the other person and grow together” he explained. He had been in relationships before, women and men, though the latter were more secretive. He had the experience.</p><p>“Says you, scowling at the fire” she gestured to the rock he was sat on before, a huff of breath left his nose, “Have you and Dorian <em> grown </em> together?” she wiggled her eyebrows. Now it was his turn to scowl.</p><p>She went as far as to make some lewd gestured before he broke, laughing and batting her with his elbow. Their voices echoed around camp; their breaths greedy when their volume had sunk.</p><p>“I’m in love with him” Maxwell whispered like it was his darkest secret, if she didn’t have her advanced hearing. She doesn’t think she’d have heard him.</p><p>“And that’s a bad thing?” she asked, head turned into the dirt so she could look at his side profile.</p><p>He shrugged, “We haven’t spoke on it. If this is a fling… relationship… I’m not entirely sure if my affection would be welcome and… I want to tell him but- but what if it ruins everything?” she could see his forehead wrinkling under his frown, his side profile hiding the full emotion.</p><p>“What if it doesn’t ruin everything? What if, he feels the same?” she prompted, making sure to keep her voice low. While they were alone, they were never truly alone in camp. Patrols and other companions entering and exiting tents.</p><p>His expression tightened; fingers stopped drumming. It was like he hadn’t even considered it a possibility.</p><p>“Then… maybe we have a chance” he admitted, turning his face to look at her. “Maybe…” his eyes wandered, “Maybe the Maker has directed me here, I have found Dorian but the price is this” he said, holding up his left hand. The soft glow crackled from his palm, stopping when he clenched it.</p><p>Though she didn’t agree with a big man in the sky directing all fates, she did believe in chance. She believed that this mark led him to fall in love. To be free of the abusive home he had known.</p><p>“And when you fix the world, he is your reward” she finished for him, putting her hand over his, relaxing his fist. He laced his fingers in hers, pulling her hand to his chest.</p><p>“Do you think Cullen was worth losing your home? Are we, worth losing the galaxy you knew?” he asked tentatively. His hand tightened on hers, Shepard could feel the weight of the question on her as if someone had thrown a blanket onto her lying body. His heart beat sped up as the silence went on.</p><p>Her eyes returned to the stars.</p><p>“Yes”</p><p>Neither of them knew if it was truly the truth.</p><p>Neither of them voiced this.</p><p>Neither of them remembered Cole’s gentle words as they were directed to bed.</p><p>Both of them went to bed with smiles and apprehensive hearts.</p><p>***</p><p>He had always liked mornings, especially mornings waking up in a large double bed with plush duvets and silk sheets. The crackle of the fire and gently shuffle of feet around him were barely heard over his own deep serene breaths.</p><p>His change of location meant he was fairly disorientated when he woke. The nightmares managed to find him, he had awoken twice in the night, sheet around his legs. Sweat down his body, he quietly thanked the Maker that he hadn’t disturbed Dorian. Briefly wondering if Dorian had cast a sound barrier around his own bed.</p><p>He lounged for a moment, and couldn’t help but think that Shepard would enjoy this, the soft sheets and his warmth. She was always a little cold, she would never admit it, but he knew. It was in the way she enjoyed holding hands, tucking them somewhere warm, his waist or in his mantle. In his hair or around his neck.</p><p>Angling her body to absorb his warmth from his torso. Against him, was when he really realised how small she was, petite should he say. Small muscles dwarfed by his brute strength. He had been thinking of her more of late when he was alone, his mind drifting to her when he wasn’t focused or distracted.</p><p>Admittedly, as a lad he had enjoyed sleeping in. His teenage hormones wishing him to slumber and hibernate in bed, Templar training had made that an impossible reality. He drew on that ingrained training and rose for the day.</p><p>Making the bed even though he didn’t need to, his guilt over the sweat stained sheets and crumpled sheet making him want to rid the evidence of the terrors that visited him in the dark, washing in the room and adorning his armour, slipping as quietly as a warrior could out of the shared room.</p><p>It was the serenity he enjoyed the most, the quietness before the hustle of the day. The closest thing he could get to the lake from his childhood in Honnleath without being there. Thinking of his home and he demon made his spine shiver.</p><p>He found himself wandering the halls of the royal wing, putting some space between him and his nightmares. Soft footsteps on the red rug lining the halls with pedestals of recognisable and some strange sculptures that seemed endless. Ending up in a library just off of the throne room, most likely to entertain guests.</p><p>He looked around, actually seeing for the first time that day. Many eyes stared back, painted eyes on portraits of the previous Kings and Queens of Ferelden, dating back countless ages. Going beyond what he learned in his studies. His eyes landed on a familiar face. The last painting in the line of royals.</p><p>“It had to be done over three days because I kept moving. Apparently, I’m somewhat of a fidget” the voice of the painting asked from behind him,</p><p>“What do you think?”</p><p>What did he think? The likeness was brilliant, the brush strokes were sure and blended. Colours matched reality and the scars were well located. It was very much King Alastair, sat in a throne with his crown so his shoulders and face showed on the canvas. The blue and silver griffon behind him of the Grey Wardens. Reminding anyone, that their King was a warrior.</p><p>He turned and lowered his head to Alastair, more of a greeting than a bow.</p><p>“It’s very… regal” Alastair’s grinned at that answer.</p><p>The man chuckled, “I’m sure that’s what they were going for” he said simply, Alastair stared at the empty space next to his portrait.</p><p>Cullen followed the motion, first confused why his friend was staring at the blank wall, he let his gaze travel to the other paintings. Portraits of the King and Queen next to each other. A long line of history down the corridors. Ending with Calian and Anora. Finally, Alastair and the empty wall. Where his Queen would go.</p><p>“Why is it you haven’t got a Queen, surely you have options?” Cullen asked, causing Alastair to blush faintly.</p><p>Alastair huffed air in the shape of a laugh. “Truthfully?” he said casting a glance at the Commander.</p><p>“I want to marry for love. Wishful thinking on my part, that I would find a woman who I could court, grow with, for our relationship to be nurtured through time and effort…” his hand reached out and gently touched the vacant stone. That’s what the demon had prayed upon, that’s what he had meant. ‘Not like this’… he wanted it to be natural.</p><p>“Not drawn up in separate Kingdoms over paper. And meet on our wedding day. A losing battle I assure you” he said, his voice growing quieter and more forlorn throughout.</p><p>Cullen felt sorry for asking. In his voice he could hear Alastair being whittled down. Even not being in Ferelden for the last ten years, Cullen had heard the rumours regarding Alastair’s lack of marriage.</p><p>They went all the way from he had strange kinks, to he was into men, all the way to he had no interest in continuing his line. His advisors had been pushing down these rumours, simply stating that his land needed more attention than his own life.</p><p>“I’m sorry Alastair, I don’t know what to say” he said honestly, unsure how to console his friend.</p><p>Alastair let out a humourless laugh, “Don’t you see Cullen, you are so lucky to be free to love who you want” golden eyes pinned him, “You have the woman you desire, who desires you!” he said gesturing to the Commander with his hands,</p><p>“The Maker has given you what most men would kill for and you don’t even get why!” his voice climbed in volume, hearing it bounce through the hall and echo back to him, Alastair took a deep breath. Cullen finally understood the man. Why he had given Shepard his affection so easily. Alastair wanted companionship, love. Something Cullen had.</p><p>“Cullen I won’t lie to you, I wish it was me” he said with a serious face, “Given time I think…” he didn’t finish the thought. He didn’t need to. If Shepard has stayed, their relationship would have blossomed.</p><p>Cullen’s heart began beating quicker than it did when he was facing the Mages.</p><p>Alastair shut his eyes for a moment, “The way she speaks about you, how proud she is. How she looks at you when you’re not looking, Maker, anyone with eyes can see the love there. And you’re ruining it because what… you’re insecure, scared?” the King shook his head disapprovingly.</p><p>How much did he miss through his back being turned? How much did he gloss over, his mind immediately not concluding on the heart felt conclusion and chalking it up to the dark realistic reality he was used to?</p><p>What if the Maker had seen his life, his intentions and his trauma and said;</p><p>Enough.</p><p>What if His gift to His loyal servant, was her? Was he squandering his happy ending?</p><p>“You’re supposed to be scared. Wouldn’t it be worth the risk?” he said clasping his friend on the shoulders. “Do you really think she would love you more or less if you were a Lord? If you had wealth and land?”</p><p>Cullen shrugged, “It could mean I could look after her, start a family. Maker willing, I cannot do that if I am to leave the Inquisition… I- I send all my money to my family” he said softly, Alastair’s expression softened, though he was King, he knew the value of the family he never had. The hardships common people went through to provide.</p><p>“The Inquisition won’t last forever; we don’t even know if we will survive this. Anything further is just wishful thinking” he tried to brush it off.</p><p>Alastair shook his head, “When your business is done with the Inquisition, there is a place here for you here. You need not worry about your future, or hers. Just make sure your Inquisitor fixes the sky” he said shaking him gently before letting him go.</p><p>“I’m not sure if you need it, or want it. But you have my blessing. And you both have my friendship of course.” he smiled, a genuine smile. Brotherly. “Don’t fuck it up” he added with a smirk.</p><p>Cullen blinked back dumbly. It was rare to hear Alastair curse. It only strengthened the message the man was sending to him. He moved before he thought it through, embracing the king with his arms diagonal around him. Alastair returned the favour, patting him on the back.</p><p>“Maker keep you, friend” Cullen said in a hushed voice.</p><p>Alastair exhaled heavily, “And you as well, brother. Your packs are being prepared and I have enclosed a letter for the Inquisitor, I believe the Seeker wishes to leave at first light. Terrifying woman, don’t keep her waiting” came the humorous reply. Gone was the serious friend, the threatening King. Instead was the jovial King and friend the land loved.</p><p>Cullen turned back to the empty stone, imaging her face staring back. She would make a wonderful Queen he mused.</p><p>“Cullen”</p><p>He turned back to Alastair at the door, “I meant it. After you succeed, and you will, I will ensure you and her are well taken care of” He shouldn’t give him that offer, after everything he thought, accused Shepard of.</p><p>Here he was being proved wrong, and it felt good.</p><p>And yet he felt grateful, Alastair was offering them a plan. A future.</p><p>“Don’t give up Alastair, the woman you need is out there. I believe it to be so” Cullen called across the paintings. Alastair’s eyes were soft and grateful when he turned to leave.</p><p>The Inquisition was worth the risk. This war was worth the risk. She was worth the risk.</p><p>Alastair and Simon saw them off. Along with a few nameless nobles and their private guards. It was a formality, the King had warned them, and a favour. Making sure everyone in Ferelden had seen the Inquisition help the crown. He found himself slightly sad to leave his friend, promising to come and visit at his earliest convenience.</p><p>If someone had told him a year ago, he would be promising the King a visit, and the King had offered him a job… he would have walked quickly away to the nearest healer to report someone who needed care.</p><p>Their soldiers placed within the palace would stay for another week before dispersing into the surrounding area helping refugees and doing odd jobs. Something Alastair was more than happy with, naturally copies of their reports would be sent to the crown as an act of good faith. It was his land after all.</p><p>They had been on the road at a comfortable pace for a few hours, the sun was warm but not overbearing. A gentle breeze filtered through the trees on their skin, he had forgotten how refreshing nature was, real nature, not the snowy Frostbacks he was accustomed to.</p><p>In that moment he was quite jealous of the Inquisitor and his inner circle travelling around Thedas. Cassandra and Sera lead the convoy. More Cassandra than the Elf. The Seeker naturally adopted the role of leader, making sure everyone was comfortable and safe. Keeping an eye on the lead.</p><p>Dorian was happy to learn about the area from Cullen, occasionally striking intelligent conversation or witty remarks. Sera, he found as a travelling companion, was not a quiet one.</p><p>“Demons! Flappy robes!” Sera shouted out of nowhere. Causing both Cullen and Cassandra to stare at the Elf as if her head was about to begin spinning and flap her arms in the air.</p><p>“Thieves! Dog stink!” Dorian retorted beside him from his Tevinter stallion. Cullen looked between the two, still confused what was going on.</p><p>“Culty shits!”</p><p>“Treacherous Teryns!”</p><p>Sera turned in her saddle, sitting backwards on her saddle. Her back to the mounts head, frowning at Dorian, “What? It’s not a proper game of ‘Your people are shit’ if you make up words!” she argued. Crossing her arms over her chest.</p><p>Cullen chuckled low and quiet, not letting the Elf know he was enjoying this.</p><p>“Teryn is a Ferelden title Sera” Cullen said, “Beneath only the family of the King”</p><p>Dorian rolled his eyes, “I’d expect you to know that Sera, considering your line of work!”</p><p>Sera crossed her arms over her chest, her off cut bangs bouncing as she huffed. “You’re well… that’s… Smartasses!”</p><p>“Too late!” Dorian chimed, “I believe that’s my round” he said smugly.</p><p>Sera growled, “Piss!”</p><p>“Spending too much time with Dagna and not enough preparing remarks hmm?” Dorian teased, causing the flustered Elf to become even more flustered.</p><p>Cullen’s eyes widened at the remark, her and the Dwarf, Dagna? An unusual paring, one he would not have put money on truthfully. Dorian knew far too much about the people of Skyhold.</p><p>“Could say the same of you and Inky” she retorted. “Speaking of Inky… What’s that like? Jousting?” Sera asked.</p><p>Dorian grinned, “Fewer horses, marginally. More cheering, definitely”</p><p>Sera laughed. “Nice. Seen his arse then?”</p><p>“Once or twice”</p><p>Cullen hoped Cassandra’s cheeks were heating up too and he wasn’t the only one blushing at the thought of their illustrious leader. The leader of a faithful army doing… things with the Tevinter Mage.</p><p>Not that he was against it in anyway, but he… well that was his superior! The chosen of Andraste! In his own lack of experience with woman and his complete lack of experience with men, he wasn’t quite sure even how to picture it.</p><p>“I saw the Empress’ arse once” Sera said, her mount just as boisterous as her.</p><p>The horse was desperate to pick up the pace and had even had a little paddy over a loose bit of cloth on the road. Refusing to move until Dorian had sent it flying away with a flick of the wrist.</p><p>“You did not!” Cassandra replied from her sturdy Ferelden Forder.</p><p>“Good for you!” Dorian added cheerfully.</p><p>Cullen kept quiet, wondering where this exactly was going. Though he had a smile on his face, getting used to Sera’s antics and having seen her fight first hand, he valued her.</p><p>“Well, I didn’t. I drew it and someone said it was a good likeness” she replied, cackling at the end. “That’s a story about trust” she nodded.</p><p>She shifted her gaze to him, yellow and black covered legs swinging either side of the mounts behind. And he immediately braced himself with whatever would come out of her mouth, “I could draw Shepy’s arse for you if ya want. Not seen it in ages but I could make it real nice”</p><p>Cullen began blushing, “When have you seen her… a-and how?” he barked.</p><p>Sera began laughing again, “Snuck up to her balcony, caught her in a towel, almost got a glimpse, she got all glowy and I ran, sooooo close though” she said dreamily.</p><p>Cullen internally thanked Andraste that she hadn’t seen his woman’s behind. But strangely, almost felt sorry for Sera. It really was a lovely arse.</p><p>“But if I drew it, you’d be able to tell me if it was good?” she stabbed an apple on a knife and began eating off of it. Causing Cassandra to fish out a healing potion… just in case.</p><p>Cullen rolled his eyes, “I-“, oh what was the use. He shouldn’t be embarrassed to have shared a bed with a beautiful, powerful Siren of a woman. Regardless if it was out of the married bed, views were changing. It was considered formal or old fashioned in the Dragon Age to wait until marriage, at least for commoners. He couldn’t say that for nobility.</p><p>“Yes, I could Sera” he admitted, knowing what was coming.</p><p>Cassandra turned, her eyebrows rose at his admission that him and Shepard had been physical. The thought of Shepard’s bare arse in the shower as he washed her after they had been together started to make his breeches tighter and tighter.</p><p>Sera immediately thrust her non knifed hand in the air, “Yay Cully-Wully! Lots of men under you, need a woman over you. Cos. You know. Positions” she then took to devouring the apple. “Wish this was a peach, reckon you could tell me if my drawing of her peach was-“</p><p>“Sera!” Cassandra shouted, “Maker, change the subject! I do not need to hear about Shepard’s- parts!”</p><p>Dorian cackled, his hand going to his stomach as he bent over on his mount. Cullen couldn’t help but laugh, Cassandra it seemed was more embarrassed than him.</p><p>Sera moved in her saddle once more, sitting sideways to look at the Seeker, whose cheeks were redder than before.</p><p>“Cassandra – have you ever punched a bear?”</p><p>With her mouth full of apple it came out more like ‘csffdra hav fyou evrr funched amear’.</p><p>“Is that a euphemism or are you asking me if I have truly assaulted an animal?” she replied.</p><p>“A euf-er-what?” the elf replied, swinging her legs back and forth.</p><p>The two began conversing about why Cassandra’s ‘steel’ posture would indicate to Sera that her training involved striking animals. Cullen grinned shaking his head. He missed this, jovial conversations with companions… no… friends, like in the Circle with his Templar brethren. Laughter with victory at their heels. He was enjoying his time out of Skyhold.</p><p>“You talk in your sleep; did you know that?” Dorian muttered in a lowered voice, so the two women, who were not arguing if Andraste ever punched a bear couldn’t hear.</p><p>Cullen chuckled, “I did warn you” he said. “Dare I ask what I spoke about?” his golden gaze turned to the Mage, hoping it wasn’t his nightmares. He had to admit, he enjoyed Dorian’s company. And he was proud to call this Mage, Tevinter Mage at that, his friend.</p><p>“Not much for the first few nights. But last night, your undying love for our fabled woman of the Fade. Muttered her name over and over, terribly romantic. If you had said it any louder, I might think you were having a <em>really</em> good dream about her” Dorian mused, smirking ahead at the road.</p><p>Cullen mentally thanked his subconscious for thinking with his heart instead of his… well his other organs. He didn’t quite have the heart to tell Dorian it was in fact a nightmare that he had lost her, finding her in the Circle tower room covered in blood having been tortured by Mages. He was sure it was his guilt powering these images.</p><p>“Livia is a noble Tevinter name, did you know that?” he asked, Cullen frowned, shaking his head. “I was betrothed to a woman named Livia, skipped to Ferelden before it was concluded. I expect she is as happy as I for my being here”</p><p>It was easy to forget Dorian had his whole life planned out for him back in Tevinter, Cullen turned to the Mage, “I know the Inquisitor is”</p><p>Dorian grinned, “Oh indeed. Lucky man he is. She’s lucky to have you and you her, if she is indeed still yours, have you thought about what we spoke on?”</p><p>Cullen’s head shot up, “I- Maker I hope so” he admitted, “She is one of the best things to have ever happened to me, yes. I have thought on it, I have a plan”</p><p>He knew exactly what he was going to say, he was the Commander of the armies after all. And to win a battle.</p><p>He needed the right strategy.</p><p>“Has something happened?” Cassandra asked, having slowed her pace so she could look at Cullen. Sera turned, now again reverse in her saddle. He groaned, craning his neck back.</p><p>“Myself and Shepard… had a falling out recently. One I have not been able to adequately apologise for” he tried brushing over the subject, hoping Sera nor Cassandra would berate him.</p><p>“Pfft, falling out- if that’s what you wanna call it” she said throwing the, now apple core, at him. It bounced off his steel plate.</p><p>Cullen narrowed his eyes, wiping the wet apple stain off his plate with the back of his glove, “You… heard?”</p><p>“My window is above the dummies… dummy. You were a prig, if it was me; I’d punch your lights out. Ding dong, black out” then she pretended to throw punches. “Too bad Shepy thinks you’re too pretty to hit”</p><p>“I thank you for your service to her and disagree with her assessment of my… prettiness” he answered awkwardly.</p><p>Sera went strangely quiet. Cullen raised an eyebrow at the Elf, waiting patiently for her to say whatever was on her mind.</p><p>“You’re alright Cully. Shouty and sometimes stupid sure but… she smiles so pretty with you, goes bright red and soft. Nice to see her soft, not big bad soldier Shepard. Don’t think she’s used to being soft… so… don’t be a baddie yeah?”</p><p>It… actually made sense. She wasn’t used to being open with her affections, neither was he if was being honest. Being vulnerable with another, romantically or platonically was a foreign notion. They were more similar than he thought.</p><p>“Yes Sera. I understand, believe me… I only want to see her happy and… soft” that seemed to appease the Elf, turning back around on her horse.</p><p>He met Cassandra’s eyes who nodded approvingly, before picking up the pace. His muscles ached from the fighting; every hoof hit on the ground sent an uncomfortable jolt to his rowing headache but if it meant he could get to Skyhold faster – he would endure.</p><p>***</p><p>Two excruciating, bed roll, nightmare filled nights later, they arrived back in Skyhold with the low sunny afternoon making its way for the night to begin.</p><p>As they turned the corner to the stables there stood the Inquisitor’s stallion, Greybeard, and Mako.</p><p>Cullen’s mood immediately improved; this was his chance. No more waiting, he was going to find her, take her out of whatever meeting or conversation and bag for forgiveness. Flowers, maybe he should give her-</p><p>“Commander, Seeker, better get to the war room” Blackwall came out of the barn, jogging to the group.</p><p>Cullen jumped off his stallion, “What’s happened?” he asked. Taking in the burly man’s form. Shoulders tense, a scowl on his face.</p><p>“Trust me, go” he nodded to the keep, leading one of the mounts into the stables without another word.</p><p>Cullen exchanged a worried glance with Dorian before sprinting off to the stairs. Cassandra and Dorian were close on his heels. Leaving Sera and Blackwall to aid Dennet with the mounts.</p><p>He bounded up the steps not noticing Varric’s concerned stare from his table. Hushed conversation with Cole as he fidgeted in his seat. Even the main hall was sparsely populated, few nobles in there for the earliness of the night.</p><p>He burst through to Josie’s office, the double wooden doors slamming on the stone. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it wasn’t this.</p><p>The room was trashed. Book shelves had been snapped, books scattered on the floor, some with pages torn. Josie’s desk was flipped, her ink pot staining the floor, peeking out from under the wood. Flowers, the one’s Shepard would pick for Josie, were spread in the ink, the delicate white flowers absorbing the ink like a deadly poison to its petals.</p><p>In the middle, was Josie, crying in Leliana’s arms with Maxwell speaking in hushed tones still in his armour, covered in dust from the journey. Guards around the edges of the room, Rylen in the middle with his hands on his hips, head darting to the door when Cullen entered.</p><p>“Cullen-” Maxwell began.</p><p>“What in the Maker’s name has happened” he said, moving further to the group. Josie’s sleeve had been torn as he rounded the group, he noticed what the cluster of armour and silk was shielding.</p><p>Blood.</p><p>Blood stains.</p><p>With a dead Inquisition soldier on the floor.</p><p>He looked at Josie once more, she had no injuries bar being scared witless. No bleeding wounds, granted they could have been healed but-</p><p>“It’s- it’s my fault” Josie squeaked, Leliana hushed her gently. Casting a glance at Rylen over the teary woman’s head. He was shaking his head.</p><p>“An assassin, Commander” Rylen began, “They tried to kill the Ambassador. Hid within the staff and took some armour, been here for days waiting to strike” His voice was rough, hands and forearms free of armour. He must have been writing reports when this happened.</p><p>Maker, he had left one attempt to return to another. But Josie? Sweet innocent Josie, who would want her dead? Where was-</p><p>“I will know how they did this. All staff were vetted” Leliana spoke, her voice wasn’t angry. Or even annoyed. But cold. Distant. That scared him more than if she had screamed it. He didn’t know the lengths the Spymaster would go to for Josie, he supposed that was the point.</p><p>Maxwell sighed, “Josie you will have two guards with you at all times. I will not allow anything less, Rylen and Cullen I’d like you to-“</p><p>One of Leliana’s runners came into the room. “She’s stable Inquisitor. The Grand Enchanter and Senior Enchanter are confident she will recover but are keen to stay within Skyhold just incase”</p><p>“Very good Agent, we will prepare quarters for Victoria” Leliana replied, “Continue your mission, no stone unturned” the agent nodded, before turning on her heel without a second glance.</p><p>Cullen’s stomach dropped, “Who is she talking about?”</p><p>
  <em> Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. </em>
</p><p>“Shepard” Josie sniffled, more tears spilling out of her eyes, glistening down her face.</p><p>It scared him, her tears. The Ambassador kept her cool better than Leliana, her ability to brush things off, to stay calm was unmatched. And here she was crying in the middle of her kingdom, her office. That had been torn apart at the seams.</p><p>“She’s injured? How long, did it happen in the field?” Cullen asked, rattling off questions to the group. His mind flashed to the image of her with his sword through her gut, the demon’s gut. He corrected himself.</p><p>“It didn’t happen in the field. It happened in Skyhold, right here. She saved Josie’s life, Maker… the speed she ran at” Rylen gulped, his tired eyes waiting for his superior’s reaction. It was her blood on the floor. Mixed with the soldiers. Or assassins should he say.</p><p>Cullen’s eyebrows rose, he promised her. He gave her word that Skyhold would be safe. That he would never let something like Haven happen again. It must have shown on his face; the devastation.</p><p>“She’s been asking for you” Maxwell said in a calm voice, “Well, muttering your name at least” his smirk was small but broke Cullen’s guard a crack. She was stable, and thinking of him. He forced himself to still a margin to emulate the Inquisitor’s calm.</p><p>“I’ll follow you up, Cullen” Dorian nodded, patting his shoulder.</p><p>Cassandra moved next to Rylen, “Report everything, no details left out” she ordered. Rylen began recounting the event.</p><p>Cullen took that has his opportunity to leave, he took two steps before turning on his heel. Dragging Josie into a tight embrace, she stiffened at first before relaxing. Sniffing into his chest with her hanky.</p><p>“It will be alright Josie” he whispered; he felt her nod against his chin. Casting his eyes to Leliana she tilted her head to the door in a small nod. Effectively encouraging him to go, as though he would spend a second more without Shepard in his company.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Grow Fonder*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He moved quickly, barely remembering to hold open the doors for Dorian as he went. The soldier outside her door straightened, seeing the speed at which Cullen was barrelling up the staircase. </p><p>“Ser” he saluted, not bothering to open the door for him as the feathered force known as the Commander was moving with barely contained power. </p><p>Cullen smacked the door open, causing both women inside to startle, Victoria going so far as to take a defensive position. Still in her Mage’s coat, staff ready in her hand.  </p><p>“Commander, Master Pavus” she relaxed, “It’s good to see you both” she smiled, her demeanour marginally relaxed the beast inside him. He scanned the room, and found Shepard with her eyes shut lay on the bed. </p><p>Quickly crossing the room falling to his knees at her waist. Looking up and down her body.</p><p>She was in one of his white shirts and underwear he noted with warmth in his chest, the sheet was up to her waist but the leg nearest to him was out. A fresh small red mark on the muscle on her leg, dark tendrils on her skin like her very veins were turning black spread from the wound. Poison?</p><p>“She’s going to be just fine, in time” Victoria leant against the post at the foot of the bed, he caught her eye and nodded. Feeling like he could breathe again. </p><p>“A poisoned blade” Fiona explained. “It’s made from Adria Vein, common in Orlais” washing her hands in a basin. Dorian moved to examine the antidote they had given her, holding it up to the light and rolling the tube around his fingers. </p><p>Cullen took his gloves off, needing to feel her skin. Touch her as if a tiny spark of contact would wake her. “Maker give her strength” he whispered as he prayed, loud enough for the human mage to hear. </p><p>A small hand patted the metal on his shoulder, “She’ll be just fine Commander” she said softly, motherly. “The Maker does not need to interfere now”</p><p>He nodded again, barely registering what she was saying, he took Shepard’s face in his hands, turning her towards him. She wasn’t too pale, he even noticed a tan on her skin, her freckles fading into the now golden hue. He had almost forgot how beautiful she was, tracing the lines of her face that haunted him, her powerful aura that even in sleep, drew him in. </p><p>A love-sick moth, to an undying flame. </p><p>The movement roused her; small lines appeared on her forehead as she groaned. </p><p>Tired eyes fluttered open, half lidded blue-green orbs roved for a moment before landing on him, he watched the recognition bloom in her eyes. </p><p>“Cullen” she smiled, reaching her hand up to touch his armoured chest clumsily. “mmmissed you” she mumbled. </p><p>He heard the receding light footsteps of Victoria, moving to Shepard’s desk further into the room, giving the two some privacy. </p><p>His chest almost hurt now, tightness and warmth. Opposing forces colliding with his heart in the middle. </p><p>“And I you, sweetheart” he managed to reply, brushing her cheek with his thumb. She tried sitting up, her shoulders lifting off the bed. “Just relax, it’s alright” he wasn’t sure how much she was understanding in her drugged ears. </p><p>Her hand gently came up and brushed his cheek, “You’re hairy” she giggled, it was music to his ears. </p><p>It was true and something he had not considered, during his time at the palace he had not bothered to shave. The speed of travel Cassandra was demanding never gave him time to remove his now beard, the darkened stubble thicker than he had ever had it in his time in the Inquisition. </p><p>He grinned, running a hand on his chin, “Do you like it?” he asked, enjoying her delicate long fingers dance on his skin. The single innocent touch enough to make his body react to her </p><p>She hummed still smiling at his presence, her eyes slowly drooped. Her hand became lax on his face and dropped to the bed. </p><p>“Hey, Liv” he said worriedly, trying to rouse her, he looked back from his knelt position worriedly at Victoria. Her voice was soft when she ventured over, </p><p>“She’s fine Commander. Drowsiness is a common side effect of most antidotes” her smile was all knowing, he nodded blinking downwards so he didn’t have to look into her eyes. She had an uncanny ability to see straight through him.</p><p>“Yes- of course, forgive me I-“</p><p>“Have not stopped worrying about her since we departed” Dorian sighed, Cullen glared back at him. “Oh, it’s hardly a secret, I’ll leave you to your mother henning! Do let me know when she’s ready for some wine, it’s been far too long since we’ve had a tete-a-tete” he called over his shoulder with a flick of his hand. </p><p>Cullen managed a grin throughout the display. Dorian secretly adored Shepard, and he knew he would never leave if he wasn’t sure she was fine. He turned back to her, sighing deeply. </p><p>“Why do you always have to save everyone else” he whispered. Once again brushing her cheek, allowing himself the small torment knowing she was going to be alright. </p><p>Victoria patted him on the shoulder, “She’s a Shepard” she clarified. “They don’t know <em>how</em> to do anything else” </p><p>Cullen rose, groaning as he stretched his legs. He suddenly felt very old, creaking like the wooden steps in the tower. </p><p>“You sound like you’re speaking from experience” he teased, turning to the woman. Her face softened, almost like she was reliving a memory in a flash of her eyes, he noticed she too had acquired a tan.  </p><p>She faltered just for a moment before a minor smile broke out, “You could say that” Victoria smiled a little brighter, “You make a wonderful pairing you know. Whatever happened before, well, I’m sure you’ll sort it out, these things happen”</p><p>Cullen rubbed a hand across his eyes, “Maker does everyone from here to the village know that I’m a colossal imbecile” </p><p>Victoria laughed, giving him space while she tidied up Shepard’s armour from the floor where it was discarded. Cullen, immediately, moved to assist her in cleaning and storing it. Needing to keep his hands busy. Each dividing up the pile while Fiona began burning the bandages from her wound, occasionally going over to check his Lady’s temperature. </p><p>“Not quite everyone, but she has a hard time keeping things from me” Victoria explained in a lowered voice, “She just needed advice, she was clueless as to what she did wrong”</p><p>Cullen’s head shot up from his work, his hand steadying on the chest plate he was scrubbing with the damp rag. “She thought- she had done something wrong?” Victoria nodded slowly. He wavered, returning to his work on the armour, with a little less enthusiasm then before. </p><p>“She has done nothing wrong. She is… faultless” Cullen admitted, gently wiping the cloth over the N7 logo. It never looked worn, even after a battle or returning from the field. It always shone so brightly. Just like her. </p><p>A slender hand came over his own, stopping his movement. “Then tell her” brown-red eyes stared through him, into him. “Just be honest Cullen. Trust me, honesty is the best policy” </p><p>He grinned at the rhyme, “A poet and a mind healer?” he asked. She tutted him and returned to cleaning the shoulders and arms of Shepard’s armour. </p><p>She was precise with every movement. Wrapping the rag around her index finger to get into the grooves, it almost looked practised. The humming as she worked told him she was completely relaxed with this. She puzzled him. </p><p>Once done, the human mage informed him she would be getting some rest but would be staying in Skyhold for the next few days. Fiona agreed, making sure all was well before going to Solas’s rotunda. </p><p>Victoria waited at the door for Fiona, speaking to the guard at the door regarding the arrangement. </p><p>“Commander, a question. When you were in Denerim, did you perhaps speak with the King. You are friends, yes?” Fiona asked. </p><p>Cullen frowned at the strange question, a small wrinkle forming between his eyebrows but he answered truthfully, “Yes. Alastair and I have rekindled that friendship we had when we were boys, why do you ask?” </p><p>Fiona paused, “And Shepard too? I noticed they were… close?” </p><p>Cullen frowned again, trying to keep steady, truthfully, he did not know where this was going. “Shepard and Alastair are very good friends; they get along well. I could ask her to introduce you, if you wished… smooth things over? She would be more than-” </p><p>“No… no… it’s just. I knew his father, Maric, back when I was a Warden. I only wanted to know if he was happy, I assumed you or Shepard were the best to ask. His… Father had such hopes for him” she said softly. </p><p>Cullen didn’t understand but answered dutifully anyway. “I believe he does. He is an excellent King and, well, he has many loyal friends for a reason” he looked over at his sleeping companion, resting gently on the large ornate bed. </p><p>The sheer curtains were drawn from the posts but they were transparent enough that he could see her dark hair in a braid against the white pillows, her leg poking out the duvet. </p><p>“Thank you, Commander. Do not mind me. The concerns of an old woman, nothing more” she bowed to him, he returned the gesture. Nodding to Victoria at the door. </p><p>Instead of being relieved when the Mages exited, he felt out of place. Out of sync. Unsure if he was to leave Shepard here or would she prefer him stay. He went to the door, had barely reached it before a soft sound stopped him. </p><p>“Liv?” he called, wondering if he had imagined it. </p><p>“Don’t go” </p><p>Her sleepy voice asked him. He inched the door open enough to let the guard know that if the Inquisitor required him, he would be here for the next few hours. The guard gave him a knowing smile and saluted. </p><p>Returning to her bedside, he inched the curtain back, perching on the bedside. Sleepy eyes watched him with a smile, “Are you sure you… want me to stay?”</p><p>She nodded, patting the bed next to her. He waited, hesitated. To see if she was just sleep talking or still effected by the medicine. She kept his gaze, holding it steady, “Do… you not want to?” she asked, her voice clearer than before, a small frown on her forehead. </p><p>“I do!” he said quickly. ”Maker, I do, I just want you to be… sure” he said, taking the hand closest to him between his own. Slender and cool, nails that were short and trimmed. </p><p>“Please?” she begged sitting up wobbly, the shoulder of his shirt falling off her slender one to reveal her skin, curly black hair surrounding her face and falling to below her breast, no makeup with dust on her neck from travelling. She was a vision, to him. How could he refuse her anything?</p><p>He sat up quickly and kissed her forehead. Encouraging her to lie down before removing his armour with quick hands, leaving it on the desk in piles. He would tend to it later, for now a more attractive prospect was opening. </p><p>He was about to remove his shirt when his own mind stopped him. Would she think he wanted to do more than rest, would he smell too bad from travelling, would she want him down to his-</p><p>Hands wrapped around his waist, a head on his back was breathing in his scent. “Why are you hesitating” she asked, her voice muffled by his shirt. He wondered how long and deeply he was in thought for her to sneak up on him and hold him, “If you really don’t want to-“</p><p>He removed her hands and promptly picked her up, careful not to place his hand anywhere near her wound. She made a small noise of surprise but relaxed in his arms as he strode back towards the bed, keeping his eyes off her and on his target.  </p><p>“I simply was wondering how much to remove. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable” he explained not quite meeting her tired eyes, placing her back in the bed gently. Slipping her feet under the blanket so he could tuck her in. “I know we haven’t… spoken about-“</p><p>Her hand went over his lips, “In the morning” she answered. Her eyes dropping a touch, “can we… can we just hold each other for now?” she asked, looking at his lips underneath her hand. She smiled as he smiled, pulling back to pull the shirt off his body. Removing his muddy breeches with similar enthusiasm. </p><p>He slipped under the sheet, much to her happiness he was enjoying this too. Having yearned for her for days; guilt, longing. Building up to now, being able to hold her, surrounded by her scent on the pillows. </p><p>As soon as he was settled, she ducked under his arm, resting her head on his chest. He responded in kind, wrapping the arm around her waist. She let out a happy sigh, sliding her sore leg carefully over his. </p><p>Surely this was a good sign.</p><p>He was right in the end. </p><p>This was better than any palace bed. </p><p>***</p><p>“The Ambassador’s protection detail will consist of two on two off. This will be the most trusted in Skyhold. I will not settle for less. The list I have here is-“</p><p>“Arf-arf-arf” </p><p>The officer’s and Knight-Captain peered around the desk to the source of the noise. Oz. She was sat in the middle of the room facing Rylen half barking, half howling. Snapping at the air with her jaws and her blue eyes staring intently at him. She had only just returned to Skyhold, having been with the other Mabari in the village training with the Mages. He had expected her to be tired, he was going to find out how wrong he was. </p><p>“In a moment” Rylen said to the demanding Mabari, he went back to the papers on his desk. “As I was-“</p><p>“AWOOO-AWOOOO-AWOOO”</p><p>“Maker mutt!” Rylen abandoned his paper and strode around the desk, surrounded by soldiers, to the dog increasing the volume of her half howls, still sitting in the middle of the room. “What is it you want lass?” he asked her. She padded over to the door, scratching it slightly. </p><p>From the chuckles and scoffs behind him, his officers were very much enjoying Rylen’s argument with the hound. “You want to find Cullen?” he asked. The hound’s tail began rapidly beating. </p><p>When Rylen hesitated, staring at the demanding dog, she began woofing once more. </p><p>“Alright fine, blood of Andraste, this dog is as demanding as her owner” the officer’s shared a laugh, as he departed the room. </p><p>Oz sprinted to each door, waiting impatiently for Rylen to follow, if the door was latched Oz was handy at opening it. Most of Skyhold though was a turning handle. Thus, she had to wait for the ginger man to follow and let her through. </p><p>She sprinted through Solas’ rotunda; Rylen noticed the Elf’s absence but didn’t think on it too much when Dorian’s head popped over the balcony at the barking of the hound. </p><p>“Ah Rylen, become the Mabari bitch’s bitch?” he remarked, Rylen sent him the bird, holding two fingers up at the Mage while chuckling to himself. Dorian smirked back at the long-legged Starker man. </p><p>As he entered the main hall, he noted a guard at every door, as per the Inquisitor’s orders. He was more than happy to comply. </p><p>Oz was waiting at the door to the Royal Tower, the guard on duty there scratching her forehead with one hand looking puzzled at the Mabari. As he approached the guard looked up, “Ser” she saluted. “I’m not sure- uh“ pointing to the dog, awaiting orders.</p><p>Rylen shook his head, “I’m guessing Cullen is in there”. The guard nodded, fighting a grin. </p><p>It had only been about two candle marks since his return, the sun casting low over the mountains. He had expected Cullen to come to his office and demand an explanation. Rylen had got so caught up in his investigation and changing the patrols that he hadn’t noticed the time. </p><p>“Yes Captain, he hasn’t left Her Worship’s side since he arrived back. The Mag- uh- Grand-Enchanter Fiona and Victoria left less than an hour ago by the sun’s position” she explained. </p><p>Oz woofed impatiently, scratching the door with one paw. If the Ambassador had seen this, she would have scolded the pup for being so harsh with her paws. Probably muttering something about Ferelden brutes as a jest.  </p><p>“Yes pup, I know” he huffed, opening the door to the tower, Oz sprinted up the wooden stairs, her nails clicking on each step. Rylen climbed after with… less… enthusiasm. Truthfully, he was tired after Cullen’s absence, the man ran the Army effortlessly as though he had years of experience. After Josie’s near miss with a dagger, he was exhausted. </p><p>Oz was whining before he got to the door, without thinking he opened it allowing the mutt to saunter in. Her demeanour changed, sniffing the air before walking slowly to the bed side he pulled the sheer curtains back. </p><p>Cullen’s broad chest greeted him, Rylen realised he had never seen the scars on his chest in their entirety. It made his journey from Mage hating Templar in Kirkwall to the kind man he was today even more impressive. </p><p>His eyes drifted to the small black-haired woman sleeping soundly on it. Shepard was curled up by his side her pale hand on his pec while Cullen’s arm was wrapped securely around her, one leg thrown over his hips. The sheet had fallen enough for him to see that Cullen had small clothes on and that Shepard did too… but that was all she had on her lower half. </p><p>He could have told himself he was staring at her injury, but in reality, he had gotten an eyeful of her behind with barely any scraps of clothing on. He wasn’t blind to know that she was an alluring and powerful woman, this had just made it so much worse. </p><p>He quickly put the curtain back, taking steps back towards the door with a flushed face and slightly tighter breeches. He really needed some stress relief, and soon, he thought walking away. </p><p>Forgetting entirely, that he had left the Mabari inside with her owners who she had not seen in almost two weeks. </p><p>***</p><p>Cullen was drifting in and out of the Fade, teetering on the edge of the smoky waters that held his mind. He thought he had heard footsteps in his dream, was that real? Possibly a soldier dropping off a-</p><p>A warm body shuffled next to him, turning over. He peeked an eye finding in fact he was not in his room above the office below. Remembering where he was, feeling came back to his body. His arm going slightly numb under her neck. He shifted it carefully so it rested under their pillows. </p><p>Turning over ever so carefully as not to disturb her so he could curl behind her, soft cheeks pressing against his core. Slight pressure on his cock made him shiver, having been in the same room with Dorian he couldn’t take himself in hand to relive his longing. If she was to allow him to stay with her in this room to sleep, he would take as much contact as she would allow. </p><p>“I’m so sorry” he whispered audibly to her, “Maker forgive me” his eyes welling up with tears, holding her body tighter to his. </p><p>She was here, she was alright, he was here. He repeated in a mantra to keep his mind from disappearing into the memory of her with a sword through her belly, on his third repetition he noticed something. </p><p>A whine from behind him caught his attention. His eyes shot open turning on his shoulder, craning his neck he was met with a long nose pointing through the sheer curtain. He gently lifted the curtain at the bottom to reveal a happy whining Mabari, sat at the bed with her front legs tapping the ground excitedly. </p><p>Maker he had missed this dog, having a constant companion was something he didn’t want to be without. “Oz” he smiled, reaching out to scratch her head.</p><p>She took his greeting as permission.</p><p>He was suddenly met with the fully-grown mass of grey muscle jumping onto the bed and his chest, forcing him onto his back. Attacking his face with Mabari kisses, whining in his face between licks. </p><p>Having what Shepard liked to call, ‘splooted’ herself on his chest. He was struggling to move her, between his laughter and closing his mouth so his hound didn’t actually kiss the inside of his mouth, he couldn’t tell her to get off before he woke his companion. </p><p>“I wasn’t the only one who missed you” the amused voice to his left said. In his thrashing and Oz’s whines. He hadn’t registered her turn over. </p><p>They both froze, Oz for fear of getting told off and Cullen for… well the same thing, if he was honest. </p><p>Oz immediately gave her kisses, reaching over to plop down between her two humans, keeping a large possessive paw on his arm, he noted that her paws were almost bigger than Shepard’s hands. </p><p>Shepard giggled stroking Oz’s head while trying to get her to stop, “I missed you too sweet girl” she nuzzled the Mabari’s nose. Cullen noted that she still sounded very drowsy; peeking at the pink sky they must have only been asleep for an hour or so. The anti-dote coursing through her veins fighting her brain for sleep. </p><p>The Mabari whined happily, resting her head between the two, Cullen rolled over so he could face his love. She was nuzzling Oz’s neck happily giggling when the hound licked her forehead in a short kiss, before moving to the end of the bed curling at their feet, a large gust of air leaving her lungs as she sighed happily. Shepard lifted her head, snuggling back into the pillows, his breath caught in his lungs when she looked up at him. </p><p>He could pretend they were elsewhere, in a home, starting a family. A dog in their bed, lounging happily with no war, no reports, no injuries. A simple life. </p><p>“Hi” she said quietly. </p><p>He reached his hand out and stroked her cheek. A tiny smile appeared on her face. He noticed her eyes drooping, occasionally they would lift open again, fighting the anti-dote. </p><p>“Sleep sweetheart, I won’t let anything hurt you” he said softly, he wasn’t sure if she was hearing his words but he hoped they were comforting. </p><p>Shepard sighed happily, her body becoming more relaxed before succumbing to the bed. </p><p>Oz took that opportunity to crawl so her head was at their hips, lay between their legs. She felt content when her human stroked her head, speaking in his deep voice gently to her.</p><p>Cole felt this interaction through Skyhold. And made sure to remember to tell the pup how happy she made her humans. </p><p>***</p><p>One thing she hated when waking up, was grogginess. As a child this would happen during the holidays at Grissom academy. Her teen body becoming accustomed to the late mornings, sleeping in. </p><p>As an adult in the military, she was used to early mornings, long days and less sleep than normal. Thus, when she woke up groggy, her mind unalert to its surroundings, she knew that something had affected her. Most of the time, that thing was medicine. </p><p>She reached out for Cullen or Oz, and was met with nothing but a cold bed. Her disappointment made her stomach clench horridly which quickly morphed then to pain when she rolled onto her back, her sore leg hitting something. </p><p>“Fucking hell” she hissed, scrunching her eyes shut. </p><p>“Language please child, lest I wash your mouth out with soap” </p><p>Shepard’s eyes flew open, meeting Victoria sat on her bed. Warm deep brown eyes twinkling with amusement, her hands hovering above her thigh using her magic to examine her patient. She must have rolled her thigh into her hand. </p><p>Shepard smirked back at her, “I’d like to see you try” she spoke, her dry mouth causing a raspy edge to her voice. </p><p>“Challenge accepted” she winked, moving to the desk. Shepard heard the clinking of bottles, pouring of liquids. Both women knew Shepard would probably cave if her injuries were that bad. </p><p>Sitting up warily, she brushed the sheet off her thigh. Though it was slightly painful to tense, there was no scar or mark. A portion of redness was all she had to show for it, having been healed so quickly.</p><p>“Here” she passed her a goblet with green twinge water in it. Something akin to a swamp. Shepard face must have scrunched as the Mage began laughing, “It’s good for you, it will clear your head” she thrust the goblet into her hands.</p><p>Shepard still pulled a face at her, drinking it with scrunched eyes and large gulps. After the goblet had been moved away and she was getting up to dress not bothering to put up a partition with the elder woman in the room. She was still occasionally gagging. Something Victoria found utterly amusing it seemed. </p><p>Tying her boots was easy, regardless that they were up to her shins. Tying up her hair was a different story. Each time wincing or grunting as she lifted her arms up. </p><p>Remembering having been slammed into the book case by the male assassin the evening previous, those book cases were really sturdy at least, probably why the Ambassador had requested them. </p><p>“Victoria, I hate to be a burden but-“</p><p>“Sit” she said, pointing to the vanity in the washroom, already having seen her struggle. Shepard followed the direction and sat on the plush stool waiting for the Mage. </p><p>The elder woman began braiding her hair from the top, grabbing each strand of hair delicately. Shepard watched the woman through the mirror her eyes and fingers darting and moving. </p><p>She thought she would be uncomfortable having someone behind her, even if she trusted the woman, but… it was relaxing. Practised. It felt… enjoyable to have someone do this for her.</p><p>“There we go” Victoria tied the end of her hair with a ribbon and moved Shepard’s braid over her shoulder, resting one hand on each shoulder smiling at her through the mirror, her eyes crinkling at the edges. </p><p>She smiled back through the reflection, her own grin mirroring Victoria’s. In her youth she had fantasies like this, her mother doing her hair, taking the time to make her look pretty. </p><p>Their reflections almost looked like they were mother and daughter, both with dark hair and-</p><p>And-</p><p>Shepard’s eyes darted to her own face and back to Victoria’s, studying the similarities she discovered there. Lips and eyebrows, their nose. All… very similar…</p><p>“Is it too tight? I can re-do it?” </p><p>Her eyes darted back to the Mage who was staring at her with a pensive look, having noticed her glassy eyes and sad expression. </p><p>“N-no, it’s perfect. Really, quite perfect” she said a bit too breathlessly. Moving her hand to stroke her braid. </p><p>“What’s wrong cub?” Victoria asked, Shepard had never heard her call anyone that. Not even the children. </p><p>Shepard laughed humourlessly, “It’s silly” not looking up at the woman in the reflection of the mirror.</p><p>“It’s not silly if it’s upsetting you, is it Cullen?” she asked, “He only left to relive Rylen, he wished for you to get more rest-“</p><p>“No” she cut her off, “I- it was nice. This was nice. It fulfilled a childish fantasy or two, having someone do my hair, make me look pretty” she admitted, playing with the end of her braid to have something to do. </p><p>The hands on her shoulders stroked gently, “Now that is not silly at all, it was… nice for me too” she admitted. </p><p>How could she forget…</p><p>Victoria never got a chance to raise her children, Shepard didn’t even know if Victoria knew the gender. Cole always said they, or their. Plural children maybe? Twins? Triplets? She didn’t dare to ask if it was multiple occasions she had birthed children, being taken away one after another. </p><p>With her being outside the Circle for a number of years, they could have been slaughtered by the Templars as children in one go. Losing your entire family in one day. Something she could almost relate to. </p><p>Shepard slid her left hand on top of Victoria’s who also seemed lost in a memory. </p><p>“Thank you” she said gently, Victoria brushed her spare hand over Shepard’s braid and the back of her head. </p><p>“Make sure to sing my praises hmm?” the Mage teased, moving away from the mirror, Shepard chuckled slightly also moving to the main room. Victoria busied herself with a last check up of Shepard.</p><p>“One last thing. Gentle love making is fine but nothing too strenuous. Whatever you did last night is fine, your thigh is almost fully healed-“</p><p>“We didn’t do anything last night!” Shepard said a little too loudly in the main hall, causing some to turn and look at the pair, not sure why she was blushing or telling Victoria this, “We just slept, that’s all” </p><p>“Very romantic. As long as you are being safe, we can’t wait nine months to defeat Corypheus because you’re with child” she teased, giggling slightly. </p><p>Shepard tried to ignore the woman as they passed through the main hall. She noted guards at every door, fewer nobles than usual. Josie must have cleared her schedule, or with the colder weather returning the nobles were not willing to make the journey. </p><p>Victoria escorted as far as Josie’s office, “Now, I know the chantry says you dream about your babies, the good Fade spirits take them out of the Fade and leave them in your arms but that’s not true. Actually what happens is when a man and a woman-“ </p><p>Shepard opened the door to Josie’s office, stepping in backwards, holding her hands up to stop the Mage, “I know where babies come from!” she argued shutting the door before Victoria could make her blush any more. She heard the woman’s laughter through the wood regardless.</p><p>Shepard chuckled slightly, shaking her head. She pushed off the door and turned just in time to receive a ploughing weight into her arms. With an audible ‘oof’ Shepard recognised the golden shoulder of Josie, with her arms wrapped around her waist. </p><p>“Shepard” the woman squeaked, she smelt the salt in her tears. </p><p>Wrapping her arms around her, she returned the gesture, cooing soft words to the woman. After a few moments she began nodding, pulling back sniffing and using the back of her glove to wipe away the evidence of her guilt. She must have been really rattled to do something so unbecoming as to us one’s gloves to wipe their face. </p><p>Shepard looked to the others across the now, tidy, office. No evidence of blood or broken wood. All was as it should be. </p><p>Her eyes locked with Cullen’s immediately, she was shocked to find a beard on his face. Thick stubble rather. Darker than his hair on his head but the same colour as his hair… elsewhere. And that his heart was racing. She could hear it over the room, eyes locked with hers in a trance.</p><p>“Babies?” Max asked, leaning against the desk breaking her examination of the man. </p><p>Shepard rolled her eyes, putting her hand on Josie’s back to guide her back to her desk, “Victoria was trying to give me the birds and the bee’s talk, too bad my doctor beat her to it about fifteen years ago”</p><p>“Birds and… bees?” Josie giggled; it was nice to hear her laugh after yesterday’s events. </p><p>Shepard grinned, “A… delicate way of informing young teens and children about reproduction. Bee’s carry and deposit pollen into flowers, birds lay eggs” </p><p>Cullen chuckled along with the others, though his laughter had the most of attention. Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, “It’s common enough where I’m from” she huffed, slightly embarrassed. </p><p>“Speaking of birds” Leliana started, “We have information on yesterday. A raven with information from a Comte from Orlais’ capital” </p><p>Josie sighed, looking down at her desk, composing herself before lifting her chin, reaching Shepard and Maxwell’s eyes.</p><p>“I… must explain something about the Montilyets’ fortune. We were banned from trading in Orlais… and as such has devastated our finances. We have been in debt for over a hundred years”</p><p>Shepard’s eyebrows rose. </p><p>“Hardly anyone outside the family knows this and for generations we have done everything to keep creditors at bay. Sold our lands, our homestead” her voice cracked and raised in volume, “It’s just… it is infuriating to still see my family reduced to this!” She sighed, taking a deep breath. </p><p>“I am to become head of our house” she said with conviction. “If I sell any more of our land, my family will become destitute! That cannot be my legacy to them!”</p><p>Maxwell crossed his arms, “Providing we beat Corypheus that is” he said dryly.</p><p>“I’m not blind! But I worry for my family” she argued with a whining quality to her voice Shepard had never heard before. “My foolish sister with her daydreams, my brothers trying to rebuild our fleet with their own hands… is it wrong to hope they never know hardship?”</p><p>Shepard sighed, “No… it isn’t” she thought of John. While they had never fancy items or the best new gear. In the Alliance they were well cared for. “How many siblings <em>do</em> you have?” </p><p>“One sister and three brothers, I realise this is a far cry from one sibling. But I love them all equally” Josie smiled; it didn’t look forced but didn’t look real. Practised, Shepard would say. </p><p>“Less than that now” Shepard replied, not really thinking about her problems. She refocused “So, how does going trying to reinstate your trade routes, come to sending an assassin?”</p><p>“I negotiated a chance to reinstate trade with Orlais. We could rebuild with that. I had couriers carry the appropriate documents to Val Royeaux… they were murdered. Everything was destroyed” </p><p>Max rested his arms on the desk, “Who hates your family enough to do that?”</p><p>Leliana put her hand on Josie’s shoulder, a reassuring gesture to quash the guilt most likely running in the Ambassador’s veins. </p><p>Josie took another deep breath, handing a document to Maxwell. “Leliana sent out ravens to her contacts in the City. We have it on good authority that Comte Boisvert, a nobleman in Val Royeaux claims to know who killed them. And it seems that same person used the documents to trace me here. We have to go to Orlais and investigate”</p><p>“We?” Shepard crossed her arms.</p><p>Josie stood, “He will only meet with me to discuss this information… if he is seen with you… in public”</p><p>“Me?” she looked from Josie to Max, he was nodding softly, “Why me? What does that get him?” </p><p>The Ambassador smirked, “The Comte will drop hints that he is to meet with an important visitor. Allies and rivals will take notice, when he’s met you there will be speculation. The Comte will subtly spin reports to his advantage”</p><p>Bloody politics. Her stomach tightened, “What kind of advantage?” she almost growled. </p><p>Josie sighed, “I will not lie… it will most likely be of a, delicate nature. But he will use us. I ask that we indulge him”</p><p>Shepard rubbed her forehead with her thumb and index finger, “So long as the lie remains harmless. But Josie if he so much as touches you or me, he will leave with less fingers than he arrived with” Max and Cullen immediately choked a laugh. Leliana was smirking, patting Josie’s shoulder.</p><p>“Thank you, Shepard! It means… you are too kind” she beamed. Shepard took her hand, squeezing it gently. </p><p>“You are welcome Josie, but you don’t need to thank me. We should take others on the journey and to defend us in the City. Inside it can be just us. Max, who else will come with us?” she turned to him, he shook his head. </p><p>“I’m afraid you’re solo on this, Cassandra found evidence of rogue Mages who may be Venatori spies. They must be removed. She also thinks the deserter Templars might know the whereabouts of the Red Templar’s, that might bring us closer to the Lord Seeker Lucius and Samson”</p><p>Shepard saw Cullen’s fists tighten at the mention of his name. </p><p>“I see. Who are you taking on your trip?” She asked. Maxwell gestured to the war room, she walked beside him as the other’s followed. </p><p>“Cassandra and Dorian of course. And I was thinking Cole, I’m hoping he will be able to sense them before we find them” he said as he opened the door for her, allowing her to enter first. She smirked at the gesture, were all men in Skyhold gentlemen? </p><p>“Hmm, I’ll take Varric. I’m guessing his trigger finger is itchy” </p><p>“Blackwall should come” Josie said quickly from behind her, “I’d feel safer with a Warden with us” Shepard and Max shared a look but didn’t comment on why exactly she might feel ‘safer’ with him there. They both could guess. </p><p>“Solas should come too, considering Vivienne is apparently away on business. Then we have our team” Shepard nodded. </p><p>Josie scratched away at her notes, “I shall make the arrangements and let out companions know, if we leave the day after tomorrow, we can make the meet” she proceeded to leave the room. Letting the others deal with the business at the war table. </p><p>“Leliana, your people in the city, have them on standby. I don’t like this, it’s too convenient” Shepard ordered. </p><p>Leliana nodded, “I agree. You will be shadowed at all times”</p><p>The rest of the meeting went without difficulty. Maxwell choosing Cullen or Leliana to send their people out. </p><p>Currently, Leliana was overlooking Prince Sebastian Vael. His assault on Kirkwall was not a popular one, but the people loved the Prince and allied cities supported him, Ostwick included. With Leliana’s spies under the cover of the Trevelyan’s crest. He wouldn’t know any wiser. </p><p>“You report of the Temple was… lacking Inquisitor. It is unlike you” Leliana mused once they had come full circle to the pair, Josie had re-joined them, having spoken to the mount master. </p><p>Cullen was short in his assessment of his trip. Shepard was hanging on every word, his eyes would meet hers and he would falter, stutter over a word or clear his throat and look away before continuing. Shepard couldn’t work out what it meant. </p><p>Shepard was reading over Cullen’s written report, not paying attention to the others. His handwriting was very much how she imagined. She moved onto Alastair’s reply. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Trevelyan and Shepard, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well that was bracing! A pitched battle with evil mages disguised as kitchen servants, fireballs flying and swords flashing… it brings back old times. I won’t be eating anything coming out of those kitchens for a while, let me tell you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Did I mention they poisoned all my good cheese? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nast little cultists. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anyhow, I am grateful for your help, and I look forward to the next time we meet. You have a friend in the crown, should you need me. I shall answer, take care of yourself… both of you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alastair </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Maxwell hummed, “Honestly, I did not understand much. That is to say, we did not learn a lot from the Temple” he shrugged, “Though I did find out something that was… interesting” </p><p>“Shepard’s afraid of spiders!” he said quickly, darting out the way as she was startled up from her report. Her mouth opening and closing in embarrassment and trying to formulate some form of coherent response. </p><p>He darted behind Leliana, keeping the table between them. </p><p>“I am not!” she said petulantly. Putting down the paper so she could put her hands on her hips. </p><p>He kept his pace round the table, “You squealed! You should have seen her when she got web in her hair!” he cackled. “Big bad Shepard scared of giant spiders!”</p><p>She growled, running after him as he made a break for the door, “I am not!” </p><p>“Are too!” they heard the Inquisitor shout down the corridor as he bolted for the stairs, not caring that he was running away from a meeting. Little bastard. Shepard thought as she glared out the now empty hallway, she would find him and make him pay. </p><p>“I think that concludes our meeting” the Spymaster mused. This was good information. She had very little on Shepard, this she could use… just in case. “Josie, let us go over your route to Orlais” Leliana gave Shepard a small head nudge in Cullen’s direction as they left. </p><p>Shepard gave her a small nod, walking back to the table where Cullen was sorting his papers. Shepard did the same, the silence between them stretching out as she finished her task, he didn’t say anything. Barely looking at her. She sighed loudly, tucking her reports into the locked box on the table and turning away fully set on leaving when his voice stopped her.</p><p>“My Lady” he said, moving from his position at the table, “I- I hoped to have a moment of your time” his posture was unsure, feet shuffling. </p><p>She turned slowly, “Of course, what’s on your mind” she smiled. Hoping it looked disarming rather than fake. </p><p>“Well, you… You have been on my mind” he tried speaking, before looking away. Muttering something. “More specifically… us” her heart began beating at an uncomfortable pace. </p><p>“I do not deserve your forgiveness” this startled Shepard. “What I said to you, how I acted was worse than a mindless Darkspawn. And I did not mean it, I do not think less of you because of your past, it does not matter to me- not that it doesn’t matter- it does! But… I-” his eyes pinned her. Hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. </p><p>“I was… jealous. Of you and Alastair… he can give you things I cannot. Many men can, I felt… I was terrified of losing you to another so I pushed you away. I wanted to make you feel as I felt and hurt you” he shut his eyes looking away, ashamed of what he was admitting. “And I- I-“ he faltered.</p><p>“Maker why can’t I just say what I’m thinking” he sighed. Cursing himself in his head with language that Varric would be proud of. She waited patiently for him, watching him run a hand through his hair, turning back to her once he had found his courage. </p><p>To her horror. His eyes looked devoid of any emotion. In that moment she expected him to end it, that she wasn’t pure enough for him. That he was still attached to the Chantry teachings and she didn’t fit in his future.</p><p>“If you were… to be wooed by a Nobleman, or any other, if you truly did not wish for us to be- together” he choked on the word, “If that were to happen-“</p><p>“Cullen that’s not-“</p><p>“If that were to happen” he continued as though she hadn’t spoken, inching towards her, stopping merely inches from her. Looking down at her with tears in his eyes. “I would” his voice cracked, “I would let you go” he all but whispered, “Your happiness means more to me than my own” he admitted to her. </p><p>She gazed into his golden glassy eyes, and she saw nothing but truth. His heart beating steady but fast. A gloved hand stroking her cheek, she wished she could feel the calloused roughness, the heat. </p><p>“I cannot give you land, or money. Wonderful things you deserve to wear and show off to others… I am just a farmer’s son, a failed Templar” he said softly, whispering it.</p><p>“Can another man give me you?” </p><p>He blinked dumbly at her, “What?” </p><p>“Can Alastair, or any other man. Give. Me. You” she asked tilting her head to keep eye contact with him. He was more than half a head taller than her. </p><p>“Well… no…?” he answered, tilting his head, not fully understanding where she was going with this. </p><p>She smiled softly, now understanding where his anger had emanated from. Jealousy. As Bull said. He was insecure. He had lashed out as the fear consumed him. He truly saw her as a Lady, a noblewoman. </p><p>Victoria was right. His fire had burned him clean. All that was left was embers, burning out, only darkness left within him. She didn’t want him to be ash, she wanted to burn bright with him. Burn forever with him. She wanted his calloused hands and strategic mind, she wanted his common upbringing and kind thoughts. She wanted him, just him. </p><p>“Then they have nothing I want” she said softly, “You forget Cullen, I’m a farm girl, I was an orphan rescued into an Academy that trained me to be a weapon. I’m not a holy figure, I’m just a half-breed” she shrugged, she saw him mulling it over in his head. The realisation, he hadn’t considered her childhood. </p><p>He frowned, “So… you are… happy? With me? Are you sure?” he asked quickly, as though the question would get caught in his throat if he didn’t rush it out. </p><p>“I am happy, Cullen. Or I was. Right where I am, so long as you know, that it’s only you… I’ve never felt this way” she whispered back. His eyes snapped to hers from their gaze on her mouth, wider than before, absorbing her words. </p><p>Half of his mouth rose, “Then… I would ask you only one thing. If I may, My Lady. If I may kiss you” he let the offer hang in the air, his hand inching towards her hair.</p><p>“Cullen” she said, hands stroking up his mane to his neck, “You don’t have to ask” she whispered into his lips, feeling the shuddering breath leave his mouth as their lips met. </p><p>She pulled away before he could deepen the kiss, leaning back in his large hands that were keeping their core’s together. “It doesn’t mean I’m not still hurt by what you said”</p><p>He nodded and gulped, “Of course… I- I know, what I-“</p><p>She covered his mouth in a kiss, forcing her tongue into his mouth. Plunging and searching, making love to him with her tongue. </p><p>“It means you have a lot of grovelling to do” she whispered, he grinned against her mouth, keeping his eyes closed, breathing in her words. </p><p>“Then allow me to get started” </p><p>He turned her quickly, lifting her onto the war room table, attacking her neck with wet sloppy kisses. Finding the spots that made her shudder and gasp. Her legs wrapped around his hips, drawing him into her core, he responded immediately, large hands wrapping around her back tugging her to the very edge. </p><p>“Not on here!” she practically shouted, Cullen stilled, looking at her guiltily. </p><p>“It’s too fast- of course- I shouldn’t have presumed-“</p><p>“No, no, just- not on this table” she said sliding off, Cullen’s hands coming to aid her practically lifting her off the wood and back onto her feet. </p><p>“Why?” he asked, “Surely, you’ve though about it” he smirked, but when she began giggling, he paused. </p><p>“Yes Cullen, but others have thought about it to… and have… you know, beaten us to it” she gestured. The Commander now looked horrified, the cogs in his brain turning to the conclusion. </p><p>“The- the Inquisitor?- him and- they did- on the table!” he went bright red, tugging her away from it as though it was on fire, “Oh Maker” he said, frowning at the table. Shepard fell into fits of laughter, her head banging onto Cullen’s metal chest plate.</p><p>Cullen would never look at the table the same again.  </p><p>***</p><p>After a knowing look from Josie as the two passed through her office, Cullen detoured from her, vowing to beg on his knees in front of her later. She laughed in response, knowing that in time… they would be alright. Or so she hoped.</p><p>Shepard got the full story from Sera, of course about their trip to Denerim. From sneaking around the palace, spying on the ‘prissy’ nobles. All the way to stealing the Venatori’s breeches. Shepard didn’t miss how she glossed over the Desire Demon that was summoned, that she could get from Dorian. </p><p>The two had a good deal. Shepard would help her with her pranks, and Sera would <em> try </em> not to sneak into her quarters looking for her getting changed. Shepard was not sure she would ever fully agree not to breach her privacy. But it meant Sera would also tell her everything about the missions she and her ‘friends’ went on. </p><p>As long as the topic wasn’t demons or ‘weird’ elfy magic, Sera was happy to divulge. </p><p>“Sera you should really choose a less dangerous hobby” Shepard said, watching the woman rub in the salve for bee stings onto her shoulder. </p><p>“pffft” she said, shoving the jar away so she could stretch her legs out, “Says you, your hobby is riding stuffy-breeches and going glowy. Neither is normal” </p><p>Shepard tried not to be amused at Sera’s nickname for Cullen. Or deny the fast she hadn’t actually ridden him, but instead stayed quiet. </p><p>“How about knitting?” Shepard said, gesturing to the table cloth that housed Sera’s muddy feet. She all but refused to wear shoes in Skyhold, or indoors. </p><p>Sera suddenly sat up feet planted on the floor, “Yes! Knitting is brilliant! It’s stabby sewing!” then begun to imitate what noises and actions attacking someone with needles would make. </p><p>Shepard immediately regretted suggesting it. But it got a good laugh out of her. Sera perked up, her ears actually twitched, “Like seeing you happy Shepy”</p><p>“Me too Sera” Shepard replied, grinning at her feet knowing what Sera meant. </p><p>She had no doubt Sera had a front row seat to what Cullen had said to her, she’d be shocked if Bull hadn’t heard too. “He was especially sorry for everything, to be honest it’s brought us closer. We understand each other more, hopefully in time we can forget it ever happened”</p><p>“So… you aren’t fighting anymore?” Sera asked, her finger trailing a pattern into the top of the cushion. She looked very guilty. Something that made Shepard immediately worried. </p><p>“Sera…” Shepard began hesitantly, “What have you done?” </p><p>“MAKER’S BREATH” </p><p>Sera began laughing, wiping her eyes from the tears as Shepard stuck her head out the Tavern window. </p><p>Watching as Cullen tried swatting away the bee’s surrounding him. Running from the training dummy that had even more bee’s buzzing angrily around it. Oz darting around his feet, her jaws snapping at the bugs while Cullen shouted at her to stop. </p><p>Mage’s came to his aid, freezing the bees so they dropped harmlessly to the floor. He stared at the dummy, still swarming with bees and then groaned loudly, turning to the Tavern door without seeing her.</p><p>“SERA” he bellowed, storming to the Tavern doors. </p><p>Oz darted to Rylen, nibbling his hand to get his attention, no doubt to make him see how angry Cullen was and to do something about it. The ginger man was too overcome with laughter to care, patting her head gently. </p><p>Soldiers and civilians giving him a wide berth, the former trying and failing to hold in their laughter. Even without his armour, which he had divested for sword training with Oz, he was still a brick wall of a man. Six foot four with muscles that would put gods to shame. </p><p>Shepard stuck her head back in the window, Sera’s laughter was unfortunately contagious as she began giggling. The door swung open, revealing a stormy Commander in his brown breeches and white linen shirts. There were small red marks on his skin where the bees stung or cut him. Few and far between but enough for Shepard to rise and begin examining them. </p><p>“SERA you have gone too far this-“</p><p>“Cullen, dearest” the use of the pet name made him soften, instead going from the raging lion to a soft eyed golden man. </p><p>“How about we take a look at these before you kill our resident prankster hmm?” she tilted her head, and fluttered her lashes at him. Her thumb softly touching a pattern up and down the tendon in his wrist, soothing his racing pulse.</p><p>He growled, literally growled. Cullen snarled but grasped her hand and walked away, “You’re lucky she was there Elf” he called behind him. Only making Sera cackle more for getting away with the trick. </p><p>As they were exiting the Tavern they heard Bull’s shout, “How did you get an entire beehive into Cullen’s training dummy?” </p><p>“I don’t know. Can’t remember” came the reply. Irritating Cullen even further that he would not get the answer he sought. </p><p>She didn’t know if he realised it but he led her to her quarters. Only letting go of her hand when they were in her room. He began pacing, hands on his hips and occasionally his hands would flail around as he spoke. </p><p>“That cursed Sera, she’s going to get someone killed one day! You know her and Dagna are together?! Maker knows what they could be doing in Undercroft! Their happy relationship is going to happily blow up Skyhold one day!” </p><p>He turned and started towards her as she leant against the back of the couch, enjoying Cullen’s rant. </p><p>“And- she put a lizard in my bed in Denerim. Where did she even <em>find</em> a lizard in northern Ferelden? I’m sure Dorian was in on it” he said, then began muttering about the woman and her antics. </p><p>Eventually she gave in, moving to stand in his way so he bumped into her. “Forgive me” he said as an apology, his hands steadying her hips. She noted he was still walking on egg shells around her, apologising for any little thing. </p><p>She smirked back at him, “On the desk, shirt off” she said moving to her draws. The lack of sound made her look back lifting an eyebrow from her bent position. He stared at her arse for a few more heartbeats before catching her eyes, it startled him getting caught. </p><p>He looked away nodding before reaching for the end of his shirt, his arms crossing over as he lifted it up, he turned his back making a show of folding the fabric as she searched her bed side table. </p><p>He turned with his arms crossed, fingers drumming on his bicep. His posture could look like one of disinterest, but she knew he was trying not to fidget. She wandered over to him, his eyes traced her thighs and hips. </p><p>She placed the jar on the table gently, uncrossing his arms for him before examining the stings. </p><p>“Not so bad” she said, grasping the jar containing a salve for bee stings. “This was courtesy of Sera, I knew it would come in handy” Cullen rolled his eyes and muttered something about her pranks under his breath. </p><p>“At least it wasn’t spiders” Cullen half murmerd, Shepard glared at him. His smile only rose at her faux anger. </p><p>She struggled twice to open it before warm rough hands gently spread over hers. She looked up from their joined hands, tracing up his tanned muscled chest. </p><p>“Allow me, my lady” the deep voice said. She tried to slip her hands from his, but he held them over hers. His strength allowed the jar lid to slide open with an audible pop. He didn’t put in enough force to hurt her hands, he was gentle.</p><p>“Thank you, kind knight” she smiled, his face lit up at the pet name. Cullen’s shoulders flexed as he retreated his hands. Golden eyes tracing her face with a grin, his pupils betraying his calm demeanour. </p><p>She placed his arms on her waist, stretching them out so she could dip her index finger in the cool jelly. Massaging it onto the red marks, his inhaled sharply when her finger traced the mark on his forearm. </p><p>“Sore?” she said looking up, his cheeks had coloured slightly. Hands stroking her waist with his fingertips. </p><p>“No” he said softly, “Your touch is… well, I’ve missed it” his voice was husky. The scarred side of his lips quirking upwards. </p><p>She couldn’t resist that scar over his lips, she leant forward, claiming his lips. He groaned when she deepened it, hands holding tightly onto her waist. He was going at her pace, allowing her to take over the intimacy. She explored his warm mouth, tasting the fresh mint on his tongue. He grinned when she sighed pulling away. </p><p>“Stop distracting me” she scolded him, dipping her finger in again to trace a mark on his bicep. </p><p>His chuckle vibrated down his arms to her body. “You kissed me” he reminded her. </p><p>Her finger traced over the thin lined scar next to the bee sting, the mark she had left on him when she had attacked him back in Haven thinking he was an assassin. </p><p>“You’re distracting anyway” she admitted, stroking the mark. Leaving behind a glistening trail on the silver scar. </p><p>He brought her closer, kissing her neck. </p><p>“It’s my favourite scar” he murmured between kisses. “Did you know that?” she could feel his smile on her skin when she arched into him. </p><p>The teasing kisses moving between hot opened mouthed kisses and his beard scratching her neck sending shivers down to the middle of her legs.  </p><p>“I didn’t” she said a little to breathlessly. A thought occurred to her. She grabbed the back of Cullen’s neck and tore him off her collar bone. He frowned deeply, opening his mouth to speak. </p><p>“How has it scarred? You were going to the healers that day? Why didn’t you?” she asked him, watching a few emotions cross over his face. </p><p>Magic on small wounds or with many people working on a major wound, could be healed without a trace. </p><p>A teenage Mage could have healed this shallow wound without a scar… so why had he left it with the stitches in? She knew he was still tense around Magic, that fear would probably never diminish entirely. He had spent fifteen years as a Templar after all. </p><p>“I… well… it was when you were going to leave. Dorian had the amulet and… well, I wanted something to remember. Remember you. To ensure that, it wasn’t all a dream… a memento” he admitted, waiting for her reaction. </p><p>Even then he had feelings for her. Such strong feelings birthed from a mutual foundation. Nurtured and growing under the stars. A drip effect, causing an overflow of emotions. </p><p>“Oh Cullen” she put the jar down non too gently on the desk, letting it slide a across the wood. She hugged him tightly, arms wound around his neck, burying her face under his chin. </p><p>“You softie” she teased. He lowered his lips to her head, arms tightening around her. </p><p>“Only for you” he whispered. She kissed his chest, dotting them along his shoulder and trap. Inching up to his neck. </p><p>“Is this a part of the healing of bee stings?” he asked, tilting his head up so she could tongue his adams apple, licking a path to the other side of his neck and continue the affections. </p><p>“Only for the most handsome patients” she said, pulling back to look at her handywork. His neck redder than before, face flushed with a lazy grin. </p><p>He chuckled; the deep sound mixed with the heat roving off him was intoxicating. “Handsome hmm?” </p><p>“Devilishly so” she answered, he shook his head at her but his grin showed her he enjoyed her answer. </p><p>As they kissed, Cullen’s hands spread down the back of her hips, inching towards her backside. “Maker I missed you” he whispered before grabbing both cheeks harshly, using his strength to pull her to his mouth, keeping her on her tip toes. </p><p>He slid a leg between hers, encouraging her to grind herself on his thigh with his hands, guiding her hips back and forth. While her own hands were stroking his hair, down his neck. When she broke away for air, he took his chance, </p><p>“I believe I said I would get on my knees and beg” he said, moving her off his thigh and walking her backwards towards the bed. He busied himself with her shirt, once unbuttoned, slowly pushing it off her shoulders, his hands following down her back, causing goose bumps to erupt. </p><p>“No band?” he chuckled, “Naughty girl” he heard her breath hitch and grinned viciously. </p><p>Her trousers and boots were next, thrown away over his shoulder, only a thin pair of silk undergarments were on her person once she reached the bed, or rather was pushed onto it by him. </p><p>She handed with a soft bounce, breasts jiggling with the force. Cullen took a moment to admire her, soft pale flesh, light brown nipples tightened and perk. Her toned stomach leading to his target. </p><p>“You look so lovely like this” he whispered, using his hands to pry her legs apart, she was leaning on her elbows. Hands grabbing the top sheet, breaths becoming shallower and faster. Her eyes watched his every movement.</p><p>He fell to his knees, one after another. Deliberately making the sound harsher than it felt. She reached above her going for a pillow, he grabbed her legs and pulled her out of reach, causing a girlish squeak to release from her lips. </p><p>“I do not wish to have a cushion, My Lady. I shall worship you until my knees are red and my jaw is aching” he barely recognised the growl that came from him as he spoke, “And even then, I will still devote myself to you” </p><p>Her legs were put over him, her knees folded over his shoulders. It was all she could do but let herself by taken by this man, this mortal man wishing to devour her. Words failed her but her body was on fire with anticipation. </p><p>He slid his rough hands down the side of her thighs, inching towards the two bows keeping her undergarments over her core. He littered her inner thigh with featherlight kisses, pulling the bows away gently, the centre piece fell away to the bed, revealing her lips to him. </p><p>Her bud had swollen slightly, lips glistening in the daylight. His cock throbbed in his breeches, twitching against its confines for relief. </p><p>He started slowly, moving his mouth towards her core maintaining eye contact with her dilated pupils until his breath swept over her sensitive flesh. His tongue darted between her lips, the tip just inching through the barrier to sample a taste. </p><p>Her hips tried to rub up closer against him, the pressure of his mouth too light for her to be pleased, but Cullen was a patient man, and he never worshipped quickly.</p><p>A large hand moved to her hip, keeping her still while the other slid up and across her centre, again, just the tip, his rough finger changing the teasing texture of his gently tongue. She whimpered a noise that almost sounded like his name, though he couldn’t be sure. </p><p>He chuckled, enjoying her lack of self-control as he teased her with too short flicks and too light touches. The vibrations from his mouth causing his beard to scratch against her in the most delicious way. </p><p>“Cullen p-please please” she begged, “I need-“ he sucked her clit into his mouth, catching it in his teeth for a moment before sucking once more, dipping the tip of his finger into her. </p><p>The rest of her words were lost as she groaned, throwing her head back and arching off the bed. His tongue flattened as he moved to the base of her sex, long swipes lapping her from bottom to top, repeating it over and over as he inched his finger into her. Her hands slid into his hair, clawing and gripping as her moans increased in volume and pitch. </p><p>When she felt herself teetering over the edge once more, he shifted, his fingers taking their place at her clit, while his tongue moved lower to dip in and out of her. Changing his tactics so she couldn’t get used to one sensation for long. </p><p>His hold on her abdomen moved to her breast, the fingers pinching and rolling the hardened peak. Her hips began to move as he fucked her with his tongue, tasting her cunt as she gyrated.  He swapped his finger and tongue once more, using his beard to add to her sensations moving his head in a shaking motion against her clit. He started searching with his hips for any relief from his aching cock, moaning onto her reddening flesh.</p><p>She was sure she'd screamed his name - or at least something like it as she clenched on his fingers, no sooner had he added two into her was she falling over the edge.</p><p>“Cull- Cullen- yes! Yes oh- yes!” he continued his movements as she rode the high, grinding his cock to completion against the mattress unconsciously.  Spilling himself inside his breeches in hot sticky spurts, his groans adding vibrations to her pleasure. </p><p>She didn't remember him loosening her thighs from their iron grip around him, but she came around to suckling kisses on her thighs. </p><p>“Is my Lady satisfied with my repentance?” he asked between kisses, his voice breathless. </p><p>She was still breathing heavily, wondering how he had recovered so quickly and how he had even breathed while he was giving her such pleasure. </p><p>“Oh. Hell. Yes” she felt him grin and laugh against her legs, “No one’s ever… done that to me” she admitted, stretching her hands behind her head arching herself. </p><p>“Really?” he said breathlessly, she grinned knowing he was watching her body move. </p><p>“Come here” she said, opening her arms to receive him from his knees. He groaned as he moved, stretching his body lying next to her. A large hand gripped her waist, rolling her to face him. She gasped when his chest brushed her sensitive nipples but hummed when he held her tight to him. His half hard cock pressed against her.  </p><p>“I’ve never done that before” he admitted, kissing her forehead after wiping it on the sheets as she settled. </p><p>She pulled back with disbelief written all over her features. “Then how-“</p><p>“The Templar’s at the Circle were… very vocal about their conquests and how they pleased the woman they bedded” he chuckled, “I guess I listened more than I thought” </p><p>She shook her head, “Men” this made him laugh, nodding in understand of what she meant. </p><p>“Awful creatures” he retorted, causing a snort from his female companion. </p><p>She cuddled closer to him, “Some are quite agreeable, but only the handsome blonde Knights in shining armour” he wrapped his arms tighter around her, grabbing the sheet to wrap over her body so she didn’t get cold. Her appreciative smile was hidden in his chest. </p><p>“If you continue scaring my heart into beating like a hummingbird, I shall not be blonde for long” he drawled, kissing the top of her head. </p><p>She giggled into his chest, worming her hand onto his unclothed back, he hummed happily, intertwining his leg with hers. She slowly succumbed to the warmth of his chest, the large hand stroking the sheet on her back. Dozing cheerfully with her golden lion. </p><p>***</p><p>After a largely uneventful journey, the group had made it to Orlais. Having several Lords and Ladies owing them favours, the group could pass through the lands with protection, staying at inns, rarely having to set camp. Something Josie was very grateful for as she rode on Blackwall’s stallion behind him.</p><p>She actually liked riding with the Warrior, having only been around him in Skyhold, he was grateful to get out. And was very attentive to Josephine, such as the group of the gentlemen of Skyhold grew. She was still wary of his Warden status, having not smelt the taint on him once, but she had found no faults in his character. </p><p>A carriage was too slow, and it would not do for her to be seen riding a mount in her finery in the City. Shepard had rolled her eyes at this but understood that for their Ambassador, keeping up appearances was important. She would wear a dead animal on her head if it meant she was happy. </p><p>They could see the city in the distance, the white and golden bricks shining within the man-made pools of water.</p><p>“Solas, I have a question. Sera and I were wondering…”</p><p>Shepard sent him a frown as they rode next to each other, to which he winked back. Now she was interested. </p><p>“Sera’s involved?” Solas let out a large sigh, “Then this question will be offensive” he said more to himself than Blackwall. </p><p>“Yes probably” the Warrior’s deep voice chuckled. “You make friends with spirits in the fade… so are there any that are more than just friends? If you know what I mean”</p><p>Shepard bit her finger to stop herself from laughing, she could hear Varric outwardly laughing from behind them, next to the elf. Solas rolled his eyes on his mount, </p><p>“Oh for… really?!” he exclaimed at the others laughing.</p><p>“Come on Chuckles, it’s a natural thing to be curious about!” Varric added. </p><p>“For a twelve-year-old!” Solas retorted. </p><p>Josie giggled, “It is a simple yes or no question” </p><p>“Nothing about the Fade or spirits is simple, especially not that” </p><p>“Aha! So, you do <em>have</em> experience in these matters!” Blackwall replied. </p><p>“I did not say that” Solas said quickly. </p><p>“Don’t panic Solas. It’ll be out little secret” the bearded human chuckled. </p><p>“Ass”</p><p>“Now who’s twelve?” </p><p>The group was in good spirits when they arrived at the first bricked road leading into the capital. Shepard heard a few passers-by swoon and sigh at the sight of Blackwall and Josie, though she kept this information to herself. From a look with Varric, he had heard them too. </p><p>“Val Royeaux huh? I remember the first time I visited it, some thirty years ago. The market wasn’t half as large without the garish statues. And far fewer stands selling those ridiculous frilly little cakes” Blackwall remarked as they passed the outskirts of the city. Mostly bakers and food stores, some fur sellers and market stalls for travellers. </p><p>“The Val Royeaux marker was once nothing but tents of oiled leather and mud, filled with ragged humans selling strings of beans made of bone” Solas commented from his Hart. </p><p>“You saw this in the Fade?” Blackwall asked. </p><p>Solas nodded, “Yes, I left that memory quickly. The smell…”</p><p>“Must have been ages ago” Varric remarked, “Though humans haven’t changed much”</p><p>“Oh yes it’s much better now. I enjoy the frilly cakes, as do most in Skyhold. Including the Seeker” the Elf said cheerfully. Shepard and Josie shared a shocked and amused look. </p><p>“So, who do you think is the toughest: Josephine, Leliana or Cassandra?” Varric asked after a few more trots of their mounts into the city, nearing the building where the group would stay for their duration. Leliana had already planted agents in the building for their safety. </p><p>“I am right here you know” Josie added, taking the hand Blackwall provided to dismount from his horse after he himself had dismounted. </p><p>Varric laughed, jumping down with surprising deftness, “That doesn’t rule you out Ruffles” </p><p>“You’re goint to break my heart Varric” Shepard said, waiting for the horses to be put into their pens so she could move Mako forward. Varric scoffed at her,</p><p>“I’m only talking about human’s here Siren, you don’t count” she couldn’t help but nod at that assessment. </p><p>“Is Cullen not up for consideration?” Blackwall asked, giving Shepard a hand down from her Hart, she ignored it as she hopped down, nudging Blackwall when he muttered ‘stubborn woman’ at her. </p><p>“Curly?” Varric laughed, “They just keep him around to look pretty. Isn’t that right Siren?” </p><p>Shepard shook her head laughing, “You have no idea how useful he can be Varric” she winked, Josie giggled. </p><p>“I don’t want to have an idea” he held his hands up in a surrendering gesture. </p><p>Shepard grinned as she entered, what was essentially, a hotel. </p><p>High arches and roofs with pillars that were marbled or chiselled to look like a muscled god, golden curtains and white walls, all the furniture was either a deep red oak or gold. Even the candles on the walls were golden. </p><p>Blackwall whistled, “I think I’m going to enjoy Orlais” </p><p>Something told Shepard that they wouldn’t, not one bit.</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. The Day It Rained In Orlais*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My laptop is fixed!!!!!!!!!!! I missed you all and this story over Christmas. I know it can be a really rough time for some so let us escape through stories and fiction, looking to a brighter new year. </p><p>Question... would you guys want a snippet of the chapter in the summary here to let you know what's to come, </p><p>Or would you prefer nothing and to read on as we have been doing. </p><p>Let me know!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t” Shepard remarked as the three men walked away from the two women, having escorted then to Comte Boisvert’s mansion near to the market stalls in the centre.</p><p>Varric waved at them from over his shoulder, keeping Bianca on his back.</p><p>Shepard walked in first, wandering in a circle as she took in the side hall of the mansion’s estate. It was obscene, especially considering it was a ‘hallway’ visitor hall, not a grand one. The centre of the roof had a large curved square cut out of it, allowing the fresh smell of leaves and sunshine into the room. She wondered briefly what they did when it rained.</p><p>Done on purpose she was sure, to show the wealth of the Comte. A servant wandered away from the balcony, bowing to them as they passed through the hall from the balcony.</p><p>Shepard’s eyes were drawn to a heart beat in the corner of the room, she couldn’t see anyone, was it in the wardrobe?</p><p>“Welcome my friends” The Orleasian Comte beckoned from the balcony, the sun glinting off his mask. His volume of voice making sure anyone on the other balconies or eased dropping heard him. </p><p>Josie walked first, stiff and unsure. “Thank you for seeing us Comte Boisvert” she said curiously, dropping to a short curtsy. Shepard followed suit.</p><p>Under his mask she saw him eye Shepard’s form from head to toe, she was suddenly very glad she was in her black leathers and armour. Hoping it would deter him from oogling her too often.</p><p>“The honour is mine. Please, sit” he gestured to the two plush red velvet chairs at the oak table, he took a sip of his wine while they got comfortable.</p><p>“It is an honour to host two such distinguished guests”</p><p>“We appreciate your help, Comte” Shepard purred, crossing one leg over the other, resting her hands in her lap, her daggers on her back made it so she couldn't sit properly in the chair. She tried not to fidget. </p><p>“You charm me, My Lady. The killing of the couriers must weigh heavily on you” he sighed, “Have you heard of the House of Repose?”</p><p>Shepard heard muffled voices from the room they were just in, a faint banging on wood. Suspicion rose in her gut. She began analysing the Comte, his gloves slightly too big on the palms of his hands, the mask covering his face. Why would he wear a mask if he wanted to be seen with her?</p><p>“The assassins league?” Josie replied, sitting up straighter in her seat.</p><p>The Comte leaned forward, “My contact obtained a copy of a document in their archives, a contract for a life” he pushed a scroll towards the Ambassador, she read it over as the Comte sipped his wine. Watching Shepard, watch him.</p><p>“The House of Repose is hereby sworn to eliminate anyone attempting to overturn the Montilyets’ trading exile in Orlais” Josie read out loud.</p><p>Shepard dragged her eyes from the man to Josie, “Who made the contract?”</p><p>“The contract was signed by a noble family. The Du Pataquettes” the Comte explained.</p><p>Josie dropped the scroll back onto the table, “But the Du Paraquettes died out as a noble line over sixty years ago!”</p><p>“Indeed” the Comte nodded, “But the contract was signed one hundred and nine years ago” he explained with a flick of his hand.</p><p>Shepard held back on her frown, “How can a family try to kill you after they died out?”</p><p>Josie turned to her, “The Du Paraquettes were our rivals, they drove the Montilyets from Val Royeaux. This contract was drawn up years ago but wasn’t invoked until I tried to overturn my family’s exile”</p><p>Shepard now did frown, “But if they are all dead, why are the assassins still coming after you?”</p><p>Josie looked shocked at the question, “A contract is a contract, Shepard! Orlesian business businesses live and die by their reputations. The entire guild’s welfare would be endangered if an agreement was tossed aside on a whim of fate or time”</p><p>“She’s quite right Your Worship, the House of Repose is doing what it feels necessary. Buy its standards”</p><p>Shepard hummed, “I assume you have a thought or two on this, Ambassador”</p><p>Josie nodded, “The Du Paraquettes still have descendants under the common branch. If we elevate them to nobility, a Du Paraquette could annul the contract on my life-“</p><p>“That will take time, Lady Montilyet. Time during which the House of Repose will be obliged to hunt you” the Comte said mournfully. </p><p>Josie gave Shepard a smirk and side eye before leaning forward to the Comte, “Will they know?” in a knowing voice. “You are exceedingly well-informed. Your note to us said you heard rumours at best?”</p><p>The Comte’s heart increased, well done Josie, Shepard thought, she was a perceptive woman indeed. “A bit of subterfuge. This contract on your life is an ugly business, one the House of Repose deeply regrets”</p><p>Shepard’s eyes narrowed, “So the Comte that’s locked in the wardrobe, did he ever have any information?”</p><p>The fake Comte chuckled, his metaphorical mask fallen. “Absolutely, his gesture to reveal the killers of your messengers was genuine. So was his information, somehow. But this is Orlais, even an assassin’s word is his bond. The contract on Lady Montilyet’s life is so unusual, we felt the courtesy of an explanation was in order” he said nonchalantly.</p><p>“It is appreciated, Monsieur”</p><p>He declined his head to her, “Your idea to seek out a commoner of the Du Pataquette line and elevate them is an interesting one. I wish you luck” he stood quickly; Shepard reacted standing with her hands ready to retaliate to an attack.</p><p>The Comte leant forward, “I did not come to shed blood today, Your Worship” Shepard let him pass her to the balcony’s edge, keeping her front facing the assassin. “Good day, My Ladies. I pray we never meet again”</p><p>Shepard was surprised by his honesty. it really was just business. Maybe there was honour among thieves. Josie left her seat sighing when she neared Shepard, “Let us return to Skyhold. I will feel safer with the castles walls around me” she admitted. Shepard patter her shoulder, nodding.</p><p>“Did you hear that?” Josie said abruptly, looking around the room. Shepard smirked.<br/>
“We should probably get some help for the real Comte” Shepard remarked, walking towards the wardrobe.</p><p>“He’s in here! The lock is broken off, we’ll find a saw Comte” she said through the wood, Shepard was more than happy to just break the doors off.</p><p>A protesting muffled noise came out of the wood.</p><p>“I realise the cabinet is quite valuable but surely-“</p><p>Another protesting noise…</p><p>“A locksmith then?” Josie asked.</p><p>A please noise came from the wood this time.</p><p>“As you wish” she said, almost giggling when Shepard rolled her eyes.</p><p>***</p><p>An Elf, Warden and Dwarf enter a Tavern in Orlais. It almost sounded like a joke, Varric thought with a quiet chuckle to himself.</p><p>Siren and Ruffles had just entered the mansion, he was sure Leliana’s people had an eye on them, and the women and would alert them if they were needed.</p><p>Solas was happily snacking on a ‘frilly cake’ that they had bought from a market stall. It was the most intimate thing he had learned about the Elf. Other than he had a sister, not by blood but by bond and that she was gone. And even that was knowledge that had slipped out accidentally.</p><p>Blackwall sighed into his ale. Varric was all too familiar with the look of a man who was in love with someone they couldn’t have, or thought they couldn’t have. He had seen it in Hawke with Anders, Cullen with Shepard. He had seen it in the mirror he thought bitterly.<br/>
“I know this is a radical suggestion Hero” Varric said, “but have you considered just… talking to her?” Blackwall didn’t look up from his ale.</p><p>“No. Never occurred to me. End of story” he answered, going back to the barkeep for another ale.</p><p>“I believe the expression is, leave well enough alone” Solas commented from his book, a study of spirits from the White Spire in Val Royeaux.</p><p>“Pfft Chuckles” he remarked, “It’s perfect! The lone Warden, the Lady Ambassador. Worlds apart. It practically writes itself!” Solas simply shook his head, leaving his argument to the wind.</p><p>Blackwall returned with a fresh ale for all of them.</p><p>“So… Hero… you and Josephine…”</p><p>Blackwall put his hands up in surrender, “No. No, you are not getting me into this conversation”</p><p>“Oh? Content to pine in silence, gazing at the dear ambassador from afar? Just look at Curly! He made a move and from all accounts him and Siren are happily skipping and swooning round Skyhold, or fighting and glowing, whatever those two get up to in the dark” Varric argued, trailing off as all the men knew what Cullen was doing to Shepard in the dark. None of them could blame him.</p><p>“Can we talk about something else?” He could be blushing but Varric couldn’t tell with that beard on his cheeks. “Ferelden Yellow Ale” he said holding up his ale, “You were right it is the best-“</p><p>“I could help you know, a well written word might-“</p><p>“More ale gentlemen? Today’s paper?” a Tavern girl asked, holding a tray. She put it down reaching for their empty cups. As she leant forward, she whispered to Varric, “An update on the City, as requested” before picking up the tray and walking away, leaving behind the small folder that the tray had hidden.</p><p>Varric flicked through, “A few marriages, a book found on the hidden secrets of the ladies of Val Royeaux for sale, yikes” he shook his head, how very Orlesian, “A hanging?”</p><p>Blackwall frowned, “He must have done something awful, Orlais rarely does public hangings. Last I heard it was mostly duels; to regain honour. Or simply a dagger in the cells”</p><p>Varric passed him the paper, “Have a read, bastard deserved it” before returning through the folder. Reading about the City and it’s apprises.</p><p>Shepard and Josephine stepped through the Tavern doors, looking for them, Varric waved them over.</p><p>He didn’t notice Blackwall stuff the paper into his trousers.</p><p>Nor did he notice the dark look on the bearded man’s face.</p><p>***</p><p>The ride back to Skyhold was quicker than the journey but less enjoyable.</p><p>They had been gifted a carriage from the Comte for their… delicate… rescue.</p><p>Varric was inside with Josephine and had Bianca in his lap, scouring the horizon for any changes in the scenery that might indicate an assassin. Solas was sat on the other side of the two, and would occasionally cast a barrier over the carriage when he heard a sound or an animal.</p><p>Blackwall and Shepard were at the head of the carriage, both on their respective mounts while Varric’s and Solas’s mounts pulled the carriage, their reins attached to the forward to mounts like a sled.</p><p>“Blackwall, are you alright?” she asked the Warrior. He looked paler than usual under his helmet… from what she could see at least.</p><p>He shunted his eyes over to her with great effort, “Aye. Just- just thinking about his situation”</p><p>His? She frowned, “Don’t you mean hers? Josie?”</p><p>“Of-course” he said, shifting in his mount looking at the crest of the Grey Warden’s on his chest plate. “I beg your pardon. It’s been a long trip”</p><p>Shepard wasn’t happy with the answer. Nor was she happy with his stiffness.</p><p>But she had more pressing matters, like getting the Ambassador home in one piece. And once that was done, she would find out who ‘he’ was and what ‘his’ situation was. They continued to ride, the green nature giving way to white sheets and frozen trees. </p><p>“When I was a boy, there was these urchins who roamed the streets near my father’s house”</p><p>She turned to face the Warden, puzzled where this was going or coming from but said nothing.</p><p>“One day they found a dog. A wretched little thing, it came to them for food. They caught it, tied a rope around its neck and strung it up” he said, facing forward, losing himself to the memory.</p><p>“Do you know what I did?” he asked, turning to face her, voice cracking.</p><p>“You saved it?” she asked, frowning. This wasn’t exactly the riding home story she was expecting.</p><p>His face morphed from a frown to something that resembled pain, “I did nothing. Not a damn thing. It was crying, I saw the legs kicking, the neck straining and twisting… and I turned around, went inside, and closed the door… I could have told my father, alerted someone… and I didn’t”</p><p>He turned away in disgust, “I just pretended it wasn’t happening”</p><p>“You were a child? You can’t hold this over your-“</p><p>“It doesn’t make what I did any less wrong” he interrupted, voice full of malice. “I may have well tied the noose myself… we could make the world better, it’s just easier to shut out eyes”</p><p>She shook her head, “When Maxwell recruited you, you were saving peasants from demons and outlaws. You aren’t a man who shuts his eyes. A little insane, maybe…”</p><p>He snarled, she saw his nose curled up, “Of course you’d make light of it. You make saving the world look easy, making sacrifice easy. The world you grew up in compared to this one must be child’s play. The rest of us can only dream of matching what you’ve done”<br/>
She wasn’t sure if he was bitter or upset with himself.</p><p>“I don’t know how to reply to that” she admitted.</p><p>“Don’t you see? There’s always some dog out there, some fucking mongrel that doesn’t know how to stay away” he gritted out, his gravelly voice even deeper.</p><p>“Goodness is not goodness that seeks advantage. Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit” she said, looking at the horizon, the sun beginning to sink behind the mountains of the Frostbacks. She saw him turn his head at her.</p><p>“It was something I heard once. In a fiction vid about a lonely god who travelled time and space, I never really understood until I was an adult. Normal people, they get to live, do whatever they want, knowing that there are people like us that won’t shut their eyes. That is their reward”</p><p>“What’s our reward?” he asked.</p><p>The rest of the quote fell from her mouth easily, the words flying away on her breath.<br/>
“Without hope, without witness, without reward. That’s what the old time-lord used to say”</p><p>She turned to face him, “You have something similar in the Wardens, no?”</p><p>His voice was tight, graveling. “In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice” it was like he was hearing it for the first time, with new ears.</p><p>“Then you understand what we must do” </p><p>“I believe I do”</p><p>***</p><p>They arrived just after dark, neither Rogue or Warrior said much after their dark conversation. Sending word ahead to leave their arrival unannounced. No horn would blare, no visitors would greet them.</p><p>Blackwall dismounted, and hurried himself with the mounts. When the carriage door opened, he immediately went to Josie’s side, offering her a hand down and walking her to the main hall.</p><p>Shepard smirked at the sight, undoing the buckles and rains off Mako. He purred, shaking his head and walking himself into his pen. Clever boy. She patted his behind as he went and moved onto Blackwall’s preferred stallion.</p><p>She undid the saddle, throwing it onto a nearby box. She paused as she went for the next buckle, his personal pack… maybe she could find out what was in here, what he was hiding?<br/>
She rustled around, some food and a dagger, she kept rustling and dug out a paper. It had been scrunched and folded several times, as though he had read it again and again.</p><p>
  <em>Lieutenant Cyril Mornay, one of the soldiers responsible for the Callier Massacre of nine-thirty-seven, dragon, was captured in Lydes. Like the others who were arrested for their involvement, Mornay insists that he did not know who he was assassinating and that he was following the orders of his Captain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
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  <em>This Captain, Thom Rainier, is still at large. Mornay is to be executed within the last week of Justinian in Val Royeaux. </em>
</p><p>This paper looked to be part of a set, its writing in code with one of Leliana’s cyphers. It was already the third week of Justinian. Who was Mornay to Blackwall? Was this the man he was speaking about on the journey? Why would he have taken this from Leliana’s updates on the City?</p><p>A pair of hands grabbed her waist, “It’s rude to snoop” a deep voice said.</p><p>She jumped, shoving the paper back into the pack turning in the hands to face a blonde, bearded grinning man.</p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about” she squeaked, her heart racing having been snuck up on. Her mind racing with thoughts so much that a warrior in full armour could come up behind her.</p><p>“Of-course you don’t” He chuckled, his hands drifting under her chest plate to hold her chin mailed waist, “I missed you” he said, lowering his nose to hers, nuzzling slightly before kissing her holding her hips to his. She sighed into his lips, letting him take her weight, leaning into him.</p><p>“I missed you too, all those lion statues in Orlais made me think of you constantly” she teased, he sighed shaking his head with an exasperated chuckle, his eyes twinkling with humour but had dark circles under them. He hadn’t been keeping well, she noticed his beard had been trimmed but was a little messy.</p><p>Oz barked.</p><p>She turned her gaze to the grey ball of fur at their legs, “And I missed you, sweet girl” Oz jumped up at them. Black paws on their armour steading her torso, her tongue hanging out her mouth trying to lick Shepard’s face.</p><p>“Oz, I love you, but your breath smells like hot sick” Shepard groaned, leaning her head away, Oz hopped down with a whimper after Shepard gave her a kiss on the top of her head. Trotting into the stall to annoy Mako into giving her attention, a deep huff was her only indication that Mako was awake and suffering the neediness of the mutt. </p><p>She looked back at Cullen, who was watching her with a strange expression. “What?” she asked, wrapping her hands back around his neck.</p><p>He shook his head slightly, kissing her forehead, “Nothing sweetheart. I’m just happy you’re home” she didn’t quite believe him, but didn’t press him. </p><p>Cullen had let go of her long enough that she could finish with the mounts and go and see Josie, with the promise that she would stay with him that night. She wondered if he was having nightmares again.</p><p>“I’m so sorry Shepard, I never thought my family’s trading status would trap us in an assassin’s plot” Josie’s face was forlorn as she approached the desk. Slight ink stains on her cuffs and a pot of tea sat cold on her desk. This was affecting her deeply.</p><p>“Josie, it is not your fault. Nor do I need your apologies. What’s our next move?” she asked, leaning on the desk.</p><p>“I’ve tracked down the last Du Paraquettes and have contacted them, they are willing to help. If they become gentry, they can annul the contract on my life. We’ll require a noble from Val Royeaux to sponsor them, a judge to provide documents, a minister to ratify them…”</p><p>Leliana came from the corridor to the war room, silently joining the conversation until she neared the desk, “It is so like you to take the longest course of action, even when your life is at stake”</p><p>“I assume you already know about this mess” Josie sighed.</p><p>Leliana nodded, leaning both hands on the edge of the desk to lean over to her friend, “There is a faster way. The original contract on your life is in the vaults of the House of Repose. If my agents infiltrate and destroy the original. The assassins will have no obligation to chase you”</p><p>Shepard was about to agree, “Leliana please. I want no more blood shed over a personal affair”</p><p>Leliana pushed off the table, “Josie done be so stubborn! How long will it take for you to gather all these favours in Val Royeaux?” Shepard watched the two women stare each other out, neither willing to back down.</p><p>“Fine” Leliana relented, “But my agents will be on standby when you wish them to go” she sighed.</p><p>Josie beamed a small tired smile, “I appreciate it, but I still believe elevating the Du Pataquettes will solve this” Leliana walked away shaking her head. No doubt making good on her plans.</p><p>“First, we’d need to perform some favours in Val Royeaux. I’d be happy to discuss where we could begin…”</p><p>Shepard knew at this moment; it would be a long night. With plenty of paper work.</p><p>***</p><p>It was hours before she crept to Cullen’s office. Orders were dispersed to the relevant agents and soldiers to gather the favours needed in the City. Josie was sure it would take less than a week, having already collected favours within the city through the relationships she had built upon since the Inquisition had begun.</p><p>She opened the large wooden door to Cullen’s tower as quietly as she could, hoping not to wake him from his room. To her surprise, she found him face down at his desk, head turned to one side.</p><p>She quickly scanned the area and found Oz, curled up in one of her beds in the corner by the couch, snoozing happily with a bone just out of reach of her paw. Her ears occasionally twitched but she didn’t move. The Cook was far too quick to treat the dog with the left-over bones from her meals.</p><p>She stealthily padded over to the desk, rounding the side finding Cullen very much asleep on his report he was midway through writing, his quill still loosely held in his right hand.</p><p>She smirked down at him, shaking her head. “So, this is what you do when I’m away is it” she asked the male sleeping form. Shepard ran her hand through his hair, he stirred but didn’t wake, his half-opened mouth closing and smiling in his sleep.</p><p>“mmmmm-the trebuchets are clear” he mumbled. She choked a laugh, moving his head on the wood. His stirring revealed the smudging ink on the paper, taking pity on him now would be better than letting him be mercilessly teased by his soldiers tomorrow for ink stains on his face.</p><p>“Cullen” she said softly, searching through his mane for his shoulder so he could shake him awake. “Cullen” she purred, kissing his head and cheek, “Wake up” she whispered.</p><p>“What-s-what” he stirred sitting up with the paper stuck to his face. His bleary eyes focusing on her and his surroundings. “My love?” he mumbled, frowning slightly at the paper stuck to his cheek.</p><p>She froze at the pet name, did he mean to say Liv? She wasn’t quite sure if he was awake or not.</p><p>He peeled away the paper, rubbing his fore finger and thumb in his eyes. Cullen blinked awake, turning to her again, “Hello beautiful” he said happily, with tired undertones.</p><p>She shook herself from the ‘my love’ comment. “Hello sleepy head” she replied, running her hand again through the curls that threatened to make an appearance, his eyes closed, sighing at the shivers her fingers gave him.</p><p>He chuckled, “What time is it?”</p><p>“It’s gone midnight, I’m sorry I took so long, Josie was…“ she tried to find the word.<br/>
“Thorough?” he offered sleepily.</p><p>Shepard giggled, “Thorough” she repeated, nodding. “Let’s go to bed, you probably need to wash that off before your soldiers see you tomorrow”</p><p>“Huh?” he frowned, his hand going to his cheek, face turning to look at the paper. “Oh Maker” he exclaimed at the dry ink smudge. “Is it bad?” he asked turning his head towards her.</p><p>She immediately started laughing. It was bad.</p><p>“Well” she started, “I think with the beard and now the ink, people may start mistaking you for Blackwall”</p><p>He groaned, moving to stand, using the backs of his legs to push his chair away. “I’m more handsome though, right?” he asked in a half whisper, his hand going to her hip.</p><p>“So much more” she whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth that wasn’t covered in ink. </p><p>“Come on” she took his hand, leading him up the stairs by his hand. Cullen let a sharp whistle out, waking the other sleeping mammal in the room. Oz let out a yawn padding after her humans up the stairs.</p><p>She trotted past them lazily to her bed, lying down on her back with all four paws in the air and was asleep in moments, letting out the occasional snore. Shepard tapped Cullen’s not bare shoulder as he undressed and pointed to her, he rolled her eyes but with the ink on his face, she couldn’t help but laugh at how sweet <em>he</em> looked too.</p><p>She stripped down to nothing, walking past him attempting to clean his face of the ink with some water, scrubbing his cheek with a towel. She opened his draws searching through, looking for a comfortable shirt to sleep in when she heard the ‘thunk’ of the towel dropping.</p><p>Turning she watched him pick up the damp cloth, clearing his throat with blushing cheeks, having been caught oogling her naked body to such an extent he forgot he was holding something.</p><p>She took pity on him, putting on the shirt over her head. The soft blue cotton was too long for her arms, and baggy on the body, ending just below her backside. She secretly loved that though he had seen her body multiple times, he was still affected by her.</p><p>“I think you’ll have to shave darling” she said, turning his head at the pet name.</p><p>He looked away, his expression ashamed, “What is it?” she cupped his cheek, turning his head back to her, “Cullen, you can tell me” she pleaded.</p><p>“Templar meeting earlier today, the smell, it’s made my hands shake again. A-and I’ve not slept well since your departure, I’m not so sure I’ll be able to handle the blade” he said quietly, as if someone was listening in. </p><p>“Let me do it?” she asked, waiting for his response. She hoped he would see it as a romantic gesture and not that of pity. </p><p>He mulled it over, his eyes cast downward nodding. He was ashamed and it made her heart ache. Regardless of his fight with Lyrium, he still craved it, his hands shook when the room was filled with the smell. His battle wasn’t over, but he had come to far to give in.</p><p>Positioning him sat down on the chair next to his draws she laid out her tools, a cloth, cool water, shaving foam – well soap but it was the best they could do and the blade. She lathered her hands up, swiping gently on his face, making it more of a caress than a job.</p><p>He shut his eyes, she wasn’t sure if he was too ashamed to meet her eyes or was enjoying the attention, or falling asleep. She stepped between his legs, silently admiring the Adonis in the chair, his strong trunk leading to the largest shoulders she had ever seen on a human man. Even Vega would be jealous.</p><p>His hands moved to the backs of her thighs, gently stroking the muscle of her hamstrings occasionally a hand would stray up and trace where her cheeks began before sliding back down. She could feel the tremors in his hands.</p><p>She grasped his chin softly, moving his head where she needed it to. Settling into a soft rhythm, wipe, clean, repeat. The cloth becoming dirtier with stained blonde hair, the suds in the water growing murkier and darker.</p><p>Shepard tilted his head up to get at the hairs on his neck and jaw. Before lathering him, she pressed a soft kiss there, listening to a shuddering breath leave him. Shepard kept her hands steady, focusing entirely on her task. Before too long he was clean of all hair and ink, using the corner of the cloth she wiped away all the remaining suds.</p><p>She put the cloth to one side, raking her hands through his hair and peppering his face with kisses, his nose, his pronounced cheek bones and the too gaunt middle she found there. His chiselled jaw and hairline with curls that would not stay in his groomed position. Only then did she return to his mouth, she felt the smile creep up on his face.</p><p>“All done” she whispered, “Now, to bed Commander and that’s an order”</p><p>He leant forward, kissing her stomach through her shirt, nuzzling the undersides of her breasts while his hands. “Come on” she encouraged, “Or you’ll fall asleep on me”</p><p>He opened his eyes, the tiredness there was so visual it hurt her heart. He didn’t tease her or argue as she tugged him to a standing position. She didn’t make a quip or a joke when he stripped naked, only dressing in light blue breeches and got under the sheets with her.</p><p>He tugged her over to him, wrapping an arm around her waist to keep her at his chest. Cullen took her hand gently and kissed it, before putting it back on the top of his shoulder.</p><p>She listened to his breaths even out, his hand occasionally twitched on her waist. She watched him sleep for a few moments, admiring the man who was stealing her heart, piece by piece.</p><p>She noticed that she didn’t feel scared of that fact.</p><p>She quite liked this theft.</p><p>***</p><p>Something was tickling her collarbone, in her sleepy haze she clumsily scratched at the skin, rolling over onto her side. She must have taken off her shirt in her sleep, next to Cullen she did tend to get too warm, preferring his body on her skin than a shirt.</p><p>The Fade was still keeping her in a light grasp, she dozed on an unfamiliar bed, rolling again onto her stomach with her head tilted on the pillow.</p><p>A soft, featherlight touch drew down her spine to where the sheets had fallen at her hips. She frowned, nudging her shoulder so her hair fell off her back, nuzzling back into the warm pillow.</p><p>Another light tickle up her back, this time with slightly more pressure. Starting from the centre of her shoulder blade and going up in diagonal zig-zags to her shoulder. It took her a moment to realise it were tracing her scar, or one line of it at least.</p><p>“Cullen?” she murmured, opening her eyes blinking heavily searching for her blonde companion on the other side of the bed. A kiss was pressed to her shoulder blade, open mouthed kisses trailing down her back. She hummed happily.</p><p>“She finally wakes” he said, moving his body to recline again at her side. He was still shirtless from what she could see, his bright eyes looking down on her with his elbow keeping his upper body up. </p><p>“Good morning, did you sleep well?” she asked, reaching a hand for his chest, caressing the hot skin she found there.</p><p>He sighed when her hand drifted to his cheek, capturing it with his free hand and bringing it to his mouth so he could kiss her fingertips.</p><p>“I did, thank the Maker, I dreamt of a beautiful woman in my arms and when I woke, she was still there” he teased.</p><p>“Lucky girl, to sleep with you”</p><p>He smirked, putting his hand under his pillow and stretching closer to her. The hand that was on hers was now stroking her back gently.</p><p>“I am the lucky one, My Lady” he said with another kiss to her shoulder.</p><p>She closed her eyes, deliriously happy. “How many times Cullen, I’m not a Lady”</p><p>He chuckled, “You are to me. And to many others. You are heralded as Andraste’s human form, how could you not have such a title”</p><p>“I’m glad it didn’t scare you away” she admitted, rolling onto her side to face him.</p><p>“Titles do not mean much to me, but rather the person that holds them. If I thought any different, I would be a hypocrite, seeing as though I have no title outside the Inquisition” he explained, she watched his eyes widen at the realisation.</p><p>“I hope that doesn’t- I mean, does it… bother you?” He brought his head back to look at her reaction, to his relief. She was smiling kindly, if narrowing her eyes, a little.</p><p>She brought his lips to hers, the hand at the back of his head was combing through his hair. Caressing him as she stroked her lips on his.</p><p>“No Cullen. It doesn’t. Not one bit” she whispered, pulling back enough to stare into his eyes. He waited to see any hint of a lie on her face, and found none.</p><p>He held her close, one hand on her lower back the other on her upper back, running his nose on her neck and collar bone. “I’m not very good at this am I?” he asked her, a soft giggle was his answer, he relished the sound.</p><p>“If I seem unsure. It is only because it’s been a long time since I’ve wanted anyone in my life. I wasn’t expecting to find that here, or you… to fall out of the Fade and into my arms” he said honestly, her hand gripped his hair to pull his head back.</p><p>“If you’d have told me, that ending the Reaper war would send me back in time. And find you… I might have done it quicker” she said honestly. He grinned, littering her face in kisses, cheeks, nose, jaw, temple, ending at the top of her forehead.</p><p>She giggled, reaching for his hand under the pillow expecting skin, when she met a soft silky feeling. She opened her eyes to look at him with a puzzled expression.</p><p>He almost looked guilty for a second, before pulling his hand out from under the pillow. Showing her what he had concealed, he pulled out a small rose. She now realised while she was dozing it was the rose tickling her skin, she didn’t know how she could have missed scent.</p><p>“Do you know what this is?” he asked, watching with baited breath as she reached for the two-inch-deep green stem with one hand.</p><p>She brought it up to her nose, inhaling the scent, brushing the petals over her lips. Shepard couldn’t resist teasing him, throwing him off this, clearly, rehearsed dialogue.</p><p>She replied, “Is it your new weapon of choice?”</p><p>He looked taken back slightly before catching she was being sarcastic. Cullen’s deep chuckle washed over her, shaking his head slightly, his hand continuing its trail on her back.</p><p>“Yes, dearest, I will now command the armies of the Inquisition with a single rose to ward off our enemies” he said dryly, warm brown eyes looking down at her. She giggled over the rose, batting her eyelashes at him.</p><p>“Rylen and I, we went to aid with the search in the rubble at Haven” he said softly.</p><p>She frowned, “That was weeks ago, wasn’t it?” she said cradling the soft petals.</p><p>He nodded, moving one of his hands off her hip to caress her hands. “We were moving rubble, snow… bodies” his hands shook slightly on the last word. “And under the beams of the Chantry. A smashed pot under sleet and ash, there it was… still growing in the soil”</p><p>A huff of breath left his lungs, “I probably shouldn’t have picked it” his deep voice said dryly.</p><p>He looked at the rose on her lips. “But I thought, how can something so beautiful, so hopeful, exist within all this chaos and demise”</p><p>She kept quiet this time. Holding back on her teasing as he spoke with gentle conviction.<br/>
“And I thought of you. I think the same thing, when I look at you” his eyes moved up the rose slowly to meet hers. Golden slightly glassy orbs looked up at her, cheeks painted pink.</p><p>“You are the one shining light in all this darkness, the one rose in this battle” his hand stroked down her cheek, “And… I wanted to say that” he seemed to be losing his nerve, his hand slightly shaking on her face, “That I-“</p><p>“That you what?” she prompted. She saw his adams apple bob, steel in his eyes, his hand stilling.</p><p>“I lo-“</p><p>A loud clatter made the two jump. Oz was looking very impatient at the end of her bed, her breakfast bowl clattered on the ground.</p><p>Cullen sighed, his moment was gone, the serenity shattered, courage lost.</p><p>Oz let out a pathetic bark before she picked it up and dropped it again, attempting to bring their attention to her empty bowl.</p><p>Shepard giggled, cooing at the hound, she trotted to the end of the bed, putting her large black paws on the end. Moving as if she was about to pounce on them both. </p><p>“Ah, I don’t think so wee cù. Go find Cook. She’ll feed you” Oz barked and took off in a sprint. Shepard sighed turning her head back to Cullen.</p><p>“Cù?” he asked.</p><p>“It means dog, in Gaelic. That’s the language of my homeland, my mother tongue, if you like. It’s rare to find someone who speaks it back home but here I have Rylen at least” she answered turning over onto her back, stretching her arms above her head letting out a satisfied squeak when her back stretched.</p><p>“What did you want to tell me?” she said looking back over to him in the still slightly dim morning light. Her arms resting lazily above her head the rose spinning gently in her thumb and forefinger, baring her chest and stomach to him.</p><p>His eyes trailed down her body and back up to her eyes, “Cullen?” before she could say or do anything more, he pounced.</p><p>Their lips met, muffling her surprised squeak. She left the flower on the pillows above her, wrapping her arms around his bare upper back. His hands were planted either side of her head, holding his weight above her as he tongued her mouth. His appreciative groans and fast breaths in between slants of their mouths fuelling her desire.</p><p>Cullen needed no further instruction when she slipped a leg around him, planting herself under him. Her hands slid down his shoulders, smoothing down the divot under his back muscles and to the bottom of his trousers, pushing them over his glutes.</p><p>Impatience was a sin, but she was a demon. He used one hand to push them down quicker, his erection bobbing out and nudging the heat in the middle of her thighs. They both grunted and gasped at the sensation, he broke the kiss long enough to look into her eyes, nudging her entrance again with his seeping head.</p><p>They were both breathing hard, she managed a breathy, “Cullen… please” she asked.<br/>
He shuddered above her, pushing his hips forward, gently nudging his head into her, slipping the swollen head past the circle the muscle of pleasure. Her hands slid up his shoulders slowly, going to his shoulders, he leant back on his knees, grabbing her hands and holding them either side of her head. Using his weight to trap her, she intertwined her fingers with his. Her silent way of telling him she was happy with this.</p><p>He guided himself into her once more, gently, ever so gently pushing his head into her, though she was wet he didn’t want to hurt her with his barely contained need. He used his hips as a lever, small thrusts that made her pant, a small frown forming on her forehead, the friction wasn’t enough for either of them.</p><p>Eventually he seated himself in her, hitting the bump of flesh in the back of her that made her moan and grunt. Willing himself to slow down he watched her, holding his body over her forcing her to maintain eye contact with his molten gaze. He was slow and bold, strong thrusts that were bringing her waves of pleasure.</p><p>“Look at me” he ordered, she didn’t register she was closing her eyes as her end neared, by the flush on Cullen’s cheeks, the dilation of his pupils and the twitching inside of her, he was close too. “Don’t close your eyes” said huskily, his nose barely an inch away from hers.<br/>
She was well and truly, trapped in the lion’s grasp now.</p><p>And there was no-where else she wanted to be.</p><p>“Cullen” she whispered as the curls above his cock pressed into her bud, the driving of his hips was now quick thrusts, barely removing himself from her when he pounded back in again. His rhythm stuttered, grunts and moans pouring out of their mouths and into each other.</p><p>Sweat was beading on his forehead, his curls unruly bouncing off his head while his mouth was half open, legs becoming slicker, hearts beating faster. He looked so beautiful, a beast trapped in a man’s body.</p><p>“Come for me” Her body complied to his growled order, twitching under him as her walls fluttered around him, her clit becoming too sensitive to his thrusts. Delicious torture making her legs twitch and cramp, her breasts bouncing with his thrusts as they became harder and faster.</p><p>Her eyes were wide and glowing, mouth hanging open as she moaned and gasped. He gritted his teeth, groaning our curses mixed with yes’ as he began to cum inside her, spurts of heat coated her inside, his breath washed over her sweaty face, messy thrusts meeting her core.</p><p>The speed and force from his last few thrusts caused the rose to fall down her face to her chest, lying in the middle of her breasts. They both stayed attached, kissing and murmuring sweet words, nuzzling noses and embracing their sweat sheened bodies.</p><p>They both realised, they had made love.</p><p>***</p><p>Days had passed while Josie had organised and collected favours around Val Royeaux. Two guards, one agent and even Sera and Iron Bull took turns guarding the Ambassador. They kept reports and letter to and from the Inquisitor as few as possible, seeing a though they were trampling around Ferelden in search of defectors to the Order and Circle.</p><p>Leliana’s agents had found Countess Dionne’s Mage lover, who had been injured when travelling to the Conclave. His injury meant that he had been delayed and thankfully, not in attendance. With a fever and a gash, it was nothing for their healers and the Inquisition was able to deliver his letter to his love before travelling to the capital.</p><p>Cullen’s soldiers had met the Orlesian, Judge Auld in the Frostbacks to take part in a hunting expedition. Some form of rare spider, as big as a horse, lives inside the caves from Skyhold.<br/>
He had teased her over the war table, asking if she wanted to join in the search for the giant spider. He managed to dodge the marker that was thrown at him at incredible speed, causing the other two ladies to erupt in fits of laughter.</p><p>Though a few of the soldiers were injured, they were said to make a full recovery. Some of the men and woman had even enjoyed the hunt.</p><p>“The last step we need is to attend the Marquis’ party. You must find a way to speak with Minister Bellise privately” Josie said, showing Shepard the invitation over the war table.</p><p>“And you cannot go as a Harlequin” Leliana added, “You will go as a Lady”</p><p>Shepard’s head shot up, “I can go in armour” she looked between the three advisors, “Right?” they all shared a smirk. “Right?”</p><p>“She holds the last success of this entire endeavour, we must make a good impression” Josie pleaded.</p><p>Shepard growled, crossing her arms across her chest. “If we want to make a good impression. Let me wear my armour, I am not to be trifled with and neither is the Inquisition. If I go in a dress and heels how on Earth can I protect myself or anyone else, I’d just look like a poor excuse of a Noblewoman” she gestured with her hands.</p><p>Josie opened her mouth to argue, “NO” Shepard said. “I have discussed more delicate matters wearing more armour than I currently have. I am not, NOT, wearing a fucking dress”</p><p>“Alastair said you looked quite agreeable in one last time” Leliana smirked, Shepard gave her a glare.</p><p>“It was either that or go naked” Shepard growled.</p><p>“Now that would make an impression to the Minister” Cullen smirked, undressing her with his eyes as they roved down her form.</p><p>Josie sighed, “I shall defer to your judgement” gripping her board tighter than before.</p><p>***</p><p>The next morning came, dewy weather setting over Skyhold. Not quite cold enough for snow and frost but cold enough for the rain to turn into cold mist. She was attaching her pack, making sure she had spare ribbons to tie her hair, Josie had made sure she would at least wear some makeup and do her hair properly before attending the party.</p><p>Oz came bounding down the battlement stairs, running between Bull’s legs and his giant nug. That thing really was a ridiculous mount, but was the only thing that could carry Bull’s weight for long periods of time.</p><p>She padded to Mako, licking the mount’s nose before receiving a reluctant kiss back.</p><p>“Leaving without saying goodbye?” Cullen said from behind her, hands on her hips.<br/>
She grinned to herself, turning in his arms, “I’m getting Déjà vu” she said, leaning up to kiss him, “I didn’t want to wake you”</p><p>He chuckled, “Oz did, it seems she wasn’t to keen on you leaving without a goodbye kiss either” he peered at the Mabari which was sniffing a pack on the ground searching for some food, Mako let out a huff as if the mount was rolling its eyes at the hounds antics.</p><p>“Put her down Curly, we have to get a move on” Varric remarked, enjoying the blush that spread across Cullen’s cheeks as he let go of her hips.</p><p>“We get it if you guys need to go for another round, I get it” Bull commented, leaning against the barn wall.</p><p>Shepard chuckled, “I don’t think you’ll be getting a show today Bull, Cullen’s performance is far too good to share” she said winking at the Commander. He smirked back at her, shaking his head. Still very much blushing.</p><p>“Besides we need Blackwall” she said going into the barn,</p><p>“Hey Hero!” she shouted, “We need to go!” directing her voice upwards where the Warden was known to haunt.</p><p>She frowned at the lack of response, the lack of anything really. She flared, searching upstairs she found nothing, no heartbeat or heat. No one there.</p><p>The three men came in having seen her green light, “He’s not here” she said, still looking up and around the top of the barn.</p><p>Her eyes followed Varric as he approached the small wooden griffon that he was carving. He had spent hours perfecting it. There was a knife embedded into the wood with a note attached.</p><p>“It’s for you Siren” he said softly, handing over the parchment.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shepard,<br/>
You’ve been a friend and an inspiration. You’ve given me the wisdom to know right from wrong and more, importantly, the courage to uphold the former.<br/>
It’s been my honour to serve beside you, that was my reward. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She frowned at the parchment, </p><p>“Bull, check his pack” she asked, handing the parchment over to Cullen to look at. The Qunari nodded, going through his things and fishing out the paper that was left there.<br/>
“Boss, this was reported missing from the Sister’s reports” He said, giving her the parchment in his pack,</p><p>“He’s going to Val Royeaux for the hanging. To Monay” she said looking up, “That’s what he meant” Blackwall had said ‘his’ situation. He was connected to this hanging somehow.</p><p>“I don’t know what Blackwall’s interest is in this matter is, but it is a good place to start” Cullen agreed.</p><p>The others looked at her with tilted heads and frowns. “The hanging, it’s in two days we need to-“</p><p>“He’s gone. Isn’t he” Josie’s gentle voice said from the edge of the barn doors, her hair was down. Shepard could see the sleeping gown that trailed to her ankles peeking out of her long-furred coat. Shepard had never seen her out of her Ambassador clothes. She was clutching a paper note to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There is little I can say that will ease this pain, just know that while it hurt to leave, it would’ve hurt more if I stayed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am deeply sorry. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I will find him Josie” she promised, “And I will get the truth” the Ambassador nodded, her chin falling to her chest which caged a breaking heart.</p><p>***</p><p>Cullen ended up accompanying them on the mission, filling the position of Warrior in the group. Deferring to Rylen for the time being, leaving Oz behind with him. Something she was not happy about. The ride went fairly quickly, all mounts were made for distance and speed. Even the giant nug was faring well over the lands.</p><p>Leliana had agents search the city, she didn’t know his location. Yet.</p><p>When they arrived in Orlais it was raining. For the first time Shepard had ever seen, the air looked dreary. The usual golden statues looked rusty; the white bricks looked a sickly grey. A fine day for a hanging.</p><p>They left their mounts at the stables, continuing into the city on foot. Arriving just in time to hear the crowds chatter and the speaker begin.</p><p>“Cyril Monay, for your crimes against the Empire of Orlais… for the murders of General Vincent Callier, Lady Lorette Callier, their four children, and their retainers…”</p><p>The heavy Orlesian accent spoke over the rain, the pale bale kneeling ban closing his eyes looking upwards. Shepard wondered if he was praying. His pale face highlighting the dark circles around his eyes, the red scars on his face that looked partly new, most likely from his time in the Orlais prison cells or his time as a vagrant,</p><p>“You are sentenced to be hanged from the neck, until dead. Do you have anything to say in your defence?” the masked executor asked, rolling the scroll up again and handing it back to the squire waiting to remove himself from the wooden stand.</p><p>The kneeling man said nothing. Keeping his eyes to the sky.</p><p>“Very well”</p><p>Shepard kept her eyes on the surroundings, surely if Blackwall wanted to they could see them, or at least Cullen’s mane and Bull’s horns. She used her senses to search for the Warden, but in all the crowd it was blurring into one. He didn’t have the taint, she couldn’t find him.</p><p>“Well this is grim” Varric said beside her, Cullen on her other side and Bull behind her. They watched the noose be tied around the man’s neck in silence.</p><p>“STOP!”</p><p>The crowd gasped as Blackwall walked up the steps to the stand. “A Grey Warden” the executioner announced, the crowd gasped again. Shepard refrained from rolling her eyes, though she was sure Cullen did.</p><p>“This man is innocent of the crimes laid before him” he said, his eyes catching hers. “Orders were given and he followed them like any good soldier. He should not die for that mistake” Blackwall turned to the executioner as he advanced on him. Shepard noticed that the Warden was unarmed and unarmoured.</p><p>“Then find me the man that gave the order” the executioner ordered.</p><p>“Oh shit” Varric grumbled.</p><p>“He gave the orders” Shepard realised at the same time.</p><p>Blackwall looked back at them, sorrow etched into his features. “Blackwall!” Cullen shouted, getting his attention.</p><p>“No. I am not Blackwall. I never was Blackwall. He is dead and has been for years. I assumed his life to hide like a coward. From who I really am”</p><p>Shepard heard Monay speak, a quiet raw voice over the rain. “You, after all this time…”<br/>
“It’s over. I’m done hiding” Blackwall said to Monay. “I gave the order. The crime is mine” he said boldly to the crowd.</p><p>“I am Thom Rainier” guards poured into the square, taking Black- Rainier away down the wooden steps. Shepard tried to follow, weaving in and out of the crowd to get to the man when she was stopped by Bull’s large hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“To many eyes Shep” he said quietly.</p><p>***</p><p>The four of them were sat in Shepard’s plush hotel room. Though they all had their own, hers was the largest, the red linen bed had four lions at each foot, a bath in the room with a roaring fire place, several couches and paintings of Olais that probably cost more than Skyhold was to build. She would have made a joke about it if she wasn’t furious.</p><p>“Bastard!” she said pacing the room. Her hair was wet and armour from the rain and her meeting in the party was taking place the next day, “I knew he wasn’t a Warden. He didn’t smell right and I just-“</p><p>“You did everything you could Siren” Varric said gently.</p><p>“No I bloody well didn’t” she said, throwing her gauntlet into the growing pile of armour leaving her in her wet shirt and pants, her hair out of its braid. “Damn it, all this time”<br/>
“Boss why are you letting this get to you-“</p><p>“Because he lied!” she shouted turning in her feet, “Because we trusted him and he pulled the wool over our eyes and I let it happen! I let myself be fooled into thinking that I was so big and mighty that I could see and understand this world and its secrets… what is the point of me being a half-breed if I cannot even use my abilities well enough to spot a liar” she admitted, arms flailing as she spoke.</p><p>She turned around to face the fire, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring into the flames. She didn’t see Cullen nudge his head at the door to the other two, getting out of his seat to remove his wet and cold armour.</p><p>She could protect Josie from a knife, from poison. But not from a broken heart. It reminded her of when Tali found out her and Garrus had been intimate. She had secretly pined for him for years, she had caused that heart break. She couldn’t protect Josie from this one.</p><p>It made so much sense, his surprise when she had told him her Army reformed criminals. His reluctance to talk about the Wardens, his interest in finding the artefacts of the order around Ferelden. His calm demeanour regarding the ‘fake calling’, he couldn’t even hear it!</p><p>Cullen’s hands slid around her waist, crossing under hers around her stomach. His cheek slid next to her hair, his lips at her temple. She sighed back into him, they stayed there for a few heartbeats. Soaking up each other’s warmth.</p><p>“Josie’s going to be heartbroken” Shepard said softly.</p><p>Cullen frowned, “Why would she be-“ he paused, remembering the note that Blackwall, Rainer, had left for her. Personally. “They were together” he said, more than asked.</p><p>“He used to hike once a week to the lake where I picked the flowers for her, he said he wanted to make sure someone would do it to brighten her day. She was even willing to consummate it… I think they did, before he left”</p><p>“La splendour des coeurs perdus” she said, “Josie said it means the splendour of lost hearts… an acknowledgement of forbidden love. I told her to throw caution into the wind… I told her that you can find something in another that need not be lost… and now…”</p><p>“That bastard” Cullen gritted out, the Ambassador was a friend to him. Someone he would defend to his last breath. To have her used in such a way only for the man to leave a note. He now realised the true cause of his loves anger. She felt responsible.</p><p>“You aren’t responsible for this, you know” he said softly,</p><p>“I feel responsible. If anyone could have seen this coming. It was me” she whispered.</p><p>“It isn’t your fault” he whispered in her ear. She would believe anything if he whispered it in his low voice into her ear while holding her. His deep voice was like a rumble in her core.</p><p>Shepard shivered in his arms “Let me get you out of these clothes, the Ambassador will be heartbroken if you succumb to a cough” he said, kissing her neck.</p><p>“You just want me naked” she teased, if she was joking with him. He was doing something right.</p><p>He kissed her neck again, “It’s part of it, but I do want you safe and well. I am your protector, from swords or from sickness”</p><p>She closed her eyes, smiling to herself at just how sure he sounded. It was actually endearing, to have someone protect her… shield her… <em>love</em> her…</p><p>She shook herself out of the last thought and turned in his grasp, “How could I deny my Knight anything” going up on her tiptoes to kiss him.</p><p>He would show her that not all men were liars and deceivers. He would show her he was here, and he would not run away from her for anything. Or anyone.</p><p>***</p><p>“Bull, you’re with me. We need to make an impression with the Countess” Shepard said, her makeup was heavier today, Cullen had watched her apply her eyeliner fascinated with the flicks and artistic movements of her hand.</p><p>“Sounds like fun Boss” Bull smirked, crossing his impressive arms over his chest, war hammer strapped to his back.</p><p>Cullen stepped forward, “Varric and I will look into this mess, be safe” he said softly. She nodded as though she had taken a message from a soldier, her hair left down and free swinging in the wind, curling around her twin daggers on her back.</p><p>Cullen grabbed her hand, pulling her roughly back to him, kissing her with a hand in her hair. “For luck” he winked at her, he watched her blush and turn, biting her lower lip slightly and he knew she was fighting a grin.</p><p>“I’ll keep her safe Cullen” Bull’s voice broke him out of his puppy watch on his Lady, watching Bull follow a few paces behind her.</p><p>People naturally moved out of her way as she strode across the courtyard. Like she owned the land. She hardly needed the Qunari as people stopped and stared at her as much as Bull.</p><p>“Come on Lover Boy, stop pining after her” Varric nudged him in the thigh with his elbow.</p><p>Cullen rolled his eyes but relented, walking to the cells with Varric, “That isn’t my new nickname is it?”</p><p>Varric smirked, “It’s that or Curly. I’m not sure which is more accurate”</p><p>Cullen’s mind drifted to his failed attempt with the rose, “Neither am I Varric”</p><p>***</p><p>The Agents directed them down an alley way, barrels and boxes of wine and food lined the walls with graffiti, if you could call it that. It was closer to art work however, departments of the city or people. She wondered if those who couldn’t practise on canvas practised on walls.</p><p>Her and Bull were led to the large gates leading to the East Wing of the party. They wouldn’t meet inside, but they could meet in the courtyard outside, private enough for an exchange, public enough that the Minister would be seen talking with them and gain notoriety.</p><p><em> At least it’s stopped raining. </em> </p><p>When she had asked Josie if said notoriety would be bad or good, she replied, as long as her name is on people’s lips, she will not care.</p><p>The Minister stepped out the large blue royal doors, her corset, hat and gloves were a deep red. Her skirt was cream, trailing on the floor around her giving the scene of large hips. Her mask and hands were covered in a sickly blue clay like consistency.</p><p>She floated down the steps to them, backed by two masked chevaliers with long thin swords. More like fencing blades than a sword like her Commander.</p><p>“Thank you for seeing me in private, Minister Bellise” she curtsied low, keeping her eyes however, trained on the woman. Bull bowed at his hips, one hand behind and in front of his hips.</p><p>“I’d chastise you for taking me from the party, Avatar of Andraste, but the Marquis throws such dull affairs, it’s hardly worth it” the husky voice said. It reminded Shepard of the old smokers on Earth. Their voice raw from the unnatural smoke they used to inhale.</p><p>“I assume you wish to discuss your petition to elevate these Du Paraquettes to a minor lordship” she neared Shepard, unaffected by her weapons or her large bodyguard. “Tell me: why should I allow you to pollute the Orlesian nobility any further than it’s already been muddled?”</p><p>Shepard kept her mask in place, though it wasn’t physical like the Minister’s. “The Du Paraquettes used to be a noble house. You’d be restoring an old house of Orlais” she informed the Minister.</p><p>“Restoring it far too late. What are the Du Paraquettes now, traders? Farmers?” she spat the words as though half of the stock from the party wasn’t acquired through those who worked jobs like that.</p><p>“Really it is too much. The very thought causes me pain. What can you possibly provide that will make your petition worth my effort?”</p><p>“Surely even a minister could do worse than have the Inquisition in her debt?” Shepard dangled the offer in front of the shark like a fish.</p><p>The woman shifted, “I am a well-positioned woman. I require something more concrete than a vague promise of future gifts. And do not attempt to charm me. I am far too old to tolerate it”</p><p>Bull too a step forward, “I don’t think we’ll be missed from the party for a while” he said sultrily. Bull had clearly seen something she had missed. His ability to spot hidden gems in the world was something the Qun spy was singularly good at.</p><p>Shepard’s and the Minister’s eyes went wider, “Are you quite serious?” the Orlesian woman gasped.</p><p>“For the pleasure of your company, Minister? Absolutely” he purred, using his voice to rumble his r’s.</p><p>The Minister’s hand went to her hand. She held a hand to Bull, motioning Shepard to follow too. She led them to a room with white sheets over the furniture to protect the room from its disuse.</p><p>Shepard and the Chevaliers stood guard at the door uncomfortably, hearing a muffled.<br/>
“Lock the door. And bring me some pillows”</p><p><em>This had better be worth it </em> </p><p>***</p><p>“I didn’t take Blackwall’s life. I traded his death”</p><p>Cullen stood on the other side of the cell like a statue. Glaring down a blaze at the man saying absolutely nothing. Blackwall was sat in his cell, a wide stone cell with iron bars crisscrossed with a small door.</p><p>“He wanted me for the Wardens. But there was an ambush, Darkspawn. He was killed. I took his name, to stop the world from losing a good man. But a good man, the man he was, wouldn’t have let another die in his place”</p><p>Cullen took one step to line himself at the bars. The jailed warrior wasn’t meeting his eyes. The coward.</p><p>“Was the bailiff telling the truth? Did you really do those things?” he asked with gravel in his tone. His hand clenching his sword. Innocents, as far as he was aware. Children…</p><p>“Yes, I did. It’s all true. It’s time we got a good look at who I really am” Thom said getting out of his seat, he banged his fists on the bars. Cullen barely jumped, simply narrowing his eyes further at the man.</p><p>“Don’t you understand? I gave the order to kill Lord Callier, his entourage, and I LIED TO MY MEN ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE DOING!” he was shaking the bars with almost every word, shaking his head as though he was rabid.</p><p>“And when it came to light, I ran!” Cullen snarled at the prisoner, “Those men, my men, paid for my treason while I was pretending to be a better man!”</p><p>Cullen shook his head, taking two steps back to refrain himself from grabbing the fake Warden and slamming him into the bars. Varric stayed on the steps out of sight, watching the exchange with his breath held in.</p><p>“This is what I am! A murderer, a traitor… a monster” Rainier slid to his knees, as though it pained him to speak, his leather trousers collecting the hay and dust from the poorly kept prison cell floor.</p><p>For a horrible moment the scene changed.</p><p>He was stood in Knight-Captain Greagoir’s shoes. Looking down at a younger Cullen. Having just been broke out of the cage of his demons, begging forgiveness from him, that he failed, that he was a monster too. That he had seen himself kill his Templar brothers and sisters over and over.</p><p>It was Greagoir that had sent him to Greenfell. Thinking it would help. That Cullen could be the model Templar again. If only he knew what the Chantry really did.</p><p>Fill you with Lyrium and false hope. Empty words and empty rooms and send you on your way. Then he was in Kirkwall, pretending not to see the Mage abuse, pretending not to see Meredith slowly turn into a monster.</p><p>What did that make him?</p><p>What if Cassandra never saw the good left in him?</p><p>What if Shepard never saw the good left in him?</p><p>“Would a monster have given himself up?” Cullen heard himself say. “Somewhere along the line, you stopped pretending”</p><p>Blackwall didn’t reply from his knees in the cell, he kept his head low. Hands held limply on the bars.</p><p>“I need to know the details of what you did, who you killed. I need to know why”</p><p>Cullen turned to look at Shepard, green eyes blazing. Neither man heard her enter, he could have sworn Blackwall flinched.</p><p>“I betrayed the Empire and assassinated a General” Shepard’s hands twitched, he saw the index finger twitch. “All for gold” he said to the floor. “The man was General Vincent Vallier. My employer was a chevalier, Robert Chapuis. Ser Robert believed that Grand Duke Gaspard was the rightful ruler of Orlais and would eventually take the throne. He thought that if he removed one of Empress Celene’s biggest supporters that he would endear himself to the Duke. I can’t say if Robert’s plan would’ve worked. I didn’t care. There was good coin offered and I took it”</p><p>Shepard’s hands were fists, Cullen was fighting his own anger by watching hers. Out of the two she was more likely to react to this.</p><p>“So you became a Merc. A traitor. And a murderer all in one day” she said, “But it wasn’t just him, his family, children… you slaughtered them”</p><p>“I didn’t know Callier could be travelling with his family. I assumed only soldiers, armed guards. My men had been told to eliminate everyone. They’d seen war. They thought they were defending their country”</p><p>Cullen shook his head but deep inside him he understood. They both did. In war anything was possible. Children being assassins in the Crows, paid to be decoys.</p><p>“It’s names that carry power in this world. Bloodlines. Heirs. No matter how leaders like Celene or Gaspard pretend the game is played. That’s how real war is waged”</p><p>“You weren’t at war!” she shouted, “You could have done a million things before you killed children!”</p><p>“War is unfair. And the sky is blue” was his dank reply.</p><p>Shepard punched the bar of the cell, denting where her fist connected. Blackwall lurched back, staring at her with hollow fear.</p><p>“Your men. You lied. Explain” she gritted out through her bared teeth.</p><p>“They didn’t know who they were attacking, I told them it was important. They trusted me without question. Just as your men trust you” he looked up at her, climbing to his feet, “and you” he moved his eyes to Cullen.</p><p>He was… nothing like this man. Blackw- Rainier would not get in his head. Nor would he allow Shepard to think she was anything like him either.</p><p>“Our men follow us because they believe our cause if righteous” Cullen argued.<br/>
“They believe it because that’s what you tell them” Rainier said quietly.</p><p>Darven, a loyal agent of Leliana’s appeared down the stone dark hallway, letting out a small whistle, motioning Cullen to come to him. He sighed heavily, not sure who he was more worried about leaving in the cells, Shepard or Rainier.</p><p>***</p><p>“Who were you before this” Shepard asked, trying to find all the pieces of the puzzle.</p><p>Rainier, was looking at the ground still, his eyes would flicker to her face for mere moments before darting away. “I was a Captain in the Orlesian Army. Well-regarded, respected. But it wasn’t enough. One mistake-“</p><p>His voice cracked and lowered, “One mistake and everything I worked towards fell apart”<br/>
“A mistake is a spelling error on a parchment. A mistake is not murdering children, a mistake is not lying to loyal men for coin and running for years. A mistake is not breaking a woman’s heart after having your fucking fill” Shepard shouted.</p><p>Rainier grabbed the bars, Shepard didn’t even flinch, “I left because I had to. I didn’t take the Ambassador, I wouldn’t defile her like that“</p><p>That appeased the raging fire in Shepard, marginally. “The real Blackwall, was any of it real?”</p><p>Rainier rested his head on the bars, “He found me in a Tavern. On the run. He wanted to recruit me. We were heading to Orlais but he insisted on making a stop first, into the Deep Roads. I was to find a Darkspawn and kill it, take its blood. He took a blow for me. He shouldn’t have died. It should’ve been me”</p><p>She didn’t know if it was worth arguing that he should have died. She thought that Blackwall, the real man, had seen something in the dishevelled man in the cells. Something worthy of such a highly regarded Order.</p><p>“I couldn’t just walk away, so Rainier died and Blackwall lived” he recited.</p><p>“And here you are, the hero” Rainier flinched at the use of Varric’s nickname for him, “One last act to save your honour for one of your men. What about the other men, the ones who died that day, the ones who were chased for years. I see no honour in this, only a martyr who was tired of looking at his reflection” her cold voice told him.</p><p>“Then what are you waiting for”</p><p>“Someone with more mercy” she spat before turning on her heel.</p><p>She strode quickly up the stairs, turning into what was the main office for the prison. She didn’t even register Cullen was trying to get her attention until his hand grabbed hers. Varric and Bull were there at the desk too, looking over the papers.</p><p>“I have Leliana’s report” he said gently. Allowing Shepard a few moments to read it over, it held barely anything more about the event that they hadn’t already learned from Rainier’s mouth.</p><p>Callier was only thirty-five. His wife thirty.</p><p>His two children were ten and eight.</p><p>His wife was with child when she died.</p><p>“What do we do now?” Cullen asked, seeing the horror in Shepard’s eyes as she lifted her eyes. She was good at keeping her ‘mask’ on, but her eyes were so expressive to him. </p><p>“He has accepted his fate, but we don’t have to, we have resources… should we release him for the Inquisitor to judge? Or leave him here?”</p><p>“What would you do?” she asked him, watching his snarl grow as he spoke.</p><p>“What he did to the men under his command was unacceptable. He betrayed their trust, betrayed ours. I despise him for it” he admitted, Shepard’s eyes widened slightly at the venom in his tone. He had really been keeping a lid on his emotions in the cells.</p><p>“And yet he fought as a Warden. Joined the Inquisition. Gave his blood for our cause. And the moment he shakes off his past, he turns around and owns up to it. Why?”</p><p>“Some part of you is impressed by what he did, isn’t it”</p><p>“Saving Mornay the way he did took courage. I’ll give him that” Cullen said dryly. “But I cannot decide what happens here”</p><p>Shepard’s response was immediate. “Get him out. Maxwell should hear all the voices and then decide his fate, we aren’t the only ones he betrayed” she ordered.</p><p>“Let us move quickly” the Commander replied. He briefly wondered if Rainier hadn’t tried to save Mornay, and they had found him, if Shepard would give him this chance. He doubted she would even dirty both blades on him. </p><p>***</p><p>Maxwell had not been back an hour from his long trek through Ferelden before the court room was filled with the Inquisition’s inner circle. Shepard was still in her armour from travelling, loathe to remove it for Rainier’s trial. Agents had brought him in and left without a word, Leliana’s people were trained for silence and commands. Though she could imagine what they were thinking under their green hoods.</p><p>“For judgement this day, Inquisitor, I must present Captain Thom Rainier, formerly known to us as Warden Blackwall” Josie’s voice was clear and loud, but shaky. Leliana had given the Ambassador words before the trial, encouraging her that she could do this. And live with the outcome.</p><p>Maxwell was stationary on the throne, hands on the resets, legs still. Eyes narrowed. She stood at his side, un-cloaked this time, at parade rest.</p><p>“His crimes…” her voice choked, “Well you are aware of his crimes. The decision of what to do with him, is yours”</p><p>No nobles had been granted access, no soldiers or guards now Josie’s contract on her life was nulled. Leliana had asked that none of the inner circle to attend, but Maxwell had made his decision they were welcome to sit in.</p><p>“I didn’t think this would be easy, but it’s harder than I thought” Max admitted, his pinching frown going unseen by the fake Warden as he stared at the floor.</p><p>Rainier lifted his eyes, ignoring anyone but Max. “Using your ties to the underworld to free me? You’re a criminal, same as me”</p><p>“I am nothing like you” Shepard seethed, her biotics flaring around her. Rainier cast her a wary glance, shrouded in fatigue from his journey. Maxwell held his hand out to her not to advance on the man.</p><p>“Why didn’t you leave me there!” Rainier shouted, “I accepted my punishment, I was ready for this all to end! What becomes of me now?” he asked, his voice grating like he had swallowed glass.</p><p>The Inquisitor sighed, “You were to be a Grey Warden. A better man than me saw something in you, I do not see. But I hope to. Thom Rainier, you will go through the Warden joining. You will serve the Inquisition as you promised and atone for your sins… if you survive”</p><p>Max leant forward, “You serve as the man you are” </p><p>“The man I am? I barely know him… but he, I have a lot to make up for” his eyes drifted to Josie, she held his gaze unwavering. “My sword is yours”</p><p>“Then let us proceed” Maxwell nodded to Leliana. She nodded once, muttering something quietly to Matz before leaving to her birds.</p><p>“If I had said anything less, would an arrow have got me from the rookery?” Rainier said, Shepard sneered, and prowled towards him. Maxwell flinched but didn’t rise from his seat.</p><p>“You will be known as Blackwall outside this room” Maxwell added, staring, not glaring, at ‘Blackwall’. “It is safest for all in the Inquisition”</p><p>“I have gotten used to it” he admitted, “Perhaps we could treat it less of a name and more of a title” Blackwall said,</p><p>“Almost like Shepard” he glanced at her.</p><p>She activated her omnitool blade, stopping just shy of a boots length ahead of him. She motioned him to cut himself free, holding her arm and the accompanying blade out. The buzzing of the energy held in her arm cracked between them angrily. </p><p>As he reached forward she grabbed him.</p><p>The others watched as she whispered in his ear, his eyes going wide before nodding quickly. None could hear what passed the woman's lips, none asked. Unclenching her hand in his shirt she shoved him back slightly, allowing the man to cut his ropes.</p><p>The Inquisition had allowed his freedom. But everything comes with a price.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Everything, In Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW</p>
<p>Suicidal thoughts/ actions.</p>
<p>Skip to all italics, (centre of work) to skip.</p>
<p>Did you guys really think I'd post some art references without the chapter?! </p>
<p>A long 2021 present for you!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>They were nothing alike</em> She told herself, still bitter from the evenings trial.</p>
<p>She didn’t kill for money. She didn’t kill people for money or wealth. She had done it for the greater good. Because she didn’t have a choice. Because they didn’t give her a choice. She kept trying to tell herself, imagine it in Anderson’s or Hackett’s voice.</p>
<p>Why did it leave a bitter aftertaste in her mouth?</p>
<p>She rearranged the notes from the war council, the meeting, well more of an update from Maxwell and Cassandra had gone on for hours into the next morning. All were keen for its end, only having covered half of their trips.</p>
<p>All weary from the turmoil of Blackwall’s sentencing, some had disagreed with him joining the Wardens. Some had wanted to see him gone. Others wanted him to have the chance, to redeem himself. Josie, surprisingly, among the latter.</p>
<p>But the decision was made. Once the Wardens were free of Corypheus’ grasp, he would go through the joining.</p>
<p>Once the desk was tidied, she righted her calendar that had been flattened by the mess. Standing it upright on its folded bottom, a gift from Josie, she realised the date. The twenty-eighth of Solace. Over nine months since the explosion of the conclave.</p>
<p>Nails scraped against the card.</p>
<p>Invisible forces sat on her chest.</p>
<p>Narrowed vision stares at the red crosses through the dates.</p>
<p>Energy swilled around her hands, her heart, her head.</p>
<p>Today, in one thousand, two hundred and forty-four years.</p>
<p>She would be pronounced as killed in action by whoever remained in her world, her time. Another ghost lost in the fog. She was dead.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Shepard”</em>
</p>
<p>She turned quickly in the room, to her horror, no one was there.</p>
<p>Not a soul.</p>
<p>At least, not a living soul.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>”Come to my voice”</em>
</p>
<p>“Harritt?” she said over the modification bench, having toyed with different materials and their conductivity with electricity runes.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Commander, wake up, come back”</em>
</p>
<p>Ones that had been with her since the night before.</p>
<p>Whispers that weren’t drowned out by her playing of the instrument nor the lulling of sleep. Telling her to wake up as though she was in a coma, hearing the voices of the waking world, they were slowly convincing her she could be.</p>
<p>The whispers were louder in the Fade, causing her to stay awake throughout the night. Not wishing to wander the forest of the dead again.</p>
<p>For a few fearful moments in the night, she thought she was hearing the calling. Solas had warned her that some spirits and wisps would try and communicate. Rare but he expected it.</p>
<p>“Your Worship?” he replied, turning from the requisitions table. He looked at her waiting for her to speak.</p>
<p>“Did you say something?” she tilted her head, “Or hear something?”</p>
<p>He shook his head, “Nothing over that racket” he gestured to the bench she was working on. He shared a worried look with Dagna who was stood behind Shepard.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Come with me”</em>
</p>
<p>Harritt wandered to the two women. He hadn’t paid her much mind but now having looking at her, he could see slight sweat- he supposed that could be attributed to having been working all morning.</p>
<p>But her pallor, the red rimmed eyes, they were something else,</p>
<p>Dagna wandered over, “Shep? Are you sure you’re alr-“</p>
<p>The door to the basement flew open, a foot soldier entering a few paces. “Your Worship, Blacksmith” he saluted, “The Inquisitor has asked me to retrieve you for the meeting”</p>
<p>She nodded, replacing the shields in the stands and passing the two men without a word. They shared a small look of confusion, Shepard was always very polite, greeting and giving farewells personally to all.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Shepard”</em>
</p>
<p>After no one approached her, no soldiers made movements to indicate it was them saying her name. She shook her head of the whispers, thinking it only of her nightmares making an appearance in her sleep deprived. Not that something was following her.</p>
<p>Shepard made her way to the war meeting; Maxwell had called one and warned all the inner circle would be in attendance. She had spent most of her morning in Undercroft, working on the cure, on weapons and shields. Hiding near the waterfall.</p>
<p>She took a steeling breath at the wooden door, lying her hand flat on the outside and taking a deep breath, grounding herself and willing the Fade to stop whispering to her.</p>
<p>If she wanted to live, she had to control this side of her. Solas’ lessons were valuable but this felt different to the small drafts of curiosity from a wisp. Those felt negligible, most of the time she didn’t notice nor were they strong enough to get her attention. Spirits had been scared off by the Fade, not wishing to have their purpose or being changed.</p>
<p>This felt stronger. Like a pulling sensation on her fingers, like a stream dripping from her finger tips.</p>
<p>She pulled against the tide, putting on her mask as she had done too many times in the war meetings on the Normandy, and strode in like she owned the place.</p>
<p>As warned, all the inner circle was around the table, it wasn’t quite big enough for all to stand without another behind them, naturally Bull was behind Cole and Sera, the two were in the shorter half of those in attendance. Everyone else had a good position, strangely, Matz and Victoria were there also.</p>
<p>All had frowns or pinched brows.</p>
<p>“Shepard” Maxwell greeted, “Come” he gestured to his side. Her spot at his right hand.</p>
<p>“What’s the situation” she asked, her tone authoritative.</p>
<p>He sent her a small frown, looking over her appearance for longer than was considered a glance but didn’t voice it. Instead he looked to the table, where a mound like shape lay, a singular white cloth covering it.</p>
<p>“For those that are unaware; Cassandra, Cole, Doran and I, found and killed the Templar and Mage traitors. The former of the group had clues which led us to the Lord Seeker” he moved a marker to Caer Oswin. Stabbing the map with a small dagger which signified the area as ‘mission complete’.</p>
<p>“There we found a few Seekers, most were… dead” Max said, Cassandra looked down, solemn at her order’s demise. Shepard knew there was more to it in the reports. She wondered if Cassandra had shared the demise of Daniel, the man she was training to be a Seeker.</p>
<p>“Killed by The Order of Fiery Promise who were waiting for us, we attempted to apprehend the Lord Seeker and a few of his Templar followers. But were forced to kill him, Envy… the same Envy that tried taking us, was in him. It frankly explains his behaviour in Orlais and the Templar defectors” Max continued, looking at each in the room as he spoke.</p>
<p>“As outlined yesterday, Cassandra has inherited the Lord Seeker’s book. Handed down to each leader, we found evidence of the Order’s parlay with Corypheus through Lord Seeker Lucius that we can show the Chantry as evidence the Red Templar’s are traitors…” his voice was still calm, pronouncing every word exactly how it should be in his dialect. The straightforwardness of a leader.</p>
<p>“However… we found… something else…” His voice changed, thick and raw, wavering and nervous.</p>
<p>“The implications of which…” Shepard looked up from the cloth to him, his nervous eyes faltering to look her in hers.</p>
<p>“We… I-“</p>
<p>She frowned at his sudden lack of eloquence, his face pale and tired. Worried, he was worried.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry” he whispered to her, more of a hoarsely spoken than a whisper. Gently pulling back the cloth. It was like a reveal, closure and questions.</p>
<p>It was a wooden crest shaped trophy, flat and curved. Mounted in the middle. A head.</p>
<p>A Krogan head.</p>
<p>Alarms rang in her head, blood rushing through her ears and hairs standing on end. She expected it to speak, for the faint buzz of her translator coming into life. It didn’t speak, nor did she reply. They simply stared at each other, drinking in the sight.</p>
<p>“It’s an Alien, from your time, isn’t it” Maxwell said, more of a statement than a question.</p>
<p>She nodded wordlessly. Shaky hands reaching forward to touch the nose of the Krogan. As soon as the tip of her finger made contact she recoiled, knowing what real Krogan skin felt like. Wrex had shook her hand and she headbutt him enough to know.</p>
<p>“She”</p>
<p>Max looked back at Shepard, who’s voice was quiet and breathy.</p>
<p>“It is a she. And she, is a girl”</p>
<p>“Maker”</p>
<p>“Kaffas”</p>
<p>“Shepard… this proves it, doesn’t it” Victoria said gently, “This is <em>your</em> galaxy, just not, your time” her voice was calmer than Shepard expected.</p>
<p>Was it?</p>
<p>Her mind raced through any evidence in her memory. Her eyes darting and filling with light. Anything connecting this to her world. Anything to make the evidence fit better, to make the truth taste better.</p>
<p><em>”Thank the Maker!”</em> Eden Prime, the colonist that had survived Saren’s attack. She said Maker. Not God or Allah. Not any god name.</p>
<p><em>”They were never just stories”</em> David, he said that to the twins. The stories she thought were lessons. Legends. Did he know?</p>
<p><em>”Humans are the most diverse species in the Galaxy! Mother used to say that you had pointy ears once, long ago!”</em> Liara, so full of wonder and curiosity on the SR1, about Humans… had her mother seen Elves?</p>
<p><em>”Wouldn’t want that running at you in a dark alley”</em> Kasumi had said that, as they searched for her Grey Box in Donovan Hock’s basement. It was a Darkspawn, not an Orc but an Ogre, preserved in stone.</p>
<p><em>”Humans are ideal test subjects. No two alike. Excellent control group. Diverse physically and genetically”</em> Mordin had said this, were the researcher’s right? They weren’t just Human, it wasn’t just evolution… they were four species in one…</p>
<p>Qunari, Elf, Dwarf and Human… evolve together to become one being. Humanoids.</p>
<p>She stared, eyes flashing green as the memories floated to the fore front of her brain. The evidence showing her what she didn’t want to be true.</p>
<p>Others shared looks of worry and disbelief, how had this woman been taken out of her time. Dropped out of the Fade into the past. The past that wasn’t accounted for in the future. The future that didn’t have things she knew to be true.</p>
<p>Shepard answered in her head. Nodding wordlessly to Victoria’s question.</p>
<p>It did. But it didn’t…</p>
<p>Her hands planted on the table, feet feeling as though there wasn’t floor there. One hand on Orlais, the other on Ferelden. The known world bearing her weight.</p>
<p>Human history was… false? Incomplete? The latter was most likely correct. How many wars, dictators and natural events had destroyed books and paper, buildings and monuments. Whole lands now at the bottom of the ocean.</p>
<p>Was this the implications of her time here, that Mages and Elves existed, that Qunari roamed along-side humans.</p>
<p>That none of this was recorded and salvaged. That ruins and caves belonging to Humans once belonged to Dwarves?</p>
<p>How much had been lost? Was this Earth, the common tongue of English. Starkhaven becomes Scotland… what was held across the Amaranthine Ocean. Orlais, France?</p>
<p>It was such a small piece of the world and she had seen with her own eyes even less.</p>
<p>It was almost humorous, a cold laugh escaping her mouth, further worrying her friends around her. She had travelled the galaxy, all over to the furthest reaches. And she couldn’t even recognise her home planet for what it was.</p>
<p>“Shep…” Maxwell’s hand went to rest on hers, she removed it off the table before he could make contact. Taking a step back from the dead Krogan on the table.</p>
<p>“Chil-“ Her voice faltered, cracked to the point of hurting. Clearing the lump in her throat she tried again.</p>
<p>“Children are the most precious thing to the Krogan, female children… even more so” she said, hands limp at her side, eyes watering from the lack of blinking. Terrified that if she blinked, the creature would disappear. It would just be a hallucination.</p>
<p>“Only one in a thousand are born breathing, only- only a slim chance of that child being born female” her hand twitching over the Krogan head again, almost like she would caress it but thought better of it.</p>
<p>Was there Rachni on Earth at one time? Krogan deployed to rid them, but that wouldn’t explain why a child would be here? Did the Krogan ship fly too low and crash? An escape pod with children on board, killed by hunters? By Seekers…</p>
<p>
  <em>”Murderers”</em>
</p>
<p>No clan markings on her face or tattoos, she was yet to undertake her rite, the double row of teeth showing her that she wasn’t yet in puberty. She would have sharper, elongated teeth on the second row if that were true, most of the front second row being lost.</p>
<p>“Shepard-“</p>
<p>
  <em>”Shepard”</em>
</p>
<p>The feeling was back. The cold pull of something that wanted her attention. Her body tightened as though responding to an impending attack. It was getting stronger as she became worked up, like her ears needed to pop, like a bubble in her gut of pure fire.</p>
<p>“You killed her and stuffed her like a trophy. A child, put on a wall” she said through gritted teeth, she wasn’t addressing anyone person, but she felt the accusation hit the souls around the table.</p>
<p>“Is this Earth’s history? Is this what humans do… kill and murder and display. Killing to extinction and removing anything that isn’t like you… for sport. Is this the legacy I continued?!” she turned on Max, his mouth gaped like a fish.</p>
<p>
  <em>”You’re just like them”</em>
</p>
<p>It wasn’t them, they didn’t do this to the girl. She tried to rationalise her evil thoughts. Feeling sick with he pull of the dark energy.</p>
<p>“Shep-“</p>
<p>“This is-“ her hands ran through her hair, “I- no- no- it doesn’t-” she backed away from them, wobbly steps. So many questions, so much left unsaid.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Come home to us”</em>
</p>
<p><em>”SHUT UP”</em> she roared in her head, releasing a sound audibly like a wounded animal. Pressing her palms into her eyebrows. The dull thudding and pounding dancing around her head and back, blood rushing around her.</p>
<p>She didn’t hear the words around her of her companions, she didn’t feel Cullen’s arms around her. Maxwell’s hushed words of apology. They didn’t know she could hear another’s voice, a poisonous influence in her head.</p>
<p>
  <em>”I can give you what you desire”</em>
</p>
<p><em>”YOU CAN GIVE ME NOTHING OF THE SORT”</em>, she screamed in her head.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Come to me, Shepard, I can take you home”</em>
</p>
<p><em>”LIAR”</em> she said back.</p>
<p>She kept pressing against the forces in her head, flaring her biotics while a whirlwind churned her emotions on her inside.</p>
<p>
  <em>”I can make it stop”</em>
</p>
<p>Don’t feel.</p>
<p>Don’t feel it.</p>
<p><em>”So can I”</em> she said in her mind, standing straight and pouring the N7 training onto her emotions. Quashing them. Binding them. Chaining them down.</p>
<p>The pull released her, the emotions chained to the ground. If she kept her cool she could fight this. Breath coming back into her lungs feeding her brain, to reality feeling arms around her, the ground under her feet. Hushed voices and magic in the air,</p>
<p>“Liv… shhh, I’m here, I’m here sweetheart”</p>
<p>Cullen.</p>
<p>His warmth was around her, his armoured body against hers, feathers tickling her face. Real, real, real, real.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry” she said quickly, meaning it, regret filling her body.</p>
<p>“I know” he said, holding her head into his neck. The other arm around her back. Her hands gripped his mantle for dear life. He was quite sure some feathers had been pulled out from her death grip.</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean to-” she chocked.</p>
<p>“We know” he said gently, his mouth next to her ear. “It’s alr-“ he swallowed the word, she was glad he did. It wasn’t alright. He didn’t want to lie and she didn’t want to lose control again.</p>
<p>“Shepard, I can’t imagine… Maker, I’m so sorry this is how you… find out” the Inquisitor stuttered out. Reminding her the others were in the room. “We’ll try find out. How you came to be here, where we are on Earth, I swear we’ll try get the answers”</p>
<p>
  <em>”I can give you answers”</em>
</p>
<p>She stilled in Cullen’s arms, her must have felt it. Felt something.</p>
<p>She pushed him away, “I need some time”</p>
<p>And fled the room.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Shit” Varric was the first to speak, rubbing his hands over his face.</p>
<p>Dorian rubbed his hand on Max’s back, stood facing the Krogan girl.</p>
<p>“This isn’t your fault, Amatus” he said to his lover. “She was never going to react well”</p>
<p>Bull nodded, “She’s tough, but this… I don’t like this” he growled out, crossing his arms over his chest.</p>
<p>“I’ve never seen Shepy like that” Sera said sadly, Blackwall put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing slightly. If he had a comment, he didn’t voice it.</p>
<p>Max sighed, “Maker I- fuck” he cursed. Bowing his head over the Krogan. “Cole, can you please keep an eye on her” he asked the spirit, “I don’t think- I just feel like something is-“</p>
<p>“Her reaction felt wrong” Cullen finished for him, “She just… accepted it?” he frowned at his feet, thinking of how he pried her hands off her face, her stillness, how hot she felt to his touch.</p>
<p>“I do not feel as though this is over” Cassandra said from her corner, arms crossed and voice dark.</p>
<p>Solas nodded, “I have much felt the same. It may be Shepard herself. She is still a stranger to the Fade. I have tried to search, to no avail. Something is hiding… no, waiting would be a better term” he finished.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you tell us?” Cassandra shouted, across the table.</p>
<p>Solas didn’t react to her tone, he knew while the Seeker was not an emotional woman, she would be feeling guilt over her order and the alien. And it was not like Solas to be unpleasant out of spite.</p>
<p>“It has only been since the day previous. I did not think it to be malfeasant, until recently. Spirits and Demons are not as far from one another as the Chantry believes. Many of them have been dragged through the veil, in our realm. A demon may wish to aid one in their pursuit of their emotion. They simply offer a deal.” he said as a matter of fact.</p>
<p>“I believe we-“</p>
<p>Green light spilled from the windows, a large flash against the panes. The group moved quickly to the window, looking and searching for the source.</p>
<p>“A rift?” Leliana theorised.</p>
<p>“No, it felt different” Max looked at his flaring hand. “Commander, inform-“</p>
<p>“She’s going to fall” Cole said, they turned to look at the lone boy in the middle of the room. “He won’t let me near the golden lady”</p>
<p>“An intruder?” Cassandra exclaimed; Sera took her daggers out with a ugh directed at Cole.</p>
<p>“Cole… who is ‘he’?“ Solas asked.</p>
<p>“Falling feels like flying. She wants to fly. He wants her to fall. He wants and wants. Preys on the predators” Cole’s eyes were unfocused, “I can’t help. I can’t-“ the boy disappeared, spurring on the others.</p>
<p>Movement swirled around them, Leliana racing to get more information. Sera and Varric knocking their weapons while the Mages readied themselves.</p>
<p>Cullen and Maxwell knew now what Cole meant.</p>
<p>Who, he meant.</p>
<p>Shepard.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>”I can make it stop”</em>
</p>
<p>She paced her room, the cold, quick, shower didn’t help. It couldn’t drown out the noise nor could it cool her heated body. Sweat combined with droplets of bathing water soaking into her loose white shirt and pants. Bare feet padding on the wooden floor.</p>
<p>“NO” she said audibly, blocking out the turmoil inside her. The tempest growing and feeding off her confusion and desire to understand. Her memories crashing together making her blackout in reality until she hit her leg on furniture, bringing her to the present.</p>
<p>The noises got louder, deafening like a Reaper’s roar. Coming from inside her head, burning its way out, she wasn’t sure if her ears were bleeding. She fell to her knees, biotics swirling in her body forcing her to her knees as she fought to crush her emotion, channelling it into energy.</p>
<p>“THIS ISNT REAL” she shouted, feeling as though she was underwater.</p>
<p>Like her voice and movements were muffled and slowed. Closing her eyes and screaming the air out of her lungs. Her biotics crackled and pulsed outwards, crashing around, draining her. No energy, no emotions. No stimulus. Her private form of relief and silence.</p>
<p>Heavy inhales burned into her throat like acid from her kneeled position on her floor, glass that littered the floor cut her hands and knees. Smoke bellowing out the fire place having deprived the fire of adequate oxygen to burn. Oxygen her body craved for the cramping lactic acid in her muscles.</p>
<p>A fluttering warble came from outside. A sound not in Thedas. A sound from home. It called to her, made her think of running and fighting. Of flying.</p>
<p>She lifted herself heavily, onto her bare feet. The glass wounding her feet, crushing into her delicate skin barely registered. The cold air blowing through the empty windows cutting into her as harshly as the glass.</p>
<p>
  <em>”I can make it stop. I can give you what you desire”</em>
</p>
<p>The voices weren’t getting through to her ears, but it was getting to her eyes.</p>
<p>Shepard turned her head from the balcony, her eyes the last thing to move to her right looking over the other balcony. The warble, it was coming from there, she blinked again and there it was.</p>
<p>A Mako.</p>
<p>A real Mako.</p>
<p>It was there, floating, the familiar warble of the engines. Blue hot energy pouring out the front and back thrusters as it held its elevation.</p>
<p>“It can’t be…” she whispered,</p>
<p>She tried to think about why this was false, tried to reach out for the waking world but she was too tired, too many questions blurring the scene. Not enough energy to fight the power over her. Not enough. This wasn’t enough.</p>
<p>The door opened, the air rushing out the door as the air pressurised. Sliding open by itself. No one inside, maybe a pilot, or a guard. She blinked heavily, swaying on her feet.</p>
<p>When she opened her eyes, he was there… John… she just knew it was him.</p>
<p>“Livvy come on” he reached his hand out, in full armour. His voice sounded like it was coming from behind her, beside her, inside her.</p>
<p>A hand was out stretched to her, black plates with blue trim. Blue of biotics, blue of his eyes. One blue stripe down his arm, a joke, after he got his N7 designation years after her. Flipping the bird to the Alliance for denying a biotic into the N7’s the first time.</p>
<p>“John” she whispered, staring at his helmet, his voice metallic but true, his accent perfect. Voice like silk.</p>
<p>He nodded, “Let me take you home, this is just a simulation, just a dream. I’ve been calling to you”</p>
<p>Needed, she was needed. The galaxy, the future galaxy. Her feet padded slowly to him, uneasy, sick steps padding to the edge of the balcony. Was it her brother all along, the voice she tried to drown…</p>
<p>She held his hand, he helped her step up on the balcony edge, the railing that was the last step of Thedas, bringing her foot height with the floor of the metal Mako.</p>
<p>The wind made her teeter, the sickness in her head made the room spin. Would she fly if she just, leant forward… would it feel like going through a mass relay?</p>
<p>“I can make it stop, sister. Just say yes. I can set you free” he whispered, his one hand holding the handle on the top of the Mako. The other reaching out for her to grab, so steady and sure. Encased in a metallic promise.</p>
<p>She’d promised to help here. Chosen to ensure the future, not run from it. She’d chosen to fight and save, to love.</p>
<p>“I can’t… they… need me” she struggled to reply, the words easy to think but so hard to voice,</p>
<p>“They don’t need another soldier” he said back to her.</p>
<p>She wasn’t just a soldier. She wasn’t just a weapon anymore. She felt. She wondered. She healed.</p>
<p>“I can’t come back. I’m not coming back” her hand was reaching out. Wanting to touch, wanting to feel if this was real. Just a touch, just a pass of the fingers through the hallucination. It was a hallucination. She had to distinguish.</p>
<p>“Just say, yes. And we can leave, you and me. Like it always was, we don’t need anyone else” the hand clamped around hers. A real solid, cold metal hand. She began to panic, it felt so real, was this real? Had they found her?</p>
<p>Holding her too tight, too harshly, the skin of her fingers pushing out around the metal that threatened to leave impressions on her skin.</p>
<p>“I-“</p>
<p>She wanted to. So desperately wanted to know. To know if this was real, if Thedas was real. If this was a simulation, a VR for coma patients to live in while recovering. This was the future she used to dream of. The future she wanted, before her dreams were filled with the love from a golden lion.</p>
<p>Her foot continued its path forward, so close to the metal floor of the flying vehicle.</p>
<p>What do you pick. Where you’re safe in your mind, no emotion no fears. But where everything is wrong.</p>
<p>Or where everything is right, but it hurts, it burns to feel.</p>
<p>How very human of her to be so indecisive.</p>
<p>“NO”</p>
<p>She couldn’t turn her head. Couldn’t see who it was. What it was. It didn’t sound like a man, more like a beast. A roar.</p>
<p>A lion’s roar.</p>
<p>“Come. With. Me” the soldier gritted.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Cullen’s strides were easily longer than his leg length, his hand grabbing the corners to propel himself around the corners. His shoulders, barrelling into the doors to ram through each room, taking the steps three at a time.</p>
<p>Fear fuelling his muscles into the battle action, hand on his sword ready to face the danger. Ready to kill for Shepard.</p>
<p>As he rounded onto the landing, it was the lack of noise that set his blood aflame, he damn near slipped backwards, his boots catching on splintered wood. To find the door hanging off its hinges.</p>
<p>Maxwell wasn’t far behind him, both of their footsteps cracked and crumbled, on the wood and glass on the floor. There was no doubt that the green flash was her, furniture was upturned and shoved away from the centre of the room.</p>
<p>“Where is she?” Max gasped his sword already drawn in his dominant hand, the anchor flaring.</p>
<p>Dorian and Cassandra, arrived just after. Stepping in beside him their breaths were heaving, visible in the cold mountain air,</p>
<p>“What in the Maker’s name…?” Dorian exclaimed looking round.</p>
<p>Cole appeared in the room, facing the balcony. His side profile to Cullen, he walked slowly towards the balcony, trying to avoid the worst of the damage, and trying too hard not to look at the patches of wet blood on the wood.</p>
<p>He looked up from the glass to see something that he knew, would fuel his nightmares.</p>
<p>Shepard was stood on the railing of the balcony, one hand reaching out into the night. Nothing between her body and the bottom of the mountain, but air.</p>
<p>Swaying unsteadily on the edge.</p>
<p>Her hair was blowing to the side, slightly wet and curling. Black as the night sky she stood against. Her night clothes white and baggy, the wind blowing it into her curves.</p>
<p>“Shepard… Liv… please, just, just get down for me” he said, inching towards her. She made no reply, no indication she had heard him.</p>
<p>He heard the hushed exclaims of the group behind him. Cullen’s eyes terrified, dissecting every movement of the woman on the precipice. One of her feet lifted upwards, revealing the cuts and blood pooling down from them.</p>
<p>“NO” he shouted, running forward. She faltered, and froze, her foot slid downwards slightly. Her hand slowly trailing downwards in the air.</p>
<p>Just a step away from her, fearful that if he didn’t get a good hold on her, she would fall to her death. Straight down the mountainside, he opened his arms slowly, around her ready to grab her midriff.</p>
<p>
  <em>”Come. With. Me.”</em>
</p>
<p>Cullen’s eyes went wide, the growled voice that came from the night. He had no doubt she was under the influence of a demonic presence now.</p>
<p>“Cullen…” Victoria warned, speaking gently, her voice fearful.</p>
<p>“She is not yours” Cullen growled back to the entity that was not visible to him, Shepard pitched backwards, as though a force had shoved her backwards into him. Gifting her to him.</p>
<p>His arms grabbed her, clasping together like irons. He took swift steps back lifting her off her feet as though she weighed nothing, spinning her so he was a guard between her and the edge.</p>
<p>“Maker I can feel the Fade on her” Matz whispered, “Whatever this was it was powerful” his hand reached out for Shepard’s face, blue light washing over her face in a caress, finger tips trailing over her temple to her cheek.</p>
<p>Cullen would have struck him if he wasn’t using his magic to help her.</p>
<p>Rage overtaking reason.</p>
<p>Shepard went less ridged, groaning slightly, that was his only warning before her knees gave way. As her dutiful protector he caught her, going to one knee as he leant her on his right-angled knee. Her cut legs and feet resting on the floor as he cradled her head in his hand, weaving his hands in her damp hair and turning her face towards him.</p>
<p>“Past tense is not appropriate here, Warden” Solas said, kneeling at Shepard’s form. “Her mind was taken into the Fade, not by injury or her own doing. She is not out of danger. Whomever the entity that took her, I cannot discern its intention”</p>
<p>“What do we do?!” Cullen shouted, staring at the Elf over Shepard.</p>
<p>Victoria’s hand gently came on his shoulder, Cassandra’s clenched fists in the foreground told him that she agreed with his resentment.</p>
<p>“We may hope that a spirit is with her, and wait for her to return to us-“</p>
<p>“Or?” Max shouted his face pale, sweating. None in the room were unaffected having almost witnessed their cherished woman step to her death.</p>
<p>“We send a mind into the Fade. One who can find her and awaken her” Solas said, “I can only accommodate one to the Fade”</p>
<p>Others looked to Cullen, their choice immediate.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>He grunted as he lifted his torso on his hands. Kneeling in the grass in the Fade, it was difficult to remember that this was the Fade, not a real field, real cold dirt beneath his knees. The forest was made up of large oaks, tall pines and some trees he didn’t recognise. Strange coloured bark with leaves colours he had never witnessed. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Who are yo-?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He turned sharply to his feet, locating the voice. His quick action made the little girl gasp and fall backwards onto her behind, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry” he said, moving to offer a hand. She scrambled to her feet, running quickly away. “Wait, please!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She ran quickly towards the forest, her black hair flowing behind her. Bare feet taking her out of his sight as she weaved in the trees. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em><b>”Gently”</b> a woman said, her soft hand stopping Cullen in following her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He turned, shaking off the hand of the spirit of demon that resided in this part of the Fade, reaching for a weapon that wasn’t there. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The elven woman smiled, her eyes all the greens of the forest, her lips a light shade of pink with white eyelashes and eyebrows. Her large pointed ears slanted upwards but were flat against her head. She stood near his height, with black chainmail adorning her white, porcelain skin. She disarmed his emotions, his heart stilling, his breaths evening. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em><b>”Her mind is enveloped, you must break through gently”</b> her accent was that of the northern clans of the elves. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He felt as though she was familiar to him. For a moment he wondered if it was Solas, his presence within the white-haired elven woman. She unnerved him the same way, but with her he felt… not quite safe… but rather, shielded. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I- I’ll try” he answered, unsure of his path. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She hummed, walking around him. As soon as she was out of his sight behind his back, she vanished. He whirled around trying to find any trace of either of them. Unsure if they were whips or spirits. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe the elven woman was a subtype of wisdom? The little girl possibly a soul crossing over, or simply a reflection of the world he resided in. A snippet of his own memories in Honnleath. Regardless, he needed to find Shepard, quickly and carefully. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He picked a direction, and began walking.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Victoria wiped a cloth over Shepard’s forehead, removing the barely-there droplets of sweat.</p>
<p>“She is still a stranger to the Fade, none of us could have predicted this” Cassandra tried to comfort Max, having righted all the furniture in the room, already working on cleaning up the glass into piles so Vivienne could energise the pieces, making them back into the metal slots of the holes.</p>
<p>His leg bouncing off the ground where he sat on Shepard’s bed, watching her twitch occasionally.</p>
<p>“I could have tried, asked her how she was… maybe if she’d have got it off her chest, spoken to me this- this demon wouldn’t be- Maker I just… I’ve barely thought about how <em>she</em> feels. I couldn’t think of a better way to… Maker help me” he said, roving his eyes around the room. It was hard not to see her as indestructible. Maybe in body that was true, but not in soul. She was like everyone else.</p>
<p>Cullen was less active, so still that he barely shifted as he cradled the woman in his lap. Solas was sat not far in the desk chair that they had brought over. His hands folded in his lap, face serene as he carried Cullen’s mind into the Fade.</p>
<p>“N7’s are much like Seekers. They loathe to show weakness or emotion, they are trained to be statuettes. Vigil and unmoved. You would not have been able to notice something was wrong. They destroy the emotional response from trauma, but become a void if they go too far” Victoria whispered, putting the backs of her fingers against Cullen’s forehead, checking his temperature.</p>
<p>“They are creatures of habit inside, not so easily changed” she finished, sighing at the sight of Shepard and Cullen.</p>
<p>“A ship in a bottle, riding the waves of a storm. The eye is where they stay” Cole whispered from his perch on the piano stool, his legs swinging back and forth.</p>
<p>“How do you know so much about their forces?” Maxwell scrutinised.</p>
<p>Victoria answered quickly, “We must have discussed it” the woman shrugged.</p>
<p>Adding a log to the rebuilt fire, making sure the room was warm enough for Shepard and Cullen. Solas’ never felt the cold, even in Haven he had bare feet.</p>
<p>“I see” came the short reply. “Andraste’s ass, what is taking so long, I should have been the one to go in” Maxwell massaged his anchored hand. Dorian sighed heavily at Maxwell’s behaviour.</p>
<p>The Inquisitor had many amenable qualities that Dorian admired. But when it came to Shepard, Maxwell was fiercely protective, bordering on overbearing. He felt responsible for everything that happened to the woman as though he were her ward, her brother.</p>
<p>The Tevinter Mage had every faith in the ex-Templar.</p>
<p>The Fade preys upon souls that are connected, but those souls are stronger together.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>Cullen wandered aimlessly through the forest, not knowing how much time had passed. Having not come across anymore wisps or spirits, avoiding their curiosity. Or they avoided him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Trees looked the same, branches intertwined above his head making sunbeams hit the ground in patterns as he passed through the dry earth, watchful for rising roots and any sign of his love. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Shepard?!” he shouted, cupping his hands on either side of his mouth, hoping the sound would carry. “Liv where are you?!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Cullen sighed; no sound returned to him. He tried to think about her, what she would like in this realm. No answer called back to him, there was barely any sound or-</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A quiet cough strained his ears to hear, but he was sure he had heard it. He crept around the wide trunk to his right, tilting his head around the side, hoping his armoured shoulders and feathers wouldn’t give him away. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He glanced through the trees, the trunks giving way to a small outcrop in the distance, one with grass and… the girl? He walked towards her, using the trunks as cover, hoping not to scare her off again. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As he rounded the last trunk, he spied the area. In the Fade you could never be too careful, even if Solas could remove him at will. He would not leave without her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The girl was sat cross legged within the grass, looking to be playing with some flowers near to a small pond. Somehow it looked too perfect, too rounded and clear to be natural. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her face was angled away from him, her pale fingers reaching for more flowers he didn’t recognise. White petals with an orange centre. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She giggled at something, raising her hand and waving to the trees. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A giant lion prowled slowly to the girl, Cullen’s immediate reaction was to shout, tell her to run as he sprinted forward. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The movement made the lion’s head snap towards him the lion placed itself between her and him. Roaring and snarling, its claws digging into the earth. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Run!” he shouted to the girl, hiding behind the lion. “Run!” he shouted again, searching for a stick or a rock. He could use a piece of his armour maybe and-</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The lion’s demeanour shifted; it sniffed the air. His golden gaze roving over Cullen, he stood firm eyes darting to the girl hiding behind his mane. He wasn’t attacking her… the lion was protecting her?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em><b>”Correct.”</b> the Lion whispered, but its jaws were firm shut. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Cullen immediately felt the effects of a spirit. The hum that accompanied demons and ethereal entities, he had only experienced the former. A spirit’s hum was more gentle, kinder on the ears.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> <b>”I am a spirit of protection. This form appeals to her, thus it is the one chosen. Are you friend, or foe, human?”</b> It asked, the male voice sounded old and Ferelden, much like an old King or Lord of old lore. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The lion sat, its tail wrapping around one of the girl’s legs as more of her came into view. Cullen held his hands up as a non-threating gesture. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m not going to harm you, or her. I just need to find someone” he said softly, knowing the spirit would read him, his mind and heart. You couldn’t hide those in the Fade. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Pale hands wrapped around the lion’s mane, her head peeked out of the side. Two large ice blue eyes stared back at him. So pale he couldn’t have discerned the white from the blue, if it wasn’t for the thick black-blue rim on the edge. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hello” he said, not able to really know how to speak to her, spirit or soul, “I’m looking for a woman, about my age, tall with dark hair, a pretty woman” he addressed the girl. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I haven’t seen anyone” her voice was soft and light. Breathy and frail. She turned and crept back to her flowers. The lion moved with her like a shadow, curling behind where she sat so she could lean back against it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Cullen frowned at her words, taking slow steps towards the pair. He had heard that when a spirit is around a Mage, their form changes to that which the person admires or wants. Much like the Fade’s surroundings itself. Though only dreamers and older Mages could will spirits to morph at will. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What was she doing here?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He sat down carefully one leg stretched out and the other bent with his elbow on top, watching her make a chain of flowers. Keeping a good distance between her and her protector. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“My name is Cullen” he said to her, attempting to get conversation from her. Maybe she had seen Shepard wander through or-</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m Livia” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His eyes snapped to hers, studying her with a critical eye. Her dark waves starting at her hairline, pale features and small nose. Delicate hands with slightly painted nails chipping at the tops. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This was his Liv, not quite done yet. Not quite blossomed into a woman, not quite plucked into the battle that wilted her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Whatever was keeping her here had made her be child-like, made her vulnerable, afraid. Preying upon her traumatic childhood to feed off of her. He couldn’t discern what emotion the demon would be feeding off. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s a nice name” he said softly, having found who he was looking for he relaxed, marginally. The lion rested his head down on his paws, the tail flicked occasionally, indicating its comfort. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She continued wrapping the flowers together, sighing sadly when the chain was made, a large circle of the white short petalled flowers. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What’s wrong?” he tilted his head, trying to look at her bowed head. He wasn’t very good with children, or… well people really but he knew her. He could comfort her. He had to if he wanted her back from the Fade’s clutches. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She ran her hand across her nose, “I wish it had different flowers, but… lion won’t let me look” he flicked his eyes to the lion, it softly shook its head and he know what the spirit meant. Danger. Demons. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If this was a test, he needed to pass. If the goal was to make her happy, it must happen. He scanned the area. Seeing barely any of the white ones never mind other variations. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He thought of the garden back in Skyhold. In the Academy. Plants of all kinds and purposes, when an idea came to him, he patted his pockets, finding what he had picked from the gardens of the Academy. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The small blue flower that matched her eyes, the ‘forget me not’. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Here, it’s yours” he held it out to her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her small eyes went wide at the flower, finally looking up at him in the eye. Now he could see her whole face, and not for one second did he question that it was the hers. No freckles on her face, her nose still small and button like. Long eyelashes wrapped around her blue eyes, only blue. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A lonely blue. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thank you” she whispered, as though he had given her a precious jewel. Her little pale fingers threaded the flower into her chain, lifting it gently onto the lion’s head. Giggling when one ear twitched. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her eyes went back to Cullen’s nervously. He sat, what he hoped was a comforting still, and not like a statue. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Are you lost?” he asked, watching her pick at her shirt. Strange fibres, not heavy like leather. Or thick like cotton. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She nodded, sniffing. “I- I don’t know where to go” she whispered, curling into the lion’s side. Her small hands playing with his mane. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em><b>”You must find an exit soon, there are those who wish to take her from this place”</b> the lion said, only opening its eyes to talk to him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You like flowers?” he asked her. Livia nodded. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Cullen reached out to touch the flower on the lion’s head, “They’re very pretty aren’t they” she nodded again. Not speaking. He needed a new tactic; he could do that. Strategize. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You like lions?” he asked, she sniffed again and nodded. “I know a story about one, would you like to hear it?” the little girl nodded, curling further into the chest of the beast. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“His name was lost. But those that knew him, called him the cowardly lion. He had no courage” blue eyes peeked at him from under her curly bangs. It was strange looking at her with blue eyes, all blue eyes. Not the amorous green that rimmed half the iris. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“See, he was lost too. He ventured round the lands searching for what he needed. And he was too scared to let anyone help him, but eventually, he found his way. He found courage to stand up to the things that scared him. He remembered he had his courage all along”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“How?” she asked, gripping the lion’s fur. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“He had help, friends who showed him that he didn’t have to be afraid. People to lean on while he found his courage, he didn’t stay the way he was. But that wasn’t a bad thing, being weak isn’t the same as showing weakness. Please sweetheart, let us help you. It isn’t weakness to ask for help” he said softly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His words soaked into her; the energy of the Fade changed as the demon’s grasp weakened on her. Or so he hoped. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He moved to his knees, watching her morph and change. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Instead of the little girl, it was his love. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His Lady. Scar and all was curled into the beast.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I didn’t mean to, I almost-” she whispered her voice deeper, her husky dialect, still clutching the lion’s fur. “It’s my fault this happened, I-” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He shook his head, “No Liv, this is not your fault, it-” he moved to kneel at her side, more confident to hold her. “You fought it, fought it well. But you aren’t just a soldier, you’re more, you need to feel, more” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She loosened her grip on the lion’s mane, leaning towards him. “I don’t know how to let it go” she admitted, he opened his arms out, allowing her to slide into him, letting go of the spirit keeping her within the Fade. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Even when it hurts, even when you feel weak or afraid” he said gently, “It’s human. And there’s nothing wrong with that is there. Scared can be good” he said, repeating what she had said to Erin when she had been taken and rescued. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Scared will keep you fast” she finished for him. Looking up at him with green expressive eyes. He nodded, smiling softly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You remembered” he held her to him, feeling the tremble in her limbs. The emotion that threatened to awaken. It would hurt. It would burn her. But she could not stay as stone forever. The ways of her N7 past would put them all at risk. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Let go with me” he said softly, kissing her forehead. “Come back to me”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The fade swilled around them; the brown lion morphed into a blueish hue. Beyond the trees melted and turned to smoke, the floor falling under them.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He woke with a fast breath entering his lungs, and barely had a moment to readjust himself before he heard a sob from his lap.</p>
<p>He had seen tears fall from her eyes silently. He had seen the glassy unshed tears that threatened to fall, her stubbornness forcing them to retreat.</p>
<p>He had seen her sad and withdrawn. He had seen her tearful anger and barely contained emotional rage.</p>
<p>But Maker help him, he had never seen her cry.</p>
<p>She didn’t want to let go but she had no choice over the flood that had taken her. Being weak, being at the mercy of years of bottled emotion. The alternative was words. A living void… a tranquil.</p>
<p>She was too scared of the possibility that if she did let go, she might regret saving them. Staying here, having to deal with the turmoil of regret. She might be ruined by the overwhelming force that the Fade carried into her soul.</p>
<p>The pain wouldn’t kill her, and that was the worst bit.</p>
<p>He embraced her quickly, holding her as though she would disappear in his lap. The audible sobs and shivers racking through her frail form cut through the strings in his heart one by one.</p>
<p>“I’m here sweetheart, I’m here” he whispered, his eyes welling up with his own tears. Her head buried in his neck, while his face covered hers from view.</p>
<p>He saw Dorian hold Max’s hand, Victoria looking on them with tearful eyes. Solas looked as sorrowful as he could, his face barely gave way to emotion. But even Cullen could see the regret in the Elf’s blue eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry- I’m sorry. I didn’t- They’re- they’re… it’s real” she sobbed, “It wasn’t real, this is real. I should be dead-” came the rushing words, half of them didn’t have breaths between.</p>
<p>“No” He held her tighter, “No. You’re here” he whispered, “And you are real, safe, and very much loved. It isn’t your fault, it isn’t in your control. Just let go Liv”</p>
<p>She didn’t answer, only held onto him tighter, curling up so small in his lap that he felt like an Avvar holding her. He shifted her closer on his lap,</p>
<p>“Please don’t go. Not alone, don’t leave” His heart broke, teeth gritted.</p>
<p>As if he could ever walk away from her. His mystery. His woman from the stars, who had shaped the future and was changing the past. The strength of a thousand men but the heart of a lover. Her soul still attached to the childlike wonder he had seen in the Fade.</p>
<p>Not a soul in the room could imagine what she was going through, saving her galaxy, her people. To lose them, to never see them again. Her family her friends. Her technology or her stars.</p>
<p>To be so close to home, being on Earth… but so far.</p>
<p>For them to believe she was resting, gone and reaping the rewards in their heaven or golden city.</p>
<p>Instead she was here. Fighting their war.</p>
<p>Grounded.</p>
<p>“I will not leave your side, unless you send me away Liv” he stroked the back of her hair as his neck and chest became wetter with her tears.</p>
<p>Sobs not audible anymore but felt through his body, somehow that broke him even more. She was still trying to dampen her emotions. Ones that threatened her life, her soul.</p>
<p>He would be her gravity, her tether to the world. He would not let her fall.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Falling asleep?”</p>
<p>She opened her eyes, peering over the rim of the bath, the cooling bath, littered with Elfroot for her muscles that felt like they were burning from exertion and the cuts on her skin. Most of which Victoria had healed, the smallest ones had been left.</p>
<p>Cullen was knelt at the edge of the bath, his armour and shirt gone, strong arms leaning on the edge of the golden rim. He hadn’t left her side in hours, allowing her some privacy while she bathed.</p>
<p>She curled facing him, the milky water covering her for the most part. Up to the shoulder,</p>
<p>“Does it always feel this heavy” she murmured, looking into the questioning gaze flick across his beautiful face.</p>
<p>His hand reached out to stroke the back of her hair, flowing into the bath like a mythical creature. A Siren calling to the men at sea, drawing them in. He was no different.</p>
<p>“Heavy?” he repeated, rough fingers brushing the soft unscarred skin of the back of her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Feeling everything, letting the feelings run their course… it feels heavy, draining” she said, her own fingers sliding across his forearm. Wetting the skin and littering of dark blonde hairs there.</p>
<p>His fingers never stopped stroking her, a methodical bath and forth, never lifting off of her to start again. “It can do, especially everything in the Fade, but it will get easier, Liv”</p>
<p>She let out a quiet affirmative, curling up in the tepid water. Cullen reached for the plug to begin draining it.</p>
<p>“I feel so raw. I feel like the demon is still on my skin, in my head. Like no amount of bathing will get it off” she admitted, letting his hand work its way down her back and round the side. Lifting her into a sitting position and putting a plush purple towel around her shoulders.</p>
<p>“I know, believe me, I know how this feels”</p>
<p>The Circle, “Of course, I didn’t even think-“</p>
<p>“Hey” he said, “It’s alright” forgiving gold eyes pinning her, giving her a warmth, a bath never could. “It’s going to be alright Liv” his hand stroked the damp hair on her face, combing through the raven locks.</p>
<p>She believed him.</p>
<p>“So… the spirit, of protection, morphed into a lion… was there any particular reason?” he teased, lifting her out of the water so she would not hurt her healing feet. She glared at him while in his arms, both knowing exactly why the Lion appealed to her.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Finally! I’ve been looking all over for you!” Varric commented as Shepard made her way to his table, she immediately recognised a letter from Hawke on the table.</p>
<p>Probably an update from their slow travels around the Western Approach or simply a letter to tell them how bored he was. Hawke had been away for so long, she half wondered if the Warden and Champion would return now that there were soldiers and agents about the Western Approach.</p>
<p>“You didn’t think to check my quarters?” she teased, crossing her arms over her chest.</p>
<p>The day was now near to mid-evening, she had been in Undercroft for hours. Working away on Cullen’s name-day present with Harrit and Dagna. Only nipping to her quarters for a bathe before she went to do her rounds.</p>
<p>Varric chuckled, “You’re harder to track than you think. But you’re just in time. We almost had to start without you!” he commented.</p>
<p>“We couldn’t have that, could we?” she asked, still confused as to what Varric was planning. He gestured her over with a wave, walking her to the Tavern.</p>
<p>When they arrived it was emptied, no soldiers or nobles. The space was just for them. A massive long table, made of two usual sized ones, pushed together to accommodate all the inner circle around the edges. All accept Vivienne and Solas. She couldn’t be too shocked at that really.</p>
<p>“I found her. Deal her in Ruffles!”</p>
<p>Cullen gave her the widest smile of the group, sat beside Blackwall who simply bowed his head to her. Still managing a smile however. An empty seat beside the warrior, Dorian, Cass, Maxwell beaming at her, the Inquisitor gesturing to a seat beside him and Josie. Then Cole and Bull, an entire end of the table for him to accommodate his sheer size. The former giving her an enthusiastic wave.</p>
<p>And to her surprise, Hawke. Sat on the side of Varric, getting out of his chair. Barely a tan on his pale skin, black tufty hair and his red paint across his nose. Standing tall and sturdy, with his arms outstretched.</p>
<p>“Miss me?” he grinned, her face lit up. She ran to his opened arms, hugging him tightly. He reminded her so much of John it was easy to feel safe.</p>
<p>“I’ll take that as a yes?” he said, letting her take a half step back.</p>
<p>She cleared her throat, “What would give you that idea?” he smirked back at her. Shoving her lightly and getting back into his seat.</p>
<p>“Missed you too pastey face” he muttered, getting back into his seat. Varric sent him a grateful nod.</p>
<p>She stuck her tongue out at Hawkes remark and wandered over to Maxwell, he quickly got out of his chair, pulling hers out slightly as ever the gentleman. She thanked him as she sat, looking around the room.</p>
<p>“Where’s-“ she was cut off by a hand grabbing her leg.</p>
<p>“Shepy! You’re here!” came her answer, Sera’s slurred response. Shepard peeked under the table as the others laughed,</p>
<p>“Enjoying the ale, Sera?” she laughed, watching the Elf nod and crawl to the end of the table, managing to get into her seat. From her slouched position, Shepard didn’t expect her to be conscious for much longer.</p>
<p>Josie began dishing out cards, “I do hope I recall the rules. It’s been ages since I’ve played a game of Wicked Grace”</p>
<p>“Are we playing cards or what?” Bull shouted impatiently from his end.</p>
<p>Cassandra huffed, “Are three drakes better than a pair of swords? I can never remember”</p>
<p>“Seeker, remember how I said. “Don’t show anyone your hand?” that rule includes announcing it to the table” Varric teased, he got a glare from the warrior, Dorian smirking into his wine between the two.</p>
<p>“There’s a crown on his head, but a sword, too. His head didn’t want either” Cole said gently from the other side of Josephine.</p>
<p>Shepard giggled at Varric’s response, “Don’t talk to the face cards, Kid”</p>
<p>“You have enough people, I- I have a thousand things to do” Cullen said, stuttering slightly as Shepard sent him a frown.</p>
<p>Hawke let out a laugh, and began speaking, teasing ‘Rutherford’ about his uptight demeanour. She didn’t hear him as her mind swallowed her.</p>
<p>She had been taking up much of his time recently, pangs of guilt hit her that he had been neglecting his duties because of her. If she had simply been honest with herself, forgotten her N7 training. If she had just been stronger, more adapted, maybe the events of the week wouldn’t have happened-</p>
<p>“It isn’t you. He doesn’t like what happens tomorrow” Shepard blinked out of her inner thoughts at Cole’s words. Staring at the boy and smiling softly, thanking him in her head.</p>
<p>She felt Maxwell’s hand on her leg, squeezing gently to stop her intrusive thoughts. Cullen was looking incredibly guilty in his seat, an awkward silence around the table.</p>
<p>“Losing money can be both relaxing and habit forming, give it a try” Dorian encouraged the blonde man, giving him a pointed look.</p>
<p>“Curly if any man in history ever needed a hobby, it’s you” Varric added,</p>
<p>“Does smashing Shepard not count?” Bull commentated, grinning when Cullen glared at him, the other on the table shared a laugh at his expense. She reached her foot out to press on, she hoped, was his. His eyes snapped to her and softened.</p>
<p>How had she missed those looks he gave her when they hadn’t been together. Looks that others teased and saw when her back was turned, those soft searches on her face that felt so warm. He nodded, sending her a smile.</p>
<p>“Dealer starts. Ooh… I… believe… I’ll start at… three coppers! Do you think that’s too daring? Maybe I’ll make it one… No! Boldness! Three it is!” Josie said, Shepard enjoyed her babbling watching her shift and consider things quickly.</p>
<p>“Seriously?” Bull groaned, “Who starts at three coppers? Silver or go home” he said slamming his tankard back on the table.</p>
<p>“Sounds good, I’m in” Blackwall said, throwing his coins in.</p>
<p>Dorian did the same, “Bolder the better. I’m in”</p>
<p>“Me too” Varric said.</p>
<p>Maxwell nodded, “More money for me to win. I’m in” he turned to her, “Shep? Did I ever teach you how to play?”</p>
<p>She shook her head silently, looking at her cards puzzled, some had faces, others just symbols. Different numbers and patterns almost resembling tarot cards. “I don’t think I understand what means what?”</p>
<p>“Here, I’ll teach you” he said, putting his hand flat on the table, palm upright. She frowned at him, not understanding, when he gently took her hand. Looking pointedly at their now, joined fingers.</p>
<p>She now understood what he meant; he would give her his knowledge. He trusted her enough to use her abilities on him, she had wondered if any of them trusted her anymore. Darting her eyes to them, some weren’t even looking, drinking and filtering through their cards. They were relaxed.</p>
<p>She lit her biotics, eyes filling while she reached for a link to his mind, taking his experience of the card games. The rules and faces, the happiness and wonder he felt learning and playing with his soldiers back in Ostwick.</p>
<p>“Oh. I understand, thank you” she said softly, looking at her cards with new eyes. “I’m in. Just go easy on the new girl”</p>
<p>“So shiny” Cole said before throwing his silver into the pot.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The rounds continued, the cards kept going and the room began to get cheerier. Coins tossed into pots, won and lost. Her own pile had grown and shrunk.</p>
<p>“The poor recruit ran out into the dining hall in nothing but his knickers” Cullen continued his story, his arms gesturing wildly fuelled by the drink in his body.</p>
<p>“And this… profound silence fell over the hall as seventy Mages and thirty Templars all turned to stare at once. Then a slow round of applauds began. And spread until every soul was on their feet. A standing ovation”</p>
<p>“What did he do!?” Shepard said excitedly, getting slightly tipsy herself.</p>
<p>Enjoying that Cullen was relaxing, and even more so enjoying him having a tale of a good time in his time as a Templar. Seeing him so animated and carefree… happy even. She was happy to share his grins and laughs, she was so happy that everyone else could see him like this.</p>
<p>He did have a reputation for being uptight and serious. Glassy eyes met hers, a grin plastered on his features.</p>
<p>“Saluted. Turned on his heel. And marched out like he was in full armour”</p>
<p>The room burst in laughter, all exclaiming their own disbelief at his tale.</p>
<p>Varric slapped Cullen’s back, “That’s how you know it’s true! I could never put that in a book. Too unlikely!”</p>
<p>“You tell us one Shep!” Max slurred, “I know you’ve got a tale or two” he nudged her.</p>
<p>She hummed, looking at the expressive and glassy faces around the table. “I think I can manage that…”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“I practically sprinted through the ship after I felt it wobble” she said shaking her head, “My pilot says; ‘take pictures!’ through the intercom, too scared to come down himself. The intercom is like a system where I can hear anyone’s voice anywhere in the ship” they all shared a laugh.</p>
<p>“What happened then?” Varric said, leaning forward in his seat, hands planted on the edge of the table littered with empty and full ale’s.</p>
<p>Jugs of wine and whatever Bull was drinking that he refused to share with Sera, who, at this point, was passed out on the floor.</p>
<p>Shepard smirked.</p>
<p>“I got there just in time to watch her throw a chair across the room, damn near breaking the window” she leant forward,</p>
<p>“And then she said, ‘I will smear the walls with you bitch’”</p>
<p>The rest of them laughed, shaking their heads or gasping for breath. She joined in gasping for breath.</p>
<p>“Maker’s breath” Maxwell wheezed, nudging her with his shoulder. “You’re a braver woman than I… I mean man, wait no, not that you’re a man… what was I on about?” he slurred, looking into his glass.</p>
<p>Cullen’s roaring laughter snickering over the rest. She joined in, giggling and enjoying the stupidity of the conversation revolving around the room. She realised she had never been relaxed like this, not since the citadel… not since their last goodbye with all her crew.</p>
<p>“And the dealer takes everything! I win again!” Josie exclaimed; her pile of coins largely bigger than anyone else’s.</p>
<p>Cullen leant forward, “Deal again. I’ve figured out your tells, Lady Ambassador”</p>
<p>“Commander! Everyone knows a lady has no tells” she goaded him,</p>
<p>“Then let us see if your good fortune lasts one more hand” he said leaning back,</p>
<p>“This I have to see” Shepard said, leaning back with her legs crossed, sipping the dangerously strong wine that Dorian had insisted she and only she drink.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Don’t say a word Dwarf” Cullen growled at Varric, who was smirking into his drink.</p>
<p>Cullen currently sat stark naked on his stool. More than she, was admiring the man’s physique. She knew he was slightly conscious of his scars from the Circle, the jagged lines and burns that journeyed up his chest and shoulder. But he was tipsy enough not to care.</p>
<p>“I tried to warn you Curly” Varric chuckled, shaking his head.</p>
<p>Josie hiccupped before speaking, “Never bet against an Antivan, Commander”</p>
<p>“I’m leaving, I don’t want to witness our Commander’s walk of shame back to the barracks” Cassandra said, getting up on shaky legs and with rosy cheeks.</p>
<p>“Well I do” Dorian cheered with his wine, downing the rest of his glass and taking the hand that Maxwell offered the Mage, taking him from the room with sultry eyes.</p>
<p>The others filtered out, Josie taking Cullen’s armour with her, Blackwall carrying it like a sack in the mantle.</p>
<p>Bull throwing Sera over his shoulder “Whozat? Did I win?” she slurred, clutching a bottle in one hand.</p>
<p>Bull took her upstairs, while chuckling to Cole’s, “It comes off, I didn’t know it came off!”</p>
<p>Only her and Cullen were left at the table, him giving her a pleading look while she eyes him up and down, admiring his form. The table and both of his hands hiding his nether parts from her gaze.</p>
<p>She winked at him, draining her glass and also getting out her chair. Going to the fire with Varric, she heard Cullen’s chair scrape against the floor, quick bare feet padding up the Tavern stairs.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you joined us Siren, it’s too easy to mistake you for the Avatar of Andraste” he said, finally turning to face her once the naked man’s footsteps had gone quiet.</p>
<p>“I… enjoyed this. It felt normal” she said smiling,</p>
<p>“See, that’s what I mean” he nudged her, giving her a warm fatherly pat on the hand. “It’s easy to forget you’re not just an icon or symbol, like those statues of Andraste holding bowls of fire… at least it is for me”</p>
<p>She nodded, “Thank you for this Varric” she said honestly.</p>
<p>“You up for another game when this is all over?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Every time I play, I increase the odds of winding up like Cullen”</p>
<p>He chuckled, “I think that might convince Curly to play with us again”</p>
<p>“Still doesn’t help me” she winked.</p>
<p>“You’re never more alive than when you’re about to lose your pants, my friend…”</p>
<p>That was a story Varric would not tell anytime soon.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Maker” Cullen breathed, leaning against the chest of draws sucking in breath. Somehow, he made it to his loft without anyone seeing. He was sure he had Cole to thank for the lack of patrols that he crossed.</p>
<p>He clumsily put on some breeches, tying the laces with shaky hands. From drink, rather than his usual withdrawals.</p>
<p>“Comm-“</p>
<p>“Just a moment!” he answered quickly, he was sure he asked any reports to go to be put on the desk. Leliana making sure any urgent letters or parchments were seen by her while himself and Josephine enjoyed the evening off.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid, Commander, this is urgent” came the sultry reply.</p>
<p>He recognised the voice floating up the stairs now. He forwent a shirt as he descended down to his Lady, careful with his steps on the wooden staircase where his rickety ladder used to reside.</p>
<p>“Commander” she greeted from his desk.</p>
<p>Sat like the cat that captured the canary, in her black leather ensemble and <em>his</em> mantle on her body.</p>
<p>Cullen’s eyes roved down her greedily, sitting on the edge of his desk with his brown cloak around her shoulders. Her legs were crossed, long black boots hugging her shins.</p>
<p>
  <em> Maker she looks sexy</em>
</p>
<p>“Your Worship” he replied finally, his tongue said clumsily. Unknown to her that she was fulfilling a fantasy of his, her on his desk, in his mantle. Even before they were together.</p>
<p>“I do not believe that belongs to you” he said huskily, taking long slow steps towards her, stopping just shy of her legs. His hands gently touched her thigh, caressing her toned legs. Maker he really loved her legs.</p>
<p>She giggled, a soft but husky sound as a soft hand cupping his cheek. She pushed her chest out, he could faintly make out the hard nipples under the brown fabric, his eyes followed the long lines of her throat, upwards to her lips.</p>
<p>“Do I have you to thank for retrieving this?” his hands pried apart her legs so he could stand between them. The alcohol bolstering him to try intimacy with her, giving her time to refuse. He had missed her giggles, her smile and desire filled eyes.</p>
<p>“You do...” she teased, slightly breathless. His eyes darkened, hands grabbing her hips to pull her flush against his erection,</p>
<p>“How could I possibly show my gratitude, My Lady?” he asked, tilting her backwards slightly onto his desk, holding her thigh to him as her scorching core rubbed on his.</p>
<p>She grinned, cupping his chin in her hands, bringing his mouth to hers, not to kiss, but to feather her lips over his, bending him over the desk with her.</p>
<p>“It is not about thanks, Commander… however, now you will have to convince me,” she said, without another breath he crushed his lips to hers. Swallowing the moans that erupted from her throat,</p>
<p>The door flew open, “Commander, I have a- oh shit”</p>
<p>His lady was finally feeling better, finally flirting with him again. Allowing his touch and the fucking scout interrupted… again.</p>
<p>Cullen glared, cheeks pink from his state of undress and being caught with his lover on his desk. When Rylen heard of this he would never hear the end of it.</p>
<p>“What. Is. It.” He growled at the poor unfortunate soul who had cock-blocked him. He recognised the young man under his hood.</p>
<p>Jim, the unfortunate scout that had already interrupted them once on the battlements and the second time when he had her pinned to the bookshelf.</p>
<p>“Enchanter Victoria… wanted uh- a meeting with you- now Sir uh- I don’t do this on purpose!” He all but shouted and ran back to the stairs in which he arrived.</p>
<p>Shepard was laughing on his desk, resting her forehead on his bare chest, “I’m sorry, this might be important to the Acade-“</p>
<p>Her lips cut him off, “It’s alright Cullen, your Maker knows I’ve taken up so much of your time over the past few days. If you need my help with anything just let me know okay?” She said guiltily.</p>
<p>He sighed, kissing her lips, her nose, her forehead before pulling back with her jaw in his hands.</p>
<p>“My time, my free time. Is yours, to do with as you please,” he said honestly. It was a shorter version of what he wished to say, if he was a lord of a poet maybe he could express just how elated he was to spend even minutes in her company.</p>
<p>She smiled so sweetly up at him, holding his wrists. “Then come find me later, stay with me tonight… if- if you want”</p>
<p>He still wasn’t used to this, her little doubts and fears. He was usually the shy one in the relationship, not her. He found it strangely refreshing, not her worry but his ability to quash it.</p>
<p>“No man or beast, could keep me away from you,” he kissed her until she was breathless for good measure. Pulling away slowly, savouring her lips. </p>
<p>"I will need this, my Lady," he said, tugging at the cloak. She pouted, a childish reaction that made him laugh. </p>
<p>She sighed, "I guess I could gift it to you..." slipping her arms out of the holes and holding it out to him as though it was a precious sword. </p>
<p>Cullen accepted the cloak, wrapping it on his cooling skin. The venom of arousal receding in his body. As the wind ruffled the feathers, he caught the smell of her. The wonderful smell of her. </p>
<p>"It smells of you," he smiled, encouraging her to stretch against him with a hand on her back. Her own arms wrapped around his neck. "Divine..."</p>
<p>Shepard hummed, wrapping her legs around him once more. "Does that mean you'll be thinking of me in your meeting?"</p>
<p>"I'm always thinking about you."</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He rounded the rookery onto the second floor, once he had redressed in his armour… his cheeks burned at the thought. The alcohol in his system soaked in but sober enough he couldn’t help but feel the embarrassment. If his soldiers knew, they didn’t speak of it. Saluting him and greeting him as usual.</p>
<p>“Commander,” Victoria said, closing the large dusty tome she had been reading on the desk come table in the library. Several patrols wandering about with a few bodies littering the Spymasters room above.</p>
<p>“Enchanter,” he said respectfully. “Ah Oz, there you are,” he greeted the sleepy Mabari under the table, peeking her large head up from under the table, her stubby tail hitting a table leg as it wagged.</p>
<p>He was briefly surprised that his mutt had sought out the Mage, but they were excellent judges of characters. Victoria was a kind woman, intelligent and willing to aid anyone regardless of their background. She was usually found here in the library, conversing with Dorian or Helisma or Minaeve. Anyone really, he liked that about her.</p>
<p>“She has been wonderful company, albeit surprising company. I assumed when she came to me you were busy,” Victoria stroked the top of her head, chuckling in her throat when Oz tilted her head for her fingers to get the spot she wanted to be itched.</p>
<p>He took the seat gestured to him, his eyes roving over the books as he sat.</p>
<p><em>Enchanter Mesir’s Account of Rifts and Time</em> that looked relatively new. Other books were written in a language he couldn’t read, but understood the symbols to be Tevene.</p>
<p>“I couldn’t help but research… for her, find her something… anything,” she said, following his gaze, closing a worn journal she had been writing in.</p>
<p>Cullen frowned, “I fear we will not find the answers. How do we find answers over events that haven’t yet happened?” he shook his head. “She seems better, slowly but surely. I know, I know it’s eating her up, I see it in her eyes sometimes… like she's haunted.”</p>
<p>Victoria hummed.</p>
<p>“Forgive me, she is an easy topic to talk about,” Cullen said, angling his body towards the elder Mage, “You wished to discuss something with me?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she nodded a smile breaking out on her face, “But it is about Shepard” Cullen’s eyebrows rose. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted,</p>
<p>“I believe you should take her from here. Out of Skyhold, I mean. I believe it would do you both some good after the events in her quarters,” she said plainly, her deep brown eyes boring into him.</p>
<p>She wasn’t wrong, he had barely slept, a few times through-out the two nights he had slept in her quarters waking sweating, seeing her fall from the balcony. Needing to hold her and know she was there.</p>
<p>She the same. Dreams of falling, bolting awake and searching for him. The Fade showing her monstrous things. She would cling onto him, Oz would jump on the bed and cuddle her.</p>
<p>Both of them ever watchful of her if she would go to near to the doors.</p>
<p>“I- um where would I-“</p>
<p>Victoria passed him a pamphlet, “Oz came to me with this stuck on her paw, I assume it was from your office?”</p>
<p>He blushed when he took the paper, knowing he needed to tidy his office. Or gain some more shelves.</p>
<p>A leaflet that Mia had sent to him of the coming fair in Honnleath, his home was the parchment that was in his hand now.</p>
<p>Mia and the rest of the Rutherford family could not go, as the farm they had required more care in the autumn, from her letters they were doing well. Thriving even.</p>
<p>Alastair had rebuilt Honnleath a couple of years ago after the blight. A fair was now an annual event there, to commemorate. And remember those lost, it was to begin in a few days.</p>
<p>Mia had wondered if he would go and visit this year, as he had forgone the trip the previous year, though he was in Haven. The previous years he had been in Greenfell, or in Kirkwall. Unable to gain leave from the Order.</p>
<p>Maybe this was his year to pay respects… to take Shepard to his childhood home.</p>
<p>He had always dreamed of taking a woman he loved there… was his childhood wish coming true? Would she enjoy it? Would it just rub in the fact she didn’t have a home?</p>
<p>“It’s where you were born yes?” Victoria prompted, “I think it would be a lovely thing for you both to get away from the Inquisition, to be a normal couple. It’s the perfect excuse, this harvest fare”</p>
<p>He couldn’t lie, he had considered it. A trip, taking her away. Pretend he was a simple farmers boy and her a beautiful maiden he had wooed.</p>
<p>“But- the Inquisition, I couldn’t just-“</p>
<p>“Yes, you could,” she interrupted as though she was his superior,</p>
<p>“I already have the Inquisitors approval,” she slid over another parchment with Maxwell’s signature… with Josie and Lelianas also. All of them giving him and Shepard, leave. Days of it.</p>
<p>He stared opened mouth at her, she smirked. “I am an old woman Cullen, but I am not blind. You love her, and she you. Take her from here and let your love blossom, while you still have the chance,” her hand came on his.</p>
<p>The robes of her Mage’s coat resting on his metal bracers.</p>
<p>Mages and Templars.</p>
<p>War and planning, reports and invoices. He couldn’t deny the Inquisition was hard work, good work. It was his chance to atone, he relished it… but… he wanted this. To be selfish for a few days. A break.</p>
<p>“We don’t know what we could lose in this war before we win,” she said in a hushed voice, her honest tone and searching eyes reminded him of the woman they were discussing.</p>
<p>Friends and lovers.</p>
<p>“I…” she began to glare at him, “I guess I have no choice, lest I be turned into a toad for arguing back.” She laughed good naturedly at his teasing.</p>
<p>“Good lad,” she said happily, her Tevene twang returning. “I can look after Oz if you’d like, while you are away. I could use her in my lessons, only if you wished to leave her here.” Oz woofed, sitting up between the two.</p>
<p>“Enchat-… Victoria,” he corrector himself, “Thank you… I know you are a dear friend to Shepard but, I would like to think, you are a dear friend to me also,” he put his other gloved hand on hers.</p>
<p>She smiled gently, “You are a good man Cullen, if a bit slow,” she said. He nodded back, grinning, “Now shoo, make sure you take some Witherstalk.”</p>
<p>A blush crawled up his chest at the nonchalant Mage returning to her tomes, instead of the blonde man gaping like a fish,</p>
<p>“Maker, I- um, yes I will, of course for uh for,” he stammered while getting out his chair, much to her amusement.</p>
<p>“Medicinal purposes?” She offered, he nodded, slowly becoming redder.</p>
<p><em>Men</em> she thought amused.</p>
<p>“May I-“ he gestured to the stairs.</p>
<p>“Off you go,” she laughed, her amusement of his embarrassment making him practically fall down the stairs.</p>
<p>Oz tilted her head at her master, looking back at the dark-haired woman laughing at her now re-opened journal.</p>
<p>“He’s exactly the man I had hoped for her,” Victoria said to Oz.</p>
<p>She woofed happily back, agreeing with the elder woman. She planted her head in the human’s lap, purring when her hand began stroking down the top of her ears down her neck.</p>
<p>Oz sighed deeply, enjoying the scent of this human.</p>
<p>She smelled like master’s mate.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Cullen's shield idea. All grey with black lion (tweaked for the story) </p>
<p>Rights to https://propstoreauction.com/view-auctions/catalog/id/129/lot/24973/</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>I changed the Krogan head age, simply for dramatic flare.</p>
<p>But here is the fun BioWare Easter egg in Dragon Age and in Mass Effect!</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>DA2. Krogan head in Caer Oswin. (The Promise of Destruction)</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>DA2. Krogan head in Caer Oswin. (The Promise of Destruction)</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>DA2. Krogan head in Winter Palace. (Wicked Eyes, Wicked Hearts)</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>DA Multiplayer. Krogan head in Orlesian Chateau. </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>ME2. Darkspawn Ogre statue. (Kasumi's Personal Mission - DLC content)</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>I &lt;3 BioWare</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. A Lucky Coin*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shout out to StaciaShep for her help on this!</p><p>You are wonderful !!!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The dress Shepard will wear, FINALLY A SHE WEARS ONE FOR CULLEN - Taken from The Lord of The Rings. Arwen's beautiful dress as worn by the beautiful Liv Tyler. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Mia, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Forgive me for not writing as often as I should have over the last two years. I… I’m sure you’ve heard about Kirkwall. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Whatever you have heard of Kirkwall's rebellion, the truth is far worse; I would spare you that. What remains of Kirkwall's Templars have been under my command for the past few years.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We have done what we could to assist with the city's recovery—to restore some semblance of order over the last year. But my time here is done.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seeker Pentaghast has approached me. She wishes to stop the war between Mages and Templars. She has been recruiting men and women to the cause and wishes me to oversee the group's military concerns. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If the Conclave goes well, then we will not be needed. If not, we stand ready.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have decided to take Seeker Pentaghast's offer. The Circles have fallen. I can give no more to the Templar Order, nor it to me. The Maker has shown me a new path; I must take it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please write any letters to Haven, where I will preside in the future. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please tell Father… tell him I’m sorry. For everything.</em>
</p><p><em>Cullen. </em> </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Cullen, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We heard. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>To say Father is disappointed is an understatement. He is not speaking to any of us about it, I think he is confused... and worried. Becoming the youngest ever Knight-Captain in the Order and then leaving after another promotion?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I do not mean to make you guilty, but you should know, he refuses to spend your coin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish you would tell us about how you are really doing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We just… stay safe please. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We thought you were dead. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, </em>
</p><p><em>Mia. </em> </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Dear Mia, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m still alive. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please send any letters to Skyhold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your loving brother, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cullen. </em>
</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>”Dear Mia, I’m still alive.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Honestly, is it so difficult? We thought you were dead. Again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If the Inquisition was not on everyone’s lips, we would never have heard that their fine Commander survived Haven. We’ve been hearing strange things about the Templars lately. I am not sorry you left them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I thought your resignation was implied when you joined the Inquisition, but you meant something more, didn’t you? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please brother, a few more words in your letters would do wonders for our minds. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rosie is doing well; a few boys have asked for her hand. Father is yet to agree to any of them. Thank the Maker. If she runs off and elopes, I fear the wrath the lad will incur. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Branson… Bran’s little girl has arrived, Amara. She’s wonderful… his wife… Cullen, Bran’s wife didn’t make it. She went to her creator’s side, I hope the Maker aids her in finding them. Please consider writing to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jase is well, he is doing most of the farm work now. Father is aging Cullen, whether we like it or not. Alec still asks for his Uncle Cullen, and if you will send him a sword. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your nephew is stubborn. How very familiar. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s a fool’s errand asking you to stay safe, but please try. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>(See how easy this is?)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mia. </em>
</p><p>Inside the envelope was a folded parchment of paper. The top line reads: ‘The Annual Harvest Fete of Honnleath’</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Branson,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I… I have no words for Sara’s passing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shall remember her fondly from our few meetings, and wish you had more time with her. Amara is a beautiful name, please give her my love. If you require anything, please do write. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have encased a wooden rattle made by a friend. I hope it brings a smile to you both.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maker keep you, brother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cullen.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Mia,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have written and I will light a candle in our Chantry for Sara. I am unsure about Elven culture on death, but I shall find out and respectfully complete it to aid her in her passing. Amara is a beautiful name, I am sure she is the epitome of such.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I received your leaflet. I will consider going, but the Inquisition is keeping me very busy. Most likely I will be unable to. I shall continue to send coin for the family. </em>
</p><p><em>Cullen. </em> </p><p>***</p><p>She had it all ready in her room, her newly refurbished room. Harritt had practically rolled his eyes at her giddiness, though after the week’s events he indulged her. Laughing at her constantly thanking him and Dagna for their help. </p><p>It was a way to channel her emotions. Cassandra had been almost a teacher helping her through this. She had left the Seekers and discarded most of her training when she left. She had known how emotionally intense it was to… feel again. </p><p>Dorian had helped procure fresh sheets, candles and dinner. She had it all planned. The final piece in her hands, it was finally ready for Cullen. A thank you for what he had been doing for her over the last two days. For her entire time here really. Protecting her, being a shoulder to lean on, a friend to learn from. </p><p>She ran her hand over the shield as she walked up to her quarters, she was going to gift it to him for his birthday- name-day. </p><p>A similar size shield to his Inquisition crest shape he favoured. Made with silverite and dragon bone, the latter from one of the shipments Hawke had brought back from the Hissing Wastes. </p><p>Lighter than a standard piece but stronger too. In the centre of the dark silver was the impression of a lion’s head. A black lion roaring outward, made of the last pieces of her armour. Its mane curling outward into the silverite. </p><p>A memento of her lion, her small way of telling him that she wished for them to join in strength. She smiled thinking of the spirit of protection in the Fade, becoming how she viewed Cullen. Now it was etched onto a shield forever, made of materials from her home. </p><p>Shepard stopped on her landing. Stroking the lion’s head, her finger gently tracing one of the tendrils of the mane that reached the edge. Jumping when her door was wrenched open from the inside.</p><p>“Liv” he smiled, “there you are”</p><p>She gasped, putting the silk over the shield again, looking at the armoured warrior loitering in her doorway. </p><p>“Were you waiting for me?” she asked. He had slept in her quarters for the last two nights, and she had invited him tonight. But she hadn’t expected him so soon after his meeting with the Enchanter. </p><p>“Yes- I mean no,” he stuttered. Cullen was a shy man. Even with their relatively accepted relationship, he still struggled. Usually when he had something on his mind. </p><p>She rose her eyebrow. “Oh good, I’ve kept and not kept you waiting” He relaxed at her teasing, grinning with his hand massaging his neck. </p><p>“Can I come in?” she said to the wall of a man blocking the door to her quarters. He stuttered a yes, moving so she could put the shield down on the couch, making sure it was covered. </p><p>“So…” she prompted. </p><p>His eyes were watching the shield with suspicion. “We ah- have some dealings in Ferelden. I was hoping you might accompany me. They are in a few days so we have time to prepare and travel…”</p><p>“Is something wrong?” she asked, trying to work out why he would be so… twitchy. His hand clenching and unclenching on his sword, the other rubbing his neck. </p><p>“What?” the shocked word came flying out, he shook his head, “No! I would rather explain there… if you wished to go” he smiled, lips revealing white teeth.</p><p>“Mysterious” she teased, “Are you sure, you aren’t hiding something from me?” She stopped just shy of his chest, craning her head to faux-glare at him. </p><p>He laughed deep in his chest. “Never,” he whispered, leaning down to press his lips on hers, his hands grasping her waist. </p><p>“Though,” he pulled back after his lips had barely pressed on hers, “you seem to be hiding something from me.” He raised an eyebrow. Looking back to the couch, the red silk drawing his attention as much as her red lips. </p><p>He watched a little blush form under her freckles, her eyes darting to the side and back to him. “Well… Cole…”</p><p>Cullen immediately went stiff, remembering Cole’s words in the Tavern. </p><p>“He said that you didn’t like your birthday, but I wanted to do something for it” she gestured to the candles and dinner plates waiting for them. </p><p>“You got me a gift?” Wondering what could be under the silk. </p><p>She nodded, smiling happily when he cupped her jaw with a soft expression, he couldn’t remember the last time someone had got something for him. Disregarding Cassandra getting him the new armour, which was out of necessity.</p><p>“Well, I ah… just come here,” she said, turning her head and kissing his gloved hand. She held his other tightly tugging him to the couch. </p><p>She guided him to the gift, gesturing to the silk covered surprise. He watched her carefully as he reached for it, her thumb going between her teeth to suppress her grin. </p><p>He pulled the silk off the <em>thing</em> resting on the couch. A lion stared back at him; its teeth bared on a shield. A shaky hand reached out for to lift the shield, he expected heavy weight to latch onto his arm but his muscles barely had to work to lift if.</p><p>“What is it made from?” he asked, running his hands over the craftsmanship while one hand held it steady.  </p><p>“Silverite and dragon bone, and… my armour” </p><p>They were all precious materials but the last one. He spun his head to her, “Your- your armour,” he whispered, as he looked again at the black centre. He should have recognised it, the matte textured material, “But, that was the last of it, and-“</p><p>“And I gave it to you” she said, “so you have a piece of me when you’re in battle, I- I thought that if you had it, maybe I could protect you too” she said, her hands wringing in her lap as she perched on the couch. </p><p>He kept gazing at the lion, the significance of her giving him the last pieces of metal from her home. Since her pistol was lost in the rubble of Haven, her armour and omnitool were the only tangible things left. He had no words. </p><p>“Do… you like it?”</p><p>He blinked heavily at the wide-eyed woman sat on the couch, she thought his silence was a bad silence. </p><p>“Yes! Maker yes, Liv, this” he put the shield down, tugging her off the couch, his gloved hand cupping her jaw, lifting her face forcing her to look at him. Thumb under her lips caressing her. </p><p>“This, is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever given me” he assured her. A smile tugged at her lips.</p><p>“Really?” she said hopefully, darting between his eyes. </p><p>“Really” he replied, resting his forehead on hers. Soaking in the gesture of what this meant for her, for him. </p><p>“I’m going to try it on,” he announced.</p><p>He pulled the straps back, putting his forearm through and grabbing the leather handle for his hand. It was then he noticed the etching on the inside. </p><p><em>With You As My Shield</em> </p><p>He looked up to her, waiting for context. </p><p>“Canticle of Trials” she said, drifting her finger across the top. “The first one, mutter it sometimes when you’re praying… I have faced armies, with you as my shield. And though I bear scars beyond counting”</p><p>“Nothing can break me except your absence” they finished together. </p><p>“They are nice words,” she shrugged, cringing when she heard them. Sounding like a bloody idiot, not meeting his eyes instead looking at the black lion on his shield.  </p><p>“But, you don’t believe in the Maker?” he said with a frown.</p><p>“I believe in you,” she said, her fingers tracing the lion’s nose, stroking gently with one finger. </p><p>“Your faith is important to you, so it’s important to me,” she shrugged, as though the gesture didn’t mean much… it meant everything to him. </p><p>It was where they differed, he was a firm believer in the Maker. She did not. But she still respected and acknowledged his beliefs.</p><p>He gulped the words he wished to say, the three words that he desperately wanted to say to her. Not now, it had to be special, he had to wait. </p><p>He dropped the shield down on the awaiting couch, barely more on a soft thud could be heard as he advanced on her. Her lips feverishly met his, sucking on her tongue while his hands went for the buttons of her shirt. She shucked it off, her own hands going to aid him with his bulky armour. Letting it bounce and drop where it fell off his body. </p><p>He would never usually treat his armour in such a way usually, but with the hot need building in his gut, he couldn’t care less. </p><p>Their lips never stopped moving, caressing. The wet movements not enough for either of them. He kicked off his breeches, his black underwear taken with them, his hands fumbling at her laces. The world shifted as he was thrown onto the couch next to his shield. </p><p>Naked as the day he was born. The velvet was cold on his back and legs, cock resting on his stomach. Twitching when her heated eyes raked down him. </p><p>“You need a woman over you, Commander” she smirked at him when she saw his cock twitch again. Shepard slowly reached behind her, undoing the ties of her white breast-band, which did nothing to hide her peaked nipples. </p><p>She turned her back to him as it fell, teasing him with her partial naked body. </p><p>She continued the stop-tease, pushing the back of her breeches slowly down her thighs, taking her silk white with it. As she reached the floor, practically folding in two, her glistening opening was revealed to him. The rounded cheeks and toned legs, he couldn’t resist. </p><p>Cullen heard her gasp as he buried his face in her, lapping up the juices that warped his desire into a ravenous need. </p><p>“Oh, oh yes,” she groaned, hands gripping her shins for support. Cullen only managed a few long sucks of her clit before she tore out of his grip.  Pushing him back onto the couch once more with a cool hand to his scarred shoulder. </p><p>She straddled him, blown black eyes watching her every move, admiring her torso with his rough hands. Stroking slowly up her stomach and grasping her breasts. He rolled her nipples trough his fingers, listening to the changes in her moans for what felt best. </p><p>Shepard grabbed Cullen’s cock earning a grunt of approval, flaring nostrils was his only respite for breath when Shepard crushed her lips to his again, lining herself with his hardness. </p><p>“Maker’s balls” he groaned, willing himself not to spill right there and then. Cullen’s head connected with the back of the settee, heavy inhales through gritted teeth. Shepard sucked and bit at his neck, clenching and unclenching him, grinding her clit against him. </p><p>His rough hands stilled her hips, “Maker woman give me mercy” the lips left his neck, he could feel the bruises she had left behind aching, cold air washing his neck from the saliva she had left, or was that his sweat?</p><p>A pleasant shiver ran through her as his hands swept over her thighs, traveling up to smooth over her hips. His warm, rough hands travelled over her skin gripping her waist. In answer to his adoration of her body, she grabbed his shoulders. And began to move.</p><p>Her body trembled as her hips met his, a moan escaping her as she put pressure on his cock, driving it into her g-spot, though she tried stifling her noises by biting her lip, as soon as she began to move it was too intense moaning louder and louder with each thrust. </p><p>His beautiful face showed nothing but pure ecstasy - his dark eyes were hooded as he looked at her, a delightful blush colouring his face, neck and chest, a light sheen of sweat on his skin. His mouth was hanging open, sucking in breath and exhaling with moans. </p><p>His hair was in complete disarray, curled and bouncing off his forehead, she imagined she wasn’t much better. He licked his lips and connected them to her own. One of his hands leaving her breast to grip her hair, roughly threading through the curls.</p><p>The hand that steadied her waist moved to her hip, and then she felt pressure on her clit. His thumb easily stroking up and down her wet opening. </p><p>“Cullen- oh yes- yes” her breasts bounced with each thrust, legs clenching around his spread thighs much like her inner core. </p><p>Her walls fluttered against him, making it hard to move, she leant forward arching her back and attacking his neck with hot opened mouth kisses. </p><p>His legs moved to aid her, both hands on her hips bouncing her to his completion, no sooner had he filled her than he was holding her tight. Praising her in soft words, grinning in his post-orgasm bliss. She sucked on his trap and shoulder, humming as his hands stroked up and down her back. </p><p>“Hungry?” he asked the woman sucking at his skin.</p><p>“Ravenous” she replied. Squeezing her inner muscles, earning a hearty groan from him. </p><p>***</p><p>“Happy birthday, Cullen,” she whispered, kissing his chest gently. His skin was hot, heating her body as she pressed against him. He was lying on his back, sheet resting on the ‘V’ of his abdomen. </p><p>The sun was peaking over the mountains, breaking into a pink and purple morning. Officially Cullen’s thirty-second birthday… name-day. </p><p>“Thank you, sweetheart” he whispered honestly. Kissing her gently and soaking in the last few moments of her gift as they lay on her new bed. Their afterglow wiping away any harsh memories of the past few days that haunted them. </p><p>Thedas spun around them, stars rolling under the horizon and foot patrols syncing as the two lovers continued their adoration of one another in the morning’s hush.</p><p>“Varric has already organised the next Wicked Grace night, you know,” she whispered into his chest. Her hand was tracing the outside of his burn scar, his body burning with even more heat from their horizontal exercise. She was more than happy to soak up his heat. </p><p>“I am never playing cards with that Dwarf again,” his voice sounded even deeper from his tiredness, mixed with the drinks he had consumed.</p><p>She shifted under the grey linen that Cullen favoured instead of a duvet, her head moving to tilt up and look at the stubbled marvel that was her Commander. </p><p>His eyes were closed, a ghost of a smile on his face, as well as a blush. </p><p>“That’s a shame. Seeing you lose made me want to play cards more often” she teased. He shook his head lightly, fingers closing on her hip, while his other hand stroked the outside of the thigh that was resting on him. </p><p>“I do not need help embarrassing myself in front of you,” he admitted, peeking his eyes open to look down at her. </p><p>She giggled when he blushed even deeper. “You’re better than you think, broke all my walls down without trying… that and you’re utterly irresistible,” she said, kissing his chest, lips decorating the rise and fall of his laughs. </p><p>“Irresistible?” he said as she kissed him, the words muffling as their lips nipped and pecked. She hummed in agreement. </p><p>“I am simply grateful you bequeathed me a chance to… prove myself,” he said softly, rolling over to face her, their noses almost touching as they fell into each other’s eyes. </p><p>He grinned when he could feel her feet ending at his lower shins, reminding him how much shorter she was. </p><p>“It’s the other way around,” her hand cupped his stubbled face. “Cullen, you saved me,” she told the handsome warrior, his expression relaxing as a smile peeked out.</p><p>The words were too simple for what he had really done for her, countless times. Carrying her to Haven to the healers, carrying her to <em>his</em> cabin for medical treatment. Being her friend through the hardship, being her lover through the war. And it was only the beginning of their love. </p><p>“What’s wrong? I’ve never seen that expression” he asked, having seen her expression change as she thought on the last word. </p><p>Her walls had crumbled over time with him, her face more expressive, her body revealing her thoughts to him. But when he eyes went a little wider, her smile fell slightly and her nose crinkled like that, he didn’t know what it meant… yet. </p><p>She came back to him, looking back into his eyes. “Nothing… nothing, Cullen,” she kissed him before he could ask. “Just- I’m not sure what I would turn into if I lost you.”</p><p>“You’ll never have to find out,” he replied honestly, tugging her over to him. She shifted downwards so she could bury her head in his chest, their feet finally at the same level. </p><p>He did not feel apprehensive about what she was thinking. Not with the faint blush on her cheeks and the slim fingers digging into his back, holding him as though he would fade away. </p><p>He thought of the first Trial in his head, the one etched on the shield. He read it in his head, word for word. </p><p>
  <em>Who knows me as you do?<br/>
You have been there since before my first breath.<br/>
You have seen me when no other would recognise my face.<br/>
You composed the cadence of my heart.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Cullen, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I have so many questions! Mia is only letting me write a few. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We have heard of an Inquisitor Trevelyan and an Avatar of Andraste, a woman they call a Shepard? Please tell me about them! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They say they fell from the Breach itself!? Were you there? Are the soldiers handsome? Can we come visit?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All my love,</em>
</p><p><em>Rosie. </em>  </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Rosalie, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Inquisitor Trevelyan is a nobleman, a warrior from Ostwick. He is a kind man and faithful also. I respect him and consider him a good friend. I believe him to be the best person to lead us to victory, and peace. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Liv Shepard is… she is wonderful. She treats all fairly and with equal time, she is intelligent and patient. We adore her. The soldiers have said her eyes are like the Breach itself, a notion I agree with, they are quite enchanting. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They did fall from the Fade when the Breach began, the Lord Inquisitor with a mark on his hand and Shepard with her unique abilities. I carried her to haven, such was our first meeting. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I will not comment on the ‘handsomeness’ of my soldiers… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maker, I suppose some have agreeable qualities. <b>Do not ask me again.</b></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rosie, stay where it is safe. As much as I would enjoy it there is no time for a family visit, I command an army. I must keep them in top form, it is a long task but one I can do well to protect those in and out of the Inquisition. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do not elope with any man. No matter how ‘handsome’ he may be. I am not above sending soldiers and agents out to find you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your loving brother,</em>
</p><p><em>Cullen. </em> </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Cullen, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We were glad to receive your last letter. You sound happy. It’s been… never mind. I hope you are well. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’ve really done it now. Rosie is practically spinning with excitement. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Liv? Not the Avatar of Andraste, not Her Worship? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your last letter was far too vague. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Are you going to the fete? You never said?</em>
</p><p><em>Mia. </em> </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em> Mia, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I will write you a longer letter when there’s time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stop prying.</em>
</p><p><em>Cullen. </em> </p><p>***</p><p>His eyes wandered over to her for the – well, he had lost count of how many times. Shepard was riding Mako, in her armour, and he in his. Just in case. </p><p>A short trip down to Southern Ferelden should be relatively safe thanks to the Inquisition forces in the villages and strongholds keeping the peace. </p><p>The few trusted soldiers they had brought with them consisted of Bryony, who, with her outstanding performance in the tourney, had quickly earnt Cullen’s respect. </p><p>Jackson, a fairly new soldier from Ostwick, a good friend of the Inquisitor’s since childhood, and two of Leliana’s agents. A woman who goes by, Aofie, a city Elf from Denerim and a young man from Nevarra called Elias. </p><p>Oz, who he had not been able to convince to stay in Skyhold, was happily trotting beside them, showing no sign of tiredness.</p><p>Considering her aversion to horses, she rode Mako well. </p><p>The arch of her back leading to her rounded black leather covered cheeks. The long lines of her legs standing out against the light brown of her saddle and stirrups. When she would adjust, her legs would go taught, lifting upwards revealing more of her body to him. </p><p>“Maker,” he whispered, adjusting himself in his trousers to attempt to conceal the erection she had caused by doing nothing at all. It was not the first time on the journey she had done so. She was sweeter than lyrium, made him feel faith and strength better than the Chantry. He put his mantle over his lap so it wasn’t visible. </p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Cullen looked up to the side to see Shepard trotting next to him, “Everything alright? You’ve barely spoken.” </p><p>He stiffened slightly, he was usually quiet in front of his troops unless he was barking orders or getting to know them. They probably knew only what they heard from rumours about him whether about the Circles and his mistreatment of Mages. Or about work with the Inquisition. </p><p>He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to reveal, he knew that barracks could be worse than sewing circles. </p><p>“Simply enjoying my time away. It is rare I get to leave the fortress, even rarer to leave with you. Alone,” his gloved hand rested on her armoured one. The simple action made her smile so brightly, something he had missed recently. </p><p>“Sweet talker” she teased, blushing gently, either because of him or the crisp air. </p><p>“Are you alright?” he asked, breaking her day dream. </p><p>“I keep thinking which parts of Earth this could be. Looking around for landmarks… silly really, considering there’s almost two thousand years between us and… what I barely know” she let out a breathy laugh. Looking at her armour.  </p><p>“No” he interrupted. Gazing over at the thick outer forests of the Korcari Wilds and the uncharted territory beyond from their viewpoint on the tall hills in Redcliffe.</p><p>“It isn’t silly, you naturally look for the links in the world. You examine and find the reason; you are intelligent and curious. I love that about you”</p><p>He stiffened, cursing internally; wondering how much the others heard. He flicked his eyes over to her, finding her grinning and blushing deeper than before. Not just the cold then, he thought with a grin. </p><p>“Thank you, Cullen” she replied, smiling down at her hands, her expressions weren’t hidden from him as her hair was tightly wound in its braid down her head and back. </p><p>Their trotting continued, thankfully with no smart comments from his soldiers. Though he had no doubt they would speak of this behind their backs. Such was their right, he supposed. </p><p>The next day came, after camp was made and packed away. Giving the mounts and Oz adequate rest, this leg of the journey was on a dirt road with lanterns, already lit for the impending evening dark.</p><p>They had passed Redcliffe village hours ago, and were nearing the edges of Honnleath village. Mostly passing by farmlands and outposts. </p><p>“When will we arrive?” she asked, reaching for some ‘snacks’ as she called them, from the back packs resting on the mount’s back legs. Her flexibility and strength in her core making her able to twist back and rummage without falling. </p><p>He saw Jackson’s eyes briefly wash over her before returning forwards, clearing his throat and pointedly looking outwards of the group, staring into the fields and farms. He couldn’t blame the man. </p><p>“Not long now,” he remarked, watching the sun begin to set. </p><p>Farmhands and animals alike looking at the group pass, probably trying to work-out who he and Shepard were, and why there was a sleepy Mabari draped over the back of one of the mounts. </p><p>The Inquisition emblem on the guard’s chest plates probably giving them away, but he couldn’t be sure how widespread descriptions of either of them had gone.  </p><p>“Where are we headed?” </p><p>“Southern Ferelden,” he couldn’t resist teasing her, </p><p>“Very clever,” she groaned, adjusting herself on her mount. He chuckled low in his chest, reaching for her hand and bringing it to his mouth. </p><p>“Just let me take you,” he said huskily, low and quiet. A hidden meaning in his words. </p><p>“You have me, Cullen,” she whispered, eyes fixed on his mouth kissing the metal red striped encased hand.</p><p>***</p><p>The cottage he had hired for the two of them was just outside the village, so Shepard hopefully wouldn’t see any signs announcing they were in Honnleath. Every time he had seen one, he’d struck up conversation with her so she would look over to him. He felt giddy childishness in wanting it to be a surprise, grateful for the blanket of dark they arrived in.</p><p>The guards would be staying with them, but in the next attached wooden house. The rota was set and Aofie would scout ahead in the village tonight and the next morning, though he was sure Leliana had people placed in the town. They could never be too careful. </p><p>“Where are we?” she said, wandering into the cabin. A fire laid ready to be lit so she obliged, using her omnitool to activate a small incinerate into the bricked fireplace. </p><p>“Are we meeting someone? Do I need to prepare? You know, Josie didn’t even let me pack for myself?” </p><p>He followed her, listening to the questions thrown his way, entering the cottage, just the two of them. And Oz, of course, who raced up the wooden stairs to the bed. </p><p>He had no doubt the journey had tired out his poor Mabari, despite her training and the runs they both went on daily. </p><p>Almost daily. </p><p>“Maker, I will tell you tomorrow, woman,” he groaned, descending the stairs after he put their luggage near their bed. </p><p>Whatever Josie had packed for her was alarmingly light. He approached her carefully, making sure to keep his tone light and teasing, lest he get his nose broken by her fist. </p><p>He heard her huff, beginning to take off her armour. The thigh plates first, then the top. Freeing herself and draping it onto the small round dining table. She bent over, legs straight and behind up, undoing the laces of her boots. </p><p>Finally, alone. </p><p>She made sure Cullen had a good view when she bent over, going for the laces and loosening them one by one. She heard his breath quicken, heartbeat race. It was cheating, using her senses to gauge how he was feeling, but she couldn’t resist fuelling the hunger. </p><p>She viciously grinned when his large hands smoothed over her backside, gripping her hips tightly and bringing her backwards to connect with his growing hardness. He let out a grateful groan when she shifted and she closed her eyes in bliss, relishing the masculine sound.</p><p>“You were doing it on purpose,” he realised. She knew full well he was watching her little shows on the way. </p><p>She smirked, raising her back and arching it so her cheeks kept contact with his core, toeing off her boots and losing a little height in the process. </p><p>“I don’t know what you mean,” she feigned innocence, craning her arms up and raking them through his hair. She made sure to scrape her nails all the way to his neck. </p><p>She gasped when his nose made contact with her neck, slow, methodical kisses ending at the shell of her ear.</p><p>“You know exactly what I mean,” he growled, warm breath sending shivers from the delicate shell of her ear down her back. His heavy breaths punctuating his need on her skin.</p><p>“Maybe,” she drawled. “Maybe I simply wanted to see if I could make you ruin your trousers.” </p><p>Now he used his teeth on her, leaving impressions of his fingertips on her hips as he moved her arse to rub across his cock. Now painfully hard, he relented from doing any more, subjecting himself to the torture of fleeting passes of her cheeks, leather on leather. </p><p>He briefly wondered if she knew how much she affected him. A wonderful tugging sensation in his groin whenever he feels her, watches her. He probably could have cum in his pants just by watching her and twitching against the leather of his breeches. </p><p>“Now that is wicked, Your Worship. Perhaps I should ruin your trousers in retribution,” he offered, listening to the way she gasped deeply, the movements of her hips coming from her rather than him. </p><p><em>Yes</em>, he thinks, <em>perhaps I will.</em> </p><p>“You wouldn’t dare.” </p><p>The words leave her mouth as a taunt. Goading him. Telling him things he cannot do. But he will, and they both know it. </p><p>He hadn’t been rough with her, not subjected her to the dark desires of his mind. </p><p>“Judex,” he whispers, “that is your safe word.” </p><p>A constellation. The downturned sword, also termed ‘the Sword of Mercy’. If she said this, he would grant her mercy. </p><p>“Do you understand, sweetheart?” his voice was slightly softer, more serious and less of a growl. </p><p>Boundaries were important to him, especially since he had crossed many of hers recently. Forcing her to feel her emotions and be honest with him but mostly herself. But he would not do anything physically if she did not wish it. </p><p>“I understand,” she said seriously. She had used safe words before. And clearly, he was educated in such. Either from the naughty books he tried to hide under his bed, or from his conversations with Bull. </p><p>“Good,” he growled again, shoving her against the table, her arms landing with a grunt. No sooner was she craning her neck to find him when his hands landed on her back, keeping her bent over on the harsh wood. </p><p>One hand was in the centre of her back, fingers spread to keep her down, the other was putting pressure on her core, driving his finger harshly across the seam of the leather trousers that pressed into her. </p><p>“You’re been a bad girl… it’s about time I punish you.” </p><p>She surrendered to him, unable to keep the façade up. She wanted this, a rough quick fuck, him taking his pleasure from her, making her burn with want. Did he know how much he affected her? </p><p>He was keeping her pressed to the table with the wooden edge digging into her hips, how would he-</p><p>He grunted as he tore through her trousers. Arms tensing, threatening to break the knuckles that held his bracers in place. Her seams did not last, ripping under his fingers as he tore through the backside. The waistband intact but the breeze working its way onto her skin told her that the entire middle of her backside was exposed, save for her lacy smalls. </p><p>“C-Cullen!” </p><p>He stepped forward, kicking her legs apart and bending over to speak directly into her ear. From the corner of her eyes, she could only see a slight beginning of curled hair and his stubbled mouth. </p><p>“I told you what the price of your little game was. Now unless you need to say the word, or moan my name, you will not speak unless spoken to.” </p><p>She nodded, wordlessly. Basking in the lack of stimulus. She couldn’t see what he was doing and she was only allowed to listen, to <em>feel</em> what he was doing to her. </p><p>Rough fingers spread the flaps of leather on her cheeks, working underneath them and grabbing her flesh. Hints of pain began before he let go and kneaded again. </p><p>“No, I don’t think so,” he said when she bucked her hips at one of his harsher grabs. </p><p>He ripped harder at the cloth this time, tearing the flaps away from the waistband, both strips hanging uselessly off her thighs. She had never had someone rip the clothes off her, never had a man dominate her in such a way. </p><p>“That’s much better, sweetheart… now we will begin.” </p><p>She wasn’t ready for the slap of his hand on her arse, his hand rubbing the red area of the slap, dulling the sharp sting. More noise than slap. He must have taken her gasp as pain rather than shock. </p><p>“Was that alright… do you need-”</p><p>“Again.” </p><p>She felt the stillness in the air, she had given him an order when he was in charge. Soft wet lips pressed on her cheek, the one not yet graced by his hand.</p><p>“Good girl,” he whispered, sucking the flesh into his mouth for a moment and popping as it released.</p><p>She waited for him to move, shift, do something. Waiting for orders. Leather creaked behind her, his belt buckle’s tinging bouncing off the walls. She felt the edge of his cock graze her sensitive behind, just briefly as his impressive length bounced out. </p><p>“Please,” she begged, unwilling to stay still. He indulged her, slapping her right cheek again, pressing his fingers into the red flesh.</p><p>His fingers danced along her seam again, only soaked lace between him and her heat. </p><p>“A little more, I think… I want you mewling… I want you to scream my name so the soldiers outside who watch you, admire you, will know that I am the only one who can have you like this,” he growled as his finger danced on the edges of her lace, teasing her soft skin and textured pattern. </p><p>He spanked her again, this time enticing a moan from her mouth. He rubbed the spot, heat under his hands while his other stroked his throbbing cock. </p><p>He spanked her again, two in quick succession. He shuddered with the power he held, indulging in his dominance with a powerful woman as his submissive. Her moans high pitched mixed with shock. </p><p>He couldn’t take anymore, his rough hand pumping up and down his cock no match for her tight heat. He grasped his cock, pulling it up and down her slit. She groaned in frustration, fingers tightening on the table when she heard him laugh. </p><p>“Fuck,” he muttered as he pushed inside her tight heat, the lace crowded on the side of his cock, a pleasant cool sensation. He pulled back slowly, grinning at the whimper directed at the wooden table. </p><p>He pulled back again. “Do you like that? Me inside of you? Filled with <em>my</em> cock?” He punctuated the word ‘my’ with a sharp thrust to fill her to the brim again. His thighs and arse tensing as he thrusted, slapping his hips into her behind, her generous muscle there overlaid with the beautiful jiggling flesh that wobbled with each slap. </p><p>“Yes!” she moaned, unable to keep her hips still, her forehead was resting on the table, arms grabbing the table for support. </p><p>“Beg,” he ordered. “Beg for me,” he sneered down at her back. She clenched him in defiance for a moment, before his hands were back on her velvety flesh, reddening them even more with his slaps and rubs, she felt hot under his hands.</p><p>He was closer than he’d like, he needed her to want him. Need him. He could smell how much she wanted him, but he needed to hear it. </p><p>“Please, Cullen,” she moaned, her forehead hitting the table, back arching and legs lifting so she was on her tiptoes to angle her cunt and gyrate against him. Desperate for relief. </p><p>“Please, please take me,” she asked, no, begged him. </p><p>“It would be my <em>pleasure</em> , my Lady.” </p><p>The volume of his groans rivalled hers, telling her just how far gone he was, intoxicated enough to not give a fuck about the soldiers at the door or in the adjacent cabin. </p><p>She was starting to writhe against him again, her hips matching his brutal pace as best she could forced onto her toes. His hands made it so she couldn’t move anymore, could only hang on as he rammed her over and over. His cock filling her to the point of stretching pain around her entrance, balls slapping on her clit with every tilt of his hips.</p><p>His eyes were drawn to her cunt, his hands spread her cheeks to get a better view of her body taking his cock over and over, disappearing where his eyes could not see but oh, he could feel how she gripped him. Little hot spurts of fluid seeping down his cock pooling at his base, soaking his own leathers, around his cock as he violently thrust into her.</p><p>He had to grit his teeth when he felt her tighten around him, the hot torture of her walls. The sweet scream that left her lips, signalling to him she was close. He kept his pace, making sure to add a spank in every now and then, just for good measure. </p><p>“Sweet Maker,” he groaned, eyes briefly shutting under the dragging sensation of her walls on his sensitive cock. Cullen continued to ravage her through her orgasm, her own moans littered with praise for him. </p><p>“Oh Liv, yes!” he growled, head falling back and clenched eyes facing upwards as he came, hot spurts emptying inside her as deep as he could. Hands aching on her hips as he held her down, like he was holding the reigns to an exotic animal. </p><p>His last few thrusts made her armour rattle and cascade over the table, loud banging echoed around the room. </p><p>The door creaked open. “Sir, we heard a-”</p><p>“If you open that door any further, soldier, and I turn and see your face, I will send you to the Hissing Wastes,” he barked. He stroked Shepard’s cheek with his palm, comforting her as her wobbly legs struggled to hold her weight. </p><p>“Y-yes Sir.” </p><p>The door creaked closed again. He eased himself out of her, gasping as he did. Feeling the familiar delicious soreness against his cock, he tucked himself back in gently, still half hard in his opened breeches and tight undergarments. </p><p>He encouraged her to stand, stretching her back against him. He kissed her neck over and over, humming against her skin. Gently using his fingers to straighten her underwear over her core again. </p><p>He chuckled darkly when he felt warm slick fluid touching the edge, soaking the lace with their juices.</p><p>“Do you think he saw?” she asked, tilting her head into his sweaty neck. Having pounded her while wearing full armour, he was slick everywhere, feeling the droplets of sweat run down his back.  </p><p>Cullen chuckled, winding his arms around her waist. “Probably… I’m sorry-”</p><p>“I’m not.”</p><p>He blinked at her words like a fool, letting her spin in his arms and continue holding each other. The afterglow of trust and desire winding down to comfort and… love…</p><p>Doubt hit him when he shifted against her behind and she hissed. </p><p>“Was that- was I too rough, I’m sorry about your um- you know…” he said, trailing his fingers across her waistband. </p><p>She laughed back at him, shaking her head in his neck. “I liked it… I really liked it.” </p><p>He pulled her head back by her hair, threading his fingers in her braid. “So… you would indulge me again? And with other… things?” he blushed, feeling the heat from his face build. </p><p>“Yes,” she said, “No shame or sin, remember.” Her head tilted, soft curls curling from sweat. Her face flushed and happy, so very beautiful to him. </p><p>“Maker, I-” he gulped, “I am a lucky man.” He closed his eyes, smiling in genuine happiness that she didn’t think he was odd or vulgar. Humbled by the genuine trust between them. </p><p>“I hope Josie packed me spare trousers.”</p><p>***</p><p>He was fidgeting with his sword, the only thing keeping him from pacing waiting for Shepard to arrive in the village. He had gone ahead to scout with Jackson, Elias and Bryony. Leaving Aofie to escort Shepard to the centre of the town. From Jackson’s blushes every time he looked at Cullen, it was fairly probable he was the one to walk in and find his Commander balls deep in Her Worship. </p><p>After conversing and meeting with the Captain of the guard here, he was confident the security was up to standard, making sure the Captain knew they were here for personal reasons. If anything, he was excited to have the Inquisition here. </p><p>“Did you see her? A noblewoman for sure,” someone said as they passed him. </p><p>“With an armoured knife-ear?” </p><p>He frowned thinking of who they were speaking of. Mia had mentioned that nobles had been coming here, as the market grew in the small village. A chance for them to be… ‘normal’. </p><p>“Is she from Denerim? She had a Mabari?”</p><p>“No, not in that dress, maybe Free Marches?”</p><p>“Maker, she’s somethin’.”</p><p>The others looked amused at the passers-by, until they stopped laughing. Wide eyes pinned over his shoulder. Jackson blushed beet red.  </p><p>He turned in time to see Shepard. Wearing a flowing lilac white dress, with an attached cloak and hood. Arms free in the wind, no bustle or corset, simple. Her hair flowing down her back, curls free and wild in the wind. Slight makeup on her eyes and a shy smile on her lips. </p><p>“Maker’s breath,” he whispered, his mouth suddenly very dry. </p><p>If he wasn’t admiring how the silk washed down her body with every step like water, he might have seen the glances and looks sent her way. </p><p>“It turns out Josie packed me… well this,” she gestured down to her skirts. Grabbing the sides and flowing them outwards. </p><p>“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on,” he said confidently, taking her hand and bowing to kiss it. He felt it shake slightly, was she so nervous in a dress? Had he discovered a new side to her?</p><p>Her cheeks flushed. “Th-thank you,” she stammered. She blushed so prettily. He grinned, rising to his full height and offering her his arm. </p><p>“My Lady, please allow me to escort you,” he said, stepping to her side. She grinned back at him, eyes darting to his lips and back. </p><p>They could kiss if he wanted, but he refrained, loath to draw more attention to her. He was at a loss, being so public with her. </p><p>They walked side by side, her hand tucked into the crook of his right elbow. Her other hand would sometimes join the other, squeezing his bicep, commenting on his form. To which he would blush and laugh. </p><p>Soldiers and folk alike watched as she passed. As much a mystery as she was eye-catching, it was her turn to laugh when Cullen glared at a soldier looking a bit too much at her. The man straightened and went to attention as if Cullen was his Commander. </p><p>Oz happily enjoyed the attention of mostly children that would come to them and ask to stroke her. Cullen indulged them naturally, even if the children slowed their walk to the centre of the markets. </p><p>“Here we are,” he said, looking at the market stalls, taking in the smells of cooking meat and fresh fruit pies. Bunting across the roofs in Ferelden’s banner, people and children running and laughing. Ale already flowing in cups despite it only reaching midday. </p><p>“What are we doing here, Cullen?” she asked. “This looks like a celebration?”</p><p>He looked down at her. “Do you like it?” </p><p>She grinned, staring around. “It’s like in a vid,” she said, he didn’t really understand the word, but he could ask another time. “It’s so beautiful, where are we?” </p><p>Oh, he loved her words, calling his childhood home beautiful. Enjoying the simple delights of his time. </p><p>“This is Honnleath, this is where I grew up.” </p><p>She turned to him quickly, a happy, shocked expression. “Really?!” He nodded, watching her grin again, looking around at the people and market stalls. The sky a clear blue, with the autumn sun giving a light warmth to the people. </p><p>“It’s been rebuilt of course but… I should like to explore… with you,” Cullen said. She nodded eagerly. </p><p>“Come,” he walked her to a stall frying meat, paying the man for a slice of the venison. A delicacy here, he explained. </p><p>Oz pined at their side for a bit of the meat, sitting and pawing Cullen’s thigh. </p><p>He offered his Lady a slice first, trying not to get any harder as she moaned and chewed. Memories of last night awakening in him. </p><p>They walked hand in hand, forgetting anyone else around them. She would ask him questions and ask for stories; he would indulge her. Speaking fondly of his family or friends, how be admired the Templars and wanted to be just like them. </p><p>“Is this a golem?” she asked, looking at the statue in the centre of a wooded grass green. </p><p>“Indeed.” The stone golem was looking upwards, arms raised. With stone birds around it. “My Uncle Matthias had a control rod to activate it. Cousland saved his daughter, my cousin, from a demon and the crazy fool activated it. And made friends with it,” he recounted with a shake of his head.</p><p>“Why the birds?” she asked, her hands resting gently on the wood, one of his own was on the middle of her back. It was not exactly appropriate but he couldn’t help himself. </p><p>“Apparently, the golem hated birds. For um… defecating on it while it was stuck. We used to play around it, even climb it as children,” he grinned, “I got a stern word or two from father when he found out, but mother was always amused.”</p><p>She gently moved closer to his side at the mention of his mother. Her hand coming around to rest on his chest, her bright gaze focused on his face. </p><p>“I believe Alastair had a new one commissioned to commemorate it,” he shrugged, blinking away the unshed tears that had formed as he thought of his mother and her kind blue eyes.  </p><p>“Explains why they brought it along really,” Shepard mused. </p><p>“How so?” He asked. </p><p>Shepard looked up at him, “Well a dragon is just a big bird, isn’t it?” </p><p>His laughter carried off into many parts of the courtyard. Holding his love close, he kissed the top of her head with a grin. </p><p>This was his new favourite memory in Honnleath. </p><p>***</p><p><em>How did I get lost in a tiny village?</em> She sighed to herself, having left Cullen’s side with Oz to relieve herself. </p><p>She was sure Cullen had ordered Oz to stay by her side, almost falling over the hound when she opened the stall to find the grey Mabari waiting for her. </p><p>If she had seen a map or had instructions, she could navigate but noooooo, Cullen just had to keep it all to himself. At least she had Oz, never did she think that a dog would be one of her most trusted companions. She rolled her eyes at the thought, moving around the bricked wall that made the bath house exterior. </p><p>“Leave it alone!” a boy cried. Shepard frowned, moving towards the noises. </p><p>A cat’s screech came next, followed by the thud of a weight hitting a fence. </p><p>“Stupid commoner,” she heard, followed by a grunt.</p><p>She frowned at the child’s tone and language. Quickly rounding the corner of the next building to find a group of young boys in a semi-circle around something against the wall. </p><p>“Get off me!”</p><p>She strode quickly to the boys. “What is going on here?” she shouted at them. They turned, fearful young faces that could not have been older than ten years old. </p><p>“He tried to rob us!” one of them shouted, a posh Ferelden accent. Oz growled menacingly. Fear washing off the twitchy group ahead of her. Trapped in the alley by her and her large grey mass of fur and claws. </p><p>Another stepped forward. “He’s a common thief.” </p><p>“I- I didn’t!” the boy pleaded; she still couldn’t fully see him behind the bodies of the young boys. Oz woofed. There was her answer. </p><p>As she neared, she saw no empty pockets of the clearly noble young men. Their clothes pristine and fancy colours. One wearing a flat cap, a deep brown that looked made to last, not to look fancy. It didn’t match the rest of them, wearing bright colours and intricate designs. </p><p>She snatched the hat off the boy, looking over their heads to see a young blonde boy on the ground, his shirt torn and one shoe fallen off. He didn’t meet her eyes.</p><p>“Is this true, young man?” she asked the blond boy. Ignoring the wide-eyed stares from the three boys she assumed were nobles. </p><p>He shook his head, too scared to speak. He looked more common than the noble boys. But not a pauper or one who would need to rob. </p><p>“He’s a liar!” </p><p>Oz started growling at the child, it was all she needed. </p><p>“We need to teach him a lesson,” the tallest, and chubbiest of the group shouted. Bullies. The blonde boy flinched, covering his face to protect himself from an attack. Shepard strode in front of him, flowing skirts and all and glared down at them. </p><p>“Get out of my sight. And so help me if I see you near this boy again. I will open a rift and send you to the Fade,” she growled. She couldn’t actually do that, but the indication she could…</p><p>“You can’t-”</p><p>She flared, angry green eyes lighting up. “Do you understand?” she repeated with a duel toned voice. </p><p>“Demon! Yes My Lady! We’re sorry! Please don’t hurt us!” </p><p>A torrent of apologies and begging came from the three boys.  </p><p>She was pretty sure one of them pissed himself. </p><p>“Be gone,” she said calmly, flicking her wrist. </p><p>Letting them run away with Oz chasing after them in a slow trot, snapping her jaw with no real malice. She watched them turn the corner of the entrance to the alley before turning her attention to the sniffing boy on the ground. </p><p>She reached for the small boot. “Here” she said gently, not realising she had scared him too. Maybe she had chosen the wrong tactic. He looked up at her, dark brown eyes, almost as black as his irises stared back. </p><p>“We can’t have you walking with one boot, can we?” </p><p>He offered her a weak smile, shaking his head and lifting a slightly dusty socked foot. </p><p>She opened up the laces, offering the shoe for him to put on as she balanced on the balls of her feet. “Was there a cat? I heard a screech.” </p><p>He nodded, slipping in his foot into the boot. “They were throwing things at it.” </p><p>She rested his foot on her knee while she tied it, getting the hat from under her upper arm and placing it back on his curled blonde mass. </p><p>“It was very brave of you to intervene. There we go, good as new,” she whispered, still crouched in front of him. He kept his face hidden from her, low and still sniffing. A weak ‘thank you’ came from him. </p><p>Oz trotted over, having chased away the noble boys. She kept her distance from the boy, and he from her, shying away. Scared of dogs? Probably. She motioned Oz to keep watch at the end of the alley, whispering a small command to him. </p><p>“I’m sorry I got m-mud on your dress,” he pointed to the slight muddy mark shakily with dirty hands. If he was of a lower class, he would probably be fearful of retribution. </p><p>She laughed and shrugged, staring down at the minimal bit of dry dirt that had marked the lilac silks, “It’ll wash out, it is just a little mud. No harm done.” </p><p>“But father says that noble ladies don’t like the mud,” he said, peeking up at her, shocked by her answer. </p><p>She laughed outright, offering him a hand up as she raised herself to full height. “I’m not a Lady like a noble, so I can roll around in the mud all I like.” </p><p>He giggled. “Then why are you in fancy clothes?” he asked, pointing to her dress. </p><p>She lifted the hem of her dress to reveal her brown riding boots, hidden by the long lilac hem. Boots similar to his, sturdy and made for harsh weather.</p><p>“Not all of me, shhh though. It’s a secret, I just couldn’t bare wearing those stupid slippers the noble Ladies wear,” she said in a hushed tone. He giggled again, wiping away his tears with his sleeve. </p><p>“Are you alright now?” she asked, he nodded weakly. “What’s your name?” </p><p>“Alec. Alec Wilson,” he said, taking off his hat. It looked almost like he was about to bow to her before putting it back on. Someone had taught him proper manners.</p><p>“Well, Ser Alec, shall we go back to the festival?” she said, holding her hand out. His small one slipped in hers, taking small steps to the end of the alley. </p><p>Oz came to her, standing at her side slightly pressing her weight into her thigh. </p><p>“Uh…” she said audibly, looking left and right, the two passages looked the same, high wood and stone houses with the same coloured roof tiles. </p><p>A small giggle made her look down to her right. “I know the way!” he said tugging her to the left. “I’m cleverer than I look” he said. </p><p>She frowned at his words. Wondering if the interaction with the boys was the first of its kind, and why he would need to justify this. Oz stayed at her other side, Alec occasionally cast a wary glance at the hound but happily weaved around the houses and corners with ease. </p><p>“Nice work Alec, do you live here?” she asked, keeping her stride slow. </p><p>He shook his head, “No, but Ma brings us to the festival every year. She used to live here!” he was cheery now. Even looking up at her now and again with rosy cheeks and a wide smile. </p><p>“Alec!” a loud Ferelden voice boomed as they entered the courtyard. All the market stalls and crowds were still bustling with coin and trade, singing and dancing. </p><p>She turned to see a broad, tall brown-haired man striding towards him with a blonde curly haired woman in tow. Weaving in and out of the people to get to them. </p><p>“Maker, boy, where have you been?” he said, grasping the boy’s shoulder, looking between her and she assumed, his son. They had the same the eyes. </p><p>“Oh, Alec,” the woman said, looking at his clothes. “What happened?” </p><p>“A group of boys were being quite mean to a stray cat. Your son courageously intervened and they attacked him. I sent them away with a warning and in return, Alec kindly escorted me back to the courtyard. I managed to get lost and would be hopelessly wandering without your son’s help,” she said, earning a wide smile from the lad, he dropped her hand and took off his hat again. </p><p>“Those bloody shits,” the man growled, bringing his son into a hug. His toned arm spoke of a job requiring heavy lifting. Not quite the powerhouse that Cullen was, but leaner.</p><p>“Jase, language! I’m sorry, my Lady, thank you for looking after my son,” the woman said, standing shorter than herself. Her dress a beautiful deep brown with dark lace. </p><p>Shepard nodded. “It’s no trouble, if anything, your son helped me. You have raised a heroic young man, you must be very proud.”</p><p>Oz woofed in agreement. The blonde lady looked at the pup with a smile, holding her fingers out to sniff, the Mabari gave her a lick. </p><p>“We are, my lady. Thank you,” the man, Jase, said. “I wish we could repay you.” </p><p>Shepard shook her head, “No, please allow me to give you something for a new shirt for Alec.”</p><p>“No- it’s quite alright,” the blonde woman said with a slice of her hand, a gesture that made her look as though she was the female double of Cullen. </p><p>“But Ma- I could buy some armour like the knights!” the boy said innocently, oblivious to the uncomfortable posture his mother was expressing. </p><p>“Now you sound like your Uncle C-”</p><p>“My Lady!” </p><p>They turned to see Jackson, jogging towards her in his full armour, clanking his way towards them. “Your Worship, Maker, I found you,” he saluted with a red face.  </p><p>“Please forgive me, we have been looking everywhere, we thought the worst if not for Aofie spotting you,” his words bursting out between heavy breaths, as though he had been running around the market and village. She spied a body lying on the roof overhead, a green hood hiding a grin. </p><p>She sent the woman a nod, and was returned with a hand gesture. </p><p>“It’s alright Jackson, I just got a little lost.” He looked slightly bemused still sucking in breaths. </p><p>“The Commander had us searching around-”</p><p>She took pity on the man trying to explain himself. </p><p>“I was fine, truly,” she said to the soldier with a hand on his arm. Turning back to the boy and his family, she saw the wide-eyed adoration of the man in full armour. </p><p>“Alec,” she said, bending her knees to his height, and going onto the balls of her feet again. “You know what is the most important part of a man or woman’s armour?” </p><p>He shook his head, wide dark eyes flicking between her and Jackson. </p><p>“What is underneath the armour. A brave heart, and a kind soul,” she said softly. “If you have those, then you are halfway to becoming a knight.” Taking his hands in hers, pressing the coins she had concealed into his hands. He grinned even wider, realising she was giving him the funds for some gear. Or sweets. </p><p>“Thank you-” he said quickly, “Oh- I don’t know your name.” She let go of his hands, the tingle of coins audible when he put them in his pocket. </p><p>“My friends call me Shepard,” she said gently. </p><p>“My Lady, the Commander was very insistent I bring you back as soon as I found you,” her guard reminded her, most likely worried about the wrath he would incur. </p><p>“Yes, Jackson, I suppose we should get back and face his ire,” she said dryly, earning a small laugh from her soldier. She looked up into the woman’s eyes to find her slightly shocked. </p><p>“I hope we meet again,” Shepard bowed her head to the adults, Jackson following suit behind her. </p><p>They bowed back. “Something tells me we will,” the blonde woman said, blue eyes soft and her smile genuine. That woman looked familiar somehow.</p><p>Shepard took her leave, Oz pressing at her side and Jackson’s clinking armour behind her. </p><p>***</p><p>The three watched the woman in silk walk to the courtyard steps, a man in feathers dishing out orders to a range of soldiers, men and women, of all ages and races. </p><p>As she approached, one of the soldiers pointed, the man turned quickly and embraced her before pulling back, arm gestures wildly flying. She couldn’t hear what he was saying but from the lowered eyes and stiff postures of the soldiers he didn’t look happy. </p><p>In the middle of his rant, she grabbed his face and kissed him, coaxing his mouth to open and he kiss her back with equal enthusiasm. They looked quite the picture, passionately kissing, her the picture of femininity in her lilac dress and he in armour. </p><p>Still holding his cheeks, and he her waist. The woman in the dress spoke to him. She watched as the man visibly calmed, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a large breath. The woman giggled at this, and watched happily as he smiled. </p><p>He smiled until his teeth showed, laughing at something the raven-haired woman had said. Their soldiers looking at the two with happy crinkling eyes, others grinning at their feet. </p><p>“Should we go and say hello?” Jase asked his wife, watching his son ‘hide’ the coins from them while counting. </p><p>Mia shook her head, watching with soft eyes at her brother’s clear happiness.</p><p>He looked so well, a tan to his skin, his body full and muscled. Eyes expressive and laughing, actually laughing. She had forgotten what his smile looked like.</p><p>“No,” she said with a hint of sadness. “No, let him enjoy it. He deserves it” she remarked, now she owed Rosalie five silvers. </p><p>Something she would bring up to her brother in her next letter to him. </p><p>***</p><p>“Where are we?” </p><p>The small pond, come lake, was a deep grey-blue. The sky overhead slightly overcast but did not detract from the beauty of the scene. Light mist roving on the shores, lily pads and black lotus growing in the shallows and edges. That led to bushes growing out of the rocked walls. The lake secluded for any who wished to visit. </p><p>An outcrop of pine trees grew on a small island in the centre. The smell reached her nose, they grew around a tall carved rock, what looked to be part of a larger structure that was most likely lost to time. </p><p>As were many things. </p><p>“You walk into danger every day. I wanted to take you away from that. If only for a moment,” he said, walking ahead of her to the end of the pier. Wooden slats ranging in colour with ropes on the poles tied to the under structure or loose, waiting for a boat to be moored. </p><p>Cullen was at the end, leaning on a pole with one leg crossed over the other, smiling at her, well… smirking. </p><p>“There were never any dealings?” she asked, walking towards him to stop at the end of the wood. Her dress a stark contrast to the Ferelden colours around him. </p><p>“No,” he said, stroking her jaw, “you brought me to your home, I wished to take you to mine.” It wasn’t the same, hers was a memory recreated. But they could share this beauty together, the real world. </p><p>Her soft gasp punctuated her surprise. Her eyes returning to the scenery.<br/>
“This is your lake.” He nodded, bringing her closer with a strong arm around her waist. </p><p>“You’re happy here,” she noticed, the sharp lines that made Cullen’s face look severe were relaxed, serene. Something she rarely saw when he was awake. </p><p>“I was,” he said, “I still am.” He was breathing in the scent deeply. Standing still, not fidgeting or pacing. He looked so… normal?</p><p>“How have you survived without the soldiers, a parade of war reports?” she teased, her hand smoothing over the edge of his mantle, where it met his chest plate. </p><p>“I should be able to last the day at least,” he teased back. “Besides, I told Leliana to send word if-”</p><p>“Cullen,” her hand crawled up to his neck. “Me, you, pretty lake,” she reminded him, earning her a blush. She grinned, pecking his cheek. </p><p>“Right,” he laughed, “of course.” His deep voice like smoke in her lungs, fire in her belly. The same deep tone he used on her when they were in fewer clothes. </p><p>He continued to hold her close to his body. Both enjoying the peace, ignoring the soldiers at the shrubbed entrance, ignoring the gentle noises of the village’s celebration that floated over the top of the high walled rocks. </p><p>“I only visited home twice during Templar training, but I never came here. It’s the first time I’ve been back since I left home,” he remarked, a sad timbre to his voice. Eyes dropping to the water, as though a message was written under the waves she could not see. </p><p>“My brother gave me this,” he held his other hand out, a single worn silver coin in his leathered hand. “It just happened to be in his pocket, but he said it was for luck.” </p><p>His eyes never left the coin, pointed downwards so she could admire his side profile. His gentle voice spilling his secrets. </p><p>“Templars are not supposed to carry such things… our faith… should see us through.” His voice broke in the middle, hand tightening on hers. She knew those were not his words, maybe part of the re-education that he had suffered. </p><p>“You broke the rules? I’m shocked,” she said, her own hand worming its way into his mantle and dancing on his side. </p><p>He chuckled, giving her an amused stare. “I was very good at following them… most of the time. But a little luck can’t hurt.”</p><p>“I suppose not,” she replied, knowing her teammates used to carry such things. </p><p>Thane would pray on the shuttle back. Wrex would carry a piece of his ancestor’s armour. Jack wore it on her skin in tattoos. Garrus carved into his visor. Ashley used to wear a Christian cross around her neck. </p><p>“I should have died during the Blight. In Kirkwall… or Haven. Take your pick!” he joked, “but I always made it back here.” </p><p>She wanted to say that someone might be watching over him, but that would infer that his mother hadn’t made it to the Maker’s side. She thought better of it, keeping the words to herself. </p><p>“Humour me,” he said, offering her the coin in two fingers, placing it into her hand. The cold coin masked her part of her scar. </p><p>“We don’t know what you’ll face before the end… this can’t hurt.” In the grey light his eyes looked golden, pupils small revealing the golden centres. His unscarred lip curling upwards as he watched her mouth open in shock. </p><p>“I’ll keep it safe,” she whispered, closing it in her palm. “Thank you, Cullen.” </p><p>He had a piece of her, now she had a piece of him too. Poetic really, that she would give up something so precious to him and he returned the favour. Gestures, not born of wealth or superiority. But of luck and love. </p><p>“I know it’s foolish.” Her head lifted to look at him, rather than the coin in her hand to find his gaze more intense than she had ever seen. “But I’m glad.” </p><p>He tilted his head, his lips closing on hers, strong presses and slightly opened-mouthed breaths. No tongues or nips, but long caresses. Slowly. Savouring. It was somehow the most intimate thing she had experienced. She peeled back for breath, smiling like she was intoxicated at those scarred lips, her hand joining them running her index finger along the bottom. </p><p>“I love you, Liv Shepard.”</p><p>She registered it as his lips moved, forming the words that made her heart still. Her eyes inched upwards, following the strong male nose, the Ferelden face of her lover. Her love. His pupils now expanded, drinking her in. Not the scene or the light. Her. </p><p>“I’ve been holding back from saying it, but I cannot go another day without you knowing that my heart is yours… and- you don’t have to say it back but-”</p><p>“I love you too, Cullen,” she spoke over him. She couldn’t bear him thinking that she didn’t, that she didn’t think of him as her future and her protector. Her present from this time. </p><p>“So much- I’ve never felt anything like this,” she confessed as she placed her hand over his heart, the heart she owned. His chest plate and cotton mantle stopping her from touching his skin. </p><p>His smile took her breath away. “Say it again,” he whispered, the gloved hand cupping her face, noses a breath away from the other’s face. “Please,” the word flew out as a breath, her ears straining to hear it. </p><p>“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, I love you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. The Exalted Plains</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>StaciaShep is the best beta and no one can change my mind &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hollows - The location where the rite of passage takes place. Adolescent Krogan complete this rite to ascend to adulthood.</p><p>Ru'shan - Child of my Blood.</p><p>Vaul - God of the Krogan. Made Tuchanka, its moons are his eyes and ears. </p><p>Kruban - Name of the afterlife for the Krogan, I would liken it to the viking's Valhalla with endless feasts for warriors. </p><p>Krantt - Trusted ally or warrior. (Friend?)</p><p>Aravels - Landboats used by the Dalish.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>Forgive my pathetic photoshop skills, but I wanted to give you a look of the 'war paint'. </p><p>Krogan's really are the vikings of BioWare</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Since her trousers were… unusable, Shepard rode back in her dress, mostly going side saddle to avoid revealing any more of her to the soldiers than they’d already seen. </p><p>She had enjoyed travelling with them. Elias would recount stories of his homeland and Aofie would tease him, tease anyone really. Jackson blushed any time they made eye contact, but was pleasant and constantly asked if he could do anything for her. Bryony was the perfect soldier, alert and formal, and did not much speak beyond that.</p><p>The ride wasn’t long, but as she neared Skyhold she couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread. The castle that once gave her a sense of belonging and hope, now stared at her like it was accusing her. As though the high walls and steep towers wanted to keep her out.</p><p>Unknown to her Cullen followed her gaze, and watched her carefully. He knew returning wouldn’t be pleasant, but he didn’t think to worry. Not until he saw the way she stared at the stronghold. </p><p>Cullen brought his stallion next to hers. His arm reaching out to hold her to his body, since her legs were both on one side, it was easy to encourage her to rest on his chest. </p><p>“It will be alright,” he whispered into her ear, careful not to let the soldiers hear him. </p><p>“Solas sent a missive to the last camp. He has answers. I am sure no one blames you, it was not your fault,” he said as a matter of fact. Practically answering her inner thoughts.</p><p>“Am I that obvious?” She asked, relaxing into the warmth of her love, her head pillowed on the feathers of his mantle. </p><p>She smiled happily, closing her eyes when he laughed. Such a carefree and low sound, she had committed it to memory. Shepard wasn’t sure how much she would hear him laugh once they both settled back into their pivotal roles. </p><p>“To me maybe,” He lowered his mouth to place gentle kisses on her ear and cheek, “I promise, my love, everything will be alright.”</p><p>She sighed happily, genuinely trusting the words of the man littering her with small kisses under her velvet hood. His behaviour had changed over the time away, he was less guarded around his soldiers. Happily caressing her or kissing her. Cullen seemed comfortable away from war; peace suited him. </p><p>“Come, it looks as though it will snow. I won’t allow you to catch a cold,” he said, shifting her back onto Mako with her head held high. He made sure to ride beside her as they trotted over the bridge. </p><p>He jumped off his stallion with a grateful nod do Dennett, striding quickly to Shepard. She made to swing off but as he came into view, large hands gasped her waist. She let out a small yelp, but he lowered her down like she weighed nothing. </p><p>“My Lady,” he smirked down at her pinked cheeks, not resisting the urge to steal a kiss from her. It shocked her at first, Cullen was not openly affectionate usually, it seemed the days away had broken down barriers for the both of them. </p><p>“Thank you for your aid, Commander,” she retorted, taking his offered arm.  Both taking a leisurely pace up the stairs, she was sneaking peeks at his handsome features as they strolled into the main hall. Giddiness that this fine specimen that treated her as a woman, a princess, was all hers. </p><p>They had chosen their timing poorly really, as they strode through, almost every person in the inner circle was having dinner. </p><p>Hawke whistled at her. “Shepard, lookin’ good!” This caused others to look up from their table and turn. </p><p>“Woah,” Sera said around the mouthful of food. </p><p>“Quite tasteful,” Vivienne complimented, giving Sera a stern look as she shovelled more food into her mouth. </p><p>Others followed suit, getting up to greet them, commenting on her dress or making a lewd comment about what her and Cullen had been up to. Earning them a blush from the blonde Commander, making her laugh at him. He was able to do such filthy things to her, say filthy things. But then he blushed when he was teased about it. </p><p>Shepard took down the velvet hood of her cloak, glaring over the heads of her friends at Hawke who was now grinning ear to ear, enjoying her discomfort of their flattery. </p><p>Cole appeared in front of her, launching his arms around her. Tucking his head under her chin, “I couldn’t hear you from Skyhold!” </p><p>She assumed this was his version of ‘I missed you’. </p><p>“I’m not sure you’d want to, Kid,” Varric remarked, smirking at the couple. Cassandra let out an ‘ugh’ rolling her eyes at the comment. But when no one was looking, she looked doe-eyed at the Commander and his lady.</p><p>She hugged Cole back, his gesture and the teasing of their friends removing any doubt she might have held over her place here. She truly felt at home. </p><p>“They missed you too,” Cole said over her shoulder, disappearing from her arms. Cullen placed his hand on her back, smiling down at her. </p><p>“I told you so,” he whispered, his lips brushing over the shell of her ear sending shivers down her spine. Cullen knew exactly what he was doing, hanging on to the last few moments with her like this, his love in a dress. </p><p>Solas’ door opened, Maxwell striding through and making eyes with her. His face lit up, his pace quickened – leaving behind the quiet elf in his rush to reach her. </p><p>“Finally!” Max grabbed her into a long hug, “I thought you’d run away.” </p><p>“Not yet,” she replied, hugging him back with strong arms. He let her go, giving Cullen a handshake and a slap on the shoulder. </p><p>“It was certainly tempting, Inquisitor,” Cullen answered, watching Shepard’s lilac dress swirl around her as she walked to Solas. </p><p>Cullen didn’t like the gleam in Solas’ eyes when she approached him, he tried not to be a jealous man. At least not after their spat and their confessions of love. But something about the Elf’s stare reminded him of a wolf watching its prey. </p><p>“She looks better, you both do,” The Inquisitor said quietly, earning a look from Cullen. “I’m not blind Cullen, you’ve been driving yourself into the dirt.”</p><p>“I realise I am somewhat… devoted to our cause,” he replied defensively, knowing full well both he and Shepard… hell, even Rylen had caught him asleep at his desk. </p><p>“Obsessed is more accurate,” Leliana remarked from behind the man, both of them stiffening at her sudden and sneaky arrival. </p><p>“Yes, thank you, Sister Nightingale.” He shook his head at her.</p><p>“Though, I can remark similar reports from Honnleath.” The ginger woman smirked at him, “A pair in passionate embrace, laughing and kissing openly surrounded by soldiers. Quite the obsessive talk of many noble tables.”</p><p>Cullen began to blush. “Yes… well… it was… enjoyable,” h said lamely, struggling between professionalism and the simple farmer’s boy-come-knight he had been on the trip.</p><p>Shepard walked over with Solas. “Dare I ask what you said to make him blush?” She asked, looking at the pinkened cheeks of her lover and the smirks plastered on Max and Leliana’s lips. </p><p>“Apparently, we are somewhat famous now,” Cullen remarked.</p><p>***</p><p>“Did you lose something over here?” Shepard asked Rylen while reading a short update on what had happened while she was away. Nothing too taxing had occurred, if she was reading the reports right.</p><p>“What? No! No,” he replied, crossing his arms and looking back at the table. She peeked at him again from the report, he was standing next to Cullen at the other side of the war table. </p><p>Since he had been a stand-in for Cullen over the past few days, he had all the updates they needed. She had seen Rylen look at her and then away numerous times, she found it amusing that he was so taken with her in a dress, assuming that was the reason. </p><p>“Good?” Maxwell asked, watching Shepard place the paper in the folder. </p><p>“Good,” she agreed. “Fine work, Rylen, as always,” she complimented him. </p><p>Rylen cleared his throat. “Thank you, Shepard. High praise indeed.” </p><p>“To the next item… Solas, please,” Maxwell gestured to the table, giving him the floor. </p><p>Solas bowed his head slightly. “The presence that attempted entry into Skyhold,” he began, making Shepard huff slightly at his wording. He had attempted entry into <em>her</em>, Solas was clearly trying to spare her feelings. </p><p>“It was a powerful desire demon. One that I cannot pinpoint due to its power, with the Fade as it is, it is difficult to see past the turmoil. I believe strengthening the veil with the artefacts we have found around Thedas will weaken its power. But I cannot promise we will find it,” he continued. </p><p>“However, only few demons are able to break through the wards protecting Skyhold. Even fewer would be able to so tempt you. I believe it was luring you to the balcony, to either take you, or kill you. It is fortunate Commander Cullen was able to grab you in time.”</p><p>“I didn’t,” he admitted in a dark tone, low and gravelly. “Something pushed her back to me and I grabbed her. I am not the hero in this.”</p><p>Shepard frowned at him with sad eyes. He <em>was</em> her hero. Her protector. </p><p>“Then the spirit of protection was able to break the demon’s hold. It too must have been exceedingly powerful to break against the hold of desire. This was further evidenced by Cole, who could not get through to you,” Solas finished, picking up after Cullen had finished speaking. </p><p>“Then we don’t really know much,” Shepard sighed, causing the others to look at her with concern. </p><p>“We may know more if you divulge what it tempted you with?” Solas said, causing her to tense up. A desire demon. Offering her a way home. It felt disgusting to admit. After being welcomed here, starting a relationship and being loved by her friends. Loving in return. </p><p>“It called to me… said things like my name, urging me to wake up and strange things, things from my time that it shouldn’t know. About medicine and med bays. After that it, um- it showed me a Mako. A real Mako… and my brother. It tried to convince me that this was a dream, that I was in a coma. It tried to convince me none of this was real. It… it wanted me to step onto the shuttle and come with it,” Shepard told them, holding each elbow in each hand, the cloak of her dress falling around her shoulders. </p><p>“Was it learning from me? Wearing me down?” She asked Solas, horrified by the very idea of her own mind being used against her. </p><p>Solas nodded. “Yes. As strong emotions grow and build without appropriate release. A demon as strong as this can hear the desires of the mind without it being in the Fade. Was there an event that began all this?”</p><p>Shepard sighed. “The date… I, I saw the date.” </p><p>Maxwell frowned, looking at the others for a clue. He grabbed the calendar and after a heartbeat his brow relaxed, eyes going to the pale woman on his right laying the card down.</p><p>“Nine months,” Maxwell realised. </p><p>Shepard nodded. </p><p>Max stuttered. “Shep- I’m, I’m so very sorry.”</p><p>“So am I,” Shepard shrugged. </p><p>Josie looked between the two. “I don’t think I understand,” she said, sounding confused. Shepard managed a smile; Josie was a clever woman. But innocent. </p><p>“My military, when a soldier disappears, they are MIA or missing-in-action. After nine months and no contact, clues or… a body. They are pronounced KIA,” Shepard recounted. As though her Commander in basic had told her yesterday. </p><p>“Killed-in-action” Leliana said, even the cold Spymaster managed to look mournful. </p><p>“If anyone is alive, in my time. If there are any lines of communication. Then they believe me to be dead.” </p><p>The silent room seemed much bigger in the darkness of the night. The torches cracked every now and then. </p><p>“Shep…” Maxwell trailed off, his words lost in the air. </p><p>Shepard looked up from her daze on Ferelden’s part of the war table. “It’s alright, really,” she muttered and reached out to touch his shoulder. “I just… need to move on and to start that, I have a funeral to organise. May I be dismissed? Or is there more?” She said gently, trying not to cause anymore discomfort. </p><p>“I believe that was everything,” Maxwell replied, dragging her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her. She let out a noise when she hit his chest, but relaxed when her nose filled with his pine scent. </p><p>“I will look after you, sister,” he said quietly in her ear. </p><p>“Thank you,” she replied, burying her face into his neck. And she meant it. She was so very grateful that the Inquisitor, the only survivor of the Conclave, was a kind young man named Max. </p><p>***</p><p>The torch in her hand illuminated her armour in an orange-dark glow, making the chainmail a luminous orange and her armour a darkened red. Her face was painted in Urdnot’s ceremonial paint. Their colour chosen not for the Krogan blood, which was a yellow, but for the clan. </p><p>She used a blood-red clay covering her eyes; this was for the blood of the siblings in arms they watched die in battle.  </p><p>Three lines on her forehead resembling the Krogan hand, the knowledge of death that came from killing their enemy. </p><p>And a singular line on her bottom lip, going to her chin. The experience of death and blood that would be passed onto the other Krogan through stories, to their children and their children’s children. </p><p>“Why do you hesitate?” </p><p>Mother Giselle came to her side, she did not remark on her appearance, why she was in full armour with red paint on her face. But simply accepted it. Shepard continued staring at the wood, laid in a lattice pattern holding the small Krogan head.</p><p>“I know what I have to do,” Shepard’s voice cracked, “but I’m not sure I have the strength to do it.”</p><p>Mother Giselle looked at her, in her peripheral vision Shepard could make out the soft expression. Relaxed hands, her robe swaying with the small breeze that came into the courtyard. </p><p>“Because if you burn this, it is one less item you have of your home,” Giselle ventured, once again displaying her keen insight.</p><p>Shepard blinked away from the Krogan, looking into the hauntingly knowing Mother of the Chantry. </p><p>“Yes,” she admitted, as sick as it was to want to keep a stuffed child’s head. Horrified that this simple Chantry nun had seen straight through her. </p><p>“Children are a gift… nature’s way of allowing us to survive in another way, from another view. Children allow us to live on, as it were passing on a torch. There comes a point where you must give it up,” Mother Giselle said softly. </p><p>Shepard flexed her fingers on the physical torch in her hand, pain radiating down each knuckle to fingertip. The overly tight grip on the wood felt like the only thing tethering her to this moment. </p><p>“Lend this child your torch, Shepard. Will you allow her the gift of freedom?” Giselle asked, looking back to the large metal bowl. Shepard did not believe in the Maker or his words, but she appreciated this Mother’s presence at her side. </p><p>“Start your journey to the Hollows, ru’shan. Where all come from, and where all Krogan go. May Vaul see you with his eyes, and hear you with his ears around the echo of Tuchanka and direct you to Kruban. I command you to join paradise as Battle-Mother to Urdnot, and feast with our krantt.”</p><p>She lowered the torch onto the pyre. Historically a Shaman should have done this, not a Battle-Mother. But they had to make do. And though she didn’t believe in one god or paradise, Shepard hoped that she had honoured the Krogan gods and spirits. </p><p>She daydreamed into the flames. Wrex would slap her on the back, she would pretend it didn’t hurt and they would laugh. Eve would say something respectful or wise, admonish Wrex when he cracked open some Ryncol. </p><p>“She’s remembering… it hurts,” Cole said quietly in the middle of the group watching from the balcony above. Not quite low enough for her to not hear. She knew they were there of course, but appreciated that they weren’t in the garden with her. </p><p> </p><p>Someday it wouldn’t hurt to remember. </p><p> </p><p>Today would not be that day. </p><p> </p><p>Eventually the funeral party broke up. Cullen was the last to leave, regretting leaving Shepard to watch the embers burn out but they had their duties. </p><p>He would be resuming his duties as Commander of the army in the morning and she would be traveling out of Skyhold to the Exalted Plains.</p><p>Hopefully, this would be their ticket into Empress Celene’s good graces. Or they would eradicate the Imperial Army. </p><p>From all accounts a civil war had broken out, and was still being waged. Combined with Rifts and demons, it made for a messy situation that only they had the power and resources to sort. </p><p>Lest the fighting spill out of the green coated lands and taint the city. </p><p>Cullen had been staring at the stars now for hours. He had tried to sleep, count sheep, recite a canticle or two. But nothing worked. </p><p>He didn’t have the warm press of soft skin at his side. The pressing weight of a thigh over him or an arm wrapped around his waist with soft puffs on his back. </p><p>They had shared a bed for a few days straight and now he couldn’t sleep without her. He didn’t just love her, he needed her. And to him, that was much more dangerous for them both. </p><p>“Cullen?” </p><p>He sat bolt straight up, seeing a shadow in the moonlight. He struck a match on his candle, and confirmed who the voice belonged to.</p><p>“Liv, is everything alright?” She moved forward into his view, light illuminating the angles of her face. Long eyelashes cast down, red streaks around her eyes where she had missed parts of the paint.</p><p>“Can I… can I sleep here?”</p><p>“I’d hoped you’d come by,” he admitted. Leaving the lantern on the side table, lifting the blankets on the adjacent side. He saw the shadows of clothing rustle away, her pale skin revealed slowly in the low light. </p><p>He wrapped his arm around her, grateful for the chance to hold her again, both skin to skin. Nothing between them. A small sob echoed around the room. A shuddered breath taken after to try to calm herself, she was still hiding. Trying not to be too loud, her body frozen still, not yet relaxed into his embrace. </p><p>“Let it out… there isn’t anything else you can do,” he whispered above her head, trying to ignore his own tears beginning to form.  </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she croaked so quietly his ears strained to hear her. </p><p>“There is nothing to be sorry for, my love,” he replied, kissing the top of her head, inhaling the honey scent that he had associated with her. He didn’t know if he would have had the strength to do what she had done today. </p><p>Burn one of the last memories you had of your home. </p><p>“Sera gave me a cake earlier. For my name-day, she thought I looked hungry,” he whispered. </p><p>He felt her still. “Wh- what?” she muttered, utterly bewildered at the sudden change of topic. A small giggle followed. He smiled at the sound, grateful that he was able to bring her happiness on this dark night. </p><p>“It was either an act of kindness or a trap. I was hoping you knew which,” he drawled, earning him another giggle. This time it was combined with the tell-tale sniffs of a runny nose. </p><p>“Thank you,” she said. Her voice thick with sleep, unsure if she was thanking him or thanking someone in her dreams. </p><p>He continued skimming his fingertips up and down her back, ending around her backside and up to her shoulder. Lulling her to sleep with his touch. </p><p>The need to protect her, the dangerous flutter of rage that simmered through him when she cried almost scared him. He could count on one hand the amount of times he had seen her cry, seen her lose control or been anything but her polite, humorous, loving self. </p><p>It was a new angle, a new side to her being. Something that made her less of a god and more human. Mortal.  </p><p>And he did not think any less of her for it. </p><p>He did not think her weak. He did not think her fragile. </p><p>But she was precious. </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Cullen, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It took all my willpower to leave your arms. But the world needs saving, doesn’t it? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am tasking you to eat three meals a day and sleep at least five hours. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You must do both of these things, every day. If not… Sera has orders to remove you from your office by whatever means necessary. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The choice is yours.  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>L.S.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>“Welcome to the Exalted Plains, a place with a long and bloody history,” Harding remarked to Max, Shepard, Solas, Cassandra and Varric. Practically the original team. </p><p>Shepard gazed at the massive stone statues scattered between the camp and the archways, missing heads but looking human or Elven. It was a strange thing, to be in the past and be able to see landmarks that were even older. She was watching the statue closest to her. In one moss-covered hand it held a bowl of fire, from its crouched position, almost like an offering. </p><p>“Even now, the region is volatile,” Harding sighed, pulling Shepard’s attention back to the tenacious Dwarf. “This was a front in the civil war. Empress Celene and Gaspard de Chalon’s armies have been fighting what has been dubbed the War of the Lions.”</p><p>Harding gestured to the map on the requisitions table. “The last communique from Gaspard’s marshal of the Imperial Army came from the Fort just ahead of camp. They’re at a standstill because of the spirits tearing through the Veil, possessing corpses of those who fell… And that isn’t all,” she warned the group.</p><p>“No, ‘cos that would be too easy,” Varric remarked, his voice dripping with cynicism. </p><p>Harding smirked, but continued with her report. “We have a rebel group, calling themselves the Freemen of the Dales. Comprised of deserters from both sides. Some want the war to be finished, others want the Dales for themselves. They’re organised and have attacked us on sight, so be wary.”</p><p>“Do we know of any other survivors?” Maxwell asked. </p><p>“Some reports of a giant weapon of some kind to the north of the broken bridge, there could be survivors inside there, but our scouts couldn’t get close due to the undead across the river. With the amount of people missing, it’s worth a look.”</p><p>Max nodded, gesturing for Shepard to take a scan on her omnitool, committing the map to a weightless form. </p><p>“We have an Elven tribe somewhere here too. They keep to themselves and haven’t been too friendly with our agents. We’ve kept our distance. To the East we have another stronghold, we think it could house Gaspard’s men but the place is overrun with demons and undead. My advice, start there or they won’t last the day. I left two agents there trying to help them.”</p><p>Maxwell pushed off the table, armour glinting in the greyed sun. “Excellent work, as usual, Scout Harding. We’ll secure the Fort to the north first, then head west and secure Gaspard’s forces. From there we can set up communication at least.” </p><p>“This place feels sick,” Shepard said to the group as they left camp. Two archways from the side of the large rock faces almost joined, more ruins that would be lost to time. </p><p>“There is much death and plague, war weakens the Fade, allowing demons and spirits to cross,” Solas added, using his magic to extinguish the fire that was consuming the dead leafless trees on the ground. His feet stepping on the rocks and ash so lightly it would not hurt him.</p><p>Shepard regarded the Elf, frowned lines and a tight grip on his staff. “Does it affect your magic? Make it harder to cast?” </p><p>Shepard almost jumped out of her skin when Solas grasped her hand, it was so gentle through her armour that she could have mistaken it for a passing breeze. </p><p>“No. Ma serannas for asking, Vhenan,” Solas replied. </p><p>“Vhenan? I don’t think I’ve learnt that one?” She frowned at Solas, the two taking a fast pace behind the two warriors and Varric. He seemed to be taking his time replying.  </p><p>“Undead!” Cassandra called. </p><p>Shepard followed the direction of Cassandra’s pointed finger, seeing for herself a large group of lumbering, armed near-skeletons approaching them. They weren’t fast, but they didn’t have to be, with the numbers they had, their group could still be overwhelmed. She saw Max and Cassandra position themselves in front of them, with Varric behind, preparing Bianca.</p><p>Shepard readied her daggers, using her biotics to plough through the group of undead that had massed against the Maxwell’s shield. </p><p>Solas used ice on the undead, which were essentially zombies, to slow them. Making it easy work for the group to decapitate the undead and render them useless for any spirits or demons. Solas made sure to burn them, just to be safe. </p><p>***</p><p>The group travelled west from Fort Revasan, the only remaining keep of Gaspard’s Army. They had spent most of the day fighting and carving themselves a path through demons and undead, leaving them dirty and tired. They had been successful though. The other Forts had been reclaimed from the Arcane Horrors and undead but had yet to be filled with the Army’s presence. In a few days she wagered that they would be back to full strength. All of them under orders to adhere to a ceasefire. Anyone breaking this would feel the might of the Inquisition. </p><p>Looking at the tired and sick faces around them as the group left the Fort, she would put money on the soldiers not wanting to fight any time soon for lost causes.  </p><p>Across the fields of ruined houses and rocky hilltops was a strange mass of massive stones covered in moss surrounding them. Hulks of trees were growing from the tops, showing them carved paths in the area, littered with white stone-like steps. </p><p>“Look at these carvings,” Maxwell whispered in wonder, admiring the Elven archers that posed on each side of the passageway.  </p><p>“The paint must have been infused with magic to last all this time,” Cassandra said, using logic to bring even more mystic to the land. </p><p>“A Dalish camp. Interesting,” Solas remarked from the end of the path, the opening giving way to a cliff held by a river. </p><p>“We should go and speak with them,” Shepard said, “They may know more about the Citadelle.” </p><p>The word struggled to come out. She did not pronounce it with the Orlesian twang that the others did. She said it like Citadel. Like home. </p><p>The thought made her gut clench, and her heart heavy. She clamped her mouth shut. And before anyone else could speak, she jumped off the small edge, using her biotics to slow her fall. </p><p>When the others joined her, they did not say a word, sensing her mood. The group closed the rift at the top of the river with ease, before making the relatively easy trek to the camp. Max led the team, having found no clear leader, he walked to the first Elf he could see. </p><p>“Please don’t get too close to the Halla,” the young Elf asked before Max could say a word. </p><p>Maxwell nodded, taking a respectful step back. “We shall keep our distance,” he promised.</p><p>The Elf turned from his leather work. “Thank you, it is rare for a shem to be respectful. My name is Ithiren, I am the Tender to the Halla. They’re unused to strangers,” he explained. </p><p>“You sure about that?” Varric drawled, pointing to the side.</p><p>The Halla were advancing on Shepard where she stood on the riverbank, sniffing and tilting their heads. </p><p>“Uh… guys?” She said with her hands up, backing away from the white deer which stood at head height with her. It matched her step for step, others joining to inspect her. </p><p>“Shepard, please keep your distance!” Maxwell ordered, frowning over the Seeker’s shoulder.</p><p>“I’m trying!” she replied, climbing over one of the land boats to get away from the white horde. She landed deftly next to the Halla keeper and Maxwell. </p><p>Elves perched on the rock faces readied their bows, watching like hawks from above. </p><p>The Halla were not perturbed by this, continuing to surround her. Some of the Elves further in the camp came out of the cave entrance, abandoning their tasks to watch what was happening. </p><p>Shepard stood in a circle of Halla, the braver ones were sniffing the exposed skin on her neck, which frankly tickled. Another nipped at her braid, while a smaller one was nuzzling her hand. Over the snow-white heads and antlers, she faintly made out the faces of her companions and a few Elves watching with slack jaws or pronounced frowns. </p><p>She did not dare turn to look at the Elves currently pointing arrows at her, lest she die by an arrow to the skull for the sudden movement. </p><p>An Elven man strode between the animals, walking towards her with his hand trailing up the deer’s backs and antlers. </p><p>His white hair tied back in a small bun, shorter bordering on shaved around his wide set spiked ears. He wore a light brown, tall collared shirt, under the sleeveless long green and gold elaborate robe. The colours made him look synonymous with nature. </p><p>“I am Keeper Hawen of the TriúrClenn clan.” His voice was gravelled from age, a long and pointed pale face defining his Vallaslin. </p><p>It looked familiar; the earthy green of his tattoos so dark it looked black in the setting sun. Long lines on the cheek bones and above the eyebrows to make a decorative bow. She had never seen this pattern, but she couldn’t suppress the feeling of familiarity. </p><p>“I’m Shepard, of the Inquisition. And… I don’t exactly know what is happening here, but I don’t mean any harm to the TriúrClenn Clan or your Halla,” she replied, looking around at the animals with her hands up and away from her weapons.</p><p>Hawen reached out his hand in form of a human greeting and she relaxed, lowering her left hand and reaching out with her right. </p><p>As she did this, they both were washed with a flutter of air. A small black owl perched on her arm. Beady black eyes on a twitching head regarded her, and then the Keeper. </p><p>“It seems Andruil has sent her messenger,” the Keeper remarked. If he thought the situation odd, he didn’t comment, but Shepard herself was certainly bewildered at the frankly strange behaviour of the animals surrounding her. </p><p>He let go of her hand and made a motion over his shoulder for the archers to disarm. The hunters with spears advanced on the others, urging them to stow their weapons. </p><p>“Andruil?” Shepard asked, watching the owl fly off onto the top of a flagged boat. Peering down at them with its gaze.</p><p>Had she rubbed herself in treats instead of soap this morning? She wondered idly.</p><p>Hawen did not answer, instead giving a swift nod to the Halla Tender. </p><p>The young Elf let out a sharp whistle, going for a bag. He began to spread some form of oats or nuts. The Halla moved away, settled and keeping a distance from the others in their little away team. </p><p>Strangely, the Halla kept far away from Solas. </p><p>Though he was not Dalish, she had expected them to at least prefer him to the humans or the Dwarf. But they avoided him… The whole situation was so unexpected, she actually enjoyed being surprised. </p><p>“Come. I should like to talk with you. Shepard, of the Inquisition.” He regarded her with cool dark green eyes. </p><p>He led to the largest of the land boats, away from the main hold. The Elves regarded her with long glances, whispering fast in their native language. Too fast and quiet for her to understand. Most had the same markings as Hawen, though some did not have any. </p><p>“Though you may be a shemlen, our Halla have accepted you. I shall listen to what you wish but I cannot say the same of my clan, the history of the war between our people runs deep. Even now, it seems the trouble is far from over,” Hawen said, focusing wholly on Shepard. </p><p>“What troubles you, Keeper?” She asked politely, apparently the man had chosen her as the spokesperson of their away team. </p><p>“Where do I start, Da’len? The armies cause rockslides. They dig ditches that trip the Halla and destroy our aravels, making passage impossible. Precisely when the clan needs him most, my First, Taven, defies my wishes and mounts an excursion to the Emerald Graves. And now I’ve learned that the grounds of Var Bellanaris are infested by angry spirits from the Beyond.”</p><p>“Sounds like quite the list,” Varric remarked from the back. </p><p>The Keeper glared at him for a moment. “There is much to be done. Now tell me, Shepard. Why are <em>you</em> here?”</p><p>“We are here to secure peace. We have already taken several of the Forts back from the demons inhabiting them. Truthfully, we have come to ask for information on the weapon in Citadelle du Corbeau. We believe there are civilians trapped inside,” she replied calmly. “The Imperial Army told us it has ancient Elven defences, so we have come to you for help. In exchange for this information, we could help with the spirits in the Var Bellanaris and call a ceasefire between all groups in the Dales.”</p><p>“What is that? Var Bellanaris?” Max asked, stepping closer to the two. </p><p>“Like a graveyard, a resting place for buried elves,” she explained.</p><p>“They don’t burn them?” Max replied, frowning at the implications of this. </p><p>Spirits may burrow underground to get to the bodies. If the bones still had flesh, it was doable. Though they didn’t actually know if a skeleton could be possessed. </p><p>“Not if they can help it,” she replied. Being nomads meant sacrifices sometimes had to be made, one of those being that they could not always bury their dead in a sacred place. Some had to be burned on pyres instead. </p><p>“It is an ancient belief. That we should be preserved. If you venture there, stay alert. Spirits are dangerous,” The Keeper told the two, earning an eye roll from Solas. “Be mindful of the resting place of our dead. It is sacred ground.”</p><p>“We will, Keeper. If we may be permitted to rest nearby after our excursion, I would be grateful. It has been a long trip,” Maxwell asked respectfully, he always did have the politest tone and words. Something from his upbringing that served him well when speaking to outsiders. </p><p>He examined the Inquisitor, before returning to her. “You may. I ask you to contribute to our stores, if we are to host you. The clan will be more accepting this way,” he explained and she nodded in agreement at the reasonable request.</p><p>***</p><p>The other four went to the graveyard to remove the demonic spirits, needing all their strength to go against the unknown number of enemies. Leaving Shepard to look for the golden Halla and to go through Ritts’ ledger for sources that they needed.</p><p>“You know of our language, and it seems our people. May I ask why?”  </p><p>Shepard looked up from the chest at Hawen, having filled it with spare bear and wolf pelts they had in their packs and some herbs she had foraged from the surrounding area. </p><p>“I do, or I’m learning. I admit, I know less than I’d like. And as for why… well, it’s interesting,” she replied. Facing the Keeper, his hands were behind his back in a regal stance. </p><p>“There is always time for learning, even in times of chaos. A rare mentality.”</p><p>“For a shem?” She half joked, finishing the sentence for him. </p><p>“For anyone,” he replied with a small smile. “If you are to take Lorali from us, I would like to learn more of you and your people. Come, there are glyphs and drawings in the area. They may mean more to you than they do us. Come.” He gestured over his shoulder as he walked. </p><p>Shepard followed. Asking questions about anything that came to mind. They had visited three arrangements of old Elven ruins, each with their own glyph and cave painting. Most had long since lost their battle against time and were nothing more than a piece of stone sticking out of the ground, but the last looked to have some structure still remaining. </p><p>They entered what looked to be an ancient bath house. Shepard following the Keeper down the steps, ancient drawings cracking away depicted the Elven people bathing in green and blue waters. White clothes on their skin and beautiful tattoos on their whole bodies, but not their face? Possibly birthmarks then? Like human freckles?</p><p>“So, the title of Keeper. What does that exactly mean?” She asked the man. </p><p>“You ask many questions,” the Keeper replied, holding the veil-fire torch in his hand. </p><p>Shepard laughed at his remark. She has talked the Keeper’s ear off in the two hours they had been wandering together. “I dislike not knowing things.” </p><p>The Keeper smiled, “Then I will tell you. A Keeper, in the old times, served in the role of priest or priestess in any temple to a god or goddess. We served as magical scholars.” </p><p>Shepard walked in step with him as they searched around the last glyph to be visible under the green light. </p><p>“Now, a Keeper is the leader of a clan. We lead figuratively and spiritually. Mostly, we keep ancient lore and pass it on to other clans and our young. We protector our gods, our clan and our magic from Fen’Harel,” He said, gesturing to a wolf on the bricked side. </p><p>The high archways on her side brought in plenty of light to gaze upon the drawings. </p><p>“Fen’Harel?”</p><p>“Fancy seeing you here!” Varric called out cheerfully, Shepard turned to see the group descending the steps and rounding the boxes of supplies that either bandits or the Orlesians had left. </p><p>Max took off his helmet, smiling at Shepard before regarding the Keeper. Solas narrowed his eyes between her and the Keeper, though it was gone in a flash, she couldn’t be sure she had actually seen it. </p><p>“The spirits and your dead can rest easy. We have stabilised the Veil,” Maxwell said. “Solas felt the Veil-fire in here as we passed, we thought we should investigate.”</p><p>“You were successful? You put an old man’s heart at rest. Thank you,” the Keeper said gratefully. “Shepard and I were just leaving, the glyphs in the ruins speak of a larger puzzle. I shall gift them to your people to study.” </p><p>Maxwell’s face fluttered with shock, looking back at her for explanation. She shrugged. “That is kind of you, Keeper. Thank you,” Maxwell accepted gracefully. </p><p>“Of course,” he replied. “Come, while we still have the light,” the Elf gestured to the boxes of supplies.</p><p>***</p><p>The Elves began mingling with them after an hour of sharing stories, food and drink. Lorali was begging Cassandra to tell him tale after tale of Skyhold. She naturally passed him onto Varric. </p><p>Shepard was sitting by herself, attempting to ignore the stares of the Elves, they were circumspect but she could feel their eyes on her. She hoped they were staring at the others just as much. </p><p>“Shepard,” the Keeper greeted, passing her a steaming cup. “A three-root tea, good for your health,” he said, holding his own cup, sitting down on a log beside her. </p><p>“Ma serannas,” she thanked him, taking the green clay cup with two hands. The heat giving her a pleasant burn up her arms. </p><p>“You have more questions?” The Keeper said as more of a statement than a question, Shepard lifted her gaze from the fire to him. </p><p>“Yes,” she nodded.</p><p>“Then ask,” he invited as he gestured to the fire. </p><p>Shepard shifted to face him, feeling like a child waiting for an adult to tell her stories from her cross-legged position on the floor. </p><p>“Tell me about your tattoos, and the god or goddess you ‘Keep’… I’d like to know more about the Elven gods too,” she rattled off. </p><p>The Keeper looked over his tea at her, pausing mid-sip. This time he did not look amused at her questioning. She pondered if she had asked something taboo. </p><p>“The gods, good and evil were locked away long ago by Fen’Harel. The trickster god, he is depicted in lore as a great wolf.” The Keeper took another sip, looking into the fire. </p><p>“A giant beast with fangs as strong as dragon bone, and fur as black as the void. We Keepers protect our clans from him. We do not have time to discuss all the gods and goddesses but I will tell you what I can,” he smiled, Maxwell patted her shoulder as he approached, sitting behind her on a log. She leant back against his legs, both comfortable with one another’s company. </p><p>“Our clan is dedicated to the goddess Andruil-”</p><p>“Goddess of the Hunt?” Maxwell answered, remembering Maria’s words. She had referred to Shepard as ‘being worthy of Andruil’. </p><p>“Very good,” the Keeper complimented. “Andruil is said to be the daughter of Mythal, some says she was a child of the earth. She is the creator of the Vir Tanadhal. The way of the arrow, of the bow and of the forest. She created beasts and animals. She taught ancient Elves to respect all creatures and hunt with care…”</p><p>“So, that’s why the bow,” Shepard gestured to his face, “To honour her?” </p><p>The Keeper nodded. “She was the greatest of hunters. Made great and terrible weapons. One example is the golden spear of unbearable heat crafted from the radiance of the stars. She became the Goddess of Sacrifice. The love of the challenge and knowledge sought her to hunt the Forgotten Ones in the Abyss. And it drove her to madness.”</p><p>Shepard was lost in his story. Enjoying the lore behind the ancient gods. </p><p>“Andruil put on armour made of the Void and weapons of darkness. She brought plague to her lands and howled things meant to be forgotten. Mythal challenged her and won, ultimately saving her supposed daughter. The All-Father Elgar’nan used the sun to create the first lightning strike on Andruil’s body to mark her back, so she could not use any disguise to gain entry into the Void. Mythal, All-Mother, used the water with the power of the moon to wash away any knowledge of how to find the Void.”</p><p>By then, most of the Elves and her party were sitting around the fire, listening to the tale of their Goddess from the Keeper. All silent like children.</p><p>“That is why we paint on our stone, our lands,” He explained, gesturing to the top of the rock at the top of the cave. “A hawk and a hare chase the sun, the All-Father. The ancient owl, Andruil’s messenger, sees the hunter. The Halla flees from it, the dragon hunts it, Mythal, and the Dread Wolf outwits them all.” </p><p>The Elves around the fire bowed their heads and muttered it back to the Keeper in answer. Echoing the prayer. Shepard stared at the picture above them. </p><p>“The wolf… Fen’Harel?” Shepard asked, “How did he lock the gods away?”</p><p>The Keeper finished his tea. Placing it down on the ground. He leant forward with his elbows on his knees. “He tricked both sides. The Forgotten Ones believed him to be on their side, to kill the Gods. The Gods believed him to be a brother, trusted. He is depicted as gleeful about the betrayal. Some Elves do honour him. But to appease him, more than give thanks.”</p><p>“That can’t be it?” Shepard frowned at the man. The Keeper’s head shot up; other Elves began whispering. </p><p>“What, one day he just decided to lock everyone away? Something must have happened, or maybe he didn’t have a choice? How does this explain anything?” She asked gesturing with her hands at the painting of the wolf on a rock in the distance. </p><p>“It is not ours to question-”</p><p>Of course, it was? Everything should be questioned…</p><p>“Then how do you know it’s true? Or complete?” She argued back, “People aren’t born bad.”</p><p>“They were not born people, they were gods. He did not just lock the gods away, Shepard. He killed them, most notably he was involved in the murder of Mythal and Andruil.”</p><p>Shepard refrained from asking questions, allowing the Keeper to continued. </p><p>“Andruil captured Fen’Harel, he had angered her by hunting Halla without permission. She tied him to a tree and ordered him to serve her for a year and a day to pay her back. She made camp, and the dark God Anaris found them. He swore that he would kill Fen’Harel for his crimes against the Forgotten Gods,” the Keeper continued.</p><p>“Andruil and Anaris duelled for the right to claim Fen’Harel. Fen’Harel called out to Anaris, claiming a fault in her armour. She was sliced with a blade along the hip to her thigh and fell. Fen’Harel told Anaris he owed the Dread Wolf for the victory and ought to get his freedom.”</p><p>“Anaris was so affronted by the wolf’s audacity that he turned and shouted insults at the prisoner, so he did not see Andruil, injured but alive, rise behind him and attack with her great bow. Anaris fell with a golden hole in his body.”</p><p>“The wolf chewed through his ropes and stayed for Andruil’s passing as victory. And slumbered to heal his wounds…”</p><p>He looked to Shepard, wide-eyed with her mouth ready to ask. “I think that is enough of stories. The hour is late.” The Keeper rose, going further into the camp. </p><p>Shepard got up to argue but was stopped by Solas. </p><p>“It would be wise not to antagonise the elder, but you are right. Much lore is lost, it is not all written the way the Keeper tells it,” Solas whispered. “We can speak on this another time, I believe rest is prudent for now.”</p><p>Shepard nodded, casting one last glance at the wolf over Solas’ shoulder. Something didn’t sit right. The story wasn’t complete.</p><p>“Yeah… sure…” Shepard took her friend’s advice. And went to her bedroll. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard woke heaving for breath, sitting up on her bed roll. Military eyes roving around her, looking for exits and enemies. </p><p>But all was well in camp. Fires were burning down, the Halla were tucked together within the cave sleeping. Patrols were almost silent as they wandered around the rocks. </p><p>She’d been due for a nightmare, really, it had been a while.</p><p>This time she was trapped in the diving mech in front of the Leviathan. Running out of air as the water seeped into the mech, while the ancient, giant creature claimed her mind, but when the creature spoke it was with an almighty roar. Its eyes were red, not blue or grey? </p><p>Maybe her mind was getting jumbled with Reapers and red lyrium. A strange nightmare for her mind to have chosen, but she chalked it up to the sound of the river nearby. Her ears subconsciously picking up the sound. </p><p>Shepard turned when she heard a mumble from next to her. Maxwell was frowning in his sleep. Turning and mumbling, his body getting tangled in his blankets. </p><p>She put her hand on his hair, brushing it back as though he was a child. After a few moments he quieted, his face calmed, and breaths evened. He was a deeper sleeper than she and Cassandra, he probably wouldn’t remember her intervention.</p><p>What did the Inquisitor dream about, she wondered? What plagued his mind in the darkest of nights?</p><p>Shepard got up slowly, trying not to disturb any of her sleeping companions. Padding in bare feet to the edge of the river, dressed in her breast-band, one of Cullen’s shirts that she would deny ever stealing and her breeches. </p><p>She decided to calm herself at the shore, kneeling at the edge of the river. Shepard cupped the water in her hands, throwing it over her face and neck. The river was almost see through in the day light, but in the darkness of the night sky, it looked almost black. The moonlight giving light, but shrouding most of the planes in a shadow. </p><p>
  <em>”You have come too far. You have breached the darkness.”</em>
</p><p>Leviathans words stayed with her still, terrifying and so utterly exhilarating to find the creator of the Reapers. An ancient race. Who saw something in her that the Reapers… feared? What did that make her?</p><p><em>”The Reapers fear you, I must find out why.” </em> </p><p>Shepard stared at her reflection in the gentle current, the water acting as a mirror. Cold droplets dripping down her face, running off her nose to her lips. Escaped hair wet on her forehead and cheeks. Her scar now a thin white line, only visible when she spent time in the sun and the rest of her skin tanned. </p><p>The dregs of her nightmare remained, how insignificant she felt with the looming Leviathan looking down on her. The mech not even the full size of its eye. </p><p>She was used to feeling important, everything weighing on her. And now there was a chance for her to guide another through this. To guide Maxwell, the only man who could seal the rifts, to victory. </p><p>
  <em>”What are you?” She had asked the giant old creature. </em>
</p><p><em>“As you are. Something more.” It had answered. </em> </p><p>She sighed; sleep would not come for her again tonight. Not with the memory and its words swilling around her head. Maybe Varric would be up for a patrol swap. </p><p>And she stopped as she got to her feet. </p><p>A woman. </p><p>Possibly a human woman, looking at her from across the river. White hair wrapped in red rope to make four horn like appendages from her head. A golden crown on her forehead. </p><p>The woman had snow white hair but did not look elderly. Her frame strong and full, wrapped in blood-brown armour, leaving her cleavage open but her neck covered to her jaw. White feathers jutted out of her shoulders. </p><p>Shepard couldn’t make out her features from here, but she could have sworn her eyes were yellow. </p><p>“Hello?” </p><p>The woman smirked, walking down the river to the shore without a word. </p><p>“Hello? Are you alright? Can I help you at all?” Shepard called, trying again to get the woman to speak. Shepard matched her step for step. </p><p>“Such manners,” The woman finally said, her voice husky and deep. “An offer of help to a stranger.”</p><p>Shepard frowned back, “I-” </p><p>She stared at the face, listened to the voice. No recognition, but her aura was familiar. The power behind the woman, whites and greys wrapping around her like moonlight. </p><p>The woman turned to face her fully. “Perhaps I am not a stranger to you after all.”</p><p>Shepard opened her mouth to reply… what should she reply? “Uh… what?” She said, earning a laugh from the elderly feathered woman. </p><p>“In time, young one.” </p><p>Shepard let out a small laugh, which turned into a silent yelp when something touched her hand. She turned and kicked something, falling backwards into the stream. The water coating her back and hands. </p><p>A Halla stood startled, its legs bent as though it would bolt. Its wide black eyes twitching and its antlers. Its antlers were golden. </p><p>“There you are,” Shepard said to the black eyes. “We’ve been looking for you.” The Halla relaxed, standing straight and grazing at the grass. Shepard got to her feet, turning to find…</p><p>Nothing. </p><p>No woman in sight. </p><p>She was getting extremely tired of riddles and lore. </p><p>“You don’t have any answers for me, do you?” Shepard asked the deer. It blinked back. “No, I thought not,” she replied to the white animal, scratching its head. </p><p>It was still dark by the time she and her four-legged companion got back, having ‘found’ the golden Halla on the way. And by found, Shepard meant followed. It was like Oz and Cullen, she thought with a smirk. </p><p>She wondered what Cullen would say if she brought a Halla back to Skyhold, he would probably say ‘Maker’s Breath’ and rub his forehead. If she batted her eyelashes at him, he would probably let her keep it. </p><p>As she entered the camp, the Halla Tender and Varric spotted them. </p><p>“You found her!” Ithiren called, walking away from Varric, towards the deer with a carrot. The Halla took it, resting it on the ground while she chewed away at it. </p><p>“She’s that precious to you?” Varric asked, leaning on a rock with Bianca on his lap.</p><p>“Golden Halla are called Hanal’ghilan. She is the pathfinder for the Halla and our clan. They are legendary and bring us great luck. Andriul made the first Golden Halla, her name was Ghilan’nain.”</p><p>Shepard winced, her hand going to her head. Her ears were ringing, a sharp headache pain in her skull, emanating from her ears around her head like a crown. </p><p>“Siren?” </p><p>She flexed her jaw from having clenched it shut with the pain, thankfully feeling the twinging cold pain in her head vanish. “Yeah, I’m fine. I took a fall in the river, but I feel alright, maybe a headache.”</p><p>Varric smirked, trying to stop the laughter from waking everyone in camp. She glared at him. “Alright very funny, let me get in my gear and we can swap.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Bad tea?” Shepard asked, as she came off patrol. Solas was wiping his mouth, throwing the remaining tea into the bushes. </p><p>“It is tea. I detest the stuff. But this morning I need to shake the dreams from my mind-”</p><p>“You too?” She interrupted, earning a frown from the Elf. </p><p>“Lethallan, you did not tell me you had poor dreams,” he said with a pointed frown, she could have sworn his ears actually drooped. Was he hurt that she had confided in Maxwell and not him?</p><p>“They weren’t poor, but strange. They made no sense. Maxwell had them too,” Shepard said shaking her head, “What’s on your mind?” </p><p>“I require a favour,” he said with a growl in his voice. </p><p>“Name it.”</p><p>Solas paced away, his back hunched. Face showing the disgust of what he felt. </p><p>“One of my oldest friends has been captured by mages, forced into slavery. I heard the cry for help as I slept, it may have also affected you and the Inquisitor. Such a force from the Fade can affect those who are vulnerable.” </p><p>Shepard didn’t agree out loud. It did not feel like a cry for help, but rather a message. She continued putting on her armour, now with renewed speed.</p><p>“When was your friend captured, are they still-”</p><p>“It.”</p><p>“I’m sorry?” She looked up from her armoured left hand, the claws of which resting on her thigh. </p><p>“My friend is a spirit of wisdom,” Solas replied, almost amused. “Unlike the spirits clamouring to enter our world through the rifts, it was dwelling quite happily in the Fade…”</p><p>He began pacing one more. “It was summoned against its will, and wants my help to gain its freedom and return to the Fade.”</p><p>The other three joined them, Maxwell with the reigns of hers and his mount. Cassandra with Solas’ and her own. Varric naturally only holding his own. </p><p>“We heard,” Max said, passing the reigns of Mako to her. The mount nipped her armoured shoulder as a greeting. “Solas, I thought spirits wanted to find their way into this world?” He asked, watching the Elf carefully. </p><p>“Certainly, some do. Just as many Orlesian peasants wish they could journey to the exotic Rivain,” Solas replied. Maxwell’s eyebrows shot up at his joke like comment. Though it was said with spite. </p><p>“My friend is an explorer, seeking lost wisdom and reflecting it. That is its purpose,” Solas spat back, defending his friend. </p><p>“Why would mages want to harm it?” Shepard asked, struggling to use an ‘it’ to define a person, well, a spirit. But still, it felt rude. </p><p>“It knows a great deal of lore and history. But a mage could learn that in the Fade, by simply speaking to it. It’s possible that there is information it does not wish to give…” Solas stopped pacing long enough to answer, but he was clearly tense, his face tight and frowning. </p><p>“Then we need to find them,” Shepard said, Maxwell nodded,</p><p>“We will not leave them to this fate. Have you any idea of where?”</p><p>“They are close, somewhere in the plains. They would need open ground to perform a ritual of this magnitude, most likely they will have used blood magic and summoning stones,” Solas pointed to several locations on Maxwell’s now open map. </p><p>“I’ll inform the Keeper we’ll be leaving,” Shepard said as the two discussed routes. Cassandra grabbed her arm as she passed, speaking low into her ear. </p><p>“I do not like this, he seems… different. A cold-anger…” Cassandra said, not with malice but concern. </p><p>“Chuckles isn’t himself, that’s for sure,” Varric added from the top of his horse, watching over the Elf. </p><p>Shepard turned her head slightly, “I agree. We’ll keep an eye on him.” </p><p>“Keeper Hawen, forgive the interruption but we must move quickly. We have word of a friend in need of rescue,” she said over the voice of the clan hunter. The woman gave a small bow and left the two. The Keeper nodded, allowing Shepard to mount Mako. A hand on her knee stopped her from following the other three who had set off. </p><p>“Let me give you these parting words, Shepard,” he said, placing a hand on her armour, upon touching it he cast a glance to it. Almost surprised at its texture. </p><p>“The love of knowledge, is a kind of madness. A thirst that cannot be quenched. Do not allow such a craving to consume you.” </p><p>Shepard did not expect that. “Thank you, Keeper. I will… heed your advice.”</p><p>He stepped back from Mako, and watched her click her tongue. The Hart made short work of the distance between her companions, joining their gallop into the distance along the shoreline. </p><p>“Andruil watch over them,” Ithiren said beside him, watching the mounts disappear around the large rock formation. </p><p>“I think she might already be, Da’len,” Hawen replied, returning to his journal and updating the story of the Goddess of the Hunt. </p><p>***</p><p>“One of the mages,” Solas remarked from his mount, pulling the Hart to a stop. </p><p>“Arrows,” Shepard said, looking down at the bloody robes of the woman. “Bandits? Freemen?” </p><p>Solas trotted ahead a few paces on his Hart. “These bodies… burned with claw marks… no, no, no, no,” he said frantically, looking in the direction of the water’s edge. His mount took off in a sprint. </p><p>“My friend!” Solas cried, jumping off his Hart and nearing the pride demon on foot. It was on one knee, heaving breaths so loud they could hear it from their position over the rocks. </p><p>There were numerous spiked white stones around it, cracked and every so often one would spark with magic. </p><p>“The mages turned your friend into a demon,” Shepard realised, jumping off her own mount. A spirit’s purpose corrupted. “But- it is wisdom, does wisdom fight?”</p><p>“No,” he gulped, voice cracking. “It was corrupted for being summoned to do something opposing its own nature-”</p><p>Rustling came from the bushes, causing them all to draw their weapons. A middle-aged man in white and green robes, hesitantly walked over. His face pale and his body trembling. Blood was seeping through his robe on his arm, a fresh wound. Possible blood magic.</p><p>“Let us ask them,” Solas growled, sneering at the human man. </p><p>“A mage! Not bandits, do you have any lyrium potions? Most of us are exhausted, we’ve been fighting that demon-”</p><p>Solas took an angry step forward. “You summoned that demon!” He shouted, his voice echoing off the stone. </p><p>“You made it kill! You twisted it against its purpose!” He continued his advance on the man, backing him into a rock. </p><p>The man was wide-eyed, bending backwards slightly as the boulder pressed into his back. “I- I – I – understand, how it might be confusing to someone who has not studied demons but after you help us-”</p><p>“We are not here to help <em>you</em>,” Solas growled, his nose crinkling backwards and his long teeth bared as he spoke. For a moment, Shepard was quite mesmerised at the power he displayed. </p><p>“Siren…” Varric whispered, encouraging her to do something. </p><p>“Word of advice,” Shepard began, “I’d hold off on explaining how demons work to my friend here.” She gestured to the Elf. Solas took a small step back, appeased by her words but he was still ready to pounce. </p><p>“Listen to me!” The mage cried, “I was one of the foremost experts in the Kirkwalll Circle-”</p><p>Solas advanced on him again. “Shut. Up. You summoned it, bounded it to obedience. Then commanded it to kill. That’s when it turned!”</p><p>“I-” The Mage was about to argue, looking between the murderous glare of the Elf to the murderous glare of the woman standing behind him… “Yes,” he admitted, his body going lax with his confession. </p><p>Solas turned to Shepard, causing the mage to jump. “The summoning circle. We break it, we break the binding. No conflict with its nature, no demon!” Solas explained, his voice hoarse, words thrown out at considerable speed. </p><p>Shepard nodded, the logic was sound and she trusted Solas. Regardless of his less than calm demeanour. “Then let’s-”</p><p>“What?!” The mage cried. “The binding is the only thing keeping the demon from killing us! Whatever it was before, it is a monster now.”</p><p>Shepard grabbed the mage’s robes. “You are no better,” she growled, shoving him backwards from the rock onto the earth. “Stay here, and do not get in our way,” she ordered the trembling man on the ground.</p><p>“Inquisitor, please,” Solas begged Max. The Inquisitor looked uncomfortable, out of his depth, but nodded. </p><p>Shepard knew what he was thinking, a demon had managed to almost get into her head, what if the same was happening here? What if a demon took one of their minds?</p><p>“Alright. Shepard and Varric, keep the de- <em>it</em>, keep it busy. Cassandra and I will smash the stones. Solas, use ice on the stones for us, when Shepard and Varric are out of range,” he ordered, putting on his helmet.</p><p>A booming roar came from the pride demon. The air <em>felt</em> charged from the lightning being cast from the clawed hands of the beast. Maxwell led the charge, Shepard and Varric darting around the stones. </p><p>She tried to confuse it, sliding between its legs and slicing shallow cuts. Varric was darting about the rocks, sending arrows from his crossbow coated in a balm of frost. </p><p>When the last stone crumbled like chalk, the demon roared. Falling to its knees, it began to evaporate. Like its very skin was melting upwards into the sky, leaving behind a small Elven woman in long robes. Her appearance was a dark grey, clothes a similar shade. Like she was coated in the Fade itself. Her eyes were a glowing green.</p><p>It reminded her of when a biotic drew upon their power. </p><p>Solas took a knee in front of the woman. “Lethallan. Ir abelas.” <em>Friend. I’m sorry</em></p><p>The spirit took a gasping breath. “Tel’abelas. Enasal. Ir tel’him. Ma melava halani. Mala suledin nadas. Ma ghilana mir din’an.” <em>I’m not. I’m happy. I’m me. You helped me. Both of you.” the spirit looked at her briefly. “Now you must endure. Guide me to death.</em> </p><p>“Ma nuvenin… Dareth shiral.” <em>As you say… safe journey,</em>” Solas said softly, raising his hands covered in green light, turning the spirit into nothing. Not even dust. </p><p>“What did it say?” Max whispered to her, but Shepard shook her head. What transpired was private. </p><p>“It was right, Solas. You did help,” Shepard said from behind him. He was still crouched at the shore, looking ahead as though it was still there. </p><p>“Now I must endure,” he repeated, quietly staring off into the water. </p><p>“Solas,” Maxwell stepped forward, “if there’s anything we can do to help…” He trailed off, the sentence not needing to be said. </p><p>“You already have,” he replied gently, finally standing and turning to the two humans. His eyes flicked over their shoulders, at the three mages staggering towards them. They watched his features harden, eyes blazing. </p><p>“Now all that remains is them.”</p><p>“Thank you,” The male mage from before spoke, “we would not have risked a summoning, but the roads are too dangerous to travel unprotected!”</p><p>Solas advanced on them again, growling his words with venom. “You tortured and killed my friend!”</p><p>They began backing away. “We didn’t know it was just a spirit! The book said-”</p><p>“Inquisitor, he’s going to kill them,” Cassandra said urgently, Max looked to Shepard. </p><p>“Solas, you don’t have to do this!” Maxwell shouted, Solas continued his advance. “Shepard! Do something!” He implored, watching the fire grow from Solas’ hands. </p><p>She turned her head, looking into the pleading grey eyes through the slit of his helmet, so youthful. </p><p>She was once as full of mercy as he was. </p><p>“No.”</p><p>His eyes went wider, he looked utterly shocked at her. Cassandra looked on as Solas’ cold rage turned hot. Varric grimaced, looking away as the smell of burning flesh that came from the dying mages hit them. </p><p>She turned her head back to Solas who was standing over the corpses. Still with fire in his hands. </p><p>If that was Maxwell, tortured and killed. She would have killed them much, much slower. Shepard thought. Solas wasn’t getting vengeance, he was removing ignorance. </p><p>Maxwell sighed heavily. </p><p>Solas’ feelings were much less audible but he looked equally as heartbroken, his shoulders slumped, hands lax at his sides. </p><p>“Damn them all,” Solas finally said, the flames below him eating at the grass. </p><p>“I need some time alone. I will meet you back at Skyhold.” He walked off into the distance, only whistling for his Hart when the mount began to follow him. As though he was giving in to the animal’s request to join him. </p><p>“We should head to the next camp. Tell Leliana what we’ve found,” Max ordered. Turning his back on the bodies and walking away. </p><p>***</p><p>“Are you sure you want to do this? We have no mage in our company. Nor a healer within the Imperial ranks,” Cassandra gestured to the rows of Chevaliers behind them. </p><p>Inquisition soldiers had rebuilt the bridge, as part of the ceasefire. The Imperial Army would help secure the Citadelle. </p><p>“No,” Maxwell said, “we cannot wait for another to be sent to us, even from Redcliffe it will take days. The people inside will not last. It is now or never.” </p><p>Shepard strode next to him. “I’ve got your six.” He didn’t fully understand the term but assumed it meant she was with him. </p><p>They led the charge, defeating the Revenant and what felt like endless undead. The worst part was that some still looked like people. Still wore the armour of the empress. </p><p>“We must get past the defences and disable them,” Cassandra shouted. With the information that the Elves gave them, they had the means, a lever at the top of the tower. </p><p>“Jeeze, look at this place,” Varric grumbled, gesturing at the burning planks of food. Moulded food scattered in corners and bodies lying… everywhere. </p><p>“Maker have mercy,” Maxwell said, standing in the middle of the chaos. </p><p>“Max…”</p><p>He hadn’t heard her warning. Too busy taking in all this death, chaos, all the food could have fed people for weeks… now just mould and dirt. </p><p>“Max!”</p><p>Shepard tackled him to the ground, rolling them under cover. Fire burned from the sky where he had been standing. He looked back up at the woman on top of him. “Thanks,” he breathed out, staring with wide eyes at Shepard. </p><p>“Don’t mention it,” she said, climbing off him and getting up. </p><p>“Dragon?” He shouted to Cassandra, crouched across the yard with some soldiers behind. </p><p>“No-” She replied.</p><p>“Thank the Maker for small miracles, huh!” Varric shouted from his cover. </p><p>“It must be the weapon!” Captain De Jean shouted, using his shield to cover what the rocked wall did not. </p><p>Shepard used her cloak to try and get a better look as the weapon began powering up. “Oh shit- bad idea, bad idea, bad idea,” she chanted as she ran for cover deactivating the cloak, since it was no use. Shepard vaulted over the rocked wall next to Varric. </p><p>“Shepard, you good?” Maxwell shouted. </p><p>She leant heavily against the wall, feeling the heat of the fire coming from the all-seeing fire eye above. </p><p>“If anyone has a ring that’s whispering to them tell them to throw it into lava now!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Lord of the Rings? Smaug? Big fiery all-seeing eye? No?” She looked at Varric, shaking his head, </p><p>“No! Oh well, it’s funny where I’m from. Listen, we need to get up there, the controls will be next to the device!” She shouted over the wall. </p><p>“To the giant angry fire thing trying to kill us?!” Varric replied from next to her, shouting loud enough for the others to hear. </p><p>“Exactly!” She nodded, grinning. Varric couldn’t help but shake his head, grinning back. </p><p>“You and Hawke have gotta be related. I haven’t seen a grin like that in battle since the battle of Kirkwall,” He replied, peeking his head over the wall. </p><p>“I think I see a way through this barn!” Maxwell called. </p><p>***</p><p>“Leliana?”</p><p>Josie watched as Leliana and Cullen strode through, the Commander looked as confused as she felt. The Spymaster put a letter down on the table, a missive from the Inquisitor and a letter with the seal of the Orlesian Empress. </p><p>“We have it.”</p><p>“Have what?” Cullen asked, leaning over the desk. </p><p>“We have our invitation to the Winter Palace,” Leliana watched as the Ambassador squeaked with glee, causing Cullen to cover his ears and Oz to scatter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Wicked Eyes,</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Guess who moved city and got a new job!</p><p>Sorry for the delay, life has been mad. </p><p>How are we?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The masks chosen are reflective of the heraldry of the country/ city or the interior of the palace that I found on Fandom Dragon Age Wiki. I adjusted these pictures on photoshop but included the original websites for you - check out these artists who created the masks in the links!!</p><p>
  
</p><p>Ferelden Mabari Mask</p><p>(Alastair Theirin)</p><p>https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/669503196/panther-mask-masquerade-mask-mardi-gras</p><p>
  
</p><p>Starkhaven Two River Mask</p><p>(Sebastian Vael)</p><p>https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/356136283014477682/</p><p>
  
</p><p>Nevarra Mortalitasi Mask - instead of blue please imagine yellow.</p><p>(Igor Pentaghast)</p><p>https://www.partyoasis.com/abskmabl.html</p><p>***</p><p>The measuring tape slid a little too high on his thigh for Cullen to be comfortable, not to mention the two women helping the man were eyeing him a little too openly for his liking. Whispering in Orlesian so he couldn’t understand. </p><p>Stood in the middle of his office in nothing but his long breeches, he felt incredibly exposed. He refused to take anything else off. </p><p>The old Orlesian man Josephine had hired to take all the inner circles measurements thankfully withdrew his hands. Cullen relaxed, marginally. It seemed he had managed to successfully avoid the garment workers for the last four days. But now it seemed his luck had run out.</p><p>“Are we done yet?” Cullen growled, earning a tut from the Ambassador who said something in Orlesian to the seamstress. Probably an apology. </p><p>According to Rylen, his mood apparently worsened when Shepard was away. Their expedition to the Exalted Graves had gone on far too long. He was eager to hold her. </p><p>He sighed, tensing his calves for the man. So his new socks, which were completely needless in his opinion, could fit. “Is this really necessary? I won’t-“</p><p>“You will be necessary in the palace. You will wear the formal attire that we all have to Commander. We need you there, end of conversation.” Josie answered, writing at her board. He did not try arguing again. </p><p>Josie was silent too, probably reminding herself to make sure Shepard would convince him to be on his best behaviour. He had an idea of two on how she could convince him. </p><p>The seamstresses and master cleared out once they were done. They only needed to now take the measurements of the away team and then thankfully they would be out of Skyhold. And the measuring tapes, far away from his… parts.</p><p>“Besides, you may find you enjoy yourself. There will be soldiers, drink-” Josephine finished, smirking as he redressed in his shirt before moving to his boots. </p><p>“Stuffed up nobles and royalty who cannot remember their servant’s names?” Cullen retorted with venom. </p><p>“Come now Cullen, not all nobles are bad,” came the male voice. </p><p>Cullen spun on his heel to find the Inquisitor was stood smirking at the door. </p><p>“Inquisitor,” Josie curtsied respectfully.</p><p>“Good to see you, Josie” Max said, thanking her for her quick work on the outfits. </p><p>“I do hope you will be subjected to the measuring tapes and stabbing needles, Inquisitor,” Cullen half-joked. It really did sting. </p><p>“Oh, I’ll get my turn.” He retorted dryly, Maxwell’s eyes dropped a touch before blinking back up, “I feel like you’re practically naked without your armour on!”</p><p>“Did someone mention Cullen, naked?” </p><p>He peered over him to see Shepard striding through.  </p><p>“Liv” He whispered, as though she was a figment of his imagination. They had been gone over a month, supporting the armies and forming treaties between the elves and Imperial Armies. He practically beamed as he approached her. </p><p>Suddenly feeling much cheerier. In half his armour he strode to her. Holding her cheeks in both hands, he spied a healing cut on her cheek. Slightly singed hair on one side of her braid. A new scratch on her armoured chest. Examining her sub-consciously.</p><p>“Looking for something?” She asked, going inside her chest plate to show him a chain, she could only hold it up enough to show him the top of the coin. </p><p>“I was just examining you for injuries,” he smiled, “But, it does suit you.” Cullen added in a lower tone, moving his arms to wrap around her back.</p><p>She stretched up in his arms, wrapping her arms to link behind is neck. “Is that the official response?” She asked, leaning away every and grinning at his beautiful crinkling eyes. </p><p>“I suppose it is,” he chuckled said leaning down to kiss her. </p><p>Maxwell cleared his throat, “Can you two do that later, alone?” </p><p>Cullen froze, his face heated. Whereas Shepard looked incredibly amused, “Of course… um… my apologies” he said, clearing his throat. </p><p>Forgetting entirely the group of people behind him. He unwrapped himself from her arms and stepped a respectful distance from her person, voiding the gob smacked faces of his colleagues… He went back to fitting his armour for something to do. </p><p>“So, I don’t get a kiss hello?” Shepard teased crossing her arms, knowing full well it would only make him blush and the others laugh. </p><p>Cullen rubbed his neck, “Um you will… later… without an audience.” He managed, fitting on his mantle. </p><p>Shepard sighed dramatically, “I will try to last the day.” She teased; he couldn’t resist licking his lips knowing full well what he was doing to her. </p><p>Her eyes dropped to them. Cullen gave in, sending her a wide grin over the desk. What he would do for that woman, the one who <em>needed</em> his lips. Even if it was a torment, he loved that she wasn’t afraid to display their relationship. </p><p>“I’ve come to collect you for a meeting. You can update me on all your hard work, Ambassador. I will meet you all there, first I have a heart to deliver.” Maxwell said taking out a bloody cloth from his satchel, the heart too big for one hand to cover.</p><p>Josephine gasped, “Inquisitor that is- oh Maker,” she turned away gagging, walking quickly to the main keep. </p><p>“Turn it in Max, it’s starting to stink” Shepard grabbed her nose, and wafting the air. </p><p>“Sorry? My small human ears didn’t quite hear, was that, you wanted to hold it?” He teased speed walking towards her.</p><p>She began striding backwards, pointing her hands out to him, “Don’t you dare”</p><p>“Just hold it!” </p><p>Cullen watched the leader of their Inquisition, chase the Dragon Age’s Andraste with a going off Wyvern heart across the bridge to Solas’ rotunda. Very much like mischievous siblings. </p><p>Skyhold seemed much brighter with those two inside of it. </p><p>***</p><p>“He’s back” Cole appeared beside her from thin air; Shepard turned from the war table. </p><p>Leliana halted in her report of the state of Kirkwall. Aveline had the city under Guard control, Sebastian currently had Inquisition advisors on his side, attempting to avoid further bloodshed. </p><p>“Cole? Who is back?” She asked, Maxwell giving her a look. </p><p>“Solas. It hurts a little less now, he wants to see you.” Cole pointedly looked at Shepard and disappeared after his words. </p><p>“Go” Max said turning back to the table. He had not yet forgiven her for letting Solas burn those Mages to death. She wasn’t sure if she could have stopped Solas, even if she wanted to. But the point was moot, they deserved death in her opinion. Is that why he was upset? He thought her more merciful? </p><p>“Alright,” Shepard said, striding with long legs to the rotunda. </p><p>She entered, still in her armour and slightly singed hair. Solas was there, across his desk in his usual long-sleeved white shirt. His green trousers tight on his thinly muscles legs and the necklace around his shirt handing from his shoulders. It all fit the usual picture she associated with him, clean and minimal. </p><p>“Shepard” Solas smiled, a brief twinge of his face. But as good as a smile got on his face. </p><p>“Solas, how are you?”</p><p>He looked down for a moment, collecting himself. “It hurts. It always does at first. But I am here.” </p><p>He looked back up, she had never seen him admit pain or… any feelings really. It was a rare sight. The rawness in his eyes. </p><p>“Thank you, for coming back.” Shepard said, knowing how hard it was to lose a friend and keep going. </p><p>“You need me.” He said with a small smile, “You tried to help my friend. How could I help to change this world if I left?” </p><p>“Where did you go?” She asked, leaning her hip on the desk, folding her arms under her armour. </p><p>“I found a quiet spot and went to sleep. I visited the places in the Fade my friend used to live. It is empty now, but there are stirrings of energy. Someday something new may grow there” He reported with a sad expression, still in mourning. </p><p>“What does happen when a spirit dies?” </p><p>He looked almost please by her asking. Turning from the desk to face her, back into his comfort zone. The Fade. Spirits. “It isn’t the same. The energy of a spirit returns to the Fade. If the idea giving the spirit form is strong or the memory has shaped other spirits they someday rise again”</p><p>“So, it might come back?” She asked hopefully. </p><p>Solas sighed, “No. Not really. A spirit’s natural state is peaceful semi-existence, it is rare to be able to reflect. Something similar may form, it may have a different personality. It would likely not remember me.”</p><p>Shepard looked down at the floor for a moment, before returning to his burning blue gaze, “Memories are a funny thing. But there’s hope, right?”</p><p>“There seems to be, yes” He answered cryptically. “I should let you return to your duties, Shepard. Thank you for coming to see me.”</p><p>Shepard nodded, smiling gratefully. As she turned to leave, he grabbed her hand. She turned with an eyebrow raised. </p><p>“I am sorry I left you in battle, it was a rash decision on my part. I was too angry.” He raised his hand and healed the cut on her cheek, his thin fingers brushing on the apple of her cheekbone. She could slightly feel them shake, though the reason for it was unknown. </p><p>“I forgive you.” She replied, trying to ignore the <em>friendly</em> gesture he had just done. “However, I had almost gone a week without your healing, you’ve ruined my streak.” She joked, to her surprise, he laughed too. A small breathy sound. </p><p>“There is always tomorrow.” He teased back. Shepard patted him on the shoulder, surprisingly muscular she mused. Removing her hand from his and striding out of the rotunda. </p><p>He went back to unpacking his items. Not a great deal but meaningful things. </p><p>“Hey,” Solas looked up to his friend at the door, “Weird question, you didn’t see a woman on your travels in the graves… red armour, white hair, sort of with horns?” </p><p>Solas kept his face plain as he stared back at her, “No… I do not believe I did. Did you see such a woman?” </p><p>It was a truthful answer, though he knew exactly who she was speaking of. </p><p>“Yes... in the plains. When me and Max had weird dreams. She just sort of… spoke in riddles then vanished? Maybe a spirit? It was worth an ask anyway.” She smiled, shutting the door lightly behind her. </p><p>Solas stared at the door for a long time after she had left. Eventually his gaze found the wall to the right, the empty stone coloured wall waiting for his paint and brush.</p><p>He wondered who he might paint there. What events could follow this day. </p><p>***</p><p>In the end, Maxwell decided to take all the inner circle to the Winter Palace. </p><p>Gaspard had been the one to send the Inquisition an invitation, so they were technically his guests and would be staying in his mansion for the ball’s duration. A political move on his part, Josie explained in the carriage. </p><p>They had all been split into groups on, well least likely to kill each other if Cullen was honest. </p><p>Hawke had travelled back to the sandy dunes of West Orlais, meeting up with Stroud on some leads in the deep roads. Mages needed open air and blood to perform rituals usually, but with Grey Wardens, they could adapt. It needed to be investigated. </p><p>The carriages were split; Vivienne, Cassandra and Dorian in one. Sera, Bull and Blackwall in another, most likely with several kegs of booze. Solas, Varric and Cole in another – the least likely to kill one another. </p><p>That left Shepard, Cullen, Leliana, Josephine and Maxwell in the final carriage. The biggest and most ostentatious carriage of the group, blue with golden bearings and edges. Typical Orlais colours.</p><p>“Absolutely everyone will be there, from royalty to even lower tier nobles. Val Royeaux will practically be empty.” Josie said, having detailed why the Empress was holding the ball, much at the urging of the people of Orlais. </p><p>“We won’t be there if Shepard doesn’t hurry up.” Maxwell growled, undoing the first few buttons of his over jacket. </p><p>Cullen had already made himself comfortable in his, as comfortable as he could. He should have asked the jacket to be let out a little, or he had managed to put on weight sitting behind his desk all day. </p><p>Something soft and wet pressed against his cheek, he smiled to himself knowing full well who the lips belonged to, casting a glance to the empty spot beside him.  </p><p>“<em>I</em> have been waiting for you” A voice said next to him. Maxwell jumped as Shepard decloaked, in the space between Cullen and Maxwell. </p><p>She was dressed in her Harlequin outfit, thigh high leather boots and all. Her jacket tailored to her hips, leaving her in tight leather trousers on maximum display. It would ‘cause a scandal’ Vivienne has said. With a smile, so a good one Cullen theorised. </p><p>Her hair curled and styled to be free, with golden leaves threaded through it. Enchanted metal leaves, when needed could be bound and tie her hair a bun. Just in case they met battle. </p><p>They had not bothered to use her mask, most of the court would be able to guess who she was and they wanted everyone to see them. That was the point of this ball for the Inquisition.</p><p>Hers and Maxwell’s formal attire was black and gold, to show their leadership. The other companions in less royal colourings; blood red with a blue sash. Military colours. </p><p>“Funny” He glared, sticking his head out the window to call the driver to set off. </p><p>The carriage rocked slightly as they went. Josie and Leliana were sat opposite them, in the middle there lay one small pack of parchments and the weeks itinerary. The Ambassador would pass them one as she spoke, mostly to Maxwell. </p><p>“During the festivities, Celene will be meeting for peace talks with the usurper Duke Gaspard and Ambassador Briala. Not to mention the rumours Celene has invited several royals from all over Thedas. Whether they will attend is another matter entirely.” Josephine finished, passing Maxwell the rumoured royals to attend. </p><p>“The assassin must be in one of these factions already within Orlais.” Leliana said, her usual hood gone. Showing the beautiful red short hair on her head.  Even in the dark future, Shepard had not seen her full red mane. </p><p>“Who is the man who invited us, Duke Gaspard, what do we know?” Shepard asked, crossing her legs over each other. </p><p>“The man who would be Emperor,” Cullen explained, “He’s Celene’s cousin, and was first in line to inherit the throne when Emperor Florain died. Celene outmanoeuvred him. She won over the council of Heralds, who hold authority over title disputes”</p><p>“You sort title disputes?” Shepard asked Maxwell, he frowned at her before catching on to her meaning. </p><p>He rolled his eyes, “Oh very good, Herald of Andraste so I must be on the council. Ha. Ha. Not the same heralds.” He replied staring at her with a fake glare, laughing through his nose. </p><p>Cullen shook his head laughing, “Regardless. She became Empress and he a General in the Imperial Army. He’s well loved by the troops. He’s a Chevalier, and most of the Army sided with him when the civil war began. They are sworn to serve the crown, but it doesn’t mean they have faith with the one wearing it.”</p><p>Maxwell hummed, “William used to write home about him. All good things, so if William liked him. He’s power-hungry and most likely only interested in glory and battle.” His tone was low, the dark memories seeping into his mind tainting his voice. </p><p>“I’d agree. The empress has improved relations with King Alastair and current King Markus Pentaghast. He’s an old man of uncertain sanity, but his advisors have no desire for war. His second in line is his brother, also fairly elderly. The next in line is younger a seventh cousin or something of the like, which leads the advisors to worry about his motivations if he does become King.” Cullen added. “I’m certain the Imperial Army wants him to lead them back into the glory of Drakon’s expansion years”</p><p>“So… Gaspard wants war and land, great. A real shining candidate!” Shepard drawled, </p><p>Maxwell agreed, “I think that’s motive. But what about this Ambassador, I’ve never heard of her?” </p><p>Leliana leant forward, “Ambassador in name only. She has organised the elves of Halamshiral into an underground army. Celene has invited her to the talks in a bid to add their strength to her side. That would be scandal enough, without the rumour that Briala is a jilted lover of Celene.”</p><p>“Motive and a grudge, with an army of rogues. Even if it is a rumour, that could ruin Celene’s court, no?” Shepard mused looking at Max, he nodded in agreement. </p><p>“What of Celene herself? I understand she is the Empress but I thought she was well liked? She has secure peace, reform in Orlais. She even reached out to the Free Marches when she came into power, Ser Ably wrote to her frequently.” Maxwell noted. </p><p>“Indeed, a move that some view as complacency.” Josephine said delicately. “She has yet to name an heir, leaving the future of the empire in doubt if anything happens to her. Especially when the next logical choice is Gaspard, who has made few friends with the council of Heralds.”</p><p>“Maybe you could be his friend,” Shepard nudged Max, he laughed again, “Shut up,” he elbowed her back. </p><p>“What better place to hide than within the countless, servants, courtiers, vassals and guards” Leliana mused, familiar with the lines and curves of how this story would go.</p><p>“Wait, how can Gaspard be next in line if his men were fighting against Celene’s army in the plains?” Shepard frowned, lifting her head from her mask to look at Josie and Leliana. </p><p>Cullen spoke first, “The title, Grand Duke, indicates he was a prince before the Empress took the throne. Regardless what happens on the battle field, the real decisions are made in the council chambers.” </p><p>“So, the three main parties are like you three” Shepard gestured to them, “The military man, the spymistress and the political head.” </p><p>“An over-simplification, but with some accuracy” Leliana conceded. </p><p>“Having fun yet?” Maxwell asked Shepard, her head was resting on the back of the padded seat. Staring at the ceiling. </p><p>“I have been involved in plenty of alien diplomatic meetings. And Orlais still, manages to be the most ridiculous, by far.” She groaned, her hand rubbing across her forehead. Cullen and Maxwell exchanged a humorous expression at her expense. </p><p>“Though she is grateful for rescuing her people, the Empress fears our presence could sever the already tense political situation.” Josephine added, “Whether we act as his allies, or upset the balance of power. He gains opportunity… if not a clear advantage” Josephine said, putting her papers back into the locked box. </p><p>“So, that’s why I’m in this?” Shepard gestured to her attire, “To what, uncover dirty secrets in the palace?” </p><p>“Precisely. If both of you are off fighting and wandering the court will notice. But if you take turns, it adds mystery and appeases the nobles. Maxwell can handle most of the Ball while you can remain unseen.” Leliana added.</p><p>“Our approval is absolutely needed if we are to come to a conclusion without starting another war. Free Marcher nobles are seen as… some-what quaint in Orlais. But, being human and a non-mage, we are in better stead than we could have been.” Josephine said, sighing at the implications she was leaving unsaid. </p><p>Orlais did not like other species. Or mages. Anyone not like them, was not accepted. </p><p>“Lovely” Maxwell drawled, crossing his arms and staring out of the window. This would be a long trip. </p><p>***</p><p>Days of travelling to the Duke’s estate, dining and freshening up for the ball. They were yet to meet the Duke. Six inquisition soldiers, armed and armoured, strode in front of them as their companions exited the carriages. Maxwell exited first, giving his hand to Leliana and Josephine as they stepped down. </p><p>Cullen came next, offering his hand to Shepard. She whispered a thank you, taking up her position just behind Maxwell. Cullen grimaced at the number of ladies and men in ridiculous outfits that served no purpose other than to bring attention to the person underneath the mask. </p><p>They were a long way from the simplicities of Honnleath now. </p><p>A man in furred teal and light brown finery strode forward. Parts of his vest were made from thick scaled hide. The gold of his jewellery and armoured arms matched his mask. Stopping at his upper lip, revealing a stubbled strong jaw. </p><p>“Inquisitor Trevelyan,” A husky Orlesian voice said, bowing to Maxwell. “It is a great pleasure to meet you.” His voice raised so the crowds of lord and ladies in the gardens could hear him. </p><p>“Grand Duke Gaspard” Maxwell bowed; the others followed suit. “We were pleased to receive your invitation, thank you for hosting us so graciously.” He added for Gaspard’s sake, women began gossiping behind fans.</p><p>“Rumours are you saved the Imperial Army from a horde of demons. Imagine what the Inquisition could accomplish with the full support of the rightful Emperor of Orlais!” His voice was lower this time. </p><p>Shepard was advised that Maxwell take the lead, but she couldn’t resist. </p><p>“And which one was the rightful one, again? I keep getting them confused.” Shepard asked, her hands behind her back, bringing attention to her chest. Or at least bringing Gaspard’s attention to her chest. </p><p>“The handsome, charming one of course, my Lady” He bowed, his eyes dipping with his body as he bowed, looking up and down her body.</p><p>Cullen sighed, using breathing exercises to calm his rage. Earning an amused look from Leliana and Cassandra. This would not be the first or last man he would want to growl at for eyeing up <em>his</em> Lady like she was a slice of meat. </p><p>“I am not a man who forgets his friends, Inquisitor. You help me, I help you.” He gestured for Maxwell to follow him. </p><p>Maxwell naturally offered Shepard his arm, loathe to let Gaspard and his wandering eyes have a hand on her. Cullen made a mental note to thank the Inquisitor. </p><p>“My Lord. My Lady. Are you ready to shock the court by walking into the Grand Ball with a hateful usurper?” He teased. “They will be telling stories of this into the next age”</p><p>“I can’t imagine the crowd has seen anything better than us in their entire lives.” Shepard remarked, keeping her tone teasingly light. </p><p>“You’re a woman after my own heart” Gaspard remarked, his dark eyes practically glittered when he looked at her. </p><p>Maxwell’s arm tightened on hers, “Shall we?” </p><p>“Perhaps I should escort her Worship?” Gaspard suggested as they walked towards the doors. </p><p>“It is not necessary, my Lord. I assure you my arm is well accustomed to her company.” Maxwell said, without looking at him. Facing forward keeping himself between Gaspard and Shepard. </p><p>Shepard’s hand gripped his arm. A silent thank you on his bicep through her fingers. He truly was a protective big brother; Shepard relaxed under her figurative mask and felt a little closer to home.</p><p>Gaspard led on, waiting at the doors for the rest of the inner circle to arrive. They grouped by the fountains, onlookers leaning over balconies and taking walks around them to size them up. Shepard theorised that some Orlesians had probably never seen a Dwarf or a Qunari up close. </p><p>Nobles were a strange breed, some well-travelled, explorers because of their extensive wealth. Some were home birds, never left the comfort of their mansions, they had everything they wanted brought to them. Marrying into another, bigger mansion and dying there would be their legacy. </p><p>“I must warn you before we go inside. How you speak to the court is a matter of life and death. Every gesture is measured, and evaluated.” Josie said to the group, looking pointedly at Sera. </p><p>“Bleh” Sera stuck her tongue out. </p><p>“I’ll keep an eye on her.” Bull smirked, crossing his arms across his chest. It was a wonder they managed to get him to wear a shirt. </p><p>“You worry too much Ruffles” Varric smirked, “And I promise not to undo my shirt and show off my chest hair”</p><p>“Ten silvers you will.” Blackwall piped in. </p><p>“Deal.” Dorian smirked, shaking hands with the Warden.</p><p>“Josie, we’ll keep our guards up. Don’t worry” Max said gently. Trying to calm the visibly tense Ambassador. Shepard rolled her neck beside him; he was much better suited to ‘the Grand Game’ than her. She hoped she still had the patience for it. </p><p>“The game is like Wicked Grace to the death. You were safer facing Corypheus!” Josephine retorted. </p><p>“My dear, do take a breath” Vivienne piped in, one hand on her hip and the other in the air in front of her face checking her nails. She was in her element. </p><p>“You’re so full of joy and light this evening Josie.” Max teased. </p><p>“Everything… will be fine.” Josephine took a large breath. “Andraste watch over us all.” She added in a prayer under her breath. </p><p>***</p><p>The entry way to the ball room made her feel very small. The last time she felt this she was being made a spectre. Large steps leading to an open room, was much like the citadel council chambers, the feeling of being so insignificant and so important all at once. </p><p>Golden statues on every post of every bannister. Wide rugs along staircases and giant paintings on the walls did nothing to make the room look smaller. With high ceilings and giant pillars, Shepard had to fight to stare like a child in wonder. </p><p>She almost wished she was in a dress, Cullen in a suit. Dancing the night away or running to the gardens to steal a kiss. Such was the dreams of a romantic woman, not the special forces soldier she was required to be. They would not be allowed to act as a couple here, the court would use it to their advantage. </p><p>This was not a ball in a book. This was a dangerous place, in the real world. </p><p>“And now, presenting: Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons. And accompanying him…”</p><p>“Lord Inquisitor Maxwell Glenn Trevelyan of Ostwick. Vanquisher of the rebel mages of Ferelden, crusher of the vile apostates of the Mage Underground!”</p><p>“He’s so full of it” Sera whispered, earning a stifled laugh from Shepard as she waited to be announced on the opposite steps.  </p><p>“Lady Livia Shepard of Ostwick. Champion of Ferelden and Avatar of the Blessed Andraste Herself!”</p><p>Shepard almost faltered at the use of her full name as she descended the stairs in her boots, why did they say Ostwick? How did they even choose a place for her?</p><p>Her heart beating a little faster at everyone, even her friends finding out her name. A little twinge of guilt hit her at their knowing at the same time as a room full of strangers. </p><p>Whispers filled the room behind hands and fans, Cullen’s eyes never left her as she curtsied on the platform ahead of him. Her form effortless, but her hand twitched. He knew her too well to know she was most likely on edge, and filled with questions. He steeled his own nerves, praying to not fall flat on his face.</p><p>“Did you see their faces? Priceless” Gaspard whispered to the Inquisitor walked behind him. </p><p>The announcer continued. </p><p>“Madame Vivienne, First Enchanter of the Circle of Magi, Enchanter of the Imperial Court, Mistress of the Duke of Ghislain.”</p><p>“The Iron Bull, leader of the famed mercenary company Bull’s Chargers. As the name might imply.” Bull took it as a compliment.</p><p>“The Lord Inquisitor’s elven serving man, Solas.” That made Shepard grit her teeth. </p><p>“Warden Blackwall of Val Chevin, constable of the Grey. Bearer of the Silverite Wings of Valor.”</p><p>“Her Ladyship Mai Bhalsych of Korse.” Sera snickered. </p><p>“Seeker Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena– “</p><p>“Get on with it!” Cassandra growled.</p><p>“…Pentaghast. Fourteenth cousin to the King of Nevarra, nine times removed. Hero of Orlais, Right Hand of the Divine.”</p><p>“Renowned author Varric Tethras. Head of noble House Tethras, deshyr of Kirkwall to the Dwarven Merchants Guild.”</p><p>“Lord Dorian Pavus, member of the Circle of Vyrantium, son of Lord Magister Halward Pavus of Asariel.”</p><p>“Ser Cullen Stanton Rutherford of Honnleath-“ More whispers. </p><p>Shepard could make out ‘Honnleath’, ‘lilac dress’ and ‘mabari’. Probably making the link between the man striding across the floor and the one seen in romantic embrace with a lilac dressed woman in Honnleath. </p><p>“…Commander of the forces of the Inquisition. Former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall.” </p><p>“Lady Leliana, Nightingale of the Imperial Court. Veteran of the Fifth Blight. Seneschal of the Inquisition and Left Hand of the Divine.”</p><p>“And Lady Josephine Cherette Montilyet of Antiva City, Ambassador of the Inquisition.”</p><p>Shepard noticed that Cole wasn’t announced. Probably for the best really. </p><p>The inner circle walked up the stairs to the left and right of the empress, taking their place upon the balcony. Maxwell and Shepard stood either side of Gaspard. Their advisors behind them on the lower steps. </p><p>“Cousin. My dear sister.” Gaspard bowed with a flourish of his hands that looked wholly ridiculous in Shepard’s opinion. </p><p>Empress Celene curtsied in her royal blue dress. Though her and the Duke’s sister, Florainne, were wearing the same mask. There was no doubt who the Empress was, with her jewelled feathered back brace, fluttering around the back of her head. Almost like a peacock, Shepard thought.</p><p>“Grand Duke. We are always honoured when your presence graces our court.” Selene said delicately. She sounded so honest that Shepard almost believed she was actually greeting him to court. </p><p>“Don’t waste my time with pleasantries, Celene. We have business to conclude.” </p><p>“We will meet for the negotiations after we have seen to our other guests” Celene ruled, putting his demand in the ground. He bowed again, stalking up the stairs. </p><p>“Lord Inquisitor. Lady Shepard, bearer of Andraste’s grace. We welcome you to the Winter Palace. Allow us to present our cousin, Grand Duchess of Lydes, without whom this gathering would have never have been possible.”</p><p><em>Would it not…</em> Shepard thought with a critical eye, looking over Florainne. </p><p>“What an unexpected pleasure. I was not aware the Inquisition would be part of our festivities. We shall certainly speak later, Inquisitor. Avatar.” Florainne said, before also walking away. </p><p>“Your arrival at court is like a cool wind on a summer’s day.” </p><p>Maxwell bowed, “We are delighted to be here, your majesty. You show me the very best of this fine land”</p><p>“Let’s hope the breeze does not herald an oncoming storm.” Shepard said, choosing her words carefully. </p><p>Ostwick was famous for its storms after all. They would be the deadliest of them all. She would make sure of it. </p><p>“Even the wisest mistake fair winds for foul. We are at the mercy of the skies, my Lady. Tell me, Inquisitor, how do you find Halamshiral?” Celene asked, the white makeup around her eyes made her look haunting behind her mask.</p><p>“I have no words to suffice,” Maxwell began, “The city has many beautiful sights and I could not do them justice.” Was he flirting with Celene? Shepard thought with a small smirk. </p><p>Empress Celene smiled, “Your modesty does you credit. And speaks well for the Inquisition. Feel free to enjoy the pleasures of the ballroom.”</p><p>The onlookers gazed upon the two leaders, dressed in the night. Sash spun as if from pure sunlight. The Inquisition heraldry was embroidered in gold on their back. Whispers of their victories over both armies in the Plains circled the balconies. </p><p>The soldiers had reported the strangest things, things that could not have been true but this appealed to the guests. The mystical quality that the two possessed. </p><p>He who could heal the sky with one hand. Who walked in the Fade and returned. </p><p>She who could disappear at will, with nothing more than a flash of the wrist. She who glowed like the Fade. </p><p>He the downward sword, the Sword of Mercy. Judex. </p><p>She the Visus, the Watchful Eye. Lady of the Skies. </p><p>Together they were the Inquisition, the heraldry that hung on Skyhold’s walls and armour, was them. Their very essence. Their values and dependency combined. </p><p>The guests knew to watch them with a keen eye, for they were new. </p><p>They were an oddity. And this was dangerous.</p><p>***</p><p>Shepard shut the door to the balcony quietly behind her, taking a deep breath. Grateful that Bull was on the other side of the double glass doors protecting her silent moment. </p><p>“Finally!” Maxwell whispered. “Where were you?”</p><p>“Trying to get away from Grande Duke grabby hands! Who thanks to your announcer was asking me million questions about Ostwick, which you’ll be amazed to hear; I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO!” Shepard seethed back turning around with her eyes shut to lean against the glass doors. The back of her head fell with a thud while she breathed deeply. </p><p>The ball room was hot with the body heat of people dancing, Gaspard had taken his time telling her about the other factions of people who were here, and how he was sure Briala was behind the assassination attempt. </p><p>His voice in her ear and hands brushing her thighs and behind too many times to be accidental. Shepard spread her hands on the glass for added support, willing her biotics not to flare. </p><p>“You have Sera to thank for getting me here, she says you owe her an ale… she’s been combing the room for rumours and managed to get the Duke to leave me alone.” </p><p>She ran her hand through her hair, before counting the rumours on her fingers “So far there’s a man who beats his servants, someone has extra toes and another has crotch rot and-“</p><p>As she opened her eyes, she was met with Maxwell, Leliana, Cullen and a third man. She recognised the amused twinkling eyes and smirked lips of an old friend, a growling golden dog’s face covering the in-between. </p><p>“Alastair?”</p><p>“Well there goes the point of wearing a mask, and I’d like to say that ‘crotch rot’ and my name have never been associated together” He joked petulantly, putting the Mabari up onto his head. </p><p>“Hi” he grinned, a boyish look on his mature face. </p><p>“Al” She said again. Relief sent her immediately to his arms for a crashing hug, he giving as good as he got holding him tight to her. </p><p>“It’s so good to see you,” she practically squealed into his neck, hugging her old friend with her arms wrapped around his shoulders. His around her midriff. “I didn’t know you would be here?” </p><p>He relaxed slightly, allowing her space to pull back, “Really?” he puzzled. </p><p>Maxwell smiled smugly, “I <em>may</em> have kept it a surprise.” </p><p>She had not expected him to do such a thing for her, considering the rocky end to their trip in the Plains. She was glad he had calmed, or at least put her unwillingness to stop Solas murdering the mages behind them. </p><p>“Thank you,” she said gratefully, turning her attention back to the king. “That Mabari mask is kinda cute you know”</p><p>He amber eyes rolled, “It’s not supposed to be cute! It’s supposed to be grr, roar, Mabari” he said making claws of his hands and growling. Shepard covered her hands with her mouth to stifle the laughter that threatened to leak through to the ball room. </p><p>Alastair sighed heavily pretending to be offended. But really; he was enjoying himself for the first time since he had arrived. He was glad Cullen was here too, at least they could suffer together as the only Ferelden’s in the palace. </p><p>“And you, you look wonderful, by the way. Your mask is quite terrifying too” he teased. Earning him a shake of the head and a shove, her eyes expressive as she grinned at him. He couldn’t deny that smile still took his breath away. </p><p>Movement behind him in the shadows of the balcony had her spinning Alastair behind her, activating her omnitool and advancing on the shadow.</p><p>“Wait, wait!” Cassandra said quickly, coming forward into the light with a man next to her. His mask was a half skull, marble in design with yellow patches and golden trim. The darkened pallor face and hair contrasting beautifully with the white and yellow of the mask.</p><p>Shepard deactivated her omnitool, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>“Igor Pentaghast” The man bowed, “I’m sure you know my cousin Cassandra. It is more like tenth cousin but easier to just be vague.” He gestured to the warrior next to him. </p><p>“Third in line to the throne, apparently. It’s a large and complicated clan.” He smiled; his accent stronger than Cassandra’s making the c’s in the words sound like k’s. It reminded her of the Romanian accents of Earth, angular and forceful. Much like Cassandra’s personality really.</p><p>“An honour, my Lord.” She curtsied, “I’m sorry for – ah-“ Shepard gestured to her now deactivated, omni-blade. </p><p>He smirked beneath his mask; a fairly young face brightened with amusement. “Not at all, your skills have not been exaugurated. Nor has your beauty, my Lady, I see the Free Marcher skin your voice hints at” he said, taking her hand and kissing the back. Pale skin was fairly common in Ferelden, freckles were usually found on their skin too. But more heavily seen in the Free Marches if it was facial.</p><p>“Lord-Teryn Inquisitor” Igor bowed to Maxwell at her side, “An honour. My cousin has spoken highly of you”</p><p>“Lord Pentaghast” Maxwell bowed back, “Cassandra? Gossiping?” he teased, much to the delight of Igor. </p><p>Cassandra glared with her arms crossed. “I may have mentioned-“</p><p>“You think I’m pretty?” Shepard teased, nudging the warrior with her elbow several times waiting for an answer. Cassandra let out an ‘ugh’ with pink cheeks. </p><p>“Here’s the party then” Rylen said, opening the doors. </p><p>Followed by a tall auburn-haired man, brushed back in perfect waves. His mask was the same shining blue-teal of his eyes, like water washing around the orbs. It did nothing to conceal the calved cheek bones and ridged nose of his handsome face. His pallor literally, golden.</p><p><em>The Maker, if real, he has excellent taste in creating men</em> Shepard thought. </p><p>“Inquisitor, Andraste’s chosen.” Sebastian regarded them in turn. “It is an honour” he bowed to them. Returning the gesture, she lifted her eyes and found Sebastian staring right at her. </p><p>“The old legends say that the people of Starkhaven have the bluest eyes in all of Thedas. The blue hue of the two rivers around our city trickled into our bodies and blessed our eyes. I must say, my Lady, yours are most captivating” he took her hand and kissed the glove. Teal blue eyes practically shining with the confidence he wore so well.  </p><p>“You flatter me, Prince Vael” she replied. Knowing that while he was in conversation with Alastair and Leliana. Cullen would be very much clenching his fists over the Prince’s familiarity. </p><p>“Ridire-Sgiobair Rylen ag innese dhomh gu bheil an cànan màthaireil agad” <em>Knight-Captain Rylen tells me you have the mother tongue</em> Sebastian said, the Knight-Captain in mind sent her a wink. </p><p>“Tha. Chuala mi gu bheil e tearc eadhon an seo” <em>Yes, I heard it is rare even here</em> She replied, earning a hearty grin from the tall archer. </p><p>“How refreshing. Yes, it is rare for one to be so fluent. Alastair’s common tongue influence has ruined Starkers” Sebastian winked; she briefly hears a small ‘heeey’ from the King of Ferelden. </p><p>“We should focus” Leliana guided all to her attention. “There are many eyes and ears who shall notice our absence, we must be swift. As thanks for our help in Kirkwall, Sebastian and Alastair have aided us in elevating you, Shepard. You are now, an official noble Lady”</p><p>Shepard’s face, and stomach, dropped at the implication of being elevated. </p><p>“Surprise?” Maxwell said tentatively, watching her expression change from shock to confusion. </p><p>“All the papers were in order, my Lady. I simply signed and sealed them with the mark of royalty.” Sebastian gestured to the papers in his jacket, passing her the scroll. Alastair hummed in agreement. </p><p>Shepard opened the parchment. </p><p>
  <em> Lady Livia Shepard of Ostwick. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Shepard family was not noble but high in regard. With close ties to the Chantry and the Trevelyan family.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Professor Daniel Shepard of Starkhaven University did pass while escorting the family to the Trevelyan estate, both his wife and eldest and only young son did also pass in the attack. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Trevelyan family saved her Ladyship Shepard as a young child and thus adopted her into the family. Her Ladyship was kept safe on the estate and groomed to be the Trevelyan female heiress along-side Lord Maxwell. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bann Trevelyan encouraged tutors and education for her and thus she did attend Ferelden University for her further education, and became versed in the Biologies of the Humanoid Form. After graduating, she was then called back to Ostwick to prepare for the duties of the household name and be eligible for offers of marriage. </em>
</p><p><em>Her Ladyship accompanied Lord Maxwell to the conclave in hopes of securing Ostwick in the glory of ending the Mage-Templar war. </em> </p><p>Shepard lowered the scroll after reading it aloud, her face shocked and her mouth speechless. “You- you did-“</p><p>“Congratulations, <em>Lady</em> Shepard” Alastair winked. </p><p>“A boon to the nobles of the Free Marches for certain” Sebastian agreed. </p><p>Igor smiled, “House Trevelyan is lucky indeed”</p><p>Maxwell stepped forward with a smile, “I told you, a long time ago, I would take care of you. I’m keeping my word, sister. Now it is official” He said quietly, whatever arguments rose with their clashing of mindsets. It did not matter; she was to him as family.  </p><p>Though Sebastian and Igor did not know the truth about her being here, thinking only that her family had been elevated to nobility from a common stance. </p><p>Sebastian was sent to the Chantry before the University fell to the mages in Starkhaven, most of the records were burnt. Thus, that left few holes in their family lineage. All of which the excuse could be used that the documents were lost, burnt.</p><p>Maxwell was the head of house Trevelyan. He could make any truth he liked. Alastair to, could make new records, with his seal of royalty, few would question. </p><p>Shepard was still speechless, mouth twitching as she fought for something to say. </p><p>“Come on” Max said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. He looked down on her with warm grey eyes, “We have work to do, we can celebrate later.” He said for her. Taking her away from the surprise, and making it so she didn’t have to find words to speak. </p><p>***</p><p>After they had all come to an agreement that the best place was to strike from Celene’s side. The royalty went their separate ways, entertaining guests and forming alliances, or just simply trying to mingle. </p><p>Alastair, Sebastian and Igor were already good friends and fast allies from the past few years, all with a singular goal of peace and fairness in their lands. Along with securing their borders from the Tevinter-Qun war that had raged for many decades. No sides wanting to get involved. </p><p>Celene was simply the next monarch to wish the same. </p><p>“Before you go. I must speak with you” Leliana added, keeping the two Ostwick nobles on the balcony. “Celene is fascinated by mysticism – foreseeing the future, speaking with the dead, that sort of rubbish.”</p><p>“She has an occult advisor. An apostate who charmed the Empress and key members of the court, most notably of which, the late leader of the council of heralds.” Leliana explained. </p><p>“Duke of Ghislain” Maxwell answered, the same Duke that Vivienne had been in love with. And had watched die a day before the ball. </p><p>“What do we know about this occult advisor?” Shepard asked. </p><p>Leliana frowned, “I’ve had dealings with her in the past. She is ruthless and capable of anything. Vivienne was the first to turn the position of court mage from a jester’s position into a source of real political power. Since the Circles rebelled, every mage is technically an apostate, the word has lost strength.”</p><p>“She sounds worth investigating” Maxwell agreed, silently giving Shepard a look. </p><p>“The servants were whispering about a package in there, a statuette of some kind. That’s two leads to investigate. I’ll be as discrete as possible”</p><p>“I’ll be waiting for you in the ball, be swift Shepard” Max replied. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard activated her cloak between doors, and left Maxwell to the mercy of Empress Celene’s ladies in waiting. The three speaking like one being, finishing each other’s sentences. Shepard hoped it was rehearsed, if not, it was creepy.  </p><p>She spied Dorian within the masses of the fountain, wine glass in hand looking quite at home. As she passed, she came behind him, whispering to not get <em>too</em> jolly. Her only reply was a smirk and a swift elbow into her ribs. </p><p>Shepard climbed the white slats of the garden, climbing over the balcony above to the tops. The Halla statue hummed with magic, carved with runes on the sides that looked like some form of cypher. </p><p>She jogged to the other side towards the shining wet liquid. Blood she smelt it before seeing the darkened red fluid, still wet and shining in the fire light. </p><p>The Halla lit in her hand as she approached the door, a symbol lighting up in the middle of the dark blue wood and circling runes slid to the lock above. </p><p>“So that’s how that works” Shepard mused, chucking the now non-vibrating statue to one side. The room looked to be full or random riches, paintings and statues. With a dead soldier inside. </p><p>“Shit” She said, wandering in. He looked to have been stabbed in the back, dropping the papers in a heap. </p><p>“Gaspard you really are trying to get into Celene’s good graces.” She muttered, reading the letter which again, accused Briala of preparing an Elf-human war in Orlais. And that the two should ‘come to an agreement’. </p><p>Shepard retraced the blood spatters to the grand library. Six statues with large golden vases balanced on the top, she scanned her omnitool around the room. Technically cheating but it meant she could search for anything with less dust particles than the room. Meaning, someone had moved it recently. </p><p>“I can-“</p><p>Shepard jumped, catching the giant vase she had knocked. </p><p>“Bloody hell Cole” She said, breathing heavily. “I think I peed a little” She said, trying to calm her beating heart. </p><p>Cole wasn’t allowed his giant hat, but was allowed to keep his hair across his forehead and parts of his eyes. “Hello” he said sweetly, “Did you like the scroll? It made Cullen worry but he’s happy for you”</p><p>Shepard frowned, “Why worry?” removing her hands from the, now stable, vase. </p><p>“She’s noble, elevated. So high up, what if she wants and he can’t give. Now he’s afraid. They’re hunting him, following fear. He shouldn’t be here”</p><p>Her heart panged with guilt. Cullen hated balls, even more so with nobles. If Cole was feeding off his distress, it had to be rolling off him in waves for Cole to seek out seclusion in the library. </p><p>“Cullen is more of a noble man than the highest of men in there. You can find him and check up on him Cole, I’m sure he would enjoy a walk elsewhere if you asked.” She said, Cole smiled a little. Cullen was not overly fond of Cole, but he was learning to accept what he was and that he wasn’t a threat. It didn’t help that Cole muttered what Cullen wanted to stay buried.  </p><p>Shepard could deal with his worries later, but she could help Cole now. “Do you like it here?” </p><p>“The faces talk when they aren’t moving. Silk on satin on skin, always wanting, chaste but chased. Too many.” He babbled, hands playing with the golden gloves over his jacket. </p><p>“Cole-“</p><p>“They have faces inside faces, lying with a layer that tells the truth. I don’t know how to help them.”</p><p>“How about we stay where its quiet, in here, can you help me solve this puzzle?” She gestured to the urns. </p><p>He nodded, “Yes”</p><p>***</p><p>“Inquisitor! Did you need something?” Cullen asked eagerly. </p><p>Maxwell smirked at him, casting a quick glance at the table of people who were actually swooning over Cullen. If he was a noble just meeting the man, he’d probably be doing the same… in secret maybe. </p><p>“Any advice on the evening?” Maxwell asked, hoping to calm the statue like Cullen posed against the wall. </p><p>Cullen crossed his arms, leaning against the table of half full drinks that had been purchased for him. “Orlesian social events don’t fall within my area of expertise. There are few we can trust, please be careful.” </p><p>“There you are gentlemen” Alastair strode to him; Maxwell actually saw the Commander relax at the Ferelden’s voice. A few women began fanning themselves over the tall King’s physique. </p><p>“Drink for you both,” he deftly passed two crystal tumblers to them. </p><p>As he leant in, Alastair whispered, “It’s just water, a bit of colouring and bam, whiskey” he winked, pulling back and taking a sip. </p><p>“Thank you, Alastair” Cullen said gratefully, “And for what you did for Shepard. I know it meant a lot to her.” He said, having rehearsed it in his head over and over. </p><p>The King paused while taking his sip, “That’s only the tip of the iceberg,” he said cryptically. “I can’t speak of it here” he waved off any questions. </p><p>“Who do you both think we should support?” Maxwell asked, he had basically had a vote for all the three parties. He had only yet to ask Shepard for her advice, if she would just come out of the shadows already. </p><p>“Gaspard’s claim to the throne is fair. Orlais needs someone capable of responding to the crisis at hand. A military leader seems the best option at present.” Cullen said, taking a large gulp of ‘whiskey’ from his glass. He forgot to change his expression, instead looking quite psychotic by taking such a large gulp of the alcohol without being affected.</p><p>“But when you win, he might not be. He’s been gnawing at Ferelden’s boarders with his Army for years. I wouldn’t put it past Gaspard to invade Ferelden. Celene is the one interested in peace, and has already drawn up contracts with me…” The King said with rare authority, “Not to sway you or anything” Alastair muttered. </p><p>A woman began whispering, leering at Cullen as she passed, she slid a small piece of silk on the table. Alastair knew this play, expecting one of the men to grab it and give it back to her. An excuse to speak to them. </p><p>Alastair grabbed Cullen’s hand, “Don’t. Trust me. Don’t” </p><p>“You’ve attracted quite the following” Maxwell remarked, ‘accidentally’ flicking the silk onto the floor. Earning a small ‘humph’ from behind him. </p><p>“I don’t know any of them! And they won’t leave me alone!” He said through gritted teeth. </p><p>Alastair smirked, “I take it you’re not enjoying yourself then?” </p><p>The popular Commander rolled his eyes, “The headache I’m developing is preferable company,” earning a laugh from both men. Cullen joined in after a heartbeat. Relaxing a pinch at the ridiculousness of their situation. </p><p>“Commander you are so handsome when you smile!” A woman commented. </p><p>“He’s handsome when he doesn’t!”</p><p>“Did-“ Cullen spluttered, “Did you just pinch my bottom?” the Commander said turning so his ‘assets’ were hidden by the table. </p><p>Cullen only froze up more as the noble smirked, winking as he turned and bumped directly into something. </p><p>“Oh my! Your Worship, do forgive me. You are as silent as a knife-ear, and I heard Ostwick storms were booming loud. Or is that just in bed?” The sultry Orlesian voice said.</p><p>“Have you ever been in an Ostwick storm, my Lord?” Shepard said, the noble stepped to the side so the men could see her. “You see, there is no warning when it <em>comes</em>. No thunder. Just the ferocious wind that pushes you to the edge of the water and then-“</p><p>She lit her eyes, sending a bolt of her biotics across her hand. Causing the electricity to shock his hand on the metal chalice, the man gasped, now understanding she wasn’t flirting. But warning him. </p><p>“Zap.” She said with narrowed eyes, “Do try the punch, I heard it is simply to <em>die</em> for.” </p><p>The noble pressed himself against the wall, keeping his eyes on her before walking away, bumping a few people as he passed. Who, naturally, began accusing him of being too drunk. </p><p>“That was… quite a show” Alastair said carefully. She didn’t hear him, far too aware of the table of women talking about her behind the fans in their gloved small hands. </p><p>Maxwell began speaking, asking her questions, but she could hear the voices around them. Her ears picking up the comments of the women around. </p><p>“Oh please, how territorial. She isn’t near pretty enough to pull a stunt like that off, she should stay out the sun with all those freckles.” </p><p>“With that scar? Positively vile.”</p><p>“How will she get a husband with those hips? Far too narrow, how would she bare any children?”</p><p>Shepard paled, her hand going to her temple. Where the thin scar lay. </p><p>Alastair and Maxwell shared a look of sympathy. Cullen had also heard, he was on alert, he was honed in on his enemies in wide hip dresses and dreadful perfumes. </p><p>Max tried speaking, “Shep-“</p><p>“I hate this place.” She said quietly, turning as if to leave. </p><p>“Liv” Cullen grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him. His hand held onto hers, near to the wall they were fairly covered. </p><p>“Their attention hardly matters. Yours-“ he cleared his throat, lowering his voice just how she liked, “yours is the only attention worth having,” he whispered. </p><p>Her eyes lifted a little, but he could see the hurt. She felt hurt by what those vile women had said. If Cullen could flip the table, taking them with it without damaging the alliances in the room. He would.</p><p>“It’s alright… I don’t suppose you’d save me a dance?”</p><p>“No, thank you.” He replied without thinking. </p><p>“Oh.” She replied, his conscious brain kicked. He had genuinely thrown her off balance, he only saw a brief moment of weakness before she replaced her mask. </p><p>“No. I didn’t- Maker’s breath…“ He sighed. Cursing himself that he was doing even more damage, </p><p>“I’ve been asked that question so many times I’m rejecting it automatically. I’m not one for dancing. Templar’s never attended balls.” Cullen tried to explain his rash reply.</p><p>She would want to dance, and spin. To experience all the pleasures of the Ball. But he simply did not have the confidence in his skills to be the one to gift those memories to her. Would they be compatible after this war? Her a noble, probably shipped back to Ostwick with Maxwell. Would she want to say with him after all this was through?</p><p>“It’s fine- it was silly to ask,” she tried smiling. But Cullen saw straight through it. </p><p>“Trev, I need you,” she gestured to him. He bowed to the men and followed her into the depths of the ballroom. </p><p>He watched her go. A flurry of emotions coursing through him like the Ostwick storm she had threatened the nameless noble man with. </p><p>“Never thought I’d see her get jealous…” Alastair muttered, eyebrows rising to his forehead. </p><p>“Wait… what?” Cullen replied, staring at his friend. “She was-“</p><p>“Jealous. Yes.” Alastair said smugly, “Why else would she threaten the Duke of Montsimmard? In front of your… gaggle of fans?” </p><p>Cullen stood a little straighter, she was jealous of the attention he got? She defending his honour? Cullen sickly, rather liked that. He spied her across the room, handing Leliana a roll of papers. If they were else where he would take her by the hand, console her, and she him. Both of them drinking the love the other gave. </p><p>The Spymaster looked <em>very</em> pleased with whatever she had handed over. Giving her a few words before his love disappeared off a balcony. How he wished he could go with her, hand in hand. </p><p>“Are you married, Commander?”</p><p>Alastair smirked into his drink as the next nameless noble man tried to offer Cullen his daughter, or… himself. </p><p>“No. Though my heart belongs to another” he answered, earning a roll of the eyes from Alastair, still smiling into his drink.</p><p>“Still single then?” </p><p>The end of the ball could not come soon enough. </p><p>***</p><p>“Well, well, what have we here?”</p><p>Shepard’s hand froze on the ballroom door handle, someone was addressing her directly. Leliana had sent her out another hunt, looking for more blackmail and other interesting documents the Inquisition could use after the ball’s end. </p><p>“A leader of the new Inquisition, gifted with abilities beyond comprehension. delivered from the Fade by the hand of Andraste herself.” Shepard turned to see a woman walking down the steps. </p><p>Yellow eyes never leaving hers, black hair wound in a bun to show off her thin figure, delicate shoulders. She gave off the aura of power and that was without using her senses. When she did light her eyes, Shepard saw; purples and blacks missing around her, layers and layers of it. The Fade washed heavily off her, the smell of ozone was incredible. </p><p>A powerful Mage to be certain. </p><p>“What could bring such an exalted creature here to the Imperial Court. I wonder? Do even you know?” the woman asked, a high jewelled collar on her neck brought attention to her sharp jaw and purple tinted lips. Leaving a large patch of skin and cleavage on show, the rest of the dress hid most of her body. </p><p>“We may never know. Courtly intrigues and all that” Shepard shrugged back, </p><p>The woman almost seemed amused at this, “Such intrigues obscure much, but not all. I am Morrigan.” She bowed, low and respectfully. </p><p>Her eyes were almost unnerving, roving around Shepard’s face and focusing on her own eyes. As though she knew what she was thinking. She reminded her of the yellow eyes white haired woman at the shore. </p><p><em>The Morrigan? Of the fifth blight?</em> Shepard thought. </p><p>“Some call me advisor to Empress Celene on matters of the arcane.” She breezed past her shoulder, walking from the doors. Curiosity got the better of her, Shepard fell into step with the mage. </p><p>“You… have been very busy this evening. Hunting in every dark corner of the palace. Perhaps, you and I hunt the same prey?” Her eyes lit up, as though she was saying an inside joke Shepard didn’t quite catch. </p><p>“I don’t know.” Shepard replied, keeping her cards close at hand. “Do we?” </p><p>Morrigan chuckled, the noise was genuine and unguarded. “You’re being coy”</p><p>“I’m being careful”</p><p>Morrigan gave her a once over, “Not unwise, here of all places. Allow me to speak first, then.” She gestured once more for them to walk, harder for someone to ease drop if they were on the move. </p><p>“Recently, I found and killed, an unwelcome guest within these halls. An agent of Tevinter. So, I offer you this, Andraste’s chosen, a key found on the body. I cannot say where it leads, if Celene is in danger I must stay by her side.” Morrigan said with fierce determination.</p><p>Shepard believed her. For whatever reason, her heartbeat was steady. She gave off the aura of trust. A tempest like herself, raw power under mortal flesh. Dangerous for certain, but to whom. That was less certain. </p><p>“Thank you, Lady Morrigan. I think this is turning out to be an interesting evening.”</p><p>“What comes next, will be most exciting.”</p><p>***</p><p>“We got your message” Maxwell said, meeting at the door to the servant’s quarters. Solas, Sera and Cassandra were with them, and to her surprise, Cole. </p><p>“He says it’s getting too loud” Maxwell said with a pinched brow. Shepard nodded, smiling at the fidgeting boy. Solas stayed near him, saying low words of comfort. </p><p>Any larger personalities they left in the palace. Varric was entertaining the nobles, telling tales and stories that should have got him in trouble, but somehow, as Varric always did. He got away with it. </p><p>Bull was too noticeable, if he was missing, people would see. Not to mention he had already taken two women into a closet and… got very friendly with them. Dorian and Vivienne were in their element, dancing and chatting with anyone of importance. Blackwall too was conversing with the soldiers and Captains, much to Shepard’s surprise. </p><p>No one would notice if elves disappeared from the party, Cole would make sure no one remembered them. And Cassandra would have killed someone if left in there. Shepard sort of wanted to leave her behind just for some entertainment later. </p><p>“Morrigan gave me this key,” Shepard said, unlocking the door. She didn’t trust the mysterious Mage, especially after Leliana’s warnings. But they needed to move things along, Josephine had warned that the peace talks had been crumbling. </p><p>“The Morrigan? As in Warden-Commander Cousland’s partner?” Maxwell asked quickly, </p><p>She shrugged, “Maybe? We’d have to ask Alastair.” They stopped when they were met with wet floors and cold bodies. </p><p>“Shit… the elves Briala was looking for” Shepard said. Her armoured hands rolling the Elf over, she gently reached up and shut them. </p><p>She jogged over to the two prone bodies, the armour of her chest plate and arms clanging with every step. The rest was her formal wear, no time to change. </p><p>Elves with slit throats, blood pooling around the ground and turning the paved floor the same red as the carpets. </p><p>“Whoever did this oughta’ be down here somewhere.” Sera cracked her knuckles. </p><p>“Maker watch over them” Cassandra left a prayer with them as they passed through the rooms. The halls were bare, but the rooms attached, pantries of food stocks and kitchens full of bodies. Left to bleed out where they fell.</p><p>“More in here.” Max said, “Maker all their throats have been cut, this wasn’t a fight, it was a massacre.” He looked around the room, none of the servants had weapons in hand. </p><p>“Breath painful, stabbing, and then real stabbing, lungs full, frothing, scent of apples as it all goes black.” Cole said from the door, his words had a breathless quality when he was remembering. </p><p>“They’re already dead. You can’t help them. Don’t let their memory overwhelm you.” Solas added keeping the spirit in the real world.</p><p>“Nobody asked for creepy, alright? Shut it!” Sera shuddered, keeping ahead of Cole at all times. </p><p>Shepard bit her tongue, pressing on with the group. The evening had all on edge tonight, biting Sera’s head off wouldn’t help matters. The group jogged through the gardens, only to find more death. </p><p>“He’s not a servant? What was he doing here?” Maxwell crouched by the body, moving the man’s cracked mask away from his face. It must have broken when he fell forward. </p><p>“He was with the Council of Heralds all evening, why would he be here alone?” Shepard said, using her omnitool to search for any DNA. She scanned the body and the fountain. Annoyingly, nothing came up. </p><p>With a harsh tug and wet noise, Cassandra withdrew the knife, “The crest of the Chalons family. Duke Gaspard will answer for this”</p><p>“Just because it’s his crest doesn’t mean he did it.” Shepard said, “It’s too obvious, he wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave this behind”</p><p>“Say the word Shepy and I’ll interrogate him for ya. The hands will go first, grabby git, then I’ll get his winky and-“</p><p>Shepard put her hand over Sera’s mouth, for a rogue she was terribly loud. “Thanks Sera” Shepard kissed the top of her hand, as though giving the Elf a kiss on the lips. The rogue was very protective of Shepard, she had learned, like a troublesome younger sister. The ferocity of Jack but the sweetness of Tali. </p><p>“Oooh can we do that again, no hands?” </p><p>“Venatori!” Maxwell shouted, readying his shield. </p><p>Shepard readied her daggers, sending a shock wave with her fists through the floor to the mages. The Elf servant running from them screamed, diving for cover but was too late. The harlequin spun and slashed her through the back, leaving the woman to bleed out on the ground. </p><p>“She’s getting away!” Cassandra shouted, pointing to the smoke pellet, the dense grey fog covering the area. </p><p>“No, she isn’t.” Shepard growled, putting her daggers away and lighting up her biotics she watched the assassin crawl up the walls. Running after her, Shepard used her momentum to free run up the walls, the elaborate stone corners and balconies making it easy work for her to climb up.</p><p>“Shepard!”</p><p>She ignored Maxwell’s shouts, her purpose singular. </p><p>Having vaulted over the balcony, her feet landing made the Harlequin react, throwing a knife over the edge. She spun, using her trunk to stabilise her lean, easily missing the knife. The two circled each other, the large red smile on the mask was leering at her. </p><p>“You and me, Lass. We’re gonna have a wee word or two.” Shepard spun her daggers in her hand. </p><p>Shepard grinned as wide as the Harlequin’s mask as the woman spun to strike her, Dorian and her had been practising Fade Step, without ice for her of course. Channelling her biotics through her feet and into the floor. Meaning she could disappear and reappear around the battlefield, well run really fast. In non-delicate terms, she could use her biotics to move her every step.</p><p>The first time she did it she’d gone through the sparring ring fence and thrown up on the Tavern wall. Something Dorian has never let her forget. </p><p>Green light filled the dark blue hue of the unlit corridor. She had got rid of all the others, just leaving the Harlequin, one hand clutching a dagger, the other clutching her bleeding stomach. </p><p>Shepard grinned, the power filling her torso and head, eyes lit like stars.</p><p>
  <em> She killed on her lands, those people were hers. She-</em>
</p><p>Shepard shook the thoughts that did not originate from her, out of her head, her lands? What the fuck was that about? Chucking her daggers back into her holders, the weight now unfamiliar in her hands. </p><p>The assassin took her chance and bolted, only to fall back through the door with a knife through her eye. An Elf strode through, wearing a green and white dress. Feet wrapped in white silks and her mask a golden half-moon, her hair was wrapped in a leather cap, her bun also covered by the device. </p><p>“Fancy meeting you here,” as she neared, Shepard could make out the tips of pointed ears. “Shouldn’t you be dancing, Your Worship? What will the nobles say?”</p><p>“Ambassador Briala, I presume. A pleasure,” Shepard bowed, Briala was leaning on the marble lion next to the open window, watching her with slight amusement. </p><p>“Your reputation for getting results is well deserved,” Briala remarked, “You’ve cleaned his hall out. You and your Inquisitor. It will take a month to get all the Tevinter blood off the marble” She smirked, taking the steps onto the balcony. Shepard followed. </p><p>“Just here to make me feel bad about the stains?” Shepard asked, following the mysterious Elf.</p><p>“I came down to save or avenge my missing people, but it seems you’ve beaten me to it.” She looked over the edge, scanning the bodies before turning, “So the Council of Herald’s Emissary in the courtyard, that’s not your work, is it?” </p><p>“He was already dead, as were the staff. I’m sorry we could not save them in time” Shepard answered honestly, earning a startled look from Briala, if only for a second. The mask did not hide her eyes. </p><p>“You may have arrived with the Grand Duke, but you don’t seem to be doing his dirty work. I knew he was smuggling in Chevaliers but killing a council emissary? Bringing Tevinter assassins into the palace? Those are desperate acts, Gaspard must be planning to strike tonight” Briala theorised, her hands tapping her lips as she spoke. </p><p>“Are you sure <em>he</em> is the one behind this? Gaspard may be handsy, but he doesn’t seem the type to be plotting treason” Shepard replied, hearing the nearing steps of her allies. </p><p>“Don’t let his charm fool you,” Briala replied, earning a short chuckle from Shepard. As if she would be. “He’s Orlesian, that smile is his mask.”</p><p>Shepard sent her a tilt of the head, but nothing more. She was not here to defend Gaspard. </p><p>“I misjudged you, Lady Avatar. You may be an ally worth having. What could you do with an army of Elven spies at your disposal? You should think about it.”</p><p>“You paint a pretty picture, Ambassador”</p><p>“I do… don’t I?” </p><p>Briala smirked, jumping off the ledge to the lower balcony. She saw why the Orlesian’s called them rabbits.  </p><p>“Shep” Maxwell caught up with her on the balcony, watching the Ambassador walk across the garden calmly. “What did she want?” </p><p>Shepard turned her gaze from the Elf to her companion. “What all the leaders want, us.”</p><p>“More politics and double dealings, is there anyone here who is not corrupt?” Cassandra sighed. </p><p>“It’s the game, my dear. Everyone plays it here” Sera said, adjusting her accent to imitate Vivienne. Shepard and Max turned with eyebrows to the roof, seeing Sera making mouths from her hands and yapping her mouth. </p><p>“That was… terrifying” Max whispered. </p><p>As they made their way down the broken balconies and ivy decorated walls. Maxwell grabbed her arm, “Hey, no more running off like that, okay? I know I’m not as fast, what with my brilliant gleaming armour but, we’re a team, yes?” </p><p>“Yes Max, I-“ She frowned, looking back in the direction of the balcony, “I just wanted justice for them… and no, no running off, not unless it is necessary-“ </p><p>She sniffed, a few times. </p><p>Maxwell tilted his head, “Uh- what are you doing?”</p><p>“It’s you! You’re the one who smells!” Shepard practically shouted. He smelled sweet and musky, the hint of iron that wasn’t iron but tangy. “The smell the Oasis, the one that- um…” She trailed off, her hand flailing in the air. </p><p>Maxwell covered his mouth with an armoured hand, shoulders shaking up and down. </p><p>“Oh Maker, it’s the dragon’s blood! Bull liked the smell too,” he pointed a finger at her, “The smell of dragon’s blood gets you going! That is particularly filthy, Shep” He teased, enjoying the rare blush he had caused on her face. </p><p>Shepard was, naturally, mortified. But she couldn’t deny, it felt good to laugh. </p><p>“Shall I supply Cullen with some?”</p><p>She punched his armoured arm as they undressed. Going back into the pit of vipers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Wicked Hearts*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>StaciaShep, you are amazing. Thank you for being beta!!!</p><p>You guys keep me writing, thank you for being so supportive. Slow updates from now on I'm afraid, but I will not be stopping anytime soon. </p><p>I've put a * on the steamy chapters if you're here for the smut!!</p><p>Stay safe!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is everyone behaving, Ambassador?” Shepard asked Josie, who was in conversation with another young woman. </p><p>Shepard tried not to fidget in her boots, the arches of her feet reminding her she wasn’t eighteen anymore and couldn’t in fact wear boots all evening without repercussions. </p><p>Shepard couldn’t bear another moment discussing the politics of the Chantry in Orlais or what underwear she was wearing, or if she would find it ‘agreeable’ to wrap her boots around a man’s head in a pantry downstairs. </p><p>“Sera or, Lady Bhalsych, has remarked on the ‘fun’ close-marrying crowd. Do keep an eye on her…” Josephine sighed; from her location she could see the Elf in full view at the table with a tall drink, having threatened to dunk her in the fountain if she didn’t wash the blood off her hands from the fight. She relented. </p><p>Shepard smirked at her not so accidentally chosen position, “I’ll do my best, excuse my manners. I am-“</p><p>“Oh, I know! Oh, Josie she is as the stories said, it is a shame you aren’t wearing your lilac dress!” an unknown woman said gleefully as she approached them. She was wearing a dress with gold accents and a hat and mask that effectively shielded her face from prying eyes. Her Antivan accent was even more pronounced than Josie’s, Shepard noted with a smile.</p><p>Shepard looked between her and the Ambassador, who was now closing her eyes while breathing deeply, shocked to realize <em>that</em> particular rumour had circulated. Honnleath was such a small town after all, she hadn’t thought that anything that happened there would travel all the way to Orlais.</p><p>Josephine sighed and answered her unspoken question. “Shepard, this is my younger sister… Yvette Gabriella Montilyet.” </p><p>“Well there can never be too many Lady Montilyets in Thedas, can there?” Shepard flirted.</p><p>Yvette giggled, using a fan to cover her mouth. “My Lady, I’ve heard so much about you! But not as much as I want! Josephine writes but she never tells me anything” There was a distinct whining note at the end of her declaration, which immediately put Shepard in mind of a younger sibling.</p><p>“Ask, and you shall receive,” Shepard replied, indulging the less mature sister in her questions. </p><p>“Is it true, in Redcliffe, the mages were performing blood rituals and <em>orgies</em> before you stopped them?” </p><p>Josephine gasped. “Where did you hear this?”</p><p>“Everyone in Antiva says so! Is it true?” Her wide eyes under the half mask showed her naïve fascination with stories and rumours. Shepard could not dull that sparkle. </p><p>The room was abuzz with conversations and chatter, the musicians set up below where the Empress had greeted them all changed their sheets, beginning a new song. </p><p>“Of course,” Shepard grinned, earning a ‘look’ from Josephine. “Every word. Especially the parts where everyone was nude.”</p><p>“I <em>knew</em> it!” Yvette said happily. </p><p>After asking a few questions about Yvette’s paints and her ability to play the violin, clearly a talented but sheltered young woman. Shepard had no doubt that Josie had not told her about the House of Repose. Letting the youngest child of the Montilyets live in ignorance. </p><p>Eventually, they got onto Josie’s childhood. </p><p>“Do tell,” Shepard grinned, earning another death stare from the Ambassador. Yvette was oblivious to her sister’s discomfort. </p><p>“Oh yes! Has she told you about when she was ten and-”</p><p>“Yvette. Stop.”</p><p>“Fine. What about when we were climbing by the cliffs by the-”</p><p>“No!”</p><p>“She once told the Duke of-”</p><p>“Absolutely not!”</p><p>“Hmmph!” Yvette huffed. Shepard was eager to hear any of these stories. Wondering for how long the ambassador had been a headstrong woman. </p><p>“She still plays with her doll collection when no one’s looking!” She said quickly, before Josie could interrupt. The older sister looked horrified, </p><p>“That’s absurd, preposterous-“ She babbled, a gloved hand going to her hair,  “Oh look the Inquisitor is dancing!” </p><p>Shepard chuckled, sealing her lips together for the Ambassadors sake as the music sped, indicating the start of the dance. Maxwell moved with efficiency and grace, but not enjoyment. He practically flowed around the room. His posture perfect, steps in time with the changes of the notes. </p><p>It was a different kind of beauty she was unaccustomed to, the music and dancing. She felt as though she was watching a vid in real time, those old Earth vids of the nineteenth century. </p><p>She could see his upbringing in nobility was well spent, the violins were playing passionately. As though the strings of the instruments were tied to the puppets on the dance floor. </p><p>She did not see the other nobles leaning on the sides, watching the man and Gaspard’s cousin. All inspecting, until they were the only two left dancing. Maxwell dipped Florainne, earning gasps and applause, though the smile on his face was fake. Shepard doubted anyone but the inner circle would notice, whether he liked it or not, Max played the Game well. </p><p>As he walked his dance partner off to the sides of the ball, Shepard nudged Josie, indicating they should ask about the dance. Which she had no doubt, would be the talk of the ball. At least for the moment. </p><p>“You’ll be the talk of the court for months! We should take you dancing more often,” Josie said with glee. </p><p>Maxwell took her praise with pink cheeks. “It’s actually nice to do something other than fight demons and horrors.”</p><p>“Better dressed ones anyway,” Shepard muttered, earning a laugh from both parties. </p><p>Leliana and Cullen quickly joined them, “Were you <em>dancing</em> with Duchess Florainne?” Leliana asked with shock. </p><p>Cullen did not seem as enthusiastic about the dancing, “More importantly,” he growled, his patience wearing thin. “What happened in the servants’ quarters? I heard there was fighting.” She watched him quickly rake his eyes over her and Maxwell, he avoided her face however, she found that to be particularly odd. </p><p>Did he dislike her scar too? Was that why he couldn’t stand to look at her? Uncertainty ate away at her; it had no place on this mission. She shook it off, disliking the power her intrusive thoughts had over her. </p><p>“I hope you have good news; it appears the peace talks are crumbling,” Josie said, casting a glance at the balcony, containing the three main Orlais houses, combined with the three monarchs of the other lands. </p><p>Maxwell frowned, “Florainne was trying to convince me Gaspard was the traitor, but I’m not sure of it… something is wrong.” His hands flexed under the golden gloves, as though removing the tension of dancing in front of the whole ball. </p><p>“Something stinks,” Shepard said. “She is the reason all these people are here, she has as much motive as any of them.” </p><p>“She and her brother are thick as thieves, but she would give him up in an instant to save herself.” Leliana added darkly. </p><p>“Then the attack will happen tonight,” Cullen added, his throat sounded dry.  </p><p>“Warning Celene is pointless, she needs these talks to succeed. And to flee would admit defeat,” Josie explained. </p><p>“So, she would rather die than continue the talks elsewhere?” Shepard asked, “What for?”</p><p>“Loyalty and image, Shep.” Max explained, whispering close to her as men in finery passed them. </p><p>“Well, she’ll be a dead loyalist if we don’t do something,” she whispered back with venom. </p><p>“Perhaps we should let her die…” Leliana hummed, </p><p>“You have an idea?” Maxwell asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Unhappy with the mere suggestion. Josie looked with an apprehensive stare at what they might be suggesting. </p><p>Leliana nodded. “What Corypheus wants is chaos. Even with Celene alive, that could still happen. To foil his plan, the empire must remain strong, this evening, <em>someone</em> must emerge victorious.”</p><p>Cullen jumped on this, “And it doesn’t need to be Celene. She’s right”</p><p>“Do you two realise what you’re suggesting?” Josie gasped. </p><p>“You really want the Duke on the throne? He’s blood-thirsty and doesn’t give a damn about the consequences!” Shepard seethed back, no way was she supporting him on the throne. </p><p>Maxwell took a turn, hands on his hips. “You’re asking me to decide what’s best for Orlais?” He asked quietly. Even with the figurative mask he was wearing she could see the weight pressing on him. </p><p>The recognisable weight of decisions bearing down upon him. She had been in this position. Arguing with John over right and wrong. Best and worst.  </p><p>Rachni, The Genophage, Virmire, Thessia. </p><p>All on her, on them, Shepards of the galaxy. Two mortal humans making the right decisions. Even now, she didn’t know if she had done the right thing. </p><p>Did the ‘right choice’ even exist in the first place?</p><p>The three advisors suggested the party they most emulated. </p><p>Cullen went for Gaspard, military and strength. Josie voted for Celene, the rightful ruler by political standards. Leliana voted for Briala, peace through secrecy. Would that be possible?</p><p>Shepard’s mind wandered through the possibilities, rubbing her partially bent finger on her lips. Staring through the crowds in the gallery. Women and men passed through her gaze, skirts and armour glittered and glinted. </p><p>Through the cracks and the seams; Shepard saw an elven woman on the other side of the elongated hall, who was focused on her. White long hair, was that armour on her chest? The edges of her vision pulsed as she gazed into the blurred face of her staring partner. </p><p>“Shep!”</p><p>She refocused, vision adjusting to Maxwell’s hand on her shoulder. </p><p>“I asked who you would vote for?” </p><p>Shepard cast a glance back to the end of the hall, finding it empty, save for the crowds of lords and ladies. </p><p>“None of them,” she answered honestly.</p><p>“What?!” Max whisper-shouted, trying his best to keep his voice down. The others exchanged looks.</p><p>“It could be like the Inquisition, one leader with priority advisors. Celene is the best leader, but with Gaspard’s military and Briala’s spies. She would be as a true monarch, like you, like Alastair- he has his team of advisors!”</p><p>Max recoiled as she explained. “I- I never thought of that… it’s never been done. It’s not something one would announce so publicly... and I’m not sure how easy it would be to maintain without outing them all. We could need-”</p><p>“Blackmail. Lots of it to keep them in line,” Leliana interrupted, glowering at the suggestion Shepard was making. Shepard imagined Cullen wasn’t too happy with the idea ether. </p><p>“Never been done in <em>your</em> time,” she countered. “It’s common enough where I’m from, even the Citadel Council had their seconds and thirds to advise them. What we need is something to hold over each of them. They’re all plotting something, if we can get enough evidence, we can call a truce!”</p><p>“It’s risky, ” Leliana shook her head. </p><p>Cullen’s frown was particularly pronounced. “If the assassin <em>is</em> one of them, Celene is simply living on borrowed time.”</p><p>“It is unheard of,” Josie added, uncertain of the suggestion. </p><p>Maxwell sighed; she hadn’t convinced him. Nor had the others given him any solace. “We should get to it.” </p><p>***</p><p>They began searching rooms closest to them in the royal suite. Staying within the confines of the ball so all the guests would see them. Visibility was important, something she was not accustomed to as a trained Infiltrator. She referred the shadows and silence of the dark. </p><p>“You are the Inquisitor are you not? And Andraste’s Chosen,” the two soldiers and Ambassador standing at the trophy room’s door bowed at the new arrivals. “We’ve heard stories of your accomplishments.”</p><p>“Ambassador Anton,” Shepard purred back, “we have stories that would keep your dinner tables alight for months.” He looked positively ecstatic she had remembered his name. </p><p>“Told you Phillippe,” the soldier nudged the other, banging armoured elbows. </p><p>“Not everyone fights an Archdemon and lives to tell. Haven is a tale of inspiration,” Anton added, voice slightly muffled under his mask. The full-face mask he worse indicating that he had been a soldier in the war before becoming an Ambassador.</p><p>“Commander Cullen could give you all the details of that battle, he’s in the ballroom. I’m sure he would welcome your company,” Maxwell smiled, </p><p>“Really?!” The soldier perked up at the mention of the Commander, “But… I shouldn’t leave my post…”</p><p>“Shut up Philippe, he could tell us about that girl he had in that Ferelden village…” the soldier said, casting a glance at Shepard, as if placing her in the attire that the ‘girl’ was wearing in the small festival. She simply smirked back. </p><p>“The Commander certainly has a tongue… for stories that is,” she teased, the soldier bowed his masked face, probably blushing underneath at her forwardness.</p><p>“Philippe, the world is coming to an end. If we don’t hear this story now, we’ll never have a chance,” the Ambassador said a little dramatically, the men saluted before leaving the door. The two exchanged a look of victory before entering. </p><p>Shepard took the back room, shuffling papers on the desk. </p><p>“Move in on the west wing, Gaspard? What have you hidden there I wonder?” Shepard grinned, taking the papers, reading the rest of the orders while she walked up to Max, who was standing with his back to her, in front of a wall. </p><p>“Here, Trev, in the west-”</p><p>As she looked up, she saw why he was staring at the wall. Another Krogan head. Bigger this time, an adult. With the markings of a green clan she did not recognise. But another Krogan stuffed and mounted none the less. </p><p>This was a person. </p><p>Now a trophy. </p><p>Again.</p><p>“Shep…”</p><p>She gulped, shaking her head. “There was nothing we could have done,” she said. Max was unsure if she was talking to herself or him. </p><p>Her mind was busy remembering the last time she had encountered a stuffed Krogan. The guilt and shame she felt allowing a demon to get that close to taking her mind. </p><p>“We need…” He was going to ask her to go, that they needed to focus. But the heartbreak on her face. It was enough to make him rethink his plan. </p><p>Maxwell went through the half empty glasses, sniffing each for the spirits he needed. She watched him, speechless as he poured the alcohol over the Krogan head, before handing her a candle. </p><p>“It’s all we can do,” Maxwell said with unusual severity, cupping her hands once she had taken the candle. She held the flame to the wood, allowing it to catch. The head immediately went up in flames.</p><p>“’Course. Thank you, Maxwell,” she gulped, glancing over to her adopted brother. “Let’s get out of here.” She grabbed his hand, activating her cloak and covering them both. </p><p>She felt as though she was leaving a friend to die. Leaving the poor body to be chatted about in noble circles, to be stared at like a freak. She did not feel any less guilty this time around, only a glimmer of contentment that the man holding her hand, respected her people as much as she did. </p><p>“Cole,” Max whispered, “Cole, I need you”</p><p>“Hello,” he called out as he appeared, sitting on the couch opposite the door. “Drinks from a different glass. A stolen kiss from under a mask. Mouths move more when they drink, but they think less.”</p><p>“Hit the nail on the head, Cole,” Shepard said, ruffling his hair. “Do you mind getting the away team for us?” </p><p>Once inside the west wing, they wasted no time searching the desks and drawers. Finding treaties and documents inside that implicated a few noble houses and merchants but nothing on Gaspard, Briala or Celene. Leliana would still be pleased. </p><p>“Room after room, and for what? Ruffle storage? Real useful,” Sera complained, her version of searching drawers was grabbing the item and throwing it over her shoulder. </p><p>Shepard focused, on her own searching rather than ducking the objects being thrown at her across the room. That’s when she heard it, the pitter patter of feet, the racing heart of a person. Another beating steadily. </p><p>Shepard raced up the stairs, in time to hear a scream. </p><p>“Stay back!”</p><p>Shepard moved quickly and burst through the door using her armoured shoulder, seeing the second Harlequin advancing on a small Elf, cowering back towards the window. Her body prone on the ground, one hand defending herself feebly as she crawled. </p><p>Shepard sprinted forward; decision made. As she neared the assassin turned, Shepard jumped in the air, using two feet to kick the woman out the window. Onto the paved ground below, this masked Harlequin also landed with a thud. She herself lost her footing and landed in an ungraceful heap near the window. </p><p>“Shep!”</p><p>She groaned sitting up, hearing the loud footsteps of her warrior partner near. </p><p>“Thank you!” The elf said, breathing heavily. </p><p>“Sorry for stealing your dance partner,” Shepard replied, taking the hand offered to her by Solas to get up. Maxwell aided the Elf, who managed a terrified giggle. </p><p>“Not at all,” she replied, “no one’s supposed to be here… Briala said… I shouldn’t have trusted her.” </p><p>“Briala sent you here?” Shepard asked, the Elf shook her head. </p><p>“Well… not directly. We get coded messages at certain locations. Briala couldn’t be seen talking with the servants. She’s been watching the Grand Duke all night. No surprise she wanted someone to search his sister’s room”</p><p>“This is the Duchess’ room?” Maxwell said, nodding to Sera and Cole to begin searching while Solas tended to the elf’s bleeding cut on her arm. Cassandra, naturally, keeping watch at the doors. </p><p>“Since she was a child. Or it used to be. The royal family was moved to the guest wing when the wing here was damaged.” The Elf sighed, thanking Solas in Elven when he finished with her wound. </p><p>“It was brave of you to come here unarmed.” Shepard consoled the quaking Elf, </p><p>The Elf shook her head, “It wasn’t courage to blindly follow Briala into a trap. I knew her. Before she was Celene’s pet. Now she wants revolution. But I remember, she was sleeping with the Empress who purged our alienage.”</p><p>“She purged it?” Shepard whispered in horror. </p><p>A similar thing had happened in Denerim, under Loghain Mac Tir’s short reign. Once hero of Ferelden, cut down by the current Ferelden King’s own sword in the Landsmeet. Loghain had made up a plague to sell slaves, burn houses. Alastair had rebuilt it all, proper houses with fountains and trees. A real home. </p><p>“Would you be willing to testify to that, if I asked?” Maxwell said, managing a gentle tone despite his spiked armoured and imposing weaponry. </p><p>“Yes. If the Inquisition can protect me, I’ll tell you everything!”</p><p>“Knew it! I did! And I bet the hate made it feel real good!” Sera added with spite. </p><p>Shepard took her hand. “Go to Commander Cullen, tall man, blonde hair. He’s in the main ball room. He’ll protect you.” The Elf thanked her, running off in the direction of the door. </p><p>Sera smirked. “Coulda’ described him better, just send her to the circle of girls trynna seduce him. Easier to spot”</p><p>“Ugh, shut up Sera,” Shepard growled, stalking out the room. </p><p>“Ooooooo Shepy jealous?! Fun!” The Elf giggled, skipping to her side. </p><p>Cassandra and Maxwell shared an amused look, both holding in their amusement. Neither of them, in full armour, would be able to move quick enough from Shepard’s rage. Sera however, might just manage. </p><p>***</p><p>“Well that was… terribly Orlesian…” Maxwell shut the door behind him, having freed the naked man from his shackles. Another witness to testify, this time against the Empress herself. </p><p>“Ugh” Sera shuddered, “It was so… wobbly… bleh… how do you two like that?” She looked at Max and Shepard. </p><p>“Well its usually a lot … less floppy… when we get to it Sera.” Shepard began, the rogue put her hands over her ears and began to sing… wildly out of tune… to drown out her voice. </p><p>“I don’t know which is worse. Celene using, intimacy, as a reward for disloyalty or him for falling for it.” Cassandra said, gesturing over her shoulder at the room containing the Captain of Gaspard’s Chevaliers, who was in the process of getting dressed. </p><p>“I have seen countless displays in my journeys in the Fade. Power, intrigue, danger and sex, the powerful have always been the same. Only the costumes change,” Solas said, Shepard checked her ears that it was in fact the Elf that had said that. </p><p>“You can say that again,” Shepard said, they all froze, minimising the noise of their footsteps as they heard a man shouting. A Ferelden one, by the sounds of it. Raising the question of why a Ferelden man would be in the palace? The only two being the Commander and King himself. </p><p>Shepard bolted for the door, shoving it open only to find about ten bows pointed in her direction. Right in front of an open rift, Max’s his marked hand behind his back, the anchor flaring and spitting wild greens. Shepard kept her eyes on the rift, wondering how the fuck a tear in reality was open in Val Royeaux. </p><p>“Inquisitor! What a pleasure! I wasn’t sure you’d attend,” the Orlesian voice echoed around the courtyard. “You are such a challenge to read. I had no idea you’d taken my bait,” Florainne’s recognisable dress and hair came strutting from the hidden parts of the balcony, smirking down at them all. </p><p><em>Sneaky bitch.</em> Shepard thought. </p><p>“I fear I’m a bit busy at the moment, if you were looking for a dance partner,” Maxwell replied, not taking her threat of an open rift in the middle of the Winter Palace as anything but an inconvenience. </p><p>“Yes, I see that. Such a pity you did not save one final dance for me. It was kind of you to walk into my trap so willingly. I was so tired of you and my master’s pet, meddling in our business,” she spat, glaring eyes flicking to Shepard momentarily, enforcing the point that she was nothing but a pet. The two clenched their jaws.</p><p>“Corypheus insisted that the Empress die tonight, and I would hate to disappoint him,” the Duchess leered, smirking from at her vantage point on the balcony. </p><p>“Sounds like you’re the one on the leash,” Shepard barked back, hand ready to activate her omni-blade, she wouldn’t be able to get to her daggers in time before an archer got a shot off. If one arrow pierced into Maxwell’s armour, their battle was over. She couldn’t risk it. </p><p>Maxwell asked her questions about Corypheus’ plans, what was in it for her, while Shepard plotted her best route up to the Duchess. </p><p>“A united world under an attentive god. We will cast out your Maker from the Black City. Corypheus will remake the entire world, and I shall rule Thedas in his name.” The deranged masked woman said, smirking down at the Ferelden man tied against the post. Eying the rift and Inquisitor warily. </p><p>Maxwell flexed his fingers, ready to attack. “I should think you and disappointment are on a first named basis now?” </p><p>“You poor, deluded thing. You don’t know half of what Samson and I have planned. Your older brother certainly received the brains of the family.” Shepard watched Maxwell tense at his brother’s name. His own family on the other side of this war. Florainne had hit a nerve, and she knew it. </p><p>“It is a shame you will never see it, and it is a pity you will miss the rest of the ball Inquisitor. They’ll be talking of it for years.” Florainne dismissed them, motioning with her hand, smiling at her victory. </p><p>Florainne walked away, not sparing a backwards glance. “Kill him and take the hand as proof. His pet and his hand will make fine gifts for the master.” </p><p>The archers released, giving Shepard but a moment before she lit her biotics, sending out a shield that blasted them all backwards. Her reserves lowered dramatically, opening the field for Sera and Solas. </p><p>Maxwell activated his mark, closing the rift before demons could get through. The small wisp like creatures that did, screamed as the portal to their power disintegrated. Cole moved around the field despite the change in the Fade, with ferocity that made Shepard nervous. </p><p>“Trev, get after her! Before she reached Celene, we’ve got this.” Shepard shouted, shoving him towards the hall door. Sending an incinerate to the back archer pointing his bow at Maxwell’s back, eliminating the threat.</p><p>***</p><p>Max sprinted through the empty halls and steps to the main hall, armour clanging with every step. Heavy bashes of his feet painting the sounds on the walls, he would not bother to remove his armour or weapons.</p><p>If they wanted the Inquisitor, they would get him. </p><p>He burst through the doors, noticing all the guests were now in the ball room. His inner circle looking slightly panicked as they took up positions around the balcony. </p><p>“Thank the Maker you’re back!” Cullen strode towards him, looking slightly panicked at the blood stains on his armour and lack of companions, “The Empress will begin her speech soon. What should we do?”</p><p>Maxwell smirked; he had played himself to exhaustion this evening. But it would be worth it. “Wait here, Cullen. I’m going to have a word with the Grand Duchess.” </p><p>“What?!” Now the Commander really did look panicked. “There’s no time! The Empress will begin her speech any moment!”</p><p>He descended the steps, smirking at the gasps and whispers at his bloodied armour, walking across the dance floor he had spun the traitor on. Gaspard, Briala and Florainne were standing on the waiting platform seven steps up, accompanied by Sebastian, Igor and Alastair. Celene would be giving her speech up on the highest part of the second platform. </p><p>“We owe the court one more show, Your Grace,” Max well bellowed from the centre of the dance floor. His bloody footprints leaving a path behind him. </p><p>As Florainne turned, the other monarchs, Gaspard and Briala stepped away. All looking as confused as each other to see the Inquisitor dripping blood on the dance floor, in full armour with a shield on his back. </p><p>“Inquisitor.” Florainne turned, her mask set. </p><p>“The eyes of every noble in the Empire are upon us, Your Grace. Remember to smile. This is your party, you wouldn’t want them to think you had lost control?” He goaded her as he walked with purpose towards her. </p><p>“See, I seem to recall moments ago, you said ‘All I needed was to keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike, for your oh… what was it… oh yes, your master?” He said, taking pauses for dramatic flair. </p><p>“When your archers failed to kill me in the garden, I feared you wouldn’t save me this last dance… you see I find your good graces to be fickle.” He circled her, enjoying her uneasy feet. </p><p>“You even framed your brother for the murder of a council emissary…” The whispers erupted with gasps. “It was an ambitious plan. Celene, Gaspard, me, the entire Council of Heralds under one roof.” </p><p>Florainne backed to the wall, leaving him on the cusp of the steps. In his peripheral vision, he saw Cole and Cassandra on one side of the balcony. Solas and Sera on the other. All in armour, weapons ready. </p><p>“This is very entertaining,” the Duchess said, voice rising in pitch, “but you do not imagine anyone believes your wild stories?!”</p><p>“That would be a matter for a judge to decide, Cousin.” Celene said, looking down upon the traitor. He’d done it, he’d won them over. </p><p>Sweet relief hit him. </p><p>Florainne panicked, “Gaspard? You cannot believe this? You know I would never…”</p><p>Gaspard shook his head, walking backwards away from his faltering sister. Briala and the monarchs took their leave as Inquisition and Orlesian soldiers marched to the steps. </p><p>Florainne was visibly panicking, and she took her final chance. The duchess lunged towards Maxwell, inelegantly reaching to stab him in the chest. </p><p>Shepard appeared, in full armour with blood spatters and wild gold in her hair. </p><p>Her arm was outstretched, Florainne ran into it. Shepard’s strong armoured arm taking her down to the ground in an instant. Florainne lay on her back heaving for breath from the impact of the metal.</p><p>The crowd gasped and cheered as Shepard calmly flicked the knife away with her biotics, barely more than a raise of the hand. Standing at the head of the duchess as she was taken away by the soldiers, as if nothing had happened at all. </p><p>“You lost this fight ages ago, Duchess. You’re just the last to find out.” Maxwell said, watching the crying woman, winded from her fall, be dragged away. </p><p>“You know what we call that back home?” Shepard said, the golden enchanted leaves in her hair releasing, her in-black hair rolling down her back.</p><p>Maxwell shook his head, waiting for the answer with a grin. </p><p>“Clothes-line,” Shepard replied, grinning while bouncing on her toes. </p><p>“You’re a little warped on the inside, you know that?” He said, laughing back at her.</p><p>***</p><p>After the peace talks had been reignited, with the Inquisitor, the belle of the ball in the middle. The Orlais nobility calmed down while the three heads working together. The night continued, as though blood had not been spilt throughout the castle’s walls. </p><p>Drinks were now being served from large barrels, soldiers joining in the celebrations behind the scenes. All eager to know the first titbits of information from the new Orlesian Empire, led by Celene. In conjunction with Ambassador Briala and honorary council member, Duke Gaspard. </p><p>Maxwell gave a small speech, rousing Orlais to work together. United against the threat that put all of Thedas in danger. Shepard smiled to herself, feeling like a proud soldier watching over her protégé. She stayed in the back with Briala when he spoke to the ball.</p><p>He had come so far, from the nervous shaking man in Haven, one who was loathe to make a decision on anything, to addressing a room of Elves, humans, nobles and friends as one. </p><p>And now, she was a sentinel. </p><p>Ensuring that he and Dorian, who were speaking on the balcony, got their chance to dance alone. This dancing was different, though the music was the same speed, the movements were slower. Both animated and grinning, moving like air and leaves. </p><p>Swirling and swaying, keeping as close as they could to each other. She had no doubt they were deeply in love… how could anyone say that this was an immoral thing, or wrong… it was beautiful. </p><p>Maybe she wasn’t supposed to be the damsel that she longed to be. Maybe she was too set in her soldier’s mould. Hips too thin. Skin too scarred. </p><p>Maybe she could be loved, and love in return. Even in war.</p><p>She would always be more suited to wearing armour than a dress. Always more a soldier than a Lady.</p><p>But oh, how she wished Cullen would dance with her. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard had been acting strangely all night. Leaving him at the mercy of the nobles who wanted his attention, not interfering as she had done the man who accosted his... behind. She was acting like she did when they first met, all business. Just necessity. Not the blushing woman he had come to know… and love. </p><p>She had not joined in conversation when he would speak to the groups of soldiers and share a drink with a Captain. Sharing stories of their victories and strange encounters, they had asked about her. Albeit accidentally, he had skirted around the question, but one of the soldiers asked him directly if it was her in the lilac dress. </p><p>He had blushed, stuttering to reply. Not clever enough to come up with a lie as Josephine would. The soldiers passed coin at his answer, and immediately began asking them if her legs were really as strong as they looked. He had told them even stronger, which led them to even more questions regarding their… activities. </p><p>It was as though the ball was insistent on keeping them apart. When he would lay eyes on her, she would be asked to share a drink with a Lord. Sebastian had taken much of her evening too, enquiring about her life and interests. </p><p>He would be lying if he hadn’t looked over in jealousy when he heard her laughter, or caught her speaking in her mother tongue with the handsome Prince. </p><p>Even though those vile women had spoken down to her, probably out of jealousy that her tiny waist was sculptured without a corset. Josie has assured him that freckles would probably be the new fashion in Orlais. </p><p>Even with most of the nobles being carted home in carriages or on horseback, passed out drunk with the help of Celene’s guards. He had found it difficult to find her. </p><p>Now, with impending sun beginning to rise, she was curled on a couch, a strange sight. Almost childlike with her boots on the cushions with her but in half armour. Her chest plate, chain mail stomach and armoured arms wrapped around her legs. </p><p>She had her hand on her head, elbow resting on the back of the lounger watching Dorian and the Inquisitor dance. For the first time that evening, he could see the self-indulgent gaze of the woman underneath. </p><p>The soft gaze and glassy eyes in the moonlight, revealing the unshed tears of joy. That was his Liv, not ‘Her Worship’ or ‘Shepard’. The woman under the mask. </p><p>He wasn’t sure he wanted to interrupt as she got to know herself. </p><p>Bull and Sera passed, the former grabbing the latter before she had a chance to open the doors and interrupt the two men dancing on the balcony. </p><p>Bull said something, with a wiggling brow of which he couldn’t hear but he did make out ‘dragon blood’ that made Shepard laugh, a sweet husky sound. She caught something he had thrown to her, while steadying a drunk Sera in his hands, he gestured something that made her laugh again and reply. </p><p>Shepard saluted him with what Cullen could now see was a pastry of some kind. Bull and Sera stalked away again, leaving her to pick at the sweet delight. </p><p>“Soooo, not to make this weird, but you’ve been standing here for almost an hour.” Alastair said, passing him a glass full of brown liquid. Cullen took a hearty sip before coughing, spluttering the mouthful. </p><p>“Oh sorry! Real whiskey this time!” The King apologised, patting him on the back. Cullen cleared his throat, wheezing a thanks. </p><p>“The peace talks are over?” Cullen enquired wiping his mouth, sneaking glances at the armoured woman across the ball room. </p><p>“For some time now, at least in part. Myself, Igor and Sebastian will be coming to Skyhold with you. To cement it on neutral ground. Celene and Gaspard were surprisingly well represented. Briala was… not what I expected, she didn’t say much, but… well the decision has been made now. A public truce.” he mused, as though the idea was fanciful. Regardless that it had been confirmed.</p><p>Alastair continued, “Oh, I should warn you who else is coming to Sky-”</p><p>“Commander… or is it Knight-Commander?” </p><p>Cullen turned to the source of the voice, the woman Morrigan, who he recognised immediately. His chest ached with the phantom pain of the blood mages, the claws and burns that damn near took his life. Reliving the moments where he wished he had died.</p><p>“Lady Morrigan,” he bowed, sticky guilt clinging to him that echoed from the memories from the Circle. “It is just Commander now. I trust my soldiers have helped you with your personal effects?” </p><p>She seemed almost amused by his politeness, “Yes, they certainly have.” She moved her yellow gaze onto Alastair, “Alastair, it has been a long time.”</p><p>“And you haven’t got one bit nicer,” he jested, giving her a cheers her with his glass. Cullen couldn’t tell if there was any seriousness to his remark.</p><p>“Yes, your manners have improved. However, your leering of women completely out of your league, has not,” Morrigan followed their gaze as it landed on Shepard. </p><p>“I wasn’t… I wasn’t leering…”</p><p>“Your eyes did not wander to her swaying hips as she passed during the ball?” She seemed to be enjoying his flailing. Cullen was seeing first-hand the banter that passed between them, a remnant from their time together during the blight.</p><p>Cullen also, waited for the answer, though he did not feel as jealous. “No-no-no I wasn’t looking at her… behind… parts… I was- I glanced- looked maybe in that direction but didn’t see anything… really.” Alastair cleared his throat, taking a large gulp from his tumbler. </p><p>Morrigan smiled again. “I am surprised she is not acting upon the many propositions given to her. Does she tire so quickly of their congratulations? Most fickle, after all her efforts on their behalf.”</p><p>“Maybe her favourite punch ran out,  Alastair retorted, earning a small laugh from the mage. </p><p>“Indeed…” Morrigan replied, “I am sure I will learn more of your Shepard in the coming days, as liaison to the Inquisition. For now, I have news of Aedan, and important Warden business to discuss when we reach Skyhold. Do not keep me waiting when we arrive.” Morrigan smirked, giving them a small curtsy before leaving. </p><p>Alastair let out a strong gust of air. “I hate her,” He said with no real venom, maybe slight annoyance. </p><p>“Is there any particular reason?” Cullen asked, the two had travelled together all over Ferelden during the Fifth Blight. He was surprised to learn that the stories of bonded friendships and hard-won battles might be… inaccurate. </p><p>“Apart from her being a complete and utter bitch, no reason at all,” Alastair said into his glass, smiling a little when Cullen snickered. Feeling like two young boys sharing secrets.</p><p>Balcony doors opened, laughter peeled through, the Inquisitor and Dorian walking hand in hand. Strangely, it warmed his heart. Cullen moved his head to find Shepard, but the couch was empty. He quickly looked around the ball room hall, attempting to find a glimpse of his love. </p><p>“Cullen, Alastair.” Maxwell greeted, “Everything alright?” His grey eyes taking in all the information from their body language.</p><p>“Yes, we managed to dance a whole song without being interrupted. Surely we have missed at least twelve emergencies.” Dorian added, twisting his moustache. </p><p>“Your personal bodyguard made sure no one came close.” Alastair teased.<br/>
Dorian and Maxwell frowned, sharing a look. </p><p>Cullen explained. “Shepard, she watched from the door. She wanted you to have privacy, I am not sure where she has gone now however.” He admitted with annoyance. </p><p>He sometimes hated her rogue abilities, making him feel as though he was a lumbering trooper with two left feet.</p><p>“Maybe to find someone who will dance with her.” Dorian spat, with quite a bit of malice. </p><p>Cullen set his glass down heavily, “I… am not well versed in it.”</p><p>“She doesn’t want a good dancer Cullen, she wanted you-” Dorian cut himself off. Taking a deep breath and lowering his tone, “Did you learn nothing from our chess games?” The Mage’s face was set in anger. A strange expression on Dorian’s usually cheerful face. </p><p>Cole appeared on the table, swinging his legs with a sunflower in his hand.<br/>
“She’s like starlight. She disappears when it’s too bright, gets lost in the shine. A sunflower, faces the sun and then green blends in. A little lost. Colours blend in. Plain. She doesn’t like to stand out. She didn’t like the ball.”</p><p>Cullen didn’t wholly understand the babbling, but enquired with the spirit. </p><p>“Cole, what colours?” Cullen asked tentatively. </p><p>“Green, a new green. It made her sick. Marred, clumsy, nauseous. Too hard and worn. Her armour fits her better than a dress. She says that in her head, it makes her sad.”</p><p>“Oh, my dear,” Dorian muttered, his hand going over his heart, Shepard was very dear to Dorian. </p><p>“The nobles, they commented on her scar, she’s upset by them?” Cullen asked, voicing his inner thoughts over the riddles. </p><p>Cole nodded, “Yes, but she’s proud of them. She won’t let me remind her. Sad then guilty. She’s happy when you’re happy.” Cole looked up at Maxwell. The Inquisitor returned a sad smile with watery eyes. </p><p>“She is more noble than any person in that room,” Cullen growled, rather impressively making the other men slightly tense. </p><p>Cole smiled, handing him the sunflower. </p><p>***</p><p>Shepard sighed. A real deep sigh. The steaming water of her bath was filled with petals and buds of several flowers she didn’t recognise, but the fragrance was pleasant.</p><p>When she entered the mansion earlier; towing an unconscious Sera, a stumbeling Bull and a quiet but drunk Blackwall. Josie had informed them the Empress wished to give them gifts of food and alcohol to travel back to Skyhold with.  </p><p>She imagined Sera would have been delighted if she was conscious. </p><p>Having spent probably more time than she should in the golden tub, she eased out. Dressing in the white silk nightdress for her to wear, it did little to hide her legs, and stuck to her skin. The thin straps could be torn with a single hand and the v cut of the breasts was… sort of sexy. </p><p>Shepard admired herself in the mirror for a moment, wondering if all her companions had such finery or if Gaspard had planned this. That made her gag a little, pulling a face in the mirror. </p><p>Still, she had never worn anything so… rich. Shepard ran her hand along the silk on her stomach, the delicate thread felt like flower petals. </p><p>Leaving the washroom, and her reflection behind, Shepard was met with the familiar tinkering at her door. </p><p>Metal echoing in the lock of her room. </p><p>She used her biotics to open the balcony door, the wind extinguishing the candles and leaving the room in partial darkness. Save for the dusky hue of the morning light touching the sky. </p><p>Shepard waited, small dagger in hand for the door to open. It was more of a letter opener, a decorative piece from the vanity to cut hair if needed, but the orange of her omnitool would give her position away in the dark. </p><p>Whoever was breaking in was pathetic at lock picking. Maybe a drunk Sera… or a jealous potential suitor of Cullen’s come to remove the competition she thought with a small huff of laughter. </p><p>When the body entered, she grabbed them, spinning them so she could lie the knife on the persons neck. A familiar grunt escaped the man as his back hit the golden lion bed post. </p><p>“Cullen?” </p><p>Shepard lowered the knife, taking in his appearance. Her golden lion was still dressed in his formal wear. The top few buttons were undone, his hair beginning to curl at the edges. In his golden gloved hands were two lock picks, slightly bent as he had put too much pressure on the delicate picks. </p><p>“Did you… pick the lock on my door?” Shepard asked, Cullen half smiled, blushing slightly. “Why didn’t you knock?” </p><p>“I was trying to be sneaky!” He whispered, very loudly, back, regardless that she had just spoken at her normal volume. She stifled her laughter with her hand at his poor attempt at being a rogue. </p><p>“Josephine asked us to stay in our rooms but… I had… I had to see you,” he continued in a whispered, shoving the damaged tools into his pocket. Putting his leather gloved hand on her face, “I had to see you,” he whispered again, dipping his head to run his nose along hers in a small nuzzled embrace. </p><p>“I thought you would have had your fill of attention, Ser Cullen?” She tried to keep her tone light but her jealousy seeped in. Her hands gripped his jacket. </p><p>He watched her place her mask on, he wouldn’t have that. He chuckled, deep in his chest, “No. I was with Alastair, escorting him back to his guards. The nobles, they were nothing and no one to me. You,” he whispered, taking her hips in his hands, resting his head on her forehead. </p><p>“You are my love. I am yours,” he fit his lips to hers. </p><p>The kiss went on and on, reminding one another that they could never stray. They were here, wanting, needed each other. He ran his hands leisurely around her back, rough hands enjoying the silk that barely contained her body. A groan of approval came through his lips when he ventured under the silk, finding her bare.</p><p>“Cullen, what’s bought this on?” She asked with swollen lips, her hands stroking his shoulders through the thick jacket. He forced himself to lift his eyes from her mouth.</p><p>“I- I just, realised how lucky I truly am tonight. To have you, and how I don’t always show it… I don’t always show you what you mean to me,” he confessed with disgust at his own actions. She frowned back, she still didn’t believe it, but she knew Cullen loved her. </p><p>“Cullen,” she halted him from going in for another kiss, “I do know.” She ran her fingers along his cheek. </p><p>“Go to the balcony, let’s watch the sunrise,” he said suddenly. Shepard was onboard with the romantic idea, but almost felt whiplash at his change of pace. </p><p>“Alright?” She laughed, walking towards the balcony, putting another robe on top of her current night dress. </p><p>A light pink sheer, floor length gown, with layered mesh on the sleeves and almost a bustle at the front. She felt like a princess. To be fair, anything but armour felt like royal garments. </p><p>She stepped onto the stone slab balcony barefoot, overlooking the vine yards and gentle hills of Halamshiral’s fields. The man-made circled lakes in the distance were dark, but the gentle waves glittered in the first beams of sunlight. </p><p>From the hard-muscled arms that slid around her back, linking on her stomach, Cullen had taken off his jacket and sash, even his under-shirt. Leaving him bare chested, “It sounds foolish, but I was worried for you tonight,” he admitted quietly. </p><p>She smiled, leaning her head back on his chest. The raw warmth of his body and arms soaking through her silk. “I was worried for you too,” she replied. He laughed at this, a wonderful carefree sound. “Tonight was… very long”</p><p>“For all of us… I’m glad it’s over. I never want to set foot in the Winter Palace again.” His hands tightened around her, as though he was immobile at the mere thought of going back. </p><p>“I think we can arrange never going to an Orlesian ball again, it was so… high-born,” she said with disgust, sliding her hands over his. He hummed in agreement, kissing the top of her head, cheek rubbing on her hair. </p><p>“I may never have another chance like this, so I must ask,” he said, pulling away from her back, she turned not expecting the sight of Cullen bowing his chest to her, one hand stretched out for her to hold. </p><p>“May I have this dance, my Lady?” </p><p>He smirked, and watched her grin grow, wide-eyed like when she had watched Dorian and the Inquisitor. </p><p>She placed her thin pale hand in his, “But there’s no-”</p><p>Soft music spilled from nowhere, Cullen looked terribly amused when she looked around. Searching for the violinist as the soft notes of a gentle song reached her ears, all the other balconies were empty. No one below on the garden path. </p><p>The song was wrong, she realised. Wrong for the time. It was a twenty-first-century song, from her favourite musical. <em>All I ask of you.</em> A Phantom and his love. </p><p>His movements were slightly stiff, his mouth counting ‘one-two-three-four’, but she would not dance with anyone else. She wasn’t that good herself, but she could remember the basics. </p><p>She knew of no other, apart from the Spirit of Compassion, that would be able to play that with such accuracy. Or, if Cullen had even heard her play it on the piano. </p><p>His hand holding hers tensed occasionally, as they danced a simple, gentle waltz. Chests pressed together, more than deemed appropriate for a courting pair. But it didn’t matter, on this small, barely sunlit balcony, they were in their own little world. </p><p>“Is… is that Cole?” She asked, “The song, it can’t be from this time? Do you know the song? Who taught you to dance? When-”</p><p>“So many questions…” He sighed with amusement, relaxing into her embrace. Her cool silks bringing a wonderful sensation on his chest. “To answer, yes. You hum it, sometimes, the song. I assumed you liked it,” he explained, smiling as she hummed along to the tune. </p><p>He twirled her around, her expression took his breath away as he embraced her again, pulling her to him. He looked down at her in his arms, following the basic steps. A secret that Josephine had taught him. It had taken much longer than he had liked to be able to not step on her feet. </p><p>As they danced, he could feel it. That this felt right. Not his dancing skills, of course.</p><p>But them. Together. </p><p>The victories that would come from their hard work were as assured to him as their love. The stronger the Inquisition grew the better he felt about their chances. The future was brighter than before, his future had been brighter since she came to him. </p><p>What he felt for the woman, whose head was resting against his chest, he would simply do anything for her. If she was noble, he would promise himself to her. In whatever fashion she wished, even if it broke his heart, his sword arm was hers. He was hers to do with as she pleased. And that scared him. </p><p>But it felt right. </p><p>As the song came to a close, the notes of the violin elongating and changing octaves. He held her waist, dipping her slightly. She took the message and lengthened her body, dipping her head back. Cullen bent down with her placing a long, warm kiss to her pulse in her neck, grinning when he felt it racing. </p><p>She dipped her chin, bringing her lips in line with his. “I thought you said you couldn’t dance?” Her voice was husky and light. </p><p>“Not well. And we both know it. But I’m grateful for your poor taste in dance partners,” he answered, tilting her back on her feet. </p><p>The hand on her upper back slid into her silky hair, her own hands slid up his shoulders to his neck, leaning up to his lips. They exchanged open mouthed, slow kisses, reluctant to separate before gently touching again. </p><p>“I’m yours, Cullen. Only yours. You know that, right?” She said, kissing his lips in a long embrace. “For as long as you wish.” </p><p>“And if that is forever?” He asked, swaying gently with her in his arms, one hand wrapped around her, the other holding her hand. Fingers intertwined with his resting over his heart.</p><p>“Then forever it is,” Shepard answered honestly, earning her a soft kiss. She kept her hands on the nape of his neck, layering her lips on his cheek and temple, jaw and neck, before resting her head against his. Sides pressing together, his mouth just above her ear. </p><p>“Mo chridhe, Tha gràdh cho mòr agam ort” </p><p>Her head quickly pulled back, pushing on her hands and staring at him like he had grown a second head. His accent was a little funny, and the pronunciation was off but he had spoken Gaelic. </p><p>“Rylen has been teaching me,” he answered, grinning at her expression. Her brow pinching when her eyebrows lifted upwards at his explanation.  </p><p>“But- why?” </p><p>He shrugged it off, “It is important to you. Therefore, it is important to me.” He smiled, repeating the same thing she had used to explain her curiosity in learning the Canticles for him. She settled back into his chest, the tugging smile couldn’t have been tamed if she tried. </p><p>“Say you love me every waking moment,<br/>
Turn my head with talk of summertime.<br/>
Say you need me with you now and always;<br/>
Promise me that all you say is true,<br/>
That's all I ask of you.”</p><p>He looked down at her, a warm tinge to his eyes. Amber eyes darting between her two eyes. “What…”</p><p>“The lyrics, the sung words to the song. That’s a part of it,” she whispered, “I know I’m not… They may not be my words, but I mean them… to you.”</p><p>He slowed their swaying to a stop. His smile, a gentle smile, so small on such a large man, took her breath away and sent something fluttering in her body. </p><p>Butterflies. </p><p>This is what they felt like. </p><p>He grinned now at her blushing face. He loved this side of her, the growing side. The sunflower that grew from the earth and faced the sun. Cole was right. She needed light, warmth to grow. To be. He would be her sun. The weather could turn foul, it could snow and hail and storm. </p><p>He would rise, and he would set. With her as his centre.  </p><p>***</p><p>Cassandra and Leliana smiled on their mounts, the former clicked her tongue for her horse to continue its trot to the mansion. </p><p>As they got to the stables, she saw Varric standing against the wooden pillar at the edge of the stables. His pad and charcoal in hand, smudging a sketch of the pair, Cassandra mused.  </p><p>“Varric,” Cassandra greeted. </p><p>“Seeker,” the Dwarf replied. </p><p>The three watched as Cullen took Shepard’s hand, tugging her back into the glass doors of a room. </p><p>Cassandra looked wishfully at the pair, glad they had found love within the chaos of Thedas. If surprised, that Cullen would be so romantic. </p><p>A man that shouted at raw recruits, huffed at Josephine’s newest romantic book she was reading and rolled his eyes at Leliana’s blackmail when it included poems, would dance with his lover. And smile so brightly.  </p><p>Varric turned and followed the Seeker, arm in arm with Leliana. </p><p>“Will this go in the book?” Cole asked cheerfully when he appeared, violin in hand.</p><p>“You know, Kid… it’s just unbelievable enough to be written.”</p><p>***</p><p>Cullen grunted as his back hit the bed, Shepard had clawed his breeches and boots off as soon as they were back in her room, efficient hands moving with speed and purpose. He was bone tired, eyes hurting at the edges but she was igniting the fire in him that prepared his blood to sing. </p><p>Slow hands opened her robe, Cullen’s hands answered by gripping the sheets. The mesh fell away like water, a foamy bath leaving her skin, falling like snow without a sound. The night dress went next, straps sliding down her delicately muscled arms and wrists, pooling at her feet. </p><p>“Come. Here. Now.” He growled, ravenously raking his gaze down her body.</p><p>She looked up at him through long lashes, crawling onto the too large bed, breasts swaying as she climbed up his body. He almost wanted to rub his eyes, pinch his thigh just to make sure he was awake. </p><p>She stopped when her mouth was positioned at his cock, running just the tip of her tongue along his length and sucking his head into her mouth without use of her hands. Her shoulders budged as she leant her chest down, he loved the sight, a taught body, toned body. Made and trained for such harsh pain but here she was giving him such delightful pleasure. </p><p>He slipped his fingers into her black waves, still with the golden leaves littered throughout and twisted his fist in the strands, tugging gently to guide her rhythm as she took him in and out of her mouth. </p><p>She let him direct her as he lightly fucked her throat, thrusting up from the bed with his thick muscled thighs. Shepard hummed and moaned around him, feeling herself getting more aroused by the sounds coming from above. Grunts and gasps interspersed with praise. </p><p>“Oh my love, yes-” His legs shook a little, the muscles more defined under the litter of dark blonde hair when he tensed. She felt a small taste of his excitement, a bitter salty leak from the small slit. </p><p>He pulled her off abruptly. “You are far… far too good at that, my Lady.” He was breathing heavily, a pink flush to his chest and cheeks. Releasing her hair, he crooked a finger at her, beckoning her to his mouth. </p><p>She crawled up, stretching herself on him, legs tangling and lips crashing as he stole her breath. He turned them slightly, so she was on the bed half under him. The hand that tangled in her hair washed down her body, gripping her backside roughly, kneading the flesh he knew almost all the men and likely some of the women in the ball had been admiring. </p><p>Including the King.</p><p>He spanked her lightly, his only release from the thought. Her gasp made it worth it, his filthy girl.  </p><p>“Do you trust me?” He asked, his fingers gliding down her backside to play with the wet flesh that was trapped between her legs. </p><p>“Yes,” she answered without hesitation. </p><p>He sent a thanks to the Maker for this woman before moving to the small vanity. Shepard greedily took in his naked muscled back, each muscle looked as though he was carved, his perfectly large thighs, toned backside. A predator of a man. </p><p>He turned, grinning with his hair fussed, his body looked dangerous as he wrapped his blue sash in both hands. Shoulders and chest flexing when he tested the strength of the band, the golden eyes were near black. Cock bobbing with each step.</p><p>“Do you trust me?” He asked again, standing at the end of the bed, eyes gleaming dangerously, a stray curl bouncing on his forehead. His cock pointed towards her, glistening with a mixture of spit and his cum. </p><p>“Yes,” she assured him.</p><p>Cullen knelt on the bed, putting the cloth around the top of the lion’s head on the headboard and motioned for her to lie back. She did so quickly, reaching her hands upwards, the backs of her hands flat on the bed. </p><p>“Good girl,” he praised in a low volume growl, straddling her waist as he tied one end of the sash to each wrist. The soft blue silk contrasting delightfully against the red sheets. His knots were loose, enough that if she needed to, she could slip out. </p><p>“Repeat the word,” he said, stroking his thick cock right in front of her face, the other grasping her breast lightly, almost tickling her. Leaning back so he could watch her face. The sight made her mind spin, his cock looked large even in his own hand. The veins building on the sides moving with the skin. </p><p>“Judex,” she answered finally, her eyes lifting to his. </p><p>He smiled, a sweet, disarming look. The hand brushing her breast moved, the backs of his fingers rounding her cheek. Large green eyes stared back at him, the anticipation, at his mercy. It gave him a rush of power. </p><p>Shifting his body downwards, he held himself above her as he kissed her again, deeply, leaving no room for her to breathe. His arms bulged and flexed as he tried and failed not to rub his cock on her wet opening. Cullen took a deep breath, reigning in his lust. </p><p>He released her lips and began to leave a trail of kisses down her neck, pausing to suck both nipples in his mouth, circling the buds. He hooked his hands on her thighs and pulled them apart, and without teasing her any or leading up to it at all, he buried his face between her legs. Cullen crisscrossed his tongue up and down all her exposed wet flesh several times before sucking her clit. When her moans increased in frequency, he backed off, earning him a whine.</p><p>He could feel her walls fluttering on his tongue as he dived in, only using his hands to keep her legs apart. Not caressing or stroking, just the strong digs of fingertips. Her moans increased volume and frequency; his name mixed in with sounds of raw pleasure. </p><p>Eventually, he pulled away, leaving her wanting and waiting. For the second time.</p><p>“Cu-Cullen?” She whined, her juices running from her beginning to create a wet patch in the dark red silk. He smirked, wiping his chin with one hand, the other next to her head, holding him up. His usual smirk holding a hint of smugness to it. </p><p>“You are going to come on my cock, only my cock. And I will say when you can.” His eyes had a hint of danger to them, black on fresh power. </p><p>
  <em>I was worried for you tonight</em>
</p><p>She realised he needed this. Control over her body. While she was in danger, out of sight, facing foes and demons, he’d been left worrying, waiting. He needed to command her. </p><p>“Yes, Cullen,” she said obediently, </p><p>He grinned wickedly, rewarding her with a strong kiss. His hips lightly scraping hers as he rocked his cock back and forth on her sensitive clit. The warming sensation of her snatched orgasm returning. </p><p>He continued this with a tensed jaw, watching his cock slide around her opened lips, grinning when he felt her thighs twitch and jump.</p><p>“I need-”</p><p>“You need?” He repeated back almost scolding her, eyes now pinning her to the bed. He stopped his motions, earning a whimper. She didn’t know what he did to her, that made her so eager to submit. But she loved it. </p><p>“You need me? Desire me?” Cullen asked, shifting his hips back so his tip fell down to her entrance. She gasped a yes, shifting her hips with heels digging into the mattress. </p><p>He growled when he met her core with little to no resistance when he finally positioned himself at her entrance, plunging in with one swift, confident motion. </p><p>She moaned at the intrusion, taking heaving breath with every thrust he gave her. Not wasting one moment. Each slap of his balls on her arse coating the room with the sounds of their meeting. </p><p>Shepard moaned again, longer needy sounds erupting from her throat. He could feel she was so close, her walls clenching now and then on him with no conscious thought. She tugged and flexed her arms against the restraints needing something to grab, preferably his back, so she could rack her nails across it. </p><p>When he pulled away from her, she whined again, “Cullen!” </p><p>His face lit up, “That’s right,” he growled, his hands grabbing her thighs, placing them over his as his own body sat back on his heels. In this new position her hips were slanted upwards, he slid in slowly, gazing at her breasts as they wobbled slowly, with each passing thrust becoming more powerful. </p><p>“You whine my name, you beg for me, and only me. You are mine.” His nostrils flared as his mouth shut, jaw flexing against the frustration of denying him his own end. </p><p>“Cullen, oh fuck,” she moaned as her back arched, needing the deep pleasure his cock gifted to her. </p><p>“Oh, my dearest Lady, that is the idea. Now suck,” he placed two fingers at her lips, she took them eagerly as though it was his cock. Lips sheathed around her teeth and tongue licking up and down where she could manage. The scene before him was lewd, indecent. The filth of it made his cock twitch inside of her.</p><p>Removing his fingers, and replacing one thumb in her mouth, the other hand roughly grabbed the headboard for support as he pounded her. Using his weight as a lever to plunge back and forth. She jerked her hips against his to meet his quick rhythm. </p><p>It was hard, fast. His own groans making her own seem like whispers as she moaned around his thumb, almost gagging on it. When he removed it from her saliva coated lips and pressed on her swollen clit, she lost it. </p><p>He picked up the pace, using all the energy left in his body to fight against the grip of her inner muscles. Pounding her through her orgasm, her whole body tensed, arms ripping the sash from the headboard and grabbing his arms. </p><p>Nails digging in adding a tiny bit of pain to his pleasure. He came with an almighty roar, and curse. His forehead pinched, mouth agape. She almost came from the sight… again.</p><p>His arse flexed as he went as deep as he could, tilting her pelvis upwards. A few more thrusts in her body and he was empty, exhaustion seeping into every muscle. Contentment flashing over his face. </p><p>He leaned down kissing her, easing his sore cock from her body. She felt his seed follow, hot liquid rolling out and under her. She was too tired to grab a cloth or the nearest piece of clothing. </p><p>Cullen sat back, ridding her of the broken restraints on her wrists. He managed to grab the sheet at the end, pulling it over their sweaty skin before flopping onto the bed, panting heavily</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered after a few minutes of lying still, his arm around her body, while she lay on her stomach, cuddling a pillow under her head. He on his side, stroking her back idly with his whole hand. Occasionally straying to her behind to grab the muscle that lay there. </p><p>“What for, my love?” He asked sleepily, keeping his eyes closed. Her proximity lulling his body to relax, regardless of the sunrise lighting the room. </p><p>“I came without permission…” she said softly. Now he opened his eyes, seeing slightly worried green orbs staring back. He himself had forgotten his little rule, he often forgot things while he was inside her. </p><p>She watched his relaxed, stubbled face smirk, “Then I will think of a suitable punishment,” he answered easily. He closed his eyes again, imagining of the things he wanted to do. </p><p>“Now sleep sweetheart, let me hold you. It’s been,” he shifted again, “so long,” he said slowly. Drifting off into the Fade. </p><p>“I love you,” she whispered, gently placing her lips pressing on his. </p><p>“Mmmmm,” was the reply she got, as her Lion of Ferelden fell asleep, exhausted by their coupling. </p><p>She rested her head on the pillow, admiring his relaxed features. Josie would have a fit if she knew he had snuck in here, somehow that made it sweeter knowing that he needed to rest beside her. </p><p>Smoothing her thumb over his eyebrow, fingers gently trailing down the side of his face. He huffed, shifting his head into her hand, mumbling something incoherent. </p><p>***</p><p>Cullen made sure to leave before runners were sent to wake the Inquisition. He laced his breeches and boots as quietly as he could. Freezing when Shepard His love was cuddling a pillow to her front, the blue sheet making her back look even paler. Cullen brushed her hair off her skin, perching on the adjacent side that he had slept on. </p><p>He loved the scar on her back, he had never voiced this to her. But he found it fascinating. The white and almost light purple lightning strike scar up her right upper back. Emanating from the finger-tip sized circle on her spine. </p><p>He refrained from touching it, it would most likely wake her. And then he would not be able to resist taking her again. His cock yearned for her heat again where it was confined in his breeches. </p><p>“What are you doing to me?” He asked her sleeping form, his hand gently running through her curled hair, slight knots forming from their love making. He gently stretched over her, one hand holding the headboard, the other spread across the bed. </p><p>“I love you, mo chridhe,” he whispered into her ear, kissing it lightly before continuing dressing. </p><p>He left his broken sash; it would be terribly noticeable if he tried to tie the shredded silk. He stopped at the door casting one last look at her, wondering when exactly he had fallen so hard for woman out of his time, and certainly out of his league.  </p><p>He returned to his room, finding Rylen and Leliana outside of it. Rylen caught sight of him over the Spymaster’s shoulder and apparently couldn’t help himself as he stared grinning like a fool. </p><p>“Commander,” he saluted, bringing his right hand over his heart. “When ye didnae answer we thought the worst.”</p><p>Cullen fished out his key, smirking at the strengthened accent of his second-in-command. Most likely from speaking his mother tongue for most of the evening with the Starkhaven soldiers. Entering his room with the two in tow, beelined immediately to the dresser and his hair clay. </p><p>“As you can see, I am in good health. Is there something I can help you with?” He said courteously, trying not to give in to his embarrassment, which would only add to their enjoyment. </p><p>“I had thought to pick the lock, but I strangely found my picks missing. I should like them returned,” Leliana said knowingly, her gloved hand reaching outward. Cullen sighed, fishing out the very broken picks out of his breeches. </p><p>He handed them to her, watching as she shook her head. Pocketing them, “Gaspard is with Celene still, the Duke and Briala are going over their contracts of peace. We should leave with the royals for Skyhold,” Leliana ordered, moving to the door. </p><p>“We can eat on the way. If you’re done preening?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. The Seeing Glass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>StaciaShep, as always you are the rose to my thorn.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He stopped his hands, locking eyes with the Spymaster through the mirror. His hair was still messy, but it would do. Rylen coughed to cover his laugh at Cullen’s appearance, knowing all too well what his superior had been up to. The dark-haired man left with a salute and his order to wake the Inquisition as best he could. </p>
<p>Cullen took one last glance in the mirror, shrugging at his slightly ruffled appearance before following the Spymaster to the carriages. Gaspard had gifted them the large carts and horses. He’d also provided them with food and drinks, all perishables and therefore useless for war, but it would improve morale for the men at hand. </p>
<p>He was finishing up the final checks of the soldiers when three individual carts arrived. All surrounded by soldiers on horseback wearing the colours of each country’s royalty. </p>
<p>The first cart was yellow and black and decorated with the Skull of Nevarra. The second was red and black with an emblem showing three dragons around a singular chalice. The three protectors of where the two rivers originated that surrounded Starkhaven. Or so the legend said. The last carriage sported two red lions on a white and gold checked crest, the Theirin family crest. </p>
<p>The soldiers took their positions with precision and ease, a mixture of rogues and warriors. A healer with each group and several swords between them. Cullen couldn’t help but compare their own forces to the royal guards; finding few differences between them, he thought proudly, save for the Inquisition having more mages. </p>
<p>The monarchs stayed in their carriages, sleeping. He imagined Alastair was eating his body weight in food, probably cheese. Cullen bowed to his fellow advisors as they came up to their carriage, offering his hand in support as they stepped inside, every inch the gentleman he was brought up to be. </p>
<p>Josie gave him a once-over and sighed at the undone top button and his missing sash but was far too tired to comment. Leliana motioned him in, while they sat waiting for their leaders. The sun had barely risen, most of Orlais would still be asleep. </p>
<p>Both of them had a twinkle to their eye when they looked at him, his eyes narrowed back at the bards, which only made them more amused. </p>
<p>The carriage door was wrenched open, with the Inquisitor stumbling in. “Morning,” he muttered, glaring. He found his seat, dropping in it with a heavy thud. He faintly smelt of wine, his hair sticking up in random directions. By his mood, the Inquisitor could not care less for decorum. </p>
<p>“Good of you to join us, Inquisitor,” Cullen teased, earning a sly grin and a huff from his leader. Cullen had never seen Maxwell in this state and could not resist enjoying it, now the two had formed a friendship, he felt comfortable enough to needle him a little.</p>
<p>The carriage door opened once more, revealing Shepard. Her eyes looked tired but still bright, she’d braided her hair today, though the golden flecks were gone. Cullen strangely missed them, they made her look wild and free. Like she was a goddess of the forest. </p>
<p>“Let’s go,” she nodded, climbing into the carriage. She took her spot between Cullen and a slouching Maxwell. </p>
<p>“Nice of you to join us, Max, even if you reek of last night’s alcohol,” she teased, rubbing her sensitive nose.</p>
<p>“Last to arrive but the first to come? Is that it?” Maxwell said cheekily, smirking through the pain of his own lack of sleep. </p>
<p>His behaviour made him look his age, a mischievous noble rather than a battle-hardened leader. He brought that out in Shepard too, something he liked the man for. </p>
<p>Shepard’s head shot to him; Cullen imagined she was glaring. His mind began wondering if Maxwell had heard their coupling last night. His room was only next door after all. </p>
<p>“Did you get, <em>tied</em> up with something?” Maxwell enquired as the carriage began to pull away from the mansion. </p>
<p>Maxwell had certainly heard. Cullen tried not to react to Maxwell’s taunt. Though from the amused grey eyes flicking over Shepard’s head at him, she wasn’t the only target of their Inquisitor’s jibe. </p>
<p>Shepard huffed a laugh. “I was too busy trying to get you and Dorian out of bed, or was the heated oil making the room too slippery?”</p>
<p>Josie put her finger on her lips, using her hand to cover her mouth and the laughter threatening to spill out. </p>
<p>Maxwell glared at her with pink cheeks. “No, I was busy getting this, you left it in your room.” Pulling a broken sash from his pocket and throwing it at Cullen over her head. </p>
<p>Cullen caught the fabric, clearing his throat with a thanks. Josie immediately commented on the strength of the silk and how she paid for the very best thread count. Meanwhile Maxwell and Leliana, by their smirks, knew what they had been up to. Josie looked a little lost, looking at Leliana for direction. He hoped the two bards wouldn’t discuss his and his love’s… habits, within ear shot at least. </p>
<p>He wrapped the silk around both hands, making a show of threading the blue silk slowly around his gloved hands. Cullen was all too aware of Shepard watching him test the strength with his arms as he had done the night before. </p>
<p>Shepard squirmed in her seat a little, crossing her legs. Cullen smirked to himself, wondering if she was getting wet. </p>
<p>“Stronger silk ribbons would be preferable, for future events that is, Ambassador,” Cullen said to the Josie, earning him a pleading look from the woman next to him. </p>
<p>He meant it, a personal message to himself to make some… private purchases. Stronger bindings to keep his lady at his mercy. He ignored Shepard and continued staring out the window with a tempered grin. </p>
<p>“I have a request for information on your lineage from a few <em>interested</em> parties,” came the pronounced Nevarran lilt and now it was Josie’s turn to smirk. She busied herself by taking out a blanket from the box stashed behind their seat pretending not to see Cullen’s horrified expression. </p>
<p>Cullen’s blood ran cold, reliving the hungry stares and whispered words of his… fans. </p>
<p>“Andraste preserve me! Feel free to use those requests as kindling,” he retorted, suddenly out of his depth. He did not want or need any of the foul creatures in puffy dresses and stifling perfumes to warm his bed. </p>
<p>Or his heart. </p>
<p>He cast a careful glance at Shepard while Leliana spoke, her face was rigid and still. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she pointedly avoiding his eye. </p>
<p>“No, I shall take them. I want to know who pines for our Commander. We can use this to our advantage,” Leliana grinned, further pressing Shepard’s temper. </p>
<p>“I’m not bait!” Cullen argued, shifting in his pew seat. </p>
<p>Leliana’s cool gaze returned to him. “Hush! Just look pretty! Once word spreads of your romance with our fabled hero, their hearts will break in time, but for now, allow me the gratification.” </p>
<p>Shepard huffed, clearly annoyed by the conversation. “More than their hearts will break if they try anything,” she muttered to herself more than anyone else. Max choked off a laugh next to her.</p>
<p>Her growled words made Cullen warm in certain places. His heart found itself enjoying the jealousy that fuelled her anger. His hand reached over and rested on her thigh. It twitched, as though unprepared for the weight of his hand. </p>
<p>Little did he know he had hit the bruises from where he had grabbed and spread her the night before. He himself was surprised at the forwardness of his actions in the presence of his colleagues. </p>
<p>Josephine let out a dreamy sigh. “They will learn. Most of the attendees are in arranged marriages, some since birth. Balls such as these are ways to escape their fate, even if it is for a night.”</p>
<p>“Sounds awful,” Maxwell grimaced. “I can’t imagine…”</p>
<p>“It is not all bad. I myself am destined for Lord Adorno Ciel Otranto from Antiva,” Josie informed them, her voice and posture relaxed. Cullen’s head lifted in shock; he had not known the Ambassador was to be married. </p>
<p>Thoughts of Shepard in an arranged marriage made his heart hurt. Quickly followed by her in a white dress… for him. Those made his heart ache for an entirely different reason. </p>
<p>“But-” Shepard began, before being cut off by a small kick from Leliana, her head shaking, subtly indicating that she not pursue this further. </p>
<p>Josie’s eyes lifted with difficulty. “It is not all bad. He is a kind man, by all accounts. A fitting match, I do not wish a way out,” she said confidently. Cullen wondered if it was safer for her future if she gave her love to a man far away than a man like Blackwall.  </p>
<p>The group were quiet after this revelation, these problems seemed so small compared to the world-shattering evil they were fighting. But Cullen couldn’t help but feel as though the world, and future, outside of Skyhold was getting more real by the day. </p>
<p>The others began succumbing to the lack of sleep, soothed by the gentle rocking motion of the carriage as it moved steadily back to Skyhold. Josie and Maxwell began breathing heavily, indicating they were in deep sleep, heads resting against the padded carriage walls. Leliana had her head bowed, though he couldn’t tell if she was actually sleeping or not. </p>
<p>Cullen wasn’t used to resting with others so close. </p>
<p>Conscious of his mumbling and Maker forbid they heard him thrash from a nightmare. With the events of last night, the anxiety and discomfort clinging to him, he felt as though he would be more sensitive to the Fade.</p>
<p>Though when his love’s head rested on his shoulder, her arms uncrossing and falling slack, one of hers going onto his thigh, he felt connected to her. As if he were bathing in her strength.  </p>
<p>Her presence at his side eased the knots in his gut. He tilted his head and kissed her hair, wondering if the Maker was getting tired of his prayers of thanks. </p>
<p>“You’re concerned,” Leliana whispered, answering Cullen’s question of her state of consciousness. Cullen only moved his lips from Shepard’s head to speak his reply. </p>
<p>He nodded. “We have had no word on Samson and Trevelyan. The reports of red lyrium are… concerning. Considering they were in league with the Duchess, I fear how far their operations have spread.” He lifted his cheek off Shepard’s head, nodding a thanks for the blanket Leliana passed to him. He immediately spread it over their laps, careful not to jolt Shepard. </p>
<p>“I suspect they keep their reasons a secret, but we will find something. The Order is not known for its subtlety,” Leliana assured him. Her confidence made him feel slightly better.</p>
<p>“They are not the Order,” Cullen replied, tilting his head to watch out of the window, indicating the conversation was over. </p>
<p>They weren’t his old Order. But the Red Templars were as efficient as the original protectors of magic and Cullen dreaded what they would find. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“What was that about?” Shepard asked, crossing her arms across her starched jacket. They were on the balcony that overlooked the courtyard, she and Max, both a little worse for wear.</p>
<p>The formal gear wasn’t the comfiest, but with getting the three monarchs settled in their garden view rooms, she’d had no time to remove the thick formal jacket. Especially since they had ridden back in two days. Only stopping to swap horses and sleep in a less than acceptable camping spot. </p>
<p>Max sighed, still in his finery also. Well, his shirt was undone completely and the sash was crumpled in his hand. But it was useless getting him to redress, as Josie had found out earlier.</p>
<p>“The Revered Mother from Orlais,” Max gestured to the woman below in Chantry robes, still in conversation with Josephine. “She <em>urgently</em> needs Cass and Leliana to return to Val Royeaux.”</p>
<p>Shepard watched as the Revered Mother bowed to Josie, their conversation apparently over. Josie turned away, and made her way up the stairs. She kept the Revered Mother in her sights to see her continuing to the small medical hut they had set up beside the Tavern.</p>
<p>“Now that Orlais’ political turmoil has been put to rest, they’re calling for a new Divine. With our Right and Left Hands being crucial to the talks, they want them back. But their duties here take priority. We can’t lose them, not even for a short time,” Max said, shaking his head, determination written in his face. </p>
<p>“Do you think one of them might be called to the throne?” Shepard asked, watching the Inquisitor lean his arms on the stone ledge with a groan. </p>
<p>His gaze was flicking around the markets below, watching the early evening foot traffic of those beginning to leave the keep. </p>
<p>“Maybe… I think they’d do a good job too. Enough to bring change to the Chantry and not buckle under the pressure… Things can’t go back to the way they were. Circles, Templars…” He said, a dark look flashing across his face. He looked at her from his bent position, head turning to the side.</p>
<p>“How could I send my brother, my little sister, or any mage back to the Circle… after all this?” His grey eyes pleaded with her, genuine distress in his body language. </p>
<p>He straightened, running a hand through his short hair. Both hands returning to the balcony, as though it was the only thing holding him up. </p>
<p>Shepard put her hand in his left, lacing her fingers with his. “You won’t have to. I swear Max, we will fight for reforms if they come.” Shepard wasn’t used to such intimate touches, in the military, it had been all pats, slaps and clearly issued commands. But he was her friend, her brother. “We’ve already proven that the Academy works,” she reminded him.</p>
<p>He looked at their joined hands, stubbled jaw tensing. His thumb swept across her hand, looking a little more content than before. </p>
<p>“You know, you and Dorian are the only people that touch my anchored hand. The only two that… aren’t afraid… I never see you two afraid…” he trailed off, deep in thought. Shepard watched his eyes well up. </p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, tipping his head to look at her, it took him a moment but his eyes made their way to her. “Me and you, we’re going to change this world,” she promised him, letting her steely resolve filter through, hoping it would settle him.</p>
<p>“When you say it… I almost believe it, you know.” His half-smile was more in flattery for her words, rather than genuine happiness. </p>
<p>Shepard puffed the air from her chest. “I’m going to enjoy saying ‘I told you so’,” she drawled, earning an eyeroll from the Inquisitor. He wrapped his right arm around her, forcing her to let go of his left hand. </p>
<p>“The peace of the Maker’s benediction. The Light shall lead her safely. Through the paths of this world, and into the next,” he muttered quietly.</p>
<p>“Praying for me?” Shepard asked as Maxwell steered her away from the balcony. He opened the door to their tower and gestured for her to go through first. The ravens chirped at their return, their flapping wings and heavy steps echoing.</p>
<p>“Not really. Transfigurations ten-one… it reminds me of you, from world to world. Andraste’s Sermon at Valarian Fields before Maferath burnt her,” he explained.</p>
<p>“Cheery…” She replied. He nudged her muttering something about blasphemy. They’d ended up at the door to her room and he was leaning on the stone wall beside her door. </p>
<p>“Does it ever say ‘I told you so’?” she asked.</p>
<p>Maxwell laughed, a tired but hearty laugh. </p>
<p>“Not to my knowledge, but maybe the minstrels left that bit out… I know you don’t believe in such things but…” he seemed to look around for inspiration, or confidence. “I like to believe that the Maker had a plan for you here.”</p>
<p>Not knowing how to respond to that, she decided on giving him a hug instead and she let him cling to her for as long as he needed, appreciating the sentiment even if she still wasn’t much of a follower of the Maker, no matter how many times she’d been compared to Andraste. Maxwell was carrying a heavy burden, not likely to be alleviated any time soon. </p>
<p>She wouldn’t begrudge him any source of support, even envying him his faith, such as it was. Cullen was much the same way and she’d seen first-hand how it helped pull them through the rough patches. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The next day Shepard wandered the gardens. Her fatigue had made it easier to sleep without Cullen’s warm, muscled arm around her waist. </p>
<p>The gardens were a relaxing break between the meetings with the monarchs. Not that the three men were difficult, but the treaties being drawn up were lengthy, wordy, leaving no room for error or doubt. </p>
<p>She now truly felt sorry for David Anderson, wondering how much of this he would have had to deal with in his time as Ambassador. The thought of her dad sent a jolt of pain to her chest. She wondered what he might think of this place, if he could see it with his own eyes. What he might think of Cullen and her decisions thus far. </p>
<p><em>“Sacrifice is not something to regret, it’s something to aspire to.”</em> </p>
<p>From this, her mind went to Maxwell’s words, pondering the Maker’s plan for her here. </p>
<p>Sacrifice. That’s what she’d done to get here. She’d sacrificed herself, her future, her life, twice over. And she would do it again. Because what she got in return was worth more than her life. </p>
<p>Shepard thumbed a sunflower petal, wondering when these had been planted. With no real health benefits, they were purely for enjoyment. She found herself savouring the sight of them while considering her time here. </p>
<p>It had given her a chance to meet Erin, to have a namesake in baby Oliver. To become a sister again to a brother and having friendships with the strangest of people. </p>
<p>A chance to fall in love with a knight in shining armour… and feel everything that went with it. The mere thought of her awkward and blushing mountain of a man brought a smile to her face. Finally, the unanswered question was answered.</p>
<p>Yes. </p>
<p>It was worth the sacrifice. She only hoped her adoptive Dad might agree with her.</p>
<p>“Mother never said that you are a Mage,” she heard suddenly from behind her.</p>
<p>Shepard turned to see a boy with jet-black hair standing before her, eyeing her curiously. </p>
<p>Deep mahogany brown eyes, he couldn’t be more than ten but his eyes looked old, like they had seen things that held no place in a child’s mind. He wore expensive, deep purple finery. Including gloves, which she found odd for a child. The centre piece of his waistcoat had a winged creature with outstretched wings. A griffon maybe?</p>
<p>Shepard smiled, trying to be disarming to the unfamiliar child. “Hello. I’m afraid I’m not a Mage. Are you?” She asked the child. </p>
<p>He had energy around him. A strange energy that she felt when near a mage, or a Templar. She had attributed the hum to one’s connection, or lack thereof, to the Fade. </p>
<p>“No. The lyrium gives me terrible nightmares,” he warbled. His voice wavering as he held back tears. </p>
<p>“Kieran,” Morrigan called as she strode over, her outfit much more revealing than her ball attire. A bra on her small breasts, with a shawl draped over it. Fingerless gloves and a chunky, golden jewelled necklace set around her neck. One armoured arm and the other shoulder was bare. It was a bold look, one she had the confidence to pull off. </p>
<p>Smiling to herself, Shepard thought that Morrigan would fit in perfectly in her time, giving the scantily dressed Asari at Flux a run for their money. </p>
<p>“Are you bothering the Lady?” she asked the boy, evidently named Kieran.</p>
<p>“Of course not. Did you feel her aura, mother?” The boy smiled, beaming at his mage mother. The connection they shared was nearly visible and Shepard almost felt like she was intruding. </p>
<p>“I did. ‘Tis time to return to your studies, little man,” Morrigan reminded the boy. He sighed, as any child would, but obeyed his mother, walking off to the door of the main keep. </p>
<p>“My son. Never where you expect him to be, naturally,” Morrigan explained and allowed a smile on her face, a softer expression than her smirk. </p>
<p>“I didn’t know you had a son,” Shepard admitted. </p>
<p>“Why would you? I take great pains to not let my own reputation affect him in any way. To most in the Imperial court, he is simply a quiet and well-spoken lad. Perhaps the heir of some distant family,” the mage replied. </p>
<p>Shepard nodded; it was clever after all. He was a liability if someone wanted to hurt Morrigan or through her, the court. “But he goes where I go. Worry not, Kieran is a curious boy, but seldom troublesome.”</p>
<p>“What did he mean, about my aura?” Shepard asked, watching the boy slip through the door. Closing it gently behind him, a habit of his time with nobility, quiet as a mouse.</p>
<p>“Kieran <em>has</em> a sensitive soul,” Morrigan said, choosing her words with care, looking towards the door. Her body relaxed when she turned to face Shepard. </p>
<p>“Your aura, which every mage and Templar has, is… off. As though it has aspects of both a Fade wielder and a Fade blocker. Paradoxical perhaps is the word. Tis confusing, new to him. He will adjust in time,” Morrigan shrugged it off. </p>
<p>“Is it common for children to feel these things? Is he possibly a mage?” Shepard asked out of genuine curiosity. No mage or Templar had been so upfront about her ‘aura’, to her knowledge only Solas and Maxwell had truly felt it. </p>
<p>Morrigan shook her head, “He may be. Being my son after all. But he is… different. For now, that is all.”</p>
<p>Shepard could feel the pride emanating from Morrigan as she spoke of her son. She was rumoured to have been Warden Aeden Cousland’s lover, the Hero of Ferelden, during the Fifth Blight. Many rejected this rumour out of hand, but Leliana knew better. </p>
<p>“Will his Father be joining us? We have room after all,” Shepard gestured to the keep, subtly asking another question. <em>Who</em> is Kieran’s father?</p>
<p>“Would be most unlikely. You might know him as the Hero of Ferelden. A lofty title, though he wears it well,” she smirked, though Shepard could see the warmth in her eyes. “It is not as domestic as you can picture, but even so, it has far outstripped my expectations.”</p>
<p>“Where is he? Warden Cousland?” She asked, Morrigan tilted her head at the use of his last name. Looking at Shepard as though she had said something else. </p>
<p>“My love is on a quest to combat the Calling. The actual Calling, the one that signals the end of a Warden’s life. Once Corypheus has been defeated, I fully intend to join my love once more. Kieran misses him greatly.” From her tone, it was clear to Shepard that Kieran wasn’t the only one missing him.</p>
<p>Shepard straightened. “I’ve been trying to investigate it,” she said quickly, grabbing Morrigan’s attention. “Grand Enchanter Fiona has been cured of it, by what means I’m not sure.”</p>
<p>“And what, pray tell, is your knowledge on the subject?” Morrigan probed. </p>
<p>Shepard had to stop herself from spilling her own secrets. Her truth was dangerous in the hands of someone like Morrigan, as Leliana had warned her. </p>
<p>“I have experience beyond the Arcane that can assist.”</p>
<p>Morrigan hummed, the new information lighting something within her yellow gaze causing her to look self-satisfied. “And why would you be interested in such a lost cause?” </p>
<p>“People I care about depend on it. That makes it my cause too. I… have means in which I can help,” she pointed to her chest, she felt almost offended at the question. As though Morrigan was trying to get a rise out of her. </p>
<p>“Empathy. That I did not expect,” Morrigan said in her usual tone. Now she gave away no form of surprise or superiority in her voice. </p>
<p>“Then allow me to share what knowledge I know, come.” Morrigan gestured to a door at the end of the gardens. One next to the chantry. </p>
<p>“But the council-” Shepard protested, gesturing to the main keep behind her.</p>
<p>Morrigan turned. “It will take but a moment. I simply wish to introduce you to something.”</p>
<p>Shepard followed the mage through the gardens. Morrigan did not look back once to see if she was following. The woman opened the wooden door to reveal a storage cupboard… gesturing for her to go inside. Her smirk followed Shepard into the room. </p>
<p>“As cosy as this is Morrigan, I’m afraid I’m past quick trysts in cupboards,” Shepard teased, wishing to see Morrigan’s façade crack a little. The woman was so put together, she oozed confidence. </p>
<p>“I am aware of your… romance… with the Commander. Tis an interesting paring, though I did not bring you here for that. Aedan would most likely weep that he did not have the chance to join,” Morrigan replied in good humour. </p>
<p>Shepard looked around the room, boxes of supplies, the occasional shield and tapestry lining the walls. Statues covered with sheets, some gifts from nobles, other were scavenged from Circles and decrepit forts. All were waiting to be returned to their rightful owners. </p>
<p>The only light entering the room came from the two long slits of windows lining each wall. The low evening light bouncing off the snow of the Frostback mountains washed into the room. In between the windows rested a massive hidden object, covered in a white sheet. </p>
<p>“What is this?” Shepard asked, dwarfed by the thin object. Her eyes darted to the right as Morrigan pulled the linen off, revealing a giant mirror. </p>
<p>A mirror that was more than just a reflection. </p>
<p>It was like water shifting underneath the reflection. </p>
<p>Shepard’s eyes went wide, her height was barely a quarter of the mirror’s height and she was damn near six feet tall. </p>
<p>“This, is an Eluvian,” Morrigan said gravely. </p>
<p>“Seeing glass,” Shepard translated automatically. </p>
<p>“Just so,” Morrigan replied, stepping onto the white tarp on the ground nearing the mirror. If she was surprised that Shepard could translate from Elvish, she didn’t show it. </p>
<p>“From a time before their empire was lost to human greed. I restored this one at great cost, but another lies elsewhere in Thedas. I believe it is something Corypheus will attempt to find.” Her yellow eyes found hers across the light of the mirror. </p>
<p>“Tell me, Shepard, does it speak to you?” Morrigan asked, fixing her attention on her completely. </p>
<p>“It’s… beautiful, in its own way…” she murmured, drawn to the strange shimmer of the mirror.</p>
<p>The longer she stared, the more it called to her. Supernatural forces intoxicating her senses, a sweet song in her ears. It was not unpleasant, almost as though the feeling was surrounding her like armour. A feeling of home that did not feel like Cullen’s arms, did not feel like Skyhold, but older. </p>
<p>A home that did not feel like any other. A safe place to hide, like the space under a bed, or a wooden treehouse hidden from sight. Morrigan’s hand stroking across the blue smoky mirror broke the reflection’s hold. </p>
<p>“What does it do?” Shepard asked, eyes narrowing onto an image in the glass as if she could see someone on the other side. Not herself or Morrigan, but another.  </p>
<p>Morrigan’s head whipped to her, it seemed the half-human had not noticed her accent change slightly. </p>
<p>“The better question is where does it lead,” the mage replied. </p>
<p>“Your Worship!” A runner interrupted Morrigan in her interrogation of ‘Her Worship’. </p>
<p>Shepard turned her back to the mirror. “Yes, Jenson?” </p>
<p>The boy hesitated under her gaze but rallied quickly. “The Inquisitor has asked that you both return to the war room, my Lady,” he explained, bowing from the hip. </p>
<p>Shepard was not used to that yet, not from anyone but Cullen. She was a Lady now. An actual Lady. Adopted into a noble family. Word had spread of the contracts being ‘found’ in the rubble of the Temple of Ashes. It was a lie, but a harmless one. </p>
<p>The mage watched Shepard carefully, the information in Flemeth’s tome on the forefront of her mind. Old words written in no particular language. Did this strange woman fit those words? Did the Inquisitor? Were the words interpreted correctly? </p>
<p>This Inquisition would be interesting, but not enough to take away her longing for her Warden. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Morrigan. Shepard,” Maxwell greeted them. “We were just waiting for you.” He smiled warmly at Morrigan, gesturing for her to stand on his left side. If he was still uneasy about mages, or her magic, he did not show it. </p>
<p>Shepard took her place to his right. A look at Cullen had her frowning. His skin was pale and she could hear his heartbeat racing. His eyes were staring at Ferelden on the map, she followed his gaze to Lake Calenhad. </p>
<p>The Circle, she realized, sympathy rocking through her as she saw his pain displayed on his face. </p>
<p>Morrigan must be bringing back bad memories. Memories he had buried out of necessity in order to survive. </p>
<p>She saw Oz nudge her massive head on Cullen’s stomach, big blue eyes surrounded by grey fur staring up at her master. He blinked out of his haze, casting a glance to the grey mutt, one gloved hand petting between her spiked ears. </p>
<p>He looked back up and caught her staring, surprised to see her standing there. He’d been too trapped in the past to notice them arrive, poor thing.</p>
<p>While Morrigan and Maxwell exchanged pleasantries, she sent him a smile. One he sent back, a quirk of his lips while his hand patted his Mabari’s head. It was good enough for her to believe he was here, and not still stuck in his head. </p>
<p>Shepard moved her attention to the other two women. While Josie was abuzz with excitement at having Morrigan, the occult advisor to Celene, in Skyhold, Leliana was cold and distant. She was not quite glaring at the mage, but she was dissecting everything the woman did. </p>
<p>There was more to this than Leliana had let on at the ball. </p>
<p>The three monarchs entered, their respective guards staying outside. Only Rocco was allowed in and the hound immediately ran to Shepard, letting out a few excited barks while jumping up and down like a maniac.</p>
<p>She fussed over him while the three men took their places around the table, Alastair trying to hold back his grin as the two played. Morrigan eyed the pup with a small amount of disgust, but even she knew the abilities that Mabari had in battle. Barkspawn had proved this during the Blight, as a key member of Cousland’s troop. </p>
<p>Rocco, happy with the attention he received from Shepard, left her to sniff Oz. Both of them playfighting in the background, all be it gently. She rolled her eyes at the fact that the two Ferelden mountains of men had the silliest, most babied dogs. </p>
<p>The meeting went through an itinerary of things that were needed to secure a strong alliance. </p>
<p>Notes were passed and the hours crawled by. </p>
<p>All the men sounded less tired than they seemed, used to the long, demanding hours-long meetings. In the end though, the speaking and listening would drain them all, their mental acuity giving way to exhaustion. </p>
<p>“The final thing I can give is information,” Alastair said first, pointing at the Storm Coast. </p>
<p>“This is our main trade route for ships. But the reports of darkspawn are still coming in, and in bulk loads. I don’t have the Warden numbers to deal with it. With the disappearance of the Orlais Wardens, the Inquisition is the only army sizeable enough to deal with it. For aid to be received from the damage from the rifts, we need it secured.” </p>
<p>Maxwell nodded, accepting the report from Alastair’s Warden-Commander Howe. </p>
<p>He recognised the name of course; the Howe’s betrayal was a legendary part of the Hero of Ferelden’s story. Nathanial joining the Wardens was suspect at first, but the man had taken steps to becoming a true noble warrior and he worked hard to redeem the family name. </p>
<p>“Nevarra can send ships with supplies and aid as soon as word has been received. Maker be thanked the rifts have not reached Nevarra,” Igor nodded, leaning his arms on the large wooden table. </p>
<p>Without his mask, dark skin surrounded his brown-black eyes. A stark contrast to that of the other two paler-skinned monarchs. He was the tallest too, less muscled, more of a rogue’s figure. </p>
<p>Sebastian nodded. “It would certainly calm the Free Marches, knowing that the vermin are quashed. Though with Kirkwall in a stalemate, I cannot provide you with soldiers, nor much in terms of supplies.” </p>
<p>Maxwell, having already obtained this information from Leliana’s spies within Sebastian’s ranks, nodded respectfully again. “Shep, take a team to-”</p>
<p>“No!”</p>
<p>The whole room turned at Alastair’s outburst, causing him to recoil slightly. “Just… no. It’s a Warden thing, please choose someone else. The Iron Bull! Blackwall, Varric. They’d be great! Throwing darkspawn and shooting things…” he trailed off, darting his eyes to each of the bemused faces of those at the table. </p>
<p>Shepard frowned at the king’s obvious attempt to quash his words with humour. She knew Alastair well enough that he was hiding a deeper line of thought. </p>
<p>“I assure you, Alastair, I am more than capable of ‘throwing and shooting darkspawn’,” she said, using her fingers to add air-quotes. </p>
<p>Alastair looked slightly sheepish. “No… of course… but it’s just a Warden thing… please…” </p>
<p>Sebastian looked between the two with obvious concern. Igor was harder to read, frowning at the king’s outburst with interest. </p>
<p>Shepard crossed her arms over her chest, stepping into her Commander shoes as though she had never left. “Unless you tell me this ‘Warden thing’ and have a very good reason for me not being able to lead this mission, then no, I will not stay behind.”</p>
<p>The two waited each other out. </p>
<p>Morrigan found it highly amusing when Alastair caved under the intense stare of the beautiful woman. She had no doubt the bastard king held a candle for her. The witch was all too aware of the power Shepard possessed.  </p>
<p>“Well…” Alastair let out a strong sigh. “It’s about you being a woman,” he said with a defeated hand gesture with his left hand, trailing in the air down her form. </p>
<p>“I’m assuming, <em>and hoping</em>, this isn’t just sexism?” She retorted with interest, worried that Alastair’s usual jovial demeanour was dampened. </p>
<p>He shook his head, staring down at the table. His eyes fixed on Denerim below him. “It’s Warden knowledge. I do try and keep some of their secrets…” he looked away for a moment, returning his gaze to her. </p>
<p>“It’s how they’re made… Darkspawn are asexual… so… they… take women captive.”</p>
<p>The air stilled in the room, even Rocco and Oz ceased their playing. Silent understanding of the unspoken words he was saying. </p>
<p>Shepard relaxed her arms, though her body was anything but calm. The seriousness of Alastair’s words caused her to be on full alert. Leliana and Morrigan looked uncomfortable, bad memories plaguing them both of the Deep Roads in Orzammar. </p>
<p>“We, the Wardens that is, think that they force feed Darkspawn tissue to the women of any race. And they birth different <em>types</em>. The women contract the Blight and turn into brood-mothers. Feasting on darkspawn flesh to create a litter of about thirty- maybe fifty at a time. Sometimes… the women were… forced to do other things,” Alastair gulped, nose wrinkling as though he was about to retch. </p>
<p>Shepard understood the words that were unsaid. Some darkspawn were more evil than others. Using the women for their… pleasure before turning them. </p>
<p><em>Did that make them less or more human?</em> She wondered. </p>
<p>“I see…”</p>
<p>Alastair lifted his brown eyes, pleading her with his words. “Please, send men, any men… just-”</p>
<p>“Alastair it’s my-”</p>
<p>“Duty?”</p>
<p>The pair turned to Morrigan this time. “Cousland is as stubborn as you. Curious, but I digress. Take the route left of Lake Calenhad and you will find a contact that can get a message to Aedan. He will help you if asked, he has a habit of it.” She said with a sigh. Her tone was matter-of-fact, she’d made up her mind to help and was now offering up a piece of vital information.</p>
<p>“You have a contact for him? And did not think to share it with Alastair? With any of us?” Leliana barked, earning a slight jump from Cullen. The Spymaster rarely shouted, rarely made any noise if it was not needed.</p>
<p>Morrigan looked coldly at the Spymaster. “If you think your need for friendship is more important than his safety, you are more deluded than I remember, Bard.” </p>
<p>Leliana did not glare or raise her voice but simply stared. </p>
<p>“Thank you, Morrigan. It would be useful,” Shepard tried to keep the meeting amicable, deploying a skill she’d had ample opportunity to fine-tune in the past. </p>
<p>“He will think this means I miss him of course,” Morrigan sighed. “He will be insufferably pleased with himself. I hope you appreciate the sacrifice,” she added dryly. </p>
<p>Morrigan managed to be humorous, even with her increased workload in studying Max’s mark. Her knowledge of Elven arcane was unmatched, having in her possession a tome that in her own words was ‘as strong as a mother’s bond’. The mage had admitted the orb the Elder One carried had her attention, its power and secrets were both an unknown to her. </p>
<p>For now. </p>
<p>Maxwell was confident her research would reveal a weakness, something of Corypheus’ that they could exploit but Shepard was less optimistic. </p>
<p>Shepard smirked, bowing her head to the mage. “Maxwell,” she turned to face her co-leader, “if I could take three other male members of the inner circle with me-”</p>
<p>“Four!” Cullen interrupted. </p>
<p>Shepard frowned at Cullen, waiting for him to continue. “You will take four. And if danger hits, one of their sole responsibilities will be to take you from the area.”</p>
<p>She tried speaking, opening her mouth but was stopped by Cullen’s continued voice. </p>
<p>“And that is the condition of you going,” Cullen finished brutally. “If I had it my way, you would be taking a battalion, but I realise the requirement to be swift is… paramount.” The last word was spat like a curse. </p>
<p>He left no room for arguments. His stare was hard, his frown punctuated by the rigid set of his shoulders. One hand resting on his sword, the other in a fist at his side. </p>
<p>“Fine,” she agreed gently. “Four; Bull, Matz, Varric and Cole. Is this acceptable?” She tried to stay calm, still not used to Cullen’s assertiveness outside the bedroom. But this was for her protection, arguing would not do any of them good here. </p>
<p>“Are we agreed?” Maxwell asked with a tight expression. He watched the others nod reluctantly. “Make your preparations.” </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Maxwell had ordered they pack more than they would need. This included food, weapons, parchments. Even their route would pass through more Inquisition camps than needed. </p>
<p>Anders… or rather, Matz, having earned his place in the Inquisition, was more than eager to explore outside of the Academy. Maxwell had been apprehensive to put it mildly, however Dorian had been quick to vouch for the Warden, something Shepard would not soon forget. </p>
<p>It would help them to keep Sebastian away from the mage he was hunting too. Just in case the new scar and hairdo did not fool the prince. Even if the Calling was gnawing at his mind. Varric had ensured to bring sedative arrows, just in case Justice decided to come out and play. </p>
<p>Cole played with a flower on his mount while she packed her remaining items onto Mako. She had noticed the spirit had a habit of picking them and holding them. When asked why, he had said; ‘I like the sounds they make.’ She did not feel the need to pry further. </p>
<p>“Just like old times, Blondie,” Varric chimed in as he used crates to get atop his horse. </p>
<p>Matz shook his head. “With better company and better supplies. Maker, I hope we don’t have to enter the Deep Roads again.” Shepard found it amusing that the man had taken a spirit into him, but was god fearing. </p>
<p>A shudder racked through Matz’ body; the Deep Roads in Kirkwall was the first time anyone had encountered red lyrium. The two men blamed themselves for the events occurring around Thedas with the stuff, though neither of them had voiced this aloud. </p>
<p>Bull stretched on his Battle Nug, affectionally named Bas, which translated into common tongue as; ‘thing’. He did not engage in conversation with Matz, at least not yet. Bull’s fears of demons and spirts were lessening by the day, but Matz was something the Qunari feared. A mage with a spirit bound to his soul. </p>
<p>Literally, the stuff of nightmares for any Qunari. </p>
<p>“Fingers crossed, Matz. I have no desire to be a baby maker,” Shepard retorted, making light of a situation that in reality… frightened her. </p>
<p>“Not even for Curly?” Varric asked, throwing her into a one-eighty-spin towards the Dwarf, who looked slightly smugger than before. </p>
<p>Matz, having known Varric and his humour for years, joined in. “I can see little blonde Templars populating Skyhold. It may make the man less serious… or more,” he realised with a shocked expression.</p>
<p>“Shut. Up.” She ordered but managed to laugh along with the teasing. </p>
<p>They would need their banter to get through this mission unscathed, mind and body. Though embarrassed, she didn’t mind being the butt of their jokes if it meant they kept their cool.</p>
<p>Bull chimed in, not missing a chance to make her blush. “Reckon he’s already thought about it, Boss. I’d put money on it.”</p>
<p>“Twins on her lap, Mabari at her feet. Simple. Perfect. Theirs. Little laughs with blonde hair and green eyes. He hopes they are like you,” Cole added, dampening the teasing of the other men slightly, but earning her smug looks. </p>
<p>“I wonder if they will be,” she admitted in a half daze, hands stilling on Mako’s packs. </p>
<p>Her biotics could be inherited, she had never considered she might have children. Never mind that they might have her abilities. She’d never considered starting a family, or being pregnant. </p>
<p>Not until Cullen. </p>
<p>“Liv?”</p>
<p>She turned, jumping slightly, though she had heard his approach. She thought it was someone else. Meeting the gaze of the man she had been fantasising about, her cheeks burned from the blood rushing there. </p>
<p>“C-” She cleared her throat. “Cullen,” she repeated, smiling up at him. Noticing the other men were trying and failing to hide their smugness and laughter. </p>
<p>“Dare I ask?” Cullen said, throwing a thumb over his shoulder at the away party. </p>
<p>Shepard sent a scowl to them. “No. They are just being children.”</p>
<p>“Speaking of-”</p>
<p>“Shut it, Varric!” She silenced him, returning her attention to the amused face of her love. </p>
<p>“It’s nothing, really,” she assured him with an armoured hand on his cheek. She reached up on her tip-toes to kiss him gently. </p>
<p>However, one kiss turned into two and then three and soon they were trading open-mouthed, passionate kisses, frustration over her leaving fuelling his tongue. The warrior’s hands demanding her to be pressed against him, as though he would never relinquish his hold. </p>
<p>“Please do not hurry,” he said, reluctantly allowing her to return to her heels. “Take time at each camp, survey the area, rest when needed and-”</p>
<p>She kissed him again, his next words lost as she stole them away, forcing his head downwards to meet her lips. “I promise, we’ll be fine. You’ll see,” Shepard whispered in a lower tone. </p>
<p>Panicked golden eyes darted between hers, searching for any doubt in her words. He found none. The others left the two in a slow trot, giving them privacy. </p>
<p>Varric caught the gaze of Dorian and the Inquisitor from the courtyard steps. Exchanging a nod with their young leader and his love, silently confirming the orders all of them had been given. Each man in the away team knew what had to be done if she was in danger, each had their roles.</p>
<p>A large exhale left Cullen’s nostrils. Resting his forehead to hers. He allowed her to back out of his grip, watching as she climbed effortlessly onto Mako. </p>
<p>“Maybe hurry a little,” he whispered, a pleading note to his voice. His hand rested just above her knee, gripping her as though she would disappear from his grasp.</p>
<p>She cupped his cheek, smiling at his puppy eyes and tousled hair, the waves breaking through the clay that his hands had run through numerous times during the meetings. </p>
<p>“I’ll see you later, my love,” she answered, his eyes brightened at the pet name, but he did not smile. </p>
<p>She kicked her heels into Mako, getting him to gallop after the away team, not daring to look back at the heartbroken look from Cullen. If she did, she would stay with him. She wanted to stay with him. </p>
<p>He watched her go, taking long strides to the battlements. Taking his heart with her as she raced across the bridge to catch up to the other men on the bridge. </p>
<p>As Cullen blinked, a rider was missing from their mount. He leant forward, as though his eye sight would improve from the few centimetres he leant forward. </p>
<p>“She hopes they’re like you.”</p>
<p>Cullen looked for the location of the voice, darting his head back and forth. Cole reappeared on his mount as the team reached the end of the bridge. </p>
<p>“What were they talking about…” Cullen muttered to the open air. </p>
<p>The thought travelled with Cullen to his office as he settled in for a long night of nightmares. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They had separated from the base in Redcliffe. Attempting to stay under the radar during the day as they travelled. Now they were waiting for twilight to venture across the Lake to the deserted tower. It had stood empty since the Mage-Templar uprising, not even Leliana knew what remained inside. </p>
<p>Shepard stared at the ruins of the Circle tower in the middle of Lake Calenhad, the fortification stood against the pinkened sky, barely visible to the human eyes beyond a silhouette. </p>
<p>When she stimulated her biotics, her vision improved. She could see nature clawing back its territory. Foliage and vines roping their way up the walls and into the broken slabs. The blast marks and scars on the Circle Tower were a testament to its recent history. </p>
<p>A charred, black spot on Ferelden’s and her love’s history. She missed Cullen, having been away from Skyhold for two days, but she was glad he was not here.</p>
<p>Loud footsteps signalled Bull was approaching, his bulk striking the Earth could be heard over the chitters of Matz and Varric’s card game. No one had bothered to set up camp, as they would be moving on from this part of Ferelden quickly. Morrigan’s location for her Warden was vague at best, more of a drop off point for her letters than a location.</p>
<p>“Boss,” Bull greeted coming beside her. “Snack?” He opened his giant fist, revealing a sweet bun. </p>
<p>Her stomach agreed, growling for her to take the pastry. </p>
<p>“Thank you,” she beamed, moaning into the bite, cinnamon and citrus bursting on her tongue. “Shit, this is good,” she complimented, again moaning around the mouthful. </p>
<p>“Did you make this?” Shepard enquired, noticing that he was particularly pleased with her enjoyment of the bread.</p>
<p>“Nah. Got it in Skyhold,” he said with a shrug. </p>
<p>She glared with no real malice, suspicious at his vagueness, but savouring the sweet treat nonetheless. </p>
<p>“Boss…” Bull hesitated. “We sure about this?”</p>
<p>“We’re sure, Bull,” she nodded, they had come this far. </p>
<p>They needed to secure Ferelden’s shores. And if they recruited Cousland in the process, or at least got a message to him for information about Corypheus, then it was a success. </p>
<p>But it was not their only mission. Morrigan had mentioned the Tower and that the tomes there might hold information. The ones locked away in chests for only the most trusted mages, or simply just locked away altogether, too dangerous for even skilled hands. The Chantry were not daft enough to burn books, not ones that had been made by those more powerful.</p>
<p>“We can take the boat to the east; it looks more secure from the scans. It’s half a click longer to reach an entryway but less steep-”</p>
<p>Shepard stopped after catching Bull’s gaze. “What?!” she asked, his expression looking smug. </p>
<p>“Nothin’,”</p>
<p>“It’s something,” she retorted quickly. </p>
<p>“You’ve done this before huh?” Bull asked, waiting for her to answer the vague question before adding more. </p>
<p>“A few times,” she drawled. “I was a Commander… am a Commander,” she said, frowning at her own words. “Planning and strategy were the main parts of my life for many years,” she continued, thinking of Saren, her time under Cerberus with her rebuilt twin, leading the way in the Reaper War. </p>
<p>“So, that why you avoid your name? Habit?” Bull asked, Varric and Matz shared a look, eyes creeping over at the two talking. Both paying a little more attention. </p>
<p>It was something all the inner circle had discussed. </p>
<p>“Partly,” Shepard admitted as she crossed her arms. “I just… my name is very personal to me. I don’t go by it. Cullen… calls me a nickname when we’re together and that… I’m just fine with,” she shrugged, again, wishing for Bull not to stare at her so intently. </p>
<p>She cleared her throat. “The tower’s structure is questionable. Use your great-sword, no hammer please.” If Bull noticed the quick change in subject, he did not say. And nothing went past Bull. </p>
<p>“Know why it lasted so long? Siege mentality,” Bull said, gesturing to the tower, crossing his arms over his chest. “It may be on an island, doesn’t stop people from swimming-”</p>
<p>“Didn’t stop me on my seventh attempt!” Matz shouted from the back, earning a shaking of the head from Shepard. She was pleased the man could find humour in his past, which was important if he was to have a chance of a future. One he was desperate for with his lover, Hawke.  </p>
<p>“East looks good, better foundations. Less chance of collapse with,” Bull said as he tensed his arms, signalling for Shepard to squeeze his bicep, “the real weight.”</p>
<p>“Since when did you study architecture?” Shepard asked, her fingertips digging into the bulk of bicep, earning her a cheeky grin from the horned man. </p>
<p>“You learn a few things about walls after knocking enough of them down,” Bull said cheerfully. </p>
<p>Something tugged on her arm. “The tower is very loud. Darker on the inside, no older,” Cole said. Holding onto her arm still but staring at the island ahead. </p>
<p>“We’ll be as quick as we can, Cole,” Shepard reassured him; Bull did not dislike Cole but was apprehensive of him. Cole was everything the Qun hated. She nodded at Bull, signalling for him to prepare the boat at the shore. </p>
<p>The group were silent as Bull rowed them across the lake, his strength earning them the final parts of sunlight as they touched down on the island. </p>
<p>The team moved quietly, carefully up the rocky embankment. Parts of the area were overgrown with plants and trees; nature untamed. Nearing the Circle, however, evidence of war dominated the land.</p>
<p>Instead of metal chunks and bullet burns, which she was used to associating with battle, there were chunks of jagged walls and decaying bodies encased in armour, left to the elements. </p>
<p>The chaos outside the giant wooden door with metal engravings was nothing compared to the inside. High archways and giant ceilings, that once must have been imposing, to make the mages feel small… now looked primeval, crumbling against the elements. </p>
<p>It was as though the Circle belonged in ancient history; it was hard to imagine the Circle running as an embellished prison. </p>
<p>Shepard took the lead, naturally, ordering the group to form up. Books and their cases had been semi-burned where spells had been cast, silhouettes of burned ashes were visible against walls. Claws on walls where demons had taken the mages and changed them. Rooms were boarded and barred with furniture. Whether to keep people in or out was unclear. </p>
<p>Stairs spiralled around; some simply slopes instead of clear steps. Littered with rocks. Cole did not climb the stairs, but disappeared up each floor, waiting at the landing for them to join him. </p>
<p>She ordered the group to search the rooms, looking for any books with symbols that matched a note Morrigan had given them. And any clues as to where the Warden might be. </p>
<p>Cole seemed more distracted than usual. Staring without blinking, or breathing… do spirits have to breathe? A scorched Circle ring on the stone slabs lay before more steps leading to the top of the tower. </p>
<p>“Cold. Burning. Make it stop. Let me die. The mages. He was supposed to protect. Watch. How did I miss it? I’ve failed. Mother forgive me. They all need to be purged.”</p>
<p>Varric left the group and closed in. “You alright, Kid?” Speaking to the spirit while Bull battered open a door, the three other companions hoping to find more books inside. Answers hidden in the pages about Corypheus and the calling. </p>
<p>“No windows. No air. No light. Dark, too dark to see how much time has passed. Lions aren’t supposed to be caged. A circle in a Circle. It taunts him. It scares him. She makes it hurt less. He thinks she’s like starlight. Maker, I love her, Maker, bring her back to me.”</p>
<p>Curly, Varric realized with a shock. This was where the man changed. Barely in his twenties and tortured for days. Changed in spirit and mind, Varric couldn’t blame the man for his actions. </p>
<p>The Dwarf glanced back at the woman Cole was speaking of, her armour and hair hiding her against the shadows in the walls. Only her pale face standing out. She had been the one to give him the final push into believing in himself. </p>
<p>Varric knew Cullen from Kirkwall, but never saw him as anything other than a tortured Templar with a blind eye and a tortured mind. As much as Varric teased Cullen, <em>that</em> certainly had made the voyage to the Ferelden quicken, he respected how far the Commander had come. </p>
<p>It took balls to leave behind the Order he had joined. More balls to quit taking lyrium. </p>
<p>The writer had learnt that the man was a good man underneath. The ex-Templar simply needed to let someone in, and then to show him his worth, his value as a person.</p>
<p>“We’ll be out of here soon, Kid. Just hang on a little longer, alright?” Varric said, putting his hand on Cole’s back. The spirit nodded. </p>
<p>“You’re quieter. Quiet like stone. Still. Thank you,” Cole said, still staring blindly at the spot of Cullen’s personal nightmare fuel. </p>
<p>“We’ve found some of Morrigan’s tomes. And some… I can only describe as journals,” Shepard said, nose buried in a book. “It accounts a team of Wardens who accompanied King Maric to the Deep Roads… I think this belonged to one of them.”</p>
<p>Matz shuddered, “Feel free to keep that to yourself.” </p>
<p>Shepard ordered them up the stairs, to the top of the tower, into the chamber used for Harrowings and the occasional celebration. </p>
<p>“Matz, you ok?” Shepard asked, following Bull into the room, the lumbering giant taking point with his great-sword.  </p>
<p>Matz nodded. “It’s just… strange, seeing it like this.” He craned his head to the ceiling, plants overgrown on the paintings of Andraste. “I had my Harrowing here, I had my first kiss here… my first everything and now…” he struggled to form the words, lost in the memories of his past, and not all of them were pleasant. </p>
<p>She knew of the many times he had tried to escape, the punishment he received for it worsened each time. Not even six months in isolation stopped his attempts at freedom. </p>
<p>“A memory. Nothing more. It has no hold over you,” she reassured him, grabbing his feathered shoulder, “not anymore.”</p>
<p>She expected a small nod, maybe a grateful smile. But she did not expect his magic to flare, his head shooting upwards at the balcony above. </p>
<p>“There are darkspawn here!” He seethed, no louder than a shouted whisper. <br/>The others immediately went on alert, grabbing their weapons and searching the balcony above them. Like a gallery. And they were the ones on display. </p>
<p>“How do you know?” Shepard replied, scanning the room. </p>
<p>“I can hear them, like… like an off hum… a sick song,” Matz said breathlessly, breathing through his mouth rather than his nose. </p>
<p>“Old. Very Old. Thoughts that are his. He doesn’t answer to them. Not like the others,” Cole rattled, she noticed Varric edge closer to the spirit. </p>
<p>Shepard looked up and caught the moonlight glint off something at the doors they had entered through, a golden chest plate at a height that was not human… not even Qunari. </p>
<p>As the body moved closer, the air seemed to get thicker. </p>
<p>The, thing, was tall, barely more than a skeleton and… finery? </p>
<p>Elongated grey hands and arms with golden bangles, leading upwards to a grey face with skin stretched over bone. A golden mask, matching the golden ribbed chest plate and robes, over the eyes with one long talon upwards on a giant helm that attached to its skin.</p>
<p>It looked like Corypheus… she thought with a flare. Powering up to unleash upon it. Its position in the hall had effectively trapped them. </p>
<p>“Shhh… sleep…”</p>
<p>The air around them turned green causing her to blink heavily through the fog, light pouring from underneath her feet in the shape of a glyph, semi blinding her to the monster at the doors. </p>
<p>She heard as thud as Bull collapsed. Her body swayed as she tried to focus on the creature, hands becoming lax on her daggers. With foggy vision, she watched a staff clatter on the ground.  </p>
<p>“Sleep…” the deep voice repeated. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Does this place have a name?” Maxwell asked, for the first time since Shepard had left, he was distracted from her absence. Distracted from the worry that followed him like a bad smell. </p>
<p>“If it did, it has long been lost,” Morrigan replied, her voice echoing slightly. </p>
<p>He strode forward on uneven ground, slabs of tiles that once held patterns were littered in the dirt. Maxwell wondered what the pattern might have shown. </p>
<p>The trees looked like plants but the branches curved upwards into a circle, as though man-made. If he squinted through the light blue fog, he could make out the shapes of actual trees. Though he could not see the colours or detail on them. </p>
<p>“I call it the Crossroads, a place where all Eluvians join… wherever they might be,” the Witch of the Wilds announced. </p>
<p>Morrigan allowed him to explore, turning on his feet. The mirrors were almost like graves, still and dark. Some were tall and thin like the type Morrigan had brought. Others had two curved strips attached on the side. Max wondered what the significance of this was. </p>
<p>In his view at the moment, he could see over a hundred. And that was only through the fog, if the weather cleared… it must have been a sight. </p>
<p><em>Did the weather clear here? Wherever this was?</em> Maxwell thought. He was staring over Morrigan’s shoulder at the forts and buildings in the background. The architecture was unlike any he had seen, not even in Shepard’s memories. </p>
<p>His hand felt warm here, like it belonged. The smoke of magic wrapping around the Anchor. “This place is… extraordinary, how could this even exist?” </p>
<p>“Who can say?” Morrigan replied, her own voice sounded softer here. “Formed from the fabric of time and space, perhaps.”</p>
<p>“The ancient Elves left no roads, only ruins hidden in far-flung corners. This is how they travelled between them. As you can see, most of the mirrors are dark: broken, corrupted or unusable,” Morrigan said. </p>
<p>Maxwell looked at the mirrors closest to him, “The energy here is so strange. Constructed, like the rules don’t apply. But…”</p>
<p>“It’s deteriorating,” Morrigan finished for him. </p>
<p>He gasped. “Yes,” he agreed. The mage was very good at saying what things were with clarity, when she wanted to. “How did you find this?”</p>
<p>Morrigan smiled, looking around, “My travels have led me many places. Strange destinations, Inquisitor. It offered sanctuary for a time, a safe place to raise my son and live with my love. But not all sanctuaries stay safe for long.”</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>Morrigan looked ahead of them, arches and beams in the distance might indicate a bridge of some kind. “Not all mirrors lead back to our world. Not all mirrors lead back to our time…”</p>
<p>“What have you seen?” Maxwell asked, a little too forcefully, betraying his surprise. </p>
<p>“Things I cannot put into words, Inquisitor. Some things I do not wish to repeat. But there <em>are</em> wonders, I would show you if I had the means.”</p>
<p>Max frowned, “So… you can’t open all of them? Just this one?” He gestured to the one behind them. </p>
<p>The Mage smiled, “One needs a key, Inquisitor. Each Eluvian is different. Each key is different, magic, an object attached to the mirror, even a word.”</p>
<p>“A word? It sounds… so simple?” He replied, looking at all the possibilities through the mirrors before him. He wondered if one mirror led to the future, to Shepard’s future. He wondered if he would tell her if he found such a thing. </p>
<p>It almost felt like teasing a dog with a bone, to show her the means, without the end. </p>
<p>Would he be able to lie to her? To poison the wound instead of closing it, as Mother Giselle had said. </p>
<p>Would it be kinder to let her live in ignorance… when he knew the truth?</p>
<p>He shook the thoughts from his head, attempting to simply look pensive about the view. “So, Corypheus wants... this?” </p>
<p>“I believe so. This is not the Fade. But it is very close,” Morrigan said, making Maxwell tense up. He was only in his light clothes, not armour or travel gear. “Someone with the means, or enough power, could tear down the ancient barrier…” </p>
<p>Even Morrigan sounded worried. “Who knows what he could-”</p>
<p>She was cut off by a scream from Maxwell, holding his left hand at the wrist. The light coming from it was eye-wateringly bright. Morrigan’s own magic was reacting to it, churning under her skin in answer to the Anchor’s call. </p>
<p>“Inquisitor, the walls they’re-”</p>
<p>His own scream drowned out Morrigan’s theory on the walls of the grounds. Max gritted his teeth, closing his fingers around his hand, as if his fingers would make a barrier between the magic threating to rip his arm in two. </p>
<p>“Something is here,” he gritted, “Like it’s forcing its-” The pain turned to heat, like he was closing a rift inside of his hand while holding a scorching stone. </p>
<p>He could feel every vein and the blood rushing within. The muscles in his arm were filling with lactic acid, poison of his body’s own design. He was praying to the Maker, Andraste, even the ancient Elves to make it stop. Max didn’t realise he was on his knees until Morrigan’s stomach was in his view, her face bent over him. </p>
<p><em>Why was she checking his eyes?</em> Max thought before the pain stopped. Finally, he could breathe again, managing at least to catch himself on his hands before faceplanting on Morrigan’s boots. </p>
<p>“Inquisitor,” Morrigan knelt to his level. “Are you well?” she asked, pushing him back on his heels to sit. Taking his anchored hand between hers, casting a healing spell. A simple one by the short words of the incantation. </p>
<p>“It,” Max cleared his throat, suddenly feeling like he had swallowed a whole sword. And not in any sexual way he might associate with the euphemism. </p>
<p>“It… felt like when I closed the rift- the Breach back in Haven…” his mind began clearing slightly. </p>
<p>“It felt like when I was trying to send-”</p>
<p>“IDENTIFY YOURSELF!”</p>
<p>Morrigan and Maxwell spun to the location of the noise. </p>
<p>People… There were actual people in the distance, he could make out their shapes in the fog.</p>
<p>Here, in the Crossroads… In a place of nothingness, there were people.</p>
<p>He couldn’t make out the details, but their shapes were sleek, no edges or odd angles he could use to identify where they were from. He could discern enough through the mist to see that there were two of them and they were pointing something at them, using both hands. That, combined with their loud shouting, indicated that they had some means to harm them.</p>
<p>Maxwell got to his feet, with Morrigan at his side. She’d clearly identified them as a threat, he realized when her hands flared with flames. Uncertainty gripped him as he considered whether to run, hold or attack. </p>
<p>He was unsure the former wouldn’t provoke an angry response or a fevered pursuit, and he didn’t want to attack without knowing who he was dealing with.</p>
<p>Shepard had taught him that there were better ways than resorting to violence.  </p>
<p>He motioned for Morrigan to extinguish her flames and although she didn’t look happy about it, she obeyed. Cursing himself for his stupidity of going into the Crossroads unarmed, he decided to appear as non-threatening as possible, and waited with a heavily thumping heart as the two unknown people approached them.</p>
<p>Again, they bellowed at the pair of them.</p>
<p>“LAST CHANCE, IDENTIFY YOURSELF!”</p>
<p>The bodies moved through the fog, their shapes solidifying. Whatever words were on Maxwell’s lips died when he saw the two men clearly as they stopped a couple of steps in front of them. </p>
<p>Their armour was pieced together like a second skin, made of smooth, black metal. It did not have any visible buckles or gaps. Their helmets covered their entire head, face and all. The material that covered their eyes wasn’t transparent, giving him no hints as to who might be hiding underneath.</p>
<p>“Their armour…” Morrigan gaped, frowning at the two men. Of course, she would never have seen anything like it, but an eery sense of familiarity crept over Maxwell.</p>
<p>“It’s like Shepard’s,” he whispered, more to himself than anyone else as he realized what he was looking at. The response from their potential foes was immediate.</p>
<p>“What did you say?” A metallic voice demanded. The men opposite Max and Morrigan turned to each other, but they didn’t speak, or if they did, he couldn’t hear them. Eventually, one of them nodded and they both lowered the <em>thing</em> they’d been holding in their hands. With their changed position, Maxwell could see more of the men’s armour. </p>
<p>One of them had no discernible marks on their armour, but the other one… Max’ breath caught as he noticed something he knew intimately. Something they’d lost and looked for but had never recovered. </p>
<p>Something with deep ties to his sister, the woman who’d become more important to him than anyone, his family every bit as much as Erin and Dylan were. </p>
<p>Morrigan was forgotten beside him as he stared at it.</p>
<p>Her amulet. </p>
<p>He focused on it, trying to convince himself that was he was seeing was real and not a trick of the light. The colour was the same and up close, he could see the necklace she’d provided, with the metal of her time, fused together.</p>
<p>Her amulet was around the man’s neck. </p>
<p>And there, further down on his chest, was another symbol intimately associated with his Shepard.</p>
<p>The N7 logo. </p>
<p>It was unmistakable. He stared at the men, his brain unwilling to comprehend what his eyes were seeing. He was frozen, shocked into stillness, in this strangest of places. This alien Crossroads, a place between worlds, perhaps even between times.</p>
<p>This pocket, this place in time and space, had been breached.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I want you guys to have a say in the story too. </p>
<p>Who do you want to see coming? What else do you want to see happen?</p>
<p>Comments are always open, and always welcome!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Awakening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thank you for over 7,000 hits. It means so much to me, I can't express the happiness you bring. </p><p>I'm sorry for the long wait. I lost my best friend a month ago. Wear your mask, get your jabs and wash your hands. </p><p>He was 25.</p><p>Stay safe.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>This is how I imagine Shepard going through memories before experiencing the memory! Any AC Valhalla fans out there?</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>”So… Eden Prime was fun-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A man died John, a Spectre died because of us,” she interrupted, grabbing the bottle of spirits back off him, still frustrated how the mission had gone. Nihlus was a good man, and a legend to the Turian people… one of the best spectres the Council had. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And now he was dead. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard sighed loudly, not meaning to direct her ire at her brother though he made an attractive target. They usually coped with humour; John was simply was processing the events of the day quicker than she. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know Livvy, I was <b>there</b>…” he drawled, leaning forward in his seat, wincing slightly when his neck moved. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Both Shepard’s were sat opposite each other in the Mako, there were no recording devices on in here. Not while the vehicle was not in use. They could speak freely, and there was little chance of them being disturbed since Dr Chakwas had put them both on ‘leave’ until they reached the Citadel. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How’s your head?” She asked her twin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She had awoken first in the med-bay. Her nearly half-Prothean DNA filtering out the side-effects of the Beacon easier than her human twin, she had the means to digest the information better. So, she had waited, watched as her twin twitched and fought to wake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her and John had both thought it was a spire at first, like the one that had been on Mindoir. A secret kept by them both and the Alliance to this day. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard had ordered the away team to stand clear while she conveyed this information to Captain Anderson aboard the Normandy. He needed to know what was down here, the importance of the discovery.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Disregarding her warnings, L.T. Kaidan Alenko was drawn towards it, excited by this relic. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The newest addition to the team, Gunnery-Chief Ashley Williams confirmed that it was not glowing before, she more wary than her male counterpart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kaidan’s curiosity had activated the ancient relic. Her and John both had the same idea to grab him and pull the Lieutenant-Commander away, both getting caught in the radius of the beacon’s pull. They could not have foreseen on the male twin being affected by the beacon. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She had a theory that their close sharing DNA may have tricked the Beacon in believing they were one person. It was a weak theory, but it was all she had. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In the present, John had both hands on his head, each palm on each temple. Elbows on his knees. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“My head feels like shit,” he drawled,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“John,”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You felt it… didn’t you,” he said, she waited for him to clarify, “You felt the beacon?” he asked, now unsure from her lack of answer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard pondered this, through her armour it was hard to tell. Their suits kept all environmental affects out. Sealing them in their own air supply. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anderson had warned her of speaking of her abilities. “Let them theorise, let them guess. Hell let them talk… you don’t have to explain a damn thing to them,” he had said.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But this wasn’t them… it was John. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I guess,” she began hastily, never haven given in to the urge to explain her feelings before in conjunction with her abilities, “I guess it feels like a radar, a blip, like hearing a friend’s voice in a crowd of people, you’re just… drawn to it,” she shrugged. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John thought for a moment, or he looked to be. “It sounds, almost nice, the way you describe it,”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She did not reply to this, not wanting attention to the side of her that was connected to the Old Ones. She did not want to feel any less Human than she did when she stared into the mirror. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How did you feel, you know… when…” she gestured with her hand in the air. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know… it’s like I understood what was being said, but I couldn’t repeat the words,” he said looking at the ground in a daze. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I saw death, destruction and… I was afraid… but it wasn’t my fear,” he finally looked up. Glacier blue eyes looking glassy and dazed, “Does that make sense?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She offered him the bottle, some kind of whiskey that their adoptive Father had stashed away, though none on board knew Anderson had adopted the twins except Chakwas. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The ones that knew the Shepard’s story assumed that their saviour, Anderson, had simply escorted them to Grissom Academy. And checked in every few years. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John snatched the bottle and gulped greedily while she replied, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes, it does make sense,” she sympathised, watching his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed his last mouthful. His mouth baring teeth as he gritted against the burn of the alcohol. “You know it does,” she said softly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He rested his two hands on the bottle, both elbows resting lazily on his knees. “Is that what it was like… the first time,” he asked without meeting her eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She knew immediately what he meant by ‘last time’. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mindoir. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No… well,” she exhaled, “Sort of, the images were new but the feeling. The feelings that weren’t yours but you felt them like a mirror… that was similar,” she answered awkwardly. The memory a tense topic for both Commanders. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What was it like?” He asked, watching her intently. Her twin was never one to avoid questions, no matter how hard hitting the question was. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand, “John-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t ‘John’ me, Livvy, just- just tell me,” he pleaded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She lowered her hand, looking at her lap. Her muscled thighs covered in Alliance leggings. The bright blue contrasting to the dark faux metal of the seat, a barely cushioned right-angle seat. It has been built for purpose, not leisure. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Livvy,” John began, reaching over for her scarred hand. His large warm hand encasing hers. They rarely touched like this, hugged or held each other. The significance of the action touched her figuratively and literally. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please…” he said, not quite begging. John did not beg. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looked between their joint hands, eyes rising up his N7 hoodie and to his shaven head. His posture, his gaze wasn’t demanding. He was not ordering her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was scared, she realised. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She hadn’t seen him scared since his biotics first came into being and even know, could count on one hand the times she had seen his fear… with fingers to spare. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her twin was changed now, touched by the same Prothean otherworldly technology she was, and it scared him. Like it had frightened her all those years ago. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The twins now had even more in common. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well,” she began, “At first it was like fire through my veins, like I was burning on the inside out and… like everyone was shouting at once, a million voices,” she explained, the soft face of her twin staring back at her. Hanging on every word, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And then, one voice, a woman… everything was so green-”</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Rolling her shoulders did not elevate the pressure on her back. Whatever she was on, it was hard… unyielding like stone- <em>was it stone?</em> She thought, <em>why would I be on the ground?</em></p><p>As the numbness in her body receded, awareness came back to her. Using her enhanced senses, she could hear muffled speech, unsure <em>what</em> the speech was muffled by.</p><p>A timber deep voice and a lighter sound, other noises further away were like banging and scratching. Getting no information from those noises, she shifted her limited focus.</p><p>Shepard could practically taste the magic in the air, the heavy musk reminiscent of the cold summer rain on hot earth. The petrichor smell that reminded her of summers on Mindoir; the smell that punctured the air before a rainstorm. Yet it smelt… sick… as though the earth had produced rain that was rotting.</p><p>She pinched open her eyes, and was met with high grey tiles and stone, carved with an ornate roof overhead. It looked as though it should be in a castle, but the appearance of damp and mould growths told her they were somewhere wet.</p><p>Attempting to move her head to see more of her surroundings only ended up with the side of her face lolling heavily to one side, hitting something cold. Breath left her lungs in the shape of a hiss.</p><p>“Welcome human, you are the one brought through the Breach,”</p><p>A statement, not a question.</p><p>The world was fuzzy to her eyes, dark purples and golds mixed in the form of a long figure. She tried to move, to speak but something was holding her, not physical. Magical maybe? Each muscle trapped within the shadow’s reach.</p><p>“Do not be frightened. Your injuries have been tended to,” the body began to become a little clearer. The skin not clothes, but grey. She began struggling, thinking only to get some distance between the claws next to her head.</p><p>“I apologise for what I must do next, I do not wish to be your enemy,” he said, a drawling, dark voice said.</p><p>The twangs similar to Dorian’s accent. Her eyes began swimming again, as though white dots began permeating the scene.</p><p>“Now is not the time for this,” he whispered, “Rest and we will wait for him-“</p><p>Her world went from white to black in a heartbeat.</p><p>***</p><p>“Is it true? Is it going to help?” the Elf chimed, her excitement oozing from her decaying body. She had trouble with pronouns and describing things around her, but her mind was mostly there. Personally, he counted it as a success. Her eyes would have been bright with excitement if not for being grey and cloudy from the blight in her veins.</p><p>He thought on this question, watching the human woman on the stone, hardly moving with the magic he was pouring onto the space. An extraordinary amount of magic flowing from his body in order to keep her calm and unmoving.</p><p>The Elf departed, barely making a sound as she went. Leaving him to his thoughts, he trailed a claw that used to be a finger down her cheek, her soft human skin was a pleasant sensation on his weathered hand.</p><p>“She may be the solution,” he said aloud, considering the paths that might have led her here.</p><p>Her presence brought whispers to his mind of old memories, just out of reach.</p><p>“She may be more.”</p><p>***</p><p>“-she’s coming around,”</p><p>A soft voice, breathy… English…</p><p>“Why is Siren so pale?”</p><p>American, gruff, masculine…</p><p>“Boss has always been pale-“</p><p>Even deeper… American again…</p><p>Her legs were on stone, or something akin to stone. The uneven texture scratched her legs when she fidgeted, bare feet scraping on the stone from the numbness in her body. But her top half was on something warm, blisteringly warm, and soft.</p><p>As the feeling came back to her, she realised <em>what</em> the squishy warm thing might be.</p><p>Opening her eyes, she was met with slightly tanned skin, golden eyes with a hint of worry…</p><p>“Cullen?” She mumbled with confusion.</p><p>“Well, now you’ve hurt my feelings,” came the drawled reply.</p><p>“Oh,” she answered, huffing a laugh at his previous statement. “Hello, Matz…”</p><p>Warm hands and arms shifted, pulling her closer to a haired chest. Most of her skin was exposed, having been left in her make shift sports bra and underwear. A small groan left her gritted her teeth in answer to her bodies protests from the movement of her sore muscles when the hands helped her sit up.</p><p>“Easy… easy… there’s been a lot of unfamiliar magic used on you,” Matz said worriedly, holding her upright while shifting her to lean on his chest with her shoulder. Her legs over his sideways.</p><p>Shepard opened her eyes, the room spinning into focus alarmingly quick that it sent her slightly nauseous once more. Low light pooled into the room casting lines of shadows on the floor and their legs. Lifting her gaze, grey iron bars were built into the stone, keeping the worried expressions on Bull and Varric’s faces in a separate cell.</p><p>Bull was trying to bend the bars, large hands pulling in either direction, a fruitless endeavour. Varric was simply staring, his chest hair even more impressive since he was shirtless. But where was Cole? Was he hiding from them all in case their captors returned?</p><p>Numbness left fleetingly, making her able to put a hand on her temple, the slight pressure she pressed into her head a pseudo treatment for a vertigo remedy.</p><p>She <em>really</em> hated sedation magic.</p><p>Or whatever the giant Corypheus look alike had used on her.</p><p>“Where are my clothes?” She queried, eyes returning to her body and the haired leg of Matz next to her.</p><p>The Mage holding her up allowed her to shift away, her back now against the wall with him kneeling next to her. He was really rather built for a mage. Not as muscled as her Commander but there was strength there, distractingly attractive actually… not that she would tell Cullen that.</p><p>“We don’t know, we woke up here an hour ago… maybe? Hard to tell with no windows…” he replied, keeping his hazel focus on her, “You were brought in by a Darkspawn in armour, just dumped on the floor,” he explained, still frowning.</p><p>“Tried to kick his ass but the Warden here wouldn’t budge,” Bull called from the bars.</p><p>“I didn’t want to risk them hurting her! Darkspawn are mindless, one move and he could have torn her throat out!” Matz replied with venom, this seemed to be an old argument. "Not to mention he could have infected her, you don't know them like I do..."</p><p>Her eyes flicked from him to the giant steel door behind them, seemingly built for beings larger than even Bull.</p><p>“And you put me in your lap?” She asked, frowning at him, all of them in similar stages of undress but needed the details filled in. Her magic addled brain catching up to current events.</p><p>Matz blushed slightly, his eyes returned to her face quicker than they had roved down her, “I um- you were freezing, I couldn’t use any more magic on you without causing lasting damage… I hope um- you don’t mind…”</p><p>He was as awkward as Cullen sometimes too.</p><p>“I don’t mind, thank you for looking after me,” she replied, realising she sounded ungrateful. Her hand squeezing his shoulder brought him out of his daze,</p><p>“Now you’re back with us Siren, fancy getting us out of this shit-hole?” Varric called from his cell.</p><p>She nodded, deciding she had been floor bound for long enough. Carefully using the wall behind her to find her feet, she didn’t get up much before two rough hands steadied her.</p><p>“I said easy, just listen to me woman!” Matz grumbled, using his arms to keep her steady, “The more I touch you the more danger I’m in of getting another broken nose from your guard dog!”</p><p>Shepard laughed outright now, despite the seriousness of their surroundings. She supposed that Matz was used to being in confinement, and humour was his escape. He had been in worse prisons before.</p><p>“We have bigger concerns than Curly,” Varric teased, though his gruff voice betrayed his worry.</p><p>Shepard patted Matz’s arm, a silent thank you for his aid. “What do we know so far?” she asked, moving slowly to the two men behind the bars with a steadying large hand on her back. Varric, she noticed, was keeping his eyes respectfully on her face. Bull was not.</p><p>“Apart from Darkspawn… not a lot,” Matz said beside her, without her boots he had a little more height on her than usual.</p><p>“Can’t get a lot from in here, probably underground,” Bull grumbled, giving up on the thick steeled bars wedged into the stone rock. He really didn’t look any different to when he was clothed. Though now she could see the appeal that the some of the Chantry sisters had gossiped about.</p><p>Varric, uncrossed his arms from the impressively hairy chest, “Now you’ve had your beauty sleep, fancy using your green stuff and helping us out? I’m getting sick of this shit,”</p><p>“Green stuff,” she said under her breath with a twitch of a smile. Grateful for Varric’s innate ability to make light of situations. A little more at ease, she began.</p><p>One deep breath was all it took.</p><p>The tingle of her biotics was a freeing feeling, raw energy coming <em>from</em> her, building in her muscles, her very cells. Venturing, bubbling to the surface, all because of a single thought. The buzzing of the world around her filtered through the earth, its memories and secrets revealed to what the eyes, nose and ears could not absorb.</p><p>Noises, voices, smells and sounds trickled into one, feeding her.</p><p>Breezes and gusts of energy flittered on her skin, swirling around her like leaves in wind. Electric leaves. The hums and flares of raw power she Commanded.</p><p>She received information with memories. The blood in the cracks of the stone around them had stories, names and faces came from the stains that remained.</p><p>Further from their cells, there were patterns in the footsteps that stuck the stone, patrols with purpose around them keeping them here.</p><p>Bodies captured, battered and bruised by the Darkspawn. Armour clanked together, swords sharpened, bodies decaying but their minds still sharp. Evidence of this was the shadows of words from the Darkspawn that resided here were stuck on the walls; spoken and understood conversations between the soldiers.</p><p>The words formed colours and from the colours formed memories. Dark shadows surrounded her, shallow water on the ground rippled with every step, the dark realm she walked through when experiencing the memories of the world.</p><p>As though she was a fly on the wall, as though she was a ghost in the memory.</p><p>As though she was a god watching over her realm.</p><p>She understood from the memory, that they were capturing people, whispers of future plans and future subjects.</p><p>Subjects.</p><p>Test subjects?</p><p>Why would they need test subjects?</p><p>What were they trying to test exactly?</p><p>Letting the memory fade away, she walked in the shallow water, gentle ripples leading the way to the next. Shepard searched, watching her breath fog in the dark while following a new memory attempting to get more from the conversation. Filtering out the ‘now’ to get to the past.</p><p>Shepard tried to reach further, past the halls and walls around their cells further into the base or castle they were being held, when something stopped her… a faux breeze, a change in her realm, a vibration, a shift in the air had her tilting her head to find the source.</p><p>“Cole!” she gasped, releasing her hold on her powers, realising the new hum in the air was her adopted spirit. He appeared in a blink, stood facing her.</p><p>She took advantage of the fact he was in arms reach, pulling him against her, tucking his head against her with the back of her hand woven in his hair,</p><p>“I tried to stay with you, but the magic made it hard… it was very old,” Cole said plainly.</p><p>Shepard pulled back, pushing on his thin clothed shoulders, “Thank you, Cole. Are you ok?”</p><p>“Did they hurt you?” Varric asked, his worry palpable through the rusted iron keeping the apart.</p><p>“Yes… No,” Cole answered to Varric’s questions, his beady eyes unblinking through the curtains of white hair, “They didn’t want me,”</p><p>They all knew what the end of the sentence entailed.</p><p>
  <em>They wanted her</em>
</p><p>“Darkspawn shouldn’t <em>want</em> things,” Matz said, “All they know is to kill and make more Darkspawn. They don’t have thoughts just instincts,” he was looking over her at Bull and Varric, confusion in the air around him. "Unless... the instinct was..." he trailed off, a hand gesturing to her abdomen. Her hands went to her womb. Protective hands on the skin. The scar from Haven little more than a thin silver line now.</p><p>Cole shook his head in disagreement, “They want to use you, he wants to use you, the others are expendable, he didn’t notice me, but he noticed you,”</p><p>Matz’s hand reached out for her back, magic on his skin reacted to her biotics, it was almost intimate.</p><p>“<b>They won’t put a hand on you,</b>” he reassured aggressively. Varric noticed that there was more Justice than Anders in the voice.</p><p>“They won’t put a hand on any of us,” she said herself. Hands stroking the skin over where a child might grow. Not a Darkspawn. Never that..</p><p>Unknown to her, the men were already making plans in their heads to make her safety the priority of the mission.</p><p>Their thoughts were interrupted by a series of loud banging at the end of the damp dark room.</p><p>“They’re going to come check on you, they want to use you, we need to hurry,” Cole said, she shuddered with just how they were going to use her.</p><p>Her spirit companion moved, fading within a heartbeat to the locks on the outside of the cells, though instead of the tinkering of his lock picks, there was only the swift turn of a key.</p><p>“Coulda’ done that earlier,” Bull grumbled, still not a fan of the spirit.</p><p>“But the plan was-“</p><p>“Later,” Matz interrupted harshly, earning a quirk of her attention on the man.</p><p>But he was right. Later could mean many things, many explanations of their arrival here, what had happened to her. She knew they would have to talk at length about the Darkspawn, their intentions and their strange possible-leader that had taken her.</p><p>And why the memories she held of the Corypheus look alike told her they weren’t enemies… and who exactly were they waiting for… and who was <em>him</em>.</p><p>***</p><p>Cole guided them through the catacombs, some had walls that were calved and ostentatious… others were decrepit and nothing more than a mine shaft with little structure. If it was possible, Varric was less enthusiastic about the possibility of being underground than Bull.</p><p>“You know, not all Dwarves like caves,” Varric grumbled.</p><p>She would have chuckled if her head wasn’t spinning, stumbling occasionally as the magic forced upon her left her bones bit by bit. Regardless, they continued, careful on their bare feet around the chipped stone in the… less, structured halls. Cole led the team occasionally disappearing and reappearing- making Bull nervous. But Shepard was confident that the Spirit would not leave them to such a fate.</p><p>Not her.</p><p>“Left,” Cole said, “There is one to the left, he sounds… different, louder, he isn’t supposed to be loud,”</p><p>Shepard activated her cloak, for what good it would do, she wasn’t sure if the Darkspawn had senses that could see her or smell her through the light reflections of the barrier she could erect from her Omnitool.</p><p>She really missed the extranet…</p><p>As the heavy armoured footsteps neared, her hand shot out without thought, grabbing the entity and shoving them against the negative space on the adjacent wall.</p><p>Some biotics were like magic, they could be driven by drugs, innate, and fuelled by emotions. Hers currently, was anger.</p><p>She let her biotics use her to ring the armoured victim’s neck with her bare hands, only a moment of choking could be heard before Shepard relented to the intoxicating power.</p><p>She stood over the body; her upper body braced via her hands planted on the cold stone wall. Chest breathing heavily while her powers fizzled away. Using her remaining focus to will her powers to be controlled, to cease their maddening wish to be free and flare.</p><p>Control never did come easy to her.</p><p>Shepard waited a few seconds after she had stopped glowing briefly wondering when her last meal was.</p><p>The slight shake of her hands made her believe it was in the region of hour to half a day ago, her mouth watering slightly when remembering the sweet bread that Bull gave her.</p><p>Is that why her biotics were so difficult to control? Maybe some residual magic from her captor?</p><p>Either way, it was difficult for her to open her eyes to look down at the body. Shepard couldn’t even tell if it was a man or a woman, if they were young or old. If they were Elven or Human.</p><p>And now she had killed it.</p><p>She couldn’t quite recall how she had killed it. Only that it had happened.</p><p>In the blinking memories after Cole had warned her, Shepard had felt fear. Not her own, not Cole’s. But another’s fear.</p><p>Did this Darkspawn fear death? Was that the source of the emotion she reflected in her biotics?</p><p>But… how could a Darkspawn feel something? Didn’t Matz say-</p><p>“Shit Boss,” Bull drew her attention away from her musings of what she had done… and taken from the body, “That was hot,”</p><p>Shepard sent him a quizzical frown,</p><p>“You know, half naked, glowing, snapping necks. Practically Qunari foreplay,” he said, grinning from ear to ear next to her. His eyes dipping down her body once or twice too as he passed. She felt a little exposed in her matching black undergarments, “Bit more blood would have been nice,” he drawled out the word nice over a second or two.</p><p>“Not the time Bull,” she replied, briefly shaking her head.</p><p>The braid she had platted this morning was holding up fairly well, only a few escaped strands stroked her back. She immediately regretted the motion as her vertigo got worse.</p><p>She <em>really</em> hated sedation magic.</p><p>Bull didn’t speak again until her head stopped spinning.</p><p>“Knew Cullen was right when he said your scars were sexy, especially that Asaaranda one on your back,” he commented as they crept around another corner, the halls seemingly endless. Varric let out a deep chuckle, enjoying Bull’s attempt to flirt with her.</p><p>“Asaaranda?” Shepard asked, keeping her voice low. The group continuing their trek to, she assumed, their items. Though she hadn’t actually asked Cole.</p><p>“Thunderstorm,” he explained, “The thunderstorm on your back,”</p><p>She hummed in reply. The two taking point behind Cole as they neared a gothically decorated large locked door, the décor of which seemed older and more ancient than the rest of the mine. Cole, this time, had to pick the lock on the old stone. The door calved with animals representing griffons, some form of winged creature with sharp talons.</p><p>Maybe Morrigan knew…</p><p>With Varric and Matz covering each corner, she could indulge in her musings of the carvings.</p><p>“Cullen told you he thought my scars were… sexy?” she asked the hulking mass next to her in a hushed tone, stroking her fingers over the textured stone. Little chunks of rock rubbed onto her fingers.</p><p>She couldn’t actually believe her blushing Commander to admit something so personal. He was a private man through and through.</p><p>Bull knew Cullen was a good subject to get Shepard’s focus, even if she didn’t know it,</p><p>“Aye,” Bull grinned when she turned away. He had caught the small blush on her cheeks.</p><p>He had worked out that sex, nudity and teasing came easily to her. But when it came to affection, desire, love, she became shy. It was endearing, he could see why Cullen had fallen for her, and she him.</p><p>The doe eyed look disappeared when a resounding ‘clank’ echoed down the corridor.</p><p>The Emissary’s room was open.</p><p>***</p><p>The entire room was… off. The well-lit room was filled with… items. Nic-nacs.</p><p>Why would a Darkspawn need a desk space, book shelves and paper? Parchments littered the room, candles and torches lighting the darkest corners of the large space. It almost looked like Cullen’s office in Skyhold…</p><p>Her armour, like the others, had been <em>carefully</em> stored in, all parts cleaned and put away carefully. Not the usual actions of a kidnapper… unless they wanted to preserve it?</p><p>“There’s one here.”</p><p>Shepard turned from the golden lined chest that held her armour, her inner musings frozen at Cole’s new riddle.</p><p>“One what, Kid?” Varric asked,</p><p>“It stands waiting, they can’t make it sing, they can’t make it talk, not like she can,”</p><p>Bull cursed in his own mother-tongue, strapping his chest plate on a little too tight through his frustration. She appreciated that he didn’t take it out on the ‘demon’ come spirit. She expected him to be a force of nature in their next fight.</p><p>“It’s old, older than the magic they try and use,” Cole whispered, his fingers twitching as he dazed. “They want it’s secrets, but it won’t tell, not for them.”</p><p>Varric turned from the spirit, already taking out Bianca from his back to his hands. The Dwarf sent her a pleading look for help with a shrug of his now clothes shoulders.</p><p>“Cole, does it have a name?” Shepard asked, securing her forearm plate to the rest of the red stripe on her right arm. “Can you describe it?” she prompted, half listening to the rambles of her young companion.</p><p>“It’s a friend in the crowd,” Cole described, his eyes gone from the floor to pierce into her. “You can hear it? It can hear you.”</p><p>Shepard halted, her hand stilling on the connection of her armoured glove to her gauntlet.</p><p>“Take us to it, Cole. Now.”</p><p>***</p><p>It did not take long for the group to locate the ‘friend’ in question. If she was not so enraptured with the possibility of actually being correct in her assumption, she might have noticed how it was a little too easy to reach the hall without meeting a fight with patrolling guards or Darkspawn.</p><p>Shepard didn’t know how she could have missed the feeling.</p><p>A twinkle, a shooting star in the sky that stays still until you notice it and then it’s all you can do but look for more. A melody that increases an octave near to the end. The first breath of cold morning in spring, the first wave on a flat lake.</p><p>That’s how it felt to be near one.</p><p>That’s how it drew you in.</p><p>There were no guards to the archway as they rounded the halls, the walls growing damper and damper with each turn. The roof becoming more rocked and natural than carved and painted. The final turn had Shepard worrying she was imagining the feeling.</p><p>How wrong she was. The group moved in a flow, standing short of the massive archway. The hall must have been a fighting pit once, maybe a dance hall. Balconies lines the sides, corners with giant depictions of dragons, griffons and other mythical beasts she could only have seen in books and vids.</p><p>There were no doors left. Only a few dark openings remained that looks as though a Threshermaw had burrowed through.</p><p>But in the furthest end of the dank room, there was her friend in the crowd.</p><p>A beacon.</p><p>A Prothean beacon.</p><p>It stood out amongst the grey and dank walls of the mine. It’s black sleek exterior enough to tempt any man or beast to lay a claim. And that was without the ominous green glowing lines along the shaft.</p><p>She should have felt nervous for what was to come.</p><p>She should have been bracing herself for the pain of what this beacon might hold, its information forced upon her in waves of needles and in her skin and pure fire in her veins.</p><p>But instead, she felt almost glad to see it.</p><p>Almost glad to see another connection that this was her galaxy.</p><p>
  <em>Almost.</em>
</p><p>“Andraste’s tits what is that,” Varric’s gruff voice came from behind her.</p><p>She wanted to answer, to explain, to impart her knowledge. But the will to reply never reached her mouth. It froze in her mind.</p><p>A few months ago, she could have told them. Reeled off the information like a clock ticking with no hesitation, without missing a beat. But now she felt unfocussed. She felt.</p><p>She felt.</p><p>Matz focussed on Shepard’s unmoving form, fingers frozen in a half-relaxed state. He began looking at the similarities between the colour of her biotics and the colour of… veins in the tall black structure. He was no scholar, but he knew this wasn’t a coincidence.</p><p>A brief look at Bull confided he thought the same.</p><p>“It wants to sing,” Cole said timidly. His voice sounded far away in her ears.</p><p>Shepard missed the other noises the men made, it seemed as though they were underwater. Instead her mind focused on the spire ahead. Examining it with hyper detail.</p><p>One side had weapon marks, as though someone had use it to get their frustration out. Messy marks on an artefact that would stand through the end of the world.</p><p>The bottom was of a different shade of stone to the floor, it had been moved from elsewhere, miss matched sized rocks littered on the floor around the base.</p><p>Someone had brought it here, brought <em>her</em> here.</p><p>Did they know they needed her to activate it? Were they that clever that they had made the link? How far did this knowledge go?</p><p>“Whatever happens, stay here.” Shepard ordered, if she activated this and any of them got caught in the radius, they could die.</p><p>Could she live with that?</p><p>Would it be worth it?</p><p>***</p><p>Her soft leather boots hardly made a sound as she approached, though Varric could tell her steps weighed heavily as Shepard approached the spire. He felt better for having his armour back on and his crossbow in his hands.</p><p>Varric knew that she recognised the <em>thing</em> in front of them.</p><p>Shepard, as a person, was chatty usually. Her quietness could be attributed to her focusing on something or someone. But when she was silent, really silent. He got nervous.</p><p>Varric had written about heroes. About their final footsteps in battle. He had penned countless times how the main protagonist walked to their doom, and he could not help but find the similarities in the scene before him.</p><p>Shepard’s steps faltered as she neared, strides shortening.</p><p>Like she was waiting for something…</p><p>“It’s going to hurt.”</p><p>Varric’s momentary look at their resident spirit made him miss what happened next.</p><p>A massive flash of light came from where Shepard was stood, in that moment Bianca was in his hands and ready to fire, Matz was in a striking position with his staff next to them. Barrier thrown around Bull who was at the front, his great axe in hand.</p><p>The light receded after a moment, showing a most sickening sight. Shepard was in mid-air, being held up by an invisible force. Her body rigid and thrown back, head tilted to the roof.</p><p>Each limb was frozen in its spot, arms thrown back, legs slightly bent but shaking against… something.</p><p>The bits of rock around her began floating with her, not as high but rising. He could practically taste the static in the air, like the air after a lightning strike.</p><p>Her gasps were drowned out by the rising metallic noises from the spire, noises Varric had never heard. Not in his travels in the Free Marches, not in his time with the Carta or the Inquisition. Warbles and growls, clangs and pitches.</p><p>With an audible pop, the spell was broken.</p><p>The light from the tall black carved rock was shining no more. It stood dead and empty, the static in the air gone. It felt still.</p><p>Too still.</p><p>Shepard’s body fell a few metres down to the ground, her body colliding with the stone floor. The sheer force made her fall to one knee, her upper body slumped over her bent thigh.</p><p>“Shepard?” Matz called tentatively, staff still in hand.</p><p>“So, that is her name,” called a booming voice behind them.</p><p>The men and spirit jumped, having not heard the Emissary enter on the balconies above. His watchful gaze enraptured by the human woman. Her back was heaving up and down with each breath, the Dwarf wondered if she had heard him-</p><p>“Ir nadas ma’melin, Ir tel’him.”</p><p>Varric didn’t understand the Elven words, nor did he think his companions did. Maybe Cole.</p><p>The bouncy Elf at the Darkspawns side seem to understand. It looked like she was in awe, wide eyes and mouth open. Head snapping from the tall Darkspawn to Shepard.</p><p>“She’s not her,” Cole warbled, “Not yet, not now, it can’t be now. The world is darker than before, Fade thinner, she feels it. She feels more. It’s loud,”</p><p>“Bring her, daughter of Asha’bellanar.”</p><p>The last syllable had just begun to echo when her head snapped in his direction, florescent light flowing from her skin to the floor as she stood facing the beast head on.</p><p>Pure light ran from her outstretched arms down to the ground, running in the cracks of the ground like paint. Swimming and reaching the leader Darkspawn like the snakes he had seen one in Antiva. It began eating away at the rock, a warning for what would land on top of him if the Darkspawn.</p><p>The Emissary retreated calmly with the bouncy Elf at his side, without a word. The raging threat above him of stone chipping away from the roof a good enough reason for him to back away.</p><p>It looked as though all was well, until the Emissary began lighting up.</p><p><em>What was it with mysterious people and bloody glowing,</em> Varric thought.</p><p>In a strange turn of events, the Emissary threw magic into the rocks, causing a cave in on the tunnel he and his Elf were retreating down. Whatever this game was, Varric did not like it.</p><p>He wanted answers.</p><p>And he knew there was a long story to be told here.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>”My name is inevitable, I’m me again.”</em>
</p><p>It had spoken.</p><p>Little ants of excitement were racing on her skin, the urge to turn and run back to the rocks he had made fall, the urge to <em>claw</em> her way back to the God was intoxicating.</p><p>It felt like her first thought. Her only thought.</p><p>But Master remained firm they needed to prepare for battle.</p><p>She had to wait to see the God again. To hear her voice again. The voice that once guided her people.</p><p>The Gods were returning to the People.</p><p>***</p><p>Waves. Rhythmic crashing of water. A stark wind accompanies it, throwing the water into her face. She feels its strength on her skin as something rocks her back and forth.</p><p>Salt in the air, it tastes funny when it comes from her nose into her mouth. Something smells metallic, like sweat and iron.</p><p>“One by one they follow me, laughing, drowning in the sea.”</p><p>
  <em>Cole.</em>
</p><p>“The rest of the poem is sad,” he said.</p><p>A grunt came from elsewhere, “But the start was so cheery,” Matz replied with a litter of humour, but mostly dryness.</p><p>“It’s about Sirens,” Cole replied. “She sang in the mines; did you hear her?”</p><p>She was still swaying, small jolts into her body after each sway.</p><p>“No, Kid. We didn’t hear any singing,” Varric replied next.</p><p>“She used to like being sung to. She wasn’t a person then, safe, warm, next to the other one. She doesn’t remember properly, but <em>she</em> does. The Mother carried and grew, fed and held, she hums the song when her cubs around. The Mother wonders if her cub likes the sound. She does, but she doesn’t remember why-”</p><p>“Just shut it, for five minutes.” Bull growled. It wasn’t like him to be angry, or coarse. Did something happen?</p><p>Her body feels sore, her body feels black and blue but not sore. It feels used, but not punished.</p><p>Her last thoughts of consciousness were not her own, this she knows. But she cannot identify what they were. Her last memory was the steps leading to the Beacon. The confidence she aspired to have, wavering in the proximity to the spire.</p><p>And then she was green. She felt green. She felt like every breath sparkled and each sense was cleansed. Crisp and new. The smell of ozone and rain. Wildflowers, Oakmoss, Elderflower. Smells of the forest.</p><p>“I thought there would be more storms.”</p><p>She felt a large movement against her side, a gust of air not from the wind. Too warm to be the wind. Shepard let out a soft grunt as she tried to move her limbs and shield her skin, they felt heavy and bound.</p><p>“Shep?”</p><p>And then she felt black and red. She felt fear. Disgust and evil. Flashes of the beacon came back to her in moving images. Warnings of the Reapers in vivid detail, different from the flesh melting scenes that came with the Eden Prime beacon.</p><p>This was of their intelligence, their collective. Everything they knew of their mechanical structures and weaknesses. And yet, in all this information, the Protheans didn’t know that the Reapers could speak.</p><p>They hadn’t spoken to them directly.</p><p>But they had to her. Multiple times. So many times.</p><p>Because they feared her.</p><p>Feared her. Feared her. Feared her.</p><p>Why did she like it?</p><p>“Boss?”</p><p>“-she’s panicking, set her down. Let me cast-“</p><p>“No! No magic!”</p><p>“What do we do!”</p><p>“-wait!”</p><p>Shepard peeked her eyes open, something was sheltering her from the rain. The swaying had stopped, she was on something solid. Something real. The panicking in her heart had stopped for a moment when the sky came into view.</p><p>It was grey, overcast. But real.</p><p>She groaned again, eyes opening wider. Realising that the shelter was Bull’s large body bent over hers as she reclined in his arms, Matz behind her head giving her more shelter. Varric was on her other side, giving her a small smile.</p><p>“Anyone got something to eat?”</p><p>Matz laughed, “She’s back,” he stroked one side of her braid before his hand stilled. “Bull, help her up.”</p><p>The Qunari lifted her with practised ease, keeping one arm around her back when she grunted, unfamiliar with the soreness in her body. “Good?” He asked, peering down at her.</p><p>She nodded, “Yeah,” her voice cracked with a dry throat and swollen tongue. She replied quickly to starve off any worry the men held. “Just my head feels like I’ve been under your axe a few times,”</p><p>She thought he was going to reply with a sexually fuelled joke, instead he grunted a reply. Barely a word. Something had changed.</p><p>Her head continued to buzz, her eyes felt as though she’d been rubbing them and the itch not satisfied.</p><p>“I’d kill for some Medi-gel right now,” she said, rubbing her forehead as if her armoured hand could give her some relief from the pressure.</p><p>“Medi… what?” Matz asked, his hands attending to the knee she landed on when the beacon released her.</p><p>“Never mind,” she said, not having the energy or patience to explain.</p><p>Varric reached into his satchel, pulling out a few more bread rolls. They had crusted slightly and were more than a little wet, but to her they were delicious.</p><p>“Here, Siren. Better get some of these down you,” the Dwarf offered.</p><p>With shaky hands she worked her way through them, “Thank you,” she said with her mouth full. As she chewed the last roll, she noticed all eyes were on her. A quick look at them all confirmed her suspicion, they had questions.</p><p>Lots of questions.</p><p>***</p><p>After all agreeing they should make camp and dry off before Shepard began the long conversation of explaining Prothean beacons, she realised they were in fact in the Storm Coast.</p><p>It partly explained the groups of Darkspawn that were being reported here, but did not explain the groups and mines under the ground.</p><p>Nor the organised movements they had seen in the mines that was the opposite of known Darkspawn behaviour.</p><p>Bull had reluctantly clarified that he had approached to pick her up, carrying her out of the mines following Cole once more. The spirit had disappeared when they had seen daylight. Insisting that someone needed help. And that she had begun to stir moments they had been exposed to rain.</p><p>After Matz had energised the tunnel behind them, covering the hole she assumed they trekked out of, the group made slow progress to camp. Without mounts it took longer than necessary, not to mention the tension between her and her companions. She could feel eyes on her the entire way.</p><p>The camp, she noticed, was part of the Blades of Hessarian. Buildings and cottages instead of tents and tarps. Large enough and covered enough they could warm by the fires and get under covers.</p><p>They had been noting but respectful to them, since Max had defeated their leader. They were in service to him, and a more than a little awed by him, as Varric had pointed out. A few men had come to her asking if they could assist in any way.</p><p>She politely refused, ignoring the Dwarf’s smirks and quiet comment that Curly had competition.</p><p>They both knew her heart was secure with her blonde knight.</p><p>Bull took to chopping more firewood, Matz to help start more fires and attend to any injuries in camp. Leaving her very much alone.</p><p>Alone with her thoughts.</p><p>Sitting at the fire pit, she pondered their situation.</p><p>Varric was getting information from the rogues regarding the past few days… hours… They weren’t really sure how much time had passed between their disappearance in Lake Calenhad and their reappearance in the Storm Coast.</p><p>He promised to send word out to Skyhold that they were in one piece and relatively sound, he wouldn’t however let her read it over before it was sent.</p><p>She knew better than to imagine Varric had just spun a tale of their disappearance and not being separated from her and then activating a strange artefact and telling them nothing of the experience.</p><p>Shepard let herself worry momentarily before she realised, their mounts were alone somewhere. The thought snapped at her like jaws, almost praying to the Maker that Mako was alright. It twinged her heart a little to think of him wandering Ferelden without a rider, unsure if he would be able to fight off an attacker.</p><p>She had wished to be useful, but all the Blades refused to allow her to help. Instead, pushing her to rest in the guest hut. After she had removed her armour and changed into borrowed clothing to sleep in. A little rest sounded quite appealing.</p><p>She stared into the flames in the pit. Bare flames licking upwards from the rocked basin.</p><p>There was something so primal to the movements of the flames. A tantalising power that allowed her to be near, gave her permission to be warmed. In a way, she was glad to experience it.</p><p>
  <em>”A credit for your thoughts?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A smile came on her face, “Solas,” she greeted.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I am pleased to see you well, Falon. You had all in Skyhold worried,” he replied, coming up behind her and sitting against the log at her side. His legs crossing easily, posture right and correct. His talisman rocked as he sat and faced the flames, her eyes were momentarily drawn to the wolf’s head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But not you?” She asked, listening to his nearly silent approach on the barked floor of the guest hut.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know you to be capable. I do admit to speaking with some spirits in order to ascertain your wellbeing,” he replied. She hummed in response, wondering what the spirits said about their situation, though couldn’t bring herself to care. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“When did I fall asleep?” She asked, knowing from books and lore, that being a Dreamer meant she could walk in the Fade as a creator. Not a participant. Solas had confided in her after his friend perished, that he was the same, or at least had abilities likened to it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A moment ago, I felt you enter the Fade. I had hoped to find you,” he answered, “I may now put Cullen’s mind at ease.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She smirked, staring into the flames as he, “He was worried?” She asked, knowing the answer was already yes, feeling more than a little guilty she had not even thought to send word to him straight away. If only he had an Omnitool…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Josephine has forbidden him to enter the main hall, she has likened him to a prowling caged lion,” the smile in his voice was evident through his words. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shepard let out a laugh at the thought of Josie ordering Cullen to remain away from the nobles with her hands on either hip. Cullen now knew better than to go against an Antivan. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She found herself wishing it could be him beside her, enveloping her in his arms, his scent. Iron, Elderflower and… home. Cullen was home. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Warm and welcoming, his lip would curl on the scarred side. He would try and not to smile in front of the recruits and soldiers, he would fail. But together was when he really smiles. He would grin, until teeth showed, he would chuckle and kiss her neck. His beard would scratch her skin and he would nip her playfully when she would tease him with her words. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She found herself missing her home more and more while she was out of Skyhold. A home that had nothing to do with walls. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You seem more unfocused than usual, Falon. Has something occurred?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nodded, feeling rough wool against her cheek, she frowned and lifted her head, finding that she had been resting her head on Solas’ shoulder. Murmuring a sorry, she sat back up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A glance back at the silent elf showed he was nothing but amused she had rested on him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A beacon,” she answered eventually, forgetting who she was with. His questioning gaze had her sighing and closing her own eyes, she didn’t want to explain. She just wanted someone who understood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was selfish. These people were her friends, her family now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But sometimes she just wanted someone who comprehended her galaxy and its intricacies. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In that moment, her heart ached for her twin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her soul ached for her twin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She just wanted someone who really knew her, knew her past to be with her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A cold finger touched her burning face, a stark contrast from the fire heating her skin. She realised the crooked finger was attempting to gently gain her attention, the simple gesture had her insides turning out. Like she could hide nothing from him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her eyes met his. “I know the feeling,” he said softly, his blue ice gaze trailed up to her eyes. He made her believe he really did know her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A watery smile was his only answer, her eyes closing again with her chin bowed. “I-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The ground shaking beneath them had her eyes shooting open. Searching the edges of the room for answers with her gaze. A buzz in her mind like an earthquake in the air. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a few moments, it stopped as though it had never begun. The Fade felt as it usually did. Smoke and crisp, slightly cold and scentless. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What was that?” She asked, her head spinning to the Elf next to her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Solas’ expression was grave and withdrawn. Finally, he frowned, his gaze was off to one side as though someone was speaking to him. Whispering that required him to focus. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The Fade is… weak,” he said the last word as though it was a horror to admit. Small lines between his brows, marring his otherwise porcelain skin. “The walls thinned. I am unsure, I will search-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She made to get up, “I’ll come-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No.” Cold hands pressed on her shoulders, keeping her sitting, “Allow me to investigate alone for now. It is best if you do not sleep again. I cannot ward you through the Fade, things will come for you here.” He told her seriously, the frown growing on his face, little twitches of his jaw told her not to argue.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That wasn’t in her nature. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She knew what was coming, she tried to argue open her mouth to stop him from saying, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Wake up-”</em>
</p><p>Shepard inhaled deeply and sharply at the abrupt awakening by her Elven friend. Her neck protested as she lifted her chin off of her chest, having dropped down in her sleep. Bleary eyes took in the fire, and the body resting next to it.</p><p>“Asshole,” Shepard groaned directing it at the Elf that had awoken her and the current damp clothes she was forced to wear. The log was not a comfortable back rest as she found in her awakened muscles. Nor was the floor as a bed.</p><p>“I suppose I’ve been called worse,” an amused gruff voice said.</p><p>She focused on the Dwarf across from her, looking a little less wet than previous. “Varric,” she smiled,</p><p>“Siren,” Varric greeted from across the flames. “Something wrong over there?”</p><p>Shepard shook her head, rubbing her aching eyes with her ungloved hands. They smelt faintly of salt and earth. An alluring mixture when combined with fire smoke.</p><p>“Could be Solas interrupting my nap and forcing me to stay awake, could be I’m sick of riddles told to me by giant eight-foot creatures who apparently know me better than I know me,” her voice was increasing with mirth and venom.</p><p>“Could be a beacon from my future and from the past is now here and I’ve seen its contents. Could just be fucking Tuesday!!” The fire crackled and burst like it was reacting to her.</p><p>The silence in the hut was practically tangible.</p><p>Was it hotter in here now?</p><p>She raked a shaky hand through her knotted hair, giving up half way when she caught a particularly bad knot. “I’m sorry Varric, I wasn’t blaming you I just needed a release.”</p><p>Varric, to her surprise, chuckled, “Siren, if you think I haven’t heard worse from Hawke, you’re dead wrong. Least there are no vases in here for you to throw at me…” replied, trailing off.</p><p>That was a story she was sure to ask him later on.</p><p>She tugged the blanket a little closer around her body, it brought her little comfort. Though Varric’s words did, marginally.</p><p>She didn’t have time to dwell on stopping the awkward silence when a bang, accompanied with the gust of cold wet air came into the cabin from the now open door.</p><p>“Matz?” Shepard asked, watching the Mage promptly shut the door. He seemed panicked, his movements clumsy and swift.</p><p>“I thought I felt… I thought I felt offensive Magic being used,” he explained, slightly out of breath. Shaky hands reached for the Lyrium pouch on his side, gulping it down in one go. The tendons in his neck were tense and protruding.</p><p>The healing in camp must have been harder than she thought, more injuries on the scouts from the Darkspawn than first reported.</p><p>“Hey,” she tugged on his hand until he sat on the log beside her, “It’s alright, what’s got you-“</p><p>“He’s near, close. They’re talking. They aren’t supposed to talk. Thoughts and words become noises and then. Stop. Nothing. They sense it in his blood. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. The urges are hard to ignore.”</p><p>“Who is near?” Matz asked, “Do they need help?”</p><p>Cole nodded so hard his hair shook, hat shaking. “Yes, by the shore. Rocks too slippy, air too cold, not like the other side of the mirror. Real. Harder. There’s a lot of them.”</p><p>“Gear up!” Shepard ordered, racing out the cabin. If ‘he’ was who she thought it was, they needed to move. And fast.</p><p>Cole’s riddles had been unclear since they set out, a mixture of so many needing help in Ferelden and the exposure to Magic.</p><p><em>Did the Fade’s walls weakening affect Cole’s abilities?</em> Damn Solas for not being in this away team. Damn her for not thinking to bring him.</p><p>Rounding up their companions took moments; as sluggish as they were from captivity, lack of sleep and proper meals. They were headed out of the wooded camp in minutes, their jog as quick as their bodies would allow. The Hesserian scouts promising to cover their backs with what little scouts they had left.</p><p>Cole would occasionally disappear and reappear, guiding them the short distance to the shore.</p><p>The brightness outside unchanged from the grey overcast sky that greeted them hours before when Bull had carried her out of the tunnels. Each climb up the embankment made her calves tight and hot. The daggers on her back felt heavier than before, weighing her down.</p><p>In her old armour she wouldn’t have felt the burning weight her drenched leathers.</p><p>Her face wouldn’t be hit with the torrent of salt water. Shielded. Safe. Instead the fucking weather was plastering her hair onto her face. The acidic water making her eyes burn.</p><p>With her helmet on she would be able to hone in on what the figures at the shoreline were saying. Because it looked like a man and a Darkspawn were… conversing.</p><p>Nearing the group, rounding the short, snappy cliffs. She saw what Cole was rebelling about previous.</p><p>One man, in gleaming blue and light grey armour. Surrounded by Darkspawn, that looked to be twitching. Shaking and… One of the beasts a few strides from the man seemed to be sick… sicker than having the blight that is… convulsing retching.</p><p>The group made their way carefully, slowly to the shore. Away from the tree lines and covers. Jumping down and climbing down the hexagon rock faces of the cliffs.</p><p>She jumped the last ledge, just in time to see the shaking Darkspawn still. Still until their hand touched their sword. Then there was simply danger.</p><p>Not for her, but for danger for them.</p><p>Shepard propelled herself forward with her biotics, tackling the sick beast to the beach floor before they had a change to complete the swing at the glistening wardens back. Her omnitool was buried in the beasts neck before it had a change to bite her.</p><p>“What the fu-”</p><p>The battle was chaotic and clumsy.</p><p>Ankles rolling over stones and swords missing their mark in the wet humid conditions. A poor place for a battle. But a convenient one for an exchange of information.</p><p>The Darkspawn were becoming irate.</p><p>More like the zombies and husks she had defeated in her youth. Crazed and frantic. Anger filled her veins, making her feel hot. The heat of battle. So hot the rain on her skin did nothing but annoy her. She didn’t want cool. She didn’t want the cold.</p><p>She wanted the burn of her muscles. She wanted the aching of her bones.</p><p>She wanted her frustration gone. She wanted to sleep and rest. She wanted… she wanted…</p><p>She was so very tired of being in control.</p><p>Ironically, the rain was her catalyst. Summoning her biotics in a torrent of sharp stabs, they bounced from droplet to droplet. Conducting her bidding through the very elements, paralysing her opponents.</p><p>By the time she had caught her breath, her powers sated and pleased with the flurry of activity. The men with steel in their hands had killed the rest.</p><p>“Maker, that was incredible,” Matz said. She wasn’t sure if he was shaky from fatigue or fear. Whatever emotion he felt, he still went to her side. She shut her slack jaw, examining the mess of corpses littered in a circle around her.</p><p>“That… was new…” she replied, much to the displeasure of Bull, who began putting the bodies in a pile. A habit of the Qun.</p><p>“We should get you some Elfroot, I can whip up-“</p><p>“Anders?”</p><p>Matz hand froze on her arm, wide brown tired eyes darting to his side. Squinting at the helmeted man a few paces from the two. How did this man know Anders’ real name…</p><p>Slowly, one hand moved to the helmet, gripping the front and bowing his head. Making it easy to pull off with the aid of gravity so his sword hand could keep the weapon high.</p><p>As the helmet fell away, one hand cradling it to hook onto his belt, his face was revealed.</p><p>Pale Ferelden skin almost an elven grey twinge to un-sunned skin. A light stubbled beard on a thin face, black stubble with short black hair. Almost shaved to a buzz cut. Under a sharp thin nose belonged, thin lips parted in surprise, wide eyes of dark brown with a reddy tinge. A very Hawke iris. The Amell line was strong.</p><p>Though he was not an old man, only thirty-five by her count, he looked exhausted.</p><p>Stood before her, was THE Hero of Ferelden. The man who slew an Archdemon. A man who put Alastair rightfully on the throne. The man who disappeared through an Eluvian and lived beyond this realm.</p><p>A man, made into a legend. A legend made into mystery act. How very familiar.</p><p>And yet, he looked so very normal.</p><p>His disappearance had been the talk of Ferelden. And the obsession of Alastair for many years. Wherever he had gone his life had not been hard, unblemished skin and barely any wrinkles. But he looked… tired.</p><p>She wondered if she looked much better.</p><p>“Cousland? Aedan is that… Maker!” Stones crunched under Matz feet as he approached the Warden, clasping forearms as a greeting of Warriors.</p><p>The two spluttered, “You look… different,” Cousland said, “More serious?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t that be somethin’,” Varric muttered under his breath.</p><p>Matz smiled, “I suppose… a lot has happened since Amaranthine- since you left,” he said, eyes dropped to the ground.</p><p>Shepard thought he looked angry and… a little sad. Hurt. Matz’s hazel eyes darted to her, the awkward silence growing larger and larger.</p><p>“Warden,” she said without missing a beat. Confident steps on the pebbled ground, came shakily to her stiff legs, “It’s an honour,”</p><p>An unimpressed huff left his mouth, “Shepard is it?” She nodded, waiting for his gaze to return to her face. He seemed to be taking in all of them, but her most of all. His eyes stayed on her armour most of all.</p><p>“I’ve heard much. I thought you’d be…” he searched for the word shaking his head lightly, “Anyway, thank you for the save, I’m grateful. Darkspawn are unpredictable.”</p><p>Shepard almost felt caught admiring him when his eyes returned to her face, his gaze equally as curious. Occasionally darting to her other features, as though taking her in and comparing her to something.</p><p>“It didn’t look like you needed saving,” she accused.</p><p>His eyes narrowed a touch, “Whatever you thought you saw-”</p><p>She advanced a step pointing her armoured hand to him, noticing his sword arm twitch, “I saw you speaking, conversing with Darkspawn. The same ones that attacked and kidnapped us days ago. Not to mention the giant Emissary that took me and the Elder One with his Archdemon that’s knocking on Thedas’ doors!”</p><p>“I have little useful information to offer,” Cousland said finally after a long silence, damn near dismissing her with his body language when he turned and continued searching the bodies of the Darkspawn.</p><p>Though, he did not venture into their pockets, instead couched by them, examining them.</p><p>He was focussed on the larger of the group, the Darkspawn’s armour was almost… neat?</p><p>Black and silver metals merged on chains and plates. A deep purple sash was on his shoulders, tied at the neck. A once royal garment was now soaking up the rain and blood from the ground.</p><p>Shepard advanced again on the pebbled rocks quickly grabbing his shoulder turning him to rise, the clang echoed off their armour meeting.</p><p>“Usefulness is subjective Warden. We can talk here, or we can talk in Skyhold. And I assure you, the second option does not require you to be conscious,” she warned with fury, now face to face with the stormy glare from the Hero of Ferelden.</p><p>He looked as though he was going to argue for a moment, a flash of anger at her words his sword twitching in his hand again. Cousland’s expressions were so synonymous with that of Hawke’s that it took away her focus.</p><p><em>Is this what people thought when her and John would react the same?</em> She thought.</p><p>She could see the gears in his head turning. A realisation came upon him,</p><p>“Fine. Have it your way. You help me, I’ll help you. As I understand, my wife and son are with your Inquisition.” He relented, giving her his full attention once more.</p><p>Shepard nodded relaxing a touch. She needed a different approach, “It is not my Inquisition. But they are and have been for a few weeks… they miss you.”</p><p>Cousland’s cheeks flushed slightly, his hands re-sheathing his sword, “How much did she pay you to say that?” He asked with a half-smile.</p><p>She chuckled quietly, garnering even more attention off the Hero. He sobered slightly.</p><p>Shepard continued on the offensive, “I can tell, Warden. Morrigan and I have spoken on many things, mostly on the last few years.”</p><p>She let the accusation hang in the air. His brows rose a fraction, a minor reaction to her words. He was noble, he was used to the mask that came with the Game.</p><p>“Morrigan is stronger and wiser than anyone else I have met, if she trusts you...” he eyed her from head to toe again. “Then I guess I do too, and I refuse to lose them to your Inquisition. I will stay, until the ‘Elder One’ is dead. I cannot promise anything after that, but I will expect you to help me first.” He supplied, a switch considering his earlier statements. Shepard blinked heavily, staring at him.</p><p>He held strong in his words, almost a whiff of defiance in his tone. As though he was unused to doing nothing but giving orders. But changed his mind in a split second? Why?</p><p>“Alright, what do you need?” Shepard asked.</p><p>Cousland sheathed his sword, standing firm in the coastal rain. Against the back drop of the massive crashing waves, he did look quite dashing. If he wasn’t so unhelpful.</p><p>“I’m meeting with a Magister; he apparently has information on some kind of cure for the calling he’s willing to sell. I’m not hopeful, but it’s better than nothing. I could use you for back up, just in case,” the Warden shrugged. It seemed a usual occurrence for him to have to ‘kill’ an informant.</p><p>“After that, I can help you.”</p><p><em>That’s what she was after.</em> The whole reason for this expedition into Ferelden.</p><p>“Could be part of the Vints,” Bull replied, his point valid. The Warden’s eyes snapped to her companions. For the first time since him and Anders had shared an… interesting reunion.</p><p>“Vints?” Cousland asked returning to her. His attention always returned to her, she hoped it was his natural instinct to speak to the ‘leader’ of the group and not her Prothean hormones releasing into the air,</p><p>“I’m not familiar…” he trailed off, waiting for her response. Stone, his face reminded her of the stone around the cliffs they stood at. Barely a crack.</p><p>Shepard nodded, having known where Morrigan and her family had been… ‘living’ for the past few years, he would be out of the loop. Hidden away from Thedas, caring for his son in the Crossroads.</p><p>“Venatori, they’re a cult from Tevinter. They worship a madman called Corypheus-”</p><p>Cousland put his hands up, “As fun as this story is, I have a feeling it’s a long one… shall we walk and talk? To camp maybe? I’m too old for standing around in the rain.”</p><p>“Man after my own heart,” Varric muttered to Bull. The Qunari gave a breathy laugh.</p><p>Shepard’s mouth tugged up on one side. Just a twitch of the muscle, it seemed being easy to talk to ran in the Amell line too. As well as a stubborn temperament and black hair.</p><p>“This way, we have a camp up ahead the next ridge.”</p><p>“Lead the way… Shepard.”</p><p>***</p><p>The Warden kept his helm on in camp, he and Matz off to one side speaking in low tones. Occasionally their heads would flick to her, but otherwise looked to be comfortable. She had read the accounts from Alastair of the coastal war against the Darkspawn horde in Amaranthine. The people Cousland had recruited and their stories. After which he disappeared. Never to be heard from again.</p><p>Until now.</p><p>She did not trust the Warden, the one who spoke with Darkspawn. But she would be lying if she didn’t have a little… admiration.</p><p>“I could tell you what they’re saying,” Bull said from next to her. His voice hushed.</p><p>She looked up at his giant form, his body shielding her from the worst of the wind. A kind gesture, one that confused her considering his distance in the last camp. “No. They deserve some privacy, but thank you, Bull. Keep an eye, I don't trust him...”</p><p>“I get it. Hey, Boss… about earlier-“</p><p>“Lady Shepard!”</p><p>Internally, she bit back the response inside her that screamed, ‘fuck off’.</p><p>Shepard got up and turned slowly, not by choice but her sore body wouldn’t allow her to move any quicker in the direction of the patrol guard. Her footsteps were loud and squelching in the mossy earth.</p><p>“Word for you, My Lady! It’s marked with an urgent seal, straight from the Inquisitor!”</p><p>Varric’s head whipped over, evaluating the situation. A letter from the Inquisitor nothing new, but in the small falconry they had at the main camp was Baron Plucky. Leliana’s prized messenger bird. Important then. Very important.</p><p>Bull, as Bull did, watched with a careful eye. Not the letter, but her. He had been watching her since they were abducted. But now through something other than curiosity. She dreaded diagnosing it as mistrust, but the word stuck.</p><p>She took the slightly damp vellum off the Lieutenant, seeing her name in Maxwell’s cursive writing on the top. That was nothing spectacular. In turning the paper over, she found what marked it as urgent.</p><p>Red wax. The Inquisition, did not use red wax unless there was something urgent. Unless someone had died or something was on fire. Not unless the very walls of Skyhold had fallen.</p><p>Shepard could feel the tension around her of those waiting with baited breath,</p><p>“Thank you, Lieutenant Keeley. Dismissed,” Shepard nodded, the movement caused a twinge in the back of her neck.</p><p>The woman bashed a salute and continued her duties with less enthusiasm than she had arrived with the letter. Though it could be she was less enthusiastic to patrol in the constantly wet surroundings.</p><p>Once retreated to her tent, away from the prying eyes of writers, spies and wardens, Shepard ripped into the letter as though it contained her future.</p><p>She supposed it did, taking the opportunity to brace herself on the stiff cot.</p><p>The constant searching, walking, fighting and old magic had made her sore. Plus, the direct lack of sleep. The dark green canvas cot barely yielded to her when she sat. Uncaring if the sheets soaked the water that her leathers refused to absorb.</p><p>She would not be resting and putting her companions at risk, not if the Fade was weak. Justice could protect Matz but her? She was a dreamer; she was vulnerable to corruption whether she liked it or not. Indoctrination and possession may not by miles apart, but she couldn’t very well practise this this skill.</p><p>If her staying awake for a little longer meant she could return to Cullen, return to his arms and sleep in his warmth. She would do it. She could do it. Just until Solas came to her and told her he had figured it out.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Lady, S.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two gentlemen have arrived from faraway lands. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They are asking for you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Abort mission. Return immediately. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>M.G.T</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“What?” She muttered out loud, turning the page over to find nothing on the back nor any information written in invisible ink for her to see over candle light.</p><p>This was it? Just… visitors?</p><p>Visitors that were so important that she had to <em>abort</em> her mission? Who could be more important than the King’s and Princes that were abiding in Skyhold currently?</p><p>“You wished for him. The other half. The first one. He’s very angry. He made the walls weak.”</p><p>Shepard met Cole’s fidgeting with anger. Standing off the cot, her knees protested the two stomps of her feet it took to reach the boy. Calves and heels aching in her sodden boots as she stood over Cole.</p><p>Why would Maxwell give her so little to work with? It was so impersonal, so little to work with that if it weren’t for Baron Plucky’s arrival, she would have thought it a hoax. Enemy lines infiltrating their messages.</p><p>“Cole, who are the men? Why do we-”</p><p>“You made him leave. You ran alone. He never liked it when you ran ahead. I’ll see you tomorrow, yes? Yes. Tomorrow if you’re fast.”</p><p>Her chest tightened; the sounds of the ocean receded. The wind causing her tent to sway did not annoy her anymore. She did not care about her companions outside the entrance, wondering what the important letter had said.</p><p>“Cole… is… is…” whatever fatigue she felt, was quickly erased by the panic, and fear and excitement and nausea that was now churning through her chest.</p><p>“They come in pairs,” Cole replied, breathy and… scared. He was scared.</p><p>“What comes in pairs?” Shepard asked,</p><p>“You.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. They Come In Pairs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thank you StaciaShep for once again being an incredible beta! </p><p>There is a TW here for attempted rape, please don't read the italics after *** TW *** </p><p>(You will not miss anything than how a character obtains a scar)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p><p>It's time.</p><p>
  
</p><p>He glanced around the room he was in, surrounded by stone and wood, actual wood. Real glass in the windows and some holes still in the walls. He was in an honest-to-goodness castle. Skyhold, they’d told him it was called, because apparently big castles had names. They told him they knew Shepard, that she was with them. He’d followed the people they’d met when they were in the strange place with all the mirrors and now they were here, waiting. </p><p>Making people nervous was something that came naturally to him, and he so enjoyed it.</p><p>It might be a little twisted. But after so many years of it, he now appreciated it as much as he expected their reaction. The innate skill had served him well. </p><p>He could see it in the darting of their eyes, even the golden-clad woman with the candle stuck to her medieval clipboard. The twitch of the blonde man’s hand on his sword. A fucking metal sword. </p><p>As if it would make a dent in his armour. The soldier knew it too, he was sure. Though it was entertaining to see him ready for an attack. </p><p>The other man. The green-handed one. He was better at hiding his actions and emotions, but not by much.</p><p>Not when his own helmet could read his temperature, his heart rate. The amount of hydration in his body all the way down to his blood sugar. </p><p>“Inquisitor! Ser!”</p><p>Inquisitor. A word meaning ‘one who is unduly harsh, severe or hostile in making an inquiry’.</p><p>The description didn’t suit the growing boy who seemed to lead this little group. In their little war room. Barely a man. </p><p>“Message from Master Tethras!”</p><p>He breathed a laugh. Oh, these names and their fucking pretentious titles. He rolled his eyes under his helmet, wondering what other fairy-tale creatures he might be introduced to. </p><p>The Inquisitor. The brown-haired man-boy with the innocent-looking eyes left the massive wooden… real wooden table to go for the door and grabbed the note, tearing into it with little care for the paper shreds that landed on the ground. </p><p>The messenger was dismissed without a glance. </p><p>“It’s dated today!” </p><p>The blond man’s head shot up faster than the three women’s around the table, a Commander apparently. Though there were no indicators of this on his armour, not unless that cape he was wearing was meant to indicate rank. He had hard lines on a sharp face, he had clearly seen battle and had witnessed horrors. The trauma was etched onto his skin, that earned him some respect at least.  </p><p>Similar to the armoured woman next to him, the one with the sword on her back as tall she was. Cassandra. That was her name. The one with the wicked eyes and bold accent. His eyes drifted to her more often than not as he’d wrongly assumed her to be the leader. </p><p>Cassandra shared a look with the hooded woman. Her name he didn’t know. It had not been said aloud. She had an air of mystery around her, the look of someone who knew where the bodies were buried. He immediately did not trust her but he was curious. She was the honey trap, he supposed snidely. Try anything and get burned for your troubles. No, he would not be making that mistake, he thought as he watched her observe the rest of the room, her eyes flicking to him and his companion regularly. </p><p>The third woman, the one dressed in a gold, frilly shirt. She looked like a business woman, no blemishes to her darkened skin. He felt sorry for her, she looked more suited to the inside of an embassy than a war room. </p><p>They were all very different to the woman he had seen in the misty place with the mirrors. A woman dressed like a Flux dancer who could light fire with her hands without pain. She had walked away with a bald chap; he had barely caught sight of him before they disappeared through another door from the gardens. </p><p>Something about fades… fading… whatever. </p><p>They all shared one thing, he noted. They all looked… worried. Genuinely worried. That he did not expect. </p><p>His gaze returned to the Inquisitor, though his helmet didn’t move, his eyes did. He tried to stay as still as possible to unnerve them. A statue watching their every move. </p><p>“They’re fine! Thank the Maker! They’re in… the Storm Coast?” The Inquisitor said, frowning at the parchment, while reading the rest. There were a few pages of squiggled writing, some sketches of something too. </p><p>The Maker… some kind of god? Were these folks religious then? It wasn’t like Shepard to get involved with a cult…</p><p>“You <em>lost</em> her?” he said, focusing on the Inquisitor’s words instead of trying to figure out what was going on with these strange people. The metallic casing of his helmet made the sound come out more of a growl, as he suddenly realised why Shepard was not in this stupid stone castle. </p><p>“Evidently not, as they have made contact,” the hooded woman replied to him, her face and voice devoid of emotion. </p><p>He pushed off the wall, intending to crowd the confident woman who didn’t seem at all phased by his aggressiveness, which only irritated him more. An armoured arm went across his chest, stopping him in his tracks. </p><p>“Lola’s fine. She’s handled worse <em>pendejos</em>,” his companion said from under his helmet across the comms. </p><p>He still grunted under his helmet. Instead of instigating a fight, which he very much wanted to do out of pure frustration, he allowed his partner to direct him back to the wall. A small concession on his part, but he would choose diplomacy over aggression until he knew exactly what he was dealing with. </p><p>And so, he stood like stone. </p><p>Watching each person do their job around the table. Moving markers and speaking as though he was not there. He waited, learning more about them while he peeled away their walls from under his metal shell. </p><p>He had waited fifteen months, twelve days and four hours for Commander Livia Shepard. He could wait a little longer. </p><p>And he would see her tomorrow. Whenever tomorrow came.  </p><p>***</p><p>The horse supplied to her was no Mako, but it was fast. The fastest of the group, Cole had assured her. </p><p>He knew her intentions. How could he not? He knew she would not wait. Would not stop, until she had proof of who she thought was waiting for her.</p><p>The Warden had agreed to travel with them, surprisingly. </p><p>His meeting with the Magister was not as important as his family, he had explained. </p><p>She almost believed him, but not quite. She and Bull had found his switch in priorities odd, too fast, suspicious even. Maybe Anders… Matz knew the reason. His eagerness to return to Skyhold had seemed to increase after their private chat at camp. </p><p>In her haste to pack up, procure mounts and get back to Skyhold, she hadn’t asked either Warden just <em>why</em> they were so eager to get back to the fort. </p><p>The mount supplied for Cole was given to the Warden and instead of riding alone, the spirit elected to sit behind her. Sometimes he was not there and then he would suddenly pop up again, not explaining where he’d been. </p><p>She cared little. </p><p>All Shepard desired was getting to Skyhold. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Abort mission. Return immediately. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The weather changed unheeded by Shepard as she felt only the gallop of the horse’s hooves. The heavy beating had synchronised with her heart. Too fast for a resting rate. Too slow for how much ground she wanted to cover. </p><p>Humid, wet air turned dry. Grey stone turned to green forests. Fields of crops became more frequent around Lake Calenhad. She didn’t spare a glance for the tower that she had been taken from as the chestnut horse flew down the Imperial Road. </p><p>She quite frankly ignored the Inquisition camp she passed by at Calenhad Docks. She ignored their shouted attempts to get her to rest and stop. They didn’t know why she was in such a hurry and she didn’t care about anything other than reaching her destination.</p><p> </p><p><em>Two men… far-away lands. </em> </p><p> </p><p>The only break she gave herself, and her exhausted mount, was in Redcliffe after hours of hard riding. </p><p>“You need to swap. He’s tired. Thirsty. He can’t go anymore. He hurts,” Cole said from behind her, which had prompted the stop at the lakeside town. </p><p>She was not cruel enough to continue on this mount. Instead of stopping directly in the village, she opted for the crossroads camp instead. There were fewer witnesses there. The refugees had thankfully been mostly quiet in the evening light, too absorbed by their own problems to focus on anything else. </p><p>Hunters would be arriving back soon; mothers were tucking children into bed. Cooks and sisters were attending to their duties with little thought to the speeding mount entering the town. </p><p>It was a regular sight for them to see a rider moving swiftly. Only a few turned and whispered when they saw her. She had to move quickly. There was no time to entertain them today. No time to explain. No time to steal a mount and continue her escape from her companion’s questions, they wouldn’t be far behind her. </p><p>“My Lady! I was told to bring you this horse…” the Inquisition scout looked puzzled for a moment. “I’m not sure by who… but… here,” he passed her the reins and walked away. She frowned at the scout’s back until Cole reappeared beside her. </p><p>“I made them forget. You’ll be faster now. They won’t worry about you. More focus for the ones without swords.”</p><p>Shepard did not answer, though she was grateful, trusting Cole to pick up her thoughts like he normally did. </p><p>Instead, she hopped clumsily onto the new mount, her inner thigh muscles stretched uncomfortably when her leg lifted over the saddle. Her ass and lower back were sore from riding, her legs unable to lift and flow against the hits of the mount’s back. </p><p>Her heels dug into the sides of the horse. This one was black, its mane braided  for speed. The braid was done with care and precision, someone was taking good care of the horses here. Master Dennet’s lingering influence, no doubt. </p><p>“She’s rested. Better in snow. Faster on hills. She doesn’t like apples,” Cole chirped, his hands a cold reminder on her waist of the weather to come. </p><p>As the roads became steeper, Cole’s hands pressed harder. She wasn’t certain if he was holding her upright or holding on for dear life. </p><p>Shepard desperately wanted to stop. To sleep. To succumb to the sweet humming of the Fade that lapped around the edges of her eyes, but she knew she couldn’t. Solas’ warning was still sharp in her mind. The Veil was weakened, she didn’t dare sleep even without her strong desire to get back to the castle.  </p><p>The cold, battering wind that dropped in temperature as she continued south onto the Frostback Mountain road was the only thing keeping her awake. </p><p>That, and the hopeful lights of Skyhold’s village coming steadily closer. Once the threshold had been passed… </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They are asking for you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Guards were standing to attention as she passed, noting the red streak of her armour and allowing her passage. Her classic braid undone and blowing behind her. Shepard had no doubt the guards would send a bird to Leliana informing her of her passage. Much like the last two camps had done. </p><p>She weaved in and out of the alleys to reach the main track, still atop her horse. The statue of Andraste on the Chantry they had built there mocked her. Making her remember the last time she had gazed upon the damn statue.</p><p>
  <em>It was when she had realised she would be announced KIA. When she had truly realised, she was stuck here. Watching the village being built, made into something new. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shepard?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You coming?” Maxwell had given her a quizzical look, no doubt wondering where her focus had been. What was on her strange mind as he stood in the shadow of the Academy. </em>
</p><p>But was she truly stuck here?</p><p>Stuck was an easy word. </p><p>Chosen was a more difficult one. It implied intent, purpose. Even if the reasons were obscured, unknown, at least to her. </p><p><em>You avoided going home,</em> she thought. <em>You chose to be the legend that died saving the universe,</em> her mind supplied. <em>You chose to leave them behind.</em></p><p>If <em>he</em> truly had made it here. Was she now… un-stuck? </p><p>The door, the option to leave back to her time… was it now wide open? Would she be made to leave Cull- <em>Thedas</em>. Thedas. </p><p>She was grateful for the darkness, acting as a blanket as she approached, hiding her features as her thoughts became tumultuous. She slowed the mount only enough to not arouse suspicion from the scouts she knew would be positioned on the rooftops with arrows ready to fire at the lone rider tearing down the dirt tracks. </p><p>Once they noticed who was speeding through the huts and stone buildings, they would allow her swift passage. </p><p>She hardly wanted to wake the whole town in her un-stealthy approach to the castle. </p><p>The mount’s breaths were visible now they had slowed. A testament to how hard she had worked for Shepard on the uphill advancement to the hold. </p><p>“Fuck!” She cursed aloud, wrenching the reins to her left and spinning the horse a full one-eighty to the stables. </p><p>Her mount slowed when it realised where they were heading. At this time there wouldn’t be anyone on hand to relieve her of the exhausted steed. </p><p>Summoning all the energy she had left, Shepard dismounted. Nothing could have prepared her for the jolt of the earth slamming into her aching knees. Long since cramped from the bent position they had been forced into for hours on end. </p><p>Shaking hands removed the bridal, dropping it at her boots. The black leather now as useless as her frozen fingers as it lay in the dirt and hay of the floor. </p><p>Catching her breath was a tall order against the dizziness that threatened to overwhelm her, as one hand leant on the wooden wall to keep her upright. The horse slowly moved away to a welcoming trough of glacier water, its distance from her an unwelcome reminder of the lack of mounts for her to use. </p><p>In that moment, she hadn’t noticed Cole’s disappearance from her back. </p><p>But in less than two words, she knew where he had gone.  </p><p>The voice was soft, gentle and… knowing. “Shepard…”</p><p>Her hold on the beam attached to the barn had become so tight that she had been leaving dents in the wood. Her left hand, her N7 hand, the only contact keeping her upright as the blood rushing to her feet gave way to pins and needles. </p><p>“Enchanter Victoria,” Shepard greeted with a cracked throat. “Now is not a good time,” she replied. Wondering what the mage would do if she just started running up the mountain to Skyhold. </p><p>Victoria did not heed her warning, coming around to her front. The woman gasped when she took in her appearance, her eyes roving around her face. </p><p>Shepard’s hair had fallen around her face, only the bottom parts of her hair were still braided. Her cheeks and nose burned red from the wind and cold. Her lips were chapped, broken in parts. The blood had long since dried on her lips. A testament to the lack of food and water that had passed her lips in the past day of riding. </p><p>Her face softened. “Come with me, cub-”</p><p>“No!” She jerked her arm from the near grip of the Enchanter. Her worried brown eyes enlarged at the movement. </p><p>“I need… I just need to get to Skyhold-”</p><p>“You need rest. Maker, when was the last time you slept? Or ate?” The mage’s hands came to her face. Shepard welcomed the warmth they provided with a fluttering of her lashes, her robes falling to her elbows at the movement. </p><p>The Enchanter was dressed for lessons, not sleep. Why was she awake in the dead of night?</p><p>When had she last slept? </p><p>“Two days ago... I think. Listen, it doesn’t matter, I’ve gone on less sleep in the Reaper War. I’m used to-”</p><p>The hands grasped her face tighter, forcing her face to look at the shorter mage. “The two are not comparable. You underestimate the Fade, even now! It was weakened to a such a degree that most of the Academy is on lockdown!”</p><p>Shepard frowned. “What?” She asked the mage, “is everyone alright?” </p><p>Her insides began to stir at the idea that the civilians might be in danger. The familiar adrenaline of battle thrumming in her body as though she had downed a stamina potion.</p><p>Victoria let out a large sigh. “The stronger mages felt it most keenly, the weaker ones merely had less power than usual so no one was hurt. It was lucky we had no abominations; the Templar’s were brilliant in their response.” Her gaze darted to the side and down. As though trying to forget a memory that had flickered up. </p><p>“I’m not happy to admit there were a few holy smites doled out today.” And there was the memory that she was trying to ignore. “But they did their job and no one was hurt… not really…” she said softly, adopting a thoughtful look. </p><p>Any retort or inquiry she had died when hooves hitting stone could be heard in the echo of the stables. A familiar, high-pitched trill alerting her of the mount that was coming to get her. Her clumsy steps to get to the archway of the barn were blocked by the mage. </p><p>“Shepard, I order you to rest, soldier! This is not a safe world, not when the Fade is weak!” Victoria said, blocking her way. An unfamiliar tone of authority demanded Shepard’s attention but it wasn’t enough. “I will use force if I have to,” she warned sternly. One glance at her convinced Shepard she meant it. </p><p>The woman’s stance was broad, ready for an attack. The hooves were getting louder, nearer. The last leg of her journey was upon her. </p><p>She was so close. </p><p>So close. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Victoria…” Shepard replied just enough to be heard over the nearing beast. </p><p>Shepard left her support beam, barrelling through her with such speed that Grunt would have been proud of her and using what little she had to cast a barrier between them. She did not have enough strength to ward off sedation magic.</p><p>Keeping the mage stuck in the barn, her attempts to hit the barrier with magic were futile. There was no doubt in Shepard’s mind that the scouts on the rooftop would have seen a giant green bubble around the barn. </p><p>She jogged to her Hart, her heart leaping in her chest as she saw him again, safe and sound after their ordeal and her losing him. She didn’t allow herself time to stop and inspect her beloved mount, needing to get away from the village and reach Skyhold. She could hear the hands and feet of scouts above her on the roof tops. </p><p>“Go, Mako!” She shouted as she was climbing up, digging her heels into the Hart’s sides to enforce her command. </p><p>The Hart sped away as Shepard’s feet found the stirrups. Her focus barely drifted from the small fires on Skyhold’s battlements. She regretted shutting her eyes against the harsh, snowflake-filled wind; the squeezing of her eyelids burned worse than her reddened skin.</p><p>Not knowing the truth to her questions, burned worse. </p><p>Skyhold came into view at a speed only her Mako, or a real Mako could have achieved. </p><p>The walls were dark against the expanse of the snowy mountains, a link to the dark of the night sky. Littered with dark grey clouds that blocked the view of the stars and constellations. </p><p>After ditching Mako at the stairs, she stumbled through the deserted courtyard no better than a drunkard after one of Varric’s ale tasting nights. Held vertical only by the will to see the men who had arrived from… faraway lands, as Max had said in his note. </p><p>Guards patrolling did not spare her a second glance, her tactical cloak made sure they did not give her a first. Clumsy, exhausted feet caused her to land face-first on the stairs. The sound echoed around; she did not have the energy to even let out a grunt. Only a breathy curse. </p><p>Fucking stairs. </p><p>Shepard cursed the builders of the stairs to the main hall for not putting a bannister on the side. Her fatigued body using sheer will and fucking stubbornness to stay upright. One hand curled on her empty stomach, the months of forgetting to eat a correct amount for a biotic catching up to her. </p><p>The last few weeks of loving nights with her Commander, of trips away and childhood villages. </p><p>The last few days of riding, strange magic and even stranger people. The last few hours of hard riding. Avoiding rabid wolves and bandit stragglers. The last few minutes of wielding her biotics. </p><p>All catching up to her in the most inopportune moment since she fell to Thedas all those months ago. </p><p>***</p><p>“WHAT?!”</p><p>Cullen was getting more and more irate at this nameless, faceless man as the night went on. The Inquisitor had brought in the other members of the inner circle. </p><p>For <s>back-up</s>, brain storming. </p><p>Meanwhile Solas and Morrigan were examining the Eluvian. Enchanter Victoria and Barris had placed the Academy on high alert with Vivienne, who was less than keen to help the ‘poor excuse for a Circle’. </p><p>They had pulled Cassandra naturally and Dorian as well for some magical protection the other advisors could not provide. </p><p>The larger of the two men in futuristic armour was quieter, calmer. He was easily the broadest, most muscled man that he had ever seen. Maybe except Bull…</p><p>The other man, built more like Cullen’s own physique, was tall. Taller than he was. And Cullen stood above almost everyone with ease. </p><p>Their armour was so beautifully crafted, sleek in design and he knew how strong it was. Their weapons, non-broken versions of Shepard’s own… pistol in different variations of sizes and colours. </p><p>It made him feel even more inferior. </p><p>They were intimidating. </p><p>And they knew it. </p><p>The taller man was looming down on Maxwell, hands closed in fists at his sides that spoke volumes. Though the shiny helmet on his head was greyed out on the eyes, Cullen imagined the narrowed fiery gaze. </p><p>“We do not have means of tracking her progress!” Maxwell countered; his voice wavered slightly. Through worry or fatigue, Cullen couldn’t say, though he suspected the former. Like him, Maxwell loved Shepard and wouldn’t relax until he knew she was alright. </p><p>Dorian’s worried eyes were on Maxwell’s face. He stood next to Josie, a small barrier between the irate metal man and their defenceless Ambassador. </p><p>The taller man had tried to argue his case with Cullen, but he had simply replied with a clipped tone. He was just as enraged as the tall man, though he was keeping a better lid on his emotions. </p><p>He should be the one ranting and raving. Letting his anger out on the world for the cruel missions she was sent on. The fact his lover had been taken, she could have been infected by the Darkspawn, his greatest fear come to life.</p><p>The muscled man uncrossed his arms, “Look around, I coulda’ told you that-”</p><p>“SHUT UP, CAPTAIN!” The taller man roared, with a tilt of his shoulders directing his voice around Maxwell to his partner leaning on the wall. </p><p>The others were standing in their respective positions around the table, Maxwell standing alone facing down the furious storm encased in a black and blue metal shell. </p><p>At least the muscled man was leaning against the wall to the side of Leliana, occasionally shifting and he assumed, watching them. It was hard to tell… <em>Maker, how did they see anything out of those helmets?</em></p><p>“She is <em>the</em> most important person on this miserable little planet,” the man roared. </p><p>Cullen agreed with the sentiment. His heart clenching, mind going through the motions of what could have happened to her that he almost missed the end of his sentence. </p><p>“And you’re telling me you lost-”</p><p>The tall man stopped mid-sentence, his profile craned slightly away from them, tilting towards the door. As if listening to something. </p><p>Maxwell was at a loss, slightly red-faced from arguing, watching him with a look of bewilderment and a little relief that his obscenely loud metallic voice had quietened. </p><p>The man’s breaths were deepening, his head still pointed towards the door. One heartbeat, then another, then another. Then-</p><p>“Livvy…”He whispered.</p><p><em>Livvy?</em> Cullen thought.</p><p>
  <b>SLAM</b>
</p><p>The door to the war room slammed into the stone. Causing all in the room to jump and stare at the figure bracing one arm on the doorframe. </p><p>Liv…</p><p>She was staring, wide-eyed, hunched over and breathing as though she had run up the mountain side. Her hair was dishevelled and Cullen could see from his position on the other side of the room how pale she was around the angry red flush of skin on her forehead, cheeks and nose. She had bags under her eyes and her lips were split, bloody and cracked purple. </p><p>Long gone was the lady with a tan and healthy flush on her cheeks. Long gone was the vision in a pink dress who floated by his side in Honnleath. Here stood his aching goddess in dirty black armour. </p><p>The strangest thing about the encounter, was that they exchanged no words. </p><p>Both frozen in time, as though they were a reflection of each other. The room was frozen, each person waiting with baited breath on what would happen next. </p><p>Who would dare break the silence with their tongue?</p><p>Cullen’s eyes watched Shepard like a hawk. Her movements were slow and sluggish. They all carefully migrated around the table, he with aching hands to hold his love. Leliana for Maxwell’s protection against the volatile man and the muscled one, who now was stood with lax arms. </p><p>Cullen however, he wanted tend to her wounds and hold her again. To beg her never to leave his side. Not for danger and darkspawn and death. </p><p>The relief that was surging through his veins was better than any lyrium high. But it did not compare to the sweet sensation of her company around him. </p><p>But she was not focused on him like he was on her. </p><p>She only had eyes for the tall man in black and blue. </p><p>Before they could blink, move or speak, the tall man had drawn his <em>pistol</em> and was pointing it directly at her. </p><p>The joint gasps and reactions of the group went around the room, though none were louder than his metal partner’s.</p><p>“Admiral, what are you doing?! It’s Shepard?!” The larger man shouted, gesturing to the woman in the door, placing himself next to the Inquisitor while the ‘Admiral’ moved to the door, shutting it closed with one hand.</p><p>Shepard finally blinked, moving away from the doorway with unsteady, slow steps. Like her armour had turned ten times heavier under the strain of the weapon pointed at her. If he wasn’t pointing a weapon at her, Cullen would have immediately carried her to the healers. </p><p>It did not bode well for them that the Admiral wanted to keep the rest of Skyhold out. </p><p>“Put it down, man!!” The Inquisitor shouted, head split between watching the man with the weapon and his adopted sister. </p><p>“Kaffas! Stop this!” Dorian shouted, magic cracking at his fingertips. </p><p>Cullen was standing next to the Inquisitor, Leliana at his side gently pushing Josie behind them with the war table, markers and paper completely useless at this point. 	</p><p>The taller man was breathing heavier and heavier. His back and chest armour expanding with each breath. Shepard was staring wide-eyed but had yet to move from the doorway. Not bothering to look for a way out or cover. </p><p>Frozen still. So unnaturally still. </p><p>He wished he could see more of her face than just her side profile. </p><p>“Prove it. Prove it is you!” The man growled. His hands steady on the weapon. Cullen did not know how much damage it could do. His stance was spread, two hands on the weapon, a practised position.</p><p>This was a hostage situation. Within their own walls.</p><p>“Put it down, NOW!” Cullen shouted, drawing his own sword. Ready to defend his love. Even if he might lose. </p><p>“I- I-” He whispered, her throat dry as words failed her. This only aggravated the man more. </p><p>“PROVE IT, COMMANDER SHEPARD!”</p><p>“I don’t know what to-”</p><p>“I SAID IDENTIFY!”</p><p>“MAKER, STOP THIS MADDNESS!”</p><p>“ADMIRAL, STAND DOWN!”</p><p>“PUT IT DOWN!”</p><p>“I’ll do it!”</p><p>The tension in the room had been mounting, heads spinning, hands clenching. Hearts thrashing. Until Shepard, with her gentle, breathy voice said three words.</p><p>“Then do it.”</p><p>The room fell silent from the pleading. Cullen’s grip tightened on his sword, his breath so heavy, it caused the metal of his blade mist.</p><p>“W- what?” The Admiral asked, </p><p>“A soldier doesn’t hesitate. He acts,” Shepard stepped forward, a tentative step. And then another, and then another. Until her forehead was almost pressed against the tip of the dark metal in the man’s hand. She did not blink. Her emerald gaze didn’t waver. </p><p>“Just. Fucking. Prove. It,” the man growled. Cullen wasn’t sure through the metallic ring, but he sounded like he was gritting his teeth.  </p><p>“You… take the high road and I’ll take the low…” Shepard began to say, before her knees fell from under her. Her armour creating a sickening thud has her head hit the stone floor. She landed facing the door on her side, hair flowing on the ground. </p><p>Cullen rushed to her side, but before any of them could get to her, the man was kneeling at her side. His body alight with a blue energy similar to Shepard’s. His… powers… cast a barrier. </p><p>A little bubble around the two of them. No amount of bashing from his fists did any damage. </p><p>What if he hurt her? The thought consumed him. The protective rage crawling inside of him, the bubbling urge to hurt-</p><p>His train of thought ended when the man discarded his pistol, he wasn’t grabbing her… he was… delicate. </p><p>So delicate, as he picked her up and put her into his lap. </p><p>He sat on his heels with her cradled in his arms. Stroking the back of her head with one hand lit with his Omnitool. </p><p>This was worse. He was… touching her. Intimately. Ugly emotions cracked through Cullen’s armour to the surface of his skin. </p><p>“And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye,” the Admiral finished, his voice gentle. “For me and my true love will never meet again, on the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.”</p><p>An extreme change from the shouting he had been doing seconds before. His whole demeanour had shifted, now she had… proved herself with words from her past. Words a dear friend had said to her, as Cullen understood. </p><p>‘True love?’ How dare he. How fucking dare he utter those words? This man knew more, more of the poem or song they recited. The thought of someone knowing her better than he did made him feel hot. Hot fire like venom in his veins. Confusion, fear, jealously and his ever present protective instincts were waging war inside him as he could only helplessly look on from behind the barrier as this unknown metal man cradled the woman he loved so fiercely.</p><p>“Admiral?” The second man questioned, crouching on the edge of the barrier, looking over the kneeling man on the floor, sitting on his heels with Shepard in his arms. </p><p>The Admiral didn’t reply, he stayed stroking her hair with the other hand moulding her to his chest. He had no right to hold her, no right to act as though he cared when moments before he was threatening her. Threatening all of them!</p><p>“Please, we just want to make sure she’s not in any danger!” The Inquisitor pleaded. In his head, Cullen commended the Inquisitor’s ability to keep a level head. Maxwell placed his marked hand on the edge of the barrier. </p><p>If they were not all focused on Shepard, they might have seen his mark was spluttering when it made contact. Little green sparks dulled by the blue of the energy. They might have seen the foreshadowing of answers yet to come. </p><p>The Admiral dropped his barrier, his body no longer covered in a blue hue. </p><p>The man’s Onmitool lit up again, a flash before their eyes. </p><p>And then his helmet, piece by piece, fell away. </p><p>Folded away. Neatly into the collar of his armour. No need for his hands to leave Shepard’s unconscious body to pull it off his protective gear. His technology did it for him.</p><p>“Believe me, Inquisitor…”</p><p>A voice with an accent now. A softer voice, thick with emotion. Pale skin revealed, dark black hair and…</p><p>“She is in no danger from me.”</p><p>His eyes were a little bloodshot, one side of his face littered in tiny white scars. Like shrapnel had cut over and over. His eyes were ice blue, the exact colour a poet would call a glacier. And…</p><p>And his face… A familiar face. </p><p>Shepard’s face. </p><p>Shepard’s face, stared back at them.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“And how have you been today, Livia?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She didn’t respond. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once a week. Every week. For fifty-six weeks. She had said nothing since waking up on Hackett’s ship. She said nothing when she and John were enrolled into the Academy for… gifted… children. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This was not a gift. What she had in her veins. In her mind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As usual in these planned sessions, she sat on the furthest plush couch from the woman interviewing her, the one that rested against the window and watched the stars revolve around Grissom Academy. Her comfort was the dark. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She always returned to the dark. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was hidden there. She was safe there. They wouldn’t find her there. Not the four-eyed monsters. Not the therapist. Not the other children. Not John. No one but the woman who whispered in her dreams in a language so foreign. But so comforting. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Your family items have been recovered from Mindoir… I have them here if you would like to have a look?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She did not even turn to face the woman. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Livia knew her therapist wasn’t a bad person, that she wanted to help. She was good at helping people, Livia had seen the progress in some of the children brought here. Scarred, broken children turned into promising young people. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That’s who she helped, children. Broken souls. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not half-breeds. Not experiments gone right. Not monsters. Not father killers. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not souls with too many parts. Not her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A small bell broke the silence, broke her therapist’s gaze on her. Livia heard a small sigh, too quiet to be heard by human ears. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I will see you next week, Livia. The items will be left here until you wish otherwise,” she said, clicking her Omnitool closed, halting the recording. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She didn’t acknowledge her therapist as she left, but she listened. Muffled words behind metal doors. Her ears twitched; she craned her head just slightly towards the door. Her eyes staying on the window. There were cameras everywhere on the station. She did not want anyone to know she was listening. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Captain, I didn’t know you were visiting.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A deeper voice replied, “It wasn’t scheduled. I wanted to...”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>More words now, quieter. Even she struggled to hear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Giving up on her eavesdropping between the therapist and the Captain. It was unlikely anyone else would come in here now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, she moved to the table, looking at the burnt items of her home. Most of them unrecognisable. Livia tucked herself next to the glass, knees resting on the soft rug, sitting on her heels. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The coffee table was glass, holding a data pad too broken to be salvaged. What looked to be a melted toy of John’s. But nothing of hers. She hadn’t collected anything from the planet but memories anyway, but still, the knowledge that she had nothing to save… was painful. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was always okay with having nothing in her room, nothing that was hers. She was grateful for the chance to experience things, training and school like John had on Mindoir. Her twin had many things in his room, a Blasto poster, a few data pads, a guitar she knew he barely used but pretended he did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>While her room on Mindoir was white and sparse. Now the white was nothing but a blinding memory. A lonely memory. The room at Grissom was colourful, she had nice floral bedding, a mirror… a desk. But little more than furniture. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now, she realised she was jealous of the other children and their... things. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Swoosh.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, kiddo!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Livia’s head spun to the voice at the door, her eyes readjusting to the new light pouring into the dimly lit room. Apparently, the low light was supposed to comfort children. Silly really. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Didn’t they know that her Prothean eyes could see perfectly well in the dark?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anderson.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was in dark blue Alliance formal attire, a cap folded and tucked into his pocket. He was holding a large cardboard box in one hand. His heart was steady, breathing steady. He smelt faintly of smoke, alcohol and something that was just him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Though there was something different than last time she had seen him months ago. She frowned at his shoulder, pointing at her own shoulder and tapping.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anderson, looked at the motion frowning a little before realising and nodding. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I was awarded more bars,” he confirmed, “it means I’m a Captain now. I’ll be getting a ship soon!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nodded, a corner of her lips curling upwards. Just a little. It was enough that Anderson broke out in a grin. He strode to her side, sitting on the armchair at her side. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m too old to sit on the floor, little one. Forgive your old man, eh?” He said, undoing the top two golden buttons of the jacket.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She smiled again. A little quirk of her face that she couldn’t help. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Anything of yours?” He asked, gesturing to the table.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The smile fell, eyes dropping to the ground. Little fingertips leaving fingerprints on the glass. She shook her head, the curly hair shaking on her back. He hummed, the sound deep and resonating as it broke the silence. Looking over the pieces of Mindoir salvaged from the ash and the rubble. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fancy some dinner? I snuck out of the celebration to get it here, Alliance brass never get any of the good stuff for the celebrations.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Livia took her eyes off the bits of ash on the table. Looking at the flat box. How could food fit in there? She smiled at the image of her six-foot three adoptive father ‘sneaking’ anywhere.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Have you… ever tried pizza?” He asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She shook her head again, watching his scarred hands open the brown cardboard. As he did, it revealed… something. She sat up on her knees, looking over the warm steam as the smells it her. It smelt wonderful… but looked…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Livia took a worried glance at Anderson. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He snickered at her expression. “It tastes better than it looks,” he said. “Here, you pull a piece off, keep it slightly bent in the middle and bite.” He said, showing her the slice and pulling the triangle out of the… almost circle shape. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He handed her the drooping piece of… pizza. Warily, she took it off him, careful not to touch his fingers. His eyes flickered to their fingers; she knew he knew that she had done it on purpose. But he didn’t say anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She took a small bite, flavour bursting on her tongue. Rich and creamy. Tomato and seasoning forming a wonderful sensation on her tongue. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Good, right?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Livia nodded eagerly, giggling at the new, innocent taste. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anderson’s head shot to her, wider eyes than before at her noise. She immediately sat back on her heels. Picking and nibbling on her slice. Avoiding his gaze. She didn’t mean to be so loud; she didn’t want to get into trouble-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Bollocks!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was her turn to look at Anderson with wide eyes, he had never sworn in front of her before. But one look at his shirt and she knew why. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A large dollop of red had smacked onto his chest from the slice he was holding, staining the blue of his shirt. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Another giggle left her, he gave her a tired look but was smiling nonetheless. As he took his eyes off his slice, a large chunk of cheese landed on his chest too. The giggle turned into a laugh and the laugh turned into their combined laughter. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The pizza eating continued, more carefully on Anderson’s part. With two new stains on his dress blues.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was listening to him talk about his missions, his ship and Hackett. The latter had yet to visit her but asked after her regularly. Chakwas visited when she could, her placement on the SSV Orizaba meant she would be away for a while. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She didn’t reply, hum or speak. Just blinked back at him, hanging on every word he said, every detail he spun into a story. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>One thing about Anderson she liked, is that he never got angry at her. He didn’t flinch when she flared. He said he was proud when she sent him a picture of her report card on intra-message. He always tried to understand her actions when she wanted to ask him something without use of her voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He continued speaking about a new ship concept. Another secret she was being given by him. A ship that would be half human and half another species. A beacon of hope from the First Contact War. It was years off actually being built, but the idea was planted. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a little like her, half one species, half another… Anderson said the ship would be beautiful. Did that mean he thought she was beautiful too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She wondered what they might call such a ship. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eventually, her head rested on his thigh, her hands curling around his lower leg so her forearms rested on his ankle. She felt him freeze, before now she had never initiated touch. She hoped he wouldn’t say anything, she didn’t want him to address it, she simply wanted him to accept it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He fell quiet as she dozed, almost waking when a gentle hand touched her head. Almost asking with his hand if he was allowed. When it slid down her hair, she didn’t protest. So, he did it again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It felt… nice. Large, warm hands on her hair, never touching skin but stroking gently. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a reliable pressure, dependable that the next stroke wouldn’t be different from the first. Anderson would not assume to touch her elsewhere, to breach the trust he had worked towards. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And she did. She did trust him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her own father had never spent time with her like this. It was always the next test, the next theory. Never just time. There never seemed to be enough time for him to spend time with her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And here Anderson was, sneaking out of his own celebration on the docked ship, ignoring all the brass and the accolades they threw his way to sit with her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I missed you,” she admitted in a whisper. Her own voice sounded foreign to her ears, never mind this man. This selfless man that had heard her scream more than speak. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The hand stilled for a moment, just a moment before continuing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I missed you too, kiddo.”</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>“You’re… Maker you’re her twin! You’re John Shepard!” The Inquisitor exclaimed, taking a knee at his side. The darker skinned man left abruptly, his fast footsteps receding behind them. </p><p>The others were staring at him, mouths agape, the golden-dressed woman with her hand covering her mouth. The blonde man and Cassandra were glaring at him, the former occasionally looking down at his sister with something that looked like worry. </p><p>“What gave it away?” He answered tiredly, with a gruff voice looking down at his unconscious twin, no longer entertained with their expressions and reactions. </p><p>John moved his hand to her face, brushing her long hair off her cheek. Her face looked so cracked and tired, but it was her. It was his bloody twin in his arms. Her armour was almost gone, strange bits welded together to form whole parts, not panels. </p><p>
  <em>Where was the rest of it?! What had happened? And what in the fuck was going on right now?!</em>
</p><p>The door slammed open once more, it made the others jump but he had heard the footsteps coming. The slap of something on stone in a pattern was an easy enough sound for his cybernetics to pick up. </p><p>“Maker…”</p><p>“Victoria, please we need your help!” The Inquisitor said, turning to face her, “She’s just collapsed!”</p><p>Light footsteps walked around him; a gasp followed when she reached the front of his face. </p><p>Had these people <em>never</em> seen twins before?</p><p>The Enchanter stared at him, for a heartbeat. And then two. And then three. His anger fuelled through the cracks in his short fuse. </p><p>“What the fuck are you staring at me for, help her!” He shouted, anger seething through his voice. The voice he reserved for idiot recruits, deranged indoctrinated Cerberus leaders and traitor Councillors.</p><p>That seemed to break through; ‘Victoria’ looked shocked. A little hurt. But he didn’t care. If he felt guilty every time he hurt someone, he would be in the wrong profession. </p><p>He got taught that particular lesson early on. </p><p>“I- of course,” she replied curtly, kneeling.</p><p>“Watch your tone,” the blonde Commander told him, glaring with more intensity than before. If that was at all possible. His sword had disappeared at least. </p><p>John glared back at him. “Fuck off, <em>Lancelot</em>, how’s that for tone,” he replied. Enjoying the confused spark on the otherwise static glare. It got a chortle out of his Captain at least. </p><p>His stare-off with the posh boy was broken when light came off of the doctor’s hands. </p><p>“What the fuck?!” John exclaimed, staring at the hands. The energy was like little lights collecting in her palms, a delicate glow of pure starlight. </p><p>“A rejuvenation spell, nothing more,” the doctor-not-doctor replied. </p><p>“Spell?” John repeated slowly, “like… like magic…” he said deadpan.</p><p>“Magic. Yes. I…” she stopped her <em>magic</em> and focused on him. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but things aren’t as different here as you might think, I can-”</p><p>“Just fix her,” he interrupted. He didn’t need to know what the hell was going on in this medieval fairy-tale land. It wasn’t like they would be here for long.</p><p>Victoria, the doctor-not-doctor, smiled softly and said something so quietly that he almost missed it. As though speaking to only herself. </p><p>“She is not broken.”</p><p>He gave her a small nod, an acknowledgement of her deeper comment. </p><p>She addressed the Inquisitor next. “I recommend moving her to her chambers. A little rest will do her a world of good. Have the kitchens ready with meals to send up the moment she wakes,” she ordered. The Inquisitor agreed.</p><p>Her gaze shifted to him. “I imagine you are also hungry, being a biotic.”</p><p>He pinned her with a puzzled stare. “How did you-”</p><p>“We have spoken many times about you,” she replied. “About your world… worlds, I should say.”</p><p>She motioned for him to stand, he dutifully followed the order. Holding his sister to his chest. “And you believed her?” </p><p>He wasn’t carrying her, but clutching. Cullen noticed.</p><p>“I did,” was all the woman replied to him. </p><p>John nodded. “I don’t know whether to thank you, or ask if you’re sane,” he replied, following her. He wasn’t sure where they were going, but he didn’t notice falling into step with the woman who ordered the Inquisitor about like a school boy. </p><p>“If you’re looking for sane individuals, you’re looking in the wrong place,” she replied, he could hear the smile in her voice. </p><p>And he could hear the conversation behind him. Whispers on the tips of lips of the following Livvy had gained. It continued as they rounded up the steps in a tower. Wood creaking under his and his twin’s combined weight. </p><p>“Should we really be allowing them to have weapons?” The blonde one said.</p><p>“They are family. We can trust them,” the Inquisitor replied. </p><p>“He threatened us!” Josie whispered harsly, “it is hardly diplomatic! And hardly what family does!”</p><p>“A bold choice, but it happens in most Tevinter households,” the moustached mage replied. </p><p>“They will be watched,” the hooded lady added darkly. </p><p>John paused entering her quarters. He didn’t expect… this. A massive four poster bed. Two balconies. Light filtering through the stained-glass windows into the room. It was quite… regal. </p><p>An impressed whistle caught his attention. “<em>Mierda</em> this is an upgrade,” his Captain said. </p><p>John grunted a reply, moving his sister onto her bed. Placing her down oh so gently. She barely moved when he set her down, only when Victoria came to the bedside, did he move away. The other ‘magic’ man taking his place. </p><p>John looked around the room more carefully as the others filtered in. </p><p>Livvy wasn’t one for knick-knacks. She preferred order, minimalism. But he could see the influence of her interests in the room. The way she had set up her room was just so… her. </p><p>Lots of books. A real fireplace. A velvet couch and armchairs. A piano. </p><p>He wandered over to the piano, fingers playing with a few keys. </p><p>“Do you play?” The Ambassador asked him, standing on the adjacent side of the base. </p><p>“No,” the Inquisitor replied. “I- sorry,” he realised, having answered for him. </p><p>“Don’t think you’re delicate enough for an instrument like that, Loco,” his Captain said, taking off his helmet, which revealed his sun-kissed tan and the tattoos on his face and neck.</p><p>“Captain James Vega, if there are to be introductions,” he added, flopping back onto a chair, his helmet in his lap. </p><p>John crossed his arms over his chest, glancing over at Vega who was making himself at home. It was damn near making him laugh aloud how poorly he fit into the armchair. He practically overflowed from it. </p><p>He scanned the room, taking his time to look at the Inquisitor. The other ones. The hooded lady, the Ambassador, the blonde soldier and the scarred woman staring back at him. </p><p>“She didn’t tell you that, did she,” John asked. “She showed you… but which…”</p><p>He took off his gauntlet, resting his metal glove on the lid of the piano. His bare hand felt free, waiting for the familiar buzz of one who had been touched by the Old Ones. </p><p>“You,” he pointed at the Inquisitor, he paused on Lancelot. A little buzz, a touch, like a breeze of it on his skin….</p><p>“and… you,” he pointed at the warrior woman. Cassandra. </p><p>“You two saw her memories? You let her show you? Very brave,” he admitted, making a show of attaching his glove back into his armour. “Or stupid,” he finished looking up at them once the seal had reattached onto his arm.</p><p>The Inquisitor’s jaw dropped, “How did you know it was us?!”</p><p>John chuckled, moving to the foot of the bed, his back to the strange companions his sister had collected. He stood over her and the doctors- <em>healers</em>. “While Livvy’s abilities are… unique, I’m able to sense the energy of the Protheans. You two have the,” he hummed, “buzz I would say, about you. A little spark. While she… glows.”</p><p>“Livvy?” The Inquisitor asked, “She lets you call her that?”</p><p>“I’m her big brother. I’m the only one who is allowed.”</p><p>*** TW *** TW *** TW *** TW *** TW *** TW *** TW ***</p><p>
  <em>She didn’t know he was watching. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His sister always got embarrassed when he watched. John found it endearing, but she went red and blushed. But then Livvy would get timid and scared. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t like that bit. So, he hid. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well… he was just leaving the training arena. Having used the combat sim for an evening. They were usually off limits unchaperoned, but he had been in therapy the last time they had used them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Apparently, breaking a lad’s nose with a chair after they had bad mouthed your dead mother wasn’t an appropriate way to handle the situation. Anderson had found it fairly funny and had secretly given him a combat sim pass to use after hours. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They both agreed Kahlee didn’t need to know about the pass. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had spotted her from the hallway they used to enter and exit. The second floor had one-way windows used to watch over the combat sims. She had picked up fighting quite well since their sixteenth birthday. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Over the last three years there had been so many milestones. The time Anderson had gotten her to speak, with her new favourite meal. Pizza. He now shared it with her when they had a good day… or a bad one. The time she had opened up to her therapist, who she now only saw once every three months or when she required a talk. When she had begun talking in classes, her grades improving. The time she had made a friend, of which now she had many. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn’t be prouder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now here they were, three years later from their fateful day on Mindoir. Her abilities were being tested, pushed and discovered. So far, she was akin to a biotic; throw, shield, reave (that one made him shiver), singularity. But they kept pushing her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not in the sadistic way his father did. Not with injections, electricity and strange artefacts that John was not allowed to have any information on. He really didn’t know the half of what his sister had been through. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he could be involved now. He was her protector, even if she could protect herself. He wanted to protect her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John descended the stairs at the end of the hall, lit by emergency lighting only, he was slow with his steps. Careful. When he reached the first-floor one-way mirror, he watched her more carefully. Her movements and sheer determination. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looked so powerful. The young woman was breaking the orange holograms that represented enemies. Their ‘bodies’ fading away when they took a critical hit. The green light swirling around her like fire. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It really was quite hypnotising. He had never seen someone wield biotics like she did. The instructors at Jump Zero had requested them both by name, but Kahlee Sanders refused. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had been bitter about it at first, but she promised him it was for the best. That they were… safer… here. Livvy had hacked into the Alliance’s connection to the station and the reports coming from the station were not good. They didn’t ask again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He glanced at the counter in the corner of the window. The time continuing to tick over. Three hours and twenty-four minutes. An accuracy rate of eighty-nine percent. Over four-hundred and seventy kills.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John went to press the button for the intercom. Not wanting to waste the chance to make his sister jump, he regularly pulled these sorts of pranks on her. His hand stopped when he heard another sound. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The red light on the door to enter the combat sim turned green, gaining his twin’s attention, pulling her focus away from her battle. It was unusual for a fight to be interrupted by someone walking in- it wasn’t in the rules, but even he wasn’t stupid enough to enter when a biotic was practising. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Livvy stopped her flaring. Wiping the back of her hand over her sweat-covered forehead. Her hair had mostly fallen from the ponytail, it stuck to the parts of her back that were exposed. The blue tank a darker colour than when it was dry, her shorts were alliance blue however. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was strange seeing so much skin. She usually remained covered. Even her hands. Touching another person… did strange things to them both. Livvy could see things about the person. Anything she wanted. It was not common knowledge, only a handful of the most trusted trainers knew. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The outfit matched the colour of the person who entered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The man walked through the sim, in dress blues. An alliance officer wasn’t uncommon on the station. It belonged to them after all. But it was strange that he was alone AND entering a sim that was online… after hours. When no one was supposed to be here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Sir?” She said as a greeting, the question in her voice did not need a follow up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The man smiled, not a disarming smile. Quite the opposite. It was a smile that just looked… plastic. It sent John’s skin crawling; he had no reason to intervene. But he was… curious as to this man’s arrival. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John began recording on his omnitool. Maybe it was overkill, but he needed… he just needed to think and use his brain instead of smashing the glass and breaking the man’s skull like he wanted. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Livia? I presume?” The soldier said, a strange twang to his accent. “I’m with the SSV Sahara. You can call me Elijah.” He removed his hat; the brown hair underneath was flat but fluffed quickly when he ran his hand through it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was handsome and by his demeanour, he knew it. Smiling a little wider when his sister blushed a little. Her fingers playing with the end of her tank top. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The Sahara, Sir? I didn’t expect a-”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stopped talking, confused to his interruption. “No, dear girl. There isn’t a problem, we docked a few hours ago. I was simply curious about you. I have heard so much, I wanted to see for myself,” Elijah replied. “I think I liked what I saw,” his eyes dropped down her body slowly, following every dip and shadow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I just wanted to see more,” he said stepping further into the arena. The door went red after him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Of… my biotics?” She asked, unsure. Her voice shook slightly. “I… I’m not supposed to train without a-”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shhhh,” he walked towards her, shushing her gently. “I know. I know you just want to practise. To be powerful, it feels good, no?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She gulped, looking up at the man. He had a fair height on her, his body built like many Alliance soldiers. With her only being sixteen, she hadn’t finished growing to match him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I… suppose. I just like to control it. I like to practise,” she answered timidly, her fingers almost wringing the fabric resting at her hips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He didn’t reply, just stared at her. His eyes dropping down to her chest. She looked visibly more uncomfortable as the moments went on. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you? Do you like someone to watch?” He asked, eyes coming back to her eyes. “What does a beautiful little girl like you enjoy? There is so much you could show me of your abilities, I could show you things you would like, you know.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her eyes darted between his, her mouth slightly agape. She looked pale, her feet covered in thin pumps slid on the ground as she took a step back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I need to go, Sir,” was all she said before darting to the side, but she wasn’t quick enough. Too respectful. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She gasped when he grabbed her bare upper arm. Dragging her back to her spot. “Now that isn’t very nice, we’re just getting to know each other, aren’t we?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was touching her, skin to skin. Livvy struggled against his grasp, caught between confusion and hurting an officer. If he was touching her, she was seeing into his mind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John went for the alarm, pressing it did nothing. John smashed his hand on the red hologram again and again. Nothing. It had been tampered with. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>A glance back at the window showed ‘Elijah’ forcing his sister on the ground while she struggled. The officer was grinning, shushing her and lowering his mouth to hers. Her head shaking side to side to avoid his lips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“FUCK THIS!” John shouted, to hell with alarms and official lines of communication like the trainers wanted from him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was a renegade. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Using his biotics, he began trying to smash the glass. Each fist a promise of what he would do to ‘Elijah’. The glass was made to repel biotics, gun blasts but it was his only way. He began pounding his blue fists onto the glass, each harder after the other. Shouting and shouting for someone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Finally, with a particularly hard thrash the alarms began wailing, the red flashing lights coating his skin. It momentarily distracted him from his pounding, if the alarms were going, someone would come. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He heard a crack. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then another, he checked back on the room to see the glass cracking slowly. But not by him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Livvy was out from under him standing tall with bright glowing eyes. Her hair lifting, swirling and moving. Her body was alight with green energy, her hands looked like they were made of fire. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The man cowered, his hand shielding him against the light bearing down upon his body. And then…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The glass broke. Giving John his chance. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“LIVVY!!” He shouted, vaulting the ledge, ignoring the stabbing pain from his hands where the glass had cut. She was bathed in a green glow, brighter than he had ever seen. “LIVVY! Please, it’s me! It’s John!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Johnny?” A weak voice replied, her figure coming into view when her light dulled. The red flashing overhead now visible. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That’s it, Livvy, just let go. It’s ok, I’m here, I’m here,” he kept repeating. The light continued to recede until just she remained. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wished he hadn’t made her glow disappear. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her top was torn, revealing her stomach and bra. Her neck had red bruises. Her face, streamed with tears, blood on her lip. Bruises on her arms leading to blood on her fingertips. When he flicked back to her face, all he could see was a terrified expression. One born because someone had dared to lay their hands on her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John could no longer see the red flashing warning lights. And it had everything to do with white hot rage that had bleached his vision. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Turning to face the reason for her fear. John enjoyed the scared look on his broken face. And he fucking should be. His skin had torn off his cheek, nose too, deep cuts showing his repulsive insides. Blood was staining his shirt. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And it was nothing compared to how John was going to hurt him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He powered his biotics, his fists glowing blue. And then he began. Punch after punch as he knelt over the vile man on the ground. He hit again and again, pummelling his very silhouette into the ground. Red meeting blue. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And it felt so good. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>John managed to get most of his anger out before something caused him to shout out. A hot sensation on his arm. John recoiled, grabbing his arm away from what turned out to be his sister. She had grabbed his arm to stop him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And it had burned. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She had burned through his jumper and into his flesh, the smell of nylon burning in the air. A small handprint on his forearm of red flesh surrounded by charred fabric. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she chanted, falling to her knees. Her face in her hands. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In that moment, he didn’t care about the bloodied Alliance officer dead on the ground, he only cared for reassuring his sister he wouldn’t hurt her. He would never. That she hadn’t hurt him. The evidence on his arm was nothing to him. John went to his knees too, holding her, making sure his hooded sweatshirt covered any of his skin that might touch hers. Regardless of the stinging of the fabric on his new injury. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He could hear the shouts and footsteps of the soldiers coming for them. “I’m here, Livvy. I’m here. It’s okay, it’s okay.” Wrapping his arms around her back, directing her head into his shoulder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His fabric covered arms stained her skin, transferring the red blood of the officer from his body onto her. His actions had marred her. And hers had marred his skin. He stared at the new scar, the blistering handprint that stung when the air hit it was simply a new reminder of how dangerous she really was. How dangerous they, really were.<em></em></em>
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